[
  {
    "post_title": "I don't feel original anymore.",
    "post_text": "When I was in high school a few years back, I was one of the highest competitors in my school. I joined the high school band in freshman year and by senior year I became one of the best in my section. My academics were always straight and I exercised daily. Senior year I enlisted in the military and now I believe it was one of my worst decisions in life. Before I went to boot camp I was motivated, a patriot and believed that the elite joined the military. In senior year I never applied for any scholarships and I was offered one but turned it down because I already signed the papers. I thought I set myself up for success. Now I believe I was dead wrong for joining. The only benefit I see so far after a year and a half of service is that I'm trying to set myself up financially before I get out and hopefully attend college. It sounds like a plan but I feel no happiness from what I do at all. I convinced myself there's no honor in it anymore, it's just another job. I don't exercise by myself anymore. I feel like I'm not progressing anywhere in life being in service. I'm just a body and if I wasn't here doing what I'm doing, there'd just be somebody else doing the exact same. I'm replaceable. That's the mindset the military gave me. I look forward to going back home in 6 months for vacation and that's the only thing I've been looking forward to since I've been stationed. After that, the only thing I have my eyes on are getting out of service, going home, being closer to my family again. There's nothing here that satisfies me and I hate it. I feel like I've tried everything to be happy here but it seems impossible. I wish somebody could help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to and I don\u2019t know what to do anymore",
    "post_text": "Nine years ago I was diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder, Six years later I was also diagnosed with PTSD due to sexual assault trauma, and finally stopped living in denial and got a formal diagnosis plus started treatment for anorexia nervosa. my life\u2019s kinda been a train wreck for the most part. I always remember being deeply sad with an overly critical and hateful view of the world around me (human kind are doing nothing productive for the earth and it would be best if we walked hand in hand to extinction to save the planet kind of hateful) or for some periods of time feeling like I\u2019m buzzing with happiness, in which times I felt unstoppable. With my first diagnosis, my first set of meds followed, I trialled quite a few over the years but when I decided they didn\u2019t work for me I tried self medicating with anything I could get my hands on and ended up with major substance abuse issues. I\u2019ve now just managed to get myself sober and maintain it for the last month.\nI feel as if I\u2019m being sucked into a giant pit of despair I can\u2019t get myself out of and It\u2019s progressively getting harder to leave bed. \nI get panic attacks before and during leaving the house because I\u2019m terrified someone\u2019s going to hurt me. I only go out to get groceries and even then sometimes I get there, panic and can\u2019t leave the car so I just go home. \nI can\u2019t sleep properly anymore due to horrible nightmares. I can never shake the feeling that I\u2019m a giant burden to everyone in my life so I can\u2019t talk to them about when I\u2019m struggling. I\u2019ve isolated myself so much over the past few years I don\u2019t have a single friend left. \nI\u2019d like to try medication again but I\u2019m too terrified to try anything and have panic attacks thinking about taking something to shut up my mind in fear of getting addicted and out of control. Has anyone else struggled with this? What helped you overcome it? ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Stuck between moving forward and killing myself",
    "post_text": "Some background information: My GF of almost 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago and ever since I have been severely depressed. It wasn't a bad break-up, just a sad one. Shortly after the break-up, I noticed I wasn't dealing with it well at all. I couldn't do anything but cry and wishing she would come back. I went to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I still had friendly contact with my ex, but I was just hoping she would come back. After an emotional call, she told me to take a few months for myself. And so I did, but I just got worse. I couldn't do anything. I stopped working, studying, playing sports, everything, because I had no energy or motivation for it. I almost got admitted to a psych ward, but it was still my choice to do stay there or not. I chose to not do it as I had a bad feeling about it. October of last year, I contacted her again and we met for the first time in months. It was supposed to just be friendly, but talking about the relationship was inevitable. She said to me she would never take me back. She wasn't angry, but just serious and honest. It broke me even more. The next day I sent her a goodbye text and was close to killing myself. She called just in time and we had a good talk. Though a few weeks later, when things look better and we actually had made plans to meet up as friends, I got a panic attack and sent her emotional texts. She sent me a long one back and then blocked me. I then attempted suicide again, this time getting hospitalized. I have not directly spoken to her since. It was either via other people or letters. Last December I sent her a suicide letter, but I quickly regretted it. My brother sent her a message for me, apologizing to her and telling her I'm okay. Then for Christmas, I sent her a simple card, but never got a response nor did I expect one to be honest.\n\nAt this point I have accepted she won't talk to me, that she will not come back to me and probably will never do so. However, I cannot accept never getting a chance with her again. In March/April she is leaving the country and I fear I will never see or talk to her again in person. All I need is to talk with her and some understanding. Though I know I have messed things up so bad. I have put so much stress on her. I have done everything wrong while I knew better, but still I did it.\n\nSo far I have been diagnosed with MDD and Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)(so a double depression), and they said I show signs of anxiety, bipolar disorder, and a personality disorder (e.g. avoidant, dependent, anti-social, existential OCD). I am still at the early stages so I won't have a definitive diagnosis for a quite some time still. What is certain is that there is something really wrong with me. Most of it originates from my horrible childhood and upbringing. Only the MDD was actually caused by the break-up. Still, my ex thinks she and the break-up are the main causes of my current state, but that is simply not true. Of course, I cannot tell her as she won't speak to me nor believe me.\n\n​\n\n**Now here is my dilemma: I feel the pressure to move forward with my life. I feel like I have to take on all these life responsibilities again; that I have to live my life to the fullest. I always felt like that, but because I keep overthinking everything I become this passive person who does only the minimum. I feel incredibly weak, pathetic, and scared to do almost anything, like a little kid in grown man's body. Even though I know I can do some things well, I just do not have any solid confidence. If I do nothing then my life won't get better and I will for sure never get back with my ex. Though I don't see the point of putting in all this effort to do things if it doesn't make me happy. I don't even have the energy or motivation for it. Every time I hear someone say: \"Move on!\", \"Man up!\", \"Do \\[this\\] or do \\[that\\], I already feel the pressure and it cripples me. It's not even that I don't want to do it. I really want to live a good and healthy life, but it's like I am incapable of doing so. Seeing other people getting further in life also paralyzes me as well as watching vids on how to improve myself. Everything just scares me and paralyzes me. Still, I know it's the only way out of this and my only chance of ever getting her back. However, there is no guarantee I'll get her back. So that thought is depressing on its own. And don't get me wrong. I know there are other girls out there. That is not the problem. I am not ugly and I can date girls, and I have done so for months already. I have had bad dates and great dates, and I have met great girls I could picture a relationship with, but it simply doesn't do it for me. I want my ex. Even when I put all the emotions aside and try to rationalize it, then I still want her. Right now I just feel trapped. Moving forward won't make me happy. It is not enough. Though sitting still and doing nothing won't make me happy either. At this point, suicide seems like the only solution, but even that is a scary and hard thing to do. However, I feel it's the right thing to do as I feel far too broken and useless to continue this unsatisfying life. I wish there was some magical solution. I wish my ex would give the benefit of the doubt. I wish she would give me another chance. I wish she would make that sacrifice to help me. Though I know that that is ridiculous. I know that I have to do it all by myself; that it is my responsibility... but I cannot do it anymore. I am hopeless, desperate, and dysfunctional... What can I still possibly do?!**\n\nCall me anything you want, swear at me, tell me I am a pussy, call me cringy, give me those hard truths again. Do it if you want.\n\nThanks for reading.\n\n​\n\nTl;dr: GF of 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago. I want her back, but I made every mistake there is. I plunged into depression and I got diagnosed with several mental illnesses. I feel the pressure to move forward, but it's crippling me. I am too weak and scared to go on, especially when I won't get my ex back. I feel absolutely worthless and pathetic. Right now the only solution seems to be suicide because even if I go on I won't be satisfied and happy...\n\n​",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help on how to help my girlfriend.",
    "post_text": "My girlfriend ,of about 3 months now ,has been my best friend for about 8 months and we have always talked about depression because she saw me as one of the only people she could go to to talk about this kind of stuff. Just recently though she has been cutting a lot more and it\u2019s out of my control. I used to be able to talk her out of it, but now I can\u2019t. She has a lot of stuff going on with her home life and school. I guess what I need help on understanding is what I can do besides just being there for her. Is there anything I can do? What can I say to help her?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been feeling this way for some tine",
    "post_text": "I'm alway feeling like this. It doesn't even matter the age we are anymore. When we are feeling low it's just that. I've been dealing with depression/anxiety since I was 12/13. It comes with just a long story that I was never able to overcome it. I tried to seek help and when she tried to suggest medication since I was already angry I just never went back. \nI just got to a point where I just say I'm ok when asked HOW ARE YOU? It's just easier to say I'm ok,  than explaining how I feel. \n\nnight time is the worst for me since I'm alone in my room. I've tried to text people that I was once able to do, but that turned out wrong for me so I guess I don't have that option anymore. \n\nI've done things in the past where I am trying to avoid but as selfish as that may sound to others I found my comfort in that.  I don't want to do that anymore.  Finally admitted to myself that I cannot do this anymore by myself. \nThis whole year has been a night mare for me but I still tried and I feel like kept falling deeper and deeper. Like being in a coma but with my eyes open. Like being in a crowded room and yet I'm still feeling alone, boxed in, no way out. I've become so afraid of being alone, that I am alone.\n Lost valuable friends, a great partner and I cannot get any of it back. \nI held back on telling people how I feel with the fear of losing anyone else. But that hold inside me makes it worse and I know that, but I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know if I would, but that thought is just there. I feel as if I sleep walk awake. Sorry it just been to  much. My heart beats fast, with just even writing this my head hurts from it all. \nI want to tell people how I feel the ones matter, but its that fear that hold me back. Don't know why or where this all came from but it's been even harder to get myself together. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I deserve to not have you as my friend. I just feel lost and empty.\n ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no motivation",
    "post_text": "This is hard.  I am not doing very well.  My life has been falling apart for a while now, I don't know how I'm even functioning right now.  I don't even have the energy to switch to my anonymous account for this anymore.\n\nIt started after I lost my job.  Then I lost my wife.  I'm working a menial overnight job now, and I just can't bring myself to start today.  I feel like I lost myself.  I feel like I'm unworthy of love or compassion or kindness.  I feel miserable every second.  I tell myself that I am okay, because u know I'm not and if I keep telling myself I'm okay then maybe I will believe it.  I miss my wife.  I miss her for all the obvious reasons you miss a spouse.  I try and put myself out there because I think I'm ready, but I'm not over her and I don't know when I will be over her.  She was my first.  I miss her.  \n\nI went to therapy for a little while.  She gave me some advice that didn't work and I stopped going.  It never helped anyway, I would leave feeling 100 times worse.\n\nWe have a kid, she is 3.  The nature of the new job allows me to watch her while my wife goes to work.  I try and sleep a little and I wake up to make sure she is ok then I go back to sleep.  I couldn't sleep today.  I couldn't do much of anything.  I did all the things I'm supposed to do as her father, but that was it.  Normally I play and interact with her, but I just laid there without sleeping staring at nothing.  I feel like such a failure.  Everything is falling apart and I have no one to talk to and nothing I can do.  \n\nI tried winning her back several times.  I bore my soul.  She doesn't want me or doesn't love me or both, and it tears me up inside.  All I ever did was love her.  I was just going through a real bad fit of depression, for longer than I think I was.  I just feel so lost.  I'd do anything to get my family back, but I promised her I wouldnt try anymore so now I just have to sit back and watch as she drifts further and further away from me. \n\nI don't know why I'm posting this.  I hate it when people fuss over me, so I don't know what's making me do this.  I just want to stop feeling so miserable.  ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "This is me finally talking about \u201cit\u201d.",
    "post_text": "I do not have depression, my husband does. He has depression, but we don\u2019t use that word. We say \u201cdark days\u201d and on those days his mood is self-described as \u201cblah\u201d. He has depression, but we don\u2019t talk about it.       \nIt\u2019s not for lack of trying on my part. I wish he could open up and tell me how he\u2019s feeling. I wish he could cry with me and tell me that we\u2019ll get through this as much as I tell him. My husband has depression, but we don\u2019t tell anyone about it. \u201cWhere\u2019s your husband?\u201d Is the hardest question to hear sometimes. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t your husband come?\u201d \u201cHe isn\u2019t feeling well\u201d, I say. \u201cWe decided he needed to get some rest.\u201d We don\u2019t talk about it. It is dark. It is a cloud that hangs over our house for weeks. Sometimes, it  isn\u2019t so bad. We have good days. We even have great months. Beautiful months. But it rears it\u2019s ugly head and we know. We know because the house feels tight. The rooms when we\u2019re together feel as though they are squeezing in. It doesn\u2019t care that I need to be touched, or that I need to touch my husband. We don\u2019t talk about it. But we do fight through. We stand back to back. Sometimes, I have to support both of us with my broken emotions and iron love, and that\u2019s okay. I know he realizes all of this, I know because in those good days and great months, I\u2019m treated as a queen. We make love and make memories and we shine. We shine so bright that I know when the dark days come, we\u2019ll fight them. He knows he has me somewhere in those dark, cold days, even if he can\u2019t see or hear me, he knows I\u2019m there. And I know that he\u2019s there, too, still the man I love, the hero of my fairytale. \nThe hardest part though, the part that I wish we could change (because depression isn\u2019t something that can just be fixed, I know this); my husband has depression, but we don\u2019t talk about it.  ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Things to say to ppl",
    "post_text": "Just got out of a month long depressive episode and I've not been to college since it started, ignored all messages anyone has sent me and done no work. Now everyone things I'm dead or something cause I've never told anyone about my depression but now idk how to get into any classes cause although I hate most of them they're still gonna make a fuss out of where I've been and idk what to do\n\nI'm thinking of saying i was ill but I've used that so many times i d k what to say",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why do I have sudden \"bursts\" of depression",
    "post_text": "I know the title probably doesn't make sense but I stopped working for a while to peruse a business idea i had (which failed) and now I'm about to go back into the work force I'm only 19 and I have these moments where i just feel lost and like I failed my family and friends as my business is what i dedicated my life to for the past 6 months and most of that time was me sitting in my room trying to get it off the ground floor. I'm really nervous about getting a job again as i haven't had a real one that entire time am I just overthinking it or will it be not as bad as i think. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being the boyfriend.",
    "post_text": "My Girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 years. She has suicidal thoughts occasionally. She tells me I am very supportive and a great bf but sometimes I don\u2019t think I\u2019m giving the best support. \n\n(Sorry for the long post. I don\u2019t know if there\u2019s any other SOs in this thread or if there is another sub I should be posting in) \n\nI don\u2019t have anyone I can talk to about this. After about a year into dating, while we were cleaning dishes in her apartment, she let on how serious her depression was when she told me that she had once held a gun to her head. After a long silence we both cried and I told her how much I loved her. She told me that she had only ever told her best friend and didn\u2019t want anyone to know, so I\u2019ve never told anyone, not even my closest friend of 15+ years whom I share anything and everything with. So thank you to whomever shares any words of wisdom you\u2019re all I got. \n\nOver the the last year our relationship has dwindled, we still tell each other we love each other constantly and talk about getting engaged/married. But we don\u2019t have conversations like we used to, she always falls asleep on the couch so we don\u2019t sleep together hardly, we don\u2019t have sex at all, I think 6 times total last year, that has been a big point of frustration at least for me - I\u2019ve tried to initiate sex and been shot down so many times that I\u2019ve all but given up at this point, even when it\u2019s your lover, your best friend, it still feels like crap when you get rejected. I\u2019ve tried to talk to her about it many times the day after or some time that is away from sex so we can have a calm conversation about it but everyone so far, every time we have talked she\u2019s gotten worked up and basically says she doesn\u2019t feel like it. We both have HPV so sometimes that gets in the way but whenever we\u2019ve talked it\u2019s always that she\u2019s not in the mood. I feel like she\u2019s not telling me something. \n\nI feel as if we\u2019ve stopped growing and are maybe even starting to resent each other, which is scary to me. I get paranoid that she\u2019s cheating on me sometimes, which I highly doubt she is, I think it\u2019s just me trying to rationalize the lack of sex. Most of all I feel like this entire relationship is about her, and it\u2019s frustrating me lately. I honestly don\u2019t mean to sound like a jerk here; I\u2019m certainly not entitled to anything and while I know her story better than anyone I have no idea what it was really like to experience those traumas growing up and how it effects her today. \n\nI don\u2019t even know how to explain how I\u2019m feeling. I\u2019m constantly having the internal debate: \u201cWell what about me?\u201d- \u201cFuck about you! What about her!?\u201d And so on. While writing this post I kind of caught myself switching between my 2 head-spaces.\n\nHeadspace A: \n\u201cThat being said.. why can\u2019t it be about me sometimes? Shouldn\u2019t a relationship be 50/50? I\u2019ve really never been an attention seeker so I\u2019m fine with 30/70 or 20/80? Anything at this point. It\u2019s not though, everything we do is dictated by her depression.\u201d\n\nHeadspace B:\n\u201cA few weeks ago while I was alone doing laundry I just started hysterically crying I couldn\u2019t breathe, it really freaked me out. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. Earlier that day she had called me crying and saying \u201cshe just wants it to be over. She just wants to give up. She wants to die\u201d I love her so much and i\u2019m scared for her and for us.\u201d\n\nAm I just a shitty person for wanting it to be about me sometimes? I feel like a prick even saying that. Of course I\u2019ve never told her about this, she has enough to worry about and I want to be her rock, not another burden, a toddler, whining about not getting enough attention. So I don\u2019t say anything, instead I just get distant, which I recognize and I hate that I do that. I\u2019m just angry at this situation and don\u2019t know how else to react. \n\nI want our relationship to be what it once was; fun and exciting. How can I help this relationship? How do I bring up my inner man-child who needs her attention or do I bring it up at all? \n\nThanks so much for any help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Learning I have Alexithymia really fucked me up.",
    "post_text": "I've always accepted the fact that one day I will kill myself. I joke and say I'm going to kill myself every once in awhile. I've always felt empty and just figured that it was Depression and suicidal thoughts. I promised myself when I was little I would kill myself at 21, I'm 23 now, I'm on meds for depression and I go to a psychiatrist, I have a long term girlfriend who I can see a future with. \n\nHowever, that doesn't stop the fact that one day I will kill myself. I told my girlfriend I never want children or marriage because when I do kill myself it'd be easier on everyone. I am getting a vasectomy soon so I don't have any dependents, I've pushed people away, no, I forget other people exist because that's how much no one matters to me.\n\nA few days ago I learned that I have Alexithymia, which means I don't feel emotions. I never had a way of explaining how I feel until I found out what Alexithymia was. \n\nI have no feelings. I can not experience what I assume is one of the best things about being a human. I have no imagination, no creativity. I simply exist and that's it. Imagine playing a game that's in the first person. That's my life, I just see stuff, I don't feel anything. \n\nNot to be clich\u00e9 but I am nothing but a shell of a man. \n\nThis really fucked me up, enough where I stare off, I'm not very talkative and I get lost in my head that life truly is pointless. My girlfriend notices and she's kind of worried, she asked if I would be okay by myself before she left for work. \n\nI feel like this solidified that life is ultimately pointless, especially for me. \n\nI only see two options: Kill myself or live in the prison that life is.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Angry Issues Causes Everyone to Leave, Should I Be Alone?",
    "post_text": "I have always had anger issues and an attitude that no one has ever liked. A lot of my family, friends, have experienced this side of me and either refuse to talk to me altogether, ignore me, or block me and remove me from their lives never speaking to me ever again, even if knowing them for years on end. So lately I've gone off on family and friends and it made me feel bad afterwards. But now I feel like I want to just be alone. Not talking to anyone at all, because if I don't then I can't get angry or show my ugly attitude etc. Part of me just feels terrible and I just dislike who I am as a person. I want to be a better person and for everyone to love and care for me, but all I am doing is pushing everyone away. :/ What would you do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I desperately want to feel better.",
    "post_text": "I felt better this past week but now I\u2019ve slipped back and it feels truly awful.\n\nI only get to talk to my psychologist once a week (on Fridays) and only for like an hour. This sucks because it feels like it\u2019s not enough. (I\u2019m supposed to also go to a psychiatrist, but my parents still haven\u2019t arranged that. [They have to be the ones since I\u2019m still underaged.])\n\nI haven\u2019t been diagnosed so I don\u2019t 100% know what\u2019s wrong with me, but my problems include: Not having any motivation, not having hope for the future, getting irritated very easily over stupid stuff, being terrible at interacting with other humans, barely caring enough about my life to get out of bed, desperately wanting to be left alone for a couple of months, sometimes wanting to kill myself and so on...\n\nI have made two posts already and I guess I\u2019m mostly repeating the same things but I REALLY REALLY WANT ANY HELP / SUPPORT I CAN GET.\n\nI-I don\u2019t know just say something nice in the comments or something. I\u2019m sorry for just begging, but I\u2019m really desperate. I\u2019ve felt like this for the last three months and I can barely take it anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm looking for advice on helping my depressed and, as I've just learned, suicidal grandma.",
    "post_text": "So long story short, my grandma is an alcoholic, she's depressed, and she's revealed to me today that she wishes she was dead all the time.  She's tried for a long time these help herself, to get out of her addiction to alcohol and cigarettes, but she really can't do it herself.  She fell today (and has multiple times before) after drinking heavily, and it took a while to get her back up due to her obesity. This was when she told me she wishes she was dead. I told her that she doesn't wish that and she's not thinking clearly because she's drunk, and she told me she feels the same way when she's sober. I know that to have suicidal thoughts, you aren't thinking clearly by definition. I didn't explain that to her though.  A lot of my family struggles with addiction and depression, and I'd say my grandma is in a better state than most of them.\n\n I'm curious what steps anyone here has taken in getting a family member the help they need. What resources are available to me and how do I help someone who is fortunate enough to at least want to help themselves?  Thank you in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help me, please. I have 0 friends in the literal sense. I have been living like this for more than 3 years",
    "post_text": "I am putting aside every homework I have to write this. And just before you think anything else while reading this, I HAVE NEVER AND HOPEFULLY NEVER WILL THINK ABOUT COMMITTING SUICIDE, I FEAR DEATH. I also don't pretend anyone to completely read this, I just want to get this weight off somewhere and that this remains as a testimony for anyone who can identify with it and if you do read it you have my gratitude, it's not much but it's the most I can give right now.\n\nI am a 20 year old male currently in University studying what I like. Physically, I consider myself to be average, but sometimes I hate what I see in the mirror and sometimes I like what I see in it. Mirrors are a source of unhappiness for me and even if I try to escape my home's mirrors I will often open the camera app of my phone to look at me and take pictures of my face because I don't feel comfortable with what I see. I have hundreds of selfies just to look and to analyze my face and I always get angry if I don't like what I see.\n\nI don't know how much the last thing is related to the following thing, but I am a very timid, shy and silent person however I never have a frown in my face in public because I am always open to talk to anyone because I really need someone to talk to me (I thank and appreciate virtual messages and conversations but I need a real life interaction). I feel guilty because sometimes I transmit this feeling of helplessness, sadness and misery to my dad and my brother and I know my dad thinks there's something wrong with me and I know he is shy to talk to me about it. I am in misery right now, the last real person (who isn't from my family) who I talked with was last September and I still can't consider him my friend because I know how real and genuine friendships feel like judging from my childhood good friendships, I miss those friendships but those persons are now far away, now have a life of their own with girlfriends and friends. I try to contact my first and old friends in Facebook and although they enthusiastically answer we can never get together, and even if we could I would be so embarassed to share with them what my life has become.\n\nI have learned to live with it, especially after I got psychological support for some months last semester and even if talking to a therapist was a great relief I felt it was useless. When I was in therapy I was reading at the same time some books of self-improvement but that only created in me a temporary but potent energy and when this energy disappeared I returned to this drab, insipid state. \n\nI was in a very decent social circle when I was in school  (I am not from the US so this will be difficult to explain), I studied where the rich people and the children of important persons of my country studied so I had what you call \"good connections\" and in here you start with the same classmates when you are 3 years old and end with the same classmates when you are 17-18 so we graduate very close to each other emotionally. I feel like I have left that circle and I can't return, I dread that situation of me presenting myself again to those persons and it feels that as years pass they get closer together while I isolate myself more. \n\nMy mom always says that University is the best time of the life because you party, go with friends are more independent, and you begin to flourish, grow up and create good or bad experiences. Not for me, I feel like I am in standby, I just watch people have fun. Today I observed my classes to see if there was anyone else like this but everyone had at least one person to talk to. You may say that it is ok to not party if you don't like (although I do like to party from times to times and get drunk, it's just there isn't anybody I can do that with) and even if I didn't like to go to clubs I see everyone with different interests and mindsets forming groups according to what they like, WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT PART OF ANY GROUP??? I feel like I don't have any identity that I can show, I feel empty because I have a big fear of being judged for what I am. I want to start giving a fuck but I can't. I fear sharing my musical and literary tastes even to my parents and my brothers.\n\nMy parents are constantly pressing me to create \"contacts\" that will help me in the future and I feel bad for not doing this because it's like I am missing half of the university experience. \n\nI have reached the point where I prefer Mondays over Fridays and Saturdays because I don't have the pressure from anyone to hang out with someone, in fact I now dread Fridays and Saturdays. \n\nI feel that if I continue in this state I will get ill (like as in an actual disease), I am the living proof that humans NEED social interactions and are a SOCIAL species, I am getting desperate, I want someone with whom I can share my musical tastes, my fascination for books, football (soccer), history, to have deep conversations, someone who has my trust just as once my old friends had mine and I had theirs, someone to go on adventures AND TO LIVE LIFE.\n\nI am now so embarrassed of myself that I CAN'T LOOK AT MY DAD INTO HIS EYES, my dad is a very compassionate and good person, but I can't look at him to his eyes when we talk, I simply can't. I have problems showing affection even to my parents (who I deeply love but I can't externalize that feeling) and I don't want to be like this, I want to have the courage to say \"I love you\" directly from my mouth and to be able to feel it truly, I want to have the courage to hug someone without getting uncomfortable, to say nice things when I feel them, to stop being a pessimist piece of shit and finally be happy at least for one entire day.  \n\nI perfectly know my my mom and dad and I know they think to themselves: \"When will this guy bring a girl or organize a party\"? I know they think this and I am sorry I don't have the bravery to speak to them about my problems. My brothers are also very nice to me but they also have their shit together and I know they also ask to themselves \"Why is he like this\"? \n\nI want the power to love, I am a Roman Catholic and every night and morning I pray, read the Bible and ask to God to give me the power to be happy and give me the gift of love and hope, to remove my extreme anxiety, I want to receive true love but I also want to give true love, I have been assisting to some masses in the Church near my university and I have cried when the priest meditates some passages I can identify with or gives us the command to offer each other the sign of peace because it's the only thing that I feel that loves me. \n\nThe only thing that keeps me going is that I know I am in my most critical moment and when things start to get better or I am at my peak in life I want to be able to look back to these moments and say \"wow, that was really my lowest point\" to never repeat it again.\n\nThank you, dear stranger, if you took part of your busy day to read this and I will be attentive to any advice you can give to me.\n\nI wrote this the 24th of January, 2019 at 20:39 GMT -5\n\n​",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Your experience with SSRI's",
    "post_text": "Have you ever gone off of SSRI?\n\nDid you go off cold turkey or taper off?\n\nWhat was the experience like?\n\nDo you regret it or applaud it?\n\nDid going off of your SSRI change your life for the better or the worst?\n\nDid you feel your symptoms were actually manageable with therapy and coping skills after going off SSRI?\n\nI'm 30 years old. I've been struggling with PTSD, OCD, Anxiety and Depression symptoms my entire life and I've just now accepted that I need to get help. I didn't have my first therapy visit until yesterday. I'm totally okay with therapy, but I'm scared to try medication. I have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist on 2/6/2019. The side effects and dependency on medication scare the living shit out of me. I don't want to lose myself.\n\nPlease help and be completely honest.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it okay to drop a class for the sake of my own health?",
    "post_text": "So I am currently in college. I am in my second semester as a freshman (first year) and I am an undecided major. I was leaning towards computer science or graphic design, but this CS170 class is stressing me out. The class by itself doesn't sound too bad. But thinking about the homework, which the professor warned could take up to 6 hours outside of class to complete, is what stresses me out. When I think about my other classes like Religious Studies, World History, Geology, and Design, I don't think I can handle the work load of CS170 PLUS the workload of the other classes. I know that this is a stupid request and will probably be removed, but I'm the kind of person that relies on advice before deciding something important like this. Any advice could be helpful. Please and Thank You.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I literally can't do anything right now",
    "post_text": "For the past few weeks I've been feeling more and more depressed. I've had it controlled well for years but things happening all at once has just brought me to tears at this point. I have a bf, he's amazing but one thing that I would say is wrong with him is he doesn't know how to support me when I'm like this. He'll ask what's wrong, If there's something specific I'll tell him, but it's been so many things it's just everything. And he doesn't know how to respond to that. It just makes me feel incredibly lonely. I haven't been able to get out of bed yet (1.30pm here) and he just happily stayed on his computer and now he's gone out. \n\nI just want to feel better, go about my day but I can't. There's nothing I want to do. Nobody I know I want to talk to. I'm just laying here. How do I get out of this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with insomnia because of depression?",
    "post_text": "Hey guys. I\u2019m looking for some advice for how to deal with insomnia that gets worse when my depression does. I\u2019ve tried the whole putting my phone down 30 minutes before bed, reading, occasional melatonin supplements, and nothing has really worked. \n\nAnyone with advice or personal bedtime routines that have helped with insomnia would be much appreciated. I\u2019m currently a college student and having depression and insomnia on top of it is leaving me completely drained and at a loss of what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont know what to do anymore",
    "post_text": "Hey,\nI'm feeling really bad for a pretty long time, I think it all started about 2 and 1/2 years ago. Back then it wasn't as dramatic as now, I think of suicide for half a year straight. I don't go to a therapist because I gotta take my parents with me and they're a big part of my situation. I just feel so worthless and that no one likes me. Most of my classmates have lost their virginity or at least kissed a girl and im almost 16 and never had anything like this. I have basically no friends and the person I always talke with is annoyed by me, and thats not something my \u201canxiety\u201c tells me. As I said earlier my parents are a big part of my mental state, they often beat me in the past which pretty much fucked me up and now I'm like this: cant make friends, antisocial and depressed. And now I really dont know what to do anymore, theres really no one I wanna life for but im too much of a pussy to kill myself so I'm here, not willing to do anything but still here. I think I just need some lifting words that motivate me to be brave and keep on going.\nSorry for my poor English, I'm from germany so its not my mother tongue.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't have anything, no future and just.. yeah.",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know where to start so I guess I give my life story.  My father left me as a baby, and my mother lost custody at some point. Therefore, my grandparents had gain custody of me. For the most part, my early childhood was normal until around a certain age I was molested by an older female family member that had also extended to one of my female neighbour doing the same thing.  At the time, I did not understand this or knew anything, but they as did. This didn\u2019t impact me at; first, I was too young to understand, but as I got older I was lashing out a lot more, mainly to the female gender.  At first, I didn\u2019t realize this, and I\u2019ve never told anyone what happened either.  I felt ashamed, scared I get in trouble and no one would believe me. \n\n​\n\nAs years went on, I grew to be more of an oddball person, an outcast among my peers. I did not get along with the female gender, and I didn\u2019t care until I hit puberty. Around this time, I\u2019m still super awkward and bully by everyone. I didn\u2019t have many friends, maybe 2-3 and this stayed until high school. Up until this point, never had a girlfriend and didn\u2019t know how to approach any girl for it. My self-confidence is long shot with abandonment issues. Most of my family thinks I\u2019m gay and I\u2019m still bullied.   \n\n​\n\nAdditionally, to all of this, I have developed depression. As a teenager, I look around and see people hooking up but not this guy. At home, I had several relatives just killing my confidence, saying I was gay; saying I would never amount to anything and so on. I also have , and my family stopped getting medication for it. So now, even at school, I\u2019m struggling, staying in one spot in subjects I\u2019m not a huge fan? Yeah, it was not great, and I ended up skipping a lot.  To this day, I can\u2019t ever get any medication for it either, but I save that little later.\n\n​\n\nBy 12th grade, my grandfather had passed away, and he was the only thing I had to father like. My depression hits me harder and I just no longer had any desire for school. I begin skipping so much school that I was dropped from the program. I only stayed home, watch t.v and played video games.  I get a job and I stayed there for five years. Naturally I find other work over time and keep going with jobs I hate.  I move in with my mother at some point,  I thought it be a good idea and grow closer to her. \n\n​\n\nMy mother goes on to lie and steal from me the entire time I\u2019m with her. I had even tried to go back to school and get my GED but told down a lot. I pay money for something, and they would pocket it. I would sleep, and they steal my credit card and spend my entire paychecks. I was often treated like a third class citizen while living with them. \n\n​\n\nWhile attending GED school, it a massive struggle for me. I can\u2019t focus longer than 30 minutes and only a few times a week if that. I still have no medication to get back on or a way to get them. To this day,  I\u2019m quite afraid to ever try for it, in thinking I\u2019m making it up, you last this long why now you need them.  So yeah,  I don\u2019t ever get it and it always\u2026just something I hate myself for. I just feel like I\u2019m lazy and crap because I can\u2019t focus on. I did end up getting half of the credits credit for GED, where I am at you don\u2019t have to take all the test at once. You can take each test one at a time. I\u2019m only needing math and science which both I have a tough time focusing on. Both take the longest to learn and hardest for me to stay still for. \n\n​\n\nAt some point, I grow homeless and then move into with a relative and then kicked out after getting a bunch of money from me. Then I move back in with my grandmother who pretty much hates me or feels like it. Most of my life she told me I never do anything or amount to anything and honestly. \n\n​\n\nI began pro wrestling and been in for about 4-5 years now, but I don\u2019t even have that anymore because of my limit of travel. I\u2019m unable to drive, and I have anxiety trying to drive on an actual street.  I have no reliable ride for it and because of my limitations; I will never get far for it. \n\n​\n\nThe only relationships I\u2019ve had is online ones, and each one never led to meeting in real life. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I wanted too and tried to get there, but it never does. There always an excuse for each person I\u2019ve been with and even recently it has happened. I got no confidence to try a person face to face. But at least with an online relationship, I don\u2019t feel as lonely and keeps some depression away. \n\n​\n\nSo yeah, that my life story and how I became who I am now. I do not have anything to look forward to in the morning, and I curse at myself for now randomly dying in my sleep. I feel like shit and the thoughts of suicidal grows stronger with each day.  Make matters worse,  it has become easier for me to gain weight and harder to lose weight as I age. So every time I eat, I just feel awful.  I\u2019m going bald, my vision and my hearing is getting worse.  Often told I look like a 40-year-old man or something.  \n\n​\n\nHell, I can\u2019t even work longer than 20 hours, and even then it feels like it pushing it. Every time I work longer than those hours I get so stressed out and my depression grows worse. I could get more hours, but when I do, I feel worse about myself. But because I don\u2019t my family looks further down on me. I look down on myself, I feel like this waste of space lazy piece of shit.  I just don\u2019t know what to do anymore, I just feel like anything I try or will ever try will be meaningless. I feel like I\u2019m constantly in an endless void, like stuck in the middle of the sea while unable to swim. \n\n​\n\nIf I try to find love, it can only be online and they will always have zero interest in meeting the real me.  So it will always be the same result just a different person. If I try to further my education, I can\u2019t ever stay focus enough to make any progress and that always repeat. If I work more I feel more stress  out about everything and grow more depress. If stay where I am, I\u2019m constantly being looked down on and be called lazy. I\u2019m growing older and fatter, I don\u2019t have anything or able to gain nothing. I do not know what do anymore and taking my own life is constantly feel like the best solution to end the madness. \n\n​",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Boyfriend broke up with me a week after I got a shocking diagnosis, says my mood was too bad lately",
    "post_text": "hi,\n\nfrankly I'm here to hear some motivational words. I've been suffering from depression since I was a child, this was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I've been feeling better for a while. However, after I got with my boyfriend it definitely got better. Now last week I got the shocking diagnosis, that I might not be able to get pregnant naturally because of an undetected infection that I had at some point and I'm going to surgery in a month due to chronic pain as consequence of this infection. I've been really depressed, angry and frustrated lately. I just think that this could have been detected sooner, as I've had pain in my lower abdomen for a while. On top of this, I'm really stressed from university because I have to do a lot of homework and also work. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 months just broke up with me because he said that I've been in a bad mood and he feels affected by this. I can't believe that he would just leave me at a time like this. He's shown 0 empathy for my situation and always said I should stop 'feeling grumpy'. I mean honestly. I moved out of my student housing room during the weekend to go live at my dad's place during this difficult time and discovered that there is mold in my room now. I just feel like I can't catch a break and wonder how I can deal with this. \n\nI'm so shocked because he always told me he loves me more than I him and that he really adores me. And now this. I mean it's good that I know this now after such a short time rather than later. No one can use a partner that won't be there for them during difficult times. I'm just having a hard time grasping this situation. I feel even worse now that he told me his reason for breaking up was that my mood had been too bad lately. I am afraid that I will be back to my major depression due to the course of these events. I'm probably gonna phone some therapists soon so that I can deal with this  situation better, as I fear that I might self-harm.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Life is crumbling to pieces",
    "post_text": "Okay so my father got remarried about 2 years ago. I turn 23 on this coming up Sunday and hes been single all the way up until but thats not really something I mind. Anyway. So him and his wife just had a baby. My baby brother LT. We'll. LT finally gets to come home from the hospital today after 6 weeks because hes been having to be weened off of drugs because my dad and Bonnie are on drugs. She knew she was pregnant and never stopped. My dads been on drugs or been an alchoholic or both my whole life so whatever I guess. The thing is. My grandma has gotten custody of Bonnies two youngest kids and LT comes home today and me and my girlfriend have to help my grandma take care of everyone. Help with homework all that jazz. I dont want any of this though. I'm so mad at dad and i feel trapped in this situation. I hope dad can get cleaned up so he can have LT back but like.... He never cleaned up for me and I want LT to have a better life than me but like.... Id be mad.... Because I feel like he doesnt love me and my birthday is Sunday and its gonna be all about LT which isnt his fault but its never been about me my whole life and now this.... I feel like suicide is my only escape but I can't do that to my grandma and all my siblings and step siblings that love me. God I just wish none of this was real. Help me feel better. Please. Im so sorry this is so long. I just dont know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m seeking help here but please just read as much as you can...",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019m 15 and for most of my life I\u2019ve been treated not badly but like I\u2019m really different as if there were something wrong with me  (pretty much only in school since kindergarten). Other than that I\u2019ve always been a happy kid with a great sense of humour but in the last few years since becoming a teen things have crashed down on me. I believe it was 2015 my close nan (my mums side, ill get to why that\u2019s important later) was diagnosed with dementia (other nan lives on a farm outside my town where she barely sees anybody). In 2017 my cat that I had only had for about 5 years (when he came to my doorstep seemingly only a few weeks/months old) suddenly died from chest cancer and I felt sad mainly because I didn\u2019t have much to do with him even though I loved him so much. Although I have had a few pet losses this hurt me for a few months (tear down my face as I\u2019m writing this). The main reason it was so bad was how a normal day turned into hearing he was unable to move when my Aunty went home for a break, and that later turned into the vet saying he should be put down. On to the next crack in my life. Only a few weeks before I was born my dad died (I still don\u2019t have it in me to sit with my mum and have that conversation on how it happened), and although I don\u2019t feel sad about not having him as I\u2019m used to it since birth, I have heard things about fatherless kids not having as good lives (although I am being co raised by my Aunty who is pretty much a 2nd mother except she can be giving the fatherly tough love some times). There has also been drama including my other Aunty doing drugs and making our life harder (I will say I don\u2019t think it is intentional but her stupid choices are messing us all up). There\u2019s heaps more I can talk about like my addiction to games even when I\u2019m not enjoying them and the recent passing of artist xxxtentacion (I know he\u2019s a very controversial person but I really enjoyed his music and just seeing his face and hearing his messages to his fans). I\u2019m failing at school since year 8 and I\u2019m always feeling worried about how I went in a test or having 1000 bricks on my chest scared what my mum will say when she sees how I went. I spent the entire 2nd half improving and trying my best especially in English where my teacher would repeatedly remind me I\u2019m an intelligent kid but I\u2019m just lazy, and when I thought I had improved I went from the first semester being all C\u2019s and turned it into C\u2019s and one D. I can\u2019t focus on anything important in class, I can\u2019t remember stuff and it feels like everything I\u2019ve explained in this post is coming together and ruining my life, making me feel hopeless and giving me a feeling of life being pointless. My ideal life right now would be one where I can stay home all day without worrying about any responsibilities or having to deal with my peers or school. Being around people seems to make me feel more lonely. Being around family im almost always happy. Avoiding all of these things feels like it would make me feel great again even though me in my right mind would\u2019ve hated the idea of being alone at home all day with my \u201cboring\u201d parents. I don\u2019t know what to do. I want to see a doctor deep down but i also don\u2019t want to know if there\u2019s something wrong, I don\u2019t want to do the whole medication and therapy thing. I just want to be a normal kid who can be happy and out there like I used to be. I\u2019m sorry for talking so much but I just wanted to let it all out and ask if people think these are signs that I should seek help. Maybe if there\u2019s anybody going through something similar to me who has been diagnosed. Any sign to help me know what\u2019s wrong with me because I want to seek help but I don\u2019t want to tell my parents about it and have them tell me I\u2019m just going through the teenage stage of life, and then have a doctor tell me the same and make me look and feel even worse. At this point I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m talking about but I just don\u2019t want to keep feeling like this. If this isn\u2019t depression then I don\u2019t know what to do because I don\u2019t want to have to deal with this horrible feeling in my body anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looking into therapy",
    "post_text": "I need someone to help guide me through my problems. I normally would talk to my girlfriend but things are getting worse. I don't have insurance so everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be super expensive. I don't know where to start I've only had school therapists. I work 6 am to 6 pm Monday through Saturday so I don't really have any free time. Just wondering if anyone could explain the process or just better help me understand the steps I should take.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Admitting no bond with toddler and wondering if its justified or b/c Im just a terrible person.",
    "post_text": "I know I love her but dont feel overwhelmed in love with 3 year old. In fact, i feel awkward hugging, I dont like her all over me and KNOW this should be so much deeper of a connection. My factors involved include me losing my first child, a son at 5 mos from a rare genetic condition. I also suffer from bipolar depression and constantly struggling. Is my depression and hatred for myself the reason Im not fully loving her..b/c i dont love ME? Is it b/c of the loss of my son and maybe deep down Im afraid and protecting myself. It could be Im just a cold jerk. Help only. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help..",
    "post_text": "So i've been down a lot lately, i usually buy oxy for the \"happy\" feeling. I could not get any so i bought Lenoltec 15MG caffeine, 300MG acetaminophen, 8mg Codeine. This is not the first time i resorted to this.. in 3 days i've taken 90 tablets. so that is about 30,000mg of  acetaminophen. In Oct i did the same thing and ended up in hospital getting detoxed, that didnt stop me from doing it again nov and dec but over a longer period of time. but this time 90 tablets in 3 days, I am suicidal so i really don't care what happens to me. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Prozac worries",
    "post_text": "I got prescribed 10 mg of Prozac today and I was doing some research about Serotonin Syndrome ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin\\_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_syndrome)). Basically it's a very severe condition that can occur when people mix SSRIs like Prozac and other serotonergic drugs. This left me with a couple of questions.\n\n​\n\nDextromorphethan is one of the drugs that can interact with SSRIs to cause the syndrome. I recently had a bad cough and took a lot of it. Also, I dropped acid in the last 3 months, which also can cause the syndrome when mixed with SSRIs. Am I at risk? I haven't had any drug of any sort for two weeks, and don't plan to while on Prozac, but I can't help but fear that any latent amount of these drugs in still my system could kill me when I start taking Prozac.\n\n​\n\nWould appreciate any insight.\n\n​\n\n(I also have anxiety so if this question seems ridiculous and paranoid, now you know)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "So Much Pain In The World",
    "post_text": "I read Tara Condell's suicide note and it really hit home for me. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. Sometimes it seems like the little things in life aren't enough to make up for all the suffering I see in the world. I can't understand how someone can have 4 houses, take 12 cruises a year and fly around in private jets when everyone else is dying. How can we be this selfish as a species? Darwinism no longer controls us, it's survival of the wealthy, which I know I will never be.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "am I suicidal even if I know I won't kill myself?",
    "post_text": "Sorry I don't usually post so this might be kind of sloppy. for starters, I am not going to kill myself. I care too much about other peoples feelings. And my cats. But all my mind can think of is how nice it would be to be dead. I've been depressed like this one other time in my life, but this is the first time I have seriously considered self harm-I guess as a way to escape the internal pain? I haven't taken any steps to self harm but I have a strong urge to do so. I just want everything to end. I have no drive to do anything. I'm irritable as fuck. Nothing is going right and even if it was I probably wouldn't acknowledge it. Idk how to get out of this mindset-I have absolutely no urge to change anything, which is what everyone keeps telling me to do. I've tried to look for psychiatrists and psychologist's but its super fucking hard in this mental state and there's a shit ton of steps to just get on the waiting list, and finding someone who takes my insurance etc.... My question is whether or not this is still considered suicidal, even though I know I won't end my life, I would just like to. Anyone else experience this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i have been diagnosed with depression but my dad refuses to consider medication",
    "post_text": "i have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder by multiple medical professionals but my dad won\u2019t even consider that taking antidepressants could help me in any way. he believes that i\u2019m just going to be suck trying different pills and none if them will help. i\u2019m not even sure if he really thinks i have depression. every time i say anything about it, he believes i\u2019m exaggerating my symptoms or that i\u2019m trying to be depressed, when i would give anything to be able to no longer struggle doing things i used to love or any basic task. what can i do about this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "why do I feel a void, or a hole in my chest?",
    "post_text": "Disclaimer: I am sorry if this post doesn\u2019t fit, but I\u2019ve tried posting elsewhere and haven\u2019t gotten help. I have not been diagnosed with depression nor have I felt as if I did before.\n\n\nTo start, I watched this video on YouTube after scrolling through my recommendations for a bit.\n\nhttps://youtu.be/mB_0FXiFHd0\nTo be honest, I thought it was pretty sad, and it spoke to me in a way I\u2019ve never felt.\nAfterwards, I began to feel an emotional hole in my chest, or, a void. I\u2019m not sure what feeling this video triggered, but it\u2019s happened to me only a few times before, and it\u2019s never been this bad. Going on 6 days now, whenever i think of the girl in the video, I think of the song and what she went through. I feel it. It doesn\u2019t matter where I am, what I am doing, or who I\u2019m with. I\u2019ve also began to feel less motivated to do things in my pastime. As a naive junior in h/s, I\u2019m really not sure what to make of all this.  Help would be much appreciated.\n\n**TL;DR** why do things make me feel a void in my chest? ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Self-Improvement help",
    "post_text": "After 2.5 years of living with my girlfriend she left. I don't want to get much into detail but up until some months ago relationship was great, then we started having some minor issues, which bummed me out a little. I never told her about it: it's no big deal, I can't justify being mad about this little thing... I thought. Of course you can figure that these minor issues only began to grew, pushed us apart and ultimately killed the relationship. When we recently talked about this it was already too late, but upon openly talking about the matter I understood her behaviour much better. Probably, if we had talked about that way sooner we could have saved the relationship.\n\nThe problem is, it is not the first time I do that. I have had previous relationships die for the same reasons. So here I am once again, depressed because my fear of confrontation killed what was the best relationship, by far, that I have ever had. She was such a great girl and I fucked up everything.\n\nI also believe that it was not only lack of communication / confrontation fear. When things were going bad the thought of breaking up was constantly in my head. Again, I never told her about it nor decided to take the step myself. This is probably because I don't have many friends and fear solitude. There are a lot of times already when I feel lonely, especially during the latter months, and I didn't want to make matters worse. However, I am almost sure that having this constant break up thought made me unconsciously sabotage the relationship and be more distant. Of course, talking about this stuff earlier on would have probably helped.\n\nI am fed up with this, I know that keeping things to myself and other similar behaviours of mine are only going to keep destroying relationships, but it's like I can't help it. As I said this is not the first time this happens to me and would probably not be the last one if I don't force myself to change.\n\nProbably, right now I should focus on getting out of the post-breakup depression (filling the void she left, new hobbies, activities...) and move on but there is a lot in me I'd like to improve, just to name a few:\n\n\\- Manage & control emotions better - as you can gather from all the previous\n\n\\- Be more confident: My confidence is not the worst but I find it lacking most of the time\n\n\\- Have better human relationships: As I mentioned I don't have too many friends. I usually have a hard time accepting new people into my life. Most of my human interactions feel fictitious, most I get lately are from work (not real friendships). I can go entire weekends home alone without no one contacting me, thus, feeling lonely. I am mostly an introvert, I once saw a post of another fellow introvert that said the best days of his life where when an extrovert \"adopted\" him. Never a post has spoken so much to me.\n\n\\- Social anxiety: Not super bad in my case but I tend to get anxious in large groups, especially if I don't know anyone. I tend to feel uncomfortable and out of place.\n\n\\- Be less clingy: I have always been the one dumped and I always have a hard time accepting it, probably easy to understand bearing into consideration the previous points.\n\nI have not much of a clue where to start from, however. I believe I've seen people recommend meditation but I never was too sure about it, maybe I should give it a go? Or self-help books? Courses? Seeing a psychologist or some other kind of therapy?\n\nMy most sincere thanks to anyone that goes through this entire post, I wanted to keep it short but oh well.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "High functioning depression",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone, I've been lurking in depression subreddits for a while but I finally decided to post.\n\nI have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and clinical depression. I was diagnosed when I was 17 but since I started university my depression has become more high functioning, and there have been times when people do not believe me when I open up about my depression. Even when I talked about my PTSD from a sexual assault and a mentally abusive relationship, some people did not believe me.\n\nI shower two times a day every day, I finish all my assignments a week ahead of time and I make sure I get near perfect grades on everything, I work 5-6 days a week, I'm a clean freak who has to do laundry and dishes every single day or else I panic. My anxiety disorder screams at me to get these things done or else my anxiety will eat me alive.\n\nI've had people who tell me my depression \"isn't real\" because their depression had them unable to leave their bed. When I talked about my struggles with suicidal thoughts I was skirted to the side and seen as a liar, while someone else was praised for their struggles because they were unable to continue going to college due to their depression. \n\nI felt like screaming that depression is not a contest. It ruins lives and there is no \"one size fits all\" depression.\n\nI just need support that my struggles are valid.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else feel like the saturation in their life is turned down?",
    "post_text": "The best way I can describe how I feel is: feeling as if someone has turned down the saturation in my life.\n\nI can feel emotions. When I\u2019m with friends and family or watch a funny video I laugh and smile, but it just feels empty? Lifeless? Like on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the happiest) I know I should be feeling a 10 and in general the situation is a 10 but for some reason I can\u2019t seem to get past a 5 at most. It\u2019s like my brain is saying \u201cthis is funny you should laugh and feel happy\u201d but I just don\u2019t feel that? At least not fully. It\u2019s like my 5 is other people\u2019s 10s, both are fully happy just one is less than the other. When other people are laughing so much they\u2019re in tears and can\u2019t catch their breath I\u2019m only chuckling, even though I *know* the situation is funny. I can\u2019t even remember a time where I laughed so much I was in tears. When I laugh it almost feels like a chore or an automatic response that I could just as easily not do. This is hard to explain but when I laugh and smile it\u2019s like i\u2019m not physically feeling it. What I imagine true happiness to feel like is a warmness, something you can physically feel in your body, but when I smile/laugh the outside physically changes but inside I don\u2019t feel anything. It almost feels as if I\u2019m acting but I\u2019m not because I do know the situation is funny. It\u2019s like there\u2019s a disconnect somewhere. It\u2019s hard to explain. \n\nAnd this is just one emotion, I feel this with everything. The only emotions I seem to be able to feel the strongest are annoyance/anger and sadness, but even that\u2019s toned down, not saturated, lifeless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I make a female partner who's depressed feel better?",
    "post_text": "(**repost because i forgot to use my alt)**\n\nHey guys. So I'm hanging out with my girlfriend on Friday, who is depressed and may have some sort of bpd issues (as pointed out by multiple redditors). They have been irritable and angry for a long time, and there's a lot on her mind, so I'm giving them the week without talking to her to recollect her. I was hoping to get everyone's advice on how I should talk to her.\n\n​\n\nI want to make clear that they does not think she's depressed, but all symptoms are there. irritability, feeling of emptiness, mood swings, sadness, (sometimes) excessive substance intake. they even admitted they were depressed a while ago and had thoughts of killing or harming herself.\n\n​\n\nI am worried about her and if she won't accept and get help herself, I'm trying to see how I can make things better. The stuff I have planned out on Friday are:\n\n1. I surprise her by letting her choose what I get her for valentine's day\n2. We cuddle and watch a movie or something\n3. She goes out with some friends who are moving away\n4. when she's back, we hang out again and maybe watch our favorite tv show.\n5. play some kind of video game or just talk\n\nAre any of you able to tell me what else I can do to make my partner feel happier? Like whether it's daily or what I can just do on Friday. I want her to come out of her rut and be happy like she was once before. I'm really trying to make it fun but not suffocate her. We've been fighting a lot lately and it got pretty bad so I'm willing to do whatever.\n\n​\n\nThanks\n\n​",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just need to rant a little bit",
    "post_text": "I've always been someone who bottles up my thoughts, problems and feelings. I know that it's a shitty way of dealing with things but oh well... It's come back to bite me in the arse now. \nI'm a senior so uni is coming up later this year. I'm having so much trouble planning my future, choosing what to study etc. I was thinking of having a gap year, but my country is changing some stuff which will make it much harder for me to get in 2020, so I should apply this year instead. My finals are coming up really soon and I'm so terrified of not doing well. \nAnd I don't know if I'm just imagining things but it feels like things are falling apart with my best friends too. It feels like they're ganging up together against me, to pick on me and freeze me out. Everytime I hang out with them I feel extra depressed, but at the same time I feel guilty for being a downer. No one's asked me how I'm doing, but I also don't want to dump my problems onto anyone. It feels like my friends wouldn't care anyway. So much has changed, they've changed so much since the first year. I feel like I can't trust them anymore. My boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago so our relationship ended, and I feel really lonely. I just want to cry and isolate myself from the world. I hate myself for being like this. God, I feel so helpless and lonely. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dealing with toxic parents and mental illnesses",
    "post_text": " I have a friend whom I'm doing my best to support. She has grave issues with her family.\n\nHer father is extremely toxic, he calls her names, does not allow certain things, picks on her physically. Her little sister has learned this behavior from her father and does the same thing, but more often.\n\nActually, she hates to stay home and spends her days outside or someplace like a cafe, college, rpg clubs.\n\nShe has ridiculously low self-esteem and can't see anything good in her life. Looks like she gets really happy and emotional if I take a walk with her, invite her for lunch or just chat with her, but reality hits her harder and I can't be there for her every time.\n\nMoreover, she has mental illnesses like anxiety and panic attacks that are provoked by extreme emotions (happiness, fear, sadness) and need medication to fight it. It appears that she had a few attempts to take her life...\n\nIs there a good way for a depressed person to deal with a toxic family? No, moving out is not an option since finances are scarce. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My parents sat down with me and said they\u2019ve noticed a change in me, and they are worried about me.",
    "post_text": "They said I\u2019ve smiled less and had a shorter temper the past few months, and that I\u2019ve gotten in trouble 3 times at school this year, which is very out of character of me. Then, my dad asked me what was bugging me, and I know something is, but I don\u2019t know what. I just told him \u201cnothing\u201d and said \u201cI haven\u2019t changed\u201d, I still get good grades and hang out with friends, but Now that they brought it up, I do notice a change in myself. even though I know something has changed, I don\u2019t know what. My parents then asked if there was anything in my life I\u2019d want to change, and I said, again,\u201dnothing\u201d. If I don\u2019t even know what is making me like this, how can I get help? Where do I start? I\u2019m lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "HS ruined my life",
    "post_text": "HS was the start of several problems to my mental health, stress, anxiety, social problems (and bad grades with it too as a consequence)... Everything started back on the 31st of October of last year when we were having a party in our class because of Halloween, then two bullies entered the classroom, and basically changed my life. There was a bully episode that day, and was the consequence of me changing the section of the class, which means changing classmates and teachers. I made the right choice as I was constantly harrassed by the old classmated and the teachers were bad, like, really bad. So I changed the section, and I thought everything was back to normal. I was wrong. I find it hard to even study now. I can't force myself into doing nothing. Literally nothing. There is nothing I can do even to go to school. It's really fucking hard. I failed my mom. I failed everyone and what I wanted to be. I find myself in the situation where I cry a lot thinking about this. I am a failure. My mom had faith in me. There is still people that love me. My grandparents, my mom, everyone in my family. Except I haven't talked about it to any one of them. I think it would be embarrassing because they can't understand what it's like to be like this. I expect an answer like \"you're too young\". And they are almost right, except depression can be found at any age. I'm having a mental breakdown, seriously. \n\nAs I said before, I struggle when I want to force myself into doing things, like homework or just study. I just want to end it right now. The only thing that makes me sad about it is what my family will think about. It not gonna be their fault. I even failed them. They were never strict with me, always there to love me. But now everything has changed, I'm a disappoint to them even though I don't know it already. They know nothing about my mental state. It's hard guys. Life is hard. And meaningless. The only reason I'm still alive is because of my mom and my family. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need some help",
    "post_text": "When I was 13 years old suffered from bullying at school and I had depression for a long time, my parents knew about it because I put a lot of suicidal stuff on my facebook and I had a friend of my dad on my friends list, so she saw it, talked to me and after she called my parents. They helped me (more my mom) and they took me out of school. \nBut my parents started to say that it was a shame, that everyone would find out about my depression and they wanted to take all of my social medias so no one will know I\u2019m sick. \nAfter that I was scared to talk about them about how I feel. \n\nWhen I was 16 I started to feel empty and scared, I was scare of the night, I was scare to go to sleep, I started to push all my friends away and I stopped liking the things I used to do.\n\nI didn\u2019t know what it was, so I told my parents I was feeling weird, but my dad just told me \u201cYou are just growing up\u201d \nAnd I never talked to them about the topic again.\n\nI\u2019m 18 rn, 2 years hiding my depression and now is killing me, I can\u2019t hide it anymore and I really want to search for help, I want to tell them but I\u2019m scare that they just push me away. \n\nI didn\u2019t told them about my depression because I didn\u2019t wanted to bother them with my problems and I don\u2019t want that they treat me like a bad person. \n\nBtw, sorry for my grammar and I hope some one can help me, I don\u2019t know how to tell my parents about it. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve generally got a good life. Why am I still sad?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 23, graduated from a great college, have a supportive family, no student debt, no huge skeletons in my closet. I\u2019m even engaged. I hate my job (military) and it stresses me out a lot which is part of it but other than that I don\u2019t know why sometimes I just feel like I can\u2019t get out of bed in the morning and I don\u2019t have any enjoyment in anything. I don\u2019t even like eating food any more and have lost about 20lbs in the past 2 months (I don\u2019t have weight to lose- currently I\u2019m 5\u201910\u201d and 135lbs...). I just feel completely unfulfilled and like nothing matters but I also feel extremely guilty because I\u2019ve never had anything \u201cbad\u201d happen to me. What\u2019s wrong with me, and how do I fix it? ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I even tell if antidepressants are working if I have no way to tell?",
    "post_text": "So I was diagnosed with depression&anxiety when I was 12 and my family wasn't very supportive, they basically chalked it up to teenage angst and did nothing to help me. So now I'm 19 and at college and in an environment with friends and a loving boyfriend that actually gives a fuck about whether I live or die. I've been going to therapy services that my school offers and it's helped I think and they've also got me on my first ever round of antidepressants, Zoloft. I've been on it for about 2 months and I really thought they were helping, like I could go out in public alone and not freak out. But now I just feel lost and like everything is somehow worse than it ever was before and I've been bottling it up and repressing it because that's all I know and also I suck at emotion identification because of said repression. I think I was trying to convince myself I was better because all I wanted to do was feel what it would be like to be \"normal\" and not have to live with this feeling of dread and hopelessness and wanting of nothing. Mainly I just want to know what it'll be like to actually be on something that has a positive impact or something that actually helps instead of me convincing myself it does but actually doesn't.  \n\nTLDR: depressed and thought meds were helping but actually weren't. How can I tell that they're actually helping instead of making it worse?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help.",
    "post_text": "I have been going through some stuff and it\u2019s really weighing on me. Me and my ex broke up about 6-7 months ago, she blocked me and won\u2019t even talk to (I haven\u2019t tried in months so don\u2019t worry I\u2019m not trying to stalk her) anyways, I needed a fresh start, I moved 3 states away and now I\u2019m completely on my own, I don\u2019t have any friends yet since I\u2019ve only been here about a month and it is. HARD. Almost every night. I dream about her, every day I think about her. I have gotten rid of everything that I had from her pictures included but I can\u2019t stop thinking about her. I don\u2019t have health insurance yet so I can\u2019t get therapy, but I\u2019m working on it. But I need something to get me through, no matter how many girls I\u2019m with or anything it doesn\u2019t help, I just need some advice on what to do until I can get professional help, I\u2019m constantly depressed. I always feel like shit. Help me... please ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I can\u2019t talk to anyone",
    "post_text": "Recently my boyfriend (the only person I\u2019ve talked to about my seasonal depression) told me that he thinks I\u2019m too emotionally dependent on him. I understand why he says that (as previously stated he\u2019s the only person I\u2019ll talk to) and I understand that he said it because he\u2019s worried. But it makes me feel like I can\u2019t talk to him either anymore. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do, I don\u2019t want to be emotionally dependent on someone but I can\u2019t do this alone either. I\u2019ve cried myself to sleep so many times since he told me, I\u2019ve wanted to self harm again so badly, and I can\u2019t talk about it to anyone. I tried telling him that I just feel worse and all he said was \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say\u201d. \n\nI guess my reaction to what he said just proves that I am emotionally dependent on him but I just need someone I trust to talk to, but recently my best friend has become someone I barely recognize. I don\u2019t have anyone else to talk to, now I don\u2019t have anyone. \n\nI recently made an appointment to go see one of my college\u2019s guidance councillors, but I haven\u2019t had my appointment yet. I guess I\u2019ll see what comes of that... ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Thinking of changing antidepressants",
    "post_text": "Hi first time posting so I\u2019m a little nervous but basically, I have been on lexapro for a while for depression and anxiety but I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s helping I never really said anything because I thought it would take time but it\u2019s been over a year, and still not too many results , it hasn\u2019t been completely useless and I don\u2019t know if maybe I just don\u2019t understand how they work and it\u2019s doing it\u2019s job, but I just feel like I need a change. I\u2019m going to the doctor who prescribed my medicine tomorrow and am wondering If I should bring it up? ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I study at university and things have become EXTREMELY difficult",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a university student and recently things have become really tough. There are several problems that I\u2019ve got no idea how to solve:\n\n1. Social anxiety: it\u2019s insanely stressful for me to interact with people. My classmates are girls and I\u2019m the only guy in the group so it makes interactions even harder cause I try to be nice with them. Sometimes I get random panic attacks (dizziness, increased heartbeat, sweaty and trembling palms) that make it impossible to talk to anyone or even to keep up with what the teacher is saying during lectures. Moreover, I cannot even approach my crush, cause this girl is very cute and adorable\n2. Irritated bowel syndrome: this thing makes my life like ten times harder. I have to endure extreme pain all the time and I also often get late for classes. Recently one of my teachers (he\u2019s not aware of this problem) has told me that he won\u2019t let me in for the class if I get even a minute late ever again. IBS + panic attacks also make things like public speaking extremely difficult\n3. Conscription: the main reason I study at university is to avoid it. For me conscription is constant beating, humiliation, shitty food, life without sleep and weekends and being in a tough environment 24/7. My health is not good enough to endure conscription, I just won\u2019t stand it. Also if I\u2019m gonna have a girlfriend, she is not gonna wait for me to return. Most girls here break up with their boyfriends if those get conscripted.\n\nThere are several other problems like studying in the faculty that I don\u2019t like but cannot change faculty because here it\u2019s almost impossible. Psychological help is also very expensive and mostly useless here so for me it\u2019s not an option.\n\nWhat am I supposed to do to solve it? How can I make this life better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need someone",
    "post_text": "This is the first time I\u2019m posting and I really need help with how I feel.I\u2019m 16 I don\u2019t feel needed by anyone,I\u2019m depressed and I just want to kill myself.My friends are always doing other things so I never get to talk to them every girl I\u2019ve talked doesn\u2019t seem to care about me they always ghost me every time I think I\u2019m getting close.I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m even trying to convey to you I just want to be needed by someone,appreciated by someone and loved by someone is there anyone who understands and can help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Gf won't get help because she doesn't want to change",
    "post_text": "I'm at a complete loss here. I (27f) suffer from depression and anxiety myself. I'm having trouble reaching out for help, but I'm slowly building the courage  and doing self help because I want to get better and be a happy person.\n\nLast night my girlfriend (28f) who has been struggling for a while told me that she's in a really dark place. When I started to lead the discussion into getting help or even just a little self help, she just gave me a flat out no. She's been suffering for years and the various meds and therapy she goes through just help her for a little while and then she goes back to depression.\n\nShe says she doesn't want to be different. She doesn't want to work on being happy because then she isn't herself. Doesn't like the feel of being on meds because she isn't herself. She's fine just accepting being depressed as her default state and one day when she's tired of living she'll end it all. She doesn't want to end it now so she's not eligible to be hospitalised. But she is calm and completely certain that eventually she will kill herself.\n\nI don't know what to do with such clear and calm certainty. She struggles with similar things that I do. I try to give the answers that hope are true. \"what's the point of living when all we do is work and sleep to pay for a place we never use because we're working or sleeping\" \"I'm not worth saving\" \"nobody cares\" etc, but she just refutes it and stays where she is.\n\nProblem is, I leave the country in the next 6 months (so we've always known our relationship has an expiry date) and she has no support network. She has no family and very few friends that are in a position to help out. She's spent quite a lot of time homeless in the past. I don't know what to do. It feels like she only wants to get better if it happens organically, but that is a rarity.\n\nTL;DR gf won't get help. She doesn't want to be on meds/therapy because it means she isn't herself, so it's kinda like she just wants to be depressed with the idea that eventually she will kill herself\n\nWhat can I do? I'm drowning here",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Rage in my chest",
    "post_text": "I was going to therapy, seeing a doctor for my depression but I just stopped going. I'm to embarrassed to show my face since I missed my appointments and its been over a month since I've been back. I'm getting worse again. I don't want to take my meds. I don't want to talk to my therapist. I can talk to yall since yall dont know me. I just wanted to know if there was someone else on the same boat as me. I am just constantly angry. Just filled with rage and I keep throwing and breaking things. I can't live like this anymore. Does anyone else get this terrible rage feeling in their chest? I've been on zoloft and prozac and they've both made me feel so different and not in a good way. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m depressed.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 17, I don\u2019t know how I should word this because it\u2019s hard to describe for me. I\u2019ve been feeling terrible lately, my mind races all the time, so I distract myself with games. I\u2019ve had a loss of appetite for the past couple of months. I generally don\u2019t feel like doing anything, as in no energy or motivation. I\u2019ve been this way for a while but I didn\u2019t want to self diagnose but I am going to talk to someone at the end of the month. If I am depressed, is there any advice you can give to help me not succumb to my thoughts? I don\u2019t want to die but I do think about it sometimes.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lost in a rabbit hole @_@",
    "post_text": "Hi, I'm 23 years old and I tend to feel like I'm wasting time. \n\nI stopped going to college at the end of 2017, I didn't go back for the fall semester. I found two pretty good jobs until they both laid me off, due to the fact that they were only seasonal. After that I havent felt like filling out applications, instead I've been pursuing my dream job. I want to be a journalist and lately I've been so far down the rabbit hole of story writing I feel like I nearly lost touch with reality. \n\nI know in order to learn you have to fail over and over and that's how I feel. At the same time I feel like I've been spending way too much time writing and researching I forgot when the last time I talked to another human being. Im not that close to my family and I only have a couple friends, who seem to be busy most of the time.\n\nWhen I'm not obsessing with writing I catch myself day dreaming about a perfect world where I go out on the weekends and have fun. I have never really experienced that and the thought makes me feel alone or that this humanity. People are just words on a screen now.\n\nIf anyone has any tips please let me know!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to go home",
    "post_text": "I (F, 19) am a sophomore in college. I have a wonderful family-- my three siblings and I are extremely close, and our parents love us and each other. I know I'm very lucky for that. \n\nI grew up on a small farm in the desert, and we were dirt poor. Our house was a hundred years old and was built from adobe and railroad ties. The plywood floors had holes in them that snakes and mice would come through, and my sister and I shared a bed until I was twelve. I remember times when all we had to eat was what we had left over from the previous harvest and the animals we had raised. My summers were spent working our land and taking trips with my friends from church and school to the muddy river that only flowed with the snowmelt in the spring and the torrential monsoons in the summer. We always had dogs and barn cats and chickens. It was so simple and easy, and I loved that farm and my life with my whole heart. When I was 15, we moved to a city a few hours away and kept the farm. We'd go up on weekends to take care of little projects, and I would get to see the friends I'd grown up with. I never felt like I had really moved away.\n\nI've since started college in a town much closer to my farm, and I go to visit often. My dad stayed up there for work and stays in a trailer we brought up. He takes care of our chickens and farms in the warmer months. Our work weekends are more scattered now that all the kids are grown and moved away.\n\nOur house is uninhabitable now and the land is going wild again. Coming home just isn't the same anymore. Lately, all I want, and all I can think about, is to go home. Not just making the drive and seeing my dad and the farm. \n\nI fantasize about waking up in the morning in my bed, 10 again, snuggled with my sister against the cold and the wind howling outside. I want to be with my family the way we were when we all lived under the same roof and to work in the garden and take walks through the desert with my brother, looking for elk and coyote tracks in the river basin. I want to hear the native languages I grew up hearing, but not understanding, in school again. I want to go back to the nights when we didn't have enough money to pay our electricity bill and my mom and dad would bring out the oil lamps and our domino set and we'd play games and read by the lamplight and just enjoy each others company. \n\nI miss my dad coming home from work, bone-tired and smelling like the propane he would fill train cars with for transport and the way he'd give me a big hug and a snuggle before he went to bed. I miss the tiny town I went to school in and the way I believed in the church I went to whole-heartedly. I miss going to the Fourth of July Rodeo a few towns over. I miss my mom making us oatmeal pancakes and homemade buttermilk syrup on mornings we'd go out to the juniper stands and cut wood for the winter. \n\nI go to sleep at night hoping that when I wake up, that is where I am. I wake up in the morning devastated that instead, I've woken up in my apartment to an alarm clock and have to get ready for school and then work. Absolutely devastated. I don't know how to get over it. I am just existing. I can't find joy in anything. I feel like my life has no purpose and that I'm just going through the motions. I'm terrified of the day that one of my family members dies. I'm scared that one day something will happen and we won't see each other again. That I'll come back to the farm and find that everything we'd built is gone and that I will never find comfort. I am at a loss of what to do. \n\nI don't know what I want from this post, but I just needed to put these words down and get them off my chest. My parents would be distraught if they knew I was so sad. I just really don't know what to do. If you're still reading this, thank you. I'm sorry for rambling.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I use the psychological help service that my university provides for free?",
    "post_text": "Lately I've been feeling really low. \nI can't make myself leave the bed, I start crying out of the blue and everything is just so heavy. \nI think I've always suffered from some kind of depression but I've never been to therapy because I couldn't afford it on my own and my family didn't ever suspect anything. \nNow I live on my own in another city. Yesterday I discovered that my university provides psychological help for students for free. Do you think I should give it a go? \nI'm a bit afraid because I don't know what to expect and I don't really know what to tell them when I'll be there. I know they don't provide help for very serious issues (you'll need a psychiatrist for that) and I hope they don't take care for only \"university related problems\".\nOn the other hand, I have nothing to lose because it's free.\nDid you ever try anything like that? \n",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I muster the energy to cook and eat, especially at the end of the day?",
    "post_text": "Does anyone have tips or psychological tricks for getting yourself to eat regularly, especially at dinner?\n\nI\u2019m pretty good about eating on days when I have classes (college student). I always eat before class so I can be energetic and focused (and because stomach grumbles are embarrassing). I always have a healthy big breakfast.\n\nMy problem is with weekends and dinner. I\u2019m usually mentally tuckered out after classes and interacting with people and rush to get home. When I come home, all I can do is curl up in my bed and maybe do homework in bed. Even doing something small like changing into PJs and brushing my teeth is very tough. Taking time to prep food and eat it is just a lot of mental effort, even if it\u2019s just microwaving leftovers.\n\nI also live with others - I feel safe in my room but going into the kitchen is leaving my safety zone. My roommates are great but at the end of the day I really don\u2019t want to see anyone except maybe my best friend. When he comes over for dinner on occasion I feel motivated to cook and eat, but he usually has evening classes or work so I can\u2019t always rely on his presence. Or if I\u2019m out with friends and we\u2019re getting fast food I can eat because I don\u2019t have to put in any effort and I\u2019m outside anyways.\n\nAnd weekends are really tough because I hate leaving my room just for food and I don\u2019t feel the same need to eat without classes to attend or things to do. So I end up eating one very hasty big meal of sandwiches or something when I get really hungry.\n\nCan anyone relate? Any psychological tricks people have for making themselves eat and get ready for bed? \n\nWhen I was living with family someone would usually tug me to the dinner table at night, but no one does that to me in college :(\n\nI find it difficult to stay at a healthy weight for this reason. It\u2019s really easy to drop a few pounds when I\u2019m under additional stress; some weeks I just can\u2019t do dinners at all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "17 year old forced to stop Paxil 20mg cold turkey. Looking for Advice!",
    "post_text": "I was very recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well as anxiety, anxiety related insomnia, and severe depression from the previous improper diagnosis of Bipolar ii, and I was taking Paxil 20mg for 2 months. After my third change of psychiatrist, I was instructed to stop Paxil cold turkey in favor of staring prozac in 2 weeks because of the risks associated with adolescents taking Paxil. He is adamant on me stopping as soon as possible and I do understand why this is important, for the drug is **still not FDA approved for treating depression in teens even though it is commonly used for it**. I am currently 3 days in, and I am experiencing the full force of the withdrawals- Severe headaches and zaps, cold sweats, strange dreams and waking up in sweats, equilibrium and balance issues, tingling of extremities and numbness in hands, lightheadedness, suicidal ideation, dissociation, severe mood swings and racing thoughts. As someone very new to all of this and the processes associated with treatment, Id really appreciate anything, **and I mean anything**, anyone has to say about their personal experiences with withdrawals from Paxil or any antidepressant for that matter as well as any tips for managing this hell for the next 2 weeks. Thankfully, I am not currently enrolled in high school, so i am not forced to deal with this while stuck in class, but its challenging to go through this seemingly alone without contact from others. **Appreciate any feedback or thoughts I can get.**",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have been severely depressed and it is affecting my school work and looking for advice",
    "post_text": "Since I've hit my 20's, my depression has just plummeted. In high school, I hadn't been diagnosed yet with my anxiety and depression, and even though it was present it didn't feel nearly as bad as this. I hit my 20's, now 23 yrs old, and I am having constant depression cycles. The cycles are becoming more frequent and each time it feels harder to come out of. As of lately I have been probably the most down that I have felt to date. I am in my sophomore year of college as a bio major. I haven't been keeping up with classes, I have been failing exams and I don't have nearly enough credits to keep my scholarship for my junior year. I have fucked myself so badly with school I don't know what to do. I want so badly to take a leave of absence to get myself together, up my medication and see a therapist. I really want to get better. However, if I take a leave from school I will lose all financial aid for my junior year as well. My fianc\u00e9 and I are pretty financially responsible people and have budgeted out for the next year and a half based on the financial aid we both receive. It is not an option to lose that money or we will be completely fucked. I am asking advice on what to do. I need to take a break from school or I will just keep digging myself deeper into this GPA and depression nightmare, but we also can't lose any money from it. I do want to reenroll for the fall semester, but I just need a break now. I am lost. Any advice would be so helpful.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 18, I have had depression and anxiety for over a year now. I\u2019m not a very emotional person but recently I\u2019ve been getting so mad at nothing, so mad at people trying to help me and I know they are trying to help and I don\u2019t mean to get mad but it happens, my anxiety has been kicking off recently too. I start to get itchy, I start shaking and my throat feels tight at random times. I don\u2019t have energy to do anything, the smallest things seem so big. \nI\u2019m so anxious and tense, how can I relax myself. Please help me if you can",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't open up to anyone",
    "post_text": "I just don't have anyone to open up to. I've never been close to my sister, and my dad hates me. the only person in my close family I could talk to is my mum, and I don't want to tell her just how bad I feel all the time, because she gets really stressed about everything, and I don't wanna hurt her. I'm not nearly close enough to any of my friends to talk to them about how i feel. I keep posting online, reaching out because i need to feel like somebody cares. and as supportive as everyone has been every single time, I need a shoulder to cry on. I need a hug more than anything in the world, and I can't have it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend is dying inside and I don't know how to help him",
    "post_text": "My friend has had depression for at least 4 years now. My friends and I have been helping him through his depression for a while. He's been through therapy and had been admitted to  a mental hospital about a year ago for attempted suicide and self harm. But it doesn't feel like anything is changing. He's still numb with not much to look forward to, and I don't know what he wants to do with his life. I need some advice, because I don't know how much longer he can hold on before he inevitably kills himself. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What activities do you like to do to face your apathy?",
    "post_text": "Hi all. I've been dealing with my D&A for about Nine Years now and am just becoming an adult. I have only accepted my D&A and started working on it for the past year. I seem to have reached some sort of Plateau with my apathy. I do not feel distressed I feel like I am not feeling anything at all. I am so apathetic about everything, nothing seems to bring me enthusiasm and my motivation is non existent. I realize that I am just being a lazy bum and am embarrassed but I feel so chill and unfazed by flaking on all of my plans including buying things masturbating eating or anything of instant gratification and my subconscious just says \"Don't care.\" or \"Will do later. Have plenty of life left.\" Do you use any activities or techniques to give you a returning sense of feeling or emotion of any kind? I've been this way for weeks. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cutting",
    "post_text": "Hello,\n\nYesterday I cut myself, on my arm. I'm wondering how it will heal?\n\nI feel terrible about it, and really don't want anyone to see my arm. But I can't hide it forever, and my girlfriend will see it eventually. I can hide it from other people, but not her. I just wanted to escape my thoughts but they have only turned worse as a result of what I did. Usually I'll just hit my knuckles into walls, until I physically can't do it anymore. But that heals faster, from what I've heard this can take a while.\n\n​\n\nSorry about the poor phrasing, I'm Swedish. Thank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I AM DONE",
    "post_text": "Hi I know everybody has their own share of depressions and problems in life and I for one have no one to listen to me. I am here to ask you guys for an advice. I\u2019ve did some things that I know was wrong and now i\u2019m facing the consequences of my actions. I\u2019m the type of person who puts her emotions first so it affects all of my decisions. I really don\u2019t know what to do. I feel so alone and lost. I said I won\u2019t do suicide or would be depressed but it\u2019s eating me up inside. Please give me your advices :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel myself slipping again",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been at February vacation away from school  this year and I can\u2019t help but feel I\u2019ve been wasting it. I\u2019ve done nothing of note, not even watching a movie or going to the grocery store, the only times I\u2019ve left my house are for sports practice which I **dread** and just despise. \n\nI think it\u2019s been a long time coming but in the past few hours I\u2019ve felt myself slipping in again to the pot of despair where I\u2019m more irritated, testy, emotional and numb, and moody, and overall a pit in my stomach forms that I have to live through. They\u2019ve happened more and more and for longer durations since I began  taking meds and therapy. \n\nAny advice at all on how to buffer this dread and flare of depression would be greatly appreciated, I can already feel myself sliding into it and just about all advice is appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm alone.",
    "post_text": "I'm lost. I'm afraid. I'm worthless. I have no one in my life anymore, bar one friend who lives on the opposite side of the world. I lost my boyfriend yesterday. He broke up with me because my depression was bringing him down. I understand, I guess, but the last thing I could ever have wanted or needed was my boyfriend to leave me, he was my rock, and he cheered me up even on my worst days.\n\nI have no family. They never wanted much to do with me, especially when I started developing mental health issues 8 years ago. They slowly but surely made their way out of my life and upset me in the most awful ways.\n\nI have no friends. I moved into university and left my friends at home, and I really struggled to make new friends here. I have one, my flatmate, but that's it, no one else wants anything to do with me. I'm even considering moving back home to a mother who really dislikes me and made my life a living hell, I can't stay here at uni. \n\nI have no one left. I have no reason to live anymore. I've fought for so long, and surprisingly, I think I can say I'm currently at the lowest part of my life, and I have gone through and done a tonne of shit.\n\nI don't know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am lost.. without purpose.. I just need help, talk, anything really...",
    "post_text": "I have already posted this in /r/advice subreddit, but i want as much advise froma as many people as possible. So I am posting a link here. Thank you so very much.\n\n​\n\n[https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/atvzbo/i\\_am\\_lost\\_without\\_purpuse\\_i\\_cannot\\_live\\_like\\_this/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/atvzbo/i_am_lost_without_purpuse_i_cannot_live_like_this/)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I?",
    "post_text": "First time posting and on my phone, sorry about the format. I\u2019m (27f) at a breaking point with my depression and anxiety. I\u2019m a stay at home mom with two kids and my husband works all the time. \n\nThe last couple of weeks or so I\u2019ve been angry, constantly angry about everything and I can\u2019t pinpoint the cause of it. A friend told me I was angry because of depression. I\u2019ve been fighting with it for my entire life and today I\u2019ve considered getting antidepressants...but for some reason I\u2019m so, so scared because my whole life I\u2019ve been taught that they\u2019re for crazy people or it\u2019ll change me completely and I\u2019ll always be dependent on a pill to be happy and never be able to be happy on my own without it. \n\nI know it sounds really stupid...but I just need advice as to wether or not I should finally just get them. Will they really help me?? TIA",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone is telling me they are going to kill their self and I don't know what to do.",
    "post_text": "On Facebook,\n\nThis person began to message me. I do not know who they are in person. They began telling me about how they hate their life. I tried to be empathetic. Then, they began to inform me the date they are going to kill their self. I tried hard to inform this person how people will miss them and that they have a reason to live for their god children. They refused and still told me they are going to do it. \n\nWhat do I do next, I do not feel safe with this. I feel this person will do it and I don't know what to do. If I report the chat to Facebook, they will find out and not speak to me anymore. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My problems are ruining my relationships. (I\u2019ve also realized that I really don\u2019t like myself.)",
    "post_text": "Like a month ago I\u2019ve met a girl and we\u2019ve been texting every day since then.\n\nShe has a very good influence on me. \nMy problems (stress, sadness, anxiety etc.) are getting easier to deal with thanks to her.\n\nBut feeling better naturally comes with worrying about losing this \u201cgoodness\u201d... a lot...\n\nI worry about losing her so much that it\u2019s probably not having a very good impact on our relationship...\n\n\nEven though I feel better that doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m totally fine.\n\nI still get these waves of [insert any of my problems here].\n\nWe very often argue when this happens.\n\nI\u2019m extremly worried that this will end up ruining my relationship with her.\n\nShe will not like me anymore if I keep having these waves...\n\n\nYesterday we were talking and she brought up how I have very low self-esteem. \n\nShe wanted to help so she recommended something that has helped her with her self-esteem issues.\n\nGo to a mirror and say \u201cI love myself.\u201d\n\nI was almost unable to do this... I mean- I said it but I didn\u2019t belive it and it made me feel way worse because I didn\u2019t think it was THIS BAD...\n\nThen I realized how much I don\u2019t like myself...\n\nI\u2019ve felt like shit because of that since yesterday. (It\u2019s getting better today, thankfully.)\n\n\nShe probably isn\u2019t too happy about having to deal with me in these situations...\n\n\nI\u2019m not sure what to do... I really don\u2019t want to lose her because of this...\n\nI hope someone has some good advice for this...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Talk about depression in job interview?",
    "post_text": "Hey guys,\n\nI've been subject to a lot of depression episodes recently, which really sucks because I'm currently actively looking for a job. I started kind of taking care of my depression a few months ago, but I still experience really bad days (suicidal thoughts and such).\n\nThe things is, before fully dedicating myself to finding a job, I decided to take a few months off. This means I would allow myself to put my job research on hold while *really* taking measures to work on my depression for the first time in my life. \n\nThe problem I'm facing now during job interviews is the dreaded question \"But what have you been doing for the past 5 months? I see no job experience, no nothing.\" with the nice tone of voice \"Have you been doing fuck all? \u2665\"\n\nI was thus wondering, what would a good answer be to that sort of question?\n\nCus I'm not sure giving the depression background during an interview would really help my case, and on another end,  I've not been doing \"fuck all\", just not what they want to hear.\n\n​\n\nI'm really lost on this point, cus I really want to start working again. I feel like it would be the next step toward winning over this freaking depression.\n\nI don't want to lie during a job interview, because I feel it would give a bad start to a possible work partnership, but on another hand, should I?\n\n​\n\nDid you guys ever had to face that situation before?\n\nAny beginning of answer would really help!\n\n​\n\nThanks a bunch guys, and take care, because you're all awesome!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "falling again please help",
    "post_text": "hey so iv recently been falling back into old habits and seems like my anxiety and depression are really taking over again. Recently my cousin died he was 28 im 22 im really upset about this and im really scared its going to get me. Im 289 days clean from self harm and i really dont know how much longer i can last. The thoughts of self harm legit are there every single day and iv finally realized that nothing is going to stop these and its really scary. Im honestly just so scared and needed to post this im sorry",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Teenager with no hope.",
    "post_text": " I'm a senior in high school right now, and as far as I can tell, I have a bleak future, and an even bleaker present. I'm too lazy to get grades better than C's, and my social life is worse than an 80 year old retiree with a dead spouse and estranged children. I feel as if my default state is depressed, with small bouts of happiness, then back into the trenches for me. I keep thinking I've found happiness in the love of someone else, only for it to be stomped out and kicked until I taste the blood. I can make people laugh and they seem as if they like me, but when the school day ends and everyone goes home, no one calls, no one texts, and I doubt anyone thinks of me. It's gotten so bad, I don't even like to listen to music anymore, something I used to look forward to a little while ago, now it just seems like unnecessary noise. Every time someone asks what college I'm going to and I reply with \\[X\\] Community College, I see the disappointment in their eyes. It seems as if everyone else has these nice lives, and the perfect SO. Don't get me wrong, I've had girlfriends, but they never lasted long and ultimately didn't mean much to either person. I know they say having an SO just causes more strife and pain, but I just want to see what a proper relationship is like and experience the life everyone else talks about. I know this story has been told before by countless people before me, and will be told by countless people after me. I just want to escape all of this. I'm not suicidal yet, but I fear what comes next. Wow, I sound like a pretentious asshole reading this back. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this, and what you did. Or at-least, something I could do to help myself. I will now check my phone every ten seconds hoping for a reply. What a life. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just want to stop existing",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m terrified of death and not knowing what comes after it, but I don\u2019t see life as something precious or valuable. All I see is suffering and endless hopelessness. I am losing interest in everything and I can feel myself slipping away. It\u2019s been like this for so long I don\u2019t know what happiness feels like and I spend my days drifting in a mixture of self loathing and numbness. I\u2019m so tired and find sleep to be my only escape. School on top of my struggling really exhausts me mentally and physically. I\u2019m scared to die, but falling asleep for a really long time just sounds so nice. Even then though, I\u2019d have to wake up and face the cruel reality that there really isn\u2019t anything to be happy about. And it hurts because I can\u2019t escape it. No matter how many nights I spend trying to cry the pain away it\u2019s still there. I have no motivation to really change my life either though, I physically can\u2019t force myself no matter how much I want to, to do anything productive. I don\u2019t know how much longer I can do this, does anybody know what to do? I\u2019m overflowed with these feelings and I can\u2019t help but feel the only way to get some release besides sleep is to harm myself, even if I know it\u2019s not going to help in the end. I\u2019m just done and I can\u2019t keep up with school or my relationships anymore. I need some advice on what to do :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why do I even bother?",
    "post_text": "I never get any replies on this subreddit, but here I am again prostrating myself to all who dare to read my post! I suffer from insomnia, migraines, chest pain, muscle pain, the list goes on and on. My body is a broken temple, and I am but nineteen years old, yet the doctors claim nothing is wrong with me. Not a day goes by when I don't consider suicide due to my physical maladies.\n\nMy physical maladies are only the start! After all, according to my Psychiatrist, I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Autism. My father didn't want to raise me. I have a mother who berates me regularly and my step-father who is an anger-addict. I don't have any friends. I've had five jobs in the past 365 days, but none of them have worked out. Hell, I can't even figure out for gender identity or sexual orientation for crying out loud!\n\nI know someone is going to tell me to go see a therapist and a doctor, but all I can say is that I do. It doesn't matter. I'm broken. I expect to die of esophageal cancer, stomach cancer, or some other such terminal disease. Life has lost all its meaning. I would rather be dead that going through all this suffering. And nobody seems to ever read my posts, and if they do, they write insulting replies. \n\nI am worse than Hitler and Stalin combined. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm going to take some medication to gain me three or four hours of sleep. I know nobody will read this, so who cares? Pizza! Pineapple! Carl Jung! Dead babies! Quantum Mechanics! ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "depressed piece of shit",
    "post_text": "I am a young adult who lives in New York- I grew up with fully supporting parents and friends, but that means nothing when your mental health is not stable. The last year of my life I have been battling with severe depression and anxiety, and was just recently hospitalized for a week in a psychiatric ward. At this point, I feel so incurable- nothing has helped. I have seen my therapist for a year, seemed professional medical help, took the numerous amount of pills and have not felt the slightest bit better. Things have gotten worse than before. I have laundry piling up in the corner of my room and at this point I just pull out any clean clothes I can find in my dresser. Showers? HA- even a short 5 minute shower seems to take too much energy at this point. AND I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING THE SAME BULLSHIT LINES OF \"It will get better,\" and \"You have nothing to be depressed about,\" or \"Everything will be fine because it always works out.\"\n\nTo be honest, my depression has just spiraled out of control at this point. I can't look at myself in the mirror and hate everything about myself- internally, externally and mentally. I hate myself- and the people I am hurting. I could have a good day, but at the end of the day my suicidal thoughts still sit in the back of my head. Sometimes I sit and regret not just doing it- blade to my wrist and a family member walks in. I had the blade in my right hand, resting on my left forearm- and I regret not ending my life there when I had the motherfucken chance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do I tell my boyfriend when I'm in a depressive episode and he asks what's wrong?",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, so I need some advice. \n\n​\n\nI've been dating a guy for a few months & our relationship is going great. We both really care for one another and we're honestly like long-lost friends that have been reunited. Everything in our lives together gels perfectly & I'm excited to see where our future goes. However, there's one thing getting in the way. \n\nI suffer with major depressive episodes and anxiety. My moods tend to swing awfully and I tend to crash and get quite low quite a lot. My boyfriend tries to help the best he can, but he keeps asking what's wrong or he keeps wanting to talk about it. And I get that, he wants to know what's wrong and how he can help. But I don't have an answer for him besides that my mood has crashed. He wants to know what's on my mind and I don't know what to tell him. \n\nSo, any advice on how I can help calm his worries and my own? \n\n​\n\n​",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am too sensitive and don't know what to do about it",
    "post_text": "The other day one of my friends drunkenly said to me\"you look like you're going through some stuff, but don't give up\" and I almost started crying. This made me realize that every time someone genuinely asks me how I am, I become really sensitive to the point that I'm almost crying and turn away.\n\nI hate it, what the hell is wrong with me, and it feels impossible to actually talk about it, I indirectly told my parents and was able to get medication, but it's simply not good enough, I am going to the doctor in a few days and see if I can get anything stronger",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "About ready to ghost my mom?",
    "post_text": "My mother is a 20+ year TBI survivor due to domestic abuse. As such, her mental standing isn't nearly what it might have been. She has severe memory loss, and personality... inconsistencies. I've been trying to do as much as I can for her, but lately I'm feeling more and more drained.\n\nI bought her a cell phone because she's never home long enough to warrant a landline. I've also replaced it several times when it breaks because she doesn't know what a soft touch is. However, this is where I'm starting to lose hope. \n\nShe enrolled in school, which I'm proud of her for. She turns her phone off per teacher requirements, but never remembers to turn it back on. She texts me most nights, and I can almost recite her texts verbatim. However, as soon as she sends her text, she turns it back off. \n\nMy five year old even knows what grandma does is hurtful. My wife has told her that she's gonna call grandma, and my daughter asked, \"Why? Her phone's off anyway.\"  I can go a week, easily, without physically hearing her voice. \n\nI'm about ready to just delete her number from my phone and ignore her texts, maybe she'll eventually get the hint. I feel like it's a catch 22... if I keep her number it'll just be a reminder that she only wants to talk when it's convenient for her, but if I delete her and show that I'm upset it'll piss off the rest of my family. \n\nI don't know what to do any more. How do I handle someone who is making absolutely no attempt to meet me halfway? It's like she doesn't care about me or my family any more. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I even go to school?",
    "post_text": "On Monday I have to go again into school and I just don't want anymore I can't complete an normal day every time I am angry and sad about myself I don't want to do anything and going to an place with toxic people and utterly boring tasks to do combined with anxiety about almost everything seems it so utterly unbearable to make I just want to stay in my room even if its till the sommer where I get my school graduation I can't take it anymore!!! ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Spiraled into depression what do I do :(",
    "post_text": "I'm still in high school and I've missed a ton of school days because of my depression. My family knows about this but there isn't much they can do to help. I'm trying meds they're not working and my family wont allow me to go to a therapist. I've also talked to my school counselor but she has not met with me in weeks so I can't talk to her!! I'm so stuck I'm so scared and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't take it I feel like no one understands me and I don't know how to bring myself back up on my feet again, I'm just so exhausted I feel like giving up.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am a toxic person and I want to not be like this anymore.",
    "post_text": "I am a 27 year old man who has recently come to the conclusion that he is toxic. Here's why.\n\nI cannot tell if I do not care about anybody else's feelings other than my own, and I only do things to get something for myself. If I've fucked up in a relationship or I've hurt someone I loved, I apologise. Even if I am right, I apologise because my father taught me that is the way to do things in relationships with people.  I am always the nice guy in the relationships/friendships and I've started to think that I'm just some beta-male that should've been discarded a long time ago. I have no confidence in my social abilities and I often feel lonely as a result, but then when I am with others I usually feel like a black sheep and/or get irritated with the company to the point where I don't want to be around them.\n\nI just got a promotion in my job and didn't even smile or think that it was a good thing. My boss even questioned me if I was happy or excited, to which I replied 'yes' straight-faced. I am confident in my abilities in my job and it is not boring or mundane, but I place no value on it because jobs are something we must do in order to survive. Nothing excites me anymore. I have lost passion for everything. And I just wallow about in self-pity, trying not to become distraught through rage or unhappiness. Until recently I was calling up my parents almost every day enraged or crying with despair. I am sick of dragging everyone down with me because of my emotional outrage.\n\nThus, I have made the decision to cut off all contact with everyone I know, family included. My gut feeling is telling me to never speak to anyone ever again because I am so sick of trying. Trying to please everyone, trying to better myself, and trying to do anything.\n\nI never take to the internet in search for solutions, but if anyone knows how to change their attitude so that they may continue on the pursuit for happiness, then please, I beg of you, share your wisdom. I don't want to be this person.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm stuck here and nobody likes me (22 F)",
    "post_text": "(I am a 22 year old English teacher living in Asia for 7 months)\n\nWhile sitting in the lounge with a group of coworkers, one of them seemingly out of the blue said 'I don't like OP' to my face. I find that whenever I try to speak in group conversations I get talked over. Or I talk into the air with no one listening. I was going to lunch with two people who I consider to be friends, when they agreed they have no idea what I do outside of work and could only say a couple superficial things about me. We go out for drinks, food, etc on a regular basis. . . I live as an expat so your coworkers are everything- they act as your family and friends all in one. \n\n​\n\nI've been depressed pretty much right after I came here and haven't felt like myself. I used to be the funny, witty person that was complimented for my confidence. Here, I am quiet, awkward, and passive. It has become a spiral where I try to speak up to be more involved, but then no one responds, so I become more insecure and talk less. \n\n​\n\nI still have half a year left before my contract ends and I can leave, so any helpful advice about how I can improve my situation would be appreciated. \n\n​\n\n ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Burned out and trying to come back from it",
    "post_text": "First time posting here. Looking for incite on things.\n\nBackstory: I'm in a weird place in my life right now. I just turned 30, and there have been events in my life that I want to get over. I could itemize the events but it's more about my feelings about them that I want to move on from. I was a social work student but I dropped out because it was emotionally draining. And across a lot of different areas of my life I need to cope with things. \n\nI feel defeated and ashamed of myself. I feel like I dream too big and can't attain those dreams. I feel pain from society and how people treat me and each other. I'm sick and tired of the hate we all do to each other. We are all in pain for different reasons in life. I feel like it's pain for seeing how the world is and wishing that these conversations would start to get visibly better. I scroll Reddit because of how amazing/funny/beautiful things can be. I think I'm too weighed down from seeing so much pain. \n\nI got divorced a year ago and all of my friends and I lost touch. My ex was a good person most of the time but he did some pretty abusive stuff too. And so I'm dealing with grief of people no longer being in my life that I liked having around but that I had to say goodbye to in a way so that my life could try to get better.\n\nI want the grief to heal. I want my self worth to heal back. I'm tired emotionally and I know I'll get back on my feet. There's so many reasons to feel sad about anything or everything. But what do you do next once you know that? Knowing there's endless reasons for things to be bad or to be good. I feel drained like it's some sort of mental gravity not sure how to describe it but almost like I've been working myself too hard. Things will get better but I need to figure out how to heal myself inside.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Friend Is Suffering...",
    "post_text": "Hello. My very good friend has severe major depression. He has been fighting it as long as I\u2019ve known him, about 3 years. Recent he moved, leaving his therapist behind. He\u2019s in a situation that\u2019s worse than his previous, and he was obviously separated from his treatment team. His depression has gotten much worse since then. Every day he talks about wishing he could die, but feels so hopeless he won\u2019t get help. In that state he doesn\u2019t think it\u2019ll help, or doesn\u2019t feel he deserves it, regardless of how much I try to convince him otherwise. I\u2019m worried for him. Does anyone know have any ideas on what I can do to help? When I ask him, he just says to let him go. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a failure, because I'm failing to get certain things done",
    "post_text": "I am really struggling with certain aspects of my life, I can't get motivated. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been receiving various forms of therapy for the past two years since my son was born. I believe that I have suffered with depression since way before my son was born but the signs weren't recognised until I was being seen by a health professional regularly.\n\nI am very lucky to have a roof over my head, a loving husband and a full time job. However, I cannot seem to escape the void of depression. Currently I'm in a the crippling pit, and I cannot motivate myself with certain things. I don't take my medication, I know I should but I have some sort of mental block that stops me taking it. My work is suffering because I've found a way to get by, doing the day to day tasks but not doing my daily reports. I would describe myself as high functioning depressed as I can get out of bed and get dressed, but the only reason I do this is my son.\n\nI live with my husband and in laws and I've just realised that I'm not happy anywhere. I'm not happy at work, I'm not happy at home. I get on well with my in laws but they drive me crazy by parenting my son. At work I feel out of my depth and like I'm just winging it, badly.\n\nI just want to escape, and the only way I can think of to escape is suicide but I can't bear the thought of not seeing my son grow up. He is my lifeline but what kind of mother is he growing up with?\n\nI cannot motivate myself to tidy up after myself, only my son. I can't motivate myself to take my meds, check in with my therapist, or complete my work properly. I am just existing enough to keep my son fed, bathed and clothed, but I am not looking after myself.\n\nSorry if this post had no direction or real question, I just hope there is maybe someone who's been through something similar and is now on the other side who may have some advice. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm seriously considering suicide again.",
    "post_text": "I'm getting tired of posting here repeatedly, not because of the sub itself (actually, it helped me go through tough times) but because I have no one else to talk to except internet strangers. The post is long, bear with me. This might be my last post, and I \\~\\~want to\\~\\~ have to get some things out of my chest. I am very tired, and haven't been really feeling anything since yesterday, after I got back from Chicago, so it might be a bit messy, and just... not organized at all. But here goes:\n\nI'm so lonely. I want people to like me. But all I am is a waste. A waste of time, resources, and opportunities.\n\nBy no means am I the unluckiest person around. I have an above average IQ (152 WISC, 149 WAIS), I have certain traits that I'd like to be proud of, such as being orderly and responsible, speaking 3 languages fluently (EN, ES, KR) and 2 languages in the beginner level (FR and ZH) and know a couple of more alphabets like Cyrillic, Greek and Yiddish, and I absolutely love to learn, read, and to experience. but somehow, even with all that, I managed to be the biggest fucking trainwreck I could possibly imagine. \n\nMy father locked me in dark rooms for hours when I was 3 to 5. I was diagnosed w/ T1D when I was 5. I was always a bit weak, underweight. I started having behavioral problems since 10,  including but not limited to: violent tendencies, compulsive lying, stealing (I don't know if it's kleptomania, I hope it's not. But even if it is, won't make another difference. Just another problem on my list), etc. I was diagnosed with Night Terrors and Bipolar Depression when I was 12, 13 maybe. I have suffered from achluophobia and a mild claustrophobia, as well as some social issues. I won't label my social issues, as I haven't got a clinical diagnosis like anyhting else on this list, but I think it fits more into the anti-social category than asocial or social anxiety, because of my negative and possibly misanthropist views. I have 2 past suicide attempts, once by asphyxiation, and the other by insulin overdose. Now, I'm just wasting away, induging myself and slowly poisoning myself.\n\nMy only friends (3 or 4), whom I've always valued highly, are distancing away from me slowly, after nearly 6 years of friendship (to be honest, I don't blame them, because I'm fucking weird to hang around. But it does hurt quite a bit). I have a cousin 3 months younger than me, who has a much better and more successful life than me. His father (my mom's younger brother by 1 year) is the current president (33rd) of the Korean-American Association of Chicago and a Northfield Township trustee. My cousin has a better social life, better health (he is \"ripped\" as one would describe, and taller than me, while I am barely keeping my muscle mass together. I'm 56kg, 170cm), has better looks than me, is a better student (no problems in school) and is just all-around a better person than me. People follow him around, and as much as it hurts my pride to admit this, I am envious that girls just follow him around.\n\nMy family isn't very supportive neither. My aunt and uncle cares for me (I hope) but treats me as if I were some lazy-ass scum, because their son is objectively better than me, even though I am doing my fucking best, trying not to die from a DKA every day. I lost 5-6 pounds in 2 weeks, all muscle mass, because I don't have much body fat. I excercise semi-regularly (45 mins a day, 3-4 hours a wekk, maybe), I study, I do what everyone else does, and I even put more time into it (all possible because I assist school once a month now, all assignemnts are submitted through a school intranet). My grandparents (the ones alive) clearly cares more for my cousins than me, and they don't necessarily hide that. My dad compares me to his former self, and acts like I don't put enough (or any) effort and treats me like a literal pet. People actively avoid me, because my personality is just straight up fucked, and I act so weird, almost pathetic around others, that I'd rather stay at home than humiliate myself in front of others.\n\nMy biggest problem and fear is that I'll slowly become my father, because he is the most despicable human being I can think of. He is just such a hypocrite, miserable, self-justifying, rationalizing, condescending piece of shit; but I am so similar to him, whether it be personality, tastes, interests, points of view, etc. Another big fear of mine is that no one will validate my efforts, despite it being my best. But it's already becoming true.\n\nI'm just tired of nobody loving me. I had this one girl that I liked since 5 years ago. We were friends; or so I thought, I've discovered a few months back that she's not just not interested in me, but she absolutely despises me. I trusted her with some deepest feelings that I haven't shared with anyone, and I have a feeling she's making fun of me for it with her friends, as I can feel them being very condescending towards me, and making fun of me or just ignoring me.\n\nI just think that this is unfair. I don't know how to approach people (hell, I've never gotten a kiss in my life, when 90% of the people my age I know already have boyfriends/girlfriends. Although, I want a more serious, emotional kind of relationship, even though I'll never even get into one), I don't know how to get better and meet everyone's expectations (including mine), and I don't know what to do in general. I've felt even more pathetic during my 2 weeks in Chicago, and I don't know anymore if I want to go to the US for college after I graduate this year (if I make it out, I'm going for a neurology-psychiatry double major, and a linguistics minor or certificate).\n\nI have not decided how I want to go yet. I have enough rapid-action Insulin to kill myself in 3-4 hours, a knife (to sever either my jugulars, my carotid artery, femoral artery, or my ulnar artery; I know how much it hurts, I was into self-harm for a year or two, so don't give me that \"it's painful, suicide is not painless\" argument), there's a beach about an hour and a half away on foot, where I could drown after getting tied up. At this point, I'm just tired. And if I'm tired already, I don't know how will I carry on for the next 30-ish years of my short life (shorter than most, anyway). I just want to be loved. I want to be able to have someone genuinely love me. Not in the physical way, but I just want to know that I have someone to be there for me, to be willing to share my burdens, as I'm willing to share hers. But I guess that's a luxury I'll never be able to experience.\n\nHelp me. I just want a normal life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I (32F) stop feeling like such a burden to my husband (36M)?",
    "post_text": "I am going through a very difficult time after two miscarriages in the past couple of months and a recurrence of depression and anxiety symptoms. He works about an hour away, while I work from home, although I have very little work, so most of my days are just spent doing...well, nothing. I'm sometimes so depressed I can't keep up with basic chores, which I feel I should be doing since I'm home all day. My husband hasn't confronted me about it directly but I think it annoys him.\n\n​\n\nSome days I feel okay. Other days I am irrational, fearful and tearful. I have a huge fear that he will leave me, which I have expressed to him--and which he always denies, but I know it must get annoying that I keep bringing it up, though I can't seem to help myself. I can't imagine how annoying and difficult it must be for him to come home from work and not know if he's coming home to see me on an \"okay day\" or a really bad day.\n\n​\n\nOur communication isn't bad, but I've recently felt myself pulling away and trying to rely on my own inner strength, but sometimes that backfires and I do a 180 and turn into an absolute mess with him. \n\n​\n\nI feel like he deserves so much better than having basically a half-wife who is so unsteady. Does anyone have any tips/mantras/etc. for making me feel just...better about how much of a burden I am placing on him? I am talking to a therapist once a week and on medication, but I am still really struggling with these feelings of feeling unworthy and pathetic.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I cant get help",
    "post_text": "How? How do you guys reach out.\n\nIt's like, yea i want help with my problems, but I just cant reach out. I walk by my school's councillor every day, and I just think, \"I'll talk to him about my shit tommorow,\" even though I *know* im lying to myself. I cant fucking tell anyone, my subconcious just says no.\n\nEven when I want to, I just freeze up and try to cover myself. Like, I know reaching out is what I should be doing, I just mentally cant.\n\nIve dreamt about one of my friends finding my reddit account and seeing my post, and reaching out so I dont have to, but I also fear it. \n\nWhat do i do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Gotten to a really weird place where I don't even want tv on in the background",
    "post_text": "After a decade of depression, I've finally gotten to a strange place. I can't distract myself with media anymore. I just sit in a room. \n\nI've spent the better part of my life on a computer or my phone, but that isn't helping anymore. I've lost interest in my shows, sites, creative outlets, it's just all gone. I don't look forward to anything even a little and that's beyond anything I've dealt with before. I always had media to keep me occupied. I don't even want junk food, and that's a very out of character thing\n\nI just don't know what to do with my time. Everything is too much. I shower once a week at most, I interact with people once a fortnight, I haven't cooked in months, I feel like I'm moving house every time I need to go outside because it's such a big undertaking, I don't have a job and looking for work is an impossible task\n\nTherapists have told me they don't know what to do with me. I can't afford one now anyway. I was on medication for years and it didn't help. I've been off meds for a year now and feel mentally much better without them. I'm just really not sure what to do with myself",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is \"you\" time?",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone. So I've been depressed for a large portion of my life. Almost 20 years now..wow. That's really hard to actually type that. But it is what it is... I am working towards getting better. I have no health insurance so doctors, meds, and therapy are not options to me right now. But I am trying to develop habits that I consider helpful. Researching as much as I can and including that advice into my own treatment.\n\n​\n\nOf course, when I can afford it, I do plan on getting therapy and the works. But this is the best I can do at the moment.\n\n​\n\nOne thing I see a lot is to make time for \"you\". Make time for \"yourself\". I have been struggling for months to figure out what this really means. Is it being productive? Or is it just being relaxed and leisurely? Is it a moment of quiet? Is it doing some sort of hobby? I wanted to see if anyone had ideas of what it would mean. \n\n​\n\nI have a feeling that it can mean any of those things, but what is the ultimate goal? How should you feel after making \"you\" time?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What happens when you text a suicide Hotline?",
    "post_text": "Suicidal thoughts are a thing I deal with all the time, especially when I end up feeling low because I have no motivation for anything. My therapists recommend using a Hotline or whatever when it gets really really bad, but I just don't see the point?\n\nI'm not going to kill myself, it's too much effort. And it's just thoughts, so it feels kind of silly to text a crises line. \n\nSo I'm curious what actually happens when you use one?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "GF and Depression",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m going through some rough stuff with my depression right now and my life is pretty tough. I live away from home in uni and I don\u2019t have any real friends. My girlfriend is one of the only real friends I have here. She says she\u2019s here for me and to support me, but I see she often gets annoyed of me and says and does things that are totally the opposite. I love you and don\u2019t want to loose her, but it\u2019s hard being the normal, happy guy she wants. I need some advice. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Best mood tracking apps",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been struggling with depression for most of my life and recently it\u2019s been getting really bad.  Since my mood is all over the place, I think having something to help me track it will help me better monitor my mood and give me more to report to my shrink.  Does anyone have any mod tracking apps they would recommend?  Something that\u2019s relatively easy to use and can help me find a possible pattern (similar to a period tracking app for example).   Thanks. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I completely lost myself.",
    "post_text": "Hello everybody. I am 17 years old. When i was 15 i knew exactly what to do in life, i had a passion, an ambition and goal. I worked towards it. But then suddenly when i hit 16, a complete shredding of my character happend. I lost interest in the things i loved to do, no goals in life, nothing!!!. I am ZERO. I have no desire also!. How can this happen? \n\nI have a really important examination coming up that can open a new door for the course of my life but right now my mind and heart is blank, no desire, no drive.. what the hell am i gonna do ?\n\nI really miss my old self, the one who is hardworking and determined. I really need that guy back. I am so lost. I turned self-destructive. I smoke alot, i drink.. the most heart-wrenching thing is to see my mother so dissapointed with me. \n\n​\n\nThis is not me, \n\nI need my old self back. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Exercise depression",
    "post_text": "I don't know if this is the right place to post this but here goes, Everytime I try to start a new workout or diet I start getting really depressed and thinking back to Basic Military training and feeling like total shit. was kicked out of the airforce after an injury while running (my talus was removed) and failure to stay in shape Right now I'm going to college and taking a required Fit to be well class that requires Diet and Exercise logs to be submitted to the instructor, I've been faking it as much as I can but she will probably notice as I have her for a lecture and lab in anatomy and physiology if I don't get any better physically.  I'm just worried that other doors are going to get closed if I can't get past this any advice for dealing with the depression caused by the past trauma? please help. Reading the book is even worse it talks about spirituality which being atheist I have none of and emotions are all out of whack. Anyways for anyone that took the time to read Thank you. I wish you the best... also terrible anxiety with councelors in person I just say whatever I need to to get out as fast as I can",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "That drowning feeling again...",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve battled depression for sometime,mostly undiagnosed.My background and culture means that these things aren\u2019t talked bout and usually get the old \u2018just don\u2019t be\u2019.Im feeling really down almost like I\u2019m drowning and I feel myself sinking inevitably into a hole(what I call my depression)I can\u2019t talk to people mostly because of the lack of people who will listen but also I don\u2019t know how.I feel selfish like I\u2019m a burden.I work and do things a normal functioning person does even though I don\u2019t feel that way.I just need some support or advice to get me through it ,I don\u2019t know what else to do.I want to cry but I can\u2019t ,not infront of people or where people can hear me ,I feel ashamed to be depressed ,almost feel like what right do I have and I know that\u2019s just mostly from stereotypes and stuff.I just want some support or advice ,I\u2019ll take any.Thank you x",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Yesterday Was Rough",
    "post_text": "To catch you up:  I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and para-suicidal thoughts for over 30 years, since before I was 10.  My wife and I are currently separated as we both deal with our individual issues with depression, anxiety, etc, as well as seek couples counseling.  We have been married 8 years, together 10, and have a 2 1/2 year old son.\n\n​\n\nLast Friday, I was given an ultimatum at work.  I am the director of advertising & marketing for one of the largest independent automotive groups in the Southeast United States.  I was told, in so many words, that I had a week to 'prove my worth' or lose my job.  Never mind that I have reduced our spending by 45% since I started, and brought in triple my salary in additional new business due to digital marketing efforts I implemented in the organization, all the while maintaining the original sales output of our business.  I was given exactly zero direction as to how to 'prove my worth'.  Needless to say, the last week has only served to heighten my stress and anxiety.\n\n​\n\nI've never been a very 'physically affectionate' person.  I get that from my mom, a survivor of sexual abuse when she was a child.  But yesterday, I really needed a hug from my wife.  I just wanted to hold her in my arms, breathe in her scent, and feel like everything was going to be 'alright'.  \n\n​\n\nI realize, cognitively, that this process is a 'good' thing for our lives.  We are on the road to personal healing and healing as a couple.  But that doesn't make this season any easier, and a hug from my little boy doesn't do for me what one from my wife would.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being judged",
    "post_text": "When you find out that a guy is a virgin/inexperienced in dating do you think less of him? Like he is less of a man or somehow immature/childish. I often feel like when it comes up in conversation girls seem to take me less serious after for whatever reason. It is almost always met with shock, them thinking in silence for a minute, then asking why. Like they are expecting a one word response like \"religion\", which isn't the case. I'm just trying to figure out what's going through people's heads when I say this. It usually just kills the conversation or brings it to a topic I don't really want to discuss. It even catches some guys off guard a lot of times and they seem to usually behave around me differently so it's not even just girls acting this way. Also I only bring this up when asked, I don't go around broacasting this.\nAm I just going about telling people the wrong way or is it a major red flag that I have to live with?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help.....I'm drowning in my loneliness",
    "post_text": "In January I broke up with my girlfriend so that she wouldn't sacrifice her dreams/goals for me....1 week later I panicked and messaged someone from my past....Things were going great, but now....she has a plan to leave and live somewhere else. I've done everything I can to convince her to stay(without being toxic) and she has made her choice. She doesn't see a future with me at all and prefers to stay friends.....I'm on the edge because I don't have anyone I can run to, to help me cope with my already growing sadness/isolation......I'm going to a movie with some friends tonight.....but it won't be enough....There is more to this issue...but right now, my focus is on making friends on here with meaningful connections...Please help me... We had dinner and things didn't end bad, but they aren't good right now. I don't know what to do...and I NEED friends who actually care about me....help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel alone , and a burden to everyone.",
    "post_text": "I have had depression since I was 15 , started treatment at 18. Now I'm 21 and I know my mom's tired . She doesn't know what to do anymore and neither do I.\nI feel like I'm a burden. That I'm taking space of someone else. I feel like I should just fucking die and leave everyone alone.\nI want to talk to my ex because I want to feel the way he loved me again. But I know he hates me too, or doesn't even think about me anyway.\nI want someone to just hug me and let me cry in their arms. But I know I fucked things up and nobody can't stand me now.\nI don't fit in. I have no friends , no one I can't talk about this .\n\n",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help, I'm so alone",
    "post_text": "I am so alone. Not just lonely, completely alone. There's not one person I can turn to for help. I don't know what I did to deserve this suffering. I don't understand what makes me so repulsive that not one single person wants to be in my life, despite trying my absolute hardest. I don't understand what I can do to have a normal life and nobody will help.\n\nEveryone says I just have to wait and be patient and \"people will come\", but they haven't, and life doesn't wait for anybody. All this time keeps ticking and going down the drain and I've missed out on so much. I am 25 now and still haven't even learned how to be a teenager or had any teenage friends or teenage life experiences yet, but now I'm too old to even have those experiences and have completely missed out on everything. \n\nI can't even get therapy because they said I have to have at least 1 hour a week of social interaction for 6 months before they will even consider a rereferral, which is a completely impossible goal. I spend like 12-16 hours a day, begging and begging for people to be in my life, even offering them money, but literally not one person will hang out with me, even once. They all assume somebody else will but nobody does. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost and there's not one person I can ask for help. No family members, no friends, no idea how to get them in the first place. You've got to have people to get people and I'm just stuck in this cycle of isolation. Speaking to people on the internet is like speaking to bots who all copy and paste the same useless things, \"put yourself out there\" \"join a group\" etc etc, I've already done it for years and years and years and and none of it has worked. I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What to expect when you share your mental health with your family?",
    "post_text": "I recently shared some parts of my mental health with my family. So my question is this: what should I expect them to behave after sharing this with them? My experience telling them wasn't pleasant and I don't know if I'm at fault for sharing or if I'm at fault for expecting a certain behavior.\n\n​\n\n**Here's what happened:**\n\nI am 24, female. I've had depression, anxiety, dissociation and derealisation for over 2 years now, probably had it before but it was only confirmed by a therapist two years ago because that's when I went to see what's wrong with me.\n\n​\n\nNobody knows about this side of me but my ex girlfriend. So recently I told my mom I have anxiety. My family keeps showing at my house randomly to visit and stay for hours and that would cause panic attacks each time because I wan't expecting their visit or planned for it. So one day I burst and told my mom why I'm always upset when they show up like that. (all I expect is a call before hand to prepare myself mentally).\n\n​\n\nI've told them about my dissociation and derealisation because they have been nagging for months wanting me to buy a car and drive instead of commuting and refusing to move to a house that's far from work. (my mom lives with me so me driving is important to take her places) I kept telling them I'm not ready and I just need more practice. (I took so many lessons and wasted over 1500$ learning with no result to the extent I was kicked out of the driving lesson by my instructor because he thought my driving was dangerous) So one day they said I'm a coward and that I should just go and drive and not let my fear control me. So I shared the reason why I can't drive. They first said there's no such thing as what I mentioned\u00a0and that I shouldn't diagnose\u00a0myself with no knowledge. I told them I went to 3 therapist and they all confirmed this. After a moment of silence they said I shouldn't let this stop me from driving. I said no It should stop me because\u00a0it's a danger to my self and the people around me.\u00a0My sister said ok seek help. I said it could take years to heal some never do beside I can't afford to see therapists at the moment. she sent me a link with affordable therapist to contact.\n\n  \nAfter going home my mom spoke to me about what she heard. She asked why I never shared this with anyone before. I said because you're my family and I rather not let you worry about me. She then asked about it and I told hear some symptoms not to scare her so much. (she's a doctor so I picked my words wisely) she then said that I shouldn't have shared this. I asked why? she said your brother in law heard. I said so what? are you ashamed of me now that I saw therapist once. That my mental health is not golden? That in your society I'm considered crazy now? I never got an answer... \n\nIt's been couple of days now and nothing happened. Nobody talked to me about it. Nobody asked about it. nobody read about it to know what the hell I experience. it's nothing. Like I never shared anything like they just don't want to think about it or even acknowledge it.\n\n​\n\nIs it my fault for sharing? is it my fault for expecting at least some interest in knowing what I have? they are my family after all and I feel that's the least I should expect. Is it because what I shared aren't considered as important as depression? (I can never share that with them)\n\n​\n\nPlease share your thoughts and experiences or advices for how to handle this.\n\nSorry for the long read but I never share anything with anyone and this is a first for me. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Goal in life: not to feel suicidal",
    "post_text": "I'm a pretty solitary person. I rarely talk to anyone on or off this internet. I think I'm happy with this. I've tried the normal life for a couple years and have reverted back to my introverted, solitary ways regardless. I've rarely felt happy or enjoy many things. Most of the time I'm fairly blah. I'm perfectly fine with this and I usually am pretty bored unless I'm working on class work (university engineering student so I am not bored often lol). I find most things boring, even video games most of the time (which I'm sad about bc I loved games growing up). \n\n​\n\nAll of this, I'm fine with but one thing. That's feeling like I don't want to live anymore. It happens occasionally when I'm stressed out or extremely frustrated. It's pretty much always bc of all of the schoolwork I have to do or an upcoming exam. My life is completely consumed by schoolwork which would be fine if I were comfortable in it, but I'm constantly behind or don't understand stuff. So that just frustrates me more. The last time I wanted to die was about an hour ago. I was frustrated at having spent my 13th hour (non consecutive) on a homework assignment. I wasted two hours of my life sulking and looking up various ways to kill myself. (Finally found one that doesn't make me scared. It's the one where you put a bag over your head but pass out from innocuous gasses like helium).\n\n​\n\nSo what are some ways you've found to counteract these random depressions. (I'm a very pessimistic person so when people say enjoy the flowers or life is so awesome, I think that's really dumb in my opinion. That logic doesn't work for me)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with budding relationship",
    "post_text": "Hey all - I am sorry if this isn't what this forum is for. I have depression, but I'm doing OK with it for the moment. My issue at the moment is that a guy I was dating also has depression, and after weeks of basically an excellent budding relationship, he ended it saying his anxiety was too much and didn't want to go further as his mindset wasn't in the right place.  \n\n\nHonest, but devastating. It's now been a few months, and we have kept in contact, but the communication isn't anything like it was, and although I want to ask him if he is ready to reconnect, I don't want to push him away.\n\n​\n\nBUT I also know that with depression, you push people away in an effort to protect yourself, or because you feel like an impostor; You don't deserve the love/attention/etc  \n\n\nSO. What do I do? If I was giving advice to a friend, I'd say just ask him and say 'If you really aren't interested anymore, I get it, but I want to know if there is a chance of reconnecting and seeing what potential is here' etc - BUT I know that might be triggering or whatnot.\n\n​\n\nSigh :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why can't my friends and family see that I'm not fine?",
    "post_text": "So this is hard for me, I really don't know where to start. I've never felt fine, in my 31 years I can't remember actually feeling happy. Sure I smile and pretend I'm ok to everyone I know. I get myself to work each day too, but only because it's a routine. \n\nPretty much twelve months ago something happened that triggered me to be bad enough that I couldn't sleep and I was having panic attacks about nothing.  So I finally saw a doctor and she diagnosed me with anxiety, depression and stress... And referred me to see a psychologist but I've had bad experiences with councilors when I was really bad at uni. So I got anxious about it and never went. I didn't want to be judged for what happened either.\n\nI've tried to reach out to my partner, but she has anxiety too. If I lean on her too much she drops her bundle. She tells me she's happy and relentlessly reminds me that she wants to get married and have kids because we're getting older. I've told her that I'm not having kids until I feel better, then I smile once and some how in her mind that makes me better. Otherwise we work really well together, except I never really feel like I feel in love with her. 7 years on I'm still waiting for that spark.\n\nMy family is fine, nothing bad ever really happened and we all talk, but it feels like they wouldn't notice if I wasn't around. They are so self obsessed, they call me to whine about the mundane things in there lives but never really ask how I am or if they do don't listen to what I have to say.\n\nI hate my job, sure most people do, but I find it so sole destroying. Feeling so shitty, I find it impossible to apply for others. I feel so trapped.\n\nI don't really have any friends I feel I can trust. At any rate I never let them see the depressed me, just my well practiced smiling facade.\n\nUltimately I feel so incredibly lonely and isolated. Ive thought about leaving everything behind and taking a trip. Riding to Alaska and back again type thing. I've thought about breaking up, but I only feel like I would be more alone.\n\nI don't want to die, but I don't want to live either trapped in this terrible no man's land I've created for myself. Reddit can you help me figure my shit out.\n\nTldr, i feel trapped in my situation in life and need help getting help XD",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Effects of anti depressants",
    "post_text": "So I just started anti depressants this last week and I wanted some input from people that are also on them. \nI don't know if I feel 'okay' or if I'm numbing down. And I don't know if that numbing is a part of the medication, or if I should ask for it to change? I don't get excited, but I don't get severely depressed anymore, and my anxiety is just a series of belly aches now. Do I have to trade betting emotionally free for stability? Or are there other options? \nMedication is lamotrigine, 25mg. 1dose every day at the moment, soon apparently to be upped to 50mg a day.\n\nTldr: numb from meds normal? Or should I try something else",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Seeing the doc tomorrow about starting medication!",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, so this post is me mainly looking for some words of encouragement. I\u2019ve rescheduled this appointment like 3 times because I\u2019ve been so nervous about it, but tomorrow is the day I just suck it up and go in to talk to a doctor about the option of starting depression meds. \n\nI\u2019m excited to take this step for myself, but I guess I\u2019m just nervous about talking to someone outside of my therapist about my depression. I\u2019m worried I\u2019ll be judged or they won\u2019t believe me. I\u2019d like to believe the inherent good in everyone but this just makes me feel really vulnerable. I\u2019d really appreciate any support or encouragement! ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Who should I talk to",
    "post_text": "I'm not gonna lie, these last two years have been my worst. I don't want to talk to my parents about it because I don't want them to worry. Ive tried to hide it from my friends by making jokes about my insecurities and my low self esteem. I want to talk to them about it but they might not take it seriously because I've joked so much about it. I just want someone to vent all my frustration to and someone who can be there to talk to me when I need them but I'm to scared to say anything about it because I don't want people to feel bad or worry about me. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trying to help my gf who hides a lot of feelings from me",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone! These past few days have been really tough for me because my gf hides a lot of her feelings from me, and it\u2019s getting worse. I tried to provide a safe environment to talk about them many times but after she does tell them, she feels a little happy, but the anxiety is a lot worse. This was caused because of her ex in the past, and we\u2019ve been working together to help for over 6 months. She\u2019s definitely been getting better, but I can\u2019t help with this because she just lies, and when I try to tell her, she shuts me down worrying it will hurt me. And I just don\u2019t know what to do. She refuses therapy because of past situations, and I don\u2019t know how to approach this. Any help and experiences are greatly appreciated. I just don\u2019t want this to start affecting my levels of anxiety when she hides things from me...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tonight was rough",
    "post_text": "Idk if i should put a trigger warning on this, and tbh I'm not really sure how too. So uh....\n\n!TRIGGER WARNING! \n\nIf you struggles with eating disorders and suicidal ideation, uhm, this might be hard to read. Uhm. Idk if that's good or not. If not I'm sorry. Truth be told if i don't get this off my chest now im afraid of what I'll do\n \nI cried so hard i threw up tonight. TBH it felt good. In a scary way. Due to depression and mental and emotional abuse, a few years ago I was severely malnourished. My hair was falling out. I had growths on the back of my tongue. My nails flaked a part. I stopped eating almost completely. \n\nI'm now clinically obese. Not excessively so, but jumping from 130 to 230 in 3 months was a fucking wild ride. I dont want to go back to that place. Im gonna talk to my therapist about it in a few days, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. \n\nI'm scared. Im scared of what I'll do to feel better, to hate myself less. \n\nI'm also afraid of what I'll do if i don't stop hating myself. \n\nI'm caught up in this cycle of oh itll get better, then it doesnt. And i spiral again. \n\nPlease don't come back with comments like, \"get a gym member ship\" etc. I tried. It didnt work because I don't have the energy all the time, and then I beat myself up even more for not going. Im ending that cycle of self abuse before it can continue. \n\nI just dont know what to do anymore. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Had my 1st doctor appointment to address my anxiety/depression, it was......weird. Need some feedback, please.",
    "post_text": "So I had my first Dr's appointment to address my increasing anxiety and depression yesterday, and found some things a bit...odd. I'd like some feedback on a few things (just need to know whether some of the stuff I'm about to post is common, or not)\n\n​\n\n1.) A lot of the stuff was \"up to me\" and I was given questions I had no idea how to prepare for or answer. I went into this with a \"I have no idea what the hell is going on in my head, but it's bad, and I need to address it\" mentality. I have no idea why I'm depressed or anxious so much, only that I did NOT used to be like this.\n\n*-  \"Do you think your Anxiety is caused by your Depression, or your Depression is caused by your Anxiety?\"* \n\n*The answer? I honestly have no idea, I'm coming in with my own mind being a total mystery to me. I didn't know it had to be either one of these.*\n\n*- I was asked what \"kind\" of medication I think I should be on (given a choice between Wellbutrin or another unnamed medication that attacks both Anxiety and Depression together)* \n\n*- I had no idea how to answer this either, I don't know. When I made this decision I was only 30 minutes into discussing this with a medical professional for the first time in my life, I have absolutely no clue.* \n\n​\n\n2.) After this short 45-minute single appointment with a Psychiatrist, I walked out with prescriptions for Wellbutrin XL and Vistaril. I haven't taken either yet, because I'm not sure that's right for me. I just feel like 45-minutes wasn't even close to enough time for me to \"explain me\" and give enough information that a Doctor could make a decision on the right medication for me. And I **know** that antidepressants and medications of this sort are a total crapshoot, but even given that, I don't feel confident that I'd even be taking a **good** crapshoot from a single 45-minute appointment with a brand new doctor.\n\n*- Is that notion true? Are antidepressants and medications like this still a total crapshoot? Can't doctors to prior testing to figure out how a particular medication will affect an individual? It just feels odd...coming from a world I'd previous known (getting diagnosed and treated for migranes) where everything was \"testing testing testing! MRI and Cat Scans and Blood tests and this and that!!!\" before being able to figure out something that works for migraines. But now with my mental health it's just \"idk, we'll throw this against the wall and see if it sticks.\" Makes me incredibly uncomfortable.* \n\n​\n\n3.) When taking my first steps to address my issues a few weeks ago (and making this appointment with a psychiatrist), I had **absolutely no idea** what kind of doctor I'm supposed to see, what is recommended, or who even \"diagnoses you\" with depression or anxiety. I don't want to self-diagnose, it just doesn't feel right. (After this appointment I still didn't feel like I was \"formally diagnosed\", just given medication).\n\n*So I chose this Psychiatrists office because they had decent reviews of any I could find. I made an appointment before I understood that the \"Psychiatrist\" is the one that mainly focuses on drugs and medication, NOT therapy.*\n\n*- Does \"formal diagnosis\" happen? What kind of doctor does that? Or is that a totally false preconceived notion I have.*\n\n*- What kind of doctor is it most common to see first? A psychologist, CBT, psychiatrist, therapist? I just don't know all the terminology.* \n\n​\n\nThe path I've currently chosen: I've not taken my medication (not started), cancelled appointments with this psychiatrist, and gotten an appointment for CBT with a therapist first, which feels like a \"safer\" path for me.  As much as I want to address my issues NOW (I'm impatient), going straight to medication just didnt feel right...\n\n​\n\nI could go on a rant about just how difficult it has been for someone with no prior experience trying to deal with this new situation in American Healthcare, but I won't. I don't know how we're even supposed to know where to start, who to go to, etc etc...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is even the point.",
    "post_text": "I feel like my depression will never get any better. I can't get out of bed, yet I feel guilty for not working. I've barely eaten - the idea of food makes me feel ill - but I feel bad for not eating. I'm failing my exams and have no long-term goals, because even as an \"adult\" at 19 I don't know what I want to do with my life. I've spent most of the last couple of days staring at the ceiling feeling terrible in every way.\n\nI don't enjoy anything anymore. And my parents don't think that my disorder/disability ([Tourette's syndrome](https://tourette.org/about-tourette/overview/what-is-tourette/#1461071540054-f0944fbc-3f2b)) exists, so I get told off regularly for something I physically cannot control.\n\nThoughts of wanting to self-harm have come back after a few months of not harming, and I just feel like I want to die. Just this morning I was looking through the medications we have at home to see what sort of thing could kill me with an overdose. The flair is \"requesting support\", but I only put that because it needs a flair. Just ignore this, it doesn't matter. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cant get motivated to do anything, even shower",
    "post_text": "I'm going through my first very difficult breakup after 12 years of marriage to a man who is my best friend and who knows me (and I him) better than anyone, he's been my other half for so long, and he was my first relationship ever. \n\nI am living with my parents while I try to basically start my life over, on my own, and my depression has almost completely engulfed me.\n\nThere are a lot of days where I can hardly motivate myself to get dressed, let alone shower or other basic tasks. I try to go outside and at least take a walk but even motivating myself into doing that is like pulling teeth.\n\nI've been thinking of making a couple lists for me to check off each morning so I can at least get a routine down. I need to find a job and start being productive so I start feeling better about myself and my situation.\n",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Losing all hope",
    "post_text": "I've always struggled with depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse, and body image issues. I've not had an easy go but always tried hard to better myself and get well. I got sober 1.5 years ago, am in therapy, regularly practice yoga and meditation, take antidepressants, get plenty of sleep, eat well, the whole fucking thing. I have a wonderful supportive husband whom I love, and with whom I had looked forward to building a life and having a family. \n\nAnd yet my depression still remains. In the last year, I have studied philosophy and spirituality and religion and cosmology and neuroscience and evolution and the more I learn the more I am convinced: there is no benevolent god, the universe is random and absurd, and life is essentially meaningless. There may have been a creator entity, but its far removed from humanity. I recently watched True Detective and the main character says, *\"I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, this accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody.\"* I agree with this statement entirely and had never heard anyone say it so succinctly. \n\nI have felt an urge to try and find some meaning in the world and in my life, that maybe I could climb out of the hole of depression someday, in many ways because of my husband. Until now. My husband is leaving me. He just started his dream job a few months ago, and he's suddenly decided he wants that more than me. That he wants to throw his whole life into work, and doesn't want to be married, or have a family, anymore. (Note: He is not leaving because I am depressed - he is leaving because he doesn't think he can be a good husband for me while he does this job, and this job is more important to him than I am.)\n\nThis pain...its just not bearable. It cuts to the heart in a way that is not describable. I fall to my knees sobbing and begging the universe to give me a sign, ANY sign, that I should keep going, that there is something worth living for, that there is some meaning in this, that the pain will be worth it in the end. But there is no sign coming. \n\nAnd I look at the world and the enormity of suffering in other places, where children are slaughtered in wars, where women are beaten and raped, where people shoot up schools and kill kindergartners...I look at the people who COULD NOT get sober, at the people who COULD NOT get well, or the people who never had a chance to, because their life was randomly taken from them in a car crash or from cancer or some other bullshit reason. \n\nAnd then I think about the evolution of humankind. I think of all of the millions of creatures that evolved from reptiles to mammals to apes to hominids. At what point did homo sapiens become conscious beings? At one point did we discover sense of \"self\"? At what point did \"meaning\" begin to matter to us?  For all of the many millions of beings that lived before that moment - they had no meaning or purpose. And they represent the VAST majority of the history of animals, of life. And that life? Only represents a tiny fraction of the history of this universe. \n\n**There. Is. No. Meaning.** There is no way to reconcile how some people have the chances and opportunities to grow and to get stronger, while others do not. There is no way to reconcile the fact that our suffering is a blip in comparison to the enormity of the universe and spacetime.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trying to initiate self care",
    "post_text": "22f here, new to this subreddit. Due to depression and lack of budget for healthier foods (i work part time for 7.75 an hour) I've gained more weight than I'm comfortable with. I would like to balance out my poor eating habits (since I'm living off of the cheapest things i can afford- ramen, chef boyardee, you get the picture) with more physical fitness. I have a few medical problems that prevent me from being as active as I'd like. A few years ago i had an accident and broke my spine so i have hardware implanted and a bum hip. Even taking a six hour shift at work leaves me all but unable to walk the next day. I've started taking walks, and since i live in a rough part of an inner city its difficult to be by myself and not have someone harrass me or follow me. I can't afford a gym membership so i was wondering if anyone had tips or suggestions on how i can do more from my home. If it matters I'd like to focus on my stomach and love handles, its just hard because of my back and hip problems to do a bunch of situps and pushups and leg lifts. Does anyone know how to do these to reduce my pain so i can keep going longer for better results? My body image issues are really starting to affect me, and they havent before... I will be crossposting as well in a health advice subreddit. Any suggestions and tips are welcome. TIA!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i can\u2019t stop hurting myself",
    "post_text": "i\u2019ve struggled with depression my entire life i\u2019ve tried therapy and everything and i thought why not give travelling a go to try and help it or at least take my mind away from bad thoughts. the first two weeks were great as i was constantly occupied but here i am now currently in Nepal i\u2019ve been in my hostel almost everyday depressed and on the verge of crying for no reason. i picked up a cheap combat type knife from a trekking shop the other day and since then i haven\u2019t been able to stop cutting myself to relieve the stress as i have no other form of medication or therapy here, i am extremely unsociable and i can\u2019t talk to people it\u2019s just a personal trait so i can\u2019t attempt to make new friends as it makes my anxiety go through the roof. my flight home isn\u2019t for another 2 weeks and i\u2019m just watching the days go by. I even spent an extra \u00a3260 just to book my plane ticket earlier than before (it was previously on the 23rd of april now it\u2019s the 10th) i\u2019m just dreading these next 2 weeks i just don\u2019t know what to do with myself i keep breaking down, i\u2019m a mess of a person",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I gauge the success of my antidepressant without knowing what the \u201cbest case scenario\u201d actually feels like?",
    "post_text": "At this moment in time, I am on 60mg prozac a day. I just can\u2019t seem to stop wondering about how to know when I have found the correct prescription. It has been a few months of increasing the dose and I\u2019d like to believe it has been helping me, but I can\u2019t tell if it\u2019s all in my head or if it is just coincidence I have been having one or two good days a week instead of none. \n\nprozac is the only antidepressant I have been prescribed over the years, and while I am hesitant to try something unfamiliar, the idea that there might be a more effective medication crosses my mind frequently.\n\nI struggle greatly with low energy levels/ motivation/ fatigue and it would suck to know that all of this time I could have been pursuing a prescription that was a better fit. I feel like I have been making decisions blindly simply because I don\u2019t have the experience of another antidepressant to compare the effectiveness. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know how much longer I can actually take living in this cruel world. I\u2019m constantly made fun of because I am ugly. All of my few friends have abandoned me for no reason. The only friend I had told me that I would never get a girlfriend. The fact of him telling me I wasn\u2019t going to get a girlfriend didn\u2019t bother me that much but that he was saying it in a serious voice and not a joking way.\n\nMy dad just exploits me for money even though he makes over 100k a year. Every time I talk to him he just reminds me that I owe him for the car that he bought me for $1500 so I could get to work. I\u2019m only 17 btw. \n\nI just don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019ve quit going to lunch at school because I don\u2019t have anybody to sit with. I\u2019ve somewhat stopped talking to my dad. I\u2019m just in a really bad place. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help Please - Parents Sent Brother to Pacific Quest",
    "post_text": "Hi all, \n\nMy brother (whose currently 10th grade) has been struggling with depression and anxiety for a while, but my parents/I found out about it last year when he consumed an excess of benadryl in hopes to finally be able to get good sleep. From that time, he's started failing classes and has begun heavy marijuana/alcohol use (even being hospitalized for the latter once). For what it's worth, he routinely started talking about how his anxiety started getting better because he didn't care about school anymore and because he started smoking.\n\nMy parents are doing all that they can and know how to do to help him out. I just got back from college on spring break, and they broke the news to me about why my brother wasn't here when I got back\u2014he had just flown out to Pacific Quest (PQ) this morning.\n\n(For more info: Pacific Quest website is [https://pacificquest.org/](https://pacificquest.org/)\n\nWhat one subreddit has to say about PQ: [https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/4rgsa7/pacific\\_quest\\_experience\\_from\\_a\\_survivor/](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/4rgsa7/pacific_quest_experience_from_a_survivor/) )\n\nMy parents have been consulting multiple doctors/psychiatrists/school admin/idk who else, and they apparently heard about PQ as a highly recommended program. My mom showed me a video, and it seemed suspiciously sugarcoated/idealistic, so I went on a reddit search to find out more.\n\nGod damn.\n\nI thought it was just one post bashing PQ, but it seems that there's nearly nothing positive to say about it, other than the fact that it, relative to other similar programs, has a better quality of life (and that seems like it's not saying a lot at all). \n\nWhat do I do in terms of my parents, brother, and PQ? I really am terrified for my brother's well being\u2014from reading, it seems that PQ is nothing but regressive for health. Should he stay? Come home asap? Is coming home soon feasible?\n\nMore in general as well: what can I do to help my brother out?\n\nThank you. I genuinely am terrified for him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Too many losses..so much pain",
    "post_text": "So many losses...I'm tired. Hurting. And feel alone.\n\nThe past 7-8 months have been hard. I've experienced a lot of losses and they keep coming.\nFirst..I ended a long term relationship in September. We lived in another state; I left and returned to our home state. I left him, our home and my job. Eventually..I lost my car and cat. \nAll of that was hard. My ego hurt because he reconnected with a former ex shortly after I departed (within weeks) and they are still together. He still attempts to contact me and in moments of loneliness and weakness I have seen him, despite knowing about his relationship. \nWhen I returned to my home state I moved in with my sister. She just informed me that her lease is not being renewed and I have to move in two months. My anxiety is thru the roof as I don't know if I'll be able to get the money to move with such short notice. I am working, but its a seasonal position that ends in June. I am looking for permanent work.\nLastly, a close friend died over the weekend. She had cancer; was diagnosed in December. She had been a big support to me over the years. We talked daily when I lived out of state and every day since I returned. When she received her cancer diagnosis, I was a big help to her.\nI feel hurt, lonely and alone. My circle of friends has always been small and it continues to get smaller.\nRight now I feel like I don't have anyone. \nI'd like to see a therapist, but most don't accept my insurance. Besides that will also expire in May.\nI also feel hopeless.\nI'm in my 50s so starting all over again feels daunting.\nI'd appreciate any words of encouragement.\nThanks\n",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need Therapy but cannot afford it",
    "post_text": "Right now I work at my family's business and I get paid 200-275$ a week for full-times work. I am working on leaving. I am nervous for a few reasons, one being my parents say they cannot afford to pay me more, which means they might not be able to afford someone else, but I cant keep going at this rate. I have only just started getting paid reguarly in October 2018 and I have been working for them since June 2017.\n\nI need therapy. I have been depressed since I left college (I have a bachelor's) and while I am not in danger of hurting myself, most mornings I dont even wanna wake up or just fade away. I feel numb and going through the motions. My family is Christian and all my life, they have had more faith in prayer, but I need real help. I want to sign up for Betterhelp in the future. \n\nDoes anyone trust BetterHelp?\n\nAlso while I am set and preparing on leaving, what should I do to calm my guilt. While they seem sincere now, I have seen them get very nasty. When I got my first job, my dad said I would be miserable and my mom freaks out at the idea of me saving money. I'm getting tired of this. \n\nMy dad's a narcissist and my mom is co-dependent and my family isnt healthy. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m afraid of starting antidepressants.",
    "post_text": "My depression has gotten much worse in the past couple of months. I\u2019ve been seeing a therapist for a while now, but more recently I asked my psychiatrist starting an antidepressant. We both agreed it would give me the best chance of seeing any improvement that I have at this point. Here\u2019s the thing though, I\u2019m really nervous about taking them. I\u2019m worried It\u2019ll change me in some negative way, or significantly change my personality. So I\u2019d really like to hear from others about their experiences on medication, hopefully to get some reassurance and help me feel a bit more comfortable about starting something that could possibly help me a lot.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wish I could find better people in my life",
    "post_text": "Roughly 96% of people that I\u2019ve met and have been in my life have turned out to be really crappy people. I\u2019m tired of all the verbal abuse. I\u2019ve always been someone who gives so much to others and I lose myself in the process. \n\n\nI just wish I had a support group. I know the person I usually confide in is probably getting tired of hearing how depressed and anxious I am all the time. I\u2019ve felt like this since I was little and I just want it to stop. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend says she's depressed but doesn't \"seem\" so and it triggers me",
    "post_text": "Hello, I've struggled with depression (diagnosed) until last year, so I'm pretty familiar with the topic and mental health in general, which is why I suggested my friend, who was having some problems at school and some angry issues, to talk about it with our school counselor. She went there twice and she's now convinced that she has depression, I didn't say anything because I don't want to invalidate her feeling but honestly I don't think so (but again, i'm not the one who should say it). First of all, she told me the counselor didn't mention it, but made her understand it in a subtle way. Also, she doesn't exhibit any signs of depression, she doesn't have a lack of interest in doing things, or a change in appetite. I feel very bad writing this, I know every depression is different, but she has no problems going through the day, and it's always the one to ask to hang out for example, while I couldn't (and sometimes still can't) get out of bed in the morning, let alone function properly. \n\nAll of this makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, every time she talks about it with idk what to say because I can't really empathize with her. She also mentions it a lot, which makes me even more uncomfortable, like the other time she was like \"oh, we are both depressed, what a great couple!\" and I was like wtf, first of all I'm not depressed, and then I know it may be a way to cope with it but it sounded really bad.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I'm failing in life in itself and it's serious.",
    "post_text": "I very always had a lazy streak but have worked years. I got laid off around a year ago. I guess I'm depressed because I can't get back on track. I'm very shy I don't like being around people even though I have been but now I liked it even less and I'm not even looking for a job I'm just living off what I saved for years. And I don't go out much actually I've been like a hermit for almost a year so I was wondering if anybody actually was like this as well?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "im an extrovert and my no one has texted me in a week",
    "post_text": "so im fucking dying and i need the people who say that they care about me to ACTUALLY TALK TO ME \n\ni need to talk to people bc thats how i get my energy, my room is a mess, i haven't studied, i got a B on my test which isn't that bad, but I'm supposed to be the smart kid. wtf i need them to take a hint. I am not a cryer but i just finished crying for two hours i don't know what to do i need help\n\nsorry for venting ik y'all have bigger problems",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like im worthless and alone. Please help",
    "post_text": "I posted this on another sub but I couldn\u2019t crosspost. Im just looking for help.\n\nIm 19 almost 20 and i feel like I\u2019ve accomplishment nothing in life at all.\n\nMy story is the following. I was born in Mexico to a single mother and brought to the US when i was one year old. My mom got married to this man and every since I have memory this man has treated me terribly. I\u2019ve been told that he treated me well I was a baby but I don\u2019t remember any of it. I used to be beaten almost everyday by this man and its left scars in my mental state. He would beat me for the most absurd things. He beat me because i didn\u2019t all my multiplications, he beat me because I couldn\u2019t hold a chicken while he killed the poor thing, he beat me because I wasn\u2019t strong enough to help him do some mechanic things. He would tell me that I was useless and worthless. This has left a pretty big scar. And the worst thing of all is that mom wouldn\u2019t do anything and i didn\u2019t know why. I thought everyone just hated me. \n\nI just want someone to tell me that they are proud of me. Im going to college, I have a job, I have a girlfriend that I love, Im paying my rent and bills but even though I do have all of this I still feel worthless and useless. I feel alone and unwanted, hated by everyone. This leaves me to sob alone in the night because I don\u2019t know if even deserve living. This has lead to many attempt suicides.\n\nI just want to know if Im truly worthless and useless. Am i truly hated? \n\nI just want to hear someone say they are proud of me...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do i tell my parents i am depressed and have anxiety",
    "post_text": "I am 11 and i have anxiety and depression. I have know this for a few weeks (even though i have had anxiety and depression for years now) and i have no idea how to tell my parents i am scared they will say your not depressed, your just sad,ect or they will feel horrible that they couldn't help me sooner and i don't want any of that to happen i am way to scared to tell any them and i am thinking about ending my life. How should i tell them",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help.",
    "post_text": "(Sorry is this is the wrong place to post)\n\nI\u2019m having a really rough week. I can\u2019t stop crying. Life has hit me repeatedly over the last six months, but this week has left me completely broken. \n\nMy dad died 6 months ago and my mother isn\u2019t dealing with it in a healthy way. Everyday she calls crying and sends messages in the middle of the night about her sadness. It\u2019s really dragging me down. \n\nOn top of that my sister has cancer. Tonight I got a call that she was rushed to the hospital and they are doing tests right now. \n\nAnd my boyfriend of over a year just left me saying he isn\u2019t happy in the relationship. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do, I need help. I was already struggling from depression and anxiety before any of this happened. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I forget what happy feels like.",
    "post_text": "I have a lot of trouble with my memory. I know that I was a happy kid, but as I\u2019m getting older, I\u2019m sad all the time. My friends are telling me that I usually start to feel better as the weather warms up, but I genuinely can\u2019t remember what that feels like. I\u2019m not in crisis or anything, but it\u2019s getting pretty bad. One of the things that used to help me is drawing, but even that isn\u2019t making me feel better lately. I don\u2019t really now what advice I need, but is there anything that has helped you? I\u2019ll try anything at this point. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need ideas....",
    "post_text": "I'm about to be 33 years old, have never been able to get a job due to a lack of ability/skills and the fact that I was born with disabilities - the big one being a developmental disability (Spina Bifida). What's more, I have little interest anymore in attempting to GAIN any skills due to unbelievable levels of frustration and depression (I'm also inquiring about this in a \"disability\" sub-reddit).\n\nAnyway, outside of forcing myself to TRY to learn skills that I have absolute interest in whatsoever and am convinced are still far from any sort of guarantee of being able to land me a job, what can I do to stave off intense boredom everyday, repeating the same routine of sitting on my fat, lazy, \"SEVERELY 'work ethic-lacking'\" ass all day doing nothing but watching t.v. - which sucks during the daytime when all it is - is repeats i've seen dozens of times, and surfing the internet (which I've done so much by now that I'm actually \"bored of the internet\" to some degree LOL/SMH/FML). I'm hopeful that when I finally get the call that I can move into an apartment building that is specificaly for low-income \"PwD\", that (in time) I'll either be able to buy my own video game system or a holiday or something will roll around and get somebody to buy me one as a gift. That will at least give me a third thing to do (in addition to perhaps when I live there and my SSDI slightly increases due to the fact that I won't be living with my parents anymore), MAYBE I'll have enough disposable income to also watch movies from time to time?\n\nI know most of you are going to say that I need to volunteer, and while that is a good idea (and was doing that briefly in the past before they got rid of me because they needed to use me more than I could offer), I am currently recovering from a series of 3 surgeries, and am not really at a point where I can feel comfortable leaving the house and volunteering like that - if I could even find something (you'd be surprised how hard it was for me to find something in the first place).\n\nHaving said that, I do agree that I need to \"get out of the house\", my big qualms with that are that 1) most of the time I need to \"kill\" is during the day - when most, contributing members of society (who aren't \"drains on the economy\" like I believe myself to be), are at work, *and* I have a **severe** \"lack of interests\". I'm interested in sports and watching t.v. and movies and surfing the internet like I said....and that's about it. I don't read (I find reading to be somewhat difficult and as a result, a \"chore\"), I hate listening to music due to my shitty taste in music as all the bands/genres I liked growing up have all died out and my tastes never matured, I can't cook \"to save my life\".....like it's so bad I'm afraid I'm going to seriously hurt myself (burn/set myself on fire, cut a finger off, etc.),\n\nI've got like 3 friends (and a fourth I see once in a blue moon) I ever see on any sort of regular basis (two of which are married), but are often busy with work and married life, they're new house, and are about to have a baby, etc. I wish I had more, but I made only 1 friend in college that I stayed in touch with, and the other two are a HIGH SCHOOL friend and his wife. I guess I just never really learned HOW to make friends and it doesn't help that I've developed crippling social anxiety when it comes to new social situations or environments. It's gotten so bad and I'm so isolated due to my myriad of circumstances, that I have gotten into the habit of (trying to) make online friends via things like Reddit, but that only does but so much for socialization and killing time. It's not like I can spend time with somebody who lives in another state, it's just a \"pen-pal\" type of deal.\n\nAnyway, if you're still reading at this point and it wasn't \"TL;DR\" (sorry if I rambled, I'm a TERRIBLE rambler) - that's my story....Please help!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wellbutrin & drug testing concerns",
    "post_text": "hiya Reddit,\n\nI have an interview scheduled next week at a local hospital and I'm 99% sure they're gonna do a drug test, bc duh they're a hospital. A coworker at my current job suggested bringing my Wellbutrin Rx with me to let the staff know it'll show up on the test.  \n\n\nShe advised not to disclose that I have depression and said that if they ask, tell them I take it for anxiety. Should I say that or just say it's for SAD? Worried being too forthcoming about my depression will = no new job.  \n\n\nTL;dr Drug testing for new job at hospital; should I tell them I take Wellbutrin for anxiety or for SAD? Don't want to hurt my changes of getting hired bc of depression.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "For the past three days I haven't been out of bed for more than an hour at a time.",
    "post_text": "I just keep getting sucked back to bed. I haven't been to school, haven't been eating much, and haven't showered.\n\nShout-out to Super Smash Bros for entertaining me between sleeping and waking up. In all seriousness though, this is the worst depressive episode I've had in a while, and I don't know what exactly triggered it.\n\nI'm forcing myself to go to school today. I'm going late, but I'm going (mainly because a doctor's excuse is required for 3+ consecutive absences).\n",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm an asshole and I don't know how to fix it",
    "post_text": "Recently I made a post on AITA (am I the asshole). PLEASE do not go there and tell me things just because you want me to feel better. The sub decided that I'm a major asshole, and that's the fair ruling.\n\nMultiple times I've been called rude, mean, even lacking in empathy. I hate myself for it. I don't want to be like this. I want to be a good person. But I can't because I don't understand how.\n\nI have autism. I see the world much differently than everyone else. I have no idea why people do the things they do, and I don't think I'll ever understand it. They'll tell at me for my behavior and I never understand why what I'm doing is wrong, even when I explain myself.\n\nThe AITA post kind of broke the camel's back for me. I posted because I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being mean, and... well, I was. Bigtime. People were telling me I was an asshole to the bone, ungrateful, manipulative, etc. One person said \"Douche alert!\" with red siren emojis. Another said that I'd lose all of my friends.\n\nI'm a monster and I'm not even aware of it. Even after reading all the replies, I still can't understand why I'm so mean. But I am. Honestly, I'm just considering suicide at this point. I can't function in the world, so why should I even be here? I don't know how to get better. My brain is wired wrong and I'll always think the way I do. Would anything help? Should I just die? I'd rather kill myself than be any more of a horrible person... please help me...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Had a house fire. Now having panic attacks/depression",
    "post_text": "My house burnt down a week ago. My husband and I made it out with our pets but most of our belongings are ruined. I\u2019ve had dips of panic attacks and depression in the past but this set off a new wave. Now I\u2019m stuck in a panic cycle, constantly thinking about death and the fear of the unknown. \n\nI just wish I could feel normal. It\u2019s hard to concentrate on work and anything else. Can\u2019t eat, can\u2019t sleep. Constantly on edge. It\u2019s hard for me to even remember when I felt good. Now it\u2019s just constant tension.\n\nJust looking for maybe some words of comfort or advice to deal with these depressing thoughts.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm 16 and I'm a mess",
    "post_text": "(sorry in advance for bad grammar) \n\nI don't remember when it started. It was weird, realizing how much I stopped enjoying most things. My favorite video games weren't as exciting anymore. I wasn't as interested in anime and Manga anymore, I didn't feel like consuming it either. My days became boring, each one beginning with the envy of enjoying something that I (used to) love and each of them ending with this overwhelming feeling of regret. I was more angry, I ranted with myself a lot about stupid things, I was crying more, most of the time because of stupid things (albeit that started a chain of thoughts leading to more serious issues and regrets). And mostly, I was so tired man, and it just gets worse and worse. It's to a point where it feels crippling, like I can't do anything anymore that requires a minimum of effort.\n\n\nI don't understand. Lots of times, I wasn't even sure if I really had something. Maybe I'm just too lazy? Maybe I'm just tired? Is it really depression?\nBut why? Why would I have these thoughts, when others are having a it so much worse than me? I don't understand.\n\n\nI feel so overwhelmed by myself. Sometimes I want to confess to someone, to tell them everything I have on my mind, but now I just feel like there is so much that I don't even know where to begin. Nowadays, I can't even make the effort of talking to my friends. I'm scared that I'll lose them. I'm scared I'm not being a good enough friend, I'm scared I'm isolating from them and they will just go, I'm scared that I'm not enjoy their presence enough and I know I will regret just li'e everything else. \nI know I can make them laugh and smile but I feel like I can't even do that properly anymore, like I'm slowly losing this ability, I feel like I'm not as interesting as I used to be, or as I could be, I feel like I'm not as funny, and I feel so much more things that I can't even begin to list. I feel like I'm a shadow of an older self, like my real me died and I am just his shed, slowly crumbling to pieces. My mind feels blank and oversaturated all at once. \n\n\nI feel like I'm not even the main character of my life anymore, I'm not even sure if I ever was, I feel like I'm just a background character, I feel like I'm stuck on froze and I can't move an inch. I see all those opportunities of potential happiness go away, slip of my hand, I feel like I'm constantly waisting my time just by being alive, I feel like I'm losing so much time, I feel like I'm watching all the best moments of my life pass me by and I will never get them back. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I feel like it's out of my reach, like I'll never anyone of importance, like I'll never positively impact people's life like I always dreamed of. \n\nYou know, the internet is a shitty place, not in all of it's aspects, but in a lot of them. When I started using social media outside YouTube, in this case Twitter, I was around 13. I exposed myself to a lot of shit. To a lot of poeple and events I wish I never knew existed, to a lot of disappointments, to a lot of toxicity... Do a lot of you wonder if you're just weak? The internet often gave me that impression. I think I'm weak, I definitely do, but I don't know how much. I don't know if poeple are just agressive pretentious entitled assholes that think their opinions make them somehiw better than everyone or I'm just being too sensitive and i'td just the way poeple state their opinion, I don't know. \n\nWhen I was 13, I played so much vidya, sometimes from 8 am to 8 pm non stop. When I discovered that one of my favorite games was hugely hated on the internet, it made me feel miserable, like my taste was inferior, like I was so dumb to like that thing. I spent, no, waisted so much time defending that game online, and it left me with a terrible sour taste in my mouth when playing it afterwards, like the voices of the people criticizing me were echoing in my head, telling me how stupid I was, how wrong I was to like that game. I eventually didn't even finish it. I couldn't play it anymore. \nAnd it keeps going. It still happens, I still get that hot feeling in my head when someone hates on something I love and I'm passionate about, I feel dumb and I wonder, I wonder if everyone is like me on that regard? Or is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with all of us? \nI'm not even clearly sure about the mental illnesses that I have. \n\nI feel like I made so many mistakes, so many unachieved things, so many failures in my life,that may not seem much, and I'd agree, but mean so much to me, I feel like I have so many flaws, and those thoughts, sometimes, they're so loud, they're like screams. And my throat is so sore that I can't scream louder than them, so I just want to be deaf. Sometimes I just want to end it all. \n\n\n\nI regret so much things I did, so much things I didn't, so much things I said, so much things I couldve said.. \nmy mind feels poisoned, to the point where it can physically hurt. I'm slowly heading to become a social failure, with no lover, no friends and no job. My grades are dropping, I don't do any work, sometimes I'm so tired at school that all of my body hurts from it (litteraly, it's a horrible feeling. It's a bit more complex than that too, I can't describe it but I hate it very much. ) everyone keeps mocking me, sometimes for stuff I don't even understand. I'm slowly becoming paranoid of doing anything in public, like I'm always doing something wrong and poeple will laugh at me, it's like I've been put in a game I don't know the rules of. Everyone thinks I'm a drug addict of some sort, even my fucking teachers. Everyone thinks I'm not normal. \n\nThere is so much more I could talk about. My repressed anger, my failed, awkward attempt at love, my feelings of hopelessness, but like I said, there's so much I can't even keep track of it,like my mind is reminding me of all those thoughts one by one. Everyday feels like I'm waking with a new chain that is slowing me down more, with it's own new lock and it's own new key, and I can't even find the key to the first lock yet. \n\nIt's midnight where I live. I have 22 exercises of math that I should've done during the holidays, due for Sunday. I want to do them now so I can have at least 2 days of fun, but I don't feel like it's worth it. I don't feel like anythikg is worth it. \n\nI know this is a long text and it's very messy, I'm sorry, I'm tired (duh) and in a horrible state whi'e writing this. But I do hope that you would take a bit of your time to read this, I always wanted to talk about this and sharing it with others and I'm finally doing it, so this is very important to me. If you read this fully, I can't stress how much I'm thankful. Really. \n\nTl;dr (grossly) :I have a constant crippling feeling of emptiness, distress, guilt, slowness, frustration and sadness governing my life, and I feel like there is no hope for me. \n\n",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nightmares are making my life a living hell",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been having dreams that feel like they last multiple days, despite me being asleep for only a few hours at a time.  It\u2019s extremely disorienting to wake up from these. Sometimes it\u2019s relatively normal stuff happening in the dream, but others it\u2019s not. It\u2019s rare for me to sleep without having a dream that feels like at least two days pass, even if it was just a short nap in real time. \n\nThe worst of these, which has repeated itself several times, involves me being trapped in a makeshift prison camp and used as a slave for manual labor. This particular dream spanned a little more than two weeks the first time I experienced it. I remember some of my fellow prisoners and trying to make friends with them, before being beaten and told not to speak to anyone. About I week in, I often start planning an escape attempt. It\u2019s worked twice, but when it fails, the prison guards kill me, and anyone else who tried to escape with me. On the two occasions where I did escape I was the only one to do so. I run home, to find the furniture rearranged and the walls in different places. I beg my roommate for help and he\u2019s confused, saying I\u2019ve been gone less than an hour. I\u2019m pursued by the prison guards, who for whatever reason are Russian and are experts at tracking people down without raising suspicion. I\u2019ve resorted to killing one of them in one of these dreams, and then it turned out he was just a normal person and not actually there to kidnap me. The \u201cnormal\u201d police then arrested me and I went through an interrogation where the police concluded I was insane, then dropped me in an asylum.\n\nIt legitimately feels like I\u2019m experiencing multiple days or weeks of time in these dreams.  I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on. My own mind is holding me hostage. I\u2019ve been dealing with depression for about three years now, and it\u2019s gradually gotten worse over time, but the dreams are a relatively new addition to my daily torments and I don\u2019t know how to deal with them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed and feel like I can\u2019t tell anyone",
    "post_text": "Ok so I am quite young to be depressed (I don\u2019t feel like sharing me age so I\u2019ll just say under 13) and because I am so young I feel like I can\u2019t tell or trust anyone when it comes to depression. I can\u2019t even speak to my friends or family about it because I\u2019m scared they either won\u2019t believe me or I\u2019ll bore them. That\u2019s why I decided to go online and ask for help. If you\u2019re still reading can you maybe support me or help me build up the courage to tell someone?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like my only option to get out of going to this job everyday is to kill myself",
    "post_text": "My depression has gotten so bad that the smallest tasks require monumental effort. Getting out of bed in the morning and taking a shower feels like climbing mt everest. And so, when I say I have to deal with a full time 9-5 monday to friday job, you can imagine how much trouble I am having getting through the day. I'm taking things a second at a time, just trying to get through the next moment until the day is done. It's a good job, an easy job with nice people and good conditions, but I can't do it - I just physically can't do it a second longer. It's too much effort. I've pushed myself to my limits and then some. It's not humanely possible for a person to go on like this. But I don't know what options I have. I don't want to throw away my career, but I can't go on like this anymore. I don't have any options, I think it's over for me. ",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont want to lose my best friend (long paragraph)",
    "post_text": "Im depressed and i have been on and off for about 2 years now. I only have 1 friend and she is also depressed (ik i should surround myself with positive people but idk i just dont) We got high a couple months ago and i noticed some cuts on her hand (i was stoned so i couldn\u2019t really process what i saw and basically forgot about it). About 3 hours after when the effects had calmed down, i remembered that i saw the cuts and asked her about it and she denied it at first but she eventually showed them to me and i asked her why she did it and she told me that she doesn\u2019t even know why, she said its stupid and it does nothing for her but she does it anyway. Fast forward to present day, the cuts are now on her wrists (not super deep) she does it with a box cutter and i have basically begged her not too. She has stopped doing it for about a couple weeks now because she has a job and it requires her to wear a t-shirt and she does not want people to notice. I just dont want her to try and take her own life, I try to make her happy whenever im around her but we dont go to the same schools so im not with her all the time. She has about 3 other friends besides me but they are not aware of the situation. We have known eachother for about 3 years now and have been close ever sense (im a guy) we are very comfortable with one and other but we dont Hug or say we love eachother or anything that we think would make us \u201cuncomfortable\u201d. We have both established that we dont want to be anything other then friends because we dont want to lose eachother. I dont know what to do, in this situation, I have never been suicidal (hopefully will never get to that point). I dont want to lose her and i honestly dont know what I\u2019d do if i did, I feel like im not enough to make her happy anymore. Please give me advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you get over feeling unlovable?",
    "post_text": "I've always felt just very second place to everyone in my life, but that I can at least rationalize away by saying that they're at least still friends with me at all. But as far as anyone being romantically interested in me, I just feel so completely unlovable in every way. Like my depression keeps people from wanting me. But I'm always someone's rebound. I'm the person who gets hit up after someone got dumped or if they need something quick or they need a distraction. Someone just did that to me and it just destroys my self-esteem every time. I'm not worth putting time or effort into, but I'm worth hitting up for nudes every time someone hits a hitch in their actual relationship. I'm worth a \"Hey wanna hook up?\" But never actually any emotional connection with anyone.\n\nHow do you cope with just feeling like you're not ever going to get what everyone around you already has?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Not sure if this is relevant but... here goes nothing",
    "post_text": "I have a problem with asking for help. Especially from teachers and other important adults. (I am a highschool student) I am taking concurrent classes at our local college and the teacher, an adjunct professor, is very rough on highschoolers and she expects a lot from them. This is fine but we\u2019re fast approaching the end of the year and my grades are slipping due to some stress and dysfunction in my family and friendships that I am struggling to deal with. I also have to miss a lot of class for highschool events and such. There is a possibility I will not graduate and that I will lose my scholarships for college. I need to get away from my family and make my own life in this world and I feel like I\u2019m at the finish line but this obstacle is in my way. I don\u2019t know how to approach this teacher. While she is a nice woman, I don\u2019t think I could handle it if she told me there was nothing I could do. I feel like a whiny child and could really use some advice. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is the point of getting help?",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t get it. Having a doctor lie to me to try to make me feel better isn\u2019t going to make me feel better. Taking medication isn\u2019t just gonna make my problems go away. They\u2019re still there, even if I\u2019m not aware of them or am tricked to think they aren\u2019t there. It\u2019s like getting drunk, it\u2019ll make you forget about your problems but they still very much exist. Taking meds aren\u2019t going to make people want to talk to me or make me likable, it\u2019s out of my control at this point and it seems like there isn\u2019t a feasible solution other than the easy way out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't want to die.",
    "post_text": "Hi, thanks for dropping by.\n\nI was diagnosed 4 years ago. I have always wanted to end things. But I don't to die. I want the pain and sadness to end. I want to live. I want to have a happy life and build a family with my husband. I want to be able to experience happiness, to go through a normal life like any other people. I want to work hard as a scientist, and contribute to humanity.\n\n​\n\nJust want to move along, and live.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Meds help - Sertraline",
    "post_text": "Please help lol. \n\nTLDR at the bottom. \n\nI started taking Citalopram 5 years ago and tried to ween myself off them. When I did that, after I stopped taking them any little thing would make me angry or burst into tears. I was surprised at how much the meds actually effected me. \n\nSo I asked doctor if I can change my meds entirely and went onto Sertraline, 50mg. \n\nI recently decided I don\u2019t want to be on these meds forever, and asked my Dr how do I stop them? \nHe was no help whatsoever and said just half them etc and take it ever other day etc. \n\nI did that and now I\u2019m off them. But I\u2019ve noticed my moods changed. Any little thing that doesn\u2019t go right, I get really angry and I could burst into tears. \nSeriously all the time. \n\nHas anyone come off these and experienced what I\u2019m going through? \n\nDoes it stop? Do you start to feel \u2018normal\u2019 again? \n\nTLDR - Weened myself off Sertraline, little things that go wrong make me angry and cry. Does this stop? Will  I feel \u2018normal\u2019 again? When?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need Help / Afraid to get labeled",
    "post_text": "The stigma with mental health is strong. I know  I need help, I have overwhelming thoughts of suicide and dispair, have battled eating disorders for a decade, am in a toxic relationship, have social anxieties in crowds and am a survivor of sexual assault. The problem is... I don't want to get labeled by my insurance company with all of these for the rest of my life. I worry that once I seek treatment and am 100% honest the diagnoses list will be long. I am functioning - maintain a promising career, friendships (for the most part when I doing go MIA), and am physically healthy. I'd say 75-80% of the time I'm living a normal healthy life, but that other 20-25% is dark and frankly scary. I found a letter I wrote my best friend a year ago to the day basically an \"in case I die - hopefully it wasn't at my own hands but if it was, this is why\" It was actually written on a good day, where I just thought I have to explain mental illness and how it's impacted me so someone doesn't think my whole life has been a mess when I'm gone. Anyway, I digress, point is I found this letter and it made me realize I'm still in the same situation as a year ago and I need to find help somewhere. \n\n​\n\nDoes any one else struggle with health insurance/dr labeling them? I am not ashamed with my family or friends to openly discuss my issues, but I worry how information like that would hurt a future. (and yes, I know the hypocrisy when part of me doesn't plan on a future anyway). Any leads on where I can turn to for help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to know why I shouldn't die",
    "post_text": "Every day is torture, I am constantly ridiculed with thoughts of worthlessness and suicide. I feel like all I do injure people, waste time and money, and only am a hindrance to those around me. I have no support, have no one to talk to, have no social skills or friends, no skills. I am so lonely. I have no one to blame but myself. And yet I am constantly told to not kill myself, that things will get better, and the human body is surprisingly resilient when it comes to dying. Everyone \"wants\" me to live, but it truly does not matter if I do. It hurts so much. I see no reason to not end my life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just need to talk to anyone",
    "post_text": "So I have been a part of this subreddit for idk how long, but never posted anything because I felt like my problems are not important. But now I want to post something. I actually have typed this post out several times this week but always ended up deleting it. I don\u2019t want to be a burden to anyone. I\u2019m gonna start with what happened today. This story has nothing bad happening but it caused me mental pain. I\u2019m typing this out because the four hours I spent with my fianc\u00e9 has been the longest I have felt happy this week and I just need to talk to anyone right now. \n\nMe and my fianc\u00e9 went to the gym this morning. He had to pick me up due to we both still with our parents and haven\u2019t told anyone about our engagement( we want to surprise them and are waiting to by financial set). We went to the gym worked out for an hour or two then we went out to do some errands. I was bringing my resume to places applied to and my fianc\u00e9 was my ride. After that he got on the freeway and we were just driving and making jokes. I was telling him a funny story about a quest I did in a game I\u2019m playing. Then I got a phone call from my mom. She wanted to know where I was and when I\u2019m going to be back. Now I know this is seems like a red flag but she only asked because she had to get a new work uniform and my other siblings were going with her and no will be home. That doesn\u2019t seem bad but my mom\u2019s stepdad lives with us and he is unable to much he can walk and stuff but has a hard time remembering things. So someone has to be home with him.  \n\nI said ok and we started to head back. This when I noticed that my fianc\u00e9 was upset. I asked what\u2019s wrong, it turns out that he had a surprise for me. He was taking to a sushi place that he promised to take a while back. He also had plans for the whole day for us but wanted to surprise me with it. I started feeling like I ruined the whole day. His plans and the way he described it made it sound like today was gonna be the most perfect date/day. On the way back I was just upset and angry with myself and my siblings. I was upset with my siblings because they are all young adult, hell two of them are adults,(21 and 19) but one of couldn\u2019t stay home for a couple of minute until the rest of my family got home. \n\nWhile we got to my house he didn\u2019t even park, he just stop in first we said goodbye and I went inside. I say that because he always parks in the driveway, gets out, and walks me to my front door. He did try calm me down before hand but I was just so angry. My parents were still home and asked me what\u2019s wrong and why was I upset. I told them but my mom made feel worse. She made me feel like I should have told her and that it was my fault for not knowing about his surprise for me. My dad tried to tell her that she was wrong and that how was I supposed to know about my fianc\u00e9\u2019s surprise. \n\nI was texting and later was in call with my fianc\u00e9 while that was happening and he was still upset but was telling me that it was not fault. That what happened was unfortunate and upsetting but it wasn\u2019t my fault. Every-time I tried to blame myself he would tell me to stop. That yes he was upset and he was sorry for upsetting me. It ended with me and him in a phone trying to make the other person feel better but it didn\u2019t work. Now he has gone to bed and I\u2019m still awake still upset my eyes burn a little due to crying. \n\nI just want to talk, just to clear my mind of bad thoughts. I can\u2019t call him because he has work in the morning and I want him to rest. I feel like I need help, I\u2019m a mess. I feel like crap my mental state is fucked due feel like my happiness was ripped from me. I just want to start the with a smile and end the day with a smile.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why am I so weird",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m just so off. I don\u2019t feel right in the head. I feel so dumb all the time. I used to be a smart kid, what the hell happened? \n\nI can\u2019t even talk to people. What do people even talk about, how do you get started? Even new people at work make friends with each other, but I feel like they all think I\u2019m just weird or perhaps a bitch simply because I\u2019m so awkward and probably say the wrong thing all the time, or maybe I just don\u2019t say anything when I should. \n\nI\u2019m so clumsy too. Like REALLY clumsy. Constantly spilling things, hurting myself, fumbling especially when I know I\u2019m being watched. \n\nI don\u2019t know who I am. I feel like I have no personality, so sense of individuality. I find myself trying to mimic others so I can have a personality but it always backfires. If I were to truly be myself I feel like I\u2019d be a 22-year-old 7 year old. Maybe I miss being a kid that much, like I want to go back and fix it. I know I didn\u2019t have an awesome childhood, neither of my parents were people I could look up to. No role models. \n\nI\u2019m just so bad at life. I don\u2019t know how to be normal, sometimes it feels like there\u2019s no way to fix it and I wanna just leave for good. \n\nSorry if I was all over the place, I just needed to let my thoughts out somewhere. Guess it was kind of a rant but I need support.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Seriously considering checking myself into a hospital...",
    "post_text": "Has anyone ever checked themselves in before? I've been trying to research what they do but it's really scary and hard for me to read about it (I'm having a really hard time focusing and also all the legalese is kinda confusing to understand). I just changed my meds from lexapro and wellbutrin to effexor and I'm sure that has something to with the bathroom cleaners looking like a tasty cocktail... I'm kinda scared to be by myself but even more afraid to be locked up and isolated in a hospital. not to mention hospital expenses.... i dont know what to do...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trying to have energy",
    "post_text": "I'm on two different meds for my clinical depression but I still only have a small amount of energy that I have to use up at work making sure I am as normal appearing as possible, so when I get home I have no energy left to cook or clean or do anyting really except maybe minimum requiring things. Like emptying cat litter, putting more food in the fur babies dishes, making sure they have water, grab something to eat (like Dry Cereal or a Pop-Tart or something like that you don't have to do anything to) and setting my alarm for work the next day and making sure I have underwear and everything for work the next day.\n\nSo what ends up happening is laundry and cleaning and everything else builds up for the weekend and then on the weekend I spend most of the time getting the house back to a normal person level of reasonable and maybe cooking one meal and then back to the week and having to ration my energy to make sure I keep a job. I have sleep apnea and a CPAP that I wear every night but I'd still don't get the best sleep. I have some mobility issues due to injury from the Army and also being overweight. I'm working on trying to lose weight as well but one limitation to losing weight is finding, even at work, needing the snack to keep myself alert. \n\n So I'm wondering tips on how to get more energy despite my depression so that maybe I can get at least a little more done so that my weekends could be more than just using up that energy to make up for what doesn't get done during the week due to my lack of energy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How in the actual heck does one love themselves",
    "post_text": "I have a very bad problem in that the only way to love myself is that I receive love from other people (a potential girlfriend). This is apparently very unhealthy and self destructive. Problem is, that is all I know about how to love myself. I have been told to love myself but I find that VERY difficult to do. I was raised in a household with a mother who was infuriated and enraged with seemingly small things and took things way too far pretty frequently. She took a lot of her anger out on my father and she did so in plain sight of me and my sister. Her use of pure hatred and rage towards my father rubbed off onto me. The difference is, that unlike her, I have the common decency to keep all this inside my head. A lot is directed towards the outer world and a lot is directed towards myself. I cant love myself, because the only two things I feel for myself are hatred and rage, so I look to unspoiled minds for affection. I know this is self destructive and it will just push me closer to pulling the trigger or jumping off the cliff, I know that. \n\n​\n\nI am looking for real, tangible, practical and usable advice for how to love oneself. The only advice I have received so far is    that, \"You should love yourself.\" Great, what the heck does that mean? I have received advice like, \"Engage in your hobbies and court yourself.\" Well I already have hobbies and I do nice things every once and a while, no effect there. Plus, I don't have much time to engage in hobbies since I am a college student and despite having some money in the bank, I need to make more this summer. \n\n​\n\nIf you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know if I'm depressed,anxious or something else (I couldnt think of a good title)",
    "post_text": "I don't really know where to start, so this post will be all over the place, sorry but I just need to get this off my chest\n\nI got out of a two week relationship a while ago, and although it was not seem like much he was one of my best friends and I loved him to the end, but I kept having what I call 'breakdowns' , I tear up,my heart races, I dont want to speak, I distance myself from others, and a couple other things, these were starting to happen more often and I decided that the relationship was putting too much stress on me so I did something that I now regret, breaking up with him\n\nFor the next day or two he was moping around school, I felt really bad and guilty but I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. A good thing to mention right now is that my stress and other things (I couldnt sleep, loss of my appetite, etc...) had also stemmed from my home life, but that goes into a whole nother story. On Friday I found out something, that he had already gotten a new girlfriend (we broke up on Monday btw) with a girl who had a crush on him through, and before, we went out. I know it was stupid of me but I was upset, I was glad for him but I couldnt help feeling...betrayed???(very stupid of me I know)\n\nIn short he then told people why i broke up with him, and that is when i started to ignore him as it was private. I keep having these breakdowns and I feel that this story is when it really started to affect me, at this moment I have had 3 breakdowns in lessons and 1 at break, along with many at home.\n\nI just want to know if I'm being stupid or if I actually have a problem, sorry about my bad writing skills, I'm writing this as I'm in a breakdown\n\nIf you would like I will get into my \"home\" story, it is a big part of this story\n\nThank you in advance",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am a real, fake person",
    "post_text": "Last few years I was a real, honest person and I really care about people and I really wanna help others and be with them in hard times, but I am not as happy and as strong as people think. Like I am very weak I am not happy at all and I need love and help, but people don't see it or believe it when I say that I am sad or need help. I don't know if I am really a real person or if I am just fake. Cause I don't lie I don't keep secrets ( if people say don't say anything about this subject to other people I won't) from people and I really love everybody and don't hate everybody and I am honest and open. But I keep asking my self am I real person  or a bad person or what ever.\n\n\nI really need help :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t take it anymore",
    "post_text": "Hi guys, I feel like I can\u2019t take it anymore.\n\nI\u2019m 15 years old and in grade 11, I go to an all boys catholic school, which predominantly contains white students.\n\nThroughout my whole life my parents have had a extremely bad relationship. When I was born my dad bailed on my mum, brother and me only to come back after she begged him. My dad currently cheats on my Mum and has been doing it as for as long as I\u2019ve been alive. My mum is dyslexic and works very long hours, I generally only see her for about 3 hours a day. My parents hate each other and haven\u2019t spoken to each other in over a year, putting me in between all their bullshit.\n\nEver since I started highschool I was getting bullied, it started out with name calling and me being him stopped for a while and they about 6 people started hitting me together. I told two of the housemasters at my school and nothing happened. This continued and I had a panic attack at school where I spoke another teacher about the bullying and nothing happened. Last year a large amount of the bullying stopped and my life seemed to get a bit better.\n\nThis year two people have been going at me every chance they can. They taken it to the point where they have created instagram accounts of me where they create memes and just mock me (it has been going on for about 3 months, I only found out recently after one of my friends showed me). I can\u2019t fucking take this bullshit in my life anymore. I just want to  fucking end it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to fix negative thinking?",
    "post_text": "I want to start thinking better because from what I\u2019ve heard constant negativity is a huge contributor to depression. I have no friends because I\u2019ve shut them out due to my feeling of wanting to be alone, yet feeling lonely. I have symptoms of an anxiety disorder (dry mouth, slurred speech) and I don\u2019t know how to converse as a normal human. I feel like people check their phones or look away more when they\u2019re talking to me, which makes me feel even worse. My life sucks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate who i am, i don't know how to change.",
    "post_text": "I've been a neet for 2 and a half years, mostly because i'm somewhat socially retarded, not only am i not good at making small talk or generally talking to people in real life, but i also have no interest in doing so with most of the people that are around me for whatever reason, i also use the fact that i have a heart condition that doesn't allow me to make a lot of physical effort to justify the fact that i'm a neet but the truth is that i'm mostly afraid of having to deal with people.\n\n​\n\nFor the first 18 years of my life my heart condition wasn't that bad (or maybe it was and i was just used to it) i noticed something was wrong when i started working out and my left arm started hurting one thing led to another and now i can't drink coffee or alcohol or work out anymore, the not being able to work out part made me really depressed since working out usually just made any negative feelings i had go away for some reason, and i was determined to lose weight at the time, now i'm overweight have skinny arms and i don't look anything like i wish i would.\n\n​\n\nI'm also not interested in pursuing higher education, i barely passed through high school and i know i'm just not cut out for it even though my iq is 2 whole points above the standard!\n\n​\n\nMy parents feed my bad habits probably because they feel some guilt for turning out the way i am they used to scold me for being shy and not doing well in school but they also shit talked me for a lot of small things that i don't really want to remember eventually i started confronting them about it and now they don't really know how to handle me so they just kind leave me to do whatever i want, their generation was very different from mine and i don't blame them for not knowing how to deal with the modern problems i have, i kind of wish they'd threaten to kick me out or something\n\n​\n\nNow i mostly spend my time consuming media but recently i've been feeling really bad about wasting my time, if any of you have any advice or can point me to a book on self help or anything like that i'd appreciate it, also i don't have the money to afford any good therapy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I cant get the images out if my head.",
    "post_text": "This morning I found a dead body when I was walking my dog, and its all I can think about. I'm wanting to go to sleep but the whole morning just keeps repeating in my head and then I start overthinking it. \n\nI just want to forget about it but I can't and its making me so nervous and anxious. I tried walking my dog this afternoon but had a panic attack because I was so scared of finding another body etc. \n\nI just want to black it all out but I can't.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "nothing left",
    "post_text": " \n\n(for background information: i'm in my mid 20s, and i live at home with my moms and my brother, and i've been dealing with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder.)\n\ni don't feel like there's any reasons left for me to hang on to life.nothing to look forward to.i don't even know what i'm looking for by posting this.\n\nbut, i can't even figure out how to word a paragraph for it.and i'm only good at making lists, so.here's everything i have the mind to allot right now.\n\n* i can't move away because 1) i am financially entangled (split car payments, and rent that the house relies on, etc) and 2) my mom has repeatedly stated she'd go crazy living with just the other 2.\n* no one wants to hire me, so i'm stuck at a job that overwhelms me so much it gives me daily anxiety attacks; i cry out of frustration or stress generally once or twice a day. some days are better than others. some days are worse.\n* i'm afraid to talk to my (initially caring) managers about it because i feel like, after my previous health problems and missed work, they either don't believe me, or they're tired of me.\n* i just came back from 2 weeks of unpaid medical leave because of a kidney stone. i haven't gotten the bill yet, but who knows if i can even pay it?\n* i suffer from anorexia nervosa, but i can never seem to get a handle on it; i've relapsed several times over the past 3 years.\n* everyone forgets about me. people stop talking to me mid-conversation. sometimes, my family forgets about me entirely, even when they're going out together or getting/making dinner (which is an Everyone thing in our house.) they forget my birthday.\n* no one wants to date me--but, i understand it sort of. (i'm quiet, boring, and sad.) people i catch feelings for either reject me outright or just stop talking to me. someone i've known for 8 years (and dated 4 times) suddenly cut contact with me after not talking for months. the person i've been saying 'i love you' to for the past 1.5 years doesn't even want to be in an actual relationship to me. it all just feels like sweet but empty words.\n* one mom is on disability, and my older brother doesn't have a job--he just picks up \"gigs\" maybe once a month. my other mom just quit her job on the spot two days ago, and has just been sitting around watching TV. i'm the only one in the house with a stable job. so, i can't quit.\n* my health has never been the best, and i'm honestly just waiting to see when it finally tanks. part of me hopes it's terminal.\n* i can't even afford a therapist that i desperately (obviously) need. i know i can talk to my friends, but i don't want to burden them when they already have a lot on their plates. no one wants to talk to somebody that's always bringing up negative or heavy topics. i don't want them to leave me too.\n* not even online friends talk to me very much. i'm just kind of Here.\n* i'm pretty convinced that the only romantic, lasting relationship i'll ever have is with imaginary characters in a dating sim game. now i can barely play anything with a romance plot because i'll just make myself sad.\n\ni almost went through with it on christmas eve.the only reason i didn't was to keep from ruining christmas for my family.sometimes i wish i did it anyway.\n\ntl;dr i feel trapped and alone in everything, and i feel like it's drowning me, and i want to let it.\n\n​\n\nedit:  i tried posting this a day ago, but it didn't even show up on the feed lmao.  just my luck!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression and anxiety came back",
    "post_text": "I haven\u2019t been depressed or anxious since I was 12 I attempted suicide and was admitted into a hospital a year or so later I was discharged with all my new coping skills, come 6 years later I got scammed out of 400 bucks that\u2019s literally all I had and some of my friends so I\u2019m in debt and can\u2019t help pay my part of the bills, I don\u2019t have anxiety or depression medicine anymore so I take sleeping pills to slow down my heart rate but it\u2019s beats like a drum all day long, I\u2019ve been getting 3 hours of sleep the past few nights and I can\u2019t eat anymore, I was looking at my pills and feel like downing more just to feel numb from this pain any kind words help. Thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have frightening intrusive thoughts",
    "post_text": "I (21F) have frequent intrusive thoughts and i'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on. \n\n(I also posted this in /anxiety but this may be a more relevant spot to discuss until i see my therapist in a couple of days. I mentioned it to my therapist and we've only met 3 times so its not really something we've been able to talk about all that much yet, since i have much more pressing issues relating to my depression and needing to discuss my past. \n\nMy intrusive thoughts are violent. When i get in my head (as we all do), i go through memories or my pretend-scenarios that i also have playing in my head. If its something i'm anxious about or i dont like it, or just dont know what to do, i immediately have a graphic image/thought of me killing or seriously injuring myself. \n\nThese images are usually of me stabbing myself in the heart with a dagger, banging my head against a wall/table to find that a knife was there (cut to me stuck hanging on the wall by my head), me hurling myself off a bridge, my fingernails being ripped off, me in a boat or plane propeller, turning my car immediately on the freeway... This kind of stuff. Some times I'll randomly have one of me being raped.\n\nSpecific thoughts i have that trigger this shit is: \n\n-a conversation i want to have about something serious, but i get angry and can't handle it so i slam my head against a knife\n\n-a memory of a cringey conversation from the past (why did i say that?! *slams head against knife*)\n\n-memory of a bad boyfriend did a bad thing and i handled the situation terribly \n\n-etc \n\nI don't know if i'm alone in this, I just want to know, and then if you were able to stop them, then how did you do it? Its really disturbing and scary despite me constantly wishing to actually disappear from the planet already. \n\nAfter typing this out I'm more worried and I've decided i'm going to mention it to my therapist with more urgency.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I really need some advice to fix my life..",
    "post_text": "I want to apologize for my English, everything i learned was from video games,movies,youtube etc.. \n\nHi.  My name is Nick and i want to share my story.. i live in a small town in Greece, im 17 years old i live with my mother and i am morbidly obese 150kg 1.72 height (my max weight was 196). 2 years ago i lost my father from obesity he had many difficulties in the last years of his life with obesity, diabetes, Cushing's syndrome, hormonal issues and more.. i had to watch him suffer for a good chunk of my life so did my mother and my 2 older brothers, after losing him my mother lost it she doesn't think properly anymore and that leads to many bad decisions more smoking, pills, gambling and she doesn't take care of her self.. she eats rarely even tho i try to convince her to eat she refuses. My whole life i was overweight and didn't really have that many friends and most of them only wanted to take advantage of me because of money or something else and that lead to many trust issues low self-esteem and loneliness.. growing up i never had anyone to talk to because my brothers did not really care back then and my parents were very busy working.. they tried to replace love and care with money and gifts so i spent a lot of time by myself in our home not going outside but it didn't bother me back then because it felt normal that way and soon i started to have an interest to the internet and computers in general (video games youtube hardware etc etc) and thats where the whole started going downhill.. i didn't have space for a computer back then because i shared my room with my brothers so i started going to internet cafes near me and i would spend all of my money to buy more playtime and prepaid cards for games.. every day i was getting more and more addicted to the internet and that lead to less time outside, less physical activity, more and more weight gain and i started skipping school. My social skills were and still are very poor so talking to people thru social media made it easier for me to communicate with others and make some friends so thats what i did and because of that i found some amazing people that i had lots of fun with and kept me distracted from my real life problems. Some of them were momentary but some i still talk to even till this day. My whole life i had to endure family drama from both sides of the family and i had to solve every single problem i had by myself cause i did not want to bring up more problems to my family so i had to mature pretty early on in my life. \n\nFast forward to now i have lost 2 school years because of absences i dont have any REAL friends that i can count on and no one to talk to i spend my whole day in my room with nothing to do, i dont even sit on my computer anymore i just lie on my bed sleeping or thinking,crying. I am working on losing my weight and thankfully that goes pretty well but i still feel like shit and i find no motivation to keep trying or even living. I am very self conscious about my weight and i hate the way i look regardless of the weight, oftentimes i hate myself and i am disgusted/disappointed with what I've become.. every day that passes these feelings get stronger and stronger i don't know what to do.\n\nNow that you know a little bit about me i want to ask for advice because i have no idea what to do or where to start on fixing things..\nI feel like i lost interest in everything and i feel like I don't want to live anymore..i feel alone, lost and that no one likes/loves me for who i am and those who do do it out of pity or just do it because i am a family member, i dont have anyone close to me that i can talk to because the only close real friend i had started avoiding me and i don't really blame him for that. I am ready to make a change because i want strength to be able to support the people i love and if i don't make a change i fear that even more negative thoughts will get in my head like self harm or worse. I know i can't make it by myself and that's why im asking for your help any advice would be helpful and VERY appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm scared and alone",
    "post_text": "I just don't know anymore. Most of my friends from last year hate me, the new ones I've made don't know me, and they would hate me if they did, so I only have one person left to go to, my best friend, and I can't talk to them very often anyway (it's a long story). I don't have anyone. My own family, the people I live with, have no idea who I am, and I don't want them to know, because I would be disowned if they did, so I isolate myself in my room all day. It's like everything is against me. I come home and do literally nothing for hours. I just have these terrible thoughts and I don't know what to do with them. I self harmed for a while, but my best friend talked me out of it. It's been hard to live like this. Having nothing, going nowhere, no idea what I want. And to make it all even worse, I just found out I'm gay, so I have to figure out how to hide it from people who I don't want knowing, how to come out, and when. I just want someone to talk to. Any help, any advice, is very appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm scared I might be a danger",
    "post_text": "Currently, I'm medically diagnosed with moderate to severe depression and anxiety, and my therapist has told me it's highly likely I'm currently suffering from PTSD. The problem is, I want to hurt people. I hate my family for everything they've done, how they've treated eachother, and how angry they are towards eachother. They scare me, and I hate it. I feel angry whenever someone talks down to me, and I want to hurt and kill people when it gets bad. I know it's wrong, but I don't know what to do, and how to not feel like this. I can't talk to my family about this because they are the direct problem. I hate them and want them out of my life. I live in a boarding school, in a different country from them, but when I do see them, it always makes me worse. I don't know what to do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone have advice for how to deal with feeling hollow and disconnected from people?",
    "post_text": "So last night me and one of my buddies, who I am very close to, had a discussion on what\u2019s been going on in my head. Lately I have been feeling super sad and borderline suicidal because I have been focusing on my childhood and have come to the realization that I had an abusive childhood. My abuse was mostly psychological and verbal, but it still hurt and I can still feel it to this day. \n\nAnyways, last night me and my buddy were discussing how my childhood was abusive and how I try to reach out to others (particularly women) for comfort, because I feel that I was denied affection by my mother while growing up.\n\nAll through the conversation, it didn\u2019t feel like I was connecting with my friend, only my internal emotions and sorrow. It felt like the mini therapy session we were having was doing little. After leaving I felt hollow on the inside. It lasted till about noon this morning. Felt completely worthless and useless.\n\nI was wondering if anyone had tips for what to do when feeling hollow and how to better connect to people.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Finally able to get professional help but.... How do I do it correctly?",
    "post_text": "Hi. Sorry that I can\u2019t split this long post into paragraphs, I\u2019m on mobile and it just hasn\u2019t been letting me do it. So, anyways... I\u2019ve been struggling with mental problems that are incredibly similar to common clinical depression symptoms (loss of motivation, emotional numbness, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, low self-esteem, and some more we don\u2019t have to bring up) since I was about 10 and continuing since then. Nobody has ever taken me seriously, and I feel worthless constantly, so I\u2019ve just put a bandaid on my problems and tried to ignore them. But it\u2019s gotten to the point where I\u2019m crippling myself to a noticeable degree and I cry for days on end. So I\u2019ve decided to finally seek help. I think I\u2019ve found a therapist that interests me but... What do I do? I mean, I know how to bring up my insurance and payment methods in a professional manner but that\u2019s all I know I can do. Do I bring up my problems before the appointment so that she can be prepared, or do I wait? What\u2019s the formality usually like for these things? And besides all this just to get the ball rolling, is there anything else I need to do that isn\u2019t obvious? I just want to get better so my family isn\u2019t so worried about me but I sincerely don\u2019t know. I feel like this sub could possibly help as I\u2019m sure someone here must be attempting recovery with a professional. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it more than you know.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Heart Feels Like It's Emotionally Bleeding",
    "post_text": "Just a quick one because I'm at work currently. On mobile.\n\nI feel like I have an average amount to be proud of, especially considering how far I've come in a short time. I used to be a failure, honestly. I was on medical financial benefits, boyfriend dumped me (not nastily I might add but he was my world), had no desires for my future because I think I honestly believed that I couldn't achieve anything.\n\nNot gonna go into too much detail about my current partner because he's not reeeeeally the subject here. But I will say that he came into my life abruptly as a friend of the person I was staying with, and literally turned my life around. More than anything, I'm thankful to him for showing me that I am strong enough. I have a job through him (he moved from South to North of my country and dropped into a job, a few months later putting the good word in for me and getting me an interview) and has reminded me of what purpose of life means... We have recently reserved a new, gorgeous build in the town we have come to love, and the coming month we will be reserving it. I can finally get a corgi (my favourite dog breed, if the name doesn't give it away haha) and my life has some substance. I will have a house, a dog, a loving partner and lots of friends, as well as a hobby that I love. I can buy games for my Switch and have a generously donated, very decent graphics tablet to draw on.\n\nSo... \"Why it be like this\"?\n\nI have moodswings. I feel horribly low and numb and then just... Numb, which I recognise at the time is better than low. I get horribly self destructive (I have wished many times as recent as this last month to hurt myself out of frustration, I only don't because I cannot stand breaking my partner's heart), I cry, I feel hopeless. Yes, I have some happiness but I'm so used to feeling numb. Empty.\n\nWhy? I want to get off my meds, I want to feel at the very least normal, not nothing and empty. I don't want to constantly worry. I'm diagnosed with general and social anxiety with depressive episodes because of the aforementioned and it never ends. I have a wobbly relationship with alcohol, because it allows me some reprieve from the constant weight of worrying, but I have a tendancy to not be able to stop and get irritable, which is absolutely one of my biggest reasons to feel ashamed. I'm cutting down, I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I feel its lack of presence. I've been known to even go so low as to abuse a strong painkiller I was given from hospital for something unrelated.\n\nI feel lost a lot of the time and it's come to a point where I'd rather talk anonymously to people on the internet than my partner or friends because, for once, I want to be the reliable one, the happy one. The one everyone enjoys... People love my energy when I have my good moments, and honestly... I do too! I want more of it! But fighting your own mind on a constant basis, introverted... Always giving what I feel is 110%, it's draining, so draining... I desperately want to hear ways people cope.\n\nI feel I could write so much more but goddamn, I've been hiding out in the bathroom for probably about 20 mins so I'd better stop. Thanks for listening, Reddit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lol... help",
    "post_text": "So basically ima peace of shit... like really, I do a lot of fucked up shit to people I care about. Like for example I had this friend... let\u2019s just call her Jenny, so me and Jenny were really close until something clicked in my brain and said \u201cJenny is a little to... weird right?\u201d And me being the peace of shit I am said \u201cyeah... she is isn\u2019t she\u201d so over the past two months I\u2019ve been ignoring her cuz I just don\u2019t know. And not only that but there\u2019s this really nice boy I\u2019m going out with and his family is so nice but... I honestly don\u2019t want to meet them and idk what to do so I keep making up lies and when I do I just wanna fucking kms cuz I\u2019m also a suicidal fuck.\n\nAight now enough of that now time for the actual problems I\u2019m going through that\u2019s starting all of this.\n\nSo I have bpd and that usually really messes with my personal life, it\u2019s made me start self harming and even though I have someone who knows what I\u2019m going through (my bf) I still feel like they\u2019re going to backstab me due to past experiences. And he\u2019s going to move this summer which means I have no chance of surviving it... HELL I CAN BARELY SURVIVE WEEKENDS WITHOUT THINKING OF KMS SO GOD KNOWS IM FUCKED ON SUMMER... any way please help \ud83d\ude43",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do and every day it just gets worse",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019m a 17 year old guy and I was supposed to graduate high school this May but I decided to graduate early back in February because I had a really toxic high school experience I have a physical disability so people just harassed me or used me for personal gain by manipulating me. I live in this really small town where there is nothing to do unless you want to be stuck in life etc. anyways back to the point I got a job because I wanted to save money for college this fall and at this point this job is my distraction from my current state even though the job is boring I try to make the best of it my parents are selling our current house soon and are moving to the city and I just keep telling myself it will get better when we move but at this point I really don\u2019t know anymore I\u2019m stuck in a horrible town that there\u2019s nothing for me there I have no friends and I\u2019m stuck at a really boring job and I just don\u2019t know what to do with myself and I hate it I want Chan so bad this chapter of my life is over and I\u2019m ready to move on but I\u2019m currently stuck and it\u2019s slowly just making me more and more depressed",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Complete recovery after depression is a realistic expectation?",
    "post_text": " Hey, before depression took over my life I\\[23F\\] used to be such a happy person - joyful, positive, hyped about all kinds of activities, passionate about life. Before finishing college I used to think that lack of time is my only problem, I had so many plans and wishes and I used to think that depression isn't a real thing, that some people just choose to be unhappy. And then it hit me - repressed childhood trauma, unhealthy relationships with my family members and too many disappointments in my love life gave me depression.\n\nAt first I thought it's only a bad phase and I was expecting it to end soon since I was about to start my summer vacations. I had planned a 2 weeks trip to Scotland and I was really hyped about it for like 6 months before leaving, but somehow I couldn't enjoy it, I only wanted to sleep and be alone and I was struggling to get through each day without being rude or visibly irritated by everything was going on around me. That's when I realized that \"bad phase\" was a special one, but I only decided to get specialized help when I was already 4 months deep into it. At that point I was a mess, crying several times every day, spending all my free time sleeping, being terrified of my own thoughts, started thinking about suicide, pursuing a toxic online relationship, being unable to watch movies or reading books due to losing my ability to concentrate. At that moment, one of my best friends told me I was only a shadow of the person I used to be. The best feeling I was able to get about anything was \"this is almost acceptable\".\n\nAfter my first visit to the psychiatrist I was put on medication and after only one month things became a little bit brighter for me - Christmas was coming and I started WANTING TO DO STUFF AWAKE!! I started watching netflix again, playing video games, hanging out with friends. I was still sad mostly, but I was able to enjoy these things from time to time which was nice. I also got fired right before Christmas for sleeping too much at work and doing almost nothing because of my depression, but I wasn't even mad about it. I mean, I cried because crying was like my main occupation (along with sleeping) and because I knew that's what I'm supposed to do when I get fired but I didn't really feel much about that event. In January I went in a trip to New York with one of my best friends and I enjoyed every moment of it! Then I came home and started looking for a new job. I was so relaxed and carefree and I was becoming my old self again. In February I started a new job and shortly after that I stopped my antidepressants treatment.\n\nBut I feel like **this journey of becoming my old self again is never going to be complete**. Sometimes I get close to what I used to be before this whole thing but I can't sustain that, like the old-happy-me is visiting sometimes but she doesn't wanna stay. Even though things go great for me now (great new job, great old friends, new healthy romantic relationship) I am mostly anxious and scared. I can't be genuinely happy with the good things I have in my life, because the fear of losing them and going straight back into depression is overwhelming. I heard things like \"you'll never go back to what you used to be before depression\", \"depression leaves a scar you'll have to live with your entire life\", \"depression is a part of growing up, you just can't go back\". I am starting to believe these things and it's sad. Are they true? I have no chance to going back to my old self?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Time for a second attempt",
    "post_text": "Back in 2014 I tried to kill myself by overdosing on sleeping medication, but my mother was able to get me to the hospital and the doctors were able to save me.\nAfter my first year of college I\u2019ve decided I have no chance of getting anywhere in life and the person who I love will never love me back. Does anyone have any genuine advice for how to go about this? I\u2019m thinking about trying to overdose again since it seems the easiest. I don\u2019t want to permanently scar anyone on campus by jumping off a roof or hanging myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Placing too much on outside help?",
    "post_text": "Hello,\n\nI (20m) am a Junior in college. I have dealt with social anxiety, self esteem issues, and most recently depression for nearly half my life. It was a result of reactionary behavior (I caused my own problems) and I have never been able to shake it, as I tell myself I am incapable of change. (Cause yourself problems once, you will sure as hell cause them again) \n\nI have been spiraling (more or less) over the last few years, and only now am I sane enough to look at my lifelong issues. Unfortunately, I recently moved to a new city where I know no one. \n\nThe loneliness has recently gotten to my head, and that combined with the stressfulness of college has me incredibly overwhelmed. Suicide has been on my mind more and more lately until I told myself today I would do it. But here I am. \n\nI have an appointment with a therapy clinic lined up on 5/9 (May 9th - USA), but I do feel guilty to an extent. All that goes through my head upon dealing with my problems is \u201ctell the therapist and they will assist you in making sense of it\u201d. \n\nThis has me feel irresponsible and ridiculous. There has been many people in life who can\u2019t afford help and have gotten along just fine. It\u2019s your life, and at the end of the day it\u2019s on you to fix it. Yet at the same time I am so lost. All that goes through my head is my inner critic, saying it\u2019s pointless. \n\nSorry to ramble. My point being, those who have had success beating their issues on their own, what techniques/routines/activities did you use / partake in?  What helped change your perspectives? \n\nAny feedback is appreciated thanks for reading if for some reason you got this far",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "God I can't help it",
    "post_text": "I've tried getting help. I've tried, I really have. I've just been so empty, literally and figuratively.\n\nSince about 2015 I started getting hate for being ugly and fat and whatnot. I'm currently starving myself to the point I start eating my skin. Then I eat like there's no tomorrow. \n\nI keep getting hate, and limited myself to being out in public. I'm slowly dieing and I don't know what to do. Doctors don't really help, they just recommend a diet and give me prescription anti depressants. \n\nI've stared an addiction to Heroine. It let's me be free and all my emptiness goes away. I cry myself to sleep with the thought that no one cares about me anymore and my only friend is Herione. I'm just asking reddit what to do before I end it. I'm slowly eating at my sanity to keep my ever powerful lust to just be like others. \n\nPeople of reddit, what should I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I attempted suicide and I can't get over it",
    "post_text": "It happened when I was in Spain for an Erasmus mobility. I had problems with my family and wanted a fresh start abroad. I wasn't feeling too good already. Actually, I just sunk into loneliness very quickly. There was a community of French people in my receiving institution that was cut appart from the rest. I wanted to make friends out of that gheto-like community, but I could'nt get out of it. Within the community I met someone I thought was my friend, but who ended up manipulating me. I was getting so lonely I thought I was going crazy. I was also in love with my roommate and the situation was very ambiguous. He tried to help, but couldn't do anything. I attempted suicide ten days after my birthday. And eversince that moment I have nightmares of it. \n\n​\n\nI've given up many things within a few months. I dropped my studies. Parted with friends, and even tried to convince my roommate to leave me alone. I told him I was angry he didn't even noticed that I had attempted suicide, that I also had enough of him being indecisive (he had confessed me his love, but he has commitment issues because of bad past experiences), that I gave up on him. I feel horrible today because of these nightmares and because I fear my ex roommate may not love me anymore after what I told him. I hate feeling lovesick and I want it to stop.\n\n​\n\nI have started a therapy and made resolutions about work and studies for the next year, but I feel perpetualy anxious and sad. How can I get over these horrible feelings ? I still feels like I don't matter.\n\n​\n\nPlease help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness",
    "post_text": "Lately, I've been feeling quite lonely. For a long time, I've dreamed of a best friend, the kind that you never let go. The kind that truly cares for you, that you can be yourself around with, do fun and stupid things with, talk about everything under the moon and that you feel a connection to like no other. I have friends. Maybe even a few I would call best friends. We've been friends from childhood. But we barely talk or see each other. I'm talking five times a year or something. I started feeling left out already when we went to high-school and it got a lot worse over time. Now that we've all gone to collage, I feel more distant from them than ever. I have even considered cutting off ties with them. I don't think I know how to build friendships anymore, or trust someone enough to become that best friend. I crave friendship and company.\n\nI'm not the greatest at keeping up with people either, through text mostly but also otherwise. I always feel like the other should initiate the conversation, and I almost always end up waiting days for them to text me back, because I'm too shy to.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ugly people, how do y'all deal with it?",
    "post_text": "So I'm pretty ugly tbh, I would rate myself as a 3-4, body wise I have a nice body, starting to lose it though because I haven't worked out in a couple months, but even though I have a nice body, my face is full of acne scars and I'm going bald and I'm not even 25 yet.\nSometimes I don't even want to go outside because I feel like I'm too ugly, but that's honestly only when I'm feeling down.\nThe biggest problem for me is finding affection, I understand that I'm not attractive, so I don't expect the girl to be that pretty, but honestly I don't get any form of affection, and the little attention I get is from girls who are not even slightly attractive (I know talking like this, makes it seem like I'm a horrible person, but honestly idk how else to say it). \nHonestly, my mom is the only person that shows me any kind of affection, and it makes me just want to be at home all the time, even though I have friends, they are not really people who I can depend on. Sometimes I just want to start getting escorts or something to spend my time with, but I know I'll feel even more depressed if I go down that route.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My \u201cdead\u201d line is coming up",
    "post_text": "Its been a while that I\u2019ve posted. Not because I\u2019ve been fine but because I felt like it wasn\u2019t helping at all. But yet I find myself posting here again. A little backstory, I decided about 6 months ago or so that if I did not see any improvements in my life by July 10 I would kill myself. Well my deadline is coming up and honestly I have not seen any improvement whatsoever. If anything I feel worse now then ever before. I think I\u2019ll go through with it. I don\u2019t know I feel like I just need to get this off my chest",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m having a really hard time",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m really struggling maintaining my will to live. I\u2019m tired of everything. And don\u2019t want do go through everything to come. \n\nI recently went through some therapy through my college. My assigned therapist was a practicum student and last week was our last session together after this entire semester. I feel very empty now.\n\nMy mom lost her brother to suicide and my best friend lost another one of her good friends the same way. Seeing first hand the way it affected them keeps me going but that feeling is diminishing. \n\nI\u2019m just so tired of everything and I have no motivation or energy to do the simplest of tasks. When I think of my future it seems like such a long road ahead of me and I don\u2019t want to do it. I\u2019m really struggling. \n\nI can sometimes see a future for myself and my career but at the same time that dream seems so fantasized and that I\u2019ll never make it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend",
    "post_text": "My girlfriend has depression and it's really having  a huge impact on our relationship. \nWe no longer talk or engage with each other. She sleeps all the time. If she's not sleeping she is on her phone zoning out. I'm finding my self withdrawing from her. We no longer are intimate emotionally or physically. \nI've spoken to her about the impact this is having on me, she acknowledges this nd within days it's back to the way it was.\nI'm trying to be as supportive as I can but it's so so hard.\n\nI just needed to let it out and have some one listen and get it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to make a mental health channel on YouTube, but don't feel qualified...",
    "post_text": "Let me start by saying, I'm not in it for the views. Just that, recently I did a vlog after jotting down some things that help me when I'm depressed. It felt sort of cathartic to write down things that help me, and hope it could help other people. My problem is I feel like what I'll contribute will be generic, or not very helpful since everyone deals with depression differently. \n\n​\n\nI'm not making this post to advertise my channel. (throwaway acc) I'm just unsure I should post because I don't feel quite qualified to talk about the content. Sorry if this isn't entirely relevant to the subreddit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do i make him understand?",
    "post_text": "I have depression, ptsd and anxiety which my boyfriend knows about. The problem is that when i tell him that sometimes i need to deal with it alone and don't want to talk about it to him he seems to take offence. He says things like \"don't you trust me enough to talk?\"  And it makes me feel bad. I don't know how to explain to him that i sometimes i need to handle it on my own like i have done mostly since i first developed depression at age 6. Any advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can't eat or drink",
    "post_text": "In the middle of a pretty bad depression spiral right now and just can't eat. after two days of not eating, I started a food log to make sure that I am at least getting enough for basic survival, and installed an app on my phone to remind me to drink water, but it is just getting harder to ingest anything. I saw these weird emergency ration bars that seem to have all the calories nutrients you need for a day in a few small bites and ordered those. I don't know if they will help or anything, but it's becoming harder every day. I feel like a failure for not being able to do basic human things, which only pushes the depression spiral further. I find myself playing this sick game where I see how long I can put off eating or drinking, which is really just a facade to make me feel like I have some control over the matter. I just don't know what to do anymore to not feel this awful. I only have two modes anymore, sad and numb, and I am just so damn tired all the time. I constantly find myself wishing for someone to just come out of the shadows and kill me, since I can't seem to do it myself. Maybe the loss of appetite is my body trying to do it for me. I'm just so tired and want it all to stop.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "giving up",
    "post_text": "I've been depressed since 2013 and I feel like I'm ungrateful because of it. I feel like I'm hurting my mom. I'm almost 20 and I lost all my youth on it. My dad left when I was 5 and I started to get really sad but depression just came out when I became a teenager. I'm doing therapy and it makes me feel better sometimes, I'm taking pills too, but I still hate myself, I hate everything I do, everything I am and it kills me to think I'm hurting my mom and my grandmas. Every month my psychiatrist tells me I'll have to take more antidepressants because I'm not getting better. A few weeks ago she told me I have a bordeline historic besides depression and anxiety, and I hate that my mom is paying for all my pills and my treatment while I'm planning to kill myself. I know she wouldn't be happy if I was dead, but I'm struggling, I'm too tired now, after almost seven years. I tried to kill myself once last month with sleeping pills, but my family took me to emergency. I saw my mother crying and I couldn't do much more than hating myself violently. I'm thinking a lot about trying again. I don't know what to do, I feel like my mind is trying to drag me to hell. Well, I don't have no one to talk about it anymore, so I'm sorry for this sad shit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to help my husband not feel like he\u2019s useless against my depression",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been depressed for a long time now. I\u2019ve been struggling for as long as he\u2019s known me and it hasn\u2019t gotten any better throughout the course of our time together. Recently, he\u2019s been feeling like he\u2019s useless and can\u2019t do anything to help me when I\u2019m feeling really down and he\u2019s getting really frustrated. Needless to say this puts a strain on our relationship and how we communicate with each other. I don\u2019t know how to help him help me. I\u2019ve told him I just need him to be supportive and compassionate and loving but it frustrates him when he does that and I\u2019m still depressed. I think he understands that my mental health can\u2019t be fixed in a day but I hate that I make him feel like this. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you get through/manage it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling helpless, stuck, and confused",
    "post_text": "I don't understand why I'm so depressed all the time, like I just can't cope with what I have to deal with. I'm on multiple medications and I'm trying so hard to get a therapist but where I live you need parental consent, and I'm not in public school because of my disorders so I can't get a school counsellor, and I'm so scared of counselling now because one wrong word, one accidental confession and they'll lock me up in a psych ward again and that was the hardest, most embarrassing, and most traumatic experience I've ever had, that I now have diagnosed PTSD from it. I just don't understand why I'm like this, like I want to be normal and happy and go to school and go out with friends and get a job and a boyfriend and be productive and enjoy life and I try so so so so hard but it's never enough, I never feel any better. I feel like I'm gonna be like this forever. I just want a normal brain, without any mental illnesses and trauma. This is so debilitating I can't even function on a normal level. I'm five steps behind everyone around me. They're graduating and I can't get out of bed to do my schoolwork I get from an alternative school, because eventually I have to hand it in and then take a test in an area of complete strangers for the entire day, doing nothing after the test, and sitting there for the rest of the day because no one can pick me up and I have no way to get home until my mom gets off work, 3 hours after the school is closed. The amount of anxiety that situation gives me makes me sick. I *want* to do it, I want to get my schooling done and graduate but it takes so much to bring me to even have a sliver of confidence to even consider going. Not to mention, my family makes fun of me for it and always makes jokes about \"Well, that's because your sister actually graduated\" \"Not until you graduate\" \"Well it gives *me* anxiety when you don't do your schoolwork\" (Being said by someone who has never experienced even the slightest bit of an anxiety disorder). I've tried to explain why doing basic tasks is so hard for me but it's hard to explain something to someone who will never get it and just label you as lazy. And whenever I try to explain how I feel, I'm \"having a meltdown\" and \"being selfish\" and \"you just need your meds right now\". It just feels as if my feelings and professionally diagnosed mental illnesses are being brushed off and not taken seriously. I've had multiple attempts and for a week or so after an attempt, everyone suddenly cares and supports me but then it quickly wears off, and \"If it was really that bad you would've actually killed yourself\", or \"You need to start making a *real* effort this time\". I have no support systems or people I can talk to and the only reason I haven't succeeded is because I can't leave my dog. I've had her since the day she was born and people call her the dog version of me. We're so insanely close people are shocked by how mentally connected we are, and she gets upset when I'm not with her. We're two halves of a whole and she's saved my life multiple times so i can't just abandon her like that, I love her with all my heart. So I guess what I'm saying is I feel insanely stuck in my situation right now. I'm a minor, no job, no license to be able to transport myself to get a job, no support system, no one to talk to who completely understands, no therapy access. I just feel like a hopeless cause because what could someone even do in this situation? My mom constantly gets mad at me for having anxiety attacks and I feel like I'm just a burden to her, because she's the one who has to pick up my medications, etc. and she is always yelling at me because she has to take the responsibility of having a kid with a mental illness, and she won't do any research on my illnesses or how to manage a kid dealing with them even though I've asked her many many times to. I just feel completely alone and helpless, and no where to go, and I'm always terrified of asking for help or support because I don't want to be a burden to them as well or seem selfish or I'm asking for pity. No one around me seems to actively care and help me live with my illnesses, because I really need some help dealing with this, I can't get through this on my own.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Two Faced People - Need Advice",
    "post_text": "So basically, today in college we had a 15 minute break and my mate and I went out of college we went to the shops. We came back at the end of the break and as soon as we walked in this girl said \"speaking of the devil. We were just speaking about you\" and she was saying about my mate. I sat down on my seat and I got a message from my mate telling me that they were chatting shit about me, these two girls. They were going on about how I was ugly and how I can't get any girls and stuff. It didn't bother me about what they said, but should I have said something back, I'm not really looking for drama especially right now where I have a situation going on with a girl. I just want some advice on what I should've done or next time if I catch them talking about me. By the way, I didn't say anything to them girls, they said this randomly. Also, I am not a player or anything either so I don't know why she would have said that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm 18F and I don't know if I'm depressed",
    "post_text": "I'm 18f and I just feel so sad all the time. I don't know if it's depression and I just feel so lost. I don't have any other way to explain it. I'm too scared to tell anyone but I've taken some tests online and they say I have moderate depression but idk if I'm choosing the answers correctly ( like correctly meaning the way they apply to me). I just feel like not getting up ever again, and thinking that I wanna be alive but I don't want to do anything. I just need clarification. You guys can ask me questions in order to help me, that would actually be much appreciated.\n\nI just need the help guys, I need to know why I feel this way. So please please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Real Down",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been feeling really really down lately to the extent where I just don\u2019t want to do anything but curl up in bed or be absolutely alone. Im mentally and emotionally tired. \n\nI just started a new job doing something I thought I would be happy doing. I had plans, I had a goal. 2 weeks into it and everything seems to be falling apart. I realised I\u2019m utterly unhappy with what I\u2019m doing and the place I\u2019m doing it. I left my previous job (though the work life was simpler there) and rushed into this new job because I was stagnant there; going nowhere in the company and pay.\n\nI\u2019ve never been able to hold a job for long (3 years the most) and I\u2019m always unhappy with the job. I do know there are other jobs out there which I could be better in but never took the risk fearing the low pay (starting from bottom) as I have plenty of commitments. I fear starting afresh\n\n\nMy wife has been the main financial support in the family and she\u2019s doing way better than me. However the saddest thing I found out recently was that she is also very stressed out and unhappy with her job. The only reason why she is staying on is because I am not financially stable. My wife is such a wonderful woman and she doesn\u2019t deserve this. \n\nIn summary: I\u2019m 31, not getting any younger, not going anywhere in life, in debt, no savings,  unhappy my job, unhappy with myself, a burden.\n\n\n* is someone cutting onions?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Will i ever be enough for someone?",
    "post_text": "Hello my fellow redditors\n\nI'm new to this sub and I've recently had my heart broken by someone who i thought was the one, but at least she was civil enough to tell me now instead of 3 years down the line.\n\nA bit about me; \n\nI'm a 23 year old male father of one and  i suffer quite badly with depression and anxiety, prior to these events I've been feeling lost and the occasional thought of suicide or self harm wasn't out of the ordinary, i struggle as it is on a day to day basis I'm currently under the mental health team here in the UK.\n\nI'm reaching out for help from anyone who will listen, this is my last cry for help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling with health services, would like some advice (23F)",
    "post_text": "For the first time in years after being the support for my other half who has struggled with anxiety and depression, I find myself on the other side of the fence. \nI have been trying for over a month now to make an appointment with my GP, I have tried calling my local Adult Mental Health Services only to be bluntly told that I have the wrong number (I didn't, I live in the county they are responsible for) and then hung up on. I then tried calling the non-emergency number for health services and was briefly assessed and told to get to the hospital within the hour to meet a liaison for adult mental health. The liaison spoke to me for a while and she was very comforting and listened to me, and then gave me a leaflet and said to keep trying to ring my GP.\nI am at the end of my tether - I work very erratic shifts, sometimes early work and sometimes I finish at 2 or 3 AM making it difficult to ring the GP at 8AM to make an appointment. This has been happening for weeks now and I'm getting desperate. \n\nI just want to get my health sorted so that I can look after my other half. \n\nIs there anything else I can try or do I continue to try the GP for the next few weeks?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It's okay for me to be depressed, right? Here is why.",
    "post_text": "I am really depressed. But it's okay, right? It's probably healthy that I am very depressed, because if I wasn't I would be in real bad shape, right?\n\n1. My wife doesn't respect me.\n2. My kid doesn't respect me.\n3. My wife was having an emotional affair with her boss and kept on lying to me about it and still works there. Nothing seems to be going on now, but who knows. The episodes were years ago, but when I look at everything together I jus think wow...\n4. I have been in basically a sexless marriage for 19 years.\n5. I have cheated by getting happy endings and watching porn. I feel horrible about this. \n6. I am unemployed. I can't keep a job. No one will hire me. I am an older worker and don't know what to do.\n7. I want to get out of the marriage but don't know how. I can't support myself.\n\nIT'S OKAY TO BE DEPRESSED RIGHT? I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT..... I LITERALLY can't think straight. I can't focus on getting things done.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need advice o how to help my SO who is suffering with depression. Sorry if it's not the right place to put this.",
    "post_text": "My SO is suffering with depression and anxiety and is refusing to get help. It's almost like he just doesn't want to. In fact he has said on multiple occasions that he doesn't want to get better. \n\nIt all started when we had a termination for many different health reasons on my part. That was a good 6 months ago now. I went straight back to work afterward and he just didn't. \n\nAll he is doing is burying his head in video games, he doesn't leave the house, doesn't help around the house or anything. We have been trying to get him to see someone and he just flat out refuses. He self medicates as well and I don't think that is helping at all, in fact I think it maybe contributing to the problem. But anytime anyone brings it up he just says that it isn't a problem. \n\nHe did start to take some antidepressants but has decided that he isn't going to take them anymore. I know we cant force him to get help but he needs to do something. \n\nI have been trying to support him by giving him space and letting him do his own thing, but that just doesn't seem to be working. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I am scared to bring any of this up to him as he just gets very defensive and nasty towards me (just to clarify it's not physical it's just hurtful). Need some advice on what I can do to help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m gross and I\u2019m letting everyone down",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019ll just start with my job. I work at a restaurant. I really do love my work most of the time. And my coworkers and I get along and customers love me. But I have already been written up before for being late and today I overslept (more on that later) and was gonna show up 2 hours late to my shift when my boss told me not to even bother coming. \nI don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me and my sleeping. I\u2019m always so tired. I\u2019ve gotten my bloodwork done and everything was great there, so I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I can easily sleep the whole day. I usually sleep around 12 hours a night and it never feels enough. The worst part is getting out of bed. \nI\u2019m also a really gross person. It takes so much effort for me to do dishes, shower, do laundry, heck, even brush my teeth. I am gross. I\u2019m getting so many cavities. I can\u2019t even walk in my apartment without stepping on things. My parents say that cleaning it is the least I could do for them and I can\u2019t even do that! I can\u2019t even take care of myself! I\u2019m probably going to lose my job! Everything requires so much effort and even when I just \u201cstart with one thing\u201d I get so exhausted from it. I\u2019m such a dysfunctional human. I get an email from school (I\u2019m in culinary school) the other day saying that I\u2019m very close to reaching my limit of hours missed and that if I miss a few more, I won\u2019t be getting a diploma. I always do this. I used to be such a good student. Such a good daughter. And for years I\u2019ve just descended into this nasty incapable mess. I don\u2019t know how to get out. I don\u2019t know how to be a functional member of society. My friends are tired of hearing this. I have very few close friends as a result. I get it. I wouldn\u2019t want to be friends with me either. Please help I don\u2019t want to live like this forever and I just need someone to hear this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop fucking myself over?",
    "post_text": "Hey guys so I\u2019ve been making some really bad decisions in my life, on purpose. Like not super terrible life ending decisions, but decisions that I know will make me miserable later, namely starting a habit of not eating and making a character that I really don\u2019t want to play because I didn\u2019t want to say no (DnD is a big thing that I love in life and it also kinda tortures me because I\u2019m in a big group, and groups of people were actually a huge part of my trauma). My new character starts tomorrow and it\u2019ll almost definitely make DnD as bad as school is, but I keep telling myself I deserve the pain I\u2019m going to feel and I really hope the pain I cause myself will push me to suicide (real suicide not just chickening out at the last minute). I don\u2019t know if I can stop? This\u2019ll probably get lost in new and nobody will care anyways so to the 2 people who see this, sorry for wasting your time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "[Question] have u ever screwed your finals in uni?",
    "post_text": "ok, i'm in my second year of med school student, so being a neird is an obligation to make it in finals. but here i'm procrastinating and day dreaming without any proper preparation for my final exam wich is the day after temorrow. tommorow i have to get to dorms wich will take me 5to 6hours and i can't study in taxi because i get sick when in car. i had two fucking weeks to study for my exams. every one who didn't study in the year now is fully prepared for the exams. but me? i fucked up, i could barelly read the book. i really don't know why i didn't study. my heart is beating so hard. i have depression and it's really hard to do anything even getting out of  bed. but lately i wasn't in a low energy, like i was feeling i can work but when it's time to study, i'm daydreaming or on my computer. i really don't know what's the matter!!!!!! i feel like.....i should quit. but i have nowhere to go, i don't feel like going to uni, but i don't want to work, i don't want to do anything at all. i just want to quit life. i know i need to see a psychiatr but i don't have time and the school will not make an exeption for me. i need to know if any body can feel related to my story, did any medecal student go to the exam without studying?! please, i feel lost",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Friends,thanks for your help alot but today i will end my life",
    "post_text": " \n\nhi im 22 year old male,who his life right now is seriously fucked up,and the thing i keep fucking it and making it worse cause im so fucking dumb and retarded i wish i never existed to be honest,i mean instead of doing my homeworks and studying for my exam i spent hours and hours watching porn or using cat fish(pretending to be a female,see how much of aloser i am?) account so i can speak to people,nobody love me in real life,i always wonder how does it feel to be loved how does it feel to wake up knowing someone is thinking about you,im so much of a failure,i used to be that bright child who loved to help everyone,but that person died,and depression is fucking me every single night,he's making my life hell for me i can't fucking continue its too hard,i know that i am a coward,but i tried everything,YET I FAILED,Bye world",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Death Anxiety",
    "post_text": "Hey all. Sorry if this seems unhinged. I\u2019m just gonna try to get it all out.\n\nIn the last month and a half, I\u2019ve been having unwanted deep philosophical thoughts on how we perceive time, what the self is, and that we all die eventually. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with depression since I was 16 when I first had these thoughts hit me in a big way and I\u2019m 27 now. Zoloft has always helped, but I\u2019ve been bad about my meds for the last year or so so I\u2019m having a relapse, I get this. But the thing is, the stuff I\u2019m worrying about feels so real. These aren\u2019t \u201cI\u2019m bad,\u201d or \u201cno one loves me,\u201d or \u201cI want to hurt other people\u201d thoughts. They\u2019re on a deeper, simpler level. Sometimes I wonder if I\u2019m being treated for depression when I\u2019m actually just seeing the truths of existence clearer than a lot of other people else and that makes me feel hopeless that I\u2019ll ever feel better. Like the system might not be equipped to help me. It makes me so sad.\n\nThe problem with my worries is that they\u2019re real worries. I\u2019m mainly concerned with \u201cwhy do anything at all if we\u2019re just animals who die.\u201d I AM going to die. There probably ISNT a soul. I WILL eventually cease to exist. All the stuff I care about is just electricity and matter and chrmicals in the brain telling me I care about stuff. The \u201cI\u201d isnt even necessarily real, it\u2019s just a collection of smaller parts. I  know that the classic reddit atheist way of getting through this stuff is just saying life is what you make of it, but when really confronted by the seeming truth that the self will disappear when we die, I guess it just rings kind of hollow. Like, yes of course I love my girlfriend and our pets and my parents and my friends, and I love to make art and perform, I want to go to grad school and get married and have kids. And doing that stuff makes me feel great! But lately I\u2019ve just been under this cloud of \u201cnone of this has purpose even if you pretend it does.\u201d Like, I\u2019ll feel great doing these things and then I\u2019ll think \u201cthat was nice, but I\u2019m going to forget that it happened and cease to exist eventually.\u201d Ugh. The whole thing makes life feel unreal and dreamlike. \n\nI\u2019m scared to die. I want to be alive. I want my \u201cself\u201d to be connected to everything. I don\u2019t want to fade away into nothing. I\u2019ve tried spirituality and I will continue to because i think does help (more like a temporary fix though), but it\u2019s based on so many opinions-masking-as-truths that my overactive brain just won\u2019t stop picking it apart and reducing it whenever I try to participate.\n\nI guess I\u2019m sad that I\u2019m stuck right now being a reductionist and a realist, and that my inner self seems to want to do this even though I know I\u2019m much happier when I\u2019m blissfully ignoring these kinds of questions. Now I get the sense that if I ever want out of this, I\u2019ll have to think my way out but every time I try it seems to make it worse. I dig myself deeper into this pit by engaging with it.\n\nI can feel myself enjoying music, art, video games, podcasts, books and movies less. They all feel like distractions, which I guess everyone kinda knows they are, but it just feels really clear and I wish it wasn\u2019t.\n\nIf any of this sounds like you, and you\u2019ve gotten past it, please let me know.\n\n(Note: I switched up my meds and they do seem to be helping with stuff like anxiety attacks and suicidal ideation but the depression feels deeper than just a chemical imbalance)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Goodbye.",
    "post_text": "Hello, I am a 15 year old Male and plan to stab myself in the stomach and chest. I cant do anything right and nobody likes me what so ever. I am ignored and nobody even acknowledges me. All the bad in life isnt worth the good in life. My own voice and mind being my own enemy no matter what I do, pointing out everything bad in a situation. Nothing matters in the end. I have tried to take my life before but this time I promise I'll be successful and I'll no longer be a burden on everyone. Nobody is responsible for this except for me. Thanks to all but let this be my final goodbye.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Skipped school to kill myself, didn't go through with it, what now? Please help me, anyone.",
    "post_text": "Hopefully this all makes sense, confused and tired right now, and I'm going to not go through and re-read anything like I usually do as I know I would probably just end up deleting this post, so hopefully this isn't too confusing. It'll also be long probably, sorry for the long read, but I need to at least get down all of what happened. Just need some advice/support, or whatever please, I'm not really sure what I need, like I said, I'm not in the best state of mind currently.\n\n​\n\nI've skipped school maybe 5-6 times this year when things were too much, as school is one of my biggest stressors and I don't even see the point sometimes, just to get a mental break. I've never done much on those days other than lie around, or maybe play some video games if I felt like it. These were the worst days for me, constant suicidal thoughts since my parents and brothers/sister wouldn't be home, either at school or work. These are the days that I kept toying with the idea, feeling safe (in a weird way, I know) that I could kill myself if I needed to. I haven't skipped for about a month or so, but all throughout yesterday I was thinking as I get closer and closer to graduation, there's a \"time limit\" of sorts on when I'm actually going to go through with it, as it gets closer and closer I feel more pressure that I \"have\" to do it, because I feel like I need to kill myself before I graduate high school, I'm not sure why. Today I woke up at 6:30, and as soon as I got up I was already battling with the idea of whether or not to go to school, and this thought stayed with me throughout breakfast, throughout my shower. I told my brother, who I normally walk to school with, that my alarm woke me up late and that he'd better walk to school ahead of me if he didn't want to be late, so he left. I literally did nothing for the next 30 minutes to an hour, literally felt nothing, just thinking about what I was going to do. Then after that I just went to my bed, and started researching for maybe 3-4 hours, methods, what to expect, etc. etc., all these things that I had been too scared to look up before. Found out the way I wanted to go, was literally about to go find the things I needed, but was so scared that I wanted to delay it somehow, even though I was still determined to go through with it. I told myself that I would set a timer for 30 minutes to sleep, and after that if I still wanted to kill myself, I'd do it after that. Well when I woke up, I felt a little different, a little more hopeful, I'm honestly not sure why, just hopeful enough to not kill myself today at least. Now I have to figure out what to do next. I had a math test today, an ap macro final, a small spanish presentation, and an anatomy quiz. It just seems so so so overwhelming, like I can't deal with it and I don't even know where to start, or what to say to the teachers, or if I can still take them, or what I tell my dad when the school calls today to tell him I wasn't there, or what to do about trying to manage this so I don't end up going through with my plan tomorrow, or the day after that, or next week.\n\nI really, really, appreciate any help at all. Feeling really lost right now. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading if you managed to get this far.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Losing a Dream",
    "post_text": "I have always struggled with depression. I have constant feelings of not being good enough. Lack of self confidence. Life has been a rough road but it's made me who I am. Recently I thought I found my soulmate. She made me feel a feeling I never felt in my life. She gave me so much needed self confidence and I gave it to her as well. Life was on the up. Things were complicated with current relationships but we knew it was going to be tough and I was willing to give her the world and totally shake mine up for it. At some point something changed. Extreme feelings of happiness to guilt, settling, lack of confidence in the situation and shutting it out. Now I am left feeling not good enough. I knew in the back of my mind I wasn't going to be but was always told otherwise. It felt like the most amazing dream. It was shattered. I don't know why but now I am left feeling a shell of what was being built up. I feel used and betrayed. It has been extremely hard to open up about the situation. I am very private and so is she. I just feel completely devastated and being now totally cut off from even a friendship I feel like someone died and its all my fault. I opened my heart and mind and they are left in tatters. I just don't know how to go on. Any words of advise or personal experience would be so so very grateful. I feel completely lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend has depression",
    "post_text": "So my girlfriend of 2 years has told me she\u2019s been struggling with depression. She has times where she wants nothing to do with me and she won\u2019t do hardly anything to take care of her self. I haven\u2019t ever had this struggle so I don\u2019t know how it feels and can\u2019t really relate but I want to help her. She won\u2019t go to a doctor for it and I\u2019m trying everything to help her. She loves getting letters so I have written her one that helped but I don\u2019t know where to go from here. \n\n(I\u2019m 23M she\u2019s 22F) \n\n(I\u2019m sorry if this goes against the rules I read them and didn\u2019t see anything about it)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My grandma just passed away how do I deal with the loss",
    "post_text": "So back story I was basically raised by my grandma I was always at her house I was always with her I was always close she was in the hospital/nursing home for 3 months Sunday night/Monday morning she was rushed over to the er cause her BP was low af then that night me and my mom and my grandmas sister went to go vist her but I didnt think it was that bad so I took my grandma puppy home cause he had to go to the bathroom and she knew then she was gonna pass so that night she was transferred to a different hospital and they was talking to her then she just feel asleep and never woke up we decided to take her off life support cause that's what she wanted how do I deal with this I never got to say goodbye while she was alive I got to see her while she was unconscious and I told her I love her but I just feel like I failed her",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me I don't know what's wrong with me , I'm self destructive unintentionally without even knowing why and I'm getting random pain in the stomach from time to time + a constant headache",
    "post_text": "I don't know why but I can't seem to go to school , every night I'm excited about going and make my backpack plan my day but every morning my mind is blank i know i have to go but i just dont and when my body finally let me I have like 4 or 5 panick attacks there.\nToday I just cried contemplating the failure that I am not being able to go get an education like everybody else what the fuck is happening to me I used to go even when i only slept one hour and now I'm getting 10 please help me I'm so confused at what is going on right now why am I not the master of me anymore,  have I lose myself to depression finally?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Not sure what my passion is and feeling lost",
    "post_text": "I'm posting this here because I've been in and out of depression most of my life. I feel like I'm slowly getting out of the \"hole\" but I'm confused in that I don't know where to go from here. People say to find your passion, or do what you love, but thinking about what my passion could be makes me feel even more lost. \n\nI've always been a jack of all trades type of person, and I enjoy a little bit of everything. But nothing comes to mind when I'm asked what I like to do, or what my ambitions are. I guess I'm overwhelmed with the thought because I feel like I want to do everything. I have no idea where to start, and I don't have any energy or motivation to get started.\n\nDoes anyone else feel this way? Can someone recommend how to choose a path and find motivation to follow it? What are things you can do to avoid getting sucked back into depression?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I followed the plan, and everything sucks.",
    "post_text": "So, I was a good kid, got good grades, went to uni, graduated with a good degree, met a good man, married, and had kids.  I fell out of love with my chosen career, and so bounced from job to job before my husband and I decided I would stay at home with the kids.\n\nSince then, we\u2019ve moved far away from our friends and family - for husband\u2019s work, and I do like living here - but I have lost almost all my friends, and since my parents died, no one in my family really talks to me any more.  My kids were never much involved in any school activities, so I never made friends with other moms.  Our neighbors never seem to leave their homes.\n\nWhen my youngest graduated, I decided I wanted to go back to work.  My health threw me a roadblock or two, so I didn\u2019t really start looking until February.  I reworked my CV/resume, and began applying.  Nothing.\n\nA few years ago, my husband started what might be called a mid-life crisis.  He wants to open our marriage, and while we tabled these discussions because of things we\u2019re dealing with, including financial struggles, he has started bringing it up again.\n\nSo, I basically don\u2019t have a family, have very few friends, my health isn\u2019t great, I don\u2019t have the money to fix/replace/buy things that are needed, can\u2019t get a call - let alone an interview - for a job, and my husband - who has been my rock up until now - is angry and resentful because I don\u2019t want to talk about opening our marriage right now.\n\nI followed the plan, and now I hate my life.  Getting a job would help so much, but my degree is old and my experience is old, and no one wants me.  I feel useless and awful.  These are office jobs; husband and I agreed other jobs would not work because of health issues mostly, lower pay secondly.\n\nI have no one to talk to - friends aren\u2019t that close; family dead or won\u2019t talk to me; can\u2019t afford therapy - so I am venting here.  If anyone read this far, thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tips on not distancing friends? Also, what options are available to get therapy with your parents being able to intervene?",
    "post_text": "I been in a downward spiral. I have had forceful intrusive thoughts of suicide. It like someone nagging you, but you just think of those words over and over. This is the worst it's ever been. My parents aren't allowing me to get therapy since my mom said \"nothing is wrong with you, you can not go because they may give you medicine.\" I understand she is worried and doesn't want \"crazy\" written on my personal record. (her words not mine) I was looking forward to join a free program called better hope, but she said there wasn't enough knowledge.\n\nI had a serious break down where I talked to my friends, and the comforted me. I promised them after this I won't need a shoulder, so I won't bother yall. I was hopeful that my mom would green light it. So, now I'm just need help, but I pushed everyone away. We still talk, but it feels wrong for me to unload. I been feeling really selfish from the times I did try to talk to them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Didn't go out of bed in the whole weekend",
    "post_text": "I've been feeling like a piece of trash lately. I'm not doing anything for myself. Any free time that i have, i spend it in bed, doing nothing. I only go out to work, and only because I have to, but it's getting harder to get through the day as being at work is not easy to tolerate for me. \n\nI don't work out anymore, have been skipping meals and either sleep too much or too little. I'm paying less attention to myself and my responsibilities and I'm worried this is gonna ruin my life sometime soon. \n\nWhat should I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anti-Depressants effect on sex?",
    "post_text": "Hey I've only just recently lost my virginity and Ive been on anti depressanta for a few months. I heard they could make it harder to cum and that has been the case even with masturbation. It took longer to finish after I started the treatment. Well when I lost my virginity this week I just dint finish, as Ive had two sessions of 40+min and cant finish. It dosent go soft or anything, I care about my partner and she is trying to fulfill my needs in bed so its not that. Also the sensation is dulled, Ive heard sex is supposed to feel amaizing but I felt little to nothing in the way of pleasure at first. The second time I had been off anti depressants for a day and did feel some more pleasure but It was dulled.\n\nWhen I mean pleasure I think its more accurate to say stimulation. Im 20, M if that helps my partner is Female its that helps too.\n\nAny advice on what to do? Ive been doing a lot better but I dont want to stop usimg my anti depressants just to feel something when im with my partner. Has anyone gone through this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My fear of failing is stressing me out and no one seems to care",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019m in high school, where I barely find the motivation to consistently work for good grades and keep them up and my family doesn\u2019t seem to understand that I\u2019m trying to do well and every time I get even one question wrong on a test or I mess up everyone tells me that I have to do better and that I\u2019ll be stuck without a good job or good future and it\u2019s honestly terrifying and I\u2019m constantly under stress. I\u2019ve joined a bunch of after school stuff with important commitments (5 out of 7 days I\u2019m at school from 8am to 6 or 7pm, sometimes even later, the other 2 I use for homework and finding a time to talk to my friends) in order to make my family happy, and they\u2019re actually treated like a job(sometimes I get paid) but all I\u2019m ever told is that I have to get a \u201creal\u201d job.  \n\nI\u2019m sorry for the rant, I\u2019m freaking out, any advice is welcomed.\n\nAlso sorry that this is difficult to read since it\u2019s in one paragraph.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice to an 18 y/o depressed closeted bisexual dude who mostly has anti-lgbt religious family & friends and is contemplating suicide?",
    "post_text": "(this post got no replies in the depression subreddit so here I go)\n\nI'm an 18 y/o dude. I'm starting my first year of college this August. I've been thinking about coming out as bi to a few friends that I care about and ones I hold dear, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I do it.\n\nWe're all Christians (my family's Catholic). I know a lot of people I care about won't approve of me when/if I come out.\n\nI project myself as this \"straight\" guy who's \"just an ally/supporter\" for LGBTQ rights. I've fought with some religious friends as I defended the topic of same-sex civil unions online & offline.\n\nIt's been about 10 months since I last went to a Sunday church service where I used to talk to some friends who go to church there. I still go to my neighborhood Catholic church because of my dad who put me in the choir along with my brother. My dad's also the president of our Catholic church choir. He's also VERY outspoken about being anti-LGBTQ. \n\nI find it hard to come out to my family because we're super religious Catholics. There was a time when my Born Again Christian cousin (female) came out, they recommended her to go to \"conversion therapy\". I was one of the few family members who know this along with my older other cousin and some of my uncles/aunts.\n\nI won't be coming out to my family. Maybe not yet. Or maybe not ever, considering the factors I've just mentioned. My dad and I would probably fight if my family finds out. It's ironic that it's hard to be open to your own family whom you share the same house with. \n\nStill haven't catch up with a friend/church leader from church/school. I feel bad for ghosting/avoiding friends from this church I used to go to (Born Again Christian). The last time I went to that church was July 2018. There's this one friend, let's call him \"Matthew*\", who used to be my youth group leader and is also a fan of RuPaul's Drag Race and Queer Eye. We both went to the same school (same grade but different strands) in Senior High. However, I'm not so sure if he'd react positively if I openly accept my bisexuality since the church he serves in has made anti-lgbt preachings. When we graduated Senior High School on April last month, I messaged him & promised we'd catch up with each other about life since we haven't talked/seen each other at church for a long time, but we still haven't done it and still haven't talked to each other ever since.\n\nMaybe I might come out as bi to a few close friends soon, or maybe not. I've noticed my teacher from 11th grade seems to be an ally and I even consider him a great close friend, so he's definitely one of the first people I'll come out to (IF I decide to do it).\n\nI think to myself that some things are better left unsaid, but these unsaid words are killing me, and they've been building up in my head for a long time.\n\nIt's hard to be yourself when you're not what most people want/expect you to be.\n\nI've been thinking about leaving this Earth, maybe write individual notes to each of my friends/family before I go. The only reasons why I still haven't pursued this is because I don't want to hurt my family & friends, and I'm afraid of dying without fulfillment (for now, at least).\n\nAnd even if I come out to a few friends, what if the word comes out and it got spread to some people until it might reach my family/friends and they avoid me? It's just hard to wrap my head around.\n\nThere's always those things & thoughts bringing me down. I consider myself an agnostic now. I just want to be accepted but I fear the people/family/friends around me won't take it well. I don't know anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "can anyone give advice or at least relate to this?",
    "post_text": "Lately I've had a lot of bad days which usually means crying a few times/hours a day. I don't even think about all that time that I wasted or all the emotions I can't deal with, but I am kind of scared for my body. I can feel my whole body clenching and my brain feels like burning or exploding or something I cannot even put into words. I'm afraid that it's affecting my physical health and since I don't see killing myself as an option, I would prefer to have my body working...\nI can't even tell if this post is making sense but I had to put it out of my head. I feel like saying that out loud even to my therapist would sound too real and dramatic.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Guys, I\u2019m so tired of living",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t what to do. Nothing makes me happy and I\u2019m so tired of being alive. I\u2019m always so stressed out and sad and tired and angry. I hate talking to people. The things that used to bring me joy don\u2019t and I\u2019m just really sad all the time. I think about suicide all the time and I have come really close to actually doing it but then I get scared at the last moment. One of these days however I might just actually do it and that just sucks. I have nobody and I feel so empty. I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Pl help.I am very emotionally fragile. I hate who I am right now.",
    "post_text": "umm..this  is my first post on reddit and I haven't been a stable emotional state  for quite sometime now. so...coming to the details,\n\nI\\[18/F\\]  am having a lot of insecurities, self esteem and confidence issues and I  guess all this started during high school, when I was at the bottom of  the class and i began to feel inferior to my peers and no matter how  hard I tried I still couldn't catch up(I was a straight A student before  high school). and then came college. well, college isn't that bad. I  have always been a very emotional person and I experience a lot of mood  swings. So lately i have been quite down and stressed as I am very  anxious about my career(still clueless). and as a result I haven't been  able to control my emotions. It feels like I'm walking on thin ice and  anyone,literally anyone, can make a small remark and *\\*shatter\\**  and I'm back to drowning in a cold sea of emotions.I spend a lot of  time crying. I just have no control over it. I want to stop crying, i  tell my self to stop crying and i can't and its so goddamn frustrating.  It makes me feel weak(I am already physically weak and underweight). I  know expressing emotions and letting it out is healthy, but what if you  are feeling so emotionally saturated with all the self hate and worries  that you'd cry to anything. I at least wish i had enough control so i  wouldn't cry in front of someone who is not close. but nope. I have zero  control.\n\nlet me quote this one incident.  a few days ago, I snapped at my elder brother when he was pressuring me  to do learn things for my career. He kept forcing his point and it made  me feel small and incompetent and like he doesn't trust my decisions on  what I wanted to learn so I began to get all defensive and I very  rudely told him off and avoided him ever since. I spent a lot of time  crying and affected by it. And just when I had slowly recovered from it,  a family member on hearing what exactly happened made a remark that \"I  think he's better than you, for the family\" which means that I am too  impulsive and rude and emotional and is bound to create problems in a  family.I still haven't recovered from that. I didn't want to cry,  because my uncle and I don't exactly see eye to eye and I wanted to  disregard this remark and get going with my day. BUT i began to tear up  the next second. I cried for hours.\n\nI  hated myself. Do i wish to be rude? no. Am I this emotional by choice?  no. Do feel crying is the solution to all my problems? no. And my family  thinks otherwise for all the above questions\n\nI  want to seek professional help. Having been wanting to for three years  now. But here's the thing. I am from India. I am still in college. I  live with my family and they provide for me. They will never accept  depression as real and a therapist is a big **NO**. I can never open up to them about this and I can't secretly visit one, nor can I afford it myself.\n\nI  am writing here because I want to change this. I don't want to be  controlled by my emotions all the time, I don't want to use rudeness as  defence. I am so insecure and I am desperately looking for ways to  improve.\n\n**tl;dr**  I am a depressed, insecure, self hating person who cries way too much  and is controlled by her emotions and is desperately looking for ways to  improve",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "my life is literally ruined,i will kill myself tomorrow",
    "post_text": " \n\nlemme start by saying when i was in junior school my grades were A+. and i were acing every exam literally,but in highschool? my life went downhill,i became lonley,depressed,failure,no one would talk to me cause of my anxiety,i got bullied by everyone i know,even girls used to bully me cause im shy and have social anxiety,even tho all of that i managed after highschool to get into college,i was happy and i thought i sorted life out,at first semester when the mid terms (quizzes) started i used to rank 4 or 5 out of 40,i used to study,BUT everyone continued to ignore me,i would do lab hours alone,eat food alone,and ya u guessed it my classmates used to talk shit behind my back,i once put my phone to record what they say when im not there,i expected no one to talk about me,but all of them were like why does dude come to uni,he's useless,i felt dead at that moment its like something my spirit out and just lemme control this human vessel,no feelings inside,nowdays i sleep 10+ hours,barely study,and i spent most of my hours when im not sleeping on porn...,just i should do it? do i have something to live for? im 22 and i never know how does it feel to be loved/or even liked for fuck sake,i just want someone to message me without asking for favors,why humans are so fucking selfiesh",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need someone just to tell me to go ahead to a friend's party",
    "post_text": "Normally when asked to go out to a party I would make up an excuse but I was asked way ahead of the date and couldn't find an adequate one. Plus I don't want to blow off my friend again. \n\nBut that being said I feel sick out of nerves, I'm overthinking really small things like how many people there? What time should I call a taxi? What can I bring my couple of drinks in? And the rational part of my brain is fully aware this is stupid but i can't get over it. Supposed to go at ~7:30 ish\n\nTo be clear I've been once before and thoroughly enjoyed it. But still can't shake feeling really sick because what if I make an idiot of myself? What do I do when in there? Am I even wanted? \n\nI'm really just looking for someone else to tell me to go to affirm my rational brains decisions. \n\nThanks in advance. I know this is kinda a petty issue for this sub so sorry.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have a problem with getting mental help.",
    "post_text": "My parents are a bit off.\n\nIf their friend or a family member needs help, they will put their entire life on hold. But if their kids need help, it\u2019s rarely done.\n\nI\u2019ve tried for months to get them to make a few doctors appointments. Specifically my psychiatrist. But no matter how many times I ask, it never gets done. In fact, about six months ago, I went to the dentist to get some cavities filled. I had cavities on the top and bottom sets, so, they said that we would have to come to two separate appointments to properly get them filled. Well, we went for the top set, and I\u2019ve asked my parents to schedule the second appointment ever since.\n\nHowever, my main concern is going to a psychiatrist. Mainly because for about two and a half years now, I\u2019ve had problems with the way my brain functions, and my grasp on reality. I just haven\u2019t felt right. But in that time, I never considered going to a psychiatrist because i had been to one before, and they did prescribe me medication, so I thought that if there was something wrong, they would have found it years prior. But i spoke with some friends about it and they told me it would be smart to go back. \n\nThat was a few months ago and I haven\u2019t been able to convince my parents that I should go back.\n\nIt\u2019s not a financial issue, my insurance covers everything\n\nAnd it\u2019s not a time issue, neither of my parents are working.\n\nMy parents are the \u201cThere ain\u2019t nothing you can\u2019t fix yourself\u201d type, and don\u2019t understand much about mental help.\n\nIt\u2019s getting so bad that my mother won\u2019t hardly talk to anyone because she\u2019s either too lazy, to too buried in some kind of device to do anything.\n\nThen, when I ask my aunt or grandparents for help, my parents get pissed and complain about how I make them look bad.\n\nDon\u2019t get it wrong though, they are great in most other regards, but when it comes to me actually needing help, they really don\u2019t do much. When it comes to real responsibilities, they are just all around lazy. If anything can\u2019t be solved within a minute or two, they won\u2019t hardly even look in its direction.\n\nI\u2019m near graduating, so it\u2019s not like I\u2019m just some middle schooler looking for attention. I\u2019m actually a bit concerned about my mental help, and some of the people I\u2019ve talked to as well, but at this point, I just don\u2019t know how to get that help.\n\nAny advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone else in my skin would be happy, I've no right to be depressed and sinking into alcoholism, yet here I am",
    "post_text": "I'm a mid 20s male, college graduate, living in a big city, have a great job. Yet I think about suicide every day. But I feel like I don't have a right to. Other people don't have a lot of the things I have. I'm objectively very lucky and have everything I could want to be happy. So why is life so hard?\n\nI've started drinking almost every day. I'll go to the bar alone and drink. I'll drink until I get sleepy. Then I go home, and sleep. The next morning I wake up, go to the gym, and go to work. Then after work I hit the bar again. Alone.\n\nI'm just so lonely. Why don't people like me. I try not to be an asshole. I really do. I don't think I'm an asshole? But I think people are uncomfortable around me. I think I sour their moods. I try not to be negative though. I try really hard.\n\nI feel my youth wasting away. I feel the passage of time very heavily. These are supposed to be some great years. Maybe even the best yesrs. Single, big city, acceptably good looking. College certainly wasn't the best years for me. So maybe this is when my life is \"supposed to\" peak?\n\nBut I have no friends. I have no one to hang out with. I don't have a girlfriend. I have no one I connect with deeply.\n\nI've tried cognitive behavioral therapy. But as soon as I stopped going (feeling like I was fixed) the problems began again. I've been medicated for depression consistently for years now. I've even added exercise to my routine at the behest of my doctor. Improved my diet. Stopped smoking weed. I feel like I've done everything.\n\nWhat can I do now? I feel trapped. I wish I would just die. Life has been very kind to me, and my stupid ass can't take advantage of it. Someone with a better personality or someone more capable would have a very happy life in my skin.\n\nI think of killing myself every day. I won't do it. But the thought, that's not normal right?\n\nThis turned into a rant and I apologize for that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My self care plan, and I'd appreciate some further advice.",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone,\n\nI'm a 26 year old woman and I suffer from depression. I'm in therapy and on antidepressants. I attempted suicide in April 2018 but, since then, I've made a lot of progress and I'm quite happy with myself. But loneliness is still a major trigger for my depression. Tomorrow I'll leave for another city because I have to participate in a public competition for a workplace (I'm in Italy so, in order to work for the Government, you have to participate to public selections). \n\nProblem: I don't know anyone in this city so I'll be alone for seven days. Yes, I'll meet other people who apply for the same selection, but at the end of the day I'll return to my hotel room and I'll be alone. And I'm very scared. \n\nThis is my self care plan, that I organized with my therapist:\n\n\\- focusing on the public selection;\n\n\\- bringing my favourite books;\n\n\\- Netflix for the nights;\n\n\\- going to fine restaurants and enjoying good food\n\n\\- visiting the city in my spare time \n\n\\- calling my SO and/or friends if I really feel overwhelmed \n\nDo you have any other advice? I'm a bit anxious. \n\nThank you!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lonley and my own fault",
    "post_text": "So I recently been in a very bad time noticing that my friends actually are very toxic when we have a fight they tend to hurt me on purpose with things I told them. or well forget to invite me to stuff etc. so I cutted some of them off and trying to reconnect to people that showed interest in me.\nBut I pushed them away because i habe major trust issues because if my past.\nBut they don't seem to be that interested which I can understand but it still hurt.\n\nAnd I do found a nice group of two peps to chill but of course they aren't always available and even if I'm hanging out with them I tend to feel lonley thinking about my past and stuff, not always tho it mostly happens when I see other friend hanging around questioning why they didn't invite me.\nOr why other \"friends\" don't look out for me.\nI know everyone has a life and is busy but why can't I be a part of it.\nI mostly think it's my fault (but I don't think always like that). But it's hard to keep that mindset away if this was always your whole love friends coming and leaving.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What to say when you want to book an appoitment with a psychatrist?",
    "post_text": "So I've been meaning to make an appoitment with someone for a year now, and never found the motivation or strenght to do it. \n\nI'm just out of a very dark/suicidal thoughts week, and I want it to be over, and therefore finally seek professional for good.\n\nOne of the thing that always kept me from calling is, \"what do I say?\"\n\n​\n\nI know it sounds silly, but, really, what do I say lol? I have no idea\n\nIs just \"hi, I'd like to book an appointment.\" enough? Or should I make it sound like I \\*really\\* need help? (because I do) \n\n​\n\nThanks everyone, and have a good one",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At risk of losing the only thing I have left... Please help :( Sorry it's a long one",
    "post_text": "I lost my job. I am being evicted. I have a 5 year old living with me and an 11 year old who doesn't. And my boyfriend is now saying he wants to move back home to Norway... \n\nI have no idea what to do, I'm a complete mess and feel like my life is at a cross roads. One leads to potentially hurting my daughters, one leads to a literal dead end for me... which will hurt them more. \n\n​\n\nBit of a background:   \n\n\nI'm 31, been abused my entire life, by parents, by siblings, by random strangers and ex partners. I've been in abusive relationships, mentally and emotionally abused, sexually abused at least 5 or 6 times... I've been raped. \n\nI lost custody of my eldest daughter because her father kidnapped her after I tried seeking help for her anger issues. He refused to bring her home after a visit and the Social Services let him get away with it. \n\nMy youngest daughter was 8 months old when her father had a heart attack (aged 28) on our sofa while I put her to bed. He died instantly. I moved cities and my mother disowned me, so did my brother and my grandparents. I have nobody. \n\n​\n\nI ended up in a string of very abusive relationships, got engaged to a man who left me no choice... All the while, I was talking about all of this with my best friend. He was so supportive, so wonderful... I was going to move to the US (again, coerced and manipulated into it) but I had to meet my best friend first, as it was our one and only chance of meeting in person. So I flew over to Norway to be with him and hang out for 3 days. Nothing happened. Nothing at all... but it was obvious we both wanted it to. \n\nHe gave me the strength to leave my abusive fiance (Who by this point had sent death threats and abusive messages to said best friend and all my other friends, threatened to kill himself and his 3 year old daughter if I didn't move over there.) I became a target for abuse from his family after we split up. \n\n​\n\nFast forward to today- My best friend and I have been a couple for just over a year. Things have been amazing until he moved here.. We both got a job in the same place, and I became massively stressed and depressed. The stress of everything changing hit me hard and I admit I stopped showing him any affection. I hate myself for it, we argued ALL the time. \n\nWe lost our jobs due to some REAL shady stuff going on at work (tax evasion, illegal activity etc) and he told me he was moving back but not leaving me. \n\n​\n\nThis is where I am now. I've been back to my normal self the last few days, feeling more love for him than I ever have, wanting to show him... But I have just under 2 months to vacate our house. With little to no money in the bank and a daughter to look after. It's her birthday and we'd planned a huge party ... 8 days before we're due to leave. \n\n​\n\nIf he leaves and I'm on my own again, it \\*WILL\\* kill me. I can't lose this connection with him. I can't be on my own again. I can't stand the thought of not having him beside me every day, of spending the next gosh knows however many years only seeing him a few times a year, or only over Skype... \n\n​\n\nBut if I move to Norway with him... My girls would be 1000 miles apart instead of 200... My youngest daughter won't see her grandparents as often. She's already lost so much as well... She'll not know the language, she'll not have her friends... \n\nI'm torn... and I'm a mess. \n\n​\n\nDo I hurt my daughter in the short term... or do I just let myself die and be freed from this eternal struggle for good? I'm fed up of fighting. I'm fed up of everything always going wrong. I WANT to run away and I know that if it was just me, I'd go. I'd drop everything except the essentials and just be with him in Norway and never look back. \n\nBut I have to think of my kids, right? \n\nI feel it's make or break time... for all of us... My heart says to just go. But my logical side is unsure. \n\n​\n\nPlease help me guys... I have no fight left in me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I a sociopath...?",
    "post_text": "This is a throwaway account.\n\nSo, I have been struggling with depression for quite some time now, and I am very very concerned that I may be beginning to show sociopathic tendencies. \n\nI have a friend, who, for anonymities sake, shall remain nameless. He is my best friend, and has been for a long time. But lately, I have noticed that I feel almost like I want to know everything he does and when he does it, and he is part of a group that I recently left, and is, in fact,in a leadership position there. \nI left for several accumulative reasons, but one of them was because since he was in a leadership position, we where not able to converse at the group. It was hard for both of us, but we tried to follow the rules. \nAfter I left, I started having trouble with the nights that the meetings where taking place, like it was hard for me to accept the he was still there and I wasn't. \n\nI'm also noticing that when we have something planned and he backs out because of, for example, work, I find that I am way more bothered by that than I should be. \n\nSo, am I a sociopath, and what can I do to stop these tendencies?\n\nThanks in advance.\n\nTim (not my real name, of course)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have always been the \"supportive\" and \"strong\" friend, but now I'm losing it...",
    "post_text": "All my life I've tried to do the right thing. I usually give counsel to my closest friends without asking for something in return. I am the strong, the one who never gets sad or has emotional issues. Nevertheless, I am losing it. I am tired of being \"strong\"; I am tired of appearing \"happy\" all the time (I do it for them, not because I am in the good mood all the time).  My family does not know it either, but I have to go on with my life for they need me. \n\nI am tired of loving everybody without receiving a portion of that love. I learned to love my loneliness, but now it feels like I need someone, but finding a partner who wants something serious is extremely hard (and I am not a Greek god, to be honest). I do not like dependency, however, I'd love to have someone to talk to besides my friends. I lost my best friend last year since I fell in love with her (don't do it, worst idea ever). Does anybody feel this way?  Does anyone go through the same thing?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feels like depression has permanently fucked up my brain, what helps with brain fog?",
    "post_text": "Back in school, I was super academic. Now I\u2019ve dropped out of uni and manage to fuck up things as simple as giving people the right change daily because my head is just a cloud of static. \n\nI\u2019m no longer in the suicidal stage of depression, and I guess I\u2019m feeling better than I was. But I can\u2019t focus, and I feel incredibly dumb whenever I try to do something. My motivation is still pretty non-existent, and I end up anxious because things aren\u2019t done and things are a mess, but too overwhelmed to do anything. \n\nWhat helps the brain recover from depression? What can I do to start improving the brain fog and lack of motivation? I want to be who I was before, but it seriously feels like my brain is permanently fucked.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it right to help someone commit suicide?",
    "post_text": "I understand. And helping them doesn't do anything. People will say I am guilty. Murder perhaps. All they want to do is die  their life is broken. Sickness has overwhelm them. They just want to go. I'm the only guy who understands why she wants to go. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. It's her vessel...the only thing stopping me is my love for her. So I made her suffer more by not dying. Sacrificed her happiness for me. Selfish of me from my pov. Tremendous love and compassion can't solve everything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anyone here have reverse seasonal affective disorder - i.e.: summer depression? If so, could use some advice",
    "post_text": "For the past two summers like clock work around the last week in July I have been hit with the above - I don\u2019t know what else it is other than reverse SAD. It usually starts with a general few months of feeling good and stable - meaning I\u2019m feeling normal, motivated and generally happy with some dips that I\u2019m used to for the most part.\nThe past two summers I will have a really good day/week/ whatever and then one morning I\u2019ll wake up and feel \u201chungover\u201d or \u201cin a fog\u201d even though I haven\u2019t done anything to bring this on (like drinking, using substances). Also, I\u2019m quite active physically - so that\u2019s also strange. \n\nWhat\u2019s even more frustrating are the physical symptoms- my legs feel like noodles and I feel like I cannot \u201cwake up\u201d despite caffeine and Adderall.\n\nTwo summers ago it hit me at a physical therapy appointment- literally felt so incredibly off that I had to sit down for a minute. The PT said \u201cmaybe it was \u201cmenopause\u201d. Wanted to throttle him, lol.\n\nIn a span of 24 hours I went from a normal mood to really off. It progressed to the point where I spent most of August in bed - only getting up to use the washroom and do basic things. I vividly recall literally crawling to clean the cat box my body felt so heavy. I actually felt paralyzed. I also recall having to return and item I borrowed from a friend and having to drive and being so out of it I wasn\u2019t sure I could. It felt as if I was wading through deep water or mud.\n\nLast summer I wasn\u2019t expecting it Bc I thought the summer before was \u201cjust a fluke\u201d or \u201chormones\u201d but I vividly recall the day before I was very productive- did a lot around the house and generally felt \u201cup\u201d.  The next day when I got out of bed, my legs were like noodles going down the stairs and I felt \u201coff\u201d.\nI was sitting drinking coffee when my husband looked at me and asked if I was ok. I thought I was just tired, but as the days progressed I got worse and worse.\nIt took me months to recover Bc I couldn\u2019t find any type of add on medication that I could tolerate that helped.\n\nDuring these spells I literally feel as if I\u2019m drugged - I am searching for words, I have no energy. I feel as if I\u2019m literally impaired or like I have taken a sedative.\n\nI understand it must sound dramatic, but I\u2019ve not been able to find anything (medication wise) that is able to help.\n\nI had a gene site test and I\u2019ve tried the meds listed in my \u201cgreen bucket\u201d and the side effects were so intense I couldn\u2019t continue on them, not to mention they\u2019re not covered by our insurance- so we paid over $1500.00 last summer on meds that didn\u2019t work.\n\nI find it difficult to find other people who have this and especially difficult to convey to my prescribing Dr. what I\u2019m going through. \n\nAdditionally, I don\u2019t understand why it just happened so recently and without much warning- like \u201ccause and effect\u201d. I have had depression most of my adult life and have been able to manage it with medication and lifestyle changes, but this summer thing is a different animal.\n\nNow it\u2019s June and I\u2019m hoping that I can do some prevention as I feel like I\u2019ve exhausted meds. options. \n\nI have an appointment with my provider this week and I need to be as pro active as I can now in case I have this experience again. I just don\u2019t know what to ask for at this point, nor what to even do - or if I even have to do anything. Maybe it won\u2019t happen - I mean anything is possible, but I feel like I need to at least try to be prepared.\n\nAnyone have experience with this and any tips?\nI am thinking of preparing myself for a ketamine infusion or something this year.  I just cannot imagine going through it again Bc it lasted so long this past summer -well into the fall and I got to the point of being so low it was scary.\n\nA Dr I see occasionally suggested planning a vacation during the time when I usually feel this come on - sounds good, but also - could be a train wreck.\nAnyway - anything would be helpful. \nThanks for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It's my birthday.....",
    "post_text": ".....I'm not bothered about that, never been a big deal. This is the first one without my dad. I'm a mess. I've not got out of bed for the last two days and now I know why. This is the first 'milestone' I suppose. My counsellor says I need to try to find my 'new normal'. This is my new normal and I don't like it. I wish he was here, I miss him so much and I've no one to tell. Don't get me wrong - I'm back at work, I'm trying to plan a new future. It's just, sometimes, it smashes me in the face and the only thing I can do is crumple up into a ball and try to breathe. How am I supposed to carry on with life without the only person who advised me? I have literally no one to talk to about life stuff, help me make grown up decisions, tell me I'm being unreasonable? I suppose we are all children until we don't have a parental figure, then we have to become the grown up. I'm 44.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have given up",
    "post_text": "This is a throw away account, obviously.. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do at this point. I do everything that is supposed to help me get better, such as eating 3 healthy meals a day, exercising, spending time with others, going to therapy, taking antidepressants ect.. yet I still want to end my life. I want to die.. Holding all of these suicidal thoughts in my head every day and hurting so badly feels like it is driving me insane. \n\nI\u2019m so tired.\n\nI don\u2019t want to live. \n\nThe last time I felt this alone was when I had my last suicide attempt.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Backsliding into my depression",
    "post_text": "This is my first post here and I definitely need some help right now. \n\n​\n\nI have diagnosed PTSD and depression and graduated off of anti-depressants in December. It had been a steady rise out of depression since then but these last two weeks have been a quick backslide into my depression. I feel like I'm losing autonomy of my mood and it's making everything impossible again. I can't focus on work or my relationship. I'm having intense suicidal thoughts again and having horrible nightmares. I lost my ability to take good care of myself. \n\nI know about the backslide but I didn't realize it could come on so quickly. I feel like I'm losing so badly and I need some help. I can't afford therapy anymore and I can't see my therapist so I feel completely stuck. Does anyone else have any experience with this? I'm trying to focus on my work but I can't. I can't even enjoy things I used to love. I can feel the heaviness setting in.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need help figuring out alternative reasons why I'm experiencing excessive sleep, extreme tiredness, low energy, no motivation but stable mood",
    "post_text": "Intro:\nI'm primarily looking for anyone that has had a similar experience as stated in the title. I'm going to try and keep this as pithy as possible for convenience but there's just so much. I will try to keep up with comments to discuss or answer questions before my Dr appt tomorrow. Thank you for taking time to read and for any advice given. Gotta be careful bc Google is a black hole, y'all. \n\nRenunciation:\nI want to elaborate what I mean by \"alternative reasons\". I'm looking for other possible medical issues other than Depression. I know I have Depression, that's not the issue at hand. If you must suggest that it's Depression, please be constructive and give me something specific to work with. \n\nBackground (Major Depression, A.D.D. and bipolar II):\n \n- Diagnosed with Major Depression 8 years ago. \n    * been going to the psych Dr, taking medication, and going to therapy since then. I've been meditating occasionally for 5 years. \n    * I have yet to find a medication or combination of medications that is effective for me for more than 6-12 months. \n\n- Diagnosed with A.D.D. back in grade school\n    * took Adderall for a couple years but stopped\n    * started taking it again in college 11 years ago and mostly consistently since then. \n    * within the past 4 years, I cannot stay awake the whole day without Adderall/Vyvanse/Focalin.\n\n- No official bipolar II diagnosis but Dr's have brought it up \n    * Almost all of the mood stabilizers and antipsychotics I tried did NOT help me and made me so much worse\n    * I really don't feel I've ever been hypomanic as even my best moods are like a regular person would be. \n\nMore recently:\n- Started taking 50 mg Zoloft (sertraline) while  weening off of Viibryd (vilazodone) in mid-April.\n\n- Have been taking lamictal (lamotrigine) almost as long as I've taking medication for depression\n    * I've been wanting to get off of it for years but I either haven't been consistently stable enough or it was not a good time due to school or work\n    * finally started tapering off today\n\nTo the point:\nThroughout the past month, aforementioned symptoms have been worsening (excessive sleep, extreme tiredness, low energy, no motivation). No matter the amount of sleep I get (4hrs, 6hrs, 8hrs, 10hrs, 20hrs) I feel overwhelmingly exhausted when I wake up. Any energy or motivation I have seems erratic and is dwindling. Motivation is very up-and-down but progressively more down. \n\nMy depression has always been heavily tied to excessive sleep and lethargy. These symptoms are definitely nothing new to me, HOWEVER, it's always been accompanied by very low moods. At this time my mood is decently stable and that's the baffling pay. I wouldn't say I'm the happiest I've ever been but I'm stable. \n\nInstinctively I assumed it was a med problem since my symptoms are indicative but my Dr isn't entirely convinced that's the case since my mood is stable. She didn't up my Zoloft but we finally decided to taper off lamotrigine. \n\nShe doesn't really know what's causing the excessive sleep and exhaustion. She mentioned that it's possible the Vyvanse is negatively contributing even though it's pretty much the only reason I can stay awake all day. She suggested there might be something else medically wrong.  As luck would have it, I see my primary Dr tomorrow for my yearly exam so she told me to bring it up. \n\nI've had my thyroid tested twice, the last time was a year ago and that checked out fine both times. I don't recall getting treated for anemia ever so maybe it's that? Any other ideas? I'd like to get a better idea before I go to the Dr. \n\nI brought up the possibility of doing a sleep study, but she said they probably won't be able to do much about excessive sleep, it's mostly for people having trouble getting or staying asleep. But she said if/when my primary Dr rules out any non-depression related reason I'm so tired constantly, she could refer me to a sleep specialist. \n\nI'm sorry for the god-awful formatting and thank you again!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dealing with my first breakup / not going well",
    "post_text": "My (M21) first girlfriend (F18) broke up with me 2 months ago after a 4 month relationship. I know it isn't that long, but we moved kind of fast and had high hopes form the beginning (it was both of ours first relationship). She wanted to stay a virgin till marriage and we same the same religious values, which I loved and respected so much which I think is part of the reason its so hard on me. But we did have some differences, yet I still tried to imagine a future with her even though I was never 100% sure. \n\n2 months later, and I'm dealing with it terribly. I keep imagining a future with her, constantly think about her, mope about it, bring it up with others to the point where I think I annoy them, and I seeing counseling for advice and to find out if I might have social anxiety and/or depression. Its just been so hard and I'm trying all of the advice that everyone is giving me, but she is the only thing on my mind and I debate on whether or not I was just in it for the relationship or her. At first I didn't know, but I really did love her, and still do. Some of my other friends are also going on dates and have girlfriends so I keep comparing it with them and wonder how they do it. I'm just in a rough spot and somedays I just want to end it. Thanks to anyone who listened or comments.\n\n​\n\nEdit: she broke it off because she is transferring and switching majors, so its bringing a lot of stress into her life and doesn't feel like she has time for a relationship, and was starting to think because of that that we seem to have different futures in mind. Although now I am rethinking my entire future since she said that, and I didn't really know 100% what my future looked like, just that I wanted her in it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should i seek for help to a psychiatrist or should I self heal?",
    "post_text": "I dont go to a doctor because i dont want my family to know or beacause it will make my contition true..I am afraid because latly my self-destructive pesonality has gone a little to far(heavily drinking and sometimes driving,self harm,losing friends).I've been depressive for a long time,have a LOT of insecurities and anxienty recently..I dont know what to do,the only thing that I know is than if I continue like that I am not heading to a good place because I am hiding it from EVERYONE..I am 19,thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m not sure what\u2019s happening to me.",
    "post_text": "So a few weeks ago I was going to kill myself I wanted to die and had plans to do so. I literally had loaded the gun and had it in my nightstand. Then I met a person on here that had seen my posts and wanted to help me. We got to talking and eventually I realized that this friend really cares about me and has gone through worse than I have. He even made me feel like I belong. But ever since I\u2019ve met him I\u2019ve been so much happier. I don\u2019t think about hurting myself anymore. The dark thoughts are almost nonexistent. But my anxiety has been through the roof. I didn\u2019t think it was possible for me to be happy like this. I\u2019m so scared to fall back down into it. Has anyone else experienced something similar? It\u2019s so weird that a positive thing in my life has made my anxiety so bad...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "20/F/UK Stressed out of my mind and need someone to talk to",
    "post_text": "I had my first panic attack during exam season just a month ago. I break down a lot because I don't know how to cope with stress. I'm currently taking on a software engineering internship and am terrified because I know absolutely nothing and I feel like its causing my mental state to spiral downwards even more.\n\n​\n\nOn my first day of my internship they asked what sorts of hobbies I had. I genuinely couldn't answer and just said that I watch a lot of movies. I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I used to escape my problems by switching between Youtube and Reddit for hours on end, but now I don't even find that enjoyable anymore.\n\n​\n\nI don't feel like I have friends that I can approach and would really like to have someone to talk to.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Overthinking is killing me",
    "post_text": "I have always been shy, and was recently diagnosed with severe social anxiety. I have also been depressed for about 3 years now, after I had been bullied by some \" friends \" in middle school, 7th grade. 8th grade was even worse, I had lost all my friends, and had turned into a loner. My freshman year was the same, and the teachers even started to pick on me. That's when I left, and decided to stay at home and do online school. Both of my parents are hard working, so they couldn't stay home with me, so I had absolutely no motivation at all to work on school, and barely passed. I am now a Sophomore and only have online friends. I overthink EVERYTHING to the point where I can't even text my friends online anymore, because I worry I will say something weird. It has never gotten this bad, I used to be funny, and I didn't overthink as much. I was almost outgoing. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to a few therapists before, but it has never helped and i am not sure about any medications. It is really hard for me to post this, but I need some help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help. No insurance and No money for a Therapist",
    "post_text": "What do I do? I'm withdrawing from Zoloft and I have suicidal thoughts pretty much every 30 minutes. I read that the withdrawal takes about a month to go away. I am scared, I am lost. I am in New York and all of the places for help have really long waiting lists. I've been to the hospital before many times (when I had insurance) and they just spit me back out after 24 hours. I can't do that now because I would go into serious debt. Please help me. Do you have podcasts you like? Websites? I'm open to anything. Diet advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I took my best friend to Florida for a getaway in the hopes that it would help my depression. Worst. Mistake. Ever.",
    "post_text": "Hi, first time posting here and I'm kinda a wreck right now so sorry if the formatting is a bit off.\n\nSo, I've been struggling with very severe depression, and even suicidal thoughts. I've been in touch with a mentor, and I suggested going to FL (I live in Virginia, and I have family in Florida) and she thought that would be a good idea, you know, get away from everything for a few days. So, I booked the trip and invited my best friend (who will remain nameless) to go with me. He quickly agreed (especially since he's been on suicide watch for me for over 3 months) and we got out tickets and all was dandy. \n\nToday, day 2 of said trip, I've completely lost my friend to the Fortnite video game. I've tried to do stuff with him, he politely declines. I've tried to talk to him, but as soon as I get sick (unfortunately, my main stress coping mechanism is vomiting, completely involuntary. I don't force it) he goes ba k to the game and when I need him the most when I've hit my lowest point (moments ago) he leaves. LEAVES!!\n\nI'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what to do. I feel completely alone. Even my family (all except my dad) have used me out completely and taken to my friend instead. \n\nI don't know what to do, I've never felt so alone while I'm surrounded by 8 of my closest family members and my best friend. \n\nPlease help me. I don't know how else to end this. Please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m drowning and I don\u2019t know what to do",
    "post_text": "Sometimes I think that maybe I don\u2019t really know what I want. I hate it. I hate how I look at other people and hate them. I hate when they smile, I hate when they laugh I hate how fucking happy everyone else is. I\u2019m being left behind. I know I am, everyone is so far ahead of me and I\u2019m drowning in my own damn mind.\n\n I can\u2019t keep this up. I can\u2019t keep smiling and pretending I\u2019m cool with being the lonely asshole who stays in her room all day. Who only goes outside to go to class or to get some unhealthy shit that she\u2019ll feel bad about ten minutes later. I don\u2019t think I want to die. I just... I want to be free. But maybe freedom is death for me. \n\nI want to hit something. I want to yell and scream but at the same time I just want someone to hug me and tell me that it\u2019s okay and that I matter. But that won\u2019t happen. Not in a way that\u2019s genuine and real, it\u2019s all fucking pretend to make people feel better and act like they actually care for the small lonely bitch who tries too hard to not care at all. \n\nIf I\u2019m alone then maybe it\u2019s better for me to leave anyway, fully embrace it instead of begging for some kind of helping hand. No one would really care if I go. I give them three months tops until I just become a distant name they remember every so often. Everything is so loud but painfully silent at the same time why can\u2019t it stop I want everything to just fucking stop. \n\nI tried to get help last year but they just pretended to care about me to. They read straight off a damn script. Didn\u2019t take long for me to figure out the pattern and say what I needed to get out. I don\u2019t know what to do anymore. I feel like this my final chance to ask for help before I go back into a hole I may not be able to escape from again. I don\u2019t trust anyone and those few that I do hole a level of trust for I don\u2019t want to burden them so I smile and play it off as some edgy joke. I need help but I don\u2019t even know where to start.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "why?",
    "post_text": "i need motivation. The past few months ive been feeling superrr down and it\u2019s not just on and of bad days. In school, i laugh 25% of the time while the other 75% i just stay quiet. Ive posted here once before about a friend, but thats one of my last worries. She is doing okay, and i plan to keep check on her. I like helping people, as no one has ever checked up on me. Ive tried talking about it with a friend but they don\u2019t seem interested. There are so many things piling up that stress me out. Thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "SO says it's depression linked. How to stop being too much?",
    "post_text": "Hello (Lengthy post, so I'm sorry in advance if I waste your time),\n\nI am diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, however I believe it doesn't affect my day to day life enough to claim anything because other's have it worse (and most likely would be a waste on me anyway).\n\nWhen I'm a member of a team, I feel too insignificant in comparison to colleagues/team mates to ever say or put in any input. I have explained to others that I see it as:\n\nIf I have to work really hard to keep the job, and they can chill / lounge around and still keep the job that's equal to mine, they must have more value than me, therefore I have to try harder and respect them as my superior.\n\nMy managers and colleagues say I'm too much and \"old\"-friends have ended friendships due to me being \"too nice\".\n\nAt parties and gatherings, I decide to stay quiet because I believe I'll ruin the entire night and I find it easier to seek out those that aren't enjoying themselves to then go over, give them a bit of social motivation, make myself a laughing stock for them to laugh with their new friends and allow them to enjoy the night from then on without me intefering and potentially making it worse.\n\nI have been told all my life I am too much, or just \"too\" something, but it's more of an insult now, even if it is said with positive intention. I just want to be \"enough\". Nothing more, nothing less.\n\nThis has come around due to my mother saying I would have done so much better in my life if I didn't focus on helping others so much, but I didn't even realise I was focusing. She tells me I'm \"too nice\" about once a month.\n\nAfter talking to my current SO, she says it is depression.\n\nThank you for your time, and sorry for wasting time if you read this and don't know how to help,\n\nOQPATY",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a Neuroscientist - Need your help with a science video on Depression",
    "post_text": "I'm a Neuroscientist (PhD-Candidate in the Netherlands, originally from Austria) and on the side, I make science videos about the brain, human behavior, and biology (if you're curious: [https://www.youtube.com/c/Brainstorm2018](https://www.youtube.com/c/Brainstorm2018)).\n\nCurrently, I'm working on my next video which will be about Depression and I could use the help of this Community/subreddit. My background allows me to understand the science and psychology of depression but, luckily, I never have suffered from it myself (though I experienced it second-hand when my mum got a major depressive episode a few years back). So I want to add to the video by infusing it with personal stories and experiences of real people who have suffered or are suffering from depression.\n\n**I have 2 questions**\n\n1. What would be the single most important thing the 'public' gets wrong about Depression. What do people who never had any experience with it don't get?\n2. If anyone wants to share a story or personal experience with depression that I could incorporate in the next video (anonymously without username if desired) I would be honored.\n\nThis is an amazing subreddit and I appreciate all your comments and feedback. Please feel free to ask me any questions.\n\nAll the best to all of you!\n\nPhilip\n\nDisclaimer: I personally don't work on depression. My field is brain and social development in children.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can we trust depressed people?",
    "post_text": "I mean, a depressed person who is struggling with their feelings and thoughts. Sometimes they are themselves but sometimes they are not when they let the depression take over. \n\nSo should we trust or how much should we trust  things that a depressed person talked about their feelings? Will they change their mind/feelings from time to time?\n\nFor example, today your depressed friend says that she hates you, but the next day she would be regretted about it. Actually she needs you but said that because she was angry with someone else.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "She's back and I'm sinking again.",
    "post_text": "I was thinking that whem she returns everything will be normal. It got worse. I'm in a deeper rabbit hole than before. Things I wanted to say to her, my feeling of emptiness, melancholy, and being down moat of the time ia replaced by verbal nods, spacing out, and being blunt.\n\nI'm afraid that her 1 monrh vacation made ua distant and that bothers me. Maybe I'm overthinking things. She wanted some alone me time, but constantly messages and video chatting me. That's what I'm bothered about.  Hot and cold. It makes me think what I have done wrong.\n\nAl of this I keep to my self. This burdens me. This added to my self pity., questioning my worth, and me wanting to just end it.\n\nI wanted to sleep and die in my sleep so that my thoughts won't torment me anymore",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is anyone in the same position as me?",
    "post_text": "Hey this might be long but oh welll we all love a stranger that overshares and details their whole life out on the internet. \n\nOk so I think I'm depressed. I'm lethargic, I'm apathetic, Im never happy, but never sad either. I always feel like this crazy heavy weight on my chest like loneliness. I feel just so lonely in this world. And I have friends. I have very close friends and an ex girlfriend I get on very well with. But I just feel like I'm everyone's second choice. \n\nI'm a really likeable guy. I haven't found a single person who has any problem with me. Like everyone likes me. But I feel like no one truly loves me.\n\nMy main thing is that I hate normalcy. I hate this feeling of \"okay\". Yet that's what my whole life is right now. I'm fairly good looking, I'm not poor, I'm not rich. There's nothing special about my life. And that's what I hate. I'm scared my future is me withering away into mediocrity. I'd rather be sad than how I am now because at least that's something.\n\nI feel like I'm depressed but at the same time I don't. I don't hate myself\n\n (If anything I'm narcissistic, I have a very high self esteem)\n\nDepressed people usually hate themselves. I don't cut, I don't cry, I don't ever really have a mad breakdown. I always think about how I'd kill myself but I know deep down I'd never actually do it. \n\nI'm none of that. \n\nBut I'm not happy either.\n\nAlso, I lie a lot. I manipulate people close to me so I can get ahead. I always put myself first. Before anyone. Machiavellianism.\n\nThen again, I dont know if I'm just exaggerating that to try seem \"edgy\" or different. Which I so crave to be. \n\nI dont know. \n\nFor the longest time I thought I was some kind of psychopath because of the whole complete lack of empathy, manipulation, charm and general lack of feelings. But then I thought I'm probably just exaggerating that too to feel better about myself.\n\nI crave labels. I crave being put into a box so I can belong to something. I can be recognised. I can be remembered. \n\n\nI'll probably update in the comments when I remember more about myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It takes 3 days to do a simple job",
    "post_text": "I am a freelance translator and I am trying to make a living out of it but I can't focus on anything. This is supposed to be my job but it takes 3 days for me to finish a simple translation job that would normally take no longer than 3 hours. I sometimes get too overwhelmed and use machine translation just to get it over with. I know it's a horrible thing to do but I just do it. And when I don't have any translation jobs going on, I spend my time sleeping instead of looking for a new job... I don't know how long I can continue doing this. Need some advice",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any good wholesome livestreamers/youtubers to watch so I feel calmer?",
    "post_text": "My anxiety and depression are really bad these days since I returned home from college (summer break). Weirdly enough, I miss the noise of people talking and hanging out, specially in my dorm, and now that I've come back home I feel pretty depressed with all the silence. My dad is working, my mom is pretty quiet, they both go to sleep before 9pm, and my house is pretty far away from the city (no buses, and I don't drive) so nowhere I can go. I'll be here for a month and a half, and I think the silence and lonely feeling will drive me crazy.\n\nOk, finally the question: do you guys know of any streamer or youtuber (gaming or studying) that is not over the top like most? Just a chill person to watch while I'm doing my own thing?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At my wits end.... literally. I\u2019ve lost all hope, I\u2019m lost in my own head. So numb, tired, and ready to leave already.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s been roughly a year, I recently moved out of my parents house around this time last year. And it\u2019s all gone to shit... I guess I rushed into adulthood faster then I should. Was promised a job from my mother in law. That only lasted 3 weeks. I\u2019ve been bouncing from warehouse to warehouse job for the last year. I feel disconnected from my own life. Worthless... like I don\u2019t belong. \n\nMy relationship with my SO is rough. There\u2019s days where it\u2019s the ideal relationship, and days where I feel like I\u2019m the only one loving and actually trying. My relationship with my own family is little to none. I don\u2019t have the courage to say what\u2019s really going on. Idk I would rather people not care about me. Not worry or pressure me about what\u2019s going on. But I\u2019m at the end of my road and my last options are dark. I can\u2019t keep a job, can\u2019t keep a place, can\u2019t hold a conversation with family and friends. I\u2019m so numb and hollow. I cry randomly throughout the day, suicidal scenarios play out in my head all throughout the day. \u201cWhat if I wasn\u2019t around? People wouldn\u2019t have to worry. I wouldn\u2019t have to live a life I feel like I don\u2019t deserve\u201d.  I\u2019ve contemplated actually doing it numerous times. Just can\u2019t choose on how and where as in stuck babysitting majority of the days.  I feel like I\u2019m rambling all over the place but it\u2019s how I am at this point. I have no structure in life. My schedule consists of doing everything for everyone else and then sleep. I feel useless and more importantly worthless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm so useless that my psychiatrist doesn't want to see me.",
    "post_text": "I have this horrible self esteem issues and I'm very self conscious about myself. I have a very plumpish figure, i compensate the lack of exercise with IF and calorie count. The reason why there's a lack of exercise is due to insecurity, embarrassment and fear.  The fear of people making fun of me, judging me while I clumsily exercise and get out of breath. \n\nMy psychiatrist has been trying and trying to push me. Questioned me if it really matters if they judged, when my health is concern. I know what's right and what's wrong. I know that it shouldn't matter. I know that my health is much more important than what others think. I just can't manage to bring myself to do it. Its a struggle. He lost it and calmly said he won't see me until I do something. After the appointment I left and I head to the restroom and bawled my eyes out. Hes somebody dear to me, and I always look forward to seeing him every week. I'm so useless that i am unable to muster the courage to exercise to the extent of him not wanting to see me. I am beyond useless and hopeless. It's better to die than to confront the person who listens to you when you have let them down.\n\nIts tiring.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm losing my mind and need help. I contemplate suicide everyday. I don't see any future anymore, just think I'll kill myself one of these days.",
    "post_text": "I need help.\n\n17 year old male, 18 beginning of July. \n\nI've been struggling with my mental health for all of my life, and it got worse after starting puberty. \n\nI've always been terrible with social groups and interactions. Never managed to make a lot of friends, and those I did never sticked. Had some of your regular trauma from parents and older brother. \n\nI've always felt alone.\n\nWhen I became a teenager I started with the depression. Got very bad episodes, where I would shut down, and fake illness so I could stay home. I missed one month of school once, and on a trip to Italy for school I faked illness for two weeks so I could stay in bed, and could only think about jumping off a bridge.\n\nAs I got deeper into adolescence not only did my mental health deteriorate, but my ability too. My memory became poor, and my focus was gone, always having mental fog. I couldn't remember words, and speak eloquently. Math ability went to the shitter, always making stupid mistakes that would then seem retarded later. \n\nMy IQ seemed to have dropped as much as 10 points, since I have periodically been applied tests and only perform worse. \n\nStarting high school made me much more suicidal because of this, and the isolation of not knowing anyone, and the people I did know wouldn't even look me in the eyes. \n\nI had already gone to a psychologist, and after that a neurologist, and recently a therapist.\n\nGot medication, and have been on it since 2017. The doctor has changed my meds more times than I can count, and none of them have helped. She told me that I would probably never be off of meds, but they still don't help me. I have no cure.\n\nI feel I have been slowly getting worse, going down my own dark little hole. \n\nI've always been obsessive, but now it feels like it's all I am. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything makes me irritated, or break down. Noise seemed to be the problem. Voices make me go mad, but even when I'm alone and in silence I keep thinking about everything needing to shut up. The chatter is all inside my head, and it never stops. \n\n​\n\nI feel like sometimes I am already dead on the inside, and I'm not really human. Just a shell o what I wanted to be. \n\nI started going out to party's and things, mostly just filling myself with alcohol, or I'll just drive around going as fast as I can. Hoping I'll be something else, hoping I'll feel.\n\nI've had one relationship with a girl, that eventually ended. I loved her but after that I couldn't feel anything for anyone (and no, not even her). I just ended up obsessing over her, even if I didn't feel a thing. Really tried after I started to get over her, and even tried with another girl, but even with all that I managed to bosses with her as well, and got called a creep and that I harassed her. The meds make me worse off. My sex drive is completely dead. \n\n​\n\nBy the end of high school I have made some friends, but I end up isolating myself, and losing them.\n\nI'm starting college in August, and I'll move to another city for that, but I fear that will only isolate me, and make me worse. I think that if I don't kill myself soon, I'll do it then. I see no real future past a certain point. \n\nI fear it'll all colapse, and I'll truly break down. I fear I'll lose interest in my career, since it has already happened. I was going to study astrophysics, but after an episode I saw nothing in that. \n\n​\n\nI'm going crazy, always suffering. Everyday is pain, and I just want it to end. I am sick. \n\nI contemplate suicide everyday, but what ultimately stops me is just the possibility of a failed attempt, and getting scarred for many years to come, and always under watchful eyes after the attempt. \n\nThe hurdle of death is my prison.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate my body and my thoughts",
    "post_text": "Ever since I was little I was always struggling with my physical appearance. I have been told throughout my life that I was overweight and that just screwed over my image even more. Here I am feeling guilty cause I had a bit of grill chicken and honestly I'm just tired. I'm tired of thinking of exercise as a mere chore. I'm tired that I can't enjoy food anymore, and the fact that my mom cooks so much doesn't help. My family all says I'm lean and normal but I feel so disfigured. My shoulders are too broad and my arms are flappy making me look twice my size, my thighs are gigantic and are covered with cellulite. I really hate my mirrors and if I could break them I would. My weight is always in the middle of normal or overweight and one slice of cake could tip it off. I've been active and even trying to just eat healthy foods but I still hate myself. I think my thoughts have screwed over and long for the underweight body. At this point I think normal looks fat.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im 14 and i already managed to fail my life",
    "post_text": "hi guys, this is my first post on Reddit. I am only 14 years old. I've been suffering from depression ever since i was 12. I rarely feel happy anymore. Unfortunately these intense feelings have lead me onto a path of constant drug use which only makes my depression worse because I know i am smarter than that. I started smoking weed 2 years ago and obviously things have only gone downhill from then. I  am literally mentally and physically addicted to a fucking USB (Juul) and I've even found myself robbing weed dealers just because I thought that would make me feel sick but it only made things worse. I have been taking escitalopram since I was 11. Ever since I wet to high school I did a lot of stupid shit and now that I look back at it i purely did those things because of peer approval. These couple of years have literally felt like a lagging game. I haven't smoked in a day and I feel like complete shit. Theres probably a lot of things I left out because when i dont smoke for extended periods I feel dumb and slow. I made a Reddit account just to post this so please dont come at me with some bullshit jokes. I feel like ending my life my family is fighting as im writing this. Even typing a paragraph as simple as this feels mentally challenging. In elementary school my teachers would constantly say how smart i was and I would get 80s and 90s without studying and now I feel like because of the effect weed had on my brain I  wont be able to find a career later on in life. PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "F 15 struggling with depression and feeling hopeless. I feel like I have no one to talk to. Any advice?",
    "post_text": "Hello Reddit. for a little backstory, I'm 15 years old and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety just over two years ago. It has definitely gotten worse sense then, and I have not talked to a counselor since. Last November, I dropped out of my high school to begin home schooling with a tutor due to social anxiety and my depression hitting a low point. Though I enjoy the environment and freedom that comes with home schooling much better, it does get very lonely. The only people I talk to now are my long distance boyfriend, a couple online friends, and my family (who are very busy with their own work and school) Along with my family being busy, I hardly ever mention my depression to them. If I do, I feel like I'm wasting their time and they'll be disappointed in me. My depression has gotten increasingly worse over the past few months. I've always been skinny, but I've lost a significant amount of weight to the point it's unhealthy. I have no appetite, no desire to do anything, and no one to talk to. With the start of summer, my day consists of laying around and watching TV or playing video games. Even if plans do come up, physical symptoms of anxiety like panic attacks, head aches, and stomach aches typically prevent me from going. My boyfriend wants me to see a counselor, But I'm hesitant because the one I had previously didn't help much, and was very expensive. I worry that by asking my parent's for help, (with my anxiety, depression, and poor eating habits) I'll be wasting their money and time. At the same time, I'm afraid that if I continue to sit here and do nothing I won't live to see my 16th birthday. What should I do? Any tips on getting help and finding meaning and motivation in life at a young age?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feelings of dread",
    "post_text": "My chest always feels tight. It hurts. It makes me stay all day on the couch. I feel anxious all day....\n\nAnyone knows this feeling? It gets worse when I really don\u2019t do anything but this feeling kinda forces me to do so.\n\nAnd then I start feeling guilty about not doing anything. I always ask myself \u201cwhat can I do so I can feel better?\u201d and my brain is looking for answers but I can\u2019t find any! Because nothing makes fun or I just can\u2019t get motivated because everything feels so dark..\n\nAny advices?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "20 year old Male, why am I depressed....",
    "post_text": "I wake up in a house, my parents are the best and my relationship with them and my sister are better than ever. I just got accepted into Michigan State University where I am pursuing a Graphic Design degree. I have multiple internships for Graphic Design. Grades are A-B range. Everything in my life is going as best as it can be. Yet I still find my self having trouble sleeping at night, difficulty concentrating, a feeling of sadness, etc. The only thing I would say I am a little upset about is not being able to play soccer due to tearing my ACL back in November. I had surgery in April and should be back on the field in October. I try to exercise to the best of my ability, I try my best to eat as much as I can (appetite has been very low recently). The only thing that I find enjoyable is playing Video Games with my friends, its almost like a drug to me. Its my normal self again, but the second it's turned off, I down in the dumps again. Not sure what to do anymore. Everything in my life is going how I would want it to go, so why am I feeling depressed?   \n\n\nI'm a 20 year old Male by the way. Sorry if my grammar is bad, English was my worst subject in school.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Downward spiral after being dumped by someone who was never even my bf",
    "post_text": "I'm 31 F and have never had a boyfriend. I feel defective. After about a dozen dates or so I get dumped or guys start treating me like shit. \n\nI just got dumped by a really great guy. He said he wasnt ready for a relationship. Yet he messaged me first online, we texted almost daily for over a month, and went on real dates. I feel like this was the nice way of saying he just isnt that into me. He even met some of my friends. He told me I was the sweetest girl he ever dated. Then why would he never want to see me again?\n\nI dont have much experience considering most people my age are at a minimum living with their partner if not married with kids. I cant figure out why I'm so undesirable. It's been like this ever since I was 16. I was always a secret. An embarrassment. \n\nI was doing so much better with my depression and now I'm back at square one. I'm randomly crying at work, I either feel intense pain or numb, I relive the act of being dumped and my stomach drops all over again, and  I'm seriously wondering if life is worth it if I never have someone love me.\n\nI take meds, go to therapy. But it's not helping. I'm overweight so I cant help but think some of the reason why my dating pool sucks is because I'm ugly. I havent been eating really and when I do I purge. I've lost almost 4lbs this week. \n\nI feel like something very real is missing in my life and after yet another rejection I dont have any hope left. I dont know how much longer I can go on feeling this bad.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please i need advice and i dont know what to do.",
    "post_text": "Hi i really need advice and dont know what to do. I have failed my first semester of college like complete fail and now im pretty sure i have to pay back my financial aid and itll get cut off. Is going to the military the only option i have now? I honestly have no idea what to do. Please i need help! Im having ideas of just killing myself at this point because of the constant failures i have done over the years and i just cant take it anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What helps you get through the day?",
    "post_text": "It's been four months since I turned eighteen and everything seems to be a mess for me. My depression is severe and it's getting the best out of me, my anxiety is consuming me and it hurts me badly. My ptsd (long story) really gets me to have these attacks where I'm not myself and I just experience more pain.\n\nI've tried counseling for years, I've had depression ever since I was eleven and my mother passed away the day after mothers day. I've talked to my boyfriend a lot about my issues and my feelings and I really don't want him to have to carry more and have more on his plate. I really love him.. I want to be able to support myself and try to find something that can help me get through the day.\n\nSo, my question is, what helps you get through the day? What thoughts do you think that help you get through it all? Coping strategies? (I play a lot of  video games but sometimes it's just not enough for me) Is there any way to express your feelings more appropriately and not have everything just overwhelm you and you explode?\n\nI know not everyone is the same, and that many answers will vary, but I'm trying to get out of my old habits and I just need some help and support. *I want to better myself, and I don't exactly know how to.*",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Mental Illnesses aren't real...?",
    "post_text": "My friend told me that mental illness wasn't real.\n\nI've been suffering from Depression and Anxiety Disorder for the past 4 years. What he said, hit me really hard. \n\nHe said, in the past people never had such things, he said only the new generation is too weak, that they use mental illness as an excuse to get out of things.\n\nAnd right now, it's really sending me on a downward spiral. I feel so miserable. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. And if it doesn't exist, then was all these years of medication and therapy for nothing? Has my life just been a huge excuse? \n\nI'm so confused right now, someone please make some sense.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "\"Some people would rather have a dead son or dead friend than a gay/bi son or gay/bi friend.\" I wish to be free from this pain and hiding/fear/isolation",
    "post_text": "I hate myself. I wish I could tell at least my closest friends, but it doesn't feel like the right time yet. Everyone's also going through their own problems. I pushed some of my old friends from church away by ghosting them without explanation. \n\nI even saw on Facebook that some of my old friends went to the Pride March. One of them was even an old friend I've been meaning to catch up with, but still couldn't. I regret isolating myself from them until we are no longer close to each other. I wish I could be brave enough.\n\nThen again, my family's religious and my dad would flip since he's an active member in our Catholic church/choir. I'm not as religious as I was back then. I might consider myself as an agnostic/atheist now (though there's still some part of me that believes there's a God up there) \n\nI wish to be free from this pain.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Thinking about suicide watch",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve recently been feeling suicidal. I take antidepressants and meds for my anxiety but they haven\u2019t been working the best recently. My dad, brother and sister will be out of town for the next week so it will just be my mom and I home. I want to go to the hospital or er this week and tell them that I\u2019ve been thinking about suicide. I don\u2019t want to worry the rest of my family so I thought this would be a good time to go. I want to know if this is a good idea and what happens if I go and tell doctors and nurses this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend is suicidal and I\u2019m worried for her.",
    "post_text": "One of my friends is feeling incredibly depressed and suicidal, she\u2019s had a recent break up with someone and it hasn\u2019t made any of that better, she isn\u2019t eating much and I\u2019m really worried for her. I\u2019ve tried to help her by saying what she should do but she doesn\u2019t seem to be listening to me, do any of you know what I should do? I\u2019m thinking of telling the school again.\n\nThis is effecting me aswell, I\u2019m feeling kinda down, not to the point she is though.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My confidence has declined well within the negatives.",
    "post_text": "I don't quite know if I should fully go into every detail or not. But here goes.\n\nI'm so unbelievably inconfident and depressed that nothing, nothing gets through to me. Not a single compliment, not a single word of positivity gets through into my mind. And I feel so utterly lost, I keep losing friends and I keep having to get dumped by my partners. I've frankly had enough of this nightmare and I wish I could just escape. I tried repeating a positive affirmation to myself, for a month, hundreds of times a day, but nothing changed. I tried being more productive, and I still am, but it's still just complete and utter misery. What am I supposed to do? I've got no therapist to help me for another 2 months or so, and I doubt they'll be able to help, not a single therapist in my life has. I feel drained, empty and worthless, if I wasn't scared or fearful, I'd be dead. I do feel highly suicidal, but I'm too weak of a person to actually go through with it. Please, this is the last cry of help I can give with the energy I have left..I need something, one last try. This is my very first post, and this place was my only last resort.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Have recently started to come to terms with the fact that I'm a loser.",
    "post_text": "While I am badly depressed, that is not the depression talking-- Other than the basement and the parents I meet the exact stereotypical requirements of a loser. While I have my reasons for the way I turned out-- I won't invoke them here so as to render them excuses. The fact is-- I have a personality like a moldy sponge-- covered in cooling diahria. That's not all that's holding me back though-- aside from a badly wrenched spine and triple hernias-- two of which are inguinal, the third one in my navel has never been patched-- my asthma has somehow gotten so bad that they briefly identified it as COPD. I don't think I'm quite staring down the barrel of that last depressive step yet-- but I'm at the stage where I see things for what they are and I feel them closing in. I live off of supplemental income-- I'm being thrown out of the room of the house I'm renting tomorrow to-- if not the street, than a rundown motel for a few days-- then the street. I have applications through for apartments-- that I had to rely on a \"friend\" that I basically leech off of to make for me-- because I just can't mentally handle having to do stuff like that for myself. I don't drive. I have no actual family-- most who meet me hate me straight off and the rest always do eventually-- so maybe that's ironically for the best. Bottom line; I'm waking up to myself, and realizing that I just can't \"me\" anymore. I'm not suicidal yet-- but I can hear it out there on the wind out there. Yet nor do I particularly care about self improvement. I just wanna be able to hack a passably comfortable life on my own merits-- with some real friends I'm not bleeding of their energy and resources-- who can honestly say they'd come to my funeral and actually mourn. In a nutshell: I want the misery to stop. I have no actual skills in much of anything, nor the basic knowledge of even how to obtain them-- while these things may not have been my fault to start with-- it seems the blame has-- in my thirties-- at least partially shifted to me. I don't like that, I don't like ME-- I just need this shit to end. Something's just gotta give, you know?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just want a hug.",
    "post_text": "I'm 16, male, and I have no idea where I'm going.\n\nEveryone around me wants to do something with their lives, they have their shit figured out, and they know where they want to go and what they want to do. I have no clue.\n\nI've taken test after test trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be, but nothing fits. All I want to do is sit down and rest. \n\nI spend 99% of my time doing *stuff*. I'm on a competitive rowing team, I'm a straight A student, and I'm finishing up my Eagle Scout rank. All of this work, and I feel like nothing is coming out of it. I feel empty.\n\nI have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel lost. \n\nAnd that's only half of my issue. \n\nI just want to be hugged, I want someone to cuddle and talk with, but nobody's there. I want to feel like I matter to someone other than my family, I want to share my life with someone. But I can't do that. Not at this age. \n\nI'm just so mad about it, I feel like crying and giving up on all of it, but I know that would only make it worse.\n\nI'm just tired of the waiting. I wish time would move faster. I wish I could figure it all out. I wish I had someone to love.\n\nAnd I know it only gets worse. I can't see myself living past 20. I can't even visualize it. I'll be lucky if I get that far.\n\nThanks for listening, and have a nice day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm 20 and I kinda sorta hate myself",
    "post_text": "Sup I'm 20 and I genuinely feel hopeless and hate myself. I don't really feel like there's anything in my life to be super proud of, like I've been unemployed for a few months, I don't have a drivers license, I've never had a girlfriend, I'm not in super great shape and I hate myself for not taking steps to change anything. It's like I'd rather just wallow in my own sadness then actually go do something about it even though all I want to do is be happy. I don't want to sound like the stereotypical 4chan incel but the never having a girlfriend part especially bothers me, like to the point where if I see a pretty girl in public or I see someone my age on social media being in a nice relationship or something I get like jealous and sad, and I don't want to be like that I should be happy for those people but I'm just not. I feel like such a huge loser who is going to be stuck just loathing myself forever. Any of my friends or family members I've spoken to have told me it will get better and I'm a great dude but it just doesn't make me feel any less worthless to myself. I'd appreciate anything anyone has to say. Thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Isolated, Haven't left my house since Feb.",
    "post_text": "Hi, im Chuck, 29, suffer from bi polar disorder, massive depression disorder, ptsd, and anxiety.  my anxiety got so bad that i stopped leaving my bed in 2012 when i was 22. spent 3 years alone till i almost died from not eating.   \n\ni have severe nerve damage in my legs, i can walk not(took 9 months to relearn how to) i reconnected with an old friend and we hung out for close to a year, then i mentioned that someone brought bed bugs to the hotel i live in (long story)  and he hasn't seen me in  person since feb because hes too afraid hell end up getting bed bugs.  i have no one to talk to , most of my friend ditched me when my anxiety got bad, my best friend moved a state over. i spend all day in front of my computer basically waiting to pass away.  i call this hotline for human interaction but my phone is off because there's some issue with my account.   \n\n​\n\nidk what to do, im just at my wits end, no one wants anything to do with me and i just dont wanna be here anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with depression",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone, \n\nThis is my first time on reddit and my first time posting. I am sure many people face issues that are much worse than mine, but I don't know what to do anymore other than ask for help. English is not my first language so I apologise for any mistakes. \n\nFor context: I am 24 yo, female,  with a stable job and a loving boyfriend. By all means I should be happy right? Well I started feeling more and more depressed a few months ago and so far, it hasn't changed. I don't feel like eating and have lost weight, I don't feel like going out or hanging out with people and I could literally spend my whole day sleeping (which I did for the past two days, missing work), I often find myself crying for no reason and I don't enjoy anything anymore. \n\nMy boyfriend is abroad for a while because of his studies, and so I am able to hide from him most of the time. But it's getting harder and harder and I think he is starting to lose patience. Our last two conversations was him telling me that he is sick of me moaning every two days and crying for no reason.\n\nThis is not the first time I have been depressed, and usually it follows something bad, but this time I feel like it's all in my head  and it's Something that I can't get out of. It's starting to impact my job, my Relationship and everything else in my life...Do any of you have any advice for me? \n\n​\n\nThank you for taking the time to read this post!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My boyfriend is depressed, how do I help?",
    "post_text": "I haven't really dealt with depression, my boyfriend on the other hand, has become depressed over the last few months, about things in his life that haven't turned out well, his appearance, among other things. He has been feeling this way fora while and today was a breaking point for him. I have been with him 2 years and I've never seen him cry. Today, when I got home from work, he was visibly upset and crying. I'm not sure how to help, what to say or anything really, I'm at a loss.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My heart is broken!",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone! I do this first time in my life, write a post about my problems. Yesterday, girl left me. Yes, \u201cgirl\u201d, not \u201cgirlfriend\u201d. We know each other a half of year and I love her, but she doesn\u2019t. That\u2019s okay! The idea of stopping relationship is mine, because this is very difficult. She allowed me to get her hand, we walked holding hand. I thought relationships was developing, but no. I asked her what happened, and after long conversation we realized that she doesn\u2019t feel that feel I. Now I am thinking about her constantly. That was my third relationship and previous relationships were easier, I mean stopping. I am disappointed in the relationship and it seems that everything is lost for me. Could you please share the way how you struggle with this kind of depression?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Discord is awful, and I'm crying.",
    "post_text": "When I ask to join a server with all my old friends who disliked me, I get a blatant \"fuck no\" from probably all the moderators. Everyone there is my friend, and I just want to feel happy again when being with my old friends.\n\nI know I hurt my friends emotionally, but I've changed and I'm doing better. But... They just won't move on, and them not moving on lead me to doing bad things to myself (cutting, hurting myself, contemplating suicide). My life doesn't feel the same anymore. Discord is my only source of friends, I have no friends IRL, so I look forward to seeing other people. But people decide to be toxic... And just won't leave me alone when I'm trying to move on. \n\nYes, I've gotten a few disabilities from trauma. Alexithymia, higher emotional sensitivity, voices in my head, anxiety. It sucks. I wish it would go away.\n\nI wish I had friends. Real ones I could hug and kiss. So I can be happy. My current new friends on Discord think I'm a snowflake because of how sensitive I am, but I always try to explain what I've been through and why I act certain ways.\n\nIf you want to know about my person (i.e age, hobby, personality.) Just ask me under my comment.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Suicide note",
    "post_text": "Ive been trying to write my suicide note for about a week now and i cant think of anything to put on it. Whenever i look up ideas on google i get the usual bullshit like \"you are loved\" or they try to tell you to just keep it to yourself (in other words a fake suicide note you use to vent) like if i were loved i wouldnt be trying to write my suicide note.\n\nHonestlh its not like it matters if i leave a note no one will read it just like no one ever reads/hears my pleas for help, or my attempts to just have a conversation with them, my friends ignore me, support sites ignore me, whenever i try to make friends on a friend sub everyone ignores my comments/posts and if they dont they ghost me after a few messages. No one gives a shit about me when im alive why would they care when im dead?\n\nIm not looking for fake \"people care\"s or \"i care\"s im sick of strangers telling me they care when theyve never met me because if they did they wouldnt care. I just want ideas for what to put on my note, im trying to not make it an angry note otherwise id be able to write a book.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what to do",
    "post_text": " \n\nI just graduated from high school recently and I thought that would help with all my anxiety but I'm just sitting in my room feeling lifeless. I don't sleep or eat regularly, and I barely know the time. The past 5 years have been really difficult for me, and I've only had 2 people to talk to, one being a school counsellor. I think they just prolonged whatever I have but nothing really helps. I stopped having constant suicidal thoughts since 3 months ago, but it was so sudden and I just feel this lethargic tiredness always lurking. I don't know if it's residual or it's because everything's physically taking a toll on me.\n\nEven when everything I thought was giving me stress was over, nothing changed.\n\nAnd I have been trying to go out and meet my friends. I\u2019ve been out of my house more these days than most of my life combined.\n\nI thought whatever I was feeling might have been situational but I don't think it is. I've tried swallowing pills a bunch of times and hurting myself and nothing happened, so I took that as a sign to try to be more healthy, but it's not really working. I felt completely fine and then a few weeks ago I took 24 colored pills and thought maybe something would happen, and I just ended up with nausea and a stomach ache. That's not normal, is it? I even took cough syrup with it. I don't get how nothing can happen, and I really don't get why I'm still doing these things when I'm not under stress (which is usually the only reason I would hurt myself when it all started).\n\nI can't meet a paid professional because my parents wouldn't ever believe me. They're not bad people but they're ignorant and misguided, and that mental illnesses only exist for people with 'real trauma'. They'd say I was lying or faking it. And believe me, I've tried approaching the topic with them. I had 2 panic attacks in front of them and they still wouldn't let me meet a mental health counsellor even when we went to the hospital and the doctor recommended it.\n\nWhat's wrong with me?\u00a0I'm just stuck. I don't even know why I'm making this post. I think maybe writing about it helps, but honestly maybe I'm just trying to reach out for help. I'm not really sure about my feelings at this point.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice on being productive when you feel exhausted and done withe everything?",
    "post_text": "I never want to get out of bed but I have to, I've got my nephew to watch and also my uncle needs help with various things, and my mom as well, and I know I'm expected to clean as well, and I have tons of errands that I have to run. \n\nBut I don't want to do it at all. None of it. I'm actually really tired. My doc has referred me to an infectious disease specialist and a rheumatologist  but I just don't want to go. I have zero energy and it could very well just be depression. I've been dealing with these thoughts and emotions for about ten years and have always been very high functioning to the point where if I talk about this to my family no one will believe me or will just say snap out of it. But I'm literally so damn tired. No energy. Face on the ground, don't want to get up. I can't push myself anymore like I used to and I'd like to dissipate into thin air at this point.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What\u2019s the point?",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what to do anymore. I do everything \u2018by the book\u2019: medication, therapists, exercise, meditate, eat well, listen to a variety of self-help/happiness/loving-kindness podcasts, etc... and am still struggling.\n\nI have full time work, am an averagely successful 40 yo (diagnosed at 13yo). I am exhausted with the perpetual overcoming of depression- starting to feel a glimmer of normality just to get kicked down. \n\nTired of hiding, ignoring the hurt. Exhausted with donning the fake smile accompanied by the heavy headdress of \u201call is well in my world\u201d. \n\nTired of not being accepted/understood and being a burden to those around me. I hate knowing that I just drag people down. I don\u2019t have anyone close who understands. I feel so lost, so tired, so alone. What\u2019s the point of all of this? Why keep going?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dont know what to do",
    "post_text": "18/M. First of all I want to say that my English is not the best. I hope you guys can understand what I am trying to say.\n\none day after I felt bad for like 1 year I finally talked to my mom about my feelings and my mental health. I told her that I am \"unmotivated\" to do something for school, go outside with friends (don't even have some) or even clean up my room. He said something like \"ok I respect and understand that\" (Summarized)\nAnd after a couple of weeks she was still asking why I am like that and not doing anything. \nI don't know how to explain my her so she can understand me and my feelings so Its easier for me and her to life together and find help for me.\nI think she doesn't understood me right an dont \"comprehend\". \n\nCan someone help me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel so fucked and alone and I don't know what to do",
    "post_text": "I got fired yesterday, got into a car accident last Monday. \n\nI have no car. I have 10 pounds to my name until the first of August.\n\nI'm so fucked. Every time I open up to people, it doesn't seem like they care. My girlfriend doesn't seem to care and she's starting to get really mad at me for talking about my feelings so much.\n\nI feel really, really alone. I live by myself and I have like two friends.\n\nI don't know what to do, I really don't. \n\nMy life just seems like shit. All year it has been shit. I really want to give up. I really fucking want to give up.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do I have the right to be upset with my s/o for deciding to \u201ctaking a break\u201d during a depressive episode?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m on mobile so please excuse the formatting. \nI have been dealing with depression for awhile. I\u2019ve been in a long term relationship for 3 years. Recently, he has told me he can\u2019t handle my episodes. I have mostly good days but still some bad days. Yesterday, I had an awful day. I couldn\u2019t get out of bed, and when I finally did I was felt like a zombie. I was extremely vulnerable, crying, and deeply sad. \n\nYesterday he told me I was becoming too much to handle. He\u2019s told me he doesn\u2019t have the capability to feel empathy, so every time I have an episode he thinks I\u2019m fighting with him. I\u2019ve told him multiple times I\u2019m having an internal battle that has nothing to do with him. My episode was stressing him out and he left. We live together and he went to stay with his cousin that lives 3 hours away. I don\u2019t want to be alone and I\u2019ve never felt so angry at myself for making him leave. I just need comfort and support. I don\u2019t know when he\u2019s coming back. I have never felt more alone. Am I overreacting?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Government won't support my parents any longer for having me",
    "post_text": "Disclaimers: Never posted on reddit before, but I don't know who else to talk to.   \nThe grammar will be off because I am quite upset as I type this, my apologies. \n\n  \nQuick backstory: I've suffered from depression ever since I was around 16, now I'm soon-to-be 25. I tried seeing a therapist back when I was 18 and started university. She was truly awful and I thought I had no right to see a therapist. \n\nFast forward to january 2019, I decided to try another therapist because I am truly incapable of living in this state. I still haven't finished university. I'm trying but failing. I'm incapable of doing most tasks, let alone focus on studying. Although I have a job I don't get paid much. I depend on my parents who try to support me, but soon won't have the governments support because I'm too old to count as a child. \n\nI just found out and I feel aweful. I never wanted to be a burden to my parents. They're not made of money, and although my mom said she won't kick me out, I know she's growing impatient. She's having  a difficult time understanding me anyways and this will only make it so much harder. \n\n  \nI struggle very hard not to let the thought of \"ending it all so they'll be better of\" take over. Because I know my mom won't be better of knowing I've commited suicide. I don't want to die. I just can't live.  Does anyone on this reddit know how to deal with this?\n\n  \nI should talk to my therapist about this, I know. But my next session won't be for another 2 weeks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does therapy really help?",
    "post_text": "New to Reddit. I (26, female) have been suffering from depression since 18, when I started college. I\u2019ve also recently developed anxiety disorder within the year. My depression is crippling and I don\u2019t remember that last time I\u2019ve actually felt happiness. I\u2019m always stressed and anxious. I can\u2019t focus. I feel anxiety around my lifelong friends and boyfriend.  I feel unloved. I\u2019ve failed in my career. I\u2019ve gained weight. I just don\u2019t love myself. Though I\u2019ve suffered for a long time with what I would say is SEVERE anxiety, I have not seeked help yet. I always think I can help myself..but obviously not. I\u2019m wondering if therapy really helps. I want to avoid medication at all costs. Can anyone who has seen a therapist tell me what the experience was and if it helped?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It\u2019s like I\u2019m not allowed to feel this way",
    "post_text": "Recently, my depression symptoms have been worse. My mom brought me to the doctor and because I\u2019m too afraid to open up, my trash doctor thinks I\u2019m faking so he told me to smile more and think positive. Now my father thinks like my doctor and every time I\u2019m feeling down, he becomes angry at me for feeling that way when I can\u2019t help it. It\u2019s like I\u2019m not allowed to be depressed. Nobody understands my pain. But I understand because I never fully opened up. Any advice for handling my situation?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone just tell me it\u2019ll be okay please.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m too exhausted to even type this. I\u2019m sorry I don\u2019t have enough Karma, I just never have enough gumption to post and I migrate accounts often for feeling like I\u2019ve messed up.\n\nThese past few weeks have been tough. I\u2019ve been bottling it all in and I\u2019m just so tired. I\u2019ve noticed signs of depression through an increase in sensitivity, time spent crying which went from nothing to suddenly tearing up at night.. I\u2019ve noticed myself being unable to clean my room or find energy to go work out, and I either sleep too long and feel guilty or spend all night awake exhausted but unable to sleep. I\u2019m so tired. I can\u2019t do anything, I can\u2019t even hang around my friends because it feels like they hate me or I\u2019m not good enough. I either try to starve myself to feel the pain of hunger or overeat to get rid of the pain. I have no one to talk to. I feel guilty and I\u2019m not diagnosed so I\u2019m wondering if I\u2019m just faking it, but I\u2019m too scared to bring it up to my doctor because last time she brushed it aside.\n\nI can\u2019t talk to my parents because one is mad at me and the other thinks I\u2019m dramatic. I don\u2019t know what I want, if anything can someone just please tell me it\u2019ll be ok?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Asking people to call to wake you up?",
    "post_text": "Have you done it? Did it help? Did it make the person you asked feel weird, even if you were close?\n\nLooking at my daily schedule the amount I sleep in and nap is the most unhealthy and detrimental part (I spend a lot of time ruminating and having negative thoughts and then feel bad since I oversleep, as I am sure a lot of you are familiar with). I asked my friend to call me today and it helped. Even with alarms I don't get up. Hearing an actual person helped, I think.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cleaning service?",
    "post_text": "I feel lots of shame posting this.\n\nI pretty much live in my partner's room (she lives with roommates). Both of us have depression & anxiety symptoms flaring up, and she has chronic pain. We've been very isolated to our room. It's already been cluttered and disorganized by her move 1 year ago, and since we have very little energy, it's more and more cluttered, including boxes of take-out.\n\nIts state affects us very much and though we've tried again and again to gain motivation and energy to at least do small things, we haven't been able to do much.\n\nWe talked a few times about reaching out for someone to clean and reorganize our room. I also know a few skill-trading groups where I could ask for help, and offer some kind of compensation. I also thought of asking friends for help, but I'm scared of imposing. We don't have that much money either, but honestly we haven't been able to do much for a while now and I just need help to take a step forward. I just feel like I'm being very lazy doing so. And I'm not sure where to start. Did anyone considered or tried doing something like that? Does it make sense?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am i special?",
    "post_text": "So for some reason my dad(step-dad) just absolutely loves telling me \"your not special\" lately. Its really stupid of him, like for example, yesterday we were going somewhere and he came in my room and said its time to go. Okay. No problem. So i get up from my piano, and put my phone in my pocket. And as were walking out the door he goes \"oh put your phone up, your not special.\" In such a demeaning tone, that i just responded \"yea ik. I never said i was.\" And he just gave me a shitty look. There's been more times. And lately its started to get to me. Idk what to do..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wearing My \"Social Mask\" Exhausts Me",
    "post_text": "I feel like I'm losing my ability to cope with being around people. Even those I like and am friends with? Being around people has always felt like it's depleting a little HP bar somewhere inside me because I have some inner pressure constantly to be likable and interesting. It's shattering.\n\nBut it's getting worse. I'm finding it harder and harder to resist the temptation of isolation and then FOMO starts kicking my ass too. Can't win. Just feel miserable...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m lost",
    "post_text": "I (16M) am currently in high school  as a sophomore and have been in a depression for 3 years now and it happened when i was play fighting with my older brother who as if now is 30 years old and i faked having my neck being hurt and my dad who was drunk at the time thought my brother actually hurt my neck and accidentally hit him with a belt and my brother started to fight back and they were punching each other while that happened i didn\u2019t do anything to stop them i ran to my room started to cover my head with my hands and say its all my fault over and over again they eventually made up but to me that experience was so awful it scarred me and i will never forget it anything bad that happened to my family i always blamed it on myself and i tried to talk to my family about my severe lack of motivation and very low self esteem but my family wont help me they see me as the black sheep of the family everyone in my family is happy and joyous meanwhile i\u2019m the only one who\u2019s extremely negative and sad all the time my Brother who i thought could help me only says things to me like why are you so negative and then when i mess something up or do something wrong he calls me worthless i\u2019m just starting not to care anymore i still don\u2019t know how to drive i\u2019ve never had a job before i\u2019m extremely anti social i cant go to the gas station to get some soda or snacks anymore because i worry i might say something wrong or if people are talking behind me i feel as if they are talking about me and i start to wonder if i did something wrong but i just want to get out of this depression i want to know how it feels to wake up one sunny morning to birds chirping and have a big happy smile on my face instead of waking up at 2:00 pm because i can only fall asleep at 4 in the morning and am always tired because of my lack of sleep i want to know who i am i want to have a reason to live a reason to keep going i have no goals i don\u2019t know what i want to be but i want to be something anything instead of being in my room all day with headphones on and watching the internet and playing videogames",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I made a suicide plan and it scares me",
    "post_text": "I'm not intending to commit suicide. But I came up with a plan, for the event that I changed my mind, I guess. I've struggled with depression/anxiety for a long time, but I've never had as concrete an idea of how I would do it until now. And that really scares me.  \n\n\nI have a neurological disorder that causes chronic pain and muscle spasms, and I feel like it's deteriorating my normal level of function. I have considered myself high-functioning for a long time. I've been in and out of therapy (currently out) for years, but it's never been helpful. \n\nTherapists have told me I seem very self-aware, but that I'm closed off. It's a struggle to talk to anyone about anything personal, especially if it's negative. So this is really hard for me, to post like this. I'm hoping the anonymity of the internet makes it easier.   \n\n\nI don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my life about this. I don't want them to know, or blame themselves, or worry. But the dissociation and suicide ideation are getting really bad, and I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Morning disgust",
    "post_text": "Hello there. Been diagnosed with severe depression two years ago. Now i got rid of medications, and there has been no problem for month or two. School started and I noticed how often i would get sick due to weather change. I also started to be more nervous in open spaces, even at home. But the worst thing that came back are the mornings... each day, in early hours, I would wake up, with sudden... disgust? I dont know how to explain it... basically the thought of getting up is terrifying. It feels like torture. Whenever i would think of something positive, my brain would deny it, or even worse, make my positive thoughts negative. Telling me i am all alone, that this is forever, and that I am a bad person for not doing anything about it. I know i am very sensitive person, But i haven\u0165 seen anyone so terrified by this. People would judge me and tell me that it's my duty to go to school. They would start explaining it to me like I am some stupid outcast who thinks he can do whatever he wants. I know that i can\u0165, but this issue is stopping me from doing so. Now that it's back... I am terrified more than ever. It is easier to overcome it by getting up with no thought, but it is still hard and life consuming. I don't know what to do, have you ever experienced something like this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Deleting everything",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve thought about it a lot these past few months. I want to completely wipe all of my electronics and just get rid of them. There\u2019s nothing bad on them or anything, I just don\u2019t want to deal with it anymore. The only thing stopping me from doing so is my online friend. We\u2019ve been friends for about 3 years and he\u2019s the most supportive person I\u2019ve ever had in my life. If I get rid of everything, I won\u2019t be able to talk to him anymore. Part of me doesn\u2019t want to stay in touch with him though. It may sound weird but I feel like if I lose touch with someone important in my life such as him, I\u2019d have an excuse to cut ties with everyone else. I know it doesn\u2019t make much sense. \n\nIt\u2019s not only that though. I want to get rid of a majority of the things I own and I want to stop talking to people altogether.\n\nI wish I could just run away but I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m trying to run away from. I wish I could start life over again, but we all know that can\u2019t happen. My original plan was just to move far away when I turn 18, leave everything behind, and never look back. I don\u2019t know what I want to do or even what I should do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "17 yo male",
    "post_text": "I've been depressed for 5 years now and I really need help. I've struggled with cutting and self worth and self image. I finally opened up to my parents but it honestly didn't make it ANY better. I want help but I don't feel comfortable talking about it with many people. I'm a Christian but not a very mature one at that. My parents want me to read the Bible and find helpful verses and seek comfort and peace in God. While I agree it works i don't know if I'm mature enough to do it. Any advice would help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Losing hope.",
    "post_text": "How am I suppose to be a single father, work full time to provide for my family, while trying to get us out of the shelter system?  During this time I am dealing with my divorce and the one person that has been helping me is ignoring me. Now I'm questioning everything that I do, smiling on the outside so my kids dont see how much of a broken mess I am. I feel so overburdened, lost and just going through the motions until either something works out or it all fails. I sometime just wish I didnt exsist, but I know I cant just disappear because my kids need someone they can rely on,but who do I rely on? Who is going to help me? Im not religious and I cant believe in something without proof, so god isnt comforting it just feels like people are using it as a way to dismiss whats real. Idk what's going on but anymore I'm just losing everything while trying to hold everything together.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm terrified",
    "post_text": "I'm terrified that I'm going to spend the whole of my life wanting to die. I'm scared of suicide and don't want to attempt it, but I'm also afraid of living. \n\nI'm so scared of failing the people around me but I feel like I'll do that no matter what. I haven't spoken to my best mate in days (a long time for us), and I'm both terrified of losing him and of letting him down by being a burden. I just..can't pretend to be happy with him right now, but I don't want to bring him down to my level either or worry him. Hopefully he'll forget about me.... holy fuck, what if he forgets about me?\n\nI'm afraid of becoming overwhelmed by work, but I can't seem to get myself out of bed and get the work done. I'm too scared to face it.\n\nI'm scared of leaving my room in case I see roommates. I don't want to talk to them or for them to see me like this. I need to eat but I'm afraid of going out to buy food.\n\nI know I'm spiraling. I know the depression is taking over. I'm terrified of that happening, but at the same time I don't know if I WANT to be in control any more. I'm too scared of that too.\n\nFuck. I'm just afraid. Of everything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My wife has turned heartless, and it's making my whole soul want to writhe out of my body",
    "post_text": "I'm pretty sure my marriage is over and I just don't know what to do. Most would turn to their friends but I have none. Some would turn to their family, but my family has only anger.\n\nI've been horribly depressed most of my life, trying to kill myself at 8 years old. I have tried not giving a fuck and it's just never worked. I have no outlet for this feeling. No part of it is acceptable. I constantly say to control myself, but I hate myself so much.\n\nI don't know how to heal or to accept this path that she assures me I've chosen. I just want to keep my family together. I love this woman more than I have ever loved anything in my whole life, but she doesn't see it. I love my kids and their probably the only thing that's keeping me alive at this point.\n\nI don't know why I'm posting here. No one can tell me how to flip this situation to one where I succeed, that's up to her.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel my life is worthless, I'm ready to end it all, please help me. I've posted for help, and I don't know where to turn to now. I feel more depressed now than ever before in my life.",
    "post_text": "I've posted about my current situation in other subreddits asking for advice, people don't believe me. I don't know what to do. My posts get removed, I do not know why.\n\nHere is my situation, I posted about this on tifu and other subreddits.\n\nThrowaway account. This did not actually happen today, this has been a huge progressive fuck up that's been building up steam for months now. Please Reddit I need your help, and advice. Please!\n\nI've been married for 25 years, currently have 4 kids, and let me tell you when you've been married for this long, lot's of things can get into your head, shit rattles around there, echoes, ferments in a way that other's sometimes just can't comprehend. At times I feel blessed to have been married for so long, but at times living in here Tallahassee, in bum fuck Florida, in a shitty rental just gets to yea, you know? Sometimes the stresses of parenthood can be at times almost suffocating, I hope at least some of you out here, anyone really can just understand where I'm coming from. Working as an insurance broker living paycheck to paycheck wasn't my dream job, yet its the one I have to make due with, but I guess all this shit really started just after my 4th son was born, at home my relationship with my wife begun souring. Bills were piling up, and even after long hard days in the office my wife would yell, and cuss at me for wanting to smoke a pack of marlboro's, and drink some budweiser in peace in my living room, in the house I pay for like I always would but for some stupid ass reason she flipped on me. She began blue balling me since then, she stopped wanting to have fun in bed, time, and time again I would go to her, try to get it on like I had done before, and I just got no love from her, she acted like a cold hearted pasty white bitch, and not just when I was looking to get it on with her. But this pattern, this taboo purgatory I now found myself in, it was nothing temporary it became a new acceptance, a new reality, a new sign of defeat for me. Not only did I now have to put up with a shitty job, in a small home, where I couldn't even relax in peace like I used to, but now my wife was cutting me off from the little bit of pleasure I found being with her. I had dedicated nothing but my whole life, finances, everything I had to our family, and now this is the thanks I got. She would tell me to go, and play, and spend time with the kids like I hadn't, when she knew damn well I was exhausted after work at night times. So I decided from then on I had to do something about this set of unfortunate circumstances I now faced.\n\nInspired to go have some fun, and have finally a release I well deserved; after work I began instead of going straight back to my prison of a home, I instead decided to go out to bars, nightclubs, telling my wife when she texted about where I was, that I was just burning the midnight oil, working hard filing paperwork, just making up job crap she wouldn't even look into anyways. At those clubs I had the time of my life. It became like an addiction to me. For weeks upon weeks I'd go to different nightclubs, and bar hop night after night after work, I didn't just savior my time there I indulged in it, there I'd hook up with women looking for more than just fun. For some reason during this time I was able to hook up with a few local black chicks that'd be hitting the club scene, never in my life did I ever think I as a blond ass kid from Pensacola would I be hooking up like this, most of the times after drinking, and chatting with them, we'd hang out in my car, and have some fun in a parking lot we'd drive to, and spend a few hours at, during this time I'd never use protection, maybe it was the combination of being drunk, or dazed but at that time I just didn't care. During this time I met this hot black chick with an afro, we'll call her \"Mandy\", and after dancing with her at a nightclub late one night we really hit it off, but after my typical one night stand, this girl was different. We grew to have a connection, as days went by we started getting flirty over texts, and soon I grew to have a secret relationship with her, while my wife knew nothing about it. I even took several \"business trips\" to her place during this time. Every time I went it was well worth it. At first she was very sweet to me, and considerate, we even smoked pot together, which for me was a first. Finally for once in my life I thought I had found the perfect work life, sex balance. I'd wake up, say bye to the kids, go to work, afterwards let loose at the clubs till 3am, come back while the wife is asleep, and so on. And finally with Mandy in the mix, I had someone to actually connect to when I wanted. Unlike my wife she was in her early 20s, my wife late 40s, I've seen garbage fires that look better than her. Mandy always gave excellent blowjobs, its like she had lips of an angel, unlike my wife who never gave me oral. But that's when everything went to shit. Mandy came to me two weeks ago, and stated she's pregnant. She took a test, and showed me the results. I don't know what to do, I can't let my wife, or kids find out. Mandy is threatening to tell my wife, about her, and the baby. She has been calling he angrily about this, she blames me for her pregnancy, but she wants to keep that baby. She tells me she doesn't want to be \"just the other woman.\" She doesn't want to be \"a dirty little secret.\" I don't know what to do. I got so angry at that fucking bitch, we got into a heated argument. I haven't been going to work for the past few days now, I've been making sure Mandy doesn't come to my house, if she does, I'm thinking of calling the cops on that thug. I can't let my wife, or my kids know the truth. I need your help, please, what should I do? I need help, and advice. I want to save the marriage, I can't let my kids go through a divorce, my wife still does not know anything. I hate this whole fucking situation. I hate my life, why the hell would this happen to me?? How can I convince Mandy not to tell my wife? I don't know what to do, should I get a restraining order on her? Please help me anyone, I don't know who to go to for help.\n\nTL:DR had several affairs with women I met at nightclubs, hit it off really well with one, now she's pregnant, and wants to tell my wife!\n\nPlease help me, I don't want to live anymore, I'm thinking of running off, maybe buying a shotgun. Where can I turn to? Help please anyone. My life is worthless. I feel numb inside.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Those who\u2019ve dealt with it longer than I - how?",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019m a 20 y.o. F who\u2019s currently on her sophomore year in college. \nI was diagnosed with severe depression and a panic attack disorder about two years ago. \nSince then I\u2019ve dealt with two changes in medication, a suicide attempt and moving away to my own apartment and away from all my family and friends. \nSince starting school I\u2019ve realized I\u2019ve become incredibly isolated. The only time I\u2019ll have human touch is when my boyfriend visits me for the weekend, and unless a professor or a group member speaks to me, generally throughout the day I won\u2019t have a conversation with anyone.  Even my parents don\u2019t talk to me everyday. \nI\u2019ve joined a DnD group and have made attempts to push myself out of this crippling isolation but how do you make friends when more than have your days are bad mental health days? \nMy depression has worsened significantly since moving and to help myself I got a 3 month old puppy that I\u2019m training to be my service animal. Honestly, that baby is most of the reason I get out of bed as puppies don\u2019t care if you have depression - they need to be trained. \nI\u2019ve also made another doctors appointment to see about yet another med adjustment. I also got in contact with a therapist but I honestly don\u2019t see how it will help much being as though I can only go to one session a month. \nI just don\u2019t know how I\u2019m supposed to live like this? Like is this going to be my life from now on- just barely struggling by with less than a hand full of people who would actually give a shit if I failed miserably? \nI just need to hear from more experienced depressed individuals- how did you survive?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just want to quit everything and say @&*% it, need advice",
    "post_text": "Long story \n\n20yo, 3rd year in college and having a very rough patch. I was one of those \u201cgifted\u201d kids that never studied which started biting me in the butt once I got to IB high school. Got burnt out before I even got to college. Had issues with depression in high school as well. \n\nFast forward to today and this semester isn\u2019t even half way over and I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019m going to fail 4/6 of my classes, I have no motivation to do anything nor can I make myself care about not failing exams. I would hate the professors but I just feel too exhausted to give a crap about them. Half the time I don\u2019t show up to classes, even the ones I liked at the beginning of the semester, and when I do show up I\u2019m sitting staring at a wall or rewatching a dumb video on reddit or instagram or whatever. \n\nI\u2019ve regularly had suicidal thoughts since high school about jumping off a parking garage or crashing my car but I know I\u2019ll never do it because of my family and my pet and responsibilities or whatever. \n\nI know I need to work at it and all but I can\u2019t seem to find the \u201clight at the end of the tunnel\u201d. I can feel anxious about failing a class but I can\u2019t bring myself to really care about it. My best friend says I\u2019m just burnt out and my therapist is considering medication. I just don\u2019t know what to do or how to get past just pushing through and get to \u201cliving for myself\u201d. Not sure if this all made sense. \n\nTLDR: lack of motivation doesn\u2019t even come close to describing how I feel about life. Not sure if medication helps this or not and could use some advice in general on how to get through depressive episodes.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im 21 yrs old, have never kissed a girl, the loneliness is killing me",
    "post_text": "**Sorry for the rant:** So yea, it kinda sucks - I was never the popular kid in school really and honestly didnt have many friends back in highschool, and have only had 1 actual girlfriend (I had 2 others during junior high but...you know...those dont count as it was junior high and they only lasted like 1 week each lol) who had what ill call \"bad character traits\" for someone you want to have as your girlfriend. Ive come to terms with it and am fine with it since im in the adult world now and have more to focus on, however I cant help feel depressed as im going to be finished college within a year, going to be buying a 2 part house with my parents eventually and actually start my career and adult life but I cant ever seem to get girls to even look at me and its honestly depressing. \n\nOntop of that even if girls *were* interested in me I wouldnt know how to read any signs or know a good way to ask them out - the closest I came was last year with a girl in one of my classes but I heard her talk about her boyfriend and that kinda put a stop to any thoughts about dating her around then. Adding to this im always feeling lonely most of the time, as pretty much all my friends in college have girlfriends or have atleast have had a better and more eventful relationship then me. Its getting to the point where im thinking to myself im just not one of those people persons because i generally work better by myself, and will end up growing old and alone except being that kind of person terrifies me because thats now how I want to live my life. Anyway I guess thats my first rant on here, I would appreciate any advice someone can give me to help stop the loneliness or be more of a people person, going to post this in the other sub and see if I can get any help there.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me. I cant fucking do this.",
    "post_text": "I cant fucking do this. I cant fucking do this. Its been so goddamn long since ive actually felt happy.\nI hate myself and i dont really feel like i have anything to look forward to. Ive tried it all, meds, therapy, hobbies,tv shows, books, work. Nothing works. Im still at sqaure one. I still come home ever day barely keeping myself from just ending it.\nNo one would miss me. Im so fucking generic and useless. Im not even a good person. Truth be told, im defensive and hot tempered to the point where anyone that has made an effort to get closer to me is driven away pretty early. I feel like i have no control over this nightmare rather im just along for the ride. \nIve tried, i genuinely tried and nothing works.\nI feel so isolated.\nIm so alone.\nI cant tell whats real and whats not.\n\nNot that anyone here really cares, i guess part of me hopes someone will tell me something i havent heard before, some actual advice , thats worked for other people- or at the very least give me a reason not to curl up and die.\nOr ill just get the whole \"it doesnt work like that\" thing\nFuck this is pointless too isnt it.\nI hate myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "First off im not sure if i have depression or not, i hope thats not a problem here, but I want to tell my parents how i feel and have been feeling for the past 2 years now, i just don't know how to even begin to do that, if anyone here has had to do this or knows a good way to do it plz let me know ( ive never told or hinted at this to my parents before, i think they know something wrong but they most likely are thinking laziness or something) im scared as hell of doing this to but i feel like i have to because im afraid of myself at this point, what i might do, ive been thinking about suicide for a while now, i hardly smile and its genuine, i don't want to die but at the same time i do but thats not the point, im not on meds and im not going to a therapist, hell i dont even know whats wrong with me, thats why i need to tell them so i can figure out how to help myself",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I forgive myself?",
    "post_text": "7 years ago I met this amazing girl on Instagram when we were both 13.  She lived in Ohio and I was from Massachusetts. We talked as friends and grew into a relationship. At the time I knew I wanted her for the rest of my life but I still fell into selfish ways. I would break up with her and talk to other girls. While she just waited cause she was head over heals for me and then we\u2019d get back together and that happened countless times.. the final time I broke up with her I really didn\u2019t want to. I was taking advice from my dad because some stuff went down and we were going to meet in person again for another summer and we\u2019d already been talking for 3 years online. So I asked my dad if I should wait till next summer to finally take the chance? I was angry that we couldn\u2019t see each other and I was upset.. we\u2019d been planning all year to meet this time and it was ruined because of some stupid stuff she did with her friends.. my dad told me that eventually I\u2019d find someone else and I shouldn\u2019t waste my youth on one relationship when there\u2019s thousands of different chances.. so I broke up with her.. it was one of the hardest parts of her life. She was alone and hurting because I left her again.. I had a itch in the back of my mind that \u201cthis isn\u2019t what you want don\u2019t make the same stupid mistakes again, you\u2019re in love with her..\u201d a few weeks go by or maybe months and she found someone else. A physical relationship and I just broke. I said some really cruel things to her, very very cruel things.. she told me \u201cI want you to hurt like you hurt me\u201d and I went ballistic and i said \u201cfine you want to see me hurt?\u201d And I proceeded to cut my self at least a hundred times on my thighs and repeatedly sending her pictures of what I was doing and she begged me to stop and she cried and she pleaded and I just wouldn\u2019t.. years go by she\u2019s been in a few relationships and we don\u2019t talk.. I find a girl who abused me but I took it because I felt that\u2019s what I deserved.. she cheated on me and left me, I was having a breakdown and the girl from Ohio would occasionally check on me. She saw that we broke up and she messaged me. Her relationship with her last boyfriend wasn\u2019t really working out and they broke up so we decided to talk again as friends and help each other out.. she eventually went to a mental hospital because she wanted to kill herself but I called her everyday she was there.. we had amazing conversations and I could tell she was starting to feel okay now that she was taking medication and getting some therapy.. when she got out I bought her a plane ticket and she came to see me, spent a month here and everything was going amazing and we started dating again.. when she went home I really missed her, we\u2019d talk on the phone and text and stuff but I really missed her. I was supposed to fly out in November so I can be there for her birthday but I begged she\u2019d come back in October cause I missed her so much, because of that she missed her appointments and couldn\u2019t get her medication and stuff and she\u2019s been here for a bit now. But she doesn\u2019t want to be with me.. the month before everything seemed okay. It was like we were in love again and she said that she thought she was but now that she\u2019s off her medication she\u2019s falling back into her old toxic behaviors she started developing after the things I did to her.. we argued a lot the first week she was here and I wish I would\u2019ve just kept my mouth shut and I wish that I would\u2019ve just went in November because we\u2019d probably still be together right now.. she leaves October 24th and it kills me seeing her here knowing that I had her again.. knowing I was a lot better.. but she doesn\u2019t want me anymore.. she says she doesn\u2019t want anyone for awhile until she can love herself.. and there\u2019s basically no chance I\u2019ll have her back.. how do I forgive myself? How do I stop hating myself? How do I love myself? How do I let her go? How do I stop these suicidal thoughts? I\u2019d really appreciate some advice.. I know I don\u2019t deserve sympathy.. that\u2019s not what I want.. I want to be okay.. I want to be able to keep living.. but my thoughts are bringing me down and killing me..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am i the bad guy in this situation?",
    "post_text": "Okay hi im new here.\nI just want to know if im really a bad person for doing what i did.\nI worked at a bar. And i served more or less men that only ask about sex and annoying stuff like that ( im a girl btw)my boss is like 23 y/o and at the start things were okay but at the end i was the only one cleaning around the place and the people liked me the most (or so they say) and today she told me its all my fault why everything has gone to shit. That she and the other girl that works there have families and houses to look after etc.\nAnd that i dont have it that bad in life \n( i started not wanting to go to work anymore cuz i had a depressive episode for like a month straight) i hated working there. I wasnt this depressed i  years. I was at my lowest point. I did not want to leave my bed let alone work with people that would only drive me more insaine.\nSo. Am i just dumb and should suck it up and just work? Im so confused. I feel bad for quiting that job but i really didnt like it.\nI just felt so bad that everything was my fault again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need help",
    "post_text": "\n\n\nSo I usually don\u2019t do this and I\u2019m not sure if anyone will respond but I just feel like I need to say something, for the last 2 years I have been at rock bottom, I don\u2019t have anyone to reply on at the end of the day it\u2019s just me. Everyone I talk to I just can\u2019t connect with and I just feel like they don\u2019t like me or care about me or anything I have to do with. I don\u2019t do anything to make people hate me I just put it in my head and it begins to spread into the relationship with people. My co workers who say they are my friends say they care about me but when they see that I\u2019m in a depressed mood they don\u2019t do anything. I just feel like they are only in my life because of work. I have been thinking in my head every day that the world would be a better place if I weren\u2019t in it people would just be happier to not have to deal with me. I even go to the point where I will make up reasons or find reasons to prove my point, even if I\u2019m taking to a wrong way. I do this in every situation and just keep telling myself people don\u2019t care about me and ride the proof to make it true. It makes me feel like The world would be better off with out me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Life\u2019s going downhill and everything that happens is mainly my fault",
    "post_text": "For starters I\u2019m 13 years old. I\u2019m in the 7th grade and this issue has been going on for what I\u2019d say about a year now.\n\n\nI don\u2019t know if what\u2019s going on even is depression, maybe I\u2019m just being edgy. To be frank, I have no idea anymore. The more I stress about it the more I try talking about it with my friends, and sometimes they ignore it, other times they tell me to stop being emo. Also, FYI, this will be really long.\n\n\nThe fact of the matter is that things haven\u2019t been going well. We can start at my grades. You see, my brother (age 25) is a collage dropout and my sister (age 21) is still doing great and I\u2019m happy for her. The thing is that because my brother had dropped out of collage (he has a job now and is starting to get back  on track) and is still living with my parents and struggling, I feel this pressure that I need to do well and be the best I can to not end up like him. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s normal, but the one problem is my mother.\n\nI always try to satisfy her, seeing the smile and satisfaction on her face is my dream, but she never seems to be satisfied. If I brought home B\u2019s that wasn\u2019t good enough. If I got an answer wrong on my test even though I still got a good grade it wasn\u2019t good enough because I got something wrong. When I brought home my interim, I got 3 B\u2019s and 4 A\u2019s and when she saw, all she did was ask if I needed help because my grades were dropping. It hurt me. She wants me to become an orthodontist. When I brought home this report thingie on my level (1-5) on english and writing, I got a level 5. (Only 7% of students in my state got that.) However there was also one for science and math, I got a level 4 on that, which is what most people in my state got. When she saw, she told me to do better because I math and science are more important for becoming a orthodontist. I feel helpless.\n\n\nMy next issue is this incident that happened with my crush. Now I\u2019m assuming it\u2019s normal to crush on people when you\u2019re 13, right? Well this one was my fault. I was texting my friend on discord, and we brought the topic up. We were just joking around, and then I said something, a little more... questionable. He laughed at it, and so did I, because say what you will about it, it was pretty funny. We\u2019re both in this discord server with a lot of people from our school in it, including my crush. However, one time when I was on the server, we were teasing each other. Normal, right? But then I got this dm saying \u201cshut up or I\u2019ll leak the photo\u201d or something around those lines. I was like \u201cum... okay\u201d because even though I knew what he did was technically black mail, I didn\u2019t want the photo to be leaked so I just shut up. This threat continued a couple more times until this happened. He didn\u2019t leak it to the chat, but he showed it to some of my friends. They were like \u201cbruh wtf\u201d and I explained the context of the image and how I didn\u2019t mean anything I actually said. But then he showed it to this one person, and it was this boy my crush is e-dating. I was on the server, when I got a dm from him saying \u201cI\u2019ll leak the photo to the server.\u201d When I pleaded him not to, he just said \u201cYes\u201d and then sent the photo into the server, where everyone saw, including my crush (his girlfriend). I was miserable. I left the server and went to bed, talking to myself about how I should just kill myself tonight (we\u2019ll get to that soon) and end it all. It was a while ago, and the drama seemed to die down, but I had to explain to my crush everything and she seemed to have forgiven me. However, people still bring it up and show the image, especially when my crush is still around. I beg to them not to as it obviously makes her uncomfortable but they won\u2019t stop, my sin won\u2019t leave me, no matter what I do. It\u2019s still on my back, and this one kid won\u2019t leave me alone about it, and he antagonizes me about it. The sad truth is that I can\u2019t blame anyone. It was my fault, I shouldn\u2019t of said that. Ironically the week after this happened our school got a presentation on cyber safety.\n\n\nMy last issue, and arguably the one that makes me sad and angry, are my friends. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s their fault. I believe it\u2019s just mine for acting stupid and making so many horrible choices, so I can\u2019t blame them. But they never have anything good to say about me. Ever since kindergarten, I was constantly being reminded of how stupid and idiotic I was. Now they won\u2019t leave me alone for how much of a disappointment I am, how I\u2019m stupid, and they constantly make fun of me and won\u2019t leave me alone for my mistakes, as well as making up lies. Hell, one friend is calling me a pedophilia because I like Asian girls and they\u2019re shorter than me or some shit, even though the ones I sorta like are in my age group. If there\u2019s an argument on the bus, I\u2019m the main problem because I spook to loudly and disturbed everyone. If I had an argument with someone and we have a fight, they always bring up a point that makes me realize I\u2019m the wrong one. No matter how much I compliment them, they never have anything good to say back aside from my idiotic ignorance. \n\n\nOverall, I want to commit suicide more than anything. The thing is, I just can\u2019t being myself to because 1. It\u2019s forbidden in the Bible 2. What would my parents think? I can\u2019t just leave them. But still, regardless of all of that, I still want to end my life and go with the Lord. However, the moment I see the Lord, I\u2019m going to see the gate of hell for all my sins and what I have done. I\u2019m vulgar, perverted, violent, etc. And then, not to repeat myself, but everything is still my fault. If there\u2019s an argument I started it. If something bad happened I\u2019m the one who did something illegal. If I\u2019m not 100% perfect like my friends I\u2019m a failure. I\u2019m just done with life, and as much as I want to end it, Christianity won\u2019t allow it. The very thing that\u2019s saving me (even with my parents I would\u2019ve killed myself a LONG time ago if it weren\u2019t for my Christian faith) is also imprisoning me. Again, I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m depressed, it\u2019s possible I\u2019m just being emo. But if anyone can provide any advice as to what to do, I\u2019d greatly appreciate it. Have a good night.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Alone in a new country. Feeling terrible.",
    "post_text": "I'm so lonely. I just moved to another country with my boyfriend. It's a non English speaking country and I'm feeling so incredibly alone. My boyfriend immediately got a job and he's working long hours, meanwhile I'm at home alone just waiting for him to come back.\n\nI've had depression and anxiety for years and years, it was slowly getting better but I still had my rough days from time to time. I feel like a complete failure, and I feel so stupid for hoping that this move would make me feel better. \n\nI feel like an imposter and like I don't belong anywhere. I don't deserve to be anywhere or have any chances in life because there are so many better people out there than me. \n\nI'm so terrified of looking of looking for a job that I just keep putting it off. I have no desirable skills, I can't speak the language. Who in their right mind would employ me?\n\nI was honestly doing so well for the first month since I got here, loving the country and just feeling fresh and new.  I posted on an expat subreddit for the country I've moved to (on a different account) with a question I had, because I honestly had no idea where else to ask it. \n\nI tried so hard to phrase the question in the best, clearest, most polite way possible, because I was worried about being a burden. \n\nThere were a few people who answered my question and were helpful but it got downvoted a lot, because someone reposted my post on a different subreddit made for making fun of people. And the repost got so many upvotes. It had people in the comments calling me retarded, and a fuckwit and stupid and just generally shitting on me.\n\nI wish I never posted anything, I'm probably going to regret posting this as well. I'm so completely crushed. I've never been bullied this badly before. I don't trust anyone anymore. I've used this new account to post this because I'm so terrified of these people following me around on any different posts I make.\n\nI really thought that it was going to be a nice community. I wanted to make friends and get advice from people in the same situation as me. But now it feels like everyone is just a huge jerk, and I'm the worst person in the world for daring to move to \"their\" country. (They're expats too!) \n\nIt's making me feel so terrible. I haven't been able to get out of bed for days. I wake up in the night sobbing. I've stopped eating. I feel like I'm not wanted in this country. I'm feeling so stupid for thinking that moving here was a good idea. \n\nI feel stupid for being upset about it too. They were calling me a \"snowflake\" for just calmly asking about how to do a simple thing I didn't know how to do. So me being upset just proves them right. Everything they said about me is just the truth. I say it to myself everyday anyways. \n\nI feel bad telling my boyfriend how I feel because he works really hard all day, and comes home late and really tired. I don't want to bother him by complaining about my problems. I've already talked a lot with him about it all, and he's really good at trying to make me feel better and listening to me. But I just feel so guilty, so I keep a lot of it in. And I don't want to message my family back home because I don't want them to worry. It's my first time living out of home. I don't want to make my problems anyone elses problems. \n\nI even feel guilty posting here. I'm just so pathetic. Dramatic. fuck i hate myself.\n\nI don't even have enough karma on this account, so this is probably just going into the void. But at least its out of my brain. \n\nSorry for rambling, I don't know what else to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t describe what i felt anymore",
    "post_text": "It will be 2months already since she broke up with me. I already give up to the thoughts that we will be back from each other cause it\u2019s really impossible. She\u2019s already happy with her someone new. For me I already accept it and it\u2019s good to know that she\u2019s happy already. But its still hurt a lot to the point that there\u2019s no more tears to cry. My chest is feeling numb to the pain that I\u2019m feeling. My emotions is like a roller coaster right now I\u2019m feeling hurt later. I feel empty sad and later on i feel nothing no emotion. I don\u2019t know at what point of life is me right now",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend has been having lots of suicidal thoughts lately.",
    "post_text": "I have known him for a year now, and he\u2019s studying abroad rn and I\u2019m still study at our homeland. He has been telling me about how he wants to kill himself lately, and reply less and less to my texts, or sometimes he just straight up ignored my texts and then came back with a text about killing himself. He has never talked about dying this much throughout the whole time we\u2019ve known each other. I tried to talk to him, make him feel loved and other things that I think that can help him clear his mind a bit, but I don\u2019t really know if that can help him or not because he\u2019s so far away.\n\nHe used to use antidepressants but he has stopped for quite a while now and he once confessed to me that he doesn\u2019t want to visit therapist or use antidepressants again.\n\nCan any of you here help me with some advice please? He is a close friend of mine, and I\u2019d die if he decides to stop living. Thank you in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone felt like they just want to disappear?",
    "post_text": "Has anyone felt like they just want to disappear? Like not literally.\n\nJust like stay away from everyone, where no one that you know, knows where you are. And you just go improve on yourself, fix what needs fixing, and comeback better than ever.\n\nI feel confused. cause I really don't want to go/stay away from everyone, I still wanna be there for the people I care about and the people who need my help.\n\nI'm not sure if this is even the right thread.\n\ncheers tho!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help me get rid of the thought that I'm not enough please",
    "post_text": "I just have periods of time where I will have my mind that tells me: if I don't have anyone in my life and all my friends are in a relationship, it means that I'm just not enough for anyone. I never had anyone in my life. It would mean that I'm not interesting enough. Not loveable enough. That I'm not worth it. That spending time will me, and love me is a complete waste of time.\n\nI consciously know that I probably have something good in me (well I do hope so at least). But when I am spiralled into these thoughts, I just can't get out of it. \n\nCan anyone help me and tell me how they get out of this please? I literally feel my heart breaking because of my mind. \nThank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I depressed?",
    "post_text": "This past week I (F16) have been feeling really down. It's been on and off for the past 7 months after I broke up with my girlfriend, but the lows only lasted two, three days tops. I'm not trying to self diagnose but Im worried I might be developing something. I'm not proud of it but I've been drinking as well, everyday for a little over a week. I have support, my friends know all of this and offer to help and talk to me but it just makes me uncomfortable and like I'm a nuisance. We make 'packs' to stop drinking but I always end up breaking them. Ive been missing school too, I can't find myself to get up and socialize with people. Is there a way to find out, rather than just 'talking to a therapist'? I don't want to get worked up about nothing but I seriously feel awful. Thanks in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The Story of This Year",
    "post_text": "# \n\nI\u2019m a 22y/o male and I\u2019ve been struggling with depression and anxiety since before I can even remember. I was put into the foster care system in Australia when I was 3 and stayed there till I was 18. Thankfully I didn\u2019t cycle a lot like most kids and I found a foster family who I now call my real family.\n\nI\u2019m having a really difficult time at the moment, this year had been really really tough. I\u2019m in my 4th year of uni and I\u2019ve failed the last 2 years because of my mental state, I\u2019ve been seeing counsellors and doctors and I\u2019m on medication. 2 weeks ago I got diagnosed with Bipolar II and now been medicated for that. But I just need to vent so I\u2019m going to talk about my year and how\u2019s it\u2019s been the worst and best year I\u2019ve had in a very long time.\n\nSo the best year started on the 31st of December 2018. I was at college by myself over Christmas and in news years eve I wanted to spend it with someone because I couldn\u2019t with my foster family. I invited 2 friends that were in my town at the time who came over. We sat and chatted for an hour and they started to get bored, my mate asked if he could invite a friend over to join us, I agreed. This friend ended up bringing a fair few people, I would say around 10. Me being anxious as all shit over everything in life, freaked out and stayed silent. I ended up having a few drinks and with each one became more confident and less anxious. Turns out these people were pretty amazing, I made a friend who was 7ft tall and he was honestly the big friendly giant. I made another friend who I\u2019ll call Max, we hit it off straight away and I\u2019ve never connected so well with someone. We instantly became best friends, he stayed over my place for an entire month until we decided to move out with 2 of our other friends, one of those who was homeless and was desperately trying to find someone to live.\n\nA little back story before we get rocky, I lived at a university where at the time our \u201cflat\u201d (8 bedroom house sorta thing) was located on campus. All 8 people were and still are my closest friends. They are a very important part of my life and they mean the world to me. They are very honest people and they told me before moving that I shouldn\u2019t, that it wouldn\u2019t work out and that the people I\u2019m moving in with aren\u2019t who I think they are and it won\u2019t work out. Me being stubborn ignored all their warnings. I have this bad habit of meeting someone and when I get along with them as well as I did with Max, I latch on and I just want to hang and spend all my time with them and it always ends up ending badly.\n\nBack to the story, I ended up moving in with these 3 people. It was bloody fantastic, I had the most amazing time with them. We would spend all night and all day talking and having fun and it really did mess with my studies and sleep. I dropped studying all together and ignored it and my insomnia got worse. On May 21st we planned on going out, we drank a whole lot and went to the club. My house mates and I decided to take MDMA which we had bought the same day. There was 2 capsules and a rock. Now I\u2019ve done drugs before, I do it recreationally, when I\u2019ve taken MDMA I\u2019ve only ever had it in capsules so I asked to have the 2 capsules just because it was familiar and I get very anxious trying new things. Well, we all took our share, went on the dance floor and that\u2019s all I remember. I woke up in hospital the next day and the doctor spoke to me about what was in my system. The capsules ended up being MDMA, ketamine and ice. My body couldn\u2019t handle the adverse reaction and basically shut down. The doctor send me home and I had the biggest come down that I\u2019ve ever had in my life. It got around that I had taken the drugs and I got into a lot of trouble, I got banned from the uni bar and I was ashamed to show my face at uni and the colleges so I actively avoided it for about a month. During this month I\u2019ve never been so miserable. I cried everyday, I never left my room, I avoided everything and everyone. There was parties in my house and I just laid in my room and cried while the world went by. It may sound ridiculous but I haven\u2019t had a great life and the smallest things get to me.\n\nAfter the month, I kinda got over the overdose and went about my days. Life started getting a bit better again, there were more smiles and laughter. One of my house mates during the time we lived together was terrible with money. He gets paid at 12:30am every Sunday and goes out every Saturday night so usually he spends all his pay as soon as it comes in on drinks. Because of this, my room mates and I had to cover his rent and food throughout the week. This lasted for a few months. Things started getting worse with the guy, he gets very angry and started masking his problems with drugs- specifically weed. He would go out everyday and get really high so he didn\u2019t have to deal with his problems, my room mates and I were getting very broke trying to support him and it got to the point we couldn\u2019t anymore. He never paid us back after countless promises and he never did anything around the house. One night we got into a massive fight and I kicked him out, we stayed friends and we spoke all the time and we learnt it was better this way. We became closer not living together because we didn\u2019t have the tension and added stress.\n\n(I\u2019m sorry this story jumps a lot, there\u2019s so much content that I can\u2019t really focus)\n\nI didn\u2019t realise till after I kicked him out how much I spent time with him. My other two room mates were sleeping together since the start and they would spend 60% of their time in bed. Because of this, the room mate I kicked out and I got really close because we only had each other. After kicking him out I was very lonely. I don\u2019t deal well with being alone and I constantly need company so I feel okay. The male room mate out of the 2 that were sleeping together ended up finding another girl he liked and he spent a lot of time with her; which left me and the girl to get very close. Now all these people I consider my close friends, but the girl and I became really close and spent a lot of time together. We were just friends, and that\u2019s the way I liked it. We would spend every night chatting and laughing and having a grand old time while my other roommate was off with the girl he liked. The girl he liked who studies nursing ended up leaving for placement. She had to move away for 6 weeks to study so he spent more time with us at the flat. I started getting more and more depressed, just little things getting to me and stuff playing on my mind. One of my biggest stresses were bills and money. Our first electricity bill was close to $700 and that was for one month. I was so stressed about the next one that it made me really depressed. About 5 months after the first bill, our second one was due. About a month before I knew we would receive it I tried my hardest to start looking for ways I could pay it in case it was as high as the first. I desperately were looking for jobs, I started thinking about selling my stuff and I couldn\u2019t think of anything. So I came to the conclusion that I might not be able to pay it, and that if I could, when the next bill came out I would have to do this all over again. So I decided it might be best for me to move back to college. I ended up telling my room mates and they weren\u2019t happy about it, we got into a fight and upset me so much. I was so stressed and sad that I thought I couldn\u2019t take it anymore. So I went to my medicine draw and grabbed every pill I could find and took them. It ended up being about 70 different pills in total. After doing it I freaked out and called my house mates, they both had left to go to a party. The girl came home and rushed me to hospital while the other one stayed at the party to get drunk. The girl was very supportive and stayed with me the entire time at the hospital, my other room mate, Max, didn\u2019t visit me at all. I considered Max a brother too me, I loved him dearly and I tried to do whatever I could for him to show how much I appreciate him. When he didn\u2019t visit me it really got to me and upset me. We spoke and he was angry and upset with me for doing what I did, so I left the house for over a week and stayed at the flat where I used to stay. I waited for him to calm down and I went home, I didn\u2019t want him to be angry and upset with me so I thought I would give him the space.\n\nI started seeing counsellors and psychiatrists. My counsellor helped me quite a bit, she was the first counsellor I\u2019ve actually enjoyed talking too and looked forward to seeing. We worked through my problems and she came to the conclusion that leaving the house would be for the best and she supported my decision of going back to college, so I did. After I told my room mates I was doing this they hated me. They didn\u2019t want to speak to me or see me. They said some pretty nasty things to me, and I back to them.\n\nI lost my two best friends, and my brother.\n\nIt\u2019s been just over 2 months since I\u2019ve moved out and I\u2019m still miserable about it all. I think about them everyday and I see all their Snapchat\u2019s together and it ruins me because we used to do everything together. Because I left my lease I\u2019m in debt up to my eyebrows. I had to come up with a bond and 2 weeks rent for my college and I have to come up with money for the bills towards the house that I still haven\u2019t paid, and unable to afford. I\u2019ve taken out 3 loans since leaving which has put me through further debt and I don\u2019t know what to do.\n\nThe last 3 weeks have been the worst for me. I haven\u2019t stopped crying, I\u2019ve been using drugs and alcohol to mask my responsibilities and now everything has creeped up on me. I can\u2019t stop reflecting about everything this year and the pros and cons and it\u2019s hard to see the positive ahead. I\u2019ve lost my dog, my 2 best friends, I\u2019m a couple thousand dollars in debt, I\u2019m failing uni and my head is so fucked up I can\u2019t think straight. Suicide is constantly on my mind and I can\u2019t help but think it\u2019s the only way out. I don\u2019t know what to do or who to speak too. I can\u2019t take out anymore loans and I hate asking for help from the people I love and care about. So I\u2019m coming to reddit for some advice, some positive thoughts or anything. I\u2019m lost and hopeless and I think it\u2019s coming to the end of my time. How do I get past this? I don\u2019t think I can do this anymore.\n\nSorry for such a scattered story, there\u2019s so much that\u2019s happened that I tried to fill all the important parts and I\u2019m writing this while crying and have realised it might not make sense or it be all jumbled.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like my mental health is deteriorating constantly being someone\u2019s emotional support, I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "post_text": "I have a friend who regularly comes to me for emotional support. She\u2019s my friend, so of course I do my best to be there for her and listen to her problems but at the same time, it\u2019s becoming a toxic situation because I\u2019ve been feeling pretty down myself, and it\u2019s been taking a toll on my emotion well-being. I honestly don\u2019t mean to sound selfish at all, I really want to help her but I feel like it\u2019s too much for me to handle.\n\nIt\u2019s a tough situation because I feel like I\u2019m not fit to be her emotional support as I\u2019m going through things myself and I haven\u2019t been feeling great for a while but I don\u2019t think I can tell her that, I know she\u2019s going through a lot.\nSometimes I have a meltdown because I feel so much pressure and stress, i don\u2019t know how to reply to her, I don\u2019t know how to handle it. \nFeels like we don\u2019t talk about anything else other than her problems, and I really want to help but it\u2019s so hard.\n\nI know she relies on me for support a lot.\n\nIt\u2019s been a few years since this has been happening. She\u2019s always coming to me, and I\u2019m pretty sure only me and I feel like a sponge just absorbing all her sadness. \n\nI don\u2019t want her to feel like she\u2019s a burden to me, though I can\u2019t help feeling this way.\n\nHas anyone been in this sort of situation ? What can I do? \n\nThanks for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling Lost and Weak",
    "post_text": "Hi there, um, I don\u2019t really know how else to start this, so I\u2019m just gonna go, okay? okay.\n\nI\u2019ve struggled with severe anxiety and depression for basically my whole life. Or maybe not my whole life, it\u2019s hard to remember, but definitely after my mother died. Car accident. Nasty business. I was 12, I saw it happen. I think I\u2019ve been broken ever since then.\n\nIt got worse and worse and worse over the course of a decade. I went from honors student, \u201c\u201dgifted\u201d\u201d, to dropping out of college. My brain felt like it was clogged up with glue. But I told myself it was all my own fault, that I was just lazy, selfish, immature. Making excuses.\n\nI\u2019ve seen some doctors, therapists too, most of them were incredibly unhelpful. The stress of dealing with the medical system outweighed any help I got from them. Any medications they tried to make me feel better were duds at best.\n\nI went through a really, REALLY bad period about 3-4 years ago. I lost my entire group of friends, and let myself be abused by my partner for far longer than I should. I turned to self-harm, it was the lowest point I\u2019d been in my life. I still see the scars when I look in the mirror.\n\nBut then I started to get better! I got new friends, got a job, allowed myself to be proud for once. I stopped self harming, swore never to again. Even after getting sexually harassed by my (thankfully ex) boss, even after losing my grandfather to cancer, I kept it together...for about a year and a half.\n\nAlmost exactly one year ago I got hit by a car as I was crossing the street. Physically I was mostly unharmed, but it brought back all those memories from the accident where I lost my mother. I started becoming irritable, lethargic, occasionally manic, and the panic attacks...at one point I was having full panic attacks ever single day.\n\nI knew I needed help, but I felt powerless to get it. I had to leave my old clinic because the stopped taking my insurance. I wanted to switch to insurance through work but I\u2019d already missed the cutoff date. I wouldn\u2019t be able to apply for another year....\n\nI almost made it. But I was unspooling too fast. I ended up leaving that job before I could get the help I needed. But that was fine, I had enough savings to get me through a month or two, I could find a new job.\n\nThat was, I don\u2019t even know, three months ago? I haven\u2019t even applied. I just...can\u2019t find the energy. I know I need help, I know I\u2019m really sick, but I just...can\u2019t move. I\u2019ve had the website for a local therapist open in my tabs the whole time (one that I can email, because holy hell phonecalls are an anxiety nightmare even when I\u2019m feeling sane) but everytime I go to reach out I just get paralyzed by anxiety and uncertainty, and I just can\u2019t find the will to muster through it. I haven\u2019t gone back to self-harming but I\u2019m so afraid of ending up back in that place again, it\u2019s been a struggle. I just don\u2019t know what else to do. I just don\u2019t know what I CAN do?! I\u2019ve been exhausted all day but I can\u2019t even sleep. And I feel like I\u2019m crying but my face is utterly still\n\nFuck I\u2019m sorry this wasn\u2019t supposed to be nearly this long. If you read all that, thanks, sincerely.\n\nTLDR: puppet with strings cut seeks life advice and/ or spare blue fairies",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im One Decision Away From Death (need help)",
    "post_text": "i just dont know how to describe .im having a lot of suicidal thoughts now a days. i was never good at anything. even now i feel so down and depressed. i feel like what is the point of living.i never had any close friend whom i can share my thoughts and feeling with.if i tell some my friends about my problem ,they either make fun of it or find defect in it or dont care about it . my grades are really bad ,i feel like im the odd one in the class. all i used to ask god was good grades and never got [one](https://one.im). i open my social media and my messages are always empty . i used to be like really kind to everyone like really kind , even some guys used to call my like morning 1 am , i used to pickup and answer their call , no matter how much hours they talk, i used to care  a lot about people , and i feel like no one cared about me .why is my life like this . every one is having a good life except me . i want to do ug on my favorite subject , but i feel like ill never will be able to do it . feeling so down and depressed ,i dont know why but my hands were shaking ,while i was writing this.just wanted to let my heart out. im not able to concentrate on my studies anymore and it would really be nice if you give me some advise .i just want to talk to some one who can give me some advice and motivation\n\nreally thank you for taking your time to read this and (sorry for the bad english)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I thought I was getting better but it\u2019s been extra rough lately",
    "post_text": "I felt like for the first time in years, I felt consistently happy/at peace for a solid week or so (minimal bad thoughts, good vibes all around). I wasn\u2019t kept up every night thinking or doing trash habits. But suddenly i crashed and felt trapped, pessimistic, and done all over again.\n\nMaybe it\u2019s part of the process, but it\u2019s still going and I can\u2019t find my groove back from that week. \n\nI feel really alone since I don\u2019t want to bother people around me and the ones I trust have a lot on their hands rn so it\u2019s kinda bad timing all around.\n\nOver the past few years it\u2019s gotten bad and started to impact my health; id pass out a lot, have panic attacks, all the jazz. I just got put on antidepressants for the migraines and all. But I\u2019m sure it isn\u2019t that since the pills shouldn\u2019t start working yet (it hasnt even been a week).\n\nI\u2019m kinda on the edge of just dropping college and just not trying anymore bc it\u2019s so hard to keep up my grades with all this. Plus the pressure doesn\u2019t help; from solid 4.0s and As to barely making the minimum :( \n\nI guess it kinda was a rant but also, \nwhat do you guys do to get better? Or\nIf you\u2019ve gone through it, what happened for you:(\n\nIt\u2019s kinda been a cycle but this one was the longest I\u2019ve felt okay\n\nThank you for anything:\u2019)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I escape from this labyrinth of suffering ?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m depressed. Not the kind of depression that\u2019s like \u2018oh hey I\u2019ve been feeling down lately and need some help\u2019... it\u2019s more like \n\n\u2018I\u2019m going to kill my self at the end of the summer and nothing is going to stop me.\u2019\n\nAnd I keep thinking of my boyfriend and how sad he will be. I keep thinking of my sister and her children and how she will have to explain to them that I\u2019m not around anymore. I can hear them crying. I keep thinking of my friend that I haven\u2019t spoken to in a while because I\u2019m so frustrated with her and she\u2019s in another country. I can hear her yelling at me. \nI imagine my best friend not crying but just staring blankly because that\u2019s what he does when he\u2019s sad. \n\nI don\u2019t know what it is, but I\u2019m so depressed I want to end it all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend is suffering from depression, and I\u2019m looking for some advice on how I can be more supportive.",
    "post_text": "For some context, we\u2019ve been together for almost three years and a large portion of our relationship has been long distance. She\u2019s been suffering from depression for most of her adult life and it\u2019s been especially bad in recent weeks. She\u2019s a recent college grad and is really stressed out about her future, and whether or not she\u2019s making correct decisions for her career. This causes her to feel anxiety, which in turn causes her depression to worsen and this cycle repeats. I know that I can\u2019t cure her depression, but I want to do all I can to be supportive while she figures out how best to deal with it. Recently she\u2019s been saying she doesn\u2019t feel like it\u2019s fair for me to have to deal with her when she\u2019s like this, and she\u2019s worried that\u2019s it\u2019s having a negative impact on our relationship. I\u2019ve never really had to deal with depression as closely as I am now, and am looking for ways to improve, or even just some advice on things to do to help. I always try to be supportive, letting her know that I\u2019m here for her and that I love her. It\u2019s been increasingly difficult for me as she often becomes withdrawn, and with the distance and our differing work schedules most of our communication is through texting. Sorry if this post has been a little lengthy, I haven\u2019t had the chance to talk to anyone other than her about it. I appreciate any advice you guys can share.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "19 years old and its pretty obvious there's no reason to go any further",
    "post_text": "Just graduated High School May 2019 and turned 19 at then end of September but now that I'm finally done with school whats next for me? Working as a slave for 50 years? Or putting myself thousands of dollars behind just to go to college setting me back years just to still be a slave anyways? I'd rather be dead than do that. I work at a pizza place making 8.75/hr and live with my parents. My brother and I want to move out but I can't imagine doing that because that'll require me to find another job to enslave myself in and thats just not how I want my life to go on. I've seen plenty of threads here on Reddit talking about how they can't keep doing this life of working all day coming home exhausted then sleeping and doing it all over again. Like I said I'm 19 and I feel exhausted just working 6 hours a day, I'm still a teenager I should be running around young wild and free enjoying life. I sleep about 12-14 hours a day and I still take naps and otherwise I'm alone in my room playing videos games just to keep my mind off this hellbent reality I was given or typing shit on Reddit because I feel so helpless that I need someone else on the internet to see if they can give me any advise. I have absolutely no social life, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin and unbearably lonely plus the realization that I either must be a slave for the rest of my life or a worthless homeless nobody on the street has caused me to become deathly depressed. I barely even eat because I'm too depressed to even crave food, I can tell I'm hungry but mentally I have no interest in food unless I'm smoking weed. I've tried meditation and have a strong interest in psychedelics for personal development but all thats done is make me realize just how fake and unreal this 21 century society really is. I'd rather live in the wild foraging for food like a monkey over working my ass off for hours a day just for (money) green paper that people think is so good and meaningful I just don't understand. It feels like I was born on the wrong planet or the wrong time and to make it all worse no matter how long I sit and logically think about it I cannot think of  way out of this hell other than suicide, just selling my time/life away as a slave, or just being homeless. And to top it all off when I was 13 or 14 my hair started thinning and during high school with my thin hair everyone (Including every single person close to me even teachers) started making fun of me saying things like \"crackhead\" or \"you look like an old man\", \"you look like a hobo\", \"Looks like Albert Einstein\", \"Do you wash your hair?\" and while it sounds hilarious from an outside perspective eventually after hearing dozens of different people say this constantly my entire junior/senior year it has really dragged me through hell and back just trying to keep myself from going completely insane and it caused me to completely lose any self confidence I once had. All that I really want is a female to love me and a place of my own to stay at without having to owe other people anything. Just me and a lover free to be ourselves to do what we want, live how we want but there's always someone else who thinks its in their place for you to owe them money and money is whats completely ruined my idea of a happy life. Its literally unfair for someone else to tell me  how to live but the government thinks they can tell people weed is \"illegal\" to possess yet thats fake as fuck like nothing is illegal if it was then some nonhuman force would seek redemption for me possessing weed but no, its other people telling ME that I'll be punished by other human beings if I have weed by throwing me in a cage for doing something of my own consent.  (or insert anything illegal that I choose to have in my life) Does the government have consent of MY BODY? Yes they do if they can throw me in a cage for ingesting something of my choosing. Is living as a truly independent human just completely impossible? To live without being under someone else's rule?  Or is that gift only given to animals in nature who don't have to live by human code? I'd literally rather be dead or anything else other than human. I just don't know what to do anymore I just live each day so sad and depressed, nothing excites me anymore and I have absolutely no motivation to even try anything anymore. I 100% don't blame drug addicts for their choices in life, smoking weed does help me feel better about myself and the position I'm in but at the end of the day all it does is make me feel better about life in that exact moment and does nothing for me in the long run which from my point of view seems completely doomed of being meaningful anyways. I'd love to have two children but if they had to go through what I'm going through right now then all their pain and depression would be all my fault and this life just isn't something I'd want to give to someone else its just not worth it. I'm too much of a wimp to just shoot myself but at the same time it'd just be so easy, I just hope that some accident happens to me thats quick and painless. There's a gun safe in my brothers room and just about every day I just imagine how peaceful it'd be after I kill myself to no longer be bound to this unforgiving world. Its almost too good to be true but I guess thats a fair trade for my life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling utterly worthless and alone right now",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m done sobbing now I guess but I don\u2019t feel any better. I can\u2019t sleep right now. My heart is beating to rapidly to be comfortable even though I\u2019m just laying in bed. I just want to stop feeling like this. I feel like no one cares even though I know it\u2019s not true intellectually. I find myself wondering how long it would take people to realize I wasn\u2019t there. I don\u2019t want to hurt my self but I find myself wishing more and more to seriously disappear. I feel unloved and unwanted right now. No one reaches out to me to see how I\u2019m doing. I don\u2019t have any friends and the only person I talk to really is my husband. This is not how I want to spend our first year of marriage. I just don\u2019t know what to do. People are difficult for me and I\u2019m just sick of this feeling",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a shift worker and always forget to take my meds and then it turns into a depression spiral of not wanting to look after myself. Tips for building a healthy routine on a rotating roster.",
    "post_text": "I work a rotating roster and my body clock is everywhere, so I don't really have a 'routine' which makes taking my meds at the correct time very difficult.  Sometimes I'll have a fleeting moment that I've forgotten to take them, but my brain quickly dismisses it as if it's not important.  I don't really know how to explain it.  Deep down I know how important it is that I take them, but something stops me from caring.  Thus starting the cycle of being chemically imbalanced and feeling 'unworthy' of being mentally well. I essentially need to ingrain it into a routine somehow so I just don't think about it and just take them.  \n\nLong story short, I'm just seeking some tips with building a healthy routine so I can make this work.  There's plenty of advice out there for people who work the 9 to 5 grind, but I'm struggling to get some decent advice for someone who sometimes works nights, sometimes works days, weekends etc.  I've tried using phone apps, but they're mostly catered to 9-5 workers.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Two Depressed people in a relationship",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m really struggling and need some support right now.  \n\nI\u2019ve been with my boyfriend for a few months, and we clicked immediately.  We\u2019ve always been really forthcoming with our struggles with mental illness.  I tend to lean more into anxiety with sporadic bouts of depression.  He, on the other hand, is a full blown clinically depressed.\n\nThe depression started creeping up beginning of September.  At first it was subtle, and I was doing ok with dealing and understanding.  \n\nBut now, it\u2019s manifested into full blown anxiety attacks on my end.  I can\u2019t even joke around and be fun anymore, because I consider every thing he says to be to be a slight against me.  I\u2019m misfiring and crying uncontrollably.  And I\u2019m constantly battling between my intellect and what I know (he\u2019s depressed, it\u2019s not a choice, he doesn\u2019t mean to pull away or hurt my feelings when he\u2019s withdrawn, etc.) and my anxiety monologue (something is wrong, because I am wrong, and he\u2019s not telling me because he wants me to break up with him/hurt me).\n\nThe major difference between us is, I have a support system.  I have group therapy, one on one therapy, and tools that I use to keep me in check.  But lately, I can feel my codependency on him being happy completely fuck with my own well being.\n\nHe says this is just how he is, and has been luke warm to my suggestions to see a therapist (though I know he believes in counseling and has gone in the past).\n\nAnd it\u2019s also screwed with our intimate side (which I think is a lot of the source of ire).  Sex is important, but my partner\u2019s well being is of course more important.  I am usually the one initiating, but the last few weeks he\u2019s been so down, we can\u2019t connect on that level.  I have my own issues with self worth and feeling desired.  A previous ex of mine withheld sex as a means to get us to break up, so I am on high alert.\n\nIt\u2019s really hard to hear he loves me and this has nothing to do with me, but to feel the actions he makes are contradictory.  I am really struggling to allow him this space to process and move through his depression without imploding on my end.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "ah depression",
    "post_text": "hi, im a 17 yr old and an aspiring musician. been having a hard time lately. very hard time. had friends a few months ago but im just a weird person and it\u2019s hard for me to maintain my relationships, im also so socially anxious i can\u2019t really just text my old friends and say hey i miss you or anything, and i can\u2019t really make new ones. every time i open my daw (digital audio workstation \u2018music\u2019) i just dread it until i give up. i have a couple vices like smoking weed every day and vaping nicotine, and i just feel so dirty doing it. i\u2019m in an alternative school program and work full time just to go home and do nothing. sometimes i make it out of my way to go to work just so i can have something to stimulate me, to pass the time. i don\u2019t know the answer of how to get out of this. i feel like i was given the opportunity to make or break, i didn\u2019t realize, and i broke. can someone please help me out of this shit",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression or Sadness",
    "post_text": "Hi there everyone,im having lately trouble sleeping,remembering doing things i like (i do not enjoy anymore) doing anything and i have laziness for everything,\n\nLately i dont care anymore about my future,my friends dumped because i dissapear in times,my family finally gives me up in me,im about to lose my highschool year and everything is meangliness for me.\n\nIm tired and everything is difficult...\n\nI do not know is depression or simply a bad day...\n\nThanks a Lot for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ex GF was my life, now what's the point?",
    "post_text": "  \n\nI posted my story on another sub for some support. Feel free to read it\u2026it\u2019s long. I am just feeling very depressed today. \"Depressed\" being an understatement. She was my world. We were going to get married and have a life together. Had our kids name picked out. She told me she couldn\u2019t imagine her life without me. Now she\u2019s posting pictures with the guy she cheated on me and left me for saying how amazing he is. He\u2019s a loser, no job, no education, can\u2019t support her. I would have given her the world. \n\nShe doesn\u2019t love me. She\u2019ll never come back to me. What\u2019s the point anymore? I don\u2019t care about having a good job or having \u201ca lot going for me\u201d. The one thing I want in life I can\u2019t have. Her. She was my everything. I don\u2019t want someone else. I literally don\u2019t care about anything in my life anymore. I hate everything. I hate myself. I lost her. I treated her so well but it just wasn\u2019t enough. And now she\u2019s gone. I don\u2019t know what to do. I just wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go to bed and repeat. Every day is the same and my partner is now happy with someone else. What am I supposed to do? I feel broken. Thanks in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nothing makes me happy anymore",
    "post_text": "This year has been pretty rough for me. I had complications with an IUD I had put in and needed surgery to remove it as Ithe doctor put it in wrong. I had a scare with mold damage to where I was living, I threw out a bunch of clothes and had to wash everything in hot. I had a scare with bed bugs and had to freeze everything and dry in hot. I broke up with my boyfriend because he didnt want to see me anymore. I have had a lot of health problems and the doctors think I might have something serious (I worry that its cancer). The only thing good going for me is my grades and thats because I literally put any energy I have that doesn't go towards aimlessly panicking and googling whatever my mind wants to worry over towards my grades.\n\nLately I am in a endless state of pain(due to my medical problems) and I just dont feel happy anymore. I remember two years ago when I was actually happy and I was able to laugh at things or feel content. I just feel weird. My days are lonely...I dont have a boyfriend, family, friends,pets. My family lives far away, I wish I saw them more...but im too poor to travel. I just leave the house to go to school, come home, take tylenol then study. I got a scholarship which should have made me happy but I just didnt feel anything. My first thought was actually \"well if I have cancer this scholarship wont really matter.\" I keep thinking that im not going to live for very long. When people talk to me or try to make jokes I force a smile and it feels so weird because Im focusing on trying to look normal and happy so people cant see that im actually emotionless. How I am is starting to scare me a little bit like Im worried it might get worse. I tried seeing the school counseller but that didnt really help me as it made me uncomfortable talking about my anxiety.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ever since I came out to my dad, he\u2019s convinced I shouldn\u2019t be depressed anymore.",
    "post_text": "I came out to my dad as Agender about... 3 months ago? I think? Either way, he\u2019s not respecting me at all, and thinks that now that I\u2019ve come out, he can still call me by she/her pronouns and act like I\u2019m a girl, while I\u2019m also okay and experience no Gender Dysphoria at all. This is clearly not true. My parents being divorced already makes me depressed enough, then you add this, and tons of anxiety, you don\u2019t get a good result. In fact, you get the opposite, you get me. Don\u2019t really know what the point of this was, just wanted to put it out there that if anyone has any suggestions, it would be cool to hear them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone else experienced these symptoms?",
    "post_text": "My depression has always been severe, and I experience most symptoms other than an increase in energy and appetite. The worst symptom I used to have was intense pain in my chest as if someone were trying to rip out my heart. However, I just had my worst depressive episode ever, and it lasted for about a month.\n\nMy symptoms were:\n\n1. Feeling as if I weigh a ton, and have immense difficulty moving\n2. Nausea\n3. Aforementioned chest pain\n4. Tunnel vision\n5. Blacking out\n\nEvery time the sun went down, and sometimes during the day, these symptoms would occur simultaneously and in very high intensity at the drop of a hat. I never felt it coming, it was like a switch being flipped, and then I would suddenly be filled with the worst dread I had ever experienced and feel my head floating away from my body from the sheer intensity of the depression. \n\nI'm not necessarily looking for sympathy, I just need to know if anyone else has experienced this as I've never heard of depression getting this bad and am wondering if something else may be wrong.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Group Session",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t like to talk about myself or my feelings (cause I couldn\u2019t show my feelings in front of my mom or else I would get scolded or slapped or some shit) so I enrolled for group session about positive thinking and shit but I don\u2019t think it\u2019s gonna ever help me because I can\u2019t speak up about what I am feeling.\n\n I mean I can type it here because I feel like you guys don\u2019t feel obligated to read this and you just do it because u have time. \n\nI feel like she has to listen to me no matter what and I feel even more uncomfortable around older women and especially talking about my feelings around people I can\u2019t do that. I feel selfish and guilty for showing feelings.\n\nWhat should I even do? I don\u2019t know what to do anymore. I can\u2019t sleep, or eat unless I am good enough because I am not good enough if I don\u2019t study enough and score good marks (and guess who almost failed maths? I did :/ ). I just think I should die at this point, because I\u2019ll never be enough. Like never.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think my boyfriend left me due to his depression and I need some help to understand and deal with this situation.",
    "post_text": "*(tl;dr at the bottom)*\n\nAlthough I have more than enough mental problems on my own, depression probably isn't one of them. But it is the problem of my now ex-boyfriend.  \nHe isn't someone who talks much and I really tried to talk to him but it's hard to get any real information from him and although he seems to try to answer me, most times the answer is some variation of \"I don't know\".  \nSo I thought I'd ask you guys if anything in my story sounds relatable to you and if you have any idea about the situation of my ex and can maybe explain the things he can't (Of course I know that you can just make guesses but I'm trying really hard to understand him and I'm just so confused.)  \nWe both have our own problems but as a couple I wouldn't say we had any major problems. In the last months his depression got worse and I tried to support him but more often than not he prefers to be alone when he's feeling very bad and then I just try to give him enough space. That's why we're not as close as I would have liked but this slowly improved over time, so I was patient. We didn't see each other for a month due to badly timed holidays and when I came back, he broke up with me. His reasoning was something along the lines that he thinks I'm feeling more for him than vice versa and that our relationship was more like a friendship. (Which I think is true and at the same time isn't... It's definitely not just a friendship, but because I tried to not put any pressure on him and let things be more casual at times, we weren't already there where I would like my relationship to be.)  \nThat was two months ago. We're still texting each day and sometimes meet - we're not having sex or kissing but still, he doesn't treat me just like a friend and it seems like he doesn't want to. We're officially broken up... but we're not just friends.   \nI explained my thoughts on this matter to him and he told me that he didn't think it through and maybe was overhasty to break up and admitted his actual reason for breaking up were his thoughts going in circles, so he just ended things to stop this - although it seems that this didn't improve anything for him.   \nHe said he doesn't know what his feelings for me are but he doesn't want to lose me and a lot of other things none of which sounded like things you tell a friend.  \nI don't know what to do. I want to give him time but as far as I know, he's doing nothing to improve his situation and I can't take this much longer.   \nI know that most people - especially in the relationship subreddits...  -  probably would just tell me to put an end to this and forget him. To confirm that I'm not totally delusional for thinking that we might get back together, I've talked to some friends... and surprisingly, no one told me to just give up and that they're confused, too, and also think that his behavior isn't that of \"just a friend\".\n\nAnd now, I'm still here because I've seen that he really cares about me and feels more for me than for a friend. I have the feeling that the actual reason for the break-up and what's standing between us aren't not enough feelings or arguments or any other stuff... but his depression. Many people tend to cut people out of their lives too easily and I don't just want to leave this awesome person behind because he's going through a hard time.  \n\n\n**tl;dr**: Boyfriend has depression and broke up with me but still treats me more like his girlfriend than just a friend. His reasons didn't sound like they have much to do with me but more with his depression. Doesn't know what he feels for me but doesn't want to lose me and wanted time to think and work on his problems - but isn't really doing anything. I have the feeling he wants to be with me but his depression prevent him from doing so. I'm so confused and don't know what to think or how to help him.\n\nSo... I'm not sure how to phrase my question or even what exactly I'm looking for... I guess I just want to hear some other thoughts on this.  \nDoes anyone of you ever left a partner due to your depression? Is it possible that his depression is so predominant that there is no space to develop intense emotions for another person?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just need advice please",
    "post_text": "I'm 22 years old and I'm not aloud to leave the house for more than a day or from ,8 to 12 pm and that's only once a week. I'm not aloud to leave for a weekend to get a hotel with my boyfriend or go on a road trip. Im expected to stay home clean the house and take care of my sister. And when I get to leave I have to get home as soon as possible to take care of her.truthfully being stuck inside 24 7( I only go outside to smoke) is getting to me. I can't walk around town cuz of people getting shot I can't drive sence I'm disabled so I don't have any friends except my boyfriend's friends. It's starting to get to me. I can't leave without permission and I barley get to leave the house. I get bord I get lonely and it's getting to my head. I feel 12 half the time. Idk what to do, I don't know how to tell my mom I would like to get out more that what I do now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I might have depression",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, 13 m here. So Lately i have been feeling like the things I do for fun aren\u2019t fun anymore. I am a casual gamer and have a lot of LEGO, but now, anytime I start playing a game or playing with my lego, I get bored fast, and not like \u201coh I\u2019ll just find something else to do\u201d bored, it\u2019s constant and I always feel tired. Even when I watch YouTube, the creators I watch get boring and it makes me feel like I\u2019m wasting time. I used to spend hours a day playing Minecraft, GoW, Spider-Man, or Fortnite(Im sorry), so this feels really weird and makes me sad. Sometimes I feel like crying, but nothing comes out and I just don\u2019t understand why. I was trying to find out why I feel this way and I looked on google and it said I might have depression. Do I? Or am i just going through a phase? Also just to clarify, I\u2019m not emo or goth. Im sorry if I didn\u2019t explain this in a good way, i don\u2019t really know how.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My only pleasure in life is sleep, because we\u2019re temporarily dead - Please show me some direction in my life",
    "post_text": "FUCK this life, why me, why us, why did we get dealt this shitty hand in life. \n\nI just want to be set free, all this pain to be over with once and for all and to find the love of my life.\n\nThe past two years have been hell on earth for me, everything is so difficult and the fruits of life have already died for me because I\u2019ve been trying to reach them for years!!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "DAE feel like they don\u2019t really want the future anymore?",
    "post_text": "I had a conversation with my brother recently and he was talking about how i\u2019m going to be applying for top universities and how I could get business scholarships to help pay for it and secure a job placement if i\u2019m one of the top performers which I could be, and how I need to consider the amount of debt i\u2019ll be in from it when I get married, buy a house, get a car, have kids etcetera. I just... don\u2019t feel optimistic about my prospects anymore. I don\u2019t even care about the debt, I can\u2019t see myself ever buying a house and I can\u2019t even bring myself to imagine having a s/o and kid\u2019s. All I want to do is go to bed and not move from under the covers... I don\u2019t know when this even happened. I was at the top of my school for exams, got accepted into one of the best colleges in my country, and i\u2019m studying hard to get good grades in my subjects as well as maintaining extracurriculars. Everything i\u2019m doing points towards having a successful future but I don\u2019t think I really care anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling Lost",
    "post_text": "I have Anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar Depression, Pulmonary Embolism, Obesity, and Mobility issues, and I am only 35/M/living in the Seattle Area. My self-confidence and self-esteem have been depleted. I believe in God, I am Christan, but I don't have a home church because I don't have money for the buses. It's hard for me to go to medical appointments because I am just tired of the frequency, and if there is bad news, it's only me and my shoulders. I don't have anyone to share the burden with. I have a giant hole inside of me, and I can't fix it.This past week or so, I have had this sense of feeling lost, and I have been sleeping almost all day and up most of the night. I am homeless, jobless, and I am also semi=disabled. I use a four-wheel walker to help me get around long distances and a cane around the apartment. I have been staying with friends since I lost everything in a fire in February 2016. Because of my weight and health issues, homeless shelters won't take me because I am a high-risk liability. I sleep on the living room floor at my friend's apartment, and their adult boys love to be up all night and play video games, so I don't get the best sleep. Eye masks and earplugs don't help me. I can't sleep in a chair that I have because I toss and turn. They don't give me the respect that I need so I can sleep and do stuff like hold down a job. I have lost several jobs because of my unstable living situation. I have no savings, no family to ask for help or stay with.One good thing that is going good for the most part is I am going to college online for a Bachelor of Science in Cybersecurity and Networking, and I have one year left of schooling for the degree.Sorry for the long post. I just needed to vent and talk to someone even if it's to a computer",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nobody Notices",
    "post_text": "Nobody notices in this world, that I'm not in fact happy but 1 person, and I'm starting to shut the fact out on that person.\nSee I act happy so others will be happy, but I'm not, stress, anxiety it's closing in on me. At times I burst out in anger then immediately apologize. My thoughts keep getting darker but I keep pushing them away; but they keep getting more prevelant. I can't tell somebody, nobody needs to worry about me. Aghhh what is happening to me? And to think people call me happy go lucky, smart, and up beat.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No One Cares So Why Should I?",
    "post_text": "I am not great with conveying my thoughts but I\u2019ll try. I feel like no one cares whatsoever. All of my friends have others to hang out with, and honestly they probably enjoy each other more than being with me. \n\nOn top of this, I don\u2019t really know how to tell people I\u2019m not doing well for a few reasons. I always seem to get short responses like \u201cit\u2019ll get better\u201d or \u201cOh\u201d and then it\u2019s left at that. No one knows how to help me, which is fair I suppose, but after so many cries for help, I\u2019ve given up. No one knows how to help and surely it must upset or annoy them hearing about me having a bad time, so I decided to lie. I don\u2019t tell anyone how I\u2019m really feeling except on rare occasions. Even then, it\u2019s not usually helped. I\u2019m so useless to everyone by being this way, so instead I\u2019d rather put on a mask and fake happiness, that way no one has to bother.\n\nI don\u2019t care about myself, I just want others to be happy and if that means ignorance then that\u2019s fine I suppose. I don\u2019t think anyone should do this, but I don\u2019t carry the same standards for myself as I do others. I\u2019m sure it\u2019ll be bad but I just don\u2019t know what else I could do.\n\nI wish I could just be better but it\u2019s impossible. Everything hurts in my heart so much that sometimes it makes me nauseous. I can\u2019t stand living around people who barely notice me. I allow myself to get used to make others happy. I hate it, but I\u2019ve decided it\u2019s logical if it makes others happy. Instead of two people hurting, I just do, all the time. In this sense, I\u2019m like a doll. I\u2019m used for whatever purpose and then discarded afterwards. It hurts so bad, but I don\u2019t know anything else. \n\nI\u2019m worried about asking for help since I feel like I disappoint others when I can\u2019t tell them what\u2019s wrong, or if what they say or suggest doesn\u2019t help. I don\u2019t know what I need honestly. Sorry to be a bother.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what to do, and I feel like i'm drowning",
    "post_text": "I am done with all of this. I've never had any real friends, never been in a relationship, i'm not close with any family members, and the only texts I receive are from my parents, which usually just keep mocking me for not having a girlfriend and asking when i'm finally going to go on my first date. \n\nWhen I was in high school I was addicted to pills, and I also developed an eating disorder, and nearly died twice. I remember spending time in mental hospitals, spending time in intensive care, etc., and the only person who even came to visit was my mother, who came once after an overdose, and she just said she was disappointed in me and grilled me about why I did what I did. \n\nIn the past 3 months I've lost 3 friends, one to suicide, one to a drug overdose, and one to cancer. I feel like i'm going to explode, and I don't know what to do, and I don't have anyone to turn to. \n\nI need advice on how to move forward, and how to get out of this situation, please. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mother and I had an unsettling conversation in the midst of my depression, and I don't know how to feel...",
    "post_text": "Okay, so I am teen (14M) who is dealing with a lot of struggles. I have had depression for months, and I don't know what to do. I live in a smal part of a big town, which means I don't see many friends often, and I'm the only one my age in that part of town. That's bad from a start, but that's not what's triggering me...\n\nI had been dealing with my dumbass psycho ex, not able to see my gf, being bullied and cyberbullied. I have beaten myself until I bled, every day in the past 2 weeks, and I always wonder if life is worth living, and yet I still try to piece things together again. \n\nYesterday, I had figured out that my past was a lot worse than I had originally thought, with reoccurring memories of childhood trauma. We were having a normal conversation about how I was doing at school (as usual), but it took a turn quickly back to the worst childhood memories I had, which all I had forgotten until then. I had thought it was always peaceful back then since almost every childhood memory I had before then was happy. I even bring up these positive memories whenever I'm down. And these memories came back. Here's what they were one by one in the order they happened:\n\nThe first memory, the only one I couldn't regain my perception on was one from when I was in preschool (obviously). The last day I went to preschool, my mother was watching in the preschool because she noticed things weren't perfectly fine there. Before it was over, a little girl who was 3 years of age, opened one of the metal doors and accidentally slammed her fingers in the doors. The tips of 3 of that girl's fingers were cut off from that door and was bleeding everywhere. The staff was panicking, but they weren't doing anything. They didn't call for help. They just stood and watched. The staff, also, were both 17 year-olds watching over 32 preschool kids (which was illegal). My mother quickly took me out of that daycare and felt so bad for leaving me there. I've always remembered preschool, but I've never known what actually happened in that building. After that event, the teens were arrested, and since today, that building had been shut down for 11 years.\n\nThe next one, the first one I recall, was when I was in elementary school. I was in kindergarten, and the teachers were very strict, and they had the worst principal I had ever seen. He had beaten, tortured, and yelled at many kids, including me. I was once beaten, dragged to the office, and tied to a chair for the rest of the day in my kindergarten year. My mother was pissed off as the school when she saw my bruise marks. When I heard this happened to me, I remembered and regained my perspective on that moment, and two others I now recall. \n\nAnother time I remember that was mentioned to me was in that same school in about first or second grade. This one kid would bully me over and over, and he would beat on me if he ever caught up to me, and the teachers just let him. One day, I thought I had put up with this crap far too much and was beating that kid's ass. It took four teachers to pull me off him. They told my mother to immediately come to the school for my \"actions\", and she took me out for ice cream for standing up for myself, and we were pissed off about how the teachers just let bad things happen to kids at that elementary school. \n\nThe last memory I remember was in that same year in that same elementary school. One time, I feel off the top of the slide in the playground and busted my head open on the pavement. I was bleeding everywhere, and I now remember how bad it felt. The teachers were just again, standing there. Not even helping, not even calling for emergency services. Just watching. They didn't even call my mother. Apparently, their logic was if I was \"disrespectful\", they would call my mother like 22 times, but if I was injured, bleeding, and crying out in pain, they wouldn't give a shit! \n\nI've never wanted to know about this, and now I have other bad memories I probably won't forget soon, even though I want to. To recap, I have have learned something I never wanted to about my past during depression, and now it's even worse. I've tried so hard to keep my life going in the right direction, but every time I try...it seems to get worse...\n\nToday, I'm going to try a new way of doing things. Instead of deleting my ex's requests and messages, I'll ignore her. Instead of being afraid and nervous, I'll send my gf a letter today, and I'll see how it goes. Instead of letting bullying weaken me, I will deal with it in a better fashion. I'll even report it everything. This was the advice I had been given, and I thank my friends on Reddit for helping me. It'll be a while, and I will struggle and sadden on the way, but I'll try...\n\nI still feel horrible on the inside and outside, but I'll try as hard as I can to be happy again. I don't know. What do you think I should do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm fed up",
    "post_text": "I take my meds, I go to therapy, but nothing is sticking. I do everything right but I keep failing again, and again. I know I need to get out of my own head. I know I need to break out of this unhealthy way of thinking, but my brain just won't do it! I hate how I come across as lazy. I'm exhausted. \n\nThis is my third attempt at trying to get my Bachelors. I only have a semseter left. Each time I try to graduate, something horrible happens, I get hospitalized for suicide, I get assaulted, and my mother dies. Now I'm constantly bracing myself for more suffering, and I end up creating it by panicking instead of doing my assignments. I'm making this harder on myself then it has to be. \n\nI feel guilt for being a financial burden on my father, I feel shame for not moving on with my life like my peers. I hate not having friends, and being a hermit. I really don't want to move back in with my father, because he hoards, and my depression will only get worse. All I want to be is financially independent. I want to be a functioning member of society. \n\nIt's also been a struggle to get my ADHD meds, I'm a mess, and can't keep events straight. I got the date wrong yet again. I keep sleeping the day away. It took all my effort to put on jeans, and cook myself breakfast this morning. One load of dishes and I'm exhausted. I'm sick of it! I just want to be okay!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "dealing with depression while in a relationship",
    "post_text": "so i\u2019ve been dating this guy for about 3 1/2 years and we\u2019d been good for a long time, only minor issues and fights coming up. but lately, after switching antidepressants again i\u2019ve been having a lot of doubts about my relationship. i know it\u2019s because of my depression because i talked to my therapist about it. i have the issue where i can only see the bad things that are happening in my relationship and not all the happy times (of which i know there are many). i know there are good things there but when i sit down and try to talk about our problems with him i can only seem to recall all the bad stuff.  does anyone has advice on how to see the good along with the bad in things when you\u2019re depressed?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm ruining my own life but I can't stop.",
    "post_text": "I'm 20 and in my junior year of college. I was re-diagnosed this year with dysthymia (used to be major depression) and started Prozac, which basically just gave me mild side effects and didn't help at all. I switched to Wellbutrin and didn't even have any side effects, I felt like I was taking a sugar pill in the morning because it also didn't help at all. I start Effexor tomorrow and am setting up counseling, but I'm literally ruining my life right now.\n\nIn past semesters, I was able to scrape through with a B average and go to most of my classes. That's not the case anymore. I'm not getting out of bed until the sun goes down, I'm skipping days of classes at a time, I have no idea what any of my grades are - and the worst part is that I can't even bring myself to care. Somewhere in the back of my mind I KNOW that if I fail this semester I'm going to majorly fuck up my financial aid and won't graduate on time, but it just doesn't matter to me. I'm too tired to care.\n\nI barely wake up in time for work most days, and I'm having to make excuses for being late all the time. I don't cook, so I don't eat. I don't clean, so my room and kitchen are disgusting. I don't even know what homework assignments I need to catch up on. I'm exhausted all the time. I'm too tired to even read over this before posting, so sorry in advance if none of it makes sense.\n\nBasically I'm halfway through this semester and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail all of my classes, ruin my financial aid, get fired from my job, get written up by housing (I live on campus), and I'm worried about what I might do to myself if this all happens. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to make myself care. I don't know how to get motivated to get out of bed in the morning. I will accept literally any advice from anyone. Please help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have a friend (she's my cousin but we're very close) who's talking about trying to kill herself and starving herself. Do I go to the guidance counselor?",
    "post_text": "My friend is really struggling right now and is trying not to eat. I found out from a mutual friend (a guy she's talking to romantically) and she admitted it to me very willingly herself. She showed me their texts and she was talking about doing it because she wants to kill herself so she won't listen to anyone who tells her to get help. I'm thinking about going to the guidance counselor because she already expressed that her parents won't schedule her an appointment even though she's asked. She's diagnosed with depression because she's had one appointment but never got another. I don't want her to be upset with me and she's telling me herself to force her to eat. So I don't know if I should wait it out or go to the counselor.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need advice",
    "post_text": "Hi I\u2019m 16 and I have really bad depression/Anxiety right now I don\u2019t really know but I\u2019m having problems I haven\u2019t told anyone about this and I\u2019m scared and I don\u2019t know how I\u2019m starting to have suicidal thoughts I\u2019m still not wanting to do it but I\u2019m afraid if I don\u2019t do something now it will get worse I\u2019ve had this for about a year now and I want this to stop now but I don\u2019t know what to do so can anyone please help (btw I don\u2019t have a school consultant person because I\u2019m home schooled)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just not good enough I guess?",
    "post_text": "So first time ever posting on Redditt so sorry if I mess up. So today is my birthday and it\u2019s honestly just been the worst day ever. I usually just stay home and play video games or spend the day with my daughter. But today was terrible. So my brother invited me to have a little party at his house I thought ok this will be a good thing. Well once I got there I found out I had to cook all the food and also my own birthday cake which is ok I guess maybe I\u2019m just being picky? But then my boyfriend starts a fight with me because I went when I thought he didn\u2019t remember and he didn\u2019t have anything planned so I ruined that as well. So now I\u2019m sitting in my bathroom in tears because my brother said that I\u2019m just being sensitive and stupid and then my boyfriend is saying that I ruined everything. Like what did I do wrong today for it to be my birthday I didn\u2019t get to do anything I wanted at all. Maybe I\u2019m just being silly over nothing? I dunno know maybe I did ruin everything for everyone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Saw a therapist today ... what\u2019s next?",
    "post_text": "Today I finally saw a therapist to figure out why I\u2019ve lost my zest for everything in life. Job. Hobbies. Etc etc etc. I don\u2019t leave the house anymore and my friends group is at a bare minimum. I miss going to the gym, and definitely miss my lady-muscles. \n\nOur next appointment is for the 22nd, at which point we will address treatment. I want to learn how to help myself. I was happy before and believe I can be again. \n\nBut I don\u2019t want to wait 13 days to start. I want to start making steps towards progress now. What are some small things I can do that you\u2019ve found successful in the past to get yourself up and moving again? Do I force myself to go to the gym X times a week? Make \u201cappointments\u201d with myself? What about socialization?\n\nAnything small will do. I\u2019m just so happy to know there\u2019s a community on Reddit fighting the same battles I thought I was alone in. Cheers :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anger",
    "post_text": "I'm 17[M] and have suffered from depression and panic disorder for a year and a half. I don't talk to my parents about it because I don't want to trouble them. For a past couple of months, I have been unable to handle anger. First off, I get angry too easily and start hitting my head and punching the wall or if possible, I try cutting. \nAs if depression wasn't enough, anger is now sapping my energy and the little will to live.\n\n\n\nI would be thankful for any advice or support.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I absolutely despise myself. How do I not?",
    "post_text": " I'm terrible at everything I try. Everything I want to be good at I fuck up. I can barely cope with my (fantastic) job. I have absolutely no luck with women and am incredibly, insanely lonely as a result. I can't do anything I want to do because I know it won't be good enough.\n\nHow do I \\[30M\\] not feel this way? How do I not compare myself to others? How do I be good at things that I want to be good at? How do I not hate myself? This is all I've ever known.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My relationship is imploding in on itself due to my depression...",
    "post_text": "Long story short, I'm a twice divorced single father to a 3 year old boy and I'm a Staff Sergeant in the AirForce which I've served the past 10 years. I've been battling depression my entire career. Mostly due to trama of a neglectful and abusive childhood and made worse by divorces that followed. I've been in and out of therapy for years. Now I am dating a wonderful woman who now live with me and mothers my son like he's her own. She also has a 5 year old daughter and when we first got together she was 2 months pregnant and we now have a beautiful new daughter. I have a new job in the Air Force as a Avionics Fundamentals Instructor and I love it. Ever with all this good happening in my life my depression is surging back. One of the biggest issues that its bringing is its completely destroyed my sex drive and I just don't have the urge for it in any form. So this is causing my girlfriend to feel very rejected even though she know why I'm simple not interested in it. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very attracted to her, she's absolutely gorgeous lol I just don't have any libido. But this accidental rejection is causing a huge divide between us and I'm scared of losing her and my new daughters. I'm starting up therapy again and seeking to get put on antidepressants again and I know it will help but I'm worried I'll lose everything before I'm back to my normal self.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve got scars and I need to know how to make them fade.",
    "post_text": "[TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM] \n\nI\u2019m young (16) and I was diagnosed with depression a couple years back. I\u2019ve got the scars to prove it, but I\u2019m unsure what to do from here. A couple of days ago I told myself that there\u2019s more to life than suicide. After a bad few relationships I\u2019ve decided that I\u2019m going to turn him life around. This all starts with my scars. I know they will never truly go away, but I\u2019m hoping someone can tell me how to make them fade faster, if at all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just want to feel happy again",
    "post_text": "I'm married, and have 2 kids. I feel like I am not myself anymore. I try to find time to do things that make me happy, but with two young kids it is hard to find the time. When I do, I'm happy for a little bit. But then the reality of having two kids and a fairly oblivious husband creeps back in. I tell him how I'm feeling, but it always feels like he thinks I'm just whining or feeling sorry for myself. He kind of helps with the kids,but usually I have to ask. I am getting to the point where I feel like if I have to ask for help with the same shit every day, it isn't even worth it to ask. I've also explained that to him. Things get better for a few days, maybe a week, then we go back to me having to ask again. I love my husband and kids, but I'm at a breaking point. I want to feel like myself again. Hell, I'd even settle for feeling like I'm not just a mom. That can't be my whole identity, but I have no idea how to feel any different. Nothing works.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My insecurities are everyone\u2019s plaything.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been through a lot and it\u2019s insanely diffcult to open up about them, so it seems to family I act the way I do just because I chose to. \n\nI\u2019m constantly being made fun of for not doing certain things and I get really offended and uncomfortable. I prefer not to share what, but I usually tell them to quit it, yet they\u2019re always like \u201cit\u2019s a joke\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re so over dramatic/buzz kill\u201d. Now I don\u2019t ever say anything because now I have the reputation of being the \u201cnegative Nancy\u201d of every social event. \n\nI even have a certain family member who pry into my business cause they want to know my secrets. Why isn\u2019t boundaries a thing anymore? Sometimes I think to myself I should just blurt out what I\u2019ve been through just to have a greater chance of letting them leave me alone, but it\u2019s scary and personal. I can\u2019t even write them in a journal, to my past therapist (who I saw for six months), or friends I trust. I hate myself everyday for always keeping things in. I\u2019m a coward. \n\nI feel trapped in my mind. Always telling myself to forget, but think about it everyday anyways. What do I do to change? How can I escape this constant degradation from people? \n\nThanks for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am nothing anymore",
    "post_text": "So I have been depressed all of my life as long as I can remember. I didn't really know what its like to not have that sinking, dreadful feeling in my heart. That is -until I met my current boyfriend. He makes me feel alive and happy again. He pulled me out of the darkness I was so deep in. But I can feel myself starting to slip again, and I'm trying so hard to not let it drag me down. I used to self harm, and I promised him I'd try as hard as I could to not do it again. For like 3 weeks before the present one, I was completely absolutely numb. I didn't laugh, didn't cry, didn't feel anything at all. It was the worst feeling in my life, It felt like I just died and had no soul or heartbeat, but worse. It was terrifying, and I never want to go through it again. But after about three weeks of feeling that way, I self-harmed, partially to prove I could still feel something. And for some reason, I didn't feel the sadness I usually do when I relapse. I just felt *alive*. And I slipped out of that terrible numb feeling. I feel alive now, and still numb, but not as bad as before. But the problem is, I've slipped into a different type of numbness. It's like I don't care about anything anymore. I have 3 grades below a 50, and I really don't have the energy or motivation to care, even though I want to. I honestly wouldn't care If i just got hit by a truck or like had a heart attack, but its not like i'm gonna go out of my way to make it happen. I want to stop this before it slips too deep but I don't know how.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop thinking what's not possible in my life?",
    "post_text": "Now from my childhood, I have been thinking what I want from my life and its impossible to happen in my life. I know that this shit won't happen ever, but I still keep thinking about shit and hope that it will happen someday (and obviously, it never happens). I am tired of doing this over and over but I don't do this intentionally, my shit mind does it automatically just so that I can get more reasons to cry! Help please!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do i cope with un-ending sadness",
    "post_text": "So my partner has been dealing with sadness and suicidle thoughts all their entire life its so extremely hard to help them i do help every time we are together its perfect absolutely perfect for both of us i am everything to them and i help as much as i possibly can but theres only so much i can do as we arent together every single minute. they have been hurt by their previous partner and emotional damage from their moms emotional and physical abuse in the past ranging from brith i think until her 5th grade year thats when the physical abuse (slapping cornering shoving head under bathtub water pushing into walls) but the emotional abuse has continued until this year about a few months ago their mom has been very extremely nice to her randomly for no reason. My partners depression gets extremely bad she is constantly sad and frequently has suicidle thoughts and gets very overwhelmed with her home life has asthma attacks and panic attacks for apparently no reason. I am running out of ideas i have done everything for her and i am continuing to do so but my mental illnesses sometimes makes it almost impossible to help and vise versa. She had said many times she wants to get better so bad and get out of her house when shes 18 so we can get engaged but she says she cant see a way out i have alot of experience with helping people out of suicide but the longer this goes on the worse i feel about how good of a job i do with her i used to feel very good about our phone conversations because my advice was always perfect she would go from a full blown panic attack anxiety attack to laughing with me making jokes and talking about all the things we were going to do in the future and how to achieve our goals now it seems like they end in her not actually feeling better just acting better or pushing the thoughts away. \nPlease help me find ways to help them cope for the 3 more years they have in their house and how to help her get from the ground up as i have to do this 5/7 days now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Girlfriend left me and now I'm terrified my depression/anxiety will overwhelm me",
    "post_text": "Hello,\n\nToday my girlfriend decided we will no longer be together. Or I don't even know how to put it. Throughout our relationship I believe my anxiety made me insecure and at times it got to the point where I would tell her that I don't think I want to be in a relationship with her. To me they were always empty words in what I'm now thinking was a cry out for help but seeing it through her eyes, why wouldn't she believe me, and why wouldn't this effect her. It would have a terrible effect on me. And about a week ago I said it again, and that was the last straw for her.\n\nSo here I am, alone. I've never really had many friends and never reached out to make some because she was my best friend. I've battled anxiety and depression for a while now but don't know how to cope with what has happened. While I have talked to a psychologist before this girl was the only one who I truly felt free speaking with and has helped me tremendously through the years.\n\nMy anxiety has a bad effect on my body and I'm so scared I'm going to throw away my new job that I love, and the great opportunities I have because I just can't bother to get up and go out the door.\n\nI don't know what to do.  I just want the girl I've loved for so long.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a College Student Struggling with Depression",
    "post_text": "I've been struggling with depression for years.  I'm hoping to graduate in the spring, but I won't if I don't get myself back into shape.  Last year wasn't so bad, but it's really hit me hard this semester.  I had to withdraw from a class and am behind in all my others.  I keep making lists of the things I need to do and try to take them one at a time, but since I've missed so much class and everything is already going to be penalized for being late, I feel like it's becoming impossible.  Getting help right now isn't really an option.  I was supposed to get a scholarship this year but it's delayed because of some confusing financial thing, so I'm out of cash.  I don't have enough for even one copay, or pay for transportation to see a psychologist.   Professors are emailing me about assignments and I've been giving excuses for months.  The school won't give me accommodations because my diagnosis is too old.  I don't get financial or emotional support from my family so that's out.   All I can do is try to go to class and do the work, which makes it all the more stressful.   I feel like I'm always loosing time and never making progress.  I try to do a little here and there but I can't seem to keep up my focus or motivation.    I just want to be able to get the things done and feel better, at least about being a semi-decent student.   Thanks for reading this vent session and thank you some more if you have any words of support or advice.  Sorry about any typos, I'm just getting it all out in hopes of receiving some advice before I lose the motivation to post.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Drowning in regret",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what to do, there are a lot of things in my life that I deeply regret. I can\u2019t make peace with myself. I\u2019m constantly berating myself over my past actions and I feel like such a terrible person. It\u2019s nobody\u2019s fault but my own and I can\u2019t go back or start over and I can\u2019t handle that. I\u2019m crying multiple times a day and my mental state is seriously affecting my studies at uni. I feel like I\u2019m never going to be happy again nor do I deserve it. How do I cope?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Well... my marriage is over",
    "post_text": "I've told my husband the truth.. the truth that I cheated on him.. and now we r gonna be leaving each other...\n\nThe relationship between us wont be the same as before..\nHes such a good guy that It fucking kills me to go and leave.. hes provided myself and the kids for 6 years... and I fucked it up in the first year of the marriage..\nI dont know to stay or go... I dont know what to do... I've been mad at him because we cant get time alone and we are living with his mother and I... I don't know what to do anymore..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When it gets better, it just gets bad again",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m having a really bad day. Nothing particularly bad actually happened but I feel so down that I don\u2019t even want to move. I\u2019ve been dealing with this for over 25 years now, since I was a child and I\u2019m so frustrated. If I\u2019m having a good day, I know in the back of my mind it can be bad again the next day and I never really truly enjoy it. I\u2019m in therapy, on meds, I exercise, I work,  but no matter what I do, the depression always comes back. What else can I do? How can I live the rest of my life like this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Opening up",
    "post_text": "Hiya! So I'm a student at uni and I find it really hard to stay motivated to go to class/do anything most of the time. I hate that I feel that way, I was pretty depressed a few years back and now I feel like I might be relapsing in a way. The thing is though, my dad's coming to see me in a few days, so he's going to be able to tell that I haven't been that great. Usually when people come to visit me I try to hide all evidence of depression (unwashed dishes, clothes everywhere, general messiness) almost like an addict would hide their evidence. But now I don't even have the energy for that anymore. I'm thinking of just admitting to my dad that I'm not that well, but I know that would break both my parents' heart. I just want them to be proud of me and I feel like right now I'm not someone anyone could be proud of. I want to be able to function on my own and do great things but apparently I'm not capable of that. Anyway my point is: Should I be completely open with my parents about how I've been feeling? Even though I know they'll be incredibly worried about me and maybe even disappointed? Should I start therapy again and never talk about depression with anyone else but a therapist? Because when I talk to friends or family about it I always feel like a burden and that I'm hurting them. What do you guys think?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to keep going?",
    "post_text": "I have chronic depression, I have been depressed since I was around 10 years old and take meds for depression and anxiety for 3~4 years, I\u2019m already in the max dose of those pills \nDon\u2019t get me wrong, I think that If I wasn\u2019t on meds I would be a lot worse then now, but I have to settle for the less bad life, the life of a sedated person, I feel like I was robbed of my will and dreams by my meds, in order to numb the depression it took de joy of life away from me.\nHow to keep the struggle going knowing that is pointless, that my depression will probably never go away and I all my efforts are just to keep a adequate amount of quality of life \nI don\u2019t feel depressed just sad about my condition and what it implies to the rest of my life",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "venting because i need to (somewhat nsfw based on this sub's rules)",
    "post_text": "recently ive just been drinking to feel something because im numb to my depression but its to the point where my drinking makes me brutally aware of my depression. i cant use drinking or drugs to help me feel anything anymore. i shouldnt have in the first place. but im at a point where i want to go to self harm to feel something. even if its a created feeling that lasts a couple of moments. and ik at some point that wont help anymore and ill become helplessly numb. and im coming to the feelings of suicide like theres no point. when im happy its amazing but it comes down in a crash and all the sudden im just absolutely numb again. and i used to do a lot of art but even that doesnt help anymore and ive lost interest in everything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend is suffering from severe depression and I want to help her but I'm not sure how",
    "post_text": "I (17m) moved to Houston from Toronto last January and I have kept in contact with one of my friends in Toronto (17f) who is clearly struggling with her mental health. We stay in contact over snapchat and she's opened up to me a few times and I've tried to be as supportive as possible. The last snap I got from her she said something about how she's \"not sure she can make it through the next couple weeks.\" I've never experienced any mental health struggles as severe as what she is going through so I don't think I'm in a great place to give advice. I've tried to just listen to her and be supportive so far but it doesn't seem to be helping her much. The physical distance between us makes it even harder for me to see how she's doing as I don't get to see her at school on an everyday basis like I used to. What I can I do to best help her without being pushy? And are there any resources that I could/should reccomend to her?\nAny and all help is greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I pathetic?",
    "post_text": "I moved 1,000 miles away from my hometown to live with my boyfriend a year ago and I\u2019ve been miserable since. I love my boyfriend with everything in me, but I have a very, very close relationship with my family and the distance is killing me. I practically raised my sister (there\u2019s a 10 year age gap), so I feel like I abandoned my child or something, even though she\u2019s old enough to be more of my friend now. I miss living in a very small town (I live in Miami now), and just being close to everyone. My relationships with my family are slipping and it makes me hate my life.\n\nMy boyfriend refuses to live anywhere that isn\u2019t urban especially somewhere as rural and \u201cuncultured\u201d as my home, and there\u2019s no cities within a 4 hour distance from my hometown, which wouldn\u2019t help at all. Idk what to do, I can\u2019t imagine my life without my boyfriend, but I can\u2019t imagine living like this without my family near me for much long either.\n\nAm I pathetic for being so close to my family and not having the strength to put effort into building a life separate from them? I just see so many people who live close to their parents/siblings (even my boyfriend) and get soooo jealous, but every advice subreddit seems to think I\u2019m being unreasonable and not trying hard enough to live here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is this a symptom of depression?",
    "post_text": "Let's say that you want to do or change something in your life. A new hobby, learn a new skill etc. You know how to get started... but you never actually do it. You lack the energy and the motivation to start or keep going even though it is something you like and know it would improve your life. But you end up just fantasizing about it and not actually do it.\n\nIf it is a symptom of depression, then I have been suffering from it without my knowledge for almost 5 years. I thought I was just lazy. There are so many things I want to do and learn that are in the realm of possibility, but I never do them. For the past 5 years I've been on autopilot about this because I thought that was just how I am. But apparently it's depression holding me back?\n\nThere has been stuff this year that I've suspected is the cause of why I feel sad all the time, but I never knew not doing what you want to do is a symptom too. If it's true then I have missed a large part of my life to depression without knowing about it. I'm 20 now so it started when I\n was 15.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I let go of my anxiety over dying?",
    "post_text": "It is all I can think about for the last 3 years. During this time, I have shut out my family and cut off all of my friends because I don\u2019t see the point in making meaningful connections. I have lost interest in everything I used to enjoy because I\u2019m too scared to leave my house. It\u2019s affecting my quality of life and I\u2019m starting to think of killing myself to feel like I have some control.  Has anyone felt like this and if so, have you and how did you overcome it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "This is gross but I really need help",
    "post_text": "I've just woken up from a months long depression hole today. I was getting presentable, going to work and taking care of my cat but that's pretty much it. No cleaning my room. No watering my plants. My room is beyond disgusting now- it's full of trash and dishes and just the most disgusting garbage. And flies. So many goddamn flies. They look like little fruit flies or gnats and I have no idea how to get rid of them. I've started the cleaning process since I've kinda snapped out of it, taken out all the garbage I can right now, cleaned the dishes, but there are so many flies and I have no idea how to get rid of them.  I know this is gross and I'm sorry I just feel so ashamed that I let things get like this and I don't know where else to ask for help. Does anyone have any advice that's helped them with cleaning once they crawl out of the depression hole? Any advice on how to keep on it when you're in the hole? Any advice on how to get rid of the flies? I'm just crying in my disgusting room rn, I have no idea what to do and this can't have been good for my poor cat.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hey.",
    "post_text": "Hi. I wanted to reach out. To have a genuine interaction with another person. No pretenses or ulterior motives. Im on the balcony of a hotel in Thailand and looking out at that long drop, it just makes me wonder what if. I don't know if I've ever felt as lost as I do tonight.\n\nIn my cynicism I fear that people don't actually genuinely care(for others, me included), and why would they eh? Does that kind of warmth and love exist in the world outside of fairytales and movies? I have these doubts so I really don't reach out usually, even to the people I surround myself with. But right now maybe Im chasing rainbows again, but I'd like some genuine communication, even if it's on the internet and under the mask of anonymity. If anyone would care. If you would take the time to hear me.\n\nI'm 22. I live in South Korea and I've been quite sad, depressed, since the 9th grade. It's been 8 years. I feel like I've lost a lot of what made me me in that time. I feel like an empty shell. All the color and life sucked out and nothing but an empty husk left. Yet despite all that I've lost, I believe I have much more to lose still, because I have despaired before, believing I've hit rock bottom. Then time would pass and I'd look back, only to realize how much I had back then.\n\nWhen I first started to have depressing thoughts, self doubt, existential problems, I turned to my family for help. My mother, father and sister. Why? because they're my family, and I thought it would matter to them that I, their son, was suffering so genuinely, in so much pain and doubt. When I was so lost and confused and desperately reaching out to them, they fucking turned their back on me. Or so I felt, back then and I still do. I felt so betrayed that the people I loved and trusted the most in the world would do that so I became bitter and made a promise to myself that I'd never share my life with them again. I acted out, maybe in an attempt to punish them, to get back at them for not caring. I just let myself go, let my life collapse little by little. Years have passed now and I honestly think I've never been able to really give up hope that my family would be there for me, as if they would just suddenly drop whatever they're doing and come to my side, telling me that they care and that we'll  make this right. Now, as much it pains me to acknowledge it, I don't  think that's  ever going to happen. I just attempted to talk to my mother for the first time in months about my depression and she immediately got up and left the room. I feel like I should be undamaged by this by now, and I want to tell myself I'm fine after that, but I feel so alone in this world and stupid for thinking that she'd care enough to want to listen. This is all the more crushing because we're  on a family trip which I did not want to come to initially, but after we got here, I felt things that I hadn't  felt for a long time, that I thought I'd never feel again. Something made me want to get my life together and do things. So in the process of thinking about what I'd like to do after this trip, the events I mentioned happened. I honestly feel very hopeless and my will to live has dwindled close to none. Should I just give up on my seemingly unrealistic dreams and expectations of a loving caring family and move on? It hurts my heart. so much. but seems like the only way to do anything with my life. Do I move on? for what? Myself? It just doesn't seem a good enough reason. I am not a good enough reason for me to continue living life. I don't care about myself enough. A life without love seems bleak, ugly and meaningless.\n\n I'm thinking of packing my bags and getting on a plane to like canada or australia to start a new life. With zero plans, it scares me so much, but I want to stop this endless ride downhill. Despite the despair in this post, what I really seek is a reason to continue and a way to do so. How do I move forward? Any thoughts or comments are ok",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I finally told someone. And now I just feel worse.",
    "post_text": "Yesterday night I was texting a friend (i had a few drinks) and ended up telling him about my dark thoughts. I don\u2019t even know him that well, but at the time it was so easy. \n\nHe was real kind and nice about it, and reassured me it was good to talk. But waking up today I just felt worse. I haven\u2019t gotten out of bed and we\u2019re well into the afternoon. \n\nI texted today, but no response. Maybe it was all a mistake. Maybe I shouldn\u2019t burden people with my problems. I\u2019ve always kept em to myself, why not now?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help to help a friend...",
    "post_text": "I have a friend (teenager), he is good at anything specifically, he doesnt have hobbies, nor does he have anything he wants to do... and naturally depression kicked in, noone noticed for a while, I personally found out about it being serious just about... 3, maybe 4? hours ago... he sent me a message saying \"bye, im suiciding\" which on its own, with no context, seemed as a stupid stupid joke... so naturally I said that this isn't a topic to joke about, and eventually put some things together: He doesnt have hobbies / goals, He smokes (recently started which is horrible imo), he drinks , and he was known to have been overly depressed before, but nothing came out of it, it seemed like he had a rougher time with small things, I started to get worried so I digged deeper... talked with a few common friends and only 1 was able to be of help, the friend (suicidal) had plans... everything. step. by. step. It was actually pretty .... yikes idk... scary, and I got to talk with him, explained to him as nice as one could, that he needs, and he agreed, and said, what about telling your parents? they sure will helped. what followed had me mute. litterarly. HE DID! and his dad is an alchoolic that doesnt care, overall a cool guy to have a drink with and have some fun talk, but not a dad. for sure not. and his mother seemed really active and protective, which she isn't... he told his mom about his issues, and she said: \"well you better get on studying and stop with this (bad word) poopoo\" . Which pretty much dug him even further into the hole he is in, I can't help but want to do something, I wont be telling his parents more because I am afraid that he will be punished for speaking his problems out loud, which is wrong, but keeping in mind his parents, not surprising, anything I can do for him?!? I really quite do need this help as I have never been... sad... I've never felt actual sadness... I've felt defeat, anger, pitty, but not sad. I've never felt... deppressed, or done, so I have no idea what it's like and how to solve it... any help would be great . thank you in advance <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve broken a year long streak of not cutting and now I can\u2019t stop (long post I\u2019m sorry)",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s just about two months until my eighteenth birthday. I\u2019ve been having these terrible thoughts for almost as long as I could remember. It just started out as this awful feeling and it\u2019s evolved into daily thoughts of suicide, non-existent self confidence, what can only be described as extreme social anxiety, a constant feeling of loneliness, and self hatred. \n\nAbout two years ago I started cutting. I don\u2019t know why i started but i did it for almost a year. It took the pain away emotionally and made it all physical. It became something I could see and touch not just this oppressive darkness I feel on a constant basis. I knew it was an awful habit so I tried my best to stop. About three or four weeks ago things got really bad and I did it again. And now I\u2019m back to square one.\n\nI don\u2019t have anyone to talk to because my parents would send me to a hospital, my friends would stop talking to me, I have no significant other to share my thoughts with because I am completely unlikable and extremely awkward around other people, and my therapist refuses to do anything about anything I tell him.\n\nEvery time my brain makes things bad I do it again and again and part of me wants to stop because i know it\u2019s not good but at the same time I really don\u2019t want to because in some messed up way it makes things feel better. I feel trapped in my own mind and I don\u2019t really know what to do anymore. Thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve skipped 2 whole weeks of class and still don\u2019t feel like going",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been absolutely drained mentally. I tried liking college and studying but I just feel like I need some time off. Problem is: I don\u2019t want to disappoint my parents. They\u2019re the best and deserve much better. I just don\u2019t have any motivation at all to get up at 6 am, shower at 6:30, go to class at 8:30 and sit between strangers until 6 pm and be home at 7 pm.  I also fear of being a failure with a shitty job in the future but not even that motivates me to go to class or study every day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Still on the fence",
    "post_text": "For a long while now I have been depressed and haven't really had many close friend and for a little bit hitting a point of literally just 1 semi close online friend and no body else at all, but that's besides the point. For the last probably month or 2 I have been on the fence (or just cant decide) on what to do with one side being just live a happy life with a tightly knit group of girl and maybe online friends with possibly even a relationship and the other side being suicide. For the longest time I've been leaning back and forth and thanks to friends I'm feeling better some time but thanks to school and alot of punishments and groundings every so often and fairly recently having moved between states pushing me the other way. I'm not sure if this is just me or amazingly common but I just don't know what to do any more and I want to be able to land on the right side of the fence on my feet and not fall back into a pit (sorry if it's an odd analogy). I just really don't know what to do since the only people who ever really reach out to me are semi close friends and just some school mates ending nonsense. All I do if sit around mostly unmotivated to make a difference and better things for myself by simple even doing homework but instead I feel like a lazy bum who uses his only bit of motivation to ask a handful of friends how their day was when I see them only but still feel like I'm just pestering them. I mean it's been almost half the school year now and the only person who sits next to me because they want to and not because their entire group moved to where I sit is my semi close friend I mention earlier. I've got nearly no friends, got near nonexistant privacy, no motivation, and the only 2 things that I can always look back on for a reason to keep going are I'm my dad only child and he put 15 years of effort into making my last this long and just the simple question of how can I do it quick without it hurting too much or looking a fool.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know if this has any logic, but I think I have daytime depression and anxiety",
    "post_text": "I'm in an unusual situation. I always wake up super depress and anxious, the entire day is awful, but at around 5 PM, my mood shifts and get better. Usually, after 8 PM, I feel like a newborn. My depression and anxiety lift, and I start enjoying life until the next day.\n\nI'm off medication for a couple of months, but to be honest, I feel better now than when I was on meds.\n\nHere is a list of drugs that I tried so far.\n\nPrescriptions:\n\nProzac\n\nProzac + Xanax\n\nLexapro\n\nLexapro + Wellbutrin\n\nLexapro + Wellbutrin + Remeron\n\nWellbutrin\n\nTianeptine\n\nEffexor\n\nSeroquel\n\nI've tried a few racetams (Piracetam, Pramiracetam, and Noopept)\n\nModafinil\n\nMy doctor tried to put me on bipolar meds (Seroquel). It didn't work, but I had a weird reaction, I was on 300mg before bedtime, but it didn't make me sleepy at all, it only gave me a stuffed nose, it was impossible to breathe through my nose without Olynth.\n\nI don't know if this makes any sense, my doctor(s) told me that I'm a conundrum. Any thoughts?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I got cheated on by my now ex-boyfriend of six years and I feel worthless",
    "post_text": "First time poster here. On mobile.\n\nI've known this guy since we were in middle school, we started talking during high school, and after a failed attempt at my life I dropped out of college moved back home and we ended up dating.\n\nThis guy had been my rock for all those years. He experienced with me the pain of having my dad get a stroke, my only uncle on my dad's side pass away, being diagnosed with ovarian cancer, having my dad's mom pass away, my dad have a second stroke, and finding out my mom had breast cancer and going through chemo.\nThings weren't always perfect.\n\nI nagged a lot on things he did because he tend to me reckless and not have a plan. Overall I just wanted things to be better for him. To be prepared and essentially have a backup plan.\nThis year he started going through a rough phase at work, being in a call center and having upset customers he would take it to heart when they would tell him to kill himself. For a very long time I told him to find someone to talk to, to go look for a counselor. He never did and I saw him get worse and worse.\n\nI tried being the best support I could for him. It was only fair and obviously I did it because I loved him.\nOn the November 7th he finally spoke to a counselor. I asked how it went and he said it went well.\nThen on November 9th he asked to speak to me once I arrived home from being out of town. He arrived at my house after work. He begins explaining to me that when he was talking to his counselor he was asked what made him happy and responded with photography. He mentioned that he never thought of us. Which is fair because it had been rocky.\nHe said he didn't love me anymore.\nHe finished what he said and waited for me to reply. I was in shock. I didn't realize just how bad it was. It was like a curve ball was thrown at me. I didn't know because he never opened up to me even when I asked.\nHe then proceeded to ask if I wanted to join him on trip which just took place this Monday through Wednesday. \nIn that moment I got angry. How could you tell me to go on this trip when you just told me you didn't love me? It wasn't logical.\nWe argued and towards the end he said he was done. I asked him to clarify and he needed some space from me.\nFine.\n\nI let him be until he contact me on Sunday the 10th wanting to meet up the following day.\nWe didn't end up meeting up on Monday and did a follow up instead on Tuesday.\nWe talked. I was worried for him. I told him that people were concerned for his safety and he just laughed it off with the laugh of a maniac. He said that why did people care. He was so distant.\n\nBefore I left I asked again where we stood. And he told me to give some time. I asked for how long and he told me he would let me know.\nFast forward to this Monday. He told me to have any false hope of getting together.\nWe went on our trip and I noticed he was texting a lot while trying to angle himself to hide his phone. It was something I noticed right away. We moved on through the day. We got to our destination.  While laying down on my bed he came laid down next to me. It was odd because he didn't want to be close to me previously. We went about our day. Came back to our Airbnb and as I was laying down again he came into my room again and fell asleep next to me.\nAfter our naps we went out to explore the town. Had a couple drinks went back to our Airbnb and ended up sleeping together.\n\nThe day of the concert having woken up from a hangover we just stayed in had some breakfast and watched the hearing. We eventually got ready for the event we were in town for.\nWe ended up getting to the venue early enough where the line was already forming. We decided to stay and just wait it out.\n\nDuring this time I noticed he was texting someone a lot. I read the name and realized it wasn't someone I was familiar with. I clicked on me what might be happening, with being on the verge of a panic attack I asked him if he was talking to someone else and he could just as nswr honestly. He told me no, that it was just a girl that was a friend. I wasn't buying it. We went through the concert. Went to the local bars had two drinks and headed back to the Airbnb.\nI didn't want to be the fool so I did what needed to be done where I could get answers. I looked through his phone. Sure enough, he was talking to someone else. I didn't know how to handle the situation but I knew I needed to make aware the other party of my presence. I told them who I was, how long I've known him, and the status we were in. I then added them on Snapchat and sent them pictures of us through the years to proof that I wasn't lying and that I wasn't just anyone.\n\nAs soon as he woke up he saw his phone and knee something was up because she sent him a message. That if he had a girlfriend that he should have told her that way she would have kept it more friendly.\nI ended up messaging her for quite a while and basically becoming more aware of the situation as he had lied to her as well that he hadn't been dating me since August.\n\nHe wouldn't speak to me and he wouldn't care to admit that he was a liar and cheater.\nHe decided he would be taking an Uber to the bus station because he couldn't stand being with me. It didn't work out as plan and he ended up leaving back home with me.\nOnce we got closer I confronted him. I couldn't keep in what I was thinking and wanted to let him know what I felt. It sucked.\nHe said he hadn't loved me for a while.\nThat when he said he wanted to get married that it was just a lie.\nThrough all this I couldn't get him to see that he had lied and cheated.\nWe argued the rest of the way home.\nAt the exit to his apartment I made a comment of how if he cared for the person he was talking to he wouldn't have been a liar. That triggered him. He went into a screaming rage in my face while I was driving on the highway. It was verbal abuse. I feared for my safety in that moment and so I pushed him back. That made him even more enraged and put our lives in danger by grabbing a hold of my steering wheel and attempting to swerve us off the road.\nI ended up dropping him off at his apartment a few minutes after that and asked for my things back.\n\nSince I still had the girl on Snapchat I watched as how he had already rebounded not even after dropping him off.\n\nAnd so now I'm just here. Feeling worthless.\nI cared for him\nI loved him.\nBut I didn't even recognize him anymore and all I ever wanted to do was help him feel better.\nHe didn't even have a regard for me anymore. He didn't even have the guts to tell me straight forward that he was breaking up with me and masked it with the excuse of needing space. And so I've been writing this since 5:23 AM and now it's 6:29 AM. I don't know how to feel. But I feel worthless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do to stop being a weirdo?",
    "post_text": "A lot of people have called me a weirdo and I know why. \nI laugh really loudly (it's super obnoxious and I think I do it because I'm an attention seeker and it make it seem like what my friend and I are talking about a lot funnier that it actually is because I want people to think I'm funny). I also laugh at jokes even if they're not funny (because it's less awkward than sitting there in silence and not knowing what to say)\nI constantly do weird shit like talk really loudly or in different accents (again, it might be because I want people to think I'm funny)\nI don't think before I speak. I start a sentence and then I stop because then I realise I shouldn't say something. It's like my brain's delayed. I begin to say something and then I tell them to ignore me (I think my brain's on autopilot all the time and I don't think)\nI constantly stare at people and make eye contact with them (which is just weird, it's also creepy) \nSometimes when I speak super fast, I end up speaking gibberish and no one knows what I'm saying (again, it might be because I don't think before I speak)\nI make weird, sharp movements (because I'm thinking out loud and I forget that I'm not alone)\nI make weird sounds in general (I don't know if it's because I'm so bored and I need to keep myself busy or if I'm a psychopath)\nI fidget a lot and I can't keep my hands to myself \nI don't know if it's because I feel so out of place or if it's because I feel so uncomfortable all the time and that's why I do all of these things. I just feel so strange and I agree with people when they call me a weirdo (even though I hate to admit it)\nI feel so on edge all the time and I don't know how to calm myself down. I'm so hyper all the time. But at the same time if I stay calm, I feel like I'm boring the person and then I panic and then I start acting like a weirdo (it's a never ending cycle)\nI'm constantly daydreaming because I hate my current situation and weirdly enough when I imagine talking to someone my lips move and it seems like I'm talking to myself (which is super embarrassing). Daydreaming takes my mind off of everything, but it's super depressing when I stop and I come back to reality (I'm a lot better now and I don't daydream as much)\nI constantly feel like I'm under so much pressure \nI'm not feminine in any way. I don't care of my appearance and I smell (but I just don't feel like taking care of myself, I know it's a crappy excuse). I feel so masculine and I hate it. I love being a girl, but I don't know why I can't bring myself to act like one. I sit like a man too. \nAs weird as it sounds, I feel like I'm watching myself play a character. Almost as if I'm not allowing myself to be my true self because I think I'm boring. I don't know why I can't allow myself to slow down. \nI'm always rushing myself and I have to do everything at an unusually fast pace. I'm so erratic with everything, whether it be me talking to someone or walking. I don't know what to do about this. \nI don't know if it's because my family have always called me insane and as an act of rebellion, maybe I'm acting like that because I believe it too. \nI don't think I'm insane but, maybe I'm wrong?\nIt's driving people away and it's driving me insane. \nI'm not aware of my surroundings and it really pisses people off, including myself. \nI really need some advice and I want to know why I'm acting like this and what I need to do to be a better person.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Never having a drive.",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know if this is depression, or another mental issue. But I have a great job, pays well, I\u2019m honestly so lucky to have it cause quite honestly I don\u2019t have any skills. But everyday I work I don\u2019t care, all I wanna do is sit, all I wanna do is just be. The job isn\u2019t hard or stressful but I still put in so little effort. I *want* to be good at my job, if I were to lose my job I\u2019d be lost. I go threw the day with one foot in front of another just pushing threw.  There\u2019s no need for this it\u2019s so frustrating. My feet feel like lead, my anxiety spikes cause as I mosey around I\u2019m scared my boss will catch me, and fire me, and even that doesn\u2019t get me moving it\u2019s like where is my drive and ambition, how can I push past this?... can I?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm feeling really down",
    "post_text": "I rarely ever get my hopes up and recently made a mistake and did so. I've been trying really hard to improve my family and my life. I applied and interviewed for a better paying position at my job. I was told by many that they thought for certain I has it and I began to think so as well. Well unfortunately I was not selected.  It devastated me. I really had a lot put on this. My family and I have been living in a income based complex and it's definitely not safe. There's been several shootings,  drug dealers, our car windows were shot out last summer. So I was counting on this promotion to get my family out! So I'm feeling down and overwhelmed all at once  between not getting the promotion, tending to have seasonal depression anyways, struggling with buying Christmas,  and my son's birthday also being in December. My boss said they'd have something for me soon.. I'm afraid to get my hopes up again. I feel like my performance that got me even considered for the position is lacking because I am down and no longer have the positive feeling I had.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a terrible person",
    "post_text": "Okay so recently my mom went on Facebook and said she was going to kill herself, she then went one and blamed two of my sisters and I. People at my school saw it and now everyone knows I\u2019m the reason my mom wants to die. That\u2019s not why I\u2019m mad however, I\u2019m mad because I have a 10 year old little sister that she was just going to leave, and even though I don\u2019t talk to my mom everyday I\u2019m still hurt that she was just going to leave me. I feel so guilty that I\u2019m mad at her because I also struggle with mental health and I\u2019ve been there before, and I\u2019ve felt what she feels but I\u2019m still SO angry at her. She\u2019s never been the best mom, she\u2019s hurt me in the past so many times and this whole thing makes me want to cut her off for good, and even though she\u2019s hurt me so many times I know me wanting to just leave will hurt her, so I\u2019m trapped. Please people of reddit, what should I do? And am I a terrible person for being mad at her?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What if I don't want to try to get better anymore?",
    "post_text": "I have been depressed for a long time. From that time there was always at least one constant in treatment, I had to try in order to get better. Once upon a time, maybe I could have done something, but everything I've had has wasted away. I can't make myself care about anything anymore, let alone myself. What am I supposed to do when I have completely thrown in the towel on life. What am I supposed to do then?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How will I ever know if I\u2019m well enough for a relationship?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember and suicidal thoughts for the past ~4 years (they started around the time I was about to enter uni). One thing that I have always believed is that, before I even consider any sort of romatic relationship, I need to work on bettering my mental health drastically and thus gain enough emotional maturity. However, I\u2019ve failed to define how much emotionally maturity is just enough for me to start considering myself worthy of a relationship. \n\nThanks to a supportive family, medication and plenty of therapy, I\u2019ve bettered myself far beyond what I thought I was capable of. I haven\u2019t had serious suicidal thoughts in a couple of months and I\u2019ve been able to confront situations which before would\u2019ve emotionally crippled me for weeks. I still have a lot to work on, specially in terms of social skills, but atleast I can find some joy in my day to day life.\n\nSo my question is: how will I ever know when I\u2019ll be mentally stable enough for me to even consider seeking a relationship? Or am I just overthinking all of this?\n\n(For context I\u2019m 21 M) (English isn\u2019t my first language, so I\u2019m sorry if my sentence structure is a bit wonky.)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is this a toxic friend",
    "post_text": "I am a shy and private person. Thus as s result i don't have a lot of friends, for a year and half i have been friend with s girl of my sm age (i am 19y m). I was really happy to get a friend like her she was supportive and caring but for the past six moths i have noticed that she was not replying to my text , tbh i thought it was fine and thought because of the semester. (We are classmates). I have noticed that she only act Friendly when she need to. I thought it was also fine as she may be nervous to ask for favours but for a past month i have noticed that she completely stop texted me (just a few days ago she asked about our friendship beyond college). This seems very suspicious. I don't know what have gone wrong. I see her as my friend still. It's okay to break friendship if one party thinks it. The problem lies whenever i ask if she wants to stop me texting she don't reply but actually tries to avoid it. I have now seen it was a weak spot for me. She was my only friend and i am not open to my family. Now because of this my concentration and mental stability is gone (i suffer from schizophrenia). I don't know if what happening is real or i am making the stuff up. Anyway despite of knowing everything she is not coming clean. I suspect she don't want me be her friend anymore (and it's fine,) but she is not telling me that because of the help ,/ benifit. I don't know what to do i also can't concentrate on anything i would like to know your advice. As i need a other prospective.\n\ntldr: how to tell if a friendship is toxic.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lonely at 23",
    "post_text": "I'm sorry if my text is a bit confusing i'm crying right now and English is not my mother tongue and I'm too tired to learn anymore.\n\nI have only one friend right now and if I don't text her she won't unless she needs me. I'm always like \"can we talk right now ?\" and I feel always pathetic, I insist again and again and I always have the same answer \"Oh sorry I'm busy\". I just want to talk to someone.\n\nMy brother leaves the house 1 year ago and now we don't talk to each other. That makes me sad, you know, he don't need me either. He has his friends, why would he want to spend time with his old brother ?\n\nMy cat is gone some months ago, i miss him so much. I didn't see something was wrong... I'm just stupid.\n\nIn on week I will start my new job i'm afraid not to be good enough, not to integrate in the team.\n\nRight now I have no one to talk to maybe because I'm boring...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to accept a big scar on my face?",
    "post_text": " Hi everyone, I'm 27 years old and I had a brain tumor recently, the doctors removed but it left a big scar on my face, whenever I cut my hair is pretty visible and everybodys asks about it, I really don't wanna say to people I've had cancer (just a little too personal I guess), and there's the fact I'm already ugly af and a dj (I kinda work with my image too), I went to teraphy and the psychologist said I should see the scar as a \"winning scar\" cause I've beated cancer, now I worry about never having a girlfriend anymore cause that's not really attractive neither I am, so, I'd really appreciate some help!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I might be developing depression but I'm not sure",
    "post_text": "Hello all, Im not sure if I am depressed or bipolar but i would like advice on how you know? I am fine when I'm with my friends and feel happy but when I'm alone I go sad and overthing stuff. I'm starting to use alcohol when I feel like this and don't want to end up with alcoholism. I might just be sat about current situations due to my thought path but I overthink and go to the worst thought straight away. Was fine earlier, but now I feel an overwhelming sadness, the other night I just cried for no reason or maybe it was something and I was just avoiding accepting what it was but I dunno.\nSorry if this doesn't belong here but I need some advice, thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have a really hard time getting myself to do basic things like make food for myself or apply for jobs how do I overcome this?",
    "post_text": "Ive struggled with this kind of depression on and off for a couple years I know that I'm not just a lazy person because I have been able to work very very hard at things in the past but I have been unemployed since halloween and I am having real trouble doing even the basics. I am living with my parents at the moment and they have been beyond amazing to me and I really really want to just get a job and stop being a burden on them but for some reason I really have trouble getting myself to stop procrastinating and I've only applied to like 10 jobs since I quit my last job a month ago (It was a horrible job so I do not regret quiting). I rarely make food for myself which causes me to lose weight and I was already underweight before I became unemployed. I feel so ashamed of myself, every time I start to do something productive I start to worry I'm going to do it wrong and so I stop doing it then I feel worse and go procrastinate on reddit so I feel better for .02 seconds then I feel worse for procrastinating. How do I change these destructive habits? I really want to be a better person and not be the reason my parents are stressed out but every time I try to change I just fail and go back to the same routine of procrastination. BTW sorry for my bad grammar I'm just typing what I'm thinking.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can i get more easily out of bed in morning?",
    "post_text": "I have sometimes very hard to get out of bed and do my morning routine. Sometimes i dont do my morning routine and i just go to school, even if i had time to do my morning routine i mostly just watch something from my phone and then go to school.\n\nLately  i have been kinda too much out of school, because od this problem.  I know one reason im so tired at morning is because i havent slept very well. I have waked up early like 7-8 am, but i just dont have motive to go up at that moment so i decide to stay on bed and think something sad or be on my phone.\n\nAny tip is more than welcome.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I need to die",
    "post_text": "Hello, I'm 23 at the present moment, I've been on therapy and antidepressants for almost three years, had some highs and bearable lows through this time, but I had some \"breakdowns\" that really feel worse each time it comes around, like a never-ending cycle, and I'm passing through one right now.\n\nI feel helpless, unable to reach out to anyone either because they don't care, or they just don't know how to help me and that makes me feel even worse. I feel like my mood naturally pushes them away.\n\nI don't know if I want to hear anyone say \"hey pal, this is temporary, you'll feel better later\" because this also means that I will feel like this again in the future too, and I just need it to stop once and for all, I don't know if I can fight much longer.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Unemployed, alone, and my birthday is tomorrow",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nI moved to Canada in April, and it's been a rough ride. Despite everything, I've been trying to keep my head up and be positive, however today I'm afraid I don't have enough energies for that.\n\nI must have done something wrong in the past, because this is the 3rd time - in my life - that I get fired 10 days before my birthday. The job wasn't really working for me and I was already expecting that to happen. It's just... it's the third time. It can't be just a coincidence.\n\nI can't remember the last time I showered or the last time I washed my hair - I think I did leave the house 2 days ago to get food? I'm running out of medication and need a prescription, my family is at the other side of the ocean, and my boyfriend lives in another province. I usually can snap out of it, but my birthday is tomorrow... and I don't know how to handle.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend left me immediately after I began to talk about our relationship and what has been bothering me",
    "post_text": "The past 5 months have been pretty damn great. I had an amazing girlfriend who was the first to actually seem to care about me. Little thoughtful actions here and there, it was so nice. But then i noticed a disconnect in her. It came out of the blue. Not wanting to be touched and becoming easily angered and frustrated with me. I brought up what i have been noticing and asked what she thought about it. And she replied something along the lines of 'im completely over this, bye'. Just out of the blue... i cant comprehend what just happened. I dont know where this came from. I just think i wasnt enough for her, and she probably has better guys lined up waiting for her. Ive relapsed into my dark self. Shutting out everyone and not treatung myself well. I cant feel pain anymore and my mind is in a state of uphoria. I'm at work now just staring into nowhere, no will to do my job or anything at all. I thought i had found someone special that i would be with for a long time. I was happy and she seemed happy too. I have so many questions....",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "am i depressed or just overthinking?",
    "post_text": "im 15, and it all started 3 years ago, back then o used to live with my dad with my step mum and my half brothers and my mum as well, but my dad would tread me badly. he abused me physically, emotionally, and sexually. but i don\u2019t want to go deeper into those parts. everyday after school he would always get mad at me for not \u2018studying\u2019 i mean i did get pretty wacky grades back then but still, how could i stay motivated if even my own father brings me down? he would hit me if i get the wrong answers and say bad stuff. i remember this one time when we had dinner, my step mum was there and we were all eating in silence, i could remember that day like it was yesterday. he asked me if i did my homework and i just didn\u2019t answer, he then started yelling at me and he told that i don\u2019t deserve anything good in this world. i didn\u2019t know what to do that time, i sat there crying in the dinner table while my step mum looked at me with pity. she couldn\u2019t do anything and that\u2019s alright, i understood why. after dinner i ran to my room and i started cutting that day. after a few months my mum, brother, and i went back to my mums home country, i thought everything would be fine by then but i was wrong, 2 years ago i had no friends. i was lonely as heck. i have nobody to talk to. nobody to vent out to. last year i got some friends, but they weren\u2019t the friends i really wanted. they kind of treated me like shit. and my aunt always gets mad at me for no reason, she tells me to go back to my father and it triggers me every time. she doesn\u2019t know what he did, and maybe if she did, will she change? a few days ago i had a huge fight with her. i cried and told her how i felt with the way she was treating me. but she didn\u2019t care.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A friend of mine is dealing with some major depression and she isn\u2019t texting me back. I need some advice.",
    "post_text": "I have read some articles on this and I know that she likely just does not have the energy or motivation to respond, but the thing is, I would really like to talk to her since her depression does not seem to be getting better despite therapy and medication. I really feel like I should do something to help but I can\u2019t seem too since she won\u2019t engage in conversation with me. I\u2019m not at all blaming her, I understand how she feels, I just wish I could somehow get through to her so that I can do my part as a friend to help and encourage her. It's just that I want to be there to support her before it\u2019s too late (She has talked often about suicidal thoughts). I\u2019m not able to visit her IRL either since we live in different countries. I just miss talking to my friend and I would really like to help her through these hard times. I need some advice on how to get through to her/support her better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m done.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m done.\n\nI don\u2019t know why today is the day that broke the camels back, but I feel like bursting into tears. By all standards my life should be great. Loving parents, amazing spouse, Good in-laws, good paying job, nice new home, stable friends, and no major health problems. But I just sit here and writhe in emotional pain, I feel like driving my truck into a concrete barrier. \n\nI\u2019m an adult. What could I possibly be sad about?\n\nI tell people around me I don\u2019t feel right, like how I\u2019m abnormally stressed, anxious, or sad. Everyone dismisses me. Not a rude way but, in a manner like \u201chey man we all feel that way sometimes.\u201d My loved ones around me feels so needy, like if I were to hand off an ounce of my pain it would shatter them. I sit here and smile, do my best to join in on the conversation and not draw undue attention to myself.\n\nMy day to day job is being a Doctor, I get to help people and it makes me feel like I have purpose. But it\u2019s not enough. I try to save money, not spend too much on myself, donate to others. But it\u2019s not enough. I try to enjoy little hobbies, get outside, play with my dog, spend time with my friends.  But it\u2019s not enough. \n\nI still feel sad.\n\nI reach out on forums for depression and ask \u201cdo I have a problem?\u201d \u201cIs it normal to feel this way?\u201d And not even the masses have comments for me. I don\u2019t want to commit suicide because I would feel too responsible for the pain and mess I left behind. But if I was told tomorrow is my last day, I don\u2019t think I would fight it much. I feel like help only comes if you do something dramatic. It makes me appreciate how brave people are for reaching out for help. Posting this is the best I can do. I\u2019m not sure if anyone will read this, but if you do, thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I depressed? (SERIOUS)",
    "post_text": "I made this reddit because I do not know where else to go. I have not been the man that I used to be and it is tearing me apart. I have been tired all the time, lack of a will to eat (I would previously binge eat but now I don't want to eat anything), I don't wanna talk to anyone and I stay secluded in my room all day, I am irrationally anxious (especially around intimacy),  I lash out at people, and finally I don't have any motivation whatsoever to do my schoolwork or job. I come from a traditional Hispanic household and I can't really bring up these things because I have to be \"more of a man\". \n\nYesterday I blew up at my girlfriend of a year and I was so mean that we nearly broke up. This is not normal and I never used to be this way, I mentioned how I might be depressed and honestly that's the only thing that has held us together, but she does not want to talk to me, rightfully so, and I have zero desire to do anything especially with the amount of guilt I have for mistreating her the way that I did. \n\nReddit, am I overreacting or is there something wrong with me? If there is, what do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "my LDR boyfriend admitted he has depression and wants a break because of it",
    "post_text": "for context, my boyfriend and I are in an ldr for over 1.5 years now. he's from japan and i'm from america. depression/mental illness are very much taboo, as is even things like therapy, in japan. it's just not something that's socially acceptable to even talk about there, so i can't imagine how hard it must be for him now.\n\nwe've never had any major fights/disagreements until this \"confrontation\" happened on thanksgiving day. he has been studying abroad in europe for the semester, and it's definitely taken a toll on him-- he knows and admits that this is one of the major reasons he is feeling the way he is now. he's homesick, doesn't have any close friends, and has recently found out one of his best friends from high school is addicted to drugs. overall.... it's been a really crazy semester for him, and lots of shitty things happening in my personal life as well. it's just not a good year for either of us, but our relationship has been really strong. \n\ni had just booked a non-refundable flight to visit him for christmas, my birthday, and through to new years. i noticed that, compared to when we discussed this visit during our last time together (\\~1st week of november), he was significantly less excited. i knew something was off, but he wouldn't say. this weird vibe kept persisting through the week, and on thanksgiving night, i asked him what was wrong. he finally admitted to me (paraphrasing):\n\n\"i don't think i can love you anymore. not because i love someone else or lost interest in you, but i'm feeling really depressed recently, and i can't enjoy things. i can't even be excited for your visit. now, i'm just needing a break. I\u2019m not saying I wanna cut you off completely, but at this moment idk how to even talk to you. what I\u2019m doing is not giving up, but cleaning myself up. i just need time.\" he keeps saying things like this, which is hard for me to accept because I know what it's like to be depressed. he is pushing me away and hiding this part of himself from me, and I just want nothing more than to support him and be there for him-- which made me feel like my visit was even more urgent.\n\nhe kept saying things like how he would feel sorry for me if i tried to stay by his side and support him, and how he doesn't want to burden me with his problems or ruin my bday/christmas/new years by making me sad. he even said, verbatim \"The more you care about me, the more I feel bad for you, regardless of what you\u2019re saying. I might change my mind later but for now I can\u2019t. When I see you care about me, I get hurt.\" he even offered to pay for my flight because I \"shouldn't just come there to take care of someone who's full of shit\" since I can't get a refund, but I refused. \n\nIt's been about two days, and at the end of our messaging and phone calls, I told him that I am still going to catch that flight, and that I'll give him the space he's asking for, but that I'm here whenever he needs me. \n\nsorry if it's hard to read, and no tl;dr because I think it's important to know everything that I wrote above before saying anything...\n\nI'm just really desperate to talk to someone about this, and I really do need advice/support. \n\nHow can I support him, aside from giving him space? Should I wait for him to reach out to me on his own terms, even if it means not seeing him at all for the 2 weeks I'm in the same city as him? How do I keep him from drifting away or getting worse, even with the distance?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Family rather makes fun of my depression than actually helping me.",
    "post_text": "I stopped talking about it some time ago because my mom does nothing and my dad says that it's all my fault because I'm lazy and I shouldn't blame it on my depression because \"every human can do that easy\".   (had to resit a collage class 2 times after an big operation)\n\nThey refused to bring me to a real psychiatrist because \"we know what's going on\"... And they also said that they kick me out when I try to go there on my own\n\n\nI've always been told to not cry because \"a man doesn't cry\" but now my mom told me that it's bad to keep everything for myself and I should express feelings rather than having a really neutral and cold personality\nWhen I do talk about my problems she blames it on me and tells me that everyone else can do it better than me again... (This is why I prefer to be in my room all day long because I know as soon as I walk to the living room umm being yelled at)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Are my feelings valid if I don't cut, or harm myself?",
    "post_text": "I feel like this is a hard topic for me to approach, but I would like to express some things I've been feeling. Before we start, I would like you to know this is going to be very long, and explaining things that happened in my life, and what I am feeling at this moment. Thank you, all. \n\n Truly, I'm not sure if I am depressed, but at this moment I'm not willing to seek out help, outside of virtually. I hope you all understand that. But I am sad, that much for sure. I cannot express really in words what I feel, other than the fact than waking up is seeming to be a struggle at this point, always feeling overcome with such a  gloomy feeling, where if anyone pushed me I'd be constantly on the brink of tears. The entirety of being constantly upset, trying to cry, trying to find a way to let out the emotions which you didn't even know you were feeling, but being so empty, you can't even muster tears. \n\nI believe I started feeling these feelings around a year ago, after getting out of an abusive relationship. I became so dependent on one person, that I thought I couldn't cope without them. I made excuses for everything they did in my head, and always ran back to them. When they blamed me for their suicide attempts, because I didn't show them 'enough affection' whilst they were hospitalised, though I do not know if she was truly hospitalised, or if it was another facade, I broke. I sent over 100 messages a day, as I knew this would happen if I would not, but she didn't want me to feel happy, despite anything. Not even in the simplest of things to brighten my spirits per say. Anyhow, I had to discard my friends, she had complete control over whom I talked to, and whom I wanted to be friends with. And she forced me to choose between her and them once again. I picked her. It may be irrational to some people why I would do it, but when someone starts convincing you how much you need and rely on them, with all the things you'd planned together, with what you said, the words they, and you, said. It's so hard to turn away. I know now, it was a very, very abusive situation, which I kept putting myself into it. It wrecked my self esteem, and self worth. Through constant break-ups, and fights which I could never win, and eventually relenting to, it puts you on tip-toes, around anything you do or say.\n\nAnyhow, after the sadness, came nothing. There wasn't happiness nor love, just nothing. I still cared for people, and loved them, but I discarded all emotions I felt for them when speaking, or trying to talk to someone. It's almost like an off-switch was flipped, I began seeing things from a perspective which wasn't how I was. It wasn't exactly pessimistic per say, just more observant. Being able to read situations not with sympathy, or empathy, more with observation.\n\nNow, I guess, I struggle to understand how I feel myself. And this is where the issue comes in. I have known many people to cut and harm themselves. And every time I look at my situation, I cannot help but feel selfish? \n\nI'm in a comfortable, content position in my life. I don't feel the need to kill, or harm myself. And I feel pitying myself is so self-absorbed. I believe, if I were to tell anyone how I felt, it wouldn't be valid, it'd be brushed off as sadness as I do not have the desire to harm myself. It's hard to truly explain what I mean, and I feel I have made this post much more differentiated from the point I was trying to make. But I truly, believe my feelings are selfish. There is so many people whom are hurting themselves, and I'm here feeling sorry for myself, over a reason that is not to exist. I'm upset, over feelings that aren't real? I'm living my every day life normally, whereas so many people cannot do the same. I do not know what to make of what I'm feeling, and was hoping someone may be able to help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I (14 M) talk to my (Typical Indian) dad about seeing a therapist?",
    "post_text": " Tl;dr at bottom\n\nHey guys. So, for context: I am a 14 y/o dude from India. I have a typical Indian dad, so that means conservative and not so open-minded, and we aren't close either. We haven't really talked about anything else other than studies and me being a failure in the past... 3 years or so. I have been depressed and suicidal for about 2 years now and have been cutting for about a year. I think I might have anxiety, but not really sure about that. So, with that in mind, here's what's I need help with:\n\nAbout a month ago, I tried talking to my dad about my cuts. I went to him and showed him my recent scars and he asked what they were. I told him they were cuts with a razor blade and he didn't ask me why but instead started screaming at me about me not studying and that I cut myself because of Youtube (As it had \"rotten my brain\"). He told me that he would have listened to me and helped if I had gotten good grades (Like, above 95%) but since I haven't gotten good grades (I have like a 75-80% overall), he doesn't give a fuck. I couldn't even tell him about what was bothering me. The first thing I said was insecurities, and he said I don't know the first thing about being insecure. Then I said anxiety and he went on and on about how I have no anxiety and it's all just due to Youtube. This went on and on and I just stopped speaking. Like half an hour in, he told me that I should just take a knife and slice my wrists so I can die once and for all and how it would be great and he wouldn't give a shit (This was pretty descriptive. He told me exactly where to cut and how much time it would take me to die. Also, to slice them in the bathroom sink so the bedroom doesn't get dirty)\n\nAfter like 1.5-2 weeks after this convo, he came into my room and told me that he got irritated because he couldn't understand what caused me to do it and he had cried later that night. Now I don't know if I should believe him or not. Anyways, this was just the backstory and here is what's going on now:\n\nI want to see a therapist to talk about my problems but there is no therapist where I live. The closest one is like 3 hours away. One of my closest friends lives in Chandigarh (It's a big city) and I asked him if he could find out about any therapists there. His mom used to be a dentist so she knew some people and one of her close friends is a reputable psychologist in Fortis hospital. He told me about her and I was like \"Well, so can I call her and talk to her about wtf is going on with me\" but turns out she needs to talk to my dad first because since I'm a minor I can't be diagnosed without parental consent. So this means that I will have to tell my dad that I need to see a therapist. He will ask me why and I will have to tell him about my depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.\n\nKeeping in mind how our last convo about my mental health went and our not-so-good relationship, can you guys give me some advice about how to talk to him?\n\n(PS: He gets irritated very easily and he rarely listens to me, and even if he does he will say I'm wrong since I am younger and that I never listen to him.)\n\nTL;DR: I am a 14 y/o Indian dude with a typical Indian dad. Our last convo about my mental health went not so wonderful and he told me to kill myself and how to do it, and that he doesn't give a fuck about it. I want to see a therapist for depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harming, etc. but the closest one is 3 hours away. I need parental consent for even basic diagnoses, and I have no idea how to approach my dad about this. We have a poor relationship and haven't talked about anything else than studies in the past 3 years or so. (Skim through the upper paragraphs because I might have left something out, I tend to do that)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why does my dad react like this",
    "post_text": "I am a very emotional boy\n\nSometimes my dad says things that make me sad and upset. he will be really judgemental towards me and that makes me angry alot. he tries to talk down to me like im a lesser person than him\n\nWhen i cry, he asks me what's wrong. but it's not in the comforting and safe way you think. He says it really judgementally and unsafe way, and he's usually shouting when he does it. it takes him a while before he starts shouting though.\n\nHe doesnt even attempt to console me when i am crying. he scolds and shouts at me when im in public, like there's something wrong with me, when he's the one who made me up set\n\nAfterwards he will make fun of me for being a baby and crying over everything, and i shouldn't be acting \"like a 2 year old\" anymore",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t think it\u2019s that bad",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know if this is the best place to post this, but I do need help. I\u2019m sorry that it\u2019s so long. I\u2019m also sorry for the bad English, it isn\u2019t my native language.\n\nSome background info:\nI don\u2019t think I\u2019m super depressed, but my friends are convinced that I am. I made a plan to kill myself, but haven\u2019t followed through yet.\n\nI have previously promised to tell my friends if I made new plans to kill myself, which I did.\nNow, they want me to get hospitalised so that I can \u201cget help,\u201d but the psych ward hasn\u2019t helped me before.\n\n\nThe stuff I need help with:\nI promised to \u201cget help\u201d yesterday, but I no longer believe I need much help. They won\u2019t let me rescind my promise, and I desperately don\u2019t want to break it.\n\nI am fairly certain I\u2019m not depressed. Even though I\u2019ve attempted suicide a couple of times, I have ended the attempts on my own before getting hurt.\n\n\nMy question is: should I listen to them and go to the psych ward, or am I justified in believing I can manage on my own? Thanks in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't want to go back to the Dark Place",
    "post_text": "A few weeks ago I had an attempt. After 3 months of being actively suicidal, I decided to just end it. I fortunate failed at it. Those 3 months were the worst days of my life, now I just wish I don't have to go through those things again. I'm scared of next year because it feels like it might happen again, and I might succeed. What can I do to make sure it doesn't happen again, that I won't fall down that pit again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "16 year old struggling with depression and drugs",
    "post_text": "Hey guys,\n\nI'm 16 years old and I have had alcohol a few times, and it used to be somewhat of a problem for me. When I was 15, I only had alcohol about once a month, but I always fantasized about it, and when I had it, I tried to have a lot. I was really really depressed back then, and I have tons of self-harm scars and a few suicide attempts. And now, I've gotten extremely depressed again. My ex-best friend really victimized herself and said terrible things to me, stuff like that our whole friendship was based on lies and that I've hurt her in ways that she couldn't imagine. This is due to lies that her abusive boyfriend had been feeding her, and he is a really bad person and talks trash about her so much and spills her secrets and doesn't have morals. I snapped when she was saying some really hurtful stuff to me and I told her everything her boyfriend did, which I think led to her saying those even more mean things to me. She ended up basically blocking me on everything. I went to a party yesterday and she was there and I felt so disconnected and lonely, and I vaped for the first time in a while, and there was a box cutter and I went to the bathroom to cut myself and I just felt so much better. I've also been fantasizing about alcohol so that I could stop feeling. i have tons of goals for college and life, and I don't want to sound stuck up but I have pretty good chances at a top 10 college if I keep what I have going. But this has really clouded me, that someone who knew so much about me just rejected me like that and treated me like that and I just want to stop feeling. Does anybody have any advice?\n\nP.S.: I promise that I won't be pming anyone to stop me from harming myself or anything like that. I would really appreciate real, actionable steps that can help me just forget about this situation and go back to working hard. For example, I've heard that meditation could be really beneficial, and has anyone here tried it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Desperately need support",
    "post_text": "I've been struggling with mood and motivation problems for a long time but now this has been flowing over in back and joint problems, fatigue and some small signs of inflammation.\n\nMy heads talking, dreaming and analyzing all the time, my memory and focus are down and just don't know what to do anymore. Some days all I can do is lay in bed and be anxious, other days I'm full of energy and (over) enthusiasm with bad some nights rest as a result.\n\nI've took my walks in nature, tried meditation for a long time, went to the spa and went to the gym. The gym helped me getting motivated, but later on gave me sleep, focus and fatigue problems.\nMy heads full of memory's, hints and it's all just like one big spiderweb. Meditation helped me with the sleep and focus problems, but I couldn't get to the core and discover what I really want. I'm an epileptic and have PTSD and already have memory issues due to the epilepsy, so when I'm at the psych I forget a lot of stuff and/or forget to react to what the psych just said so I can complete the story.\n\nThis has been going on for more than 2 years now and it's wrecking my life apart. I'm in physical pain, talk gibberish to others, I'm hallucinating, I'm more insecure than ever, talking to myself, have pushed all my friends and fun things aside thinking about death and suicide a lot, and already have solid plans for it and I'm am afraid that my body is just breaking itself down somehow so there is no other way out than suicide. It's like a never ending circle and I want to get out as fast as possible. \n\nAny advice, tips, things I could do to make things better or just someone who wants to chat and lend a hand; please be my guest, you're more than welcome.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I hate myself",
    "post_text": "Sometimes I just do things to destruct my future self for no reason and I can't stop. For example I lie when it's totally unnecessary and stupid, so that I later have to admit it or make up excuses, which is so uncomfortable. I also have a weird eating disorder so I overeat and don't stop even if it hurts and a few days after, I stop eating to kind of keep my body shape, because I'm really insecure about that. I hate it but I won't ever change.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I need help.(Long)(references self harm)",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m not one to usually ask for help, im a high schooler now and for most of my life I\u2019ve been a \u2018suffer in silence\u2019 person. However, a couple years ago, towards the end of 7th grade, I sort of began to withdraw myself from friends and family, and I basically started writing a journal in which I very heavily contemplated self harm/suicide. My parents found this and set me up with a counselor, who thinks I have major/clinical depression. She recommended I go to the doctor for very mild antidepressants, because she thought those could help. My doctor, though, didn\u2019t prescribe them. It feels like no one takes it seriously when I do talk about this? I did begin smoking weed in about 8th grade to help cope, but have began smoking a lot less once I did meet counseling.\n\n I should note that it did feel better over the summer between 7th and 8th grade, but hit full swing in 8th. I\u2019m in 9th now (still feelin it), but my friends just sort of brush it off when I mention the possibility of self harm/sadness. \nI\u2019m not really sure what to do with myself to be honest because no one seems to care, school counselors just told me to join clubs and no one really tries to help. People say \u2018I hope it gets better, dude!\u2019 But it always seems fake. Could I get some advice please??",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Always late for work",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been consistently late for work by about 15 minutes the past couple of weeks. My boss has noticed and asked if I\u2019m happy in my current position. I told him I was fine and would do better to be on time. \n\nEvery morning is a struggle to get out of bed. Every morning is a challenge, and by running late it snowballs into a stressful and triggering day. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. \n\nHow do you force yourself to get out of bed? How do you deal with tardiness?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression, anxiety and panic disorder(IBS as a bonus), dont know for how long i can take this shit.",
    "post_text": "So i am 22, been anxious and depressed for many years but somehow managed to survive school, but after 11 months of working IBS hit me hard. Had to stop working because i just couldnt leave the house. That was almost 2 years ago, now i still cant leave house without taking good amount of benzos, i am non stop depressed and anxious and thanks to the IBS i have developed a panic disorder. I have tried everything that doctors could think of for the IBS itself but no luck. And for the mental problems, i have tried taking three types of SSRIs, SNRI, TCA and antipsychotics(in special dose to act like antianxiety meds) and every one of them made me feel worse, one of them totaly broke me for two weeks. Tried therapy for months. And have been hospitalized for 10 days at psychiatric unit and left because i felt much worse there. So i thought i just need more time to fight this, so i tried get money from the state's safety net (for living with disability). They acknowledged that i can't function and can't have social life but told me that i can work just fine, so big fuck you to my face (34% of income taxes really pays off...). Now i got work that i can do from home but cant really do it, i have no motivation, no joy from learning it or finishing a project only stress from the huge struggle (and probably going to lose the job in a few days). I just dont know what to do, feeling worse than ever, going to be jobless. Should i try another antidepressants even thought i am scared because of the previous bad side effects? I am really desperate. Any advice is really appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The fact of I can't marry my girlfriend is killing me.",
    "post_text": "I live in Brazil, if you don't know, it's too hard to get a decent job here. The most of the opportunities is shit. The good jobs are very disputed, and I don't have the basis education to enter the competition, even I am being graduated. The more wealthy people always takes the jobs. I just want to have a good job to afford my family. Why is it so hard? I don't know what to do. I never wanted to be rich, I just want to be independent.\n\nWhen I start to think about that, I get really sad and it's make me don't believe in the future. I don't wanna get sick, because I'm feeling I will. So what's your advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Don\u2019t have the energy",
    "post_text": "Haven\u2019t had water for the past 5 days here at the house and I really don\u2019t think I could care less. I barely can keep up with basic human shit. I don\u2019t drink water, I get by with a couple cups of pop a day. It\u2019s my one vice. \n\nI don\u2019t eat hardly anything yet I\u2019m still fat and not in the nice places, like I practically have the ugliest female body you can imagine. No the fat didn\u2019t go to my boobs. My boobs look like man boobs, saggy, yet very small. No I\u2019m not exaggerating. Huge stomach, I am genuinely surprised I haven\u2019t been mistaken for being pregnant yet. \n\nIt\u2019s more than my looks I guess just going on a tangent but I hate it. I can\u2019t get a job, I\u2019ve practically given up on that too. I\u2019m literally a fucking leech on this planet, parasite of a human. I\u2019m not suicidal so that\u2019s good, too much of a wimp I think. But I can\u2019t imagine my complete lack of self care is great. I mean I haven\u2019t showered in probably two  weeks or more. Yeah I\u2019m fucking gross and disgusting have at it. Oh and yeah I live with my mom and my mom basically helps keep me alive. If it weren\u2019t for her I honestly don\u2019t know. So yeah I\u2019m not suicidal but I do think I\u2019d be better of dead sometimes. Huge burden off my mom, burden off my dad for him not having to worry about me because I\u2019m depressed and isolated. Less burden off my brother for worrying about my safety. I don\u2019t know where I\u2019ll be in 10 years. I\u2019m so isolated, I don\u2019t see anyone other than my mom, and I barely see her. I\u2019m all alone in my room all the time. I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Scared of starting antidepressants",
    "post_text": "I'm a 22 year old guy\n\nCurrently in college studying economics, in my 5th year. I struggle with depression, GAD and minor OCD. \n\nI have major issues with motivation. Most of the time, especially when I'm stressed out the most, I lack any motivation whatsoever. There are a couple fields that interest me, but the college experience has been very stressful for me altogether.\n\nHowever, I'm not motivated to do anything. Starting a new degree doesn't motivate me because I'm not passionate about anything in particular, except for statistics, and my degree is the best to undertake a specialization in that which I want to do.\n\nVery often, if not almost everyday, it's hard to get up from bed. It's hard to eat. It's hard not to cry. I have the full support from my parents, I have friends, I don't struggle financially yet I'm profoundly unhappy. I hate myself as well. I have suicidal ideation very often.\n\nI'm scripted benzos but I want to drop them for antidepressants. Benzos make my anxiety better and make me motivated and cheerful; but they're not something designed for long term use.\n\nSo I want to ask my doctor for an antidepressant script, since he is a very kind and understanding guy and I'm sure he'd script me what he thinks is best; however I'm profoundly scared of side effects. I have more exams in one month and I'm scared to be hit by side effects during them and that they might make it even worse.\n\nIdk if it's irrational. But that's my thought process. Thanks to anyone reading this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "Ive always been the one to make a joke or help someone, but behind the mask,  im the one needing it.\n\nI didnt want to do this but as I have thought more and more ive realised how much i needed to\n\nIm 15, had to grow up quicker than anyone i know, never even had contact with my dad and my mum has a disability. Yesterday she was told it is urgent for her to get scans as the doctors believe she may have bowel cancer. This broke me and has taken nearly two days to even hit me. I just dont know where to turn and who to talk to as i have always been that person others talk to and get help from\n\nI have been having bad days as it is (probably hormones) the last week and i just want to know if anyone will help me or just talk to me, thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to feel depressed anymore",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been depressed for 8 years now, and long story short it\u2019s really been getting the best of me these past 3 months. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s all crashing down now. I\u2019m tired of feeling like this, I say I want to die but in reality I just want to escape. I finally want to be better. I just don\u2019t know how. Therapy doesn\u2019t seem to help, and I\u2019m willing to try anything to feel better. Every time I get to a good place mentally, something happens and I\u2019m back to square one. I\u2019m a mess I guess and just need help to get beyond this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Requesting Depression \"Mentor\" or \"Sponsor\"",
    "post_text": "Would anyone be interested in being a \u201cdepression mentor\u201d or \u201cdepression sponsor\u201d for my boyfriend? Or at least talking to him about your situation and his? He\u2019s been depressed for about 10 years now and speaks often about how he\u2019s hit rock bottom, he feels alone, that no one understands what he\u2019s going through. He expresses the wish to know someone who is like him but has overcome this diagnosis or learned to live with it in a healthy way. \n\nHappy to provide some more details in a dm.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im done with it all",
    "post_text": "Before I get into the rest, I don't want to worry you. This isn't a suicide note or anything like that. I'm not killing myself.\n\nI'm just done. Done with everything. I'm done with my hobbies. I'm done with my study. I'm done with people. But most of all I'm done with myself. Everything good in my life is ruined the second it enters my mind. Everything good I have or own is just another thing I hate myself for. Every negative thing about me feels amplified 10x over. I feel sick to my head and body in utter gloom. I am so tired that even though the mask I wear each day to hide my actual feelings, it still shines through. I don't necessarily want to die. I want this feeling to go away. Its been here for over 9 years but the last 3 weeks have been the most physically demanding yet. I've been in darker places mentally. But this is the first time I've been bedbound till at least 12-1 pm for 3 weeks straight.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't wanna feel like this anymore and I'm too broke to be depressed.",
    "post_text": "This is my first time telling anyone about this so excuse me as I'm rambling. And please don't say anything like \"Thank you for saying this and taking a big step.\" That really makes me feel worse about myself. \n\nHonestly I'm getting really sick of feeling sad and angry all the time and when I'm sad I couldn't stop crying and I couldnt control my tears which is pretty bad in Singapore (where I'm living) where general people will isolate you when you show any signs of mental health issues. And I couldn't make any friends here because of my nationality and all the prejudice I get just by being myself has been repeating itself in my mind every day. Not only that but also workplace bullying has led me to be even closed off and led me to not be able to leave the house because I felt as soon as I step out of house people will judge and isolate me which make me feels like there is no point of going out anymore. \n\nI know \"iTzzZ NooO BiGG DeALzzZ, all the teenage girls hv this once in their lives.\" (From the two psychiatrists I've visited and I'm 26F) but I really wish I could move pass all these experiences and how it makes me feel all the time but I couldn't manage to find a therapist who I can trust and is empathetic. And I couldn't afford it regularly since I'm couldnt force myself to work for the past 8 months. I hv tried getting help from public services here but the experiences was truly horrible and it has made my condition even worse.\n\nI've been reading books hoping I could find an answer but that doesn't really work and it couldn't calm me down.\n\nI really need help to get out of this 'cause I don't wanna keep spiral into this again and again.\n\nThanks in advance!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Are depression and anhedonia part of getting older?",
    "post_text": "Most of my post pubescent life I have dealt with depression, but it's only gotten more frequent and more extreme as I've gotten older.\n\nLately I've been experiencing total anhedonia, where my favorite game, movie, music don't make me feel anything at all. Hanging out with friends is almost exhausting, and I have to fake being positive and laughing, etc. \n\nIs this just part of growing up? Is it time to finally start devoting my time to purely practical things? Joy is just for children and young adults? I'm 25 years old, btw.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cheated on my girlfriend by dating a girl I met online playing games",
    "post_text": "This all happened while I was still dating my girlfriend while she was away for an internship.\n\nSo I met a nice girl online playing a game almost like 2 months ago and the vibes between us are good. \nI confessed to her and wr started dating online. The only problem is that she seems to suffer from depression and im trying to help her, sometimes staying really late or not sleeping just to keep her company, playing games with her, shes really beautiful. She's from another country not far from here, and I want to meet her. \n\nMy girlfriend came back recently  and found out about that I was texting and dating another girl. I dumped my girlfriend inmediately after this. I feel really sorry for her. From time to time I still miss her, last week I had been trying to contact her to make it up but she ghosted me. I miss the intimacy with her. I tried with another number but she's not picking up my calls nor answering. \n\nWhat should I do?, any kind of advice would be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I really want to die, but feel like I can't say it.",
    "post_text": "So I've been suicidal for 7-8 years, have a plan, have access to the plans mean of suicide but every-time I mention it the cops/ambulance are called. I take 30mg Diazepam +180mg pregabalin +12mg buprenorphrine / day. Only the buprenorphine is on a script, the others were prescribed but cut-off about 4 years ago, since then I've been using the darknet for the diazepam and pregabalin. It is proper medication sourced from spain, with leaflets everything (I even sent some samples to Energy Control and they came back fine, 100% what it says on the box).\n\nRight now, my GP, my drug-worker, my psych are all aware of this (me buying illegally from the darknet and giving zero shits) but I mentioned I'm feeling suicidal to my drug-worker (pretty much as always), and a CRISIS team was told about it. They called and setup an appointment that I went to today.\n\nMy worries are that in the past, ambulance/police teams have turned up to my house and take all my illegal diaz/pregabs (I have no ill-will towards the cops, they have to). But it forces me through a 72+hour withdrawal until I can place another order and see the psych team who just ask; \n\n\"Are you suicidal?, are you going to kill youself today? No? Okay you can go\".\n\nSo now I'm feeling like I shouldn't tell anyone, thoughts?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression and Anxiety firing up and causing me to feel like I might have a panic attack.",
    "post_text": "So this may just be the anxiety firing up and causing me to stress and panic.  I've had trouble in the past with lonliness, both my parents have kicked me out (Because of me wanting a better job), and I've had friends in the past all of a sudden drop me or stop talking to me frequently, this left me feeling alone quite alot of the time and causing me to worry about upsetting any friends I do make. I managed to make about 3 friends that I talked to regularly, one of those friends started being really horrible, majority of the time to me and I started to get fed up of it. I called him out on it and this has resulted in me and that guy (Call him Ed) not being friends, however we'd end up in the same rooms chatting on discord because of me being friends with the two other friends, A and B, and Ed joining occasionally.   \nWell recently Ed and B have started chatting more and more often and A and me talking more, however in recent rooms, me and Ed have started arguing because of the way he still tries to treat me, B has recently started acting slightly more like Ed as well, which is causing me concern and ended up with me and B having a small argument earlier today. My anxiety is spiking however because, B is talking less and less to me, and now A has started to disappear a bit more, I worry that I will end up lonely again, without anyone to talk to, as it took me over a year to make these friends after the last group of friends I had all left in one big hit.  \n\n\nI bring all this up because the last time I ended up feeling like this and lost everyone I considered a friend, I nearly hurt myself quite badly... And I worry about doing that again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness is taking over me",
    "post_text": "I never realized how much I rely on having human contact and connection. I recently went through my first heartbreak and I lost a best friend and I\u2019m losing my other friend. I feel like neither of them cared about me as much as I cared about them. \n\nI feel like everybody has somebody that loves them back and for some reason that makes me feel worse. I feel like I give my heart entirely to people and it hurts so badly when it\u2019s not reciprocated in the end. I know that\u2019s selfish of me but I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. \n\nI feel so alone and all I wish I could have was a genuine human connection. It doesn\u2019t have to be romantic. Just to have someone be there and not leave me. \n\nMy depression is coming back and the negative thoughts are even worse than before. For the first time I\u2019ve really thought about giving up on life because I feel so useless and not good enough. \n\nI have one friend left but I\u2019m afraid to rely on someone to make me happy. I know it isn\u2019t fair. We talked and he made me feel better but when we don\u2019t talk the emotions come back. \n\n\nHow can I be happy with being alone. I don\u2019t know what to do. I just want to feel hope and happy with myself. All I do is sleep because the days are too painful to live through.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ghosted by Son and His Mom",
    "post_text": "I've been dealing really well with depression for awhile. Mostly just some hard spikes up in depression where it's a few hours of intense depression and anxiety. But this has got me in the numb, why bother zone, which I feel is the most dangerous because it can last for so long.\n\nMy son (late teens) and I had a pretty good relationship as far as I could tell, and for being half a country apart. We chatted online almost every day, and sometimes game online. It's his preferred way of communicating. We had a great time together this summer.\n\nHe stopped responding about 3 weeks ago. I texted him and he politely said the equivalent of, \"I need some space for about a week, just working something out.\" I respect that and I let him know that.\n\nI asked his mom if it was something I should worry about or if there's anything I can do to help. She responded that it's teenager stuff and he's not in danger. (Son lives with depression and anxiety too.)\n\nSo I give space.\n\n2 weeks go by. I message him just to check in and let him know I love him. Nothing. Then a message about his upcoming psychologist appointment. I say that it's scary to me that he needs to see a psychologist, but I don't know anything about what's going on. No response.\n\nI e-mail his mom, we mostly talk Christmas gifts but no answers about how our son is doing.\n\nIt's been over 3 weeks now. I e-mailed his mom again a couple days ago. No response. I'm worried for him. She has left me uninformed about very important things about our son before.\n\nThis is extremely unusual for him, especially for this time of year. We're usually chatting about Christmas stuff. I feel like throwing up. I'm very worried for him.\n\nMaybe he is ok. Maybe this is just what happens. I understood the day could come when he goes off on his own and I'm an occasional thought and memory. That's what I could get for living so far away since he was a toddler.   \n(Whole other story why that happened that I'm not going to get into.)\n\nI'm not ready for it to be today. Especially knowing that something was wrong enough for him to go see a psychologist.\n\nI don't know what to do or think about this. Any advice? I'm very much in the 'don't want to wake up tomorrow' space, but also want to be here in case he needs me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Boyfriend doesn\u2019t understand my mental illness...",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and my depression has flared up and usually does when I am on my period. The issue is that my boyfriend doesn\u2019t believe in therapy and doesn\u2019t see it as an issue but my \u201cbehavior\u201d is affecting our relationship. As much as I try to explain that I can\u2019t control it, that I am handling it, and that I would appreciate his support, he doesn\u2019t know how to support me and becomes distant when I try and open up to him about it. \n\nHow do I try to help him understand what is happening and how to best explain my symptoms and what I need from him? Or is this just something that I can\u2019t talk about with him and is there a way that I can establish a code word when I start to feel bad so that I can have my space when I feel this way (even though I would really appreciate his support when I feel like this)?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m feeling very low energy and demotivated after about a month with Lexapro, spending most of the time in bed. I need help.",
    "post_text": "I started taking Lexapro 5 weeks ago at 5mg/day for situational or reactionary depression which isn\u2019t a major clinical depression according to my doctor. I had the initial side effects as predicted like sleepiness and vivid dreams, etc. which resolved in a couple of weeks as well as all the negative feelings and dark moods of loneliness etc. plus the anxiety and feeling overwhelmed which have mostly gone, however I\u2019ve been feeling extremely unmotivated and low that I\u2019m barely making it to work and the rest of the time I\u2019m in bed. My sleep was also quite bad feeling unrested in the mornings. Normally I drink one coffee and one tea a day but recently I\u2019ve been taking triple shot espressos and I\u2019m not feeling any difference. My sugar and carb consumption has also increased. Last Monday when I had my follow up with the doctor he decided to increase the dose to 10mg/day. I\u2019ve been on 10mg/day for almost a week now and probably my sleep quality has improved a little bit but still very very unmotivated and low. I\u2019m going through upsetting phases with my family which doesn\u2019t help and while I had managed to keep my life under control for a while, things have got out of hand again and my room is a total mess. I\u2019ve been pushing myself to get things done but I\u2019m making no progress. There\u2019s barely any space in the room to walk. My next follow up is on Friday but I don\u2019t want to stay miserable till then. Please help. :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've all but given up on this life",
    "post_text": "I'm only 19. I understand that if I get through this there will be so much life to be had, but things are starting to look bleak. My best friend/girlfriend is dying. She has Ehlos Danlers Syndrome, arrhythmia, and those are both being made worse by the fact that she's developed anorexia nervosa. She's withering away and it's killing me. I haven't gotten out of bed for anything other than work for a half a week. I've been severely depressed my entire life, but this is the first time that I've wanted to kill myself. Not that I want to not exist, but I fully want to kill myself. I need help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate winter",
    "post_text": "My therapist and I even had a 15 minute discussion about how winter is just awful. \n\nNow I don't mind looking at snow. The visual aesthetics are absolutely appealing. A white Christmas is great. I like chucking a snowball at my boyfriend. And hot chocolate is my favorite. \n\nHowever, why is it so fucking dark? Sunset at 5? Are you kidding me? I'm exhausted, time confused, miss the sun, and I swear to God if it rains again at 40 degrees, I'm hibernating for the rest of the year. I hate driving in the dark. I have to go outside to get to the basement to do my laundry, which thanks to last night's snow, means going through an inch and half of snow, on top of cold mud, into a rocky cold basement at the bottom of some rickety ice covered steps, just to put something in the washing machine. We have multiple cats, so I have to dump cat boxes daily, which makes a daily run to the trashcan, now in the dark. Driving in the dark. I hate how dark it is. I hate that it looks like midnight at 6 pm. It's just absurd. \n\nHow do you all survive winter without living in a cocoon of blankets on the bed? \n\nSide note, yes I am aware of S.A.D.S, but I have no medically confirmed diagnosis of it currently, though it's possible. Confirmed major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. \n\nTLDR: HOW DO I KEEP SANE IN WINTER??",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "27, F, single, scared",
    "post_text": "Hi all, I'm a single 27 year old who is terrified about being single forever. I find it hard to connect with people or to find people to be attracted to.\n\nI've only ever had feelings for 3 people since I was 17, I've only ever had one relationship which lasted 6 months a few years ago. \n\nI have severe depression and other mental health issues, so my feelings are quite bleh in general and I'm basically asexual/have no libido for the last 6 years over something that happened that's too complicated to explain here. \n\nI feel weirdly repulsed when a guy is into me because I'm never into them. I'm not trying to be shallow, I just dont find them attractive usually, which brings me guilt and self loathing. I'm told a lot that I'm beautiful (I dont see it) but I just cant seem to reciprocate those feelings. I do get a lot of male attention but I never seem to run into people that I want to be with. \n\nAm I destined to be alone? On top of this, I'm a newly Christian woman who can only date fellow Christians now and I live in a small city with limited options. I feel awful every day as I worry that God's will for me i to be alone. I have so many things going against me. On top of this, my depression sucked out any trace of maternal instinct I had and I dont even want babies anymore, which was a dream of mine. \n\n​\n\nI have nothing and I'm worried that I always will have nothing. Is there any positive stories out there that are like mine? I feel so alone",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been alone for so long I think I'm losing communication skills",
    "post_text": "My parents make going out and having fun really difficult especially my step dad who constantly tracks my phone location and my bank information. He makes sure to mention every time I withdraw my own hard earned money from my account making me subconsciously feel wrong just for using my own money. Same thing with going out with my friends, he makes me feel wrong for wanting to have fun, instead he just cares about me working my youth away as a slave for someone else just for this fucking money that I hate so dearly. \n\nIt's been like this for me basically forever, I've constantly had elders over me telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't do, things I must seek out, thinks I can't touch with a 10 foot pole etc. and I'm sick and fucking tired of it. At no point in my short life have I personally be able to make my own choices or decisions and now that that's been my life when it actually comes to me personally making decisions for myself I don't know how to. It feels like I need someone with me at all times to help me make decisions because I've never had the opportunity for myself to make decisions, someone else always was \"more obligated\" to make decisions for me instead of myself and now I'm a complete wreck in life because of it. I think this method of raising me plus child abuse is why I just feel so isolated in this reality now. \n\nBut now I think all this loneliness in my life is finally starting to add up and take its toll on me. In school from elementary until I hit puberty at around 7th-8th grade I was a goofy class clown fun person who had no problem making people laugh and brighten up the whole room. But when my hair started thinning around 9th grade I started to get significantly more and more shy and more depressed and withdrawn from other people out  of fear of being judged for being \"weird\" or \"awkward\" eventually this fear caught up with me my junior and senior years of high school where every single person I'd have ever interacted with would judge my appearance or my hair because of how poorly it looked. I felt like I resembled a corpse because of how dead inside I really started to become, and even became more and more obsessed with death and wanting to be dead.\n\nNow that I've been shy and lonely for so long when I actually try to talk to people I have a hard time forming the appropriate sentence to match what the person had said to me. Or I might form the sentence awkwardly making my point much harder to come across to them. I feel like I have to stop and really put together a sentence in my head before I can say it or else it'll just not make any sense when the person I'm talking to finally hears my response. Or I'll hesitate while talking and then it'll mess up the flow of what I was talking about and I can't piece back together the sentence I was trying to say. I've slowly became more and more self aware at how many times I've had to just completely scrape a sentence midway through because of this hesitation while trying to speak, people probably think I'm crazy by now.\n\nI have nothing interesting to tell people either so when I'm at work and the person who's talking to me shares a story about them that happened recently I feel like I'm not given back to the conversation because I have no story at all other than depressing stories to share in the conversation, so 9/10 times I'm simply forced to only comment about their story instead of sharing my own stories. Otherwise I don't talk at all, not unless someone else starts up a conversation with me. I kinda don't even like talking to people anymore because it just feels like it's getting really difficult to make a conversion work when I'm a part of it. Only being able to reply to their experiences instead of giving them insight on my own personal experiences. I also have a extremely difficult time looking people in their eyes for more than a second, maintaining eye contact just feels really uncomfortable.\n\nI feel so much pressure from other people too, like if I drop something I instantly feel like everyone is watching me as I pick it back up. Or when I was in school literally just standing up to turn my paper in made me feel like people would judge me for my appearance or how I walked or whatever. Being in the presence of anyone makes my life significantly more difficult, like I have to play a role in front of them so I can't be judged for being myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Sertraline",
    "post_text": "Hey all, \n\nSo, I've recently bit the bullet and taken steps to finally sort my mental health out. I went to the GP and have been prescribed 50mg of Sertraline, I'm on day two and Jeeez I'm zapped, I feel mentally calm and my mind is much quieter however I have no energy. I just tried to go to the gym and couldn't last, other than that no side effects - Yawning like crazy though! \n\nWhat's everyone else's experience with Sertraline as I see so much conflicting information? \n\nHope everyone is having a good day :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm really depressed and gonnad kill myself",
    "post_text": "because reddit welcome sucks and that you have no help when you begin. the only thing you can try is to post something in a channel that will be automatically removed because you doesn't have enough reputation or karma stuff I don't know . then you end up with the chat room full of bot explaining you that if you are depressed and that you wnat to kill yourself you can post on this channel. That's what I'm doing",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't have any motivation, and now I'm screwed",
    "post_text": "I have no motivation or energy\n\nI've been increasingly losing motivation and energy to do anything over the last couple years, but it's gotten much worse over the past 6 or 7 months. It clicked about a week ago that I may have depression. I'm currently a junior in high school, and I was considered one of the smartest and hard working kids in elementary and middle school. I have big plans for the future and know exactly what I want to do and how I'm going to get there, but I have no energy to actually do anything. I've completely screwed arguably the most important year in high school. I've barely done any extra clubs or activities after school, my grades have been slipping, and now I'm stuck trying to catch up on work. But the closer I get to the end of this week trying to get everything turned in, the less motivation I have and the more stressed out I get. I'm not necessarily sad, I just have zero energy. I don't even have energy to get on my phone or play a game for more than 30 minutes at a time. \n\nAny advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm just trying to get motivation for the rest of the week, and I'm seeing a therapist on Thursday.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "New illness diagnosis is ruining my life",
    "post_text": "I have a lot of deadlines coming up this week which have made me anxious every day for almost 2 weeks now. The anxiety has made my physical illness flair up to the point where I have to miss school, I can\u2019t eat, sleep, or be productive. I\u2019m so so sad because of this. It happened all at once and I don\u2019t know how to manage it. I\u2019ve been crying almost every day because I miss when I felt better. The physical illness is new (diagnosed in March) and it\u2019s extremely overwhelming. It makes me feel hopeless every day. Some people get better and some people get worse. Idk if I believe I can get better, but I want to. It\u2019s just so hard for me to envision living the rest of my life suffering like this. My therapist who I\u2019ve been seeing for 2 years is now taking 6 months off. I\u2019ve tried to find a new therapist but they either aren\u2019t taking new patients or don\u2019t even respond to my phone calls. I\u2019m so lost. I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am sad, alone and scared.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve never been properly diagnosed with depression but I am currently feeling very depressed. A few years ago when I was younger & my parents were going through a divorce I was severely miserable, would have large bouts of anxiety & often contemplated ending my life. It was a sad time in my life but I am glad to say that I got through it and have been doing great for the most part and have hardly felt anxious since. \n\nHowever recently I have been feeling really down & depressed. All I want to do is sleep and I eat because I am sad and bored, and then I become sad because I eat too much. I have gained weight and am so insecure. I have been skipping my uni classes because I have no friends there and my degree is hard and it all makes me so sad. With all my friends heading in different directions I just feel so alone. I think my family have noticed and say things that are kind of cruel, but I know they mean well. They think I have obsessive compulsive tendencies because I tend to pick at my face often & struggle to stop.\n\nI just don\u2019t want to let anyone down & I am afraid to take the steps to become better because I know it will disappoint my family if I decide to leave uni for example. But most importantly I\u2019m scared of going back to how I was years ago, I never want to feel that way again. I\u2019ve never reached out for professional help either and don\u2019t have the money for therapy. Part of me would feel also ashamed in a way if I got professional help. I hate the idea that something may actually be wrong with me, and I hate the idea of having to take meds. \n\nI just feel so lost and conflicted. I feel like I know what I need to do but it\u2019s so hard to do it and remain consistent. If anyone has any advice at all it would greatly appreciated. Also, thank you if you read through it all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feel that everything's about to crash down and it'll be too late",
    "post_text": " My personality is extremely competitive, and I kill myself to be the best at every single little thing. Even in volunteer organizations I get angry when I am not the best at a task or if there's someone else other than me doing it. On top of that I am extremely guarded/reserved. I hate most fun/social activities and can only talk if I consider it to be a talk about productivity- not small talk. People think I am arrogant due to this, and I am struggling to make any solid friendships. I am going on sudden mood swings lately when I feel I am not in charge of a situation/task and feel ostracized. These mood swings are becoming depressive now, and I really can't figure out the source of this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t think anyone cares about me",
    "post_text": "I apologize if this doesn\u2019t fit the sub. Anyway, I feel like nobody cares a about me. I recently got ghosted from my first relationship. Which fucking hurts. Everything seemed fine, and she always made me feel so good about myself. Now she\u2019s gone, i don\u2019t think there\u2019s a single person other than parents that actually care for me. I have friends, but I\u2019ve been the punching bag or tool of every friend group I\u2019ve been in. Nobody I know will go slightly out of there way to help me. My sister acts nice to me around her bf, but otherwise she treats me like everyone else treats me. I feel lost. I don\u2019t know what to do anymore. Help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can't express emotions.",
    "post_text": "As a kid I used to be very talkative and normal I guess. As I grew up I just got very emotionally closed off. Like I have this terrible habit of bottling everything in and not even showing expressions. This lack of emotional display really damaged me. It makes me look so unapprochable and boring. I am about to graduate so we do things like mock interviews, and this lack of expression/emotions had been pointed out by my teachers too. Help me how to overcome this and act like a human and not a zombie.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Who contacts first?",
    "post_text": "So my crush who I had a thing with for over a year, I guess kinda an ex.  broke things off saying they weren\u2019t interested and needed time for themselves. Basic stuff. Now idk if it was their really bad depression that pushed me away or them genuinely losing interest. Either way we talked for a bit after, then I started kind of going no contact... I\u2019m wondering if that was maybe a bad idea. I mean I figure if they cared they would reach out? But if they\u2019re really depressed, even if they missed me or whatever would they take the no contact as rejection or that I\u2019m not interested and not say anything at all? \n\nLong term I\u2019d like to date them, I mean we kind of basically did before... so I\u2019m not interested in being friend zoned, but I also don\u2019t want to hurt them. People say \u201cjust be honest\u201d to them and tell them how you feel etc. and I get that but A. Pouring out your feelings isn\u2019t attractive if they\u2019ve lost interest B. Isn\u2019t productive if the goal is to get back together imo. Idk, any thoughts? I care about her so much, we had a good thing, and when it ended it was on friendly terms",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Spiraling out of control",
    "post_text": "I can confidently say this is the hardest my depression has hit me in the 10 years I\u2019ve been struggling. I find myself so angry, lashing out at people who love me and just destroying everyone in my path. I just wish I could have a second chance at this. I am super hard on myself and cannot seem to control the negative self talk. I beat myself up over everything, especially not being able to control my emotions. \nI\u2019ve seen so many mental health professionals that I just get tired of telling my story over and over again. Committing myself to therapy or standing psych appointments seems more exhausting than suffering alone.\nI don\u2019t know what advice I\u2019m exactly looking for, so please forgive me if this is all over the place. I\u2019m just desperate. I\u2019m thinking ending my life, but I\u2019m definitely too much of a coward to carry it out. Any input or kind words are welcomed. Thank you \ud83d\udda4",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone tried brain stimulation therapy?",
    "post_text": "Sorry if this has been asked before; I can't seem to find many people talking about their own experience.\n\nI saw an ad for it in my psychiatrist's office and don't know how to feel. I've been on medication since I was 14 and it all seems to wear off eventually, leaving me back where I started, so the idea of treatment for people whose depression is medication-resistant sounds helpful.\n\nAnyone able to tell me their experience? Did it help? Do you like how it felt? Do you feel it lasts?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't breath",
    "post_text": "Since my mom died two years ago, I've felt like I'm drowning, my anxiety has been getting worse because I feel so alone, and the I go to school and feel so trapped. I feel like everyone expects me to be fine, to have moved on but I still can't breath. Some days her loss hits me so hard I feel like I'm going to die. I don't know how to function, how to live without her. My father is no help. He has a new girlfriend, he barely remembers that I exist. My friends couldn't handle my depression and abandoned me. Everyone else has moved on, but I can't. I can't do this without her. She was everything I had and I don't know what to do. What's wrong with me? Some days I sit by the door and wait for her to get home, only to remember that she's not coming. I can't do this alone. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Post-divorce depression",
    "post_text": "Hi I\u2019m 38 and male.  I had a divorce 6 months ago.  The divorce was not my choice , but relatively friendly , I don\u2019t see the point of staying with someone who doesn\u2019t want to be with you.  But in a way that made it even worse .. because it just feels like she gave up on our relationship.\n\nSince then I\u2019ve gotten more and more depressed.  I\u2019m originally from Costa Rica , but studied and worked in the US where I was very successful .  When I was 32 I decided to move back because I wanted to start a family in a place with more permanence and better work-life balance.  In order to do that I took a very big paycut and work at a job that isn\u2019t really that challenging for me.  Everything made sense when I was getting married , but now I\u2019m divorced, we didn\u2019t have kids ( a big part of the break-up despite no medical reason for it , and both of us trying ) , and I feel like a professional failure when I compare myself to my friends and family who continued their career path.  I\u2019m turning 40 in a year and a half and I just feel like I wasted all my 30s.  \n\nI\u2019m having a really hard time planning for the future , I just don\u2019t have any goals anymore and feel like I can\u2019t get excited for anything . \n\nIf I think about things objectively I know I have options .   I can try to change jobs maybe get a second masters and get a two year work visa to the US or Europe to get back into the workforce .\n\nBut I have no energy or motivation , maybe I\u2019m just afraid of trying and failing again.  Part of me just wants to give - up.  Don\u2019t know what to do , I feel stuck .",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to be stronger",
    "post_text": "I hate myself so much, I break down crying randomly whenever I try to do anything, for example: I keep trying to exercise at home as that was the thing that kept me from feeling like shit but every time I try I feel useless, like it\u2019s pointless. As if I\u2019ll never change at all. I hate everything about myself, I have no redeeming qualities and I feel as if I\u2019m a failure to this world and that I\u2019m destined to die simply because of natural selection. I have little to no friends and I act like an arsehole but one that can\u2019t even throw a punch. I keep hurting myself by cutting my hands, arms and by constantly hitting myself and punching things. I don\u2019t know how to change and grow or how to cope.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Randomly breaking down",
    "post_text": "  I randomly break down and cry without warning. \n\nPreviously, it didn\u2019t happen often; and when it does, I was would be able to control it for a bit till I find myself hidden from people\u2019s eye. I.e: toilet, server room etc\n\nRecently, its like I control it anymore. The only thing i am able to do, is cover my face with my palms when that happens. \n\nI am m/27 and Im a working professional. Like I wear formal to work on a daily basis. I really dont want people to see me breaking down. \n\nDo anyone experience similar?\n\nHow do you hope with it ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hello, I\u2019d like some help if it\u2019s possible",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been probably depressed for about 3-4 years now but recently I\u2019ve felt numbness and right now I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m feelinf anxiety but I feel hopeless and almost like a physical pain, I don\u2019t know what it is and I just feel like I need a day to myself I don\u2019t know I\u2019ve never been comfortable talking to people about myself, I\u2019ve went to therapy once but it sucked, I don\u2019t know how to get my feelings through to my words, I feel like there is so much trapped inside but my girlfriend of almost 18 months gets mad at me because I don\u2019t tell her anything and I suck at it anyway to help me get everything out and have a sense of relief? I can go into way more detail in a pm it\u2019s happened because of personal problems",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to be happy",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve bern depressed for almost a decade now. I feel like my life is going nowhere, I always feel like shit, my mind is filled with negative thoughts all the time. I feel like naturally i\u2019m a happy go lucky, hard working, fun, logical woman. I\u2019ve been like that before, and people tell me I am. But my depression makes me feel lazy, unmotivated, grouchy etc. I see a therapist, it helped at first now it doesn\u2019t. I refuse to go on medication for a lot of reasons... so how else do I become better??? I feel like i\u2019m at the end of the road here and i read recently that depression never goes away, you just learn to deal with it. so now I feel even more hopeless. Any tips or advice are appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Sigh so...frustrated. and Angry since yesterday night",
    "post_text": "Sigh so...frustrated. and Angry since yesterday night. My nutbar Aunt and her husband were in town.  She wanted to treatme to rise of skywalker. Me being me said coolness! (at first) but decided better part of something to say...except I've seen it before and it was meh. Would love to go see Jumanji (next level) which lead her \\[it felt like\\] to start over thinkinking.  What's that movie? Who's the Rock? Oh Him!...There's two? I thought they made only one? Something about  video game esk movies being a product for addhd melenials with apreciation for the art of a good movie. Even though she loves the original StarWars...and how about this depressing movie instead?  (no) Gosh you're such a pill!  I guess I made the mistake of comenting how I just like sometypes of movies but not others. I like uplifting ones, and also like funny ones. Just didn't want to see Knives out, or a nature documentary--which did look excelent, just not in the mood to see it. That lead to \"fun\" drama. about being picky (????) and now it's made things hard for her to treat me to movies and gosh she thought it'd be fun etc. But as a back up plan she happened to have some cardgames.\n\nMeenwhile Oh. My. God. Both my parents and her taking turns tag teaming how really need to get off cymbalta because  it's becoming netorius for adding weight. and how my therapist is so evil, and by the way so is big pharma.  Dad being him wanted to rant (loudly) about 45, with Aunts husband. Probably because at christmas,  I had enough of him ranting about tech and \"civillians (his insult for novice users). and how 45 is so great for at least doing something.  And I had bluntly changed topics, only for him to talk even louder. His  way of being passive aggressive. Yesterday he doubled down on the aholery: playing videos about politics on a laptop loudly while mom decided she had enough and \"just happened\" to go for a walk. Aunt and I wanted to have fun with her new card game.  She does that in the hopes he'll get the hint he's being an ass. Rather than saying: we're trying to have a nice day.  She used to say something, only for dad to explode claiming he wants to talk politics and if we don't like it tough (basically). \n\nHe finally got the notion after 3 hours of being a douchebag to talk almost anything else with aunts husband. He does this because no one else wants to talk polotics or go off the handle about pretty technical mondane (and boring) javascript issues.\n\nTalked with mum about  getting as a gift  for  my birthday (comes up soonISH) a membership to planetfitness and hopefully either a membership to a zumba class, or a generic dance for fun and cardio class. lol I mis being around pretty  people! \n\nI got pissed the fuck off at [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) though. Because aint shit listed!   Now trying to crawl out of a fowl mood  to enjoy my day :( . I just  hate how my dads turning into a bitter angery shut in, that's willfully out of the loops and doesn't give a F about anything that isn't related to very specific things, or he'll just sulk in front of the TV with beers.\n\nI also hate how useless feeling [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) has become and I have no idea what other places are in a similar spirit of groups meeting to make friends and do something fun.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What are some good responses to \u201chow are you?\u201d When you\u2019re not doing well at all",
    "post_text": "There\u2019s the fake out-I\u2019m doing great! How about you? *me imitating Patrick Stewart: acting*\n\nThe universally recognized by other depressed people: \u201cit\u2019s going haha,\u201d and \u201cjust living the dream haha!\n\nI basically didn\u2019t participate in holidays this year because I\u2019m tired of acting and not having anything exciting or good to talk about with relatives and family.  \n\nSince \u201cI crave the sweet release of death every waking moment\u201d isn\u2019t a socially appropriate response I was going to holla at reddit to see if anyone could insoire or advise.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Stuck in a rut",
    "post_text": "I think I\u2019m stuck in a depressed rut and I feel like I need to take action before I go further downhill. I really can\u2019t be bothered to take care of myself lately, I have no social life beyond working and seeing my boyfriend 2-3 evenings a week, I\u2019m close to my mum but that\u2019s it. \n\nI find social interaction completely exhausting and overwhelming and yet crave it so much. The time off over xmas has left me realising that I just have no drive anymore. I\u2019ve just sat and smoked weed for days in front of the tv/ computer and everytime I try and do something productive I give up because I either feel ill (I do have a cold atm) or just don\u2019t feel like I know what I\u2019m trying to achieve anymore (trying to clear up my house). \n\nI was going to the gym and eating healthily in November then I went through a stage where I wasn\u2019t eating much at all so stopped the gym in fear of making myself faint (had a weird turn and fainted which freaked me out) I just can\u2019t get myself back into it. \n\nI have all these great ideas of things to do to help myself but I have no clue how to do it. My boyfriends a total antisocial introvert so he\u2019s not really much help, I need to do this in my own time for myself. \n\nI guess I\u2019m asking how can I motivate/ drive myself to do something and not just feel hopeless all the time? I\u2019m on antidepressants atm and have been slowly decreasing my dose for the past couple of years, this is my first winter on the lowest dose... do I up my dose again until I\u2019m back in a better place? \n\nAlso, how do you not feel guilty about relaxing/ doing something for yourself? I realise I always feel bad about spending time doing what I want but I don\u2019t know why.\n\nUgh I\u2019m such a mess and so fed up of feeling low, I needed to get this out of my head. 2 more days alone to get through. I can\u2019t even be bothered to make dinner, just eat what\u2019s to hand. I feel so hopeless and useless",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm 17 and have depression, anxiety, and I cut but my mother refuses to believe anything in wrong with me",
    "post_text": "I just recently turned 17 and everything hit me like a bag of bricks. I'm failing school and my mother put me on house arrest bc of it. Now my house makes my anxiety flair up like a bitch. And me being here 24/7 with no break doesn't help. It's winter break and I've been going out bc I hate it here. Now when my mother told me I couldn't go out and took my keys. Anxiety got worse, she got mad bc I was freaking out and crying, and I felt helpless. Now the battle with my mother about getting me to a doctor for my depression had been ongoing since I was 13. The razor helps me but now I have my bf talking me out of cutting. I can't see him so I'm stuck in this internal battle of immense sadness, anger, frustration, and anxiety. Idk what to do at this point...help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I have genuine depression.",
    "post_text": "I was hit by a drunk driver in November. I got some bruises, shock, and my car was deemed total loss, but it still works just fine thankfully. Since my accident, I went for a run in a violent snowstorm in St. Louis, slipped and fell on my back and hit the back of my head on the ground. It hurt a bit but I continued running. The knots on my head healed up eventually. I've seen like 5 different accident scenes around the areas since my accident back on 11/22. These past like 5 days, I've felt incredibly emotionally unsettled. I'm not in control of my emotions, and I feel so emotional inside my head, I can't speak that well. Today I feel is the worst because I'm extremely emotionally unstable, I feel out of control of my emotions, and just powerfully depressed. I've noticed I've been waking up around 6-630AM or so every morning even though I want to sleep more and refresh my mind, brain chemistry. I'm going to Finland in a week or so, for a week or so. People have been cold and rude to me in public recently as well, as well as over the phone unfortunately. I've been trying to keep marching on, but I don't feel interested, lively, confident, and vibrant like I usually do. Do you think this is depression genuinely or something else medically? Tell me your thoughts and thank you for listening and for your concern and human empathy. I care about you and your feelings too. I do hope you have a wonderful happy new year for yourselves. :).",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Years of worsening chronic fatigue/fog continue to cripple my life",
    "post_text": "Hey everybody,\n\nMy life itself has always been pretty good, but my quality of life has been awful for the last 8-ish years. I am currently 23, and this is a quick timeline of what's been going on:\n\n* Age 13-14, started experiencing general anxiety for no apparent reason. Also, felt stressed a lot for no real reason either. Doctor thought it might be anxiety/depression so suggested I see a therapist and try some antidepressants. I tried a couple antidepressants and saw a therapist with no success. Antidepressants did absolutely nothing, and therapist was at a loss as to how to help. This generalized anxiety/worry/stress feeling continued.\n* Age 16, while still dealing with the above, I woke up one day after a good night's sleep and felt a little tired. I attributed it to anxiety or stress from school, but it NEVER went away. But it was very mild, so I just let it go and tried making lifestyle changes with no success. Over the months and years, it has very gradually worsened to the point where I'm at now where I can hardly function due to the overwhelming fatigue/brain fog. It is 24/7. Not even a second of feeling better.\n* Age 17-present: Have had nearly every sort of medical testing one can have done, many of them multiple times. Food allergy, vitamin/mineral deficiencies, thyroid, cortisol, testosterone, heavy metals, MRI, EEG, EKG, Lyme disease, Epstein Barr, h pylori, sleep apnea, dietary changes, sleep schedule changes, increase exercise, etc. Have tried a total of 7 different antidepressants/anxieties from different drug classes to see if maybe depression was the culprit. All either did nothing or made me more tired/foggy. I\u2019ve tried Vyvanse, Adderall, Ritalin, kratom, CBD, kava, and countless other supplements. The stimulants all either helped very slightly, but felt very artificial and made my body more anxious but didn\u2019t help my mind, or didn\u2019t do anything. Caffeine in any form doesn\u2019t help either. I\u2019ve seen 3 different psychologists, all of whom were baffled and said they did not know how to help me and have never heard of this before relative to mental health issues. \n\nI feel this intense dissociation feeling 24/7 that has gradually emerged/worsened over the past couple of years. Like I'm so tired, I don't even feel like I'm in real life ever anymore. I feel drunk/drugged, especially as the day progresses. Come 8 PM, I feel so spaced out, the fatigue is unbearable. Sometimes, I feel so tired I feel physically ill. The gradual cognitive decline is shocking (Concentration, alertness, memory, focus, processing/recalling/stumbling over words and sentences, confusion, etc.). My motor skills have also declined badly as well. I bump into things, my reflexes are awful, I miss things when I try and grab them, etc. I feel dizzy/lightheaded when I stand up after sitting or laying down. I now have very low arousal. It's almost impossible to startle me. It's like my body doesn't even process loud noises or scare anymore. I feel anxious/stressed/overwhelmed more easily. Everything feels like a chore, like an ordeal I get to check off. Even if it is something extremely minor or something fun. Decision making is poor, even for relatively minor things. Hypersomnia (Usually fall asleep very easily, rarely have insomnia). Vision has declined (eye floaters, spots, light sensitivity). Eyes are dry/watery off and on. Numbness all over body. Tough to explain, but extremities/body parts feel so utterly exhausted and numb-like to the touch. Like I can feel my arm getting touched by my hand, but can\u2019t feel my hand touching my arm. Senses feel dulled (Hearing, taste, smell, touch) all feel weakened and suppressed, especially as the day goes on and I feel more tired. Sex drive is virtually non-existent. Alcohol hits me much harder now. As a result, I feel intoxicated more easily/quickly. Sometimes 1 beer and I'm already feeling really drunk. I\u2019m slow now both mentally and physically. Head almost always feels very tired and heavy, but I don't get headaches that often. I yawn way too much. Anhedonia and apathy as I\u2019ve gotten tireder and tireder. I have gradually become indifferent to most things. I literally come across like an emotionless zombie now because I am so damn exhausted 24/7. Almost nothing phases or interests me anymore. I feel like I get every cold/flu virus that comes around. And it takes me much longer to get over them. I am emotionally flat lined. One of my eyelids droops a little bit, mostly later in the day and/or when I\u2019m more tired. I feel like I need lots of sleep to \u201crecover\u201d, but all sleep really does is reset me a little bit and is very unrefreshing. All of these symptoms seem to be worse when I\u2019m sick, stressed, get less sleep, etc.\n\nOverall, it feels like I was hit by a truck. From the moment I wake up to the moment I pass out from sheer exhaustion at night. Everything feels like it's suppressed by this fog that has gradually gotten worse over time. For example, caffeine\u2019s effect, sex drive, post-workout adrenaline and endorphins, getting plenty of sleep, etc. I can sort of FEEL all these things for the most part, but it feels hidden and pushed down from this utter exhaustion. It\u2019s like nothing can surpass the fatigue and fog. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm living my life from the backseat and am just going through the day mindlessly on autopilot. It literally gives me anxiety and depression to feel like this and not know why, and watch my life just pass me by at the same time. And the thing that sucks is that I WANT to do things and live life, and am still pretty optimistic, but I'm just too out of it, it's embarrassing. I come across like a drugged zombie when I try.\n\n​\n\nRealistically, the last kind of test I can do at this point is a sleep study, which is in a few weeks. In a way, sadly, I hope they find something. Any advice is greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Life advice help?",
    "post_text": "So New Years just passed and I just went on a former close friend on mine\u2019s instagram page and I was just on social media in general (and before I even finish this, please don\u2019t give me, \u201ceveryday goes through life at a different pace\u201d) I noticed that her and other people seem to have actual lives. She performs songs plays, etc , has a relationship etc. and me? No guy had ever looked my way, my life is literally wake up , school, come home, homework, rinse and repeat. I also have social anxiety so it\u2019s hard for me to go out and even then still, I think I\u2019m grossly unattractive. Have never ever taken a good picture, last picture I took was for the school yearbook months ago. I simply just don\u2019t take pictures. I feel behind everyone and everything. I realize how at my age this decade is literally the decade on change for my generation, but I haven\u2019t don\u2019t anything. Never been kissed, held hands, complimented, looked at. And it doesn\u2019t help that I\u2019m a dark skin girl and nowadays boys and men seem to go out of their way especially black men, to point out how they believe dark skin girls are unattractive in all ways. I just feel behind. I mean the girl I was talking about was the girl I did everything with in elementary and middle school till we moved for high school and she had the most basic things that I can\u2019t even get. I mean high schoolers get to y\u2019all about relationships, and me, I\u2019m here too ugly to even be given a second glance. 2020 is off to the worst possible start.i want to be someone\u2019s first choice. I have friends but I know I\u2019m not their first choice, I feel like the leftover friend. I feel like if life is literally not happening for me, I shouldn\u2019t even be alive, what\u2019s the point. And I release that yes I need to go out there, but how do I do that when my head is constantly telling me all my flaws, from the shape of my nose to the darkness of my skin, to my introverted personality. I feel defeated, cause I don\u2019t want this life if it\u2019s all I\u2019m getting, watching every body progress and experience while I\u2019m stuck and I feel I can\u2019t get out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am so confused",
    "post_text": "I'll be straight forward, I'm not diagnosed yet. I haven't really been checked so I may still very well suffer from the condition, but I apologize if I don't qualify to post here. So my problem begins maybe three years back. Out of nowhere I'm randomly sad about myself for no reason in particular. I brushed it off as regular old sadness and have no other thought. Then a couple months later I notice it's happening more and more frequently. I thought it could genuinely have been depression, but I was convinced into brushing it off as teen angst. \n\nOver the next year it stayed the same, random bouts of sadness and lack of motivation for a day or two at the time. \n\nFast forward to now and I've started being sad nearly daily. I can sometimes go a week and rarely close to a month without experiencing severely as I have, but like I said that's it sometimes. I have suicidal thoughts so often they've stopped bothering me. I quite often cry at night and have recently started drinking when this happens. I sometimes think I want to die but I know there are people who care. I have a loving family and great friends. I just can't get what I want out of life and I don't want to live a long unfulfilled life. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be happy and live for as long as possible, but part of me wants to give up. I'm not asking for professional diagnosis, but would you say this is regular sadness or am I verging on depression? \n\nThanks, anon",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is being home triggering my depression?",
    "post_text": "Hi. I'm not too familiar with this subreddit but honestly I really need someone to talk to right now.\n\nI've been diagnosed with medical depression/ anxiety for a couple years now, taking medication and am now generally doing pretty well. I started college in the fall and the semester was amazing. However, since winter break started I've been having awful feelings about just living. \n\nI wouldn't say I have major suicidal tendencies but heck I've thought about it. I want to pain to go away so badly. Its gotten to the point where I feel physically sick. I can't stop crying. I feel awful.\n\nI'm lonely here and things aren't the way they used to be. That automatically fills me with anxiety. I haven't felt this way in so long and I thought I never would again. \n\nI don't know what I need but maybe someone here could help. I'm scared to fall asleep because of the nightmares I've been having. Maybe someone could talk. Idk.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any time i speak, my mom has to point out the negative mindset/thought processing of my head, whether the negativity is fact or opinion. Makes me feel like a loser who can only see the negative in today\u2019s world.. & i\u2019m tired of beating myself up for it",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 22 & have had depression & anxiety for over a decade- so this negative mindset that shows itself at times has always been present\nAnytime i talk about something, see something awful on my parents favorite channel-the news-, or hear a conversation with points that i disagree with (lot of morals), i get told by my mom:\n \u201cwhy are you looking at this so negatively?\u201d\n\u201cwhy are you letting yourself get so worked up about this?\u201d\n\u201cit\u2019s not even affecting you directly, so why do you have such a strong opinion on this?\u201d\n\u201cdon\u2019t get so worked up about this, just let it go\u201d\n\u201cyou only point out the negative things so i\u2019m trying to show you the opposing view\u201d\n\nI understand that it is a good thing to show the opposing viewpoint so you can fully make your own opinion, but i have always been one to contemplate & think of all point of views-i\u2019m pretty open minded in that sense- but me being a sensitive person (well an HSP), i seem to first always lean towards the emotional reasoning & the rational part after, or secondary, of lesser importance. Probably because i know what it\u2019s like to feel emotionally invalid/not cared about/misunderstood, so the sympathy for others is very present. but that also makes me question why I DO get so easily affected by being told basically (well i feel it at least) that i\u2019m wrong or my thinking is wrong. I feel no one in my family really understands either where i\u2019m coming from or how my mind works- not that i expect them too, but i do expect a little acceptance so i don\u2019t continue to spiral down , continuously doubting myself & beliefs because i\u2019ve been told it\u2019s wrong my whole life.\n\nIdk\nDoes this make sense?\nI\u2019m not sure what to do, i\u2019ve been meditating extra on this, but it\u2019s like when i\u2019m just in my families presence, this anxiety/alertness/ready to \u2018defend/attack\u201d feeling comes up immediately & the only way to ease those symptoms is to leave the situation - which is a good thing at times, but that\u2019s really sad if i can\u2019t even handle the presence of being around my own family because of the stress my body obtains...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know how to help my depressed friend.",
    "post_text": "She basically doesn't care.\n\n​\n\nShe's like \"i've just accepted that everything's bad and it's gonna say that way\"\n\nand im like \" no things can get better, nothing's set in stone. but no one's gonna change it for you. You need to do it yourself.\"\n\nand she's like \"i dont care enough about it to change it.\"\n\n​\n\nThat's basically it. No matter how shit things are she doesnt care enough to try and improve them. idk how to help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know how to maintain my relationships",
    "post_text": "I think I used to be close to people and I don\u2019t feel that way anymore. I have friends but I know I put up a lot of walls and I don\u2019t know how to stop. I\u2019m scared when hanging out with people because I feel like I could mess up at any second. I invite people out and go to things I\u2019m invited to but I think my interactions are wrong. My friends have started to point out that I\u2019m not as present, and it\u2019s hurting their feelings. Some have completely stopped reaching out. I want to be a good friend but I don\u2019t know what or how to change. Has anyone made their relationships better while depressed? How do you keep your energy up and have positive interactions?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I convince my friend who is struggling with depression to seek help or let me help him?",
    "post_text": "So basically my friend (16) who we\u2019ll call joe has been struggling with depression for months now. He used to be very open with me about it, and would frequently vent to me about his problems. About a month back, joe was at his worst, and he cut himself. I understandably was very concerned at this and brought up the idea of seeing a professional who can help him. He wasn\u2019t very open to the idea and I think me mentioning it made him feel I was worrying too much about him, because now it seems he\u2019s telling me less and less every time I ask him how he is doing. The other day his mental health came into the conversation and he told me he has no idea why he feels so bad all the time. I tried to pry a little bit, but he made it clear he doesn\u2019t want to talk to me about it because 1. He doesn\u2019t want me to worry about him, and 2. I wouldn\u2019t get it. Fair enough... so I told him he should see a professional who can help figure out why he feels bad all the time. He said he was too scared to see a professional, which I completely understand so I offered to help him find someone. He flat out said no and changed the subject.\n\nI think joe is depressed and most certainly in denial about it. He\u2019s told me he\u2019s not depressed, just sad, but he doesn\u2019t know why he\u2019s sad. He obviously won\u2019t talk to me anymore about it, and he\u2019s scared to find someone who can help him. It would be extremely beneficial for him to talk to someone who is trained to diagnose mental illnesses, or can at least help him understand why he feels like this.\n\nSo how can I convince joe to either find someone who can professionally help him or let me help him find that person?\n\nThanks I\u2019m advance for any feedback/advice",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone please talk to me",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been really depressed and suicidal for the last two weeks and they won\u2019t go away. I make other posts and other people just don\u2019t respond to them when I ask for help or they respond a little bit and they don\u2019t talk anymore. This always happens. That and they say they care for me but then they leave and stop talking which means they don\u2019t. I really need someone to talk to. Not just talk a little bit then leave forever like everyone else does.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what to do anymore, I just want to die. I\u2019m in the darkest parts of depression and i have no support system. \nMy boyfriend doesn\u2019t understand, he just asks \u201cwhy can\u2019t you just choose to be happy?\u201d And I have no answer for him. I wish I could \u201cjust be happy\u201d  I need him to love me and give me the support, just to feel wanted and loved... but instead I get called names like a Goblin!  he\u2019s just so cold. My eyes are puffy from constantly crying..\nMy mother says I should move in with her, but that relationship can be even more toxic. \nI also suffer from anxiety and BPD. So not only am I terrified to leave the house, I have an extremely fear of FOMO. which leaves me feeling, I don\u2019t even know.... and I\u2019m stuck in a city I hate. I wanna move back home so badly to Seattle... but I\u2019m stuck in Ohio for another year. And I truly don\u2019t think I\u2019ll survive it. Please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice and help please",
    "post_text": "TLDR: I\u2019m underage, depressed and don\u2019t want to involve my parents in this. I don\u2019t have any friend support right now either. Not sure what to do now and feel like just giving up. \n\nI\u2019m 17 this year and went for a free mental health checkup a few days ago (parental consent and knowledge not needed) which confirmed that I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. I\u2019ve been feeling the symptoms for a little over a year now and attempted suicide a few months ago. Now that I have confirmed that I have depression, I\u2019m not sure what to do next. They recommended that I look into getting a psychiatrist and psychologist for medicine and counseling respectively, especially since my family has a history of depression. However, since I\u2019m underage, I need parental consent.\n\nI\u2019m not close to either of my parents or any of my siblings and I have quite a lot of bad memories from my childhood as well. Additionally, my father has quite a negative perception of depression which definitely would not help. My younger brother has had suicidal ideation for the past year as well (his school found out and told my parents) so my mom in particular is very concerned about him. I don\u2019t want to burden them further or open up to them about this at all, and since my brother is not mentally well either, I feel that my parents should focus more on him.\n\nAt the moment, none of my friends know about this diagnosis and I don\u2019t intend to tell any of them either. I pushed away my two closest friends a few months ago and I don\u2019t trust anyone enough to tell them either. Even if I did, I don\u2019t think they would be able to help much (ranting does not help me much and just makes me feel like a burden). I\u2019m pretty much completely alone now and have no clue what to do. It feels like my only option is to tell my parents even though I really don\u2019t want to and they may react very negatively. Also, I\u2019m very tempted to just let this get worse and worse until I eventually kill myself so that hampers any attempts to get better as well. Any advice if possible?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I really don\u2019t know anymore how to go about this isolation from social anxiety & depression- it\u2019s one of the most debilitating things i\u2019ve experienced.",
    "post_text": "-i\u2019m 22. & have had anxiety & depression for a decade now (since age 11/12)-& yes i\u2019ve been in therapy since then, few therapists cuz no one knows how to help me (not blaming them, blaming me for being impossible)\n-dropped out of art school last november (14 months ago) because Zoloft made me suicidal & school was a stressful waste of money to me. \n-i haven\u2019t had a \u201creal job\u201d since May 2018 (-ive had my own reselling business online for 1.5yrs but no one counts that as accomplishment)\never since being on Zoloft i have become even more (than i already was) of an introvert & very socially anxious person.\n-my best friend moved out of state mad far away. \n-my other hometown friends are in college partying having a blast with their social & exciting friends.\n-so in the past year i have hung out/socialized with people/friends maybe like 5 times. in 365 days. i know it\u2019s insanely disgusting that i don\u2019t socialize. but i have no reason to. i get nothing but more stress out of it.  \n\nwhat happens if i DO socialize (once in a blue moon) is:\n-usually too anxious to go thru with hanging out so i \u201cditch\u201d last minute, aka panic episode \n-get so nervous that i won\u2019t be the \u2018same ol me\u2019 because my depression is so so so obvious-i mean my tone of voice is terribly boring.\n-not as exciting or fun as i had hoped\n-not feeling like im the same person makes it hard to be \u2018myself\u2019 (my depression-negativite thinking- used to only be visible if speaking of self, but now it\u2019s visible 24/7) \n-when i\u2019m hanging with someone, what\u2019s always flooding my mind is \u201cwhen do i get to leave and be alone\u201d\n\nBUUUT the most messed up, confusing, & frustrating part is that like i\u2019m BEGGING for socialization. like my mind NEEDS it i can like sense it. i want to have conversations with people, i want to exchange ideas & thoughts, but if i go ahead and do so, it like doesn\u2019t follow me there. in the moment i\u2019m socializing i want to leave immediately. in moments im alone in my room, i want to be out with friends having an exciting thrilling time. but it never happens anymore. not in over 2 years. it\u2019s like i can\u2019t be comfortable with myself or something i really don\u2019t know. & i really don\u2019t know what to do anymore.\n\n(because i\u2019ve tried/currently trying & don\u2019t need duplicate answers that haven\u2019t worked for me) NOT Welcomed::\n-advising to take antidepressants/meds: i tried handful & im not playing the guinea pig role again to then actually commit suicide this time..\n-\u201cjust take a walk\u201d : i exercise/& am moving around most of the day so that\u2019s not of help\n-\u201cjust don\u2019t put a care into anything, nothing matters in the end.\u201d -like no shit if i could control what i care about then i would, but being highly sensitive, i can\u2019t not care about something-everything effects deeply me whether it\u2019s just a joke or not. and i don\u2019t care about the end result i care about what happens now. because i feel that now. i don\u2019t feel the future. \n(sorry if this got kinda bitchy, i\u2019m like arguing to myself as i\u2019m typing this)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like garbage, and I don't know what to do.",
    "post_text": "This probably isn't that big of a problem, sorry for wasting your time if you read this.\n\nHi, I'm Viktor. I'm 17, I live in the US, and I just feel kinda lost.\n\nI have a best friend that's my age. She lives overseas though. So our only method of communication is online messaging or calls. \n\nRecently, I've been feeling really just kinda empty and bad. I've been on break (and it's almost over) and through it all, I've struggled to feel happy. I have to fake all my smiles so that my family don't start worrying about me.\n\nDue to this feeling of emptiness, I would talk with my friend a lot about it. But I thought that I was being annoying, so I told her I wouldn't talk with her again until I feel better. It's been about 3 days. Which is a bit because we just about talk every day.\n\nToday I've just been crying and haven't been able to stop until a little over 30 minutes ago. It sucks, and it hurts, and I don't know what I'm doing.\n\nI missed the deadline to apply to the college I wanted (the final deadline), and I don't think they'll take my application late. \n\nI feel so tiny and helpless and awful, and I just needed to tell *someone.* Anyone. \n\nSometimes I think people would just be better off without me around.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ranting",
    "post_text": "I (15 M) am struggling in my young life. I have parents that aren't the most understanding (immigrants) and don't understand my struggle well. I'm an AP student but ever since sixtg grade, I never felt \"normal\" or \"fit in\" with others well. I stopped caring about school in sixth grade and just wanted to live my life as a care-free individual. I understand all the material at school but don't use it or my resources. I have those off days (often) and cry almost everyday at school. Some habits I have are staying in my room all day, punching myself when I am in trouble or in the wrong, and sitting on the bathroom floor for prolonged periods of time. I am harassed by a classmate (15/16 M) in AP World and stopped eating and blamed myself even though I've never talked to him before. I'm scared if I report him, his friends will come for me because they are the athletic group of kids compared to me (the only athlete in my family). I just feel that I won't make it far in life because I have less than 3.5 GPA as an AP student and can't deal with things myself. I do want to exact revenge on him with some sort of unharmful method like getting him kicked off the soccer team or expulsion (very unlikely to happen). I feel like I juat want peace with the world. My coping methods right now are crying (at least until 2 or 3), TikTok, playing games, and pulling all-nighters on school days. By the way, I'm from the US. Are there ways to do better in school and not worry about what's happening? I'm halfway through sophomore year so it's too late to get a 4.0.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A friend you\u2019re worrying about hasn\u2019t been replying to you texts or talked to you in a week, what do you do?",
    "post_text": "My friend gets really lonely, especially around Christmas and New year.\nThis was my 2nd Christmas and New year since knowing them.\n\nOn the 30th of Dec, something happened that made me so distressed, I had to go see them.\nAfter that, I\u2019ve been sending them 2 or 3 messages a day to see how they were doing.\nI tried to message open things that didn\u2019t force you to answer.\nThe last text I send was on Friday and I haven\u2019t checked the app as well to see if they were on...\n\nI feel worried and sad, because they are being quiet. What would you feel or think in this situation, what would you do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "feeling lost but trying to keep positive. looking for some advice",
    "post_text": "hi there.\n\nso I've been on medication for about 5/6 months now, sometimes I think it's helping and sometimes not. I'm very new to taking antidepressants so i don't want to disregard them just yet so am trying to hopeful about them.\n\nI had sporadically seen some therapist's over the years but not currently seeing one. my job is okay but I'm getting bored with it and I wouldn't know where to go even if I could move to a different one. \n\nI guess I'm just feeling very lost and down and my motivation just isn't there anymore. I have been reading lots about zen and meditation and I know exercise would help but I can't get the drive to do any of it.\n\nI know these are fairly common symptoms for someone with depression but I don't know what to do so if there's anyone with any advice id be greatly appreciative.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please give me some advice. I really need it.",
    "post_text": "       Hi! This is my first time talking about my problems online so I will write a lot. If you stay to read everything, thank you, I appreciate it, because I really need it.\n       So, I am almost 17 and I have depression since back in secondary school. I am always isolated by my colleagues, who only use me when they need to. Even so, I am always there for them although not the other way around. In my country being selfish is in power, but my parents raised me to be kind and modest so its pretty hard for me to find any friend. Besides that, my parents treat me very badly, always yelling at me or punishing me out of nothing, sometimes pretending I don't even exist. They don't believe me even if I tell the truth and don't ever encourage me. Because of that i became shy and introverted. \n      The only friend I had , who started talking to me two years ago, becaming my bestfriend and also my first love later, changed completely when she got into highschool, got a boyfriend and threw me aside even if I told her about my depression and she knew I really needed her. Now I am alone and I got used to it, but I need someone be there for me and my loneliness only makes me feel more depressed.\n      I always avoid going out with my parents because I feel like shit with them but I hate myself for it and their disappointed looks break my heart. The only way to escape from reality is my phone, but I started using it too often, watching night after night anime even if I have severe myopia. I constantly feel tired, I have no motivation to do anything, I don't seem to be able to love someone anymore and I really can't see myself in the future. The reason I write this is because today I had a nightmare with that girl and when I woke up my chest was hurting so bad and I screwed up with my parents.\n     If anyone has come so far, thanks again, and sorry about my bad English. I really need some advice : What should i do? How can I escape this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel down for no reason at times, even while being with friends",
    "post_text": "Sometimes I\u2019ll be doing good and having fun with friends and then I just start feeling sad. They\u2019ll usually ask if I\u2019m good and stuff and I say things like \u201cyeah I\u2019m fine\u201d. I don\u2019t really believe myself, and I know they don\u2019t either at times. They tell me they are there to talk if I need, but since I feel depressed for no reason I don\u2019t know what I would say to them. I want to talk about it but all I know is that I randomly feel depressed for no reason, there\u2019s no big event or smaller event it\u2019s just random. What are some things I could talk about? They want to help me and I\u2019d like to receive it, but what am I supposed to do? Just tell them I feel depressed for no reason at times?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how do i ask for help",
    "post_text": "so for a few years now i\u2019ve considered myself depressed but i don\u2019t know how to talk about my feelings to anyone. i tried once to tell my mom that i was \u201cdepressed\u201d, since i\u2019ve never actually been diagnosed, and that i\u2019ve self harmed and had suicidal thoughts. i never actually told her that i was so close to actually doing the deed per say because how do you tell your mom that her child wants to end their life. i\u2019ve spend days laying in my bed and not moving a muscle, not eating, not talking to anyone even my siblings, i didn\u2019t even have the energy to get up to use the restroom. i had no energy whatsoever that i couldn\u2019t even cry i just laid there in silence looking at my wall and hugging my dogs as they walked in and out of my room to sleep. for so long i\u2019ve wanted to ask to go to therapy but anytime i talk about being sad and not feeling like myself my mom and sister tell my that i have no reason to be sad and that i\u2019m just faking it. \n\ni think this all stems from childhood trauma but mostly from a past relationship that never should\u2019ve been a relationship. it was so toxic and the worst first real relationship i ever had. it ruined me mentally and emotionally. the jealousy, the controlling, the emotional abuse, the pain we caused each other, just the whole relationship was horrible and i deeply regret ever getting into a relationship with her. it was always so crazy to me how everyone thought our relationship was perfect and nothing but happiness when in reality it was tearing me apart yet i couldn\u2019t get away from it. maybe i stayed because i didn\u2019t wanna be alone or maybe it was because i liked the attention she gave me, all i know it there was never any actual love in the relationship. it was just lust and the thought of us being together and having a future. \n\ni just don\u2019t wanna be sad anymore. i want to happy like actually happy not just moments of relief and distraction from the pain. how do i tell someone that i want or need help without feeling so vulnerable and embarrassed by my emotional baggage",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hi, I'm 16 and I need help, I don't wanna relapse.",
    "post_text": "Hi, I'm Blake. I've had depression since I was 8 and I started Zoloft and Lamictal at 14. I've had a lot happen to me, I think all of us have. I've been doing better. I quit porn (or I haven't orgasmed to it), I've tried being nicer, and I'm working on being a better person. The issue is...I've been an asshole to my parents as of late..I made my mom cry with how I don't respect her. I've done so many fucked up things in the past, stuff I can't even speak of. I try to forgive myself, but I can't. I just wallow in self pity when I get sad and play the victim. I have been the victim, yet I use it as an excuse at times. I need help forgiving myself for the things I've done, they haunt me every day. I say I'll change, and I do for a while...but then I relapse. I can't accept that I need to feel shitty for the things I've done. I would like some advice, real advice, on how to forgive yourself even after continuously messing up after you say you'll be better. I need help. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "27 yo Male, living with parents, having some family small businesses but personally having insignificant involvment. Dating an older women from other town. What should I do ?",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone,\n\nI think about myself as an old child, unable to launch. Even though I started my own company, and began developing wordpress based websites, I haven't earned much my whole life. I feel like a total s\\*\\*t. For about a month I've met a girl in a nearby city, who is 5 years older than me. She has a stable job with a much better income than mine, but she pays for rent and says that she can't save any money. Both of us are the only children our parents have. She wants a child soon, so she is looking for commitment, but on the other way, she says that she is not willing to limit any of my freedom. I was through a couple of bad relationships and I am not into hooking up randomly and not even dating anymore.\n\nI am very very frustrated and I don't know what should I do. Should I leave my parents, even if they need my help from time to time, take the nothing that I have and move with her? I am not confident, my schedule is a mess, I have a big problem waking up in the morning and I have no idea what to do.\n\nI sometimes wonder if I am semi-retarded, or having some autistic spectrum disorder.\n\nI had problems with weed and alcohol and I incline towards addiction most of the time.\n\nI am stressed out nowadays because I have work which needs to be done, very limited time and little to no money.\n\nPLEASE HELP!!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "21 male, in post-relationship, feeling awful.",
    "post_text": "Hello friends, I've been thinking recently I need to talk about what's going on. I feel like my family members have heard enough of it and they don't really give me the answers or ease that I need. I loved a girl, and she loved me. She had always been dealing with mental health issues. She acted in ways she expected I'd want to facilitate the relationship. In more blunt words, she had sex with me because she knew I wanted it even though it wasn't enjoyable for her. When the issue became clear, and the distance between us bolstered, I became restless. It seemed to me she had stopped loving me. I begged her to get help for the issues, but they were so deeply connected to her life that she was hurt that I would suggest the she could overcome them. We eventually broke up. I don't think either of us stopped loving the other. She hates me now, thinks I'm some kind of asshole life-ruiner. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. It was trauma and sadness preventing her from being happy, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not help her. That was months ago now. I started to distance myself from it all. But I still have dreams of holding her and telling her I miss her. Yesterday, it came back with a vengeance. I cried and pained, looked at her social media, seeing directed passive-aggressive posts. It was really painful. I shouldn't have done it. So I need support. Should I just be pushing through this and moving on? Some part of me wants to fix it and love her again, but I know that wouldn't be good probably. And I know that if I was back with her, I wouldn't feel the love that I am searching for. It just hurts. I dont know how to feel. I just wish I could forget. Any support and advice would be amazing. Just to know that somebody out there recognizes I'm not the bad guy, I wanted her to be happy. But my own needs became my care, and I stopped supporting a person I love because of sex. I will never not feel shitty about that. But it wasn't just sex! It was more than that; it was my physical connection to my SO which is very important to me. Anyway, I'm done. Thank you, friends.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "(18F) I mentally cannot balance Full-time university and work",
    "post_text": "I'm an 18F who is enrolled in university full-time and works around 20-23 hours a week. \n\nI live at home, but I pay bills and not working isn't an option. I have been depressed for two years and when I first quit my job to focus on school my parents got angry and hounded me everyday to get another job.\n\nI feel like I am less of a person because I can't juggle full-time school and work, my coworkers brag about how much they work on top of school and it makes me feel like I'm inadequate because I can't handle my 20 hours.\n\nI work as a pharmacy assistant and it is an extremely demanding job.\n\nI have hobbies and a boyfriend, so it feels like my schedule is always full. I don't mind a busy schedule, but it's hard right now because of the depression.\n\nI just started Sertraline (Zoloft) two weeks ago, so on top of my depression symptoms I think I'm experiencing drowsiness from the medication.\n\nAny help would be appreciated, I feel very deflated right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression-Why is every remedy have a placebo effect on me? And why can it never stay longer then a week?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m talking literally any type of treatment for my depression. Some examples:\n\n-Tried Celexa, the following week the depression had lessened (cuz i had so much faith in this pill cuz it helped my friend) then when it was when it was supposed to start \u201cworking\u201d (they say all antidepressants take at least a month to work) which was around the time my \u2018back to normal depressed me\u2019 depression came back. Of course they would sometimes up the dose just to see, but it never had the same impact as the first few days did.\n\n-Tried Ashawagandha & Holy basil (adaptogens) & felt relief of anxiety for a few days, then back to same old GAD self (cuz i have faith in natural remedies)\n\n-Tried yoga & exercise, but hard to keep up with when i\u2019m too depressed & anxious (& it\u2019s freezing out) to leave the house . i\u2019d workout more in my house if the ceilings weren\u2019t so low & i had more privacy (i hate being watched, yes even if someone\u2019s in the other room doing their own thing & not even looking at me) \n\n-Tried eating more healthy (not saying i eat unhealthy), felt good for like a meal then nothing, but i\u2019m such a picky eater it\u2019s hard to always eat \u2018the right stuff\u2019 \n\n-Tried Positive affirmations, about 1/15 times it can give a little relief, but nothing that a deep breath couldn\u2019t do\n\n-Tried deep breathing, helpful to slow down breathing when anxious but extremely hard to remember to do\n\n-Tried (& still trying) therapy, but i\u2019ve had multiple therapists & after a bit it just turns into a chore/exhausting to continuously bring up like \u201cyep, today i get to bring up my depression again & remind myself of all the bad stuff yet again\u201d.\n\nidk i\u2019m feeling quite hopeless.\nand the most frustrating part is that since i\u2019m literally thinking my way into something working, like why can\u2019t i just do it myself? or like why doesn\u2019t it stay? i really don\u2019t understand ..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Frustrated with being moody and little things making me enraged and feel hurt.",
    "post_text": "Frustrated with being moody and little things making me enraged and feel hurt. Just now first  comcast went off line while I was seeing if I could fix a computer problem with chill ambience going.   Fam gave me a 3 pack of some CBD carts to try because last time one of them pulled me out of my funk. First the fucking batter won't stay working. Then one cart I was looking forward to trying was so thick to not quite work, THEN fall appart. Just in a place of I don't care, running out of fucks to give.  And what the fuck did I do to deserve this.I just want to have a under ground cave and not have the fuckery the fucking fucking cock fucking shit fucks beet me the fuck up up any more. \n\nI despise comcast, I can't wait till their ceo is on a bed with a rare issue and the company to implode so as Karma can do it's magic.\n\nBut I also miss the balanced me, the much less toxic feels broken and hurt me.\n\nI guess the world can go fuck it self\n\nI don't want to be an adult anymore, I want to be back in the 80s--about 10. maybie i'll go back being like that. I guess I'll need some chucks and a a fuckton more money. Anyone have a pigybank and crayons? Pigybank for money to by pizza and antacid, crayons to draw with.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm nothing without my medication.",
    "post_text": "Hey, i'm Bradley. I'm turning 16 close to the end of this year. This year's exams that are upcoming are really, really important and will determine my near future. It's stressful, but I always avoid getting stressed. Here's where the first problem comes in: when i'm not stressed, I don't worry about the exams. So in the end, there's completely no effort when the day comes.\n\nMedication started about a month or two ago. So far, i've missed some days and yes, my psychiatrist knows. I won't elaborate on my problems but basically I have been diagnosed with depression after close to 3 years of suffering in silence. And it has been tough. Seeking help didn't relieve me that much, but it did. My mood changed a little, i'm kind of more positive in terms of my everyday life. Just school, sports and home. A cycle.\n\nEverytime there's signs (which are triggers, but i'm afraid of telling my teachers or psychiatrist because i'm just too scared to) i'm always getting into that depressive episode. I get easily angry, especially to my friends and I tend to be impulsive during these \"anger moments\". \n\nIt's tough dealing with depression. Really tough. Medication just makes it seem like I can't handle things on my own, and drugs are needed just for my mood to get better (I mean, when I was a child it was so easy to be happy, why not now?). I seem to never forget that without medication i'd be dead. I don't know if I should see it that way or whether I should take things on my own. It's masculinity, right? If we could handle this, we're stronger than others, right?\n\nPeople always tell us that it'd be better if they understood what I was going through, but must I really tell _everyone_ that I have depression?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Therapy is too hard i don\u2019t know what to try next because there is nothing out there that can help me.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s way too difficult. I can\u2019t do anything i\u2019m supposed to be doing. I can\u2019t take deep breathes when i\u2019m feeling anxious because it feels like i\u2019m suffocating myself. I can\u2019t let something go because i don\u2019t understand what that means with thought because reoccurring thoughts are always present. I can\u2019t get past anything because my mind is too fucking powerful and only wants to feel terrible. I\u2019m useless, hopeless, & this is all pointless. I\u2019m at rock bottom and there\u2019s nothing left to help me. \n\n\nI wish i could just give myself amnesia so i could start fresh, because i can never start fresh because of all i\u2019ve experienced",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Wife Said she didn't Love me anymore, Im trying to fix things, she wants to work this out but I keep doing things to push her away. My Depression is crippling my work and my life right now. I need help.",
    "post_text": "I won't get into too many details, But My Wife (F26) Said that she doesn't love the person I have turned into, she told me things she doesn't like about me and Im trying to fix them. She Broke my heart this last week and my Brain is trying everything it can to hold on to her. I have made leaps and bounds as far as improving what she wanted but It leaves me needy and feeling worthless. I used to not text her that much but after all this I can't stop thinking I need to talk to her. I don't have friends, I need to see a therapist but Im waiting for them to approve my insurance. I need to know everything will be okay, that my life isn't over and that things will get better. We have a 6 Month old son and It breaks my heart to know that he might grow up with his parents not together and loving each other. I just need something or someone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am the problem",
    "post_text": "It was always me who didn\u2019t fit in.People don\u2019t like me and I don\u2019t understand why. No matter what I do, I\u2019ll always be an outcast, I\u2019ll be always made fun of. There\u2019s something about me that other people hate.\n\nI push people away.\n\nI\u2019m 21 years old and I never had real friends. At 13 I lost all of my friends and I haven\u2019t made new ones.\n\nI missed out on life. On those first experiences, parties, all of the fun that teenagers do. I don\u2019t even feel comfortable talking to men, because I never had male friends\u2026\n\nI have never been invited to a party. I have never smoked or took alcohol\u2026 I never spoke with someone other than my relatives on phone or skype\u2026\n\nIt\u2019s hard for me to make friends now, because of lack of these experienced. Everyone has their friend group from high school, but I was bullied in middle and high school\u2026.\n\nRecently, my 17 cousin laughed at me because I\u2019m a virgin.\n\nIt\u2019s true. I never had the opportunity to explore, because I had no one to explore things with\u2026\n\nAnd it hurts me, because I have no idea how to flirt with men or even keep a relationship.\n\nRecently, I was texting this guy and he weirded out that I never had sex or kissed someone\u2026My lack of experience pushed him away\u2026\n\nWithout these necessary experiences it\u2019s hard to be accepted\u2026. \n\nI feel like hanging myself.\n\nHelp.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hey \ud83d\udc4b Deserving Positive Treatment",
    "post_text": "I got out of a really shitty relationship and now I\u2019m trying to put myself back together. \n\nI think one of the most difficult things I face with depression is not feeling like I deserve anything. I was on the r/listenandvent chat room and I asked for hugs\u2014virtual hugs, yes, but even the act of asking for something made it easier for me to accept any sort of affection. \n\nI would like to know how to convince myself that I deserve things, emotionally?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it worth trying more anti-depressants?",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone,\n\nMy depression has been out of control over the last year. It's always been bad, but this was the first year where I woke up nearly every day thinking about suicide. I've been seeing a therapist for more than a decade and over that time I've been talked into anti-depressants several times. And without fail none of them helped. \n\nProzac, Solexia, Welbutrin, and another I'm blanking on all had no positive effect and untenable sexual side effects. This past year I tried Effexor and had to quit after a month or so because it made me feel emotionally numb and I felt no fear or concern about my growing desire to end my life. Now I'm very apprehensive about even trying another SSRI/SNRI\n\nAs of a few days ago I made one last try at maybe getting the Spravato treatment. But because I live in the world's richest third world country(the U.S.), all of my prior SSRI experiences mean nothing. The insurance company requires that I endure at least 3 immediate attempts with drugs they want to cover before they even consider honoring the insurance that I pay them for.\n\nHas anyone similarly developed this apprehension towards antidepressants and eventually found one that worked? I was given a list of more modern SNRI's and I'm fucking terrified that they'll make me feel like he last one and I'll give in and do it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help *TW, self harm thoughts*",
    "post_text": "Hi. I'm on mobile so I'm sorry for any issues. I've never even looked at this sub, I just needed to find something because I have nobody to talk to so I used the search bar. I've never admitted any of this out loud. I've never typed them to anybody either, just in the memo section on my phone, where I keep a diary in case I end up killing myself. \n\nI'm not technically suicidal, I'm not trying to find ways to kill myself. I just want something to happen to me so I can just die. I'm currently on a road trip with my kids (two sons, ages 3 and 1) and my parents. We're on our way back to our home state, my husband is there. I want to get out of the car to pee or something at a rest stop and get hit and die on impact, I don't want anything to happen to my parents or my kids.\n\nI've been having thoughts like this for a long, long time while walking or driving alone. I never have them when I'm with other people. \n\nI have been diagnosed with severe depression, generalized anxiety, and PTSD from childhood trauma, and have gone to a therapist and a psychiatrist. I was on an anti-depressant (Zoloft) but had to stop as it was causing me to have stroke symptoms. \n\nI feel like none of my friends give a shit. I'm aware this could be my mental illness telling me this, but I can't help it. Nobody ever asks me how I'm doing, and I ask them every day. I message or call them immediately after they post a concerning status on Facebook, check on them on anniversaries of loved one's deaths, etc. Nobody asks how I'm doing unless I stop replying to them for over a week (which I have done twice over the last year by muting all notifications from messaging apps when I'm particularly depressed and can't handle anything else). When I post in group chats about something I'm done or my sons have done, I feel like somebody always has something happen right then and whatever I've shared gets ignored. I've stopped telling people about my life and venting, and nobody has asked. \n\nThings have been stressful at home. My husband lost his job in the summer and neither one of us has been able to find a job. We were denied for government assistance, but my husband gets payment from the VA and unemployment.\n\nBecause of this stress, my husband and I fight all the time. We love each other, it's just so hard. I feel like if I told him about all this it would just add to his stress.\n\nI've thought about putting myself on a psychiatric hold but I haven't. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have nobody to talk to. I have a suicide diary in my phone. I've attempted before (when I was 16, so almost 10 years ago). I don't want to commit suicide, I just want something bad to happen to just me and I die. I know this is wrong and not a good sign, I know I need to see a therapist and get on more medicine but we have no insurance.\n\nI can't help but feel obnoxious, like a burden, unwanted, unloved, like I'm just being used, like I'm a terrible wife and mother. I even wrote in my suicide note that if I'm ever found dead, to cremate me and throw me in the trash. I don't want to die necessarily because of my boys and my husband, I love them more than anything. I just can't help these thoughts and I feel terrible about it. And my husband has no idea, and neither do my boys. I just want to feel like I'm enough, I guess. I don't even know if this makes sense. Thank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m too fucking stupid",
    "post_text": "When I was a kid, up until 2nd grade I went to a private school and I was at the top of my grade up until 3rd grade where I missed most of the year due to traveling. I ended up in a charter school, and ever since then, I lost most of my social skills and I started to get failing grades. My grades got so bad, in fourth grade I had all F\u2019s. The thing is, my parents never held me back even though I needed to be, because I would\u2019ve seemed like an embarrassment. I kept trying my best, and up until high school rn, I\u2019m still struggling and failing classes. Here\u2019s the twist though, I always got the highest air test scores in my grade. Idk what to do or if I\u2019m stupid or what. I want to go to college and make my parents proud, but I feel too dumb. What am I supposed to do...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why can't depression ever be gone forever?",
    "post_text": "Hi, sorry i still dunno how reddit work yet. I just joined and it's  my first time talking about such stuff online. I've been diagnosed  with depression and few other stuff few years ago and i had treatement and such until i felt better but whenever i got into an argument with family i could feel it crawl back in me. Up until now I've  been strong enough to overcome those small situations. And even tho i feel better most of the time i can feel it whenever i'm sort of reverting back to it. Like i start to go out less and less, i stop talking to people online and irl and answering the phone becomes a hard task.. then i start to distract myself by bingewatching shows so i don't leave space to thinking, i don't/can't sleep at night and i have a hard time remembering things i just did or dont realize I've done them. And i like  reading but it becomes hard like i can't focus and i end up skipping lines or read without remembering/understanding what i just read. The more i stay home the harder it is to get out. Anyway that's how i know shit is getting serious. Other than that i sometimes have a hard time swallowing food the doctor said it was anxiety a lack of magnesium and having supplements did help but anyway. Two days ago came back home i was in a good mood i brought sweets for everyone at home except i fould out novody was there. I have a kitten at home i brought it recently about two months ago. it's  5 months old and it still pees in the wrong spots when it's  far from its litter. The past few weeks it peed 3 times on my blanket and i had to take it get cleaned everytime. I barely got to use it so this time i had put it in a closed room so the cat cant get to it. But a cousin of mine opened the room to feed the cat there and my father had taken away the litter out of the room because that's  what he does .. whatever he likes basically. Anyway when i came back i found the door open and pee on the blanket that i had just taken out of from cleaning a night before and put aside away from the cat but there it was dirty again. I got mad. And i couldn't get angry at anyone. I felt like even when i did my best to avoid something it happened again. And i burst crying pretty dramatically.. i felt devastated. I mean i know it's a ridiculous way to react but i went from good day to worst day ever for a stupud reason in no time and i couldn't  stop laughing for a while. I guess i felt frustrated or idk but i kept muttering stuff and couldn't  stop crying. And when i calmed down about half an hour later i was worried i had reacted this way before when i wasn't  feeling well but i didn't think id react that way now. I thought everything was fine. Now i just don't know if i really am. The only reason i can think of as the source is that I'll be taking classes again after almost a year now I've failed my last high school year twice in the past when my depression  was really bad and after that and therapy i felt good enough to study again i stopped highschool  i chose a different institute i studied for two years and my grades were good for the two years ive been studyingi passed the final exam but half way through the end year project i just gave up. I don't  know if i can blame my mental health for it or if i just turned into a self sabotaging  person or just that it wasnt what i really wanted to do bur i was driven by the fact that i dont have a choice so i just did it. After that i stayed out of school for about a year doing half time jobs and now i want to try something different again. I'm  afraid that's  the cause but i don't  want it to be i just wanna finish what i start this time. This thing is already going on for too long. I'm  not sure what I'm  asking you here. But i guess i want an opinion or advice. I'm worried i can't tell when I'm  not ok until symptoms get physical and how am i supposed to deal with that.. what if it affects how i deal with stuff negatively  and I'll  only be aware of it when it's  too late. Anyway.. thanks for reading until the end i appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Kind of an Emergency, at the very least I need some info hopefully from others who've had it happen.",
    "post_text": "So I've been taking Wellbutrin and affexor I think they're both called for about a year now. They've helped alright, but I've heard that if you just stop them you can get sick. That's what the nurse at my therapy/medication office said to my therapist anyway. I have one last dose tomorrow and I don't have money to buy more even if the jackass nurse that I talked to today can figure out how to send the prescription out. What am I in for? I'm not sure when I'll be able to take them again but I'm a little nervous to be honest and I don't want to get over anxious about it and make it worse.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": ":( friendzoned by a super nice, cute sassy geeket I like.",
    "post_text": "(cross posting)\n\nThis really cool geek babe I like oh so friend zoned me :( She has a bunch of health issues, but she's easy and fun to talk to. Asked her if she had seen Jumanji 2 (not yet), so me being me simple said: oh! would you want to? or not you and the Kiddo's thing? (Really busy right now....)\"Ah! ok...well that's fine, can get together some other time\" ( Sorry just have a lot happening right now..\" (sigh friend zoned!).\n\nI don't know if it's PTSD, or one to many relationships gone south...I do totally respect her limits, even though she's hella pretty, just sucks a fat one to get friend zone.\n\nI wish I knew how to express something apropiate. Even though it sucks a fat dick. She has amazing eyes and a cute smile, and makes me laugh till my ribs hurt...but friendzoned is friendzoned :( (I'llbe in my corner moping also because I still would find it totes most to hang out some despite having wounded pride)\n\nMan I aint never getting a someone seems like :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling so down and beating myself up for mistakes",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t feel like talking about whatever is going on in my post since it might be too long. So to simplify it: I made a mistake asking someone from a laptop repair shop to back up files onto a hard drive. I didn\u2019t think too much about what I did so of course I wasn\u2019t surprised when my parents were mad at me. I tried to fix the situation by calling and texting to let them know of the situation. Then my mom just starts calling me out and calling me names cause I kept making mistakes. I get that I don\u2019t think through things sometimes and it gets to me, but my mom really tried to drag me through the dirt cause she thinks so highly of her golden child compared to me. It got to me and I fought back verbally. I was so mad at her at that moment and couldn\u2019t believe the things that she said.\n\nI\u2019m now sure that whatever my mom said is going to and will affect me. I just barely have the motivation to do anything at the moment.\n\nAs you can tell, I\u2019m probably not doing so well and would be down to talk or chat with someone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a 14 almost 15 year old that lack confidences and have very low self esteem. Plus hate my appearance and it ruins my life.",
    "post_text": "I just realized people try their best just to avoid talking to me especially at school. I often get ignored and pushed aside from my classmates during anything. Even the teachers and staff won't give me the light of day, when i need it most. Also comparing myself to others to the point where it's an obsession. I can't stop! Some of my classmates & friends have features that i desire: curves, pretty faces, & lighter skin colors. (But sadly can never have without plastic surgery) They are highly praised and make me feel ugly. Multiple people on multiple occasions have told me that I'm ugly and don't want to be caught dead standing beside me. It makes me believe them even when i tried multiple times to disregard it. My self esteem and confidences just drowned within a couple of days. NEED HELP (14 almost 15 )",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does it get better",
    "post_text": "I'm still in school and my life is a peace of shit everything is falling apart, my girlfriend just broke up with me and people are saying that I should just kill myself.\n\nI've thought about killing myself and even tried but failed. Nobody takes me seriously anymore, I told my friend that I've known since 4th grade that I want to die, and he laughed at me.\n\nI don't know if it'll ever get better expecially since I have no one to talk to.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feel like friends don\u2019t like me",
    "post_text": "Made some friends at the end of December last year I think and now they won\u2019t even talk to me...so I\u2019m probably not gonna go to the pride thing anymore tbh it\u2019s not fun and whenever I do go and my \u201cnew friends\u201d just leave me to go do their own things and when I tried to ask Jess to go the the ball thing with me she instead ignored me and chose someone else so don\u2019t think I\u2019ll be going to that either...\n\nI just feel like if they really were my friends they wouldn\u2019t be ignoring me all the time...and basically I feel extremely upset and depressed about it and been crying again because I thought I finally found some good people to be friends with but apparently that\u2019s not the case as per usual",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m a depressed first responder and I need advice on how to get better.",
    "post_text": "Im 26 and for the last 2 years I\u2019ve been suffering from a persistent feeling of sadness, inadequacy and loneliness. The problem is, I shouldn\u2019t be. I finally achieved my dream of being a police officer and I couldn\u2019t be happier at work. But that\u2019s where my happiness ends. When I\u2019m not at work the feelings of sadness come back and I\u2019m a recluse. I don\u2019t really have any friends to speak of, I\u2019ve gotten fat, I don\u2019t have a girlfriend and I never leave my house. None of my past hobbies interest me anymore. \n\nFor a long time I ignored the symptoms because it\u2019s such a taboo in my field. But I finally realised that\u2019s not helping. I want to get better but I want to do it on my own terms. Not just seeing a therapist. What can I do to get better by myself?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "feeling very weak",
    "post_text": "I'm extremely passionate and hardcore about my career, but I'm a carbon copy of my mother. Just like her, I'm starting to develop and have problems dealing with depression. The city I go to college in is ugly and amplifies my depression ten fold. I'm about to start my last semester, but my dad wants me to transfer to another college in the same area to get a bachelors in my field. I don't feel like I can handle the upcoming semester, let alone two more years of this. Never got suicidal thoughts until I started living there (Milwaukee). People tell me to keep my chin up and just look at the bright side of things, but it's impossible. Everything makes me so unhappy. I really really want to just skip out on the bachelors, but it would disappoint my parents (and myself, admittedly).  I don't know what to do to balance out all the despair.  \n\n\nThings im already doing/about to start doing listed below, suggestions very welcome:  \n\\- exercising with ring fit (about to, just got the game)  \n\\- playing switch games (figured itd make me happier to finally buy a switch)  \n\\- spending a lot of time with my friends  \n\\- painting and sculpting  \n\\- drawing  \n\\- roleplaying  \n\\- cooking (sometimes)  \n\n\nWhat are more things I can do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression hopelessness mixing with anxiety?",
    "post_text": "A lot of days, as the day comes closer to ending (this happens much more in the winter months) I get this most uncomfortable feeling that sets in. It\u2019s almost like anxiety, but it\u2019s more emptiness. Nothing changes the feeling besides going to sleep and waking up the next day with distractions like a to-do list or a new set of tasks for the new day.\n\nThis feeling is so intense that it has made me leave social events prematurely and leaves me in tears multiple times a week. It\u2019s boredom with life and anxiety that I\u2019ll never live a life without this feeling. \n\nAnybody else get this sadness?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "If I keep telling myself Im not depressed, will I be better?",
    "post_text": "I was prescribed prozac last week, but what if I'm not depressed?\n\nI'm saying this because Yes, I'm feeling down, but that's because I'm a piece of shit and I know it. I'm not pessimistic but rather I see myself objectively and I know I'm shit.\n\nI don't wanna be a pathetic as fuck so I want my situations to change and prescription won't be able to do shit. Psychiastrists and counselors won't be able to do shit because the problem is on me.\n\nSo back to the title, if I keep telling myself that I'm not depressed, will I be better and be able to gather strength to be someone better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Fantasy brings me much more pleasure than reality, so how can I enjoy life again?",
    "post_text": "I've been struggling with depression for +10 years, and I'm at a point where I'm ready to just throw my hands up, and give up trying to find joy in the real world anymore. I've always turned to some form of escapism as a coping strategy, whether it's gaming, cartoons, or even just watching random YT videos. Now, I feel like I would just be happier if I could live in that escapism all the time. If there was a way I could just spend my life sleeping and dreaming all the time, I would.\n\nEven my therapist has acknowledged that life won't be as much fun as living in a gaming world or watching cartoons, so what's the point? So far, the main answer seems to be \"you just have to do it.\" I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna live either. I'm convinced nothing would make me happier than if I were to live in my own head.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression after graduating university",
    "post_text": "I graduated from university a few months ago and am in limbo back home with my parents. I am supposed to be applying for jobs but I feel completely paralysed with fear. I have always suffered from incredibly low self-esteem.\n\nMy parents are really critical of me so I have started avoiding seeing them and just spending my time in my room alone. Friends are all busy with work and university. \n\nI feel incredibly low. I have not left the house in 11 days now and can barely muster up the energy to brush my teeth and shower each day. My days have no structure and I just eat junk food as I feel too lethargic to prepare proper meals for myself. Each day I wake up late (11am-ish) and then count down the hours until 7pm when I can start getting ready for bed again. Getting into bed is perhaps the highlight of my day as it means another day of my life is over with. \n\nMy mum just came in my room and told me I need to sort myself out. She finds it all pathetic and is angry at me. I get it. But that is not what I need. Can she not see that I am not well at the moment?\n\nI also have been suffering with anxiety. Everyday there is something new to worry about. Yesterday I thought I had breast cancer, a couple of weeks ago it was cervical cancer, etc. Even applying body lotion to my arms I am scared I am going to see a dodgy mole.\n\nI just feel so hopeless. But I get these brief moments of sadness when I think to what I was like this time last year. I was in university, surrounded by friends, top of my year, genuinely springing out of bed to go to university. I don't know how it went bad so quickly.\n\nI know I can turn it around. Sunday night I prepared a simple to-do list to just look for jobs and identify three I wished to apply to. A simple task which breaks down the scary process of job hunting down to tiny steps but it is Wednesday and I still have not done that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm starting to feel a lot of pressure to have sex from my friends and it's really gotten into my head",
    "post_text": "I (16m) have depression and can't really manage a relationship or strong romantic attractions anymore. Like any other 16 year old guy I want to have sex, but I don't want to just do a hook up or a one time thing with someone who doesn't mean anything to me. I really only want to have sex with someone I'm really emotionally attached too, and I also want my first time to be with someone else who hasn't done it yet. I kinda just assumed that sex would come in it's own time until I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago, where now I'm being told that I should avoid relationships for the sake of my mental health. She was also the one who demeaned me for not having had sex before and sorta the reason I need it to be someone else's first time too. She basically made fun of me for not having had sex before, and I never really cared about losing my v-card, but now I'm thinking about how belittled I feel knowing that I haven't had sex whereas many of my friends have and now I notice all of them sorta expect me to have it as well, and even though I want it to be special and real they still see me differently for not having had it (some context-my friends are also fucking nerds and it is beyond me how any of them have had sex yet). I guess I'm looking for advice or consolidation, but I just don't really know what to do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I tell my friends and family that I am depressed?",
    "post_text": "I am 21 years old, I\u2019ve been dealing with depression ever since high school but never discussed it with anyone until this year. Last semester I visited my school\u2019s counseling center because I just felt so shitty. \n\nMy depression comes in waves, so it comes and goes (which is partly the way I\u2019ve been able to hide it for so long) but when It\u2019s bad I spend hours just convincing myself to shower or brush my teeth. I feel so unmotivated and unhappy. \n\nI finally saw a counselor and explained everything I have been feeling and she suggested that I see a psychiatrist. I really want to because I don\u2019t know if I can get through another episode and I feel one coming on soon, but I don\u2019t know how to tell my mom that I need to see one. I am still on my parents insurance plan so they will find out regardless. \n\nI just don\u2019t know how to tell my parents or my friends. I don\u2019t want to come off as lazy or sad and I definitely don\u2019t want them to treat me differently.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "(22F) Under the poverty line, don't know how to apply for assistance or what I would qualify for, need help navigating the system because my head keeps spinning (NOT asking for money, just need help getting some)",
    "post_text": " \n\n((I'm new to reddit, and this is a throwaway account, so please forgive me if I committed any reddit faux pas))\n\nI need help- not direct financial aid, but help navigating the system. I know I should qualify for financial help, but I have no idea how to go about it or which programs to pursue.\n\nI'm scraping by, deep in student loan & hospital debt that I can't afford to pay because I can barely make rent, trying to save up for a super-cheap, used, under $1,000 car so I can get a better job (I currently work retail part time and take painting & illustration commissions part time), but I'm exhausted even working the few hours that I do (thanks, brain). I've been struggling with depression & anxiety since my freshman year of college (2015), culminating in a suicide attempt & an involuntary stay in a mental hospital a little over two years ago. I can't afford counseling, and I can't get medication without a car. It's been a while since I've been on meds. Not sure I would be able to afford it if I could reach it. I was raised in a cult-like Christian conservative homeschooling home, so until college I was very isolated from modern culture, \"common\" sense, and a normal view of the world. Because of this, I have no idea how social programs work. I'm still scrambling to figure out how the normal world works. I tried applying to Modest Needs, was told I made too little to qualify, started looking at government programs, and got just absolutely completely lost.\n\nAny suggestions for ways to make/earn/get money welcome as well, just keep in mind I don't have a lot of energy at the moment...\n\nHas anyone who's had similar struggles in the past have any advice? Any resources? A suggestion for a place to start?\n\n...\n\nOther possibly relevant details about me:\n\n\\-I know that my income places me solidly under the poverty line\n\n\\-I think I may have ADHD or something similar but have never been evaluated for it\n\n\\-I was \\*\\*\\*VERY\\*\\*\\* briefly homeless, slept in a tree at one point and in my car (had to sell) another, but there's no documentation of that (it was remarkably short, I'm very lucky)\n\n\\-I live in California & I am a US citizen\n\n\\-I am cis, pansexual, female, & white as a ream of printer paper\n\n\\-I was disowned & cut off by my family for religious reasons\n\n\\-I have some, small documentation of my mental illnesses, but because of those same mental illnesses, I can't make it to a doctor often, so the paper trail is inconsistent, spotty at best\n\n\\-I was in college 3 years, was in my senior year (I brought in credits) when I ran out of money and had to leave, never graduated\n\n\\-I pay rent under-the-table, I don't \\*legally\\* reside at the place I live\n\n\\-I have terrible credit- lots of student and medical debt, I've never had a credit card but I've been wondering if getting one might help\n\n\\-I've never applied for any governmental assistance before (aside from scholarships)\n\nI can't think of any other details that might be relevant but feel free to ask any questions, aside from this protective anonymity I'm an open book.\n\nThanks so much to anyone who took the time to read <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Where to go and how to get diagnosed.",
    "post_text": "For years I\u2019ve gone through what I self diagnosed as episodes of depression. They usually last about a month or two of being super down and not having any drive to do anything at all. I\u2019m 21 now and it has been this way since 15 years old.  When I was 17 I told my mom I was depressed and I told my guidance counselor in high school. Nothing came out of that except they sent me to a doctor to get blood drawn for some reason and I was sent on my way because the counselor said maybe I have a thyroid issue. Terrible counselor and terrible doctor. Never went back. Not blaming my mom either I just think she doesn\u2019t really understand what I\u2019m saying I feel. I\u2019ve talked to her about it a lot and she usually just tries to support me and tell me things will get better or \u201cyou\u2019re just in a rut right now\u201d. Which can sometimes piss me off. But she is in no way doubting me or anything like that. She even told me to go see a therapist or doctor. But I don\u2019t know where to go or even how. Who do I go see to get a diagnosis? I don\u2019t want to be brushed off again.  Instead of trying to self analyze my problems and try to treat them my own ways I\u2019d like to finally get closure and see if I really am depressed, or something else, or just dramatic.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hung myself in my closet using a length of cable (failed, obviously) should I go to the hospital?",
    "post_text": "I didn't know where else to ask this, sorry if this isn't the right sub for it. \n\nBut, the title, and it happened a few days ago. My throat has been hurting recently, mainly because I was sick but I'm sure the failure of my suicide attempt didn't help things, should I get myself checked out? I also have what looks to be scabbed over carpet burn splotches on my shoulder, wrist and my knee, but I don't remember rubbing against carpet, could've been when I blacked out though.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I become a person?",
    "post_text": "Ok That might be a weird question but I needed to ask. \n\nI\u2019ve had depression all my life. During early childhood, teenage years, and now as an adult. \n\nHappiness is exhausting. Nothing is relaxing. Everything is just boring. I\u2019m either angry or I\u2019m numb. I don\u2019t even take showers to feel clean anymore. I just take them so I can waste time and feel like I can go to bed sooner.\n\nHere\u2019s my problem. I don\u2019t remember if I developed a personality before my depression took over. I don\u2019t know if I was a real person as a child, or if I was just a puppet or something. \n\nI feel like I\u2019m floating in life and I don\u2019t know how to develop a personality. Does anyone have any ideas at all where I can start? Things that used to calm me down just make me angry and frustrated.\n\nThank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I support the man I'm dating who is depressed?",
    "post_text": "The guy I'm dating has been having a tough week due to two things happening and I think it has triggered his depression (he's told me about his mental illnesses before). Our relationship has been amazing so far but this week he has been really quiet with me and doesn't want to talk, and now it has come to leaving my messages on read. I'm really concerned about him because I don't want him to feel he has to suffer alone, but I also understand that everyone copes with things differently, and perhaps he just needs to get his thoughts in order before talking to me again. \n\nI've sent messages telling him I'll always be there for him and nothing will push me away, and I know how rough it can be because some of my family members also suffer from depression. I've also told him I will give him space to think and get his mind in order and that he can message me anytime he feels like talking, but I do want to keep checking in on him over the next few days to show I'm there for him.\n\nIf anyone else has any advice on how I can support him, then it would be greatly appreciated, thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My boyfriend cheated on me multiple times",
    "post_text": "My boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me multiple times each time I found out and confronted him each time he had been apologetic and he told me he doesn't know why through tears. Each time I've forgiven him and moved on. But this time was different before it was mostly through texts and occasionally kissing. This time I found out he actually had sex with the girl and lied to me until there was no way he could. He promised that it would never happen again and that he never wants to hurt me this way again but even though I want to forgive him and move on I have been having a lot of uncomfortable thoughts and I have been picturing things and although I am still very attracted to him intimately it has been hard not to let it get to me during it. I just dont know what to do I feel myself spiraling and I am afraid.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend (22f) no longer can find enjoyment in things that we always loved doing",
    "post_text": "Me and my girlfriend are huge music fans and a big part of our relationship is going to gigs. We used to go to a gig almost every week and it was always really good bonding time. She has depression / anxiety but she was pretty comfortable in gig enviroments as long as she has some personal space.\n\nFor a couple of months she has seemed more awkward less excited when going to gigs. We went to a show last night of a band she really loves, and she seemed uninterested / unhappy throughout the show. On the way home she admitted to me she doesn't feel any excitement for going to any shows at the moment she doesn't know why and is sad / frustrated as it was one of her favourite things. She says she feels panicky and stressed to just be there.\n\nIt's hard to understand what could've triggered this big change and i don't know what i can do to help her. It's hard to know how to make her happy if she doesn't seem to get enjoyment out of anything. She says i'm the only thing keeping her going which is really hard to hear and feels like a lot of responsibility.\n\nIf anyone can share any ideas or advice or similar experiences i would greatly appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like my head is going to burst",
    "post_text": "Everyday. I only get peace a few minutes till I fall asleep everynight\n\nIt's not normal that I can't get out of bed . It's not normal that I drag myself thru the day. It's not normal that I cry everyday in the bathroom. \n\nI have my dad's health issues due to diabetes and surgery. Bills piling up. But this would be handleble if it was not for the stress of my work. \n\nI feel the weight of the days just pushing pushing against me it is so painful. Please . Make it stop",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can you be depressed and not suicidal?",
    "post_text": "I know its probably a stupid question but I really dont know.\n\nIve had symptoms of depression for a long time, and ive moticed them because friends of mine have been diagnosed for the same things but my friends have all had suicidal ideations at one point or another so I have this mental wall in my head that I cant ask for help because im not really depressed unless im suicidal too.\n\nIs it worth me going to the doctors and seeing what they can do or will they really just not do anything unless im a risk to myself like ive read online?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I keep making this mistake over and over and I want to stop.",
    "post_text": "I just want to stop doing the same things over and over. Today I got out of bed and forced myself to go study with some friends, but about an hour in I just started hating myself and wanted to remove myself from my group.  Now I have fallen into my same hole and pushed them away once again. It\u2019s not like it matters at all because this time I did it silently. They didn\u2019t react or notice. I don\u2019t matter in the slightest to anyone and it\u2019s kinda sad. I know I should only care that I think I matter, but that thought is not currently something I am capable of.  I just want help to not keeping pushing people out and ruining every situation I\u2019m in.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just realized I'm very depressed but I don't know why.",
    "post_text": "Before today, I didn't even know or even seriously consider that I may be depressed. To me it just seemed normal, and probably due to the gradual increase of the severity I simply didn't connect the dots.\n\nFrom what I can recall it's been going on since I was around 12, back in 2014. First I remember becoming quite lazy and finding getting anything done an incredibly hard challenge. I thought it was just because I was a teenager, and lazyness is a normal teenager status. Then I started having a lot of anger issues, I'd get pissed off for the most minute things, I had an incredibly short fuse but I just thought it was also normal teenager behavior. Eventually I managed to suppress those explosions so they'd go off in my head but no one would notice. I started to lose interest in things I used to enjoy a lot, like math, and went from reading 30 books a year to reading 0 last year.\n\nI think I was around 15 when the first suicidal thought occurred. Every time I'd fuck up and get grounded or yelled at, or faced consequences for my actions I'd just think over and over again that I wasn't worth anything. Those thoughts disappeared for some time, but arose back last year. I, again, thought it was normal. I think the reason they stopped is because I was at a relative high in my life, I had entered college at 16 years of age and everyone I knew was proud of me, and I felt good about myself. Or so I think I thought.\n\nI feel like I can speak for any teenager out there that mastubating is normal. Yet I'm not sure when, it became a daily thing, and then 2 or 3 times per day. Also I stopped showering, I don't even know why. I just didn't. I'd go into the bathroom, turn on the water and just sit on the toilet looking at it or my phone. I stopped cleaning my room and then stopped washing my clothes. I'd wait till the last pair of underwear, maybe reuse it a few times and then wash enough clothes for a week, while months of clothes were piled up. My dandruff got much worse, and the suicidal thoughts came back every once in a while. Not sure if it's got anything to do with this but I started driving really aggressively, well past the speed limit even after a ticket, something I didn't do when I got my license. Lastly, I've always been very thin, as a male I still weighed around 120lbs ish. Now I'm around 130, which I know is still nothing, and I don't think I'm fat or anything like that, but I'd never in my life gained weight, and suddenly I was 10 lbs heavier in a matter of a few months. All of this paragraph started around the same time.\n\nToday I was talking to a friend of mine over the phone and for some reason he just asked me: \"are you depressed?\" Which left me thinking, yet my college classes distracted me for enough time. Today at dinner my mom finally lashed out over my lack of hygiene, it's then that I realized I haven't showered in months, nearly a year of sometimes washing my hair or just standing under the water every once in a while.\n\nI showered and it dawned on me that I, probably have depression. The mere realization made me cry more than I've cried in years. I read all about \"seek help\" and \"tell your parents about it\" but I'm kind of ashamed to admit it. They've given everything to provide for me and my sister, and I've got all the ingredients for what I'd assume is a normal and functioning life. It feels like I have no right to be feeling like this when there's people who have it much worse than me.\n\nIm posting it here because I need anonymous support. I'm not yet ready to admit it out loud,but I think I'm depressed.\n\nP.S: If this is long, boring, or just hard to read please forgive me, I'm not even sure if I'm thinking straight and I just wrote down everything as fresh off my head as I could.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why the hell is this happening?",
    "post_text": "So let's say I'm elevated and happy the whole day and about to meet my girlfriend tommorow and she cancels because she feels tiered.\n\nMy whole mood goes down down deep in the depths of hell everytime someting slightly bad happends while I'm happy.\nIs someone else experiencing this?\n\nAlso if I'm feeling dreadful and someone invites me to a birthday party  or an event I get hyped and I'm happy until the event ends. And then I'm back feeling like shit and questioning is life really worth it and I'm angry at everything. I'm 16 btw",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Felt like I just should die, even if I don't want to.",
    "post_text": "Hello guys,  \n\n\nIt must be like three days that I'm registered on Reddit (sorry if I say something weird or wrong, english isn't my first language, you can correct me if there is a mistake and you feel like it, that's not a problem I hope) and I was trying to give an advice to \"people\" like just an advice that I believed was good to follow if a person was in a bad situation with someone with wrong intentions someday.  \n\n\nMy point was only to help, and I never said in the comment in question that I've got all the knowledge in the world and that my advice was an order or whatever. But yet, somebody just told me that I should not have said what I said (the advice) because in her case (which was a very bad one, like a situation I hope nobody would live, even if I know that everyday people unfortunately experience it and I had too, but I never said that in my comment or in reply to her because I didn't have to and whatever) and I felt really attacked by her. Because she made me really feel like a bad person, as if I was even coupable of what would have happen to her in the past, and she told that BECAUSE she did not do what I was giving as an advice, she lived. But if she did what I have said, she would have been dead, and she made me feel really guilty about it.  \n\n\nThe point is, that I was just trying to help and she didn't have to talk to me like that. I didn't knew where to post what I am posting right now, because for the record, I've been depressed for more than ten years and I experienced like, almost one time a year (one time could be hours, days, weeks or months) of me feeling like I really should kill myself. And I'm even in one of this episode for a few weeks and everyday I try to help at least one person a day. Not to feel better about myself, but because I want to help as many people as I can and I know that it could help. It might not always work or be the better thing to do in some situations or for some people but I cannot know everybody's lives and everyone's situation and as a highly sensitive person too, I am ALWAYS trying to write/speak in the way of not trying to hurt anyone, to be as kind as possible (I am a kind person actually, so I try to be it even if I feel like I just want to die) and so on.  \n\n\nI was feeling like a total mess last night because of the comments of this girl, because she was really telling me that I was like kind of guilty of giving not any advice but like, I was helping people to get killed in some way. She did not actually say that but I really take it badly and I still feel like, because of what she told me (a total stranger, yes) I treated myself like I was right to believe that I should kill myself because I was just a piece of shit to the world and because I was angry too and really bad, at a moment, by brother tried to told me a joke that wasn't funny and I just talked to him really really badly so he got the impression that I didn't even deserved to be talked to and left. To some point, I've been crying for hours, feeling suicidal, and even went to my mom who just told me to stay away from internet (yes at that point, but it was just some girl on reddit but, still) and I felt terrible because I don't have any real good support anywhere in real life.  \n\n\nI don't even know why I am posting that, I guess I need it out of my chest, and was in research of kind words, and good people. I don't know if anyone would even comment or saw my post, but well. Even if I don't have a plan to kill myself and don't want any of course, I feel like I should die and I am so tired of feeling this way. I know I don't deserve that because I am a kind person and a loving person who cares a lot. I tried to post this on another sub but while I was writing, I guess I just should post it here. I don't know if I have done the best thing, but I have to go, so I guess I will see in the day if anyone would have answer me.  \n\n\nHope you guys have a good day, evening or night. Take care.  \n\n\nAlso, I guess the rules told me to write it was NSFW I hope I did not make a mistake, sorry to do so if I did.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to learn to appreciate the positive gay inclusion and acceptance, and stop letting homophobia and gay exclusion and alienation burden me",
    "post_text": "I am a feminine gay guy. So, not only am I guy, but I like being feminine too in my appearance and behavior. And especially online, I keep on and on and on coming across SO many people against homosexuality, and/or people against men being allowed to be feminine.\n\n​\n\nAnd what I have been using since I was a kid to try to help make me feel better is feel-good escapism in the forms of movies and shows. But as an adult, I can't even use that, since the type of movies and shows I'm interested in keeps excluding homosexuals and feminine guys. And even when they don't, the representation is poorly handled.\n\n​\n\nI love fantasy, I love science fiction, I love superhero stuff, I love animated stuff. Literally only example of a feminine male character I've seen depicted in a good proper way is in the Youtube-exclusive animated show Hazbin Hotel. And, when it comes to a homosexual male romance where you get to see the two males fall in love, share their first kiss, become a couple, and stay a couple without either one of them dying at any point? To my knowledge, it doesn't exist within these genres.\n\n​\n\nBut I try very hard to stay positive, and appreciate what I DO have as opposed to what I dont. I got that Hazbin Hotel character Angel Dust. And I got an openly gay male character in the ParaNorman movie, and in Avengers: Endgame. So, good step in the right direction I suppose.\n\n​\n\nAnd furthermore, people ARE getting more gay-supportive, and more people are encouraging gay inclusion. So rationally, I should know better. But I keep feeling so sad and depressed and tired of life, feeling like there is no escapism properly working for me whenever I feel down. And I just don't know how to deal with it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have something that I don't know the name of",
    "post_text": "Hi, fellas. I will tell my history. I'm writing this at 4:46 AM on January 24, 2020. Well, I think all of this has began at early 2019. Before It all. I has to introduce myself right? My name...Well, I won't tell it. You can call me as you wish. Born early 2000s. I live in Brazil. Let's go. Like I said before, everything has start at all early 2019 (I guess). I start to imaginating me fucking with some people especially my nieces one is a kid and another a baby and I cumming on it. This impacted me...you now? Suicide. But this happen to another people why this impacted me? I imaginated me having a pee pee on my friend's girlfriend. Have a period of time that I imaginated people without their eyes. Actually has periods that I had fear of becoming blind. I don't if is because I have made jokes about a \"friend\" that have one eye blind. He have his moments of stupid speech but this don't justified what I have done. Have a time that I watched Gotham (2014) that Is a tv show. There is a Joker on the series, and for a period I wanted to be him, kill people you know? Why? Why? Why? Have a time in mid 2018 that I was in conflict religiously. I wanted to know that If god or satan really exist. I guess that I've prayed for my mom die? I've prayed to rain? For both? You know now I'm in conflict with the numbers 12 and 18.  My nieces have been born in years that ends there. I don't know what to do. I am racist? I can't have a relationship with women. Well, once I was masturbating and when I was going to thought the name of my niece. Once I was watching porn and remembered of the name of father of my friend. It happens with one of nieces too. I think it's because the father of my friend will become our neighbor (I guess) And I have interect with my niece then this happens. And I always hated to interect with children. And this had happens. I start to hate recently my family. Seems like that the universe want me to die. I had for a period bipolarity once I was happy then sad. I have social anxiety. My life sucks. And I'm only 17. Seems like nothing is real. Some days ago I've dreamed that I was fucking with my mother. This is because that have porn video that have this genre. I start to believe that I would live a 2nd life because I want to be happy but I can't anymore. I must believe that this is a disease/mental illness because If it won't means that... I don't know actually what that means. Help me please. I'm afraid of taking a bus to search for work and lost my self. I read something I think I'm dumb and must die. Well on 5th grade I hit my self with books then... I thought I'll kill myself with overdose. But now any way must work. And more and more world goes crazy I thought kill myself is the best. I f you could help, I'll be grateful. You know what happens with guys like me on prision i saying about what ive imaginated. If you could help, I'll be grateful. I thought if i was in prision i would kill a police guard and laugh just to the others dont hurt me. People says, \"Death shouldn't have to be an option\", read this fucking history about me. Do you think that I have a chance? The shame of having a mental illness unknown, is bigger than me. If you could help, I'll be grateful. Ps: i've written this on my smartphone on my bed. I don't know why I've said this (PS) The imaginations has happen equal to animals, dog. I don't know why but i like me doing cool things, i imaginated me likle satan, lucifer, king of hell, prince. Maybe because i watched lucifer or like devil may cry. Watched dmc5 recently. Every day i think on suicide. I don't know if this is sad. Once on tv i saw a childhood abuse case and i didn't feel empathy (I guess)> Some time I feel empathy principal when i was reading comic books. Even when people are bad with me I imaginated them in a dangerous situation but I feel bad and save them. It happens with my brother. Mom and Papa too. Shame of being a member of my fmaily. Once I start to thing that nobody lilkes me because answered me on facebook. Very well. Then, tell me, I have the right to live?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness",
    "post_text": "It has come to the point in my life, where I just feel lonely. I know that there are people close to me, that there are people who care about me, but sometimes, I just feel lonely. I usually enjoy the feeling of being alone. I love sitting at a bench in the middle of nowhere in the darkest of night, when noone is around and nobody but the stars sees me.\nBut I hate this loneliness... It creeps into me like a dagger, slowly pushed into my heart, wraps my brain and emotions in a blanket of coldness, softly whispering in my ear that I'm alone...that no one really cares about me...\nI can fight against it, I can entertain myself to not feel it. I can figth it by talking to people, by making silly jokes or watching YouTube or playing video games.\nBut sometimes, in the middle of the day, it comes creeping back to me.\nIt seems to be around me all the time, just waiting for the moment, I let my guard down... Just waiting to close its hands around my throat and rip my heart right out of my chest... Dragging me down into an ice cold sea of nothingness and loneliness.\n\nI know this demon of loneliness is wrong. I know, that there are people who care for me and who like me... But still, I don't know how to win against this demon.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate how bad I am at art, but I don't know what to do about it.",
    "post_text": "Hi, so I'm an amateur artist (like REALLY amateur), my art skills suck and despite trying for over a decade I can't seem to improve. Art has always been a passion of mine, as well as something I genuinely enjoy doing (on the extremely rare occasion that I manage to produce a slightly-less-s\\*\\*\\*-than-usual drawing at least) so feeling like my art is stuck at the sub-deviantart level has made me incredibly frustrated and is probably the leading contributor to my depression. It's getting to the point that I'm beginning to wonder if I should force myself to avoid art in general just to keep the self-hatred at bay.\n\nThe problem is that I don't know WTF I'm supposed to do about it. I tried to ignore it for a couple years, tried to tell myself art was just a phase and I wasn't into it anymore, but that didn't work. I've tried multiple methods of improvement; I've taken both private instruction and community college classes, but I seem to have terrible luck as they've all been pretty crap. I feel like I've exhausted all of my options. I haven't tried online classes, but judging by the reviews I've read for places like Udemy and Skillshare I doubt they'd be any better.\n\nI've tried looking for tips online, but all I get is basically the artist equivalent of \"git gud\". It seems like the only option I have left is just practice nonstop for the 20 years and hope I magically improve Saitama-style. Unfortunately, I just don't think I can do that. I've had so many setbacks and failures in my life that I genuinely don't think I have the patience to wait until I'm in my mid-40's before I'm halfway decent at drawing. Even worse, the fact that I'm colorblind and extremely nearsighted (as well as lacking whatever Matrix-vision lets you visualize an object as brush strokes and color values) makes me wonder if practice would even do me any good at all.\n\nAnyways, I've rambled too much. TL;DR - I suck at art, I don't know how to **not** suck at art, and this makes me really f\\*\\*\\*ing depressed.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Alternative Treatments?",
    "post_text": "After almost a decade of therapy and meds, I\u2019m officially \u201ctreatment resistant.\u201d I don\u2019t think I can keep going with how I feel but I don\u2019t want to give up. So I\u2019m looking for alternative treatments to typical psych drugs. \n\nI (21F) have depression (dysthymia, cyclical depression), anxiety (GAD, panic), OCD (with dermatillomania), and PTSD. \n\nI\u2019m currently on Pristiq and Abilify but they don\u2019t work. \n\nSome things I\u2019ve tried: \n\n1. Dozens of prescribed meds: Zoloft, Prozac, Xanax (got addicted), Cymbalta, Buspar, hydroxyzine, bupropion, Trintellix, Wellbutrin, etc.\n\n2. Therapy: talk, exposure, acceptance, etc.\n\n3. Supplements: NAC, l-theanine, caffeine, vitamin B, vitamin D\n\n4. Illegal drugs: mescaline, LSD, LSA\n\n5. Legal drugs: Siberian motherwort, dagga, CBD (not in a legal marijuana state), kava kava (tried today, helped but worried about liver + interactions with other meds)\n\nI can\u2019t afford ketamine therapy. I\u2019d consider microdosing LSD but I don\u2019t have access to it currently. Anyone got any other ideas? I\u2019m kind of at the end of my rope here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to talk to someone you love when they\u2019re in a bout of depression",
    "post_text": "Depression hurts.  I know this, took years to work mine out.  I\u2019m mostly stable now but hubs is struggling.  Been to a couple therapists over the years but never really had any success/found one he could connect to. The few meds he tried made him worse.  He holds it together pretty well most times.  But when he drops he pushes everyone away, yells, and gets very defeatist; it hurts. I often find myself saying and doing the wrong things and making it worse.  I have the kids go to their room and be quiet. Sometimes I get mad at his behavior until it sinks in what his brain is doing. I apologize but it doesn\u2019t take the pain away.  I don\u2019t know how to help him.  I suggest therapy but he poo poo\u2019s me.  He\u2019s getting worse and I\u2019m worried. Advice welcomed.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No energy",
    "post_text": "Do you ever feel like everything takes a huge amount of energy? Like even making myself some food or going to my japanese or pilate class takes soo much effort. I'm always tired and feel like my batteries are empty, and when I think of all the things I have to do I just feel like going back to bed. Even the things I usually like seem so tiresome and I everytime I have to force myself so hard to do them. Reading is the only thing I still enjoy.\nWhen friends or family come over, I afterwards need so much time to just recharge. What can I do to change that feeling? Next month a friend of my boyfriend will stay for a few days and just after that my brother in law will also stay for a few days with his wife and kid, and just to think about it makes me want to cry. I just want to stop being so powerless all the time. To top it all I sleep very badly, overthink everything. I thougt having some outside from work activities would help. I have been in therapy for depression for 15 years and the last two years went really well, so my therapist and I decided to stop. Now I just fear that my tiredness is just a symptom and that it's startig all over again.\nHas anyone some advice? Or ideas? Thanks for your time reading this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "First Therapy session Tuesday",
    "post_text": "Hi...uh... I'm scared.. I tried therapy once and the therapist was rly bad... and uh... I don't know what to do.. I'm very shy and can barely talk to anyone, I don't have many friends in school, and the one I have is leaving soon..\n\nSo my question is, what do I do? What do I say? What can I do to not have a panic attack for this.. I don't know what to do :/\n\nDon't get me wrong, I want medication to be happy and help with anxiety, but the talking is what's making me anxious..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF",
    "post_text": "I HATE MYSELF, I'M STUPID, I'VE GOT NO REEDEEMABLE QUALITIES, I CAN'T KEEP A FRIENDSHIP FOR MORE THAN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES BECAUSE I MAKE STUPID DECISIONS AND I'M PARANOID ABOUT EVERYTHING, I MAKE TOO MANY MISTAKES, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF ME BEING HERE IF ALL I DO IS FUCK UP CONSTANTLY, I'M JUST GOING TO END UP LONELY AND NOBODY WILL FUCKING MISS ME, I'M USELESS I GIVE NOTHING TO THE WORLD, I FUCKING HATE HAVING MENTAL ILLNESS I HATE THIS, HELP ME.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "There's nothing interesting to title this",
    "post_text": "I feel inferior to others, especially my crush whom i asked out and told that i like him. He's so much more confident than me. Next to him i feel like i want to run and hide. No wonder he rejected me. Everybody is better than me. He is in a club, does karate, hangs out with friends and I'm always fucking lazy. I have no funny stories to tell. I do make music but that's very inconsistent and small. I feel small. Constantly listen to videos on self compassion, self love, confidence but i don't do anything with it. \nAnyways i can be proud of myself that I ASKED him out and I TOLD him how i feel.\nHe would never do that.\nGood job me\ud83d\udc4f",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just have no energy to do anything all day every day and feel empty",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m so depressed to the point where I just feel empty. I don\u2019t do anything any more. Just sit in my room mainly. I have exams currently and I can\u2019t study for more than 20 minutes without taking a 4 hour break. Any task that I need to do is dwelled over for hours on end before actually being done. I don\u2019t have any courage, any willpower, any energy whatsoever. I feel lost and don\u2019t know how I can stop being like this. There\u2019s so much other stuff wrong with me I haven\u2019t said here. I\u2019ve also thought about suicide quite a bit. Doubt I\u2019d actually follow through with it, but the thoughts are there.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "jumbled mess/rant? (story + requesting advice idk)",
    "post_text": "I want to see a doctor to get it clear if I have mild depression or something else. However I find it difficult to do so because I don\u2019t know how much it would cost as I\u2019m not financially stable and the culture and country I live in does not see depression well. \n\nI overthink everything. I think that\u2019s a main reason why I self-deprecate. Because of that my self-esteem has dropped over the years that I feel I can\u2019t do anything good. I am rethinking my choice of study whether it was a good decision. I don\u2019t think I am fit to become a childcare teacher. I understand that the principal and \u2018mentor\u2019 are trying to help my future but negative thoughts just keep entering my mind. I should probably go study something different in university... it\u2019s hard to imagine teaching children anymore. \n\nI\u2019ve cut down on using instagram because I know it won\u2019t do me any good seeing how others live their lives. Sometimes it just triggers my overthinking whenever I see their posts.\n\nI\u2019ve been told I think too much, that I think for awhile before I reply when this person just wants to hear my honest answer. I think it kind of frustrates/saddens her because she wants me to vocalise my thoughts and feelings instead of bottling up, but I still do. She says she\u2019s a call or text away but it is so difficult to contact her first because I don\u2019t want to bother her with my problems.\n\nWell I guess I\u2019ll just share these. Sorry if it\u2019s really unorganised, I just needed to get some things out before I have a breakdown.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it possible to survive a breakup having drepression?",
    "post_text": " I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for the past two years. I became a jerk because of it and my ex left me 6 months ago but she wasn't sure. We haven't seen each other in person since then (it was a long distance relationship, so that was expected).\n\nI tried to become a better person, I started therapy and meds (Lexapro 2 weeks ago). But two days ago she sent me an email telling me she doesn't love me anymore, that she's happy without me as a partner. She also told me to stop sending her messages until I move on, that our relationship is over, but she would like to be friends some day. She sounded so condescending and harsh, she also had depression and anxiety, but she started getting better before leaving me. My hope is gone, she forgot about me so quickly now that she's not depressed when a year ago she told me she could love me forever... I doesn't matter anymore. She sees me as a problem in her past.\n\nI'm so hurt and so desperate rn... I'm stuck with her memories and it's all my fault. 6 months like this. I don't deserve anyone. I'm so tired of this feelings, I can't enjoy life anymore and I'm sure my friends are tired of me being sad. I don't deserve them either. I want to kill myself or make it stop.\n\nDid you survive this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "depression ruining my relationship and ability to enjoy things unless im distracted or drunk",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve always been depressed. I\u2019m 26 now and I\u2019ve been dating the same girl for 4 years.\n\nSometimes I love her, i want to marry her, life together, etc.\n\nOther times I imagine myself being happier with someone else. Maybe someone more attractive or with more things in common (note: my gf already quite attractive and we share interests, not necessarily perfectly my type but nobody is).\n\nBut I\u2019ve had this with other things. I\u2019m incapable of Happiness unless I am EXTREMELY distracted, or drunk. or both.\n\nwhen im not distracted, i think about everything. maybe ill never be happy. maybe ill never be skilled enough in my interests and hobbies to satisfy me.\n\nI play competitive games and always want to be on top but its never good enough. when i am working i want to learn everything i can to be successful but it is  ever enough. when im with my gf and start thinking about the \u201cperfect woman\u201d, she is not it. but i mean, nobody is. my ideal \u201cperfect woman\u201d changes all the fucking time, and im not dating a super model anytime soon and even if i was i still would probably find something to criticize about her.\n\nThere is something wrong with the way I think. i think? but idk what to do. I\u2019m always overly critical of EVERYTHING. my appearance is never good enough, my work is never good enough, my foreign language skills are never good enough, my gf is never good enough, my rock climbing skills are never good enough, my home is never good enough, my voice is never good enough. \n\nEVERYTHING is flawed and I hate everything...except for when i am extremely distracted and something has 100% of my attention, or I\u2019m drunk and have to focus 100% of something to even function.\n\nwtf do i do? i love my gf, but i dragging her down. i dont want to curse her with a life of babysitting my emotions, but when she wants to break up with me for being a downer i get even more depressed and beg her to stay because im confident she is the one in that moment.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Could you read me?",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone. I'm 18. I just entered Reddit,and I don't know how to start but I just need to talk about this because I simply can't talk to anyone around me. The text that I'm about to write is going to be very long so I think many of you will not read. Doesn't matter, I just can't take this to myself anymore.\n\n​\n\nSome of the things I will describe might disturb some people. I don't even know if I'm allowed to post this. But here it goes:\n\n​\n\nI'm a male, 18 years old (going to 19 next month) and I have been diagnosed with depression for the last three years. At first, I didn't know really what was the reason for my depression (that's why I always recommend people who don't have a actual reason to be depressed to go to therapy and take a deep look into your life. You might find something that was really hidden in your subconsciousness).\n\n​\n\nWell, that's what I did.\n\n​\n\nI am going to tell the story of my life. For some reason, writing it helps me to process my thoughts. And yes, I want people to read it because I'm just terrible expressing myself in real life, and I just want people to know, but I don't have the courage to tell it in person.\n\n​\n\nOkay. So I was born in Brazil (one of the reasons that I'm writing in English it's because I'm the only one in the family who speaks a little bit of English. So I'm sorry if there's some bad English here). The city that I was born is really violent, which is the reason why my mother wasn't very pleased with the idea of me going to play with other kids in the neighborhood. My father, worked his ass off during the week, but was an alcoholic, and once even tried to kill my mother. Nowadays, he's fine and they're still together. But those days were tough. So, since I was a child I was really close (and sometimes, hyper protected) to my momand the only other child company that I had was my brother, who is 3 years older than me. My brother is gay, and since always have been very feminine, and we used to play imitating pop singers and famous women. So I start to grew really feminine, but pay attention, I'M NOT SAYING THAT THE FACT THAT I WAS FEMININE IS BAD. But when I went to school, the thing was not pretty. I spent the years of 4 - 11 being extremely rejected by my male colleagues and being \"accused\" of wanting to be a woman and being gay. Sometimes I was interested in playing soccer like the other boys, but I knew that I would be bullied Everytime I was feminine (which was all the time). And these \"masculine\" activities would always have been a strange thing for me. My father was really interested in soccer, but never talk to me about it and my mother always rejected soccer (just like every other thing my father liked). My brother... Not interested. But I would still play with him of imitate female singers and sometimes, put a fake dress into us. It was pretty much this dynamic until 2010, when I was 9. My brother and I were still playing this, until, in some moment, he started to touch my penis and put my hands on his penis. I'm not gonna lie, I knew something \"wrong\" was happening, but I didn't actually think about it as sex. I didn't even knew what sex was, until the moment that he lay in the couch and put his penis, expecting me to blow it. Obviously, only now I realised that he wanted me to do oral sex on him, but at the time I didn't really know what he was wanting me to do. So I just stand there, paralized and nervously laughing. Later, he went to my front and put his butt in my penis and start dancing with it. I just felt so uncomfortable but couldn't get out, for some reason. I just remember crying hard at that night, just very disturbed. I just remember this fact very recently, with therapy. Since then it was just blocked from my mind.\n\n​\n\nAt age ten, I didn't wanted to be known as a \"woman\" anymore. But my classmates didn't wanted to accept me as a boy. So I started to become very reclusive. Around that age I discovered horror films. And for the first time, I connected with male figures. It was Michael Myers, Freddy, leatherface. They seem to be treated just like me. And I started to wish to kill my mother. I would play with knives all the time, imagining to be a serial killer. It appeared to be my destiny. Next year, at 11, I receive the shocking news. My mother is pregnant, and the baby is a girl. I was indifferent to the girl until she was born. I'm so ashamed by this but I desired to rape her many times. One day, it was perfect to do it. It was only me and her. It was until I looked to her face. She was just a baby, I couldn't do this to her. I cried so much and I promised to myself that I wouldn't ever cause any harm to that girl. Ever. So I started to repress my admiration for psychopaths, and told myself that I wouldn't ever kill anyone. It seemed like the right thing to do. And it was \n\n​\n\n When I was 13, I tripped to my grandma's house, just like every year. My cousin, who is one year younger than me, was, probably the only boy I ever know that didn't saw anything wrong with me or that way I was.  Actually, I spent the best times of my childhood playing with him. But at 13, something changed. One day, we were together, watching a film. He started to touch my butt and I was uncomfortable, but somehow, I wanted that. He grabbed me and was trying to have sex. I denied several times but he was being violent, almost stroking me. Somehow I liked the violence. I was enjoying that way he was telling me to shut up. I consent to him so anal sex with me. When the violence was over and started the sex it was awful. It was the most unsatisfying experience I've ever had. I couldn't believed what I just did. I just ruined the only healthy male relationship that I had for a disgusting experience. I still didn't remembered what happened with my brother, but I tried to repress this memory as well. I wasn't successful.\n\n​\n\nMe, at 16, didn't saw any good thing in life anymore, and the memory of the sex that I had with my cousin was still in my mind. In therapy, I accepted that experience but it just seemed that something was wrong. Of course, it was around my whole life so it was very obvious: I'm gay. Right, I'm gay. Mom I'm gay. Dad, I'm gay. World, I'M GAY. Now I'm gonna be happy. Except that I wasn't. So I decided: I'm just gonna be happy when I kiss a man. I kissed. Three. And I hated. Once I kissed a girl, but she humiliated me in front of the whole class and said that was the worse kiss ever. The other girl I was interested rejected me totally. So I just said \"you what, I'm gay. I don't fucking care.\" I surrounded myself with gay people, feeling that I would feel part of something for the first time. I didn't. I wasn't interested in any man, except the ones that treated me badly and bullied me. Those one were straight. \n\n​\n\nI lived for two years as a gay man, that has never felt so unhappy in my life. Empty. The memory of what happened to me and my brother started to rise inside my head. But neglected it and just said \"it's normal, boys do that\". It was until the last year. when I was making coffee. I accidentally let it fall in my brother's body and, of course, he started screaming with me. At that moment, I just cried like never before. Since I was 10 I didn't cried. And I cried so hard and then hit me. I felt abused. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I'm going insane. He was only 12 when that happened, but somehow it was a different experience for me and for him. For him, it was just he exploring his sexuality. He continued his life wonderfully as a gay man. Making friends, dating men. And my life just seems ruined forever. But I can't accuse him of having abused me because I know he was only 12. How could I do that with him, when he probably didn't know what he would do with the rest of my life.\n\n​\n\nI just can't love him. I hate him. Sometimes I wish he was dead. Then I blame myself because I know that if he dies I'm going to feel very guilty.\n\n​\n\nBut I don't know. I don't know if I'm gay, straight, bisexual. God I even have considered the probability that I'm trans, autistic, mental I'll, once I even considerate that I have AIDS. But I don't, I already made blood test.\n\n​\n\nI think I'm becoming insane. Lately I have been considering suicide a lot but... I just can't do this to my sister. She's 7 now and I love her deeply. But, at the same time, if I tell this secret, I might ruin my family forever.\n\n​\n\nI just feel like I'm slowly dying. My childhood dreams have disappeared. I have no future. I don't what to do. I don't have friends.\n\n​\n\nIf you read this entirely. I'm so grateful. I don't know who you are. But I love you. Thank you for being the only person that heard me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel so very empty right now",
    "post_text": "Basically I have a huge crush on my best friend and I was going to ask her out when school starts in a couple days. Today I found out that she got a boyfriend on the holidays and he just gave her a fucking diamond ring. Like a really expensive one. How do I compete with that for fucks sakes? I\u2019m so shocked. She\u2019s the only girl that actually likes to hang out with me and now I feel so empty inside. She helped me remain alive and now I feel so empty. I\u2019m convinced that I will be alone forever as I\u2019m bullied all the time and people spread rumours of me. When people say \u201cyou\u2019ll find someone soon\u201d I tell them that they shouldn\u2019t lie.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My breakup is killing me",
    "post_text": "Sorry about the melodramatic title, but this really is what it feels like. I'll try to keep this story short, however I could keep on talking for hours and if someone one this sub was willing to have a talk with me by PMs I'd love to because I'm just so incredibly lonely right now.\n\nAbout a week ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. It was a stupid breakup and I feel like my behaviour is the reason for why we broke up, even though she too made plenty of mistakes. When I lost her I once again realized how much she meant to me and that I didn't want to lose her at any costs so I tried to get her back. But all I got were mean-spirited messages saying how she doesn't miss me, she's realized we're incompatible and that she's glad I moved out.\n\nSome days ago I created a tinder profile because I thought it'd help me get over her. Guess what, first evening on tinder I saw her profile. And it fucking killed me inside. The next days, she would routinely put some nice clothes on and leave, while I was stuck in the living room watching her leave to some tinder gate, and it killed me. That's when I realized I had to leave.. so while she was at work I packed up all my stuff and left, leaving her one last voice message that I can't take the situation and that I still want her back. That's when I got her mean-spirited message.\n\nI feel like she was all I had. People I talk to are telling me to distract myself with things that are fun to me, but frankly, I don't know what's fun to me anymore. Watching tv shows? Gaming? Playing the guitar? I feel like watching shows and gaming are just occupational therapy to me. I used to love playing the guitar, at least I think so, but nowadays I feel so fucking bad whenever I play that it's hard to call it fun either. Sports? I've gained some weight so I decided I wanted to lose \\~10kg. That was a week ago, the same day she broke up with me (in fact, it's kind of the reason why we got into the fight responsible for our breakup). After that, I trained every day, thinking it'd help me lose weight. But in fact, while I lost \\~1.5kg within a week, almost half of that was apparently muscle mass. I found out about that yesterday. Now I don't even want to train anymore.\n\nIn the last few weeks, I found myself repeatedly contemplating \"passive\" suicide, as in, it wouldn't be so bad if I drove recklessly and that killed me some day, wouldn't it? Now, I feel like I actually want to die. She had issues, and sometimes those issues really annoyed the hell out of me. But who doesn't have those? I feel stupid for losing her and I feel like I won't ever be able to forgive myself. I was ready to marry this girl, but I lost her, due to my own stupidity. I won't ever find another woman like her again, I know that for certain, and I hate myself for it. I would do anything to get back with her, but she has made it clear that she's not interested in me anymore.\n\nNow I know that she will go on tons of tinder dates, kiss other guys, have sex with other guys, maybe in our shared bed and it's killing me inside. Is it jealousy? Purely hormonal? I hope it is because if this feeling goes on, I think I'm actually going to try something. I'm not in therapy, I know I should be, but my depression is making it hard to actually get a therapist. Not to mention that usually you'll have to wait a few months until there's a vacant spot. Please help me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can anybody suggest me something to do so I can get my mind off suicidal thoughts?",
    "post_text": "\nI have issues with my family, and I don't even know if I have depression, but I feel so much happier when I'm not home, when I'm not around them. I spend 10 hours at school but it doesn't seem to be enough. \n\nNot only that, I have a big college entrance exam coming up in June so I'm really stressed and every time I fail at something, I feel like a freaking loser and that I should go kill myself. \n\nI know I should go to the doctor but I can't because as mentioned above, I have issues with my family, especially my mom, plus, mental illnesses or therapy isn't common here (I'm Asian) so the best thing I can do now is to get my mind off negativity by doing stuffs, at least until I can get my own money to go to the doctor myself\n\nI read, watching movies, running, programming, learning Spanish but I need more. And something that doesn't cost or cost just a small amount would be good.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm at the end of my ropes",
    "post_text": "Please don't try to convince me to try more meds or therapy. I've been trying for 12 years to find something that works and I'm just 23. I've also been to different therapists and have tried many types of therapy, the most recent ones being systematic therapy and CBT. Nothing has worked so far. I have stopped looking for a cure, I know it doesn't exist. But I need new ways to cope with my depression because my old coping techniques are no longer working.\n\nI have tried meditation too but seems like it does nothing for me. The only ways I could cope with my depression were doing something creative like painting or drawing and listening to music. I no longer enjoy creating things and listening to music and I've been left without hope because every day I keep getting worse and there's no way for me to cope with my depression anymore. So here's the question, what do you guys do when you feel like doing nothing besides sleeping? I am literally not in the mood for doing anything and it's tearing me apart because I've spent the last few months of my life just being a leech and a parasite and doing nothing and it's taking a toll on my mental health that's already damaged badly enough. I need help. Forcing myself to do these things doesn't help either.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think my brother might commit suicide and I don\u2019t know what to say to him?",
    "post_text": "My brother, like many kids used to be filled with life. He was always so happy and confident and it always amazed me how he was so good with people. Flash forward to him now being a young adult he has completely changed. Nowadays he is unbearable to be around because he is just angry. Angry at everything. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on with him. He has a serious video game addiction and that has affected our whole family dynamic because all he does his play 24/7....he\u2019s also probably the skinniest I\u2019ve ever seen him and he just seems gone...My Mom is in tears with worry over him because she thinks he is going to hurt himself and frankly I think so too. He\u2019s just not the same person. I would really like any type of advice on what to do with him? Or what to say?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just lost my best friend (he's still alive)",
    "post_text": "This is kind of a rant i just don't know what the fuck to do my best friend basically just said its over i thought he and i agreed that our friend group is toxic and one day he and i might leave it turns out since my dumb ass was so negative and trying to rant about my problems to him every day i ruined my relationship and now I'm lonely again i cant I FUCKING HATE IT I'm so lost i don't know why im so angry and sad he said he's noticed throughout the years i was so much angrier and so much sadder please help I'm i don't even know what to say i feel so disgusting my hygiene is shit so apparently that made friends uncomfortable but i stopped caring about myself so i didn't know and its so overwhelming i hate myself so much i just can't believe i was toxic because how bad my depression is why am i like this someone please help me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm going to see my therapist again and I want to open up about how I feel but I have to much anxiety and I feel embarrassed talking about how I feel",
    "post_text": "Hi tomorrow I go back to see my therapist that I have not seen in six months I feel like last time I was there I did not have much progress with my depression and my suicidal thoughts have gotten worse \n\nthere's a part of me that wants to tell her everything but then then the other part of me is telling me no and that I don't deserve to be happy \n\nRight now I want to tell her how I feel but when I wake up tomorrow I will have so much anxiety that I won't say what I need to say and idk what to do the worse thing that could happen is her sending me to a mental hospital  because I'm a minor but maybe it won't be that bad I guess I just want to feel better but I don't think I have the strength to even try\n\n\nAnyways my point is do any of you have advise on how I can open up to my therapist or is it to soon to open up during the first appointment back?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why can't I talk to others about my anxieties, depression and other mental issues without breaking down into tears?",
    "post_text": "Whether it be friends, parents or anyone else, I just can't talk about my own issues without breaking down. This then causes me to think even less of myself in the process and as usual I just bottle it all up.\n\nEven if I were to get psychologist help, I am certain that it would go nowhere and I would look like an utter idiot.\n\nDoes anyone have any similar experience and/or suggestions?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "online friend is seriously considering suicide, and I don't know how to help",
    "post_text": "there's this girl who I met through a discord server that has been dealing with depression for a while (she's currently on antidepressants, but she doesn't feel that they're working for her and when she brought it up to her parents, they just said they're not working bc she isn't trying hard enough or something), and she's recently been talking a lot about committing suicide. she's mainly been saying that it's because \"she'll never be happy\" and \"she's just a burden on everyone\". I and several other people from the server have been trying to explain to her why that's not true, but it feels like she isn't really listening. is there anything else that I or anyone else from the server could do to help her?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what I feel anymore",
    "post_text": "I have been depressed since I was 16 years old (I am 19 now) last year was very hard for me, I had a suicide attempt, which caused me to have depersonalization. my depersonalization lasted a few months and all year I suffer from depression. I adopted a kitten and my depression disappeared a little, every night I cried myself to sleep but with her I sleep better at night. \n\n\nA new year's purpose was to be more sociable, make new friends, go out and do everything I didn't do because of my constant depression. everything was going well, I even met and I had a date with a guy who made me feel things I hadn't felt in a long time. \n\nbut now none of my friends talk to me, not even the guy who used to talk to me every day until midnight. they even lied to me to exclude me from plans. I try to talk to them but they ignore me. \n\nTbh I felt sad about it, but now I don\u2019t even know what to feel, I don\u2019t feel anything, I\u2019m not happy, I\u2019m not sad, I\u2019m not angry, I feel disappointed and I don\u2019t want to go back to my depression lifestyle.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do I have depression?",
    "post_text": "Everyday I wake up with an unsettling feeling in my stomach, it's such a challenge for me to get out of bed and get to school. I used to have a drive to do amazingly academically and become someone I've always dreamed of.. But now I don't see the point. \n\nEvery lunch time I just sit in the bathroom stall, each day feels so painfully long. I hate it. Most of my friends have betrayed me, so I don't enjoy hanging out with anyone at school.\n\nI don't want to talk to my school counseller about my problems, I have a fear of being judged by someone who doesn't know me, and I feel like my reasoning for skipping school is so invalid. My mum is so angry and thinks I'm playing a game with her. She keeps telling me \"there's not long to go just keep pushing yourself\", and I realise that but it's still so hard for me to get up every morning.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do I say to people who ask what's wrong?",
    "post_text": "I'm in a funk. No real reason why. Nothing has set me in a downward spiral. In fact, I should be super happy since we just bought a new house that I love. I AM happy about it. I love my house.\n\nBut here I am again having no energy for personal relationships, fighting the urge to end all of my friendships because I just don't want them. It's not urges to just end the friendships, but destroy friendships, burn all bridges. My work was being affected and I took a day off on Tuesday just because I didn't want to be there. I have never taken a day off for no reason. \n\nI am sure this will pass and I'll be fine again. But what do I do in the meantime?  What do I say when people ask if everything is ok?  Or when they say something is up with me?  There is literally nothing for me to be upset about right now. I am afraid I am going to come off whiny or just self pitying.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Relationship possibly costing me my mental health",
    "post_text": "Hopefully I don't go too long with ranting and what not so I'll try to keep it short. My GF and I have been in an on/off relationship for 7 years and have been together since highschool. [25M/24F]. Last summer she broke up with me over because she wanted to experience other things which she didn't come up front and said that I just figured. It was an extremely rough month for me after that but slowly got over it. Few months later Over the holidays she decides to try and come back into my life. I tried not to sleep with her for a bit since I knew that's what she wanted at first. Now we're back together but I found out that she slept with what was a close friend over the break up. She also was dating someone off tinder for majority of the break up and all of this is just really fucking me up. I really love this girl and I am trying to move forward since she claims that she loves me and wants to have a future with me. I want all of that as well, it's only been a month since we're trying to work things out again but there are days like these where I don't know if I could let this go. I want to so bad and recently I've been losing myself over this whole situation. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so many emotions when I get caught up thinking about all the shit she did during the break up. Anyone have any suggestions or advice on this? Please. All is appreciated. (I would go to a relationships subreddit but I'm afraid of negative feedback given there and I'm feeling like I'm legitimately depressed)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Girlfriend with depression pushes me away",
    "post_text": "Hello,\nMe and my girlfriend have been dating for a few months now and everything was going good. I could see her love and smile and she was constantly there to either do something or help me. Now I know she had a history of selfharm and depression and I'm not one to change her for what she feels, because I know that's almost impossible in the case of depression. Still I told her that I'm there for here whenever she's in need. \nYet ever since a week or two ago she started pushing me away and started to cut herself again. Before we started the relationship she told me she would probably push me away and said that she didn't mean for it to happen and was sorry if she would hurt me in any way. To be honest I didn't really think it would be this bad, but that's not the thing that hurts me the most. Personally, as a loved one, I think that seeing your loved one slowly fade away is the most painful part. It feels as if someone took over her body. \nI talked to her about it and I know she still cares about me, because she doesn't want me to feel bad. I told her that I would manage and that I would always be there for here and love her no matter what, but I don't know if I did the right thing or not and would like some advice in how to help her get through this phase. \nLots of love and respect for all those who deal with this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "todays polotical news is making me so...hurt and angry!",
    "post_text": "todays polotical news is making me so...hurt and angry! AAAAAAAAAAAARGh! I just...I don't know what to do. News about 45 suggests he'll get off the hook. And I'm wondering where the justice is to hold him and the rest of these people acountable. Why should so many people get hurt? and suffer because of there egos! I don't know I guess it just doesn't feel fair how many people struggle with basics. Meen while they complain about there suits, there cars, there fancy food. All the while countless people would (I hope) love to complain about a house, and what to have for breakfast.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What happens when I have tried all medications and still have no improvement?",
    "post_text": "Around 8 years ago I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorders.  I didn't take it as seriously as I should have, because now I believe I've added major long term depressive to the list.\n\nI have tried 2/3 of the ABCs of SS(N)(D)RIs, the missing third is above my price range.  \n\nI'm worried that I will exhaust all choices for medication, and more worried about what that means is next for me.  \n\nI've expressed to family members I would be willing to do electro shock therapy if they still do it\n\nAny input is welcomed, whether it's a success story or just general help.  I'd like to know what choices I may have",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling trapped..",
    "post_text": "I feel like I\u2019m losing what bit of control I had, and it\u2019s really beginning to show since I\u2019ve become unable to work in the last few weeks because of my epilepsy... I\u2019m starting to become more paranoid, I\u2019m hearing things, I wake up thinking someone is in my apartment, I\u2019m losing weight, I can\u2019t make myself get out of bed or make a phone call. It\u2019s only been a year since I was diagnosed with epilepsy and I think I seriously underestimated how much it was going to hurt my (already not excellent) mental health. I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt in Sept 2018, and was diagnosed with epilepsy in Oct 2018.\n\nI do my best to maintain myself, but things have been really tough. As things increase in stress, I\u2019m getting closer to a huge episode and it\u2019s freaking me out. I don\u2019t know what to do with myself. My mom sent me some bullshit audiobook about self-help CBT, but any of my half-assed attempts to listen just wear me out or make me frustrated. I nearly threw my phone at a wall because it kept crashing when I was trying to install a self help app.\n\nI\u2019m lost. I find myself rejecting any opportunity to get help. I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My dog is going to die soon (I think) and my family jokes about it.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve had my dog Kai since I was 9 so he\u2019s 11 now I think. He\u2019s basically been my emotional support animal for the past 11 years and I\u2019ve come to rely on him through much of my struggles. My family loves him but doesn\u2019t really like him much. He just smells bad and no one really knows why. So they always joke about him dying even though they know it hurts me. I\u2019ve gotten to the point where I don\u2019t know what I\u2019ll do when he dies. I have a therapist but I don\u2019t really have anyone else I confide in about these things besides my wife but she makes jokes too. The last time I had a dog die it almost killed me. We had her while we had Kai. I\u2019ve just not prepared myself for when Kai dies and I\u2019m scared it might shatter me too much. If you guys have any advice on somethings I can do to prepare and to handle this situation that would be amazing. Thank you all for all the support.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I just lost my only support system. TW: suicide",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ll keep this short and to the point. Last night I got VERY drunk with my boyfriend, I said something that made him very upset (I can\u2019t remember what it was) and then I asked to borrow his gun to kill myself, the reason being that all I do is cause him distress. it\u2019s the day after and I have no idea what to do. Leave him alone, check in on how he\u2019s doing? I love him a lot. He\u2019s the most understanding person I have and he puts up with a lot in terms of my mental illnesses, depression included. Sorry if this isn\u2019t the right subreddit to ask this. I have no idea what to do. Thanks for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I too demanding? How to deal with cultural differences",
    "post_text": "I am a master student that study abroad. I had miscalculation on financial stuff and everyone in my new country is very individualistic. So they told me to find my own way and I got unlucky met some horrible people and I got PTSD for awful events.\n\nEvery time I asked people at the university or government what should I do to fix my problem. They told me to find a friend if I could not figure it out by myself.\n\nThe problem is most people here don't make a new friend after high school.  \n\nA new friend won't help me to do stuff. I should get a close friend because I keep getting the answer you can use google or I cannot help you. \n\nI don't like to go to a party or bar. I am too depressed to do fun stuff.\n\nI am tired with a suggestion about joining student association because I did that and I only met students that only want for FWB. And female students mostly busy with their boyfriend.\n\nSo I thought I need to find boyfriend too because no one wants to make a new friend.\n\nMy psychologist told me to find an online friend. However, when I told my problem to people that I met online in my the new country, most people would reply with, \"You should search people in real life\" or \"You seems put lots of chores to your friend\" or \"You should stop searching for boyfriend\".\n\nI know people my new country is famous for being rude and direct. But I'm still don't know what should I do. I usually only ask like translation or things like guidance if I have a certain condition.\n\nI just need support and was wondering if support is too much to ask for people in the western country?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I need help but too scared/embarassed.",
    "post_text": "Last year I went to the doctor and told him I was feeling down but I just couldn't get myself to say depression for some reason. It felt too real and obviously he belleved nothing I said and told me the basics- eat properly, sleep, excercise. I thought I'm never going to talk to anyone ever about it again \n\nNow I keep having thoughts and I am honestly scared I will do something.. I have no one to turn to. No one would believe me because on the surface I have everything going for me how could I ever be depressed. I told my parents they didn't believe it and told me I am just stressed/its a phase",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else punch themselves as a way of self harm?",
    "post_text": "Every once in awhile I\u2019ll punch myself in the face when a very intense bout of depression sets in. Usually it\u2019s when someone starts talking in depth about sex and relationships, and the magic surrounding it. It\u2019s therapeutic and part of myself thinks I should be punished. I guess I can\u2019t really express my emotions either because people will find it too dramatic and silly, as I have been told before. No one takes my emotions seriously. \n\nI\u2019m too afraid to cut my wrists and the endorphin rush from the punches feels so good afterwards, but it hurts and my face swells up. I make sure not to hit my jaw. I feel like it\u2019s the only way I can calm down. Everything feels so smooth after I\u2019m done. \n\nI\u2019ll only do this every so often though, it\u2019s not consistent but I think I might start doing it again. \n\nDoes anyone else self harm in this way? Have you found an outlet to stop self harming?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My life is meaningless, and I\u2019m struggling really hard with pain and emptiness. Anyone feel the same way...?",
    "post_text": "Every day is just bleh. I have no purpose, no reason to live, so every day ends up feeling empty. I dissociate heavily all the time, so it feels like my life isn\u2019t even mine anymore, in the passenger seat of my own body, as if my strange hands and floating disembodied voice don\u2019t belong to me. I don\u2019t recognize the stranger in the mirror. \n\nI want to cry with every ounce of my being, but I just can\u2019t, no matter how hard I try. There is no release. Basic personal hygiene requires so much mental energy that it just ends up getting neglected entirely. How can I think about brushing my teeth when I don\u2019t even want to get out of bed? Hell, when I don\u2019t even want to wake up?\n\nIt\u2019s all way too much to put into words, and this post is already pretty long. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for making it to the end of this novella.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "I'm going to go do it,become a statistic. My life is miserable and I can't take it. I've had dreams of becoming a game developer,programmer,artist,and animator but these are all done. I wanted to become my role models,Like elon musk or Walt Disney,or heck an manga artist or Stan lee,but it's over. My life is over. I can't keep living on like this,no friends,a bad reputation for jerking off in the bleachers of my gym,I can't take it. I don't know why I do these things, I don't have good grades,I'm not like the other kids who're smart,funny,athletic I guess,and have friends that are the same thing. I'm not happy,everyone else is,I'm just a burden to everyone else that tries to help me. Cobra#2289 is my discord,send me some last comforting messages before my peaceful end.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to get help but I'm scared of having a diagnosis on my record.",
    "post_text": "So I've finally hit the point where I think I might need to get help professionally, in the form of seeing a psychiatrist or therapist or whatever. My issue is that I'm paranoid of having any sort of mental health diagnosis on my medical record. What are the pros and cons of this? The first thing I can think of is the fact that I own a decent amount of guns (I'm not suicidal, there's no reason it would be unsafe for me to own them) and I'm worried they may take them (please leave personal politics out of that issue). Other than that it's mainly just being scared of whatever, if anything, I'm diagnosed with following me around on my record. Any one offer any insight? I'm torn between wanting to get better and just leaving well enough alone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I thought college was supposed to be better",
    "post_text": "Everyone always told me that when you get to college, everything is better. You meet more people like you, you make so many friends, and every thing is great. But ever since I've gotten here I feel like my depression has spiraled out of control. I look around and see everybody seemingly having a good time and I feel like shit; I should have more friends and I should go out more but instead I'm just stuck with nothing and no one. I am so, so lonely and I just feel as if no one cares. Everybody else has made so many friends, they've all gotten significant others, they've all found their niche, and I'm just here. I am just so, deeply sad. I just don't know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My boyfriend just told me out of nowhere he woke up and was sad he was still alive.",
    "post_text": "And when I say out of nowhere I really mean it. He had never shown any signs of being that negative before... and then he essentially has heart failure and lands up in hospital a few hours later.\n\nI had no idea it was that bad. I thought we were working through the occasional negative thoughts and getting better.\n\nI have no idea what to do or how to help. I just want him to be okay",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am beyond Pissed of spiraling out of control and need someone to help sort me.",
    "post_text": "I felt like maybe I was growing in the last 6 months. I made a group of friends I could talk to for the first time. A group that would hang out all the time have a great time and just do everything together. About 2 months in I opened up to one of them after having really bad day. They said I could always trust them and they wouldn\u2019t leave me. Here I am a few months later and they call saying that they can\u2019t come and talk to me ever when I need it. I told them I was overwhelming as a person because I\u2019m so depressed and negative and that they would want to be done and they would stop coming over when I needed help. I was told however \u201cdon\u2019t worry I won\u2019t ever leave you alone\u201d  but as I had expected I was right and now they are giving up. I am beyond angered and sad and frustrated that I put all of my trust 100% into this person who even has told me to open up to the rest of that group. But now the whole group has a slight fear of me because depression is scary even for people who aren\u2019t actually depressed because they just don\u2019t know what to do sometimes. I am no longer treated the same by the rest of the group and the one I trusted with everything has left me in complete shambles and my mind is freaking out. I am not really sure how to deal with this stuff because I don\u2019t have much time to do things or the energy to do much for myself. Any suggestions on how to sort my head or at the very least I don\u2019t know just acknowledging that I\u2019m doomed as always would be great. Or just you know the whole yeah people suck nobody can be trusted everyone lies and nobody could ever handle the worthless person you are. Because that\u2019s what my head tells me right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I told my mom that I wanted to kill myself",
    "post_text": "One year ago, I was cleaning my house and accidentally broke the broom, my mom started yelling at me that I was worthless and useless and I had a panic atack, she started berating that I was faking which was not true, I could not breathe.\nI started crying while she screamed at me and exploded.\nI told her that I did not wanted to be alive and she screamed that maybe I shoukd kill myself.\nI don't think she is bad, but she has created a lot of problems in my life, she mames me feel really bad and I wanted to tell her that.\nRecently I heard her and my father say that I was not a normal human being, it hurts.\nI want to open to her and make her realize that she hurt me a lot. How should I aproach this to her?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "List of ways to treat yourself",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019m writing a list of nice things to do for myself when I really feel awful and have been too mean to myself. Was wondering what pick me ups you guys have as I want this list to be super super long and range from things that are completely free like painting my nails to paying for things like a massage, things that require barely any effort for the days I can\u2019t get out of bed like maybe songs to play and things that are super adventurous and cool for those few days I have bursts of energy and ambition. \nAbsolutely anything you can think of!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being suicidal and scared to die",
    "post_text": "So for as long as I can remember I have been depressed, I don't mean that in the \"oh yeah I've been sad for a while\" I mean I was first formally diagnosed with clinical depression at age 6 in 1997.\n\nI like to joke that it's my longest lasting relationship.\n\nSo what brings me to write this post?\n\nI've been in a horrendous depressive episode for the last 18 months (over my live I've been depressed all but 6 years, but it comes and goes in waves) steadily it's been getting worse and worse, becoming suicidal, secluding myself, and all the other lovely things that go with it.\n\nI want to die, I don't want to be here anymore, and before you suggest medication, I've been on every medication for depression also multiple for anxiety and a couple antipsychotic meds too. \n\nCounselling has never worked for me, I stopped doing illicit drugs years ago stopped smoking, stopped drinking, tried exercise and diets. \n\nYet, I still have suicidal thoughts and feelings everyday, all day, and night. I wake up sad that I have woken up.\nI go to sleep hoping that I have stroke or heart attack that kills me in my sleep.\n\nI've planned my suicide so many times and in so many different ways, (I have attempted suicide a few times in the past).\n\nNow to the crux of my problem, I want to die, but I'm scared of actually being dead.\n\nAny thoughts or suggestions will be welcome.\n\nThanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i cant do this",
    "post_text": "idk what to even say. it doesnt matter what i say its fucking stupid. im fucking stupid. im not even me. idfk what i am. its so weird. i hate myself. all i want to do is put my self in the most extreme amount of pain possible. its all i deserve. i want to kill myself so badly but i dont feel worthy of being free and i dont want to upset my family. i just need help but this shit controls me and it wont let me get it and i cant fight against it. i need someone to sort find out for me and help ig but i don't deserve that. i dont even know how to put the hatred i feel towards myself into words. i cant describe how i want to hurt myself in words. i just think of myself burning or digging my nails into my skin and peeling it off slowly just really painful things. if im not thinking about that, im just thinking im so tired i should kill myself im so stupid i want to kill myself i want to sleep and occassionally a thought that isnt actually related to any mental illness. im not me. these mental illnesses are me. they control me. there is no me. its like im possessed and they control all my thinking. im going to kill myself one day and i cant stop it. in so scared that ill hurt myself the way i deserve and upset my family. im sorry i dont want to bother anyone fuck i sound so dumb. i just need a place to talk about how i feel",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I started isolating myself again",
    "post_text": "Struggled with depression for a long time, I'm currently doing ok in my life. I got sick a few weeks ago and cancelled all my plans, since then I've really struggled with making any. After work I sometimes message some people but mostly just watch TV. Every weekend my parents go out to meet friends and I stay at home alone.  I've slowly been getting back to messaging  and calling certain friends, but I keep avoiding or cancelling making plans. This is partially due to low energy but also because my self hatred is so bad that I'm convinced all these lovely people secretly hate me and don't ever want to spend time with me and I'm doing them a favor by not being in their lives as much",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does it ever get better?",
    "post_text": "I hope with all my heart that life gets better. That I am escape the isolation and depression, but I just lack sufficient evidence. I want to believe you can change your life, but are there really any success stories? Can someone truly comeback from the brink? \n\nI can\u2019t withstand the sexless loneliness, isolation, intimacy deprived existence I live. I\u2019m in school and I know what I want to do but it\u2019s a very, very slim margin I make it. I\u2019m couch surfing and scrounging by. Nothing looks good right now. Sometimes I feel like the universe is punishing me, like some kind of evil synchronicity, it just keeps showing me things I can\u2019t have or baiting me into positive change only to take it all away, just to twist the knife. \n\nDoes it ever get better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I a bad person?",
    "post_text": "My depression on my new meds has gotten so much worse that I cant look after my animals every day. I have a lepoard gecko and a cat. Today was litterbox day and I change my geckos water and check his temperatures every day, usually. I didnt do anything for my gecko or clean the litterbox. Sometimes I forget to feed my cat and give her fresh water for a few hours too. Am I a terrible person? I cant give them away, theres nowhere really for them to go. They're the only reason I'm still alive and I cant even do the bare minimum for them. \n\nI'm going to bed so if I get responses I won't reply till morning. Sorry.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm scared and i just want to be loved M (16)",
    "post_text": "I'm so lonely i keep making posts as a desperate attempt to have some kind of connection i guess i don't even know what the hell I'm doing any more I just want to be loved i have shit hygiene and it i don't have any talents depression makes life on hell nightmare mode so even taking a shower is fucking hard I'm so lost and i might be put in a mental hospital soon i lost my best friend because I'm so needy and vulnerable my depression and negativity drove him away my mom just says have faith in god but who the fuck even is that it hurts life hurts so much i truly just want to be held and cry in a girl's arms I'm pathetic i feel vad for making all these posts i just need to get these thoughts out of my head somehow i guess",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel empty, lonely",
    "post_text": "It's been some time from my last break up that happened 2 month ago and I can't go on and leave it behind, but that is only aggravating circumstance, it all began some time earlier when I realized that we were talking less and less, I stopped progressively to get out except when I need, from the break up I feel worthless, hopeless and useless, also I got no friends at all to help me a little\nAll of this makes me think that I will be always alone \n\n\n\nP.s. Sorry for eventual grammatical errors, I'm not english",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't feel like a real person",
    "post_text": "I've been feeling better but I still feel like I'm not a person and that I shouldn't expect the good things that happen to others to happen to me, because I'm not one of them. I try and pretend really hard to be a real person but I know I'm pretending. I don't get happy or excited, I'm not motivated by passion or enjoyment. I don't have those feelings. \n\nI'm looking to feel as distant from my hopelessness as I can, but that doesn't mean I'm happy, just less hopeless. I feel like I should limit my impact on real people as much as I can, and not get in the way of them being happy. I feel like this world is created for real people and I just slipped through by accident, and as long as I don't get in the way they will tolerate me when I'm with them. \n\nI feel like they can see me pretending, and they know I'm not real, but they go along with it because of how pathetic I am, and they don't want to feel bad for showing me that I'm not real.\n\nI know that this perspective is not reality, but that's how it feels. I've never met another not real person, I feel very alone\n\nI'm not in danger, I got past that a few months ago. I finally asked for help about 6 months ago after hiding it for 10 years. I don't really know how to talk about or think about the way I feel, and I'm trying to figure that out.\n\nI'm posting it hear because my next therapy session isn't for another 2 weeks and I don't really know what to do with this. I wanted to ask if anyone has felt this way and eventually not, because I don't know what it's like not to feel like this. \n\nI can't imagine living like this and being happy. Most days I feel like I'm able to pretend to be a person less and less, and I'm scared for what that will look like as time goes on.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Awful nightmares and bad sleep",
    "post_text": "\nSo I\u2019ve (23f) been diagnosed with depression since 18. Meds only semi work and i have a few people i know i can count on as support but over the last couple months I\u2019ve been experiencing extreme night terrors. \n\nWhat makes them worse is how realistic they feel, as I\u2019m sort of semi conscious when they happen. It makes it harder for me to distinguish what\u2019s real and what isn\u2019t. Someone im incredibly close to saw me have one, apparently i was crying and thrashing like crazy and when i finally snapped out of it i was a mess for ages even as they held me and tried to bring me back from the horrible head space i was in. It\u2019s made me reluctant to sleep as I live at home with parents and sleep alone and when it happens i end up getting no sleep as I\u2019m terrified of it happening again so won\u2019t  try to go back to sleep.\n\nI\u2019ve tried adapting the mentality of \u2018suck it up\u2019 and forcing myself back to bed after it happens when I\u2019m on my own but I struggle to get out of that head space and still lose a good hour or so of sleep before i finally feel comfortable enough to sleep. I was wondering if there\u2019s anything i can do when im on my own to calm and ground myself quicker after it happens?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i just need someone with me",
    "post_text": "ive been so upset all week bc i cant describe how im feeling to ppl who want to helo and i feel like im asking for help without giving anyone anything to help me with but i just kinda realized that i dont actually want to talk about it really bc i dont know what to say. but i still need the support. like i just wish someone was next to me all the time and making sure im ok and giving me hugs but nobody irl knows and theyre not going to know bc the last thing i deserve is help or someone to be kind to me. i deserve to rot and force myself to live with this shit for as long as possible. im unworthy of help and love and idk what will make me believe otherwise. i should shut the fuck up and let everything build up so i explode and make myself live through the worst days ever bc i feel like its all i deserve. im such a stupid ugly dumb attention seeking whore and the more i talk the more i feel like im confirming those things",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Will it ever go away? (Self Harm/ suidical thoughts-- Trigger warning!)",
    "post_text": "Will it ever go away? I thought that I beat this sh\\*t, but what happened last night said otherwise. I have suffering from depression for a whole year! It started last year, 2 semesters ago, with it being compounded with ADHD led to an emotional devastation. It had gotten so bad that I would self harm everynight using an absurdly sharp keys to scratch my upper right arm (I am a lefty) and one night I decided to cut myself three times using scissors. During that semester I would often write (I wrote like Da vinci to make it harder for others to read!) things about the emotional pain and that I wanted to die. After the semester was over my mom pressured me to get help. I was put on meds. After awhile and an additional medication I felt  better, though took awhile to feel better. Fast-forward to today, well last night. When I just bursted into tear and cried myself to sleep, and lately I been having passive suicidal thoughts and I sometimes wish that one night that I will go to sleep and not wake up. In addition, to ADHD and depression I also got GAD and I had a panic attack today (YAYYAYAYAYYAY!!). My depression is coming back, and now I have issues with GAD, and the only thing I want is for my depression and GAD to go away! I am tired of suffering, depression and GAD needs f\\*ck off!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know how to get help.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve tried therapy and it just feels so fake, it\u2019s so awkward talking to someone and then paying them afterwards. It just feels like they don\u2019t really care. I\u2019m on medication but it doesn\u2019t do anything. I don\u2019t feel any different. I don\u2019t want to talk to my friends about it cause I don\u2019t want them to see me differently. I don\u2019t want to bother them with my problems cause i know they have their own problems. It just feels like there\u2019s no solution.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just wanna let something\u2019s out (apparently NSFW)",
    "post_text": "So I didn\u2019t have the perfect life growing up but I never realized it \nAs a child I was naive I didn\u2019t understand then horrors in my life \nThe older i grew the more I realized I was sad \nI didn\u2019t like the things around me anymore slowly I started understanding everything. Now here I am a 19 year old obese RY depressed bisexual anxiety ridden girl who can\u2019t do anything right in the eyes of my parents \nI\u2019ve had constant suicidal thoughts but never could go through it \nI can\u2019t even do that right \nI\u2019ve isolated myself from my family \nI failed high school \nI\u2019m struggling to get into college\nNo one believed I can do it except mkt\nMum but I know every time I screw up she looses faith in me\nBelieve me I screw up a lot.  \nNow im mostly numb inside with \nThe occasional break down every two days where I cry out  my body water content.\nIt would be so simple if I fell asleep and never woke up again",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trapped in my thoughts",
    "post_text": "I'm stuck in my own depressed thoughts to the point where I can't sleep. I was so happy today at work, I had a conversation with the cute new guy, I had conversations with customers. The only bad thing that happened to me today was my annoying manager but she's annoying everyday.\n\nAs soon as I got home I started to get stuck in my thoughts again. The people I thought were friends don't hang out with me anymore. I'm anti social, alone and have no one to talk to. I want to get into a relationship but all I do is cry all the time, nobody wants a depressing crybaby. Even my grades are dropping not because I can't understand the material but because my bedroom is a dark unproductive place.\n\nI just sit here and cry all the time, I'm even crying right now. But I have no one to talk to or no where to go. I can't stay after school and I don't know how to make friends. Even if I did they would leave me because I'm always depressed. I need help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "help?",
    "post_text": "(14) don't know what to do.. i'm stuck.. in failing, i'm stressed and the only person i love in this word isn't alive anymore.. i don't see a point in continuing.. i'm not going to college, i'm not getting married or having kids.. and i don't see the point..\n\ni just want live to be over.. i'm not gonna hurt myself bc i don't have the strength to, i just wish and hope something bad will happen in my sleep and i never wake up, or someone runs me over or something.. idk...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it all even worth it?",
    "post_text": "Just to start it off, I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF. But recently I've just been overwhelmed and I don't have anyone with whom I could share this. So basically before the winter break(week ago) everything was going great. I went on a friendly \"date\" with my crush that went well, my engineering contest was going great (my biggest dream is to get into MIT and I am capable) and school was fine. Fast forward to a few days ago when it all started going to shit. My crush left for a ski trip and gone cold, don't know if I did something wrong (I have Asperger's and I'm a typical stereotypical nerd, aka no dating skills, basically I don't pick up on the subtle hints at all) or is it just the trip, I can't stop thinking about it and her, it's very hard for me to find girls that I would call compatible, basically someone with a deep passion for something that basically defines them. That makes me distracted from my work which stresses me out even more. The contest I'm taking part in is also kinda collapsing and I'm very worried that I'll loose thousands of hours of CAD work and 500$ (in my currency 1500) that I invested into the project that I was promised back. Another team posted pictures that made me really anxious because of their complexity compared to the other teams and given their perfect score they might win. And the school part, my homeroom teacher that basically told me that he doesn't give a shit about me or my goals and that my reasons for joining this contest are wrong and that it's all my fault that it's gone to shit and that I'm a tyrant who takes away all the work from my teammates which is totally false because they haven't done a thing and basically don't care, anything I proposed I was told to do myself and most of the tasks of the other teammates also \"partially\" fell on me, like: \"Hey can you help him with that?\" It got so bad that I had to get outside help which made my teacher even more mad so he started insulting me straight to my face, as well as behind my back, saying he doesn't want anything to do with me and basically disrespect my entire work and from my schoolmates tell me he is quite proud of it, it got to the point where my parent had to go and talk with the school. (I wanted to press charges) More fun news came when all of our sponsors pulled out before we could sign a contract with them so we got no money ATM so basically I'm getting shit at school invested 10x time than anybody in the project as well as the 1500 that I may not get back, also possibly severe lung issues. And now I'm on vacation and I feel helpless since I can't get anything done here and I feel like I don't deserve it and that it's not the time for R&R when the project is going critical, I also need this because MIT looks at stuff like that, it's a very prestigious and demanding STEM contest.\n\nAnd right now I just feel empty, unloved, alone, anxious, stressed and hopeless, I have to be happy or otherwise my family will be mad at me for ruining the holidays which puts even more pressure on me. I had a similar situation already a few years ago(choosing a school) where I got close to attempting to take my own life, took me 2 years to recover, I made myself a promise that it would not repeat with MIT and now I feel like it might happen and that I will be left with nothing and alone, just an empty shell devoid of happiness and any hope for tomorrow.\n\nI'm requesting support but I have no idea what could help me rn.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I a disappointment??",
    "post_text": "So, I\u2019ve been on tinder for some time now. I have match with several girls and had a conversation with only 2. Each one I\u2019ve talked, it seemed like that they might have an interest in me, but that may be the desperation in me since I\u2019ve never had a date or girlfriend in my 21 years of existence. After some time passes, they both just completely stop talking to me like I don\u2019t exist. I feel like once they stop talking to me, they think I\u2019m just another random person. All I want is one girl to date and do stuff with. I\u2019m not trying to get into their pants. I personally think that I\u2019m a huge disappointment, even tho I have a lot of potential in life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel empty and I don\u2019t know how to fix it. To the point where it hurts",
    "post_text": "Before I was diagnosed with clinical depression(last year I was going through a tough time) , but I don\u2019t know if I came back or not.  It\u2019s something that comes and goes every few days, and sometimes it\u2019ll stay for weeks. I just have the empty feeling, and it gets tight in my chest. I feel like I\u2019m missing something but I don\u2019t know what. Do I need a boyfriend? But I\u2019m only 16 is it necessary? But then again that would be nice.. Is it my grades? I just don\u2019t know what to do. I don\u2019t wanna continue drugs and behaviors that fill the pain in for only a couple hours anymore. I want to fix it. I don\u2019t know if this is just a need for attention, but  I\u2019d rather not tell my parents not anyone.  I want to fix the problem on my own. I don\u2019t want anyone to think I\u2019m weak, I just want this problem fixed. I know I sound over dramatic but it sucks. I\u2019m not good at explaining things, I can\u2019t focus, and i don\u2019t like asking for help so I\u2019m sorry if reading this is a mess.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "proof to mom i actually am depressed so that i can get a therapist",
    "post_text": "so i\u2019m pretty sure i have depression and anxiety but i\u2019m asian so of course asian parents do not believe in these stuff. i wanna see if there\u2019s any way to see if i\u2019m actually depressed. i don\u2019t know if anyone can help me with that. like maybe give me extremely subtle signs of depression and anxiety? or actually give a good website that ask things other than how much you cry or if you lose interest in stuff. if anyone could reply to this i would appreciate so much!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do I say to him?",
    "post_text": "What do I say to him?\n\nMy (26F) brother (23M) attempted yesterday. Thankfully he was not successful. He called to say goodbye and tell me the he loved me. He did the same to some friends and left a note for my parents. This was a very serious attempt. He has had a lot of exceptional stressors lately in addition to the fact that he has been suffering from depression since 2018. He drove a car at 90mph into a telephone pole. Thankfully, he is getting help now and will be getting voluntary inpatient treatment until further necessary. \n\nI\u2019m going to see him on Monday. What do I say? What do I do?\n\nI don\u2019t want to make it all about me when I see him. I\u2019m angry, scared, and very sad about this. I\u2019m planning to get therapy for myself to cope with the anger, trust issues, and overwhelming sadness that comes with this event. \n\nInfo: I am a nurse practitioner and also suffer from depression so I have a solid understanding of the disease. I don\u2019t know what to say to him because I don\u2019t even know where to begin. Kind feedback welcome.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what's hit me today. Feeling hazy, disconected, lethargic. a malaise fog. Was ok, yet rediculously iritable on thursday even though I loved my workout.",
    "post_text": "I don't know what's hit me today. Feeling hazy, disconected, lethargic. a malaise fog.  Probably some of it from   [Methocarbamol Uses, Dosage & Side Effects - Drugs.com](https://www.drugs.com/methocarbamol.html)  because I had slept in a shape sort of like a pretzel wensday after the gym.\n\nBut today just have had no energy, uncomfortably disoriented to which in of it self is concerning. Binged a bunch of cookies listening to a hillarius rifftrax. And that's also frustrating because it's so counter productive to getting weight down. Felt upset and weepy at how out of shape I've gotten.  \n\nOne therapist thinks welbutrin would help, that does a number on my GI and makes me physically tense.  My main one is at a loss. I really want to get recharged so as I can get back to planet fitness, and just out of the house.  I'm also so over these moodswings.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice on handling negative thoughts and depression",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nI'm looking for sources of information/books to read/videos to watch to help me overcome my depression. \n\nI've had a lot of negative thoughts in my head for a very long time. Usually involving self hatred and a strong feeling that I'm unworthy of care, love and affection. It's definitely hurt my relations with those around me and has affected my moods and ability to function. More recently, I've experienced severe depression (from the end of last year), that culminated in me attempting to end it all in early February. \n\nI really want to try and get better but I keep finding myself slipping and the huge amount of self loathing comes back in a massive wave. I don't really have any close friends to talk about this with, although at the university I'm really fortunate to have access to an affordable psychologist who I can see once in a while. \n\nI'd like to try different techniques to help me progress and get healthy and any advice on how to do this or what to read would be greatly appreciated.\n\nThank you for reading :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does online therapy work? / existing is just bad, isn't it?",
    "post_text": "I've been going to therapy for a while now and I'm currently taking medication (I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist), but it seems like nothing is changing. In fact, things actually seem to be getting worse. My psychologist is very kind and smart, but she doesn't know what to do with me anymore. I have things I know I have to work through, but I'm not able to talk about them, most of the time because I am ashamed and fear the judgement, even though I am aware that she is a professional and is there to help. I keep withholding information from her. \n\nSo I've been thinking about trying online therapy. Just writing down my thoughts and sharing them with a professional I don't have to face. I think I have avoidant personality disorder, and that's why I am struggling so much with getting the help I need. \n\nHas anybody here tried this? Could you share your experience with me?\n\nThank you, byeee =\\^-\\^=",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When is it enough?",
    "post_text": "(F26) I am a person having my own struggles with depression and anxiety and lately panic attacks. After having read so many stuff online about all these things trying to understand them and unscrew myself, i still feel like i'm standing at a dead end. I'm in the peak years of my life, i should be working on myself. I should be living the life, making friends, having good days and nights. That's the reason i moved to another country in the end, to make a better life for myself, not drown in self pitty and sorrow. But the lack of motivation and fear of repeating mistakes from the past is paralyzing and thinking leaves me with barely enough energy to get out of bed and drag myself to work. How does this happen, it was never this severe. Thinking about seeking professional help makes me even more anxious because of the language barriere. I can't concentrate at work or even try to be friendly with my coworkers and i know how it looks, i made almost zero friends in a year since i'm here and i don't like myself as a person or my actions. I am acting completely irrational and i feel like there's no one to talk to. How do you break this toxic circle?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Having a problem with the everyday lately...",
    "post_text": "So I  in the slow process of leaving my husband of near twenty years... there have been times where he has laid his hands on me and times when he\u2019s been super mean and really put my ego to the test. And now as I finally am teaching myself to step away and see him as he is, he is being way overly sweet and this... this is the face of him that makes me panic and think... maybe he\u2019s changing... maybe it really is me who is crazy... lately I\u2019ve been fantasizing about a permanent end to it, and I know it is my depression leading me into that way but it is what it is...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is this one of the signs?",
    "post_text": "Hello people. For the last few years i noticed that if i sing a childhood show theme song i would suddenly get teary eyed, and so i had to stop singing. Is this also a sign of depression? I'm a 37y male, married with one daughter who is 19 months old. I have work as a doctor for almost 10 years now. I have to admit this last few years i have been receiving more and more pressure, and i have been having lesser and lesser good night sleep. I haven't consulted to a psychologist or psychiatrist, haven't taken any drug. I once had a depression session where i feel like i just want to go and disappear. I was seeking online help back then. This few years though i haven't feel that down, though i feel that my energy is very low, i feel easily tired, not excitable, and beginning to start forgetting things. I usually have very good memory.y hobby is playing games, watching anime & collecting toys/figures, though I haven't been able to play games or watch anime for about these last 4 months because of being too busy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need help/advide",
    "post_text": "Hi so I need some guidance as I feel very lost at the minute. I've suffered from anxiety and depression for years now, but when I graduated university last summer things just spiralled out of control to the point where I was put on anti depressants again and my doctor told me I wasn't fit for work. The anti depressants have helped with my depression but my anxiety is still that bad that doing anything but sitting in my room is a massive struggle. A couple of weeks ago my doctor said I should start to be eased in to a job again, but I had a work capability assessment a few days ago and got told that I should take a year of sick pay and focus on getting better, as if I got a job I would likely crash within a few weeks, and this has happened before. I'm running out of things to say when friends and family ask if I've got a job, so this is a nightmare situation especially as the only person who's not a professional who knows is my mum. And it's all well and good trying to focus on getting better but I've been trying for many years now and haven't made much progress, recently I've been trying mindfullness and working out but neither has helped much (I also start counselling again next week but this has never helped much either). I want to work, be happy, not be anxious all the time and not feel so alienated from everyone else my age and society in general. What should I do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and recovered? Can anyone point me in the right direction of something that would help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what to do at this point other than end it. Nothing has helped so far.",
    "post_text": "Title explains it in tbe most TL;DR way possible, but I'll add another at the end if this ends up too long. Abuse, sexual assault, violence, suicide, self harm, NSFW, and addiction is all mentioned. Tread with care. ._.\n\nJust a little background; I am an 18 year old pre-everything FTM in high school. I live with my parents and my disabled younger brother. \n\nI almost attempted suicide last night, I guess. A friend talked me through it and helped me fall asleep, but now that I'm awake all the feelings have just come back. I have been \"casually suicidal\" for like, 2 years at this point and have attempted suicide twice  before. The thing is, I really don't want to die. I just want it all to stop hurting. It's just that nothing I've found so far can make it stop hurting.\n\nI'd just.. really like some advice about where to turn now, that's all. And maybe some validation or support.\n\nA lot of things have happened over the course of my life, and it gets really long. So like I said, I'll add another TL;DR at the end, but here are the events that have lead up to now, listed neatly in chronological order. I have a lot of memory gaps, which I assume is a defense mechanism against trauma, so I will try my best.\n\nBefore I was born, my parents (who had met at 12 and 13, and are still married at 41 and 42) were severely abusive to each other. Physical fights, using weapons or objects to harm each other, severe emotional abuse. My mom tells me about a time she kicked my dad down the stairs 3 times while he was drunk, just for fun, and laughed at him each time. She laughed about it as she told the story despite the mortified look on my face. I swear, there's something wrong with her. Both of my parents had really bad home lives growing up, apparently, but my dad especially.\n\nAnyway, my dad was an alcoholic troublemaker who always ended up in juvy, or eventually jail. My mom was some sort of sick twisted bitch or whatever. She ended up in jail pretty often, too. The physical fights stopped after I was born, my dad stopped drinking, and my both parents became law abiding citizens. Occasionally they would throw things at each other, and they still get in screaming matches, but it's nothing like it was before I existed.\n\nI was born a really \"gifted\" kid; 157 IQ (I know it doesn't matter), really good at everything, scary type of smart, extremely mature for my age. The only thing I wasn't good at (and still am not good at, lol) was prolonged physical activity.\n\nMy mom has emotionally abused for my entire life using this fact. She has essentially turned me into a perfectionist and led me to believe that it was my fault, and not hers. She has never accepted anything less than straight A's and perfection, but instead of punishing me like a normal kid (grounding or no allowance or more chores), she would scream at me until she was blue in the face and occasionally beat or shove or throw me, yelling about how I was a disappointment and a failure to her. She emotionally neglected me as well; she never paid attention to me or gave me praise unless I was doing something that  she wanted me to do. She knows nothing about me, and \"loves\" the image of me she has made. She says I am a waste of money, and makes me feel guilty for needing basic things like food and health care. (We are pretty poor, but I think that is overstepping the line.) She vicariously lives her life through me because she ruined her life at my age; she stayed with my dad and dropped out of college to have me at 22.\nThis is only a summary of the things she does. It would be much worse if I went into detail.\n\nNothing I do makes me feel good enough.\n\nI am severely fucked up because of my mom. I have no idea how to maintain healthy relationships, whether it be with friends or romantic partners. I have no self esteem, no self respect, and if I'm honest? I have no personality or sense of self, either. I live with an overlying sense of guilt that I am at fault and that I deserve to be hurt, or worse. I have no hobbies and no interests, and never have. I do not enjoy anything I do in the slightest. To cope with not feeling anything, I have (kinda) reckless sex, hurt myself, and binge drink. I also occasionally smoke weed. The way my mom has treated me has ended up with me being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). After a hospitalization at 15, I was diagnosed with adolescent borderline personality disorder, so I have had it for a while now. Several therapists said I showed all traits by the age of 13 but couldn't diagnose me because of my young age.\n\n\nAnyways, moving on.\n\n\nSo firstly, I'm living with completely untreated BPD. The nearest specialist is an hour and a half away, and I have really bad insurance. My disability checks were taken away when I turned 18 last year, and my mom gets mad at me when I try to call to ask to fix this. My life is a living hell. I feel nothing at all, but at the same time, I feel everything at once. There is a void that I can't fill no matter how hard I try and I'm in agony. Suicide is always on my mind, every hour of every day. I hurt myself often and binge drink to deal with the stress, or occasionally have reckless unsafe sex or smoke pot.\n\nWhen I was first brought to therapy, my therapist and psychiatrist had evaluated me for autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, and tried to refer me to a specialist. My mom screamed in his face that her perfect child could never be autistic. I have never been evaluated again, but have talked to my school counselor. She says I'm most likely living with untreated ADHD or autism spectrum disorder, but most MOST likely both at once. (My brother, who is emotionally and intellectually disabled, has both of these. So does my dad. It's in my genetics.) I have a hard time focusing on or doing anything, whether it be school or things outside of school. This includes hobbies or being with friends. My grades are piss poor right now, which adds to my guilt and depression. I want to do my work and make my teachers proud, but I haven't been able to focus on/understand the lessons and I lose all of my stuff a lot.\n\nAround the age of 11 or 12, I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks. I was constantly in a state of such anxiety that almost anything could set off a panic attack. I would hyperventilate and cry until I threw up, and would occasionally shit my pants in fear. I was also severely depressed; I had no energy or motivation to do anything. I would hurt myself every day. Around this time I also realized that I had gender dysphoria and was bisexual. I told my mom about all of this, because as a 12 year old you're  supposed to go to your mom about your problems. She shamed me, she blamed me, she screamed at me. I had to threaten to hurt and kill myself to get her to do anything to help me. My panic attacks have since tapered off, and I don't have them as often now.\n\nHowever, my mom thinks I am not trans and that I am straight. I suppressed both my gender and sexuality for years, but my gender dysphoria has come back tenfold. I'm too scared to tell her but.. I can't live as a woman.\n\nMy grades have been pretty not great since 9th grade. I'm really smart still, I just have a really hard time paying attention in class and am too depressed to do my assignments. With enough effort (not much) I can pull A's in most of my classes, and at the  very worst a low B, but nowadays, I don't have the energy to put out that effort anymore. I'm looking at a solid D in every class I have.\n\nI unfortunately have attempted suicide twice. My mom got really angry at me both times and didn't console me in any way. Just blamed me.\n\nI live with constant guilt. Whenever I make a mistake, I hurt myself. Consciously or not. I have scars up and down my arms and all over my fingers from stress-picking, and my shoulders and thighs and stomach are covered in self-harm scars. It does not matter if it's a big mistake or a small mistake. I cannot deal with the guilt of fucking up even a little bit, so I hurt myself to punish myself. It's the only thing that makes me feel a little better when I fuck up.\n\nI have been sexually abused 3 times.\n\nThe first instance started at the age of 10 and ended at the age of around 12. My childhood best friend had started acting really strangely, cutting me off for no reason and telling me he hated me and treating me like shit. Essentially, we made a trade; I get to stay friends with him if I send him videos and pictures of myself. He never told me why he started acting this way.\n\nThe second time was the worst one. There is serious background to this. I made a new best friend in 4th grade, and we have been super close ever since. We had a mutual crush on each other for years. In 9th grade, I couldn't handle the stress anymore, and set my suicide date as New Years 2017. By some stroke of luck, my best friend invited me to an Xbox party and talked to me all night long and distracted me from killing myself, and we confessed our feelings for each other that night and started dating on January 4th, 2017, during my 9th grade year. We have been together ever since. However, in 10th grade, he admitted to me that he had a fat fetish. I was mortified; I was pretty overweight back then from stress eating, and had no self esteem, but I tried it out because I loved him.\n\nIt was horrible. I told him we needed to stop doing that, and that I was going to get fit and lose weight. He then insisted that if I did that, he wouldn't love me anymore. I was terrified of being abandoned by the love of my life, and sex was the only form of intimacy I knew at this point, so I didn't want to lose the only things I cared about. I kept doing it for him. It would make me cry and have panic attacks and occasionally throw up, but he didn't stop. I kept telling him that it was okay because I didn't want him to leave me.\n\nI developed severe anorexia because of this. I haven't told anyone about it because I don't want professionals to get rid of it. It's a comfort for me; I need to be as skinny as possible. I cannot be fat or I will kill myself. (I also don't have time to be hospitalized for something like this right now. I am in the midst of scholarship applications and making money for college.)\n\nNow that I am skinny, I am severely paranoid that he loves me less and doesn't like the way that I look. He has admitted both of those things. When he's in a bad mood, he'll insult me about how I'm not sexually good enough for him anymore and that my body is ugly because I'm so skinny. I don't feel good enough, because I clearly am not. He reassures me that he still loves me personality and my face but frankly that's really shitty, if you ask me.\n\nThe fat fetish thing doesn't happen anymore, but I'm not good enough for him now.\n\nI'm too scared to leave though. He has been my best friend for like, a decade. I don't want to lose what we've had. This is the biggest problem I face right now aside from the abuse I endure from my mom. This is the reason I had attempted suicide, both times. \n\nI was drugged and violently raped at a party by one of my friends at 16 while everyone was sleeping. I don't really want to talk about that one. It was just rape, I guess. Uncomfortable situation. It was the least emotionally taxing of the three, though.\n\nI have C-PTSD. I have nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, episodes of dissociation. I throw up or have an episode when people touch me in the wrong places, especially my stomach.\n\nThe only reason I haven't killed myself is because I have a beloved ferret named Slinky, and he wouldn't understand where I went if I died. He needs me.\n\nI don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't want to die. No treatment I have gone through has ever worked for me. I have been on 3 different SSRIs so far (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro) and none of them have put a dent in my mood. I have also been on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. It didn't do anything, and they kept upping the dosage. I had to taper off of it because it was too much for my body to handle, and I would throw it up. I have been kicked out of several facilities for not responding to treatment in any way.\n\nFortunately, I make a little bit of money. I sell art and I work at my grandfather's gas station down the road.\n\nTL;DR\nMom abused and neglected me to the point of not knowing how to function as a person, I have been sexually abused 3 times which resulted in an eating disorder, I am so mentally ill that I am in agony every day. I have untreated BPD, ADHD, C-PTSD and possibly autism. I have severe anxiety and depression that no treatment can put a dent in. I have been kicked out of several facilities for being completely unresponsive to treatment. I am transgender (FTM), pre-everything, in an unsafe environment, and drowning in dysphoria. I live with so much misdirected guilt from everything that the only things I think about are hurting or killing myself.\nAnd I have to go to college this year.\n\nWhat the fuck do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My boyfriend is depressed, I want to help the right way",
    "post_text": "Hi, so I'm not sure if I'm right here, but my boyfriend is having a severe depression since he is maybe 14. He is getting help since one year and takes serious dose of medication. We've known each other since eight month. He is lovely, he is just the right guy for me and in my eyes he is perfect. He actually is always tired, in this state most of you probably know, but I think he is getting a little better. \nOnly he has those phases where you just feel nothing and at the same time kind of despair and don't have any self-worth and I can't find the right words really. I hope you know what I mean. Well I don't know what to do. I always offer him to talk to me and say what he currently is feeling, only if he wants to of course, but he just says that since it is the same thing every time he just needs to get through it. I don't know if that is good for his mental state this believe, because I think he thinks he is troubling me by talking about this, but it is not. I have told him that I will listen even if it is the same thing every time and that he does NOT waste my time! Still I feel really helpless if he is in this state of mind and I'm not even sure if I should say anything. And if you guys can tell me if there is anything you would like someone to say, do for you when you are in this state of mind, could you tell me? Maybe that will help me to say the right words, or show him my support the right way or that I should just leave him pass through it.. \n\nI of course realise that everyone in their depression is different and that there is not *the* right way, still maybe it helps.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve lost track of my life and I don\u2019t know how to get it back",
    "post_text": "RANT/REQUESTING SUPPORT OR ADVICE \n\nI\u2019ve (24F) been struggling with depression off and on for the past 6 years. My mood was getting better since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a month ago, but recently I feel like I\u2019ve lost track of my life completely. \nThe break-up was the fist time I choose my own needs above someone else\u2019s and it felt like a step towards freedom. Meanwhile I\u2019m kinda dating somebody I have an extremely strong connection with. We\u2019ve had a short but intense relationship in the past but lost connection. We started talking again right before I finally decided to breakup with my ex (I\u2019ve considered it many times but never had the courage to actually do it). I strongly believe that talking to this person made me decide to breakup with my ex. Besides that it really feels/felt like the universe wanted us to connect again in a romantic way. We\u2019ve been dating for the past 2,5 weeks and I\u2019ve never been this confused in my life.\nOne day I feel so liberated, loved, happy and absolutely in love with the person I\u2019m dating. The next day I\u2019m full of guilt, confused about my feelings for my ex and extremely depressed again. Guilt because I feel like I\u2019ve done my ex wrong while I know I didn\u2019t. Our relationship was not equal and mainly based on me taking care of him financially and emotionally. I feel like I abandoned him and I hate myself for that. Confused because I miss him so much and still feel love for him and the person I\u2019m currently dating, both in a romantic way. Depressed because I don\u2019t know how to deal with these feelings and because I think I messed up again. I feel like my life is a constant pattern of failure and making bad decisions unconsciously. I\u2019m stuck and lost. \nI keep telling myself that the most important thing is to be happy on your own, that you don\u2019t need a significant other to be happy. I know I tend to start difficult and ambiguous relationships in order to avoid other complicated feelings I actually have to deal with (like a breakup). I\u2019m very aware of my coping but at the same time I feel like I genuinely need to experience if a relationship with the person I\u2019m dating will work out or not. I\u2019m pretty sure I will be devastated if it doesn\u2019t but that doesn\u2019t keep me from trying. \nAltogether the main feelings I\u2019m struggling with is being depressed and confused. I\u2019m very aware of everything that\u2019s happening but at the same time I\u2019ve no idea what\u2019s going on (mainly emotionally). I can\u2019t function properly, I sleep a lot and have no appetite. I only feel energetic when I\u2019m with somebody else but when I\u2019m alone I just feel physically and emotionally drained. There\u2019s so much going on in my head that I just end up with an empty and zombiefied mind. My anxiety is getting worse and I have nightmares every night. I don\u2019t see the meaning or function of life because it never seems to get better. I\u2019m not suicidal but I\u2019m just done with this constant sequence of negative events and emotions. I just want to live a happy and stable life. \n\nI don\u2019t know what I feel, I don\u2019t know what to do to make me feel better and I don\u2019t know which decision was/is right or wrong.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "depression is making me F[15] flunk out of high school",
    "post_text": "I F(15) have always been a super academic student athlete, getting high 80s and 90s throughout middle school and into about halfway through ninth grade, when the depression started to kick in. it wasn\u2019t as bad as it is now, but my grades started to get significantly lower.\n\nThis school year (tenth grade) my academics are horrendous. I have failed math in 2/3 terms (51 first term, dropped into 40s for 2nd term) and my science grade was in the mid 60s for term 1 and i think i failed term 2. \n\nI have no motivation to bring myself to do anything anymore. I can barely leave my bed. I am a competitive dancer and have always been super passionate and serious about it, and now i just don\u2019t care any anymore. \n\nMy dad who has been apart of my whole life (but not really at the same time because he\u2019s a drunk a*sh*le) is in critical condition and is dying. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because of the emotional trauma and physical abuse he has caused me throughout the years, but i also feel numb to him dying. i feel like i won\u2019t even give a shit when he\u2019s gone and i know that sounds absolutely awful but i seriously don\u2019t feel anything \n\nI honestly have no idea how to deal with this right now, because my mom doesn\u2019t really believe i\u2019m depressed and won\u2019t take me to a therapist. I know 10th grade is the most important year for math and science academics where i live and i honestly feel like it\u2019s too late to fix anything. now i can\u2019t help but think i\u2019m going to flunk out of high school and end up working at a gas station for the rest of my life \n\nsomeone please give me some sort of direction or guidance on what i could possibly do because i feel really lost and confused right now, and i\u2019m terrified about my future with my poor academics right now \n\n[edit: sorry if there\u2019s a bunch of grammatical errors, it\u2019s late at night and i didn\u2019t feel like proof reading this before i posted it.]",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everyone hates me",
    "post_text": "I just don\u2019t get why everyone hates me, especially irl. No one wants to talk to me or do anything with me but at the same time, the same people do stuff with everyone else. No one wants to be my friend. No one wants to be my girlfriend. Online people always leave me even when they say they won\u2019t. The best friend I ever had left me almost 2 months ago and I really miss her. I just don\u2019t get why everyone hates me. I didn\u2019t do anything wrong to them. I don\u2019t understand what\u2019s wrong with me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ungluing myself from my bed",
    "post_text": "I'm someone who spends around 16 hours a days on my bed. I sleep there, sometimes eat there, sometimes study there, most things I do are done on the bed. What's important is it needs to be seen as a place of sleep, and it limits what I do. I want to be asleep and awake at sensible times. I unhealthily use my phone in my bed for things I probably find boring, like a zombie, too the point where I still use it when I get tired.\n\nI want to make sitting down attractive, or standing attractive, or walking attractive, or I want to make living on my bed feel unattractive. I do have ideas on how, but I'd like to hear other people's ideas and thoughts. In my room is my desk and chair, my bed, and my floor. I also have sofas in my shared kitchen, with a TV, and 3 flatmates, though I'm hesitant to interact with them. And, I obviously have the outside world.\n\nThe things I've tried is buying a cushion for my chair, and using one of those hand resistance things that's just a tool for fiddling that can't really be conveniently used in bed while on my phone. I was thinking of getting some PC games that I'd be able to run smoothly on my low-performing laptop, or investing in a Nintendo Switch, as I know that I'm spending most of my free-time doing things I don't find enjoyable and I like playing Smash Ultimate.\n\nThank you for your time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just help",
    "post_text": "I am an 18 year old male. I've been suffering from anxiety my whole life and depression the last 4-5 years. I've seen a therapist, been prescribed anti-depressants, and been prescribed anti-mania drugs. None of these things have worked. Over the past year I've stopped taking the meds (anti-depressants and anti-mania) and seeing the therapist because none of it worked. I've tried smoking weed to help. I've tried taking cbd to help. The weed helped but it's illegal. It helps, but it effects my social life and my work life. I hardly eat anymore. I have to take meds to sleep. I hate myself so much. I dont care about anything. I've stopped talking to my friends. I dont know what to do anymore",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate school",
    "post_text": "I am in 8th grade and it is horrible. I hate it and everything about school. It all makes me very depressed. I have been depressed since 4th or 5th grade but have only started being suicidal in the past 4 Months. I don\u2019t want to be here and have to go to school I would rather it all be over. The fact that I have 4 more years is horrible. I am overweight because I am over eating because of my depression. I am too tired to exercise because I have major insomnia and can never go to sleep. The last time I got enough sleep was over the summer. I don\u2019t want to ever go to sleep because I know I will have to get up and go to school. I hate it. I have social anxiety and hate people. My parents will never let me stay home from school. I cant handle it anymore. The only thing that ever really brings me happiness is twitter, reddit and playing games with my friends which only happens occasionally. I would rather die than have to go to another day of fucking school. I am too afraid to tell my parents or anybody about my depression. Please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What\u2019s a strong response I can have to this asshole please!!",
    "post_text": "What\u2019s a strong response I can have to this please?\n\nMe: I\u2019ve had 2 people saying depression is an excuse to be lazy in the last 2 days\n\nAsshole: it genuinely is \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\n\nMe: ?!?!?! EDUCATE YOURSELF\n\nThem: Loooool. How am I not educated? Tell me Lara\n\nI\u2019m so angry. This disgusts me! What can I say please I want my response to be strong enough to be effective! Xx\n\nStraight after he said that the vilest girl at my school requested to follow me and the boy messaged me again saying \u201clisten speak to (girls name) \ud83e\udd23\ud83e\udd23\ud83e\udd23\ud83e\udd23\ud83e\udd23\ud83e\udd23\u201d \n\nShe is scary that girl. She has come at me more than once online because she is a bully and thinks she is powerful and volunteers to help people like this boy. It\u2019s like when I was bullied severely. They used to get other people involved. I\u2019ve never even spoken to this girl in person in my whole life, I don\u2019t know her and she doesn\u2019t know me.\n\nI need something strong to say because I have to educate this kid and have something very strong to say. These two are quite scary",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Successful, but what is the point?",
    "post_text": "I'm not sure what to do, so I'm writing here. I am nearly 50 years old, and a nurse in a management position currently pursuing a higher degree. I've been with my husband 30 years and we have grown children. By all accounts, I'm successful. Life isn't perfect but it could be - and has been - worse. Much worse. But every day I can't shake the feeling that I just don't want to live. I've had depression probably since high school, and it worsened during different life events, but nothing severe is happening now. During the worst of times, I didn't feel this strongly about life just being completely meaningless and, really... what the hell is the point?  It's exhausting.  I'm finding myself just \"stuck\" at work, unable to be as productive as I need to be. But I'm doing well in my college courses - straight As. And actually, I started pursuing a higher degree to give myself something else in my life - something that would help me not feel so hopeless, but oh boy has it NOT worked.\n\nI have been to counseling before, and it helped during that situation, but I honestly don't see how it will help me now. Before I started the college courses, I had found myself looking up how to hang myself on a doorknob. I know the warning signs of suicide - I'm a nurse! I scared myself. So I started college. Now I'm two semesters in, and just the other day I was considering how I could kill myself and make it look like an accident so my family wouldn't have to live with my suicide.\n\nYet earlier today, I was laughing so hard I couldn't even tell the story about something funny my dogs did last night.  It's amazing to me that I can be this absolutely hopeless, yet still laugh like that.\n\nSo anyone else feel like this? Did you get past it? And how?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My motivation has completely disappeared and I'm feeling overwhelmed by having so much to do.",
    "post_text": "So I'm 27, and a single mom for the last year to 2 & 6 yr olds. I'm currently a sahm working remotely for a few hours a week, going to be starting school online next month, and I will be looking for a job that provides more for my family. \nThe trouble is I've been battling post partum anxiety and depression since i had my last little one. So just a little more than 2 years. \n\nMy depression had improved greatly in the last few months but recently it's been fluctuating again (I was sick for 2 weeks and now my kids are both sick as well as my roommate) this has made things very difficult and I've had a lot of health problems at the end of last year that made it difficult to get important things done. \nWell, now I've reached a point where I have zero motivation. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything I have to get done and even making a to do list, and today sending it to my LDR partner with the idea that he will check at the end of the day to see how much I accomplished has done nothing except make me feel more depressed and anxious. \n\nI'm having trouble thinking, I've stopped eating properly and making sure to drink water every day (my SO has been helping to encourage me to do these things properly) and I'm just having trouble making myself focus and chill out enough to get things done. \n\nToday I was going to do things... but then I had kids screaming and crying all day and I couldnt do hardly anything. Now it's the end of the day, I've managed to eat and drink water today (more water than usual but not enough yet) and I'm just feeling really sick again. I dont know if its stress or if I'm just burnt out or what it is. This might not even make any sense because I'm having trouble thinking. \n\nI hate that I cant get myself motivated and actually accomplish things. I hate that I cant do better. I just feel like complete shit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I'm locked away from being alive",
    "post_text": "I don't like to \"self-diagnose\" but after looking into it a bit I'm pretty sure I have depersonalization disorder and now that I think about it I feel like I kinda always have. I just don't know what to do with myself at all, I feel directionless and hopeless. I just want for once to feel like I'm doing enough in this world but I fall short of all expectations in myself and feel worthless. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like nothing on this earth could ever atone of this suffering I'm so isolated and alone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I felt like I'm having a Mid Life Crisis at 19.",
    "post_text": "Before I start, I would have to remind you somethings beforehand. I been depressed for 8 years and most of it has been highs and lows episodes. By the time I turned 18, It went really down low. I even hit the lowest point in Early 2019. I been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and still currently go to see a therapist. I been having those ugly thoughts especially after I hit the lowest point after my Dad's Death. \nNow, I felt like my life's been over 2 Years Ago. I been wishing that I would disappear from this world, leaving behind a memory of my past. I have been feeling a little better after seeing a therapist after months of stop going. It's been like 2 months. Anyways, I'm starting to gain a little hope. Yet, I am concern about how long it will last. My fear that a bit of hope would be short lived. I can't risk going back to my old ways. I want to feel young again. I want to feel like I am truly happy again. I want to go back the way it was before my dad's death. I'd just wish I would be able to start over and finish what I have started. I need some motivation back and I need a reason to wake up early in the morning. For now, I have no reason to wake up early in the morning.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I have problems",
    "post_text": "Well Im sure this is nothing as serious as most people's cases here but any help/advice would be duly noted. I had a breakup and I've been depressed to the point of detachment. Im writing this now because well I started drinking and smoking excessively after the breakup, and last night I was extremely drunk and was talking to a friend about an earlier experience I had with cutting, and I swear to god, I cut again just for the hell of it. I go through phases of immense happiness, to immense sadness, and then back to a pathetic state of wishing I was back with my ex. And I know its not due to the breakup completely because even while in relationships, I fantasize about suicide or a breakup. But it's in phases. And on top of that I suffer from grandiose tendencies. I know something is wrong and i acknowledge that but I cant stop. Thanks for your time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i feel bad everytime i complain and rant a little, so i just push it down my throat and not bother people with my issues.",
    "post_text": "when i was around 16 i used to be a crying nagging self centered kid who bitch about everything but later i learned that i was annoying people and its better to keep it for your self.\n\nnow i have alot boiling up inside of me but i cant vent about it cuz its so so much and i dont want to annoy people with my complains specially there few people who depend on me and i have to be the calm mature strong person for them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you, not only keep existing, but actually be productive, when you're depressed everyday?",
    "post_text": "As someone who has chronic, but still functioning depression, it's been a real struggle to be productive and better myself while I'm depressed, which, unfortunately, is practically everyday for me. \n\nI usually do the bare minimum: going to work, making myself look put together, etc. But, tasks outside of that tend to fall by the wayside, and I notice that I'm not bettering myself or my future. \n\nI have looked this up before, (i.e. how to do things when you're depressed) and usually I come across articles that explain how to get basic things done and reminding the reader that the small stuff is important too. \n\nWhile I really appreciate this sentiment, I want to know, how do I not only exist with my depression, but also flourish? Like, doing things that will favor me in the long run? \n\nWhat do other people with depression do? Maybe some success stories would be helpful? \n\n(also, a side note- I'm currently being medically treated for depression, so I'm not really looking for specifically medical advice)\n\nThank you!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hello I need some advice about this.",
    "post_text": "Hello, I have been dating my girlfriend for a while now.\n\nShe has been dealing with depression most of her life. She bravely decided first semester of freshman year of college of last year to go to therapy. She is also doing her best to recover from self harm.I dont know her exact severity but the college has her on a watchlist. She really wants to change but has trouble getting out of the mentality she has grown up with for so long. She has planned to take her life but from what I can gather she has postponed it. To quote her: \"You [referring me] will never know I'm gone if I did\" meaning she wouldnt tell anyone. At night when she is alone is when she feels the most depressed, to the point where sometimes she has become a nihilist and only wants her death. I understand that it's all up to her to change and her suicidal tendencies dont mean she doesnt love me. Unfortunately due to our situations we became long distance partners. However, I have done what I think is good support. My questions that I have are:\n\nWhat can I do to better support her?\nIs there some things that I need to say or do to better support her?\n\nFeel free to ask more to get a better gauge on the situation. I'd appreciate if you guys want to discuss deeper into it though if we do, could it be through private messaging as I wouldnt want the comments to be filled with so much info. \n\nThank you so much for listening. Any and all help is appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What are some things that I can do to help get me out of my depression/anxiety slump that are different than the things people usually say to do?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for years, and recently it has been completely fucking me up in every aspect of my life. I just don\u2019t know what to do. I have no motivation to try and make things better, and the only good thing I have going for me right now is work, but even that seems pointless to me because my paycheck will disappear as soon as I get it. I just want to know if anyone has also experienced slumps like this, and how y\u2019all managed to escape it. I extremely feel trapped in my own mind.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression is getting a lot worse",
    "post_text": "So a bit of background, I've struggled with mental health since a very young age. I've been in therapy several times, and have been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds for 3 years. \n\nI've always thought my depression was situational, and I've worked really hard to change my life for the better. The past 6-12 months have been the best I've ever felt, as such I made the decision to start trying to come off my anti-depressants. My GP advised to take the pill on alternative nights which I've been doing for the past few weeks.\n\nHowever this past week my depression has came back a lot worse, and I'm really struggling with urges to hurt myself.\n\nI guess I'm looking for advice if anyone else has experienced this when trying to come off meds? \n\nThanks for any advice offered, I'll really appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I\u2019m helpless.",
    "post_text": "I am a 19 year old female who has been struggling with depression since I was about 9 or 10. When I started college this past fall, I thought I\u2019d get a new start. It went well for the first couple of weeks, but as time went on, my depression took away my chance of making something out of my life. I missed two months of classes because getting out of bed physically made my limbs feel heavier and like I was going to faint. I got a 1.0 GPA last semester and have since then been placed on academic probation. I am taking one class this semester, online. I had a job for most of the school year, but my last day was a few days ago. I am now isolated from society into my room at my parent\u2019s home with my fish. I try to see my friends, but they\u2019re busy making something out of their lives. My only friend right now is my boyfriend. Con to that, we live in the same city, but he goes to a college two and a half hours away. I don\u2019t get to talk to him much since he works 25 hours a week and is also a full time student. I am going to therapy, and it helps a little. However, I am still stuck in my room most days wondering where I went wrong. I hate to just blab on about \u201chow hard my life is,\u201d but damn. I am stuck. I want to live to see the good days, but these bad days are swallowing me whole. I want to feel better. I want to be a better person. I feel like I\u2019m screaming and no one can hear me. My parents refused to take me to the hospital when they caught me trying to kill myself last fall. They don\u2019t want their reputation (we live in a tight-nit, elitist little village) to be ruptured by their troubled daughter. I\u2019m not sure what to do anymore. Please, someone. Help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "please help me. please.",
    "post_text": "i feel so alone. i don't have anyone to talk to except for my boyfriend, and he's not here. and sometimes he's busy. i have seperation anxiety, anxiety, depression, bi polar disorder. (diagnosed.) but i just. right now he is away on a cruise and i need someone to help me. please. i've cried over 30 times. i can't stop thinking about him not missing me back or him going off with other girls. please, please just help me. i don't know how to cope.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to go to the doctor about depression",
    "post_text": "I'll spare the backstory, but after 15 years of feeling mostly bad and two attempts at counselling (therapy) I'm prepared to give medication a go.\n\nI'm not sure how to talk to a doctor about this; I REALLY don't want to be seen as an attention-seeker and I have a habit of playing-down how I feel (you get real *good* at acting over 15 years). I'm in Wales in the UK by the way if that helps. I rarely got to the doctor about actual health issues since it's so difficult to get an appointment and you only get to say about three words during your speedy 5-minute slot with a doctor who you've never seen before (ugh, it's kinda free so I should stop moaning).\n\nLast time I spoke to my mom about it (sparing some details- I've never told her about feeling suicidal and self-harm I do) she just said I'm probably feeling down because I had a lot of work to do at uni and I have a cold :/\n\nI've exhausted the other options. I hate having to 'seek help' because men aren't supposed to show emotions. Every single piece of depression info online just *has* to make sure they tell you that \"dEpReSsIoN iS mOrE cOmMoN iN wOmEn\". Thanks for that.\n\nI just hope they suggest medication. My two experiences with therapy weren't good- I just desparately wanted to tell someone my whole story. All of it. I want someone who will listen to me for once. Instead I found it so hard to say anything personal or really true, sitting in horrible little rooms full of Buddha statues and pictures of sunsets being glared at by the therapist for getting upset while she sits there scribbling down notes you never get to see and and looking at the clock so she get get on to the next gulible sucker who pays \u00a340 for 50 minutes of spilling personal information.\n\nI know I'm a bad person I just hope medication will enable me to not be. I'm sorry I'm rambling- since going to university (I'm 26 btw) I have been feeling worse than ever before. Do you think it's a good idea to talk to a doctor about this? If so, how? Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Therapist Reached Out",
    "post_text": "I see a trauma therapist for PTSD/C-PTSD, and recently I encountered two other traumas which have put me over the edge at times. They know that I haven't been doing the greatest while trying to deal with them and that I'm continuing to spiral downwards. I usually send a weekly message to my therapist to let them in on the skills I'm using and how my week has been.\n\nI haven't been up for sending messages lately, and I probably scared the crap out of my T last session as I discussed how much I hated having the intense suicidal ideation and how detailed it's becoming. I even blew up in their face telling them that they didn't understand how serious I was. I could even hear her start to choke up as rarely do I talk to her in this manner. Today, she sent out a message to let me know how she could help me throughout the week. I'm very confused as I have no idea how a therapist can help anyone through the week. I truly appreciate the message of concern, but how can I ask my T for help during the week without it crossing boundaries? I know for sure she's not going to bring me food or allow me to call her, so what does help look like as I know I could use some? \ud83d\ude2a",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it possible to date if I'm depressed?",
    "post_text": "\nI've been diagnosed in the end of 2018, but I honestly can't remember a time in my life where I haven't been sad (although it gets better at times).\n\nSo\nI recently started dating my best friend and it's been all good. He's really understanding, supportive, has been there for me in my darkest times and things happened so naturally for us that it just felt right. \nBut sometimes, I can't feel things as intensely as him and that makes me feel really bad. Like, I know I love him but there are days where I just can't find the motivation to do anything and it feels like my feelings get kinda blocked, so when he starts being affectionate towards me or something, I'm just there like... yeah.\nWe have talked about this a few times, but sometimes I'm afraid I'll never feel things again and it'll get impossible for us to handle and I really don't wanna be a burden for him.\nWhat do I do?????",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m sorry for another dramatic rant lmao",
    "post_text": "sorry if this is going to be annoying and stupid. you don\u2019t have to read this random rant ahah\n\ni(F16) struggle with depression and anxiety in addition to some other mental disorders. i have the kindest friends in the whole universe. my parents pay for my therapist and my psychiatrist. i come from a quite privileged family. plus my school kindly allowed me to have an easier program than the rest of the school after i ended up at a mental hospital. \n\nhowever despite only studying 4 subjects i am failing all of them. most of the time i don\u2019t have energy to do anything, so i just watch Netflix. my homework keeps piling up and it gets more and more overwhelming. i become too anxious to face my teachers and my classmates, so i decide to stay at home. this leads to me feeling extremely guilty. i feel like a disappointment :c \ni don\u2019t deserve any of the support and i\u2019m just wasting everybody\u2019s time ehzhzhhsh\n\nwhenever i catch up with my 4 classes i tend to think \u00ab\u00a0everything is going to be alright from now on\u00a0\u00bb but i always end up in the same place. in my room, in my bed. feeling like a burden and feeling like i will never accomplish anything.\n\ndo i drop out of school?? do i get a job? i\u2019m way too tired to do anything :0 \n\nanyways thank you so much for reading this. sending love and support to all of you <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Exercising and sadness",
    "post_text": "Hi im new here, \nlast year i tried to end my life around this date and the support equip at the hospital  told me to exercise regularly to help with the sadness, since i wasnt diagnosed depression or nothing really, just very sad. This is important becuse no one told me that before.\n And since then i tried to be more active, got a bike thanks to a job with my aunt and started walking for playing pokemon go again etc. But whenever i stop those activities i feel very low and sad, even if i do it just because im busy, but i have to admit sometimes i feel very lazy and tired to do them. \nIs there a connection between exercise and feeling happier? Can i find a way to be more excited about doing them alone/with friends? \nIf this post needs another flair i can edit it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dopamine dependent depression",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone, I suffer from depression dependent on low dopamine levels.  I have already tried the bupripion at 450mg but it hasn't worked except for a very short period.  I have lived with this problem for years and if I don't find a solution I will evaluate euthanasia.  the ssri do nothing but exacerbate my symptoms.  I lost my job, I sleep all day because of poor physical and mental energy.  I have chronic fatigue,  cognitive difficulties , memory problem , difficulty concentrating.  I have lost libido.  I don't have any other type of pathology or deficiency, I don't have hormonal, thyroid, autoimmune, inflammatory problems.  I have already tried: reboxetine, moclobemide, tranylcypromine, citalopram, escitalopram, venlafaxine, amisulpride, tianeptine, modafinil, sulbutiamine, bupropion, vortioxetine, sertraline, piracetam, aniracetam.  modafinil I had to stop it because it caused me heart problems.  what the heck should i use to increase dopamine?  I have absolutely no intention of using cocaine or amphetamine i don't want to destroy my brain more .  help me damn it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do anymore",
    "post_text": "My mum just saw my fresh cuts for the first time, freaked out, yelled at me for over an hour while sobbing. Then went out to get my brother from practice and barely trusted me home alone. I\u2019m terrified of her telling my dad as I don\u2019t wanna disappoint him, and I feel like a shit daughter for making her cry. I\u2019ve had numerous anxiety attacks and I don\u2019t know how to cope with it all and where to go from here. What if she hates me now or treats me like I\u2019m crazy. I\u2019m so overwhelmed and I just want a hug :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I help my girlfriend",
    "post_text": "My girlfriend (27) has slowly been sinking into depression, and I have no clue as to how I can help her. \n\nThese last few months have been tough on her especially the last two. Her parents have started talking about divorce and it's beginning to get ugly between them. Her mother calls her and vents about it and it usually leaves her angry. Her brother who has recently moved out of their parents house in January was just put in a psych ward for evaluation because his schizophrenia and paranoia have gotten the better of him since he's moved out. This is his second time being admitted. My girlfriend had a tremendous amount of pressure put on her for the last couple months from her parents to watch over him since they live out of town. Since he's been admitted her depression has crept up on her. She's doesn't want to do anything but sleep and cry. I'm always there by her side but do give her space for her self so that I'm not overbearing on her. Lately she's been going on about how she wishes she could just end it all and kill herself because all her pain would go away and it would be easier. This isn't the first time she's said something along these lines. She's never tried to hurt herself in that sort of way, but it does concern me. She's been visiting a therapist lately and it seems to help her a bit but it's only been her 3rd session, and she hasn't completely opened up on the subject with her. This morning she texted me that I haven't been giving her the \"attention she needs\"despite being with her and doing everything for her when I come home from work. Im trying really hard to help lift t her spirits and nothing picks her up. Even the dates we try to have do help. Half way through she wants to call it a night so she can go home to sleep and lay down. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I love her to pieces and want the girl I fell in love with back but I don't know how to get her out of this funk.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How much longer",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t how how much longer I can keep going on. It\u2019s been seven long years. I don\u2019t know what to do or who to turn to. I want help. I want to be better. I just can\u2019t afford any help right now. I can\u2019t afford medicine or therapy. I just have to suffer. \n\nI\u2019ve been through trauma, deaths of friends, been abandoned by people I loved. I have to deal with living with parents who don\u2019t accept me for being gay. It\u2019s all just so much. Way too much for one person to bear. Like a heavy weight on my chest, holding me down, restricting my breathing. As if any day now, my ribcage will splinter under the weight and pierce my heart. \n\nI need help. Please. I\u2019m desperate. Anyone who\u2019s willing to listen or help, I need you. I\u2019m afraid of what might happen if I can\u2019t take the pain anymore. I don\u2019t want to die. Please. Anyone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does it ever really get any better?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been dealing with depression for a long time, several years. I only recently started trying to fix it and started taking some meds which I\u2019ve been on for about 3.5 months now. What\u2019s the point of it all? I come home from work now and for no reason just feel totally useless and like I don\u2019t matter. At least before the meds I was numb and didn\u2019t feel this way. I\u2019m finding myself almost in tears at work, for no reason at all. Earlier this week I came home, sat down on my couch and just started to cry. All week I've had 0 motivation to do anything. I still ended up going to the gym for a couple yoga classes hoping it would at least make me feel a bit better, it didn't. I just want to know if this will ever get better? Will I ever feel useful/wanted? Will I ever genuinely be happy? I'm so tired of being tired and sad.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can someone maybe help give me a little encouragement to get out of bed?",
    "post_text": "I need to shower, its been 4 days. My hair is greasy and I probably smell.  Im seeing a tattoo artist in the afternoon and I should be happy but I cant get out of this bed. I know I need to, I know I should, but it just feels like a weight on my chest. I just cant bring myself to get up and put effort into looking presentable. \n\nI have to shower then I have to dry my hair and get dressed and put on makeup and eat something and go outside. It just seems like too much. \n\nI feel guilty because I blame myself for being lazy. My depressions been worse recently because I lost what I would call my ESA last week. I had him for almost 11 years and he kept me alive. I adopted a new cat but its not the same. He hasnt been around long enough to have the same connection. It does help ease the grief a little though. I was told I was too dramatic for heavily grieving for my cat so Ive been holding it all in. I dont want to bother anyone. \n\nHonestly I could just use some encouragement. Some motivation maybe. Thank you for just reading this even if you don't respond.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i don't do... anything.",
    "post_text": "i'm 22. i've had extreme depression (and anxiety) for years, got diagnosed, prescribed meds (xanax, citalopram) but all in all i'm really, really not doing well.\n\nthis is going to sound so lazy and gross, but all i do is sit around and play games. i don't do chores anymore, my house is disgusting. i haven't showered in literally a year. i'm not joking. yes, i clean my private parts but i literally haven't been in a shower for around a year.\n\ni've let my muscles deteriorate so much that i get winded going to the bathroom. i've become a disgusting pile of nothing of a human being, and i don't know how to change, or how to get the motivation to change. every time i decide on doing something to better myself, i give up again.\n\ni don't know what to do anymore. what should i do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "should i stop taking my medication",
    "post_text": "right now i\u2019m on lithium and trintellix. for both of the medications i\u2019m on the lowest possible dose. here\u2019s how i see it: it wouldn\u2019t matter if i stopped taking them and wouldn\u2019t be too harmful because i\u2019m already in my therapeutic range for the lithium, and the trintellix i started a month ago but i\u2019m only on 5mg and it\u2019s not doing anything anyway. i\u2019m so tired of medication i haven\u2019t not been on any in a year and i just want to feel again. i feel like i\u2019m on autopilot i just want it to stop i want to be able to think again you know? i didn\u2019t take my morning or night dose yesterday and haven\u2019t taken my morning today. i just don\u2019t want to. and if i do get side effects from being off it then i would kind of like to feel that instead of feeling nothing all the time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me",
    "post_text": "I am so tired of all. I dont know how long I can keep fighting. Sorry for the vent but i have nobody to talk to.\n\nBackground: I am a 30yo woman with diagnosed endometriosis, adenomyosis and possible chronic fatigue sindrom. I always had period problems, I had a lot of problems and fatigue the last two years but the last six months the pain and fatigue have skyrocketed making me unable to work or study outside home. \n\nI am a Spanish migrant living in Belgium with my partner, struggling to learn flemish and to feel that I belong here. I cant rely on my parents (abusive father + mum that wont defend me). I still habe a couple of friends but they are tired of hearing my complaints.\n\n...\n\nI got depressed three years ago after a lot of bad luck with jobs/studies. With some therapy and antidepressants I finally got better. Last year i was feeling much better to the point where I improved a lot in my flemish skills and found a job gardening. \n\nThen my other diseases hitted hard and I needed to quit the job because I was to weak to do it. I went back to school to learn more flemish. I managed to pass a course despite all the pain and fatigue and missing a lot of clases. My teacher cant stand that I do well without going to all the clases and she told me that she wanted to fail me but as I had a 7/10 the secretary didnt allowed it. The next course she had a easy solution. She refused to let me do the last exams. As technically I 'failed' the course not doing the last exams she could finally fail me. The secretary didnt help me at all.\n\nNow I sit at home in daily pain seeing how all my hopes for the future are going down the drain. \n\n...\n\nMy GP didnt believe in my symptoms and was two years ignoring them. I just changed to a new one. She (the new GP) knows that I am diagnosed with two chronic painful diseases but she refused to give me any painkillers because 'just a paracetamol should be enough'. I still need to wait a whole month to be able to visit my gyn, the only person that seems to care about my pain. So I am at home with no painkillers, in daily pain and so weak that folding the laundry makes me pant from the effort.\n\nI kept going to the same therapist but she is clearly not prepared to deal with chronic pain. I told her three times that i have daily suicidal thoughts and she just changes topic, she wont adress it. Also she gives me stupid advice that is incompatible with my diseases. In our last session she told me that I should consider working as a gardener again. How? Doing basic housechores is a nightmare for me, how I am suposed to do an incredibly physical job???? I am not going back...\n\nThen its the issue with my money. As I didnt had a job (except the few months gardening) in three years I barely have any money left (I spent my savings doing a Master before coming ti Belgium). I cant sustain myself and I am compeltely dependent on my partner. I tried aplying for disability but as a migrant not only I dont have any right to get help but the social worker told me that if I dont find a job in two years (when my status is reviewed) I will likely be kicked out of Belgium. I will become a homeless person. To apply for any help in Spain I \"just\" need to work 12 months....\n\nAnd then there is the issue with my partner. He 'loves' me and tries to suport me. But he really doesnt want to hear about my pain or depression, I cant talk to him about anything that worries me. He simply doesnt care. He also refuses to do any house chores. He forces his SICK girlfriend to do all housechores (walking the dog, cleaning, cooking, laundry, gardening, garbage...). He doesnt care that I am in pain or sick, he will simply not help me.In normal circumptances I would leave such a sexist man but like I said I dont have money anymore and I would be homeless.\n\n...\n\nI am struggling so bad with suicidal toughts. They are there in my brain every day, either wishing to kill myself (like today) or just fantasizing about a car or another disease killing me.\n\nI cant kill myself because 'my boyfrirnd loves me so much'. I dont want to risk him getting depressed.\n\nBut I am completely alone. Nobody (partner, therapist not even my GP) cares about me or my wellbeing. Why should I stay in daily agony and missery just to not hurt others?\n\nHow can I get used to the idea that from now on I will just be a crippled house wife with no future, no job, no friends, no proper medical care and no suport.\n\nPlease help me. Either finding a way to live with my disease or to find the courage to eutanize myself.\n\nAlso does anybody know any suport/therapy apps like 7 cups? I tried that one but O cant get it to work in my phone. I really need to talk to somebody who cares for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Etiquette regarding on how frequently to contact a depressed friend?",
    "post_text": "I'm wondering how to go about it, they normally aren't good at texting but they don't normally leave me hanging. We live far from each other but I'm willing to drive out to see them and check up on them but our friendship is fairly new despite being told of their personal struggles / inner demons, so to speak.\n\nGuess I wonder if I am being annoying by texting them, I see I get left on read quite a bit but I also know they are busy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't get out of bed.",
    "post_text": "If this sounds familiar, please share your tips/success stories. I need all the advice I can get.\n\nI don't have any friends. I work a dead end job because I don't have any valuable skills. I don't have any hobbies, though I've attempted lots of things, only to lose interest. All I do besides work is binge eat and watch Netflix. I do have a loving husband who wants to help me, but doesn't know how. Now it's my day off and I'm still in bed at 2 because I don't see a reason to get up. I hate living like this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do others find energy to continue.",
    "post_text": "I just feel so hopeless and numb been contemplating suicide more or less daily the last 5 years atleast. Pushing 30 hate my job, really hard finding a new one and once I do my employer sabotages my references and since there is an abundance of applicants like 200 for every job in my area they simply choose another one.\n\nSkilled craftsman in a field no longer required started my own company in highschool which went great for a few years until it didnt. Took my current shitty job to pay the bills, tried going back to college and working at the same time to avoid student loan but during my second year the depression really hit me and I dropped out and the last two years have been a constant struggle to come back mentally. I don't really enjoy anything anymore the only thing that keeps my mind occupied on more positive thoughts is spending a couple hours every day at the gym but even that is starting to diminish in effect. Pretty much isolated myself socially since I just feel worse trying to hang out with my friends.\n\nHow do others find the energy to continue trying to improve their life with constant failure and rejections? I feel like I'm stuck on the same page as if I were still 20.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no one. Living in my own for the first time. And I have no one to talk to.",
    "post_text": "Ive moved out on my own under extreme circumstances. So in about August of last year my family and I were evicted from our apartment. My sister is off and married and my brother stayed back in Idaho to finish high school. My mother and I moved to Virginia because my aunt had a house they were paying for but werent living in. And we lived there until January. My aunt is now getting a divorce for leaving her church. And her husband lost his second job. So the house couldnt be payed for and was a liquid asset. My mom had been applying for Disability since shes been the victim of domestic violence with all 3 of her marriges. But since we barely moved to Virgina everything was still based in Idaho. Food Stamps, Medicaid, and goverment records and stuff. So she needed to move back to Idaho and quick. But it took us a month to get to Virginia and cost $3000. We sold our car. So the whole time in virginia I payed for internet, phone plans, and storage back in Idaho with a job at Mcdonald's with no transportation. So we couldnt afford a move back. But a wonderful old friend of my moms back in Idaho that had been housing my brother this whole time decided to pay for a plane ticket back to Idaho for my mom and house her too. So she paid for that and my mom just barely paid her back with tax returns. But right before my mom left I moved to a different town in Virginia I decided to save her money by living on my own with the money I had saved. It has been good for 2 months rent. I had to quit since I didnt have a car and I start a new job tomorrow. But Idk if I'll make enough money for next months rent in time... I realize I'm all over the place. But mainly I'm on my own. Ever single member of my family is cross country. And I had to leave them all under extreme circumstances. I'm homesick and scared of going homeless. I just want some comfort. Ive been alone for a month and a half. Ive cried a lot lately which isnt normal of me and not a lot has made me smile. I'm not suicidal at all. But I just want someone to hold me you know? Sorry if this is too much to read. I doubt anyone will see it either. But hopefully someone does. I could use some help.\n\n\n(Requesting Support, Story, and Rant tags... Sadly I cant do them all)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Will the fatigue from Citalopram go away?",
    "post_text": "I have been on Citalopram for five weeks. The first three weeks I was on 10mg, the last two weeks I've been on 20mg. On 10mg, I felt tired in the morning, but it got better throughout the day. This lasted for the first week, then I stopped experiencing fatigue. Since switching to 20mg, I've been feeling even worse fatigue that barely gets better throughout the day. When can I expect this fatigue to start improving? Has anyone had luck switching to taking Citalopram in the evening? I'm currently taking it in the morning...\n\nSpring break is coming up in a week. Would it be worth it to wait it out and see if the fatigue goes away, or should I use that time to start a different AD? I've heard that Citalopram can be a sedating AD. Does that mean the fatigue will probably never go away?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What should I be doing to get out of this..I am a solo warrior and I am sure I can beat it.",
    "post_text": "I am slipping into a very dangerous world **(again)** where I am kind of staying alone and having recurrent episodes of going to my dreaded balcony. I am coping by taking a shot of diazepam and whisky.\n\nIt\u2019s gone to the point that now I can barely sleep in a week easily for more than 4 hours a night and I am constantly fighting people all around. If I don\u2019t have someone around I get delusional that I am at fault and this constant self-loathing and a sense of not having done enough is driving me crazy to the point that I think I am worthless.\n\nI am also professionally undergoing a transition to a new role and in between, I fought with a lot of my close buds and a couple of my relatives and this is now showing on my face and I can barely smile now.\n\nThis is a sad state of affairs and I am now seeking professional counselling online with people who have undergone this.\n\nI think I fucked up quite bad this time and I really need someone to talk to. Friends who I thought would understand have kind of given up on my constant emotional outbursts and I have now shut myself in.\n\nI had a really rough start to this year and things have been very bad at home and I have been all solo on this and I have got myself into situations where I have been super drunk and tried to OD on any tablet I could find.\n\nStrangely in my office environment, I come across as pretty normal but sadly \u2026.I don\u2019t know this is so fuckin messed up that now I can\u2019t even reach out to anyone at home and here in this foreign country.\n\nWhat is my best action plan? Any ideas\u2014no I don\u2019t want to go to doc as this is just 16 days to pass before I go back to my home country and I am kind of reserved to again open up.\n\nMeditation doesn\u2019t help. I am also having random episodes of night terrors and recently I have started drifting into a weird halo..\n\nI have even called one of my friends to come over and he doesn\u2019t have any idea what\u2019s happening for 4 days just to have someone around to ensure I don\u2019t fuck up anything.\n\nMy family doesn\u2019t have any clue and I intend to keep it that way..\n\nPlease whoever has coped with this alone\u2026DO TELL ME\u2026\n\n(YES I am suicidal but I have moved on past that and I am pretty focused on doing some side things and I believe that plunge is not going to happen anytime soon).",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looked in the mirror",
    "post_text": "I have run into 2 major problems in my life atm, it has been eating away at me for the better part of a month. I\u2019ll give you some backstory:\n\nI have people pleaser all my life. I feel like I have always gone with the flow, with people\u2019s expectations of me rather than have my own. I have done that since I was a kid and I\u2019m now turning 20 this year, And with that being said the first problem I have run into is, I don\u2019t know what I want and like partly due to the depression. But mostly due to the fact that I\u2019ve never really done or said what I wanted to to outside forces shutting me down at every turn (school, parents etc.). Idk and it\u2019s driving me up a wall.\n\n\n2: I thought hard about the people pleaser trait in my being a lot and I have come to this conclusion, I hate who I am. I believe that I am selfish and feel because I haven\u2019t done what I have wanted in my life I am inauthentic. So I go and look for outside validation and love because I feel like I am incapable of it. But when I receive it, and it doesn\u2019t hit the way I wanted it to or things are too fast or far. Like a addict I dump them and look for a new person to give me that feeling I long for. It\u2019s fucked up, because the other people care about me and I do to to an extent, but I prioritize my own feelings and shit first. And that realization fucked me up so bad. Real bad.  \n\n\nAny thoughts would be great because I\u2019m so lost rn. Thanks",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't handle sexualization double standards",
    "post_text": "So, I happen to be a gay dude. And, I think I am going insane from not knowing how to handle the fact that males in media are never ever allowed to be sexualized the same ways females are all the time.  \n\n\nMales showing off their ass and legs, wearing thongs or tights or fetishizing impractical clothes designed for the purpose of being fetishizing with skin-revealing stuff, and have them pose in compromising positions... that's never ever allowed. Yet, it happens with female characters all the damn time.  \n\n\nI am 32 years old, and been speaking openly about this for many, MANY years. I've had all sorts of explanations being told for why this is the case. And no matter how much it's explained to me, it still pisses me off we don't get exceptions from the rules.  \n\n\nI got most recently triggered by this today. I was sitting with some other dudes, and they happen to be straight. Suddenly, one of them starts a Youtube music video on the TV in front of us, and it's one where tons of females are oversexualized, while NONE of the males are at all sexualized. I pointed it out, and the dude playing it first says I should ignore that and focus on the music. I said I can't. He then said he's sure there's stuff like that with dudes as well. I said I have been looking for it and never ever found anything. He then said I should be at least happy for HIM for getting this. At that point, I just broke and had to leave.  \n\n\nI hate how I can't let go of this obsession. I hate not being able to just let it go and be happy. But a part of me doesn't want to let it go, because the double standard is driving me insane and makes it feel like only heterosexual dudes deserves being catered to.  \n\n\nPlease, help... I don't know what to do anymore, I can't handle this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just out of Week long stay in hospital for depression and appreciate any helpful advice on proactive steps to avoid again hospitalization",
    "post_text": "I would very much appreciate any tips or advice on how I can proactively deal with my depression before it again rises to the level of requiring hospitalization? I am on newer meds but what are some effective ways to deal with the symptoms aside from just waiting for medication to work? Are there help lines or online groups or other avenues I can pursue? Thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Contacting a depressed person after they dropped off the face of the earth/stop responding.",
    "post_text": "Just curious, my stepsis happens to have depression and I don't quite understand it? We talk and she's fairly open w me (her dad remarked that it isn't often). Lately, she's not herself and she's dealing with things, but I have read about how there's a desire to be found as depressed people isolate as well as a making an effort to not be a burden and deal w the situation alone.\n\nI wonder if I am to continue, but I don't quite know her triggers or behaviors as well as I'd like. I don't want to be intrusive to her but I also want to be someone in her life as she seems sweet and generous despite the trouble she deals with (mainly self esteem).",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression keeps assaulting me and I cannot for the life of me see an end to it",
    "post_text": "Was a happy a few weeks ago due to meds but there\u2019s this huge onslaught of negativity everywhere that feels never ending and very scary like corona virus and the elections and the only thing In the news is negative and I\u2019m completely overwhelmed in school to the point where I can\u2019t concentrate and I work so hard for no impact. I\u2019m being a complete bitch for no reason to my mom and then feeling bad about it but not really feeling anything at all at the same time. I am so tired. Basic tasks are too much for me.  Could really use some support, have a nice day guys",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Terrible heavy physical pain in my chest when I\u2019m sad. Tips to make it go away?",
    "post_text": "I have not been diagnosed with depression or anything I\u2019m not sure if I have to have been before I make a post here but I\u2019m out of options. I am 2 types of medication that have side effects including depression,anxiety etc all the bad stuff. \n\nI\u2019ve never got this feeling before I went on them so I know it\u2019s the meds. I tried coming off then and everything stayed the same so I think I\u2019m stuck feeling like this now\n\nUsually something triggers me and I get an awful pain in my chest that I would describe as just so painful and terrible. It\u2019s not an organ pain or something I know it\u2019s a mental one. The only way I\u2019ve figured out to get rid of it was s***h**** but in trying to stop. Does anyone experience this or have tips in general to get rid of it??\n\nSorry if this does not have enough info, this is my first post here I\u2019m in desperate need of advice or help. It\u2019s getting worse by the day and I will try anything. \n\n\nThank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tired of it",
    "post_text": "I am so tired of being used. I wear a size 34G bra and so my boobs are big, like giant, and I'm not big or anything around my stomach so they're extremely noticable. but I try and hide them and I can't, I can't look nice or classy because when you have boobs like that everything looks slutty on you. But I've been trying to find a guy that cares about me as a person and I can't because every single guy that texts me is just in it for my boobs and it's breaking me down because I feel like if I don't get reduction and change how my body naturally is that I'm never going to find someone. I've struggled with a lot in my life, depression from my 2 mother leaving and bullying, anxiety from bullying, PTSD from some hard talk about things, and this added on just makes everything so much harder. I want to find love and I want to raise a family and be the mother that I never got but I feel like I'm never going to get that because nobody cares about who I am as a person. They care about my tits. I just want something real and I know it will never happen.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i want it all to end",
    "post_text": "Last year i got done with my senior highschool year and despite working soo hard for since june till the next june, studying hours daily i ended up falling short of the percentage i needed to enter the major i wanted to which is computer science and let myself and my family down. I had to major in finances since it was my only choice and i am hating it. Moreover i am hating the fact that i am living with myself as a failure, i never achieve anygoals that i want and i never get anywhere. I have OCD which i am taking medication and therapy for and it has been kicking in so hard lately with all the negativity making me go crazy. I am always depressed and my family is disappointed from me. I just feel like a burden now on every body around me i always have breakdowns and my family always blasts me for it. All my relatives are engineers and other good majors and jobs and i am stuck in this. i am sorry if my writing isnt organized but i am so disoriented right now. I feel like if i just die i would relief every body around me from my burden and relief them from the shame of having me. I cant stand living with my self knowing that i an a complete and utter failure. I dont deserve anything. I will never get anywhere in life i just want it all to end. i just want to die i cant live with myself anymore. And it is a relief knowing that when i die no one will care as i dont want to hurt anyone. I have no friends, my family wish they didnt have me. My relatives didnt even care to call or visit me when i was hospitalized after a cycling accident. I just wish to die and be forgotten instead of living in misery and burdening my family. I dont want to kill my self because i am a bit religious and suicide is prohibited in my religion but i wish i could. I just want to die i cant live anymore. I hate my self. I hate seeing my self in the mirror every morning.I hatr waking up and knowing i am still alive. i cry my self to sleep every might wishing i never wakeup again but i still do. I dont know where to escape or where to go with all my shame and deprisson. I wish i would die this instant. I need help but nothing can help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm tired of being fearful of the world.",
    "post_text": "Don't know if this the right subreddit but I'm feeling sad and very stressed out. If it was possible I would just open my skull and pour some ice cold water. This has been going on for the last 8 years. I have always been an introvert but I am now having difficulty just thinking what to do next. I don't have a job and don't have any friends who are near to me. Everytime something bad happens I automatically try thinking of the worst possible consequences of my actions. I don't want this fear in my life. Also I'm having difficulty doing normal things. I would keep procrastinating to avoid accepting the situation I'm in and making things better. I have been thinking of suicide a lot these days but I know that's not the answer. Sorry if this was unstructured rambling. Just need some help and guidance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've lost all of my friends",
    "post_text": "So I just lost all of my friends because I overreacted on a dumb little thing.\nOne of my best friends just recently ended our relationship and the rest from my group of friends ignore me, I fucked up pretty badly.\nIt's because they offered me attention, affection, they helped me a lot of times, and I've done nothing in return.\nThey don't respond to my messages anymore and we are all classmates.\nI don't know what to do, I don't think I can do anything about it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what to do",
    "post_text": "Recently I had a mental breakdown and now I am feeling a bit better. During the week I was thinking about my life and I dont know what to do. I have no money, but have to pay soon, can't work as i am underaged and i simply can't understand my feelings. I recently got very close with my friend and i feel like i am falling in love with her, but i understand that she doesn't live me back. And i can't understand whether to try go for it or leave it as it is.\nAlso I am afraid to go to the doctor as he will give me prescription for meds, but I dont want to ruin my health at 17. On the other hand mental breakdowns combined with migraines and under sleep are becoming a huge issue. I wrote other posts about it and dont want to copy it here. \nI just ask for advice from you how to deal with my mental health and what to do in my life",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice for holding yourself accountable? I want to change but I'm not sure how to go about it.",
    "post_text": "I've technically already posted this but I figured I'd try and ask once more.\n\nWhat are some ways you held yourself accountable in regards to cleaning and self care and stuff like that? When I was really at my low I got to the point where all I would do was sleep so I didn't have to feel anything. I want/need to get out of that and back to the person who could actually get up and do things. It's not like I don't want to do them but I let the place get so bad it's so overwhelming to think about where to start and I just freeze. I'm pregnant so I've finally starting going to therapy because I want to be healthy not only for me now but for my future child. Me and my boyfriend are trying to move to be in a less stressful place but with the emotional ups and downs and pregnancy symptoms I've been totally useless. I want to contribute and not just sleep. I need to break these habits and become a better person.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm Not Coping",
    "post_text": "I'm having a really hard time coping lately. I went no contact with my borderline mom and in doing so cut contact with my family as well. I am also off of my arthritis medication which has brought back 24/7 non-stop pain. I can feel my mental health dwindling with each tick of the clock and I just keep going down deeper into the hole. I've been sick and stuck at home since Valentine's Day and it feels like a live rendition of the Yellow Wallpaper as I slowly give up and give in to my depression.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Regret & moving on",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve never really had a connection with anyone besides her. We dated for a long time but we were young and I think she wanted to explore more. I...well I didn\u2019t. All I knew back then is that she made me feel more alive than I had ever felt. I loved talking to her. She got me and I got her.  We parted though and now, years later, I still have never had what I had with her. She made me feel like I could do...anything. I didn\u2019t fully understand back then but I know now that I loved her and still do somehow...I haven\u2019t seen her in years now but she plagues my dreams and I think about her daily. I know that now we are different people and that she likely has a guy that treats her well and makes her happy. That makes me happy, but it doesn\u2019t get rid of the regret that I didn\u2019t try harder or know how much she really meant to me. I\u2019m at my edge. I don\u2019t feel like anything is worth doing. I get that this is dramatic and maybe a little adolescent, but I really don\u2019t know how to make it stop. I\u2019m not really very good with words so it has been difficult to express what I\u2019m feeling but I tried. Anyone out there have advice or maybe is open to just talking?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mom is depressed and I don't know how to help her",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here so let me know if this this isn't the right place.\n\n​\n\nMy (20F) mom (58F) has been depressed, to some degree, for as long as I can remember. We're a pretty sad family all together honestly, but that's all I've known from them. \n\n​\n\nFor some backstory: My dad (61M) fixed up my grandparent's old house (the one my mom grew up in) over the course of a few years. The old house was falling apart, and my dad wanted a new place to renovate before he got too old to do so. My mom never wanted to move in, but reluctantly agreed once my dad pointed out the benefits. \n\n​\n\nSo here we are, a year after we move in, after all the garage sales and selling the old house, getting rid of sentimental items we couldn't keep and all the junk we didn't want.  And she's spiraling, guys. I've always been her person to vent to, since I've been alive. And every night she tells me just how tired she is, of everything. How she misses the old house that they spent over 30 years in, how she hates every tiny thing my dad does, just blaming him for everything. She cried into my arms tonight asking what she has to look forward to everyday, to just tell her something good in her life to look forward to. And no matter what I said she would just cry harder. \n\n​\n\nI don't know what to do to help her, if anything. I know my dad isn't going to help because they argue just about every day and haven't got along in  like.. 15 years. My mom doesn't have many friends either, just her sister and some people she cleans houses for. Is there anything I can do to help her on the bad days?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Boyfriend is depressed. How can I help?",
    "post_text": "My (32F) boyfriend (48M) has gone through depression and anxiety a few years before we met. I met him right after he had been hospitalized for having suicidal thoughts. He\u2019s on meds and was happy, full of energy, talkative when we first met. Now he\u2019s in a slump again. He\u2019s still taking his meds and has a therapist he sees occasionally, but I\u2019m wondering if there\u2019s anything I can do to help him or let him know I\u2019m still here for him, and I love him. Anything I can do to help him feel better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im losing it all because money troubles",
    "post_text": " Im recovering from being on a massive suicide  watch from last year still going to weekly therapy and psych  alot too. Now i decided to take a semester off of college  my dad insists im never going to college  now cause of  it, my dad requests i work full time i oblige and work two jobs help with groceries and chores.  My dad asks for 70%percent of what i make, i said i cant cause i dont have a drivers license  and use ubers for getting to work which is 16 dollars a day(in a disability  program for it)   i said how  about  40% and the other 10% goes into college  savings i was told no. So flash forward to now im having trouble paying rent to my father cause i cant afford it, (note i have a twin and hes missed only one less payment than me and  he isnt being treated like this) so  i get woken up with a text telling me my dads shipping my off to help my emotionally abusive and sometimes physical abusive grandmother, i say no. Cause i dont want to miss out on my therapy and college. He points out how shitty i am,  he than tells me how cause my  i washed my hair in his shower im awful. I stated  my sister got  rent free for a year and only spent the same amount of grocery as i do. You also let her friend stay here rent free for 2 years, and my mothers friend for one, why dont i get that  i didn't even graduate Year ago. They were silent and than complained more about me and now im laying in my bed debating whether  i should keep living cause i cant afford life. The stock market crashed effecting my job i have to pay 300 and  ive only made 200 a month till recently. I wish i was dead i admitted what i did wrong to my family and apologized ( it was small shit like forgetting to lock the door after a friend left it open.)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what I should do",
    "post_text": "My parents have brought me to several therapists, the one I\u2019m currently at had the correct medicine for me. The two therapist I went to said I have depression and gave me medicine for more dopamine as I lack any in my mind. \n\nThe latest therapist I went to said I didn\u2019t have depression, saying that I have a social anxiety disorder and gave me medicine to relax.\n\nI live in Cambodia which is somewhat poor, and from what I\u2019ve heard from here, I\u2019m not sure if I should trust them or not. I need some advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything fell apart after a failed business and a failed psyche. Figuring out next steps.",
    "post_text": "26m I had pretty moderate social anxiety through high school and college ultimately fueling depression. Went to get treatment before senior year of college, threw me on Zoloft and Klonopin. Helped a bit and was doing okay, graduated with great grades despite issues, information systems and marketing undergrad. Had a pleathora of random skills across the board mostly in the real of web-dev and design, used to be passionate about photography but all passions have fallen off lately.\n\nStarted a freelance drone services business out of undergrad (despite not understanding just how much student debt I was in....in my name $60,000, in my parents name another ungodly amount...further fueling depression). Still living with parents in hope of hitting it big with the business. Things started off slowly so I went into an MBA program on the weekends while working on the business during the week. Psychiatrist put me on adhd meds too which helped. Graduated 2017 from that, business wasn't making any profit still, mainly breaking even- didn't start off with any real capital so I was bootstrapping. Was still doped up on meds so I was still hopeful and disregarded the fact I wasn't making any real money.\n\n2018 really nasty suicidal depression starts kicking in along with cognitive side effects and deteriorating memory. Business still breaking even, though halfway through the year almost landed a huge deal that would've put me way in the green. Came soooo close but then everything fell apart. Psychiatrist leaves the state halfway through the year and have to find a new one. New one takes me off klonopin too fast and takes away my adhd med and I'm left like a deer in headlights for 6 months in a state of psychotic withdrawal unable to answer texts, emails or phone calls...couldn't even leave the house. Psych didn't care and made me suffer through it. Business fizzled out, wasn't making any money, trying to recover at home. 6 months later things started getting a little better, started tapering my way off Zoloft slowly.\n\nGot back on adhd med in 2019, went and got a low paying but close IT job in September. Continued the Zoloft taper, and was okay until I began reaching the lower doses and as the winter kicked in the depression and suicidal ideation began to really kick my ass again. The job isn't in the field I want, I'm spending most of the pay paying off credit cards I was using for the business.\n\nNow I'm 6 months in to the low paying IT job, with 6 figures worth of student debt to pay off, stuck at home with no savings (parents have no savings and are financially irresponsible...I blame myself but partly blame them for letting me take out so much to go to school when I could've gone to a great local state school with my grades.). I'm near NYC so that's where I've been applying to a bunch of jobs but with basically no luck, apparently my degrees are worthless. I'm still in a very anxious state and don't think I'll continue my Zoloft taper for a while, honestly I'm about as anxious as I was back during the klonopin withdrawal. I could reach out to alumni from my school but I hesitate based on my current state of affairs. The depression plagues me a bit more lately, and I can't tell but I think the IT job may even be adding to my depression. It's relatively easy and keeps me out of the house and around guys my age which is nice.\n\nI think the years of being on Klonopin and Zoloft are really taking a toll on my mind as I try to get off. I can't think original thoughts, it's just the same thing every single day, like a nightmare groundhog day. I appreciate anyone who took time to read through this post, really struggling to figure out my next steps, feel like I've been stuck in the same headspace of suffering for a year and a half now. I keep telling myself the same story and it doesn't get me anywhere. Thing is this story seems to be the only thought stuck on replay every day. Just how different things could've been. How I'm the only one I know who's ever faced this level of mental deterioration.\n\nReflecting on it now I realize the victim mentality may be playing a large part in this but the suffering continues with not much of an end in sight, just dwindling hope. I know my first step is to try to address this depression but it keeps outrunning my attempts.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anyone who knows about side effects, help please",
    "post_text": "This is the second week of this semester at university. I'm not being able to go, and have missed some classes(think I'll do today too) because at the moment I wake up I get a horrible, sharp, piercing feeling of depression and I just want to stay in bed.\nI take 50mg of sertraline at 10:00 and another 50mg at 17:00.\nAt night, at around 18:00, I take 25mg of amitriptyline, and just before getting to bed I take 2mg of clonazepam.\nThis type of depression doesn't seem natural to me and I suspect it might have to do with medication.\nNaturally, I'm not going to talk to a.doctor when I can, but I'd like to hear opinions on that. This is my first post here, hope I'm following the rules",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Questions for people who were haunted with regret with fucking up with a girl years ago/failing to find someone new to make you feel the same way/better. Right in this moment, when you are feeling haunted, what are some effective things to tell yourself to shake this off?",
    "post_text": "Fucked up with 18 year old girl who liked me when I was 18. I was very attracted to her and was filled with all sorts of the bonding/chemicals and emotions of an 18 year old. Thinking about her voice or what it was like when she was near me still gives me chills.  A bit less than 10 years from that now, I'm getting back into dating and trying to find someone who can give new experiences/better experiences and put these feelings of regret/being haunted to rest. \n\n​\n\nIt's a bit hard to forgive myself for fucking up with her. And hard to face the possibility that I may have missed a once in a lifetime opportunity/thinking things are downhill from here on. Hopefully those thoughts prove to be false but it doesn't help that the feeling of presence and her voice seem to be much better/more intense than with people I can be with now... for now. \n\n​\n\nBy haunted, this is what I mean: sometimes in my daydreaming, I'll see images of her that feel very real, almost like she's in the same room with me and I feel some strong chemicals/emotions. I feel an intense feeling of longing and hate for myself/reality that I didn't pull through almost ten years ago. **In this exact moment, I'm trying to think of some good mental strategies to shake this off and avoid the depression that follows it. What might you tell yourself in that exact moment?** \n\n​\n\n**Stuff I've tried:**\n\n\\- telling myself things will be better in the future that will help me forget -> but this could be true or could be false, I'd give it 50/50, but telling myself this hasn't seemed to help \n\n\\- telling myself everything happens for a reason -> er well um things happen because of cause and effect, not exactly sure there is a dude orchestrating everything with a good intention\n\n\\- trying to distract myself -> trying to make this work, ex: trying to do a physical location change if possible (not always possible) . I once ran out of the room to try to shake off the feeling of being haunted",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "why am i so sadcore",
    "post_text": "depression always hits harder in the spring for me and right now it\u2019s just too much to deal with, especially with all the anxiety i carry with me. i feel so lonely and just down on myself that it\u2019s hard to do anything about it. i feel so angry with myself and can only focus on the things i hate about myself (which is basically everything), and i just wanna hurt myself or cry or yell everytime i think about it. i have people who support me and care about me but it\u2019s so hard to say anything without worrying or upsetting them. i can\u2019t get out of my head and it\u2019s driving me crazy i just wanna be normal and be happy and for once not be the problem.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what to do. I cant survive the rest of this school year. I hate going and it is ruining my life. It is causing me major depression. I want to kill myself. I don\u2019t really want to die I just want school to end. Please. I don\u2019t know what to do. I am too afraid too tell anyone about it. I won\u2019t survive 4 more years of school. Why does the school system and anyone involved in it hate kids so much. I don\u2019t know how much more of this fucking hell i can mentally handle before I decide to kill myself. I don\u2019t want to ruin anyone\u2019s life and I don\u2019t want to die. I just can\u2019t stand school anymore. Every single thing about it is horrible. There is nothing good about it. I hate it. I hope my school gets bombed or shot up. I cant handle this shit anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is helping / giving money to a depressed friend, no matter the amount, helpful at all?",
    "post_text": "My friend says she's stuck paying off loans for college tuition as well as rent/groceries and such. I'm not entirely sure what to do or say when she brings it up, which sucks for her. I know she is close with her mom and such and she hasn't said how it really affected her but I'm tempted to give her some gift card for her closest food joint (or would cash be okay), but I fear it would be seen as pity?\n\nI care about my friend very much and I don't know how often she tells or asks people for things but she hasn't asked me for help, just told me of her struggles. Would it be ok to offer such a thing? I don't make much myself but I don't mind paying for food, she never asks me to and such",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just can't get rid of it",
    "post_text": "Ive been dealing with depression for a very very long time,probs since i was like 6 or 8 but i only realy figured it out last year(been throu some shit).im not suicidal anymore(still have thoughts and wanting to die but no attempts).my family has no idea.it just won't go away like i would be pretty happy and friendly for a week or more but then suddenly i would feel like i was dead,i just put on my headphones and just stop talking with thoughts and i just feel the black hole and wanting to cry.im so sick of this,really just wish it would go away",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help feeling things",
    "post_text": "I feel nothing except tired and numb all the time. True happiness is something I haven\u2019t felt in a long time. I\u2019m trying harder and harder every day to at least look happy but its physically draining. I\u2019m so exhausted by my days off that I can\u2019t do anything except sleep. I originally thought that I was feeling this way because I wasn\u2019t happy with how things were in my life. So, I started working at those things hoping that eventually I would feel happy again, but it\u2019s not working. Something has changed inside of me. I can\u2019t pinpoint a time or anything significant that would cause me to feel this way, but it\u2019s here now and I\u2019m struggling to stop it. I want to stop the nothingness. It\u2019s unfair to my husband and especially my kids to have to live with someone who can\u2019t find joy in even the little things. I don\u2019t want to kill myself or stop existing, I just want to feel things again. So if anyone has any advice other than medication, therapy, and yoga exercise I'm all ears. What have you tried that works? And how long did it take?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help -self harmed for the first time",
    "post_text": "Throwaway account. Background: I'm 16 and have struggled with moderate to severe depression for about a year now. It came out of the blue, although I've had anxiety for a while. Depression runs strongly in my family so not altogether surprised.  I've struggled so much with lethargy, apathy, hopelessness, imposter syndrome and feeling like people think I'm better than I am, and generally feeling like a useless human. I still love myself and always will, but I've started to really doubt my capabilities and I'm not sure how much of what my brain tells me are actually lies. \n\n​\n\nAnyway, last night I had a breakdown and was really struggling to communicate how I was feeling to my parents. I know they love me, but I don't think they entirely understand what's going on for me. My mom was trying to get me to exercise to combat the depression but my body felt like a bag of rocks and I just didn't have any willpower left so I just refused. So my mom got super angry and eventually I just collapsed in the bathroom. I don't know what made me do it, but I ran to my room with these really sharp tweezers and cut up my legs and made them bleed. I counted and it seems there are about 40 scratches that bled, plus a zillion more before it got more intense\n\n​\n\nThat's the first time I've ever hurt myself on purpose, and now I'm scared that I might do it again. Because the pain felt good, it burned and the adrenaline rush felt like a drug and I didn't feel so passive anymore. But now that I have my thinking/feeling brain back I feel guilty and I'm afraid that having done it once means I could easily do it again. Because I don't feel like it was really me that did it, it was like my depression monster climbed out and possessed me, and that could happen again. What should I do? Has anyone else experienced this and have advice? I'm honestly kind of scared, now that I know what I'm capable of. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to self harm",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My depression room has gotten out of control",
    "post_text": "I haven\u2019t actually cleaned my room in about teo years, I\u2019ve \u201cstraighten up\u201d every now and then but for about the past six months my room has looked like a tornado went through it. I\u2019ve been going through a real low time in my life currently, worse than ever before, and i just never have the energy or will to clean it, even though it makes me want to throw up. My mother has been screaming at me everyday telling me that I\u2019m lazy and disgusting and a slob and she will throw me out if I don\u2019t clean up my act (she doesn\u2019t believe depression is real). I\u2019m currently sitting on my floor, surrounded by months worth of my mess, sobbing because it\u2019s overwhelming and I don\u2019t even know where to start. This is making me so anxious and I\u2019m so ashamed I let it get this bad. I wish I could just blink and it would all be gone but obviously that doesn\u2019t happen in real life. Please does anyone have any advice on where or even how to start fixing this? I have nobody I can go to for help with this and I feel so lonely and stressed and tired.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m not worried about getting COVID-19, I\u2019m worried about the effects of social distancing and the possibility of quarantine",
    "post_text": "First of all, I want to say that I am incredibly grateful to be young and have an uncompromised immune system. I am very fortunate in this sense. However, I am worried about the effects of things like social distancing and isolation on mental health. That is not to say that I disagree with these measures whatsoever, but like so many other people, being isolated is damaging to my wellbeing. My question is: as a college student living in a dorm without a roommate, how can I cope and what are some things I can do in my newfound time from my room? Note: I have 3 weeks of remote classes after break. I could stay home longer but I feel that would be even more damaging to my psyche.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "10 years and still in the same place",
    "post_text": "I realized the other day that I had my first burn out at 22. Now I am 32 and going through another, plus a few in between. \n\nI got a call from work today and there was a complaint put against me because of my \"bad attitude\" at work. This is because I get anxious around people and I get aggressive as a defense mechanism. It's either that or I start crying. Well actually sometimes it is both. \n\nI feel like whatever I do, it is never good enough. I feel like I have fucked up my life so bad, who knows if I will be able to recuperate. I don't have friends, the only person I speak with is my mother, I live alone, work sucks, not implicated with anything because I can't keep a commitment. I just feel really lost. All I can think of is all the things I thought I would be by now. I figured that I would have some sort of career figured out, maybe own my place or have some saving, some friends or maybe a family. But I have none of that and with every passing day it feels like it is getting farther and farther away. I just feel like I can't get traction, I try different techniques but can't seem to put anything in place. \n\n​\n\nI honestly don't know what I am going to do. There is a good chance that I have come into contact with the virus and almost hope I die, then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit. \n\nI guess what I am really asking is: How do I, after 10+ years of unstable mental health, get my life back together and on some sort of track in the right direction?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I had a breakdown yesterday",
    "post_text": "I stopped myself from crying and work in front of my students, i went to cry in the bathroom, i stopped myself from crying on the bus home, i had to go to a friends house and i just broke down, i cried and cried and could not say a work except that i was trash and that i needed to die. \n\nThis is the second time this year that this happens, and every time i wonder how much more can i take, things are not getting better, but im too much of a coward to kill myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Stressed",
    "post_text": "I (f16) was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and ptsd. I have had a long history of not self harming which has made my mental illness less important to people. Today I had an anxious spell where I was pacing back and forth in my room and not able to pin point why I was anxious. As I was pacing, without thinking, I picked up my lighter (for candles) and slightly burned my arm. Right after that I calmed down. That is the first time I\u2019ve ever hurt myself (with something other than my nails) and I\u2019m not sure where to go from here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I\u2019m slipping into insanity",
    "post_text": "Hey all, need a bit if support/advice\nAs of recently, I\u2019ve noticed I\u2019ve been having a lot more breakdowns than I usually have. These have gotten to the point where I\u2019ve begun to push the important people out of my life. \nOn the flip side, I don\u2019t do anything with my life. Besides the global quarantine we currently have due to COVID, I just.... do nothing. I feel bad because I have no job, so I\u2019m constantly asking for money from my parents, which I then spend like a madman, and, again, I just sit at home and play video games all day, despite telling myself to do other things. \nThis, along with recent events, has left me highly aggressive/abrasive. Thing is, I recognize that this is not me, and I\u2019m basically trapped under impulse. \n\nWhat can I do? Is this Psych Ward or MRI-worthy? Does anyone know of ways I can get help online or through an app?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like no one understands me, and it makes me incredibly lonely",
    "post_text": "When I was in school, I thought it would get better in my 20s. I\u2019m now approaching 30, but I\u2019m still not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.\n\nI tried to understand others, to listen to their problems without judgement, and to give advice (when asked). I\u2019ve been told that I\u2019m a good listener and a good friend. But when I need someone to talk to, no one seems to understand. Sometimes I am ignored, other times I am misinterpreted and even criticised. The more I try, the more I am misunderstood, and the more I feel frustrated.\n\nI tried to improve myself, to read books, to try to think more rationally, and to communicate more clearly, so that others can understand me better. But after years of trying, it still seems fruitless.\n\nI hate going out to parties, where everyone talks over each other, and no one listens. The more I socialise, the lonelier I feel.\n\nIt\u2019s no one\u2019s fault, really. I have a sensitive temperament that makes me a bit out of sync, a little hard for others to understand, I know that. I can\u2019t change who I am, nor can I change other people. But this doesn\u2019t make the pain go away.\n\nI can feel myself changing over time, becoming more cynical, more critical, and less trustful. I know how counter-productive it is, but I don\u2019t know how else to cope.\n\nOn some days I feel like wanting to end all of this somehow. I just came out of a bad depression, where I spent entire days in bed and even had suicidal thoughts\u2026 I\u2019m feeling a little better now.\n\nI\u2019m thinking of going to therapy, but I\u2019m hesitant because of the virus going around.\n\nI\u2019m also thinking of moving to another city and start over (after the virus ends of course), but I\u2019m not sure if this would help. I\u2019d hate to waste so much effort just to end up back at the same place.\n\nI guess I\u2019m just looking for is some advice from people who have personally been through something similar\u2026 what worked for you? how did things improve?\n\n(No generic advice please\u2026 I\u2019ve already spent a lot of time googling.)\n\nThanks in advance\u2026",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to leaving society and live in isolation",
    "post_text": "I hate living here, going to school and work, and being told what to do. I want to go somewhere where I'm truely free, I want to live on my own in the wilderness. I know it sounds dumb and crazy. But I have no reason to stay here, I can't make friends and I'm going to spend the rest of my life as a wage slave, selling my soul to the elites and the government. To me getting a degree is a waste of time and resources to get a piece of paper that says that you can be a slave to a CEO. Idk I know I need mental help but thats what I think right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I (F16) self harm and I need help",
    "post_text": "I have been fighting depression and dark ideas for 3 years. \nNone of my friends know this, but since I was 10, every time I get angry or sad because of something or someone, I feel the need to hurt myself. I often need to externalize my emotions and I throw them on me to punish me. Mentally I don't really make me feel good but I also bite and hit myself. At every bad event in my life I feel the need to do this because I feel like I deserve it even when I know that it's not my fault.\n\nBut yesterday I really made a mistake and I hurted myself with a blade and I feel really bad. \n\nI don't want to get addicted, I need help :'(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Some guys on reddit may have location info for \"nudes\" I posted and I am so close to ending it",
    "post_text": "Long story short, I had anorexia and needed some body positivity. So, I uploaded images to flickr, turned **off** 'share exif data' feature, and posted a before and after pic of my body, which ended up being a lot of chubby pics of me (completely clothed but bikini). I was horrified to find out some scary captions were appearing and I could see it was being fetishized, which was not my intent really, I just wanted to feel better about myself because I've felt like shit lately. 240\\~ people viewed it and it was reposted to a sub for fat girls by another account, which was my mistake for putting the link on reddit where it could be crossposted in the first place. My exif data contained my location and phone, but I'm not sure what else... I'm terrified that they have my location data or serial number (not sure if possible). I contacted Flickr and they CONFIRMED there was a glitch that showed my exif data.\n\nHowever, even so, seeing as I live in a college dorm, is there really any cause for worry if they have my phone model and location, if this is 5K miles from my real house, and the photo was not entirely sexual? I'm deeply horrified and have had a panic attack all day. There were maybe 20 photos of me. You couldn't see my face or head or anything other than bust.\n\nHow much should I be worrying about this? Photos were deleted and I am still in contact with flickr... but if a goddamn photo with my body and location is captioned \"i wanna X sexual thing\" im freaking tf out. \n\nis it even a nude if its just my bikini>",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "ARG! Seriously? OO My insurance and the pharmacy are having a spaz about script wording and costs.",
    "post_text": "ARG! Seriusly? OO My insurance and the pharmacy are having a spaz about script wording and costs.\n\nThe Pharmacy is out of generics. And have tons of namebrands but because of how scripts are worded may or may not end up faxing and or calling the doctors? OO\n\nThen my fucking insurance is also having a meltdown not because of wording. But price differences. Are you Effing Kiding me?!\n\nWhen the world is falling apart these assholes want to nitpick and what gamers call rule lawyer between 'dueluxtine' vs Cymbalta? the fuck is wrong with them?\n\nAnd anyone have some experience getting them on the same page? why the hell now of all fucking times would it matter? I seriusly don't recall it making a difference before the epidemic.  A few times they'd be out of generics and I'd get a nifty bottle with Cymbalta (for example) .\n\nSo before my head hurts(more) is there anything I need or can do so it's a non issue to get what evers available?  I can't recall reacting differently to the generic over namebrand of my meds.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Been thinking",
    "post_text": "So recently I\u2019ve been feeling very down, been thinking I\u2019m not good enough for anyone thinking I\u2019ve ruined people\u2019s lives and basically thinking how I shouldn\u2019t be a live, I mean I try to talk to people but I suck at talking in general it\u2019s just hard. I just feel very depressed and I don\u2019t know what to do, I feel like it is my anxiety and stress catching up to me but I feel as if it\u2019s taking a toll on myself and my relationship and friendships",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The current situation has caused a HUGE setback",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone. I hope you are doing better during this crazy time than I am. \n\nA bit of background: I'm a California girl in my 50's. And, I've struggled for 20 years to fight off very intense anxiety and depression. I have been unable to work since 2014. I've got a claim for SSDI, but apparently I'm not sick enough. SMH   I married my high school sweetheart May of 2018. He was the one that got away. I was never happier. After choosing the wrong guys all my life, I finally choose the right guy! Then in October he fell ill with an unknown lung disease. By the 21st of December I lost my love, my best friend he just couldn't breathe anymore. He put up a valiant fight.\n\nI was immediately hospitalized in the psych unit. I was overwhelmed with grief. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with him. I even tried several times to make that happen. And to add fuel too the fire, my dad passed away three months after my husband. I'm not ashamed to say I was Daddy's Little Girl. And I miss him just as much as my husband.\n\nSo, for a whole year I struggled and fight my depression and anxiety. In that year, I was hospitalized 10 times, for psych and other ailments I have. But sometime after the 1 year mark when he died, I kinda just came out of the fog. I was feeling so much better, reaching out to his mom and other friends. I was so glad that I was gonna beat this. \n\nFast forward to the present. I am an isolater by nature, so this covid-19 situation I know I can get through it. I have one good friend and my mother-in-law for support. I keep my appointments with my psychiatrist, and take my meds as prescribed.\nI have no income, since I have to go through the entire process with Social Security before I can qualify to receive spousal benefits. Basically, what he was earning. Thank the good Lord for food stamps and Food Share, I'll never go hungry. So since I'm disabled, waiting for benefits, my rent is $50/month. I also had internet shut off because I couldn't pay them (just $50 too. My needs are small) I've had help from friends and family, and then eventually from several local church charities.\n\n And, well, I've run out of options and was scrolling through Reddit. I saw a couple of subs in which to ask for help. So I took a deep breath and posted how I need help paying my bills. The only reason I did this is that I have seen many messages of gratitude from individuals who received help. But that didn't happen for me. In fact there were some negative responses, and both posts where completely down voted. So, I guess either I don't know how to ask for help, or people just don't care. Let's add to my situation that my one good friend is going through some of their own challenges, and being a complete jerk. I've heard that the economic stimulus package won't pay anyone who is not working. Figures, the people who need it the most get nothing. And I pray it is only a rumour, because $1000 could set me up for many months while I work on my disability claim. The California Governor has issued a \"shelter in place\" order. I have asthma pretty badly, so I'm party of the group that SERIOUSLY shouldn't go out. Same with my mother-in-law.\n\nMy anxiety and depression had returned in full force. I have thought, again of giving up on my life. There is really NOTHING good about it. At all. My sister has shunned me because she knows nothing about mental health, and thinks I should just \"be happy.\" I've never really had any meaningful relationship with my mom. She has been emotionally unavailable my entire life. \n\nSo what am I left with? A complete shut down. No news, or Internet. (I'm typing on my government phone which has very limited data. But at least I can post) My friend is unavailable. Yesterday I went to my mother-in-law's place so I could download some movies. It's really exasperating to be so helpless, and so tired of my f**ked up life, and so sad, and no real prospects in paying my measly $100/month bills. And when I reach out, it either goes sideways or I am ignored. I can't eat or I get very nauseous (die to my anxiety and a medical issue with my stomach.\n\nWhy don't I deserve the help I really need? I literally have nothing to live for. And I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "She cheated on me",
    "post_text": "Yesterday I found out that my GF cheated on me with my best friend, he told me that she felt lonely and she felt sad while she was with me and they started talking and ...\n\nShe used to tell me that I complete her and that I make her the happiest girl on the planet...\n\nShe told me she wants to marry me, she wants to be with forever...\n\nI bought her a ring and wanted to surprise her but the next thing I know was that she cheated on me...\n\nEverything reminds me of her, I can't do something without crying, without imagining they say I love you to each other...\n\nI feel like the whole world is collapsing on me and that this is the end of the line for me, what have I done to deserve this, she told me I treat her like a princess, I went way out of my way to make her happy, I did everything I could do but this is what she did to me.\n\nI just don't want to be alive, I don't want any of this pain anymore...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Months, maybe years without my SO",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone, I am currently feeling not like myself (as a lot of people in this situation do) but i wanted to ask you for help. I am not in my right state of mind now, and understanding or coping with information s very poor. I would like to hear your opinion on this, thank you... Due to the Covid-19 outbreak in europe, almost every country now closed borders, including mine. I understand this precautions and their nesessity but I am still very anxious and sad that i won't see my boyfriend for some time... He lives in country right next to mine. It doesn't seem like our cases of covid-19 are severe like in other states, but I heard someting about borders being closed for couple months or years in our country depending on others states. It makes me very confused and anxious. Does it mean that I won't see him, even though our two countries will be completely clean just because of those countries that will still be infected? That thought makes my already bad mental health worsen.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Breaking up gave me depression.. and I want to speak my mind.. please be nice.",
    "post_text": "I did not think I would end up this way. Drowning in self-pity in my room creating a post on Reddit because I can't express how I feel to anyone. I'm just hoping this venting post could make me feel slightly better. I'm not looking for pity, I just needed to speak out my mind.\n\nIt was a 4-year relationship, I broke up December 2019, Its been months. I've done all I can, move to a new country, try a new sport, meet new people, and many more. I can't say that things did not get better in time, because it did. Time heals all. It helped me move on and lose most of my feelings for her, but it left a pretty nasty scar on me. So if time heals, what's the problem??\n\nI don't wanna be a whiny prick, because we all go through breakups, and my situation is certainly not harder than anyone's situation in this world. I just need a place where I can speak out my mind and not be judged. I dated a girl that I idolized, I see her for the angel that shes not. I was blinded by my feelings, and I see that now. Don't get me wrong, she was wonderful, loving, caring, and it just didn't work out.\n\nAround August 2019, we moved from our hometown to different countries for University (We started an LDR). After our 4th year of dating, she started changing. I'd like to believe that it was the people that she surrounded herself within University because I have never seen her act this way. When November 2019 came, she started doing something that ruined me. She would go out drinking and kept it from me, she also started ghosting me for days. I was not used to being ghosted because, throughout our 4 years of dating, she has never done that. And really, being ghosted by her ruined me so much. I started getting panic attacks. Initially, It was once every two weeks, then it became once a week, then it became 2-3 times a week. Eventually, she broke it off in December 2019.\n\nMoving on to January, I moved to a new country, a new city, a new environment, and things seemed like everything was fresh. I had the fresh start that I was craving for. But things didn't go as well as I expected. I got depressed, alone and so far away? I didn't have anyone to open up to, and a PHYSICAL connection with anyone. I did not have any friends in this new country. I started to open up a habit that I have locked away a long time ago, I started cutting. I cut myself when I was a kid so that my parents would notice, and signal to them that I'm not ok. But this time, I cut myself in a place where no one could ever see, my shoulders. So what's my motive? The motive was weird, but it worked. First of all, it calmed me in the midst of an anxiety attack. It took all the anxiety away in an instant. Secondly, If I was a \"self-harmer\", then no one will ever accept me for the person I am. (I know I'm wrong, but it worked). Yes, I was lying to myself, but at least I was not stressing on why I did not have friends like other teenagers. As if I was \"forced\" to live alone because of my lifestyle.\n\nIt was my sanctuary for a month, my cuts started to get deeper. I woke up one day and realized how badly scarred my shoulder was. My bedsheets were constantly covered in blood, my pillow, my trashcan is filled with blooded tissues. At a point, my cuts weren't healing properly because I would cut across the cuts and left nasty scars on my shoulder. I couldn't continue. Even though It helped me, I don't want these scars to stay forever. I needed to stop before it's too late.\n\nSo, I stopped hurting myself only for the fear of creating new scars. I turned to religion for answers, I have been blessed to receive answers, I know 100% that this is all going to blow over, and the sun will shine on me once more. But sadly, it did not take the pain away. The pain is very real and I was trying to numb it with WHATEVER helps.\n\nI did not write this to blame my ex. I have read and searched for answers to know that, this isn't her fault. I shouldn't blame her for making a call that I couldn't make. I could've walked away when the signs came out, but I didn't. Yes, she caused the initial heartbreak, but I am 100% responsible for the actions I have taken upon myself, and how I treat myself post-breakup. It took months for me to realize this, but it doesn't make things easier.\n\nI am still looking for ways to keep moving on with my life and try to be the best version of myself. I see clearly now because the clouds that have clouded my judgment had disappeared. It's somewhat amazing to see how far I have gone, yet scared of what's going to come. I have seen so many things from this depressing perspective, and I am not satisfied with the person I am. No one really knows what drove her away. Nonetheless, I aspire to be a better person in many ways. I aspire to be better in terms of mental health, relationship with God, and my character.\n\nThis crazy experience in my life has taught me to appreciate loved ones, parents in particular. Only when God takes away someone that I care about, I realize how lucky I am to have loving parents and supportive high-school friends that have kept in touch with me through this tough time. Yes, they can help me, but they can only do so much. I don't revolve around their life because they have their responsibilities and commitments. However, at the end of the day, I know that I am responsible for my happiness and I have to drag myself to the place I want to be.\n\nThis break up has been a roller coaster, there are days that I feel like I'm getting better, and there are days like today, where I feel like this will never stop. Hopefully, I will get through this soon and live my best life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m lonely and depressed",
    "post_text": "So I was off on a youth volunteer program, located across the country.  We would have been traveling to a second place, which didn\u2019t happen.  I was in a house with 10 youth from around Canada, who started off as strangers.  We were living together for 2 1/2 months before we were sent home, which was halfway through the programme.\n\nI met some of my best friends.  We have plans in over a year to do a road trip across the country.  But I won\u2019t see them until then, as we live so far apart from each other.  I loved the time we all had together.  There were ups and downs, but I got a lot from the experience.  I\u2019m generally quite shy, so it was amazing to be surrounded by people, socializing 24/7.  I definitely came out of my shell.  We would stay up late, and all sleep in the same room.  We would wake up, and have breakfast together.  Anytime I felt like going out for a walk, I always had friends around to join me.  We smoked weed many nights together, watched movies, and made food late at night.  It was what I always felt like I was missing, not having any siblings who I had this relationship with.  Anytime I was feeling a bit off, my friends were there to talk to me about it.\n\nAlso, I was independent.  I could do what I wanted and be who I wanted to be.  I wasn\u2019t being told by my parents how to behave, or being judged by a group of friends from home who I act a certain way around.  I came into the programme as myself, and only myself.  I didn\u2019t have to act a certain way to fit in with a group of friends, or act a certain way at home to please my parents.  Don\u2019t get me wrong, I love my parents.  But I\u2019m at the time of my life (17M, btw) where I want that freedom.  I want to explore who I can be.\n\nWe were supposed to travel other places, and fly to a different part of the country to spend the second half of the trip.  Then we got quarantined.  Then we were sent home.  My friend and I who happened to be on two flights took some edibles before.  We had to leave at 3:30, so we didn\u2019t bother sleeping before we went to the airport.  These edibles hit HARD.  Once I got to the gate we\u2019d be waiting at, I was paranoid.  There was people around.  These people might have COVID-19.  The seat I\u2019m sitting on might have COVID-19.  I can\u2019t escape it.  It is everywhere.  Whenever I heard someone cough, it felt like an impending bioweapon.  But I was trapped in this airport and couldn\u2019t avoid it.  I had a mini-panic attack in the washroom.  \n\nI got on the flight, and it was surreal.  I hasn\u2019t really processed things yet.  But I started to drift off to sleep, and saw myself at the house we were staying, with everyone in my volunteer group around.  Then I woke up.  And the whole world came rushing into me.  I was on a flight.  I was leaving.  I was going home.  I might not see some of those people ever again.  My volunteer program experience was now in the past, and I couldn\u2019t change that.  I wanted to cry.  It\u2019s not like I even really LIKED everyone in my group.  But after spending almost three months living with them, I was still attached to them.  And it was hard to leave that behind.\n\nAfter a blurry ~14 hours, I finally got to my home airport.  My parents met me there and picked me up.  I told them how things went, but it\u2019s impossible to really communicate my experience.  I got home, but realized I wasn\u2019t really home.  Things were different.  Society has morphed into a nightmare-like dystopia.  I\u2019m not even allowed to see all my friends.  How has the world changed so quickly?\n\nI was able to go out and see two of my friends.  We played basketball, and it was pretty fun.  I told them about how my trip was, and shared a few stories.  But it was weird.  These used to be who \u201cmy friends\u201d were.  They\u2019re still some of my best friends, of course, but now I have OTHER friends, who I consider to be almost as close.  And with these other friends, I have plans in the future to go on a road trip across the country with.  It\u2019s weird knowing that I know have other close friends, who my best friends don\u2019t even know.  And it was weird coming back home, seeing my friends, and knowing that I don\u2019t even want to be here.  I want to be back with my youth volunteer group.  My friends were really happy I was back, but I can\u2019t possibly feel the same way under these circumstances.  I\u2019m NOT happy to be back.  I don\u2019t WANT to be here.  My life is so depressing now.\n\nAlmost every moment since I\u2019ve been back, I\u2019ve felt like I\u2019ve suffered.  Sometimes, for brief moments, something has made me feel happy.  And I\u2019ve felt content for that moment.  But then I remember my current situation, and it feels like a pang to my stomach.  I feel like I can\u2019t escape this world of misery.  I know that COVID-19 will blow over, I\u2019ll have a good summer with my friends here.  And next year, I\u2019ll go on a road trip with my good friends from the programme.  But right now I just feel empty.  What am I gonna do for the next few months?  I wasn\u2019t even supposed to be here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help with a routine",
    "post_text": "so I have been battling depression since my teen years, but I have a good grip on it most of the time and take precaution. Due to recent events, I can feel my depression knocking at the door. I am actively searching therapy and medication. But I really need advice on a routine for me. I feel like this post is such a cry for help just screaming \u201csomeone teach me how to be a functioning human\u201d lol but like. I just feel like because I\u2019m depressed I take so long getting ready in the mornings, I move so slow and have so many things to do. So sometimes I just avoid getting ready and it\u2019s honestly gross. \nbut ok do you guys workout and then get ready for the day? Or do you get fully ready and then be productive and then just wipe off makeup and go workout then go the rest of the night without makeup? Do you brush your teeth before or after coffee? Is wet hair more acceptable than greasy hair? \nI want to start wearing minimal make up because when I do take the full two hours to get ready and make breakfast I feel so beautiful. Ladies any recommendation on light face moisturizer or makeup?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t feel like I\u2019m enough and I need help",
    "post_text": "Since the age of like 11 I would often get waves of depression and anxiety suddenly. I\u2019m mostly fine for a majority of the time and after each \u201cwave\u201d I try to pick myself up and go on like nothing happened, but anything either I or anyone else does could get me back down the same rabbit hole of wanting to die. My current theory is it stems from stress related issues caused by a dysfunctional household earlier in my life because of my parent\u2019s divorce. (It was rather messy, mostly because of my father). With these \u201cwaves\u201d of depression I often find myself getting very paranoid that people are speaking about me behind my back and that everyone hates me. I also start to believe that I\u2019m absolutely worthless and a pile of living garbage. I get really distant from my friends and family and my immediate reaction is to block them on all social media\u2019s and not talk or look at them. Lastly, while these waves happen with no pattern that I could sense I always seem to carry this guilt and shame of my past which leads to my almost always sad behavior. If anyone has any advice please help, I\u2019m so tired and I have no hope.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How should I do this 'homework' from a therapist",
    "post_text": "Hello,\n\nI am struggling with some pieces of 'homework' between sessions that the counsellor has given me. These are the tasks:\n\n1.) Call my friends and tell them how I feel.\n\n2.) Ask 10 people to describe me in three words.\n\nI'm struggling with both of these because:\n\n* I'm a 26-year-old man. I was not brought up to have - much less talk about - feelings. Sure, trying to break that sounds great in theory but one of my friend group tried that a year or two ago and none of us knew what to say or do at all. We felt so awkward and just left it. Some of our friend group just said this guy had had a few bad days and was blowing it out of proportion- not nasty but none of us know how to handle it. Family are out of the question sadly as they always become very angry with me for mentioning feelings\n* Telling friends I feel bad during a coronavirus pandemic is *incredibly* selfish- we've all got problems\n* It would also be proving them right- they've been hassling me contsantly to come home (even though it'd be illegal to socialise with them in person anyway RN, so kinda pointless). I've told them I feel better away from my parents for a bit longer, plus I can work on an essay I'm writing for uni. I live in a student area and students don't seem to be panic-buying like other groups, so i just feel more comfortable here. Saying I feel bad (despite feeling this way for 15 years-ish) would just increase their feelings that I ought to move in with the parents. I'm vehenmently against this\n* I know it sounds like I'm being critical and just shitting on the counsellor's ideas, but I don't think I'm going to be able ot do these tasks\n* I'm worried about disappointing the counsellor. We've had two sessions and at the end of each he has asked me what I found most useful and because I'm not really sure what to say I just say the first thing that comes to mind. We talked for 20 minutes about problems I've had about my appearance and being bullied for being ugly for aroun 15 years now and he seemed to think by the end of the conversation that I was healed. Some of what he said maybe will help, but I still have a long way to go (just FYI I'm not expecting counselling to 'cure' me I just need strategies and I desperately just want someone to share stuff with)\n* I'm struggling with a lot of the tasks during sessions too- last time I had to fill in a picture of a flower- one positive thing I could do instead of being depressed (it's a choice?) in each petal. I tried hard to overcome the immense \\*cringe\\* I wanted to react with but I just feel like I'm being picky.\n* He said for the second task to tell the people I ask it's for a uni project. I really appreciate this as a cobver-up but I just don't think it'll wash. Anyone male in my family would cringe like mad at being asked to describe another guy in three words, and my mates, well... you expect a group of lads to give serious answers to that (their sense of humour is appreciated, it just wouldn't make this task possible)? \n\n​\n\nI really don't want to disappoint the therapist- I already struggle to know what the correct answer is to his questions during sessions, and I can tell he thinks I'm weird. I desperately want to get better - this has been going in since I was 10 - and I've tried counselling twice before. I was going to try medication (which all counsellors I've met have told me not to, but with no reasons given) but can't now as the health servcie is so overworked right now.\n\nAlso there is one thing I want to discuss with the counsellor really badly (sexual abuse when I was a child, sorry if TMI), but he said in our first meeting that it's an ethics violation. I can't afford a proper counsellor (this is free through uni- I'm aware how priviledged I am and I am sorry that I'm just complaining) so I'd appreciate any advice on how I could work through this.\n\nThank you, and sorry again that I am complaining.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel extreamly unmotivated to go on with life",
    "post_text": "I see no point to this. I don't want to continue. I don't think I'm depressed or anything, but if I was given the option to never have existed I would take it. I never asked for life and I don't think I want it. The only thing keeping me going I suppose is the trauma I would inflict if people found my body in my apartment. Besides that my parents spent a lot of money on my education and without me to provide for them when I finish they may end up in poverty. I'm trying to do better but some things just seem to be taking me 10 steps back the moment I try harder. I think I'm growing number to life. I have a final tomorfow and I don't care.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m so scared.",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what to do. It feels like I might have a panic attack right now, I\u2019m just trying to stay calm. I don\u2019t really know what to write, or what to say. I just need to do something to distract myself. My parents think I\u2019m doing great with staying home and stuff, but to be honest I\u2019m really stressed. I haven\u2019t done much schoolwork because it makes me even more stressed. I\u2019ve been sewing a lot because I don\u2019t know what else to do. I think of all the people scared right now, and it makes me more scared myself. I don\u2019t want to talk to anybody, because I don\u2019t know what to say. I feel like I want to cry, but I just can\u2019t. Physically, no tears will come out. I\u2019m sorry, I just needed to write something. Thank you if you read this. I\u2019m just in a not very good place right now, health wise. It\u2019s just really hard",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know how to deal with this anymore.",
    "post_text": "Since I could remember I've always been off emotionally, I've tried therapy, and medications it never helped. I should probably give context but, I am just lonely to the point where I feel like nobody gives a shit if I'm alive or dead, even though I know I have people that care. I get really kind of \"crazy\" if you will, when I'm having a depressive episode. When it gets really bad I isolate myself from everyone around me, and it usually helps calm me down if I'm getting to manic. This would work when I had school and saw people, I was able to sort of have a connection to the outside world, then I'd go home and not talk to anyone and just listen to music and exist. Now that we have a self-quatantine all day I'm just alone, and when I have these episodes I have no one to turn to. Even to my closest friends I feel like a burden, and I don't want them to worry, I'm aware at how cliche I am. The last few days have been really hard, and I just don't know how much of this I can take while being alone. I just feel very panicky, alone, empty and depressed, and usually my \"episodes\" don't last several days, but this one is, and I don't know how to deal with it now. My only coping mechanism doesn't work anymore since I can't go to school then isolate myself. And it's getting awfully painful just being me, and living like this. I know and hope it'll be better soon, but right now things look awfully grim and I don't know what to do about any of yhis. I don't know what I'm expecting from posting this, I'm just hoping maybe writing it out could help somehow.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm all alone",
    "post_text": "No one likes me. I am the fuck up of the family. I'm the ugly fat stupid sister. All of my friends leave after 2 weeks. No one cares. I want to make another attempt on my life but I am so afraid that I will survive again. I dont want to be here I dont want to live. No one knows the real me and no one cares about me either way. My family wants nothing to do with me. I just cant hold on much longer. I want to cut myself so badly but I gave away all of my knives. I feel lost. As if I am drifting in the endless expanse of space. No one can hear me cry and choose to ignore my pain. Someone just talk to me in the comments I just need someone to be here...even just in the comments....",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need someone to talk to",
    "post_text": "I always feel anxious and can change moods immediately, it usually go fine to angry to sad to scared and I have no idea what to do. My parents think I am over reacting, I have no siblings and I have the feeling that my friends think I am annoying and hate me. I just want to be able to talk to someone about it. I just want someone to talk to and help me. I\u2019m getting angry and sometimes want to hurt people I don\u2019t want to hurt. I have a lack to motivation to do work. I don\u2019t feel the need to eat. No one is helping me with this, no one is talking to me about this. If I did ever tell my friends I would think they would say I was being weak and whiny. My family would just say boys shouldn\u2019t cry and I need to be stronger to be a real man. I am now starting to get thoughts in my head about killing myself and I really don\u2019t want to. I want to hurt myself but don\u2019t want to. I am really scared. I have had these thoughts since the age of 6 and now 7 years later I now want to talk to someone comforting.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "what's the best messages to send to someone who is depressed but not replying back",
    "post_text": "I probably should just drop the ball on my friend but I wanna try to reach out. I typically have deeper talks w her and she leaves me on read, she's kind of ignoring me when I ask mundane things too.\n\neven the funny memes (maybe she doesn't find it funny) are seen but not replied to. not sure what to say or do, and I know times are dull for everyone but I just want my friend to message me back, even if it's a \"leave me alone, pocket\".",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling, just need a real friend",
    "post_text": "​\n\neverybody in my life has disappeared, nobody checks up on me, all i want is for someone to message me pretty much daily, just to make sure i am ok (i kind of need it) every time i try to talk to somebody i either get ignored, of they ghost me, nobody has checked up on me really since my mom passed a few years back, and my mind has stayed in what i call the dark place since then, and i am fighting a losing battle just to stay sane, all i want is one true friend, gender does not matter, though i seem to have more in common with women\n\n​\n\nif i get a response (which i doubt) we can chat on here but i prefer kik or discord\n\n​\n\nsorry for the rambling novel",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I depress my partner...",
    "post_text": "My partner and I have been together for 11 years now. We're very much alike and most times, that's great. Except for one.\n\nWe both suffer from depression. Different reasons sprouting from different childhood crap, but the end result is the same; both of us lying in bed for a few days under the covers. The problem is, I think my partner is an emotional sponge, because it almost ALWAYS works out that I get depressed first and then he will too, just two days behind. It's gotten to the point that I'm getting really intense anxiety over getting depressed myself because I don't want to do that to him. It feels like something I'm inflicting on him and then leaving him out to dry cuz I'm still screwed up. I'm there for him when he's depressed, no question. But anyone who has had depression knows you're not 100% when in the middle of it, and it seems so unfair to me that he's the strong one for me but then doesn't get the same level of help when he goes under. It's like I get someone to lean on but then he only gets someone to wallow with.\n\nHe says that's all he wants, just some company and reassurance. But it's hard to really hear that; I was raised by narcissists and it's still hard to really accept that I don't have to be on top of/am not to blame for other people's emotional state. I just want some advice on how to better deal with the anxious thoughts surrounding this so I don't feel like it's something I'm putting him through, or maybe just some general ideas of how to better be there for him when I'm depressed too. The best I've come up with is focusing on the fact that we always make it out the other side together, but this anxiety is really getting the best of me this time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need Help:/",
    "post_text": "I don't know what I'm going through right now. Feels like my head going 100 miles an hour everything seems to be a mess. I can't focus on anything!  \nI can't go anywhere either because of the quarantine. Every little thing seems to annoy me a lot and I want to be left alone. Even when someone's trying to help me out. I don't want it I don't know why. This happens from time to time for a certain period.  \nEverything seems to put me on edge. If anyone knows what I might be going through please help me out. I can't understand anything.  \nThank you in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u00b4m so tired and I feel like I\u00b4ve lived three times already",
    "post_text": "I\u00b4m 19 and I always say, to myself, that I feel like an old woman who has lived three times already. I am so sick of everything. I know very well, that this thought is not normal but damn I dream about being hospitalized, filled with pills just to forget that I\u00b4m still alive. I don\u00b4t want to be aware of anything. \n\nI\u00b4m tired of life. I\u00b4m mad at myself because I don\u00b4t trust anyone enough to talk about my problems. I wish I had the balls to end it but I don\u00b4t. Not because I\u00b4m afraid to fail, but because I don\u00b4t want to leave my parents behind thinking it was their fault. \n\nI\u00b4m sleeping up to 14 hours a day (especially bc of quarantine) and I wish it was more.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t feel comfortable being sad around my partner",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been diagnosed with MDD just about a year ago. I\u2019ve had ups and downs and just really low points. The only person I feel is really there for me is my mom, and even she doesn\u2019t seem to want to try and understand my depression.\nMy girlfriend tries to be there for me, but she\u2019s expressed to me that my crying and sad behaviors make her uncomfortable and upset. I can understand how she feels about it, but it\u2019s gotten to the point where she just ignores me when I\u2019m sad. I don\u2019t even feel like I can cry to her and tell her how I\u2019m feeling without ending up just leaving the room because I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll make her uncomfortable or that she\u2019s get upset at me for just being sad. \nIs this a bad sign? Should I ask her about this more? Is it wrong for me to feel upset about this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Family crises",
    "post_text": "I'm 31. 9 years ago I met my wife in my small hometown in East Tennessee. I fell in love with her, but she was from Midwest Florida, and had a 3 year old son already. Soon after we met she got pregnant with my son. Growing up with a father that lived in Illinois, I knew immediately that I would do anything to be there for my unborn child. So, we decided to move to her home town in Florida where all of her family is, get married and start raising her first born and our new baby. I've always had depression to some degree. We've had a rough marriage almost from the start. So, we've slowly been drifting apart this whole time. On March 28th we started the day off with sex. I felt like a million bucks. As the day went on she said she was tired of being couped up in the house all week because of the Corona virus. She wanted to go to a hotel to \"get away\" I supported her decision to take some time for her self and told her she should go. Eventually she decided to not go to the hotel and instead go out with one of her girlfriends and her sister. I once again supported her decision. She left at 2pm. As I was at home with our boys playing in the pool making burgers for them and having fun I realized she'd been gone for almost 6 hours. I started calling her and she wouldn't pick up, so I Facebook messaged her friend she said she was with, and asked her to have her give me a call. Her friend was surprised to say the least that I was contacting her, mainly because she wasn't with her. She finally called me around 8:30 after her friend contacted her to see what was going on. Caught in her lie, she immediately confessed that she had driven an hour and a half to go out on a 37 year old rich guys boat for a while. After their boat ride, they went to go get Publix subs in his 2020 Corvette. My wife works at a successful car lot, and this was one of her customers. she actually sold him the boat and the Corvette. He knows that she's married with kids. She swears they didn't do anything sexual. I'm kinda losing my shit right now..... I've always been suicidal. My mom caught me in 5th grade trying to kill myself. I love my boys more than anything in the world, and I love her. She's got an amazing family that supports her no matter what (as the should). So she talked to her family about what happened and they all have her confidence. I don't have any family here, nowhere to go when things get rough. She's just acting like nothing happened. I'm extremely upset about it, she said they didn't do anything, but I can't stop thinking about her fucking some other guy in his boat. Before the Corona virus we went to 1 therapy session, and the woman diagnosed me with severe anxiety disorder, and that we need to get to the bottom of my problems so I could be a better man for her. We have a phone conference scheduled for Wednesday. I couldn't sleep last night, my heart has been beating out of my chest, I can't relax, and my breaths are short but frequent. So far it's not let up, I'm sitting in an empty church parking lot right now. I wanted to post this to get it off my chest and maybe give me relief? The feelings of suicide are very strong right now, but I could never do that to my boys. I have no where to turn, and I don't know what to do about it. All I can do is think of how much of a piece of shit I am to push her to this point which isn't helping my already venomous thoughts about myself..... I don't want a divorce, but I'm so upset, I can't even look at her.....thanks for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I changed physically",
    "post_text": "I (27f) recently got a dramatic haircut and gained weight (about 5kg) and was too depressed to do anything about it. It lead to acne, hair all over my body and face\n\nIt's getting worse with my need to be validated and I feel that the more needy I become the less people reassure me or want to interact with me.\n\nMy social media likes have gone from 100 to 0 real fast and I have no self esteem any more. I wonder if I whined about my image too much and if my friends just hate me now or got sick of me.\n\nI am since trying to tackle the weight and interact positively on Facebook and Instagram but no one wants to know any more. Has depression and anxiety ruined my life? My image to myself and others?\n\nI feel all alone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t afford these visits",
    "post_text": "I can\u2019t afford these visits anymore. I keep going to visits for medications and nothing is working. None of the medications are working. My doctor told me yesterday to get a new medicine and it was $200 for a month supply and my insurance wouldn\u2019t cover it. Nothing else works. Now I learned that the visits r $150 for a freaking 10 minute session. It doesn\u2019t make any sense. I don\u2019t think I should be going to these sessions anymore. I should just get myself off the medications at this point. I\u2019m just getting scammed at this point.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m a high school senior and I\u2019ve officially lost everything I\u2019ve had to look forward to",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 17 years old from Texas, in my senior year of high school and after working so hard and having some of the hardest years of my life through high school I was really looking forward to seeing all my hard work pay off, but now I\u2019m not getting that opportunity just like so many others. When the whole corona virus stuff started I never though it would hit this close to my home and that it would have this big of an impact on everything, I had already paid for my cap and gown and had my senior pictures done and even my invitations were ready to go but now the pictures and invitations are all in a box in my parents closet. I think the worst part about this is that no one seems to care and when it\u2019s brought to their attention all they have to say is some shit like \u201cOh sorry, life happens\u201d what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I worked so hard to keep my depression under control but this has just put me at a whole new low and I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going to happen to me if I can\u2019t find some help from someone soon.. I could really use some comfort and help right now...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m so fucking depressed to the point of not being able to get out of bed and starving myself. Why am I still here?",
    "post_text": "What the fuck is wrong with me? No one fucking cares either. Everyone just acts as if I\u2019m fine when I\u2019ve been fucking depressed to the point of thinking about how to commit suicide for the past 3 or more years. I have thought about leaving my house in the middle of the night and hanging myself in the woods. I have had so many thoughts of fantasy about how I\u2019d commit suicide. I\u2019m at the point where I could do it and no one would know to stop me. I feel completely and utterly worthless. \n\nMy mind is overwhelmed 24/7 to the point where it feels like it will explode. I am losing weight because I am starving myself. I am not drinking enough water. I can\u2019t be bothered doing anything. No one talks to me all day. All I do is lie in bed and cry. What the fuck am I even doing here still?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me get over it.",
    "post_text": "I've been depressed for about 2 years now and nobody cared enough to notice. My familly bullies me and keep saying that they are helping me with my homeworkand stuff but all they do is yell at me. I don't have any true friends. I have some fake friends because i didn't wanted to be alone but i still am alone. I have no one to talk to, no place where I feel safe ans no place for myself. I stood on the edge of the roof of a flat and I thought about just ending it but I dodn't because I thought it would get better but every time it gets better it gets even worse after. Now I regret not ending it. The world wouldn't miss me. Is it possible to get over this because I don't want to isolate myself forever. I want to know how it feels to be loved.\nJust to let you know i'm 14.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Getting kicked out from masters program",
    "post_text": "I know my problems might be minor to some people and I expect to get a lot of \u201csuck it up\u201d comments but here goes...\n\n I have been feeling unmotivated to improve my personal goals. Been taking lamotrigine and escitalopram. I have a really busy job, I want to just rest after work. I have no desire to complete my masters program anymore. My first semester I got As but last semester I got an F and this semester I bombed my first exam and missed my second exam. I don\u2019t want to try anymore... it\u2019s hard right now. \n\nMy SO says I need to push myself and be better but I don\u2019t know if I can\u2019t anymore.. I\u2019ve been pushing myself my whole life to have enough money to take care of my mom n sister... I just need a break from all of this.  \n\nAm I a failure if I just not complete my program? Or should I just take a break? I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": ".",
    "post_text": "I'm looking for some advice I'm a teenage male I have a pretty good life but I have been having a lot of mental problems I feel empty non-stop sadness a feeling of uselessness and a Borden and a lot of suicidal thoughts I'm not planing on acting on them idk what to do I need help but I don't know how to ask for it the only one that understands is my best friend I just talked to her about it a few days ago after she kept asking me what was wrong talking to her help but I didn't tell her about the suicidal thoughts because her problems are a lot worse then what I'm dealing with she has several mental problems and don't what to worry her and idk if I should tell her about the suicidal thoughts and I don't know how to ask for professional help if u have any advice about this let me know and sorry if Im rambling and for any misspelling",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how would've you reacted \"You can start by apologizing for being depressed\"",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, this is a quote that a super dear friend of mine said when she was upset and angry at the world. I couldnt handle this quote, and I had to shut the conversation after a fuck you for that. the context is that I was naming a couple of coaping skills (cause god knows that's something I've learned a lot of in the last couple of years) and he/she said stop, I proceed ed to say, in just trying to help, sorry, (which I didnt intend at all to sound like I was mocking him or her), this was followed with this message\nsorry if u dont understand but I'm still agitated and he/she wont talk to me.\nI just wanted to know how any of you guys that has depression and anxiety would've reacted and how do you interoperate this quote. pls help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone else experienced anything like this?",
    "post_text": "\nI've been dealing with depression and anxiety for nearly five years now but recently been dealing some stuff I haven't experienced before. I've been having  thoughts that I feel like i can't control - not all the time but a lot. When it happens i feel out of control and like I can't stop thinking. Normally those thoughts are desperate or self loathing and sometimes its suicidal (not active). I feel like someone is injecting thoughts into me and that I'm just kinda there as those thoughts are happening unable to stop it. \n\nI've also been having weird dazes where I feel like I'm just doing everything on autopilot. I don't really know how to describe it honestly except sometimes I feel like I'm thinking nothing at all, or sometimes it goes hand in hand with those racing thoughts. A couple of times when this happened at college I would be walking around campus but didn't feel like I was really there. \n\nI don't know what's going on but I feel very out of control and i'm worried. Any input or advice would be appreciated",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me... I have no reason to wake up in the mornings",
    "post_text": "I have just been feeling lonely, empty and purposeless. This has been happening on and off for over 5 years now, maybe longer. Every now and then I\u2019ll have a few good days but the bad ones never seem to end.\n\nI wake up in the morning and just want to go back to bed even tho I have so much i \u201ccould\u201d do. It\u2019s like I have no drive or motivation.\n\nI don\u2019t know why I\u2019m here or what the point of my life is. Everything seems to meaningless and I just can\u2019t seem to find my way. I\u2019ve tried hobbies, hanging out with friends, talking to people... but it\u2019s all so temporary. \n\nI\u2019m yearning for love and attention and when I don\u2019t receive it from my significant other, it cripples me. I\u2019m too needy and insecure and don\u2019t have any sense of self. I feel like that\u2019s going to cause my relationship to end as well.\n\nI\u2019ve tried therapy for years and it helped temporarily but then became another meaningless part of my routine.\n\nAny advice would be appreciated on how to overcome this slump and become a whole, independent and happy person..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on",
    "post_text": "I was always the guy that never thought he would get depression you know. Honestly me even saying that I have depression makes me feel like less of a man, it makes me feel like one of those emo and edgy kids from school pretending to be depressed and in their feelings. \nEverytime I felt sadness or lonely I just take a break and go to sleep or just get back on the grind and try to push through it. \nBut I don\u2019t know, lately it\u2019s gotten so much worse. \n\nTwo weeks ago for a whole week straight I had insomnia, and I\u2019ve been feeling lost, unmotivated, frustrated, anxious with everything. My life is falling apart because I\u2019ve been being unmotivated to do anything. \nAnd back then If I ever felt unmotivated I always thought that it was just a lack of discipline to do the things I dream and strive for. \nBut lately it\u2019s been different. I\u2019ve been in my feelings every night, and I sleep for more than 10\nHours daily. I\u2019m always tired, I feel lethargic, unmotivated, and I need help. \n\nI looked up what the things I\u2019ve been feeling could mean, and the Internet keeps suggesting I have depression. \nBut I don\u2019t feel overwhelmingly sad, I just feel overwhelmed, stressed out all the time, my body doesn\u2019t just want to do anything. My\nMind just wants to take a day off. I just wanna give up on life. No I don\u2019t want to die, but I can\u2019t bring myself to try anything anymore. I want to make D1 Soccer in college, but I just don\u2019t feel like it anymore to practice and train and so I deteriorate in skill and fitness. \nI guess this is Karma because someone told me a while back they were feeling the things I\u2019m feeling now and I just told them to step up and be a man, and kind of just disregarded the\nPossibility of them actually being depressed. Even then, I used to have a friend who was depressed and I told her to just stop being depressed and own up to her actions and feelings, I told her it was just a lack of strength and that she just lacked discipline. \n\nBut I guess now I understand. And I hate it. I\u2019m not a weak person, I was so dedicated to soccer, and I was full of motivation like a\nMonth ago, I don\u2019t know what happened. I decided to just take a step back and figure it all out, where these feelings are coming from. I realized that I have something deep inside of me, but I don\u2019t know what it is. It\u2019s so much i have to keep digging. \nFor 2 weeks I\u2019ve stayed up thinking and praying and just trying to figure it out. \n\nI didn\u2019t know I was hurt, I didn\u2019t know I was lonely, I used to Just say fuck it, fuck feelings, pro athletes make it big because they don\u2019t let their feelings get in the way. And\nFor a while it worked. Until it didn\u2019t. \n\nI keep unpacking and unpacking. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do. I tell myself I\u2019m going to turn my life around but every morning I fail. I\u2019m on my way to being bed ridden, it\u2019s just a matter of time. I\u2019m losing motivation day by day. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do. If I ask my parents to take me to a therapist they\u2019ll just shrug it off because they won\u2019t believe I have depression. I don\u2019t even want to have depression, and I want to believe that I don\u2019t even have it. \n\nBut I don\u2019t know. I guess I just need to let it all out you know?\n\nI feel so alone. I feel lonelier in school and in class with 25 other people in the room than I do in an empty house. I feel lonelier in a crowd than I do just being alone in my bed room. \nI don\u2019t have anyone in my life who will really care about me you know, like take the time to understand me. I know my parents care, but they won\u2019t understand me, and trust me I\u2019ve tried. There\u2019s such a divided of culture and philosophy between us. They\u2019ve come from a poor background and worked their way up to have a stable and happy life with me and my brother. They never felt depressed, they never looked back, they just worked and kept going. And that\u2019s why I\u2019m trying so hard to just be so strong and try to not let depression just get in my way,because they had it worst than I did and they achieved so much. But it\u2019s so hard. Nobody hits my phone up, asking me what\u2019s up, or how I\u2019ve been. And if they do, if I say horrible or try to talk to them, they\u2019re gonna be like \u201coh sorry man, hope you feel better\u201d. No one is there to understand me, or take the time to really care. Friends? What friends? All of them are horny simps. They would talk behind my back if it meant they could keep the conversation going longer with girls, and trust me it\u2019s happened on more than one occasion. They\u2019re all dicks. I\u2019m supposed to pretend to be fine and happy and chill, or else I\u2019ll be judged for being in my feelings. They\u2019ll say I\u2019m on my man period or something. I don\u2019t have friends, and I\u2019ve been trying to distance myself from the people I hang out with. \n\nHow do they do it? They all loook so happy. Messing around with girls, being happy with their girlfriends. They\u2019re all so happy to have each other man. They\u2019re so tight. And I\u2019m not part of their deep circle. I don\u2019t want to be. I don\u2019t want to be like them. And I have no deep circle of my own. \nI have no one who has my back. A lot of my \u201cfriends\u201d just use me to cover for them if they didn\u2019t finish their homework. \n\n\nI got the captaincy on my soccer team. I know many of those \u201cfriends\u201d who are my teammates have been plotting and feinding behind my back. \n\nI\u2019ve tried talking to girls, but I lose interest real quick because I know i won\u2019t get anything deep with them, I won\u2019t have a real connection with them, because I feel like I can\u2019t trust them.\n\nI feel like I can\u2019t trust anyone. They can\u2019t understand me. They can\u2019t understand what I\u2019m going through. \n\nBefore this covid 19 shit, everyday I go to school I just see everyone in their groups talking and smiling. And I don\u2019t know, for 3 months I really haven\u2019t felt like I\u2019ve been a part of a group, man. I don\u2019t feel like anyone out there is gonna give me the support. \n\nThe last relationship I was in, I thought I fell in love with her, and she said she loved me too. But I always fought with her. I realize now that it was just me trying to push her away, because I was scared of her leaving, so I tried to push her away subconsciously because I was scared that she would break my heart and so i just wanted to have an excuse to break it off first before she could have a chance to hurt me. \nAnd I kept telling her to leave, but she said that she wasn\u2019t gonna go anywhere because I was worth it. And slowly I started feeling at ease. But then we broke up. We had a huge fight about her not putting me first, her best friend getting in the way. I said I would choose my dreams over her, but I also said I didn\u2019t want to lose her. And then she said I lost her already. And we broke it off. \nShe said that she would stay. She said she would stay and figure it out. But she didn\u2019t. I guess she just couldn\u2019t take it anymore. \n\nEveryone tells me they\u2019re going to be there for me, but when I need them the most they aren\u2019t there. \n\nIt\u2019s hard for me to trust. \n\nSophomore year, second semester, I lost faith in everyone. My best friends left me. I felt so alone.I hovered around different friend groups but I still felt alone. I was bedridden for a time. I think I buried it deep down , because I don\u2019t remember much about that year except how I had the worst season in soccer of my life and that I wanted to die. I didn\u2019t see a reason for living, and I hated everyone.\n\nAnd then that summer I got my shit together, started training for soccer,and I thought I healed. But I guess I didn\u2019t because junior year here we are. \n\nI feel abandoned. I feel alone. I feel lost. \nThese things never bothered me before, but why now???? \nWHY IS IT PULLING ME DOWN NOW? I NEVER HAD PROBLEMS THESE PROBLEMS ALL JUNIOR YEAR?! \n\nYou know my ex, got over me so quick. She already found a prom date, and she and her best friend replaced me with another guy. Double replaced. This guy they replaced me with is annoying as hell though, but he\u2019s so much smarter and more athletic than me. I guess they did better than I did. \n\nI\u2019m just here alone, no one to have my back. I guarantee you, no one would give two fucks about me. No one thinks about me. No one is there to check up on me. I have no one. \n\nAnd it\u2019s killing me. I thought loneliness was strenght, cus Kobe was lonely, and he became one of the greatest athletes of all time. So I thought me being lonely was gonna help. But lately, I don\u2019t know, hey I\u2019m sorry for a mess of a story I just told. I just need some help and needed to let it all out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to start rapping, it helps me with my stress but nobody understands.",
    "post_text": "My family is messed, childhood abused and single mom I am putting that behind me now PERIOD. I want to start rapping because so much more happened in my life and im done with it. I think I have \"raw\" talent but I dont want to sound ignorant. My mom dont like rap at all. I started doing drugs and stuff but I am 13 now and I want to be a rapper.... I got lyrics and talent. Determination? And I wanna start over again... Im done with never sleeping because I am suicidal im so done.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me sane and i think he is getting tired of me",
    "post_text": "im in a long distance relationship with the most beautiful boy ive ever met. i love him so much and things were great. but lately my mental state has been deteriorizing more and more. lately i started to have severe panick attacks. when im feeling bad talking to him makes me calm down. but lately i can feel im draining his energy everytime i hit him up to talk about how much i hate myself and how much im sorry. im not telling this to him because it would be guilt tripping as fuck, but if he leaves me i will be left with literally nothing, and just the thought of it makes me fucking scared.\n\n i dont know what to do. i wanna get better for him, but it seems impossible. nothing i tried has worked, and im desperate.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i have this feeling that I think i will die alone...i will never be loved",
    "post_text": "I have been single my whole 22yrs of life never have been gone to a date what so ever.I have tried talking to girls and to socialize all failed...i have been trying to do postive work  for example working out ...keeping my mind set positive..but nothing changed its the way it is...all my freinds are having serious relationship and all .one of my freind is going to get married...i feel happy for him...but at the same time i feel sad...i always see couples everywhere sure i actually dont have any idea what going on with the couples the drama will be behind the scenes...but i want to be happy i want some to be my side i want to feel loved and cared. i have been really sad lately... working out in home helped a little but i just have that gutted feeling i would like to hear you're ideas and all",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know how I feel.",
    "post_text": "So I have been in a weird phase. I just wake up everyday and try to do as many things I can do to keep my mind busy. And once I'm alone or free, I fall in a dark well and my mood changes. I really wanna cry but I can't.\nYesterday, I turned off the light and put my headphones and started spinning for almost an hour. I fell on the floor and get up. Till I finally fell and couldn't get up. I stayed on the floor and couldn't move or feel anything. Then I had a panic attack.\nP. S. I take my medication regularly.\nBut I'm just really exhausted and can't go on like that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like everything i've learned is going to waste",
    "post_text": "I'm a 21 year old that identifies as female. A lot of my intrusive thoughts revolve around feeling useless and not being able to help others. I'm in the best place i've been emotionally and mentally, and just 1.5 years ago i was at my all time worst. I'm desperately trying to share my story and growth in hope of helping others. I've started a blog- but it's not getting attention and It's spiraling me into a pit of feeling worthless/useless/ like i won't amount to anything. I just want to help people.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling bad for doing better?",
    "post_text": "Let me start with a little backstory.  \nMy mental health has been slowly deteriorating since October. It got to the point in January/February where I couldn't function normally, I wasn't going out, I couldn't eat, slept the days away and I even failed one of my classes because I couldn't focus on studing. At the end of February I went to my university's psychologist and the lady suggested that I should go to the psychiatrist and go on antidepressants. I wasn't really surprised so I've made the appointment and was really hopeful to get my life together.  \nBut then the coronavirus happend, my appointment got cancelled, uni went online and I had to go back home. I was terribly disappointed, to say the least. And because I'm home and I'm around people all the time I don't allow myself to be extremely depressed. I force myself to go out of bed, to eat, to somehow function because I'm scared to show how I'm trully feeling. I've completely disconnected from my feelings to the point where I don't feel anything.   \nAnd in the back of my head there is that voice, that is saying that I'm faking being depressed, that if I wanted to I could've been better at the begging of the year, that it's all in my head and I had no reason to feel this way.   \nSo my question is how to understand that just because I'm \"doing better\" at the moment I'm not magically healthy? Because I'm afraid that I'll convince myself that I don't need help and I won't ever go to psychiatrist.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anyone with a tired and worn out soul",
    "post_text": "My soul feels tired ! Can someone tell me what\u2019s the reason , and what might help me out of this . I lack motivation i lack doing the tiniest of things for me i lack any interest in my life . The major pressure i have right now on my head is that i have responsibility of my family over my shoulders being the only grown up child for me widowed mother and young siblings.\nI have to look after them , but its been six months i only drag myslf as a living corpse and nothing else. I was a girl with really high ambitions and strength before . Looking at my current situation kills me . I feel the pressure to stand up strong for them and act brave , I cannot say no i cannot back off i have a commitment with myslf to be there till my last breath for them . But i really want this inner battle of myslf to calm down so i can stand up strong and support them. I dont want to feel dragged , i want to be able to do it all with strength.\nAnyone who can give any advice as to how i can help my soul with this situation will be of great help . \nI really need this . Maybe alot of things get easy for me in this lifetime and i fullfill those promises i made with myslf !",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm drowning in the darkest and deepest hole I've ever been in.",
    "post_text": "I've suffered from depression for as long as I can really remember and have had some pretty low points in life but i was able to pull myself up and drive on to do and be better. I'm married now for 5 years and have two kids 2 and 4 years old and active duty service member. Recently my wife has cheated on me and left me alone and unloved. I found out about her affair and now I just don't want to feel anything any more. I am so hurt and crushed and in the deepest pit of depression I think I've ever been in. No amount of sleep distance or alcohol is helping its everywhere I turn and I don't know what to do anymore....",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can anybody help? ^^;",
    "post_text": "I'm sorry for asking, but how could I talk to my therapist about suicidal thoughts?  ^^; I've just started going to therapy very recently and I'm still about to have my second session in a few days, but I actually have a suicide plan and I think I should talk about it to her. I've never told anybody before, and not even my parents know about my occasional suicidal thoughts. They will obviously get that information since it's something quite alarming, and I don't really know what I'll do about it when that happens D: I'm scared because maybe my therapist will think I'm crazy? Or what if I end up inside a psychiatric hospital? I Those thoughts are scary :c",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "anyone else struggle with finding value in themselves because nobody else does? you feel inadequate because nobody else cares about you...",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s so hard to be content with myself. Be on my own. Rely only one myself. But I need people. \n\nDo you feel like you stopped caring about yourself and stopped actively \u2018living life\u2019 because it seems like nobody in the world gives a damn whether you\u2019re dead or alive?\n\n\nLike, nobody ever contacts you or reaches out to ask how you\u2019re doing. you spend so much time pouring into relationships, doing your best to make sure people like you and then in the end...they just forget you. You only hear from them when YOU initiate contact.\n\nI guess i\u2019m just wondering if anyone else has a fear of being forgotten. I spent so much time nurturing and cultivating these relationships but ultimately...you can\u2019t keep it alive on your own. It has to be a mutual effort. And that\u2019s what kills me....being the only one that cares. It\u2019s always been this way.\n\nBeing the only one that misses people. People who probably have never even had a passing thought about you. I guess i\u2019m just having a hard time accepting the fact that I don\u2019t mean anything to anyone. \n\nHow do you guys cope with the silence? Waking up every day with this intense emptiness that almost paralyzes you. Knowing today is another day I won\u2019t hear from anybody. Today is just like yesterday and tomorrow will be the same. Feeling forgotten, like you\u2019re just a ghost roaming around aimlessly. A ghost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression Help, But From the Other Side.",
    "post_text": "My SO is bipolar and their depression can be triggered by almost anything. They put on a good face with most people but take a lot out on me.\n\nI worry about them and do what I can to make it things as stress free as possible for them. I cook, clean, do laundry. Taking them things to work when they want. Offer support. Try to understand them, but that gets difficult sometimes. The relationship isn't good, they don't appreciate what I try to contribute especially when depressed, and it leaves me feeling not only on my own, worst off because I'm caring almost full time to them.\n\nThis is kind of a rant, but I need help helping them while striking a balance for myself because I'm quite burnt out getting no reciprocity in the relationship.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I will randomly need to go to the bathroom and break down crying out of frustration every single day. Please help me, I don\u2019t know what to do and feel like there is no hope left for me.",
    "post_text": "It happens almost every day. I\u2019m so upset and with no hope whatsoever. I can\u2019t do anything but lie in bed and think about how terrible and depressed I am. I\u2019m a lost cause at this point. I\u2019m worthless. There is literally nothing I can do. It\u2019s been too long like this, suffering every day in silence and thinking about suicide all the time. I am tired of this life. I have no energy to do anything whatsoever.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t go more than 5 minutes without crying",
    "post_text": "These last few weeks have been the hardest in my life. After covid cleared out college campuses and my partner and I were forced to go back home my boyfriends family told him since he was back living under their roof he would have to follow every one of their demands. In the town where we go to college we were seeing each other multiple times a week. And the week before we were booted we spent every hour together. As soon as we got home his family told him he could no longer see me. I understand we are in a pandemic but we had been swapping spit even that same day they told him to quarantine. If he had anything I definitely had it and vice versa. I agreed to two weeks not seeing each other, not knowing how hard it would be. Even after that ended they didn\u2019t want us to see each other because during that time my state issued a stay at home order. I have not been able to see friends (obviously) and my family is abusive and toxic there isn\u2019t a single day in the house that there aren\u2019t screaming matches. I lost my motivation to do any of my classes that went online. I stopped eating, I started drinking, and taking pills in incrementing amounts hoping I would gather the courage to kill myself. I started cutting myself so I could distract myself from the emotional pain. All I do is lie in bed, and get water once a day. I cry so often starting as soon as I wake up, and even more so at night. I haven\u2019t been able to sleep well, sometimes at all. I only fear this situation is going to get worse and it feels like there will be no end. It was a shock to come from months of being with my person so happy to have it all stripped away so suddenly. If anyone has any tips that would help me, I\u2019d appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do anymore",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m scared. I\u2019m so scared right now. I\u2019ve been bottling up every bit of negative emotion, I\u2019ve been smiling and saying I\u2019m ok. I\u2019ve been pretending out of fear. I\u2019ve been keeping the smile on, fighting inside for it to stay on. I can\u2019t tell anyone. I can\u2019t speak to anyone. I mustn\u2019t say anything about what I\u2019m feeling. I can\u2019t get any help. I just can\u2019t. Nothing is going to change. If I say anything I\u2019ll break. If I say anything it\u2019ll all end. I don\u2019t know what to do. I want to talk. I want to scream. But I\u2019m afraid of being shoved away like I usually am. I\u2019m afraid of being hurt again for saying how I\u2019m really feeling. I\u2019m afraid of being called crazy. I can\u2019t speak about what\u2019s really going on. I\u2019ve smiled and laughed and small talked my way through these months of torture. The sun is shining yet a hurricane is raging inside of me. \n\n\n\nI can\u2019t take it. I can\u2019t talk. I can\u2019t do anything. It\u2019s getting harder and harder to lie. I lie everyday, my very existence is in itself a lie. I want to tell somebody, but who do I tell? Who is left? The smile is crumbling. Im afraid when it comes off I\u2019ll break, literally. I\u2019m afraid that it\u2019ll end in an outburst. I\u2019m afraid. Im so afraid. the plans, crying while everyone else slept, screaming in my head as I say \u201cI\u2019m ok\u201d to my therapist. if I tell the truth, I\u2019ll suffer worse consequences. I\u2019m so stupid. \n\n\n\nI want to tell. But I can\u2019t. I just can\u2019t. I want help, but I can\u2019t get it. If I pour my heart out, they will put me in the back seat of the car, my parents, and drive me to the hospital, while they tell me it will all be fine. I know with the current circumstances they will see it as a last resort, but what if it gets so bad there isn\u2019t anything else they can do? I\u2019m so scared. I just want a hug. I just want it to end. I\u2019m sorry that the smile is disappearing, I\u2019m sorry that I\u2019ve been lying this whole time. I\u2019m sorry for not being strong and not hearing all the positive words. I won\u2019t do it, not now. But I\u2019m so close.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No longer actively depressed but now I need help beating the apathy.",
    "post_text": "I think my life has been changed forever by the major depressive episode I had last year. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever feel quite like that again (I hope), but it\u2019s left me a parting gift. I just don\u2019t care about most things anymore. \n\nThis is positive in some ways \u2014 it makes me less of a perfectionist for example; good enough is fine and I don\u2019t get choked up on the little things as much. However, it is also very very negative in other ways. I will go for several weeks without doing my laundry, wait until the last second to do assignments, won\u2019t clean, etc. I have NO sense of urgency or shame, particularly urgency, but still have minor guilt after the fact if someone comments on my slobbishness. Like, if someone was coming over and I had an hour to clean I wouldn\u2019t get everything done. I\u2019d probably pick up a few things and say I\u2019m sorry for the mess and feel guilty afterwards that I\u2019m a slob. But it wouldn\u2019t make me change, however and that annoys me. \n\nI know that I do care that these things are happening, but there\u2019s a total disconnect from actually caring enough to do them respectably. For example, I would like to clean my room because I enjoy the look and space of a clean room. I know it makes me feel accomplished when I do. But a bigger part of my brain doesn\u2019t mind living in squalor because it is so apathetic to everything. I don\u2019t like this about myself. I want to be timely and disciplined but I have a hard time caring and almost 0 motivation (though it\u2019s slowly creeping back in occasionally). \n\nI feel this may be a discipline issue but I would also like some sense of motivation or ambition. I get like this with my career goals too. I want to want more for myself, but I don\u2019t act on it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Thank you for reading.",
    "post_text": "Hey,\n\nI don't know if anyone is going to read this or not, but if you do, thank you.\n\nI haven't been on a date in two years, been intimate with someone in 3, I know that doesn't matter and it doesn't matter to me that much. But it feels nice to be attracted to in some way. Every single girl in the past two years has ghosted me. Every. Single. One. I tried paying for tinder, paying for match, paying for bumble, and clover. Tinder is kind of a joke but I'm just saying I tried them all. I went out and tried to meet people in bars, games, events. I've had a woman look me up and down and say \"ew\" and walk away after I tried to talk to her. I don't know, the biggest thing I want in life is a loving wife and beautiful children. And I may only be 22 but I want that long relationship where there is nothing but love, started at a young age. I don't want to be 50 finding my soulmate. But nowadays people see one thing they don't like about you and they just assume the relationship will never work.\n\nI've lost several friends this year because of how things have changed. My friends also ended up trying to make plans without me and hide the fact they were hanging out, most of the time it was because they wanted to smoke, and I dont. And my work has me travel, often, and for at least a few weeks at a time several states away and I can't go out and spend time with friends or family, because I don't know anyone and there aren't any co-workers nearby because they usually send me to areas where they have no one. And it just amplifies the depression and started to develop insomnia because of my depression and having a hard time trying to fall asleep in a hotel room.\n\nI also play softball, I'm halfway decent but I'm not good and it gets to a point where there are really good players on the team and I still end up sitting the bench, I even paid to be on the team and they didn't, I ended up paying to play this year but kind of have my heart set on quitting, it's gotten to be toxic to me because I expect more out of myself than what happens, and just like the world everyone focuses on what you did wrong, not the many good things you have done.\n\nThis quarantine has not helped me mentally and the constant ghosting, friends making plans without me, and softball. Thank you for listening.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Idk how to get out of this funk I\u2019m in",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019ve been out of school for the past month now because of the plague and honestly idk how to recover from... whatever I\u2019m going through.\n\nLike I understand that self isolation is important, and I get that it\u2019s required and I want to do whatever I can to help, but it doesn\u2019t change the fact that it\u2019s making me go insane. I keep telling myself I shouldn\u2019t be angry or let it get to me because I\u2019m living with my mom who\u2019s in a nice house and I have books, computer, a switch, and all the Netflix and Disney+ I could want, but I cannot find motivation to do anything.\n\nI really don\u2019t do well with online schooling in general, and on top of that I\u2019m an art major taking 16 credits of classes that all have finals of performances so online school just got a whole hell of a lot more inconvenient. And I\u2019m doing my best but I didn\u2019t \u201cgo\u201d to class today or Monday because I just couldn\u2019t get out of bed. \n\nI feel like if I could find something to work on I\u2019d feel better but I just feel like nothing is coming to mind. I joked with a friend about starting a YouTube channel because at the very least it\u2019ll give me a project to focus on and improve my video editing skills (double major film production and theatrical design so it also feels relevant to my future) but I don\u2019t have any ideas or content which is probably a large problem in that plan.\n\nIdk, does anyone have advice for how to actually find motivation to do stuff? I\u2019m struggling to do anything that isn\u2019t work (I work at my university but because I moved off campus I now have ~1.5 hour commute each way) and I hate feeling like I\u2019m wasting my life away doing nothing when I could be doing something.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I really just hate myself and I'm trying to change, but it might be too late?",
    "post_text": "I'm 31, live with my mom and her boyfriend, and have 0 social life. \n\nI suck at my job that I don't even like. I have a shitty attitude about everything and I constantly feel down and like I'm missing something. I don't have any of what I consider REAL problems on the outside so people often wonder \"What is even her problem?!\". It was more like I was lazy and finding myself and now at 31, my family is very concerned about me. They're all just as messed up, so it is even more humiliating for me that they are even worried.\n\nMy major problem is I have no spine, I try way too hard to be liked, and I have lost touch with reality and what it means to engage with other people. After much reflection, I have no idea how to change. I'm truly one of those \"toxic\" people in every sense of the word and I don't know how to change or be aware of myself. I have no friends, no kids, no one but my mom.\n\nIt's so embarrassing, but I feel like a teenager still. Like I have no idea how to care for myself or be my own age. I still feel like I'm just starting out, but I'm not. I just cant get myself together.\n\n​\n\nMy mom wants me out, people ask me all the time why I don't do certain things or go out or meet people. My anxiety si through the roof and my depression is out of the world and it all boils down to one simple fact - I am in my own way. Everything is entirely my fault and I don't know how to change. I feel like my life is over. I'm out of time.\n\n​\n\nMy life is ruined and I don't know what to do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I Don't Want to Talk About It",
    "post_text": "I am depressed. I live a joyless life. I don't want to kill myself but I don't really see the point in living.\n\nI keep seeing ads or public service announcements with celebrities that say: \"Do you want to talk about it?\" \"Find someone to talk to.\" \"I'm here for you to talk to.\" My problem is that I don't want to talk about it. I am ashamed. I feel weak and incapable of solving my own problems. I feel like my life is objectively great with no real reason to feel this way. I don't want to whine, I don't want to dwell.\n\nBut I do recognize that talking about it has to happen if anything is going to get better.\n\nThe people close to me clearly see there's a problem and inquire. My default response is: \"I don't want to talk about it.\" Or I ignore the question. Or I change the subject.\n\nHow do I get over this hurdle of being able to talk about this with anyone?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Bottling up and i cant anymore",
    "post_text": "In short i was depressed and had social anxiety and generalized anxiety for a couple years.For the last few months i can say finnaly i am no longer depressed or my depression has gotten really better as there are still days when i feel extremly low but those days happen maybe onde or twice in two weeks.My social anxiety is i would say seriously lower as i could not speak to people and now i have almost no trouble approaching a stranger but keeping longer conversation is still a struggle but im working on it i just need practice.The biggest problem was GAD...I spent half of 2018 and whole 2019 in constant worry i felt like that period of my life was one constant panic attack and i seriously worked on myself made peace with some stuff from past and when last panic attack occured  couple months ago i just said to myself i cant be like this no more and basicly numbed myself and life was pretty decent for last two months but as it always happens its all starting to come back and i became emotionless and detached..Life feels too cold and lonley and my anxiety is still there in my mind but i cant express it..i feel like a bottle that is soon going to explode",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Kicked out of therapy",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a 16 year old boy, I went to my first session and cried, I was so ashamed that I had cried in front of this woman that I didn\u2019t even know that I said to mum I wasn\u2019t going back but I did go back, this time I said to myself I won\u2019t cry or let any sort of guard Down, which I did, another week passed and I go to my third session, this time I don\u2019t really answer any questions or if I did it was \u201cyep\u201d \u201cnope\u201d \u201cidk\u201d so after the time was up she said something like you obviously don\u2019t wanna be here and we\u2019re gonna stop having sessions which I acted like yep that\u2019s what I want too but really I wanted to open up more than anything in the world but thought it was weak so I couldn\u2019t do it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Scared, lazy, anxious, perfectionism and depression, messed up life I got",
    "post_text": "I hate myself every time there's a opportunity to learn something new, here I am hesitating when to start, staring blankly on the screen, then the worst part procrastinating on memes, funny videos, netflix or even house chores.\n\nChallenges I hate that, I envy my friends, always ready to take on new challenges, being the best version of their self and then they reap the rewards of taking the risk, the opposite happens when I face new challenges, panic attack, complaining, whining and thinking negative constantly. My friends are earning near six digits yet me is stuggling to get by on my meager income, most of the time thinking I might get fired on every messed up I did on the office. \n\nI always wanna learn to code so I may better my chance of earning more or atleast a self fulling hobby, when there's an opportunity or time to learn I always hesitate on starting maybe because I'm scared like a kid who is afraid of math. Coding is painful especially the debugging part but it is very fulfilling once everything run. When I was a kid I love to draw but my parents enrolled me on a engineering course focusing on IT, so there goes my hobby slowly getting forgotten. I envy my friends in college who are quite into technical stuff, I do love tinkering but when it comes to tinkering something about school there goes me, avoiding it or procrastinating on studying. I know a bit of coding stuff but I'm not that good on analyzing instruction, algorithm, pseudocode etc. I struggled at school but manage to graduate with not so good grades (average, just passing). So theres that my opportunity getting hired is not so good but still manage to get a job (Im thankful they still haven't fired me at the office, even tho I'm the dumbest, cringiest, lowest confidence employee, slow on getting instruction and full of typos on my email and bad at presentation/report)\n\nI wanna conquer my fear but anxiety is messing up with me. Then depression sets in reminding me I'm a failure at everything I do, anxiety letting me think I'm hated by everyone and everything would go south. I wanna have growth mindset but everytime I try I bury myself deeper into this pit of hopelessness and being pathetic.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What if it\u2019s scientifically impossible to get better",
    "post_text": "As the the title says what if it\u2019s just scientifically impossible. Think how millions of people commit suicide, who\u2019s to say that any of them had a chance of getting better. While sure other people recover from depression, we all know depression works on a scale, who\u2019s to say there isn\u2019t a cut off point in which there is literally no hope for recovery? Obviously we don\u2019t know everything about the brain so this is entirely a possibility. I don\u2019t know if this is even requesting support to be honest as, I feel like, as my post suggests, support might just be useless and I\u2019m destined to die depressed. I guess this is more of a last minute cry for help before I just give up and accept I\u2019m gonna kill myself at some point",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Life just wants to see me suffer",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m tired I posted here before and I talked to the hotline people they don\u2019t help and my fucking pc decided to stop fucking working but it\u2019s fine what\u2019s the point everything breaks at some point I will die someday who know but it\u2019s fine I\u2019m just tired I guess life loves to see me suffer it\u2019s amazing. If I can\u2019t help myself then no one can help me the only thing I\u2019ll miss is nothing but hey they said being alone is bad but I don\u2019t know I have no one so ugh.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How am I supposed to get help when no one will listen?",
    "post_text": "I'm in my late 20's and life has constantly taken a dump on me, I need to talk to a therapist, everything in life feels meaningless, nothing is fun anymore, and I can't take it.  I came really close a few times in the spring to just ending it and realized I needed to get help.  Talking with my friends didn't help, which is fair, they're not professionals, but when I talked to my doctor he also kinda brushed off my concerns and gave me a referral to a therapist.  I tried calling their offices multiple times but no one answered the phone or replied to the messages I left.  Tried again with a different therapist but the same thing happened.  I know my phone works and at this point I feel like the universe is just trying to tell me to kill myself, the only reason I haven't is because I don't want to make my friends and family sad.\n\nWhat should I do here?  I feel like trying again is just going to lead to failure and make feel worse, again.  I wrote a few paragraphs about my situation but cut out all but the most relevant stuff, I can provide more info if needed, I'm really just at a loss and don't know how much longer I can go on when everything seems to keep going wrong and I have so little to be proud of.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Finally spoke to my parents about my depression. Their reaction wasn't quite what I had thought.",
    "post_text": "I (20M) have been living with depression for the better part of a year now. I was always afraid to tell my parents because they worry too much, and I didn't want them neglecting their own health over mine.\n\nHowever, the circumstances over the past few days, added with the COVID-19 outbreak and the subsequent quarantine has broken me like no other, and I finally opened up to my parents about my feelings.\n\nThey told me to \"stop being a baby\" and to just \"snap out of it\".\n\nWhat do I do now? I have never felt so lost in my life. And this is coming from a person who hasn't had a proper social interaction in more than a year. \n\nAny help would be much appreciated. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression interfering with studying. Mind keeps jumping back and forth between \"gotta study this now\" and \"there's no use, even if I max out my life and potential, there's still no use\". What are some tangible things you can do in this exact moment to rally the mind 100% behind studying?",
    "post_text": "Rally as in \" (of troops) come together again in order to continue fighting after a defeat or dispersion.\n\n\"De Montfort's troops rallied and drove back the king's infantry\"\"\n\n​\n\nFeels like some of the mind keeps wanting to give up and kill myself. And some wants to study. And trying to rally it all behind studying without these suicidal thoughts distracting me from studying.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression has gotten pretty bad.",
    "post_text": "Hi, so in these last months my world has been flipped upside down with the COVID19 messing with everything. Due to this I have had to move home into my verbally abusive household and finish my college program online. On top of this I am working a cashier job I hate, and I am left alone with my thoughts everyday I come home from work. My friends haven't contacted me in a few months and I'm always the one reaching out to them, and my partner is very distant.\nI haven't felt this alone in a while. \nAll in all everything keeps going wrong, one thing after the other. And I am tired of it. My suicidal thoughts have become evermore present this past month, and I'm requesting support because I just don't know how to feel okay anymore. \nI don't expect to be happy all the time, but I can't even remember the last time I felt happy. \nI just don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am very lonely and my house mate bangs his girlfriend every day behind my wall.",
    "post_text": "I am 39, trying to cope with my depression. It was triggered by being alone for 2 years, after 9 year long relationship.  I am frustrated as fuck and my hose mate fucks his sexy girlfriend every day in the next room. I am dying inside. \n\n I am well built, smart, have passions and interesting job but still can't make any connections with women. But I would be able to live with that, maybe even fix it, but now I am locked with two horny people in one house and I want to blow my brains out. (metaphorically speaking so far). Headphones help a bit, but its not only about noises as you guys might guess. I cant stand their happiness, it just reminds me of what I am missing out on. I can't be happy for them, and it only makes me think worse about myself. They are looking for a new place but it might take months. Same for me if I want to move out. \n\nI am scared of loneliness. I need some sex but it dose not work for me with prostitutes. I tried Tinder and other stuff, no real results and I am loosing hope with every day passing. I mean I am now talking to a bunch of strangers on the internet to flush some of my frustration away and get advice.\n\nI started therapy but it is too early to say if it helps. I don't want to be swallowed by this demon but it is chewing on me for some time now. Maybe you guys can help me out... I'll try anything to get better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you get past feelings of guilt?",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nI've been recently wondering what to do to get past feelings of guilt over past mistakes and wrongdoings. I know that I hurt some close friends quite badly when I was severely depressed. (I'm not using it as an excuse for my behaviour, as I still said the terrible things and was unkind to them.) Now, I've looked at those mistakes, spoken to people and have been working to make myself a better person and hopefully a better friend to other people in the future. \n\nGiven all of this, how can I get over the feelings of guilt over what was said? I know it's not healthy to hold onto such feelings but at the same time, I'm not sure how to stop thinking about those actions and feeling bad.\n\nI've read somewhere that as we grow, learn and improve from our mistakes and to forgive ourselves, but I am not sure what techniques to try in order to do this.\n\nThank you for reading :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do to help myself during quarantine?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m home for work by choice (school closed and I\u2019m immunocompromised)...I spend the weekdays getting the kids set up with their work and just hanging back until they need me or it\u2019s time to switch tasks. A lot of hurry up and wait. My husband is totally fine with just doing housework. For me, I\u2019m absolutely sunk in depression. His suggestions have been go for a walk or a drive. I know he means well but that is not going to do it for me. I\u2019ve struggled with depression all my life and I\u2019ve tried exercise, it\u2019s just not for me. I\u2019ve been working since I was 12 and I\u2019m 31 now. I can\u2019t do this. I don\u2019t know when it\u2019s going to end and that doesn\u2019t even matter because it\u2019s happening right now. I know there\u2019s much more major stuff happening in the world and I acknowledge and appreciate how lucky I am. But that doesn\u2019t change this pit of depression I am in and can\u2019t climb out of. Please help I just feel 100% hopeless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I really need help",
    "post_text": "I need help\n\nI have a step dad and a rather emotionless mother. They've always been very \"bossy\" in a way. By that I mean they do whatever they want to and they don't care about my opinion at all. And when I try to talk to them calmly they just say stuff like - \"This is how we are and you can't do anything about it\". They also call me hopeless a lot of times and say personal things to me and this has always happened but I expected it to stop when I turned 18 a month back. They're currently angry at me and they're blocking the wifi and my sim card for no apparent reason and I just feel so helpless. I can't talk to them or make them understand how I feel. When I told my mother that I have nobody in this house to talk to she said \"aw you've had such a sad childhood you're so innocent but im sorry thats just how it is\".  They take away my phone whenever they're upset and I'm stuck in the house because of quarantine and I just dont know what to do. And to make it a little clear, my real dad was an abusive alcoholic and my mother STILL says stuff like that to me. \n\nI've also lost touch with almost every friend I have. I do talk to them but its empty talk. I only really have one person in my life that I can talk to, and that is my girlfriend. Just the thought of her not being there makes me feel so alone\n\nCan anyone who has been through the same stuff please guide me on what I can do? I feel so depressed and frustrated its killing me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can SSRIs worsen creativity/interest in arts/music?",
    "post_text": "Hi, not sure where to post this. I\u2019ve been making music since I was 7, and I come from a traumatic background. In bad times, I\u2019ve often turned to music to help me deal with the negative feelings and it has been constructive most of the time. My mental health got worse through high school and college as a result of constantly repressing my trauma and trying to push through with sheer willpower and stubbornness. My life is a wreck as a result; I\u2019ll spare the details, but I now have no college degree and haven\u2019t held a reliable job in almost three years now. I kept up music through those hard times, and the last song I wrote/released was in August of 2019. Around the same time, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD and I switched from Prozac to Zoloft (both SSRIs) which I\u2019m currently on. The OCD has improved somewhat, but I can\u2019t bring myself to play my instruments since that month and I don\u2019t know why. Even when I listen to music on Spotify, which I used to do for hours per day by choice/enjoyment, it feels like I just hear noise now; the patterns that I know I could recognize by ear before feel arbitrary and I lose interest before it can even form. I\u2019m doing introspection with my therapist and trying to get to the root of this problem, and I\u2019m sure there are environmental factors/life events that have contributed to this as well. Is this a common side effect for musicians/artists on antidepressants? It\u2019s hard to find anything written on the matter online.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to cope with loneliness",
    "post_text": "I'm struggling with a debilitating level of loneliness which is making me so depressed and anxious that I can barely function. It's awful and it's been this way for maybe seven years. I don't have much hope of it getting better I fear as I become older it's going to be harder to form connections and I'll be even more isolated than I already am.\n\nI've been trying to listen to a lot of music to connect with to make me feel less lonely. What do you guys do to help cope with loneliness?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "My english is bad sorry\nOk so I have bad migraines every 2 days and I googled it and it says that depression, neck pain and migraines are connected. I go to therapy but I dont take antidepressants. My suicidal thoughts are awful lately and when this stupid corona thing goes away should I talk to my therapist and talk to her about it? How should I tell her that I need antidepressants? I really need them because I read that they can help with depression and migraines at the same time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to talk to doc?",
    "post_text": "Hi all. 24 M here and around thanksgiving I finally did something about my depression and mentioned it to my primary care doc. Long story short I take 100 mg sertraline daily now and things have gotten noticeably better over those months, but i now am seeing a trend that frightens me a little. \n\nI know mood swings can be a side effect of a lot of antidepressants, but I\u2019m finding myself more prone to flying off the handle into fits of anger super quickly. Not too much more often, but I\u2019m way easier to set off, and I quickly become unhinged, to the point I\u2019m afraid honestly. (Yesterday I had a moment I had to sit because I got so worked up i was afraid I\u2019d hurt my dog (he was running away outside) , which I never ever want to do). I went and cried/ had a long think after that. \n\nIdk how to bring up to my doctor my concerns about these outbursts, and whether or not to chalk it up as side effects or if it\u2019s another part of whatever the hell is going on.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "feel very lost and need advice.",
    "post_text": ". i really don\u2019t know how to start here. so i\u2019m 20 M, i work at a supermarket. i wasn\u2019t diagnosed with anything ever but i have very long stretching depressive episodes, and feel worthless a lot. i graduated high school 3 years ago almost having no idea what i wanted to do. about a week before classes started i signed up for college only because i was forced by my family and friends. i went to college for 3 semesters, and the 3rd one i felt very very depressed, and i was just in a rut. physically, emotionally, all that. i felt horrible i would stress eat like no tomorrow and would just be sad all the time. i stopped going to classes and skipped about every final i had on my 3rd semester. this was 2018 fall. so at that point i decided to gap for a bit, and i have been until now. my parents however have had no idea, and they think i\u2019m still in college. i leave the house to go to temple and just learn about my religion a bit (judaism) and go to work at the store other days. i have been lying to them and everybody else for the past year and now that i\u2019m home all day and with my parents because of the pandemic, i really feel lost and i feel so uneasy about everything. my mind has lingered to suicide at points, and thoughts of it were there. i know i did this to myself by lying so profusely and frequently, but i really feel like i have no talents. i don\u2019t know what i would want to even do. i was never academically gifted. i don\u2019t have anything i\u2019m really good at. i like video games but even at those i suck. i just feel very purposeless and useless. i have been for the past year and a half almost. i don\u2019t have much money saved up either. i really just am lost. lost enough to the point where i\u2019m asking for help here on reddit. i don\u2019t know what to do at all anymore, if anybody has any ideas please tell me. thank you so much.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm obsessing over a man that doesnt think twice about me.",
    "post_text": "So here's the deal. I've been involved off and on with this guy for over a year, with a strong falling out ending our \"friends with benefits\" the first time. But once we matured and got over it, we started seeing each other again. I've always had feelings for him, but have kept them at bay. He's very aware of these feelings because I've told him. However, he doesnt want ANYTHING more than booty calls and the occasional sleep over. He's honestly kind of an asshole, but I am so fucking infatuated with him that it scares me. I find myself constantly checking to see if he's read my messages or is online or has posted something. I can't stop thinking about him. \nI try so hard to keep myself distracted with work or hobbies, but my mind immediately goes right back to him when it's all done... \nWhat do I do? I want him to show some kind of emotional bond towards me, but I know that's not something I can control. I need help accepting the situation I'm in. \nI honestly think I'm so head over hills for him because I dont think I'm good enough for anything more. I'm overweight, and he's gorgeous and fit. I feel like I dont deserve or can't get more than him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything was going great and then it went downward spiral",
    "post_text": "I don't know what to do and it's too early for me to be crying. But my ex (who I still love and care for so much) just messaged me this morning asking to hang out because he's moving and we might not see each other again. \n\n​\n\nBackground of the story: we broke up maybe 2 weeks ago and he's been battling depression, hence why I am here to learn more and help him about his situations. Never thought I would be the one actually seeking help here for myself. (I can't really think of anything else right now, I'm too sad about it).\n\n​\n\nI don't know, but I feel so down and broken right now. I just need someone to talk to about this and I don't know what else..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "[17f] I\u2019m sad and stressed all the time, really confused and I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "post_text": "I constantly feel that I\u2019m not good enough for my family and friends, that I\u2019m ugly and stupid. I know that I\u2019m not, but I\u2019m kinda starting to believe it. Some days, the most minor inconvenience can cause me to just give up completely and start crying. During these times, I just feel that life is pointless. It used to be not as bad, but now it\u2019s escalating and I don\u2019t know if I can take it anymore.\nOne of the worst parts about this, is that I\u2019ve started to shut out my friends and family. I feel really bad doing it, but I have do do it. One of my friends, who I thought I could tell about this, started to tell others and they made fun of me. I was traumatized. I don\u2019t want that to happen again.\nPlease, help me with this. I can\u2019t take it anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "(16m) Really don't know what I'm gonna do in any aspects or why",
    "post_text": "I'm feeling very bad recently, I know there are lots of teens saying they are depressed when they are not  and stuff but I'm really confused, everyone is telling me to choose what I'm gonna do cause I'm already 16 , they are telling me to become a doctor , a lawyer or smth , but all I can think of is ,,will it ever matter\" ?, Will anything I will or will not do ever matter? , And like it's not enough feel incredibly alone, is see my friends having fun,going live , chatting , and stuff but I'm all alone idk why I'm not too unsociable but I am really confused and sad,\nWill I ever be happy? ( Main thought of the night) and if so will it ever be real? Im afraid hapyness of all kind is like a compromise between reality and desire.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My teen brother depressed during quarantine",
    "post_text": "Hi all,\n\nThis is my first time posting so I apologize if I miss a flair or something.\n\nFirst of all, I'm a grad student living at home with family. I have a 16 year old brother that I live with, with my mom and other sibling (father comes by often to visit). My bro has always been the type of teen to spend hours alone in his room, usually in bed, in the dark (lights almost always off). He is usually on his phone and listening to music. Pretty typical teen stuff though the fact he sometimes spends hours in his room in the dark, not particularly doing anything, has always worried me. \n\nSince quarantining, so for about a month, he has become increasingly lethargic and unmotivated. He doesn't want to go outside for walks or drives. He is doing some of his school work, but missing meetings and other assignments. His sleep schedule is all over the place, I honestly don't know how much he sleeps and how much he just spends laying in bed.\n\nMy parents are not the best at handling the situation. It usually results in yelling, sometimes violence, and my brother usually reverts more into his seclusion and silence. I'm basically just looking for any advice. How can I help him? Thanks in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it normal for medication to make things worse before getting better?",
    "post_text": "I started a new medication yesterday, Fluoxetine in liquid form to be consumed orally after breakfast, i was drawing as usual but suddenly i got memories of stressful moments of my life, which made me incredibly angry, i reached the desire of screaming and punching stuff, haven't break anything thankfully.\n\nAfter 5 practice sketches i decided to call it out for the day, now im in the bed eating junk food out of depression.\n\nThese things happened before, but this happened in such a unusual way, it normally happens after my ASSHOLE dad pisses me off. \n\nBut this time it was the memory alone that triggered my anger, i don't know if the secondary effects are meant to happen in just the next day of starting the treatment.\n\nI know this isn't the place to ask about medicine but in case this is more in the psychological side then i need a new perspective on the matter.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just found out the girl I\u2019ve speaking to the last 7 years is talking to someone else. Need some advice please.",
    "post_text": "Hi,\n\nThrow away account just cause I don\u2019t feel real comfortable posting this on my main account. Also excuse the formatting If it\u2019s not correct, and the length. I\u2019m a 26 year old male who\u2019s had a thing for their best friend (I know right) for the last 7 years (known her for 14 years) and I only just found out tonight that the reason she\u2019s been ignoring me for the last week is because she\u2019s speaking to another male. \n\nShes known I\u2019ve had the feelings for her for the last 7 years and she always tells me she doesn\u2019t feel the same way. We\u2019ve had so many arguments over some real stupid shit like her blocking me on social media when she goes out so I don\u2019t see any photos of her with guys because she knows I get real upset about it. \n\nEvery time we have the conversation of my feelings I always ask her to be honest with me and tell me if she\u2019s talking to someone, because it\u2019ll hurt me less coming from her rather than me finding out the hard way, and she always tells me no. The last time we had this conversation was 2 weeks ago. \n\nFast forward to tonight, I had a mutual friend come over who I haven\u2019t seen in around 2 years who asked me if I still have feelings for her. Me not wanting to show my emotions said I don\u2019t, so she then followed by saying \u201coh my god can you believe she\u2019s talking to *name**. I was like wtf are you talking about? She then began to tell me how she has been talking to our mutual  friends friend for the last 2-3 months. She then began to show me all these photos and messages that the mutual has shown her, so I got to see everything with my own eyes. I always had a feeling she was hiding something from me but I always got the answer no from her so I always ignored. \n\nShe\u2019s my best friend, she\u2019s literally the reason I\u2019m still alive. I\u2019ve been through hell and back with her, and I value her friendship so much that I can get through all the suffering and pain I have when she\u2019s around just so I can spend some time with her, but all she does when she comes over is sit on her phone for hours and just smiles at it. \n\nI\u2019m an absolulte mess right now. I have a heart condition and the last couple hours I felt like I was having a heart attack (from my anxiety attack) but that\u2019s only because I\u2019ve had a couple hours to take in the news. \n\nWhat do I do? We haven\u2019t spoken in 2 weeks. I actually tried to call her today to see how she was cause we haven\u2019t spoken and I did not receive a reply. \n\n\n\nDo I bring it up to her? I know she\u2019s just gonna lie to me and tell me she isn\u2019t talking to anyone. Do I just delete her out of my life? I\u2019m so lost and confused. It\u2019s a 14 year friendship (and my only true friend) and I don\u2019t want to lose it, but I don\u2019t think I can ever look at her the same or talk to her for at least a long time because she knew that me finding out would hurt me. I even told her I\u2019d rather hear it from her rather than anyone else because it\u2019ll hurt less, and she always says to me if I ever found out she was talking g to someone she knows I would kill myself. \n\nI\u2019d love to get some advice on what to do, because I don\u2019t have anybody to talk to about my problems other than her, but unfortunately this is about her. \n\nI understand that none of this is her fault because you can\u2019t control your feelings. But I\u2019m upset at the fact that she hid this from me, and apparently saw him and made out with him before she came over to my house for my birthday a few weeks ago.\n\n\n\n\nTLDR: in love with my best friend. She doesn\u2019t have feelings for me. She hid the fact she\u2019s been speaking to a guy which really hurt me cause I told her if she ever was to tell me because it would hurt less. She knows about my feelings and I know she doesn\u2019t have feelings for me. But I think she should of told me because now it has broken all my trust from her cause she lied. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm at my end point.",
    "post_text": "I feel so alone and like no one cares about me, I have no one to turn to for reassurance or comfort in these very difficult times. Other people have friends and family but I have no one. Suicide phone lines don't help me one bit and besides, I've called too much at this point and I consider myself a nuisance to them. I've attempted to make friends but I always ruin it or they're not interested and ghost me, let me tell you, being thosed or ignored is one of the worst feelings when you're lonely and trying to reach out for that human connection. I don't know what's wrong with my generation or society as a whole, it seems empathy has gone out of fashion with my generation or it went extinct.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm tired of my lack of motivation",
    "post_text": "Hi, first post here, so Idk if the flair is right and if I will be able to put in words my feelings. Anyways, I'll give it a try, so sorry for the long post.\n\nSince the beggining of the quarantine I came to live with my boyfriend bc I know if I didn't see him often I would lose my mind and terrible things might happen. My college is trying to transform our courses in online courses, and is mainly succeeding. In the beggining I sort out everything I should do, to not leave everything to the last minute, so in the first weeks I worked like crazy and managed to anticipate the majority of my tasks. This leads me to last week.\n\nLast week I confirmed through my professors and schedules that I was ahead of almost everything. I read most of the texts, wrote most essays, made almost everything that I could do. I had almost no day to just relax or do only minor chores. So when I took my bullet journal to schedule last week and this current one, I saw that if I did one task per day I would be free to read my book and be concerned with other things, since college stuff would be done. So I distributed one task for each day untill the end of this week. But I CAN'T DO THEM!\n\nIt is driving me crazy because it is only one simple task I must do that day, but I can't find ANY motivation to do them and now they're accumulating! I'm getting mad at myself because its just one stupid task! And I can't do it!\n\nAnd this lack of motivation is affecting other things. I can't wake up early to do my exercises anymore, I can't be happy doing lunch (I loved to cook, but now its just an obligation), even my games and my books don't make me happy anymore! I'm in a constant state of apathy and I hate this! And now I'm concerned that because of this my boyfriend will think that I'm just not happy around him bc of him, and thats not the problem at all.\n\nSorry for the long post and thank you in advance for \"hearing\" me. I would really appreciate some support words. I think I need an outsider to tell me there's a way to be okay again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Extremely depressed lately cause of..",
    "post_text": "I can\u2019t be a female, I can\u2019t get treated like a female, I have no female friends to sit back and girl chat with. I want to be myself and I can\u2019t, I\u2019m fucking trapped in my own body and I need someone to help me with this. It sucks but it\u2019s true. Amongst other things as well but that is a big one. I can\u2019t get out of my own heads and thoughts with this. I just want someone to fit once say \u201cHey girl!, what\u2019s up\u201d or something of the sort.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't keep going",
    "post_text": "I have almost no friends, I'm failing in all my school subjects, and I've fallen so deep in love with someone I can't have that I don't think my life is worth living.\n\nI've thought of killing myself many times before, but I've never gone through with it because of the impact it would have on my family and the people I care for.\n\nMy best friend is a girl who I've fallen in love with so hard that I would literally give anything just to see her happy. But she doesn't feel the same way towards me and I don't want to leave her as I'm the person she turns to whenever she has a depressive episode.\n\nIf I ended my life she would be left with nobody and I'm scared for what would happen to her, but I know she won't ever need me the way I need her and that thought itself is one of the reasons why I feel so down. I don't think I'm ever going to love anyone to the extent I love her so what's the point of living if I'm never going to be able to feel emotion to that same level.\n\nI'm sorry if this im just another stupid kid rambling about their problems but I just want to go to sleep and never wake up to face another day of loneliness",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know where to post this but I need help...",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m sick and I\u2019m scared. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s COVID-19, I had my test the other day and I had a small freak out.\n\nMy anxiety is through the roof. \n\nI live with my parents right now because I can\u2019t afford the rent at this time and my dad has COPD. I\u2019m not good mentally... the only thing helping me is writing and drawing and not thinking about it...\n\nBut distractions can only take you so far...\n\nWhat do I do?\n\nEdit: I\u2019m self quarantining myself to one room or the outside porch, so I hope I won\u2019t give it to anyone",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone tried online or phone therapy? Any recommendations?",
    "post_text": "Over the winter, I had been looking for a therapist in my city. After reaching out to several therapist with no replies, I just figured I didn't sound like a good candidate to them and I kind of got lazy and put it off. I have state insurance so maybe that's unappealing to therapists? \n\nAnyway I just tried to deal with my issues on my own and it was working ok for a few months. Then a month later the whole world kinda ended with this pandemic and people getting sick. Now the dread has returned times a million and I feel like I just can't cope on my own anymore. I know there so many others who have it WAY worse than myself. I have only been financially affected. I'm young and still healthy but I just can't pull myself out of this black hole. All my old problems have been dumped on with new problems from this pandemic and now its overflowing. I hyperventilate every time I think about my future and how I will pay my bills (event/gig worker here) on top of all the issues that I had before this.\n\nDoes anyone have advice or recommendations for online therapy or even phone therapy?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Group video chat with friends makes me sad",
    "post_text": "I had a group video chat with four friends on Zoom the other day I didn\u2019t enjoy it at all. There were two people in my group who were constantly talking about their own experience during quarantine, I tried to say my opinion and experience, but I felt my voice was submerged and unheard. They were saying in the group chat we should do another one soon I had to pretend to feel excited about it but in fact it made me more sad. What is wrong with me? A group of friends stress the hell out of me tbh.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looking at friends makes me depressed",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know why but every time my friends posts things on social media, I just get triggered randomly. My emotions go from curiosity to sadness to depression and to wanting to kill myself. I dont understand what the hell is wrong with me. I\u2019m a pretty logical person and I usually know the cause of my mental health problems\n\n I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s jealousy maybe but I don\u2019t think so?! I just feel like I\u2019m not good enough or that i need to be better. I guess in a way you could see it as fear of missing out but I like to stay at home a lot as well so I\u2019m not sure. I just really gotta fix this problem like there\u2019s no way I can avoid social media forever. I don\u2019t know how to cope with these feelings nor do I understand them. Please help ;(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just sit here and feel like crying",
    "post_text": "And I can't do even that, since I seem to have crying block. That aside, I'm just really hopeless.\n\nAnd the worst is, I don't even know why exactly I'm feeling like that at the moment. I feel really overwhelmed, like I can't wrap my head around it all. I'm lonely, I don't know what to do career wise, I'm tired. So fucking tired.\n\nSo I open up my laptop, and watch a movie, or series. And I feel even worse, cause I'd prefer their reality to mine. \n\nAnd I'm nothing like I wish I was,and I feel so often pretty much worthless because I'm not accomplished. \n\nAnd I wish I had some kind of purpose because it all feels so fucking aimless. I'm just tired.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know",
    "post_text": "yes, i\u2019m very spiritual, i am a witch. i tell myself to be happy. i\u2019ve never wallowed in my pain or sadness. i try. i try. i try. but at this point i don\u2019t want to try anymore. i keep telling myself things will be better once something happens. i\u2019m getting a new bed. i paint. but i don\u2019t know if it makes me feel better. i love this person. but i don\u2019t like it. i can\u2019t be in public, i don\u2019t want to be there. it scares me. i\u2019m in constant fear of everything. i can\u2019t do anything ever. my autism prevents it. i don\u2019t like. i don\u2019t like it. i don\u2019t know what to do. i love my friends. i just want to be better. i want to make positive changes in my life. \n\nthe people tell me that all i have to do is act happy and tell myself to be happy. and to just clean my room, just do my work, just do what i tell you to. it\u2019s not hard. that\u2019s what they say. i can\u2019t. sometimes i reach a point where they all yell at me. \n\nmy friends tell me that they are abusive, but if i tell anyone i will be in the foster system. i am under 18. i don\u2019t know what to do. i get looks this sometimes.\n\ni have horrible mood swings. i don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. tomorrow i will be giddy. i will get excited over simple things and have an anxiety attack. i can\u2019t breathe. i won\u2019t. maybe it will be over soon. i want to be in my own environment. i want to be me. i hate it so fucking much. i can\u2019t i can\u2019t i can\u2019t. no. \n\ni hate this so much. i hate me. i hate how i\u2019m hungry but there is no appetite. i don\u2019t know what to do. \n\ni wish there was something that would make me happy. i hate this. \n\nno.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\ni don\u2019t know what to do. i don\u2019t know. everything will be bad in the future if i don\u2019t. but i don\u2019t want to. i can\u2019t handle this. \ni can\u2019t handle not knowing. i don\u2019t know. \n\ni\u2019m not at a good point now. but tomorrow everything will be fine. but i know this looming force will come over me again. i don\u2019t want this anymore. sometimes it feels like i can\u2019t have it anymore. \n\ni\u2019m sorry. i\u2019m sorry so sorry i\u2019m sorry i\u2019m sorry \n\ni\u2019m sorry if this sounds like poetry. \ni\u2019m sorry to anyone who didn\u2019t like this \nim sorry to my family \ni\u2019m sorry to jack \ni\u2019m sorry for whatever i did to you that made you ignore me. i know you will never accept my apologies. i\u2019ve wronged you before and i can\u2019t again. i just wish you would understand. \n\n\nthank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everyone hates me and I\u2019m tired of it",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m tired of everyone hating me and treating me badly. I didn\u2019t do anything bad to make everyone hate me. No one wants me. No one has ever wanted to be my friend irl, no one wants to be my girlfriend, no one wants to have anything to do with me. Everyone just leaves me, even when they say they wont. The best \u201cfriend\u201d I ever had left me almost 2 months ago. Everyone just leaves, rejects, and makes fun of me. I don\u2019t get why. There\u2019s just no point in me living.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Still hurting from betrayal",
    "post_text": "I posted awhile back but I am still having trouble and I would appreciate the support. My \\[26M\\] ex gf \\[26F\\] cheated on me and left me for some guy she had only known for 3 weeks. I loved her so much. We had been together for almost 7 years. We had plans to get married and buy a home together. To travel together have kids and start a family together  She abandoned me and the dog we raised together for some low life with no career or education that pursued her knowing we were in a committed relationship.\n\nIt hurts. There are so many memories of the good times we spent together. I was so close with her family. She had always said she couldn't imagine her life without me. Now she's off with this horrible person acting like they're soulmates. I know I deserve better than someone who would cheat on me and lie about it. I am just still having trouble believing she actually did this to me and that she's gone and never coming back.\n\nI was such a good boyfriend. I made her breakfast in bed and surprised her with dinner when she had a late shift. I would plan special surprises for the holidays and birthdays. Yet she still cheated on me and left me. I go from sad to angry to depressed to sad again. I don't really know what to do.\n\nThanks for taking the time to read and comment. I know there are a lot of people out there going through hard times.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Very lonely",
    "post_text": "I have been suffering with depression for 2 years. After my ex girlfriend cheated on me and blamed everything on me, I have been falling deeper and deeper into depression. I have no friends at all, She was my only true friend. I talk to my mom about what's going on but not much anymore, I don't want to put more on her when she is already going through a lot. My dad has  Dementia so we both need to be there for him. She also has depression but the medication helps a lot for her. I really have no one to talk to. I go from my computer to my bed. Don't sleep getting tired of eating. Im just so lonely I have nothing going for me. I have learning disability so college is way to hard for me. That really bothere me, I want to become a police officer but to stupid to. I have been going to therapy for 6 years now it helps but there is so much going on in my head 1 hour a week is just not enough anymore. I put a sheet over my mirror because I hate my self and  Appearance so much can't stand looking at my self. Been on tinder/bumble for 2 years and still have not got a match witch makes me hate myself even more knowing that no girl wants to even talk to me. \n\nSorry for being all over the place just need to get it all out there.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed Partner (quarantine)",
    "post_text": "Hi!\n\nF(29) M(29)\n\nMy partner of 2 years asked me for space on Thursday after his therapist appointment.He said he didn't want to make any rushed decision (breakup) until he had a more clear view of things.We had just moved in together in January and now he isn't sure if he was ready. He has been struggling with being stuck at home, no sports on tv, and me nagging him to get out of the house with me for walks or just even eating in our patio. I had no background or knew how to deal with depression so I cried and made him feel responsible for what he was feeling. He said he was confused and didn't know if the quarantine or our relationship where the real cause of his depression. I left but didn't even hug him. I made some research and felt so gulty of not being compassionate to him and went back on Friday to beg him to trust me. He said he still needed time but that everything I had said helped him. I stayed away but reading everything I could, joined TalkSpace (which has helped me a lot) and felt very connected with people going through the same thing. I slowly realized his illness made him so unworthy of love that he felt that me being out of his life would help him. I kept on sending text of encourganmet once a day and have food, essentials deliveries to the house (the quarantine does not help). Today I came over in the morning and let our dog out and fed her. He was still in bed, I came in the room hugged him and reassured I would always be here. He had a drained/sad look on his face but hugged me back. I said I LOVE YOU and he could bearly get the words out. I then left..... I just need some help knowing things will pass. Ive done evrything I can and all left its to wait. Its just seems impossible when all I really want to do is hug him every morning.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im scared i will never have friends again",
    "post_text": "I have had major depression and anxiety my entire life, but i stopped seeing a counselor years ago. In 2016 i had friends that i would hang out with that were also my coworkers. We drifted apart and its my fault. After getting a different job i had a lot of coworkers and some would ask to hangout with me, but i always refused.\n\nSomething changed in me where i began to completely self isolate and push away anyone who tried to come close to me. Im an introvert, so i keep trying to convince myself that i don\u2019t want friends. But the truth is i\u2019m scared of never having friends again.\n\nI realized that truly the only close friends i have in my life are my boyfriend that i live with, my mom, and my boss. Im grateful for them, but i feel self conscious because i don\u2019t have any other friends my age.\n\nI deleted all my social media because seeing my old friends hangout together hurts, as well as seeing posts of people with their friend groups. I waste too much time comparing myself to others. But now i feel 10 times more lonely without social media.\n\nHow do i get out of this? I am too scared to reach out to old friends. Is it normal to have no friends? Have you gone through something similar? \n\nI would love to make online friends but i don\u2019t know how. I feel so alone, especially now that corona virus has taken away my job and i have no reason to go outside. I quit college recently too so it\u2019s really hard for me to meet new people. :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Afternoon Anxiety and Depression",
    "post_text": "For the past couple of months I have had really bad anxiety and depression at night. I have been dealing with both for years now, almost I think since middle school, I'm 27 now. However, since August of last year, when I had my first and only anxiety attack, I was out with my friends and my anxiety got so bad that I had force them to call me an uber so I could just go home and sleep it off. I told myself and my parents that if I didn't feel better in the morning, I was going to the hospital. I never felt that bad in my life and I have been worried about it happening again. There are a lot of stressful things going on in my life right now, somethings that I think maybe life changing, but I cant be sure until the time comes and it might be sooner then later. I can elaborate if you guys want, but its a long story. I feel fine in the morning, I feel great in the morning. I'm very positive and eager to get things done. It hits me around  3 or 4 pm. Something will trigger it that will cause me to think negative thoughts and it will affect me the rest of the night, but if I had that same thought at like 9 am, I would shrug it off and think, something like \"It not happening now, so don't worry about it\". It has ruined a lot of things for me. Going out with friends is now dreadful. I used to look forward to hanging out with people, but now I would rather stay at home. My sleep schedule is going to bed as early as possible because I cant stand the anxiety. It even stops me from doing chores, I drop everything and want to sleep. It seems like ever since I had the anxiety attack, this has been happening every night. Am I subconsciously worrying about having another panic attack? What can I do to help ease my thoughts. I would love to go out with my friends again without feeling this way. I am seeing a Psychologist and taking meds at the moment. Insurance sucks, so a therapist would cost me $70+ and I don't have the money for it and money is probably my biggest anxiety factor.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is This Wrong, or is My Mind Sabotaging Me?",
    "post_text": "My depression really didn\u2019t manifest significantly until four-ish years ago, when I was on my way out of high school. Having depression in college feels absolutely impossible. I find that I never have the motivation to complete my coursework and I lose interest quickly. I\u2019m in a degree right now that I thought would be good but now it doesn\u2019t feel right anymore. I just can\u2019t tell if I\u2019m unhappy because I\u2019m doing the wrong thing, or if my mental illness is robbing me of the passion I need to enjoy my program. But I don\u2019t have the time or the money to keep taking semesters off and swapping programs. I also don\u2019t want to realize five years from now that I fought through a degree I hated waiting for an improvement that never came. I just wish I could trust my mind to make the right decisions.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm truly stuck - can't quit, can't work. Can't get out of bed. Desperate for any advice.",
    "post_text": "I'm a grad student and I'm suffering from depression. My progress has been slow in the last one year and my relationship with my PI is strained. Even before this pandemic, I was barely managing to do anything. I'm in a different country and my visa depends on my PhD. It was my dream to do it. Even against my family's wishes, I secured funding and it was wonderful. \n\nI don't know what to do. I'm really slipping. I can't seem to do anything with regard to work. But I can't seem to do anything else either. All the time I don't work, I spend feeling guilty about not working. I feel like a rat, which gets a shock if it goes right and gets a shock if it goes left at the end of a T . So it's stuck.\n\nI am running out of time to finish this degree. I'm making progress in therapy and even doing it several times a week. But it's not helping me change my present. I won't get an opportunity like this again and see it slipping out of my hands.\n\nIt makes me feel like an unreliable, irresponsible person. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to self-sabotage. I try my best everyday. I sit down to work. My therapist even said I was the most diligent patient he's met. \n\nPlease point me to something. Anyone. I'll do anything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Husband prioritize more Video Games",
    "post_text": "I have an underlying condition like asthma and heart problem that's way we I opt to work from home and also my husband took a leave from him work to be safe from this virus. But recently he had this hobby and went back to video gaming and streaming through twitch. He is so into it and focus that he always wants things to  be done quickly or fast like eating, resting, watching,cooking, movie or talking with me. \n\nI'm being supportive with him. I even volunteer  to make the twitch banner and logo for his twitch channel. But he said when I tried to talk to him and discuss about priorities just like now, I'm not feeling well and I having extreme tummy aches and sore throat- He said I'm always criticizing and negative on him. He said I dont support him and I always go negative. I was hoping this quarantine is also a time for us to bond and get more time together but he always wants to play and stream. I felt like its okay to play and stream once in a while but not to the point you spent almost 8hours or more streaming and neglecting important things. \n\nAm I wrong in this?\n\nI just feel so unimportant and always second priority. \nI guess all I have is myself at the end of the day. Whatever I say or do, I always get the blame and I'm the one wrong :( I'm so tired and broken.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else just not want to be alive but isn\u2019t actively suicidal?",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019ve just been feeling really depressed in a really long time. I would say last year I was extremely suicidal and I was on the verge of ending my life. But then it got complicated I got help and blah blah... I thought my meds were working after I reached a therapeutic level of 125mg of Zoloft but I\u2019m not sure anymore. These overwhelming feelings are coming back. \n\nI mean I\u2019m not actively suicidal or anything. But then today my sister asked me where I wanted to live in the future, and the first thing that cam to mind is that I didn\u2019t want even live. I\u2019m just so tired of this perpetual cycle of shit. It\u2019s really getting draining.\n\n Anyways does anyone else feel this way, dead inside a little I guess. And do you guys think my meds aren\u2019t working? I was okay until like 4 PM today. I would appreciate your opinion.\n\nAnd I\u2019m totally fine so you don\u2019t need to message me, please save it for someone in urgent need! I am receiving regular therapy and am well supported :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else feel like a bother when opening up about their mental health?",
    "post_text": "I've been getting to know this guy lately, and he's very sweet and wonderful. I have slowly started opening up to him about my anxiety and mental issues I have. I noticed after doing so, I hear a bit of a \"You're telling him too much.\" \"He doesn't care.\" \"He'll probably leave now for someone without these issues\" voice in the back of my head. I want to know if anyone else has this problem.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anything. I just need something to get me to the end of this 10+ hour shift.",
    "post_text": "All week I have been depressed at some point. For a while I was able to take this meaningless life of never ending work, but after 2 months of my boss working as many 12 hour days as he could to pay for his weeding, I can't keep my depression aways anymore. \n\nPlease some kind of help, something. I know that nothing is free, but I just need something beyond promises of hope or things will get better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I got out of a toxic six years relationship, and now I scare people away with my anxiety",
    "post_text": "I got out of a toxic relationship of six years, and now I feel so broken and depressed... I have met this new girl online and we can't be together cause this virus... I am anxious and tried to rush things up, and now she is distancing herself. I can't stop crying, because I can only blame myself for being this broken... What should I do? Forget about this new girl? Because I can't botter her with this urgency that I have in being with her. At the beginning, all was wonderful, plans of meeting up after this outbreak, then... I happened... Any thoughts?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loser needing advice",
    "post_text": "So to keep this short i am a 32 year old who has spent pretty much his whole life in school. I've tried really hard and have not accomplished much of anything in my life . Unimportant job, no love life (I'm really fat and ugly...not because I didn't try but because I take a lot of psych meds that fuck with my weight), don't make a lot of money, i still live with my folks (pathetic).  What things should I focus on to counteract all the loserness that I am composed of? More money? Lose a ton of weight? I just want to know if I should even bother sticking around... I know the closest thing to love I'm going to get is being a woman's safety school and then being punished for not being a good enough package. People who look like me aren't anyone's fantasy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to get through depression as a young adult ?",
    "post_text": "Hello... I'm new to reddit, and joined this sub because I've been dealing with depression since the beginning of my teenage years and wanted to ask you guys and especially those who found a way out of depression how did you manage to get through it ?  \nI'm only 18, ik i'm still young and all but I feel so empty and worthless, crying and thinking about killing myself everyday. I don't have any objective to focus on in my life that could help me cheer up and fight for. Of course I spoke with therapists but didn't keep up with the sessions because everytime I talk about my problems and my past I start crying and panicking, which makes me think even more that I'm helpless and makes me hate those sessions... Also, I find them useless for therapists say things that are really obvious, like \"if you want to have friends and go out with them, just ask people of your class to hang with you\", well thanks, but the real issue is that I can't find the motivation and courage to talk to people since I always fear to be rejected. That's for this type of answer I put an end on the sessions.  \nMy parents know that there's something off about me but I've always done my best in hiding how bad I feel because ik they wouldn't understand, since all they do is making jokes about my sad facial expression when I eat with them... And I have literally 0 friends IRL who I could talk to about that, only online buddies that try to cheer me up sometimes, but I can tell that they get tired of it and I can't blame them for it, ik it is hard to try helping someone but things just remain the same.  \nI really want to get out of this situation...  \nThank you for reading, and sorry for the grammar mistakes, I'm french \\^\\^''.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hi, Im fighting my way out of my depression but it is hard. Need tips on how to motivate myself again.",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nI'm a uni graduate, 7 months out now but no job to show for it, a lot has gone down since this time, and i'd like to go through it if you can be patient with me. \n\nBefore I left university everything was going well, i had just come back from an internship i had in China, I had a loving girlfriend, I graduated very well from a top universuty. And i was prepared to move forward with my life. But i think it has all gone wrong. \n\n(First, I had a depressive spiral in my teens that i recovered from before, i had an L4 spinal fusion and spent 6 months recovering in bed (Though snuck out to debate in parliament, take that doctors!!). Left alone with my thoughts, and my friends moving away to university. I sunk into a depression that nearly culminated in me killing myself. Though i fought my way out and tried to better myself. )\n\nMy girlfriend left me for another bloke, i got really ill and lost a lot of muscle i grew after my surgery and became skinny fat. And my Best friendship broke down after he threatened and tried to cut me with a knife (A whole Mentally ill saga that would take pages and pages to explain.). And moved back to a struggling home with physically/mentally ill parents that don't know how to support me emotionally (Not their fault!! they do try their best by me).\n\nAll of which contributed to me sinking into a depression in October, i fought my way out and applied for a range of different jobs and schemes. But didn't get on any of them. This caused another spiral that lasted till February. \n\nI've been fighting my way out though, i was seeing a therapist but covid killed that, and was taking antidepressants but they made things worse. \n\nIve substituted them with Physical exercise. I run 10km every 6 days out of a week, and am blasting my skinny fat spots. And am learning new things with online courses and reading books that help give me meaning like Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Neitzche which helps give me purpose. \n\nBut i struggle to motivate myself to take the extra step to get myself together and move forward with my life, Looking at job websites and stuff makes anxiety just make me freeze, or do anything i can to distract myself. Though i am fighting my depressive state, i cant help but feel apathetic about the world and about myself in it. I struggle to motivate myself because i struggle to see the point to. \n\nI have no real motivation to improve myself (learn to drive/code/travel more) i only seem to take interesting but impractical courses that have no physical use like \"the ancient history of food. But i feel this is just a distraction to . Apathy just feels like a slow death, and i know that the decisions i make now will shape the person i become in the future. When i try to motivate myself to learn these kinds of things, it is for material reasons, which don't appeal to me. I don't have any real motivations or dreams anymore that require me to learn them\n\nOn self-reflection, a lot of these feelings of apathy come from two key problems in my life\n\n1.) Lack of and seeming inability to maintain meaningful relationships that sustain me-it can be days between which i get a text. It is my fault, but i seem incapable of change no matter how much i try. \n\n2.) Lack of purpose or community, there is little in this world that sustains me spiritually, and a lot of the world seems shallow and just full of suffering. I struggle to connect with a world that seems so indifferent. \n\nSorry if any of this comes across as whiny or self-pitying, that is not my intention. \n\nI could just use some tips and pointers from fellow people going through this on how they motivate themselves to build better lives for themselves. As I hate feeling this consistent nothingness and want to fight to lead a life that i can be proud of. \n\nThank you for reading through my diatribe.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I talk to my mom about my anxiety?",
    "post_text": "These past weeks I can feel myself getting more and more anxious about EVERYTHING. I\u2019ve had anxiety most of my life and it\u2019s been manageable due to grounding exercises, keeping my head clear, etc but these past few weeks it\u2019s been completely unmanageable. No matter what I do these exercises and tools haven\u2019t been working, even if they\u2019ve worked in the past.\n\nMy anxiety is now to the point that it\u2019s interrupting my daily life constantly. I\u2019ve never talked about to a doctor about my anxiety (I\u2019m self diagnosed...I know self diagnosing is bad but I\u2019m gonna explain why) my mom thinks the only time I need to go to the doctor is if I\u2019m dying. She\u2019s a psych nurse before that she was a Rn. I just wanna sit down with her and talk about what\u2019s going on but she\u2019ll say stuff like \u201cthere\u2019s plenty of tools you could be using but you refuse to.\u201d Even though most of them are tools that don\u2019t work for me. She has anxiety and depression too, and once again she has her own tools but that\u2019s what works for her not me. Me trying to talk to her usually ends up with her yelling at me about this or that. It\u2019s tiring and I think I need professional help. If anyone had any ideas please let me know.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "suicidal.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m really ugly. I have OCD. I have acne. Keep picking at my skin. Shaved off all of my eyebrows last night. Pick out my eyelashes. Hate the way I look. Recently stopped taking medication as I\u2019m supposed to, now i\u2019m here. I would really like to die peacefully right now, I don\u2019t want to go on. I\u2019m not going to do anything but lay here in my bed however. I know the tag says \u201crequesting support\u201d but also nobody is inclined to give me support so don\u2019t feel like you need to. Thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m not sure if I have depression, please reply, I made posts to other subreddits and no one answered and it\u2019s making me feel even worse",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 16F btw. For many many years I\u2019ve been extremely upset with my weight and my looks. I hate everything about me, I could give you all the things I hate about my appearance in a heartbeat. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I think \u201coh I don\u2019t look too bad\u201d and sometimes I think \u201coh god I can\u2019t go out I\u2019m so ugly\u201d. My weight has become a really bad obsession. I think that because of problems relating to how I see myself I might have gotten and eating disorder? I\u2019m not sure because I can\u2019t self diagnose. But, I have lost noticeable amount of weight by eating 1-2 times a day and limiting my calories. And I\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s extreme dieting or an actual eating disorder. I\u2019m scared to go to the extreme and go underweight (I\u2019m close to being it) because I have a deadly disease and could die if I\u2019m not eating properly. And I\u2019m not too educated on ED\u2019s so I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m being too dramatic. Back to my \u201cdepression\u201d, I moved during 5th grade and had no friends until high school, people openly avoided me because I kept asking people if I could play with them. This one group of friends made it extremely obvious that they don\u2019t want to be near me, which hurt a lot. Lots of boys said behind my back and in my face that I\u2019m ugly, horrifying, repulsive, a ugly octopus, sewer rat, etc. That really hurt me back then, still now. And I do believe I\u2019m all those things they\u2019ve said. Then a miracle happened. I made a friend. She was a cool kid and the time I spent with her was the best I\u2019ve ever had with someone besides my family. Then after few months out of no where she acts like I don\u2019t exist. She never spoke to me and treated me like a stranger, and it hurt so much it still bothers me. I thought that I did something wrong, that I wasn\u2019t good enough, or I was too ugly that she didn\u2019t want to be seen with me. Then in high school I finally made friends. During 10th grade my friend told me that my crush of 6 years called me super ugly and said who would want to date her? That shattered everything. And now I believe that I\u2019m so repulsive that I will never find love and I will be lonely forever. Fortunately, I made friends, and one cool thing I do with a group I\u2019m really close with is that we have \u201ctherapy\u201d sessions and we talk about our problems and try to cheer each other up. I\u2019ve yet to have my \u201csession\u201d yet, but I accidentally gave away that I hate my body and they think I have body dysmorphia, I think I have it too but I can\u2019t say cause I haven\u2019t been diagnosed. Honestly it made me feel so good that there were people who were concerned about me but that never happened again. They never speak about it like they speak about other friends problems... That\u2019s probably because I haven\u2019t told them all this, and I would\u2019ve but I\u2019m afraid. What if all of this is me being too dramatic. And that what I\u2019m feeling isn\u2019t serious and they think bad of me. And I\u2019m scared to go to a therapist because of that same reason. So I rather keep all these emotions inside, and almost every night I cry because of these problems. Most of the times at night, I feel empty, lifeless. If I close my eyes I imagine I\u2019m floating through space lifeless. My thoughts are very dangerous because I keep thinking more negative, and to avoid that I go on my phone and distract myself by doing something. Because of my disease I have to take pills daily, and I\u2019ve always thought that I have an easy chance to kill myself by taking a lot of them, but I don\u2019t think I would because it\u2019s a sin in my religion, but maybe one day I\u2019m too down that I might do something... Can someone please tell me if this is depression or not, because I really want to overcome it. Please reply to this, I\u2019ve made many posts on other subreddits regarding this and no one has answered, which makes me feel like no one truly cares. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m dying inside \ud83d\udc94\ud83d\ude29",
    "post_text": "I wish I could stop all this major pain I feel. I want to impress but I also could care less about who thinks what. I wanted to make you feel proud, but we see how that went for all of us. I try hard everyday to make myself proud of my achievements but it\u2019s just not worth it as much as it used to be. I used to be so proud and so excited to try my hardest for the things I loved, but notice that all of a sudden it doesn't seem to matter anymore kills me. Where did all my friends, family and love life go. Down the drain it feels like. So where do I go from here, do I keep trying or do I go get help bc I just don\u2019t feel like I can do much of this alone for much longer. Do I give up completely? To feel so damn alone is crushing me and to feel I mean less and less every day isn\u2019t exactly healthy. You wanna know how I made it out of my moms hell hole psycho rage house. I\u2019ll tell you, I\u2019m forever damaged and looking for full approval on things. I only end up attracting the worst people and I cant seem to keep a solid person in my life bc she ruined my way of judgment. My aunt tries hard to fix what I can\u2019t even fix myself. I just want to feel loved by friends and someone I hold so near and dear and care for. But to do that, I HAVE TO HAVE FRIENDS, and  NO ANXIETY ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS, AND SOMEONE NOT HURTING ME. I fear everyday that I\u2019ll fall back into my old habits and go suicidal. I almost want to know what it\u2019s like to do drugs and get away from this world. I feel the pain rush through my body like electricity. I practically enjoyed that one girls night that I got so wasted that I was slurring my words for once and passed out naked in my own house. I enjoy darker things and it\u2019s getting to dark to decipher what\u2019s ok or not anymore. I hold in so much anger and pain that If I let it all out I\u2019d probably cry for a week straight. Sleep cry sleep cry, it would be the worst cycle. Maybe if I\u2019ll to busy crying I can lose weight bc I won\u2019t be so hungry",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I get to the point of WANTING to get better?",
    "post_text": "TL;DR - Depressed for probably 10+ years. Heavy sucidal thoughts for about 5.  \nIs there any chance of getting better if I don't even want to, or seeing the point of it?\n\nAlright, gonna keep this as short as possible, since I'm tired of giving my life story and also I hate myself for whining about this and not pulling myself up.\n\nOn the surface and in reality, my life is great. I got a job, I got a girl, I got an apartment. I got a dog. I'm healthy. I believe I'm quite intelligent (although it feels like depression has made me very much more stupider and I forget things all the time). I got it all. I can act all extroverted and social if the situation demands it. I come from a broken home with divorces, drug/alcohol/verbal and physical abuse. But I still consider my childhood to have been good. I had friends, I had fun.\n\nI just don't want to live. I see no point in me continuing doing so other than to not mess up the lives of my friends and family (or mostly my gf and my grandma, don't care too much about the others).  \nI have a very detailed and thought out plan of how I would end my life, with small chances of failure.  \nI know it's not the right thing to do, but it would just feel sooo good not to feel like a useless piece of shit who cares about no one. Who sees no future or no reason in moving on. Who gets hung up on all his failures and shortcomings.\n\nTried several different antidepressants in increasing doses over the course of 3 years. Only gave me side effects o I quit out of spite. Seen numerous doctors, psychiatrists and therapists. Only felt mocked and not taken seriously so I quit out of spite.  \nBeen admitted to the psychiatric ward (sry, google translate), a good place to get depressed by the way, but I talked my way out of there after a week.\n\nI've tried quitting my job. Quitting my band. Quitting my girlfriend. Exercising. Eating heathier.  \nBut deep down I always knew I only made all these changes and sought help just so I could tick them off and in my suicide letter write \"look, I tried all these things and they didn't work so I killed myself instead\". Oh, and did I mention that I've only told my gf and my older sister about, and even that took YEARS this since I feel so embarrased and don't want people to get involved.  \n\n\nI read about people all the time saying \"just muster through, it's worth it in the end\", or \"therapy saved my life\", or \"I know it feels dark right now...\".  \nBut I just can't connect with or believe in that. And I know I sound like an immature spoiled brat in saying so. How does one find the motivation or the will to fight this? I feel like giving up before actually starting the fight. It won't be worth it. I really can't see myself feeling proud, happy or satisfied about myself, or being the person I want to be. I really can't put words to my thoughts and feelings, it all sounds so banal.\n\nI know a lot of people feel like this, like \"no one understands me, it will not work for me, there is no help I can get\" . I KNOW there is help I can get, although it hasn't for me yet. I KNOW it might get better if I put the time and effort into it. I just don't want to. I want to die. But I'm not allowed to and it pisses me off.\n\nAh shit, this turned into an unstructured, pathetic rant. Just read the TL;DR.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m crying at work; should I ask to clock out?",
    "post_text": "Content warning: self harm and depressive feelings. \n\nI\u2019m not diagnosed with depression or anxiety, but I feel it often. I have intrusive thoughts and I just don\u2019t want to do anything. I\u2019m at work right now and I can\u2019t focus on work and just keep crying. I cut myself last night for the first time in 8+ years and I feel horrible. I want to crawl into my bed and just let my job go to shit and just get fired but I need this job. It\u2019s a good job and I like it. I just can\u2019t handle today. What do u do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "First post ever, need help",
    "post_text": "This is my first post ever. I\u2019m not diagnosed because I\u2019m scared to ask my parents to take me to see someone. Severe anxiety and depression along with bipolar disease are all common in my family. I\u2019m the only one who hasn\u2019t gone to therapy. I can\u2019t remember being truly happy. I remember all the way in kindergarten, so anxious about starting first grade, I had sleep paralysis for the first time. I cry constantly in private. I feel trapped in my parents\u2019 expectations. I would love to be sad on the outside and just cry it out sometimes, but they expect me to be happy. I play softball and volleyball, I used to do kickboxing. My parents expect me to be a badass who smiles while they kick ass. I\u2019ve been hiding how sad, alone, and numb I feel for years. I have add/adhd (I can\u2019t get a straight answer from my mom) so it\u2019s hard to focus. They offered me meds, but my mom said no. I was bullied severely last year, I was told to kill myself several times. I\u2019m going in to high school in a different school district. I\u2019m coming out of a funk, but I know I\u2019ll go back down in a week. My parents yell at me for everything. My sister has called me fat, ugly, and stupid for as long as I can remember. I don\u2019t know what to do or who to tell. I broke down and cried for hours on end to my best friend. She understood and was shocked because of how I\u2019ve hid it all these years. Can anyone offer any advice. Anything anyone can offer will be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m just tired and want to feel nothing",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve never done a reddit post or anything before but essentially I\u2019ve been depressed for over 10+ years (20 now) and I\u2019m just really tired. \n\nFor a brief summary I\u2019ve always struggled with family (dad I don\u2019t get along with is an arse, mom who is mentally unstable herself but is in denial and is far to kind to the point that it hurts everyone (the type to constantly be ripped off but to do the exact same thing again and again), ex-step dad who made false promises and has gone off the edge of the earth, ex-step mom whose a 14yr bitchy girl stuck inside a women\u2019s body, older sister who is very over opinionated and it\u2019s her way or the high way and a little sister who is young enough that she\u2019s missed most the trauma but I don\u2019t get to see often because she lives with my dad) I don\u2019t want to get into it because it\u2019s a long story that has lasted all my life. I\u2019ve always really struggled with friends. I find it really hard to make them and when I did I would often get hurt so now there\u2019s just a wall. And I\u2019ve just really struggled with myself. All the usual low self esteem, anxiety, paranoia, depression. I\u2019m keeping it brief since I feel like I can write a book.\n\nI\u2019m a really lonely person and have been for a long time and I know it\u2019s because I\u2019ve just never had a proper normal relationship with anyone. My family don\u2019t talk about emotions and all that and with all the trauma I\u2019ve always been very closed off with them ready to bolt as soon as I can. And since I\u2019ve always struggled with friends I\u2019ve just never had anyone around (I have friends now but we\u2019re just not good friends I\u2019m unsure how to explain it). I\u2019ve also never had a boyfriend so it\u2019s always felt like just me. I\u2019m very used to people abandoning me so I\u2019m closed off. \n\nMy depression has also just killed the things I love as it often does and I really struggled to enjoy anything or find motivation for it. I went to uni this year and dropped out after a month and still haven\u2019t got a job. I\u2019ve been applying but haven\u2019t made any cuts and for the one I made the cut for I couldn\u2019t do cause my anxiety was so bad. I feel awful not being able to get a job and getting my shit together but nothing makes me feel motivated or happy. \n\nI really just want to be able to feel nothing, more out of convenience for my own and everyone else\u2019s sake. I do really want to kill myself but I would never do it cause I know that it can fuck up those around you and I know what a persons death can do to people. I feel more like I\u2019m just waiting for everyone to leave just so I can die without fucking anyone up. I know I\u2019m quite smart ( the only good thing I would say about myself) and I kno there are people with lot bigger problems who still keep going but that thought only makes be feel more guilty but I also know everyone\u2019s pain is still significant, I just go in a constant circle. \n\nMy only safe space has been my bedroom cause it\u2019s been the only place I could cry and breathe without being in edge around people. \n\nI\u2019ve done self harm, I\u2019ve done therapy, I\u2019ve tried getting better by myself but I feel like I\u2019m stuck in the same place constantly. I\u2019m going on meds tomorrow but rather than making me feel better I\u2019m hoping they\u2019ll just make me feel nothing.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am so full of jealousy and it\u2019s eating me up :(",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m starting to become really toxic, inside anyways, and it makes me unbelievably upset. Not only because I feel I\u2019m so full of hate but because I know this isn\u2019t me and I\u2019m disappointed in myself. I miss a few years ago when I could just be happy for people, and not exclusively think about what I don\u2019t have. It feels like it invades every part of my life. One example of this was how I couldn\u2019t even be happy for my friend who\u2019s talking to a girl right now, like I\u2019m unbelievably upset at myself that I can\u2019t even be happy for my own friend.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need a few suggestions",
    "post_text": "So I have been depressed for years now. I'm 14 years old. I know that therapy is a thing I should get but I can't. I already have 3 siblings in therapy and my parents don't need another. Plus this whole covid 19 stuff. Anyway even after i can't go to my family about it because they are already stressed all the time and I can't add to it all. Plus I have a hard time talking about all my problems to other people. So I came here to ask for suggestions on what I can do for the time being to help me feel better about myself until I am able to get help. I hope I'm not asking too much. Thanks in advance for any suggestion.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to make a sweatshirt I spent weeks designing feel like mine again?",
    "post_text": "So back when my ex and I were together. I made yet 2 custom matching sweatshirts. I spent weeks designing them. Countless hours all gone and wasted when she left me. I put it in a box and tucked it in the farthest corner of the house that I could along with other memories. How do I make it feel like mine again. How do I unlink it from her. I put so much time and effort to make it. But it pains me to look at it and it hurts even more to wear it. I tried wearing it the other day and immediately took it off. It gave me such a rush of memories. We both wore those sweatshirts together for a month straight. And just holding it makes me miss her. Idk what to do. I want to wear it again but there's so much behind it that it is so hard.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Almost suicidal again",
    "post_text": "I used to be extremely depressed and suicidal, attempted once and failed, and that was sortoff my wake up call, I actually got the help I needed and my suicidal thoughts went away.\nNow I'm almost there again, and they're stronger now, I have people who can help me but It doesnt work anymore, I've done exactly what I did last time and Nothing has even remotely helped.\nIs there anything I can do to stop these thoughts while I still can?\nThanks",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel numb [NSFW]",
    "post_text": "An acquaintance of mine recently committed suicide. He took some edibles and alcohol and drove the opposite way into traffic after recording a suicide note and sending it to everyone on Snapchat. I didn't know him that well but he was a good guy. All my friends loved him, my girlfriend loved him. I loved him too, I would've been there for him. I see myself in him almost. I feel guilty. I can't cry though I just feel numb. I feel horrible.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel constantly lonely and as though I\u2019m hated by everyone",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been feeling this way since I started year 7 and it has been constantly eating at me. I always have a persistent feeling that my friends aren\u2019t actually there because they like me but rather because they feel bad for me or pity me. I haven\u2019t ever gotten properly close to girls in fear they will hurt me which is a fear that derived from my past experiences with my step-mum and my real mum. And even if people assure me they care and are there for me, I always feel like they secretly hate me and they\u2019re planning to hurt me or they\u2019re talking about me behind my back. I usually just sit on my bed and cry about these problems and have been having many thoughts that the world would be better without me. I managed to tell my dad I felt worthless but his response was \u201cthat\u2019s normal at your age\u201d and \u201cyou\u2019ll feel better soon, just speak to people\u201d but I can\u2019t bring myself to speak to people out of fear of them hating me or me inconveniencing them. I\u2019m really unsure of what I can do, and I feel lost, and all these feelings and emotions have only strengthened since lockdown started as I haven\u2019t spoken to people much and have been alone all the time. And a experience that only strengthened this feeling of loneliness was last night when I was in a call with my friends but they ignored me every time I spoke and I think they forgot I was even there. I\u2019m sorry if this is kinda weird or sounds like a rant or if it doesn\u2019t make sense, I\u2019m just trying to type it up but my head is being weird and my thoughts are fuzzy and I just feel so tired",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My boyfriend had recently self harmed, and this has triggered me",
    "post_text": "The entire time my 24yo boyfriend and I (21F) have been together, he has always suffered with depression and anxiety. He has his good periods and bad periods, and I learnt how to deal with both. He\u2019s off anti depressants, and hasn\u2019t been to therapy in a while. Until a few days ago, he\u2019s only ever told me about his urges, but has never actually self harmed. Then one morning, he told me he had cut himself, and how he was sorry and was really ashamed he had done it. I was supportive towards him, let him cry, and made sure he was okay. But after I had dealt with this, the thoughts of self harm seem to have become more frequent in my head. I have dealt with recurrent self harm thoughts in the past, but I haven\u2019t suffered with them recently. I hope that I never act on these, but if I did I fear that he would blame himself, or think that I acted out to be like him. I\u2019m just confused.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need to talk to someone...",
    "post_text": "My fianc\u00e9 and I just split and I have to up and move out of the state I love, because I\u2019m all alone here and can\u2019t afford it on my own(I have to go back to my parents house). My family doesn\u2019t care what I\u2019m going through and I have no one I can talk to. I just need someone to tell me everything is okay and life is still worth living. Everything just feels so hopeless and painful. I don\u2019t know how much more I can take. I\u2019m terrified of being alone and I\u2019m having constant thoughts of just putting a bullet in my head to end all the misery. I don\u2019t want to be alone..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Burning hatred",
    "post_text": "I'm pretty far into my recovery but I can't feel my worth as a human. I'm always comparing myself (to multiple people at once as well) and no matter how I get wins I can find a way to brush it off. I'm not sure if I can find a way to appreciate or love myself. I'm a nice dude to everyone else but under the hood I'm torturing myself. There have been some things where I felt the only way through was to be meaner than everyone else to me but that 1, wasn't right. And 2, I don't know how to recover. I've developed this unshakable competative instinct and I don't know what to do or where to get support. Thank you in advance for reading and any tips.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "please help, I\u2019m constantly angry and aggressive",
    "post_text": "So during the day I can mask how bad I actually feel but in the evening I lose my temper more and more. I am quarantined with my mom (usually I live with my dad) and stepdad and I hate it here. I don\u2019t feel at home, it\u2019s constant discomfort and anxiety. \nIn the evenings I get mad at everything, dinner is something I don\u2019t like, I discuss something it can be whatever but I just get so aggressive and mad at my mom. I just dont know what to do it drives me insane! I feel like shit but that doesn\u2018t mean everybody else has to feel like shit too.\nWhat can I do? Has anyone dealt with this before?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just sadness",
    "post_text": "Often times I just feel down and I have no clue why. Like I have friends and a supporting family but I barely talk to any of them when I\u2019m feeling down. Just an hour I talked to a friend i meet online and she told me to try new routines and try to change my mind set from \u201ceverything right now is useless and nothing matters\u201d to something else she never told me. But the thing Is that I can\u2019t just change my mind set and that makes me even more sad because I tell myself I can\u2019t be better and almost everyone are better than me. \n\nBut when I meet someone that isn\u2019t better than me I say bad things and push them away to make them feel worse. \n\nAlso recently I find myself starring into nothing or a mirror and just thinking what would happen if I would die and who honestly would care. Also also when I think about this sort of stuff I don\u2019t cry or do anything physical like that I just get sad and keep thinking.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "New meds but feeling worse",
    "post_text": "I just started abilify and lexapro after talking to my primary care doctor yesterday. I ended up waking up shaking wanting to nearly puke. I was so close to puking but it passed. I woke up to log into work and was shaky and felt nauseated. I am about to lose my job from mental health. I\u2019m trying to get help. I\u2019m not sure what to think... I haven\u2019t wanted to eat much and don\u2019t really want to exist. Nothing feels good or tastes good. If I lose my job then there are no jobs that pay as much even though i have a useless degree. I can\u2019t stand medication that makes me tired I battle fatigue in the first place.how the hell do I get on the right medication ???? I\u2019m so sick of feeling this bad and terrible",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Today I reached my rock bottom",
    "post_text": "I flunked the bar twice and what is more painful is that ALL my friends passed. I am happy for them but there is a part in me which thinks I am inadequate for not being able to pass it. Everyone I know, even those who do not do well in law school made it. No comforting words can console me. Every time I take a nap I really I would die. I am even having this evil thought I get corona virus or something.\n\nMy sister shouted fake news when she thought I passed. I saw their excitement. My parents ran towards me. But when I said I actually failed again they just turned their back and left. No comfort whatsoever. So now I am all alone. Images of my ex when we were breaking up during my bar review was recurring and his words which go like I have nothing to be proud of. I just proved him right. My friends are all cheering up on me but everything is just cliche. And what do I expect? They cannot mourn with me bec they are all celebrating. \n\nI am currently employed in a law firm that I love but if I have to take the bar again, I need to resign to pave way for my review. I also don't want to stay because the work would get me reminded that I am not a lawyer. It is heartbreaking to leave a firm I finally love. Then bar in our country is moved to 2021 due to corona virus. I am going to derail my life for 2 years. I am more than delayed. I feel so left out. I see no purpose in life. I am starting to give up on my dream of being an attorney. I want my life to end. I think I've seen enough.This life keeps on knocking me down as I am that strong. I used to be but I reached my end.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you get out of a bad depression episode?",
    "post_text": "You know, the ones where you can't get out of bed. You try to act like nothing is wrong when you call your mom or something, because you don't want to be burdensome and add to the problems in their lives. But you wish someone would come in and check on you... it took me hours to get out of bed and to shower. I just got out the shower, now back in bed, and I hate to wallow in sorrow but I feel so bad. I want to curl up into a ball and just disappear, the mattress empty, I am gone. No more pain for me, no more pain for others. It just ends and the world keeps going.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "r/Suicidewatch didn't really give me what I needed, so I'm sharing my feelings on this subreddit",
    "post_text": "My depression has gotten so worse, and I just want to end it all. I can't imagine a future for myself anymore. I had everything going for me before I had depression, but now, I have nothing. I have no friends, and even when I did have friends, all of my conversations were one sided with all of them, and I felt so alone when I was friends with them.\n\nMy dad is my only parent. My dad isn't there for me when I'm at my worst, and he's only there for me when I have a high GPA or get all As. I had to convince him for three years that I had an issue when I had a possible anxiety disorder. Recently, I haven't had the best grades due to my worsening depression, and when my dad confronted me about it, I told him that I didn't have the energy to do the work, because I may have depression, and he took my phone away because \"I didn't tell him the whole story\" essentially invalidating my feelings. I've told him two months ago that I thought about suicide, and he ignored me. On my birthday, I attempted suicide, but stopped at the third pill, and tried to tell my dad, and he said I'm doing this all because he took my phone away along with other stuff and yelled at me, essentially he implied that I was doing it for attention. He doesn't care about me when I'm at my worst. My dad always says, \"You've changed since middle school, and in middle school you weren't like this\" whenever I tell him. Nobody really cares about you until you're gone. He'll never understand.\n\nEven the fucking school staff has made my life worse by scolding me for my F in the class in front of all the students, and everyone nearby (which was a lot of people) heard since most of them glanced at me. Even a month later, a girl who was really far away from where me and the counselor were heard and asked about it, and whether I was staying in that class. My English teacher had noticed that I'm no longer turning in assignments and scolded me in front of the class by saying, \"What's wrong with you?! You've changed\"\n\nI've lost all hope in life. I've dropped my AP classes for Honors ones, even though I had mainly As in them. I haven't even studied for the one AP class I do have, and I only have it since I'm in an academic program that I can't get out of. The friends that I do have barely talk or text me, and I have to text them if I want to talk to them. My friends give \"dead replies\" like \"yeah\" or are just shy or something, but I can never have a convo with them. The friends that I used to have made me feel so alone. My dad invalidated my feelings. I've been drowning and screaming for help, yet no one has helped. I caught on to my depression so early that it actually had a chance of being cured if I had gotten immediate help.\n\nI did not, and now I feel like dying will make the world a better place for everyone around me. I'll no longer have to make eye contact with old friends, or be a burden to my dad. I'll no longer have to worry about feeling lonely or having one sided conversations anymore. I'll be happier. I don't want to live for anyone, since that is selfish to the person who asks me to live for them, their happiness. I can't picture a future life for me anymore.\n\nI tried telling my old friend about my depression, and she said stuff along the lines of \"I can relate though I don't have depression\". I'm aware that she's trying to connect with me since she doesn't know what to say, but it makes me feel invalidated, like my feelings are just your normal sadness.  \nI've called the suicide hotline four times, but all they do is repeat what I say and add \"makes you feel upset, doesn't it?\" Personally, I'd prefer if someone could add some advice or comment as opposed to that, since it felt unhelpful. Whenever my dad yells at me, I feel like if I were gone then he would be happier. My dad yells at me for a lot of things, and it just makes me hate myself for being so inferior, and not being good enough for him. If I was gone, his life would be better, and my friends wouldn't care since they barely talk to me when I'm alive.  \n\n\nr/suicidewatch people don't even look through new posts, and the one comment I got from posting my feelings there was to come here lmao, and that's probably because there is more engagement on here. I've lost hope, and the desire to move on. I'm sorry for even being on this subreddit. I feel like such a burden to everyone, and I feel like a mistake.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please. Help me.",
    "post_text": "I've been feeling low all the time. I'll be graduating in June and I don't even have a job. Although I'm trying to brushup my skills, but I lack confidence in everything.\nI find it really hard to brag or to lie about me. Everytime there's a new opening for a job/internship i just don't apply thinking I lack skills, I'm not good, they won't hire me, I won't perform well in the interview, my resume sucks etc etc.\n\nI used to be really chill & confident. But now everything's gone. Every day I code to be good at it and find me an internship.\nEvery night I cry thinking about all the wrong decisions that I made during college & that all of my friends are ahead of me , chasing the perfect lifestyle with jobs in hand.\n\nWhile I on the other side is marching into the world of depression day by day. :'(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Was made fun of for not being circumcised :(",
    "post_text": "I was talking with other people about different inventions from people and someone mentioned that Jewish people invented circumcision. I told them I wasn't circumcised and then it all went downhill from there.\n\nThey called me a freak, they said I'll never have sex in my life and that nobody will ever want to be with me. Now all of a sudden I have a different perspective on life and I feel sad and unmotivated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to love an unwanted child?",
    "post_text": "My short story: my mom is a narcissist. I have suffered enough in my life even though I've been always obedient. My relationship with my mom has damaged me, heck it has damaged my whole family. \n\nNow: I'm married and my husband badly wants kids. He knows my feelings about it (that I don't want any) yet he is still insistent on it. I can't leave him and go back to the hell hole that my narc mom created. My sister also doesn't want kids, so you can see the effects that my mom caused on all of us. \n\nMy issue: How do I love an unwanted child, if I do end up having a kid just to please my husband, because he won't budge. I do love my husband and don't want to leave him. \n\nThey say that you can't control everything, but thinking about becoming a mother gives me anxiety. No one can understand my feelings about this apart from God. \n\nI don't want to turn into my mother if God forbid I do become one myself.\n\nTips about how to love an unwanted child, especially if you're a victim of a narc parent, would be very helpful.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am so tired",
    "post_text": "I have entered this on a different subreddit, but no one seems to be too responsive (besides one person who I am really thankful for). I want to hear more from others....I'm a very introverted person, and I'm smart. I know what I should do to get help, I know what the sources of my problems are, I know what I have to do. But I am so tired.\n\nTo make a long story short, I was emotionally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused for the first eleven years of my life, and now I am adopted by my godparents, who I highly respect as my mother and father.Anyways, like I said, I'm a private person. This means people say things to me without thinking how I might feel about it. I also do not share my past memories with others- I need to move on. I cannot blame them for their ignorance, that would be rude.  So when people get mad, and yell at me, I leave my face blank and take it. But it's been hard lately. When my mom gets upset with me, practically anything that leaves my mouth is talking back or an excuse. It makes me feel like her scolding me about being ungrateful means I don't deserve what she gives me- that I don't deserve a loving mother, I deserve what I had, and that my feelings are excuses. But I take it, and I bounce back.Those outside of family know me as a happy, innocent, smart, and responsible person. If I am ever anything except some state of happy, people think it's weird of me. Because I always get back on my feet without them knowing I fell. But I am so tired of getting back up. Of forgiving everyone that has hurt me over and over. Of taking all of those offensive comments silently. Of fulfilling the expectations of those around me when I already expect perfection out of myself. Of trying to put effort into my appearance only to look at my own hands and feel revolted. Of acting. Of not feeling good enough for anyone.**I sometimes wish I had a normal life, but look back on it and would rather it be me than anyone else. And I want someone to see that. To not think I am vein or naive, instead looking into me. Looking at my pain, my struggles, my scars, my fighting, and be grateful. To hold me and say it was worth it, that I am strong. To let my tears fall, and look me in the eyes and say \"thank you\".**",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Unbearable sadness - literally feel like I can not go on if I feel like this",
    "post_text": "This is a bit rambly and melodramatic but need to feel like someone can hear me out. \n\nThe older I get the more intensely sad I feel. It's like there are always further levels.\n\nLately I have been feeling less \"numb\" and more an intense wave after wave of sadness.\n\nToday my neighbour played \"Video Games\" by Lana Del Rey and it just started me thinking of loss.\n\nLosing people. If I believe that death/breaking up means goodbye forever, it becomes unbearable to go on.\n\nI had a fight with my first boyfriend. I'm wondering if I could cope with a break up.\n\nI think breakups are harder than losing someone cause they died. Especially if that person was a good person and things just didn't work out. Cause then you keep living with the what-if's.\n\nI'm 23 and life has yet to start properly kicking me in the ass. I'm the youngest in my family, everyone is getting old.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "depression is getting worse",
    "post_text": "this is kind of just rambling but i\u2019ve been depressed for literally as long as i can remember and i cant take it anymore. everyday just feels like a chore to get through. when i meet new people they\u2019re supportive at first but over time they just get annoyed bc it never goes away and they end up leaving, so i\u2019ve just taken to not venting to friends bc it\u2019s only ever made things worse. growing up i was a smart kid and now i\u2019ve failed out of college multiple times and am in extreme debt because of it. i\u2019m stuck living with my parents and all i want is to move out but i can\u2019t hold down a job. i\u2019ve tried every antidepressant available to me as well as multiple kinds of therapy, TMS, partial programs and inpatient. nothing helps. i don\u2019t want to die i just want to be happy but it feels like there\u2019s nowhere to turn. i love life and i love people, the only reason i don\u2019t end everything is because i know how much it would hurt people in my life. i just want to be able to experience happiness and not be so tired everyday and constantly overwhelmed with thoughts of hurting myself. i try so hard every single day to get better and it only gets worse. i\u2019ve called or texted hotlines in the past but it just made me suicidal because it just makes it more obvious there\u2019s nothing that can be done. i think if the coronavirus wasnt going on i\u2019d probably admit myself to inpatient but that doesn\u2019t really seem possible right now. plus when i\u2019ve gone to inpatient in the past they haven\u2019t really helped me, i barely even got therapy they just made sure i didn\u2019t kill myself but didn\u2019t do anything to make those thoughts go away. i\u2019m in so much pain. i don\u2019t know what else to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Where to get help when you don\u2019t have money for therapy/medication",
    "post_text": "Hi there, I\u2019ve struggled to maintain my life -living it- since I was 8 (22 now) and am running out of ways to cope. Without going into detail my pain has doubled, during a time where almost everything in my life is going just fine. I don\u2019t want to commit suicide, I would have already if it was an option, but I don\u2019t know how to help myself tolerate this life. I\u2019ve considered antidepressants and therapy like anyone but have recently lost my job due to the pandemic and don\u2019t really know where to turn. Does anyone have advice on seeking out help with little money?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Too much to handle",
    "post_text": "Hi. I'm an 18 year old young woman, dealing with a schizophrenic mother. I'm constantly trying to understand what's wrong with her and what's making her do despicable things to me, but I really can't take it, the things she did (and does) to me, and the way she got away with ruining my life, and the way she turned my grandfather against me and making me the bad guy.\n\nI doubt if she ever saw me as a daughter for once, and not just a mere trophy to boast about. She does not care a crap about my need for privacy, she peeks into my phone, my books, my laptop, and what not, every chance she gets. She constantly hurls curses at me even if something goes minutely wrong or her needs and wants aren't satisfied the way she wanted them to be. She has literally told me in the past that she wished my life was ruined by someone, and I get raped by a vile person who would cheat me. Apart from that, I receive other constant curses like, \"you won't live a good life at all, your life will be terrible, you'll burn in hell, your future will be terrible, and your husband will be a bad man\" (okay, first of all, I'm TERRIFIED of relationships, marriage, or anything that has to do with the romantic paradigm. I've even talked to her about this but she can't help but obsess over me getting married, instead of me having a stable career. What's worse? She has no logical reasoning behind this obsession, and tries to sell me to the same institution {marriage} that ruined her and continues to ruin many others!) She yells at me for trivial things, and absolutely despises it when I even look at a person from the opposite sex - heck, she doesn't want me to even talk to MY OWN FATHER! She constantly feels entitled to just barge into my room to deliver two-hour lectures about how she knows what's best for me, and how I should become the ideal daughter that she pictures in her head - a socially awkward, terrible at communicating, family-oriented yes woman, without any inclination towards her career (and even if so, abysmally little interest must be exhibited). First of all, what a hypocritical thing to believe for a woman who'd been to several countries for work, and secondly, why wouldn't she try to put herself in my shoes FOR ONCE? \n\nShe ruined my life by forcing me to join a terrible college, despite me getting accepted into better ones - she blackmailed me by playing a whole bunch of cards - my father's hard work card, my life will get ruined if I don't obey her card, I'm only doing good for you card, and what not - just so she could persuade my dad to buy a new apartment in some random suburb village area. Then came her tantrums to move into the suburb, despite owning a good enough home pretty much within the city. She had absolutely no logical reasons to move, and the only back-up she had were her delusions and the curses she hurled at me . Needless to say, she won again (all I asked from her was two years of time for me to move away from her and leave her to her much-wanted peace from me by graduating from college). She has bad blood and beef with almost all of her and dad's relatives, and the only backup she has is her father, who is a much more aggressive despot, who always thinks he's right, and others (esp who are younger and financially more unstable/dependent) do not have a right to question the decisions he imposed on their lives. My father is said to have been a compulsive liar in the past, and he seems to have reformed now, but he feels incredibly helpless in this situation, despite this suburb house being his property. This quarantine has made the situation pretty much worse, and I really want out, but I don't know whom to go to and seek help from. I've been a victim of constant gaslighting and emotional abuse (my mom believes other third party people more than she believes me, and exhibit A: this happened even when I was sexually harrassed by a driving school instructor, from a school SHE put me in). When I question my mother about her incredibly selfish and narcissistic ideals, and pushing me to be what she thinks is human perfection, she just shrugs it off by saying, \"all humans are selfish, and this is human tendency, and hence my selfishness is justified\". I don't know where to go, or what to do, and the worst part is, in the country where I live, you're legally an adult if you're 18, but you're not really an adult, for you don't get a job without graduating, and you definitely don't get affordable houses on rent with the meagre income you'd earn as a pink collared employee. Oh, and there's no \"move out when you're 18\" thing - people usually live with their parents here. \n\nPlease help, what do I do?.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It\u2019s painful to keep going",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s been awhile since I confessed to my parents about my emotions and problems. Ever since then, they\u2019ve been easier on me and did their best to make me happy. But it\u2019s only gotten worse, I feel guilty that I added stress on my parents when they already had enough to deal when raising me. I got better at first but it keeps going downhill, I\u2019m not improving at all. My dreams and motivation to live is slowly fading away, but I don\u2019t want to hurt anyone anymore. I don\u2019t want to sit through this, I want it to end so badly. \nI\u2019ve met a therapist and it didn\u2019t help much. I\u2019m not entirely sure if medication even helped me. My friends are here for me but I hate to bother them so much, I feel guilty for taking up their time. I want to end it here, it feels like it\u2019s never gonna improve.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I can\u2019t even do the small things and I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll never get better from depression",
    "post_text": "People suggest that I should take small steps and reward myself but I\u2019m too tired to even do the smallest things like get out of bed. I feel so useless. I\u2019m unable to take responsibility for myself hardly. I do nothing all day, I\u2019m just an object basically. I don\u2019t move, don\u2019t talk to my family, feel lonely, the list goes on. And I don\u2019t have any motivation to do any of these things. I want to get better but I am afraid I never will.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I process a break up with depression and anxiety",
    "post_text": "In April, I (25F) blew up on my boyfriend (24M) because his communication was extremely poor and he still had his dating apps. I kept mine to spy on him and until he finally deleted his. In November, he ghosted me because I blew up on him for being online on Badoo. (we met on) My trigger is rejection because I haven\u2019t seen my father in 21 years. I get hysterical because I relive the abandonment and rejection over again I begged for him to come back and he did 3 weeks later. But, I always took the blame. He claimed that he used it to get weed.\n\nFast forwards to April, the last time I saw him in person he got a notification from Bumble to come back and use the app. He told me he wasn\u2019t using it but I lost it and asked to see if he received a message but he wouldn\u2019t show me. Then, I asked him to delete all the apps on his phone. He claimed he couldn\u2019t get into Badoo because he needed to go through his email to get the password and it would take to long. Then, he didn\u2019t message me for over week, he does this all the time to me. He worked nights and it was a long distance relationship. All I wanted was  \u201chow are you\u201d, \u201cgood morning\u201d and \u201cgood night\u201d text. I was always the one initiating the conversations. When i complained he would only communicate for 2 weeks and then stop. Also, he was never been there for me.\n\nAfter this point, I blew up, told him if he couldn\u2019t delete the rest of the dating apps and give me more communication or it was over. He never answered me back. Due to my depression trigger, I freaked out. I begged for him back again. He answered and was quiet again so I  went to his house but never answered. After that, he stopped messaging me. It\u2019s been almost a month. \n\nI cannot sleep well even though I\u2019m on medication, I get panic attacks, have anxiety all the time about him replying back to me, being alone again, rejection and where my life is heading especially with this virus because I was suppose to move in with him. Everything else was fine with the relationship except for the apps and communication.\n\nHow do cope with this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What am I supposed to do with my life?",
    "post_text": "I have zero skills. I only have GCSEs. I'm depressed. My dream job is impossible without university because I need industry links and have no other way of getting them. I've tried to research other ones, and these days there really isn't much you can do without a degree - e.g. police officers need them now. I've considered the army but I don't think I could do that. I am not interested in / not good at anything else. I do not have a knack for computers. Construction is not at all my thing. Most of the careers I'm curious about you need a degree for so I can't do them.\n\nI am officially stuck. I know I should 'suck it up and just begin some career I don't enjoy' but I can promise you I wouldn't be any good at something I don't have an interest in. I also have never been good at anything useful. I'm stuck. I just don't know where to go from here.\n\nI don't necessarily want to die, despite my depression and other problems, but I'm at the point where there is no way forward for me. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "idk how to get better",
    "post_text": "since 7th grade i\u2019ve cried myself to sleep so many times and i\u2019ve hurt myself before but i got better, i don\u2019t think i was ever diagnosed with depression but i am with anxiety. Im in 9th grade now this has been happening for a little more than 2 years.  recently it\u2019s like the darkness is coming back. my room is a mess and i have no motivation for anything. I keep crying breaking down and i\u2019m so scared to tell anyone i don\u2019t know how to ask for help. i have a counselor but i just tell him i\u2019m fine and feeling good. It\u2019s like i freeze and i\u2019m physically unable to speak about it. i don\u2019t want this darkness to come back but it\u2019s already here. i\u2019ve thought about suicide even but i don\u2019t want to hurt the few people who really care about me. I know suicide is wrong, i just don\u2019t want to live like this anymore, constantly getting hurt and dragged down until i\u2019m crying so hard my body is literally shaking while i struggle to breathe. it\u2019s like whenever i\u2019m happy something happens and my happiness gets ripped away and i\u2019m isolated with my own thoughts and they just get darker and more complex as time goes on. i feel worthless, like i\u2019m just a background character i\u2019m peoples lives. i\u2019ve been told that i\u2019m loved and people care about me but when you hear it 1,000,000 times and nobody shows they care it just becomes that same old speech. i don\u2019t know how to get better i don\u2019t know how to reach out for help. i just can\u2019t take this anymore. how do i be happy?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "12 years...",
    "post_text": "Entire life changed in 24 hours. My living wife and I agreed to a divorce after 12 years. I stopped being the man she fell in love with. I never knew why. And it\u2019s absolutely amazing how I can see every single detail why after I left that house. Last Saturday. Scared, depressed and lonely. We never had counseling and this is the first time I have been away from her in 12 years. I\u2019m refraining from pouring my guts out to her, I know that she needs her space. I understand that. I\u2019m praying that she sees hope for us yet like I do. I actually scheduled online counseling for myself. I have to be fixed for her first if she ever wants to try and work things out. That\u2019s all I want right now...is to be back with her. I haven\u2019t felt pain like this...ever. That\u2019s how I know I love her, and she loves me, she said that right before I left with a huge hug...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Girlfriend has depression",
    "post_text": "Hello!\n\nWell, it's a little hard to talk about this. I'm from Mexico, so I will try to write this, sorry for my bad english. My girlfriend and me have been together since about 2 years. I really love her, you know? She has depression since 4 years ago, I really want to help her, she doesn't want to go to the psichologyst, and with the pandemic, we can't be together. I tried to talk with her parents but they don't pay attention to her problems. She's thinking about her death. I don't know what I can do, I really love her. She cries everyday and sometimes doesn't want to get up from her bed. \n\nCan you help me?\n\nThank you so much for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m in desperate need of truthful comfort...",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve recently turned 18-I have suffered domestic, emotional, mental and formerly physical abuse. As a result I have gotten depression and anxiety, both confirmed by a trained professional. I\u2019ve reached out to my friends, to authorities, but they all treat me as if I need to be punished...I\u2019m truly trying to reach out and the moment anyone\u2019s nice to me I\u2019m so scared to lose them\nNow that I\u2019ve gotten older some thoughts have come to hit me like a freight train\nSince I was seven I\u2019ve feared of what was to come after death. Bc I knew that most likely it\u2019d be like I never existed. As if I was never born\nI know it sounds incredibly stupid but I\u2019ve been researching articles about how far science is from being able to extend our lifespans...but honestly with so many people always either being unable to do much or just choose to punish me, I\u2019m not sure how much longer I can last with this heavy thought of what comes after death\nA huge part of me just wants to kill myself and get it over with...\nMy dog is my only real family, he was with me since I turned five. We grew up together. Once he\u2019s gone and my friends have inevitably moved on with their own lives that\u2019s when I plan to end it. I\u2019m tired of trying when no one can do anything, and I don\u2019t want to live decades with these thoughts hanging over my head\nMedication doesn\u2019t help, therapy doesn\u2019t help, authorities told me to quote \u201cLearn your place\u201d...and before any of you say I haven\u2019t found the right therapist, I\u2019ve been to five different ones. Most of whom prescribed different medications\nThe starvation I have for affection made me fall into the tricks of a pedo.\nI suppose I dont blame authorities for shaming me and treating me like a slut....\nI just want it to stop\nPlease...I want it to stop",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Could this be a temporary effect of the quarantine? Should I still seek therapy?",
    "post_text": " I've been suffering from depression for about the past year and a half until it escalated a lot in the past couple of months. To the point where two and a half weeks ago, I went to bed and had my first full blown panic attack while going to sleep had to close my eyes to force myself asleep and not face it.\n\nAll of a sudden a week later, I woke up and slowly realized throughout the day that I've never felt like that before. The depression everything was completely gone as if someone just snapped a finger. Could this be a result of me being isolated and not facing the world? Should I prepared for it to come striking back eventually?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "If I died I feel like no one would notice (14m)",
    "post_text": "Idk where to start, I've always been quiet, that's just the way I am, but around the age of 11 my parents fought for custody, it didnt feel like they were fighting for me, they were fighting for my brothers, my parents never show they care for me, they're always focused on my brothers, and no one appreciates me, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no one notices me\n\nI've always had a hard time making friends, but I moved right as quarantine started, I didnt know anyone, I was alone, I lost connection with my friends, except my for my long distance girlfriend, I gave her everything I ever had, all my money, my time, my energy, there wasnt a time where I wasn't there for her, I suppose I got too attached, but, I still made sure she was happy, I helped her with her anxiety/depression, I spent months convincing her parents to get her a therapist, helped her with every problem she had, big and small, got her presents, gave her confidence, and then with the long distance our relationship got rocky, with the isolation with only her to talk to, I got depressed, I talked to her, but she never cared, she never tried to make me fell better, she only cared how she felt, so I was confused how I felt, we went on and off from texting, and then one day her bff texted me how I was toxic, I probably was but didnt see it, but, it still hurt to hear that it was my fault, i only wanted her to be happy and all I got in return was a punch in the face, me and her dated for half a year and I knew her for 3, she was my everything, I didn't have a lot of friends so I gave her all my time, she put herself in front of me, and that what everyone else does, expects me to give them attention, all my life it has been like that, all I am to people is a outlet, if I killed myself no one would care. They would forget in a month, I just wish someone cared for me for onc\n\nI need my confidence back, I need my happiness back, I dont even know who I am, I want help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help me",
    "post_text": "I hope this doesn\u2019t get much attention. I just want to feel like people like me. I brought my friend to go to my grandmas Cabin and my bro brought one of his friends. I got bored of playing bored games so I went to my room that I\u2019m sharing with my friend to just hang out. And when they were done with Games she just went upstairs to continue hanging out with them instead of me. I always feels so replaceable. We\u2019re going on a hike near cliff tomorrow. Guess where I might go. This is it all just because what I just said. It\u2019s also me feeling so replaceable by other people. Feeling like I always have fake friends, feeling like I can never trust anyone. I just want to feel cared about, I do have a boyfriend, Who is always saying he loves me, but sometimes I just don\u2019t trust it and I just don\u2019t know if he\u2019s telling the truth. I always feel annoying. Same with my family, I can never tell if they really do love me. My brother is always terrorizing me, always making me annoyed and always triggering my anxiety, and not giving a crap about it When I confront him about it. My family alone could make me wanna kill myself. I don\u2019t know how much longer I can take this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have lost all my friends and am stuck in a nightmare.",
    "post_text": "I spent the last 45 minutes carefully putting together my story and tried to tell exactly what happened in the past year, but then the Reddit app decided to commit suicide before me and I am too furious to write all of this shit again, so I'll just get straight to the point:\n\nI have lost all my friends. I get especially sad because even my best friend (we have kissed several times...) just doesn't care anymore.\nMy mother doesn't support me at all. She even keeps insulting me and makes things a lot worse. I seriously don't want to live here anymore. Or even living in general, but that's not really the point of this sub.\nAnd my father? I don't even know his name. Absolutely no contact whatsoever. \nI have nobody. \nI get insanely sad when I see other people having a good time, because I'm stuck in this nightmare of not having any social contact whatsoever. But hey, at least I mastered social distancing before this Corona thing happened and I have no problem isolating myself... cause that's exactly what I did for the past nine months or so.\nI don't even need an \"external trigger\" (like seeing other people having fun) and I just get tears out of nowhere and I constantly think about what has happened to me.\nI sometimes don't even go to school because I would see people which mean a lot to me but treat me like a peace of garbage.\nI am terrible at school. \n\nBefore Reddit crashes again, I'll just leave this here and yeah suffering is fun.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you guys cope?",
    "post_text": "I am so dangerously close to just giving up on everything and just go to sleep. I hate this. I hate being like this. I know I have responsibilities but I just can't bring myself to do them. I know they're important, but I just can't do them and my assignments are coming one after another while I'm not even close to finishing the previous ones because I just. Can't. Get. Myself. To do it.\n\nSomebody told me that I don't have the option to give up and struggle through it. That it'll be worth it. I don't really think it is tho. The world's going to shit with all that is happening right now and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Why do it when it all doesn't matter in the end anyway? It doesn't matter in the end anyway. How do you guys cope with being this hopeless? I just need some way to suppress it, even a bit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m not sure if I want to continue.",
    "post_text": "Honestly life has been so shitty for me these past few weeks that I can\u2019t stand being alive. But I don\u2019t really want to parish from existence either, however I always feel the spike wanting of ending it all when I come across sharp objects or any kind of thing that would aid in me ending everything. I feel like I\u2019ve lost battles upon battles of endless depression since 7th grade. I\u2019m in 10th grade now. Previously I\u2019ve tried to kill myself in 8th grade, I never really tried after but I feel urges too still. Me and my dad had bad falling outs, three times, in almost the same year. I almost lost my mom and my brother because I was always angry and upset with the rage I let control me. I\u2019ve lost all but few friends now that I\u2019m desperately holding on too, but I just don\u2019t know if I can continue to deal with this pain because no matter how man counselors or therapists I\u2019ve seen it alway just seems to never get better. I mean I\u2019ve tried alternatives by listening to music, playing video games, live-streaming to twitch, watching YouTube to help, never really satisfies me. It\u2019s been weeks since I showered last, I\u2019ve basically stopped going to work on time, stopped caring for my body for the most part. I really don\u2019t know what to do and I feel so lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to stop crying all the time?",
    "post_text": "Hi there,  \n\n\nTL;DR : I cry so much and not sure how to calm myself down enough to not cry. I'm not always even sure why i am crying, it just starts running down my face. \n\nI'm on month 7 of my current severe depressive episode. My bipolar causes me to have usually 6 months of depression every year, but this time it feels worse than in many years, and also it's just getting worse despite having lasted quite a while for my usual pattern. I'm considered treatment resistant with meds, though about to try out a 13th or 14th new medication. I'm also struggling to access adequate support.   \nI am crying every day recently, today being particularly bad. I've had 4 or 5 bouts of crying since I got up about 5 hours ago. Nothing has actually happened today, so I don't know why. I'm tired of this. I'd love some ideas on how I can find some more calm. I do yoga in the evenings, but it's a recent thing and I probably have to do it for a while to see improvements.   \n\n\nOn a positive note, I handed in all the medications I no longer take to the pharmacy for safe disposal yesterday. This makes me a lot safer in terms of suicide risk, and whilst it makes me quite anxious not to have it as an \"option\" in the back of my head, I know it was the right thing to do. I don't have any pills that could kill me in an overdose now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want some coping mechanisms for restlessness, and boredom with life, low self-esteem",
    "post_text": "I have been thinking of self harming. I don't want to because that would make therapy more hard and i don't want my therapist to do more work for me. I can't talk to my therapist because of lockdown. I want some coping mechanisms to not abuse myself physically and mentally. Thanks\n\nEdit: i asked this because I've seen a pattern with me. Before i was thinking of suicide and told myself to not to do it. Then i attempted anyway later. So i reached out thinking it might get worse. Sorry for wasting you time",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My bf just broke up with me and it's triggering my depression",
    "post_text": "I'm 22f and yesterday my long distance boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. I thought everything was going fine so it was completely out of the blue for me. He said he didn't think things would ever work between us and he doesn't love me the same way anymore. I am devastated, I've gone between crying, sobbing, sleeping, and thinking how to kill myself. I just never want to feel like this again, I don't want anyone to be able to hurt me. I don't do well socializing because I'm afraid if I open up people won't accept me or are going to hurt me. He was the only one I thought I could trust. He's left it open to being friends, but all I can think about is how he's not mine anymore and I'll never be able to kiss or hug him the same way again. I was desperate and talked to him today because I felt like I needed him, it didn't turn out well. Other than him and his friends I don't have a lot of friends. I'm part of a friend group but I'm not really close with any of them and they have kicked me out of the group before for not being active enough. The only person I really have is my mom and she has to go to work tomorrow so I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tips for studying for someone who struggles to focus on anything?",
    "post_text": "It hit me hard recently that I've been putting off work for pretty much all of my classes and I have to catch up on a lot of studying. Normally it wouldn't be a problem because i could a) manage my time better so I wouldn't end up in this situation, b) actually focus on studying and do all the necessary work. But ever since i've started to get depressed i lost all of my motivation and i cannot focus on anything even if i try to study.   \nSo do any of you have any tips on how to a) get myself to study, b) be able to actually focus on my work because this has been my biggest problem- even if i sit to study, i just get so easily distracted or read the same sentence over and over and i just cannot get any information from it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm not feeling too well right now....",
    "post_text": "I feel like im in a big depression since im 10 years old (im 25).  \nThe only thing that helped me ( a lot) was beeing with my ex, who was my first gf and the only person who showed me love.  \n\n\nNow that she dumped me for the guy she cheated me with..im..im not feeling very well.   \n\n\nIM thinking about trying to kill myself again everyday.  \n\n\nIts been two month since shes out of my life. I cant seem to be able to get over it. I tried a lot of thing, Beeing active, new activities, talk to friends, eat well, taking medication, talk to a psy, etc. Nothing work.   \n\n\nSorry if my english is not great, its not my first langage and I must admit ..I may have drank too much to dull the pain.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Severe anxiety and depression",
    "post_text": "Most of my life I have suffered with depression, anxiety, self deprecating thoughts and worse case scenario imagery in my head almost nonstop.  It\u2019s like a movie that never stops playing.  I currently take 120+ mg daily of CBD spread throughout to help manage my symptoms.  \n\nIs there any hope for me to be alright without taking so much medication.  To put it in imagery, It really feels like it\u2019s a python constantly wrapped around my neck and When I take medication, I feel it let go for a while but can also still feel it just sitting there in the corner waiting for it it wear off so it can pounce right back on and keep strangling me.  \n\nI need a long term solution.  it has gotten so bad that I can\u2019t stop taking the CBD for more than a day without experiencing severe mental distress.  Sometimes I cannot even function without it.  When I took CBD for the first time it was also the first time I had ever felt \u201cnormal\u201d. I am grateful to have this medication but at the same time I do not want to have to depend on this for the rest of my life.  \n\nI just want the normal brain chemistry that other people seem to take for granted.  Having a normal day for me is so rare its like finding buried treasure for me.  And then I want to stay normal so bad and hold on to that good feeling that ironically, I bring the anxiety back about trying to stay feeling normal.  It almost feels hopeless.  \n\nIs there any hope that I can ever have a normally functioning mind without taking large amounts of medication? At this point my liver just has to take the hit because for my mind to feel the way it does without it I can\u2019t keep going like that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I could use some attention. Lord knows that no one I know does.",
    "post_text": "Just am down. My bf doesnt ever ask about my day. And no one does. None of my friends ask. But they know I wanna kill myself. I could use just a few of you to care. If you cant no hard feelings but I'm desperate. I could just use someone to care. That's. All. My friends are great... or they try to be. But none of them ask how my day was or bow I am. And in tired. I'm just so so tired of faking. I know its partly my fault. Just give me attention if you can that's all I want . Someone to care for 7 seconds",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how do i tell my parents i'm feeling anxious and depressed again so i'd like to see a psychiatrist",
    "post_text": "(english is not my main language so please excuse my mistakes) my medical treatment finished about a year ago but quarantine is making everything really difficult and i'm not being able to handle it on my own. the first time my parents sent me to psychiatrist was when they found out i was planning to kill myself and it was a terrible situation, i don't know how to tell them i'm not ok without bringing back all that stuff",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am depressed and I lost all of my friends. I feel so alone.",
    "post_text": "For my entire life, I have dealt with severe persistent depression (dysthymia as the diagnosis) and anxiety. I have gone through a lot of stuff, especially toxic friendships throughout life. These past few months have been especially tough for me. I got involved in a \"relationship\" that didn't end up in a relationship due to his and my own mental instability. He refused to work together on it and trying to work on some things we both had issues with. This made me feel as if he didn't really care about me. Tonight he told me he definitely did not have romantic feelings for me anymore. After that, my best friend (Let's call her Katie) contacted me for help involving her struggling with suicidal thoughts (not necessarily wanting to kill herself, more so that the thought of suicide made her anxious). Anyways, after I helped her to the best of my ability, I felt great. (I want to be a therapist so this is rewarding to me if I can help anyone.) But then, she told me something. I have had this other friend for a long long time. (Let's call her Amy) Throughout high school, Amy and I had issues because her mother absolutely despised me and created issues for our friendship. I am pretty sure she blamed a lot of stuff on me to her mom so she wouldn't get in trouble for it. As a result, I began getting left out of our friend group a lot and was treated like an outcast. She has been a pretty shitty friend to me. Last year, Amy moved away to go to a different college, which made things so much easier for me, life was going great. But this summer she moved back to town and is transferring to our hometown college. Immediately life started going back to how it used to be. Katie hangs out with them a ton and I am just alone and don't really get invited. I ended up saying something to Katie and asked her if she thinks everyone is going to start excluding me again and I said something like, \"Since Amy moved back, everyone flocks to her like she is crack\". This is not a great thing to say but I was frustrated and panicking at the time. Katie was with Amy and another girl at the time, and I thought Katie wouldn't show anyone and this was a private convo (my mistake for thinking that would be true). Tonight, after feeling the gratification of helping her, Katie decided to tell me that the other girl she was with and Amy read what I said. I genuinely didn't say anything super mean, just that I was frustrated that as soon as she moves back, I get dropped. Katie told me the other girl she was with said: \"that is just disrespectful and out of line\". and Amy said, \"I'm glad I know how she really feels about me\". Sorry for the long story but now, I just feel like nothing. I feel that I mess up every friendship. But at the same time, I am frustrated with the fact that if they do anything to hurt me, it means nothing, but if I do anything I am automatically this horrible human being. They act as if they have done nothing to me. I left my group message with all my friends, which was my main source of support and I stopped talking to the boy who finally told me he has lost all romantic feelings for me. (He talked to me every day for about a month after he \"ended things\" and said he still had feelings for me for the longest time). I feel so alone and like I have hit rock bottom once again. I feel suicidal but I know myself enough to know I won't do anything. I don't want to die; I want the pain and hurt to stop. I just wish people would care for me the amount I care for them. I wish people actually understand that they hurt me and, not to be self-centered, but put themselves in my shoes for just a second.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm depressed, my husband started to feel anxious about my condition",
    "post_text": "Hello\nI haven't feel myself in a while, all my days are blue. No objective, illusions, little things get to amused me, I don't like how I look, I feel like I'm in a boat without paddles....spinning around with no direction.\n\nMy husband tries his best to bring me joy (we've been together 13 years, 1.5 yrs married\u2764\ufe0f), he's a lovely person. I love him so much but now my condition is affecting him, I don't know what to do, he started ignoring me and I understand, he needs his own space to think, but I feel bad because in my mind it feels like he is letting me drown. \n\nTomorrow will be my first appointment with the therapist, I'm so afraid of what I'm going to discover, maybe I'm crazy for real.\n\nNeed your advise to make my boy feel good, I don't want him to be sad because of my fault, I feel that everything that happens around me is because my fault.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How did you heal from your depression?",
    "post_text": "And if you're still in there, do you have any advice on how to cope with it? \n\nI've been depressed for 13 months, officially diagnosed, on meds, and following psychotherapy for 4 months.\n\nI'm better, but still not enough to have a normal life. I'm exhausted. I'm having a lot of troubles concentrating and thinking hard. Right now I don't work because of that. \n\nPlus I feel like psychotherapy is not that useful. Like it's just taking to someone neutral. So I don't know how I'm gonna get over it... \n\nThanks for your replies.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling to deal with anxiety and depression. Need some advice.",
    "post_text": "I recently started having horrible nightmares. Although I started getting a handle on my depression it seems like my anxiety got so much worse due to these nightmares. \n\nOnce I start having an anxiety attack I find it near impossible to calm down without meds. Unfortunately due to the current situation we are struggling financially and I can't afford these meds.\n\nIs there anything I can do that will help me calm down during one of these attacks?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I reach out to friends for support?",
    "post_text": "I've been feeling so depressed and alone recently and I really need to talk to someone about it. I'm scared and nervous to reach out to my friend about it though. Although I have helped her a lot in the past with her depression, and she has always told me that she is there for me, I'm still really nervous about asking for help. I'd start typing a message but then end up deleting it. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I need to talk to someone. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve never felt so broken in my life",
    "post_text": "I am bawling. I feel like everything has fallen on top of me and just won\u2019t stop coming down. I\u2019ve lost so many people within the last three months and didn\u2019t even look back or try to fight for it. Now that I\u2019ve tried its backfiring and I can\u2019t stop making mistake after mistake. I\u2019m heartbroken and I\u2019m only making it worse for myself by constantly messaging him, and making him hate me by the hour. I\u2019m that crazy ex, the one I never vowed to be. Now I feel like I should end it all. But I don\u2019t actually want to die, if that makes sense. \n\nI just need some uplifting words, please. I don\u2019t know how I\u2019m going to make it through tonight.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being in lockdown would be great if I was literally anywhere else",
    "post_text": "Long story short while in the middle of a panic attack my dad threatened to have me sanctioned. If you don\u2019t know what that means, he told me he was perfectly comfortable hospitalising me against my will.\n\nI\u2019m terrified of hospitals.\n\nThis was the day lockdown was put in place (uk) this incident was a catalyst for a downward spiral and I\u2019m now in a depressive episode. I have work due in under a week and I can\u2019t force myself to do it. If I don\u2019t submit I will not be able to get my degree.\n\nI\u2019m tired and experiencing some really bad thoughts. I can\u2019t talk to anyone irl about this apart from my therapist but my appointment isn\u2019t for another week.\n\nI don\u2019t really know what I\u2019m expecting from this but putting it out there and helps sometimes. So here I am, doing that, I guess.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I lost my job and potentially my career due to a deep depression.",
    "post_text": "Hello,\n\nI (27F) am using my alternative account because there are people who are trying to hurt me with anything they can find out about me. \n\nI was diagnosed with Anxiety, depression, and Bipolar disorder at the age of 11 and have always struggled, but I functioned for the most part. A little over a year ago, I was in the darkest place of my life. My dad had just had a major heart attack/stroke/aneurism and was destined to die according to doctors (he beat the odds with months of comas/therapy). My favorite aunt had committed suicide and left my two high school aged cousins motherless. Most terribly though, my ex had blindsided me and illegally started a child custody battle to take my only child, a 7 year old, away from me who I have raised his whole life. I spent all my personal investments/savings, $15,000, to hire a top attorney and was left broke and completely shattered. My partner was there to support me as much as he could so my son an i had a roof over our head but i was suffering. \n\nShortly before this all happened, I had completed my 1 year internship at a major Financial Firm & had gained my Series 7 & Series 66 FINRA licenses. I was so proud of my accomplishments, salary, and stability after 10 years of customer service and sales jobs that did not provide full stability. I was so happy, the happiest I had been in a long time, and then everything came crashing down at the same time.\n\nI  had an amazingly supportive boss who helped me every step of the way until I exhausted my PTO, UTO, FMLA, Short Term Personal Leave and he had run out of options to offer me. During all this time, I was nothing but a husk. I wouldn't leave my bed, eat, shower, and I spent hours just sleeping. My partner didn't know what to do and Psychiatrist were unavailable due to a large shortage in my city (over 6 month waits and up to 9 months). I refused to go to an inpatient facility because I knew it would hurt my child custody case but at the time, that probably would have been the best option. This went on for over 3 months. Eventually, i got the call i was expecting, with cracks in his voice, my boss informed me that HR had declined any further leave and that I was being let go for violation my companies attendance policy. I was heartbroken, but numb. My year internship had been for nothing now, my countless hours of studying for my FINRA exams, all my efforts were gone because i couldn't bare to face the world. It was another punch to the gut when I received my U5 in the mail, something that stays with your for the rest of your Financial industry career, stating I had been fired for not following attendance policies. \n\nFast forward to 2 months after everything, I was able to get on my partners insurance and pay $500 out of pocked for a psychiatrist. I was put on mood stabilizers and further diagnosed with BPD as well. I had officially run out of handouts from my partner and I had to get a new job back in the industry I despised. I was making $15/hr (I used to have a salary of about $75K Base) and I am miserable. Im not making enough money, and I am terrified to apply for any financial services job that will see my U5 and just move on to the next candidate. Im starting to feel that if I stay at my current job/industry, i will fall right back into that deep depression. My new job offers amazing insurance and I am able to see a therapist and psychiatrist which I am seeing regularly but I don't know if insurance benefits are a reason to stay at a company if you are absolutely miserable. I just want some advice, guidance. I would love to go back to school or get a certification but I'm just getting stabilized financially again and I just cant. I really don't know where to go from here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "16, no friends, balding, gaining weight, lonely and depressed.",
    "post_text": "I sit here and type this at 1:54 am because I can\u2019t sleep. Guys I need help. I\u2019m so broken. So lonely. I\u2019m inside all day and alone, there\u2019s just so much more to say but I\u2019m tired of saying and not getting any help or feeling better. I\u2019ve been alone for so long, after I migrated in 2018 I haven\u2019t made any friends. Now that we\u2019re in quarantine at home I\u2019m not at school but when I was at school people would say I\u2019m weird and lonely. I\u2019m too scared to talk to people because I started balding from stress when I migrated and I just feel like shit everyday I haven\u2019t been genuinely happy in years I just want to cry. I\u2019m in a country where they pull you over and kill you then go on with their lives, mass murders are common, and you can\u2019t even go for a walk without looking like a thief, all this just adds to my anxiety and I just don\u2019t know what to do, sometimes I wonder if I\u2019ll just not make it one day. I feel like I\u2019m slowly becoming nothing as if I\u2019m gonna die. Everything is fading. I just want to be loved. My parents act like narcissist and shout at me for the most trivial things, talk about me behind my back and me and my sister don\u2019t get along. I have the hairline of a 30 year old at 16. I don\u2019t like this planet anymore. It\u2019s so corrupt and cruel and I\u2019ve been told I\u2019m worthless since forever. By my mom, by my dad,  random people. I\u2019m garbage at sports and stuff. So I don\u2019t play any. My father said he wished he could of gone back in time to raise me differently, he also said he wished I wasn\u2019t like how I am now. I think my parents resent me for not being the cool popular guy who plays football(soccer) and is super smart and is gonna become a doctor. Now I\u2019m gaining weight because I have no drive, no confidence at all to do anything. I\u2019m a joke. A lonely, balding, teenage nobody.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help...helping someone else..",
    "post_text": "Umm..so uhh....my significant other has been really...really down recently..to the point where he no longer feels anything..no love, no care, no hate, nothing...he doesn\u2019t think he\u2019s worth anything..that he doesn\u2019t deserve love..kindness, happiness, caring, that he doesn\u2019t deserve anyone to care or love him...and I\u2019m..starting to get scared..because there\u2019s not much I can do anymore..I\u2019ve been caring, loving, telling him he deserves everything, that he deserves love..care, happiness because HES the one that saved me from offing myself when we first met..he\u2019s helped and saved many people...but he\u2019s been taken advantage of and been told that he doesn\u2019t deserve it..he\u2019s been showed wrong..hatred..pure malice...so it\u2019s hard to get through to him...\n\nSo I\u2019m asking the fellow people of this subreddit for advice..I\u2019ve tried to show and tell him that he\u2019s a good person...that he deserves care, love, happiness. But I\u2019m nearing my limit..i don\u2019t know..what else I can do to help....but I\u2019m willing to do anything to help..I NEED to help him..so please..I need advice on what I could do to help him..or get him help, LITERALLY ANYTHING..I\u2019m begging at this point...I NEED TO HELP HIM! because if he doesn\u2019t get better...he\u2019s going to end up offing himself very soon..and that\u2019s my worst fear......so I beg of y\u2019all to help me..help me, help him..please!! Ask any questions you need, say anything, I\u2019m open to anything and willing to do anything...so I\u2019m begging, please....help me, help him!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling",
    "post_text": "So I have always struggled with depression but after I had met my husband 8 years ago I started doing really well and for the most part didn't have depression. We were always doing stuff to keep busy and keep my mind off the stuff that would bring me down. Well fast forward to now and I am just feeling at the end of my rope. My health took a 180 about two years ago and I now struggle with quite a few health problems that keep me from doing the things I use to do. I cant even do simple things that a lot of people take for granted. And now I see what toll it is taking on my husband to have to take care of me so much and it kills me. He has become so short and angry at the world and has made comments that make me feel like I am to cause for all this. ( I am sure that is not how he feels just how it makes me feel) I just wish I could make all the pain and hurt go away. I feel myself slipping further and further away and I don't know how to cope anymore. Just wish I could quit feeling like this all the time. Any Advice would be greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I lost all of my friends and live in complete isolation. I want to change... It would be helpful to hear stories of people overcoming this situation!",
    "post_text": "I had two really bad hypomanic episodes. I did some insane things that I'm shameful of. \n\nSince my hypomanic episodes, I pushed away everyone and stayed disconnected for years. I couldn't face them after what I had done. Through that process, I've lost everyone. \n\nHas anybody been here? I'm lost as to how to make new friends. \n\nI basically don't have a personality anymore... I feel uninteresting as hell. Not to mention, I'm out of practice. I don't really know how to spark up a conversation anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "FIRE!!!",
    "post_text": " I can't take anymore stress. Anymore loss. I've had enough. I've fallen so deep into a depression that I've completely let myself go. And I mean completely. I barely have the energy or drive to crawl out of bed. There is no function in my life anymore, I'm simply existing.\n\nI am pretty much alone now. I've lost everything. I have had nonstop loss and stress since June of 2018 and it's not letting up. I'm at the point now to where if I'm lucky enough to sleep, I'll wake, up wondering who in my life is going to die that day or what terrible thing is going to happen.\nat's what it feels like. Like I'm outside of myself watching\nThe last straw was the breakup of my 9 year live in relationship. He came home from work and dumped me out of the blue. He moved out 3 days later, leaving me with our large rental house, it's utilities and other bills. We split everything and I've had to take over his share. My elderly mom lives here with me and her income helps but she is ill and is now developing either Dementia or early Alzheimers.\n\nI loved my ex so much and his loss alone has nearly put me under. It's been 9 mos since he walked and I found out he had been cheating online. Well that's over and now he has a new girlfriend, my worst nightmare was the day I was going to have to see that. She has money and I really think that's the only reason why he's with her, which is sad. We have stayed in touch mostly by text and he sees our animals we owned together. Now that he has her he no longer wants to see all of our animals and doesn't want to talk to me. He told me it hurts him to talk to me. Yeah right!!! I may be severely depressed but I'm not stupid.\n\nAdd the Covid stress to everything I've had to deal with and I feel like I'm losing it. I've never gone this long without a shower. I've never gone days at a time without sleep. Sometimes I'll go 4 days without eating.\n\nGod help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone been able to get anti depressants online?",
    "post_text": "So my issue is I was seeing a therapist for a while and she concluded that I need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist for medication. She suggested wellbutrin since there's a lower risk of decreasing your libido since my depression and anxiety really killed that department. I've done talk/cognitive therapy for years, but at this point medication is going to be necessary.\n\nThe one psychiatrist in my area that was accepting clients had their partner retire and took on all of their patients and no longer had any appointments available.\n\nNow between covid, and my PCP being booked up for MONTHS... I have no idea what to do. \n\nI saw there are telehealth doctors that will prescribe meds online... but is that legit? Had anyone tried this method?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to slit my wrists but I know the consequences.",
    "post_text": "So basically at the beginning of the year I started slitting my wrist because I started feeling overwhelming depression after 2019. My mum saw the marks and told me to stop. At the beginning of quarantine my depression took another increase, and for two days I started slitting my wrist (again) until my mum saw. She demanded that I tell her what was wrong, and I just told her I feel generally depressed (all the reasoning behind it is complicated and plus I don't feel comfortable telling her). She asked me if a boyfriend had broken up with me or something, and that definitely wasn't the reason (so I assume if she knows I'm depressed she'll think that). She then demanded that I don't slit my wrists again, and therefore I know that if I do, I'll get into a bunch of crap I don't wanna be in. I really wanna start doing it again; I'm a horrible person (so I deserve it) and hurting myself makes me feel better for some reason. I've always felt guilt and shame, and self hatred, and I feel like my life has reached 'the end of the line'; I feel true happiness has faded, and the realisation has struck, that life is completely worthless and I will die one day, leaving everything behind. All motivation seems gone, and my life has just gone to shit, comparing it to the past. I really want to slit my wrist, but I know my parents would see. So what do I do? How do I cut myself and 'get away with it'? Can I cover it up without raising suspicion? I really want to. I feel desperate, but I know I can't.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wish I wasn\u2019t so worried all the time. I wish I was actually brave for once. I wish I didn\u2019t always think about what others think about me. I wish I could let go of the past. But I can\u2019t.",
    "post_text": "For the longest time, I\u2019ve had this dream that I\u2019ll be a musician. Singing songs and making people happy. Making myself happy. I\u2019ve wrote songs before, I\u2019ve played many instruments before, I\u2019ve spent hours playing around secretly in GarageBand. I took singing lessons for a while. In the 4th grade I was in the 5th grade music class, because apparently I was ahead of my classmates. I played piano, and took up drums for a while. \n\nI quit singing lessons last year. The violin is gone now. And every once in a while on some stupid magical moment, I play piano. But I still long for music.\n\n\nEven with drawing, which I put my heart and soul into, I still long for music.\n\n\nEven when sewing, I sing. \n\n\nEven when I\u2019m outside, I sing and sing and cry. Because I\u2019m so weak.\n\nI\u2019m weak because I couldn\u2019t sing in front of others. I\u2019m weak because I\u2019m so shy. I\u2019m weak because I couldn\u2019t even sing properly with my singing teacher. I never let go.\n\n\nI\u2019m so mad at myself. I want to let this dream go, but I don\u2019t at the same time. Isn\u2019t it enough for me? Art, drawing, and sewing? Why do I still cling to music? I can\u2019t sing. I sound horrible when I\u2019m standing in front of people. My legs shake and I cry. I can\u2019t even sing outside anymore, because I\u2019m afraid of neighbors hearing. I can only sing with headphones on because even I judge myself. I\u2019m my worst enemy. \n\n\n\nWhy do I STILL want to sing? Why do I still find myself singing when I can? Why can\u2019t I just let this stupid dream go? This stupid worthless dream. I\u2019m going to art school to draw, which I\u2019m still bad at. I\u2019m not going for music. \n\n\nI want to let go of song. But I don\u2019t at the same time. I\u2019m stuck yet again. I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m here.\n\n\nI just needed to vent.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is there a way to stop it before it gets too bad?",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know when I started to feel like this. I think it was always just a thought in the back of my head but now that I\u2019m in quarantine, I\u2019m left alone to my own thoughts :/. I\u2019m starting to eat less and less, my sleep schedule is becoming messed up, I have a ton of negative thoughts I\u2019m not okay with sharing just yet. I haven\u2019t done online school in a while and when I think about doing it, I feel a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I just wanna know if there is anything I can incorporate into my life so I can stop acting like this, or at least stop my downwards momentum. Thank you if anyone read this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "10 years in treatment. Still no help. What now?",
    "post_text": "I'll try to make this short.\n\nI've been in an out of psychiatric care for about 10 years. I'm in my early 20s. Below is a list of things I have tried. Note, I cannot afford hospitalization.\n\n1. 5 therapists (talk therapists)\n2. 2 nurse practitioners/prescribers\n3. 1 (failed) treatment program\n4. 2 school ceoncelors\n5. Talking to my friends\n6. Talking to my parents\n7. 5 different psychiatric medications (SSRIS, Mood Stablizers, anxiety meds)\n8. Religion/Faith (didn't work)\n9. Existentialism (yep, even tried this)\n\nI am still having self-harm thoughts at least twice a month, so intense that I lose hours of my time. I still am extremely afraid of any feedback, even good feedback. I am so, so tired of trying. I've tried so much. I just want to stop. I always tell myself this, that it's all not worth it. I feel like if I would have taken my advice years ago, I wouldn't be still struggling. I wouldn't be, at all.\n\nDoes anyone know what I should try next?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do you fall out of love when you're depressed? Please. Anyone.",
    "post_text": "My boyfriend and I had been together for 7 months. He first mentioned he was struggling in January with depression and needed to figure it out but had never felt that way before. We were still happy and talking all the time but I could feel him distancing himself still but he wasn't emotionally just physically.  Then coronavirus hit...I saw him right before he went back to work in the beginning of it all, he had taken a vacation for 3 weeks when it was starting. After that last time I saw him, it wasn't for another week and a half until I saw him again and he was totally different. He was irritable, quiet, just NOT himself at all. During the time I didnt see him he hadn't seen his children either and it broke him. He broke up with me a week later when I saw he had basically broken down and mentioned he should get some help because he was different and suffering horribly.  He said he needed to get better and it wouldn't be fair to me to wait. 2 weeks after ending things I asked if he still loved me and he said he didn't.  He cut off all emotion from me. This whole time I'd been trying to help him, was supportive, gave him sites to read up on it, got him to tell his mother, and also got him to reach out to a therapist through the fire department.  My question is...did the depression make him stop loving me? Did he actually stop loving me or is it masked by his depression? Will he come back? Im drowning in despair and want the man of my dreams back. What do I do? Each time I've seen him since that last day before he ended things he has been shutting off more and more...and eventually wouldnt see me anymore. Please someone help. I don't know what to do anymore for him. Or even know if he really just doesnt love me. :/",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lost hope , loosing interest on life",
    "post_text": "I can\u2019t keep my family happy\n\nFor some reason I can\u2019t keep or make any one at home happy. Each one of them thinks I am wrong \n\nStarts with my spouse , my mom , sis , father and kid ( a 5 year old )\n\nI experience heavy shortness of breath and get very nervous and I feel dizzy whenever I am hurt by any of my family members \n\nI come from a typical Indian family and I am not able to balance the equations\n\nI know these are very common within Indian households \n\nI think i am being rejected by every one around.\n\nI feel very suffocated... sometimes feel I am not meant to be around but... I motivate myself\n\nAny one to chat pls....",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Girlfriend is bullied by her parents and forced to give up on her dreams.",
    "post_text": "My girlfriend wanted to study gastronomy but her parents made comments like \"You'll smell like onions, no one will look at you.\" \"Have fun working at BK.\" etc. and she just gave up on everything. I tell her all kinds of positive things and how she can still chase her goals.  I keep telling her that it's her life and it shouldn't matter what they say but she totally convinced herself that she is good for nothing.  She is always bullied by her parents like this.\n\nYes we are still young and yes the relationship won't last forever but I don't care, I just want her to be happy in the future. Please help me with advices.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Forcing yourself to do things you normally love during depression",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m in the midst of a 5 week bout with depression, which for me has nothing to do with sadness. Rather, depression for me is a horrifying head fog that *disconnects* me from all emotions, interests and appetites. All I can feel is the fear and anxiety of being in this state of mind. If you suffer from this flavor of depression, or any flavor, do you force yourself to do the things your normally love even though you can\u2019t connect with that feeling of enjoyment? For me, doing this and not getting the reward makes it all worse, but I also don\u2019t wanna wait around to feel better to do these things, If that makes any sense.\n\nWhat do you do in this situation?\n\nThank you!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Always feel like I'm wasting time",
    "post_text": "In reality everything is a waste of time. I know this and am conscious of it but still feel bothered and unpleasant knowing I could be doing something better, but I'm too depressed or too anxious or too unmotivated to do it. So instead I sit and do nothing and then feel even worse about myself for doing nothing. I don't want to go prep for next semester, I don't want to cook, I don't want to learn a piano piece. I just want to sit and play games and browse YouTube and Reddit all day and I feel like shit doing so. Especially sucks when I have work soon or somewhere I have to be with time to spare before hand. I don't know what to do with my time, I just feel like whatever it is, it'll be a waste so it's not worth doing. Please help I want to enjoy my time off :c.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Today is my birthday.",
    "post_text": "Today is my 16th birthday. I am all alone, i have no one to spend it with. No one even remember my birthday, no one said it either. I have been contemplating suicide and jave been looking forward to today in hopes that something would change. But nothing did. And if on mt special day nothing changes, then will anything ever really change? I decided no, and I made my final decision on whether or not i should follow through with whats been on my mind. And i decided I will. There is no point, I'm not happy and im always alone. This is my goodbye. I am posting this in the hopes that maybe someone will care. In the hopes that maybe someone will try to stop me, but I dont think that's what will happen. No body seems to really care about me these days. I'm just another guy on the street to everyone. This will probably get buried but oh well..\n\nI have posted this on another subreddit. So if you see this twice that is why.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm getting angry at my depression. I want to break out of it and I can't seem to shake it.",
    "post_text": "There are tons of various things that have contributed to my mental state at this age. Abusive parents with narcissistic personality disorder, running around with bad friends, I was molested (sort of, and publicly), starting drugs in middle school and becoming addicted by highschool, heavy psychedelic use, and whatever quirky autistic spectrum disorder or attention disorder caused school to be so overwhelming for me growing up.\n\n I want to feel better, that's for sure. But I look at \"normal functioning\" and it doesn't match my ideal for what a human life should be. I've looked down on \"normalcy\" for a long time because it leads to brainwashed non-individuals, not questioning yourself, and honestly I think it limits our evolution. I don't like where the world is going and it alienates me in addition to my mental state. \n\nThese past couple of months I have reverted to terrible behaviors and failed a lot. I failed one of my college courses (I had a 3.7 gpa prior), I've been blowing up at work and unable to get my work done properly, on my days off I either lay in bed all day or smoke a bunch of weed and drink and party with friends (I can't have fun without substances and havent even since I quit hard drugs like opiates and benzos 4 years ago), I tell myself to get it together and I just don't have the willpower because I'm not happy about my opportunities in life. I'm going to school to become a teacher, before this I had a 2 year existential crisis where I didn't want to do ANYTHING and I would become psychotic and suicidal, I just hated everything in life and I felt like I had tasted multiple ways of living and none of them resonated with me. Now I feel like this again. My routine was interrupted by covid-19 and even though I was still a mild nicotine addict and had a mental breakdown during every homework assignment, I would push myself. \n\nNow I feel like I've backslid and I'm right where I was  2 years ago. I wasn't able to complete homework because of mental fog and everytime I opened my online class dashboard I would break down and cry until I fell asleep. I did a few assignments and it would take me half the day to write a 2 page paper. Took me a week to write a 6 page paper. I used to be able to do them in a few hours. I feel like my mind is deteriorating. \n\nConversation is more difficult. I can easily explain my feelings because it's a trait of my personality, but casual talk and reading people has become impossible. I'm getting anxious because talking to people I already know is starting to feel like talking to strangers. I've been crying my eyes out over small insecurities I used to be over and accept. \n\nI'm trying to figure out how to reorganize my life but it's so hard. I know people who go out and party and drink night after night and still go to college and go to work and are doing great. They are happy and healthy and only have a small nagging guilt about not getting more done. I feel like I produce NOTHING of value to the world and it's so difficult to just chip away at learning a song or doing a simple assignment or task at work. \n\nAll I can listen to is super depressing music as well if I want to enjoy it. I feel like a emo highschooler. \n\nMy whole life I've struggled with motivation, my parents called me a lazy piece of shit everyday and it's true. Everything takes so much mental effort for me and I can barely focus because my mind goes a million miles an hour with intense imagery and nonsensical logic. To slow it down and focus on the world around me, especially the physical world, is a manual effort. The depression just makes it all the worse. \n\nI just want to know if anyone might relate and how they may have improved their lives? I've been feeling so isolated even though I surround myself with people lately, and there are less and less reasons I want to stay around.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just really super depressed right now, obviously...",
    "post_text": "This is my first post here so I don't know whats required or normal. Im just really feeling awful. Don't sleep or sleep way too much. Either don't eat at all or eat way too much. Constantly stuck in why bother mode for literally everything. Don't want ot get out of bed ever, it only when Im forced for work or to go to the bathroom etc. I dont have a whole lot of a support system. Maybe a small amount of family left and an more small amount of kind of friends. And yes am in therapy but it doesn't seem to help. Seriously, soo sorry for the whole life story but again dont know this works exactly. I promise i won't be so long winded again..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel lost and disappointed in myself",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m (23F) I went to a 4-year after high school, for 2 and a half years, struggled to find friends and did terribly in school but I stayed nonetheless??? I regret that so much because I spent most of my time sick because I had no one to take care of me. I continued going there for 2 and a half years? When J was almost miserable thinking it would get better.. i had a close friend there who eventually didn\u2019t want to be my friend anymore and I felt so alone away from my family. No one cared about me, why did I stay? Eventually I left of course, but why did I continue to go there for 2.5 years when I wasn\u2019t performing well and didnt fit in with people at all? Is this the same reason people stay in abusive relationships? \nNow, 2-3 years later, after working and going to community college, I\u2019m transferring this fall. I thought I would be able to get a second chance at \u201ccollege\u201d but this pandemic happens and my classes are online. \nI still feel so much abandonment after my friend left me in college. I felt like I put so much into them, and they left me. \nI feel like I\u2019m disappointing my family because they had high hopes for me, but I still haven\u2019t proved myself to them. \nI\u2019m just so lost in my life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think my mother is toxic",
    "post_text": "She\u2019s always been abusive (most of the times verbally and emotional) but she\u2019s worst than ever this last 2-3 years. I started living with her 4 or 5 years ago, she didn\u2019t want that responsibility and gave me to my grandma. She never really cared about me and never gave me emotional support, however, she always told others how \u201csuccesful\u201d i was at school etc. As soon as the others are gone she starts blaming me for everything, even breathing stupid( whatever that means :/). She makes fun of everything about me and tells me i\u2019m never gonna be happy or succesful in life. She always curses at me and if i tell her that she misunderstood me she\u2019d beat me. She often tells me that i drain her energy everytime she\u2019s near me even though i always try to look happy and full of energy because i don\u2019t want her to be sad because of me. She thinks i hate her but i don\u2019t. I should maybe, i don\u2019t know, i just can\u2019t since she gave birth to me and looked after me. She gave me money so i could eat. But she always told me bad stuff and made fun of me. She abuses me everyday and makes me feel bad every time. I try not to tell her anything she\u2019d be angry about even the way i look at her makes her angry. My existence makes her angry. I thought about ending my life so many times but the people i love comes to my mind, especially my caring boyfriend. I don\u2019t want to make anyone sad but i want my mom to be happy. My parents are divorced so i think about living with my dad but he\u2019s in another city and can\u2019t come here until the virus is not a problem anymore. But i don\u2019t know what should i do until my dad comes here. I don\u2019t want to make my mom sad or disappointed. How can i make her happy?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I got into rpg commu to escape reality but It made my depression got worse.",
    "post_text": "I'm 22 years old who currently struggling with film thesis in my senior year. My thesis's topic is hard and it's stressing me out. And I found this community where you draw a character and role-playing with other's character in some sort of setting like MMORPG. So I decided to use it to escape from some stress from my works. But it turned worsen. I have no friends there and it's like everyone is knowing each other. I know the fact that I didn't active much because of my works and I'm kind of confident in my drawing and painting skill (I'm part-time freelance artist.)  But nobody played with me or make their character talk to mine. I got anxious so I tried to please everyone by praising their characters in introduction posts or asking for our interactions of our own chars. Some didn't reply my message. In the last 5 days, I got sleepy entire day, lost an appetite, I only ate a small meal or snack once in a day and insomnia. I felt left out. So I brought my account to follow their public account with feeling that If I befriend with them maybe they'll be interact with me ? Some of them turned out fine. But there's one who seemed to hate me because stupid me had bad choice of words when complimented their char. At first, they didn't know I'm the owner of that char, they seemed happy enough but once they knew the truth, they seemed off and didn't talk to me since. I know it's stupid to give a damn about mimicking world where those members came from wherever in the world. But it's so stressing when you feel like talking to a brick and everyone treats you like an air. Please say something, I really need support :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "weight gain due to depression",
    "post_text": "I was wondering if anyone could share how they deal with this problem since im not coping with it at all. Been gaining some weight lately so today I've tried throwing up and later on cutting myself for eating too many calories. I do realise that making yourself throw up or starving yourself isn't clever, however, I turn to these toxic behaviours as a way to punish myself. It's been really hard staying on a proper diet since junk food is a way of coping for me. Scared of working out, cause I'm afraid to see how poor my performance is. I have nowhere to turn, so I'm asking for help.\ni feel shit mainly because I lost 10kg by working out and eating well half a year ago , gained all of it back. Feeling incredibly disappointed in myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling horrible",
    "post_text": "I just feel like I\u2019m never going to get fully better. Back from therapy and can barely move. I got straight into bed. I feel sick and I want to cry all night. The more I realise how messed up I am the more I can\u2019t see anyone wanting to stick around. I wouldn\u2019t blame them. Sometimes I think I wasn\u2019t made to live a long time in this world. Like it\u2019s not for me or something, I can\u2019t deal with anything.. fighting the urge to cut so much today. Everything is just so hard",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A happy lonely girl",
    "post_text": "I have a girlfriend and she was diagnosed with clinical depression. She always seems happy, she likes to make corny jokes and we always enjoy each other.\nBut there will always a day she will tell that she feels alone, that she hates herself that she can't even look herself in the mirror and says that she's a burden to everyone. It really hurts me everytime I hear those words from her. I always try my best to comfort her, even though I'm not with her physically I will talk to her over the phone without hanging out the phone and watch her until she fell asleep because that's the only thing that I can do. \nWorst feeling is I don't know what to do or what to say to cheer her up whenever she feels that extreme sadness. Also even in regular days, she can't accept compliments.\nI love her so much that I want to be with her in always. I want to be her shoulder whenever she feel sad. I am not that knowledgeable about how to handle things like this so I'm seeking some tips or anything that can help me help her in her battles.\nThank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a fake LMAFO",
    "post_text": "I genuinely can't tell if there's some sick subconscious part of my mind that's faking being depressed or having anxiety because like I can do my work,I can go hang out with friends and shit ,but like It all feels forced and I'm always so fucking sleepy I can get 10+ hours of sleep and still wake up exhausted, I always feel like I'm on edge like I'm being pricked with pins and needles or something its a weird feeling. I would ask my friends this,but I just don't like ranting to them it feels like they give no shits and I never rant in the chat they always are ranting in the chat and helping each other but when I say something about being upset they just either say \"Oop\" or nothing \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2640\ufe0f( I'm sorry im ramblingansnshhshs",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Could someone offer some advice on how to be a functioning adult?",
    "post_text": "I've been depressed my entire life. Because of this, I've spent all of my time doing what was required of me such as homework, taking care of basic needs such as eating or sleeping, and mindlessly refreshing social media or the news. I have no hobbies or interests or skills or ability to take care of my mental wellness. I can probably survive on a physical level- I know how to work, how to pay taxes, how to pay bills, how to get in contact with someone to rent an apartment, that sort of thing. But I have no idea how to stop being so miserable all of the time. I can't keep a job without feeling suicidal almost every day because I need to work (although I force myself to keep one anyways), I can't pick a future career path, I can't motivate myself to pursue hobbies, I can't even do things that make me feel happy because nothing really does as far as I know. What I'm asking is: how do I stop just surviving and start living? How do I fit a fulfilling life around all of this stress and overwhelming deadlines and responsibilities? How do I actually be an adult? I can do the basic things I need to in order to keep my physical body alive, but I have no idea how to do anything beyond that. Thank you guys for your help, and I hope something great happens to you today like finding an unexpected 20 in your pocket.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "To everyone who actually took time to read this, thank you for caring for me, a random stranger who probably doesn't deserve getting much help anyways.",
    "post_text": "My mom just got high blood pressure today. And it's my fucking fault.\n\nSince I don't live with my mom or my dad, I live with my married sister and her family. My parents visit me a few times a year, and recently, my mom was able to come over to Cali since the state she lived in was going to close due to Covid, and she wanted to take advantage of this time and spend more time with me. She comes over, goes into quarantine for 14 days, and everything peachy.\n\nWell, when my mom realized I was still hurting myself, she got really concerned, and made it her life's mission to help me get out of this depression, which I had lied about and said \"I'm fine.\" Dear Mom, I want to let you know that I really love and appreciate you, but for some reason, I just can't bring myself to tell you. I'm sorry.\n\nWithin the several days, my mom *really* tried to help me. But I was always bitchy towards her, saying I was fine, and I yelled at her. My mom, she cried sometimes, but she just didn't let me see her doing that. But I could always hear it. And being me, I couldn't swallow down the part of me that hated her, for leaving me and making me grow up faster than all my friends, who had happy families and happy parents, and had the love and emotional support they needed from their own. I was always the one that stuck out, who had to depend on friends instead of my guardians, because they always insisted they were right, and I was wrong. I could never bring myself to talk to the people who supposedly loved me because I always feel like they're lying, that it's their obligation to take care of me, and that they only view me as a waste of space and money and *so much time.* \n\nI got depression around the age of 11, but I just never bothered to get myself help until I was close to really cracking down from all the stress and anger I'd hold in from all my encounters with my sister and her husband. We don't get along, and they always gang up on me, saying how my best friend did this better than me, I was always so bad at this or that, or how I was so fake and I always lied to them. They say other things too.\n\nMy mom started this nightly ritual for me, and it really helps. She'd take Vaseline, which would help heal wounds, and she'd spread it all over my arm where I'd hurt myself. Then after that she takes this long see-through sash, and she'd tie and secure it on my arm so I don't pick at my wounds and scabs at night, because I do that a lot just so I could feel the pain. But every time in the morning and afternoon, I'd always reopen and add more cuts and pinches onto my arms. This really stresses out my mom because I never stop, even if she really begs me to. I just get mad at her and say that it helps me.\n\nToday, I had gotten into a pretty bad argument with my sister and brother-in-law. The previous night, I snuck my iPad into my room (no electronics in my room), and I stayed up till 4 am playing and talking with friends, who were pulling an all-nighter. It was fun, until my brother in law read my messages without me know and he found out. He got really pissed, and they enforced my already strict parental controls on my iPad, and now I can only strictly use it for a few hours at a time. They also deleted a few of my apps they didn't like me using because they didn't use it and found it a waste of time (the apps were things like TikTok and some games). While I was using my iPad, my brother in law got all in my face and pointed out how I already used my iPad for 4 hours already, so he told my sister to block my iPad so I could stop using it. I got really stressed, and I couldn't vent because I could only text on my iPad and computer (which was in the living room, and I didn't want to see their faces). So I resorted to using the back of a scissor blade, and ran it back and forth on my arm with all the scabs, and I scraped off the scabs + 2-3 layers of skin. It wasn't bleeding much, so I just cleaned it and let it dry. \n\nThen when my mom called me to go on a family walk, I flat out refused, and I started yelling at her for never understanding me, and how fucked up I always felt, and how tired I was (I had cried a few times earlier) and I just wanted to never see their faces for the rest of the day. Then my mom saw my arm, and she just left the room. Then around 2-3 minutes later, I hear my sister freaking out about my mom having a bloody nose. A few moments later, my mom started spitting out blood, and that's when we decided to bring her to the ER.\n\nOn the return trip from the ER, my sister just glares at me and says how the blood was triggered due to stress, and how we were lucky it was only some blood, since she could've gotten a stroke. My mom starts trying to explain to me that it wasn't my fault, but she just starts tearing up in the middle of it. Of course, that's the last thing me and my sister want, so we just shut up and try to comfort her before something else happens.\n\nThen at home, after I had taken a shower and was trying not to cry as I explained the whole situation to my best friends, my mom just comes out of the room with Vaseline and sash in hand. She starts binding my arm, even though I was the one who caused her to be so sick, and she acted like nothing happened and tried to comfort me as I started shaking.\n\nI feel so bad. I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm just wondering if my mom really needs a child like me. Maybe she's better off with my older sister and her perfect husband and perfect child. I stand out in the picture anyways.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "this is a cry for help",
    "post_text": "i (18 F) hate myself. i hate how i overthink and i over analyze everything. i hate how i can\u2019t share what i\u2019m going through without it being a fucking piss contest. i\u2019m sick of getting walked all over and used and manipulated because i care too much for my own good. i\u2019m exhausted from living life with mental fucking issues and it\u2019s always dismissed as an excuse. i\u2019m sick of people hiding shit from me. i\u2019m disgusted by the lack of honesty and communication i receive from my peers. i\u2019m sick and fucking tired of being put on the fucking back burner of everyone\u2019s lives. i\u2019m sick of people telling me how much of a fuck up i am or how i can\u2019t do anything right. i\u2019m sick of my peers talking to me like i\u2019m a fucking idiot. i\u2019m so fucking alone in this goddamned world and nobody gives a FUCK about what i have to offer. i feel like i\u2019m the loneliest person on the planet. my parents hate me/are disappointed, my friends are only around me because they pity me, i ruin every relationship i touch. i fucking hate me. \n\nby the way i don\u2019t have a therapist because i can\u2019t afford one. i don\u2019t receive medication because i don\u2019t have healthcare and i can not afford it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Both me and my spouse are depressed",
    "post_text": "To sum things up, my husband works in retail, I'm disabled and can't get disability pay, we're poor, but getting by, neither of us have any schooling nor can afford it, he doesn't know what he wants to do if he does go to school, while I feel if I decide to go, it would be a waste of money because I won't be able to work. Plus, there's no guarantee I'm mentally fit for it. Neither of us have any drive or passion for life and the only thing really keeping both of us going is each other.\n\nWe're both obese because he's too tired after work to do anything and my condition is sporadic so it's unsafe for me to walk alone. Neither of us even want to go anywhere, anyways. We eat for comfort or when we're bored and neither of us can really muster the effort to make food a lot of the time so we subsist on junk. Little things tire us out easily (me from my condition, but us both from depression).\n\nI'm diagnosed and receiving treatment, he isn't. Because of the pandemic, therapy for me is spotty at best - just went three months without therapy and had my first session last week, but my therapist missed our last session earlier this week, so I'm worried she's sick again. Getting my husband in for therapy or psychiatry right now is impossible. New patients aren't being accepted because paperwork needs to be signed in person. \n\nWe do have a dog, but he fits in with us way too well. Our dog is afraid of the outside if he's out more than 10 minutes, then demands to be picked up or he won't move. He enjoys car rides and likes being held for walks but my back and heart can't take the position, and he doesn't want my husband to hold him - he's my velcro dog. Then if there are any people, dogs, noises, or wind, he starts to panic, so I do too, he usually helps stabilize my moods, but we're both afraid of people so it turns into a feedback loop. He's house trained because most of the time, even when I get him hyped up to go outside and put his leash on, he just freezes at the door and refuses to go outside, and if I pick him up and put him down on the grass he just stands there.\n\nWe live in a trailer park and our yard is about 10 feet wide, so there's no privacy. We both are hermits and don't like interacting with people and I'm autistic so I just... can't converse verbally normally. We have no friends locally even though we've been here for a few years. I just got out of a bad friendship and at this point can't really be bothered to try to have another friend in fear I'll get myself in the same situation.\n\nOn top of everything, I'm going through an existential crisis and find no comfort in my hobbies I used to enjoy. Neither of us really do anything. We play video games and I draw, but that's about it. I have suicidal tendencies but haven't tried for a while, but have been close to downing pills again. He isn't suicidal per se, but when he's at work he gets thoughts akin to ideations, but when we're together we're both fine.\n\nAt this point, I honestly don't know what to do. Sure, there's plenty of stuff to be done, but I have issues prioritizing things, so I just see this long list and get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. Our pets and plants still get cared for, and I can do some house chores (our place is a fixer upper to say the least), but most of the day I just sit in paralyzing existential dread. I'm too dead set on rationing my medicine (from trauma) that I either won't allow myself to take my sedatives even when I should or am scared that I'll have the urge to eat them all and kill myself. Don't overdose, kids, it ain't as romantic as the movies make it out to be.\n\nIt just feels hopeless. It's like we weren't meant for this world. I'm lucky I found him because I have no doubt that I wouldn't be here today without him, but I'm scared that I'm making him worse, that I can't help him get up and do things because I myself can't motivate myself to do the same thing. I always feel like a burden, even though he insists that he doesn't think of me that way. I just want to make him happy. I want him to have a good life.\n\nBut I don't know how to do that, and even if I did, I'm afraid I wouldn't be capable regardless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "24/7 Brain Fog from Depression?",
    "post_text": "Hi guys, hope you are all doing well and are having a great day.\n\n​\n\nI'm a 20 year old whose been struggling with depressive thoughts for 2 years. I think I am gradually getting better at it but I've been pretty much stuck with this symptom since it started and I don't know how to get rid of it. \n\n​\n\nI pretty much have brain fog nearly all day, every day. My mental clarity has completely evaporated. I can't seem to focus on things and analyzing complex ideas for me now is very difficult. I sometimes feel like my IQ level has plummeted. I used to be a smart student in school with great focus and motivation, but now I've changed for the worse. I feel much stupider. \n\n​\n\nWhat can I do to fix this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know why I feel this way",
    "post_text": "I pulled out my notepad and no words come out of me. I tried putting myself in front of my piano, but I can't bring myself to even play a full piece. The one that I've tried is mediocre at best. I can't pick up a book. I can't bring myself to enjoy the foods I eat.\n\nI don't even know why I feel this way. There is no reason for me to feel this way. I have a roof over my head, a loving family, and supportive friends, yet why do I feel this way?\n\nThere are people that say they love and care for me, but why can't I bring myself to pull up the phone to say \"Hi\"? I know they'd reply back, but I don't know why I can't do it. There is a voice in my head that says they hate you. They never cared for you. They only tolerate you because they see you as a sad being. I know it's not true, but why does my mind work against me?\n\nAnd now, I'm lying on my bed. I don't even want to do anything. I just want to lie down and try to sleep.\n\nI can't even do sleeping right. Sometimes, I sleep too much. Sometimes, none at all.\n\nAnd all I could do to shut my thoughts to play is some mindless video or song. But I never really enjoy it.\n\nThe saddest thing for me is... I thought I already survived it. I've been out of my medications for two years now, and yet, here it comes again.\n\nI don't like feeling this way. What does it feel like to not have a noisy brain that feeds me with depressive thoughts? It's like every waking moment of my life, it has something to say.\n\nAnd I hate it.\n\nI just want to feel genuine happiness again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I\u2019m not good enough",
    "post_text": "I know everyone is going to be like \u201cbut you are good enough\u201d and I know that\u2019s somehow true but I don\u2019t feel like I am. My life has been falling apart like a broken wall for the last couple of weeks and I\u2019m hardly happy anymore. \n\nI don\u2019t have a purpose. I can\u2019t do anything right and I don\u2019t deserve all my lovely friends and family! Since the day I was born i was surrounded with lovely people and I\u2019ve grew up worth them too, but I don\u2019t deserve them or what they have done. I\u2019m a waste of space and a wreck. I don\u2019t want to go anywhere or do anything because it\u2019s gotten too bad! I find it hard to get up in the morning and talk to everyone. \n\nI\u2019m just better out of everyone\u2019s lives because it would stop them from getting hurt and annoyed. Their lives would be so much easier and better without home in them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to stop feeling so tired all the time?",
    "post_text": "Quarantine has been rough on me so far. It's practically been undoing months of therapy for me. Every day I wake up, get something to eat and then end up back in bed because I feel so tired. My boyfriend is concerned about the amount of time I spend in bed but I can't help it. \n\nI don't know how to stop feeling so exhausted from not doing anything. It's hard for me to even pick up my iPad to work on my illustrations. I have a hard time even thinking about getting up and I end up taking an unnecessary nap. My whole life I would hang out in my bed because there wasn't anywhere else for me to be due to my living situation. \n\nAnd even now that I'm living with my boyfriend l still have a hard time getting up because I'm just so fucking tired and depressed, I just want to sleep forever until this pandemic is over. I'm starting to question if I even exist at this point. Any kind words would be appreciated. Thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im not sure If Im depressed or if i\u2019m just sad.",
    "post_text": "Pls help Im writing this while sitting on my floor next to my bed in front of my vent because its the place I feel calmest right now. Ive been trying to figure out for a really long time if im actually depressed or if its just because its so popularized now and that its just how everyone feels. I dont have prolonged sadness and I dont feel it every second but some days are terrible. Both my mother and sister have depression and have had it all their lives. I used to go to counseling for anxiety in like 5th and 6th grade but I stopped because I started to feel better again but the first winter of 7th grade I got really \u201csad\u201d and I was told it was just seasonal which it was for about 3 years. When the winter of my sophomore year came it was different because I was always sad but didn\u2019t know why. I tried to find reasons but I could so I decided not to go to therapy or something like that. and now summer going into my senior year and I just feel empty. The \u201cseasonal\u201d sadness never left after that year and I find myself all the time just feeling blank. I dont really have good thoughts anymore and Ive turned into kind of a pessimist which sucks to say. Im afraid to talk to anyone in person about it besides my mom because people just say im soft or weak. Im just trying to figure out if its just me being brainwashed by social media into thinking im sad or if Im actually depressed.  Please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression, procrastination and graduation",
    "post_text": "Hello, that's my first post ever on reddit.\n\nI am in huge trouble and I put myself there now I need to face this but I don't know what to do.\n\nI always had panic attacks and alot of stress since I was just a child. but when I started university it doubled and I came to the point last year where I couldn\"t get out of bed, let alone study.  I closed myself off and didn't get out of my room for a month, That had consequences on my grades and that made me hate myself even more. \n\nI used to be very disciplined, a grade A student so that felt like a punch to the guts.Anyway, this year I have a graduation project I need to work on. I thought I learned from that past experience but I really didn't.I was procrastinating out of fear for 5 months now. whenever I start I just start trembling and can't concentrate on anything I'm reading. that led me to withdraw from poeple, my teacher my friends because I'm too ashamed of my behaviour and I can't face them. \n\nI'm in deep shit I want to get out of this but I don't know how.   This is not how I thought my life and my view towards myself turn out .\n\nPS: I was taking medications for anxiety and for depression but I stopped them now .",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Guilty",
    "post_text": "Hi. This is my first time posting, but I'm a long time lurker on a lot of communities. I'm 29F, single Pisces.\n\nI've been diagnosed with clinical depression and ADHD.\n\nThere are days when I can barely get out of bed.\nThere are days when I can't even bring myself to shower at least once.\n\nI look at myself in the mirror with shame and disgust.\n\nI constantly have too many obsessive thoughts on many varied topics and situations.\n\nI spend way too much time on my phone trying to live vicariously through scrolling on social media and lurking to see what people I know are up to.\n\nThere's honestly not even a coherent thought to this post.\n\nMost of these things I've written are things I've hardly said out loud.\n\nI try not to think too hard and self examine because I'm scared of what I'll see or realize.\n\nI try to keep myself busy by cooking and baking and reading.\n\nI'm trying to stay alive everyday.\n\nMy friends and family are not aware of how I feel.\n\nI take antidepressants every day but I feel like they're not enough.\n\nIs there anyone else out there who can relate?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Twin Sister Wants To Take My Life Away From Me Including My Dream",
    "post_text": "I have a dream that one day i'll get married with a man that will appreciate me for who I am and what I'll be thinking; and accept me for who I am. \n\nAnyways, My twin sister thinks I'm lesbian, gay would do bad, etc. \n\nShe wants to put me away because she thinks I'm not fit for my own well-being for acting like a child. When I don't know how to handle pain, and don't like it when people are controlling towards me. I'm afraid of my sister trying to control my life and how I should act. She wants to get rid of me. Because She thinks I'm a weird crazy person. Yet I have Autism and I have depression and bipolar.\n\nI'm depressed because of my twin sister always wanting to get rid of me because she don't like how calm and normal I am for being a person. \n\nI want to be accepted for who I am.\n\nI dream about love and my family thinks its not normal for me to come out clean and say, ''I want my fairytale dream to come true'' But my sister wants to take away my dream, my life, my stuff, and put me away, before I know it I could be thrown to hell. x.x",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Husband triggered depression by sitting on bed with daughter",
    "post_text": "So my father and  I have had some innapropriate interactions over the years. Based on this and working in a field that is very aware of the high frequency of sexual abuse, I have tried really hard to raise my daughter with some modesty boundries to help protect her from grooming by predators. She is 14.\n\nAt this age I have discussed this many times with my husband away from our daughter. He often gets what I would describe as vey \"chummy\" with her. Sitting very close, to do things, resting his arm on her leg and his voice changes pitch like he is playfully flirting and will even bat his eyes at her.\n\nI have repeatedly told him how uncomfortable it makes me and how the same behavior from my dad has really bothered me all these years and how horable it is to put a kid in a position to have to tell her father to give her space. Also it really triggers my depression.\n\nBut, I would say the behavior has not stopped in any frequency.\n\nI am in a very bad bout of depression now. I started crying and tried to go to bed. But, they were on the bed looking at old photos. I walked out and walked back in to non verbaly hint that something was wrong. My husband acknowledged the look, but went back to what he was doing. I said I had to go to bed, it was very late. My hasband took our daughter and left, but I was so upset, I asked our daughter to please go to bed, it was getting pretty late. \n\nI did this because I wanted to talk privately with my husband about the issue. He exploded and says I am just poisoning my daughter against him. \n\nNo concern about my depression or grooming concerns, just pure anger. He said he talked to his friends and everyone thinks I am trying to turn our daughter against him, based on this event.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know how to tell my family I\u2019ve been suicidal for 2years now",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know how to tell them that I\u2019ve been feeling suicidal for nearly two years now and that I\u2019ve tried to kill myself twice this year and how i literally cry every night for the past year and my arm is full of cuts and I just feel alone all the time I have no one to talk to and I don\u2019t eat I have no energy to do anything and I can\u2019t even get out of bed anymore I physically can\u2019t do anything and if I tell my parents they will say I\u2019m overreacting or shout at me coz they\u2019re foreign and they don\u2019t understand mental health or even \u201cbelieve In it\u201d I need to see a doctor or seek professional help because if I don\u2019t I\u2019m gonna end up dead",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What would be the best way to talk to my S.O. about getting help tomorrow when it's a really upsetting subject for her even though she needs it?",
    "post_text": "Ok, so me and my S.O. are both 15, I am a male and she is a female if that helps at all. Recently, my S.O. has been getting worse and worse and blocking out/getting rid of anyone or anything that helps her or makes her happy and I'm extremely worried about her. \n\nShe took up cutting about 2 years prior, even back then I knew her and did all I could, but eventually it came down to me calling the authorities to save her when she threatened to kill herself one night and her parents sent her to a mental hospital for awhile, which yes, while it did make her stop when she got out (for awhile) the things she got away with and did in there are absolutely horrible and I'm disgusted by the way mental hospitals go about \"helping\" their patients. \n\nSo anyways, recently she picked it back up again, I'd say about a month to a month and a half ago. I've been doing everything in my power to help her stop and I got her to for like 1 maybe 2 weeks at most before an event occurred in which she got her phone taken away by her parents and started it up again because I couldn't be there for her. \n\nShe also most likely has an eating disorder, I say this because one moment she is eating/snacking just chillin, the next shes throwing it all up and going days on end without eating. Shes claimed it has nothing to do with being fat (shes under 90 pounds) but yet she still brings up eating \"like a pug\" or not wanting to \"get fat\" so I assume that may be her reasoning but it could be more. She tells her parents (who are doing a very shit job at looking after their daughter btw) that shes just not feeling well or she pretends to eat and gets away with it. \n\nShe also has terrible mood swings, one minute shes happy, joyful, playful, laughing, the next shes depressed, crying, suffocating herself in her blanket, cutting herself..... (this is all over facetime because her parents are not allowing me to see her as they are very strict) so her mood just changes out of nowhere and whenever I try to bring up her needing help or asking if somethings wrong she gets really upset. She's terrible at taking care of herself and has proclaimed many times \"I hate myself, that's why\" but never goes into detail. She names many things about herself that she \"hates\" but I dont think those are why she does everything she does, and if it is that's why I suggest for her to get help but she refuses all the time. \n\nShe never eats, never drinks water, barely sleeps, does everything she can when shes sick to make herself worse such as drinking coffee and staying up, she never takes her medication, she purposely hurts herself, she doesnt open up, she doesnt respect her own values and boundaries, hell she threw away her inhaler because of whatever reason but she needs it so she doesnt die from a coughing fit due to her thyroidism, which she doesnt do anything to help either. She never allows herself to warm up when shes cold, she suffocates herself in a blanket, she doesnt take her meds for it, it's sad more than it is upsetting if I'm being honest. \n\nLately she has been getting rid of/blocking out people who are helping her, which is why I'm glad I convinced her to let me talk to her about this tomorrow, but anyways she convinced her stupid ass useless parents that she doesnt need a therapist anymore, she doesn't tell her doctor anything, she doesnt open up to her parents (understandable because they get mad or brush it off. Dude FUCK them honestly) and she's even blocked me a couple times for spam calling her when she attempted to cut herself (134 deep wound cuts caused by an army knife her dumbass parents never took away btw because I couldn't reach her and her parents for SOME reason trust her home alone) and she's pushed away friends too. \n\nSo with all this information, can someone please give me advice on what I need to address, how I should go about it, and what I should suggest she needs help for like therapist, family therapy, psychologist, etc.? Thank you :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I the Only One?",
    "post_text": "Hi, I\u2019m somewhat new to the Reddit community but feel somewhat comfortable discussing heavy topics. So, please please don\u2019t be mean. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a long time now but just recently got diagnosed and have been getting help for it. To keep it short, when I keep heavy thoughts bottled up inside for too long I explode. For me, I started cutting a year ago but haven\u2019t done it in a few months but prefer to hit my face. I\u2019ve done this for a while but not to the point of leaving a wound. However, recently I\u2019ve noticed that I leave noticeable bruises on my face. I can\u2019t control the rage and feel awful afterwards but then i want to do it again. When it gets to a certain point, I\u2019m suicidal and tend to somewhat blackout when I hit myself. I hate thinking about this but it happened recently and now I have a bruise under my eye. I\u2019m reaching out to see if anyone else does this. Every time I do this, I wear a lot of makeup or stay home because I\u2019m ashamed and embarrassed that I did this to myself. I haven\u2019t told anyone besides my boyfriend, counselor, and doctor so I don\u2019t know what others think about this. Only a few people have noticed a bruise on one occasion when I was in the darkest time and automatically thought my boyfriend did something. I felt terrible and I wanted to punish myself more. My boyfriend is one of the few reasons why I\u2019m still here. Any opinions and thoughts would be nice. I just feel so lost and confused. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "End of my rope",
    "post_text": "I'm so overwhelmed and can't take anymore. This pandemic has created hardships I never anticipated. My husband was layed off over a month ago and still haven't received one penny of unemployment. During this chaos, we also found a small infestation of bed bugs so we had to pay a fortune to get rid of them or else be evicted. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm feeling hopeless. The one thing that helped my depression immensely was working out at the gym which has now closed permanently. I'm completely out of coping skills and the bills still keep piling up.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know how I should feel",
    "post_text": "My life has been weird recently. Some good things have happened, but also some shit things have happened. \n\nFor example, I managed to put on weight which is incredible, and I am now eating 3 meals a day (up from one and a snack when I was at uni). Also, I\u2019ve managed to re-connect with some old friends from school, which I didn\u2019t think would ever happen. \n\nBut on the flip side, people I cared about have decided to leave my life over the last few weeks, using either their own or my mental health as their reasoning. I\u2019ve also had an ex who cheated on me and sexually assaulted me try re-enter my life by messaging some of my friends. \n\nAt the minute, I\u2019m feeling as down as ever. I have reasons to, but I also have reasons not to. So, I can\u2019t help thinking \u2018I shouldn\u2019t be feeling this or thinking like this\u2019 and beating myself up about it.  I think I should be happy, but I just never seem to be. I don\u2019t really know how to think or how I should be feeling anymore. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do about all this, I\u2019ve used all the counselling my uni offered me, and also some from a trade union. I can\u2019t afford to go private, so that\u2019s now out of the picture. I\u2019m really stuck on anything I can do about this way of thinking. Any comments or suggestions are really appreciated x",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My heart helps",
    "post_text": "So I used to like this guy and we went out a while. Our relationship was a bit rocky. Sometimes he would say things that would hurt me but overall he was a sweet person. But he me because he was going to the navy. I wanted to commit suicide. I felt as if my life was meaningless without him. But my best friend talked me out of it. During quarantine, we developed a friendship. But it turns out that he was getting close with his best friend. Now, he\u2019s leaving less within a week and they ask me if I want to do a three way with them. They said that they were planning this for a while. But I refuse to, because I felt betrayed. It made me hate him because wtf. Then when I told him no, he said that I will probably not going to be able to see him before he leaves because I won\u2019t do it. But I\u2019m about to surprise him. He made it clear that he would still be cool with us. I need a hug.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate my life. I wanna just die at times",
    "post_text": "Okay so three days ago my parents got groceries fine it's all stocked up and today my little sister finishes a half packet of cheese and I say \"oh wow how convenient\" then she starts cryin so I just leave and I go show my mom and my mom says \"so what op? So what?\" I just leave and mumble to myself my sister starts crying more and my mom hears and she shouts at me. I just leave but here's the thing if I ever did something like that (sumn like this has happened) I would have been called selfish and not thinking about my siblings and stuff like that and it hurts cuz every time I say something I'm always told I need to stop being so sensitive am I in the wrong cuz my sisters have done this and they just went welp but the second I do it I'm being selfish. I just wanna die. I want to feel loved I'm just tired of existing.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Antidepressants and Sex.",
    "post_text": "I need advise/help. I'm a veteran suffering from ptsd and depression. I've been taking lamotrigine and divalproex. About a month ago I was also put on trazodone and sirtaline. Now I'm having a lot of sexual side effects. Maintaining an erection or just not being able to cum. My gf broke up with me recently, citing that the sexual dysfunction was a big factor. I'm having trouble deciding what to do. Like, the new meds are really good. I've been less anxious and happier, but they come with the major sexual side effects. Any advice? Is it a bad decision, wanting to choose a healthy sex life over my mental health?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is wrong with me",
    "post_text": "This is a very long post and I'm sorry for that. I just hope someone reads it and gives me their honest opinion. I also hope this is the right place for it, if not then, I'll keep this to myself. Thank you all.\n\nHi, I'm a nurse student in Germany and I'm currently trying to learn for my exam that's in about a month, while trying to find a job at a hospital. not always, but a lot of the elderly I work with call me the \"nice sister\" I'm not an examined nurse yet, and I also don't compare myself with one, but elderly call almost every female worker a sister. I didn't quiet leave a good impression at every unit i worked at, some told me that I should work on my structure, some told me that I need to smile more because my face always looks angry, and some told me that I should apply for a job at their unit because they thought I was good. \nI did apply, wasn't really confident that I'm good at all but i tried my best to seem confident, because I figured that no one would want to hire someone that's not confident. I applied to meet someone that's known to be very nice and that would talk to students for at least 10 minutes and then offer them a job, but I was unlucky enough to have a meeting with someone else, Mrs.D. \nMy meeting didn't go that well, she asked me a lot of trick questions and lasted for over 45 minutes, she also asked the \"why should we hire you and not someone else\" question 4 times because she didn't like my answer, come to think of it, I don't think I answered the question at all and talked instead about what this job meant for me. at the end she told me she'd talk to my teacher and the units I've been at, and give me a call soon. \nfast forward one month later, which was yesterday. I was invited to her office mid-shift. she sat me down at a table 2 meters away from her and said we could take off the face masks. then she offered me a limited contract for 6 months and called it my \"second chance\", proceeded to tell me that the units didn't say good things about me and then told me that I'm empathyless and that people aren't machines or objects. I then apologies and told her that my facial expression always gives a bad impression, but then she nodded and said \"no, it's not because of that\". I know it's unprofessional but I started to cry after that because I couldn't hold it in anymore. \nTwo Units for which I applied for, suggested that I should apply there. I've gotten feedback that my facial expression is scary, that I should work on my structure and organisation and that I shouldn't do things that I'm not allowed to do yet (I tend to try and do as many things as i can so that the other nurses like me) but I've also gotten feedback that when I talk to patients, I give a soothing impression with my voice and with how patient I am. I've been told that I look smart (described that I'm the Brain), and I always replied that in reality I'm not smart at all and that I struggle with remembering things. I know I have a lot of negative things going on with me but empathyless? I think that people are machines ? where did all that come from ? why do I give such a bad impression? \nI feel so terrible, I already know I'm the worst human ever but I do try my best to make people feel comfortable and welcomed. I never judge them on purpose so where did all that come from ? should I see a therapist just so someone can tell me.the truth about myself ? what should I do ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate people who tell you that they'll be there for you but they never are",
    "post_text": "I've always been there for her when she needed it, and she has constantly told me that she'll be there for me. But when the time came for her to prove it, she just left me on seen all day. Seeing her go on and then offline all day is starting to drive me crazy and I have been crying for the past half hour because I thought I could rely on her. I guess all I'm good for is to be a therapist to her when she needs it but I can't expect any help in return despite what she says.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend, who I will not name. Sent me this at 9:20pm. I don\u2019t know what to do so I came here. He has a serious depression and I don\u2019t know how to make him happy anymore.",
    "post_text": "Sometimes I feel so depressed that i can\u2019t cry or do anything anymore. Like i don\u2019t want to die, but I don\u2019t want to live. Sometimes I want someone to notice that I\u2019m sad, but i keep smiling and acting happy so they don\u2019t ever know? Or how i love someone so much and they know that no matter how much they hurt me I\u2019m still gonna love them like there isn\u2019t any tomorrow. Or how i try and try so hard to be the person im not, and then one day it backlashes on me and nobody respect my feelings and decisions.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My cat went missing and I need advice on how to cope.",
    "post_text": "In my previous post I mentioned my cat went missing and I can't really go look for her due to lockdown regulations in my country being so strict that I can't even walk in the street (I live in South Africa) . Right now it looks like she's not coming back but i am hoping she will.\n\nI have struggled with anxiety and depression for years and I am finding it impossible to cope with losing my other cat. My previous cat went missing last year around the same time but at least back then I could look for her and hand out flyers. This cat was my baby and I raised her. She always comforted me when I was sad and was an overall sweetheart. It's like there's a void in my house where she used to be (if that makes sense) \n\nI am so depressed I can't even get out of bed. Is there anything I can do that will help me cope with this? Because I am just so heartbroken and I can see its taking a toll on the people around me as well.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how to cope after being made the asshole?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m not sure if this is the right place to post, but here it goes! SO, basically!!! I posted in AITA earlier today naively thinking that I wasn\u2019t the asshole and seeking some validation. Turns out, I ammmm the asshole! (I won\u2019t get into it but ofc you can click my account and find the post) and everyone is saying some negative things about my character \n\nI\u2019m not trying to deny their consensus, but I think it\u2019s triggered something in me. I\u2019ve cried four times already and haven\u2019t found the energy to move from my spot since posting, except for necessity. I just feel so, so, so deeply sad\n\nI\u2019ve had severe depression in the past and am not currently in an episode, but I\u2019m not sure how to feel okay right now. I feel so sad, and my mind is heavy, and I feel like a bad person. This black/white mentality of them saying I\u2019m an asshole in this situation, and everyone downvoting me just trying to have a discussion, translates to me as \u201cI guess I must be an asshole of a person in general\u201d. I feel paralyzed and no energy\n\nI\u2019m just seeking help on how to get out of this funk, out of this mentality. I don\u2019t know how to separate myself from \u201cI did an asshole thing\u201d to \u201cI must be a shitty person\u201d and I can\u2019t move and I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF MOVING APARTMENTS. \n\nBut basically I feel wrecked and I feel like a bad person and I don\u2019t feel good enough and sometimes I think maybe I should haha \u201cdo something\u201d about it because maybe!!! That\u2019s what I deserve because I\u2019m a bad person and a bad person deserves punishments!!!!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My puppy died",
    "post_text": "Today is an awful day. Started with my work from home job task that I wasnt able to solve on my own (it was petty, I'm a software developer), me being stupid not reading about hidden fees on shipping of products i bought abroad of which I intend to start a business with, not being able talk to my boyfriend whom I havent seen for months due to Quarantine protocols in my country, and my pet who died just hours ago because of a mistake im partly responsible of \ud83d\ude22 i know a lot of people are going through something much much worse, but I just need to speak it out as I dont have someone to cry on right now. :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression make me unable to have deep connection with others",
    "post_text": "I am 23 yo female and I have problem having connection with others. I never have close friend that I share my worries or stories to. Never been in relationship and don't know how to open up to anyone. Sometimes I thought that maybe I deserve to be alone and not worthy of anyone time. Even someone that I consider close to me never think the same about me. I feel like if I ever try to be vulnerable with someone it'd be burden to them because they don't actually care about me.\nIt feel like I've been like this all my life. It's very apparent to people around me how depressed I am, I don't think I have the energy to mask it and this is probably what make people rather not be close to me. \nIn this pandemic time it's even more easier for me to feel lonely and thinking every possible worse scenario about the future. I'm helpless and don't know who to share my thought to. I need someone but I don't know how to reach them. My dad is stressed about his business, my mom busy with my younger siblings they are still super young, i don't know where I should turn to.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m tired of everything and really just wanna quit everything.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m just so tired of everything and wish I could just accomplish the shit I put my mind too but I can\u2019t. I have literally no motivation and don\u2019t wanna leave my bed but I feel like I have too. I fucking hate the fact that no one takes me seriously or tells me \u201cyou\u2019re fine\u201d just because I\u2019m 14. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with severe recurring depression and moderate anxiety, and yet I feel like it\u2019s just considered a fucking joke. My life is tearing me in half and so many time I just wish I could find something to do ore motivate me to do something. Honest to god I felt like I feel for a girl really hard and it seemed like things were going well but it seems like she lost interest but still leads me in acting like she wants something to happen but nothing ever does, I have to maintain every conversation and   It just weighs me down. I handle a shit ton of stuff(people will just laugh at me if I said what) and I love it but hate it. I wanna do nothing. I just wanna lay in bed with music blasting in my ears so I can forget the world exists. I barely get any hours of sleep anymore, I don\u2019t like talking to my parents about anything regarding this because they have no idea how to treat it, and they know my Reddit so I\u2019m honestly scared to post this because I don\u2019t want them to worry about me because it makes it worse. I just want people to listen to me, I don\u2019t want your advice unless I ask for it and just I don\u2019t know, I wish everything would just slow down, I wish I could have a best friend, I wish I could find just someone to be there constantly, where we can have fun all the time and just enjoy talking. I\u2019m really close to giving up and feel like I\u2019m to open with shit. Sorry for ranting I just wish I could do something and be happier, if you have any advice tagging any of this clusterfuck if a rant please tell me. I can\u2019t sleep without crying I\u2019m so over this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me",
    "post_text": "Hey guys im a 18 y/o boy and i feel like the fate is not within me. I am so unlucky for all the things i do. I recently got friendzone by my crush and i think i might be turning into my old self again. Once i get attached to a person it is so hard to i feel like i don't want that person leave my side. We've been talking 6 months but i easily fall inlove with a one person. I don't know what to do, all aof my friends know that I'm in pain again. It's like no one tries to help me, i always help them when they are down or they need some advice for [me. Like](https://me.Like) even i try to be a tough person but i can't. I'm so soft in this kind of situation",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Drowning in my own tears",
    "post_text": "\nI (F/22) am a reserved person and never really had a positive or functional family life. My dad died when I was 10 and my mom (youngest of her family) never really moved on from that and has always been dependent on other people. My childhood home was foreclosed and at age 18 I lived in a crusty trailer park with her for three years. Finally out now, but the deep emotional turmoil is still with me. It's been a long journey to accept and let go of grief and constant longing for a protective nurturing positive figure.\n\nMy current boyfriend of 2 years and 4 months has been there for me more often than I'd like to admit to get me out of that trailer park to finally start living on our own. And we're finally doing that and for that Im very grateful.\n\nBut it's been obvious that I am still emotionally dependent and needy. I've had over sixteen weeks of therapy and it's helped a lot but this is the hardest obstacle I've had to tackle with myself, trying to build resilience and harden myself like my partner has. We had a long talk tonight basically about what we'd change about each other. He said he feels like my parent sometimes and that he can only rely on himself and maybe 2 other people, sometimes. But not me because I'm not in a fully realized independent position yet. To be honest that struck me like an arrow.\n\nI already told him if he feels like he has to act like a parent, I'd rather him not act at all. I don't want to be constantly coddled or  comforted, and I told him it's not fair to assume he can only rely on himself if he doesn't give me a chance to.\n\nWe ended this conversation on a good note that we both have to make changes and now he's hanging out with our friends/roommates but for the past 3 hours I'm still upset and crying in the room (I told him I needed space). \n\nWhy is letting go so hard for me. Why is it when I feel this shitty and keep thinking about my dad that I have to be the most alone. It's been over 12 years but I feel like I cant move on like my mom hasn't and one of my biggest fears is ending up like her. \n\nI'm also doing way better at work than I used to and everyone depends on me in some way (Executive Assistant in a small business) but how can I make my partner see that I'm dependable?\n\nHow do I pick myself up by my bootstraps in all aspects of my life?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wife wants space to fight depression",
    "post_text": "Sorry if wrong thread but I feel like maybe people have more first hand experience with something like this.\n\nSo a month ago, my wife moved out of our home after admitting that her depression has taken its toll on her and she gave me the old quote 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you'.  We have been married just shy of a year but have been together for 6 years prior to that.  \n\nShe was distraught when she dropped that bombshell on me and I felt my whole world crumble.  She is adamant that I havent done anything wrong and that I've done nothing but care, respect and been loyal to her and she feels ashamed to feel like this, and she just needs to have time and space for her self to figure out herself and if she got into a relationship with me for the right reasons (she was in 2 really toxic relationships previously and then started a relationship straight away with me, and she doesnt know if I was a crutch for her or if it was genuine).\n\nFor a while she has been unhappy with her job, the house we live in and our financial situation (finances are now pretty much resolved after making some sacrifices) and also with lockdown she has essentially been a prisoner in her own home for 3 weeks.\n\nI have given her the perfect opportunity to tell me if she was having an affair. I told her that if she told me the honest truth, I will not react in anger or resentment, and I would just accept her decision and I would have to think things through for a while.  She again has been adamant there is nobody else involved. \n\nShe has booked her self in for councelling with her depression and I think that starts pretty soon.\n\nI feel in complete limbo land at the moment and I feel scared and alone and worried about what the future holds.  I have made contingency plans if things go south.  I speak to friends and family about this situation and the advice is poor at the best of times.   People keep telling me that I should give her an ultimatum and pressure her into coming back, which I know is completely wrong and it's something I should not do.  I have made the conscious decision to fight with every strand of my being to save this marriage and I will not be the one that ends it.\n\nThings have been fairly positive, we have met up at least once a week for walks/coming over for dinner etc etc.  But it's all very friendly, but I do say that I love her every now and then.  She wants to take things one step at a time and she is open to marriage counselling, if the mental health counselling doesnt work out.\n\nI think deep down she still loves me even though she doesnt say it or that she misses me but does slip in the odd soppy nickname here and there. Might be just a habit, I dont know.  She still clearly cares about me because the other day she barged into the house after my phone wasn't receiving sending calls or texts and I didnt let her know I was safe at home. She also does other things like picks things off me like the odd scab and blackhead here and there, cut my hair and hugs me in a meaningful manner. \n\nI feel like I may be rambling a bit here, I want to feel positive about things but I am really struggling.  I am putting a brave face on for her so she has less pressure, but anytime we part ways I sob uncontrollably for hours because i just love her so much and want her to come home.\n\nHas anyone else gone through something similar with their spouse? Any tips? I've been extremely self critical and I can see there are improvements I can make to make the relationship better.  Especially now we have more financial freedom.  But with lockdown still in force, it makes things 10x more difficult.\n\nTL;DR \nMy wife wants space to find out what she wants.  She says I've done nothing wrong.  We still talk and meet up.  Marriage counselling after her individual counselling.  I'm hurting and want neutral advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Reached out to my doctor because my mental health is really bad right now but the earliest appointment I could get was a month from now",
    "post_text": "Everyday is so miserable. I'm so horribly self deprecating and hopeless that I'm not okay unless I'm rewatching a funny show that I like. I've been watching it for three weeks and the world keeps getting worse and making life feel even more pointless and horrible. What can I do to help myself for the next month before I can meet with someone about finding a new medication and a therapist?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Therapy anxiety",
    "post_text": "I don't know if this us the right place to ask this but here goes nothing.\n\nI had therapy a few years ago, combined with medication, which ended up worsening my mental health and adding \"extreme anxiety with therapists/fear of even talking to them\" to the list because of previous shitty experiences with them (was wrongly diagnosed and treated). After two years of my condition getting worse and worse to the point of daily meltdowns, mood swings, and other problems (won't go into details because even writing this as anon on here makes me uncomfortable and anxious) I decided that enough is enough and I need to do something. \nWe (me and my mother) were recommended a therapist, since I didn't want to go to someone with no recommendations and reviews.\nI wanted to contact the therapist. Really wanted. But didn't, because every time I thought of it I was on the verge of tears and freak out for who knows what reason. Since it's been more than two months already, my mum gently asked if she could help (she's very understanding and trying her best to support me for the past few years). \nSo, I asked her to contact the therapist asking about consulting \"daughter, age 20\" (me). To which the therapist answered that \"she's an adult and can contact me directly if she needs therapy\". My mum's reply about me having issues with communication and asking her to write were ghosted by therapist. \n\nSo, my question is. Did I fuck up? I'm overanalyzing everything, I know, but was asking my mum to make the first move to contact the therapist the wrong thing to do? I don't know how to deal with this situation. Maybe someone had similar experiences?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I get off my medication?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been wanting to get off my meds for a while now since they\u2019ve caused me constant migraines, nausea, stomach pain and delays my period. It absolutely ruins my whole day and I\u2019m considering getting off it. I\u2019ve tried other medication and this was worked \u201cthe best\u201d so far according to my mother- I\u2019m really only on it for her, she\u2019s mentally ill herself and won\u2019t take medication so she makes me take it because she thinks i\u2019m \u201ca bitch who needs help\u201d Wondering if it\u2019s a good idea to get off it or should I stay on it and deal with the pain.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "puberty? attention? depression?",
    "post_text": "hello\n\ni am a teen who is going through puberty right now\n\nwhich is why i don't know if I'm even depressed or what, if i am, then am i just seeking attention? everytime i think to myself that i might have depression, it just hits me that this is just puberty, im just seeking attention and whatnot, i feel really unhappy, i started wanting to eat less, wary of my weight (i am very self-conscious) and I can't sleep without using my phone to sleep, i feel like im such a failure to my parents who are trying to raise me with their best, i always tried my best to be a good child to them, not doing what they didn't want, but i felt like i suddenly changed, i didn't want to be a good kid anymore, following all the rules and having to hide what's not good within me, i just wanted to be who i am without trying to hide it from them like it's such a crime, but I can't because im too afraid, i want to be honest with them and relieve this feeling off my chest but I can't, i always think they'll probably think that im just wanting attention, I don't want to be ashamed, i don't like the feeling of embarrassment, i just want to be alone, away from everything but i want to talk at the same time, it's just that i always rethink it, when i think of talking with someone, my mind just rethinks everything and i eventually end up not talking with someone, so i wanted to talk here, with more responsible people than me\n\nI could also be probably just too self conscious, I don't know, im doubting myself with everything i think which could be the reason, making me not come up with an answer, I've also been feeling empty for a very long time, i could laugh and be happy at times but it doesn't feel right, like there's something missing, i don't have any traumas that i can remember to be a source, im an introvert who dislikes social interaction and is comfortable isolated, i have thanatophobia which I don't remember having a trauma of either but i suddenly get panic attacks as if im being choked and my brain just goes blank, which i haven't told my parents about either but i had a panic attack before in front of them which probably just seemed like i was just feeling unwell or something to them i think, i only remember it vaguely which is why i don't really remember what happened but I do remember them being passive about it (?), considering everything was completely normal and i don't remember them asking me why i acted like that, and right now as im typing, i feel like im making my parents look shitty even if they're not and i know they don't deserve it and im just rambling stupidly like this but i felt like i just had to open up everything i hadn't told them since i developed bottling up my feelings instead of talking\n\nim probably better gone, but i don't want to leave my parents\n\nam i depressed or just over reacting? or attention-seeking? or is it really puberty like i think so?\n\nI don't know anymore, i just feel miserable\n\nhonestly I don't even think this needs a requesting advice flair and needs more of a rant flair, but I'll keep it there because it's the reason i actually came here\n\nthis is probably so confusing because i just went ahead and u typed whatever i was thinking so im sorry about that",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Therapist suggested medication - what to expect",
    "post_text": "I have expressed to my therapist that no matter what I do - exercise, keep in shape, work hard - nobody will ever convince me that I am worth anything. nobody. I just see it - I am so fucking worthless and every day I have to make a mental list when i wake up about why is not the day I should kill myself (usually fear, or lack of a good method). I explained to her that every time I see my reflection in a window, a mirror, see my photo, etc. I am convinced I have to be removed from society for the good of it and that there has never, ever been a person that was born as worthless as me. That every situation I am ever in I consider myself the most worthless person in the room, and therefor there is no reason to keep living each day. I am all alone and nobody likes me, which is further reinforcement of the idea that I am worthless. After all, what is something that nobody wants? Trash. And what do you do with trash? Discard it.\n\nI feel like medicine is giving up. I feel like it is just a mask for my problems. It doesn't MAKE me a person of worth that people will naturally gravitate to (my standard for being worthwhile). It would just distract me from the utter despair and sense of desperation that is part of being a person of no value. This is why I'm opposed to medication. It doesn't fix the problem. The only way I see out of this problem is to become a high-value person or to remove myself from the world.\n\nI am not sure what to do. I've never taken any psychotropic medicine before. But I am running out of time to make myself a high-value person (I set a deadline of 3 months). This is because I'm 40 and alone and, even though I was married and in a LTR for 12 consecutive years, I've been alone for 1.5 years now and I consider it a massive personal failure. The inability to attract people is a massive personal failure and a sure-fire indication of my low worth. I guess I'm just asking does this medication actually work or would it simply be a method of deluding myself and blinding myself to the reality of my absolute low-value self?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Messed up college and now stuck in life. No idea how to get out of this hell.",
    "post_text": "This has been very stressful. I tried two years of college but it was just way too heavy for me mentally. I thought I could handle it but I was absolutely wrong. I've lost lots of credits and not even sure whether I can try again in the future. I'm even too scared to call for information. My parents don't know about this. Not even my friends. Everyone keeps asking how I'm doing in uni but I don't wanna be judged so I keep it to myself and say that everything's perfectly fine. I'm planning to work this summer but no idea what I'm going to do the next year(s). I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck and struggling just because my depression messed up my future. I don't know what to do and this has been killing me for the past few months.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nothing is right in my life. I don't know if I can be fixed.",
    "post_text": "I'm a 21 year old guy and I'd say I'm at the end of my rope but I'm too scared to do anything stupid. I've tried dealing with my depression by putting in place a sleep schedule, eating extremely clean, and exercising daily. It hasn't helped. \n\nI feel tortured by my existence. Its like this is one cruel dream I cant wake up from and the only thing I look forward to is going to sleep to escape from the unsolvable problems in my life and in my head. \n\nIn the past 2 years my mom, grandma, and dog have died. I've gotten very sick multiple times and I feel like it gave me brain damage. I cant focus. I went from being a straight A college student to failing multiple classes. Organizing my thoughts is tedious and having the motivation to even think about assignments is a real struggle. I keep putting back on weight and then losing it and gaining it back because I fall into habits that I cant completely break. I live in a run down shack taking care of an elderly person and tiptoeing around my abusive father. I work 30-35 hours a week and still cant afford to be on my own. At work I make a mistake every 45 seconds because i cant focus on what needs to be done or analyze the situation. \n\nPeople get angry at me and tell me to just stop trying because I only make things worse. That gets to me the most because I just feel so worthless as it is and now everyone around me is confirming those negative thoughts that I fight so hard to tell myself are just my mind playing tricks. I'm literally exactly what I see myself as and the pain that brings make me feel like I'm being ripped apart from the inside. \n\nI cry myself to sleep, cry when I wake up, and cry in the middle of the day in my car. Theres nothing I can latch onto except for the dim hope that maybe one day I'll feel better and it's such a thin line to hold onto. \n\nI was both abused and neglected starting at about 5 years old. Prior to that I was raised very well, then my parents just took their anger out on me physically and verbally for years until eventually they just told me they gave up on me. I hated myself so much in highschool and would never let girls get close to me and even developed a violent hatred towards them. I became a drug addict, using opiates mixed with other drugs nearly every day to numb how I felt. No one ever caught me and I had to quit on my own. I dont think my brain ever recovered from this either. \n\nIn the past 2 years I've stopped enjoying all hobbies. I barely will myself to practice guitar a couple times a week. I cant play video games at all and have maybe put 24 hours into them the last 2 years. I go running everyday because of the endorphins rush but it's so incredibly boring and then I remember I have to come back to reality and go to work and be put down by everyone around me. \n\nNone of the goals I set a year ago excite me. In fact, I live in fear of accomplishing them because I just cant see myself enjoying them. But I changed my mind about what I wanted to do every year before that and I cant afford the time or money I will waste if I change my path yet again. And there is nothing I want to change it to anyways. I have to stick with something for once and the disinterest is killing me. \n\nI have physically insecurities that shouldnt bother me but do because I'm already in such a fragile mental state. I've never had a semblance of a relationship or been involved with anyone sexually and the loneliness doesn't help but reinforce my negative image of myself. I have bad genetics and pretty undesirable physical features, so even when I'm in good shape I'm not much to look at. \n\nI used to take pride in my intelligence but I dont have that anymore. My brain has been fried, neglected, and has deteriorated to the point where I may be able to understand complex ideas, but I'm slower to process than your average remedial student. This is why I suffer at work and in conversation, I have to try very hard just to understand what people are asking of me and sometimes they just sound like unintelligible chatter unless I focus very hard. It's like I'm underwater. I'm completely incapable of multitasking and it costs the store money because of things I continually mess up and forget about. The only thing I have is speed and I can make things look nice, that keeps me scheduled. But I've gotten lectured so many times about fuck ups. \n\nNone of my opinions about the world are well received. I think that we need to get along by compromising and meeting eachother in the middle. People these days are to one extreme or the other. I feel even crazier not having anyone agree with, what to me, seems so intuitive. \n\nNothing is right for me and I'm so tired of feeling this much pain. I can't see a path to making things better or I would move towards it. I'm not giving up I just don't have anymore options and I want somebody to just help give me some clarity. I've watched people like jordan peterson and alan watts to try two different paths of fulfillment and neither works to calm my mind. I'd appreciate any advice in how to feel better and maybe one day feel happiness again. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed firefighter ends things",
    "post_text": "My (30 f) ex boyfriend (34) ended things from depression at the beginning of the shut down from covid. He told me he didnt love me anymore almost 3 weeks ago.  I dont know if this is how he really feels or if it's the depression closing him off to feeling anything. I haven't spoken to him since he told me. But I go back and read older messages leading up to the break up and I see him telling me he's struggling with the depression but he tells me how happy I make him and how much he loves me and I keep him afloat. But once he hit a really bad rough patch he closed me out completely. Has anyone experienced this before from my position or even from his that could give me some insight of how their stories progressed with their loved ones as the depression lasted/or while you or they got help? I believe in my heart he does love me and the depression suppressed those feelings. You dont just have those feelings disappear from a happy relationship without some type of issue going on. I've been dying to reach out to him but I was the one that said I needed to heal, but with the riots going on and him being a firefighter and his mother telling me he said the therapist is getting him to open up I want to reach out so bad. Can yall share your stories and give me any insight on his possible feelings or what people did in my own personal shoes? :/ He is the love of my life and losing him has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced.  He also has never dealt with depression before so it's entirely new for him. Thank you for anyone and everyone that can help or atleast share their own experiences.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont know what i should do right now.",
    "post_text": "First of all: Im sorry if my English is really bad. Im from Germany and only learned English from Video Games. This could be just a Rant, but any Tipps and any Advice are welcome.   \n\n\nI ( 21 ) recently broke apart with a Girl i really like. She was my best Friend before hand and we tried Dating each other. I told her i need to break apart cause i think it would hurt me more then it would feel good being with her but now i fell into a wierd state of sleeping all Day and playing Games all night. I try to occupy myself and dont think about her so much but there is so much we had in common that she comes into my mind all the time. Even when im with my Friends, i feel alone.   \nThanks for reading this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Up late and cant sleep",
    "post_text": "\nI posted in r/suicideprevention a while ago saying that I would either kill myself then or never and when I tested my weight on the noose by putting my foot in it it snapped hence me being alive\n\nSomehow I thought that the decision to keep going would magically fix things and make me happy but I now feel worse\n\nNothing has gotten better I tried to make friends but turns out im still a very unlikeable person and all of the conversations I had stopped happening by the next day\n\nI feel like I should stick by my decision but I dont want to\n\nIs there anyone who has advice that could help any aspect of this. advice to motivate myself enough to make breakfast  advice on making friends or anything that would help \n\n(Sorry if I dont respond to a comment its probably because I fell asleep but I will reply when I wake up)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been a shut in for 10 years",
    "post_text": "I had no friends in the last 10 years. Iron rust in disuse and so my social skills. I lost my ability to interact and now is very awkward person. I started working out last few years and have made significant progress, physically, tho it didn't boost  my confidence like what google says. I'm drowning in negativity and negative people, how am i going to comeback in the society. I'm 23 years old and i don't have a job, Anybody could you please tell me what to do.\n\nThanks. God bless",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am i a bitter person?",
    "post_text": "Am I a bitter person?\n\nHi guys\nPlease can you try & be as honest & raw as possible, i really dont mind if comments are a bit brutal as feel like I need the truth telling! \n\nOkay, so i am incredibly insecure, 22 year old, i come from an incredibly broken home (parents messily divorced, narcisstic mother, abusive older sister). My mum never showed me any direct love or any care just left to my own devices all my life leaving me to learn lifes hardest lessons on my own. Hoenstly a majority of life for me has been constant negative events, everything i love becomes everything i loose-my friends-family-job- self respect, esteem- nothing ever goes right for me. All i know is sadness being let down being dumped feeling sad. All my life since the young age of like 7,8, Iv always dreamed of a boy loving me. I dont know why this love had to come from a boy directly, but all my life Iv craved it, dream of it fantasized soo many things in my head just depserate to be loved. Im 22, never had a boyfriend, every single guy i go for has rejectived  me because of how I look im not a size 8, (but a size 22 instead) and iv only ever known unrequited love. Im not at an age mentally & physically and emotionally where im ready to settle down and crave  this life with a man who is going to look after me, and bring up a child in all the ways i want and give it what my parents failed to give me. All my friends are getting engaged, it kills me inside to know im not the type of girl anyone wants to marry.\n\nFor this reason, I cannot stand seeing other couples, and women happily in love. My cousin who i am very close to,  married the love of her life and they now have a boy, a girl. The perfect perfect family. On the recent birth of her daughter (about 3 weeks ago) The whole family was so ecstatic. But when  i heard, i ran into my room & sobbed. I sobbed that why cant that be me. Shes got it all now, a son, and a daughter. And why cant I have that? Similarly i saw an INstagram couple recently who, gave birth do a daughter. Inside i burnt, i hate this couple and they dont deserve to be happy, iv had the hardest life and i have had nothing go right for me, why should these people get it ? \n\nToday i saw my cousin again after 6 weeks and I feel so angry when I look at her, and the baby. Because of my own life, iv always wanted to bring up a daughter. I know what i was missing in my life, and i guess its redemption from my bad childhood that id love to bring up my own daughter like my parents couldnt & give them everything id wish i had. I dream of it all the time, its my biggest goal in life. Thats why when she had a daughter, i was wishing it was a boy so she wouldnt get her \u2018perfect life\u2019. If it was a boy i wouldnt be this resentful, this hatred, this angry. When i look at her & the baby i feel angry, that WHY cant that be me? Why cant i have met my childhood sweetheart, why cant I have a lovely baby girl & boy, why am i the type of girl nobody will marry? Everything she says about the baby i get offended, i take it as \u2018shes showing off and rubbing it in\u2019 and \u2018shes got her perfect family now, shes smug\u2019\n\nHonestly i cant be happy for anyone. If i see an insta couple have a baby, i block. If i see baby girls especially being born my heart sinks inside. I even hate my own cousin now of jealousy, anger, i feel like WHY hasnt god let anyone love me, iv suffered so much in my life i deserve some love, not these guys who get everything handed to them on a plate. I want it, why should they? I deserve it for suffering my whole life and nothing ever going right.\nI burn with jealousy when people have a good life-mostly with couples though, when i see people in love it kills me because im dying for that. I deserve it after the hell of a life iv had. Im so angry just looking at that baby & my cousin.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "This is a cry for help...",
    "post_text": "My story is a little bit long so I apologize for that.\nI'm a step away from suicide. I've been dealing with depression for at least 19 months now, and everything sucks.\n\nHi there. I'm a 19 year old boy from Iran. First let me make it clear that I'm an atheist and this is story isn't from a religious perspective. But Iran has a religious culture and government which has affected this story.\n\nI grew up lonely. My mother and father were never there for me. They just had a lot of expectations from me cause I was a smart-ass kid. But they never really cared about the pressure they put me through or my feelings.\n\nI started dating when I was 18. Yeah, a year ago. How did I start dating? It was my last year in high school and I was studying the shit out of myself to get accepted in a great university. Just 5 months before the big test, I was so sick from the pressure. I needed someone. I needed someone to love, someone to love me. my family sucks. So I started dating this girl who was the same age I was. \n\n\nOne thing I need to explain to you guys is that relationships in Iran are really different from Europe or USA. They proceed a lot faster. I know it's wrong. But it's part of the modern/religious culture that you live in.\nFor example you have to say \"I love you\" in the first month. Crazy, isn't it?\nAlso most relationships in iran don't include sex. Cause most people in iran believe that hymen test is scientific. \nAnd doctors are making money of this myth. Fuck.\n\n\nSo I started dating her and we dated for 2 months. I became extremely obsessed with her. I loved her so much. Please don't judge me for that. It was my first serious relationship and I completely fell in love.\nShe told me the same.\nBut after 2 months she told me that she can't get her ex out of her mind and broke up with me. Making me realize I was just a rebound. \n\nI spent the next 8 months completely depressed. I can describe my mood like instead of blood, some sort of black ink was being pumped into my vessels. I spent nights crying and punching the wall. I moved to another town for college. Dated 3 more girls but I couldn't love them and I still wanted that specific girl.\n\nI dropped out of college and moved back to my hometown to my family to start studying for the big test again and get accepted in a university. \nHow did that happen?\n\n8 months after my breakup, While I was spending my days and nights depressed as fuck, I saw something on Instagram. \nA girl from my hometown whom I had a crush on for a year followed me on Instagram. \nI saw her post and stories to know her better, and she was EXACTLY my type. Her taste in music, her beliefs (atheist) and her style and her face. She was kinda \"the one\". As Persian names are not familiar to you, I refer to her as \"Jane\". And, I refer to myself \"Jack\".\n\nI started talking to her on Instagram, and we hit it off.\nI reached one of my girl-friends who knew her. And asked her if Jane is single. She said she got back together with one of her ex boyfriends, and that guy is a fucking douche. He had convinced Jane that their breakup was her fault and she needed to grew up. Jane is also 19, and the guy was 20.\nThat guy was driving Jane crazy. He disrespected her in every possible way and didn't care.\n\nI saw that as a great opportunity that when they breakup again, I can date her and treat her the way she deserved to be treated. So I waited.\n\n\n\nBut the next day, that friend told me that Jane asked her: \"did Jack say anything about me to you?\"\nShe said no, but told her that a long time ago she heard from one of her friends that \"Jack is into Jane\".\n\nShe told me that the moment she told that to Jane, Jane got very happy and excited, and told her that she has a crush on me too.\n\nI couldn't believe what I heard. I wanted her but she was into me too? \nI spent a week chatting with Jane on Instagram. She was absolutely amazing. \n\nSo, sick of depression and everything, I took a leap of faith. I dropped out of college and moved back to my hometown. \nA few days later, I heard jane broke up with that asshole because of me. \nI started dating her and we dated for 2 months.\n\nFinally, I was happy after a long time. I was living in heaven. She was so perfect that I was finally happy for a short time in my entire fucking life. I totally forgot about my ex girlfriend and fell in love with Jane.\n\nNote: Jane is one month older than me.\n\nI lost my virginity to her. We had sex for 3 times when we were dating. So I became kinda attached to her, you know?\nI loved her and she loved me sooo much. We couldn't get enough of each other.\nSomething to add, she was extremely jealous. I thought that was really cute and adorable cause it shows that she cared for me but, our relationship got toxic.\nShe fought with me a few times about those 3 girls I dated in the past! I explained to her that they meant nothing to me and our fights ended with her saying \"I love you\"\n\nOne night she told me she loved me so much. But if she sees that I'm flirting with other girls and stuff, she will breakup with me cause she can't tolerate that. I kissed her and told her that there is nothing she needs to worry about.\n\nAnd I meant it.\nI was 100% loyal and honest to her. \nBut one time one of my friends (girl) from my ex-college  commented on one of my Instagram posts \"miss you\".\nThe next day, I realized Jane flirt flirted with a few guys. \nI asked her what the fuck was going on, and she said I started it.\nI was heartbroken, told her that was a misunderstanding, and she apologized, which I accepted.\nBut, I was heartbroken cause I couldn't believe Jane wasn't loyal and committed to me.\n\nOne night, she told me that she's scared cause she feels like she is one of those girls who meant nothing to me. I told her she was insane and I'm in love with her.\n \nUntil one day when we were at one of my friends house and we were alone, I started making love to her. we didn't have much time so she got pissed off and told me that I was so selfish and I just wanted her for sex and left.\n\nThis led to our breakup. The next few days we fought and she started flirting with other guys.\nI couldn't believe everything was falling apart. \n\nShe told me that she loved me so much but she thinks that I don't love her so her love for me has faded away.\nShe told me that her personality makes her want to date older guys and I've been acting like a kid.\n\nBreak: can you believe age is this much important for girls in Iran? Well you can't blame them cause they have a lot of father issues,  but I really didn't expect it from Jane.\n\nI couldn't believe what I heard. I was totally mature and loyal and honest about our relationship and the person who was acting like a kid was Jane the whole fucking time. But I got accused of \"acting like a kid\".\n\nWe broke up and she blocked me on everything. It's been 3 months since we broke up and it happened in the worst possible time.\nI couldn't hangout with my friends to ease the pain cause of quarantine. I was lonely the whole time.\n\nAfter quarantine was finished in Iran, I started hanging out with my friends and stuff but there is still a crushing pain deep down in my chest.\n\nAnd you wanna know something funny? I heard she got back together with that asshole who treated her like shit.\n\nObviously knowing that she is this much immature made me realize I don't love her anymore. \nBut I still miss that feeling. I miss being happy in a relationship. I miss being in love.\n\nI've been seeing a therapist since we broke up and she helped me to ease the pain a lot but, I'm still extremely depressed. \n\nI can't study, I can't workout, my appetite is fucked up, my sleep schedule is fucked up, I can't enjoy anything. \n\nI want to be happy again. I want to enjoy being single. I want to put my career and studies above my dating life but I just fucking can't cause it seems like I'm still seeking for the love and attention that my parents never gave me.\n\nPlease help me. \nSave me from this living hell.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend is cutting herself",
    "post_text": "My friend has been battling with depression ever since quarantine took place and had cut her leg twice now. I\u2019m not sure what to do and I feel lost on how to help her. I\u2019ve told her parents, friends, I\u2019ve even sent a wanting one Safe UT to our school. It seems no one except me is doing anything. \n\nI\u2019ve never dealt with anyone except myself with these things (and dealt with them internally and by myself for years, which is why I am helping her outwardly because it sucked). \n\nI\u2019d love any advice from you guys. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "26. Depressed, socially anxious, lost and suicidal.",
    "post_text": "Since i was a little boy I have always been shy. The problem is I never really grew out of it. I have always sheltered myself from doing normal things that probably would have helped me break out of my shell. Now i am 26 and I cant stop dwelling on all of the experiences and fun I have missed out on because of my depression and social anxiety that i had and still have. Even as a little kid I had this problem. For example almost every first day of school I had I cried and wanted to go home. Even at a few of my birthday parties i cried. My parents tried to get me to play football and i even was told i was going to be the quarterback but I stopped going before the season even started because I was afraid and embarrassed to say \"hike\" in front of my parents. Looking back I just wish i could be happy like everyone else. I also feel like I lived in the shadow of my 3 older siblings and a lot the energy and focus of my parents was on them, my oldest brother especially. One of the happiest times of my life was the 6th grade, I was in the cool \"clique\" at school. I had a lot of friends, one of them being a girl I had a crush on for a couple years before that and I had a lot of confidence and finally began slowly coming out of my shell. After that school year my parents sold our house and we moved to a different town. I knew my parents wanted to move for a while and honestly it was my biggest fear. This devestated me. I literally was in fetal position crying for at least 2 weeks after we moved into the new house. I went from a happy kid to a suicidal 12 year old within a short amoumt of time. Like i said always dealt with shyness and depression but I feel like this put me way back into a hole I could not get myself out of and has turned me into the man i am today. I spent the next 2 year's in middle school wanting to end my life. A big part of my brain focuses on high school and that fact that I pretty much did nothing during it besides smoke weed and drink. I had freinds but I feel like they werent genuine freinds, just other people who enjoyed partying like i did. Most of the summers I spent alone sitting at home. It was like that in middle school too. I remember joking to a kid on the bus in middle school, telling him \"I go home and stare at my wall for hours then i go to school\". I never had a girlfriend in high school ( just a few hook ups). I regret not joining the track team (multiple people said i shouldve, I was really fast). I wish I had an intimate relationship in highschool. I was always pretty smart but I really just stopped caring about my grades at the start of freshman year. I had a lot of angst and spite against my parents and I attribute that to why I stopped giving a shit. Pretty much all i thought and cared about in high school was smoking weed. I shouldve been focused more on joining a club and my grades. Although marijuana was a huge escape that I initially loved I feel like it was one of the worst choices I made because it only made me more introverted. It also made okay with the fact that i was doing nothing with my life and not thinking about my future. I had one job as a bus boy which i quit after about 2 months. I graduated high school as a below average student wirh absolutely no clue what I wanted to do in college. I went to a community college for a month before dropping out. While there I felt extremely out of my element, only talked to fellow freinds from high school who also went there, and made zero new friends because of my social anxiety. After dropping out my life as an extreme recluse began. I worked but it was with my dad doing roofing and home improvement type work. I only hung out with one friend from high school and going to his house and getting drunk with his family at their house parties was the extent of my social life during this time. I spent most of the money I made with my dad on weed. This is how life was for about 8 years. Around 2013 i began taking lexapro and took it until Feb 2019 but it didn't really help. My oldest brother ended up overdosing form heroin 4 years after I graduated high school. I had a moment where i said to myself \"enough is enough, stop smoking, get your shit together and do something with your life\" but that was short lived. A year after that we moved to Florida. This move didn't really fuck me up as much as the first one but it did affect me a little as I do not like change in general. My drinking increased since I moved down here and I smoked just as much. Fast forward to November 2019. I turned 26 and holy shit it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a huge quarter life crisis and realized that the past decade of my life flew by so fast and I spent it doing absolutely nothing. I stopped smoking and stopped drinking after doing both habitually for at least a decade. I told myself I could not live like that anymore and if I didn't make a change sooner of later I would look back a decade from now and have the same regrets. I began considering joining the service but honestly had no clue what I wanted to do for a career and I still dont. I just felt like doing anything has to be better than doing nothing and it might help me out of my socially anxious depressed bubble that I am in. Unfortunately around mid November I began suffering from severe dry eye which i am still dealing with as i type this. It has cost me an insane amount of money in doctors visits and i still havent gotten better. I had lasik 4 years ago and it might be the cause (dont get lasik). This only has made me more depressed and suicidal. I also went to a cheap therapist for about a month during this time. I also went to a psychiatrist and took Zoloft for about a month and a half without any improvement and stopped because of fear that it would make my dry eye worse. One of the only positive things that has happened recently is I began talking to a girl i met on a dating site. We talk for at least 3 hours over the phone everyday. This is the most social activity ive had in a long time (even though she does 70 percent of the talking. She likes talking about herself). Hearing her talk about her life only makes me more depressed because she has done so much and made the most out of her life. I honestly have no clue what she sees in me. I shared these feelings with her and to my surprise she is still talking to me, although she doesn't really understand how it feels to have depression and pretty much told me my life is not that bad. So here I am, a 26 year old socially inept man child who has no idea what he wants to do with his life. This dry eye problem is also stressing me out and i really want to get it taken care of so i can move on and do something productive with my life. I really think the military would be a good thing for,mw but I don't want to enlist until my eyes feel better but i also feel like time is running out because i can't join once I get past a certain age. I dwell on the past everyday and i wish I could go back in time. When I think about the past I get depressed and when I think about the future i get anxious. I get so anxious even thinking about being around New people because they will judge me and think i am too quiet. I also am afraid if someone asks about my past and my highschool/college life what do I tell them? I dont want to tell people I was a pothead who did nothing in Highschool. I also feel like im playing catch up in learning social skills when everyone else my age just has those skills naturally. I don't know what to do from here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I give up, I want to die.",
    "post_text": "I am having suicidal fantasies and thinking of hurting myself. Anything to make this pain inside me stop. I think about ways I could go when I have downtime from work. This is a first for me. I've always taken my family's distain for me in stride but Im tired and I can't do it anymore. \n\nI'm tired of feeling rejected and unloved my family and so called friends. Several of my siblings have betrayed me and that hurts so much more. My bf is trans and they couldn't have reacted worse or said nastier things about us, upon finding out we were dating.\nI can't make a friend that isn't in love with me and then leaves when they realize I really just wanted a friend. It's happened so often I just don't want to make friends anymore. I don't get it bc I'm so transparent about it. I feel so used and alone. My bf is great at making friends and I want to be happy for him but it hurts to see him make friends with real loyal people right off the bat. \n\nI want someone to hug me and tell me it's going to be okay but there isn't anyone out there looking for a psuedo daughter. \n\nIt hurts bc I know I'm worth so much but what does that matter if people are going to treat me like shit? I keep thinking of how much my parents will regret treating me once I've died. That's the only way they'll learn or have any respect for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel unwanted and unloved",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 19yr girl. I\u2019ve always had a rocky life. I\u2019ve had an eating disorder since I was in 6th grade and,I\u2019ve always thought that I was never enough.Then in 2017 I went through this long period of having severe health anxiety to the point where I would think my hand would stop working if I thought about it too much(Ik it\u2019s weird)...lately it\u2019s been my bf who\u2019s made me feel like I wanna die. He has basically been cheating on me this whole relationship.we\u2019ve been together for a year and 6 months. Today he told me he almost had sex with some random woman he met on the street. \n(Basically she asked him if he wanted to have sex and agreed then he changed his mind )Before this he has only cheated on me with people online,but this really destroyed me.i basically have no self worth anymore.ive been emotionally wrecked by this.i feel like I have no reason to live.Hes my only support,if I leave him I will be alone.i just need some help rn .I\u2019ve felt depressed for many years now but I feel like nothing ever seems to get better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any Support Group/Chat besides Wumpus?",
    "post_text": "Hello All. I tried to join the Wumpus Discord group but the main lobby seemed hectic and was just random people saying random things. I am new to Discord - is the main lobby just generally not right place for support help?\n\nI tried looking through the other rooms (therapy 1-3, advice 1-2, etc.) and it also didn\u2019t seem to be really on topic. I tried to do the 1:1 support and there was someone who answered but after I shared, I no longer got a response (not sure if they got busy, missed my message, or something else).\n\nThis is my first time reaching out for some kind of support and I\u2019m feeling discouraged and stupid. Are there other groups or people or something out there? Late twenties F - any relevant groups? Please and thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone else struggled with post-graduation depression?",
    "post_text": "After 6 grueling and mentally taxing years I finally graduated college a few weeks ago. While I am proud of myself, I don't feel as good as I thought I would. I didn't expect my depression/anxiety to be magically lifted, but I did expect it to get slighter better. Honestly, it's gotten much worse. After graduating with a degree I wasn't 100% sure of and an unfavorable internship in my area of study. I feel hopeless (I have a part-time job, but it's certainly not my career path and is unreliable due to the pandemic). I feel I have no career path and that I'll be stuck in this cycle forever. \n\nI don't know my direction in life and I don't even know how to find one. I can't picture myself happily in any career path. Even job searching online causes immense panic attacks. The though of interviewing for a \n\nMy friends (most of whom graduated on time years before me) have already started their careers and I feel like I'm stuck in the mud...unable to lift my feet off the ground. It takes a lot for me to get out of bed and I feel my family is disappointed in me. I fear my friends think I'm lazy and unmotivated but I'd feel silly telling them how I feel at this moment. It's gotten to the point where I avoid dating (pre-pandemic, I have been following social distancing guidelines) because I feel like a failure when I tell people I don't know what I want to do. I even avoid talking to family members because I dread the career questions and I feel it's strained some of my relationships. \n\nHas anyone else experienced something similar?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I gain confidence when almost every person I've talked to has put me down for my appearance?",
    "post_text": "I feel so fucking hopeless, even though  I've been working out, trying to gain some healthy weight and muscle, naturally a quiet but nice person who genuinely cares what people think and how they feel. Been adding protein and healthier food options, and attempting to add more daily calories to my diet as to help me look less skinny and more healthier and fit. But at the same time it's honestly for nothing, I'm worthless and people make sure to remind me of that. I don't know how I was placed on this earth for basically every single person I've spoken to, to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit. I'm only 19 and I feel so fucking ugly, I've been told by the nicest prettiest girls that I, \"Look like an old man.\" on multiple different occasions. Do you realize how fucking painful that is? Imagine if I told that same girl, \"You look like a 50 year old lady.\" I fucking guarantee you she'd have been heartbroken from hearing that. How the fuck am I the only person in the world who thinks about how my words can possibly hurt someones feelings? Am I the only person who thinks before they speak? My own family has teased my appearance including high school teachers. I've heard friends of mine overhearing teachers making fun of me behind my back. My OWN friends make fun of my appearance straight in my face. It's impossible to have self confidence when you've literally been proven to be fucking hideous, people don't tease me to share a good laugh. They do it because I'm genuinely ugly and nobody cares about how depressed I am and how I have literally not a single person to talk to. I can't get suicide out of my head I don't wanna live with other humans if they're just gonna make me feel shunned and worthless. I really don't know what to do. I've tried to make myself the best person I can be but nobody gives me a crumb of appreciation. All my hard work literally doesn't mean anything to anyone and nobody cares. \n\nSure I'm doing all this self care for myself, but I need to feel  accepted by someone. I've never had a girlfriend, never had a best friend, never had someone I spiritually resonate with. I've never had anyone. I was physically abused by my father and I've been completely alone ever since. My entire existence has only been suffering and I don't understand why I'd be put here just to feel pain and suffering all while completely alone. I just bottle up all my emotions and pretend it doesn't bother me but of course it's eating away at my sanity. I don't have to be gorgeous or the prettiest man but I'm just tired of hearing how ugly I am. It breaks my heart so much I can literally feel pressure on my heart just thinking about how wrong I've been done over the course of my entire life. \n\nI guess the main reason I typed this all out is really to ask, how do I keep going even though I'm completely alone? How do I keep living knowing that I'm all I've ever had and nobody is there for me? How do I find the motivation to keep being a kind person when all I've been shown is repulsion for just trying to be myself. How can I find a friend or girlfriend that cares about my opinions and point of view on life without making me feel ugly and worthless. How do I find any reason not to end my life with the gun that's in the room right next to me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else feel like they deserve to feel depression and feel shitty all the time?",
    "post_text": "I'm just curious if this is a normal feeling. I might have options to get out of my depression, like certain pills, maybe PMS pills (antidepressants seem to never work but my depression gets 10 times worse around my period) and maybe counseling would work. Maybe these things would work if I tried them again even if they haven't in the past, but for two reasons I haven't(besides cost). First I don't think they'd work or the side effects to meds wouldn't be worth it. But second and perhaps more important idk that I want to get better, I feel like I should live with all the shitty feelings and guilt, like I have to or deserve to. I don't do it for attention, maybe once in my life when I was much more lost, when all this depression started to get bad, but not anymore, I barely even talk about my depression to anyone anymore. Is this normal? Or common? To feel like you deserve misery? Or am I actually just being an attention whore throwing a pity party for herself or something stupid like that? I don't want to be that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I miss enjoying my hobbies",
    "post_text": "For a while now, I've had very low energy and motivation to do things I used to love. Reading, drawing, painting, playing the piano... I just dont have interest in engaging in my hobbies anymore. But I want to be able to enjoy them again!\n\nI've tried scheduling time to do some of these things each week, but it has just made me dread doing them even more, as if they were more chores. \n\nI'm interested to hear what techniques and skills worked for you to be able to enjoy life again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What would you do in my position?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a pretty young boy still trying to develop my character. I\u2019m in high school. I like to think I\u2019m more mature than other people my age. Before I go into why I\u2019m so unsure about something, I\u2019m just going to give you some background story if you care to read it. \n\nBackground:\nIn elementary school I was verbally abused by racism and many other factors. I was always picked on for some unknown reason. I like to think I was a very optimistic kid. However, those years was a turning point into how I ended up. I took this bullying pretty hard. I lived in fear the following year. I didn\u2019t tell anyone about how I felt. I remember crying almost daily. 2 years after the bullying crisis I started to feel like I healed. I thought I made true friends that year which end up being really bad. I was ignored by that person for who knows what. I started to hang out with girls more as friends. I felt they were more understanding. I think it affected how I act because I remember changing my personality 3 times. People started to tell me that I act like a girl. Even my own parents. So I changed myself again. I became more and more less optimistic. I became more dry and alone. That following year, those friends I made (who were the girls) was a mess. I was a mess. I was so much in pain I did so many stupid things. I don\u2019t even want to talk about those moments. I felt targeted by that friend and victimized. I was in fear that year too. At that moment I accepted that it was better for me to not have friends or anyone to care for me. I made this conclusion because my parents weren\u2019t all that understanding either. I tried telling them how I feel multiple times, but they give me the answer that hurts even more. \u201cThere are people having it worse than you\u201d (which I agree. But I don\u2019t think that\u2019s the main issue. I think the part they should see is how their issue effects that person). \u201cYou\u2019re crying over a girl\u201d(I\u2019m relating to that one year I was victimized). It didn\u2019t help that my brother is also illogical and not as mature as me. He\u2019s younger than me but I was more matured than he was when I was his age. But everybody is different. That\u2019s was me trying to say everything in short terms. And here I am present day. \n\n\nQuarantine made me feel more alone than anything. I thought I was used to dealing things on my own. These experiences that I\u2019ve faced really made me think that there\u2019s no one that understands me. I do these small things that no one does and I have a valid reason for why I chose to do it, but no one understands what I\u2019m saying. I feel extremely excluded. Even to my own sexuality. Everyday I feel different. I feel so unnatural. I\u2019m thinking it\u2019s because I became unsure of who I am as a person because I changed myself so much. To make others more satisfied with me. I wanted to not be lonely. But changing myself made it worse. Death threats were made, insults about my physical appearance were made everyday, and I had no one to talk about it to. I envisioned my life being so happy 1 night. I had a friend who was caring and really nice. He was a true friend. I think what I\u2019m trying to say here is that I feel so unloved and excluded. I feel that no one cared about how I felt. I had no one to talk to my feelings to so I became more irritated over little things. And no one in my life bothered to understand why. They thought I had low-temper. Which is not true. It\u2019s really hard to explain all of these mix emotions I have in me. I remember my mom told me that I rely on others and not my parents. I could never tell them that I tried many times before that which came to no avail. I\u2019m not diagnosed either. I always lie on those doctor depression paper thing because my dad watches me fill those out which raises my anxiety levels. \n\n\nAlso a side note: \nI\u2019m a person who is fearful. I tend to not believe what happened and become regretful of many things. It\u2019s a major flaw that I try to get rid of. It\u2019s really hard to explain. I tend to be so caught up in the past that I can\u2019t accept what\u2019s in front of me. I can\u2019t interpret what\u2019s happening in that moment. \n\nWhat would you do if you were me? I don\u2019t want my parents involved because they won\u2019t understand me at all. I don\u2019t want to tell my brother because he\u2019s so illogical and I think he hates me for whatever reason. I have no friends to talk to that would understand me. And I have no confidence to stand up myself at this point. What would you do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do to have a normal life?",
    "post_text": "My neglectful narcissistic dad has ruined my life.\n\nRight now my confidence is lower than ever. I'm too self conscious to even go out to the kitchen. I'm extremely embarrassed of my body if my blanket is not covering it. I haven't talked to anyone besides my parents in over a year (except for the time when I had to go to my high school for exams 6 months ago. I dropped out shortly after). \n\nI suppress my emotions as much as I can, even when no one is around. When we're visiting relatives I pretend to be the perfect little girl, who smiles all the time and loves to study, has big plans for the future, etc.\n\nI'm worried that if things don't change, I'll just end it all (I'm not suicidal, so maybe in 5-6 years?). As of now, I'm not a functional human being and I have no use for anyone. I spend the whole day scrolling through reddit, watching videos on youtube and playing minecraft.\n\nI want to get a job to get out of here asap, but I can't even look into someone else's eyes without getting a panic attack. I can't keep a conversation going even through texting. \n\nTherapy is not an option. The last 3 therapists have ruined my confidence and self esteem even more.\n\nI want friends, I want someone to talk to me, I want someone to care about me and I want someone to care about, I want a boyfriend, I want to worry about things people my age worry about, I want to finally live the life I want to. I'm sick of this constant despair, I want to stop hating on everyone who has it better. I want to be normal.\n\n\nHow do I get started? What do I do? Do I even have a chance for life?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Unmotivated to do anything besides laying down. I don't want to live like this",
    "post_text": "I (F22) get up in de morning/afternoon and I watch Netflix. Constantly interrupting my series my being on my phone, so not even enjoying that but I can't stop.\n\n\n\nI don't work out anymore, I barely go outside, I barely eat, I've lost so much weight. Im too lazy to even look for a therapist or reply to some people on WhatsApp. I'm currently not working bc it had become impossible to do my job bc of my depression.\n\n\n\nIve tried working out and hanging out with friends. But I hate working out at home, and I still feel depressed. Crying while I'm working out. And then feeling hopeless that it doesn't make me feel any better bc it always used to. When I'm with friends I feel annoyed or empty. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Which scared me. \n\n\n\nPlease don't give me advice about how I should just pick up a book or go outside and work out. Or meditating or journaling. I just cant seem to do it, otherwise I would've had done it already. I know ways to trigger dopamine and feel better. I just can't seem to make the first step. I'm stuck in a loop of sleeping and 'watching' Netflix. Im so tired, does anyone have advice to make the first step out of this? I don't want to live like this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I kill myself if you don\u2019t read",
    "post_text": "My upbringing only perpetuated my depression. My single mom never gave me responsibilities and I had too much free time. Making it worse I was a nerd so having the option to just stay inside and play video games was heaven.Years went by without speaking with anyone or trying to build relationships. In my teen years that was basically suicide because who wants to be known as the loner. So I would skip days to keep my fragile ego safe.\n\nThoughts go by in my head that if I could just at the very least get over my fear for rejection I could get my life in order. Because having an intimate relationship would really solve a lot of current issues I have. And so I\u2019m actively looking subconsciously and consciously because i am starving for intimacy. I know how that would look; desperate; maybe a bit crazy. \n\nAnd it\u2019s not about sex its about completely being open and honest with another person. \nI feel I can only be this intimate with a girl and refuse to open up to such an extent to the access of other human beings in my life. Because the human being in my life were not driven by choice (ie family, childhood friends) I\u2019m in a pickle and it sucks, but if it wasn\u2019t for weed I would not be aware of my issues, stayed positive and attempt to help myself. This is only a recent discovery ever since joe Rogan started talking about how weed paranoias actually help you figure out what is actually stressing you out. That\u2019s the worst about depression, every action you do against yourself feels justified and logical. It\u2019s truly a terrible disease and I hope I survive this.\n\nSorry about title I\u2019m just so desperate \nI apologize for my existence.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I to blame for my boyfriends depression?",
    "post_text": "Me and my boyfriend have a really good relationship most of the time.  We want the same things and are usually very in sync, until we have a minor disagreement.  To me they are mainly about trivial things like chores, but they always escalate because of how we both act.  I get frustrated and either get angry and shout or really upset and cry.  He just leaves, actually packs up his bags and leaves home.\nThis happened again yesterday and he left.  He came to pack his stuff today and after begging him he eventually opened up to me.  He said he feels like a shadow of himself with work, friends, family and that he feels so much better away from me.  He said some nasty things yesterday but this was really what he thought, and it really hurt me.  I\u2019ve been doing some research and think he is depressed, I managed to get him to agree to get help today and said i would give him space for a couple of weeks while he\u2019s basically said he\u2019s seeing if he\u2019s better without me.  I can barely breathe without him, and while I am so upset that he has treat me this way I just want him to come back to me.  \nWhat happens if he realises he doesnt need me?  i have no appetite or enthusiasm for anything and dont know how i\u2019m going to function enough to go to work, let alone make it through the next 2 weeks, or longer, alone",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tips for staying in touch with friends?",
    "post_text": "I find that when I start slipping into depression and loneliness and I'd like to reach out to people, my mind shuts down.  I can't even remember who my friends are.   \n\n This is especially true when there's something I'd like to do, and I'd like to do it with other people.  I simply can't think of someone who might want to join me.  It's a big blank - which makes me more depressed and lonely.    \n\nAnyone have any tips or techniques that work for keeping friends and acquaintances in the forefront?  I was thinking of some nifty spreadsheet but that also sounds horrible.  I dunno.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Parent feeling down",
    "post_text": "Hi, \n\nI was looking for some help and advice. My mom is currently depressed and the covid restrictions have her really down. She is currently in bed and really just watching TV.  She misses going out shopping and I keep telling her it's safe but she says no....  I asked her if she was sad and she said no.\n\nSteps I have taken to help her I let her know there are lots of people that around that love her, told her she can tell me anything, and I told her if she wanted to talk to a professional  would be willing to get that setup and paid for. So far I have had no success. Any tips on what I should he doing to break her out of her depression?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What advise do you have for someone who is not functional anymore?",
    "post_text": "I break down into tears every day. I get almost nothing done every day. I am doing nothing with my life and I cant make myself care enough to try to make it better. I get to the end of every day and realise yet again i have achieved nothing of substance.\nThe worst part is going to sleep though. I feel even worse laying in bed at the end of the day.\n\nSomeone spent about 24 hours with me recently and i am embarrassed to let them see that this is the way I am living. \n\nMy vague motivations to do something might last a couple of hours or day but nothing ever comes to a worthwhile fruitition. So i spend yet antlother week where all i do is surf the internet and tidy the house. \n\nI'm really scared because I am so close to giving up and i reallt dont see any of the rewards of making the effort to be worthwhile. And im so ashamed that this is the way i have been lovong for so long.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "hard to be a man with a depression",
    "post_text": "no one cares. no single one. gives fuck about you. especially after 25+. no single fucks given. you worth nothing. unworthy piece of shit. can't even suicide. stuck. wish to be dead instead. got defeated in all ways. thousand times. have no single hope. dreams start to become more real and pleasure if you don't have nightmares instead. hate everyone around you. hate life. slow death. nobody would ever care. everything is lie. fake support. fake therapy. agendas for money. screwing people up to the riches.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trying to help my bf with his depression after failed attempts.",
    "post_text": "I'm an enlisted soilder. My boyfriend is a vet. He has not held a job for more than a few weeks. I've applied for jobs for him, gotten him 2 jobs, paid for his motorcycle repair, notarized his divorce paperwork etc. The list goes on and on. We've been together for a 1.5 years. Lived together for 1. He doesn't tell me he loves me anymore, doesn't call me anything other than \"hey\" or my first name, can't make plans more than a week in advance. His mother, our mutual friend and I have been taking care of him. He doesn't go out with friends or try to go back school. Nor does his physical therapy even though it's free.\n\nHe's actively not trying to do anything other than exist. Is it okay to just walk away at this point? As a soilder, I'm conflicted and feel like I can't leave a fallen soldier. As gf I'm exhausted and angry. \n\nAny advice? I'm not looking for permission to stay in this relationship. I really want to leave but with a clear conscience.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice for long-term positivity/productivity?",
    "post_text": "Whenever I'm in a rut, I'll finally pull myself together, become motivated, and have like four productive days before I find myself in another rut. I don't even know why I fall apart sometimes. My brain will get really loud and I'll start getting really anxious and basically paralyzed. After a few days of doing some good work and feeling good, I'll go right back to that negative mindset. Whenever I have this mindset, I feel like I don't even WANT to help myself get better because my brain is like \"oh, you'll only be productive for a few days again anyway.\"\n\nHas this happened to anyone else and do you have any advice on how to deal with it? I really want to get better but sometimes it really feels like I'm my own worst enemy. Any help is appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why can\u2019t I open up to anyone about the things that unsettle me?",
    "post_text": "I am hoping that someone here can help me with this. \n\nI have been sexually assaulted(I think that that\u2019s the proper term without get into detail) by my classmates when I was in sixth grade. I have been so ashamed that I didn\u2019t tell anyone about this to this day. And I am still not able to work up enough courage to tell anyone my story. \nI have been writing with this lady from my countries crisis hotline for about two week and I have told her already some things about myself, but they are all rather superficial. \nI can\u2019t see myself opening up to anyone beyond that very small surface level. When I imagine getting a therapist and talking to them I think that I could tell them maybe a little bit more if they were facing me with their back. It\u2019s all just so weird. \nIt probably makes no sense to you, I don\u2019t understand it either...\nSomeone I wish that I could talk about everything but there is just a barrier in my head making it hard to even type about stuff. I am probably going to lose my mind one day without having anyone know why.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how do i stop hating myself",
    "post_text": "i hate living because i know in a few years ill look back on me and think \"wow she was so dumb\" and its discouraging because i know whatever i do currently i will eventually hate. people say \"cringing at your old self is a sign of personal growth \ud83e\udd2a\ud83d\udc85\ud83c\udffb\" but that feels so untrue and it ruins my life\n\nmy grandpa is dying and it hurts me to know in a few years ill look back on my life at this time and hate the way i handled things. i will hate myself in the last few months with my grandpa. i want to stop this. it makes my depression worse and its so annoying",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to start healing",
    "post_text": "Hello all, \n\nI may not use the right language for this so forgive me if I get it wrong, it\u2019s my first time posting and also the first time I\u2019m trying to talk about what I\u2019m feeling. I have been in a downward spiral for years and constantly in self destruct. I have victimised most people I care about and pushed everyone away and never let anyone get remotely close to me. This results in no one ever really \u201cknowing\u201d me and them thinking I am cold. The truth is I just don\u2019t know how to put it into words. \nLately I have wanted to try and improve on this... I want to start enjoying life again, I want to feel good about myself, I want to stop sabotaging positive experiences in my life just so I can feel that comfortable feeling that I am so used to: misery. \nI don\u2019t want to suck the joy out of life anymore... I\u2019ve spent the best part of 11 years constantly depressed and it\u2019s so exhausting. I want to start helping myself  heal and become more connected with my own identity but I have no idea where to start. I\u2019ve had countless therapy and am on strong medication for depression. What I\u2019m asking is - how can I stop feeling like a victim in my own life and be stronger? What positives attitudes can I adopt or healthy habits can I develop to finally start the road to recovery and hopefully start to enjoy life again?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can be done to help my friend?",
    "post_text": "I'm friends with a Finnish woman. We don't live in the same country.\n\nAccording to her, her depression stems from being bullied back in school and being unhappy about her weight. \n\nShe hates herself intensely and has a hard time trusting anyone. \n\nSometimes I encourage her to do things that could improve her life, like working out or looking for a job, but she tells me that it is impossible to feel motivated to do it due to depression.\n\nShe's also made many attempts to kill herself.  Every few weeks, she gets into a suicidal state again.\n\nAnd the part that makes it the hardest to help her is that, she has tried therapy many times and it didn't work. Then I suggested looking for treatment in neighboring countries, but she says it's pointless because it is the same everywhere.\n\nI don't know what else I can encourage her to do. I'm out of ideas.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to trust agian",
    "post_text": "I (28f) have been married to my husband's (38) for 10 years. We have 4 children together. My husband took a job out of town about 6 months ago. I woke up to a text one morning say he had said something side ways to someone wife and to ignore her husband is is going to make it dramatic. So I check my email and there it is! Her husband sent me screen shot of the conversation between them. He begged me to stay with him. I was and still am devastated. I dont know how to trust him. I dont know what to believe anymore. I feel worthless and lost. How do I move on?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to be happy again.",
    "post_text": "  \n\nGoal: Currently I am all timer sad and want to be happy.\u00a0\n\nI am neither a good person nor a bad person. I am somewhere in the middle or maybe totally out of circle. I don't know.\u00a0\n\nI feel like I am living three lives. One which I show to my Family, one to friends and ex-colleagues. I am jobless. And one my true self which I show to myself only. Of course any differences in personality from my true self I manage by pretending someone else in my other two lives. But as soon as I enter my room and after carefully slowly locking my door I throw away the mask I was wearing and then I can clearly see the differences in my voice, thoughts, body language and goals, if any. My body feels so relieved. Then I start getting back in my true zone where I forget the tasks and goals I had planned in my mind. And I start feeding myself the worthless shit on Internet. At that time, I am only looking for that temporary dopamine hits because nothing simpler was giving me any joy. I started losing myself in weed. I sometimes was stealing weed from my friends or roommates. After smoking for at least 3 years, a small joint was not that powerful anymore to bring down the curtains covering my real life problems. So, I jumped to eating. Now again, simpler food was not any joy. Junk is pretty much gonna hit the D-spot. Small meals mean less dopamine. Give me more and more. Don't worry, I'll puke the previous and eat again until I am so wasted by the effort of eating - throwing - eating- throwing and of course the taste of food. There are consequences too. Bloating, Gas, Always upset. But nothing can stop me from doing it again and again atleast from last 2 years nothing has stopped me. Then in search for more dopamine I look for porn. Again, simple means no joy. Fell into Hetero-BBC - Trans - Sissy. Now I don't imagine me having sex with girl instead I am that girl and big funk is fucking me. I started dreaming about dicks. Bought a vibrating dildo. But deep inside I still have that longing for intimate relationships with girl. I never had any.\u00a0\n\nI am king of overthinking. I think of every consequence of my actions. Like where I keep dishes in kitchen. Opening and closing door. Even when I am walking down the road. Striking a lighter to light my joint. everything small you can imagine. This makes me mad and too conscious. I keep thinking of my childhood scenes where I lived with my parents and always wondering how time has passed. I was a kid back then and now I am an adult. I am so obsessed with age of people. How old is he or she? That actor? That sports person? and then I compare what I was doing when I was 16, 18, 23 etc. I am 26 right now.\u00a0  \n I don't check my actions usually but when I check them, they are bad. I am using same pair of clothes for months. Using same toothbrush for years. I have rarely gave any gifts to any one. I am not so close with my parents. I am single child. I lived in rented place for 11 years before leaving for another city for college. My parents finally have their own house now. We live with parents in India till death.\u00a0  \n I used to steal erasers, scales etc. from school. Even from my parents too. I have been caught sometimes. I now realized that maybe I was less satisfied with myself. I always felt less because all my relatives and friends had there own houses and car. My parents had one two-wheeler and my parents used to fight with each other which used to make me very sad. When I used to watch other parents living happily, I used to think why I don't have that, why my parents are always fighting? This less feeling I still have with me. I still feel less.\u00a0  \n I am lazy for sure. Now I am sitting idle from last 1 year. No job, no friends, no personal connection with any human being. I never tell my secrets to anyone. Living in a rented room. Financially fucked, Relationships fucked.\u00a0  \n I feel like a failure. I failed to become a good son, friend, brother, grandson or colleague.\u00a0  \n I have become more secretive from last 2 years. I eat secretly, want to live secretly (deleting my pictures from social media).\u00a0  \n I sometimes think If my parents die then I would have no one to answer and then I can live this miserable life for long. I don't think about my future at all. I have not reached the suicide point yet but I think this is how you reach there eventually. I can't imagine myself having a simple life with family and kids and work. I get very anxious imagining that will I be able to do that for these many years. I blame myself for all this. I did not take action when it was needed.\u00a0  \n\n\nIn the end, I just want to be happy.\u00a0",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Weekly depression.",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, I\u2019m new here. I\u2019m a 21 year old guy and I grew up in a pretty rough household. I had struggled with daily suicidal depression from the time of 12-18. When I was 18 it got a little better and I went 8-9 months without having a though about suicide! (During that time I had periods of feeling sad or down, but honestly not depressed?) and it\u2019s been periodical up until this last fall. I\u2019ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a couple of months and just recently I started realizing it becomes more prevalent toward the end of the week/weekend? Have you guys ever heard of something like that? I\u2019ll smile, and laugh and hangout with others, but  in my thoughts I\u2019ll just be thinking about suicide? I hate feeling like that, as it becomes more prevalent I find myself getting less and less motivated as I\u2019ll gain weight and even lash out on people I love. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trapped",
    "post_text": "I feel like I\u2019m trapped in my own skin and I have no way out. The depression is starting to become too much and I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019ll ever be able to feel whole again. \nI lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling, crying because I feel so alone. I feel so alone, and yet connecting with people is so hard. \nI feel like I\u2019m just coasting through life and there\u2019s no way of becoming whole again. The crying and the negative thoughts are becoming too much. \nAnd I\u2019m not sure if there\u2019s ever a chance of me feeling anything other than this intense sadness.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nervous breakdown",
    "post_text": "I think I'm having a breakdown. I have been battling a depression, mostly brought on by outside circumstances, for almost a year. Right now I'm under so much stress I feel inhuman. Today I was given news that has, rocked my very existence and I'm in more pain than I've ever been.\n\nI had very long, butt length hair. I just took scissors and cut it all off. I don't know why. I'm also shaking all over and can barely move. I can barely talk. I also feel emotional pain so deep that it is hurting my chest area, stomach area, physically.\n\nWhat is happening to me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "First break up",
    "post_text": "So ive scrolled on here for a bit and it seems like everyone is really nice... so here goes nothing\n\nThis is my first break up but very weird ending. Ended with us both crying and and saying we loved eachother but the timing just wasnt right. He kept thinking about a toxic ex that he just couldnt get over even if in every way our relationship was healthier.his depression is a bit more severe than mine, but i would feed off his too0 much as well witch was bad too.\nI honestly dont know what im doing here....i guess i just want my story hear even though its rather insignificant and dumb haha. But i feel different now this is a different kinda of depression, i feel more just empty rather than hating myself or wanting to hurt myself. I dont really know how to cope with it. Like is this just how you feel after a break up and it passes or like do i just feel empty now...? \nYes he was my first in practically everyhing we did over all but i cant help to feel it was all fake... he said he would think abouy her when we were together thats when i knew his depression was bad because he would just stop everything, caring, talking to me, all attention would stop it like would mental fuck me up. Like when he would do that it was a never endint cycle in my head like \"okay what wrong how do i help or just support,what if its me? Can i be nicer? Can i be sexier? And i ugly yo look at? Is he thinking of her? Etc.\" And it would every single time come down to him just randomly missing her. Like even right now it still fucks me up when did he think of her? When i was my happiest? Like it just all crumbles in to lies for me. \nOr im over thinking this whole thing and should stop thinging of it but its hard lol. I dont know maybe im in the wrong post but just advice, help on my depression how to cope with my body image cause i think im gross.i really dont know",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help",
    "post_text": "  Hi sorry this might be kind of confusing as I honestly just had a panic attack but I\u2019m staying with a best friend at her lake house and I\u2019ve been feeling really bad since she\u2019s been pretty much ignoring me. Even if she doesn\u2019t realize it. She\u2019s also been openly Fighting With her step dad whose with us and it\u2019s making me feel really sad and super uncomfortable. It\u2019s not like I can just leave and if I could I would. I\u2019ve also tried telling her how I\u2019m feeling through text but it didn\u2019t really work out and she thought we were over if after an hour but it\u2019s more than what she thinks and it\u2019s super hard for me to say anything since my anxiety is so bad at the moment.  I\u2019ve cried 3 times today and just feel like complete shit. And I feel like I don\u2019t exist and at this point I really don\u2019t want to.\n\n   I get that she has issues to deal with but I am her guest and idk I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d have to worry about this. She\u2019s also been texting ppl and usually I don\u2019t mind but It started to make me uncomfortable yesterday when she would start sexting with random guys who she knew she\u2019s just block later.  Like I really don\u2019t wanna hear about that I wanna have fun. Also once she found out I was upset (like 10 mins ago) she didn\u2019t even wanna help she just got mad when I couldn\u2019t say anything and stared having a panic attack.  Then she stormed off saying she was gonna kill herself which really triggered me. \n\n(Sorry I am on mobile if this comes out bad)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How does therapy start?",
    "post_text": "Hello fellow redditors!\n\nI have been suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. I have often theorized if therapy could help but actually going there was always out of question (for a variety of reasons). \n\nI have read what therapy is supposed to give you (no cure, but a more endurable existence?) but never how one goes about the whole thing. How do you choose a therapist? Do you just walk in and just start talking about all the bad things? \n\nI have never confided in anyone so it just seems more than obscure to just walk in and tell a stranger that I want to kill myself because there is no purpose to it all anyways...\n\nI appreciate any feedback!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to talk to me GP about my depression",
    "post_text": "I have had progressively worsening depression since adter an abortion I had in May 2018.\n\nIt started out as episodes of sobbing crying a lot and then I started having episodes of obsessive/instrusive thoughts in December 2018.\nI started having thoughts of suicide this year. They started as instrusive thoughts and now they bring comfort.\n\nI live in a small town, surrounded by other small towns and there aren't many options when it comes to mental health. \nI do have a GP that I really like and trust and my insurance pays for 1 check up a year and that is this Thursday. I want to talk to her about my depression and what I should do. I don't know how to bring it up, I don't talk out loud about myself often at all. I want to just crawl into bed and stay there forever but I know I can't just live my life like this.\n\nSo what should I say? I think I'll write it down before I go.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I know what to do, I just can\u2019t do it",
    "post_text": "I know what I need to be happy. I need to stop smoking weed, I need to exercise, I need to eat better, to get on a good sleep schedule, to talk to people more, to actually open up to my therapist, to clean my house and do all of my work. I\u2019ve done it all before and I\u2019ll do it again. But I always end up back here. Square one. Unfortunately for me I stay at square one for months and I have like a few good weeks sometimes where I\u2019m doing better but it always spirals downhill to the point where I can\u2019t do anything and I lose all motivation. I\u2019m just too depressed. I know the mindset I need to have, I know I need to believe in myself, to focus on the positive, take my meds every day. I\u2019ve been doing those things...but nothing works. I don\u2019t want to spend my life like this but I don\u2019t know what else to do. Sometimes I cannot physically bring myself to do things or complete tasks. It\u2019s just too much. So what do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looking For Coping Methods",
    "post_text": "My depression has been really declining lately. I live in a really bad household and I'm being targeted by my grandfather- whom nobody will stand up to and if I try to stand up for myself, I'm the one in the wrong. He's been yelling at me over small things, calling me all sorts of names, leaving stuff at my door for me to trip over, and more.   \n\n\nThis especially hurts because him and I used to be friends- when my mother was the one being horrible and nasty (She calls me disgusting, a few slurs, etc) he was the one that was always there to comfort me and try and talk it out with her. Now, however, it feels like that never happened. It feels like I was the one who did something wrong, and I don't know what.   \n\n\nIt's seriously effecting my relationship with my boyfriend, friends, and myself. It's an incredible struggle to eat just a meal a day, my lips are getting torn because I pick at them, I can't ever get to sleep and stay asleep, it's frustrating and since I'm a teenager I can't leave this enviroment.  \n\n\nWhat do I do to cope? I use music to try and melt away, I play games like animal crossing to stay distracted, I draw, I play ukulele, I just breathe and try to remember that it will pass. I'm terrified of being suicidal, I've attempted once and was lucky- I know I'm capable even if I don't want to and that scares me.  \n\n\nWhat are some methods you guys use to deal with these sort of things? I desperately want to get better, but it feels like I can't here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how do i ask my parents for professional help?",
    "post_text": "sorry for bad english beforehand\n\nHi. Im 15 years old. I have a great relationship with my parents. But in the last 6 months i started to feel more and more depressed, and the more time passes the more hopeless i feel. i need proffesional help but it makes me really embarassed to tell that and how ive been feeling to my parents. I dont want to put more stress on them. But i feel like if i dont i will just get worse and worse\nThanks",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Crying because of a joke at a bithday party",
    "post_text": "I'm crying because of a joke my cousin and my sister made I usually act happy around them so when I started crying it hurt more. My cousin was trying to pinch my sister on her arm and she was wearing a hoodie, and he said \"let me see your cuts\" and they both laughed. That surprised me because they know I cut, why would they joke about that. I was angry and sad but my cousin thought I was upset that my brother had a bithday and teased me, and I just fell apart. I was crying for minutes before they even realized. I dont like going to my aunt's house because they make me sad. Am I pathetic am I just crying over nothing am I too sensitive?, I want to go home to my dad but he's fixing someone's car. I hate this. I feel pathetic.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Venlafaxine Withdrawal - Can\u2019t tell my boyfriend",
    "post_text": "My bf does not know the extent of my depression and I suspect he does not understand it. I have had my doubts over this relationship since the beginning but have kept it going, because I like the routine and stability it gives me. But he is not very mature, drinks a lot and does not really know how to support me. I\u2019ve accidentally left my Venlafaxine 150 mg back home and couldn\u2019t find a doctor on time for a prescription so I need to wait until tomorrow morning. 2 days of withdrawal and I\u2019m on the verge of jumping in front of a train. I\u2019ve always been very good with keeping up a Fassade around everyone around me, but that makes reaching out extra difficult. I feel so lost atm. I don\u2019t really expect a reply, but just describing the tip of the iceberg helped a little.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm literally living in a mess",
    "post_text": "I'm not sure if this is exactly the right sub for this but I'm pretty sure I can't be the only person in this position and I cant handle too much judgement about it because I an already beating myself up so much for being disgusting. \n\nThis pandemic has hit me hard. I live by myself, I lost my job and my relationship. I am a mess. My family all live very far away. I am falling to pieces and every night when I pass out crying I pray I wont ever wake up. \n\nThe main trouble is my apartment. It's a one bed tiny place to live but its mine and I've always loved it. The work I had used to take me away a lot and this has always been my sanctuary. However with everything that's happened and the dip in my mental health it is now disgusting. I havent cleaned in months. I haven't done laundry. I havent showered or put sheets on my bed. I literally have no clean utensils or dishes or pans. There is baked on food from months ago and actual mold in my cups. I have taken to hiding under my covers because I am so disgusted with myself. \n\nI have a therapist who tells me to take baby steps and one job at a time. But I have done nothing. I am on medication but my motivation doesnt seem to be improving. I am at my wits end trying to know what to do, I have been down before but I have never got as bad as this. I guess I'm asking for anyone else that knows how this feels, HOW do I get out of it? I am trying to pull myself together but I've been trying for months and I'm failing miserably. If it wasnt for the pandemic I would genuinely use the last of my savings to pay someone to come in and deep clean but that isn't an option just now. \n\nI am so miserable :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Realising no one cares is a heart wrenching realisation to come to",
    "post_text": "When you come to the realisation that literally no one in your life would care for more than a few days if you die, is a pretty crushing reality to come to terms with. I\u2019ve spend years and years trying to build relationships and connections with people I really care about but I now realise that no one, not a single person, cares that much about me. I don\u2019t know where I\u2019m supposed to go on from here, I only wish to die now but I\u2019m too afraid to even do that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everybody seems to be \u201cadulting\u201d so well. I feel like I\u2019m the only one who can\u2019t cope.",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone, I would like to apologize in advance for the long post. And, thank you for taking the time to read my post. \n\nMy high school experience wasn\u2019t so amazing. I was depressed about 60% of the time. Nevertheless, I was a decent student. I tried many things. I was in the choir club, swimming club, netball club and music band. I didn\u2019t particularly feel passionate about my extracurricular activities but I was interested enough to keep pursuing them. Same with my subjects, I did my best and tried to achieve good grades. I was good at art and languages. Once again, I was not passionate about them. In fact, I hated art because I felt the heavy work load sucked the fun out of the subject. Math and science were my weakest subjects. I tried so hard to excel at them but in the end I couldn\u2019t cope. I was emotionally drained, burned out and gave up. My final grade for these two wasn\u2019t so amazing, as expected. Nevertheless, I passed.\n\nWhen I left high school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I was expected to go to college, but I had no idea what I wanted to study. My mom expected me to either become a doctor, accountant or lawyer but, as my math and science grades suggested, that was never gonna happen. In the end I decided to abandon the norm and \u201cfollow my passion\u201d. My \u201cpassion\u201d, being fashion design, was my worst nightmare in college. I regret not listening to my gut and leaving. But I was too caught up in not wanting to disappoint my parents and, I had no clue what I would have done had I left. So, I stayed. And there began the downward spiral. I spent the next two years of my degree, confused and depressed. I couldn\u2019t cope in my final year and at one point, tried to commit suicide (no one knows about this incident). In the end I failed a module only to repeat and pass it the following year. Because I do not talk to my parents about how I feel, they still think I want to be this \u201camazing\u201d fashion designer.\n\nSince then, I have been battling on and off with these intense feelings of sadness and worthlessness. *Everybody seems to be \u201cadulting\u201d so well. I feel like I\u2019m the only one who can\u2019t cope.* I don\u2019t know what I want in my life. I have no passion for anything. No values, ideals, goals-nothing. \n\nWhen I try to find something that I might be interested it, it starts off well but I am eventually overwhelmed by crippling fear and anxiety. I am at a point where I feel like I don\u2019t deserve to be good enough. I cry a lot. I feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed my parents\u2019 expectations of me. I feel like I have failed everyone around me, I feel like I have failed myself. \n\nThe only expectations I\u2019ve ever had for myself were to at least meet the expectations of the people who literally sacrificed their time and money to raise me. They didn\u2019t have to (I\u2019m kind of adopted), but they did. But even that I can\u2019t do. I just wanted so much to be someone who has made their parents proud. \n\nI have now moved away from home and work as an English teacher abroad. I really needed a break from everyone\u2019s expectations. And I thought that moving halfway across the world would help me with that. But clearly, it has not. Because have to deal with everyone\u2019s expectations of me here as well. And I am not coping well.\n\nI always tell myself to be tough, suck it up. I always make it seem as if I\u2019m okay. I thought that I could do anything I set my mind to, that I could be good at anything so long as I try. But I can\u2019t.  And for that, I feel less than.\n\nI feel like I don\u2019t deserve anything. Simple things like \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to wear make- up because then I\u2019d look good, and I don\u2019t deserve to look good.\u201d  \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to have my hair done and have it look pretty, because then I\u2019d get compliments. Compliments I don\u2019t deserve from people who I have failed\u201d. \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to have my opinions heard. I don\u2019t deserve to have an opinion.  Because who do I think I am?!\u201d \n\nI don\u2019t have close friends because I feel like I might get caught out and exposed for the real me- a failure. I can\u2019t even look at myself anymore. The guilt is too overwhelming. I wouldn\u2019t even dare tell anyone I know how I feel. Because then **they\u2019d know**. They\u2019d be disappointed. I\u2019d be a disappointment\u2026 I am a disappointment.  \n\nThere is a lot more where this came from. A lot of feelings and experiences that I either didn't know how to express well or didn't think of at the time. But, I tried my very best to convey all that I am currently feeling at the moment.\n\nThank you again for taking the time to read my post. It is much appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Its all my parents fault",
    "post_text": "i am well aware that \"people are the product of their environments\" but what the fuck. I totally get the reasons why people are the way that they are but if you know you are not parent material why the fuck would you have children, it doesn't make any fucking sense. I was doing alright for a while now, but shit happened and the suicidal feelings are coming back again. And the funniest part is that they actually expect me to stay alive for them? What the actual fuck is this? Suicide is not \"selfish\", because the act of bringing me into this world is selfish. Who the fuck asked for life? Not me, nor do i want it. And expecting me to live and like my life when  biologically im fucked is the most selfish thing ive ever heard.ugh am i just being an immature brat or it is justifiable for me to feel this way?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "someone please help me",
    "post_text": "I've been really stressed lately and i thought i would be able to go on since i had one friend that i truly believed would still be there. Today she left just like everyone else i dont know what to do, i feel so lost no one wants to listen to me , i have no one to turn to... i really dont want to be in such a dark place especially since its so close to my major national level exams... but i really am considering doing some things to myself im trying to stop myself but i'm starting to lose that battle...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I cannot function as an adult",
    "post_text": "Im 24(f) and I cannot function as an adult. \nI can go to work. I can make money, but my executive function is so bad, I can't bring myself to pay bills, my friend has to remind me to eat, I forget to shower, I forget to do normal life things. I just got laid off. I can't do anything but watch YouTube videos. I can't keep dates straight. I constantly forget about doctors appointments. I've tried everything short of getting a personal assistant. \n\nI don't understand many social situations. Dating and making good friends is increasingly more difficult. I'll trust literally anyone. \n\nWhen I was younger my mother thought I might be on the spectrum but the doctor wouldn't test me because I was very social. \n\nThe depression is getting so bad. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I don't know whats wrong with me, or why I literally cannot do day to day activities. \n\nIm just posting hoping someone can help me and give me a direction to go in.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What are some things I can do to better understand and how to help the person I\u2019m seeing with their depression/ptsd",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been seeing this person for awhile now and I know they have depression and ptsd, and I understand it to a degree dealing with depression and anxiety myself but I want to understand more so when we talk about it I can say more than \u201cyou had it rough\u201d or \u201cit\u2019ll get better\u201d and things along those lines. I want to better understand how they feel and help them feel better any way I can and not just shut down because I don\u2019t know what to say. I care about this person a lot and I want to learn what I can do to, what things help and what makes things worse.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do I have depression or am I overthinking?",
    "post_text": "I've been thinking about if I have some type of depression for a while but put off asking people about it because i don't want to seam like the person who feels sad and all of a sudden thinks they're depressed. However I think its about time I ask. Every couple of days I'll have moments that can last 30 minutes to an hour or longer where I'm not happy, not necessarily sad... just unhappy?  even if the main feeling unhappy isn't happening if my friends ask me to go out with them after school I think about going along and then think that I wont have fun and start to dread the idea. This even happens with my girlfriend who I love but if she asks me if i want to come over the next day I will never say a definite answer, instead I'll say maybe or possibly just because I don't know how I'll feel like the next day. I also feel that nothing will bring me joy like video games, i will quickly get bored of them in these moments and try to think of something to do but everything I think of doing doesn't seem as if it would make me any less bored. In the mornings I'll think of the day ahead and absolutely dead it sop much that the night before I prep myself by saying why the next day is going to be good, this sometimes helps a bit but i usually run out of energy. I feel like i have a fair amount of symptoms of a less severe depression but from everything I've read it seems that an \"episode\" lasts around at least a week. I'm sorry if this is me just overreacting and/or that this is rude about me even thinking i might have depression and that i know nothing what others go through... but I don't know and that's why I'm asking.\n\n​\n\nalso sorry if this is horrible written, its currently 12:29am and don't want to read over it and correct it...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel irritated all the time and it gets worse when I try to study something.",
    "post_text": "Currently recovering from anxiety and extreme amounts of stress. I feel slightly irritated all the time.  When I am listening to nonsense podcasts(jokes, random nonsense, wrestling) then I feel ok. When I try to listen to an audiobook or a podcast where I have to pay attention I get very irritated and tired. I also feel stressed. Yesterday this irritation got so bad that I felt it was hard to contain it. It feels like pain and burning in my head. \n\nI am currently not working due to sick leaves. I will be seeing my psychologist tomorrow. Any suggestions? Any food or activity that would help me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "I am depressed.\n\nLast year I was already unhappy. In January I was already feeling despair. Last week I was having suicidal thoughts and this week I am physically Ill. I can feel pain and heaviness in my chest.\n\nIm a khv NEET, I should be in college but Im wasting my life going to sleep at 6am and waking up at 3pm. The time Im awake is just mindless browsing and consuming just to feel something other than the pain. \n\nI feel no motivation to work since Im ugly and short so even if I work my entire life Ill never be happy. I cant kill myself because Im worried about my mom otherwise I would have already done it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m in a good place in my life rn, why am I feeling this way",
    "post_text": "I can\u2019t understand why I\u2019m still feeling depressed after so many years even though I took up a hobby I love, going to college for something I\u2019m passionate about, in a healthy relationship, and having a stable job. There are days where I feel completely fine, and then I\u2019ll have a mental breakdown/depressive episode and usually after one I tend to have more for a week or two. I won\u2019t talk for hours, I keep replaying what caused me to feel that way, and then that\u2019s it I just bottle it up. I hold onto grudges from my dark past and It\u2019s really hard to stop. And it\u2019s been going on since I was a child. I try to be mindful and think of ways to communicate it to either my SO/ friend/ family member but I struggle with communicating in general. I have a really hard time translating my thoughts/feelings (in generaI, literally about anything) into words. I just give up on being social sometimes because if I try all I do is stutter. It makes me feel like no one takes me seriously and sees me as intelligent. Because of this I\u2019m scared to help, say my opinion, or engage in insightful conversations. I don\u2019t feel useful. Though why I do I feel all of this if my life from an outer perspective is more than fine, and privileged. I have a supporting SO, and friends. But, I can\u2019t seem to trust them, too. They haven\u2019t given me a reason not to, so I don\u2019t why I keep treating them as if they\u2019re going to hurt me like the people in my life before. I\u2019m in a really good place right now, but why do I still feel deeply depressed. It\u2019s getting harder to cope, and I\u2019m struggling to find healthy outlets rn to release my trauma/stress. I just need someone to hold my hand and sit in silence with me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just so tired",
    "post_text": "I feel like I\u2019m passing the time until I can die. I have family and dogs that I love so much and I would never do anything while they\u2019re around, but I can\u2019t see myself living long after they\u2019re gone. \n\nI still find joy in my hobbies but what\u2019s the point at the end of the day? I\u2019m just tired and I have so little hope, energy or ambition that it\u2019s hard to try and get myself into a better situation in terms of my education or a job, and I have to pretend like I want the job or to get accepted into a course when really I don\u2019t think I want anything at all. I don\u2019t know what to do with my myself and I\u2019m scared",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i hope at least one person reads this",
    "post_text": "Stupid title but anyways. ive definitely had an interesting life. i\u2019m 19 and i\u2019m guy lol who started to first get sad in middle school or at least openly. i\u2019ve don\u2019t some crazy stuff (drugs etc) but for the past year or so i\u2019ve worked kinda hard lol and i\u2019ve been in college with like a 4.0-4.3 gpa (actually figuring it out isn\u2019t hard but i\u2019m that lazy or sluggish i guess) but today especially but the past months (before covid lockdown even) i\u2019ve started to kinda realize i\u2019m still mostly in my room alone but my parents are praising me like i\u2019m on top of the world.  so i guess i\u2019m trying to say i\u2019ve had this realization i still can\u2019t really be in public (i practically have body dysmorphia, i look weirdish but i exaggerate everything a bit but i do look fucking different). idek where the fuck i\u2019m going with this but if anyone\u2019s there message me we can talk about whatever",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I support my girlfriend who is struggling with depression?",
    "post_text": "Hi, first time poster here, *I hope this is an appropriate post for this board.*\n\nMy girlfriend is struggling with depression, probably stemming from childhood trauma (unstable family situation, regular police presence in the house). She is taking large doses of venlafaxine (225mg for 120lb body weight) to cope with her illness, but it can only do so much.  **She often has problems controlling her anger**, which is related to the point of this post, because when she is in a depressed mood, anger is often the only way she can really communicate.\n\nShe **recently had a complete nervous breakdown** in the car (I was driving), over an argument we had. It **ended with her** calling an ambulance on herself to be **taken to emergency psychiatric care.** She is now considering some time in a psychiatric institution for herself.\n\nNow here comes my main questions: She often has these breakdowns, where she often can only shout and scream, or completely retreat. She describes it as such: \"She can either scream, or say nothing and retreat to sleep for a day\". **I have found that I am very unhelpful for her in these moments.** I am a very careful person, and I think a lot before doing anything. She says she needs guidance and structure in these moments. ***How can I support her in those moments?*** **I have tried to give her clear instructions in those moments in the past, but it has not worked well.** I think my personality type just does not make it very credible if I say \"Calm down, we're doing X now\", because I dont behave like that in a non-crisis situation.\n\nI think her anger is often a frustration about her inability to deal with her illness. Unfortunately, her behavior in those moments also scares me. So I am even more timid to help her. Not that I am scared that she will hurt me or anything, but I am scared of making it worse. Also, I quickly become frustrated if i try something and it does not work, which is an issue I need to work on.\n\n​\n\nTL;DR: How do I support my depressed girlfriend during a mental breakdown? Anyone out there who can relate to her behavior and knows what works for them? Any advice welcome!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone please help.",
    "post_text": "My life is a mess at 29. I\u2019ve worked hard and accomplished some what success at uni etc. I\u2019ve always been in a relationship but they\u2019ve all ended. I started dating someone 4 years ago and lately due to messed up work schedules and far distances from where we live we\u2019ve gotten distant and she broke up with me. She confessed to kissing her work colleague who is her best friend at work. Last week. Then she said she\u2019d try to make it work, that she chooses us, she loves me, she doesn\u2019t know how to live without me etc. yesterday she said she needs to be alone and she don\u2019t think she can do it am tomorrow. She feels withdrawn from our relationship and she isn\u2019t physically attracted to me anymore and still has feelings for her friend.\n\nThis girl has been the sweetest person ever. She\u2019s truly a kind soul. We\u2019ve treated each other really well through the usual ups and downs. \n\nI feel like I\u2019ve lost everything. I\u2019m sad for what we could\u2019ve been. I\u2019m lost and feel empty and my whole world is collapsing. Since she broke the news to me last week about the kiss I\u2019ve been extremely depressed and sad and just can\u2019t wait to go to sleep but that is useless cuz I get up thinking about her. I don\u2019t know what to do. I just really want her back in my life. How can the person who literally loved me unconditionally just not want us anymore? Please can someone please reach out. I\u2019m falling apart",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feel as if I'm toxic because of my depression and anxiety, but I dont want to be",
    "post_text": "As the title says, I feel as if I'm toxic to those I'm close to. When I ask they swear I'm not, but part of me feels as if they're saying that to be nice and not to hurt me. They let me rant/talk to them about things I deal with and how I feel, but I feel as if I'm making them feel bad also and becoming more of a burden than a friend. I feel as if I've ruined what could've ruined any future with 2 different people because of it.\n\nI believe I understand and know the source of my depression and anxiety, and partly has to do with my family's religious beliefs. Yes I'm a Christian, but my beliefs are different froms theirs and if they knew, it would be a huge mess and them possibly kicking me out. My parents currently help pay for my college, but I'm hoping in the next year or so I can get a part-time job or internship to make enough to move out.\n\nAnyways, the only access to help I have is counseling at school. I want to be better and be happy and \"normall\", but I dont know how and my parents beliefs (mostly their church) restrict me from doing so. I feel as if I'm stuck and in a constant loop of finally being happy, something happening or realize what I'm wanting to so is against what they believe, my anxiety getting bad, and then depressed. I have a close friend that tries to help me, but I feel as if he doesn't think I'm trying to get better. He understands the situation I'm in, but I still cant help but think that. I also got diagnosed with endometriosis which then restricts a lot of physical things I can do, which makes things worse mentally for me.\n\nI've been asked by another friend if I have a hobby or something to keep me distracted, but I dont. I never did much activity growing up (due to religious beliefs) like sports or anything else. Even when I did find something I liked to do, I was told I couldn't anymore and had to give it up.\n\nI just feel as if I'm stuck and I just dont know what to do anymore. I've been hesitant for a long time now to post here, but I'm out of ideas and ways to get better. If I need to say more to explain myself better I can, but I'd feel more comfortable being DM instead of me posting more here. TIA!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I can't anymore.",
    "post_text": "When I was 15 I thought of killing myself almost daily for 5 months straight, I broke when my mother saw me have a panic attack and called me dramatic, I told her I wanted to kill myself, she told to do it.\n\nShe has always been abusive, verbally and emotionally and I have been trying to get better on my own because going to therapy is so expensive and I am 18 and not allowed to get a job.\n\nMy father died almost 2 months ago, he was the one who loved me, he was the one who heard me but now I have my mom that sometimes is nice and sometimes is the worst and a brother that when he gets mad threatens to punch me or slap me.\n\nI feel like life is just over, I haven been hours staring at my ceiling thinking how the world would be a better place without me, that I am worthless and I feel like I can't take this anymore.\n\nMy country, Ecuador, doesn't have suicide lines and I feel so alone, this is my only way to reach help, please, please, help me, even if it's a little.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does Anyone Else Feel Inferior to Those Around Them?",
    "post_text": "It's like everyone around me has accomplished something amazing and life-changing, and all I've ever done was self-harm and cry. My bipolar Dad doesn't believe/care that I'm depressed and is constantly lecturing me about not reading enough. I want to be myself again, I just want to love the things I used to love. Is that too much to ask? \n\nI also feel as if every day I'm losing a piece of myself and it's causing me drastic emotional instability, I'm going to snap one day if I don't get help whether I like it or not. This is the only place I can vent without annoying my loved ones. All of my friends are sick of me, it's gotten to the point where even my depressed friend thinks I'm too much and no longer wants to talk to me. \n\nI can barely control any of my emotions anymore, it's like I'm watching my life instead of living it. I laugh at horrible tragic things that aren't funny because of it, which has caused me a lot of backlash in the long run. I want to feel normal, and just live my life without having to worry about random mental breakdowns throughout the day.\n\nI'm sorry this dragged on for so long I guess I kinda went overboard as per usual...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No matter what I think I feel like I can't stop myself from suicide",
    "post_text": "I've spent so much time thinking about killing myself, even had dreams where I have put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Just every time I'm thinking I drift towards thoughts of suicide. I just don't see the purpose in anything at all. Every time I try to think myself out of it I just fall back into thoughts of suicide again. Like the finishing thought behind all my thoughts is suicide and nothing else matters.\n\nI just feel like unless I kill myself I'll just be here waiting to kill myself until I finally do it. At this point I'm not even sad anymore, I'm just THAT tired of being alive. I have nothing to gain from continuing to live, I'd rather just be at eternal peace after death over each day being wasted time after time after time again. I don't know what to do. Love is the only thing that I could imagine that could pull me away from these thoughts but then there's nobody who loves me, or understands me or wants to spend each day together. So I'm just left lonely and at that I'd rather have been dead.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My life is amazing, but I'm a miserable asshole. I'm not sure what to do.",
    "post_text": "So I've hit a wall, and I don't really have any support in my life, so I decided to turn to you guys. Kinda weird for this to be my first post, but whatever.\n\nAnd sorry in advance, this is probably going to be a long rant.\n\nLike the title says, I live a really great life. I'm married to a beautiful woman who loves me more than anything, the sex is amazing, and she's smart and talented and has a great, lucrative job. I just graduated college (12 years later than I had planned, but doesn't matter) in a field that I'm really passionate about, with plans to apply for grad school. Financially, I don't live in luxury, but I'm comfortable. I have an amazing dog. I have a good, supportive family. I live in a safe neighborhood.\n\nI'm not trying to brag, but just trying to illustrate how from the outside, I really don't have anything to complain about. I'm aware of how incredibly lucky I am. But the problem is, I'm just miserable all the time, no matter what I do.\n\nFor a little background, I've been in therapy for over two decades (I'm currently 34). For most of that, I was misdiagnosed with clinical depression, bipolar disorder, several anxiety disorders, and given cocktail after cocktail. Two years ago, it turns out it was a misdiagnosis and it was atypical ADD (no hyperactivity, just the concentration and motivation issues), and I've been properly medicated since. I've had ECT (electroshock) twice, before the ADD diagnosis. My current therapist is excellent, and tells me that compared to how I was when I first started seeing her (almost 9 years ago) I'm so far beyond where I was that it's astounding. I guess what I'm saying is, I've been lucky in that I've been able to take advantage of mental health resources, and what I'm experiencing isn't due to a lack of those.\n\nI have been in quite a few abusive relationships (romantic and platonic) so I know there's some trauma I'm still working through.\n\nBut the problem is that despite all the progress I've made and all the wonderful things in my life, I can't feel any of that wonderfulness. I see my wife, I know I love her, I can act on that love, but I can't... feel it. It's just numb. I watch a show that makes me happy, and I just can't... feel that happiness. It's like I'm constantly, permanently disconnected from anything positive, and no matter how healthy my habits might become or what attitudes I choose to adopt, neutral is the best I feel about anything.\n\nOn top of that, it's like I've forgotten how to have fun. I have hobbies that I never pursue. I'll buy something, say a video game, and never play it. I have a pile of books I've bought but never read, and sadly, it's not because I'm just too slow at getting through them. It's like, when I try to do something that isn't work, I get these voices (not literal) in my head screaming \"you shouldn't be doing this.\" The more I try to have fun, the worse I feel about it.\n\nI mentioned I just graduated college - three years at a community college (could've been 1 1/2, thanks shitty counselling department!) and 2 years at UCSD. I graduated - though there wasn't a ceremony or anything (thanks Covid) - and felt... nothing. I didn't feel pride, or relief, or anything. It was like I'd just finished washing the dishes - \"okay, that's done, what's next?\"\n\nA couple of years back, I got my black belt in a very difficult martial art after 7 years of training three times a week. The test was a four-hour ordeal that literally involved, at one point, blood streaming down my face as I fought a marine twice my size (they paused it for a few minutes so I could clean myself up). When they announced the results a few days later, I didn't feel pride, or accomplishment. I just felt imposter syndrome: I didn't deserve it, they must have made a mistake, they made it for political reasons and not based on my skill, etc.\n\nMy current therapist says it has something to do with not being taught how to appreciate things - how to connect with that feeling of appreciation. Essentially, a deep feeling of not-being-good-enough means I don't let myself feel the emotional rewards of anything until I feel I've \"earned it\", which thanks to the feeling, never happens. She's probably on to something, but no matter the situation, I can't seem to make those connections, even if I can act on them.\n\nMaybe it's a support thing. I have friends, but I don't ever talk to any of them. I don't have anyone that I tell news to when things happen - I've tried, but all my friends always seem weirded out by my sharing. When I do talk to my friends, it's brief conversations about shared interests, so always surface level stuff. My wife is incredible, but we're so completely different. We have almost no common interests, have basically opposite personalities, and even our ways of talking are so different that we constantly misunderstand each other, so giving each other the support we need is difficult and foreign. I honestly can't explain why we have the bond that we do, but it is genuine, and despite the differences the marriage is strong, and despite not being able to feel it, we know we love each other and are loved ourselves.\n\nMy social skills are, without hyperbole, autistic. I myself am not autistic, but conversations are impossible for me. I never know what to say, unless prompted. Someone says \"How are you?\" and I say \"Good, you?\" and they respond. If they don't say anything else, I don't know how to continue the conversation. I sit in awkward silence. I've asked someone how they are three times in a row before. I know I'm supposed to say something, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. I see other people do it with ease, but it's always just... \"how did you know to say that thing you said?\"\n\nSo I just don't know how to connect positively, I guess. As a result, I'm constantly miserable, and negative, and just... an asshole. And I hate it. And I want to be better, but I've hit this wall where it seems like I can't be better until I can connect with something good, and I just... can't figure out how to do that, even though I know how to do it, and I follow the steps and... nothing.\n\nI have that stupid voice telling me to delete this, that it's a bunch of rambling nonsense and no one on here is going to care. That probably means I should post this.\n\nThanks to anyone who read through this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im going to be alone forever, and i believe its better i kill myself.",
    "post_text": "I think no matter how much i change, I'll be treated like shit.\n\nIm 21 years old and I've tried dating since i was 18. I hate life, i want to die. Changing so much for people until you look like some one else entirely.\n\nI can't find any motivation to keep going. Why live anymore in a world where im treated like shit. I think in the end, I'll be miserable alone and with people.\n\nNo one cares about me. Christian, atheist, anyone. No one cares in this world. Not even other depressed. \n\nIm going to just write my note and get to where i have a high chance of suicide.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everyday I move more and more towards ending my life soon",
    "post_text": "I feel like I am trapped and powerless. I am a graduate student and my studies are going down the drain. My teacher just told me that I don't have a big chance of passing a huge course and that I have only one week to do everything. I am already stuck doing another course and that isn't going well too. And I deserve it too cause I have no affinity towards my subject. On top of this I already suffer from depression and I'm just sick of the sleepless nights or crying myself to sleep. I just don't wanna exist anymore. I don't want to be a worthless sack of shit and just keep failing over and over. I just want it to be over. I wish I had the guts to take my life and just be done with it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "You",
    "post_text": "Every day I wake up and think of you.  I wake up and find myself further and further away from you.  The summer mornings feel colder, and no blankets but your jackets could keep me warm.  The mornings you'd send me a text to check up on me gave me a warmth that no family could fill.  The scent of your cologne and the grass beneath us both as I watch you close your eyes, the sun glinting off your hair like copper, and when you *smiled*.  It was like the sunrise after months of night.  You.   You are the reason I feel.  You are the reason the sun rises on the moon. You are the reason pictures start to dance. You are the reason things make sense.  Or, were, I guess.  I still remember all those times we'd lay in the grass listening to songs, songs that I can't listen to anymore, because they remind me too much of you.  I remember trying to fall asleep on your shoulder because i'd only slept five hours that night, again.  I remember all the concerned messages from you because you hadn't seen me at breakfast when I'd slept in.  The times in class when you'd just hug me and watch me take things apart, and whisper compliments in my ear.  When you'd remind me to drink water, again, because I was being an idiot and getting dehydrated.  It was... the best I think I've ever been.  Then camp ended, we video called almost every night.  I was so happy, but... were you?  You started playing games every night, trying to escape everything because I was making you worried, and eventually the worry and pain overtook you and you left.  you left.  So you do you, I'll live my life, we can ignore each other, pretend the other person doesn't exist, but deep down we both know it wasn't supposed to end like this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My partner is tired of my depression. What now?",
    "post_text": "For the past year, I'm arguably at my all time low. Lost my  job a year ago and couldn't get myself back together since. When covid rolled around, fuck me.\n\nMy partner for the last 4 years (we're long distance as she's abroad for school) witnessed me slipping down and down the slope throughout the year. With patience and understanding, she was always there. Now, she's getting tired of it and she admitted it. Not sure if she still loves me the same, but one thing is for sure, she's tired of putting up with the episodes. \"im not so sure if i can put up with this the rest of my life.\" but she still remains, still providing what support she can spare. We're still okay, at least for now. \n\nI see the merit of hearing the call to leave me. I also know that she's gotta do what's best for her.\n\nBut now what? What do i do? What *can* i do? How do i get better asap so i can be better for her and everyone around me?\n\nDepression is kicking my ass. Hope we all find a way out of this one day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just dont see the point anymore.",
    "post_text": "Yesterday bought some clothes online. And then I realized, I have no need for new clothes. I can't leave my house. I live in a state filled with idiots refusing to wear a mask because the leader of our country told them Covid is just a political hoax. I am going to be trapped alone in my one-bedroom apartment for the rest of this year, and at least part of the next. \n\nI'm no longer young. I don't have children or close family. I was finally getting my life together after my husband left me for a younger woman, paying off debts. Now my job is hanging by a thread in this economy, I'm getting older and even less \"dateable\" every day. I am going to die alone anyway.  Why wait?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My non existent sex drive is stressing me out :( seeking advice",
    "post_text": "I've had severe TRD for most of my life. It's gotten worse over the last few years, and for the last 6 months or more I literally can't feel a sex drive. Like, at all. I have no desire to do anything sexual, and I only think about sex when I'm stressing about how I can't feel those feelings anymore. I have a bf of many years, we been through it together and he knows that it's depression related..but I feel guilty. I want to be able to have sex with him and be an enthusiastic partner, but it's rly hard and I have to force myself or be really drunk. Any advice is appreciated. \n\nAlso, I know medication can play a role here but my medication I'm on is new and this is an oldish problem.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me write a suicide note to my BFF. IDK where to start, what do I say?",
    "post_text": "I want to write a suicide note to my best friend, the only person that's ever been supportive of me. It's been hard because I'm in love with her, and the only thing that would keep me here would be if she loved me too, that's all I want from life, please help me write my suicide note, I don't know where to start, what do I say?\n\nP.S. - If you are incapable of literacy, I'm not asking for how to get better, I've made a suicide plan and I'm not turning back.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help. I am so sad that I never feel like there will be anything to live for.",
    "post_text": "Hi. I\u2019m 29 years old and so depressed with no one to talk to. I feel like outwardly I am successful and my life seems \u201cgood\u201d but I am so empty feeling on the inside. I\u2019ve never had friends though I am friendly with some people at work. But I am not close to anyone and feel no one cares for me. I\u2019ve never even been on a date. I am very overweight and gained weight during quarantine. I feel that I\u2019m worried my body is ruined. I am so sad and so lonely. I wish that I could hit a reset button and start over. I just need some help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Divorce rates and Break Up Rates are high and even if they weren't no one would choose me.",
    "post_text": " \n\nI don't want to live in this world if I cant find love and I don't mean love as in someone to exchange body fluids with. I want a girl who will love me for me and for it to be lifelong, but apparently that's asking for the goddamn moon. The dating world is screwed. I doubt any girl would want to be with me even if it weren't this way.\n\nMy grandma told me how she and my grandpa met. They met when they were both teens. They got married straight out of high school, had my dad 9 years after they met, and they were together until my Grandpas death in 99. Now people get married in their 30s and still end up divorced.\n\nI don't even think any girl would go with me. An anti-social, misfit, virgin Guitar player. Even if I could love seems to eventually die.\n\nHelp, C :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mom puts her boyfriend ahead of me and I\u2019m losing my mind",
    "post_text": "So no one in my nuclear family really cares for me. If anything they all have been my abusers at some point and just seem to take turns. My mom right now seems to be the main one. She has her boyfriend over who is a POS in my eyes (thinks it\u2019s ok to say the n-word, asked if my best friend  (who\u2019s Muslim) was going to blow up the gas station) and I tell her that I don\u2019t like him and I don\u2019t think he\u2019s a good person. She gets all mad and says that I don\u2019t know him and I should respect him because she loves him and it\u2019s been such a longtime since someone loved her like that. I feel like she\u2019s so fucking stupid and if I say her down to talk to her she would get all defensive and kick me out again. She always seems to place him before me which genuinely hurts and she seems to have no concern for me. She has this thing that she thinks is really funny where it\u2019s her just yelling at me and tell me I didn\u2019t do something right, and I see everyone else look down. Our relationship is seriously strained and their relationship had issues around the same time. She ran to him crying on the daily, even driving past where he lives. I had to reach out to her. She yells at me all the time because he\u2019ll talk to her and say that he doesn\u2019t feel like he\u2019s part of the family- there is no family. I\u2019m always pushing for a healthier relationship with my mom and she puts him in front of me no questions asked. I already want to fucking kill myself, and I battle thoughts about my worth all the time but it doesn\u2019t help with my mom yelling at me for being \u2018disrespectful\u2019 to him when I say something she\u2019s just not used to hearing. I\u2019m so angry at her and I\u2019m angry at myself because I keep letting her hurt me. This whole situation fucks with my self worth. I just can\u2019t seem to get to a point in my life where I am able to completely cut my parents off. Please help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Getting suicidal again",
    "post_text": "So I've tried to kill my self twice now and I swore myself to never try it again but now all of a sudden I have these thought again, everywhere i go i think damn i could jump right there, I could buy meds there and die slowly. \n\nI'm happy for most of the time, or at least I can be happy but I'm actually depressed deep inside and I dont know why. A long time I coped these feelings with drugs and alcohol but stopped because i knew it wasnt good. \n\nI just dont want it to get worse again because dying is the only thing I can think of right now",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mom told me she hated me, asked me to never contact her again and called me a \u201clow life b$;!?\u201d I would never use such words to my children. I don\u2019t understand how a parent couldn\u2019t love and support who she birthed? Hurt.\ud83d\udc94\ud83d\ude1e",
    "post_text": "Relationship with mom was never great as a child, but I always made excuses for her. She really never held the responsibility of my raising it was always amongst someone else. I don\u2019t feel like I was ever raised; I think I was only ever \u201cbaby sat\u201d. I don\u2019t understand why my family never gave me away to someone who would have loved me? I was always moved from place to place as a child within different family members. Just long enough for a person to get tired of me and then moved to the next house until I was forced to take care of myself at 16 years old and nobody has cared for me since. It hurts living in the world and needing advice and support but having no one to turn to because all you remember is only ever having yourself. I remember living with family members and only having two outfits and at a young age I was forced to wash my own clothing because no one would do it for me. I have no choice but to think back at these times when looking for advice and support because I never have had anyone. My mom thought she was doing a deed to keep me away from my father as a child; now I\u2019ve grown up to have no one. I resent her for it. But I\u2019m ready to move on; how do I let all of this pain go so I can be happy in life? It\u2019s easier said than done; been trying to do it for years. All advice helps\ud83c\udf38",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tale as old as time: live-at-home, depressed 30 year old with no job. My 20s are gone. Are my best years behind me?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been severely anxious and depressed for half of my life. \n\nI was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago since two of the most insane experiences of my life (ie hypomanic episodes that led me to do things that have left me traumatized). \n\nI\u2019ve basically been just existing. Not truly living, but not committed to killing myself. Just an animal that wakes up, eats, and repeats. \n\nOn the upside, I\u2019ve recently committed myself to change. \n\nWhat inspired me to write this was a post I saw on Reddit asking 30+ year olds to give advice to people in their 20s.\n\nAs I start a new and, hopefully, more positive chapter in my life, I realize my 20\u2019s\u2014the period that most people hold up to the light and call the most experimental, adventurous, and free time of their lives\u2014is gone for me. \n\nFor me, my 20\u2019s was filled with a tremendous amount of fear and sadness.\n\nAs I enter my 30s, there\u2019s more pressure than ever to have accomplished something \u201cadult\u201d. People are getting married, buying houses, getting promotions, switching careers...\n\nI have no idea who I am. \n\nMy personality has withered away. The weight that\u2019s been on my chest is only just lifting, and all that time that others have had to explore and discover themselves is gone from me. \n\nNow, it\u2019s time to put on a tie and plunge myself into the rat race. I feel cheated, behind, and angry. \n\nCan anyone relate? How do you think differently? More optimistically? \n\nAm I wrong about this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm extremely suicidal, but don't have the balls to commit :/",
    "post_text": "Umm I'm not good with this kind of stuff, so sorry in advance. I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and it's gotten to the point where I'm having suicidal thoughts and breaking down everyday. I feel really lonely. That's the best way to put it, I feel that I annoy people so much that they just choose to ignore me.  \n\n\nDifferent topic, but similar premise (I think) I'm scared of my mom, I can tell she doesn't like me that much and she's said to my face that she has a favorite child (I'm not it) I'm afraid she's gonna hit me or get so fed up that she disowns me. I'm pretty sure most of this is anxiety and paranoia, but she's hit me once before and she drinks fairly often  \n\n\nThanks for listening to me b\\*\\*\\*\\*  \nSorry for taking up your time",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Complicated situation which causes to think death is the only way out",
    "post_text": "Hi, i have some mental and physical problems which make me dream of ending my life. \nI have very strong kinds of weakness/lack of energy/always tired/pain what effects my body. \nThat is the reason why i get upset and can't believe it will get better because i got it maybe bout 3 years. \nThis physical struggles are killing me and on the other hand depression kicks in. \nSpecial kind of thoughts, suicidal fantasy, how i act, how i interact with people, most of the time it feels like I'm not in reality. \n\nI wish there whould be a way to escape this problems, but it doesn't seem so.\nIt's since puberty with the depression, and got even worse with all the physical symptoms. \nNow I'm lying most of the day in bed with pain/weakness and when i feel bit better i try to do something.\n\nIs someone out there who had this struggles? \nOr are here people with similar problems and know how to handle it. \nIt's really a strong limitation for the life and it makes it worthless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need support. My mom was diagnosed with COVID today.",
    "post_text": "She\u2019s 59 and has chronic asthma. Her oxygen is at 94%, her doctor told her if it gets down to 90% she needs to go to the hospital. \n\nBut most of the hospitals around me are at 100% capacity! I am terrified and my anxiety is out of control. Every second, I feel I am closer to a panic attack. \n\nBut I\u2019m trying to remain calm and not show her how scared I am.\n\nPlease. I just need words of love, support and encouragement.\n\nIf you pray, please pray for my family. If you don\u2019t, please think positive healing thoughts.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "advice on intrusive thoughts?",
    "post_text": "So a couple of months ago, I did a thing where I memorized some phone number of a person that I don't get along with anymore. This has caused me to go on bouts of depression, lamenting about how my brain only memorizes information that is irrelevant, and how I wish I could forget everything.\n\nLong story short, it was a terrible friend breakup that developed into all kinds of mental illness, including OCD. I get the feeling sometimes that if I don't look to see what this person is doing, I feel like death. This is harmful for me, because I know that it's a habit that I've made and I've now put a lot of weight in this. I told myself during corona that I want to start focusing on doing better and being better. All of this has weighed me down for 3 years now.\n\nHow do you guys deal with intrusive thoughts? Is there a way to purposefully forget information? I feel like the amount of work I've been putting in has been pretty good so far, but I can always be doing better. There's no pathways for this shit.\n\np.s. yes I am definitely in therapy!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "They say \u201cit gets better\u201d but does it really get better ?",
    "post_text": "The light at the end of the tunnel is getting darker and longer. I lost both my jobs prier to COVID and have watched my savings account deplete. I also just saw one of my old positions posted on a job search website meaning I was apparently not  up to par w/ my position although they made it seem like it was nothing  personal . I\u2019ve been forced to abruptly end a 7 year co dependent cycle w/ a guy who moved another woman in and started a life W/ her that I use to beg him for. I went on another date yesterday and was told he  \u201cwasn\u2019t looking for anything serious right now\u201d that  statement makes me feel like I just once again wasn\u2019t up to par. I\u2019m sick and tired of being rejected in my career and love life as the universe continues to slap me in the face Time and time again, I don\u2019t see the point in settling for  some soulless job , being treated by men like I\u2019m disposable. And just living a totally empty ass life as I watch my mental health continue to suffer. And to eventually just grow old and  physically deteriorate too. Life feels so grueling and I\u2019m pretty much numb inside. \n.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've given up trying to change because all I do feel less and less bad for myself when I fail",
    "post_text": " \n\nI'm  an 18 year old male. I've been able to do nothing but reject any help I  get or fail trying to get myself back on track. Nothing really  motivates me, other than distractions so I'm not reminded that I won't  be able to keep myself alive in the real world. Any support I receive  now is all I rely on, and I have no reason to be lazy and unwilling to  do anything about myself. Yet whenever I try, I always wind back to the  start. I surround myself with positive people, but all I manage to do is  shower them with support instead of myself. I'll admit, it's because I  know they'll use that support to succeed, unlike me. I used to be afraid  that I'd always be like this, but now it's just a reality I've  accepted, and it's made me bitter and unintentionally hostile towards  those who know more about me than the carefree mask I put on.\n\nI  like to think that when I get I job money will motivate me. It won't.  I'll just be stuck in my own world and just accept the fact that I've  been fired after a week. I've tried before. It's done nothing. It's a  problem that affects all aspects of me. All of them. And it makes me  feel like less of a person when I see others get back up from worse.\n\nWhen  other people lash out at me for being defiant and wasting their  support, or not being of any use or having any real reason to be kept  around, I just sit there and take it with a blank face. They tell me  things I already know, then try to lighten it by them just being angry  in the moment, or just trying to get me to wake up. I know what they say  is true, and I can tell that they hope to God that I come to my senses  and start improving myself. I've been this way as long as I can remember  and nothing good has happened. I've only become more numb to the  situation and more accepting of my failure. I used to care. Alot. Now I  just try to look like I care until I'm alone, so I can have nobody else  but myself to blame. For some reason that's a more comforting thought  than anything.\n\nI hate being like this. I just want to know why I'm nothing more than a waste of time that's sometimes a little funny.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Specific activities to ease loneliness and depression while living alone in the time of COVID?",
    "post_text": "I (23F) have been living alone since ending a 4-year emotionally abusive relationship in October 2019.  I loved my new independence, then quarantine hit.  I went through another horrific breakup in March - he broke up with me in a truly cruel way the day before the shelter-in-place order hit.  My best friends have all moved 100s of miles away to be with their parents during quarantine.  After 82 days of basically solitary confinement, I started hanging out (safely) with acquaintances in June and I visit my parents almost every weekend.\n\nI'm trying dating apps, but the constant ghosting, mixed signals, and not getting matches is really bringing me down.  I have had depression, anxiety, and OCD for 10 years but in quarantine it's the worst I've ever felt.  I am an attractive woman, but no one wants to date me and everyone I've ever dated has either been emotionally abusive or lied to me to get to my body.  When I do meet someone who expresses interest, they inevitably ghost me.\n\nI just got a prescription for Zoloft because my Citalopram is clearly not working anymore.  I am hoping to feel better on Zoloft, but I don't have much hope.  A medication will not give me friends, or make men interested in me, or open up all my favorite places that have closed due to the pandemic.  \n\nBecause my depression stems from my unfortunate life circumstances, I am seeking advice on specific things I can do to pass the time and take my mind off of how sh\\*t my life is right now.  Especially how I can meet other people and hopefully make friends.  When everything that I love to do is closed, what can I do to make myself feel happy?  (BTW, I cannot watch television or movies besides documentaries because it is too painful to see happy people, even if they are fictional).",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Concerned friend wrote me a letter",
    "post_text": "My best friend wrote me a letter last night. She cleared out her childhood bedroom and we thought it would be fun to read trough old diaries since I\u2019m not doing great at the moment. But we eventually read mine too. I forgot how dark my notes were. \nIt was honestly very eye opening but I think reading about my suicidal thoughts, in the current situation concerned her a lot. This morning, she handed me the letter, saying I\u2019d have to read it when I\u2019m feeling down. \n\nShe wrote about our friendship, how we give each other the courage to be ourselves, how much I\u2019ve helped her, how much she wants to be there for me. I read the letter twice, I cried both times. Now I feel guilty for worrying her. \n\nHow do I respond?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I Don't know Why I keep feeling Sad!",
    "post_text": "For the last 3 weeks I've been feeling like shit! Initially I thought it was just a mood swing! But I continuously keep feeling bad! I keep remembering the times I've been an ass to people and done stupid stuff and I constantly hate myself for it. In the last week Its become worse and I've been crying multiple times a day. I dont have many friends and I am not getting any support. My dad's an abusive and violent guy and doesn't treat my mom and brother well. I can't look to any of them for support as I've always been disconnected from them. Only a few friends have been supportive by far the most has been ex girlfriend. I feel good when I talk to her but when the conversation ends I'm swarmed by bad memories and simply break down. I feel like I've been bad to her and don't deserve any support. It seems to come in attacks and I can't explain it, I am just continuously breaking down. I'm not able to concentrate on my studies either and I have my university exams in a month. Idk what to do. There isn't even any therapist where I am at so idk what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel stuck in a loop",
    "post_text": "i feel like i\u2019m stuck in a repetitive loop and that i\u2019ll get nowhere in life, i\u2019m a teenager with a loving girlfriend who is the girl of my dreams, she just got a new job which obviously means i will be seeing her less and less and i have MAJOR separation issues since she was the one that saved my life the last time i tried to commit, but i just feel stuck. It feels like i\u2019ll always be right here where i currently am, unemployed, lazy, playing video games, and only getting even the slightest bit of happiness from her. I don\u2019t know what to do...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything Feels Too Overwhelming",
    "post_text": "I feel overwhelmed at the slightest things. This has been happening for a long, long time but it just keeps getting worse. Some days are better than others. Today is a bad day.\n\nI quite my job in January to \u201clive my dream\u201d of being a full-time artist. I am failing so hard. Yes, COVID really impacted everything but if I\u2019m being completely honest, I was never cut out for this to begin with. I\u2019ve taken on commissioned work that is months overdue because the thought of starting is so overwhelming. I keep telling myself, \u201ctomorrow I will start\u201d and I feel relieved.\n\nI wanted to make art today (first time in months) and even got excited at the idea of going to the art store, but then I just thought \u201cit will just be another piece that sits there and goes unfinished\u201d. I killed all of my excitement before I even did anything. This isn\u2019t me. I used to love to create art more than anything and spent almost every spare second painting.\n\nI haven\u2019t started and I feel guilt and shame everyday. I feel stuck. I can\u2019t start and I feel like absolute shit for my behaviour.\n\nI also \u201crun\u201d an online vintage shop. I built the new website back in February and was SO proud and excited about it. I haven\u2019t touched it since. I want to, I want to work on it, but now I have SO many pieces of clothing that need to be cleaned, photographed, listed, measured, that it\u2019s- again....overwhelming. I can\u2019t bring myself to start and just look at all the beautiful clothing just sitting there every single day.\n\nSome days I scroll through my phone for hours because I\u2019m looking for a sign or a solution. I\u2019m wasting my life. I hate feeling this way. I hate living this way. I\u2019m unhappy no matter what I do and I\u2019m feeling SO much guilt for letting so many people down. \n\nI\u2019m 30 years old- too old to be acting this way. It\u2019s so shameful. I also keep thinking that it\u2019s too late for me to make any changes. What\u2019s the point in trying to do better if I haven\u2019t already figured it out by now. I\u2019ve been feeling this way for at least 2 years and keep waiting for some magical answer that will turn everything around.\n\nAgain, I have good days too but today isn\u2019t one of them. Thanks for letting me vent.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I depressed or just sad?",
    "post_text": "I don't really know anymore, my art don't feel right despite feeling happy about the final outputs, my friends sound like they only talk to me for needing something without being obvious. I have been eating less and i'm losing my will to play video games along with my other hobbies. I don't want to leave my house anymore despite being a regular at a local cat cafe. As this pandemic worsens as I am stuck at home and the choices are thinning out even the new hobbies. Reading books help me but it's only temporary. I talked to someone about it and still doesnt feel right. If it is depression then I thought I finally got rid of it a year ago.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "DAE Want to reach out for help but know it could just make you feel worse?",
    "post_text": "I'm going through a backslide right now and I almost want to ask those around me for help on things like checking in to make sure I got out of bed today or have eaten something since I have a tendency to starve myself. I feel like I should be open about what I'm dealing with, but I also know that if I do, I'll feel weak, like I'm putting my illness on their shoulders, and that they'll suffer because of me. I was suicidal not long ago and I feel myself returning to some of the thoughts that accompanied those feelings. I feel terrible for what I must have put them through, thinking I was going to die and the last thing I want to do is put them back in that position. I feel guilty asking them to help me because I don't know if they can break me out of negative cycles. Only I can get myself in a healthy mindset. Asking them to help feels selfish since I'm bringing back all their worry when I'm not sure they can really help. Is it a bad idea to fight this alone? Has anyone else experienced something similar?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Shall i stay with my mother but become crasy, or just leave my house and let her alone ?",
    "post_text": "First of all sorry for my poor english, im french.\nI already asked for help on the r/relationadvices or somthing like that.\n\nThis story start before my birth, im from a poor family who grown up to normal family. But my mother (she have 2 SISTER) is the \"most poor\" than all the rest of m'y familly, cause she's not doing the things she have to do to get help from our system in France. since she's 18 she's only dating ppl who commit crime, murder, drug deal, robbing, this kinds of things, m'y dad was one of them, but he died when i was 1 so i never rly meet him, After that she dated a Guy who was beating her, i was 6 i couldn't do shit, and i was a kid who nobody wanted to love so i didn't understand this was Bad, at this age i didn't even know \"dad\" were Real, i tought all the dad in the World was lie because i never Saw one, my mother told me about what is a dad at 7. \n\nAt 8 she dated an other Guy who was screaming all night, a drunk Guy, and a pu**y who i nearly killed at my 14, so she stayed with him until my 15. We were Homeless cause the house we had was signed with his name. Then we found an other block to live in (6/7 month later).  I did Bad things and i took 6 month jail punishement and now i have 18 this is finish \nNow she's with a Guy who Scream too, and it make me crazy,  i didn't fight since a lot of month, i did not Scream on ppl who bother me since a lot of time, i didn't broke any Bones it's been si long, and as i said before now im a New Guy, i just want to work like normal ppl, and live like them, but cause of this Guy i can't and i feel like i want to do Bad things again.\n\nM'y mother won't broke up with this bastard and i don't  know what to do, i love my mother ans my brother, but if i don't leave them im going to jail for s\u00fbre\n\nWhat shall i do ? And btw i won't call the cops, they won't do shit when they'll hear my \"stepdad\"'name",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "You don't have to read this i just have no one to talk.",
    "post_text": "I don't even know how to stat this tbh i dont even remember how it feels to ve happy, im just sad all the time and nobody wants to listen to me. All i cand to is to think that it will be better if i just kill myself but i cant do it cause im thinking what it my mom or dad cry... I am not the same person... And it was getting better with the help of this girl, damn i love her so much, we used to talk daily for a lot of time, she knows everything about me, she even said se loves me one time, but she just become cold with me and moved on to a better guy and just forgot about me, the bad thing is that i cand forget her, i think she is the love of my live and i will never get over her... She is happy now and im glad she is  but for me it is getting just worse by the day. Now i stay in my room, cry all day listening to music and imaging that we are tougher even i know it will never happen. I cant even be mad at her because i understand why she didn't want me that way, i mean i wold do the same in her place... It feels so weird knowing that i will nwver get her or get over her...i just cant wait for the moment i die because i can't live like this, everything reminds me of her...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nothing helps. No matter what I do.",
    "post_text": "My depression consists of lack of interest in all of the hobbies I have, disassociation from friends and family and not caring about them, mental fog that causes me to make mistakes at work which I'm then yelled at for, fear of death and meaninglessness that takes over me, and feeling worthless and incompetent at life. \n\nIt doesn't matter that I eat clean, exercise regularly, write my thoughts down, meditate, force myself to practice my hobbies, go to work nearly full time, take classes, keep my car and living space clean, force myself to socialize, or try to be what is generally accepted as a good person. Life is fucking miserable. \n\nI can't make sense of anything. If I try to make a point, an argument shuts it down. Then I question my view, change it or adapt it, then argue that point, then it gets shut down. It's as if there is no truth in the world at all and nothing is real. It's so goddamn frustrating it makes me break down. And then I think about how I'll never be like a normal person who can just be themselves and move on with their lives. I feel guilty for everything I do that I cant prove is the right thing. \n\nI just wan't to die all of the time and I even think about it in the middle of working or playing music, even during these intense moments where I should be focused I can only long for death and a cessation to the pain. I'm also in physical pain from multiple injuries that are long term and past drug abuse which I'm sure fucked my body up. I'm too afraid to actually kill myself because I know I'll just go into a void and my go clings onto life selfishly. I probably don't deserve to live though I make sure to tell myself I do. It doesn't help. \n\nI just wan't one thing to make sense in life, but everything is so confusing and I'm no good at any of it. I'll start my semesters of college with straight As, keep them till 2/3rds of the way through, then lose focus and end up with Cs or D and have to retake some classes. I'm trying to stick with my career goal of becoming a teacher but at this rate I'm still like 4 years away and I'm already 21, making minimum wage. I'm an absolute loser who nobody could love because I have no confidence. Confidence pisses me off, I just try to do what's required of me to get to where I need to be and that alone crushes me. Who could love somebody that has to fight to get themselves out of bed every morning? If I try to love myself, I just realize I'm lying about my accomplishments and I'll take it too easy on myself and not get anything done. I should be squashed like an insect for being so useless. \n\nI just want somebody to blow my brains out and rid the world of my incompetence and then nobody would have to worry about me. Everyone worries about how many mistakes I make, how much I fuck up, how I can't keep my shit together consistently and just keep running in circles. I'd rather just admit defeat and die. And so many people in the world probably think those like me should. \n\nI'm beyond saving it feels like and my brain is too fried to cling to any one thing. I just wan't everything to be true so I can stop worrying about being wrong all the time. \n\nI don't even make sense anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My (24) boyfriend (30) told me having a child is the only point of life and if he found out he was infertile, he would kill himself.",
    "post_text": "Cross posted in r/relationshipadvice because theyre all telling me to break up with him and not offering advice for the helping him not want to kill himself part....\n\nI don't know what to do. I've been dating my boyfriend for just over a year (we had been friends with benefits for 3 years before that, so we've known each other a LONG time) and we discovered early on that he wanted children and I didnt. We decided to keep seeing each other but open the relationship since we knew it couldnt be long term and we both could look for other partners. He turned 30 this January and we broke up because he wanted to start looking for a partner to have children with but we got back together two weeks later because we honestly love each other a lot and love spending time with one another. Plus then quarantine happened, so I assumed we would be able to continue as is to keep having each other to comfort and love when its basically impossible to start dating new people...\n\nRecently when I'm not spending the night with him at his place, he'll get extremely drunk and sad and not tell me. He texted me this morning that he got drunk last night and called a girl he impregnated 4 years ago who then got an abortion. He said he had to come to terms with the fact that he couldve had a four year old child now.\n\nToday I called him and he's been drinking all morning (as of noon) and he was watching bojack horseman and crying. He says the only reason he's depressed is because he doesnt have a child and the only reason he drinks is because he's sad that he doesnt have a child. But he loves me and is sad because I have the ability to change my mind and decide to have a child but i won't. And so naturally i said, oh but you could decide to not have a child and be with me forever, why is the impetus only on me? Then he said having a child is the only reason to be alive. He wants to see me pregnant and watch our child go to school and comfort them if they got bullied etc. He wants someone to take care of him when he gets old. Biologically, having a child is the only point of living and so having a child would cure his depression. I asked him what he would do if it turned out he was infertile and he point blank, no hesitation said he would kill himself.\n\nSo that was extremely scary. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to get him to go to therapy, but he sees absolutely nothing wrong with his worldview and i dont know how to convince him otherwise. Obviously, it is okay if we have to break up because our life paths are different, but honestly, he's done a lot of drugs (weightlifting/bodybuilding related) and there is a very real possibility that he's infertile. I love him to pieces and will be crushed if/when we break up, but I dont know what i would do if he killed himself.\n\nDoes anyone have any ideas for how to show him that the point of life is not only having a child? And yes, i did mention adoption which would provide the same \"tribe\" and care for him when he's old that he's so fixated on but he said he didnt want to adopt. Im just really worried and scared right now.\n\nThank you all in advance.\n\nTL;DR - my boyfriend thinks having a child is the only point to being alive and if he cant have a child he would just kill himself. I don't want a child but i also dont want him to kill himself. Help!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like dying a lot",
    "post_text": "I lost my job. They didn\u2019t even call to tell me. I had to find out myself by seeing I was removed from the company website.\n\nChronic pain is really bad lately and my doctor is taking forever to get me treatment.\n\nMy grandma died a few months ago.\n\nMy dog died 2 months ago... i can\u2019t stop crying for her. She was my baby- I mean that so much. It hurts so much nonstop.\n\nI\u2019m facially disfigured and make everyone uncomfortable. No one likes being uncomfortable so they avoid me. It\u2019s been a hard life and no one ever wants to know about it. I went thru so much, overcame so much and no one cares. \n\nI want a best friend so much. The girl I thought could become this, my old coworker, isn\u2019t going to be that for me. I\u2019m not mad. But it hurts a lot. I miss her and wish we could\u2019ve been closer. I really thought we could be super close best friends.\n\nI\u2019m so lonely, it\u2019s like choking. The grief is so much. Insomnia is worst it\u2019s ever been.\n\nSeeing a therapist. On medication. Not suicidal. So don\u2019t mention it please. I\u2019m so tired of people giving me suicide hotline numbers and saying see a therapist. I feel pushed away when that happens now. I\u2019m so tired of being ignored and invisible. \n\nI don\u2019t know what\u2019s so wrong with me for people to not want to be around me. \n\nI love life and living. But this is so painful and hard this year. I miss my old job where I was running the show and worked in a dream team with my mentor.\n\nI\u2019m working on building my own stuff all day everyday. It keeps me busy and my mind off depression. But some days are really hard like today. \n\nWhat do I do anymore? No one talks to me even though I\u2019ve put myself out there. I\u2019ve said my feelings to them and it doesn\u2019t matter. I can\u2019t go out bc of the pandemic. Every online community and \u201csafe space\u201d I\u2019ve tried so far hasn\u2019t worked out. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing wrong. I need help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just want to be reborn. Otherwise, I feel trapped. Does anybody else feel this way?",
    "post_text": "We obviously don't choose where we're born from but I don't want anything to do with my parents. I want to change my name and going into a hobby allowed me to be reborn and live my life. I just don't know how to explain to my partner that being named is so deeply rooted to my origin that I just don't want to be connected to it in any way. I just want to be reborn. Otherwise, I feel trapped.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "is this a normal for parents to do?",
    "post_text": "When i was like 11/12 years old someone had done a poo in the toilet and left it and my Mum found it and both my brother and I said that we didn\u2019t do it. \nSo my Mum made us both bend over in front of Dad and her and wiped our bums for us and then showed everyone the piece of toilet paper and whether it had shit on it or not.\n\nI remember her telling us to bend over more because she said she couldn\u2019t reach. \n\nMy subconscious and conscious is telling me i\u2019m a horrible person for saying this about my parents and that i\u2019m just imagining it. But i know i\u2019m not. It\u2019s killing me not being able to remember things from this event and from when my Mum left.\n\nThe next parts foggy but i know that the first part above is definitely accurate \n\nI think my Mum wiped my bum and got shit on the paper and blamed it on me or something idk. And then i think my brother had shit on his paper as well. I think we were both ridiculed. \n\nI have many traumas involving my parents since then. I\u2019m now 18. And i\u2019ve been in an emotionally incestuous relationship with my Father. \nMy brother beats me. And my Mum doesn\u2019t do anything because she feels powerless because she\u2019s now a single mother (my parents are separated) \n\nI also reported my brother to the police last year for touching my boobs and beating me with a belt (which my mum saw). But nothing happened and i don\u2019t think the police believed me because i was overweight. \n\nAnyway, what\u2019s everyone opinion on the poo wiping situation. Is that normal for parents to do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My closest (first) psychiatrist appointment is in 5 months..",
    "post_text": "I've been asking my mother to get me help for months at this point, and yesterday i just broke down crying and begging her to get me some help because my depression was getting super bad. \n\nBefore anyone asks, I'm still underage and can't get any help on my own. Ive been harming before and recently started again, and months ago my mother did find out about the scars and even then it wasnt enough for her to get me the right help. Now I know that the virus slowed down everything for everyone, but when i was asking for a psychiatrist they were already working ppst quarantine and my mother easily booked me an appointment but she was stretching it out for absolutely no reason. Now i do have one but its all the way in january, and i dont know what im going to do before that because my issues wont get better that easily.. I dont know what to do, im extremely upset about this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i\u2019ve given up",
    "post_text": "my boyfriend and i broke up and i\u2019m already in such a bad place. i loved him more than anything in this world and if the one person i trusted with literally everything could just leave how am i supposed to trust anyone. i am lost. my entire future was tailored just to be with him. i told my entire family about him and i don\u2019t know what to say anymore to anyone. i am shattered. i\u2019ve been suicidal for a few years. but i\u2019ve really hit rock bottom now. i don\u2019t see a light or a way out. i don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t make it stop",
    "post_text": "I have reoccurring thoughts and day dreams of ending it. Day and night just seeing myself downing my stash of pills before going to bed or copying 13 reasons and going out in the tub. It helps to have distractions like personal time or gaming but it\u2019s getting harder to focus on hobbies projects and stuff like that. I feel like Jack Nickelson in Over the Coo Coos Nest or Shining. I don\u2019t trust the places I have left to vent. Reddit always buried my posts for help which reeeeaaaly helps with the invisible feeling and the only people I feel confident enough to confined in are too busy. In a fucked up sense I don\u2019t want to go into therapy (other than lack of funds) because I could be taking time from the therapist helping someone... worth it. If that makes any sense.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A few years ago I (17f) got groomed and forced into sexual activity online and now the guy is threatening me from random anonymous accounts to keep obliging to his needs or else he'll post my nudes.",
    "post_text": "So 3 years ago I got forced into sexual activity online and the person somehow recorded everything. I was a drunkard back then and didn't know what happened. I am clean of it now and I have a loving boyfriend (18M), for the past one year and he knows about it. Both of us are in pain because of this. The dude has been texting me for the past one year repeatedly making me satisfy his needs. If I block him he creates other accounts. I've already gone through physical sexual abuse when I was a child. So it's really getting to me. I'm on the edge of sanity already. My parents are abusive so I can't explain to them either if I try to inform the police about it. Please help. I'm breaking down.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can you act seemingly okay on the outside while battling an episode on the inside?",
    "post_text": "Non-depressed person checking in here, btw. Thank you in advance for all the help.\n\nI am wondering if you guys have any insight into why depression can push individuals to act so out of character\u2014almost as if they believe everything is completely okay when, in reality, they are suffering on the inside. I assume this falls along the lines of dissociation or psychosis? Could those be the result from experiencing an intense amount of triggers?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ways I can help/support my depressed and suicidal girlfriend?",
    "post_text": "I want to be there for my girlfriend but sometimes I just don\u2019t know how or what to say to make things okay. I know I can\u2019t make it go away, but I feel like shit when she tells me when she\u2019s having trouble or thinking bad thoughts and I just don\u2019t know what to say. I wish I could take all of her feelings and put them on me or make them go away. She deserves the world. Saying things like \u201cit\u2019s going to be okay\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m here for you\u201d all sound so cliche and over used. What are some ways I can I comfort her?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Not sure what to do anymore.",
    "post_text": "Throwaway because I guess I\u2019m embarrassed to admit this. \n\nI\u2019ve been dealing with persistent depressive disorder for the past 10 years, in and out of therapy (in currently), on and off of meds (off currently), and I just have no idea what to do anymore. At best, I can function, but by the time I\u2019m there, I\u2019m too exhausted to try to improve or make my life better beyond just \u201cfunctioning\u201d. \n\nRecently, some external life events have really made it hard to even reach functioning. I blame myself for everything and no matter how much I talk through it with others, I can\u2019t seem to forgive myself, even if there\u2019s not much to forgive in the first place. \n\nIs this the best I can do? Is this the best life has to offer for me? Just... functioning? I don\u2019t know what to do anymore, I feel like I\u2019ve tried everything, and it makes me want to give up. \n\nAdvice is more than welcome.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is wrong with me? How can I go from content to suicidal in a couple of hours?",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t want to do anything. When I\u2019m forced to leave the house or get the courage to do so, I don\u2019t feel as trapped anymore. When I\u2019m around people who don\u2019t know about how I\u2019m doing, I seem to pull myself together and act normal. I can smile, laugh and make jokes and it feels good. But as soon as I come home, I just don\u2019t want to exist at all anymore. I feel so alone even though I know that there are people I could reach out to. It\u2019s scary and it feels like I\u2019m just making this all up because misery just feels so familiar to me. I\u2019m not diagnosed with any type of mood disorder. \nI used to be so independent, now it feels like I can\u2019t breathe when I\u2019m alone",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is it normal to feel after a suicide attempt?",
    "post_text": "This is possibly triggering for a lot of people.\n\nOn Tuesday evening I tried to end my life but (obviously) was unsuccessful. I was taken to the hospital and given all the treatment. Spoke to a man who is a mental health specialist then I went home.\n\nI don\u2019t know what I feel. I guess I feel extremely anxious. I feel  like I should be more sad or depressed than I am. But honestly I feel numb. I feel guilty for laughing or smiling with my dad (he doesn\u2019t know) because that means I\u2019m fake and I didn\u2019t really mean my attempt.\n\nI\u2019m still getting those thoughts. The more I think of them the more my anxiety increases and I feel like now I\u2019ve pushed past the fear and done something, the uncertainty is not there anymore and it will be easier to next time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I tell my SO that I'm depressed, numb and think about suicide daily?",
    "post_text": "Hello redditors!\n(Throwaway Account)\n\nI've been depressed for several years now and because I have a hard time feeling any emotions at all I just pretend to and play along for the majority. I am not actively suicidal anymore but I still think about it daily and I cannot shake the automatic \"... guess I can always kill myself\". \n\nOnly my best friend who is in a similar state of mind knows how I feel and the rest of my friends and family have no idea and I don't want to tell them for several reasons. \n\nI live with my SO and we have been living together for 2 years now. I think she knows that I am \"feeling blue\" a lot but I am certain she doesn't know how severe it is. \n\nRecently I have been thinking about how I could start a conversation if I chose to do so but I don't know how because she is emotionally unstable sometimes (but not clinically depressed and only short periods of time). \n\nI am afraid that confiding in people will only make my living situation worse without actually helping my state of mind. \n\nI don't know what responses this may get but thanks anyways. \n\nI know this sounds like a douche thing to say and I appreciate the good intentions but please spare me the \"hang in there\"",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything is going downhill again.",
    "post_text": "I felt that for a couple months things were going well and I was finally on track to getting my life together. this pandemic has kind of uprooted everything and I feel super isolated and demotivated again. I can\u2019t get myself out of bed most days let alone study for my degree (im a med student), exercise or eat. The main thing is I just think about how much of a failure I am, how everyone hates me and how worthless I am. Anyone got experience with getting themselves out of a rut like this/currently feeling the same?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm probably just faking it?",
    "post_text": "Lately I feel like I'm faking my own mental issues. I read this post about a girl who is abused by her mother and homeless. My own best friend is abused by her parents. My mom grew up in a terrible environment and is traumatized.\n\nI was bullied for a few years at kindergarten and school and I get yelled at by mom. A lot of people told me that those are not reasons to be depressed, that I'm just exaggerating and I'm an attention seeker.\n\nI feel like they're right?? There are a lot of people who are going through worse stuff and they're not able to get help. Someone else definitely needs that hour of therapy more than me.\n\nMy mind is very mean to me lately. There's this kind of voice who is telling me that I'm just a lazy piece of shit who is faking their own illness for attention. This makes me feel even more shitty. I can't take it anymore.\n\nI'm not diagnosed because my mom doesn't allow me to get therapy and I rarely go to the doctor only if absolutely necessary.\n\nI don't know, is it normal to feel like you're faking your own mental issues?\n\n(sorry if there are any mistakes, english is not my first language and my mind is all over the place, hopefully you understood what I wrote)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I tell my therapist I'm suicidal",
    "post_text": "The tile says it all. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a long time. I haven't attempted in years but I still feel this impulse/want to end my own life. Everything I just too hard, depression is kicking my ass, all of that stuff and more. Recently, I have gotten closer to killing myself than I have in past. On the way back from my lunch break I almost smashed into another car, on purpose, I sped up to make it so I'd finish me. I thought about how much money my parents would have to spend to fix the car and stopped before I hit the car. I have a therapist I meet with once a week over the phone but I:m afriad if I tell him he'll silv the big men with big nets on me. My mental illness already hurst my family, and I don't want it to anymore. Should I tell my therapist I'm having these thoughts?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help figuring out how to feel emotions",
    "post_text": "I'm new here so I don't really know what to say so I'll just give a bit of background so maybe it will help. Okay, so I am Autistic and a few months ago (maybe 8 I can't remember) I was annoyed with my personality and not really having any friends in school. So to stop embarrassing myself I would start suppressing my emotions so I wouldn't feel like crap, but now it's difficult to feel overly excited for something because I will force myself to stop smiling out of embarrassment and It's difficult to even cry when I feel like i'm supposed to. Now I just don't know what to do I just want to feel something, but I can't.  \nSorry for dumping this here, but any advice would be really helpful as I have no close friends",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Thoughts of self harm/suicide",
    "post_text": "Hey y\u2019all. I\u2019m 12 turning 13 in January. I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about self harm but I can\u2019t do it since there\u2019s no way of hiding it for me. I\u2019ve always felt down but ever since I moved away from my friends it\u2019s been super hard for me. I wish for my death every morning when I wake up. I know it\u2019s super dumb how I\u2019m 12 but I don\u2019t think like I\u2019m 12. I\u2019m really struggling and have no one to talk to. Help would be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Experiencing sadness like never before",
    "post_text": "So lately I've been feeling really sad and really down, I'd say it's a mix of losing touch with someone I loved and that made me feel special, starting uni and just the whole covid situation not allowing me to be around friends for a while.\nEvery so often, almost daily, I get really sad at night, I start thinking about all I lost and about all I can't have right now, regarding friends, I lose motivation for anything, don't wanna get up but also don't wanna stay in bed doing nothing, I just can't do anything and I have to force myself to go to uni and sketch a smile on my face so I don't worry the friends I made there.\nIt's getting to the point where I'd say it's unliveble to have this feeling everyday, but I feel like I can't do anything about it, doesn't feel like my choice to be sad or happy anymore. If there's anything you guys would suggest to try and brighten up my mood I'd love some help. Thanks in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a 450 pound man, two years after weight loss surgery, who only leaves the house to buy Wendy's chili, and I can barely walk, my life can't get much worse",
    "post_text": "My name is Jordie and I am from Conway, South Carolina, and I stream on Twitch for a living. My mom and dad were both Jordans, they were never married. Every day, I wake up wondering why I am still streaming to the same 300 viewers when only a few of them donate to me and wondering how a 450 pound man that can barely walk like me can succeed. I don't like leaving the house unless I'm getting Wendy's chili and I can't fix my sleep schedule, so getting a job is not an option. I have hardly any support from my wife and family and I can barely pay my bills and my truck off. What can I do to feel better about a bad situation that isn't getting better, real talk?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression Treatment Options",
    "post_text": "MDD for the past 2 years. Bipolar, depression, and anxiety all run in my family very prevelently, but none have received any kind of treatment (except lithium for a bipolar grandparent). I\u2019m currently considered treatment resistant. Onto my 5th antidepressant now. Done SSRIs, SNRIs, Wellbutrin, and Buspar (dont know why my doc thought that one was a good idea, I dont have anxious symptoms). I\u2019m beginning to think oral medications are not the route for me unless perhaps a tetracyclic or MAOI works out. I\u2019d be interested in trying lithium because I know it has helped a family member and I have also been (mis?)diagnosed as bipolar, so maybe it could work? I\u2019m going to bring that up to my new psychiatrist tomorrow.\n\nTMS and ECT sound like great options except the price tag. My insurance would only cover half, so I\u2019d still be paying upwards of 10k for treatment. Not something I can afford. So I need to look for something else that I could possibly try that\u2019s cheaper. And yes, I\u2019ve done psychotherapy and group therapy, and it doesn\u2019t help in the slightest. I\u2019ve looked into alternate medicine like acupuncture, although i doubt its efficacy (my theory is that it works solely due to the placebo effect. and that hasnt even worked for things i thought would work for me). Perhaps clinical trials could be an option, but that\u2019s not necessarily treatment for me. I\u2019ve been suggested to try an outpatient program or check into a psych ward but I\u2019ve heard bad things about them. Plus, I\u2019m not sure how my treatment would be any better than just going to a psychiatrist on my own. \n\nPlease let me know your experiences or suggestions! I am willing to try anything to get better, and I\u2019ve been researching my options, but have heard very little experience past the basic medication side of things.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to deal with the cyclical triad of draining symptoms",
    "post_text": "Over the past months my depression has progressively become more disruptive. I\u2019m now to the point where I\u2019m stuck in a cycle of anxiety during the day, insomnia at night, and anhedonia all throughout the day. It\u2019s definitely affected my work as I know and feel I\u2019m not as efficient and poignant as I used to be, and I fear that I\u2019ll lose my job due to lackluster work. Outside of increasing my SSRI dose with my doc, how can I overcome this if I can\u2019t find therapy right now due to pandemic?\n\nMuch of my depression I feel comes from loneliness. I\u2019m a man in my late 20s and I\u2019ve never had a true best friend or romantic partner. I hoped this year would be that year because I found a job in a city I wanted to live, and it felt like a chance at renewed life. I accepted before the shutdown, and started after restrictions were in place, so I\u2019ve spent the entire year alone in a new city as all social avenues were cut off. I almost have no socialization with coworkers either due to working remotely. I tried online dating, but that made things worse as I didn\u2019t match with anyone and sent me on a self-doubting downward spiral. I just want to find someone that I can share a true connection with, but I don\u2019t think that opportunity will come for a long time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I publicize my suicide?",
    "post_text": "Long story short, there are people that I think deserve to witness my suicide because they may be a contributing factor to my death.\n\nIt wouldn\u2019t be smart to put their names on my suicide note because you never know who will distribute that note after you die. They may never give it to the person you intended to send a message to.\n\nWhenever it would be publicizing it on social media or straight up dming them before you kill yourself, should I tell them? \n\nI don\u2019t want to get into the specifics of who and why these people need to know because it\u2019s a long story. I will tell you privately if you ask.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont matter anymore",
    "post_text": "I feel like such a waste of time and space again. I feel like I'm trudging through sludge and slowly getting pulled down back into the darkness of the void again. I want to stop feeling the agonizing pain of the emotional abuse I've experienced. I want to forget the things I was told from middle school. I want to be worth time and space for someone. I want to feel loved. I want to matter to someone. I want to stop feeling like this, but I feel like it might be too late now. It's been over 10 years since she told me these things. I dont think I can break the chains or heal the brands. I want this to be over. I want to finally be happy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to cope with a narcisistic Mother",
    "post_text": "To make things short ( i can talk about what she said to me in d\u00e9tails if you ask) she told me that i had no value, that i resented my brothers for being handicaped and that I must beat depression without help. It hurt me very much particularly as she told that in front of on of my handicaped brothers that i love. I had a panic attack at the end of the argument and now i am outside and looking for help or advice, everything feels worthless",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Mother won't talk to me?",
    "post_text": "I need advice.  My mother won't associate with me because I'm ugly. I know she is highly concerned with looks because I overheard her in a conversation with another lady in regards to that woman's children. My mother said this about her children,  \"They're very good looking aren't they?\"\n\nMy mother has since cut off communication with me saying only, \"Bye sweet.\"\n\n\nI don't have any family or friends and I'm afraid my only option is suicide. I keep waking up every morning thinking I'm not sure how I'm  going to survive a life of complete isolation.\n\nI need advice.  Can you help me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The days have nothing to offer for me: Looking for projects or hobbies to ease depression",
    "post_text": "Hey girls and guys,\n\nI'm suffering from depression and social anxiety since I was 15 years old. Today I'm 21. My symptoms are mainly anhedonia (disinterest and joylessness), lack of drive, motivation and ability to get stimulated, painful negative thoughts starting right in the morning when I open my eyes (about past, present, future, that I don't have anything to offer, that I'm disabled, that future life has nothing to offer for me etc.), lethargy, low mood, sadness, cognitive restrictions (memory, focus, access to knowledge and thoughts) and irrational social anxiety.\n\nI wake up and see nothing that waits on me, nothing that I wait for or am up to or interested in, no drive or motivation to stand up, nothing that drives me (anhedonia again). I then think what reasons or motives do other \"normal\" people see when waking up? I feel so empty about what the day has for me. Only thing I can see is food, maybe. Even food is no drive for me, I don't eat that much and don't feel the need to eat, I suffer from lack of appetite due to depression.\n\nSure, I don't have much self worth or confidence at all. I don't have many things I'm passionate about or I'm good in. I see the connection: no things you're passionate (drive) or good at (feelings of success giving self worth) => depression. I still do things. I have a side job, not quite good in it. I study psychology, 5th semestre already, not quite good in it. As already mentioned my cognition turned incredibly bad, I always think I'm dumb and unable to follow conversations, intellectual topics and such. Studying and university tasks or contents are very hard for me. I play tennis but rarely, quite good in it. I used to go to the gym, was boring but still quite good for distraction and feelings of success. I produce digital music, quite good in it and makes fun when I have a good day. I would love to play tennis and visit the gym more often but 1. they all contain socializing as there are people, so my social anxiety makes it incredibly hard for me and 2. now there is Corona. Other things like academic aspects, going deeper into a topic, studying neuro science or pharmacology (esp. neuroscience was a love of mine, I spent a lot of time with it and it was the reason for me starting the bachelor in psychology) is almost impossible for me because depression makes me dumb, disabled and very restricted in thinking or making.\n\nI'm sorry for the long text. Thanks to everyone who read until here. What are your thoughts?\n\nDo you have experience with this and somehow managed to improve the situation and feelings?\n\nDo you have ideas for projects or hobbies I could try to get into and maybe find a passion in to kill my feelings of emptiness, negative thoughts and self worth issues? I would be happy about any idea, anything, that's somehow manageable even when being depressed and socially anxious. Something I can hold onto, improve in and get feelings of success and self worth or skill. Something that distracts me from negative thoughts and psychological pain of depression.\n\nHave a nice day, I wish you the best! <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend died and then before i could get any closure for myself covid came around and i haven\u2019t even gotten a chance to talk it out with anyone",
    "post_text": "To begin with i am a 17 year old guy, who used to be in a four and half-year long relationship. Now, initially, we were just best friends who thought of the term girlfriend and boyfriend as a special friend and decided to well start dating. She had an insane amount of problems on her side of the family, her parents were in prison, her siblings both dead and a shit ton more. So a big chunk of our time was me supporting her, comforting her and so on, and well i ended up getting really attached. I was so close to her that i ended up developing somniphobia which was something she struggled with and not me. \n\n2 years ago my grandfather went ahead and killed himself, which came as a massive shock to both of my parents, who had spent over an year to get him back in shape both mentally and physically. During that entire time span, I ended up being neglected and would only talk to my girlfriend. We were very close and would talk almost 4-5 hours daily, so when she got caught up in a car crash and suddenly passed away, i didn\u2019t take it well and i still don\u2019t.\n\nNeither my parents nor my siblings know anything about this, since my household is not supportive of relationships till i become 18. Its been almost 11 months now and i need someone to help me get over her.\n\nAnyone have advice how to? I\u2019ve tried a lot of stuff such as:\nMeditation\nGymming \nExercise\nFocusing on studies\nTherapy\n\nNone of those helped me that much, would appreciate some advice!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It\u2019s my birthday and aging is depressing",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s my birthday today and Im already feeling hopeless. It seems like it\u2019s just another year of bullshit and Im having a hard time seeing things improve. \n\nLife just seems to get worst and worst every year without end. Doing work, socializing and free time dwindles in quality as time moves on. \n\nThings seem so hopeless and far away. I don\u2019t remember the last time I felt happy.\n\nThey say things get better as you move on, but I don\u2019t buy that anymore. I\u2019m not sure what I know anymore. I don\u2019t really believe much of the advice that I see. I guess if I don\u2019t believe anything then I can hardly be helped right?\n\nI suppose the only sensible thing is to ask for any advice on how to deal with this. As far as i know, sex, lots of money and being close with my family is the only thing I want in my life. \n\nI really just don\u2019t know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The where i am living makes me more depressed",
    "post_text": "I think that my environment the where i live causing me getting into big depression.I can not change the where i live and it makes me feel so hopeless.Besides that i am dealing with a lot of issiues like poverty family etc.I don\u2019t know if i am even gonna survive till next 5 years.I feel so hopeless.I tried to go to a therapy that my college offered for free but she gave me an example of african kids and world is just cruel place and accept it and move on .I felt so disappointed. I don\u2019t feel like i am fitting the society at all.People are here so religious and i am an atheist i couldn\u2019t even tell my therapist that i don\u2019t believe in god and i don\u2019t like the country cuz i was scared that she is gonna tell someone and i am gonna get expelled.Do you guys have any idea how can i deal with my depression while i don\u2019t like my environment and the people here ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do you do when life seems pointless and everything feels out of reach?",
    "post_text": "I (24F) have suffered from bad depression in the past year, it seemed to get better with meds and time, but now I feel like it's resurfacing. I feel like crying everyday, I don't have the motivation to do anything productive, I don't feel like seeing people or going out of the house and I don't feel like eating. I do those things occasionally but I just don't enjoy any of it like I used to, I feel like I'm tied down with indecisiveness about my future, and I feel like nothing I do will ever amount to anything or be enough to make me happy or feel worhty\n\nMy question is, what do I do to help me get through this period?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do with myself",
    "post_text": "31 male. I haven\u2019t had a friend or girlfriend in a decade. Severe depression and social anxiety. I also have constant intrusive thoughts that keep me from focusing on anything. Somehow I\u2019ve managed to keep the same job for 6 years, but I am struggling with that. I don\u2019t enjoy my work. Mornings are terrible. I have no hope that I can continue on a normal career path. I feel as though I am less than 1% of the person I can be.\n\nI\u2019ve always struggled with social interaction. Every interaction gives me anxiety. The panic that I often feel during interactions is similar to wave a adrenaline you get from a roller coaster. The panic doesn\u2019t allow me to gather any thoughts and remain present in the conversation. My mind just thinks \u201cget out\u201d at all times.\n\nI spend my days and nights alone unless I have to interact with someone at work. I absolutely hate living like this. This is not how an adult should be behaving. I am deeply ashamed of myself, and I want to change. But I don\u2019t know where to begin.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Comfort makes it worse",
    "post_text": "Hello, this is my first time posting here. I dont usually talk (at all to anyone) about my depression but its been getting. Just so much worse. \nMy main question right now is: why does seeking comfort make me feel worse? I absolutely cannot be comforted physically, not even by my long term partner, and if I seek out comfort items like my own stuffed animals or blankets or even my living very loving cat for cuddles I feel worse. And guilty for being sad enough to want comfort. \n\nI want to feel better but all the things that should make me feel better do the opposite\n\nIm sorry for rambling \nThank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "things to do on last day alive?",
    "post_text": "February 10 is D-Day. \n\nI just need more ideas on how to spend my last 2 months.  I am completely broke so that's important to remember. \\[ not looking for mental help btw, I'm not on the fence \\]\n\nI already plan on: \n\n\\- writing letters to all family and friends\n\n\\- hanging out with closest friends one last time\n\n\\- finally finish my book ( shitty sci-fi short stories ) then burn it\n\n\\- burning everything I own, destroying journals, hard drives, religious books, childhood pictures. \n\n\\- writing a will & testament + suicide note\n\n\\- buying a dress \n\n\\- stand up comedy at an open mic night \n\n​\n\nI'm so fucking excited and sad and I just wanna make sure I cover all the bases before I go lol.\n\nthanks for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Severe depression",
    "post_text": "Something many people don't understand is that being suicidal isn't always \"I want to kill myself\"\n\nI wouldn't want to do that. But I just want to die. I just want all the thoughts screaming in my head to stop. It's like I'm underwater at a busy public pool and just hearing constant yelling and shouting. Not voices but just thoughts. \n\nI'm thinking about getting hospitalized. I need to get help. I need to get out of my house. I'm in a hoarding situation. Like I DO want to get rid of stuff and organize. But I have zero energy to do so. I get so overwhelmed when I start. I want to reach out for help and have others come over to help me but I'm afraid of being judged for how bad it's gotten.\n\nI just want to go to sleep and not wake up so I can escape everything\n\nI tried to talk to my boyfriend about it tonight and hit a total brick wall with him. Like he means well but he went right into the whole \"but you have so many good things, why are you so depressed?\" I physically cannot articulate how much that hurts. So I shut right back down again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Having no money is a legit source of depression",
    "post_text": "It's not about not being able to afford stuff for yourself, it's about not feeling safe, not knowing if you'll afford to live and always having weight on your shoulders. I'm 18 and my mom kicked me out of the house half a year ago on my birthday. I've always worked for my own money but since covid situation here in Europe is really bad I can't find a job with not even finished high-school (I'm a straight A student but that won't matter since I'll probably have to focus on work not university). I'm barely scraping with help of friends but they are struggling too at the moment so I'm kinda alone. I'm on a 10$ weekly budget for food and I'm really at my edge. I'll figure something out when covid passes but I have to survive to that point. I can bearly pick myself up from bed every morning and I feel stuck.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help",
    "post_text": "I take 20mg fluoxetine daily for depression and have done so for 5 weeks now, I\u2019ve had minimal side effects and for the past 5 weeks I\u2019ve had a pretty stable mood and have had no extreme lows. Until 3 days ago when I had a massive breakdown and everyday for the last three days I\u2019ve had a meltdown: crying, self harming, suicidal thoughts. What happened? I haven\u2019t felt this way in a very long time. Could it be my brain chemistry is suddenly changing or the medication is suddenly not working or something?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I miss home. I can't feel the same anymore.",
    "post_text": " I moved to a different country to pursue my career when I was 18 now I'm 20 and I feel like the last 3 years of my life are a blur is like my head stopped making memories the second I left home. I miss my family and friends so much it hurts physically, I miss my life there everything around me and everything I was. I have change so much I don't recognize myself I see pictures of my family and I start crying knowing even if I come back things wont be the same because that would mean I wouldn't be able to work on my field and feeling like a disappointment. I hate my life here its been 3 years of constant fight with life and my mental health is long gone . I feel like I'm here physically but I left my heart and soul there at home.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop the fear of getting too attached to people?",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nA bit brave for posting this on my main, but here it goes.\n\nMy 'attachment' to people is a big issue. It has definitely led to heart ache, sadness, and disappointment.\n\nSo - I got this great job a couple of months ago, every day was a challenge and something new. My colleagues are great people - I genuinely love speaking to them, and just overall having a good time.\n\nBut - I have an issue of getting too attached to people and not interpreting signals correctly. This eventually leads to the other party to not dealing with me anymore (I don't really blame them to be honest) and just... cutting me off.\n\nThis has eventually developed into me not opening up - or being personable with people as I am simply too scared of this attachment growing. Sometimes they message me out of work (We all have each other on social media, big mistake on my end!) and I just leave on seen or reply blandly, or sometimes in the middle of a conversation I just never reply, simply because I feel like this will go down the same road as before, just being too attached.\n\nEvery day I struggle keeping myself composed (I take photos just to get my head off things, this is the only thing that gets me going through the weekend).\n\nShould I tell this to my colleagues? Should I keep it a secret? I really don't know. At the end I'm just not happy with how I am. I get suicidal ideations every single night and just remembering the relationships/friendships that I have fucked up literally gives me anxiety and it has definitely caused some sort of trauma.\n\nI don't go through with suicide because I just think of my parents on how sad they will be. But - once my parents pass away I am planning to fully commit as I really don't want to live this crippling anxiety with every single relationship/friendship.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can a 14yo have depression and anxiety",
    "post_text": "Hey, a few informations: I'm on mobile, not a native english speaker, my father divorced and unable to see him/ only at weekends) , middle child of 6, game addict(really bad 5-8h a day), smart and dumb, lot of people say that I'm gifted and mature for my age.\nI was the normal trouble child. Good but not too good grades. My older siblings use drugs (alcohol, weed, Shisha and Cigarettes) and were raised (like me) old school (getting slapped) like me, it was normal in Germany. I didn't have the same father as any of my siblings. I entered first grade and was a weird child because of my Nigerian side that wears other clothing once a month and almost bold hair(cut every month to like 2mm). I was darker than anybody (darkest at school) and only a few friends. My father pickt me up one day and they realise why I was brown/light skinned and started bullying me. They called me things like burned chocolate muffin and other 4th grader insults. After the 4th grade we all enter a new school(in Germany you Enter a new school after 4th grade with exceptions) all the people where really nice and I started to become the main class clown. Got in trouble a lot and the grades where dropping and I got neglected more at home (I didn't got attention in my family so I want it in school) and our family (which was already broken) got broken more. My sister was /is an entitled bitch and my mother an angel who wants to do their best. The problem is that my mother does this in a completly wrong way and scars us even more. And all their trouble is going straight to me and my small siblings. I sometimes ask my mother what depression feels like(she had depression in her 20s)and she always said \"you can't have depression you're to young\" which is always hurting. Because I think she doesn't care enough and always talks shit about my father and the other way too. She only cares about my grades that's why I show her the good ones and false signature the bad ones (it works they only look over it)after I realise that I was thinking about suicide how I should do it which ways there are and what last messages I would give to anybody I love. This got worse and worse until I thought about suicide almost everyday. I also had a crush on a girl who toyed with me and always said stuff like \"I miss you\", \"I like your curls\" or \"let's go out some more\" we never go out alone. We had my 14 birthday this summer and I threw a party (she's 16 so alcohol was involved) and we start leaving the people and going to bed to cuddle(we didnt had a condome) and dry humped she always made me hope that someday we could be. We are one day in school and we got a new student. They where together after 2 days they didn't know each other. I also tend to forget how to walk when near people my age and try to avoid contact even with eyes. I don't go to social gatherings anymore bc of this (and covid).\nSo I dunno if I have depression cause I felt no joy in the last 2 years. But I also don't want to be an 14yo deep fake depression boy so I didn't talk with no one about this(other than 2 friends)\nPls answer me and help me to find out if I have depression. I'm gonna answer questions that are for me comftable to answer",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression meds have killed our sex life. Help.",
    "post_text": "Me (M49) and my girlfriend (F39) haven't had sex for nearly 5yrs. She's on meds for depression and this has robbed her of her sex drive. So there's been no physical contact other than hugs. I'm starting to resent our relationship, but feel guilty of thinking of ending it because she can't help it.\nShes on Venlafaxine but can't get off it without withdrawal symptoms. \nAny help or advice would be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help, i am so tired",
    "post_text": "Can someone please explain?\n\nSo i dated this guy one year ago. He became severely depressed and we kept texting when he felt like it. He doesn\u2019t really talk to me about it because he doesn\u2019t want to burden me (it\u2019s annoying). He is seeing a therapist once a week and is taking all kinds of medication. \n\nI made him a christmas package. With gifts, food, and a selfmade depression journal (see my other post). And i can\u2019t wait to cheer him up with it. \n\nI texted him last Thursday if i could bring it. He seemed happy about it and we agreed to meet that evening. But then he texts me last minute saying his best friend is at his place and he forgot they were going to have diner together. He then gave me all kinds of new options, and I then asked if today was okay, but i still didn\u2019t get a text back... (it has been 3 days)\n\nI don\u2019t know what to do anymore. Should i send him another text? Ugh I am trying to support him but he keeps letting me down every time. \nHe is with his best friend literally every second of the day, it seems like he can\u2019t be alone. But he also seems to be unable to text me back? \n\nI don\u2019t understand. I really don\u2019t. I read books, i talked to you guys, and i educated myself about depression, but i am so tired. Can somebody please try to explain? I don\u2019t even know what i should do with the christmas box anymore... advice is really appreciated",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no idea about anything anymore.",
    "post_text": "I just feel so numb to the world. I\u2019m constantly fatigued and apathetic to others. I only want to talk to my late fianc\u00e9e\u2019s family and a few of my professors. Everyone else just takes too much space in my head to make any sense. My therapist is getting me to switch therapists since he\u2019s retiring but I really liked him and I feel bad for it, but I\u2019m resistant to getting a new therapist. I don\u2019t want to be. I have no friends and a very hard time making friends. I\u2019m tired of my parents\u2019 shit. I never got to grieve my fianc\u00e9e\u2019s death properly and it ruins my life even now. I feel so, so lost. I am directionless. All I have is a career goal but everything else has fallen apart and I\u2019m just so fucking tired all the time about fucking everything. I want to just play video games but it\u2019s so hard to get any time to myself with my parents blowing up my phone 24/7. I just want to be free and I want my fianc\u00e9e back. It\u2019s all too much.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling bad right now",
    "post_text": "Ive (18m) been struggling on and off with my depression for around 3 years now. I started smoking weed to deal with school and now college stress but that in itself has done more wrong than good as now im not only dependent but now I constantly have to lie to my mum about what Im doing which just makes me feel even more worthless and a failure of a son, not to mention the astronomical money I spend on drugs in general. I am failing college, my last chance to get a good education, meanwhile all my friends who have since moved across the country for Uni haven't really kept in contact. The only people I see outside of work are the people who Im smoking weed with other than that I feel totally isolated. Every day I think of my death, how people would react and how Id do it. these thoughts went from being in the context of comfort while in a stressful situation to what feels like an inevitability ( in other words I dont think like \"if I was to kill myself...\" instead I think \"When I kill myself...\"). on top of all this Im generally a clumsy person but also extremly self critical, whenever I make a dumb mistake it takes a toll on my mental state, every time I trip, stutter or whatever I feel totally worthless. I hate my music because it reminds me of hanging out with my friends who arent around anymore. There are more things but I dont want to ramble on. \n\n​\n\nNo one knows this is how I truly feel, not even those closest to me. When I first started going through this I drunkenly told my friend a few tid-bits but he didnt keep his word on not telling people so I decided to bottle everything up and pray that eventually my life would improve but since then its been a sharp decline. The reason Im writing this is because I feel someone needs to know even if its some guy 6500 miles away who knows nothing about me because I feel like if I told any of my friends it would change the way they see me plus I cant guarantee that whoever I told would keep it to themselves.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Are anti-depressants worth taking?",
    "post_text": "I (25m) have been unemployed since finishing my MA for over a year now. Are anti-depressants worth taking? My doctor offered them and I think I\u2019m going to look into a new therapist. I think I might have some sort of ADHD or anxiety instead but I\u2019m not too sure. I live in Canada so it\u2019s going to be a few not that before I can see a psychiatrist.\n\nI\u2019m really struggling to apply for jobs rn. This is sort of killing me.\n\nAre anti-depressants worth taking in your experience? I\u2019ve heard some bad things about them and I\u2019m worried.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can depression cause a bad memory?",
    "post_text": "\nWhen I was a young teenager I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. My entire teenage years were dedicated to getting better and school / friends were not my priority. I still had friends, but I didn\u2019t see them as much as most people see their friends. \nI went to a clinic to treat my suicidal thoughts and anxiety, so I missed out on a year of school.\n\nI finally got better when I was 18, but now I am in my twenties and I\u2019m realising that I barely have any memories from that time.\nI do have some clear memories, but most are related to my depression, but I can almost never remember any fun stories my friends bring up, that I was apparently involved in. \nIt\u2019s 6/7 years of a weird blur. \n\nI keep seeing people posting pictures of themselves as teenagers, and talking about how crazy that time was and how much fun they had in high school. Their first job, their first boyfriend, their first drink.\nI am glad I got to the point where I am doing a lot better. But I do feel like a I missed out on a huge part of childhood, and don\u2019t have great social skills because of it.\nI was wondering if it\u2019s normal to have a vague memory of such a huge chunk of your life, and if depression could be to blame?\n\n\n(English isn\u2019t my native language, sorry for any mistakes)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I REALLY need help",
    "post_text": "I'm 24F. I'm sorry if my english it's bad, i speak spanish. I've always been a little sad, i mean, nothing to worry, i think, because i felt happy sometimes and used to enjoy things. I've always been too obsessed about the way i look, i think in a pathological level, avoided meetings because a felt ugly, don't eat or eating way too much, etc, so that's why i think this situation feels particularly hard. About a two months ago i thought i had a cavity in my tooth (i don't know the word in english for \"caries\"). I stopped smoking. I went to the dentist, it wasn't that, she cleaned my teeth, but i was feeling like my four frontal teeth are moving, she said they don't move but i feel it. She said i have bruxism so maybe it's that, but i literally can't eat because i feel that movement and it driving me nuts. I used to wear braces when i was a teenager, now days i need them again, and i can't look at the mirror. I want to go back in time. I'm crying all day, i don't eat, i constantly think about killing myself because thats just my life, everything goes the worst way it can go since always. I don't have money to go to therapy, i tried to talk to people but they don't take me serious and say i \"should stop bother them\". My boyfriend really tried to make me feel better but nothing worked and i knew he felt frustrated and i think angry because of the way i talk, so i started to act like everything is ok. Today my mom said i was skinny and i felt like crying because i know it is because i feel so terrible. I used to love my teeth, they were the only thing i liked about myself, i used to love smiling, now I'm crying all day, feeling stressed, thinkin about killing myself. If I'm alive today it's just because I don't want to make my boyfriend sad and I don't want to leave my dog without me because he would miss me and nobody would take care of him or love him like i do. \nPlease help me. I don't know what to do and i have no one to talk about.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My depression has been so bad, no one has tried to contact me for months to check up and it tears me apart",
    "post_text": "I have never been on reddit before but I'm at my whits end on trying to find some sort of engagement with people online due to months of isolation and severe depression, because I feel I can't contain anymore of my sadness and loneliness. I have tried free online depression chat rooms and such but, really, I just need someone to tell me I matter. I don't know how this tends to work on Reddit but this is probably just going to be me venting. \n\nThis year my depression has been so bad that my pessimism and slow bitterness and resentment with the world and everyone around me has scared me. I'm scared of how much I have internally changed as a person, my lack of empathy and willingness to care about others, and that has never been my character. This has never been shown through my actions, but I can feel this pessimism and bitterness poisining me internally. I have lost faith in everything, and because of that I eventually stopped coming online on social media altogether for months, both to deal with myself but also because I didn't want to end up acting toxic. I felt (and still do now) that no one cares about me, everyone is busy with their lives and their friends. I may have \"friends\", but they have THEIR friends who they give more attention to.  I have been online and have had \"friends\" or mutuals online who have known me for years, but I have always felt i simply cannot fit with them as they share a bigger bond with eachother. I've just always been a nice, familiar presence that they will interact with regularly. But I have always had experiences of feeling left and felt like I do not matter as much. This applies to real life experiences to. People who just stop making the effort to contact me, under no particular circumstances or conflict. I have always struggled to make friends, and the only long distance friendship I had for over nine years also resulted in stopping contact from their part this beginning of the year. Everytime I've felt that my relationship with a person is stable and we connect and have known eachother for years, I get proven wrong. I now naturally feel intense instibility in friendships, or seeking out friendships in general, because I now expect people to already have a circle of close friends, and I can't be apart of that. And it keeps happening, even online mutual friends have not reached out to me despite seeing my personal posts and how much of a hard time I've been having this year. Even me disappearing for months did nothing. \n\nI feel intensely stupid and selfish, while at the same time feeling like if I had killed myself during these months of such bad depression, life would resume and no one would know. I feel stupid and selfish because I absolutely know its not people's responsibility to worry about me, especially when they are living their lives and are probably going through their own issues, and I shouldn't be throwing my frustration and bitterness on people. But it feels I've been just left in the dark while online mutuals who have known me for years, continue to enjoy their interactions with eachother and pretend nothing is happening unless they want to engage in a post thats not a personal one. \n\nThere's a lot of different issues in my life which have contributed to my diagnosis of depression and anxiety, but this year it feels like God wants to keep telling me no one cares for you. Til this day I don't know how people make lifelong friendships with people you have so much history and connection with. Maybe because of my own insecurities and outlook on friendships, I'm simply expecting something that normally isn't how it works. I just feel so suffocated whenever I'm online, its like I want to scream at everyone and say \"LOOK AT ME PLEASE, IM SUFFERING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS\" and for never paying attention when I suffered so much and continue to suffer, but want to interact with me on posts that are not about my personal mental health. What happened to making sure everyones okay? Do I not matter enough? Are they just sick and tired of me now? I can't even reach out in this kind of situation because again, I shouldn't be demanding people think about me.\n\nI just wish my headspace wasn't so messed up. Recently, I anticipated that going back online and mentioning my suicide attempt would cause at least some kind of reaction from these mutuals, but nothing actually did happen. Since then I have completely shut down and cant function when I need to the most (exam season), its all just bad timing. But I'm more angry at myself because I basically asked for this, and when I didn't get the reaction I wanted I caused my own downfall. I know that I've caused my own isolation, my depression wants me to push people away so badly, and when I see people not making an effort on their side, people who I felt they would, its just tearing me apart. I really, really just want to disappear. I feel horrible for wanting people to feel guilty, but I'm so exhausted of feeling this way and I only want to be bitter and angry at the world.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no reason to be sad and yet here I am",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t understand myself right now. I shouldn\u2019t be feeling this way but right now I\u2019ve been miserable for months. I\u2019ve got a new, high paying job. My husband is loving and supportive and my family is loving as well. But I\u2019m here at 2 in the morning sobbing again alone. I don\u2019t do anything outside of work right now and my job feels miserable. I don\u2019t feel like I\u2019m cut out for it and I dread waking up in the morning. I don\u2019t have the emotional energy to do anything else outside of work. Even scrolling through the internet can\u2019t really keep my Interest anymore. It\u2019s hard to focus on anything right now. I find myself unable to keep up with things and it always feels like I\u2019m waiting for the other shoe to drop of my next fuck up. My leader is coaching me on the same things every week. \n\nAt work I find myself anxious with certain tasks for no real reason. I don\u2019t like talking to people but that\u2019s what I have to do all day and I\u2019m growing to despise it. I feel like I\u2019m not leading my team and I\u2019m leaving them twisting in the wind. I feel like I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing and I want to quit but I can\u2019t do that. \n\nI try not to be so negative and get out of my own head but I don\u2019t know what to do. I don\u2019t have the energy right now for a hobby. I\u2019m barley eating these days, I can\u2019t sleep and I\u2019m taking 2-3 anxiety showers a day now. \n\nHow do I get over this? I don\u2019t understand myself. I should be sad all the time. Things are fine. And yet I\u2019m in my own way right now and I feel like I\u2019m letting depression ruin my life for no real reason. I don\u2019t know. I just want to disappear right now. I find myself wishing I was sick or something just to be able to go away for a while. I don\u2019t want to be here",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My brains are fried...",
    "post_text": "Sometimes I can't help but laugh bitterly at the fact that I used to be the smartest in my class and now I struggle to focus and remember for even half an hour. I read things over and over and it hardly sticks.I feel like an idiot really. Even things that interest me are hard. \n\nPart of me wants to just give up, cause the thing I am studying isn't even that useful, it's more to help myself. Is there any way I can improve my brain?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Thought I would share this here",
    "post_text": "Hi, my name is Sebastian and I really don\u2019t know how to start this post, maybe because I\u2019m afraid to be called whiny or whatever, but the truth is I\u2019ve been feeling pretty down recently so I thought I would share what I\u2019ve been feeling/thinking this past 3 months or so.\n\nIt is a well known fact that 2020 has been nothing short of horrible, but the reality is that, for me at least , it didn\u2019t start that way. \n\nBeginning of 2020 was maybe the best I\u2019ve ever felt in my life. To provide a little more context, I\u2019m 19 rn, but back at January/ February I was still 18 and about to graduate from high school which I eventually did, with good grades, but here\u2019s the issue: I graduated from a international German school which educates based on the German system \u201cAbitur\u201d which in short were some difficult exams that I studied my ass of to pass. Abitur also presented me with the possibility of going abroad for college.\n\nAll my short life I\u2019ve felt kinda pressured to go abroad to study, since my father did it and always talked about how amazing it was, and my school was filled with posters of \u201cstudy in Europe(mostly Germany) it\u2019s a life changing experience\u201d.\nAnd so I felt on top of my game and started among at the very top: architecture in such places like Madrid,Berlin,Stuttgart,etc but most of all I wanted Barcelona because it felt so perfect on paper, like the best of the best , world wide known, top level technology, state of the art campus, and of course the city itself is an architectural delight( arguably the most famous architect , Gaud\u00ed is from Barcelona).\n\nLooking back now, I was naive and didn\u2019t appreciate what I had back home , but I had to prove the ones who bullied and looked down on me back in my school days , that I was better than them, and that was my first (of many) mistake: I went there looking for revenge so to speak.\n\nThen everything developed so quickly I had barely any time to think , to my awe I got accepted in BarcelonaTech, I found a nice little bedroom on a student housing that was just beside Campus and I started preparing for my departure , which was going to be mid September bc the University had arranged some   introdution activities for new comers. It all seemed perfect, like it was made FOR me.\n\nProblems started emerging in September, first of all it was difficult to find flights to Spain, but then on the night me and my father were supposed to fly, he checked to see if he had all the documents with him, and sadly his pass was past due. So I had to fly alone, and I had no time to process what had just happened, I had to stay  focused.\nThen I received a mail from college stating that those introduction weeks had to be canceled due to Covid casing rising again in the city. \nI tried to pull through thinking all would be better once classes started, but soon after I got a second mail stating that classes would be mixed: so almost all classes would be takes online bar Maths and Physics.\nThen the third mail came in stating that classes would be taking Online until further notice, possibly until March or february.\n\nAt this point I had a full on emotional breakdown all the anxiety, nostalgia, frustration and anger came rushing in , I felt I was lied to by College authorities, though they don\u2019t control covid , they did tell me that for newcomers classes would be given at campus. So after 1 month I decided I had enough of my European adventure  and came back home.\n\nThis is where I guess my depression started.\nI now have been accepted by a local Uni, but it doesn\u2019t feel rewarding, as it should , it feels empty. I feel like a coward, a loser , like I was not good enough and gave up on my dreams. Like I will never have another opportunity to leave , and that I will be stuck here forever wandering \u201cwhat if...\u201d \nmost of all I feel disappointed in myself and extremely sad, and though I do have my family\u2019s support, I feel like they don\u2019t quite get me, and frankly like they are running out of patience.\n\nI don\u2019t know, I guessed I needed a space to vent and let my thoughts and feelings out, although it may be silly.\nI apologize for the long read, and I don\u2019t want to sound like a pan y whiny brat with \u201cfirst world problems\u201d but , truth be told is that I didn\u2019t knew what else to do to express what I\u2019m feeling. Thank you , have a happy Christmas.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I feel less tired?",
    "post_text": "So I need some help with my motivation, and basically even though I'm able to force myself out of bed and get up, I still can't find the motivation/energy to do stuff (brushing my teeth in the morning, doing my work etc). Currently the only way I've gotten the motivation to do anything is by chugging a can of monster (I need 2 cans a day usually) and I heard its pretty bad for the body. I was wondering if you guys knew any better ways to do so?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm not clincally depressed (hasn't be confirmed) but..",
    "post_text": "I honestly feel like I should die and I'm a mistake, before you suggest it, I told my mom. She tried to be  supportive but I feel no better, it's gone on for long. Since I was 5-7. I'm honestly sick of faking being happy, I don't know what more to do.\n\n# Why I wouldn't kill myself\n\nI'm afraid of death, and even if I wasn't, there's nothing I could use. I'm probably ''too young'' anyways, that's probably why my mom shrugged it off. \n\n# Why I want to kill myself\n\nFirst off, I have trouble getting to sleep, I hardly wake up in the night, it's just hard for me to get asleep. My mom has taken notice of that too. ''Over tired'' she calls it. Also, I'm super lonely, I have no friends, the only place I have friends is on the internet, but they're not on much, and when they are, I'M the one giving support. I get they have problems too, but I gave up so long ago. I'm also so scared of so many things. Falling into the sky, on a wall/the ceiling, that is a big problem for me when I look up in the sky or look up when I'm lying down. It just scares me, it doesn't affect my sleeping, but other ascepts. Failure. Nobody likes failure right? It's worse for me. I'm scared of failure because I feel if I fail then; nobody would like me, they would ignore me more, I would be more alone. I know it's not true, I just can't escape that fear.\n\nSorry if this is too long, I've just been holding this in so long.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cymbalta",
    "post_text": "**Not looking for medical advice**\n\nAnyone tried Cymbalta for depression/anxiety?? I was on Effexor and came off because we thought about getting pregnant. Since then I\u2019ve been crying, feeling depressed, irritable and lose my temper over nothing. I feel like I need something since I obviously can\u2019t control my moods unmedicated. When I came off Effexor I had about a week of pure hell from withdrawals. I\u2019m nervous to start new meds and would like some input. Pros/cons. Not sure what other option I have seeing as it\u2019s causing relationship problems.. any advise or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am 13 looking for help",
    "post_text": "Hello I live at Hong Kong. I always felt stress at school or at home. I am kinda big in video games but my parents never agreed. They believe that school is the only way to success. If I said anything I researched. They would say I am crazy ( not really they but mainly my mom)\n\nI also wanted to improve myself. I have friends at school but I just don't feel happy. I would cry everyday and I never felt joy outside of the internet. I think I might be addicted but I am not really at the same time. \n\nAt school I never felt joy. And I am the top 5 student of my class. But I never felt any improvement. I am always doing the same thing wrong and tutor never helped me.\n\nI hope one day I can be happy again. I also wanted to talk to teachers or parent but I never get the chance. I know I never work as hard as the best student. But I just never felt joy in school. \n\nThese days I felt worst always having headaches and I am always dizzy. I wanted to seek for help and wanted to be happy. I also have been thinking of suicide but I am too scared to do anything.\n\nI hope this post will make me feel better thank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need some perspective",
    "post_text": "Hello :)\n\nI\u2019ve been diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder recently and I\u2019ve just started trying to get help for mental health stuff. \n\n~The question I have is, does it ever get better? \n\nI\u2019ve felt pretty much how I feel now for as long as I can remember (about 10 years I don\u2019t have an awfully great memory). I only just realized that routinely thinking of suicide is not the norm but I\u2019ve wanted to die for, well as long as I can remember. I am 20 now, I\u2019m exhausted and I\u2019ve tried everything I could possibly think of but I\u2019ve really just been getting worse.\n\nI\u2019m a student and I have a really hard time keeping up with medication and therapy payments, and I\u2019ve just become completely exhausted. I\u2019m just worried that all the work I put towards getting better will amount to nothing (just off of the pattern of all my other solutions). \n\nI don\u2019t want to be happy, I just want to feel okay. Any perspectives would be greatly appreciated. \n\nThank you :)\n\n(Sorry if this isn\u2019t the right place to ask, if it isn\u2019t which subreddit do I go to?)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm lost again, I got caught I'm afraid.",
    "post_text": "I haven't been able to see a doctor, or a professional who can diagnose and help me, I haven't been able to get up the courage to talk about this with anyone.\n\nI remember there were nights when I would stay up crying until dawn, where I just wanted to die, where I just wanted to end this pain that I didn't understand where it was coming from.\n\nThis year there were people who helped me, I was in a very bad situation and they literally saved my life. And thanks to them I was able to help many people in need, especially many children, to see the smiles on the faces of people who have been having a hard time, to see the hope coming back in their eyes has been the best thing that has happened to me this year, I honestly did not think I would make it to the end of the year.\n\nMy parents don't know, I have to be strong because we have been in a very bad economic situation and I have had to be the man of the house. My younger brother tries very hard, he is working very hard on a sports project, where he has to be concentrated and training seven days a week, and he has me as his anchor, so I always have to be strong for him.\n\nI've been holding on, looking for ways to escape from this, there were moments where I was able to escape although I really don't know how long I managed to avoid it, there are songs that calm me down and make me stop thinking for a while, they make me feel like I'm getting out of my head and going to other places, The song \"Don't you worry child\" has been one of those, the chorus that says \"Don't you worry, don't you worry child see heavens got a plan for you\" has been like a kind of anchor, but every day I feel it working less, the unexplainable pain is coming back out of nowhere.\n\nI don't know what to do, I'd like to have someone to go to, I'm alone and I have no one to seek refuge in. I had been able to keep it away, but it has caught up with me again, this feeling of \n\nI'm afraid of falling back into the hole and spending every night crying and with that feeling that's like being stabbed in the chest or could get worse, I'm lost.\n\nI just want to have a normal life, I don't want this feeling, I don't want this pain, I don't want to be lost anymore, I need to scape from this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Doubt anyone will read this but: advice?",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t want to post this sappy post that no one will read but I\u2019m extremely depressed. I\u2019m 21, I\u2019m diagnosed with bipolar and severe ptsd. I\u2019ve lost my dad, grandma and sister to drugs. I\u2019ve been at rock bottom for awhile now. I\u2019m at the point where idk what to do. Nothing helps anymore. My sisters one year of passing is Wednesday this time of year always sucks. I need my girlfriend more than ever right now but she lost her brother a few days ago and she can\u2019t help me or give me support. I was also really close to her brother but I don\u2019t want to be selfish for being upset because they hurt worse than me. Advice on how to cope make it through this go alive...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm on my suicidal thoughts righ know and hoping for someone to talk even in the comments",
    "post_text": "I don't need any judgement right now. I feel extremely suicidal right now. It's been going on for 7 years since the unemployment, failed 10 year relationship, death of relatives on consecutive years. I haven't had a decent year in 7 years. \n\nAnd I keep thinking that I'm bothering people, especially this special someone whom I can always talk, but I keep thinking she's also busy and I need to distance myself. \n\nI don't have any famil members to talk to, or even more friends..... I just literally lost hope in life. Even eating is hard. I can't talk on phone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The small things",
    "post_text": "Hello, I do not have depression but my girlfriend does. She is a great person and a better person than I am. Her psychiatrist recently gave her a yearly update and she is still severely depressed but her outlook on life has improved. What are some small everyday things I can do that can help her or improve her quality of life? \nI am getting better at just listening and not interrupting her when I think of a solution. We also have a way to express our frustrations or problems we have that day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Exercise doesn\u2019t help that much",
    "post_text": "I (25m) have basically been somewhat depressed and unemployed since I finished grad school in September 2019. Since then and even before that (I was probably depressed in grad school and most if not all of undergrad) I\u2019ve found that while I like working out and exercising it doesn\u2019t make me feel that much better mentally. \n\nI was briefly seeing a therapist who suggested I make sure to exercise more often and more regularly. \n\nThe thing is that I used to work out a lot and while it helps me feel better physically it doesn\u2019t do that much for me mentally. \n\nAre there any alternatives/things I can do that might help me more? I\u2019ve found reading helps somewhat but other than that idk.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A college gets you framed for Criminal Harassment?",
    "post_text": "Let's  suppose a college decides to get someone framed for criminal harassment. Don't question the truth of it, just pretend for a moment that it's true : they framed you.\n\n\nWhat are some of the reasons a college would cherry pick a particular student and choose to do that to them?\n\nThis question pertains to my depression so that's why I'm asking. \n\nSo what do you think? Why would a college do that to just one student in particular?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel useless",
    "post_text": "I am 31, I barely finished my associates degree last year. I am a preschool director and I can barely do my job because I am terrible at math but really great at talking and faking my ability to function well. I have no passions, no sparks or skills and I feel like a waste of space.\n\nI\u2019m going through a divorce, I have one daughter, I try my best to be a good mom\nBut I feel like I suck at that too.\n\nI feel really useless, I have no real friends. No education. No interests. \n\nMost days I wish I was never born, my daughter struggles with depression already too and I feel like i brought her down this path and have tremendous guilt. She\u2019s beautiful and smart and caring, I try to be supportive and there but she gets upset I don\u2019t understand and has a better time with her dad (or so it feels) I know she loves me and she\u2019s the only thing that keeps me wanting to stay trying.\n\nI feel like a useless unlovable person. \nThere is nothing interesting about me, I have no support systems, I feel like I\u2019m drowning in my life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you find motivation to keep up with cleaning?",
    "post_text": "I recently have come to a point where I can't stand the way I've been living and I feel as though my apartment being a mess is one of the main reasons for that. I've been working 50-60 hour work weeks for the past two months because it keeps me busy and keep my mind off things. However, I feel from this schedule of working and sleeping, working and sleeping I've gotten so far behind on taking care of myself and my apartment that just the thought of all the stuff I need to do is overwhelming. Leading me to barely want to get out of bed on my day off because I know how much I need to work on because nothing got done during the week. So I've decided to cut my hours down to 45 a week, although I'll have less money I feel like it will allow me more time to take care of my outside of work stuff so that I won't be so exhausted all the time.\n\nI was wondering what tricks/system you all use to keep up with cleaning and household stuff. Does a daily chore chart work for you? Or writing a list for the week and completing so many tasks each day?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "In those last days, my suicidal thoughts have strongly come back. Now I've found where my mother hides the knives. I've begun saying goodbye to people",
    "post_text": "The title sums it up.\n\nSince an event that took place more than a week ago, on Sunday, I've realized how messed up I was and how unable I was to socialize and be with people. I've stopped talking about it to my family, because my father would shout at me again, my mother would joke about it and the others would judge me. They've badly educated me and gave me an unhealthy mindset. I hate my education and my family's lifestyle and morals. I despise what how they made me, and they can't listen when I ask for change.\n\nI'm done being a weight. No matter what my friends say, I cannot see how I'm not a burden. I'm always bringing down the mood (some have stopped talking to me about that) and I don't bring anything. I'm clingy and pathetic. If you look at my post history, you'll see how even school tried to get rid of me because I depressed others. It's the physical manifestation of \"they would be better without me\".\n\nNow, I've stopped talking to people and I'm about to end it. I see no other way, no one knows what to do with me. I have the means and I'm ready to stop it. I'm sorry to everyone who cared about me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I start grooming myself back to my real self. 8 years with depression. Help please.",
    "post_text": "I always look neat and groomed back then. I love doing skincare and make-up even all the hair trends. \n\nThis depression really stole every ounce of self confidence that I have. I had a BS degree. But felt so dumb and numb. \n\nIdk. Just wanna here from someone how can I go back to loving all those things that I loved before. I'm obsessed with fashion also back then. Now. Nah, just short or shirt or pants. \n\nI know deep in my heart this is not me anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Student nurse with severe depression bout - how can I help?",
    "post_text": "My fiancee is a student nurse after a career change and is currently in her second year. She had setbacks due to COVID and a broken wrist (which still requires a re-set operation that she is putting off because of training). Her last placement was absolute hell and she had deliberately obstructive staff rather than anyone who would sign off her competencies. She has a history of severe depression and is taking medication, but has really gone downhill for the last month or longer. On the worst days she is barely able to take care of herself and of course it puts our relationship under terrible strain, but I try to help and support where ever I can.\n\nShe feels trapped in this career path, and has admitted that she is continuing because she feels she has no other options, but I am genuinely afraid that it is killing her. She really wanted to be a community nurse and the ward shifts are taking a serious toll on her mental and physical health. I've tried to talk about finding other options or just ways to cope with the stress, but she's not really interested at this point. I'm terrified for her and the shifts start again in a couple of weeks.\n\nI know lots of us have depression (me included) at times and have just about any career, but I am out of ideas and looking for any advice from healthcare professionals. Is this the wrong path for her?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can my depression get worse for a sudden?",
    "post_text": "This is kind of the worst its ever been im sitting here typing on my phone with a blank mind and a blank head. And its nothing serious yknow?\n\nNothing too bad happened, life's alright overall usually feeling fine, but when someone plans something with me and ditches, I fall into some sort of I can't do anything mode. Don't even wanna leave my bed, tried to play a game, just couldn't...\n\nOr is it just sadness and my usual depression stacked?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I help them?",
    "post_text": "So I have a friend who\u2019s depression has been strongly hitting them nowadays. It\u2019s always been bad but recently it\u2019s just taking up her energy and I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m visiting her soon because I have a present to give her, but our only way of communication right now is texting because of COVID. If you have depression, what\u2019s the best way of comforting someone? Not just hugs and words. I\u2019ll go out of my way so please share what would comfort you when you\u2019re in need.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to motivate myself to start a virtuous cycle?",
    "post_text": "I know that if I exercise, I feel a sense of achievement, I get endorphins from exercising and generally feel a lot more positive about things.\n\nI have got a training plan arranged with either running or exercises to do six days a week (I thought the accountability would help) and I haven't done anything for over a week. \n\nI feel very little motivation to do anything which isn't helped by the fact it's so cold and miserable outside and gets dark quickly.\n\nI know if I did get out there and go for a run or, if it's an alternate day, do my body weight exercises, then I'd feel a lot better about things, but I just can't seem to make myself do anything. In a normal holiday season we'd be visiting family and friends and going on days out, but that's not allowed due to my country's Coronavirus restrictions. Part of this issue is having absolutely no structure to my day.\n\nI'm off work for the holidays so I stay in bed until midday feeling shitty, get up for lunch, drag my family to the park so the kids can get some fresh air, then come home and slouch until dinner, then go to bed when they do and spend the evening on my phone.\n\nAnyone heaved themselves out of this hole?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate this paranoia",
    "post_text": "I have this paranoid feeling that im being recorded in my own house by my boyfriend. I know its not true (he has NEVER done anything like that)\n\nI know where it comes from. My abusive mother got this small video recorder when i was 12 and set it up in our house without me and my brothers knowing. It was absolute hell. She took away my last sense of privacy. Ive been paranoid ever since that when i live with someone they are secretly recording me.\n\nHow do i stop this?? Its driving me insane because i know logically its ridiculous but i cant convince my emotions of that. Any help would be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to find motivation to self-improve when happiness is imposible for me?",
    "post_text": "I feel really bad about my life because its bad but I feel like even if I made the massive effort to make my life good I would still feel bad and the only difference is I would no longer have the pie in the sky to console me. I want to change but how can I find the motivation when I feel like happiness is impossible?\n\nI made a vlog where I ramble about this as I walk around the street at night in if anyone is interested...\n\n[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py94rPcmyE4&t=91s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py94rPcmyE4&t=91s)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no reason to be as depressed as I am",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 19F, I\u2019ve dealt with pretty bad depression from 15 but the past year has been pretty good when it comes to my mental health, but the last month I\u2019ve slowly felt my depression getting worse and today I\u2019m at my lowest I\u2019ve been in a very long time.. I\u2019m angry at myself for the fact I\u2019m this depressed when atm life isn\u2019t that bad right now. I came here hoping to talk to anyone who\u2019s willing to help me distract myself from doing something dumb. I feel stupid and embarrassed to post this, but I\u2019m Really hurting.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Could someone tell me a little something good?",
    "post_text": "I'm having the worst day I've had in a while, feeling really helpless in a job I don't hate (but drains me emotionally until I burn out)\n\nAnyway you guys probably don't want my whole life story, but I'm feeling super rough. It's a bit of an odd request, but could someone just send me a little fact or even a little something good?\n\nI'm not a danger to myself so no worries there, I just really need something to hold onto for a bit?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Shitty New Years",
    "post_text": "Worst new year ever\n\nMy ex fianc\u00e9 decided to added me on snap and make me relive everything until 3 am when I literally just got over a few days ago? It\u2019s been 6 months of radio silence, an email from me, calls with no answer. We were raising my son together his he was 5 months old and we heard nothing from him. His excuse was the same one that he used all throughout our relationship to not be there for us- work is killing him. He owns a pizza restaurant.. and he\u2019s a control freak so he basically does everything himself even though he pays employees then stressed himself out because he\u2019s doing everything and working 16 hours a day. It ended with me asking for 1 hour a week of couple counselling because I know I have issues but he does too and needs to be able to make at least one hour a time a week for his family if it was ever going to work. His message was \u201c I miss you. happy New Years\u201d and then from there it turned into him going on about his how shitty his life is without me.. even though apparently I was the reason he had no money ever and now it\u2019s the same. I live off of less than half of his income, supporting my son in a two bedroom as opposed to his one bed- and somehow I have savings, even though I do have some bad spending habits ( fast food delivery \ud83d\ude2c, and grocery delivery because sometimes I\u2019m too anxious to leave the house and I need to cook for my son). Anyway so that was a mess. And then my friend with benefit that I was falling for.. that I thought maybe felt the same because he was driving an hour to see me, bringing me starbucks, offering to teach me how to drive and cook better, talking about maybe meeting my kid in the future, talking about taking me out clubbing after covid cause I\u2019ve missed out being a young mom with no help; had a New Years party.. didn\u2019t even think to invite me and posted on his snap grinding with some girl 10x hotter than me.. so I hate myself so much for thinking maybe I was special, maybe I meant something to someone in 2020 nope..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need a friend.",
    "post_text": "I've just lost another relationship. This one really hurts. I've known this person for a long time and I really love them, but they're no longer talking to me. They were my last relationship, and now I'm entirely alone. We got into a disagreement. We have had many good interactions aside from that. I feel blindsided. I feel like I've been thrown away like a piece of trash. I really need a friend. I really need to feel like I'm not an inherently flawed, worthless, unlovable piece of shit. I hurt so much. What is so wrong with me that no one will ever love me? Please tell me what I did to deserve this because I want to fix it. I'm so tired. Oh God, please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i don\u2019t think i\u2019m depressed, but whenever i have an extreme negative emotion that i feel because i felt like i did something wrong, i have a very strong urge to cut myself",
    "post_text": "excuse me if i used the wrong flair.\n\ni\u2019m out of depression now, or at least, i think i am... for the last 3-4 months. it\u2019s just whenever i do something and i end up getting in trouble for it even though i genuinely thought what i was doing would help people out, i feel extremely mad at myself. (that scenario i just gave was an example.) usually i\u2019d feel mad, angry, frustrated, or sad about myself. it\u2019s not a feeling of wanting to self harm all the time, but i feel as if my heart sinks, my chest heats up, and i feel the urge to cut myself or kill myself.  honestly when i used to self harm, it made me feel like i was in control. it helped me channel out the inner anger and frustration i had towards myself... onto myself. it felt so fucking good. \n\nam i still depressed? i don\u2019t think i am, and that these occurrences of negative thoughts are an outlier, but i\u2019d like to know input from others. \n\nhappy 2021 :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It\u2019s over",
    "post_text": "My friendship with a boy I love has seemingly finally come to an end. I lack the strength to get over him and it\u2019s been months. I\u2019m too low and tired. I honestly don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever see him again and it kills me. I don\u2019t know how my life could ever get better at this point. Alone for 4 years. Too shy to even use social media to make friends. Lost my new job due to another lockdown. I don\u2019t imagine I\u2019ll ever get over him. Every day it seems less likely I\u2019ll live to see 25. I\u2019m 24 now and my birthday is in spring. The only reason I am alive is because I don\u2019t want to upset my mother or brother\n\nSometimes when I cross the street I don\u2019t look for cars because at least then they\u2019d see it as an accident and not blame themselves\n\nI know that\u2019s wrong, I am just so so low and alone in this life\n\nI just wish he cared again",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I know it's not something different than what most people here say but I needed to say this somewhere",
    "post_text": "I am a teenage boy and for the last 2-3 years I just feel sad. I only realised it can be depression in the last few months because earlier I told myself that it's nothing and it's gonna pass. I don't really  have anyone to confide in and I just rarely go to bed and say \" it has been a good day \". I even thought about suicide but I just don't have the power in me. Therapy isn't really an option and I just feel stucked in an unhappy life forever",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m not sure, but I don\u2019t want to hurt my families feelings..",
    "post_text": "Ok, ummm well I\u2019ve not been genuinely happy in about 4 years and I\u2019ve tried to k-word myself by means of taking 25+ Tylenol (on multiple occasions), cutting, locking myself in a room while cleaning with strong chemicals and by some miracle, I\u2019m alive??? I want nothing more than to be happy but I feel like if I ask for help my family will think I\u2019m just being dramatic, annoying or needy and I only want to be able to help them so I try not to talk much about my feelings... you know? I like to help give advice but I never ask for any because I don\u2019t want to be a nuisance but I have goals that I want to accomplish that I just have lost so much motivation for... I even fell behind in school for two semesters. I started college while I was 15(last year, but I\u2019m still in highschool( duel enrollment). But I had to pause college due to drop in grades and ended up disappointing my parents anyways... I don\u2019t know how to be happy anymore but I really want more for myself. I want to be happy again. I thought anonymously posting could help me somewhat organize my thoughts hehe, sorry if this bothers you but if you can help I\u2019d be grateful.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness",
    "post_text": "IDK what to do anymore, I'm giving up. I really hope atleast one person responds to this, I've posted about this before but no one answers. I feel like a ghost. I'm lonely, and I just want a single friend. I don't even have friends online. I have asked in groups, forums, etc and nobody responds. What's wrong with me? Am i even here? Am i a ghost? I'm so lonely and I just want a single friend. It all started in 2017, when i graduated highschool. My friend group quickly feel apart. People moved, went to college, worked, etc. It eventually just became my two friends. Then my one friend left and joined the army, I've tried to talk to him but he ignores my messages. So it was down to just me and my best friend. Long story short he was a dick. I got married and he was suppoused to show up to my wedding as my best man, he never came. My wife and i then decided to move away and start our own lives. We moved from Texas to Northern Wisconsin. Idk anyone here. My wife is my only friend honestly, but i need real friends. I have no one and it sucks being this lonely, I'm depressed a lot of the time honestly. Idk what to do. This depression is killing me, and the loneliness doesnt help. I feel so tired, bored, and sad. I just want a single friend.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Crying - I don\u2019t do that..",
    "post_text": "I have triggers that cause me to shut down. Currently, it is me living with the man who partook in the baby-making process with my mother and created me. We do not have a relationship as he did not raise me and I had know idea he existed until I was 10. He is also a Jehovah\u2019s Witness. I telework and I stay in the bedroom all day. I don\u2019t talk to him because he only talks about his religion in hopes of trying to sway me into being in that religion as well. I can honestly admit that I only love him because he is my father, other than that...well.\n\nI haven\u2019t cried hard in several years and when I find myself on the brink of breaking down, I stop crying immediately. The tears well up in my eyes and sting, but not one teardrop falls. What is wrong with me? I hold back so many tears that it makes my ears and throat swell and tighten. I\u2019ve spoken with a psychologist and a psychiatrist...all was well until those 8 weeks were up. I\u2019ve also been on three types of meds, which only made me sleepy. I fear that I may need longtime therapy, but it has to be more of a cure than that. \n\nSomebody please just help me by offering some type of relief. I\u2019m so tired. \n\nThanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any tips would be helpful",
    "post_text": "I am 20f and have been struggling with depression and PTSD since I was 13 or 14 years old. Recently I developed a severe alcohol problem that I am trying really hard to beat. Without the  old expectations of school, I find myself really unmotivated. I don't get out of bed until hours after I wake up and I have trouble finding a routine during the day. I live with my bf(23) and he is very supportive but he works a lot. On the days that he is home, we do all kinds of things together and I will even wake up early to clean or make breakfast. But when I'm alone, all that goes out the window and I don't even have the motivation to feed myself, brush my teeth, or much of anything. All I do is scroll through social media and look at everyone doing productive things with their lives. \n\nHow do I get past this? How do I get up in the morning and do something with my life every day?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I(32F) support my husband (45M) through depression",
    "post_text": "My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 5 and overall have a wonderful relationship. He truly is my best friend. We have worked through numerous issues and he's done a lot of work on his mental health, but refuses to go to any type of treatment (we also can't afford anything). He quit his job about a month prior to the pandemic hitting and has been unemployed since. He tries to supplement income with doing food delivery, but even that has slowed down as time has progressed (through no fault of his own, he schedules and works, but orders are far and few between). He has always struggled with anger and depression and has narcissistic tendendacies, but recognizes that and tries to work through it. How can I currently support him? He recognizes that he's spiraling into his dark place but doesn't think anything can help. Lack of income contributes greatly. \n\nAt the start of the pandemic I helped him start a YouTube channel to give him something to focus on and have goals, but now that has just turned into more frustration and it's work as opposed to fun. \n\nIs there anything I can do to help him? I feel like my positive attitude is just making things worse. \n\nTL/DR My husband is spiraling into a dark place, how can I help him?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any advices you would like to share on uplifting self esteem and self awareness ?",
    "post_text": "I have been facing depression over the past couple of years but it only accelerated last 6 months when I lost my job and moved back with my narcissistic parents.  \n\nThanks to my **over protective and overly concerned parents**, I turned out to be an adult who cannot standup to himself, who turned out to be a weakling, lack basic social skills and more importantly does not have the faintest idea who he is, what makes him happy, or the very least what he wants to do with his life.\n\nI have been living **suicidal over the past 2 months**, researching on methods I could deploy to end this no good life, having no point in living. But to be honest, I guess somewhere down there, there is something that tells me that not all doors have closed. I recently had  a quick convo with a therapist and with the intial analysis she put forward with my situation, she mentioned that the probable root caus,e that is prone for a quick fix is my lack of self awareness and self esteem. I felt that is true, because I sort of feel like **I do not have an identity**, like.. Having an opinion on something/anything, having the strength to stand up to myself, knowing what it is that makes me happy, be it a hobby or an interest.\n\nI mean when I spend time with people, maybe friends, or colleagues. **They tend to know a lot about the world.** Some may be knowledgeble about basic things people should know, some maybe a youtube content provider or some other maybe a social point of source. I want to do something with my life as well like being good at something, but **all I do is consume data/information** (reddit,trivial information etc..) and not produce any (maybe writing a blog) because I can't understand what fancies me.\n\n​\n\nI want to make my life better, but **I just don't know where to begin** and I feel like so Lost !",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Idk how to get my shit together",
    "post_text": "I really don't. I've looked up stuff like \"how to get my life together\" and all the advice was very unhelpful. I know what I want and where I wanna be, I just don't know how to actually get there or anything. I mean, I'd do it myself but it's kinda hard, not to mention I'd like help with something for a change. \n\nMy parents barely helped with anything before, and their eagerness to do so now is sort of annoying. I dont know what else to do really. I'm just lost, but I dont know how to get back on track. Not a lot of direction in my life, and I dont know how to give it to myself.\n\nAt the same time, I want help, but I also realize how stupid wanting help is. For a lot of things, I need help, but I can do a lot of things myself. I guess it's just feelings. I have some shit sorted out though, so that's neat.\n\nAny advice someone is willing to offer?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "\"I'M WORSE THAN AN AUTOMATED BOT\"",
    "post_text": "My online friend severely suicidal, and I'm completely useless to help her. \n\nMy attempt to use advice from the depression/suicide talking tips sounds like a hotline script. \n\nAny advice is insulting, I know \"finding a hobby\" is not going to make her magically want to live. \n\nTelling her that I will miss her is just a selfish guilt trip.\n\nI find that just listening and asking basic questions doesn't help because I know a depressing response will follow, and it comes off as cold/uncaring.\n\nI have trouble countering the negative thoughts as she will often say, \"nobody cares about me\" and that's hard to hear as I care about her, but I do not want to invalidate her thoughts.\n\nI once told her that I thought she was amazing, and she just responded that she knows herself better than I do and that she will never feel that way. \n\n\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\n\n**What do you want to hear from a friend?** I am in an endless loop of telling her that I am here, and that I care.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "In desperate need of advice",
    "post_text": "Uhm, hi. Lets start by saying I\u2019m sorry if this is the wrong subreddit, as the title states I\u2019m desperate. Also, if I\u2019m breaking any rules (I have read them and I don\u2019t think so) I hereby apologise. \n\n\nMy friend is suffering from depression and at the moment it\u2019s bad, really bad. The past few years I\u2019ve tried my best to support them, love them and hopefully brighten their day a bit, but now I\u2019ve come to a point where I feel like I can no longer do anything. I am fully aware that I am not a/their psychologist or therapist and I know it\u2019s not my job to help them, because quite frankly, I am not qualified to do so. (Quick note, they are already receiving professional help) \n\nNevertheless, I am a concerned friend and am searching for ways I can still reach/ support them from the sidelines. Would anyone be willing to help me out with some advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Seeing others succeed in life makes my depression worse",
    "post_text": "So I have this habit of checking what my old school friends/people I used to know are doing these days on a semi regular basis. Every single time it makes me feel so worthless and like I should be achieving something like those people have (going to university mainly). I have dropped out twice from uni and have only a part time job now. I finished high school with the schools best diploma and I know I have all this potential that Im just wasting. Just writing this out makes me feel so awful and spikes my anxiety really bad. I dont know what to do, I feel like its embarassing that Im not in a university and all those other people are (Ik this is horribly selfish). \n\nSo if any of you is studying or have studied while having depression, how the hell do you do it? I feel like its never going to work out for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "maybe someone can acctully give me helpfull advice!",
    "post_text": "So, i suffer form depression nearly 18 years now. I was in therapy and i was a few weeks in a  psychiatry. But the only advice an help i get was: think at somethingelse.   \nMy problem is that everthing can trigger my  suicide toughts. I try always tries to do something that make me happy. But over these years it become much harder.\n\nI want to do things and its like something is holding me back. Its hart to fight it, i try.\n\nIts good thats only toughts how i go kill myself but i dont know how to handle it. Some days its not that hard but i cant even remember a day without that thoughts anymore.\n\nMy toughts are like these  annoying advertising pop up windows, these toughts sometimes appear out of nowhere and hit me hard.\n\nThe  psychologist who told me to think about somethingelse,... idk i can think about many things at the same time.. even if i try to get ried of these pictures in my head... it takes i while and the dissapear. Until then i sometimes wish i let these toughts become the reality... i dont harm myself so you dont need to worry about this!\n\nbut i do not want to live with these toughts until i died.\n\ni could search for another therapist but i only get  disappionted. its hard to find someone.\n\nhopfully someone can help me.\n\nsry for any bad gramma or spelling mistaks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can someone give a tip, how to deal with depression and stress?",
    "post_text": "Im teenager and I have long-term depression since childhood, Im under heavy stress everyday. It made my body to itch every time when i get stressed even in small things, that you don\u2019t even notice but your body does and it\u2019s affecting my daily life. I have healthy lifestyle exercise often, sleep well but It doesn\u2019t change anything. I lost my emotions, no interest in everything.i have every possible symptoms of depression. It made my personalty reversed. I\u2019m naturally open-minded extrovert but now i cant even make eye contact with strangers if i do i feel dizzy . I have depression like 4 years, and recently I noticed i got OCD and signs of bipolar. People see im getting better outside, but the thing is my view of life and meaning gets worser and worser overtime.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling lost, alone and dwelling on the past",
    "post_text": "I'm looking for some advice. I've really been struggling over the last couple of weeks. I live alone, I don't have any friends or partner and I have spent the majority of the last year isolated and alone.\u00a0\n\nSpending so much time alone means that I'm constantly over thinking things, dwelling on the past, beating myself up over mistakes, even things that happened years ago, everything feels like it's a much bigger problem than it is.\u00a0\n\nHow can I leave all this behind? I know that I can't change the past, what's done is done, I can only learn from my mistakes in the future, but I just can't let things go.\u00a0\n\nI don't enjoy life and I have nothing to look forward to. I don't want to die or anything like that, but I am sick of constantly being miserable and worrying about everything, unfortunately distractions only work for so long. I'm not just alone as in I'm the only person here but I feel alone, I feel cut off from the outside world.\u00a0\n\nCan anyone suggest a way to feel better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any tips for getting through a particularly bad day?",
    "post_text": "tldr: The title sums it up\n\nsome context: Ive got some genuine issues im trying to adress in therapy but the progress has been very slow. I drink way too often, going through 20 bottles of beer a day, because i cant cope with the thoughts sometimes. Ive been drinking a fair amount the past 8 hours and i dont feel drunk but i do feel very down. I know im not in the right frame of mind to tackle the root of my issues at the minute, so if anyone has any tips for getting through the day without feeling so down i would appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It\u2019s my mom\u2019s birthday today and I feel so angry at myself for being sad and depressed",
    "post_text": "I was doing really well this weekend and early in the week but with yesterday\u2019s events I feel like it\u2019s sunk back into a depression and now I can\u2019t even be happy for her on her birthday and I feel like a bad son. I just want to feel happy again and celebrate with her on her special day but I can\u2019t and I feel like a shitty person because of it. I can\u2019t stop having crying spells today and I don\u2019t know why.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m 15 and don\u2019t want to live with my dad anymore.",
    "post_text": "My parents have been divorced for 7 years and I go to my mom\u2019s house weekdays, my dad\u2019s weekends.\n\nThe main issue I have with my dad is that I simply can\u2019t trust him. I can\u2019t open up to him without him rejecting my opinion. Growing up with him has made me feel helpless, and living with him feels like giving him all the control. He has threatened to take my phone because I said I value emotional relationships more than comfortable living. He threatened to go to court and call the police if I refused to go to his house. I said I wouldn\u2019t mind going for dinner and such, but he outright rejects my opinions.\nHe said it wasn\u2019t my choice, and that just proves my point where I can\u2019t trust him to respect my feelings.\nHe knows I have depression. He says he\u2019s willing to change, but I don\u2019t have the mental capacity to live with him if he doesn\u2019t change by himself.\n\nI live in BC Canada, so the age requirement for choosing who to live with is 19, but I researched about it and it said that the court will mostly decide for the child\u2019s best interest. I\u2019m terrified of the slightest possibility that my dad will win custody. At that point, I might as well kill myself.\nMy dad is a negative influence, a toxic personality. I cut out most toxicity from my life because it\u2019s caused me to be depressed, and it\u2019s why I don\u2019t want to see him again.\nI\u2019m trying to compromise but I can\u2019t live with him. I just feel upset and terrified right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I absolutely hate being myself",
    "post_text": "I'm such a pathetic loser. I'm so lonely that it's literally paralyzing. I can't work because of the lockdown, even after the lockdown ends I'll probably end up broke because all of the jobs that I'm even remotely interested in pay minimum wage or just above it, I basically have no friends left and I'm a hopeless romantic with basically no chance at all of ever getting a partner because of all my disabilities and mental health issues, all of my hobbies are basically social activities that I can't do alone and definitely can't do during a pandemic, I'll never be able to travel to the places I want to travel to, and I I live with cold unsupportive parents who brush me off or ignore me whenever I try to talk about how I feel with them.\n\nI'm done. My life has always been fucked up and always will be. I'm not suicidal but I wouldn't complain too much about getting struck by lightning or something.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with meals",
    "post_text": "I have trouble eating. Hardly anything tastes decent enough to eat. I'm a picky eater in general and when I'm depressed I can't even make chocolate (a favorite) palettable. Often I starve just because food is so unappetizing. But I have to eat, especially at work because I become emotional and cry in front of clients. To complicate matters, I just don't have much energy  to expend in making a complex meal or the know how to do it.\nAny recommendations for something I can take to eat at work? \nI have done sandwiches, ramen, and shakes, but the sandwiches get boring, ramen tastes bland, and the shakes aren't filling enough if they taste decent at all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Last night I feel the urge to end my life",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m not usually the type who writes about her personal situation in public. But last night, I felt that sense of extreme hopelessness about my life in general. I felt completely numb, empty, and at the edge of doing it. But then I thought about the people I\u2019ll leave behind, esp my mom. i realized I need help. Seeking a therapist is probably the better option than venting out in this group. but being unemployed 32yo, and without savings, I guess sharing my situation is a more practical way of trying to get away from that urge to end things. \n\nI\u2019m currently in a very cold country in the north, which makes it worse. i\u2019ve no friends here. Its only frustrating and disappointing to make one. I\u2019m educated but because of the language I cant get a job. I dont even know if I want to pursue a career. \n\nI know many who are in this community probably  feel/ have felt the same feeling, thats why youre here. I want to hear your thoughts. How do you deal with this overwhelming pain? How do you trust people and give life another chance?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do you ever feel guilty for not doing enough to treat your depression? How do you deal with it?",
    "post_text": "I keep falling into this terrible spiral of thoughts like \u201cwell, you would feel less depressed if only you\u2019d exercise, eat healthy and keep the house clean,\u201d but of course, living with depression means I rarely have the energy to do all or any of those things. And the more I kick myself, the more energy I lose, so I sit in bed, eat cookies and let messes pile up around me, which in turn makes me more depressed, and so on....\n\nI\u2019m on medication and in therapy, both of which help, but I get so down on myself for not being able to form better habits. I know I need to start small and to go easy on myself, but even then it\u2019s a struggle. \n\nAt the moment I\u2019m more focused on how to deal with the guilt of not doing things, as opposed to strategies for accomplishing said things. I break through the cycle every so often (more often now with meds) and can be feeling good for a while....and then seemingly without reason, I fall back into the hole again. \n\nTldnr: how to feel less bad when depression takes away your ability to treat your depression?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My best friend's depression is triggering mine. What do I do?",
    "post_text": "I've been depressed for years and hated all the thoughts of suicide that were stuck in my head. A month ago I finally opened up to my parents, things have brightened up, I seeked professional help last week, and might have some counseling with my fam soon. I've reconnected with people I've missed, and I'm really trying my hardest to stop feeling depressed. I've even started reading up on meditation and such. My doc and I are still thinking about the meds though.  \n\n\nBut my bestfriend...is suicidal and depressed, I'll call them John for now. He regularly has the urge to self-harm, skip meals, or do reckless things. And regularly talks about wanting to die and how he wants to do it.  I've given him a lot of advice and I've done my best to remind him that I'm always here. But....it's starting to feel like he never takes any advice I give and that he's given up on himself already. He already seeked help long before I ever did but he hates his meds cuz he thinks it just forces him to be happy. He's an online friend so I can't approach him face to face. I've known him for so long and I know that's he's a good person and that he doesn't deserve this. He wants a better life where he's free from his family...so I recommended some small job offerings to keep him stable but he doesn't want to commit to it. I recommended he find some hobbies...but he doesn't want to. I told him to try making new friends, he says he already has me... I tried to explain why that wouldn't be healthy and he seemed to try to say that other people will just hurt him...but I'm not perfect...I can't provide for all of his emotional needs...I barely have control of my own. I can't help but feel the need to play strong just so he has someone to lean on. I want to finally start thinking about myself and relax...but everytime I do I feel like I'm leaving him behind. I've told him that he's one of the reasons I chose to seek help and stay alive but...he doesn't get it.  \n\n\nIt feels like everyday I have to talk him out of it....And even when I'm crying on my bed over my own worries, I have to hold it back and be strong and comfort him. Even when I've just been from a funeral, if I see him in distress, I need to stop thinking about that and comfort him. Even when I finally get the best news of my life in 2 years...I feel bad for being happy while he's suffering. He keeps telling me that he's not my responsibility...I just want my friend to stay alive. I know he feels the same way about me but he can't seem to understand that that's what I feel about him...I can't help him if he won't help himself...  \n\n\nI'm so tired...but I can't tell him...I don't want him to feel like a burden. But I feel so powerless...I feel like nothing I do works...I feel like telling him I'm here doesn't seem to work anymore...and I know my presence alone can't help him...but he refuses to eat...refuses to drink his meds...he can't talk to his psyche...he doesn't want other friends...he doesn't want to find better...and he himself has even stated not being interesed at being happy again....I'm so lost...I can't be happy while I watch him suffer...I feel...so...trapped",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I Admit Myself to a Mental Hospital?",
    "post_text": "19, male, if that helps any. For the past three or four years I've been struggling with major depressive spells but this most recent one has been going on since March of last year and it's really taking its toll. I'm living with my abusive parents who constantly remind me of how shitty I am, college is a no-go because of my finances and performance in high school, and I don't really have an outlet to find friends. None of the people I have in my life seem to care at all about my mental or physical health and only want me around when they're feeling down or lonely. I feel like I'm a side character in my own story and haven't wanted to live for a while now. Last night I came the closest I ever have to suicide but I just barely didn't have the guts to do it. I remember how being happy felt and I want that again but I don't have insurance nor the money for medicine. I was in a mental hospital once when I was younger as I was having suicidal thoughts but I don't remember anything about it, really. I don't know what to do anymore and I just need some assistance right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm spiraling out of control",
    "post_text": "As things in my life have gotten worse my mental health has taken a complete dive. I'm now depressed and suicidal. To cope with it I've done every unhealthy thing I can do. I'm binge eating every time my emotions go haywire which is a lot. I am trying to sleep as much as much possible, to the point I will take drugs to knock me out so I can sleep more. I'm excessively smoking weed and I even started smoking cigarettes again for the first time in a long time. I'm not able to advocate for myself and I have nobody to ask for help. I'm not sure what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I don't deserve to be sad, but I am.",
    "post_text": "I understand this may seem silly. Everyone has their own issues and struggles, their own obstacles and problems, etc. But I truly have a very blessed life, I am attending college, living with my father; he and his wife have very respectable income. I do not have to pay rent, I have an abundance of friends who care about me a lot, I have hobbies that I excel in, I am at least relatively proactive in taking care of myself (eating breakfast, lunch dinner, exercise, etc.), I don't partake in self-destructive behaviors (examples: smoking, drinking, etc.)  \n\n\nSo why do I feel sad? More importantly, why do I feel GUILTY for feeling sad? I look around and see people in situations light years worse than mine, and that is a big part of why I find it so hard to talk about this. I start to feel down and I want to speak up but my \"down\" is just the majority of the norm for some people, and I feel like I am unable to be taken seriously because of this.  \n\n\nBut even more than just worrying that other people will not take me seriously, I feel like I can not take myself seriously, and it feels beyond pathetic. I hate myself so much when I watch people in terrible situations still trying their best to do the best for themselves and others around them. I feel like I have such a golden opportunity at life yet I'm just wasting it in self sorrow and self pity. This realization has pushed me to an extent. Like I said, I have hobbies that I excel in, I go running and try to take care of myself the best I can. I do my best to help around when I can, be a contributing member of communities and generally just be nice. Yet I still find myself feeling like it's not enough and that I'm just not worth it. How am I supposed to work on my problems when I don't even know what they are anymore?  \n\n\nI'm at a very low point in my life. I manage to put on a strong-front for my friends and family, and don't get me wrong, I am truly happy on a respectable amount of days. But the growing strength and quantity of my closer-to-suicidal nights are very clearly alarming. Even the thought of that is riddled with guilt (But that's nothing new).  \n\n\nThank you for reading all of this, it does mean a lot honestly. If you have any advice or words that you think can help me, please don't hesitate to say them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I cant do this again",
    "post_text": "In the uk with the new lockdowns since the first one ive been feeling depressed and now that we've now entered the 3rd lockdown i just feel like i cant cope with yet another lockdown.\nAnd also i have practically all of the symptoms of depression except one which is the eating less or too much. \nHowever I dont want to give off the impression that I think that the lockdowns are useless i understand that they work.\nAlso im 13 m so i dont know if that has anything to do with it.\nAny help appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "depressed",
    "post_text": "I don't know why, but i'm feeling depressed, I tried to kill myself sometimes, but I never make it...  Why i'm feeling like that? I searched for help,  I even went to a psychologist, but he did just say \"you can leave now.\", it was kinda of rude, i barely said why I was there... I don't have support by my family, they don't really care, my friends too... They think that's is just a joke  or a drama. I'm feeling tired of life, i don't have any motivations, life, at least for me, have completely lost it meaning, I'm feeling like I'm slowlely dying... I tried a lot of things to avoid the emptiness, i tried gym, games, books, studying, hobbies, I tried to change myself too, but it didn't work. I don't know how to say everthing that I feel..  is it wrong for me to hate myself?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I'm trapped",
    "post_text": "Nothing is working out for me, I'm lonely at school and home. The internet is my only escape but it's littered with so many toxic people, I don't even wanna turn on my computer anymore. It feels awful when your only safe place isn't safe anymore. My head is hurting from everything going on. I don't feel bothered to do anything anymore. Everyone else is just so much better than me. Even if I try my hardest, I just can't get where I want to. Everything is just crumbling. Everything good is going or is gone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've stopped doing things for myself",
    "post_text": "I've got this roommate situation going on where I'm literally afraid of the person I'm living with. He's a drunk and can be erratic and most of the time I just stay holed up in my room with the door locked trying to stay under his radar. He's supposed to move out at the end of the month, but you know, who knows if he'll actually do that. He's basically indigent so I see no reason for him to move to a new place and not instead just root himself here for us to evict him. My other roommate is in another country until February and I live in a completely different state from my family. I'm isolated. \n\nThat being said, I've stopped caring for myself almost completely. I don't remember the last time I shaved, got a hair cut. (Covid is a good excuse to not get a hair cut, but I feel just disgusting.) Getting up and taking a shower doesn't work. I just lay back down. I might have a problem with my car, but I don't want to take it to the shop because I'm afraid it might be my only escape if things get bad, and I'd rather it die on the road from a fleeing event then just not have it at all. But at the same time, is that just my brain rationalizing? I don't know. I have to get it fixed though because I have to use it for work. \n\nI just feel hopeless. I don't know what to do to try and motivate myself but even knowing that this is a product of feeling sad makes me even more unmotivated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Idk what to do anymore",
    "post_text": "This is a throwaway for a pretty good reason.\nI was constantly bullied from a very young age probably 6 to the time I was a sophomore in high school. I was manipulated into doing sexual things to my sister when I was 8 when I didn\u2019t know what was going on and she was 14 and knew what was going on. I\u2019ve had friends and my sister take their lives, i was sexually harassed and sexually assaulted in Highschool by a girl I had a few classes with, my last theee girlfriends have been abusive and manipulative. Even more that I just don\u2019t want to say even on a throwaway. \nI\u2019m not asking for pity so please I don\u2019t want any.\nI currently live alone with my kitten Leo. I have social anxiety, depression, ptsd, and I\u2019m just all screwed up in the head. I stopped taking medicine because it made me feel like a zombie and constantly made me sick.\nI don\u2019t know what to do anymore. I\u2019m not happy with my job, where I live, how I look, the fact that I\u2019m inside every second I\u2019m not working. I just don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019ve never actually heard of any success stories, and I am starting to believe they don\u2019t exist.\nIf you have a success story I\u2019d love to hear it, or even just some advice I\u2019d love to hear it.\nThanks for listening random stranger.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do you sometimes feel like there's nothing you can do to make things could be better?",
    "post_text": "It's like no matter what I do I still get the same result - I fail. I'm never the best or one of the best at something. If I'm 100% dedicated and work 10 hours a day then I'm mediocre at best, but the price I pay ,obviously, isn't worth it. I'm not particularly good at anything, don't have an education and nothing really interests me. I feel like the only thing left that is in my control is how I'll kill myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My boyfriends depression",
    "post_text": "So my boyfriend told me that he was in a bad place before he met me & that nowadays (the entirety of being with me) he\u2019s been happy & hasn\u2019t felt sad in a minute. Today somehow the topic of being sad came up & I was like \u201cwhy would you be sad again?\u201d & he responded with \u201cbecause it always relapses. That\u2019s how depression works.\u201d & I was speechless. I understood that he used to have breakdowns (they all, 2-3 in total, included something that was about me.) but I never guessed that he\u2019d have depression. I\u2019m a generally very happy person & I\u2019m not sure how to deal with this. I don\u2019t think he\u2019s professionally diagnosed because I do remember him saying it feels like he\u2019s depressed but never said he was diagnosed. I don\u2019t want to doubt him but at the same time I don\u2019t think what he\u2019s feeling is something as severe as depression. I don\u2019t know what to do. Should I just support him either way? If so, how am I supposed to support someone when they\u2019re having depressing episodes?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do i need a therapist?",
    "post_text": "Before you start reading!! \n\nI know about the rule and I don't want anyone to diagnose me with anything. I just want people's opinions on whether they would recommend me to seek a therapist in my situation. This is the first time that I open myself (almost) completely and I was afraid of it for a long time. So far I have only had good experiences with advices on reddit, so I decided to post my problem here. Everything written below should try to make my current situation a little more understandable and not to arouse pity or something like that.                                    Thanks :)\n\n​\n\n​\n\nHi, I'm almost 18 years old, and I'm trying to briefly summarize my life as fast as possible.\n\n​\n\nI've been bullied at school since I was around 9 years old (fourth grade). It got a little less in eighth grade, but most of the people at school still left me out. (had about 2 relatively good friends). At the same time (about 14/15 years old I started drinking. I came to school drunk about 2-3 times a week and drank now and then on weekends. (Mostly I drank alone. I hated going to school because of the other students and tried to make my time there a little nicer.\n\nAt the same time I got to know a very good friend to whom I could open up for the first time because she also had to struggle with bullying and depression. However, I fell deeply in love with her but never told her and always pretended I just wanted to be friends with her because she was my only good friend and I didn't want to lose her. I became emotionally dependent on her.\n\nAfter a little over 2 years she began to feel that I felt for her (she had a boyfriend at the time). We fell out and she cut off contact with me. I was devastated for months, unable to concentrate on work and just plain desperate. It was two years ago and I still have to think about her quite a lot.\n\n​\n\nIn the period between 14 years old (eighth grade) and now (almost 18) a lot more things happened.\n\nMy sister had to move out because she made my mother mentally broken, I had alcohol poisoning at school, we had a stepfather who made me and my mother mentally broken (my mother had to go to the psychiatric hospital for a few months),  i almost had to go to the children's home (which would probably have been a good decision) and some more stuff which i cant talk about in detail cause it would take way to long.\n\nNow to the current situation. Lately (since about 8 months)  I have a lot of worries and fears about my life. I often think that my life is worthless and that i did and do everything wrong. I have strong emotional fluctuations during the day but i never show them to my surroundings. Many praise me for being such a calm guy and always having everything \"under control\"\n\nI actually do almost no sport anymore (that was one of only things that I enjoyed. I have no structure in my daily routine. On my days off, I sometimes lie around for hours on my bed and just think about it all the mistakes i have made and all the bad things that have happened. I dont really enjoy anything anymore beside listening to music or playing video games. I almost no longer write to my friends, sometimes only reply to messages after a few days or ignore them completely.\n\nI've had suicidal thoughts for a few years now and then, but I couldn't do it to my mother / family because my mother would probably die from the loss and she means everything for me. I never harmed myself.\n\nI never opend up to anyone except my ex-best friend i wrote about \u2191 and this subreddit rn. I never spoke to a professional therapist or something like that, but I think it's about time, since all of this is a heavy burden and I just can't find a way out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hit an all time low today",
    "post_text": "I made plans to end it all today. I was so sad. Then my mom came home and asked me if I wanted dinner. I rejected and then went in the kitchen and ate it anyways. She was on the sofa so I kinda just rested my head against her side and drank some green tea. It helped calm me down. \n\nBefore she came home, I was on my bed all day. And I kept getting good sleep even without doing anything. Im realizing im mentally tired. \n\nI realized I don\u2019t need to kill myself because I am already dead. Her being home made me feel neutral rather than sad so it felt like a huge shift. I feel like I need to go on depression meds.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think a friend may have done something bad, what can I do?",
    "post_text": "Hi,\n\nI'm not really sure where else to go with this, a friend of mine has kinda just disappeared for over a day now and usually when this happens they're active \\*somewhere\\* still. This time, they've had no online activity for the entire time, and its honestly got me really worried cause I cant get in contact and they were in a really bad mood the last time I heard from them. I'm kinda assuming the worst right now sadly as thats what my brain does - i left so much unsaid and it's gonna pain me for the rest of my life if i'm correct - but what should I do? what can I do? they live like 100 miles away so its not like i can go find them...\n\n​\n\nthanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate working and I hate money.. It makes me want to not exist",
    "post_text": "Does anyone feel like they hate working... I hate the concept of money too.. Having to just spend all your time working to feed yourself.. I Just hate this system we created.. It makes me want to not exist...Why the hell do we have to spend our lives like this? Why the hell do we have to work? The stress is literally killing me\n\nI feel so sad and exhausted to have to do this every single fucking day... I hope no one tells me about finding your purpose or what job makes me happy kinda shit. Thing is, I hate capitalism. I have a decent job and i'm good at it. It's actually a better job and salary than most people get around here. But having to spend my life everyday just working is just fucking depressing and I wanna die....",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been depressed for my whole life",
    "post_text": "Panic disorder, chronic anxiety and depression runs in the family. Everybody in my family (both side) either turns out to be an agressive, violent person or a depressed mess for their whole lives. Fortunately I got the depression. I've been depressed since I can remember. I want to get help but I don't know where to start. I don't know how to find a good therapist. I really don't have the mental strength to deal with a shitty one after finally asking for help. I've been seeing a psychologist when I was 12-13 years old for a year and she wasn't a good professional at all. When I told her my feelings about my father she snapped at me like \"You can't say things like that!\" or \"You can't feel like that!\"... I would probably need medication but I don't want to be a lifelong benzo addict like my mom. Should I see first a psychiatrist and then find a psychologist or how do you do it? I need to do something with this cause I can barely get out of the bed every day. I can't study, I can't eat, I can't do anything. I live in Europe if that matters. I want to break this transgenerational pattern. I would like to have a family in the future but without passing on this mental baggage. I don't want my future children to struggle with this mess. (I'm 22F)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know how to be normal",
    "post_text": "I realize that no one is happy all the time. I know happiness is not a base state of being. I heard someone say that the goal is to be at peace not to be happy as being happy is an extreme emotion like anger. You experience happiness as a result of a stimulus. But...I don't know what peace is either. Every day I wake up and as soon as I start my day all I want to do until I get home is go back to my bed. If I have free time thats what I'm doing just laying in bed. I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I'd like to do better for myself I really just don't know how. I don't mean to be whiney or seem like I'm trying to have a pity party. I know there are people who have it way worse. I just don't know what to do to find piece. I just don't wanna feel like this anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "32 yo loser story",
    "post_text": "Hi friends.. this is my very first post here..  \nI have 32, I have been ancomputer science engineer for 2 years but I have not practiced the profession .\n\nI think that I'm a loser.  \nI've always tought I'm usless. I think that I have depression from 12 or 13 years old.  \nI'm feel alone... I feel fat, ugly, alone. I was bullied at school for years.  \nI think that I hate myself.\n\n  \nI live with my parents. my mom has a respiratory disease an my dad is alcoholic.   \nWith the passage of time, I have lost all my interests, from music (I play guitar), computers, video games, reading. etc.\n\nI have been single for 1 year in a relationship of 2 months. I fell in love and she left me.   \nI feel that I'm not enough for any type of relationship. I have no real friends. The only thing that unites me to this world is a beautiful dog.\n\nI'm scared, lately I just think about hurting myself, cutting myself again or taking a rope and ending it all at once. I had treatment for 2 years with prozac and I feel that it never influenced me.\n\n I have tried to change my life but sooner or later I lose all motivation and abandon all expectations to improve, I feel that I simply cannot improve my life \n\nAll the people walk away from me. I feel tired and have no strength.\n\nthanks for reading this to whoever does.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no motivation anymore. If you can give me advice that would be very much appreciated",
    "post_text": "From freshman year to sophomore year I\u2019ve made nothing but 90s and 100s in all of my classes. Right now I\u2019m in my junior year and I have no motivation for school. I dont care for school it doesn\u2019t make me happy. In middle and elementary school teachers would always criticize me and call me dumb and slow, they told me the only thing I could ever achieve in the future is working at a fast food restaurant. My mom sometimes would call me dumb too. I guess you could say it stuck? I started doing well in the beginning of highschool because I didn\u2019t want my mom to see me as a disappointment anymore. It was a struggle grinding 7+ hours everyday and now I feel like i cant do it (at least for now) anymore. Its the end of the first semester and I still have 16+ assignments to do. Normally I\u2019d be freaking out but I dont care.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "just another depressed post everyone will ignore",
    "post_text": "I don't want to kill myself \nbut I don't want to continue too \n\nik this will go unnoticed like a billion other posts here \n\nso I can rant whatever I want \n\nthe thing is\nimagine the worst personality , introverted guy , that no one loves , because he's too weird to talk to \n\nthat's basically me \n\nand for the same reason\n\nhaving minimal Friends that come and go is very common for me \n\n\nI hate being pitied , but then I feel most of my friend are talking to me just because they are pitying me \n\nthat's it \n\nhaving no real reason for life is my problem\n\nthanks for not reading, Because everyone knows no one does , this is a shit subreddit anyway \n\n\nbyeee\nhave a good day\n\nhugs all around\n\n\ud83d\udc9b\ud83d\udc9b\ud83d\udc9b",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do. I don\u2019t know how to keep going",
    "post_text": "I posted yesterday, but things keep getting worse.\n\nSo my spouse and I were given a 30 day move out notice because our depression mess was too much for them. It\u2019s not even that\u2019s bad, and we\u2019ve been actively trying to get better, but they wouldn\u2019t work with us at all.\n\nMy spouse called her mom today to wish her a happy birthday and her mom ended up asking a bunch of questions about our plan and what we\u2019re doing, and my fianc\u00e9e broached the subject of her possibly taking our cats. Her mom proceeded to freak out at her and say that she was being disrespectful and then yelled at my spouse for being manipulative when she started to cry. She then said that if we really can\u2019t find anything that we can move in with her, but obviously that\u2019s not something that any of us want. \n\nMy spouse is currently sobbing in the bathroom, barely able to move, and I just feel so utterly fucking helpless and afraid. She told me that she wants to kill herself so fucking bad but that she can\u2019t because that would be unfair to me. I worry every fucking day that this will be the day that her will to live outweighs that guilt she feels for leaving me. I have for a long time. I used to come home when I worked an earlier shift from her and check the closet to make sure I didn\u2019t find her hanging there, and that was even when things were going relatively okay.\n\nI don\u2019t know how we\u2019re supposed to do this. How do we get an apartment if we\u2019re being kicked out in the middle of our lease? No one will want us with this on our record. I\u2019m terrified of if we have to go to her mom\u2019s. I would suggest that just she move back in (because I think part of her mom\u2019s issue is with me) and I find a couch to crash on until we can figure it out, but I worry that her mental state would get worse being at her mom\u2019s without me, dealing with her mother\u2019s emotional abuse every day.\n\nI\u2019m terrified. I feel like I\u2019m spiraling out of control. My spouse\u2019s mental health is so much worse than mine so I\u2019m the one who always has to be strong and supportive, but I\u2019m losing it. I\u2019m losing my grip on things. I don\u2019t have anyone to go to. I don\u2019t really have many friends because my depression worsened after college and I lost touch with almost everyone I was close to. I\u2019m going to crack. I\u2019m afraid. I\u2019m so fucking afraid.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Don't know what to do...",
    "post_text": "I'm 20 years old...since two years the most time of my life I spend in my bedroom. \n1 friend, 2 people of my family died. I got addicted to benzodiazepines and went to a rehabilitation hospital...but because of the lockdown nothing changed. My family live in another city and so many friends left me, I feel alone but with the time it feels good. I'm also bisexual, I know that since I'm 13 but never talked about that with anyone. (Only to my therapist)  now the second lockdown ist here in germany, sitting here and accepting every day that it's okay to die alone or stay my howl life alone....\nI dont know....after one year staying in my thoughts and got also back to benzodiazepines now... \nIs this all? Is this the sense of my life? What will happen after death? I don't feel like anyone would care about me (I tried to kill myself once) \nMy anxiety got so bad, I'm always paranoid and hate myself because I'm skinny. That's why I would never let anyone touch me or things like sexual, because of my shame for my own body. I'm going only outside when I'm going to eat something or when it's dark and not that much people there because I think there would always say things about me because I feel like shit. (Even when I know they don't, its unnerving. ) \nAlso after that long time here alone I dont wanna do anything anymore, I feel disconnected from the world, playing computer games and drinking wine. \nI hate this society, the people who life that \"normal\" life and I hate me, at some point i think like:\"Why? Why I can't be normal like them...) \nEvery morning I wake up and think like:\"Shit why I'm still alive.) But if I have a clear mind and I'm not on drugs, I would never kill myself because of my mom....It would ruin her life...\n\nSo, have anyone experienced something like that?\nSorry for my bad English, I'm german",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help finding therapist",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone. First time posting here and looking to see if anyone has any advice. This is not a throw away because I don\u2019t care what people think about me. \n\nI suffer from highly functional depression. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and am currently on medication, which helps, but still have bad days. I have seen a psychologist in the past, middle aged male, that I couldn\u2019t open up to. After seeing him for 2 years I stopped going because of work change. My spouse, primary care, and psychiatrist all urge me to find someone to talk to. I thought long and hard and realized the personality of someone that I could open up to.\n\nWith all this being said, is there a good way to search for local therapists online in your area? I tried a few months back and could only find older individuals. I need someone closer to my age (36) as I feel it would allow me to open up more.\n\nAny suggestions are greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being laughed at",
    "post_text": "The sound of my mom laughing can't exit my mind. I told her I wanted to learn psychology, yet she forced me to learn engineering. I barely survived math in high school. Man it sucks . I don't wanna fail her yet I don't wanna learn this subject. Even if she laughed at my dream , she's still my biological mom. She raised me . But.. I tried talking to her but it doesn't change anything. I love my mom. but I'm not really cut out for math. Do anyone have any tips rather than talk to her slowly?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hello, I'm a 13-year-old student.",
    "post_text": "I haven't been doing my schoolwork for two terms/seasons/weeks?.. I failed the last one because I did nothing because I never wanted to do anything, I didn't have any motivation to do a single thing. I don't think it's laziness.. This is too much just for laziness... It's nearly impossible to get me to care about anything.. I didn't even show empathy when my mother almost choked, could I have liked it even? Do I hate her that much? I don't wanna hate her that much, and I don't wanna feel like I'm terrible...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Has anyone ever felt like their brain has shut off?",
    "post_text": "That\u2019s the best I could describe how I\u2019ve been feeling for almost 2 months. I\u2019m just overwhelmed with everything that\u2019s going on in my life and the world to the point where it\u2019s hard to keep up. I\u2019ve been hearing nothing but negativity that\u2019s been happening in this world and it caused an overload to my brain. It\u2019s been difficult focusing and I\u2019ve been feeling more apathetic. Nothing brings me pleasure anymore. One of the things that helped me cope with my depression has made me lose interest in it. It\u2019s bothering me a lot because it happened so abruptly. Has anyone overcame this? If so how?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t help myself, and there is nowhere to get help.",
    "post_text": "Things keep getting worse. I am not suicidal, I have always contemplated suicide but I know that I wouldn\u2019t go through with it. Lately I noticed that I have been thinking about it more often though.\n\nI am saying this because I don\u2019t even know if things are actually getting worse. I can\u2019t even allow myself to feel bad because I don\u2019t really know if I\u2019m supposed to feel bad. I\u2019m trying to justify why I think that things are getting worse by saying that I think about suicide more often.\n\nI don\u2019t really know what I\u2019m feeling. I\u2019m feeling something but I don\u2019t know what it is or whether or not I\u2019m supposed to feel it. But I guess I can say that I\u2019m feeling pretty hopeless. I did Beck\u2019s Depression Inventory and it seems like I have moderate depression. Which is not a new thing for me, I\u2019ve had depression for the last 6-7 years. I\u2019m 23 btw. I used a lot of medications, I also went to therapy for about 7-8 months. I can\u2019t go to therapy anymore because I don\u2019t have the money for it. I can\u2019t ask for money from my parents because they need to support my sister who is going to go to uni. There are no free therapists around either.\n\nI also don\u2019t know if I should go to therapy. Am I being selfish? Am I indulging in my thoughts and feelings too much? Other people have problems too, and I would be lying if I said that I have it worse than most people.\n\nI also failed at school. In 6 years I was only able to finish the first years classes.\n\nI am... lazy. Irresponsible. In the past and maybe even right now, I have acted without thinking about others. My parents worked hard to make sure I can get education. I am ashamed of myself for not doing what I needed to do. I am also ashamed of lying to them about my school. They still don\u2019t know that I failed.\n\nI don\u2019t know if I can say that I tried to fix what\u2019s wrong with me. I attempted to get better and fix myself, and every time I tried I failed. I tried understanding why I failed, and I failed at that too.\n\nI also have gender dysphoria. It isn\u2019t bad most of the time, I don\u2019t know if I should try to do something about it, but it hurts me. I came out to my mum and she acted like I killed her son, so I got back into the closet. So I have no idea what to do.\n\nI have a friend, but she is not really in a great place to help me, and since my friend is not my therapist, she can\u2019t help me in a way a therapist might be able to help me.\n\nI tried just ignoring my dysphoria and I guess it works to some extent but it\u2019s not really insignificant. But it\u2019s also not significant enough for me to make up my mind about fixing it. Also my parents are not mentally very stable so if I came out it could financially hurt my sister. Because my dad is the only provider and his mental state is hanging by a thread.\n\nI tried thinking hard about stuff, and I failed. I tried doing stuff but I failed. Let\u2019s say that I failed to try hard enough maybe.\n\nI can\u2019t help myself. I have no hope from the future, everything is going to get worse. I am also sick, some kind of bone marrow disease. One day it may kill me. Doctors aren\u2019t really sure if I have it but they basically treat me like I have it, so it is likely that I have it.\n\nAnd I have started to notice that I don\u2019t really want to get better. I don\u2019t know what a normal day feels like anymore. I dread the future.\n\nI also noticed that I have an obsession with pain. I noticed that there is not a day that goes by without me thinking about all the horrible things that are happening in the world, all the terrible things that may (and will) happen to me, how I\u2019m hurting my parents by lying to them, how I should be ashamed of myself, and after I go on about this for some time I start to think about how I am selfish for indulging in my own thoughts and problems so much.\n\nI also have IBS. It used to be not very bad but these days I sometimes come very close to having a nervous breakdown because of how much pain it causes. I sometimes take almost freezing showers to stop the pain, because my body goes into \u201cwe\u2019re dying mode\u201d and blocks the pain from my bowels.\n\nI feel ashamed of myself. I\u2019m living a better life than 90 percent of the world. I don\u2019t have to worry about food, getting ill, getting killed or not having a shelter. I live in a clean home. I can take a shower whenever I want. Both my parents are still alive and well. But I don\u2019t feel okay. And whining about not feeling okay makes me feel very privileged. But I\u2019m not okay.\n\nI used to be very into electronics. I used to spend a lot of time into mathematics so that I can understand how electronic circuits work. I actually built my first shortwave radio when I was 12. I was dreaming of becoming an electronics engineer. I always had issues with my gender identity, but it used to be not so bad. It\u2019s strange really. Back in the old days, people had a lot of life threatening problems. There were plagues, long and bloody wars, famine etc. I feel very privileged for feeling bad about my issues. And I\u2019m not the only one with these problems, and majority of the people in the world has much bigger problems, I know that. But they still try to keep going, but I can\u2019t keep going. I can\u2019t help myself, I just can\u2019t. There is no one that can help me either, and I feel cornered. I don\u2019t know what to do. My confidence in my ability to make a plan and execute it is completely crushed. I can\u2019t even stop myself from overeating. I lost the control of myself, I am like a train speeding into another train without a brake.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Therapist won\u2019t give meds",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a minor with the NHS in the UK. (CAMHS.) \nYou\u2019re probably thinking that there must be a reason, no. I\u2019m this close to ending it all and my therapist will just refuse to let me see the psychiatrist no matter how many times I ask. \nIf I do attempt it will be successful, so it\u2019s not like I\u2019ll have multiple attempts ie. they may give me meds after one.\n\nWhat do I say to get them to think more about giving me them? They\u2019re so reluctant. I see people complain 24/7 about how they dish out meds on a platter. But it\u2019s the opposite for me and there is absolutely no reason. \n\nI\u2019ve done my research and I know the side affects. But no therapy will work now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to help my flatmate who is crying every day?",
    "post_text": "Hello! My good friend and flatmate (23) is crying almost every day in her room since we started to live together 2 months ago.\n\nI dont want to ignore that since I like her, cant stand seeing another human suffer and... I study psychology. (I am also 23). The difference is that in theory i get the point but in practice I am feeling so helpless to a friend who is getting into depression every day even more.\n\nToday I tried helping again by texting on messenger if I can help but she answered that she is useless, bitter and old. I know that her parents are very toxic and dont give her feeling of safety. She also broke up with someone she still loves half year ago, she cant find a new job for a long time now due to pandemia and she quited university again because she felt she does not follow and she does not like it and studying online is not for her.\n\nIts a complex situation. Or maybe actually its very simple... I dont know thats why I would be very happy to get from you some advices since I know how reddit community is experienced in such topics. Thank you a lot in advance!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Low-functioning Depression & Exercise",
    "post_text": "Ive struggled with depression for quite a while now, and certain times I find motivation comes easier than others. However, for the past three months I have been at a very low point, I shower once a week and I struggle to brush my teeth and hair. That\u2019s where I\u2019m at.\n\nLast July I started seeing a personal trainer for the goal of weight loss and I haven\u2019t seen her for 6 weeks now. My mom is encouraging me to go back, for my mental health\u2019s sake, but right now I have no interest in exercise. Also, I fear that if I go back my goal of weight loss will prioritize over my goal of benefiting my mental health. I know I inevitably kick myself for not going back, but the dread is over powering my rationale. I would prefer to just to 10 minute workouts on my own in my pyjamas, but I know I probably won\u2019t.  Personal training just seems like a lot.\n\nWhat should I do? If you have been or know someone who is low-functioning, has personal training been helpful? Or exercise in general? Is it better to start small when you\u2019re low functioning or just throw yourself in?\n\nI appreciate any thoughts and advice as really I only have my mom\u2019s perspective right now and she doesn\u2019t totally understand the depressed brain. Thank you :)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t feel anything, no matter what I do, I can\u2019t feel anything physically or mentally",
    "post_text": "I am a 17 yo male, who comes from an extremely abusive household, and I\u2019ve recently noticed that my feelings are almost non existent. I also can\u2019t feel any pain, some might think it\u2019s a gift but it\u2019s a fucking curse. I\u2019m numb to the core and I just want to be normal again. I haven\u2019t eaten in 3 days because if I try to I throw up. I\u2019ve been getting 4 hours of sleep regularly and can\u2019t physically sleep longer than that. My father used to beat me and force me to torture rodents with him. I remember one time he made me drown a possum in a garbage can and hack a squirrels limbs off. By the time I was 8 years old I had already known how to disassemble, clean, and reassemble a .38 caliber pistol. My father was a narcissist, and I was his golden child. If I ever did anything wrong I was told I was making our family look bad. I\u2019d get a hell of a beating if I even said anything out of line, and my mother was constantly in and out of hospitals from her \u201caccidents\u201d. I believe my father is a large part of why I am feeling the way I am recently. I noticed I stopped feeling emotion when I had a stroke last March. I wasn\u2019t scared, or worried, I was calm, and didn\u2019t even feel anything. Even after I had almost lost my ability to play guitar, I wasn\u2019t sad or scared. Ever since then, it\u2019s just gotten worse and worse. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and all I had to say to her was \u201cok\u201d. Honestly it was probably best for her, I don\u2019t know if I can feel love anymore, so what\u2019s the point of trying. I recently noticed I can\u2019t physically feel pain when I was trying to fix the shingles on my roof. I missed with the hammer and smacked my hand right on the thumb, but I didn\u2019t feel anything. Just to test my theory, I smacked the back of my hand full force. I heard the crunching of bone, but still felt no pain. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I\u2019d say I\u2019m terrified, but I\u2019m not even sure I can feel terrified anymore. I just need help. I\u2019m sorry for how long this paragraph is. I know most of you won\u2019t even read it all, I know I probably wouldn\u2019t. If you did read it all, thank you. I just need help, and at this point in my life I could use any help I can get.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Want to lose weight I gained during lockdown, but depression gives me zero motivation",
    "post_text": "I eat more when I\u2019m depressed and less when I\u2019m anxious.. but I\u2019ve literally been in a depressive episode since October 2019, and covid lockdown has definitely made it worse. I\u2019ve also been inpatient a few times in the last 6 months and they fed me well. I\u2019d like to lose some of the weight I gained which is definitely not helping the depressive episode, but I also don\u2019t have the motivation to exercise (I just tried to do a YouTube work out and made it like 5 mins), and I struggle with eating a bit so I feel like I\u2019m always hungry, especially if I\u2019m eating really healthy. Any advice appreciated please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Fell in love with a married woman 2 years ago",
    "post_text": "Fell deeply in love with a married woman two years ago and she came over to my place and her husband found out. I have been drinking everyday for 1.5 years after we had to break contact. I have also stalked her several times each day looking on facebook who she likes and who likes her. Have talked to her when I see her and how much I love her and how much feelings she has for me. \n\nI broke down this christmas after I quit watching pornography and realized she has found a new man behind his back and she is most likely trying to start a relationship with him. I ask her when I see her but I also push her further away. \n\nToday I told her I will leave her alone.\n\nAll that I can think of is ending it. Any hope left?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm close to suicide",
    "post_text": "I'm 38, I'm feeling suicidal and numb. Nothing to live for.\n\nI have been unemployed for 1.5 years, since then no one contacted me for an interview. My skills are as a researcher without an MA. I gave up looking for a job. I live with my parents. \n\nMy last relationship was 6 years ago with my friend, lasted 3 months, she did it out of pity. Before that I only had 2 same length \"relationships\" with years in between. Before that my childhood and teens were in Saudi Arabia, so nothing.\n\nMy motivations in life were to support financially and psychologically my cousin and my single mother friend, first got into a relationship the other leaving country soon and I'm not working to support her. Now the only thing keeping me from taking the exit is to not hurt my mom.\n\nI don't have close friends but my blessing in life are my cousins, who I can't see because of covid 19 and they aren't enough to fulfill my life or from committing suicide.\n\nPlease help!!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been depressed a long time and I'm really struggling right now",
    "post_text": "I think I've had depression for my whole life or at least early in my life, I was on the path toward depression. Now I'm an adult and I feel like I'm only getting worse as time goes on. Each time I get low I'm going lower and it's lasting longer. At about the end of the lockdown in my area, I had a breakdown. I had a panic attack that lasted for far too long and then for weeks afterward I would have them multiple times a day and for hours. It's not as bad as that anymore but the anxiety has been worse since then.\n\n I don't know how to describe the severity of my problem. Examples I guess could be; I quit my job five months ago in large part for my mental health (but also a myriad of other reasons of course) and have not returned to work since. I had an injury that will likely require surgery and I've been avoiding the doctor for going on seven months now and It's getting worse as a result. I also spend most of my days doing mostly nothing but find distractions from doing anything meaningful and have consistently failed to break that pattern. \n\nI want to live my life and I don't know if I'm qualified to handle this on my own anymore but I don't know what to do. I don't want antidepressants and things like that. The thing is, I know what the things are that help me. Having a schedule and sticking to it, not smoking weed and fasting. Like, I remember what it was like when I was feeling better than I am now. I'm just struggling to not keep falling.\n\nI feel like I'm beginning to ramble so before this becomes a rant, can someone offer me some advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "To medicate or not..",
    "post_text": "About 2.5 years ago I was diagnosed with depression + anxiety: no biggie. It runs in the family, it's a biological depression as one side of the family doesn't produce enough serotonin, so nothing actually happened to me to set it off.\nBut it affected a lot of things that I wanted control over, I wasn't living my best life. \nI went on medication (Venlafaxin(effexor)), and it helped dramatically. Though I gained 15kgs in the 6 months.\nSo I came off. I've been good for 2 years, I got the weight back down, and I'm hovering between average and athletic.\nBut recent changes in my life have stirred the pot. \nMirtazapine is a recommendation that *should* work differently and not cause the weight gain. \nI don't want to go on the meds again if I'm going to gain that weight back so fast. I don't want to be on meds my whole life like my family members.\nBut nor do I want to stay like I am currently.\nSo how do I decide? Flip a coin? \nMy psychologist and psychiatrist haven't been able to help me make my mind up. \n\nAnybody been on mirtazapine? Does it cause weight gain and kill libido? Not that I have a libido at the moment anyway, thanks life \ud83d\udc4d",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When people ask \"How can I Help??\" But I don't know....",
    "post_text": "Whenever people ask \"let me know how I can help/what can I do to help?\" I appreciate the thought but I never know what to ask because I feel like they can't change my negative thoughts about myself and I also don't feel like bothering them. I end up pushing a lot of people away.  What do you usually respond to this ? What type of help do you ask for ? \nI know this might be a dumb question. I just can't even think straight right now I just keep sleeping and laying around and avoiding things.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you deal with losing all interest in your passions in life?",
    "post_text": "A few years ago, a really bad breakup turned into a long term depressive episode, and I lost all interest in the very few passions in life that define me. \nI spend a lot of time really missing being in love with what I used to do the way I previously was-- from time to time I even have the tendency to try to push myself into giving it another spin. But every time I try, it feels like a job, and all motivation and determination I have gets sucked straight out of me. \nI just want to love doing music again, because I've been such a bland, shell of a person since I suddenly fell out of it. Does anyone experience such extreme loss of passion and interest in big things in your life? How do you cope? It's been 3 years and I'm struggling still, and I'm honestly losing hope that I'll ever really love something that much again . :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "In need of advice on how to cope with loneliness",
    "post_text": "Hey all, I noticed that I\u2019ve been falling out of touch with friends I used to be close with and I don\u2019t even know why. Of course, my mind automatically jumps to conclusions such as me not being good/interesting enough for them or just plainly annoying, and these thoughts are hard to deal with. However, this whole situation made me realise that I need to start learning how to cope with my loneliness and how to be alright on my own, unfortunately, I don\u2019t really know where or how to start improving. Any advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just wanting to be a normal person",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve always had depression but it seems like this last year it has really escalated to another level. I normally keep my apartment cleaned up, sometimes I\u2019ll have some mail sitting out or need to do a couple dishes but it always stay tidy for the most part. My depression has been so bad the last six months, I haven\u2019t touched my bedroom. I have heaps of clothing around my bed, I have like six bags of trash I need to go drop off at our towns waste disposal, I have no groceries and just keep getting cheap $2 fast food burgers, and I just don\u2019t care about anything. I work and come home and sit on the computer or go lay down and end up spending the rest of my day in bed. I just want to do normal stuff, I want to come home to a clean place, cook dinner, take a shower and relax like any other adult but it\u2019s like physically tolling. Help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Constant emptiness, loneliness,and existential angst please just make it stop",
    "post_text": "Every minute of every day I feel so empty.  Nothing is fulfilling or meaningful to me.  I always feel like I could be doing more or that I have better things to do no matter what I\u2019m doing.\n\nI also am craving some friends.  I do have friends and hang out with them occasionally but it never feels as fulfilling as it should be. Then when we\u2019re done hanging out I\u2019m back to being alone again and it makes me feel even worse.  \n\nWhy can\u2019t I just be at peace with myself and with what\u2019s in front of me instead of always feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled all the time.  I just want it to stop I feel like I\u2019m trapped in a hopeless cycle that won\u2019t end.  I need advice",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I ruined my life",
    "post_text": "In about a week I lost the one person who I truly loved and counted on, dropped out of university, and haven\u2019t been eating, showering, or taking care of myself. This was all my fault, and I know I deserve to be here. I feel worse than I\u2019ve ever felt now. No I don\u2019t want to end my life, that wouldn\u2019t help anything. I just have to come to grips with the fact that I will live a miserable life from here on. I deserve this. I\u2019m pathetic, a lazy, awful person. I think today this truly set in. Now that I\u2019m truly alone I have to sit with myself. I have to feel this pain. This is what I deserve. I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m posting this. I doubt there\u2019s anything someone here can do or say, but I have hope.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Letting my boyfriend commit suicide. Please help.",
    "post_text": "Throwaway because he knows my main.\n\nMy boyfriend wants more than anything to commit suicide. I've never met someone so sure of anything before. It comes off that way at least. It's not a cry for help, it's not for attention, and it's not a bluff. I'm 100% positive. I try to offer support, solutions, and my love but it makes no difference.\n\nI know I have to respect his wishes because ultimately we're both pro-choice, and I don't want him in pain anymore. I can't handle this reality though. I'm in so much pain, and I don't have any support. I love him so much. He says that if I love him, I'll let him go...\n\nPlease help me...please. \n\nI've had 24/7 derealization for 4 years now. I also have BPD. I cannot process the my emotions when I think about him dying or when we are talking about it (I'm the one who asks to talk about it -especially if he says something like \"I despise life\" or \"I just want to be done\" while he's frustrated - and he reluctantly does just a little bit). I go into a very confused state (really, I feel a level of confusion most all of the time) where my feelings are so overwhelming that I feel like I need to claw my brain out or just hang myself right there. I try not to show this in front of him, but I have had some horrible panic attacks after our conversations. I know this just stresses him out more, and I feel awful about it. \n\nI have a SEVERE death phobia. It's always on my mind, and it makes it extremely hard to function day-to-day. I have constant intrusive thoughts about bad afterlife scenarios. I guess it may be partly OCD.  When I think about him being dead I get so many instrusive thoughts about him not being okay if there is an afterlife - that he's lonely, scared, or in more pain that he was here. As illogical as it may be, I think about how he might be scared, experiencing regret, or in pain in his last moments - I think about how that will lie with him forever and he'll never get to know that he is finally okay. I know it probably sounds extremely dumb. He says he's not scared of death, and that helps me slightly.\n\nI'm in so much pain now, and I'm scared of how much pain is to come. I think about the moment I find out that he's dead and how I'll just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I've been suicidal myself for years now and I think this is what will push me over the edge. I'm scared of that. \n\nI love him. He's my best friend, and I wanted to spend my life with him. He's lying in the other room right now, and I don't know how to manage when the day comes where I can no longer go and lie next to him and give him a cuddle. I'm terrified if forgetting him. I'm trying to make mental notes of his features, and smells, and little things he does. Unfortunately, derealization has made my memory very poor. We're long distance, and have had very little time together in person. I'm from the US and he's from the UK. I don't think I'll be able to attend his funeral because I won't be able to afford to travel, and covid might not allow it anyway. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to step foot in the UK again. \n\nAbout him: He's mid 30's. He's been on disability his entire adult life. Being dependent on the government for money and housing is one reason he feels hopeless. He believes he's locked out of ever getting a decent job now and doesn't think he'd be able to cope with one anyway. He doesn't like his living situation. He's very pessimistic and misanthropic. He thinks he may be in the autism spectrum. He thinks he's incompetent and useless. He thinks he's very ugly (I think he has BDD because I have it myself). The biggest issue is probably his OCD. He has severe contamination OCD, and it's what he's in disability for. He says OCD is hell. One big example - He lived in a flat with Artex ceilings most of his adult life (moved now) and he believes hes been exposed to a lot of asbestos. He wants to end his life before lung cancer sets in. He is scared of aging and his body and mind deteriorating, getting diseases or becoming disabled and reliant on others for care. He resents this is the way things are and wants to end his life before nature can take it's course. He resents life. I sympathize with all of these things and relate to many. \n\nThe NHS has failed him. There seems to be no good help within his options. He's so pessimistic about healthcare workers now that he doesn't want to try.\n\nHe plans on committing suicide before summer because he thinks this flat is going to get unbearably hot. It's on the 3rd/top floor. His OCD won't allow him to use a fan because he's scared of fibers flying around, and no coolers involving water because he's worried about mold. He doesn't think a portable a/c unit will be able to cool the flat down enough and that it will be very expensive. I can't personally think of another solution for the heat.\n\nI want him to know happiness, but it doesn't seem possible. I feel awful that he's stuck around for my sake. He's missed out on sourcing the best drug for suicide now that UK customs are more strict since early January. He doesn't blame me, but it is my fault, and I really won't ever be able to forgive myself for it. Really, I do think he resents me. \n\nI don't know how to cope or how to go on myself. I need help, and I don't have anywhere to get it. Nothing makes any of this okay or better. I feel like a sitting duck. I can't function and I haven't been for well over a year now. I tell him that I love him and that I'll always be here for him to fight with him through anything. It makes no difference. Why did this have to happen? Why did my poor baby have to experience all of this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help.",
    "post_text": "Before we start , i'm sorry if my english is bad, i'm French.\nI'm 16 and it's the first time i'm thinking about scarifying/killing myself. I cry almost every week and every day, i struggle to have friends and i feel like i hang out with people that don't care about me. My parents thinks i'm just a lazy child that don't work enough. They don' t care why I'm like that, they just want to see me work and nothing else even if it makes me kill myself. I feel so lonely, not knowing what to do of my future, not knowing what to say. My sister is succeeding in everything she does : school, friends, parents, future projects... I'm a fucking disappointment.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I'm depressed but scared to come out about it",
    "post_text": "Over the past year and this I've had moments where I'm happy and not a care in the world but is normally followed up by me contemplating how bad my life is going and how I wish it could be better and how my past self would hate the person I've become.\n\nI feel so pathetic unable get out of this pit I've put myself in, being demotivated to do school work, lacking enjoyment in things I used to do. \n\nI recently during a lock down before my mocks told my parents briefly about how I was feeling, but didn't come forward completely, probably as a fear of being judged. They then contacted the school but I had a week or two of feeling good around that time so I ended up shrugging everything off and saying that I feel fine. \n\nThe problem is really don't now and am afraid to tell my parents after I already said I'm feeling better now previously",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it just me, or when depressed, is it better to make yourself sad than to be numb?",
    "post_text": "Bit of backstory here. So I've been Depressed for six months, just that slow train that you can't hop off of. So it always starts with Numbness, and because every time I feel happy, I can still feel the numbness underneath, I don't trust it. So I listen to sad songs, and my triggers, so that I can feel anything besides numbness. Does anyone else do this? Or am I just crazy?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Friend is mad at me for being depressed?",
    "post_text": "i recently realized i was super super depressed. i had been acting weird leading up to this realization, but i thought it had to do with a family matter.\nthis is the first time i\u2019ve had a group of friends in about six years. i have no idea how to balance mental health and friendship. do i force myself to hang out with them so i don\u2019t lose them? or so they don\u2019t get mad at me? \nmy best friend deals with depression so i thought she would be understanding, but she\u2019s been so hateful. she went off at me over the phone a few days ago, complaining about how i need to get out of bed and hang out with her.\ni\u2019m supposed to see her tomorrow and i know she\u2019s just going to get pissed that i\u2019m not acting myself. she belittles me when i\u2019m upset. i don\u2019t know what to do in this situation. i thought she was my best friend, but i don\u2019t think friends are supposed to act like this? i feel like she thinks i\u2019m faking it. i want to be myself again. i want to see my friends, but i don\u2019t think i can right now. this is probably a toxic friendship, but we\u2019ve been connected to the hip since we met. i couldn\u2019t see myself leaving her.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "everything is so painful",
    "post_text": "My mental health has been at its lowest since August 2020. It\u2019s gotten even worse now. \n\nI\u2019m graduating from college soon and I don\u2019t know where to go or what to do. I\u2019ve contemplated suicide many times but I\u2019m scared of death. I barely eat. \n\nI hate everything about me. I hate my voice and my personality but I especially hate my body. I hate the person in the mirror. I hate how ugly I am. I just want to be slim and pretty. No one hates me more than I hate myself.\n\nI feel like human garbage. Like I don\u2019t matter at all. I think the world would be a better place without me. I\u2019m just wasting everybody\u2019s time.\n\nI\u2019m tired of crying my eyes out every day. I\u2019m stuck in this dark hole and I can\u2019t get out. Surviving is so difficult. I don\u2019t know what to do with myself anymore.\n\nI don\u2019t know how to talk about my feelings. I\u2019ve always been the person to bottle everything up. I\u2019ve never had the opportunity to talk about how I feel. \n\nI\u2019m not making sense at all. Everything is all jumbled up in my head. I wish the pain would just go away. I can\u2019t take it anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can\u2019t handle myself",
    "post_text": "Hello, this is a throwaway account. I am female, 21 and was diagnosed with severe depression and a bipolar personality disorder.\n\nI\u2019ve been feeling depressed for 7 years now and last year I finally found myself strong enough to see a doctor and since then I\u2019ve been trying to get therapy but it\u2019s basically impossible since I don\u2019t have private insurance. I am on plenty of waiting lists but I\u2019ve not yet gotten one call back. I am scared that at some point it will be too late because I\u2019m gone.\n\nI want therapy so badly. I need it.\n\nI am not able to live a normal life at all, everything weights me down no matter how small the issue is. It affects my daily life way too much.\n\nWhen I start panicking, starting to cry, scream, hurt myself, I want to have myself locked up, so someone can look over me, give me medication, etc.\nI really want that but the thought of it scares me insanely much.\n\nRight now, the only thing bringing me joy is spending time with my boyfriend online. We\u2019ve been together for a year now and it couldn\u2019t be more perfect, except my disorder ruining a lot of things. I play games with him online, we have so much fun. I don\u2019t want to lose that. Additionally I am studying and I\u2019d be done next year and graduate. However without some kind of help I know I won\u2019t be able to do it. I already had to repeat a whole year because of my issues.\n\nI don\u2019t know what to do. I really want to be somewhere where I am being watched so I can get help anytime I need it. But I have so much to lose. My partner, my dog, my computer, what if they even take my phone?\n\nI started writing this to calm down from another panic attack over something super small and it helped me calm down but I rarely have something to make me calm again so all I usually do is scream and cry and hurt myself for two hours till my body is too tired to even stay awake so I basically just pass out...\n\nI need advice, support, anything I just need to talk about this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Requesting advice on how to (better) handle a depressive episode",
    "post_text": "For me, some times it's triggered by something like a bad day at work or even just out of nowhere. It always winds up the same way. I lose focus on whatever I'm doing, procrastinate, eat whatever junk food I have on-hand, then I wind up talking and screaming at myself as my mind feels like it turned against me. \n\nI feel \"better\" at the end of it but surely there have to be better ways of handling when these episodes strike? Comfort food and distractions like video games and watching youtube and twitch aren't really cutting it anymore. All advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what else to title this... depressed \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2640\ufe0f",
    "post_text": "Just got off the phone with my mom. She said I sounded insane. At first I was talking a mile a minute, then I was crying, then angry. \nI feel out of wack. \n\nI've had depression before but covid is definitely making it way worse. I'm a substitute teacher/recent graduate. I don't have any jobs because teachers have been online where I am so I currently have zero income. I can barely afford to live. I don't have any good friends. My 2 best friends live in another city and they tend to screen my calls. Just out of a selfish lack of desire to talk to me. They have boyfriends and babies so they don't need me like I need them. \nI've been so lonely. \nI was dumped back in November. Thought about dating again over Christmas. Met someone nice but I'm so bipolar (maybe clinically, I've had my suspicions) right now that I'm not even a healthy person to date. One second I'm seizing the day, full face of makeup, exercising and ready for a date, the next second I'm canceling, crying, laying in bed watching movies and hating myself like an empty shell. \n\nBefore you say get therapy or look into being diagnosed with bipolar, the reason I don't is 1. Can't afford therapy and 2. Because of everything with covid, being dumped, having no income, having no friends, I truly do think this could just be a situational depression with manic tendencies due to boredom. \nI don't know what to do though. \nMy mom said \"go date to make friends\" - that's not how dating works. Then she told me to move home, well I don't wanna be stuck with my family like a 25 year old loser. I just wish my life was better, I want to be living it instead of crying. \n\nCould use some support or advice or even just be listened to since noone else does. \nThank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Having no money is a huge source of depression and I hate it when people try to convince me otherwise",
    "post_text": "It's not about not being able to afford stuff for yourself, it's about not feeling safe, not knowing if you'll afford to live and always having weight on your shoulders. I'm 18 and my mom kicked me out of the house half a year ago on my birthday. I've always worked for my own money but since covid situation here in Europe is really bad I can't find a job with not even finished high-school (I'm a straight A student but that won't matter since I'll probably have to focus on work not university). I'm barely scraping with help of friends but they are struggling too at the moment so I'm kinda alone. I'm on a 10$ weekly budget for food and I'm really at my edge. I'll figure something out when covid passes but I have to survive to that point. I can bearly pick myself up from bed every morning and I feel stuck.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is There a Depression Retreat Like This?",
    "post_text": "Imagine if you're depressed, and are too broke to take care of yourself financially, where do you turn to? Free therapy is one way if you have that around you. \n\nBut how about this?-what if someone were to bring all the depressed people together and have them grow plants or something? \n\nThat way, the person bringing them all together get to sell those fruits and veggies that grew and make a quick buck while these depressed people get exposure to nature as well as have a social bond?\n\nDoes anything like this exist? Because I'm too tired and too broke to pull this off but please tell me someone has so that I can be a part of something like this and get better. \n\nI'm too disappointed in the world. Vipassana retreats are closed, which were the only closest and free(no cost) alternative to something like this. What fucking hope do people like me have?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wish I had someone to talk to that understands what im going thru",
    "post_text": "Im 17 and ive been extremely depressed the last couple of months and am just completely lost and with no idea what to do. I used to have goals, aspirations and things to work towards but everything has just faded and over this summer holidays ive just felt completely disconnected to everything. Ive had depression for 6 years now and have been able to temporarily solve my problems but it would always come back worse, and i have no idea what has caused it this time, especially considering ive been on summer holidays which by a landslide my favourite part of the year. Im starting year 12 tommorow and am scared that not only because of all this im going to fail and waste my opportunities, but the extra load of 6-8 hours of school a day is just going to completely destroy me on top everything else happening. I feel like i need immediate help before everything gets even worse but idk what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am what I guess is called a functional person who has depression. I can make it to work, I\u2019m a nurse in healthcare, and my three shifts wipe me out for the week.",
    "post_text": "\nI\u2019m in grad school online, and honestly it just repulses me and I want to drop out but I don\u2019t want to do bedside nursing anymore (the pandemic shows you just how important you are to the world and what they think of your safety). \n\nI have no energy. The only thing that feels good is being warm in bed. I would never leave my bed if I had a choice. I stopped socializing and used the pandemic as an excuse. I have no interest or energy for my previous hobbies I loved (hiking, painting, reading, writing). I am a literal shell just making motions through the days. \n\nHow do you guys get any energy. How do you want things again. I feel like I am sleeping my life away. I\u2019m on lexapro and it helps anxiety. I have prn Valium for breakthrough panic/anxiety. \n\nHow do I get past myself and get some motivation and energy to do or be anything other than this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wish I could just have a hug and die in somebody\u2019s embrace",
    "post_text": "Please I can\u2019t keep doing this I keep going going through a full range of emotion in like a 6 hours to a day. The highs don\u2019t make the lows worth it and i get filled with rage when someone suggests that they do. I don\u2019t want anyone to relate to me because it never goes further than \u201cyeah covid is messing everybody up\u201d. I can\u2019t enjoy anything because it only lasts an hour and then I fly off in a new direction. I just want to feel loved and feel someone\u2019s arms around me. Anyone. If I could just slowly fade away in my moms arms that\u2019d be perfect. I can\u2019t keep charring on this fire just because others might miss me. I\u2019d miss them too if I could take the memories with me. I love everybody but only until I\u2019m in pain and then everything is a living, fluid, and confusing hell. I find myself feeling that I\u2019d murder to die in a moment of love.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What now?",
    "post_text": "I'm too messed up and ugly to date. I'm past 30, never had any relationships. I don't have the strength to get better. I have nobody to ask for help. I turned bitter and angry. I want to disappear, but unfortunately I'm not suicidal. I've been depressed for most of my life. I can't sleep anymore because I'm tortured by my thoughts 24/7. My emotions are like a rollercoaster, changing so fast I can't even identify them. I want to scream, I don't want to talk... \n\nWhat do I do now? I really don't know how to get better. They say every rain stops and crap like that, well, it's been raining in my life for 30 years, the flood is too much, I'm going crazy, literally. I don't know what to do... \n\nPlease don't invite me for private conversation and shit like that, the last person that did wanted me to join their fucking cult... No shit, a real cult...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm sick of how everybody treats me and the way my life is going",
    "post_text": "I am 16 years old and I live with my entire family. Every day I am screamed at for not automatically going to cut wood or do the dishes and other chores. I am called lazy by my parents and my younger brother. I started to play video games because as a child I was never allowed any type of electronic and I was extremely curious. Because of how my family treated me I started playing more and more video games and it became the one thing that I actually felt motivated to do.  I began lying to my parents about what I was doing and when my school gave me a MacBook with special programs in it because I have ADDI played video games on that. I became addicted and still am. My parent filmed me on a camera and now all my homework must be done in front of a camera. I am just sick of how everything in my life is falling apart. My parents made a contract for me to sign about the rules of the house. I signed it. There are special things like, finish all homework get 30 mins of screen time. There are also stupid rules like at lunch no tv, only homework. My parents want me to do exercise but I am already 6ft1 and 150 pounds. They scream at me when I want to use my 30 mins of screen time after I have done my homework. On weekends I sleep for 14+ hours and I just feel like I am in a constant cycle of screaming and pain. My parents threatened me with violence and to take me out of my dream school. ( I worked very hard to get in). My life is horrible and I am considering just giving up on everything and ending it. My parents have said that I wouldn't kill myself because I am too lazy and that nobody would come to my funeral because they wouldn't have one. Please help me.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nI am a boy",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m starting to have a harder time functioning",
    "post_text": "Hey, I\u2019m a 19 y/o male (20 on Easter. Thought that would be a fun thing to throw in) and I\u2019ve been living with depression since I was 9 or 10. It\u2019s just progressed as I\u2019ve gone on. I\u2019ve always been an extremely self loathing person and the negative thoughts just come up more frequently. It just happens out of nowhere. Doesn\u2019t matter what I\u2019m doing, it\u2019ll just sucker punch me. My mood gets really dark at the snap of a finger. \n\nBut now it\u2019s getting harder to actually cope with it and function as a human being. I think it\u2019s been this way for about a year now. I used to be able to escape it if I was doing something active. Like with friends or whatever. But now it doesn\u2019t matter. It\u2019ll just fuck me up whenever. Sometimes it can get to the point where I\u2019ll have difficulty remembering things or having a conversation, I don\u2019t know how to formulate sentences, and it just becomes all-consuming. I don\u2019t understand it.\n\nMy thoughts in this state range from craving substances to escape, thoughts about how nobody likes me and I don\u2019t matter to anyone, and sometimes thoughts that I need to hang myself. I want to have a good life but I don\u2019t want to live it as me. I\u2019m way too hard on myself. I know I have a charismatic personality that some people enjoy, and I can acknowledge some of my strengths when I\u2019m more level headed, but more and more I just regress to what I described earlier where my mind just tries to take me down.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Never had anywhere near the success I want in life",
    "post_text": "I (25m) am currently unemployed. I've really struggled to make friends (I have a few now) or date anyone in life. As well, I hated commuting to university and my BA and MA aren't too useful. All the career fields I want to go into (civil service, high school teacher, physician, government lawyer) are extremely competitive to get into. I've been unemployed for a year now and I can't get myself to apply for jobs because I really lack any practical skills or relevant experience (I've only worked in retail and as a TA).\n\nI'm not even sure I have it in me to go back to school for something more practical and I frankly I don't really want to. I'm just sick of trying in life and never really getting anywhere I want to. I have little to show for the last 7 years of my life. This lack of success makes it impossible for me to believe I'll do better in my life.\n\nI might just commit suicide in a year or two. I'm probably too much a coward and failure but still.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Going to new city for college . Was a school dropout and taken meds since then to stay in a college where regular attendance wasn't required . I don't believe in myself and I feel scared I won't be able to complete my course .",
    "post_text": "I droped out of school 2 times because of depression . At the age of 19 , I sort help and started medication  and I went to college in my hometown . I picked an easy course , Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and Education . My college didn't require attendance and so , I would stay at home and study . \n\nNow , I am pursuing MBA in human resource management and it is kinda harder than my previous course . In top of that , my city doesn't have it to I am shifting to another city that is like 10 hours (road distance ) from home .I am worried about everything ... my mental health , the people , the teachers , my attendance and the studying process itself . But believe me , I really want to to this . I am just scared \ud83d\ude2d , i feel very scared given my history of dropouts before treatment . \n\nSometimes I am scared that what if the treatment wasn't actually working and I was just in a good place ? I know that can't be true . \ntldr; Moving to new city for a Master's degree and don't believe I can actually make it.  I am scared but I want to go.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Severe seasonal affective disorder",
    "post_text": "I [28M] live in Canada and I\u2019ve had SAD since i\u2019ve ever known. Was originally born in a very warm country and migrated here when I was 6.\n\nIn the summers, I feel so fucking amazing. Any obstacle thrown at me I have no issue combating and honestly fear no issue. My eyes are lit up awake every waking hour, I sleep well and even if i get 5 hours of sleep. It\u2019s fine and I keep pushing forward.\n\nHowever in winter, it\u2019s the exact opposite. I feel like crying when a small problem occurs at work, my brain feels frozen and i can\u2019t even concentrate on a show even if I\u2019ve slept a full 8 hours. Sometimes i feel like I can\u2019t breathe. I do take 2000 iu of vitamin D as recommended by my doc but doesnt seem to help. But, if there is a bright sunny day like today, I feel great again.\n\nBecause of this, it feels like I continously move forward in summer and my relationships with people are great. However i take steps back every winter so my relationships and friendships always take a hit. Also because of this it\u2019s hard for me to advance in my career as well as I have a hard time remembering anything or staying focused in the winter. My SAD gets so bad that thoughts of suicide enters my mind in the winter. \n\nHow do I deal with this? I\u2019ve even tried microdosing shrooms for work but doesnt help. I need real help please, this endless circle makes me really upset. I want to continue advancing my life without constantly taking leaps backwards every winter.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i'm oversensitive.. i hate it and can't seem to cope with it..",
    "post_text": "hi i'm very VERY VERY oversensitive. my mind will SPIRAL fast af and lead itself to really dark thoughts even when the thing im exposed to isn't a big deal. for example i could be looking at childhood pictures and my thoughts would go like this: wow you're smiling -> u were so happy then -> but you were so spoilt and never content with anything -> you were dumb too -> you knew this and were unhappy with yourself -> you have never been happy -> you will never be happy -> what is the purpose of living if ill never be happy -> why live at all? -> kill yourself. does anyone have any solution?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please Help: Spontaneous Suicide Attempts - 25 y/o Female",
    "post_text": "My wife (25 year old female) whom I've been with for 8 years, recently attempted taking her own life for the third time. I was lucky enough to notice something was up, and prevent the act. When she isn't in a depressed state, she is smiley, friendly and she even manages to excel as a grad student at a top school. She has been battling with bouts of severe depression and suicidal ideation for her entire life. These depressive episodes never seem to correspond to events, but come on spontaneously. I think it's also worth noting that her biological aunt committed suicide when she was in her 30s and it was also unexpected and didn't seem to be related to any specific occurance.   \n\n\nThe first time my wife attempted suicide was in college. A friend called 911 and she was briefly evaluated at the ER and then released (I think she lied about her real feelings). A few years later, she suddenly told me one day that she felt she needed to be admitted immediately for her own safety, and I drove her to the hospital where she voluntarily was admitted for about a week, and was finally set up with a psychiatrist. This is where things got a little bit better for awhile: the psychiatrist prescribed some medications that really seemed to help, a lot. She seemed to get down less frequently, and she said that her depression was more mild and less frequent. She also said that the \"voice that tells her to harm herself\" was far less common.\n\nHer medications have been adjusted a bit over the course of a couple years (I've included the current medication regimen below), but unfortunately things are still far from alright. While her depressive episodes seem to be less common, she still has occasional, spontaneous serious suicidal ideation. Recently, she made an attempt in the middle of the afternoon that I was able to stop, and by that night she was smiley, laughing and back to her normal self.\n\nThis latest attempt has made me realize that we are not out of the woods, and she needs more aggressive/serious care if she is going to survive. I asked her if she was fully honest with her psychiatrist about her suicide attempts and her ideation, and she admitted that she has downplayed it. I told her that my dream is simply to grow old together, and that I would fight for her life with everything I have. I suggested that she schedule an emergency appointment with her psychiatrist to discuss her recent attempt, to be transparent about her actual ideation, and to push for more serious treatment, as her (and my) life truly depend on this. I also asked to join the meeting to provide my observations and ensure that the seriousness is truly conveyed (she can be so friendly that she downplays negative things).\n\nShe was totally open to this, and agreed that she needs to push for more serious treatment, since it is truly life or death. I am usually the one who steps in when some tough pushing/advocacy needs to be done, and I am now here to step up. This has become the most important thing in my life, and I am on a search for a solution. I just want her to survive, to live a peaceful, happy life, and I want to be there with her, until we get old. I know that the psychiatrist may have the answers, but this is too serious to put our lives in a single person's hands. I'm begging you to please consider this, and to please make some suggestions about treatments we should raise with the doctor, or if there are certain doctors you think we should seek out. Is electroshock therapy something we should bring up, for example? I'm fighting for her life, and will do anything to save her. She wants to be better, and is open to whatever is needed. Thank you for your time.\n\nAge: 25   \nSex: Female  \nHeight: 5 foot  \nWeight: \\~125lbs  \nRace: Latino  \nDuration: Since childhood (as long as she can recall)  \nRecreational Drugs: None (used to occasionally drink, but alcohol often induced depressive episodes)  \nDiagnoses: ADD, Unipolar Depression, Anxiety  \nTraumatic History: Her grandfather, who she was close with, died of cancer when she was in middle school and it seems to still impact her to this day, though her episodes are not linked to thoughts of him, according to her  \nCurrent medications:  \n\\- Escitalopram 10mg daily  \n\\- Lithium Carbonate 300mg daily  \n\\- Bupropion HCL ER (XL) 300mg daily  \n\\- Aripiprazole 2mg daily  \n\\- Amphetamine - Dextroamphet ER 20mg daily",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I go live on Reddit?",
    "post_text": "So I have been having trouble connecting with the outside world and it is starting to affect me. My therapist has encouraged me to try to reach out to online communities. I try to, but I mostly just sit on the sideline and watch. I am thinking of going live on here and try to reach out. It would be a big step even if i only get like one or two watchers. I am just scared and need some encouragement I guess.\n\nThank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel depressed but feel like even more of a loser for feeling depressed.",
    "post_text": "This might not resonate at all with some people. It\u2019s always been hard to explain. I\u2019ve never actually told anyone in this level of detail before. \n\nI have this overwhelming notion that i\u2019m a loser. It always in the back of my mind but often times it\u2019ll just overcome me a little bit. I struggle pretty occasionally with depression. Had about a year and a half in high school where it was really bad, never told anyone. Off and on in college, never told anyone. Overall I know a lot of people struggle with depression and many very likely have it much worse than me. Given that, I always felt the need to \u201csuck it up\u201d and control my attitude. Sometimes i think i do a pretty good job of it honestly. \u201cPushing on\u201d and such. I\u2019ve always been able to put on a face paired with the fact that i\u2019ve never given off the presentation of someone who is struggling deep down.\n\nI\u2019ll get to one thing that I think complicates things at least for me. I come from a really rich family. Pretty much a carbon copy of the \u201cdaddy\u2019s money type\u201d although one of the very few personal attributes i\u2019ve been able to take pride in is my personality doesn\u2019t reflect it. I would say the fact that i\u2019m an only child makes it even more surprising. As i\u2019ve gotten older i\u2019ve gotten much more grateful for how my parents have raised me in that sense. I graduated from college last May with a business degree (that my parents paid for, of course). I have a stable job and i have a really great group of friends, most of which are elsewhere now for their jobs/school. \n\nI\u2019ve never *really* accomplished anything in life. I\u2019ve always felt like kind of a loser since high school. I was an average student. Pretty bad at sports even though I dedicated a pretty huge part of life to them at one point. I went to college far away. I graduated and went home and couldn\u2019t find a job in my field at all. I have a stable job now, albeit not something i wanted to do nor do i enjoy. Everything good i\u2019ve ever had in life (including that job, and basically all other jobs i\u2019ve had) is pretty much because of my dad and my last name. All of my friends who started off with so much less and dealt with more pressing issues in life went on to do so much more. I feel pretty much hopeless in finding something that i really want to do or because i\u2019m not like them. I\u2019m definitely not the smart one or the good looking one or the outgoing/funny one. Im the only one whose never really had a girlfriend. I\u2019m pretty much just the rich one who at the time was a \u201cpity friend\u201d of a few guys i knew my entire life and grew up with but a lot of the people I came across in both high school and college never really liked me, not because i was an ass (i\u2019m relatively quiet), but because i never fit into a lot of those circles because of this or that yet because my childhood friends *were* friends with those guys, i was kind of just a fringe guy to them and still am now that i\u2019m home. Sometimes i think i put myself in the wrong groups of people in life because i didn\u2019t have the social skills to find my own.\n\nThis whole idea of me not being good at anything worthwhile has really carried into my early adult life. It\u2019s to a point now where i\u2019m afraid of failure more than anything. I\u2019m afraid of a lot. I\u2019ve been feeling depressed off and on since about July on this go around. I get discouraged probably way too easily. I also feel like a disappointment. I\u2019m afraid of telling people that i\u2019m depressed or that i have struggled with depression in the past. It would disappoint my parents because they\u2019ve given me so much. It makes me feel pathetic that i\u2019m depressed because of everything i was born into. Sometimes i would fight the notion that what i was feeling was actually depression given my situation, but that was always redirected to me just being \u201csoft\u201d or a \u201cpussy\u201d in my mind that made me feel even worse. Sympathy always makes me feel guilty, really no matter what it\u2019s about. It\u2019s been a cycle i\u2019ve dealt with for years now and i don\u2019t know that it\u2019s even boiling over into anything harmful to me on the outside but i\u2019m tired of it bringing me down. Part of why it\u2019s hard to talk about is because i can only imagine the eye rolls when hearing about some rich kid complain that he\u2019s \u201cstruggling\u201d when people are probably in 10x worse situations than me. I get it. But I figured reddit is anonymous so if people think i\u2019m a loser then who cares. I think if i told most people what i\u2019m going through they would just say i\u2019m an overworrier and overthinking, but at this point i\u2019m tired of life just sucking. I\u2019m tired of relative failure my whole life. And like i said i\u2019m tired of only being \u201cso\u201d good at putting negative thoughts about myself in the backburner and not allowing them back into my usual frame of mind. They just never fail to come back and haunt me. The only way i can continue push forward is to find some self worth. I don\u2019t even know why i came to this sub. I just thought about it and felt like it was an opportunity to let out some emotions that i\u2019ve been holding for a long time now. Maybe as an opportunity to learn more about it because of my long reluctancy to ever face my depression head on and always dance around it and pretend to not let it affect me unless i\u2019m in an environment where it\u2019s safe to do so, which is just by myself. \n\nThanks to anyone with any kind of insight, positive *or* negative. I\u2019ve tried to always be a realist with myself despite my issues in conjuring up some sense of self worth.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Antidepressants",
    "post_text": "Hi guys, i have been struggling with depression for the last 10 years. I have decided to seek help of myself from a psychiatrist doctor. They prescribed me medicines actually antidepressants. I am reluctant to taking any as they are actually legal drugs... I never smoked cigarettes and drunk alcohol in my life thanks to the early awareness and my school and college friends company. I have taken anti depressants for 3 days. I had headaches, heaviness, numbness of tongue and jaw but serenity in my mind... Therefore, i stopped it. Now, if there any body who have gone through severe depression and anxiety come out without medicines. Dont tell me meditation as i cant do it... Please help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I thought it would go away",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been depressed since childhood. It was really rough growing up and I had a hard start. I pushed through so much and was finally able to get my degree and a great job. I make more money than I need, and I came from living in my car. I finally have all my \u201cducks in a row\u201d and yet here is my depression. \n\nAlmost three years ago I got put on 300mg Wellbutrin XL. For the first time in my life I felt what it was like to walk around without the lead weight in my chest. About eight months in, the meds stopped working and I had one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. They bumped me to 450mg which is the absolute max dose. It\u2019s been a couple years since then and I\u2019m worried the medication has once again stopped working. \n\nI\u2019m  a 30 year old woman and I\u2019m feeling defeated by this thing. Is the rest of my life just me repeatedly defeating and beating down my depression? I think about having kids but I always think it would be so unfair for them to have me as a mother. What if I reach a point I can\u2019t take it anymore and I really do and up \u201cending it\u201d. How could I leave children that way? \n\nI guess I\u2019m spiraling here. Just crying for no reason for the first time in so long and I know what\u2019s coming for me if I don\u2019t address it immediately. I thought if I got my life in order the depression would go away. Can anyone relate? How do you deal with life long symptoms? Looking for advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "SERIOUS CRY FOR HELP.",
    "post_text": "I am having a very bad trip right now\nI'm stoned, I smoked a little (I have a addiction problem, I'm addicted to weed) and I'm not mental stable, I have depression and PTSD.\nBorderline Personality Disorder. \n\nAnd the thing is that I have in a place a few minutes ago or maybe an hour, because I have PTSD\nAnd when I was a kid in school that was very difficult for me they abused me lots of people there and when I was in second grade then I never went to school again because they abused me a lot mentally and physically and emotionally. I'm sadly very sensitive and that's not easy for me to be around people and even go to a supermarket or sitting in a bus with people or metro.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lost motivation, want to quit... please help",
    "post_text": "Fourth-year med student currently in the midst of clinicals. Just can't find the motivation to study or attend online tutorials or go for wards anymore.\n\nI feel so tired everyday, sometimes I wish I would just die in my sleep & not wake up the next morning. Nowadays, whenever I try to study or listen to the online lectures, either my head feels like it's in a haze & nothing goes in, or I get palpitations, breathlessness & feel like puking. & in the wards, I feel totally dissociated from what's going on during rounds. I'm so sick the endless cycle of trying to complete anki reviews & revise my notes, in addition to having to cram in new information that the doctors in the wards quiz us on & say we \"must know otherwise we'll fail the exams\". Yet, whenever I try to take a break, I feel even more anxious & guilty for \"slacking\", & can't enjoy any of the hobbies I used to like. My insomnia has been getting worse & worse, & the times that I'm finally so tired that I crash, I don't wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. I seriously dk how my classmates manage to stay so enthusiastic about medicine & how they have the stamina to constantly discuss study-related things/meet up for practice all the time.\n\nAlso, I'm so scared I'll turn into a monster/ lose my sense of humanity because it hasn't even been 2 years into clinicals yet & already, I feel numb to patients' stories like every other history I take has been reduced to symptom complex -> diagnosis -> investigations -> management plan. It's so disillusioning to see the doctors in the hospital so jaded & overworked that over time, the focus just becomes discharging patients as fast as possible & documenting changes on computers wheeled around the wards to protect against legal liability. Some of them even talk demeaningly/make snark comments about patients behind their backs, & while I don't expect doctors to be saints, especially given the tough working conditions, it really makes me question my decision to join med school. Because I want to help people but this isn't the way I envision/want myself to be when I graduate. & I've realized over the years that there are so many other ways to help people besides the conventional path glorified by Asian society of \"becoming a doctor & saving lives\" (which is limited by manpower & the time crunch & bureaucracy so in the end, how much can you really help?).\n\nI've tried seeking mental health help from a psychiatrist & was diagnosed with dysthymia + panic attacks, but the meds don't help as my symptoms are precipitated by the med school environment & its associated stress. I've contemplated quitting med school but I'm trapped by the bond/debt. I've considered talking to my school about my struggles but... let's just say that the way doctors talk about mental health behind patients' backs doesn't paint a very encouraging picture for me to open up to them. I've even expressed my thoughts on leaving medicine to my parents & while they are understanding & came around after a tearful session of confessions & explanations, they don't quite get the amount of mental pain I'm in & keep advising me to at least complete school & get my medical degree before leaving. I know that logically, this is the wisest option as there's only about 1+ more year to go... but emotionally & psychology, I'm at a loss as to how to get through 12+ more months packed with lessons & ward rounds & performance assessments & two more big exams. I really feel like giving up & tbh increasingly, I think about ending my life & how nice it would be for the pain to finally end once & for all... but I don't want to hurt my parents. Please help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what to do...",
    "post_text": " \n\nThis is the third time I have posted on reddit asking for help after July.\n\nAs I mentioned earlier, my mental health has degraded a lot during this lockdown. I don't have anybody I can talk to....no friends, no trust-ables or anything. My parents don't believe the existence of mental health in children so If I tell them that I am experiencing extreme mood swings and depression I get the answer don't be sad or if you will be sad it will become a habit. I need to get back to normal quickly because I am having an important exam. And my parents have indirectly told me that they are going to judge me. I am always feeling hopeless and anxious and worried and depressed. I feel like crying the entire day but I don't because it doesn't changes anything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need a friend",
    "post_text": "I'm a 22 yo guy from India and I'm really depressed. Why mention my country? Because everytime I make a friend on reddit, eventually I tell them where I'm from and I never hear back from them after that. \nAnyways, I graduated college last year and I work from home these days. I spend most of my time working on weekdays. And I spend my weekends lying in bed all day and listening to asmr. I don't feel I have anything in life anymore that really makes me happy. I've got a couple friends in this city but I don't feel like meeting anyone. I don't feel like watching anything on tv either. Idk nothing makes me happy anymore. There's nothing that I look forward to anymore. The things that I think I might enjoy- it feels like the effort required to do those things is much more than the pleasure I'll get out of them. I just don't feel like doing anything anymore. The little energy I have all goes into my job- even in that aspect I thing I'm just getting by. I feel so tired and unhappy and empty and bored all the time. I want to be happy but there's nothing that makes me happy anymore. Nothing worth doing. \nI was hoping I could find a friend here and idk we could just help each other get better. Idk how.. but it might be helpful talking to someone who's going through the same thing.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Girlfriend started taking antidepressants and pushing me away",
    "post_text": "Hi (24 M)my gf of 4 years (22F) has - I believe- been struggling with various degrees of depression for a very llong time (probably since before i met her) but she only recently (1 week) started to get some medical help. She just got worse. She rarely talks to me and when she does it is short answers. Most of our conversations are about her telling me how shitty she feels, sick, or seeing/hearing stuff because of the meds or how she just wants to sleep all day. I decided to give her some space but today I really felt like calling her to check up on her and in the first 30 seconds of the call she started acting like an asshole to me and i got pissed. I now feel shitty about it because i know she is struggling but at the same time I won't be treated like a carpet.It's important to know we live close by but I've been out of the country for almost 2 months now so we haven't seen each other in a while ( I should return in a few weeks).\n\nI don't know how to help her. I told her to \"hold on\" until the meds can help her but I am at my wit's end, feeling like I am losing her. Help me to help her please  \n\n\nEdit: the medication is called citalopram",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I start things and stay motivated again?",
    "post_text": "I seem to be in a depression hole of a cycle.\n\nI can somehow still manage to go to college 5 days a week, and go to work on weekends.\n\nBut once I'm home, I'm utterly depressed, because I have nothing to do. I have hobbies I used to love, but at this point, starting to do something-- anything at all-- seems like a tall hill to climb.\nSo I just nap and browse the internet/social media. Because that doesn't require effort. \n\nI used to have passions, like art and music. I used to write, draw, sew, exercise, watch tv, watch movies, and read.\n\nI can't seem to focus properly. I'll be trying to read something, but don't understand what's going on. I can't remember anything, either.\n\nI can't wake up in the morning. \n\nI tried antidepressant medication, but they actually make me 100x worse.\n\nSo now, I need to find natural ways to get up, do things, find passion. I'd like to have a schedule, but every time I try to make a schedule, I can't stick to it. Something is wrong, and I don't know how to fix it or balance myself.\n\nSomeone could tell me, \"Just do it\". But that isn't going to help, because there's an important piece of the puzzle missing for me to \"just do it\". I'm not sure why I am this way now.\n\nAny advice? Anyone share this same experience?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nothing, and I mean NOTHING helps",
    "post_text": "Do you know what\u2019s worse than being depressed and not having your life in order? Being depressed and having your life in order, because if your life is already in order, there is nothing you can improve on and nothing you can do to try and get better; meaning there is no hope. \n\nMy life used to be a mess, but at least I had something to fall back onto. When I told people about my depression, they told me about all the things that helped them out; like exercising, extracurricular activities, going out with friends, having good grades, eating well, etc. As someone that couldn\u2019t even get out of bed to take a shit, I listened to what everyone told me and did it all. I became an A+ student-athlete, I\u2019m not too good socially but I have a few friends that I talk to and occasionally hang out with, and I lost a lot of weight, but the entire time, I couldn\u2019t shake this feeling that everything was off. \n\nTheoretically, I should be happy right now, I have become something that I thought was impossible 2 years ago, but it has become clear by now that no matter what I do, I will still want to kill myself. I mean, I feel the same, if not worse than I did 2 years ago. I still stare at my dad\u2019s pistol every time I walk past it in its case, I still think about cutting myself every time I see a blade. \n\nOne single thing I\u2019ve noticed that has been with me since I was like 7, is that the thought of death is the only thing that brings me comfort in tough times. At this point, I feel like it won\u2019t be too long until that thought finally becomes reality.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does Anyone Else Feel this?",
    "post_text": "Does anyone else feel like you're a skin suit and everything inside you is rotten, and if you reach out and try to touch anyone IRL that you'll just poison them too?\n\n​\n\nI dunno, maybe it's just keeping all holed up due to covid that's gotten me all messed up in the head, but it just feels like nothing in me is working right and the few things that bring me joy just weigh me down and I can barely breathe.\n\n​\n\nI've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since my early 20s and I've been in therapy but so many of the medications I've taken have made me manic or feel dampened everywhere. So I got to a point where I just did therapy for a while before I moved out of the country with my SO.\n\n​\n\n I miss when I was happy, and when I was closer to more friends and family. I love my SO but I hate being looked down on here by others.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I messed up trying to make sure my kids had a different childhood than i did.",
    "post_text": "Sorry for the rant and sorry for the grammar, I feel like I just hit a damn wall !\n\nI have 3 kids I grew up in a toxic family mom and dad divorced, seen my dad get locked up a lot my mom never being around because she worked so much. \n\nI always wanted my kids to have a better life than me, you know the American dream mom and dad that stayed together. I didn\u2019t want them becoming a statistic, I guess the toxic thing never went away. My husband and I have known each other since 1999, his dad died in March of 99 and my dad April of 98 we did a lot of stupid shit drugs and staying drunk and all kinds of dumb stuff. We broke up right after he turned 21 because he didn\u2019t want me in his life, I caught him cheating. Well a drunken booty call in October I ended up pregnant, I was happy and we \u201c tried \u201c to work it out, he left me high and dry for most of my pregnancy and the first 2 years of our sons life. Toxic family told him I was sleeping with everything that had a penis so our son wasn\u2019t his, his mom paid for a paternity test came back he is 99.9999999% the father ( duh I knew that). Stupid me went back again to him, we moved in together he lied to me every chance we are very toxic for each other. We got married in 2006 had a kid 2007, from 2007 till 2011-2012 something like that he cheated again and made me feel like it was my fault, he lied to me about everything! But he promised he\u2019d be better and he was always sooo very sorry. Fast Forward a couple years his best friends dad died when I was going to leave him and take the kids, he begged me to stay I stayed. We hand another kid 2015 so I figured that was a sign telling me to stay things would get better. But all the things that could go wrong went wrong more lies, we lost our house our car and everything. He sucked at money he would spend spend spend stuff got cut off left and right got into them payday loan shit. Like I couldn\u2019t trust a single word that came out of his mouth but i still stayed thinking it was what\u2019s best for our kids. Fast forward to now 2021 we have 3 kids 1 son and 2 daughters. Our son graduated and works and pays his part of the insurance and the WiFi cause I said if we were getting the highest one he\u2019d have to pay it. And he does he pays his part of insurance and the WiFi no questions asked. My husband is so hard on him every time he says he wants to get a new car or something he bitches cause he sleeps all day when he\u2019s not at work unless he has something to do then he\u2019ll get up and go do it. Our son is more responsible now than My husbands ever been in his 40 years of life. \n\nMy son has anger issues and depression, yeah he got all that from me cause I\u2019m super fucked up! My husband doesn\u2019t think depression is real he says you just snap your self\nOut of it. My son came to me yesterday soooo mad at his dad because his dad was bitching about anything and everything he wanted to do. Our son was super sick last week ( tested negative for covid) he was in bed all week. My husband has been using my car to go to work and the battery was bad so he was jumping it every morning with our sons car. Yesterday when our son went to work his car was making noises like the battery was messed up or he needs a new alternator ( he loves cars so he knows what the sounds mean lol)  I think my husband got defensive about it and was like well I didn\u2019t do it ( my husband has totally messed up every single car we\u2019ve owned and totaled my sons other car right before we moved and he doesn\u2019t take any responsibility for any of it it\u2019s always someone else\u2019s fault or he says sorry and it\u2019s never to be spoken of again that\u2019s been our whole relationship) \n\nAnyway sorry my son came to me yesterday and was like why does dad make me feel like every time I wanna do something for myself I\u2019m lazy or I\u2019m not responsible enough. I told him I was sorry and I didn\u2019t know but maybe it was because my son is more responsible than my husband has EVER been ! Then my son tells me and this isn\u2019t the first time that he\u2019s afraid to move out because he\u2019s worried my husband will get us in another fucking money bind and he\u2019s worried about his sisters. My heart doesn\u2019t know what to feel I feel soooo bad that he feels he has to be responsible for his sisters cause he knows his dads gonna fuck something up. I\u2019m trying to find a job but it\u2019s always been the same all but one time when he was talking to another girl saying I was holding him back cleaning houses and I was a loser. After that time it\u2019s always been well I make more money than you so you have to quit, like now we moved and I was supposed to get a job but I can\u2019t he has my car to go to work. \n\nThis is really all over the place and I am so sorry I just don\u2019t know what to do my oldest is 18 and then I have a 13 yr old and a 5 year old. If me staying with his dad trying to have a \u201c real\u201d family fucked him up what\u2019s it going to do to my girls ? It\u2019s not like I have anywhere to go anyway my family is so toxic my mom passively treats me like shit most of the time. I have no friends anymore my one cousin is so messed up right now with drinking and screwing her life up I can\u2019t turn to her. My brothers been staying with my mom during the week and hotels on the weekends cause he\u2019s fuxking up in life right now! My youngest sister the golden child looks down on me so I can\u2019t go to her.  I don\u2019t wanna mess my girls\nUp their dad does love them and he loves our son !",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression, Depersonalization, Emotional Abuse. HELP.",
    "post_text": "Since about November 2019 I\u2019ve started to experience symptoms of depression but i just thought it was some sort of phase or something since I\u2019m just a teenager but its now Jan 2021 and those symptoms have constantly been in my brain like they have almost become apart of me. Plus I\u2019ve started to experience a few symptoms of depersonalization disorder but once again it\u2019s only a few and usually I only feel the symptoms to this when I'm doing stuff I know my parents would yell at me for. For example one time I smoked weed with some people and In the moment I knew I shouldn't do it and but I felt like telling myself no was just like watching a movie and trying to tell the actor not to do something but what ever you say you can't change the outcome. I didn't get caught but that whole time I felt like I was just on autopilot. Idk if either of my cases could even be diagnosed because I only have a few of the symptoms (but these symptoms are persistent) but not all that are required to actually have the disorder. I feel like these stem from emotional abuse but once again i feel like the \u201cabuse\u201d is not like super bad but its there. Like I\u2019m consistently told I\u2019m the cause of stress in my house and  I get yelled at for the littlest things but then an hour later they\u2019ll give me a hug and forget it ever happened ( this happens everyday). I have a sense of isolation from my family like I live with them but I'm like an outsider that doesn't belong. Also I feel like I'm forgetting how to be myself like I'm usually considered the funny guy or that guy just always knows how to have fun that's but like recently I've noticed A LOT more of my jokes are missing and me being excited or funny comes off as trying too hard. I don't really know what I\u2019m asking for just any advice?\n\nSo this was saved as a draft about 3 days ago and reading it again makes me realize that my situation is actually a little bit more sever that I thought. I hesitate from posting things like this because part of me feels like I'm just doing this for attention. I almost convinced myself to delete this but I mean there's no harm in seeing what people have to say I guess.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to work in school with depression?",
    "post_text": "It's no secret that school and depression do not mix well, but currently I am demanded of it so I must fulfill society's insatiable hunger for my misery. How must I complete school work when all I can manage to do is focus on eating and trivial tasks. I'm on depression meds but they do not work 100 percent and I still can't focus. any advice? I have a test tommorow and missing assignments that I have no idea how to do, nor have the motivation to try super hard. I'm so tired of this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything is going great, I am still suicidal",
    "post_text": "I have a great, supporting family. I have friends. I go to a good school and have okay grades. I live a healthy lifestyle, workout.\n\nWHY DO I FEEL SO SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT. IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE POSSIBLE TO FEEL SO BAD IN SUCH A GREAT PLACE. \n\nWHY AM I SO WEAK. \n\nSO MANY PEOPLE ARE DEPRESSED BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THINGS THAT I HAVE. \n\nI feel guilty...\n\nThe pain doesn't go away...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My frog died, I'm knowingly avoiding my problems by investing all my money in improving the tank, i spend all day playing Red Dead Redemption 2, and I have zero motivation to find a job. What do I do?",
    "post_text": "Like. Just the idea that my entire life for the next fifty years until I'm dead will be working menial desk jobs 40 hours a week and then coming home just to clean dishes and go to bed and wake up OR jumping from shitty retail job to retail job and being verbally abused all the time is depressing as fuck. It makes me wonder how much is worth actually living for beyond my parents being sad if I died. Everything else is just doing nothing worthwhile until I get they've five years of freedom and then die. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friends doesn't believe in be and doesn't respect my wish to be alone for a while",
    "post_text": "My friend doesn't believe in me and doesn't repsect my wish to be alone for a while.I have a problem with a friend in which I could really use some advice about.\n\nIn mid dec. I told my nearest friends, that I need to be alone for a while. I was waiting for starting in a treatment with some therapeuts, and needed to step back since all the expectations from my surrounding became too much and left me up with anxiety. I cancelled christmas, new years eve and went on the sick leave. I've been depressed since the beginning of last year (maybe months before acutally) when my now ex, broke up with me.\n\nAnd this has been the BEST thing I've ever done to myself.I do have contact with my mum, who supports me 100%. And a little with my dad, whom I struggle with. And this leaves me to focus on how to deal with him, since that relation in itself has been so toxic for me as well - so much that I didn't had energy to focus on it. Because I have so little energy atm.\n\nThis one friend, let's call her \"ST\" is the one I'm having troubles with.\n\nDecember was tough. A family member choosed to not talk with me anymore, December should have been anniversary day w. my ex + it reminds me of my sad little family, not so many friends and two earlier suicide tempts (another ex + a dear friend). So Dec in general is a REALLY tough month for me. I went on the sick leave this Dec, because it just became to much.I then called ST to tell her about my choice - also telling her that earlier this year I was so depressed, that I tried to take my own life. But that I'm not there anymore, but fear to end there if I don't take myself seriously. She got mad and told me that being on the sick leave is the most stupid thing ever - because I was ALMOST recovering, and almost starting up my own business etc.I got angry and told her that I just needed my friends to believe in me - and believe me when I said that this choice was the right one for me. And hearing others concerns doesn't help me - but just feeds my anxiety about not pleasing anyone. She got irritated and told me she's allowed to have an opion.- I never told her she's not allowed to. But sometimes she can't see what's proper to tell someone who's having a hard time.\n\nOne week after, she broke the bond to a mutual friend who's also on the sick leave.He's much much worse than me. Still ST took everything personal and got angry. Which was the thing our mutual needed to talk about - telling that the anger made her feel more anxious than supported. That has affected me as well. I have trust-issues and now fear any moment what ST thinks - I usually please her. This is what the mutual friends also did, and this turned out bad.\n\n​\n\nAnyhow. ST  invited me to celebrate christmas with her and her family.  I told ST about me going in self-isolation + staying away from So-Me from mid Dec - untill \"??\".. This to focus on my health, self-healing ability and take one little thing at a time. While also telling her \"thanks but no thanks\" about celebrating christmas.Still I felt I had to write her a message telling - \"this means I won't come for christmas, but thanks again\", Because I feared she would be upset.\n\nAfterwards she textes me like... 4 times.. Messages like:\"Hey, I'm so worried, can you please answer me?\"\n\nEVEN thoug I told her that this self-isolation meant that I wouldn't have contact with people around me! Because that pushes me back.\n\nI then ended up pleasing her, messagin her in the end of Januray that I'm recovering slowly and that, as promised, I'll get back when I'm back again\".\n\nYesterday I saw her big brother on the street and I kinda \"had to\" say hello to him. Yesterday was the same day I startet therapy, so I looked like a mess (+ was a little embaressed because he's god damn beautiful and has always flirted with me). I told him to say hello to ST, tell her she's missed and that she shouldn't be worried because I'll still keep my promise and get back when I'm ready to be social again.  (yearh, because I knew he would tell her he saw me....)\n\n5hours later she texted me twice:\n\n\"Hey, I'm SO WORRIED! I need to know that you're okay?\"\"Hey, just like my message - you don't have to write a long message or anything\"\n\nI'm a mix between angry and understanding.- maybe she's concerned that I'll take my life again? And this is her way to show love - just showed through concern?\n\n\\- but I'm SO  angry for the fact that she doesn't trust in me? Her concern makes me so angry... I've already messaged her TWO TIMES even though I told her I wouldn't answerany messages. Telling her I'm fine and that I'll get back. Can she just leave me the f\\*\\*\\* alne and believe that I'm doing fine, taking one small step at a time. THIS is one of the reasons why I had to take a break from people. If I believe in their concern about me not getting better, I won't be better. The last time my dad told me he though I would kill myself - I wasn't having some selfharming thoughts. But then I started having them - just to prove that he was right. I won't let this selfdestructive way of pleasing get in touch with me again. And being away from people, only having contact with my mom, has changed my habits into being able to wake up, going outside, making food (once in a while) and start to work on my traumas.But know, because of her messages, I fear I get stuck in the believe of not recovering. I know it's not her wish, but that's how it affects me... My therapy sessions is mainly about relations. I don't understand them and this is also why I need to start the therapy alone and then, slowly this or the next month, I will begin to open up again and see some friends again.\n\nI just can't function now, because this things with ST gives me troubles breathing. I couldn't sleep and I haven't been able to eat anything this morning or do my morning yoga, because I can't deal with this. It's too much. And my therapy session was yesterday (which also knocked me out) and I have to wait 2weeks to get there again, so now I'm stuck with these thoughts..\n\nI really need some perspection, some advices, on how to deal with this. <3 Please <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What\u2019s ACTUALLY going to make me not depressed anymore? It\u2019s been 3+ years of clinical depression and I\u2019m only getting worse. I genuinely don\u2019t want to live anymore. I fucked up big time.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m only 20 but these past couple years I haven\u2019t felt like I lived my life properly. I\u2019ve been floating through everything and I no longer have a life worth living. It\u2019s been years of not being able to get much pleasure out of things. I\u2019ve now reached peak depression because I no longer have any hobbies or interests, goals and passions, I don\u2019t feel the need to socialize and make friends anymore, I don\u2019t do anything with my life and I gave up trying because my mind and body did years ago. Ever since getting out of high school I haven\u2019t thought of anything to do with my life because my depression has gotten so bad that there\u2019s no point in trying anymore because all I see is darkness. I\u2019m not good enough I feel, and that anything I do isn\u2019t good enough so why try. The pandemic has made things much worse and I\u2019ve already had a suicide attempt back in November, and I\u2019m still suicidal since my last attempt, and I have a strong feeling that I won\u2019t live long because my depression has made it so that the pain is overtaking the will the live any longer. These past 4 years, I\u2019ve only had a few days where I felt okay-ish, but 99.9% of these days out of 4 years have been depression, so I feel that it\u2019s not worth living anymore. I don\u2019t know how to get out of this mess. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. I\u2019ve tried multiple antidepressants and therapy hasn\u2019t been working so far. I\u2019m isolated and suicidal. I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll always be this way so I want to stop living. My negative thoughts keep me even more depressed because the future just seems to be more depressing and lonely. So why live it.\n\nWhat is going to make me not depressed if I have been consistently clinically depressed for over 3 years? 3 mother fucking years and this shit hasn\u2019t went away. I\u2019m losing value in life, it feels like a shitty game that\u2019s no longer enjoyable and I\u2019ll gladly stop playing it. Life feels like a joke to me now, I just can\u2019t live anymore. Nothing on this planet has been making me want to stay alive. Maybe I wasn\u2019t meant for this world? My shitty upbringing and years of depression of anxiety, some people weren\u2019t meant to survive in this world. Natural selection.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Afraid of not being depressed",
    "post_text": " Is it normal for me to be afraid of getting better? I'm 18 and I have been depressed for around 5 years. It has become normal for me to not like living, and the thought of enjoying life scares me. I'm literally afraid of not being depressed somehow. It's like I have to step out of my comfort zone. The thought of not me actually wanting to live feels like I lose my identity, like I have to become a different person. I dont know how to live without depression, and I dont want to live with my depression anymore. I either have to kill myself or choose to live, but how do I tackle the fear of not being depressed?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am getting paranoid",
    "post_text": "I can't sleep no more since 2 days\nI have the feeling of being watched the whole time of something not human but humanlike.\nI am so tiered at this very moment. \nI flinch at every sound and getting kicked out of my sleep even its just the crackling of the wooden floor. \nI am afraid of opening doors because I am scared of opening doors, because I fear there is something in the room, waiting for me.\nIt all started with one crappy horror movie which was not even scary. It was really bad with huge logical gaps. I even laughed at it in the first place. But now? It is like my brain was rewriting the story just to intimidate me.    \nBut every time I talk to a family member it is just like it never existed. But as soon I close the door it is starting all over again. \nEvery time I think I can sleep now, I just get the feeling again if something is approching me and heading for my neck. Even right now\nPls guys help me. I am so tiered. I can't think anymore. This was the only thing that came into my mind. \nMaybe it is helpful to know, but I got ADHD as well. I don't know. \nPls answer as soon as possible. \nEvery answer will be appriciated\nAnd sorry for my bad english. I am no native speaker\nThank you for reading it. It means a lot to me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "In love with my best friend who doesn\u2019t see me like that.",
    "post_text": "So Iv known this guy for over two years now and the moment I met him I started to fall for him. We are both mid 30\u2019s and have a real connection. We actually met from a online hook up at the beginning and he ended up staying here for a few nights, but after a week when I asked him for a date he said he wanted to stay friends as that was more important. I still remember how much it broke my heart then when he rejected me, but we hung out nearly every day. He stayed at my place most of the time and we just became really close. We sleep together whenever we stay at each other\u2019s places, just cuddling. Over the years I have fallen deeper for him and I had already suffered with my own mental health before all this but now I feel so torn.\nHe is literally my one and only friend, I\u2019m terrified of having another talk about my feelings with him in case I push him away again. \nWe didn\u2019t speak for a few months as he wasn\u2019t very understanding that I couldn\u2019t stop loving him. I cried every single day when we stopped talking and this was during lockdown last year. It was awful, I think about him all the time and I have a lot of trouble sleeping with my mind just racing. \nMostly When I\u2019m with him I genuinely feel myself and happy, but then I always wish for more. \nI don\u2019t know what to do, I feel like if i stepped away again from our friendship I wouldn\u2019t last. It\u2019s not that I want to end my life, but for awhile now I just wish I was dead. He keeps me tethered here, so I don\u2019t know do I just hide my feelings and say nothing and hope the friendship works. \nI would have been a very outgoing, proactive and positive person but I don\u2019t feel that anymore. I burst out crying a few times a day about my life, I don\u2019t really sleep, I can\u2019t really eat which isn\u2019t good cause I\u2019m already v skinny. \nOver the past few years Iv lost many friends to suicide so I know how terrible it is, but lately I really find myself understanding why they did it and tbh I don\u2019t have the guts to go through with it. \nI\u2019m really hoping someone can share some advice, I have done therapy and seen doctors but I didn\u2019t really find it helped. It\u2019s hard to fully open up face to face.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm 25y/o female from India. My depression keeps coming back in waves that pushes me into a full blown breakdown every few months. I don't know what to do. How do I get better?",
    "post_text": "I have struggled with depression for a few years now. I live in a conservative family and my childhood was toxic, abusive and lonely. Things keep coming back to me now as I grow older. But I've learnt to use my coping mechanisms and get better every time I start to fall into the darkness.\n\nHowever, two months back I had to deal with an abusive episode at home and I have not been able to bounce back. I'm jobless. I'm preparing for a competitive exam that requires me to study for at least 10 hrs a day and clearing it will mean freedom for me. All other options I have don't lead to freedom for me. I've invested the last two years of my life in this and now the exam is just five months away but I find myself unable to even get out of bed on most days.\n\nThe best day I've had in two months was when I somehow managed to meditate and study for 3 hrs. I'm fed up struggling and I'm losing hope. But I want to get better and I want to be able to function and meet the demands of my life right now.\n\nI don't have the money or family support to consult a professional for help and so I've come here as a last resort hoping that someone will be able to show me a light. I want to get better so bad. I believe it's possible for me to create the life I want. I'm just unable to see a way out of this darkness. Please help. How do I get better? What do I do to be able to stop feeling so lost and study?\n\nP. S. Due to my lack of access to a therapist I've learnt all the tricks like exercising, meditating, Journaling. And I'm trying these but nothing is working. I feel no joy even in things I used to love.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My uncle is getting severely depressed, how to help him.",
    "post_text": "So my uncle recently unfriended a toxic friend who drained him off his money, convinced him to unfriend all of his friends and introduced him to alcohol and drugs but after he unfriended him he became really lonely and started getting intoxicated even more, almost stopped going to his job and talking really pessimistic( like wanting to kill himself and what is the use of living anymore). I don't know how to help him, whether to seek professional help or to do something else. I am really sad and in pain from seeing him spoil his life and health like this. He roams around wearing the same shirt and not even admitting he is depressed. A little advice would be much appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Motivation for getting better?",
    "post_text": "Hi guys,\nI really don't mean to be a downer, I'm just looking for advice (and maybe others who are/were in a similar situation to mine). \n\nWhat do you do if you don't really *want* to get better? Sounds horrible, I know... I don't mean I'm enjoying how I am currently, but more like...it's been so long I don't even remember how it was to not feel like this, I'm so low on energy it's a miracle when I brush my teeth or eat some vegetables, so I'm not really capable of dreaming of a better life now. And even if I were, I don't think I deserve it. \n\nI'm 21 now. I really should be doing this on my own, not to mention I try to not let my parents know how bad it is. But I just feel so weak and helpless. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not even that scared anymore that I'll kill myself, despite the frequent thoughts, because I know I don't have the energy, and the will to even actively want that. I'm having a hard time describing this. It's like...total numbness (except for the breakdowns sometimes), no will to do anything, even if I try to do something, my brain is having a hard time comprehending anything. I could and would rather sleep all day, every day. It's a bit unnerving, like I'm not even alive anymore.\n\nSo...if any of you were ever in this situation, what helped? Did you ever find a motivation? Or did you eventually just got yourself to therapy and went through the motions and it worked? Or...what the heck do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ketamine Infusions",
    "post_text": "I know it\u2019s not something widely used yet, I\u2019m just wondering if anyone has used ketamine therapy for depression relief and what that experience was like. \n\nThe good, the bad, anything. \n\nI\u2019m trying to decide between ketamine therapy and microdosing to help instead of traditional meds as the medication I\u2019m on now seems to be causing more issues, as well as ones in the past. I would ideally like to try something else rather than another new anti depressant. \n\nThanks all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it just me or does depression sometimes come and go?",
    "post_text": "  I (16M) have been struggling with depression for quite awhile now and I've wanted to know does it usually come in waves? For me I can stay happy for a period of time with little to no suicidal thoughts before suddenly slipping back into a pretty horrible state of depression. I feel like theres some triggers but they dont exactly cause the full blown depression state but maybe my overthinking pushes me into a bowl of shit and I was wondering maybe whether it was just for me or maybe its for other people struggling with depression.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm about to confess to my family how bad my depression really is but i dont know how.",
    "post_text": "I, 27M somewhat purposely f*cked my life up.\n\nSorry for my bad English, not a native speaker. \n\nI did everything i could to rack up as much debt as possible. Started ignoring all my friends and parts of my family whom i used to be really close with. I stopped taking care of my rented apartment and myself. So basically I'm living in a web of lies. All of this was basically to make it \"easier\" to k*ll myself. \n\nBut i now realized i can't do it because it would destroy my mother, brother and sisters..  i know they love me and would do anything for me to make me feel better. But its easier to lie and say everything is fine and avoid talking about feelings. \n\nSo now I'm stuck... And i have to confess and try to get help but its really hard for me to talk about this because im ashamed and disgusted about myself and i don't know how or where to begin. \n\nDoes anyone have tips for me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help. My ex fiance has been in a psychosis for year and won't stop beating me up or go to the hospital.",
    "post_text": "It started on my birthday of all days... she suddenly got really paranoid and yelled at me that I had poisoned her food...\n\nShe keeps contacting me through various means and screaming at me that I'm a horrible person and that she needs to beat me up forever and that I actually have no feelings and somehow my whole life is a lie.  She keeps spreading rumors about me to her friends and online.\n\nShe beat me up until I started hallucinating really badly and then told the police I was a stalker who she had never met.  I can't find anyone to help me.\n\nShe's sometimes lucid, but usually, the things she says aren't even coherent... I have no idea what happened... I'm so sad and hurt...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to stop self-abuse when you fail at something",
    "post_text": "This is probably not the right subreddit, but I really need advice on this.\n\nI am still in school. I am not the smartest person. But anytime I am failing at something I want to hurt myself really badly.  There have been instances where I bang my head against the table until there is literal blood on my face. \n\nI just fvcked up a speech really badly in school, which I was preparing for at least a week and I am having urges to really hurt myself. How do I stop. And I workout every day, that doesn't seem to help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice on personal hygiene/self care",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone! This is my first post on reddit so please forgive me if I don't do this right :p\n\nI've struggled with severe depression for about 12 years or so now, and lately it seems to be getting worse. It's gotten to a point where I don't have motivation to do the most basic of things - such as showering daily, brushing my hair, even brushing my teeth... it's incredibly embarrassing, but I just can't find it in myself to care. I used to put a lot of effort into my appearance, and I took pride in how I presented myself. Now though, I feel as if it's pointless. I feel like the way I present myself currently is an accurate portrayal of how I feel inside. \n\nDoes anyone have any advice on how to change this, or how to find motivation, or anything at all? I'd greatly appreciate any ideas on how I could improve on this. I feel ashamed when I show up to work in the same outfit, or with my hair in a tangled bun because I couldn't be bothered to brush it. Not ashamed enough to change though, I guess.\n\nThank you in advance for any responses, and thank you for taking the time to read this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice on intrusive thoughts?",
    "post_text": "Hi! I\u2019m 19F and have been going through a depressive episode since late December/early January. It\u2019s the first time I\u2019ve had this, or at least to this extent. I\u2019m on 50mg sertraline, but have begun to decline again more recently, so am making a doctors appointment about the possibility of increasing my dose. My parents are both mental health professionals so I\u2019m pretty lucky there, able to get advice on how to verbalise feelings, and what they think I would benefit from.\n\nAnyway, the reason I\u2019m writing is because I\u2019m suffering pretty badly with (what I can only describe as) intrusive thoughts. For me, they\u2019re all memories of times I\u2019ve hurt someone or done something negative. A lot of them are extremely minor or where nobody was hurt, but I do so much mental gymnastics to the point that they seem life destroying. They almost feel like flashbacks, and I get more intense panic than I had while the events were actually happening. They\u2019ll come if I\u2019m doing uni work, watching TV, in the shower, just woken up.. it doesn\u2019t matter. \n\nSo my questions are; has anyone experienced this sort of thing? If so, how do you deal with it? I\u2019ve been recommended EMDR and given details of a good therapist who could do this. Is this recommendation echoed by anyone with personal experience?\n\nThanks ahead of time, and let me know if any more info is required!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I might commit suicide",
    "post_text": "I have very loving parents. They never said no to me and provided me the facilities available in my town. But I have let them down so bad. I didn't get a good college and now I am doing a job which pays minimum wage. I hate myself. My father is sending me to USA for MS, but what is the point? I was a failure and will be a failure. All my friends are ahead of me( I don't even know if they consider me as a friend). I go on social media, everybody is getting famous and having the time of their lives. I hate myself. I want to die. Please help me. please",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is this normal?",
    "post_text": "Hi, I don\u2019t know if this is the right place for me to ask this but I need answers from those who are in similar situations as I know depression can be tough.\n\nI am recently friends with this guy and he was a super nice friend. Along the way, he opened up about being depressed and all. For the past 3 weeks, he suddenly started to cut off our convos short and never made any plans anymore. Each text would end less than 5 mins with him telling me to rest, study or something. But then he came back like everything was fine.\n\nWe also have a common enemy which he tends to talk about. But as soon as I talk about that person, sometimes he is supportive, but sometimes I\u2019ll be hearing remarks like \u201coh, him again?\u201c or \u201clife happens\u201d. I don\u2018t think I initiate the talk about the enemy much but I do talk about him time to time when he, himself brings up the topic but then again, sometimes I\u2019ll face the same remarks. \n\nAm I doing something wrong here? I genuinely felt hurt by his behaviour and I want to know if this is something I should approach him about or it is because of his depression. I would really appreciate if anyone could confirm this for me. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I genuinely wanna be happy. Tips?",
    "post_text": "So I have severe anxiety and depression. Nothing traumatic happened to me, a lot of my family has this. I take medicine; however, I dont want to rely on this all the time. Lately I have been struggling a lot with overthinking. On my relationship especially but, mostly in general. I wake up filled with anxiety and my heart racing, and its gotten to a point I feel physically sick. Ive tried yoga, working out, etc but it doesnt help for long. Does anyone have tips? Genuinely good ones that work? Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Don\u2019t know how to create a goal to motivate myself to keep living",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been at my lowest point I have ever been, i\u2019ve been here for the past 3 months ish. And i\u2019ve been struggling for so many years, but right now I have nothing and no one, I know I should eat, sleep and exercise better, but I don\u2019t have the motivation to do anything, I go to bed at 8-9am recently, god knows what I eat, I can\u2019t remember but it\u2019s not good. I just don\u2019t know anymore, I\u2019m scared of dying but living is such a torment",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have never been closer to suicide",
    "post_text": "my finals are here for 11th grade, i have not studied anything because i procrastinated a lot and was depressed.\n\nMy family thinks i will pass will flying colors or whatever and I got all under control.\n\nam done for guys, theres no help, am in this hole i cant get out and the walls are closing in, nothing giving me that happiness no more, am done guys, i dont own a gun because in my country you cant, i am just afraid i will my fail my suicide tooo.\n\nsomeone just shoot me when am asleep plzzzzzzz",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am really struggling with people touching me",
    "post_text": "I've been having a pretty rough two or three months. This means even that I feel uncomfortable having my boyfriend touching me. I have talked to him about this twice how I've been growing distant and disliking anything to do with touching (he is a person who loves touch). It seems like even though I've told him how bad it feels having someone touching me, he keeps doing it and it is starting to suffocate me. He is always asking why I don't touch him and stopping me to hug me or touch me in some way. This is making me quite irritable as well. I am waiting to get help from a doctor and see what I can do about it, but can you guys give me some advice on this? How can I get myself to not feel this way? I've been forcing myself to take it for a while now and it just gets worse?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression after my scoliosis surgery",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone,\nI've had a surgery on 10th of February, since my scoliosis reached about 60\u00b0. I was happy I was getting the surgery at first, seeing it as an investment in the future. Without it, I would have experienced extreme pain in later stages of my life. However, after i woke up from the surgery I've been hit with nightmarish pain, unable to sleep for almost two days. Since then, I've been worried if I have made the right decision. Hearing nurses say that people are recovering after just three days got me really sad, as i can barely move around in my bed without major pain. I'm feeling really desperate, as if there is no escaping from the pain, as I feel plenty of it even under hospital medications. I had a friend that underwent the very same surgery, i looked up to her as she was able to live easily with it, as if she never was on a surgery. Unfortunately, I fucked up our friendship because I was a dick. I greatly regret it since now i see what she had to go through and how strong she was. Now I have no one to reach out too about this. If someone has any experience with a scoliosis surgery or can help, please do\nThank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Back on the meds",
    "post_text": "Back on the Prozac & Abilify...\n\nI know it\u2019s for the best. I know I have a medical condition that needs treatment. At least that\u2019s what my therapist says. That made me feel better for a little while, but I can\u2019t help feeling a little resentful as I swallow the pills. Why can\u2019t I just reason my way through the sadness? Why can\u2019t I just see the hope through the pit of despair? Why can\u2019t \u201chaving it all\u201d fill the huge gaping hole? Why do I have to let myself hit the bottom before I can decide I need to stick to the plan? Why with forums like this and such a greater openness about mental health do I still feel so alone? \n\nNothings seems worth it. I can\u2019t even bring myself to cry about it. That seems worthless too. It\u2019s getting harder to fake it and push through. Being an adult only makes me want to run and hide more. There\u2019s always so much to do, but I can\u2019t anymore. Then I think of my little family and I feel so much guilt that I could think about leaving them. But I do, I think about my end so much it scares me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I go to high school reunion if I had a terrible past?",
    "post_text": "Basically, in my high school life I went thru social anxiety, depression, lots of negative emotions so I didn't even create strong connections with these people. They are now inviting me over, but the thought of going there... eeek! It's awkward and they're all going to be connecting or recounting their memories or whatever...meanwhile I had a shitty past. So, it's not like I can go there and act all fairy dairy. Idk. Initially I actually contacted a friend but now I'm hesitant because the circle is getting larger and they're inviting a teacherlol.. I can't pretend to be happy when I just had a terrible experience.\n\nSo... I don't know what to do. Lol! I even imagined sharing them my experience in the future, and hopefully they would understand and I could perhaps recreate a friendship? Lol. But when it's people from your past ... you can't help but associate them with the past.\n\nIf anyone has read this and can relate, please help out a sista/brother.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend has depression and I don\u2019t know how to be there for her",
    "post_text": "We\u2019ve only been dating 5 months but we lived together for 4 because of the pandemic. Recently I came back to live in my house and discussed that we would see each other a few times a week. \n\nShe changed a lot after I left, she went to see a lot of friends and only saw her once. She started therapy sessions and told me she feels really unhappy. \n\nAs someone who struggled with depression myself I understand which is why I\u2019m so conflicted. I want to be there for her but I don\u2019t know if she wants me to. I don\u2019t want to smother her but I want her to know she has my full support and I\u2019m here for her for anything she needs. I was debating whether to ask her if she wants me to come live with her again but she was the one that suggested to stay in our own places again because it would be better for our relationship. \n\nI\u2019m just terrified of her breaking up with me because she wants to sort herself out. It would break me. Should I ask her if she wants me to go back? Should I take initiative with things or let her tell me when and what she wants? I just want her to feel loved and supported but I also know she\u2019s very independent and doesn\u2019t like asking for things.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've wasted my life now I'm completely lost",
    "post_text": "\nI've wasted so many years of my life I feel like time is just rushing past me and I'm stuck in place not going forward just stuck in a perpetual search that ends in dead end after dead end I spent 5 years at a job I hated and wanted to leave now I have I feel lost I spent my teenage years wasted due to aniexty and depression after the death of a friend and having to deal with all that on my own fucking my emotional stability up for years the past two years dealing with depression and suicidal throughts I don't want to waste any more time living groundhog day while struggling just to grasp onto the littlest thing to get some feeling from but I'm just trending water with no where to go but thoughts of what I could of been and what I never will be or ever have and experience\n\nMY LIFE IS GOING NOWHERE I have nothing to look forward to or be excited about everyday is same and I feel I'm just dragging my feet to get through the day",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Seeking advice",
    "post_text": "My meds stopped working. I cry all day long, often times in public when I'm forced to go out. Working towards finding a clinical psychologist to get a proper diagnosis but availability is proving to be scarce. My few friends are tired of babysitting me and my kids are avoiding me completely and the isolation is killing me. I hate the idea of tomorrow but all I want is to go to sleep and be done with today. Anyone that is going through or has gone through this, how do you cope with the crippling loneliness? If your support circle has been put through too much strain what was the move that pulled you out of the spiral? Thank you so much for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm tired and feel so drained. I know things will get better, but this part really sucks. I recently ended a toxic friendship and it hurts.",
    "post_text": "I'm a 44 year old single mom to a very sweet and loving 10 year old boy. \n\nI've suffered from depression since my teens so I know the deal and all the little self care things I can do to help. I'm just low on spoons right now. I'm on medication but have missed 2 doses due to napping and being off schedule. I'll get back on track today though. This is most likely why I'm in a slump today and things feels worse right now.\n\nI was in a bad depressive episode for about 4-5 months in 2020, like many others I'm sure. I felt it was finally lifting, but it seems I was wrong. The stress of home learning, being stuck at home, having no social circle or bubble at all has really hit me hard. \n\nI don't have many friends, to be honest just one very good friend for the last 20 years or so, but due to COVID-19 I haven't seen her in about a year. We talk on the phone but it's not the same. \n\nFor the last 10 years I considered another single mom my friend, even though we rarely saw each other and were not close. The friendship was toxic for me and we had many talks about what wasn't working, what was and what I needed from the friendship, with no improvements and I was always sad with this friendship. I ended it last night after talking about things again for the last week or so. I know it's the right thing to do for myself, but it's so hard. \n\nI guess what I'm hoping for from this post is support and any advice on how to get over a friendship. \n\nWith the two spoons I have left today I'm going to shower and put on clean pj's and get my son ready for his appointment.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do i ask for help?",
    "post_text": "I have a couple people who constantly tell me that they are there in case i need to talk. I'm scared that i might end up doing something and i've been contemplating telling one of them for the past week but i don't know how to go about it. I've tried asking to talk about something (i didn't say suicide specifically) a couple times to one of them but It either ends up being a bad time, or i just chicken out on the day we were supposed to talk. How am i supposed  to go about doing this without feeling scared, or feeling like i might offend them in some way",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness",
    "post_text": "Does anyone else feel just empty and lonely to the point that you don\u2019t even know what\u2019s wrong w you like do i have a type of disorder or what. I don\u2019t know if it has to do with my childhood or what but i\u2019m a very shy person and i mean i enjoy going and messing around with my friends but it\u2019s weird how i feel like having fun one min and then the next i just want to go home like i can\u2019t be myself or i only have certain friends who i could say stuff w or act a certain way. i sometimes think i\u2019m crazy because i\u2019ll make up scenarios in my head of just random things like of conversations that will never happen or past conversations and i\u2019ll catch myself talking to myself in the mirror or in random situations. I know i\u2019m an introvert but it just feels idek what\u2019s the word. I want others to know who i am like i wanna communicate with the world but it\u2019s like I CANT i rather just be alone because that\u2019s the only way i feel myself not even with my family around i could be myself i have to isolate myself from everyone is that weird ? does anyone else experience this ? please anything will help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "13 years old. Wanna die",
    "post_text": "Hello Reddit. This is my first post. I have read some post of other people here so I think I want to share my thoughts so that I can get help and your options on how can I be better.\n\nFirst off I live in Hong Kong. I have been studying for a while. I am now having a never important exam that I need to have soon. I have been studying for 24/7 but never get any results. I don't like studying. But out of studying. I have no hobbies and friends. I am not good at sport and art or even music. I can just study. I need to improve myself. But I can't. I get that being top 5 in my grade is nice. However I can never feel happy. I hate my teachers. They always force us to do the work in their ways.\n\nI wanted to die. I can't find the meaning of life. I can't find joy. I wanted to die. Every thing I have done is trash. I cannot find anything that will make me happy. \n\nI tried talking to my parents. However no one cares. They just said oh. And that is all. I really needed help but I cannot find anyone that cares. All my classmate  are depressed and wanted to suicide. I need help. I will update soon. Thanks I got to study bye Reddit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My dad just threatened me for crying and going to my room and i would really need some kind words",
    "post_text": " My brother has a past with drugs, he always mistreat everyone and my father says we should stay calm 'cause we could make him go violent.\n\nToday my dad told me that everything i do is because i want to bother them (liking piercings and wanting to initiate in hellenism). And now that i went crying in rage and sadness to my room without breaking anything (as my brother does) my dad came to tell me that if i keep this up he's gonna get violent.\n\nEveryone ignored me in r/FreeCompliments so i'm posting this here wishing someone give two flying fucks about me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "um so like it\u2019s been a fat minute",
    "post_text": "so basically i haven\u2019t felt this worthless and stupid in a good long while like a solid year and a half. and i mean stuffs going pretty good i guess. like just got a new car and my ex made me feel like shit about my body. but for some reason shits just going down hill. i\u2019m trying to get my life together but it seems every time i pick something up 15 things fall out of my hands. idk man shit just seems pointless and it doesn\u2019t feel like anything makes a difference anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Really could use some support right now :(",
    "post_text": "Hello. I am 13 years old and recently got diagnosed with depression by my therapist. My life just kinda went downhill i guess. I know there's people with bigger issues out there, but i really wish i could hear some kind words right now.\n\nI have no motivation to do anything productive at all anymore. I don't even wanna leave my bed. I used to draw a lot and play the piano, but now im just miserable. I feel nothing. All that's happening in the world right now is just too much for me. And the pandemic... This is a really lame problem but now i cant hang out with friends and i feel really lonely. I actually feel a lot worse than everything im writing right now, i just cant really describe it. Also, i use my phone almost all day long out of boredom and how empty i feel. I seriously feel like the world is ending. I either feel nothing, or sadness. Its honestly so tiring cause i feel like im wasting my life and theres so much i could do like pursuing my dreams but my depression is making it impossible. :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "hi, i don't know what to say but here it is.",
    "post_text": " \n\nokay, so well i think i have depression or not I don't know I am just confused and numb and sad all the time.\n\nI have a very loving family and I tried talking to them but they don't seem to understand they are trying but they can't ( dad=intj, mom=estj, grandma= estj) I have good relationships with all of them but they cant get around my mental health. They are already very stressed I can't stress them anymore and I am actually ashamed and embarrassed of talking to them about this.\n\nI have a intp cousin she knows me well and is a loving sister but her life is already very shity and i cant bring myself to talk to her out of guilt.\n\nI consider myself as a very privileged person and by that I mean that I have a loving family a secure house food on my plate clean water and just I have everything better than everyone around me and I just feel like a burden and failure everyone is trying so hard for me I don't even know what I am depressed about...\n\nI sometimes fear that I am making this all up and that my subconscious is telling me t do this for attention... i am sick of worrying people I care about.\n\nI need professional help and i know that but it is complicated.\n\nI just keep having meltdowns and just feel like someone is always constantly standing on my chest .\n\nI just feel like I am becoming a ungrateful unhumble piece of shit who does nothing but complain and become a burden or pain in someone's life.\n\nI won't lie I think about dying a lot awful lot but I know I wont commit suicide as I have a strict code of conduct and my morals don't allow me to commit suicide unless it is to save a innocent person.\n\nI need advice from someone who thinks like me or just can help me out and is emotionally stable themselves I really don't want to become a emotional mess with a lot of ego...\n\nit is taking me a lot to post this would appreciate sincere piece of advice a lot.\n\nThank you for even reading this far...\n\nhave a good day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feel like dying but won't do anything stupid to myself (28F)",
    "post_text": "I feel like an empty hollow being just existing. I feel like disappearing. Yet Ive never gone far to act on my suicidal thoughts and I know I don't harm myself. But I'm tired of living this way. Tired of struggling with major Depression, anhedonia, anxiety and chronic headaches/muscle tension. Sometimes I think, if I have no fear of death then why don't I just do something crazy with my life and just go for my dreams and just push myself to exercise more. But I don't even know what my dreams are now. I don't know what I like anymore and it's hard to enjoy things. I just watch shows or try to take walks and keep avoiding my responsibilities. Ive been losing my confidence and losing sight of myself.\n\n I keep praying for some sign with the little wavering faith I have.. Others have been praying for me too. But I just don't feel connected with people as much even tho I have some friends that have been checking up on me... I just don't feel close to them. I don't feel good or necessarily sad, just mostly apathy and emptiness. I dunno what to do with myself. I found purpose before but then I lost it when I became depressed again. I feel like I can't tell what helps my body anymore. \n\nWhat keeps you going ? What makes you feel a little happy ? People tell me to live for myself or my parents tell me to live for them but I just can't seem to muster up the courage to wake up early in the morning or think about finding a job again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "suicide",
    "post_text": "hi.\n\npretty much the thing is \n\neverything is going downhill \n\nI\u2019m seriously considering commuting suicide. I already have multiple plans and locations chosen. \n\nI don\u2019t have a phone number or any sort of texting device I can use in private. I haven\u2019t told my parents that I think I need to seek psychological attention. \n\nThey\u2019re constantly judging me and taking away things that are extremely important to me and pretty much keep the mental strain in check. \n\nI still haven\u2019t gotten diagnosed with anything but I wanna be able to share my thoughts. \n\nDoes anybody know how to get over this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you date while depressed?",
    "post_text": "I really want to start dating, but I don\u2019t know how to tell people about my depression (or just the shittyness of my life in general). I feel like I have nothing to offer; I don\u2019t speak to my family anymore, I don\u2019t really have any hobbies anymore, I\u2019m about to drop out of school, I have really bad anxiety.... the only thing I have is my physical appearance. \n\nI deserve happiness so I do want to date, but it all just feels really unfair towards the other. I don\u2019t want to start dating someone just for them to find out after a month or something how big of a mess I am and then either leave or stay out of pity. But I also don\u2019t know how to let people know in advance without sounding really pathetic or attention seeking. \n\nI don\u2019t really want to wait until I\u2019m better, because that will take years and years and years due to my trauma. But I also don\u2019t want to just spring my baggage onto a stranger who didn\u2019t ask for it and isn\u2019t prepared for it. \n\nDoes anyone know how to tread this needle?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Texas ice storm - feeling guilty & overwhelmed",
    "post_text": "I live in Texas, and my community is in need of a lot of help. I was out of town for the worst of it, and was lucky enough to come home to all of utilities still on, no damage to the house, nothing. I even had a good amount of food in the pantry. I housed a few friends, and donated to some organizations, but still feels like I\u2019m not doing enough. \n\nSpecifically I\u2019ve been invited to volunteer this weekend alongside other people from my industry. However, yesterday I wanted to get my house in order first, but ended up lying in bed, and eventually falling asleep for a few hours, because it all just seemed so overwhelming. Cue guilt for neither volunteering nor getting anything done around the house.\n\nToday I\u2019m in the same boat. I apologized and told the volunteer crew I\u2019d definitely be coming today, but again the house is still a mess, and I need to get it back in shape before I go back to working full time tomorrow. Funny thing is that I could totally do both, but my depression/anxiety tells me I just need to hide in bed all day instead. \n\nFrustrating, because four months ago I started taking medication (been in therapy for longer) and it\u2019s been incredibly helpful, but it can\u2019t seem to take the edge off during this time of crisis....even though I\u2019ve hardly been affected personally. I\u2019m spiraling because I feel such a duty to help others, but I know I need to help myself first...and seems that I can do neither right now. \n\nAny help/advice/support would be appreciated!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Want go back to my life before all of this. Please help! How can I get over this obsessive fear of others opinions? It is ruining my life",
    "post_text": "I'm not sure if this is OCD, but I (19F) have been dealing with intrusive thoughts for almost 6 months now. They are somewhat similar to POCD, but I get gruesome intrusive images of men abusing children (it is never me), and I also get intrusive thoughts like \"what if she is being abused\" and \"what if that father is a pedophile who is abusing his child?\". I think I have these thoughts because I absolutely detest and fear child sexual abuse, more than any other act in this world. The thoughts are distressing, but I have been able to use online resources and tips in order to decrease the amount of thoughts. \n\nLately though, I have been worrying over the 'groinal response', which is debilitating. I could tell immediately that it was not arousal. And it usually doesn't happen at the moment of the intrusive thought, it happens while I am ruminating and when my anxiety is at its peak. I can tell that this truly doesn't mean anything because of the fact that it just happens when I am super anxious. I could be watching a tv show involving nothing sexual, and get a groinal response due to anxiety. Though, whether I am anxious about being aroused by the gore in the show, I dont know. \n\nI think one of my fears, that lines up with POCD, is that I would EVER be attracted to any form of sexual child abuse. Because I used to watch shota as a child and read inappropriate underage fanfiction, this fear has somewhat tangible evidence. Even though I was the same age as the characters, it still disturbs me. I know for a  FACT that I have no interest in children, and that I never have (I am attracted to men at least 5 years older then me). This groinal response has me questioning though \"why would I have this if I did not fear being aroused by children?\" . \"Even though this technically doesn't mean anything, does the groinal response indicate that I think I am a pedophile?\"  It is confusing, but I guess my fear isn't that I am a pedophile (because I'm not). I actually fear the possibility of me fearing that I am a pedophile... sorry if that makes no sense.\n\n**I kind of deviated from the main point, but I think the root of all my fear, is from fear of judgment. I constantly worry like \"oh god, I had another groinal response. How will I ever explain this to my future partner?\" I even go as far as to play out scenarios in my head, where I try to detail my problems to people. I just find it hard to stop thinking about others opinions. I feel like if I were to describe my issues like I did above, so many people would think I am a horrible person. I dont want to be a bad person. But going through all this (the intrusice thoughts, grounal response, etc.) I feel like the scum of the earth. Like, even if it was due to anxiety and nothing more, who would ever get a feeling down there when ruminating about child sexual abuse?? I want to be done with this, and hopefully I will get better with the help of my new therapist. But this constant fear of what other people think is ruining me. I want to have lasting relationships, and feel like I deserve them. I want to find love, and have good friends. But I feel like I will never deserve it, even after I eventually get through this. If anyone has any advice or success in this department, please let me know. I know deep down that I am not technically a bad person, because bad people do bad things without worrying about being bad. But it is hard to accept that these intrusive thoughts paired with the groinal response does not make me a disgustingly vile person. I think I would be able to explain the intrusive thoughts to my friends and partner. But the groinal response??? Who would ever accept me and my past...**\n\nSometimes I cant even watch a tv show because my brain will be like \"See that main character you like, and aspire to be? You could never be him/her. Everyone in that show would think you are disgusting and would hate you on the spot.\" Or , \"See that villain? Who is literally burning an entire city down? You are far far worse then him. He is an angel compared to you and your thoughts.\" It might be a little exaggerated, but it can be like this when I am having a particular day (like today). I hate it. I dont want to think of myself as a monster anymore. And I want to stop obsessing about others thinking I am a monster.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can someone please help me to understand what\u2019s going on with me? Please I\u2019m getting desperate.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s been about a week in half now and I\u2019ve been experiencing either a neutral mood or a sad mood. Today is a sad mood unfortunately but yesterday was a happy mood for once. On the sad mood days I feel sluggish, unmotivated, hopeless, suicidal thoughts here and there. This sucks. I honestly don\u2019t know what to do. Are my antidepressants malfunctioning me? I\u2019ve been on them for only 3 months. I don\u2019t wanna see how long these neutral to sad episodes last because my birthday is coming up in about 3 weeks...and I\u2019m not trying to be sad. I keep saying to myself it\u2019ll go away when I\u2019m feeling better but then I just go back to being sad the next day or 2. I\u2019ve been told that this could be BPD. But I don\u2019t think so because I don\u2019t experience mania, just depression and then my neutral mood or sometimes happiness. Someone please I\u2019m desperate, literally have been asking for some help to just understand this. I think I\u2019m broken",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression and anxiety in cross cultural relationships?",
    "post_text": "Year round I contend with anxiety and depression, successfully medicated for around 10 years now. Each winter I battle SAD in the form of depression and anxiety, and all the fun ways in which those can manifest themselves. Work interactions and personal relationships in particular suffer; my closest friends either seem not to notice or just cut me a load of slack, for which I\u2019m grateful!\n\nThis past summer I began dating someone who lives in another part of the US and grew up in the Philippines. As December rolled into January I explained how this time of year often affects me and I expect even more so by working strictly from home. I also reminded her that I take prescription meds. Her response is that Americans are weak and we should just get our and walk plus spend time with others, as no one in her home country ever has to take medication.\n\nThat kind of sounds like bullshit in general, and also felt very insensitive for her to have said. Is it typical for other cultures to regard Americans in such a way regarding mental illness?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t feel like waking up anymore",
    "post_text": "Everyday feels the same, i wake up, i do school all day, and then sleep, i can\u2019t do it anymore, it is overwhelming, and exhausting, school sucks, i have no friends, and my family thinks that i\u2019m a failure, everyone around me seems to have everything planned out, i may be too young to think about the future, but it is coming quick. I can\u2019t stop thinking about what is going to happen when i go to high school, or what i\u2019m going to do for a living, i don\u2019t want to end up, in an office, i don\u2019t want to end up doing something i don\u2019t want to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can anyone give me a bit of hope please. I'm begging",
    "post_text": "Feels like everyday my life gets a bit worse. Everyday I find a way to fk it up more somehow, I find a way to disappoint loved ones or just people in general. Today the day was livable so far, I was happy having my classes and I get the news that a friend I chat to daily has to stop chatting with me so often because his partner doesn't like the fact that we chat so often????? Like???? I can't believe this, we are friends, if anything I'd say platonic friends, I don't know what to do, I just had my whole day and mental ruined by 5 voice messages and it's just adding up to me wanting to end my fkn life even more. Some background, I'm a very needy person I'm the type of person to always reply instantly because I'm always checking for friends messages because I feel without them I'm unhappy, I love having someone giving me their attention all day, might sound toxic but so be it, I'm nothing without friends either way.\nWell I don't know what else to say I can't think straight right now either I'm so emotional I can't even reply back to my friends, I'm lost",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm about to go to the hospital for my mental health",
    "post_text": "I'm really scared even though it's something I need to do. My depression almost got me yesterday but I was able to be calmed down I should have gone to the hospital yesterday but I was able to convince my friend to let me wait for today, but now that it's today I'm still terrified to go I would be going all by myself and I don't have cell service so I wouldn't know if I could talk to any of my friends for support while I was there. I'm just I'm really afraid anyone who has gone to the hospital for their depression and mental health how was it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have an extremely hard time waking up in the morning. Any advice?",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone.\n\nFor years now I've had a really hard time waking up in the morning, and I'm only able to get up at a reasonable time if it's an absolute necessity.  Even then I usually sleep in too long and am late for things.\n\nIt generally doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired.  I can be super motivated to get up early as I'm going to bed, but I'll still feel like a zombie when I try to wake up and won't even bother.\n\nI've started exercising more and feel a bit better in general, but still haven't found a way to fix this particular issue.  I don't know why something so simple is this difficult.\n\nAny advice aside from \"Just get up!\" would be appreciated.\n\nThanks!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Antidepressants has ruined me",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 17 and i\u2019ve been taking antidepressants for a while and I was just changed to a new one and I was taking small doses of the other ones to \u201cwean me off of it\u201d ever since I was off I\u2019ve been suffering from anti-depressant withdrawals. I feel really dizzy and tired all day I\u2019m irritable I have weird pressure feelings in my head like zapping and I\u2019m starting to feel nauseous I\u2019ve felt like this for three or four days and I thought it was my new pills but it only started when I stopped taking my old antidepressants and I looked up withdrawal symptoms and I have them. I absolutely fucking hate pills I never wanted to go on antidepressants but I had to. Now instead of being non-functional and depressed now I\u2019m sick non-functional tired dizzy and depressed and my mom is really scared. I hope these don\u2019t last long I just want to stop taking pills.I\u2019m going cold turkey off them",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Birthday tomorrow...",
    "post_text": "Well tomorrow is my birthday. I feel numb. You could hit me and I wouldn\u2019t feel it. I usually get all excited and think about how to do my hair and make up, what I want to eat for dinner. I remember all my past birthdays. \nThe past few weeks I have just thought about ending it. I\u2019m not going to but I can\u2019t stop thinking about it. My life feels worthless. I don\u2019t feel like I help anyone. Obviously we can\u2019t see too much of our family right now but that wouldn\u2019t matter because we don\u2019t all get along. \n\nMy dad re married when I was 14. They had another kid. Same exact birthday as mine although 17 years apart. She is the golden child. They even had a drive by birthday thing for her to sing happy birthday. I\u2019m under 26. Don\u2019t want to say my exact age. \n\nI get I\u2019m older and I get the older you get birthdays kinda get less exciting. But I feel like dirt on the ground to people around me. I feel lonely and I feel sad I don\u2019t feel excitement. \n\nAgain it\u2019s just another day but it feels shitty. Maybe it\u2019s the memories I miss I don\u2019t know. Just wanted to get it off my chest. \n\nI\u2019m scared to wake up tomorrow. I\u2019m scared to have another year like I just had. I don\u2019t think I can survive it. I barely survived this one. \n\nThis isn\u2019t a \u201coh I hope Reddit wishes me happy bday for validation\u201d post. I just feel like sometimes on here I can share and get it out there. I don\u2019t really have an outlet. \nThank you for listening.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My teenage son dealing with depression, I need help",
    "post_text": "So as the title states my 14yo son was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety.  I am a single mother and with the pandemic we have become isolated from my parents who helped a lot with my son.  Any suggestions on how to talk to my son and help him through this time would be very helpful.  I'm exhausted,  terrified,  and saddened by what he is going through and sometimes its just all too much. Any book suggestions? Or materials that can help me help him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "In need of a virtual hug (please \u00a8\u032e )",
    "post_text": "About a month ago I asked for a virtual hug and a few wonderful souls responded. It helped me ground myself and feel connected to life. If you wouldn\u2019t mind dropping a virtual hug I, and my serotonin waiting to be released, would really appreciate it. I hope you are having a good day kind strangers. This world can be tough but you are tougher. You\u2019re trying your best and that\u2019s what\u2019s most important. We will beat our depression.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed medical student",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a medical student that has been coping with depression for awhile. I have been thinking lately about the easiest ways to commit suicide. I don\u2019t want to, it\u2019s more of a passive thought and I desperately want help but it seems impossible to find a therapist or find time to even see one. I\u2019m tired all the time, anxious, and just having a hard time with everything happening in the world. Every task feels impossibly hard and overwhelming. I feel disconnected from everything I do. I worry about all the work and studying I have to do and it\u2019s exhausting. I\u2019ve tried two antidepressants and they made me throw up. Not sure where to go from here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Existential Crisis",
    "post_text": "\n\nI feel sad and depressed because of this existentialism that has started for me.\nThe thoughts saying that nothing actually has meaning, happiness has no meaning, if I were to die in the long term nothing would really change. And these thoughts make me distressed and depressed. It came to me while I was walking my dog and I couldn\u2019t get it out my head. I\u2019ve gotten temporary relief by telling myself stuff like we choose to live our lives and looking at articles and posts online, but the feelings always end up coming back and I feel even worse. I keep having this thought that I want things to go back to the way they were, I want to live my life without these constant thoughts entering my head every moment. I\u2019ve had this for a short while and it feels like it\u2019s always in the back of my mind 24 hours a day. Any advice would be much obliged.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just been rough for the past month",
    "post_text": "I don't really know what I'm hoping to get by writing this but, I've been doing really poorly lately. I get up, I work for 9-10 hours straight (consulting job), then I feel too exhausted to do anything else... I go to the gym at night, then I pass out and do it all again. I've been so miserable and so overwhelmed, and I hate myself for being so incapacitated. \n\nMost of all, I think I'm freaked out by feeling like it'll always be like this. I've been putting so much effort into keeping my baseline up - I eat regular meals, I sleep 8 hours, I work out, I meditate, I'm on antidepressants, and I've been going to therapy for two years. I've been feeling better, but again I still feel like shit, all the time. I can't stop belittling myself. It's so scary, and it makes me so angry. \n\nI don't understand how everyone around me, my family and friends, can go through the same stressors as me and be fine. And not feel concerned about their work, their relationships, if what they're doing is \"enough,\" and not be exhausted all the time. I feel so alone in this. My parents and friends don't really support me in this the way that I need them to, and I snap at them, and then I feel bad because I know they're trying their best, and they don't need to be here for me at all. \n\nI just feel trapped in my own anxious thoughts, alone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mom found out I've been skipping classes. What do I do?",
    "post_text": "So I've been diagnosed with depression, and am currently on meds. Though, they don't work 100% of the time. I have been skipping classes due to lack of motivation, anxiety, and fear. \n\nI don't think my mother believes I have depression, and still thinks it is the cause of my medication; As the person who has the illness, I can tell its not just the medicine.\n\nShe gets angry at me for skipping classes, (Rightfully so, but it still hurts because I'm not doing this for attention or laziness) and wants to talk to my guidance counselor and teachers. \n\nI know they are going to put it on me, because I am the one who's been skipping and not asking for help. I'm trying to attend as much as I can and get assignments done, but its never enough. It's true this is my fault, but I feel like they don't understand that I'm not doing this out of laziness; I'm doing it because I want to off myself and can't take this anymore. \n\nI've been having suicidal thoughts more recently, but I don't think I will be believed. I don't know what I should do anymore. I'm trying to bring up my grades and attend classes but my mind and body are so sick and exhausted. \n\nWhat do I do? Taking the death route feels easier than facing this. There's so many things I want to do, but I don't think I'll be able to at the rate I'm going.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am interested in someone but my mind is stopping me from liking them",
    "post_text": "There is this guy who likes me. I like him too and I want to get to know him but I am completely TERRIFIED of being in a relationship with him because:\n\n1.I might hurt his feelings\n2.I am scared to be left alone\n3.He doesn't know my \"bad\" side (that I have depression)\n\nI believe all relationships will end honestly....and that is why I can never answer yes to someone liking me even if I like them back. I pulled away, deleted my discord and just completely shut myself out until I can talk to my psychiatrist, but I can't till the start of next month....I need help. I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Well, it happened",
    "post_text": "Following my last post. It happened my closest friend is gone, I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know how to deal with it and I don't know what to learn from it. I tried the best I could for this not to happen, but once again my heart is left broken, two of the people who made me the happiest in life are both gone, I'll never be able to chat with them again... I can't deal with that right now, corona, uni, distance, friends going, me hating myself, I can't deal with all of this crap anymore. I'm tired of living I'm tired of faking it to everyone I'm tired of being tired. This is unfair, I want to be greedy and just let myself be at peace, but with that I'd bring pain to others, and I don't want them to feel like I do right now.. I've been cutting myself to ease the feelings, which is helping but I have nothing more and it's becoming addicting. Any help or just support in general is appreciated, love all of you, thanks in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Weed and depression",
    "post_text": "I started smoking marijuana at the age of 15 at first it seemed like the best thing in the world, but as time went on, my anxiety started to dominate in my life, causing me today to have depression. Nowadays I can't stop smoking marijuana because my friends are always smoking and it is inevitable not to smoke, every time I smoke I feel like it's a bad trip I get stuck in my thoughts, judging myself, creating impossible situations to happen and I can't get out. last week i was having suicidal thoughts worst of all i don't want to kill myself but i can't stand the suffering anymore and every time i smoke i feel those same thoughts, i'm afraid i'll never be able to smoke marijuana again since I miss the trips that I had in the beginning. Any thoughts on what I should do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "School Dropout",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone, I've recently lost around 100 pounds it happened right when I dropped out of school, I haven't been the same since I've been staying home. I'm 18 now and everyday is a chore, you think I'd be happy now that I've lost weight but I have extra skin and that makes me feel like I'm the same person I was before I lost weight. I look in the mirror and hate so many parts of myself even though my parents and friends say I look good and that the things I see aren't true. How can I get out of this funk?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m tired of pushing forward.",
    "post_text": "Hello all. This is my first time trying to reach out for help and doing so with friends and family feels shameful because I am my family\u2019s rock and support system. It\u2019s never been the other way around and the few times I asked for some help from my wife it\u2019s always ended badly.\n\nI am 27 Male with a wife who is 28 and a son who is 3.\n\nWhen I met my wife I was already depressed, though never clinically diagnosed. All the signs were there though. Always tired, no motivation, indulging in vices just to feel something. I had no purpose and in all honesty I never ended it because it would be more trouble than it was worth. My mother and sister would be hurt and financially strained from my sudden death so I just lived day in and day out trying to not to sink too low. They were my excuse to live.\n\nAfter meeting my wife things because brighter. My family definitely noticed an improvement in my attitude and I started taking care of my self more. For a while we only hung out, nothing official yet so I wanted to put my best self forward in hopes of building a relationship with this amazing woman. A year later we married and she got pregnant. It was my sons birth that pushed me to go back to school and get a better job. Simply put my finances would not be able to sustain a decent life style.\n\nI\u2019ve noticed though that slowly over the years I\u2019ve started to fall back into the same depressed state of mind. I am unbelievably tired all the time, I have started buying more alcohol than normal and spending more and more time playing online games in hopes of getting some moments or happiness in a day of glum. \n\nMy wife has noticed and started complaining that I\u2019m changing for the worse. I can see it but I just can\u2019t seem to do anything about it. I have moments of motivation where I will be good for a couple days but then revert back. \n\nRecently I had a bad episode where I just started drinking and wallowing in self pity. My son was already asleep so he wasn\u2019t exposed to it. When my wife came home she seemed concerned but didn\u2019t really know how to react. She sort of pushed me away and told me to sleep it off. In the morning I wasn\u2019t any better and I didn\u2019t have the energy to get out of bed. My wife called my mother to come help and she did a decent job of making me feel better but I felt embarrassed about it. After she left I was disappointed that my wife wouldn\u2019t hug and just sit with me and instead just push for me to be back to normal. After this incident I definitely haven\u2019t been as open about my thoughts because I know she doesn\u2019t really care or rather doesn\u2019t know what to do. \nI have noticed that recently when we argue I will have moments where I want to react in self harm. This comes usually around the time when my wife and I go into a the quiet part of our argument when everything has already been said but we haven\u2019t come to a resolution yet. In both in a state of calm anger. In this time I always want to bang my head against to wall or take a kitchen knife to my arm.\n\nIn the past I would tell my wife about these thoughts but it came across as me trying to manipulate her by threatening self harm so I know not to bring it up anymore.\n\nAt this point I feel like I\u2019m in a downward spiral. I want to go back to when I put care into myself. When I gave my all every day. Now I feel like an empty shell pretending to live a happy life. By now both my mom and sister know it\u2019s a facade but I can\u2019t admit to it. I was able to power through it and make my wife and son my reason to live, not just an excuse , but a real reason to push forward but now I feel like I\u2019ve lost steam.\n\nWhat can I do to help myself? I know I have to be there for my wife and son but I feel myself slipping.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I could use some help figuring out if there\u2018s a possibility I\u2018m suffering from depression",
    "post_text": "This could turn out to be kinda long so I apologise in advance if anyone wants to read this.\n\nLong story short: I\u2018m not sure if I\u2018m actually depressed or just imagining things.\n\nSo, this took quite a lot for me to post this and I will try my best to describe my situation. Some general information: I\u2018m 15M and have (like a lot of germans) been at home for home-schooling for almost a year know except for a few months where we went to school in person.\n\nTo be honest I don\u2018t really know when things started but I was talking to a friend of mine (video-chat) about a month ago and after he asked I explained to him how I was feeling. When I was done he said something along the lines of \u201eHmm that kind of sounds like some depression you got there.\u201c \n\nNow to what I told him: I think I stopped expressing how I feel at any given time at least a year ago and since covid took hold things have only gotten worse. I can\u2018t remember the last time I cried (tbh i felt like crying pretty often lately) or truly told anyone I wasn\u2018t doing too well. I always pretend I\u2018m happy and everything is normal so neither my parents nor my friends start worrying about me. One thing that really bothers me is that every time my friends who I 200% trust ask how I\u2018m doing I tell them \u201efine\u201c. The conversation with my friend was an exception i guess. I want to explain it to them SO bad but somehow I keep stopping myself. \n\nA minor thing that might be worth mentioning is that I unfortunately remember practically every single mistake in my only relationship I ever had with a great girl I am not really over yet, friendships and in general ALL THE TIME. I always have to distract myself with something because every time I\u2018m left alone with my thoughts I go down the good old \u201eWhy did I do that?\u201c \u201eWhy would anyone do that?\u201c \u201eWhats wrong with me?\u201c \u201eDoes he/she still remember that?\u201c road. School is almost insufferable because it leaves me a lot of time to think to myself and unfortunately it\u2018s rarely happy thoughts. \n\nThe thing that makes all this so hard to decipher for me is that I\u2018m never certain how I feel. I know it sounds stupid but it\u2018s the best I can describe it. I have some good days where I just hang out with friends in discord and play minecraft all day but there\u2018s always that thought in the back of my mind that I don\u2018t deserve this. In contrast to that I also have bad days where I feel like I\u2018m on the edge of breaking down and giving up on everything. One of the most common feelings I have is hate towards myself.\n\nNow the part that every \u201eaRe yOU dePResSed? taKE THiS qUiz!\u201c website asks: Have I thought of suicide? More or less.\n\nI\u2018ll be as honest as possible in this part. I have thought about if I would survive the distance from the window to the ground outside. I have thought about if it would hurt very much to stab myself. I was never actually anywhere close to doing it.\n\nI have also thought about if I\u2018m important to my friends or if they\u2018re just with me out of pity. I have thought about if the world would be any different without me in it.\n\nSo, I have some suspicions that I COULD be depressed. But I also think its possible that i\u2018m just imagining things because I\u2018m just awful. \n\nIf anyone made it through this, thank you for your time. If anyone wants to spend their time giving me advice i would be grateful.\n\n-M",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Brushing your teeth when really depressed?",
    "post_text": "I had a bit of a dental scare recently and was able to end up brushing and flossing twice a day for a month until I was able to get to the dentist- I think this brushing was caused almost entirely by anxiety.\n\nI went to the dentist, and they said no cavities, but when they did gum measurements \"there were some pockets of 4 and some bleeding, which we don't like to see.\" They didn't exactly clarify what this meant, so I was like \"ah ok i'm fine\" and went back to my normal routine of basically never brushing my teeth because I can barely even get out of bed to pee.\n\nI ended up looking up what the \"pocket of 4 with bleeding meant\"  a week later and it said gum disease and bone loss, so obviously now I'm spiraling about all of my teeth falling out and having to get either numerous implants or dentures in my 20s...\n\nThe point is, I do need to not only maintain my oral hygeine, but at the moment I need to actively improve it before I get too far.\n\nAnxiety will push me along for now, but I know that soon I will start to feel like my gums have recovered enough (even if they haven't), or just forget why I'm anxious, and I'll stop brushing.\n\nDo you have recommendations for how to actually get myself into a habit to brush and floss my teeth- not just \"chew some xylitol gum\" or \"keep mouthwash by your bed and spit it into a water bottle\"? Thanks",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Stuck in a hole of lack of motivation/productivity",
    "post_text": "How do you motivate yourself to get tasks for work/personal life/self-care done daily? I usually feel pretty productive and motivated 1 day out of the week and spend the other 6 days at a loss for energy to get anything done and end up hating myself for being \u201clazy\u201d and then stressing out over all the things I could have/need to do and then feel bad for even stressing out over all of it because \u201cwhy didn\u2019t I just do it? I don\u2019t deserve to feel bad for myself when it\u2019s as easy as just doing it\u201d. Been stuck in that cycle for a couple months now. Anyone else been through this? And if so how did you climb out of the hole of the endless cycle this is beginning to feel like.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to help my friend get help",
    "post_text": "So I have a friend who is very clearly depressed.\nShe has also confided in me her substance abuse and eating disorder.\nHer parents are divorced.\nHer mother used to bruise her nearly every morning during elementary school.\nHer mother never listens to her.\nHer mother and grandmother encourage her eating disorder.\nHer mother genuinely blames her phone for her problems, even the aches.\nHer father is just the densest motherfucker and, while he would probably want to help her, he is too stupid to realize she is telling the truth.\nHer sister would probably just push god onto her if she went to her again.\nShe selfharms by bruising herself and has had thoughts of suicide.\nAs mentioned before, she has substance abuse issues. She drinks too frequently and has also taken prescription medication.\n\nHer family won't do shit to help her and fuck the public school. How do I help her?\n\nShe isn't even 17.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Suicidal and going to be a father",
    "post_text": "So it\u2019s a long story but basically I\u2019ve realised Today I\u2019m actually suicidal. Basic short of the story is. I was with my gf for 4 months was the most intense and passionate relationship I\u2019ve ever been in and I\u2019ve loved her more than I\u2019ve ever loved anyone. She announces she\u2019s pregnant and changes due to hormones ect and I struggle to cope due to the stress of finding out I\u2019m going to be a father so I drink and we argue constantly. Then she suddenly leaves me and i become a full on alcoholic drinking everyday in complete despair 6 weeks go past and I\u2019m too afraid to message her but I do think about this child and I can\u2019t just Abandon it so I Eventually decide message her to tell her I want to be a father to this child. She says she will let me be involved cause she wants the child to have a father. But tells me she never wants to get back together and just wants to be friends and civil for the child. Saw her for the first time in 6 weeks yesterday and I thought it would make me feel better but it doesn\u2019t just makes me feel worse cause the pain is so intense. Tells me she never wants to get back together with me and at this point I was looking at the floor my lips trembling and I\u2019m on the verge of tears and I\u2019m pretty sure she knew this and she said we could be friends but in a way that she was trying to comfort me and basically say atleast I\u2019m in your life in some way. She showed me the scan photo and today she went for another scan and sent me the video of the baby\u2019s heartbeat and tbh I know I should be happy but I\u2019m not I\u2019m so depressed I just wanted cry cause I can\u2019t bear not being with her. Now I asked her for a pic of the baby scan and she said later she\u2019s out. I strongly suspect she\u2019s having sex with someone and I just can\u2019t cope.she left 6 weeks ago and I\u2019ve not been happy since I\u2019m constantly having to contain my tears and my anger and I just don\u2019t see the point anymore. I\u2019m even jealous of how much she talks about the child like that\u2019s all she cares about and I never mattered. I do want to be a good father to my child when it\u2019s born but at the moment it\u2019s hard to see past this pain. Any advice ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Girlfriend with severe depression",
    "post_text": "New here, I don\u2019t know if this would fit in or belong. But I am struggling with my relationship with my girlfriend. She hates her job, constantly stressed out and while I\u2019m at work she will call and rant and often cry. I listen and try to help but feel like I am of no help. Everyday as soon as I get off of work I go to her house and just sit and try to help. She lays in bed from the time she gets home and constantly says she is miserable. She constantly says she wants to go to sleep and not wake up. She says it is not worth living anymore. She is seeing a therapist but I feel like I can\u2019t leave her alone for more than an hour with risk of her hurting herself. I just need some advice of what to do in my situation. Thank you in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it ok to not want to tell your parents why you're depressed?",
    "post_text": "I'm depressed and my family knows this. I've been diagnosed and all that stuff.\n\nNext week, I wanted to stay with a friend because the closest I get to feeling ok is when I am with them. It'd be nice to have a break from everything.\n\nBut they refuse to let me go until I talk to them.\n\nBut I have nothing to talk about. I have many, many reasons as to why I'm depressed and at the same time none at all. I don't want to talk to them about it. I'm getting a therapist soon and I've talked to my doctor a little already, but they can't seem to respect the fact I don't want to talk to them about it.\n\nPlease help me. \n\nWhat can I say to them to convince them? Is this normal? Do I really have to talk to them about it, even though I'm already getting help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It would be so much easier to die",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t want to suffer like this anymore I don\u2019t consider this a living. I qwake up every day just to hate myself then hide in my room and listen to music all day so I can\u2019t see who I am. I\u2019ve never wanted to die more than ever. I have nothing but T-shirts DVDs and oddities to live for and I\u2019m out of money. Many of my favorites from my collection I\u2019ve had a sell for money and being that they\u2019re everything I live for it\u2019s like I\u2019ve lost pieces of my self. I feel so sad and empty",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel fed up please listen to me?",
    "post_text": "Hi,\n\nSince a young age I had a big need to be in showbiz. I was part of the chorus in school and did some plays. People thought I was good. Sadly it went nowhere like I had no family with connections. I made this friend who was a child actor but he had the looks and I lacked that department. \n\nYears later, I am living in the USA struggling the same thing and being older. I love to act. I really do. I try a lot but I can't do an American accent and people dismiss me or even make fun of me. I keep trying to reach out to people to make projects and I get ghosted. \n\nI moved to a big city to get opportunity and it is so competitive with crappy entry level jobs. I have done so many labor gigs to be able to survive, worked 24 hours straight and 0 acting opportunity. I have a job that gives me little freedom working 6 hours for 6 days a week and even there upper management writes me up for petty things when I work so hard and can lose that job anytime. \n\nI don't like anything else other than acting and it is me, all alone. I have a few friends but they deal with their own issues like alcoholism and such. I see people on my social media or my friend's friends who get acting opportunities in indie films and such and they do things that I could and makes me wonder... 'Why they don't cast me for anything? What is wrong with me?'\n\nI have been to acting classes and I have barely gotten any feedback. I hear things like my accent or before I've heard I was chubby and ugly and I fixed it since I am fit now and put some fillers. It is just I feel nobody values me... It is easy to think so since my very own parents abandoned me and wanted no responsibility.\n\nAny comfort would help please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I cannot see a bright side or way out of my situation right now",
    "post_text": "I'm a sophomore coming to the end of my second year at this school and I have made zero friends, done zero things with anyone since welcome week freshman year and have only spent two quarters on campus. And by the time I graduate I will not have spent a full year at SCU. COVID cut off freshman year, obliterated this year, I will get to do study abroad next year (which im very grateful for yes but it does have its downsides), and then senior year I'll graduate in the spring. There will be zero time for me to make any friends at SCU. I only have one quarter next year to do it in person before being gone until the next fall. How the hell am I supposed to make any sort of meaningful friendships or experiences in one quarter if I'm a stupid introvert. I'm gonna end up looking back on college the same way I do high school, four years of skirting the edge of fun and seeing everyone else have what I can't. I hate it, it's crushing me. There's zero hope for me, I will not have a fun college experience. Others will make friends they'll be friends with for years, I'd be lucky to make one for a day. I hate it I hate it I hate myself. Last year in the spring I talked to someone about feeling like this, and they said \"don't worry, I made most of my friends my second year. You have plenty of time\" and that gave me hope for a bit but that's gone now. I didn't make any friends last year, none this year, I've got one quarter to next year. And by senior year everyone will be in their groups, on their way out, reminiscing about fun times I can only daydream of. \n\nAnd now is find myself reading r/Suicidewatch incessantly. I'm not gonna kill myself but I can't stop bringing it up in my head. Sorry to rant like this but I was going crazy keeping this inside my head",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression is ruining my life",
    "post_text": "Depression is ruining my life\n\nI\u2019m 18 soon and I hate myself. I was diagnosed with depression in July and I\u2019m just worthless. All my mates are going out and having fun and going to university and Im going anywhere in my life. I feel like I\u2019ve wasted my youth away not doing anything whilst everyone else is living it till the fullest. I can\u2019t attract women, I\u2019ve been told that I\u2019m attractive by quite a lot of girls but I just can\u2019t seem to attract them and I don\u2019t know what it is. The past just haunts the **** out of me and I feel I have nothing to live for and I contemplate suicide a lot. I\u2019m a lazy cowardly stupid human being who\u2019s done nothing with their life Thank You",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My depression is getting bad again",
    "post_text": "I have struggled with depression and anxiety for the majority of my life, I\u2019m 30 now. About 3 or 4 years ago I decided to get professional help and have since been on a variety of medications and pill combinations. Last year in July I tried to overdose on pills and was taken to the hospital. My meds were changed and have been increased since then. I see a therapist but I don\u2019t feel like it\u2019s helping. \n\nIn August I left a very toxic relationship and also lost my job. I am now married but I still haven\u2019t found employment. I have applied to so many jobs and gone to so many interviews but they never go anywhere. I already feel like a failure because I lost my job and it makes me feel even worse not being able to find employment. My depression has gotten almost to the same place I was in back in July. My marriage is falling apart because I\u2019m so stressed out and depressed but don\u2019t receive and real positive support from my husband. I feel like I\u2019m just meant to be alone and will never be loved for who I am. I just want to be happy and not feel like I\u2019m a burden to everyone around me. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Woke up at 10am but couldn\u2019t get out of bed until 2:30 pm because I am always so exhausted in the mornings",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what\u2019s causing it. I\u2019m just absolutely exhausted in the mornings to the point where it feels impossible to get out of bed. I don\u2019t even feel like picking up my phone or moving a muscle at all. I just lie there for hours on end. Maybe it\u2019s related to depression and the fact that I\u2019m doing nothing useful at all right now (I\u2019m at uni but I\u2019m already months behind and I\u2019m going to fail my first year at this rate) so I\u2019ve nothing to strive towards each day but I really have no idea. What should I do??",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Myself is one thing, my work is another",
    "post_text": "I have been struggling with depression for most of my life, some years better than others. For the past year, I have tried different medications and therapy but nothing seems to help and I feel so ashamed. I am hardly able to carry out basic tasks, brushing teeth, showering, changing clothes etc. I live with my two best friends who help when they can (especially when my hair becomes matted) but besides not being able to care for myself my work is falling behind. I've told my boss that I am struggling through some things (trying to explain the number of doctors appointments) but I am not meeting deadlines, cannot seem to keep up with my work space and I am scared I could lose my job. I just wanted to ask if anyone had a tips for coping during a work day or how to approach new projects when every interaction makes me exhausted. I work a 9 to 5 and for my breaks I tend to sit in my car and just close my eyes. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you for reading all of that. (This was my first post)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Oversleeping while depressed",
    "post_text": "I have had depression for 18 years now. And I seem to go back and fourth between being somewhat normal and happy to just completely depressed to the point of no energy and suicidal thoughts. Well im back to that no energy and suicidal thoughts but ive also been oversleeping. I will quite literally wake up for work as late as possible then come home and go directly to bed again. This has been happening for the past 4 days now. Yes I am on meds and yes I see a therapist but next session isnt until the 15th.  What are ways I can avoid oversleeping and get out of this funk? \n\nPossible causes to this depressive episode: anniversary of my grandma's death. It was recently my birthday and i would only celebrate it with my grandma. Increased rumification. Been eating junk food for the past week.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How am I supposed to get out of this?",
    "post_text": "I know I\u2019m an asshole towards everyone and I know I\u2019m passive aggressive, but i don\u2019t know how I\u2019m ever supposed to change that, and be better. Because now my girlfriend wants to call it off, because of my attitude, because of who I am I guess, I\u2019m not who I used to be and I know that but it can\u2019t only be me can it? Why is it all on my to fix who I am? Shouldn\u2019t being a relationship be seeing your partner is distressed and by actively trying to help them instead of leaving them to figure it out alone? I know I could be nicer but it\u2019s so hard even nothing in life is nice to me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I broke up wit my long distance fiance.",
    "post_text": "We've been dating for 2 years. It's our anniversary today. He's in another country and he visited me once, a year and a half ago. He stayed for 2 weeks and we've only just been talking online after that. He has always had a problem of me having a different opinion from his. We have different views about things and I don't mind it, but it annoys him. He said I think he's stupid because I don't believe him. \"Believing\" him means agreeing with him. I held on because he's my first boyfriend and we didn't have any problem when he was here. He has good qualities and I chose to focus on those instead. However, we had a big fight today and I realized it's gonna be hard living together if he can't even agree to disagree. I'm so heartbroken. He has been my pillar for so long. I was in the dark before I met him. Now I'm back in the dark. I've been crying the whole day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling all over the place. My mood is going back and forth and around and around. I can't get a grip and feel crazy.",
    "post_text": "I'm no longer depressed all of the time as I've figured out many things that can help me out of the stupor. Sometimes I feel so happy that I'm about to burst but that doesn't feel like happiness at all and when I come down I think back on the things I said and sure enough find new reasons to want to be depressed. And the depression I feel is worse than it's ever been and stays there until I catapult into the stars, which is a place where it's hard to relate to anyone. So in both states I feel alone. In short, I'm exhausted.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I honestly don\u2019t know what I\u2019m supposed to be doing. Please help.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m standing in the shower writing this because I\u2019m so lost.\nI feel a total lack of motivation to to do anything.\nI\u2019ve slept most of the day, each day this week. I\u2019ve barely eaten anything other than chips and junk. Nothing I own or could stream seems worth watching. I consider myself a gamer, but everything I could play seems like a waste of time and energy.\nI don\u2019t even want to work or make money because what\u2019s the point if everything you could buy with those earnings is just going to sit on a shelf.\n\nIt\u2019s not just \u2018right now\u2019 either. I\u2019ve always felt like this. It\u2019s just exacerbated to the level it\u2019s at now over the last year or so.\nI take medication per my physician, but I feel like it\u2019s so hot and cold on if it seems to do anything at all.\n\nI honestly don\u2019t expect anyone to give me any meaningful advice... not the first time I\u2019ve decided to scream into the nether \u2014 probably won\u2019t be the last.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm not feeling bad. In fact, I am not feeling much.",
    "post_text": "I used to feel suicidal with extreme bouts of anxiety. I would be really depressed. But now, I just don't feel a thing. Most things seem worthless, I don't want anything. I just eat, sleep, spend time online. I haven't done a single productive thing in 2 weeks.\n\nI take antidepressants, but I don't feel like they are doing a great job. I feel really helpless in that I don't want to do anything, I don't even want to get better. But I don't feel bad. There is no pain. I am not crying. I am just being lazy ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just told my parents that I had depression, it didn't go well at all.",
    "post_text": "No matter from where you are and which century you got born in, problems such as depression doesn't leave the world, everyone can get depression depending on the situation that they are having. My Iraqi parents went through alot when they were in Iraq, they went through tough wars and time where they don't have food or water. They moved out of the country to Dubai, where I got born and raised in.\n\nWe all know that depression can cause people to suicide, but my parents had another thoughts. \n\nI am a mechanical engineering student studying in Malaysia, for the past year, i got soo stressed by the amount of assignment, tests, lab reports, lessons that I have to study, and extra work that i need to do to have a good GPA. Going through al of that made me go insane and depressed, i reached out for help ofc, it helped abit but not that much, so I had to relay on myself, and heal myself. And thankfully, i'm doing well nowadays. \n\nI decided to adopt a cat recently, because first i like cats alot, and second, i read alot of researches that says pets can help people with depression. My dad is an animal guy, so he doesn't mind at all. But my mom has allergy and asthma, so convincing her is pretty hard. \n\nToday, I told my mom i had depression, and if adopt a cat it would help me alot to avoid the same senario. Instead of asking why I had depression and what caused it, she decided to say smth rude, which was:\n\n \"You getting depression because of school pressure and you wanting a cat is all a girl thing, don't be a girl and man up\" \n\nAt that moment I felt that smth pinched my heart and I just wanted to leave the house to somewhere else, she made me feel as if my problem didn't exist and i was faking it just to get a cat, i was soo offended and now i'm scared that i'll get depressed again.\n\nI know my parents went through alot, but they should take such situations seriously, no matter where you got born or in which century.\n\nI'm still very grateful for every single thing they did to me, they raised me well, they gave me all my wants and needs, but this time....it just slapped me in the face and i'm so shocked.\n\nWhat should I do ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wife has been struggling with postpartum for 18 months",
    "post_text": "Our son is 18 months old and my wife has been struggling with PPD since the first week. In some ways she has gotten better. The first month she would have breakdowns and cry and would have to leave the house. Since then she just seems apathetic to most things.\n\nA typical day she won't want to get out of bed. I work remote so I will grab our son and change his diaper and feed him breakfast. She will get up after I ask her a few times. \n\nBeing alone with our son stresses her out. Most days her mom will come over and watch our son or she will take him to her house. She usually just lays on the couch or in bed on her phone most of the day. \n\nWhen I get off work we will go pick up our son. Once we are home she will usually sit on the couch and she will interact with him a bit, but I do most of the child care. \n\nOnce our son goes to bed, she usually will lay down in bed. She will usually have only been awake/out of bed for 8 hours total. \n\nShe has told me she doesn't want to be a mom. It breaks my heart to hear her say that. I want my son to have a mother who loves him. I know she does but the depression covers everything up. \n\nShe has been on  different medications and is going to therapy but nothing seems to ever help.\n\nI don't know what to do anymore. I want to help but I don't know how. Some people in family have said we should do tough love and make her take care of our son more, or go out and do things. I don't think it is that easy though. \n\nDoes anyone have any advice? I want my happy wife back.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to be miserable every day.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m not going to type much here but it\u2019d be great if I wasn\u2019t a sad fucking mess that does nothing in their life. a few months ago I\u2019ve been diagnosed with depression and I\u2019m just never in the mood to do anything. I\u2019m always tired and I always think about ending it all. To be honest I have a pretty shitty life and at this point I think my parents don\u2019t believe in mental health. At least I have one friend that is really helping with all of this mumbo jumbo. She always makes my day at least ten times better. I am really needing help because I don\u2019t want anything worse than this happening. Every day I feel horrible to wake up, and the whole day I\u2019m just stressing on some random things. I don\u2019t want to be miserable every day :( this is not how I want to live. Someone please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't want to die.",
    "post_text": "Hi, my name is Monika and im 14. For a while now I thought that not a lot of things could make me happy, and they didn't, but then I found my girlfriend and things started looking up, but lately everything has got me thinking, \"what happens when I die?\" I love my life, I don't want to die, I'm so scared that it's all going to be nothingness when I'm gone, I so badly want to stay optimistic but I can't, my brain just won't let me. I just want there to be a happy ending when I die, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I'm missing out my best years",
    "post_text": "So I'm a 16 year old boy studying in a school that is mostly about music, went their when I was passionate about music and jazz piano. I have been severely depressed sense I was 13, with few ups on the summers, I see people in my school, falling in love, getting in trouble, crying after a test, experiencing with drugs a little (which I'm no longer allowed to) they drive down town and have friends, I know it's probably not as perfect as I see it, but it's still something. I seem to get away from everyone, and after some manic episodes some of them find me pretty weird. I'm very sad that I'm supposed to be having not only a good time, but a great time, instead I'm miserable, jealous, and apparently somewhat suicidal. I hate it that I'm staying in bad feeling sad and depressed, and feeling sad and depressed about feeling sad and depressed. And I'm having the worse time in such magical teenage years. I don't expect anyone to solve this to me, their is nothing to solve, just keep going to therapy and take my pills (that seem to get more intense with time instead of less) I'm just asking for some recognition of the pain, and maybe some people to tell me how it gets better, it's kind of stupid, but it helps a little, thinking it might ever end and I'm not messing my best years",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A therapist doesn\u2019t want to see me because I have trauma.",
    "post_text": "What the fuck. I feel so confused.\n\n\nI had a consultation with a potential new psychotherapist yesterday, to which she told me we should \u201cboth take 24 hours to think & see if we\u2019re both a good fit,\u201d to which I was fine with (even though I already had my mind made up based off of the description of services/expertise she had listed on her website.) \n\n\nAfter the 24 hrs passed, I haven\u2019t heard back from her, so I emailed her following up about our session, and stated I\u2019m confident with moving forward with them, just for her to email me back basically stating that she \u201cdoesn\u2019t feel she\u2019s a good fit for me since I have CPTSD,\u201d and how she\u2019s still an intern, meanwhile she CLEARLY states all of her credentials, some mentioning acute AND complex trauma! Along with helping marginalized communities/LGBTQ+. \n\n\nI should note I\u2019ve seen two other counselors at this practice, but unfortunately can\u2019t see them due to changes in insurance. They were the ones who referred me to this therapist.\n\n\nI feel so alone and it\u2019s been SO difficult finding help. This was a kick in the gut for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to get on top of the basic functioning that depression makes so hard?",
    "post_text": "So, I'm in one of those depressive spells where literally EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Like, it takes me about an hour to even wake up and drag myself out of bed. I've been up for hours now and can't bring myself to even go and brush my teeth. I haven't showered in two days. I spend a huge chunk of time just sitting here scrolling, even though I don't really want to because there's far more fulfilling things I could be doing, but I simply don't feel capable of anything else. \n\nI've been stuck in this cycle for a couple of weeks now and I just can't see a way out. Any tips on how to just... Function again?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why Can't I Get Out of Bed?",
    "post_text": "I'm not a morning person by I like getting ready for the day at 10am (11am at the latest). I hate wasting my day but that's all I seem to so lately. \n\nI'm a long-term depression survivor but it's never affected my sleep this bad. I can't seem to sleep until 3-5am most nights and then can't get out of bed until 2pm because I'm physically exhausted and can't pull myself out of bed.\n\nIt's making me feel so trapped in this cycle and making me feel more depressed. \n\nAny advice? Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My Mother makes me wanna kill myself and blocks me from my friend witch are the only people I feel comfortable talking about it to",
    "post_text": "I'm only fourteen so I can't move out or anything... She's raising me and my brothers in a way where we will not know how to love without her... She's toxic and I need advice as to what to so about it... Im making this post because my only escape at this point is vaping and I almost started cutting I need help but can't talk to anyone about it.... What do I do is there some way I can get out of this hell?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Brushing teeth before bed",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m not looking for judgement, I know people should brush their teeth twice a day, it\u2019s just something I struggle with. In the past I\u2019ve fell into pretty bad bouts of depression and in the process for some time I couldn\u2019t even bring myself to brush my teeth or shower. That was a while ago, not recently. Since then I\u2019ve been much healthier and I\u2019ve built a solid morning routine where as soon as I get up I shower and brush my teeth. But I keep struggling to build a bedtime routine as normally I just go straight to bed and crash out, sometimes even in my clothes, without brushing my teeth. Any advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't talk to anyone about my ,,mental,, problem.",
    "post_text": "Once I was watching phub, one lesbian video popped on me so I watched it and there was the part where they were licking feet and I had a weird feeling about that, and when i see any photo or i saw someone in real life with ,,naked feet,, I feel weird and I don't know why bcs it wasn't a problem till I watched that porn. It's extremely weird and I don't know what to do to resolve this problem. \n\nThx for any help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "just need to tell someone this",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 17. Today is my Dads 70th birthday.  That  might be surprising to some people because that\u2019s pretty old to have a 17 year old son. Peers have made fun of me and said i\u2019m probably mentally retarded  since my Dad had me when he was so old. This isn\u2019t what the topic is though and it doesn\u2019t even bother me. What does bother me is that my Dad\u2019s 70th birthday is just a reminder to me that I don\u2019t have much time left with him. At most another 10 years and that\u2019s optimistic.  It just makes me so fucking sad beyond words to even think about. My Dad is my favorite person in the world and I can not even comprehend living a single day without him. I just wish so bad that I could be like every other fucking person and have a young Dad so I could have some more time with him. I truly don\u2019t know what I\u2019ll do when he passes. With how old he is, it feels like there\u2019s really no way of knowing, when. It makes me sick to even think about it. but the hard reality is is that he could really die this year even. Or he could miraculously live until 100. But deep down I know that I have less than 10 years with him and it FUCKING KILLS ME.\nanyways if you took the time to read this poorly written rant, thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed friend won\u2019t come to work or talk to anyone. Need advice/help",
    "post_text": "W/o getting into too much detail, a friend of mine had really bad depression and hasn\u2019t been at work since January. She\u2019s technically on medical leave for unrelated reasons and that\u2019s why she hasn\u2019t been fired but her extension for her leave is about to expire. She\u2019s been ignoring everyone on and off for weeks. For example: she will text me once saying something vague about her depression and then not respond for another week. \n\nI\u2019ve never experienced someone like this so I\u2019m not sure what to do. She will be fired if she doesn\u2019t come back which will make her depression work. Any and all advice is appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I got kicked out of my house six months ago, and the only thing keeping me alive is fear, work, and my boyfriend.",
    "post_text": "(For context I\u2019m 20, F, and very new to Reddit) \nI got kicked out of my house in late September, about a week after I graduated cosmetology school, due to an argument I got into with my step dad that resulted in him screaming, threatening, and punching the wall behind me. After two weeks of couch surfing, I bought a plane ticket to California (from Texas) with the last of my money, and moved into my best friends families home. \nIt\u2019s been six months now and I constantly feel like I should just give up. I got a retail job at a company I had previously worked for within about two weeks of me moving, and other than that I haven\u2019t done much else. I don\u2019t have a car, I haven\u2019t looked into going back to school or pursuing any kind of education, I\u2019ve had a couple of falling outs now with the friends who encouraged me to move here (best friend who I\u2019m living with included), and my relationship with my family has never been more toxic. The only thing that is holding me together is this job, my boyfriend (who\u2019s been doing his best through out all of this), and being too cowardly to commit to killing myself. \nAnd I hate that I\u2019m posting all of this because it feels like such a pity party, but I don\u2019t know what to do anymore. I don\u2019t know where to go to get help, but I do want to.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Partners psychiatrist invalidates his feelings and even told him to break up with me.",
    "post_text": "My partner was diagnosed with depression as a teen and has been in treatment since. \n However he has been complaining how his psychiatrist  doesnt really care for his feelings/no empathy/ doesnt let him talk etc. \nWe have been seperated by the border closure since Feb 2020 and obviously  this has been so hard on us both. We became stronger as a couple, but mentally exhausted ,appealing for an exemption and being apart from one another. He has been having a hard time these days, with loss of job and being apart,  So when he was talking about this to the doctor, the suggestion had been to breakup with me.  Clearly my partner is distressed and has not been having a positive experience  with her. She also thinks I'm with  him for visa.\n I am from a culture where depression is a taboo topic so I'm not  well informed about it. I have started my research, yet confused and want the best for him.\nSo, is it right for the doctor to do this? Is it normal? Because I feel like its unethical and unprofessional. Every time my partner comes out of it, hes tensed and more unhappy when it should be the opposite. \n\nI want to help my partner.  I am scared and I dont want anything happening to him and want to make sure I do the best for him. He is the sweetest person and he has never given up, and have always been trying so hard. He deserves the best care possible. \nPlease advice.  \n\nAlso please give me tips on how to support him when the days are bad. \n\nThank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anyone else (with long enough hair) been denied service by every hair salon for help with extremely tangled and matted depression hair? I'm losing hope.",
    "post_text": "For context, I have long hair, and it's been matted to the point of (seemingly) no return for **3 months**. I've been able to hide it because everything's virtual. I just tie what I can back, and no one can tell.\n\nIt's matted to the extent that the majority of my hair is now just a hard clump of really tightly knotted hair. It's like a hair ball.\n\nAs the title states, I've been denied from every hair salon that I called up and were taking customers (with proper cautionary COVID measures), and I'm starting to accept that I might have to get a buzz cut at this point, which probably wouldn't help with my current mental state.\n\nEvery hair salon I called (14 total) would react in a way that made me feel really embarrassed. Especially because they always as \"How did it get to that point?\" or \"Did you leave gum in it?\" etc.\n\nI told myself I was going to be really open and honest and just tell them I have been suffering from worsened mental health state (diagnosed BPD, OCD, & PTSD) in hopes that people are pretty woke now in 2021... Nope.\n\n​\n\nI wish it were less embarrassing to ask for help in this situation. It's so hard.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help, my girlfriend is depressed, I have no idea what to do.",
    "post_text": "M, Both 14 years old.\n\nI've felt Depression. I remember there was a time where I hated going to sleep because when I was left alone in the dark with my thoughts, all I ever heard them say is how fucking horrible life is and how much I wanted to kk myself, and I would fall asleep every night knowing I would wake up the next day with no motivation or reason to get out of bed. Every day was dull and empty, every second was a living hell. I had no appetite, lost alot of weight, lost the will to live, god I hated everything. Eventually things got better, but to be honest it's kinda been happening again. Life's been pretty good for me, materialistically, I have good friends, my relationships with family are good, I have an amazing girlfriend, it's not as bad as it used to be, but I still feel like empty shit at times. \n\nBut this isn't about me. My girlfriend lives a really hard life, which pains me so much because she's an amazing person and only deserves the best. Tonight was going well, we were in a call, we talked, did some homework, talked more, and then she left the call. Over text she said she wasn't ok and if it was a good time to talk about it, I said of course she can always talk to me. She starts talking about how she's been feeling down lately, how she barely ate today, how she feels empty, and how she can't seem to feel happy at a and oh my god it pains me so much. I tell her I've been somewhat feeling the same and that I'm here for her and I love her. I try to keep talking to her and I ask her to talk to me, but she kept getting more and more quieter, hesitant, then she starts apologizing, saying she's sorry for being a burden on me, saying that she's going to hurt me, saying there's nothing I can do to help her, and I'm trying my best, I told her I love her so many times, I told her that I'm here for her and I don't care if she's at her best or her worst, I told her that the next time I see her I'm going to hold her tightly in my arms and then give her a passionate kiss, that I'm going to buy her something nice and make her feel special, that I'm going to live her no matter what state she's in, but she was still being really quiet and eventually just left me on read so I left her along. I kept trying to get her to talk to me, I wasn't trying to make her day something she didn't want to tell me, I just wanted to know that she was going to be ok before I fell asleep. Idk I'm scared, a few weeks ago we were in a call, and she starts talking and venting to me about all the shit going on in her life, she starts crying really hard, then she admitted to breaking a mirror and cutting herself with it and that just fucking broke my heart.\n\nWhat do I do. I have no idea. I love this woman with every fiber of my being. I care for her and her wellbeing. When I see her like this, it's like my heart loses a piece of it's soul, if that even makes sense. Please, help. Is there anything I could possibly do.\n\nEdit: ok, before I posted this, I got insanely depressed. I wanted to get high and numb myself like I usually do when I feel like this, but I only have a little bit of thc oil in my cart left and I was saving it for fun times with friends and with her, and I didn't want to waste it so instead of doing that, I decided to write a song. So basically I've spent the last 3 hours writing and recording a 3 minute song (on guitar). I wrote it for her, about her, her pain, my pain, my love for her, and just whatever thoughts were impulsively racing through my head at the time. I just sent it to her, I'll update you guys in the morning.\n\n\nAnd since I'm just now posting this, I would still like any advice you can give me. \n\nIdk, it's 5:15am, although I doubt I'm going to get much sleep at this point, but still, goodnight.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel lost",
    "post_text": "I won't bore you with my sob story of a past, it was horrible and has left me a mental mess at the best of times. I was getting better, was motivated to keep going in every aspect of life and wanted to make my future mean more than just getting to the next day alive, and that's exactly what was happening. I had everything ahead of me, but all that has changed and disappeared.\n\nI'm a 20 year old who's still living with their parents because I don't make enough to afford a place to live. I'm an aspiring writer who's dream is to be published, but who gets little to no good feedback from what I do. I'm an abuse survivor who continues to be abused and used at every turn, and in every way. I'm a trans who finds very little if any enjoyment from my own body. I have two friends, one is my girlfriend who lives in another country, and the other is moving away from me in a month. Family doesn't want me, and those who do want a better version of me. I work five days a week, and have very little time to get out of the house.\n\nMy life is a cycle of abandonment, and false promises. I have a hard time trusting others, and a harder time trusting myself. I've been suicidal before, and I'm passed that, I'm to the point where I don't even want to put in the effort to attempt it. Everything I do in life is just leading to another dead end. I don't ask for much, I just want to be able to say I had a good day for a change where I smiled genuinely. I want one thing to go right. I want the cycle to break.\n\nThe world has no color to me anymore, it's all just grey, dull and lifeless. I don't know what to do, don't know what I can do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What should I try next?",
    "post_text": "I have severe depression and anxiety. I am currently in a particularly bad episode. It is truly hellish and I can do very little. Between episodes I can be fairly high functioning, but I am finding that I am dilapidating more and more each year. Work and relationships are becoming increasingly impossible even during the 'good' phases.\n\nI have tried psychotherapy (ongoing still), CBT, DBT, citalopram, venlafaxine (still in withdrawal), psilocybin therapy (produced traumatising hell trips), diazepam, lorazepam, propranolol, zopiclone, exercise (\\~5x per week), sleep, SAD lamps, meditation, good nutrition, prayer, self-harm, changing jobs, going back to education, self-help books, sauna, ice-baths, living alone, living with friends, living with parents, float tanks, supplements and some other stuff. I have an ok job and live alone in an ok studio. Friends and family are generally supportive, although I have a poor, disconnected, awkward relationship with parents.\n\nNo matter what, the 'good' phases never feel that good and the horrifying, suicidal phases always keep returning. I think a lot of meta-cognition contributes a lot; fear of what others are thinking about me (especially partner and work colleagues), overthinking everything, regret and frustration about all these diseases are doing to me.\n\nIf anyone has any ideas on what helps or maybe works for them, I'd be interested/grateful. I haven't gone into a full description of my symptoms as don't want this to drag on too long, but am happy to answer any specific questions. Peace.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The best discord friends I\u2019ve ever had suddenly cut ties with me back in October. I\u2019m really hurt bad and I can\u2019t move on.",
    "post_text": "I had so many amazing memories with them. I remember excitedly hurrying home from work every day to chat and play games with them. We shared jokes and memes all the time. We disagreed and argued sometimes, but isn\u2019t that how all friendships go?\n\nIn October(I think the eighth), I got a DM from one of them. They called me emotionally manipulative and declared the friendship to be over. In addition, they said I couldn\u2019t do anything to reconcile with them; the decision was final.\n\nThey kicked me out of every discord server they moderated and I assume blocked me on all social media.\n\nThey never told me what I\u2019m specific I did wrong. They never told me beforehand that something was going on. Right up until that DM I thought things were ok between us.\n\nI just feel so evil and disgusting and not deserving of life. I loved them so much(platonic of course) and now it\u2019s over forever.\n\nPlease help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m never happy",
    "post_text": "I feel like I\u2019m never happy and I don\u2019t know what to do. I feel irritable and cranky all the time, I crave isolation but hate being alone. \n\nI just feel like I\u2019m never going to be happy or have a consistent good day. I\u2019m sick of trying therapists, I\u2019m sick of getting help I just want to feel like a normal person. I want to have one day where I\u2019m not moody and miserable.\n\nI\u2019m also so fixated on my body it drives me crazy. I have trouble with dieting and restriction and I\u2019ve been trying to eat intuitively to gain a healthier relationship with food but I just detest my body. I feel so uncomfortable and I see so many beautiful women everyday it makes me hate myself more.\n\nI just don\u2019t want to feel this way anymore, I want it to end, even small mood changes drive me insane. I\u2019m just sick of this underlying sadness always influencing me. I\u2019m afraid of death but I wish I wasn\u2019t here to experience this anymore. I hate myself so much. I want this to end.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I (28f) help my Mum (56f) who is depressed and considering suicide.",
    "post_text": "My Mum has struggled with severe depression ever since her early teens. She has been on a variety of antidepressants on and off for many years and has attempted suicide (to the best of my knowledge) twice before. She has never kept up with therapy (of any sort) as she doesn\u2019t believe it works.\nPreviously when she fell into a depressive state she would become incredibly pessimistic and irritable, withdrawn, sleep long hours - really just your average symptoms of depression.\n\nIn recent times (over the last 6 months) her behaviour has escalated to the point where I am deeply concerned that she will attempt suicide again:    \n\u2022She doesn\u2019t socialise. She has always had a small social group but is now not even engaging in the two things she had been keeping up with for years (daily gym and a monthly book club) and refuses to do anything \u2018new\u2019 (due to the cost).   \n\u2022She hates her job and her co-workers, but will not look for other employment because she considers herself \u2018too old\u2019 to get employment elsewhere. Her hatred of her workplace has escalated to the point where she will literally just leave, without advising anyone, and go home to bed. She justifies this as \u2018they wouldn\u2019t notice me if i was there anyway\u2019. Previously she has always had an incredibly strong work ethic, she wouldn\u2019t miss a day ever!    \n\u2022She is unwilling to stay on antidepressants for extended periods. She doesn\u2019t like that they make her gain weight (~5kgs) OR shes feels that they have \u2018done their job\u2019 and stops taking them cold turkey. This particular behaviour has been an ongoing problem for as long as I can remember but now she won\u2019t even consider making an appointment to get a script.    \n\u2022She is sending nasty texts and emails to her siblings and cousins, accusing them of imagined petty insults towards her and reacting disproportionately when they tell her that she is acting inappropriately and needs to seek help, she believes they are just trying to get rid of her. Previously they had a friendly but distant relationship without regular contact.    \n\u2022Calling me and my sister at all hours of the day and night in tears (mostly when she is drunk) to \u2018just talk\u2019 and keeping us on the phone for literally hours (her last call to me was 4hrs and 42 minutes at 10pm) until she feels \u2018better\u2019 or passes out. This occurs approximately twice a week to both of us. Previously we would text regularly and call about every 7-10 days.     \n\u2022Refusing to deal with anything concerning her Mothers (my grandma, 88f) increasingly poor health. She started doing this as she suspects that \u2018people\u2019 think she is trying to kill Grandma (which is completely unfounded). She had previously been the main point of contact for the local council and doctors for anything related to Grandma\u2019s care and has had medical power of attorney for abut a decade - a sibling has since taken over responsibility for facilitating Grandmas care as a direct result of her behaviour.    \n\u2022She has begun drinking increasingly heavily over the  the last ~2years. Currently she consuming 1-2 bottles of wine most nights, has very recently starting consuming spirts in addition to this. She is routinely drinking to the point where she is passing out in her own vomit. Previously she was only a light social drinker.    \n\u2022Frequently making statements such as  \u2018just wanting to die\u2019, \u2018I should just die\u2019, \u2018someone should just shoot me\u2019, \u2018i\u2019ll just die\u2019. This is happening multiple times in the same conversation, it must be adding up to hundreds of instances per day.\nThere have been many other behaviour changes I have noticed but the ones listed are the ones that are new to her and are alarming me the most.\n\nFor further context, she lives alone in a country town, does not have a significant other or any pets and my sister and I both live hours away from her (and have done so for years) as do all her siblings. She has had some major stressors  in her life recently.    \n\u2022Obviously Coronavirus has been a big thing, she is an essential worker and has been working the whole time.    \n\u2022Her employer has recently sold their business and she is very concerned about her job stability when the new owners take over. -Grandma\u2019s health has been worsening and Grandma is resisting the idea of going into a care home. Although Mum isn\u2019t dealing with Grandma\u2019s care anymore she is still stressed about it.    \n\u2022She believes she is getting bullied at work (claims to be getting \u2018cold-shouldered\u2019 and that people are hiding her belongings). She has worked there for about 10 years without incident before now and I have not seen any other evidence for this aside from her word (which I do not consider trustworthy in her current state).\n\nI have tried to help her by:    \n\u2022Convincing her to begin antidepressants again (which she is refusing to do, she will \u2018get fat again\u2019).    \n\u2022To at least see a therapist (she is refusing to as it \u2018doesn\u2019t work\u2019, also the only counselor in town is one of her cousins who she has been \u2018fighting\u2019 with -see above, I asked if she would consider travelling to see someone in another town or even zoom sessions with someone but she still steadfastly refused). I did ensure that she has helpline numbers easily accessible (saved in her mobile, on the fridge and beside all the landlines in the house).    \n\u2022Encouraging her to reach out to her friends and have a coffee or meal together (she refuses to ask because she believes they will reject her invite, a \u2018why bother\u2019 mentality. She also refuses to go out when they do invite her to things because she \u2018doesn\u2019t feel like it\u2019).   \n\u2022Actively making plans with her (which she has always bailed on despite apparent excitement beforehand). I have been in contact with several of her close friends and explained my concerns (which they have shared) and asked if they can make special effort to explicitly include her when getting together (which I know they have as we have been in ongoing contact) but she still has not been engaging.    \n\u2022Taking all her calls and trying to (gently) help her see that some of her present mindsets are distorted when she calls (I want her to recognise that she needs help so hopefully she will be open to trying something).    \n\u2022Offering to pay dues for any clubs or organisations she would like to try (as she claims she can not afford them). Offering suggestions of free community events she can attend. I also offered to attend with her if she would like (she took this offer as an insult that she needed \u2018supervision\u2019).    \n\u2022Offering to help her write a resume and cover letter for job applications.\n\nLast night she called me in such a state that I drive to her home in the middle of the night (from 5 hours away) because I was sure she was going to harm herself and the local police station was unmanned for the weekend and I was advised that meant they couldn\u2019t complete a welfare check until Monday morning. I am terrified that she is making an active plan to end her life and that if she attempts it she will probably succeed (the local ambulance response time is a joke and the nearest hospital is over an hour away). I have successfully helped her move through depressive episodes multiple times before but this is different. Both my sister and I am at our wits end and have no idea what else we can be doing or where to turn to. \n\nWhat more can we be doing?\n\nTLDR: My Mum is depressed and highly likely to be suicidal. I\u2019ve run out of ways to help, what can I do?\n\nlocation: Victoria, Australia",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "NSFW// i don\u2019t know what to do",
    "post_text": "TW!\n\ni\u2019m severely depressed and i don\u2019t have enough confidence or will to reach out to anyone. partly because i\u2019m a \u201ctherapist friend\u201d and in the past when i have reached out i\u2019m met with jokes & not being taken seriously. my perfectionism is killing me. today my friend told me their mom physically assaulted them last night and all morning i\u2019ve been stressing out, trying desperately to help them; i started creating a care package for them with a handmade necklace and their favourite things. they have a broken knuckle, bruises everywhere, a black eye, migraine\n\nthen i realised they would never do this for me, because they\u2019ve been one of those people to make jokes. i tell them i\u2019m upset and crying, they say \u201chi upset i\u2019m (name)\u201d. stupid, very childish jokes. and it isn\u2019t that i need better friends.. they aren\u2019t a bad friend. that advice just isn\u2019t what i need right now, i\u2019m lucky to have friends at all. because if they were a bad friend then everyone i know would be a bad friend, it\u2019s been like this my whole life\n\nmaybe i try too much for others and in return expect too much, but i just want someone to be there for me. i wish i didn\u2019t have to tell them how to be there, i wish they just did it out of genuine care. it wouldn\u2019t matter whether it actually helped or not because even seeing effort would be everything to me. the biggest problems i normally get to talk about is annoyances throughout my day and after a while i\u2019ve given up on reaching out because it falls flat. the people that say they\u2019re there for me don\u2019t listen. after years of this i just don\u2019t know what to do, i\u2019m so tired \n\nit probably doesn\u2019t help that i most likely have autism and what typically comforts people usually doesn\u2019t comfort me. i take things very literally and don\u2019t understand 90% of people\u2019s jokes even when i can recognise them as a joke. so maybe they say these things to make me feel better but to me it feels horrible, and i\u2019ve told them that and i try to be serious but i feel like my communication just falls on unwilling ears. idk... i just feel so alone and i\u2019ll take whatever i can get",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m lost",
    "post_text": "Suicide thoughts\n\nFirst of all , I wanna say sorry for my bad English.I didn't go to psychiatrist , but I'm pretty sure I have depression for 4 years . Back then I just felt like I lost all my positive emotions (for no reason) all of suden and I told it to friends and family and everybody was like : It's normal, it happens , it will disappeared...I cannot feel almost anything, when someone close to me die, I can't cry , when something good happens ,I can't smile (sometimes (but very rare) I can feel euphoria ) . I had no motivation and hope for better future then, and now is same .I have little health problems for 5 years ,and I can't even force my self to go to doctor because I'm affraid of diagnosis, and things are worse now. People think I'm doing a little bit better then earlier because I passed my entrance examination for college one month ago(last year all my friends did it, I decided to make a one year break ) . But college don't change anything.I 'm still big pesimits and can't feel anything. Actually I can feel fear. I have very strong social anxiety. I have 5 very close friends , they are like brothers to me and I'm relaxed when I'm with them , but when I talk to girls , I'm totally confused. They even can't understand what I'm saying because I don't open my mouth enough and speak very quiet ... I never had a girlfriend... Let's go back to social anxiety.It's very hard to go to for example market because I'm overthinking what if someone asks me something, ... I have very good relationship with mother, not good but no bad relationship with sister , and very bad relationship with father (it's almost hate) . I also have very often mood changings and I also take decisions very hard because I don't know what I want , and even when I take a decision, I change it very quick . I like watching soccer and basketball but it's hard to concentrate to watching because my mind flyes somewhere... I can't find purpose of life. People don't understand how it's hard when someone says : JUST FORCE YOURSELF AND GO TO DOCTOR , JUST GO OUT MAKE NEW FRIENDS ,... Sorry for long message .",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need help with self-sabotaging behaviors.",
    "post_text": "So I have been tapering off my medications now. I have been on medications for over 5 years, and it has not helped in managing my anxiety or depression. I feel more energetic now. The issue is, there is a demon lurking in my mind which comes out from time to time and creates havoc. For example I had saved a huge chunk of money from my first salary I received last month. Spent money carefully, was responsible enough, etc. A couple of days back, I grew so emotional and reacted so badly to some things that cried till my eyes, body and joints hurt. My body fell numb and I couldn't move out of the bed. I ended up spending 75% of my savings on things that neither helped me elevate my mood or had any practical use. This is not the first time either. Everytime I tend to do something right, I would do something extremely irrational immediately and try to spoil the one good thing that I have. I constantly think of running away from my house and live a quiet life in the suburbs, where no one knows who I am and where I come from. I have lost trust in myself to an extent that I depend on validation from others for my every little feeling. I don't trust what I think or feel at all. I am lost and can see only death as a solution from this unending misery.\nHas anyone been through this before and got out of it successfully? If not, what are you currently trying rhaf may/ may not be working? Please provide some solutions that I can actually apply to my life and not the philosophical or religious ones, I have had enough of those.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like my therapist can be patronizing at times and it made me feel worse",
    "post_text": "I told my therapist how i basically gave up on my future and any hopes of me living an normal life. Like having an education or getting married to someone worthy or being a valuable productive member of society. I said i just wanted to live a peaceful life with my mom for as long as i can and then just... i dont know.\n\nShe said it felt like i was kinda exaggerating it. And I know i normally overthink what people say but i just left the session feeling even more empty and annoying. Its crazy how depressing pictures/videos or self harm pictures don't get me triggered at all but shit like this does. I dont really know what i can do. I dont think she is bad but i just...i'm tired of it all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Soon to be dad and I\u2019m struggling to cope",
    "post_text": "So I\u2019ve written posts about this before but here\u2019s the basics. My pregnant girlfriend split up with me. She said she dident love me anymore. I lost my temper and said some things I shouldn\u2019t have which I admit was my fault. We dident talk or have any contact for 6 weeks I drunk heavily during this time and my depression was unbearable. I eventually reached out and apologised and explained I wanted to be there for the baby. She agrees I meet her for the first time since we broke up and she makes it clear she never wants to get back together and just wants to be friends. So since then I\u2019ve cut right back on my drinking intact I don\u2019t drink anymore. As the son of a alcoholic looser father I don\u2019t want that for my child I want to be a good dad. Anyway every time I talk to her it feels like a kick in the teeth. So I actively avoid messaging her and only respond to her when she messages me cause of all the pain it brings up. The only thing keeping me going is the baby. But it\u2019s been 10 weeks since we broke up and I still feel just as broken and miserable inside. I don\u2019t have any friends I sit on my PlayStation all day just trying to zone out and focus on something other than how miserable I am. I thought that when I stopped drinking I would feel better and to be honest I don\u2019t I still feel like shit. I have a therapist who\u2019s helpful and a support worker to help me not go back to drinking. But it doesn\u2019t help much and to be honest I just don\u2019t know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "(just turned 18) about to be homeless. i\u2019m so scared. please help me",
    "post_text": "due to being depressed/suicidal for the past year, my grades have slipped and I am now academically dismissed from my college. This is completely my fault and I am so angry at myself. I live with my asian family and once they find out, I know that they\u2019ll beat me up and kick me out of the house. I am so scared. I have no family or friends to ask for help and I just don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m losing hope",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do I have depression or something else?",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone, please don't bite my head off as I'm pretty new to all this but I'm trying to figure out if what I'm feeling is depression or not. I recently realised that I've not been feeling okay for quite a few years, I googled some stuff and depression came up. Now I don't really trust random stuff that's written online so I  thought the best thing to do was  to speak to some people with depression on here and see if my symptoms fit? \n\n- no motivation to get out of bed, if my parents didn't force me to get up then I'd probably stay there until the late afternoon. \n\n- I always like I've been a disappointment, that I'm a failure and that I'll always be this way later in life \n\n- I find it very hard to focus on anything, my attention span is very low. I fidget and become aggiated pretty easily \n\n- I quite often find it hard to get to sleep, I'll end up staying awake until the early hours of the morning. \n\nI spend almost all day in my room. I feel empty, lonely and sometimes start crying over the past or present. \n\n- sometimes I make myself cry on purpose when I'm alone, I don't quite understand why I do that. \n\n- I find it hard to motivate myself to do basic things such as washing or brushing my teeth. I do them for my own good but it takes effort and I sometimes neglect those tasks. \n\n- I sometimes think about death. \n\n- I find it hard to care about anything. Then if I make a mistake over something I do find the energy to care about, I beat myself up about it harshly.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can missing morning erections be caused by depression?",
    "post_text": "I understand that depression can lead to loss of libido and erectile dysfunction. But nowhere I find information whether missing nocturnal / morning erections can be caused by depression as well. And I'm not talking about a missing erection once in a while, but total lack of it every day for months.\n\nIn my limited understanding, morning erections are a pretty much biological thing, which can't be influenced by bad mood or thoughts, so I would assume a depression couldn't impact the presence of these erections.\n\nI know about the side effects of antidepressants, but here I am just trying to find out whether regular, untreated depression can cause this lack of nocturnal / morning erections.\n\nI feel like I sleep well enough, so missing REM phases is probably unlikely.\n\nAny input will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Work has me feeling hopeless at the moment",
    "post_text": "No matter how much I do I seem to be falling behind at work lately and it\u2019s making feel cut off from my emotions to the point where I feel numb at times. I can\u2019t quit my job at the moment because I just bought a house late last year and need to pay the bills. I hate this numbness I\u2019m feeling and I can barely even cry or connect with my loved ones on a deeper level. It makes me feel so inhuman and disgusting. I just want to be me again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I know what I have to do but I don\u2019t want to do it",
    "post_text": "I know I should exercise, get up early and eat better but I just don\u2019t feel like it. For about 2 weeks I was up, feeling competent getting shit done and trying To ingrain the feeling in myself of how much better it felt. I know it and I just can\u2019t bring myself to do things again. I\u2019m so frustrated because I want immediate results from exercising, I\u2019m tired of not being fit but I can\u2019t stand how there\u2019s no results for a long long time. Ugh!!!!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Another attempt another day",
    "post_text": "I just woke up from another attempt but I can\u2019t say the next attempt will be to long I\u2019m meant to suffer I post on here to cope at this point but it beats cutting my self or punching walls which I still fucking so here\u2019s how i see it humans are the same as animals all animals are different but what do you do when an animal is suffering put it to sleep so I want put to sleep I\u2019d say I\u2019ll probably try again today or tomorrow but who knows",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I have no reason to be alive after I saw a movie I was looking forward to.",
    "post_text": "Ok I know it sounds dumb but I only get through life because I have things to look forward to, usually I\u2019m looking forward to movies or TV shows. Today I saw a movie that I was really looking forward to for a while, I loved the movie but afterwards I felt like I had nothing else to push me through life. I try to look forward to other stuff but I don\u2019t really feel that excited for the stuff coming out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I ( 26 female ) have decided to take care of my severely depressed younger brother (20m ) by letting him move in with me last week and need some tips.",
    "post_text": "Hey all ! I am new to the group and  a Canadian I would like some advice. This is a VERY long post so bare with me. \n\n I took on basically taking care of my severely  depressed younger brother. I am 26 and my brother is 20.  I have been moved out for 4 years, my brother has been under child protective services from the overly toxic environment at home. \n\n For some background mom is an addict ( alcoholic ) and dad definitely has mental illness and severe emotional disregulation and is severely controlling and overall unhealthy and manipulative  ( violent outbursts , tantrums, controlling ).they are both functional for the most part but very terrible to be around and our entire family became severely dysfunctional as a result and has suffered a lot.  \n\n In the past I have had reactive depression but am better now here is what I experienced ;  \n\nBasically I can get depressed when sad events happen like breakup/ death or I would  experience severe anxiety when I lived with my parents ( to say the least )  .\n\nI got depressed and severely melancholic ( experience debiliating guilt ans self-hatred )  and could not function well for months/ years after certain events happened so I relate to my brother and understand him very well. However, the difference between my brother and I is that I sought help and still speak to someone every 2 weeks.. \n\nMy brother was always forced into help by CPS for example.  He also is a high-school drop-out (2x) because of the home environment and I know that the social stigma that comes with this has really weighed down on his self-esteem. He is very smart ( beat a Canadian chess champion at chess ) but he never takes compliments and feels like his depression has altered his ability to retain information ( poor memory, brain fog ) . He is VERY hard on himself and I almost feel like he would rather stay depressed as a way to self-punish himself for dropping out of highschool ( he even told me he feels like he does not deserve anything good because he is in his own words a  \"  loser \".. and feels like he is tired of being alive. Not exactly suicidal in that he does not intent to kill himself but he is fed up of living so could very well do something dangerous if this continues ). \n\nI have been pestering my brother to move out of my parents for the longest time. He finally did last week  and came to live with me. I congratulated him for taking the right steps.I told him he always has a place with me. And this is why I still took him in despite having reservations as I am not exactly where I want to be in my life financially  either but I am doing better than him and better than before so I felt like it's worth a shot ( and still do ) . He has never worked a single job because of his mental illness and because of my parents hostility.\n\nThis past year I have focused a lot on healing from my own health issues: had two surgeries and heart issues but I feel better than ever before and also getting over a breakup which is hard for someone like.me who tends to get reactive depression as a result of difficult life events . \n\nI'm doing well at work, was recruited by my manager to follow into her foot septs and applied to a program  at McGill university that my employer would pay for the purpose of developping my career at the hospital I work for. I work in admin and might work in management following this management succession program ( if they accept me because even though I was recruited still waiting for acceptance letter ).\n\nBut it took me a long while  to get to a place where I can be stable enough (mentally) to get back on track or at least try too. I have anxiety too ( was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder ) but I feel like it's been under control the last few monrhs. Moreover , I have my own fears of failure as I've had a difficult experience with school in the past even though I graduated highschool and college .. \n\nMy brother is the sweetest person. He is 20, however  never grew up or matured properly due to lack of socialization... Never experience love, only had friends before his teens and made virtual friends via his gaming on Xbox until this day... While my mom drank and my dad was aggressive all these years,  my brother would go hide in his room gaming all night and sleping all day and hasn't left his room until child protective services took him out for 1.5 years.  And they only did because I told them what was going on... Anyways. Fast forward and  now he is finally with me.\n\nI want to be the best support but I haven't stopped feeling anxiety since he moved in. Like I am not eating as well and I am worried this will make me feel isolated or ruin my other relationships ( don't have many left haha but 2-3)  but also worried for him too as he won't eat unless I tell him to, won't move his body unless I  tell him to etc... Having him here reminds me of the misery of my parents and my childhood. Because he is unfortunately the result of a dysfunctional family.  I don't want to turn into my mom where I cook and clean all the time ( she is a functioning alcoholic but gets highly abusive when she drinks but still cooked and cleaned ) even though I cooked for.myself growing up as I'm vegan and she didn't want to cook vegan food for me when I turned 19. \n\nI want my brother to feel confident but he doesn't because he dropped out of highschool twice as a result of mental illness growing up. Before coming to stay with me he was starring to refuse food and had severe psychomotor retardation ( can't get our of bed ) and like I maybe mentioned before he has not gotten out of bed in a decade expect for when CPS got involved .\n\nI booked him an appointment with a family doctor on Friday ( tomorrow )  and I spoke to my own therapist who recommended me a program  to recommend to the doctor for my brother.They do a more intensive follow-up for mental health adults that lasts 2 years and they work at the patient 's pace... My fear is he will give up or not accept the help even though he told me he is open to it last Sunday. Yesterday he started getting hesitant again saying he didn't want to do the work but also he is aware he needs to get better..\n\nWhat my concerns are ; \n1.Basically I know that I have what it takes to help him and objectively he is better off with me that he is with my parents and since he has nowhere else to go I won't let him starve or end up on the steet. But, I want to know how to get past my  own emotions and fears and anxieties regarding this entire situation and NOT identify with his depression. \n\n2. I want to set healthy boundaries also where I don't get caught up in saving him because I already feel like I'm trying to do that... but I don't know what that would look like... should I give him a contract or make him sign a \"promise to himself \" what do I do if after a year he has not progressed ? Should there be \"consequences \" not punishments but, a different recommendation ? I don't want to end up taking care of.him forever I want him to heal with me and get back on his feet. \n\n3.Moreover,  I don't want his depression to trigger me and I don't want his negativity ( not shaming him he is just very depressed and sick and needs help but his depression makes him so negative about everything ) to bring me down, I want to keep pushing for a better life for myself and my brother without the negativty bringing me down as I worked so hard to get to a somewhat surface level healthy mindset ( I say this because I.myself can get easily triggered and spiral if things feel to overwhelming especially when it comes to my family ) ... It worries me because everything he says is a cognitive distortion and in life, as we know, you become the people you hang out with the most..\n4 . I want him.to become more resilient, I am not expecting a cure but I want him to be processing in the right direction not the other way around.\n\n5.  I also respect that he has a serious disease that needs medical attention and specialized / tailored follow-ups.  I want to be a good example to him...  one that is different from my parents.. He has become like them . Negative about everything on top of having severe psychomotor retardation and lack of appetite ( hence why I am am getting him to the doctor tomorrow ). \n\n6. He has been on antidepressants before but it wasn't good. He had more appetite but still didn't leave his room. Meds are not unknown to him. I believe tomorrow the doctors help will give us the best choices for him.\n\n7. He is aware he is sick and even agrees he needs meds, we.watched a 50 min video by Dr. Sapolsky yesterday regarding how depression affects the brain and he realized just how affective depression is to the hypocampus etc... My brother knows he has congirive distortions most of the time. How do I keep him motivated to stay on track and improve slowly slowly day by day ? \n\nI guess in conclusion my biggest fear is that taking care of him gets me sick too ( I think it's a valid fear considering I am mentally fragile ans afraid of ending up depressed too )\n\nDISCLAIMER: I don't want comments telling me he should be helped by someone else. He had nobody else and it is my pleasure to help him and be there for him forever. I just have legitimate concerns that I believe your tips and advice could help me navigate the situation better.\n\nAny tips ?? \n\nThank you so much,\nChristina.\n\nTLDR: come from an abusive home, made it out, somewhat okay trying to get my life back on track ans have been on track for a while so to speak but need advice helping me brother after he moved out of our abusive home, he has severe depression and psychomotor retardation and lack of appetite. I booked him an appointment with doctor for tomorrow but I need ripe on how to take on this responsibility without letting his negativity ( not shaming him as this is a symptom of his depression ) get to me and make me depressed too. How do I do this and maintains good mental health hygiene. How do I set boundaries ? Also.please read full text as my TLDR is not ever going to be short enough to fully encapsulate everything I wrote down.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Every day is unbearable \"TW\"",
    "post_text": "For so long now I have been struggling with depression. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital a few years back due to multiple attempts of sui. Since then I have had therapy, I am aware that I have to be here, that I have to stay unhappy and that is what is most frustrating. \n\nEvery single day from the moment I wake up, I want the day to be over with. I dread the cycle of the day starting again, being a parent to three kids is exhausting. I love them to the ends of the earth but I know full well that they deserve more than me, thankfully my partner is amazing. I can no longer settle in the nights, I used to watch a tv series or play a game or read but I cant focus on any of it. Life just feels so pointless. \n\nI feel like I am just forcing myself to go through the motions to keep everyone happy but I am not. I have tried so hard and for so long to get better. I've followed all the advice I've been given but yet im still here feeling like this. \n\nMeds dont do anything. I just want to enjoy life again, I am 24 years old and I feel like I can't keep going on like this. Im so drained",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looking for success stories from adults who have been depressed most of their lives",
    "post_text": "Hey. So, I\u2019m 26 years old and really struggling at this moment. I\u2019ve struggled since I was probably 4 or 5 at the latest, maybe even earlier than that, due to extreme isolation/neglect. I first tried to kill myself when I was about 5 or 6 years old. I\u2019ve lived a very lonely life riddled with abuse, poverty, extreme trauma, and negligence. There\u2019s not many bright spots.\n\nI have PTSD, depression/anxiety, likely ADHD and who knows what else. I recently stopped medicating with marijuana, which I used for over 10 years. It\u2019s brought up a lot of these shitty past feelings and reminded me why I needed to escape.\n\nI\u2019ve been in therapy with several handfuls of different therapists, tried several medications, and I do all of the usual shit like yoga, daily exercise, good sleep/diet etc. but I\u2019m still completely miserable no matter how much I try to put a positive spin on things.\n\nI\u2019ve given myself until I\u2019m 30 years old to feel some sense of normalcy or contentment, or else I am going to end my life, because I can\u2019t continue on like this. I feel like that should be more than enough time to see if I have a shot at a decent life or not.\n\nHas anyone else been this deep in the hole, and managed to get themselves out for more than just short periods at a time? I know life is full of ups and downs, but I\u2019m tired of suffering 360/365 days out of the year (this might even be being generous). I\u2019m really hoping someone out there has a similar background and has made a better life for themselves. I\u2019d love to hear about it, in face I kind of need it right now.\n\nIn case it helps you help me to know this, I feel that I still suffer a lot from loneliness (I can\u2019t own pets due to rent restrictions and I have trouble making friends despite constant efforts), and I have a lot of anxiety/pessimism around the state of the world, mostly environmental/economical. I think these are the big things holding me back, but there\u2019s probably more.\n\nCheers, looking forward to hearing some hopefully positive stories.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Essential worker, trying to fix my depression nest.",
    "post_text": "My husband and I are essential workers, we've been working through the entire pandemic. Opposite shifts, gruelingly long hours and weeks, and extreme pandemic depression. I have been a neat freak since I got out on my own, and he was always a little messy, but could clean up after himself.\n\nI was to the point where I was considering ending my life. We hate our jobs, but we can't do anything that pays better right now, we make okay money. We both work 12+ hours a day.\n\nOur house is in disarray. I lived with a hoarder for years, and it didn't ever feel this bad. Dirty dishes, half-full pizza boxes, trash, our bedroom floor is basically just water bottles at this point. We are both trying to turn it around. It's so overwhelming. If we could get it clean, we could keep up with it. It's just the two of us, and we're half dead from work every single day. We get to see each other one day a week. \n\nI wish I could just hire someone to help us, but it's too messy. I couldn't imagine hiring someone and letting them see how bad our home is. I feel like I can't rest or breathe in this. Where do I even start? What can we do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My family keeps pressuring me to find a job and finish college but I just can't do it",
    "post_text": "I am 22 (f)already and I know I should have found a job years ago but I don't know if I can do it. My head does not function, I can't concentrate on absolutely anything. I think about how useless I am everyday. How I cant talk to people, how am I supposed to get a job like that? \n\nI keep thinkin no one will hire me. Months ago I actually got an interview but I couldn't go, I had several panic attacks on the way. I just couldn't do it. My anxiety levels are so high I sometimes don't even eat cus I don't want to buy food. Idk what to do, I already fucked up my life :( I guess I'm just a useless pos. How can u guys ever make it into a job?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just really srunk and sad",
    "post_text": "I got approved for the apartment I applied for and I can\u2019t even tell him because we aren\u2019t in each others lives anymore. My best friend. Love of my life. My friends are happy for me and I know life will get better soon and I\u2019ve wanted this for so long but it feels so unfulfilling without him there by my side. I valued his input so much and now it\u2019s gone and I feel like it\u2019s all my fault and I fucking hate myself for cutting him off but I had to.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any techniques you can suggest for people with depressed partners during lockdown?",
    "post_text": "My gf recently has been having breakdowns and suicidal ideations ever since the lockdown has been reimposed. I couldn't visit her, so we've been trying to come up with techniques to avoid triggers like minimizing social media exposure, minimizing interactions with family that may cause triggers, not drinking coffee for the duration of the lockdown\n...etc.\n\nI was wondering if you guys have any more suggestions?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "So this happened.... I can't deal with this shit anymore",
    "post_text": "So my friends were at my house today- My bestfriend and a guy she likes. The guy already knows the I have had a crush on my bestfriend since sometime and am madly in love with her and assured me that he doesn't like her back yet they just kissed today under the sheets AT MY HOME SITTING BESIDE ME ( I was busy). The worse part is my bestfriend also knows that I love her and I'm not over her yet she couldn't control her feeling.s and kissed the guy I just can't deal with this shit anymore..I couldn't talk to them after that. Fuck this I don't know what to do now.\nPs. The guy is also a very close friend who I trusted but man just completely broke my trust. There's no point in texting me after doing this stuff \n\nMotherfucker",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm just clueless what to do with myself",
    "post_text": "Basically I'm suffering from depression and I'm trying to get an appointment with a therapist but due to the pandemic and, considering that it's gonna take a long while to actually get the help I need, I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I'm trying to keep it together somehow but I just can't. There's nothing to live for, I don't necessarily hate myself but I certainly don't love myself either, I have no hobbies beside watching a bunch of Youtube videos about random stuff and playing video games all day. I'm not really doing anything to improve my situation, mainly because I have no idea what to do. Sure, I can work out, go for a walk, talk to friends and take care of myself in other ways but I don't see how this will suddenly make me enjoy life. Most of these things straight up suck. And I don't know what to do beside that. I should be looking for a job but I have no clue what I want or would be even suited for. The only thing I'm somewhat looking forward to is finding a romantic partner but that won't happen anyway as far as I can tell.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like my subconscious is trying to keep me depressed",
    "post_text": "Lately I've been struggling with my mental health. It's gotten to the point that I feel physically sick from it, and I'm fed up. I'm a person who gets stuck on details and repeating the past in my head over and over to the point that I get sick. And then the next day I'll be extremely hyper and euphoric for about 4 hours and swing immediately back into this depressive state (like it's my default state). I feel like no one likes me and that I have no friends, and the reason that I'm in a leadership position in theatre is because my director feels bad for me. Although people tell me that that's not true I can't engrain that into my head for some reason. Part of me knows that I'm being irrational and overthinking everything, but I can't stop. It feels like I'm subconsciously looking for something to upset me and get me down so I can keep feeding my depression, and I hate it. I want to get better, I really really do, yet my brain won't let me. I keep making things a way bigger deals in my head than they actually should be. I keep feeling like people are out to get me when they're not. It's like I have tow people living in my head, the depressed one is in charge, and the rational one is being held captive and out of control. It's negatively impacting my relationships. Please, I'm begging, if anyone knows how to stop this please tell me. I'm so tired of everything getting spun out of control in my head.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm trapped in a place of toxicity and I can't escape.",
    "post_text": "I'm stuck in a house full of toxic and entitled people, who do nothing but ruin what little remains of my mental health. I've always wanted to leave them behind, and get my own place.\n\nBut I don't have a job, I can't get a job because of a certain virus (and I don't want to get said virus), I'm not sure if I can even get through an interview, let alone keep a job. And at this rate, I don't know how long I'll even last if I can get and KEEP a job.\n\nI don't know what to do. I feel like I'm reaching a point of no return, and that I might end up doing awful things out of sheer hatred just to reclaim what little is left of my sanity. I'm just stuck and I can't get out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Finding the right psychologist",
    "post_text": "I was seeing one who was great for the first 3 years and then started really pushing CBT and mindfulness onto me, despite me saying multiple times I hate both of those approaches and they don't work for me.\n\nI havent seen anyone since December and I think I need to. I'm going downhill again. How do I bring it up that I'm not doing CBT, mindfulness and 'homework' sheets.\n\nMy GP offered to write a letter to my old psychologist explaining all that, but my anxiety is too high to go back and be questioned about it.\n\nI hate all of this. So much.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to be here anymore",
    "post_text": "\n\nI am coming to the realization that I don\u2019t want to live anymore. I am so miserable to be around. I honestly feel bad for the people around me because I\u2019m so miserable. I am diagnosed with mood disordered n.o.s and generalized anxiety disorder. I\u2019m graduating in a few months with a degree in Accounting. I will be going to grad school in the fall to get another degree in Accounting. I hope to take the uniform cpa exam. But here\u2019s the catch. I suck at accounting. I don\u2019t grasp the concepts all to well. I WANT to become a certified public accountant but I feel like I\u2019m too dumb to pass the exam. I\u2019m also afraid to go out and get a real job because I feel like I won\u2019t perform and meet expectations and then I\u2019ll get fired. I don\u2019t know what to do with my life. Anyone on this subreddit have any uplifting words for me? I could really use it. I\u2019m so utterly miserable. Every moment of the day I\u2019m worrying about this exam. Without this certification I\u2019ll never make good money. And everyone knows that without a good paying job you\u2019ll be stuck having a shitty life. Please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to support someone best who suffers from depression?",
    "post_text": "My boyfriend suffers from severe depression, including suicidal thoughts and self harm. He already goes to therapy, but it's only once a month and he can't get more appointments. \nI am really worried. I feel quite helpless and don't really know what to do. I try to be there for him, take as much off him as I can and take care of him, but it just feels not enough. \nWhat can I do to support him further? And how do I best take care of myself, so I don't break down?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Newly diagnosed Recurrent Depressionand ADHD. Want your experience on meds",
    "post_text": "I have an appointment coming up with a psychiatrist to discuss treatment plans including medications. What medications worked (short term) and what would you steer clear from. I don\u2019t use illicit drugs, including marijuana or their derivatives. I am looking forward to cognitive behavioral therapy and things I can do in my life to stay on track. To include ways to get me back on track once I slip. Thank you all in advance for your help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hello, I do not speak English very well because I am from Latin America, I hope you understand.",
    "post_text": "I have seen this group here on Reddit and I want to vent a bit, I am 21 years old and since I was eleven years old I feel that I am going through a bad time, and I am feeling that all this has been accumulating and it seems that it is about to explode, since I have memory I have suffered from bullying, currently my time at university has decreased a lot, but everything that happens is still latent in my head, I have made very bad decisions based on what could be better for my family, in several aspects, but Very few times I have listened to something that pleases me, currently I study something with which I am not happy, because I live with the hope of helping my parents and my sister in the future, but I am not doing well, I feel stupid , my social relationships suck, I never receive a message from anyone, no one has asked me how I am in months, without putting politeness in the way, I am dealing with an addiction alone and recently I started smoking, I am so tired, I feel that My problems are shit, but I don't know what else to do with my life, I'm stuck, and I just spend it crying from the inside, I don't want to cause more problems for my family, I feel regrettable, not to mention love of course. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I needed to vent, I don't have anyone to chat with, and I don't want to burden someone else with my problems.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how am I supposed to live in a world like ours?",
    "post_text": "So much pain. So much suffering. So much loss, for so many varied, completely unnecessary reasons. How am I supposed to enjoy a cup of coffee? When I know the suffering \u201cwe\u201d have endured. I can\u2019t take myself seriously because I feel the pain, for what very very very little that is worth. How am I supposed to believe that I, me, tiny inconsequential me, is supposed to want to live amongst all of this pain and loss. How am I supposed to live knowing that I\u2019m breathing air that could be used by someone else who needs it more than me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I quit cutting",
    "post_text": " So, cutting is wrong, I know that, but, I love it. It makes me feel so much control over my life and it makes me feel powerful. But, I wanna stop. I need help to make it happen but I really don\u2019t want to tell my parents about this. They tend to brush of these kinds of things like it\u2019s just some puberty problem. And I don\u2019t think they\u2019ll be any help. How can I quit because I don\u2019t think I can do it alone. I\u2019ve been trying for a while now, but the moment I fail or I am under stress, I just revert to cutting. I would even go with scratching myself to the point of drawing blood if I didn\u2019t have a blade on hand or other if people could notice if I had a blade( like in school). Help me. Please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My daughter ripped my heart out",
    "post_text": "I was expecting that my daughter's upcoming graduation next month, from law school at one of the nation's top universities, would be one of the highlights of my entire life. But instead, an issue came up this weekend and she ended up hurting me so very badly. She then pulled my son into it too, just to twist the knife in my back.\n\nMy wife and my two kids are my life. They're my pride and joy. And today I am devastated.\n\nWhen things get rough and nothing makes sense, I always ending up thinking about what my dad would say or do.  My late father was one tough little SOB. His words of wisdom often help me get through.\n\nAnd I remember him telling me once, when it seemed his entire world was crashing in around him, that he would look in the mirror every morning and say, \"F\\*\\*\\* you world!  I'm gonna LIVE today!\"\n\nSo I will take the high road, keep my dignity, and attend my daughter's graduation. In the meantime, every day I'm gonna try to set it all aside and LIVE.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do you ever see someone happy and it makes you depressed",
    "post_text": "Ever so often I go on Instagram and I always get depressed afterwards. Not because of people showing off their stuff or saying perfect their life is because I know that\u2019s bullshit because of the people themselves. They have personalities and lives and friends and don\u2019t depersonalize when they go in public they\u2019re comfortable enough in their own skin to be confident enough they have some care to wake up. Even in public if I see someone I wish I was happy enough for confident enough or wasn\u2019t as much of a spaz to be it just ruins my day. I\u2019m supposed to be a teen with a life but I\u2019m almost out of my teens and I haven\u2019t even lived yet",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Sweet lady who doesn't deserve what's happened to me",
    "post_text": "Every person I know has rejected me and won't speak to me.\n\nI had one person say, \"You deserve it bitch.\"\n\nBut thats not right! I'm a good person,  a sweet girl and for whatever reason people may believe I deserve unhappiness,  they don't really know me or understand the true me and how loving and giving I am!\n\nI regularly give $20 bills to homeless folks but I have people saying,\" You deserve it bitch.\"\n\nI deserve love and happiness. \n\nI don't understand why everyone in my life has abandoned me and is mistreating me\nPlease help,  I need your advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just need some advice about my new psychiatrist, I am shocked",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ll try to be as brief as possible: I was diagnosed with depression around five years ago, when I was only 17, after I tried to commit suicide. As a consequence, I started seeing a therapist while also taking medications. And I actually saw some improvements. However, Everything went downhill Two years ago, when my mother passed away. She was the person I loved the most in the world, and the only one who never made me feel guilty about my problems, so because I am dumb as fuck I just disappeared, never contacted my therapists again, stopped my medications, and moved to London while also taking drugs and leading a very wild life until I almost killed myself. I have now come home for nearly one year, and I made the hard decision of starting therapy again. Last week I went to see a psychiatrist that a friend of mine suggested me to see. After he asked me a few questions whose answers I am not sure he understood since he kept interrupting me, he told me, \u201cListen to me, kid, you are not sick, or depressed, look at yourself, you are all pretty and dolled up, you are probably just sad because your mum died, you simply need to toughen up and get over it, and you\u2019ll be fine\u201d I Was shocked. I left his office crying, and now I am totally at a loss. Should I give up on therapy? Should I see thiS guy again and give him a second chance? I don\u2019t know what to do.. maybe I am just destined to be miserable.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm so uninterested in everything, any advice on how to enjoy / care about things again?",
    "post_text": "(tl;dr at the bottom)\n\nI'm taking SSRIs and Vyvanse (for my ADHD) and they help me function, but a big problem I'm still facing is the fact that I'm just so bored with life at the moment.\n\nI make music and that's cool, but I never go out, never want to do fun things with my partner, never want to do much of anything besides play video games and watch youtube while mindlessly scrolling.\n\nIt's putting a real strain on my life because I used to love going out but I just feel so \"eh\" about everything now to the point that when I do make myself do things it feels like a chore.\n\nAny advice you guys can give me? Medication suggestions? Things I can do myself?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i feel like i\u2019m dying",
    "post_text": "tbh i don\u2019t even know anymore. i used to have really good grades and now even though i try my best, i get such bad grades and i\u2019m barely getting by in school. i have hopes and dreams but i\u2019m not comfortable yet to get out of my comfort zone, and the absolute smallest things make me sad. i sometimes feel like i can\u2019t walk, and i barely eat. i feel like i want to fall asleep, and just never wake up. it takes a lot of effort for me to take care of myself, and i don\u2019t want to end it all, i just want to get better. i feel like i don\u2019t want to put my family in pain if i die, but i also feel like i\u2019m a burden. please, someone just tell me that you see me, and that you care.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I stayed for my dog but he died",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve had suicidal ideation for about five years and now it\u2019s gotten worse. I have one or two reasons to stay alive \u2014 my dog was the third. \nThe two reasons:\n- I might publish a book\n- my mother would suffer too much.\nMy dog died two weeks ago because of cancer. Now when I feel like shit I keep thinking about the fact that he\u2019s not here anymore and honestly I can\u2019t cope with the pain. I was about to adopt another dog but the dog shelter messed up. I\u2019ve never talked to my therapist about it as I\u2019m afraid he\u2019d call my parents. \nI feel so fucking lonely",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "idek anymore",
    "post_text": "tw:suicde, sh\n\n​\n\nim a minor so i cant get proffesional help without them telling my parents, my lifes falling apart im not mentally stable enough for school and by the time i can actually get proper help without my parents finding out ill most likely be dead theres nothing i can do im starting to go into a manic state im loosing all my friends im forming an alcohol addiction and i cant do anything about it ffs i hate everything about society",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to be dead, but I don\u2019t want to face the future either.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s not that my future is hopeless. I could be successful, I could live comfortably, if I invested my fucking soul into medical school like it seems I might. But when I think about the next few years of my life, I don\u2019t want to handle it. I don\u2019t want to live through it. I don\u2019t really want anything from my future. When it gets like this, I would rather have nothing. I can\u2019t see the value in any of the struggle and the pain and suffering. They say that you can still enjoy life even if it is a struggle, but I can\u2019t see that happening. I can\u2019t see a payoff to all of it. Especially if it keeps going like it has been. \n\nWhat is there to look forward to?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I know if therapy or my therapist is helping?",
    "post_text": "Hi all, I have finally gotten medical clearance after a journey of medical tests and mri for my mental issues. However, the war is not over. I would now like to proceed to seeking professional mental health help. I\u2019m aware of the harmful long term effects of medications and would only see a psychiatrist as a last resort. I\u2019m now fully committed to go for therapy but I do not want to go trying different therapist and running around wasting time and too much money even tho I can afford for now. Of course, I\u2019m aware that sometimes these things are not as simple as I think and everyone is different. Just wondering does anybody have went through therapy or have been gotten better by it can share some advice? Is there a particular time frame that we give the therapist and judge their services by that? Thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Student Burnout and Losing Myself on Antidepressants.",
    "post_text": "Hey, junior in high school here. The final stretch of this semester in an all-girls private school has been pretty exhausting, especially with the high standards they expect there. I'm currently and have been remotely learning for about a year in the pandemic and went on medication. Right now I just dropped down to 75 mg of Effexor due to feeling dead and totally unmotivated. My body feels like lead, my eyelids droop, and I just stare into outer space during my classes. I found myself struggling to pick up a pencil last week. I can't even look at my overdue assignments without feeling like I want to crawl back under my warm blankets and fall into a sweet, deep sleep. I declutter my space, eat, hydrate, and let a little sun in, but I'm still very fatigued and out of inspiration. Months ago I could barely take care of myself like that, so am I just impatient? Should I just ride it out and try my best with school? Seems like my only option right now. I want to feel like myself and WANT to get my passion back for my hobbies. All I do is school and after that is just endless consumption of media; scrolling on tiktok and instagram for hours. I'm tired of feeling empty. I don't want to go off of my meds since I want to subdue any overwhelming anxiety while learning how to drive and getting my first job this summer (vaccinated and taking precautions, of course). Any tips or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I a wuss?",
    "post_text": "So I've been living with my roommate/friend for like half a year. I think I'm a decent enough roommate (I clean up after myself, help out, blah blah blah). Anyway I was making dinner for us. She chopped up the pasta sauce ingredients and I made the sauce and pasta. So basically I used too much pasta for the amount of sauce I had. Honest mistake I think (tell me if I'm wrong please!). She got frustrated and lashes out. Essentially calling into question me as a man and as a cook. bottom line was I got hurt and ended up crying. Now this worries me for a few reasons. The last time I was too sensitive about being insulted was around the time I had a breakdown. Basically it felt like my emotions were sunburned and any little negative comment pushed me over. Also those kinds of things attacking my manhood and pretty much anything negative about me has been a sort of depression mantra when I'm upset (lots of negative thoughts rolling out at once). My question is this: is it possible I'm too easily triggered? Or maybe the particular subject matter was a significant trigger? Or maybe am I just a wuss and therefore not much of a man?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression keeps getting worse and worse.",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, I\u2019m new to this sub and I\u2019m seeking advice as well as motivation to keep pushing forward in life. I\u2019m about to turn 20 and I need help. Everything had been stuck for months and I can\u2019t move forward no matter how hard I try, I just get pushed down again. I take medication for it but nothing has worked long term. I\u2019m starting to eat healthy and I\u2019m trying to exercise more often but even getting the motivation for that is extremely challenging. I feel like my girlfriend doesn\u2019t love me or care about me anymore and all I do is wake up and go to sleep depressed. I can\u2019t hold a steady job, I can barely maintain a decent mood for more than an hour or even a half hour at a time. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as BPD, and my therapists and psychologist both believe that this untreated mental illness is what is causing everything. I\u2019ve faced numerous extremely traumatic events in my life that I have yet to accept/conquer and I really don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing anymore. If anybody has anything I\u2019m all ears because I\u2019m all out of ideas. If you got this far, thanks for reading. I truly appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My partner doesn't take my mental health seriously",
    "post_text": "I have depression, my partner of 5 years knows it well. Things are not going well with me in life. I used to do self harm before I started my treatment. I'm jobless and cannot afford therapy now, living with my toxic family and losing relatives to covid is taking a huge toll on my mental health. I've told my partner multiple times that I'm extremely depressed and want to die and he just ignores it everytime. I don't know what to do, I've no one to talk about it, my mom literally is always disgusted by me and she makes sure I know it 4times a day. I have friends but none with whom I can talk about this. I don't know what to do anymore. My partner is extremely rude and disrespectful towards my mental health. He never went to any session with me even after I asked him multiple times. He doesn't even pay attention when I'm trying to explain the medical terms or my condition. I used to believe he loves me but I'm not sure anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do you do when everything makes you depressed?",
    "post_text": "I literally cannot do anything anymore without becoming sad while doing it. I hate my job so that makes me depressed, I go to the gym everyday but I always end up hating myself by then end because everyone there is more attractive and fitter then me and ill always be ugly and fat and no one will love me, I go home to do homework and I end up depressed because I hate school, then I try to take my mind off things by playing a video game, watching a movie, or listening to music but even then I become depressed because I start to think about what a piece off garbage I am because I could never create anything like the things im enjoying. I cant hang out with my friends because eventually, they piss me off because while I love them to death, they can become very annoying and make me angry. I can't really meet new people because I am so afraid that people will not like me that I do not even try, which also screws up my dating life as well. But because of this isolation I put myself through, im very lonely. I used to hang out with a girl that did not make me sad but we are not on good terms anymore so I really have nothing to get me through the days anymore. The only thing keeping me from ending my life is that I do not want my death to be a burden on others, it feels selfish. I really do not know what to do anymore that can make me happy and it scares me so if anyone has any advice of any kind, I will take whatever you got.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve been waking up late at night with a really strong panicky urge to kill myself",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ll just wake up at like 4 or 3 AM and I\u2019ll feel like crying and like i\u2019m about to have a panic attack and keep thinking about why I haven\u2019t i killed myself yet. I start to lose control my breathing and try to go back to bed.I feel like this in the morning to but it goes away quicker. This is something new that just started and I don\u2019t know why. I\u2019ve been suicidal for a while but this is new",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My GF is suffering with depression and I don't know how to help",
    "post_text": "I've told her I'm here for her but she's very distant now. I don't wanna suffocate her with love & support cause she said it makes her anxious so do I just let her be distant for a while? She has also brought up every mistake I've done in our relationship and wanted to break up with me because I'm not perfect. I've dated her for years this isn't the first depressive episode last time I did leave since she was already moving on with someone else. But this time there is no one else we were talking about marriage before she went into this depressive state. Usually it doesn't get this bad like she'd feel better in a week or two or she'd at least talk to me. This time she's barely talking to me. I want to help her but I don't know how and now I'm starting to wonder if she's depressed because of me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When searching for happiness my mind turns up a blank",
    "post_text": "I am a 26 year old male, living a pretty normal life, I have a good job, still live with my parents.\n\nThat being said I still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life and feel like I have been living on autopilot for most of the recent years. I feel like I have been going through some form of depression since I was a teenager, nothing major but I certainly feel a lack of motivation, a dissatisfaction with myself, apathy, cynicism and anxiety.\n\nWhenever I try to think about what I want to do with my life I just get a blank. \n\nWhenever I feel sad and try to think what would make me happy I also get a blank \n\nLately I have been so dissatisfied with everything that I started asking myself, what world would I want to live in? where would I be happy? Unfortunately, I can't think of anything.\n\nMaybe I'm asking the wrong questions but why can't I imagine myself in a happy place?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Women of Reddit: Does your period make you feel suicidal?",
    "post_text": "Every time I\u2019m on my period my depression gets worse. I can\u2019t bring myself to do anything and my tears won\u2019t stop falling. I feel sad over the smallest things and get super exhausted. \n\nI think it\u2019s time to end my life. Like the urge becomes strong and then I start thinking of ways and then I fall asleep. I don\u2019t want to go on like this forever. Life is the worst fucking thing to have happened to me and I want nothing to do with it. \n\nI\u2019m actually the weakest person I\u2019ve met. And I just realized that it gets worse during my period.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I get attached too easily and it just leads to pain",
    "post_text": "I get attached to people too easily. This is really bad when I\u2019m down and a person helps me out. The latest example was someone I met on Reddit. I thought we hit it off (friendship wise) but then I must have said something dumb. 2 weeks nonstop chatting and then in 15 minutes... just gone. Now I\u2019m lost. I needed that. That was my happiness. After I was ghosted my heart just fell out of my body and I immediately started going into a depressive phase again. I need support. I need to know what to do. I even just need someone to talk to because life just... sucks right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel so sad today",
    "post_text": "I (25m) was trying to do the homework my therapist gave me last week. All I had to was look, not apply just look, at different jobs I think might be qualified for. I agreed to this and was looking forward to it.\n\nAfter 5 minutes of looking I started to feel hopelessly overwhelmed. I've been out of work for a year and a half now, and my BA and MA aren't very useful in terms of finding a job. I don't have many practical skills or much relevant experience outside of retail and being a TA.\n\nI'm going to keep trying to do the homework but I don't think I can keep going past this week. It sucks because I was having a nice day and looking forward to searching for jobs :(...\n\nI suffered so much mentally in university and now I feel it's all for nothing and I have student debt I can't pay off. I'm worried I won't amount to anything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My suicidal long-distance friend often does not respond to me for days and idk what to think about it, how can I help her?",
    "post_text": "So a few months ago I befriended a girl which whom I have a connection like with no one else. Unfortunately her mental health has been declining recently, she had a suicide attempt. I am extremely worried for her, last time we talked she told me I don't have to worry for her because she doesn't have the means to commit suicide, but it's still extremely worrying. I told her that I want to meet her, that I can come in a few months.\n\nI texted her everyday but since a few weeks she rarely views my messages leaving them unread, despite her being online. She says that it's from anxiety and brain fog and I want to believe her, because being ignored is something I really don't like. That also of course makes me worried for her as fuck. I guess that calling her would probably be rude and will cause her discomfort?\n\nI don't know if I can do anything for her? I wanted to support her with talking to her but right now I can't even do that. I don't have any contact to her family, and contacting them would probably make her upset. She has a long distance boyfriend but he is also kinda shady as he is a source of her depression and he often ignores my messages too. Any advice wiil be appreciated",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How does one even find a will to live in this situation?",
    "post_text": "I am completely and utterly lost as to how to justify continuing with my life. I live in a small town, I have no car, and I barely make enough money to afford rent even while working 6-7 days a week. \n\nI have no health insurance and I\u2019m falling apart at 25 due to all the health issues I can\u2019t afford to deal with or even get them properly diagnosed. \n\nMy family despises me because I\u2019m gay. I don\u2019t even care about that anymore, but I have no lifelines to help with anything. \n\nMy husband lives 12 hours away and it\u2019s been my goal for 4 years now to get to him, but I can\u2019t afford it, and even if I could, I don\u2019t have a car to get a job once I\u2019m down there. He won\u2019t help me even though he makes 70k a year because I \u201cdon\u2019t have the right mindset\u201d but I don\u2019t understand how my mindset could possibly be any different under the circumstances. I have been through every job in town and several out of town that I couldn\u2019t even get to for very long, and the shitty job I have now is the best paying one. \n\nI don\u2019t have the money or time to go to school, but that\u2019s all anyone ever suggests. I\u2019m not even at home 12 hours a week, yet I\u2019m supposed to somehow get to a community college in another city for 16 hours a week, plus 30-40 hours of reading and homework? There literally are not enough hours in a week for that to work, and that\u2019s not even accounting for the money I don\u2019t have that it would cost me. \n\nIt doesn\u2019t make any sense. I\u2019m grinding my face into the pavement just trying to make ends meet in a life I don\u2019t even want anymore. I can\u2019t even fathom what\u2019s stopping me from ending it right now, other than some primal instinct to survive. I have zero reason to go on.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a mistake",
    "post_text": "Autism spectrum, severe and seemingly almost untreatable and consistent depression, severe OCD and anxiety. My mind feels like a dark and sick place I can't talk to anyone about. It hurts to be in it. I'm a female in her late twenties and I have things I want to do that have kept me here but I don't know if I just accept defeat at this point. I don't know what to think about myself or what's real and what's not.  I don't want to go to the hospital again and I don't want to wake up sad everyday. I'm lost. I feel like one of the worst people alive because of my OCD and I can't see through it. I don't feel positive emotions (they feel very blunted) and I'm never consistently happy over a long period. I have weird trauma from psychological abuse and manipulation. Yeah I just don't want to be here. I don't read about anybody having this variation of depression/dissociation/OCD so I feel very alone. I wish I could write my book and get everything out that I need to and then just log off.  Maybe I'll never get to do these things and it's all just a pipe dream. It hurts to be here. It feels like it hurts in a different way everyday. Nobody finds me cute or endearing, just awkward and embarrassing. I feel like a human error.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "16M can\u2019t afford therapy and parents won\u2019t pay for it. Things are getting worse every day",
    "post_text": "I feel like shit every day and I just want to get out of this place otherwise life doesn\u2019t seem worth living. But I can\u2019t, I\u2019m stuck in a rut. My mental health is trash in so many ways. A couple years ago I was forcefully taken with a therapist and I hated her, she was so condescending and mean. I have resorted to this sub and similar ones to many times and I know that\u2019s not the best thing to do. I have no friends and no family to trust, I\u2019m so lonely.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My doctor stopped my anti depressants but I don't think it's a good idea.",
    "post_text": "I am pretty much alone in this . I feel very irritable without anti depressants .I have also strated losing interest in everything .  I found one anti depressant particularly effective in subsiding my suicidal ideation.  My doctor strongly believes I don't need antidepressants long term but I feel the opposite.  He has also been inefficient in helping me control my weight gain.  \n\nI have no idea what to do . Whenever I feel better he , stops my medication . I just want a doctor to keep me on meds forever .",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Your experiences with Vortioxetine (Trintellix) or Tranylcypromine (Parnate) for Social Anxiety",
    "post_text": "Your experiences with Vortioxetine (Trintellix) or Tranylcypromine (Parnate) for Social Anxiety\n\nI would love to hear about your experiences with Trintellix and/or Parnate especially regarding social anxiety. \n\nI tried all the SSRIs and SNRIs as well as one MAOI and one tricyclic. No effects at all except sexual side effects. I also tried 3 talk therapies already (2 depth psychological and 1 behavioral Im doing right now). I want to have a crutch that helps me socializing and finally living life. I suffer too long from this shit and it comes with huge restrictions in life and life quality in general.\n\nIs Trintillex worth a try if I didn\u2018t respond to SSRIs and SNRIs?\n\nWhich medication is best for social anxiety if any other than Trintellix or Parnate?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help to better myself",
    "post_text": "I am a 19 year old student at his first in person semester on campus. I am overweight, always tired, sleep deprived, unmotivated, and losing friends everyday. It has never been this hard for me to get out of bed, notice something positive in my life, or have fun doing things I enjoy like saxophone or long-boarding. \n\nI am stuck in an endless cycle of feeling unmotivated to do schoolwork, which makes me feel sad and hopeless. As I\u2019m sad and hopeless, I have no motivation to do schoolwork. I have been trying different medications for a couple years and they really fluctuate. \n\nI just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel ashamed and disgusted for the things I\u2019ve done and the person I am today. \n\nPlease help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Alone. Doing pretty badly. I don't know. I'm sorry.",
    "post_text": "I'm at rock bottom. I've been crying all day. My eyes are swollen. I barely have the strength to write this. It's going to be nonsensical, I'm sorry. I am so completely alone. I don't have any friends. It's the same thing over and over. If I don't push away my own friends, they'll push me me away eventually. I've tried making friends, I've tried so fucking hard, but I can't connect with anyone it seems. My heart is hurting right now. I wish I could die. I don't know what I'm expecting out of this post. I'll probably get nothing anyways, in a flood of other much more important posts. I don't know. I just want to disappear so badly. I'm so tired of being alone. J can't take it anymore. I guess I'm just looking for something. Fucking anything. Please. I'm fucking begging someone out there. Help me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My [23f] boyfriend [24m] has severe depression and I don't know what to do. Help",
    "post_text": "For some context, I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He told me early on that he has severe depression but he's working to get better. I have never personally dealt with mental illness before, at least not as severe as he has.\n\nNeedless to say, dating someone with severe mental illness is a lot of weight to bear, especially since I've never dealt with anything like it before. I do love him, but sometimes dating him is exhausting because I never know whether it's going to be a \"good day\" or a \"bad day\". Maybe he's bipolar, but I don't think he's diagnosed.\n\nI've done everything I can to help him feel better when he has depressive episodes, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't tell me everything so I can't do much to help. When I try to help, he just acts hopeless, like nothing is going to get better.\n\nI worry that this will spiral into unhealthy territory (maybe it has already). I've contemplated breaking up with him but I know it would destroy him - perhaps to the point of self harm or worse. What can I do better to help him, or should I break up with him?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help overcoming envy",
    "post_text": "Everywhere I look is someone who is better than me at something, or someone who looks happier than me. I try to fix this by practicing at being talented at one of my video games so that I for once have something to be proud of, but no matter what I do I just end up getting frustrated and start insulting myself constantly saying \"I'm pathetic\" and \"I don't deserve anything or anyone because of this\". This is especially the case in pvp games, that kind I most enjoy when i'm winning. Even outside of video games though I can't help but to get envious of literally everyone, even if they have their own life troubles I don't realise. I don't know what to do from here, every attempt at saying something good about myself has failed and I feel like I cannot go a day on the internet without seeing something that makes me hate myself again. How do I get rid of my bottomless supply of envy and low self-esteem and stop getting frustrated at my life?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Falling about and don\u2019t really have a person I can\u2019t true talk to about",
    "post_text": "Well I have lots of family and we are pretty close. But I can\u2019t be a honest due the fact it has been used against me in the past. I went from be ok having most of my life going pretty well. Even during covid. It just like I should be happy and thankful. But I\u2019m trouble holding it together. Nobody knows how bad thing have gotten. They only time I really find real relief from my deep empty sadness is we I a sleep. I try to spend as time as possible sleeping. Now I\u2019m have trouble sleeping. And relentless anxiety at night. I\u2019m overwhelmed by trying to keep at my balls in the air. I have I have at least one person that relies on me. And it just me that is responsible for her. I have to help my mom with transportation. And I\u2019m the only one with a few exceptions that is able to get her with where she has to be daily. I have a shit ton of health problems that no body can understand the pain and fear I go through on a daily basis. I want to throw in the towel fuck bathing seems like a fuck task. Getting and keeping up my house feels like horrible form of torture. Like what the hell. I should be thankful I have so much more than so many people. I have people that love me. But I can shake this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve been so depressed that I\u2019ve had suicidal ideation for several days and feel like no one cares.",
    "post_text": "I have been depressed for several weeks now to tje point where I have thoughts to end my life several times a day. I push them away, usually, but I really feel alone in what is going on. While my best friend knows, I don\u2019t want to burden her any more bc she has a lot going on. And when I told a few other close friends about the turmoil I was feeling, they said they needed time to process it and never addressed the issue again. I feel like this is a sign they don\u2019t care.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I'm severely depressed and I don't know how to fix it.",
    "post_text": "First things first: I created this account because I don't feel comfortable using my regular one, and this is the first post I'm making with it, but I've been a Redditor for the better part of a decade.  Please don't hold my desire to remain anonymous against me.  Thank you.\n\nNow that that's out of the way, here's why I'm posting:\n\nI'm a 45-year-old guy and only now have realized that I'm just sitting around waiting to die.  Most people wouldn't know that by looking at me though, because on the surface I'm a happy, friendly, outgoing person, but on the inside I just feel empty and hopeless.  I can't sleep, I've overeaten to the point of morbid obesity, I have no friends, my relationship with my wife feels distant, I don't get out and go anywhere, I don't exercise, I have no career ambitions even though I have a steady job, and I just generally have given up on everything and I feel like I'm just going through the motions.\n\nIt's been like that for years.  I lost my dad in the '90s, my mom died 12 years ago, my father-in-law died a year after that, my brother has stopped speaking with me, I broke my leg a few years ago and it never healed back as well as I wish it had, I hurt all of the time, and my quality of life has plummeted.  I know I need to seek help, but I don't know how to go about it without feeling like a failure.  The idea of medication repulses me, and opening myself up to a total stranger seems like a non-starter, so I don't know what I should do.  As a result, I've done nothing, and my health is only getting worse.\n\nIf anyone has ever been in shoes like mine, how did you fix the problem?  What did you do to change?  How can I even get motivated to seek help and support when I can't even motivate myself to exercise, eat healthy, or talk about stuff like this with my wife?  I just feel like I'm surrounded by dead ends and all I can do is fake it until death finally solves my problems for me.  I promise though, that if anyone has suggestions that work and that won't have me cowering with fear, I will look into pursuing them.\n\nThank you very much for reading this far, for listening, and for caring to comment. <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can depression make you feel like you lost feelings for your partner?",
    "post_text": "I was dating my bf for 1.5 years and both of us were deeply and truly in love with each other. I could tell. He suddenly said he lost feelings because of his depression and he tried to get them back but it never felt the same as it did before. Is it his depression that is making him feel this way or is it reality? \n\nHe said that he doesn\u2019t know how long it will take to fix himself and he doesn\u2019t want me to wait for him because it isn\u2019t fair for me. I love him and I\u2019m willing to wait because his parents are the reason for his depression. When he moves out he will def feel that baggage left from his mind. He even hates them and is upset that he has to stay with them the whole summer before college. He even got drunk with alcohol because of his depression. And he never did this before. \n\nDo you think he actually lost feelings or that his feelings are being concealed because of the severe depression? He said he did love me before and a part of him still loves me now. But then I\u2019m confused because he told me to move on because its not fair for me to wait. Like i really love him and that\u2019s why im willing to wait. And he even said he doesn\u2019t know about later (when he moves out) because he feels like he cannot be fixed at all. He said he is depressed to the point where nobody can fix him. He sounded extremely depressed which made me hurt because I wanted to see him happy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I ungrateful for not being happy?",
    "post_text": "The thing is compared to many people in the world I am pretty fortunate and privileged. Yet I am unhappy. I can\u2019t help but feel like maybe I\u2019m being stupid. I shouldn\u2019t be unhappy when I have so many advantages in my life that billions in the world don\u2019t have. I can\u2019t help but feel like I am ungrateful. Yet I do not authentically feel happy. Am I being ungrateful/stupid?\n\n[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/mw5ph2)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At my rock bottom",
    "post_text": "Im 25,I live alone and im not from the usa .Im in a bad situation for a few months now but I hit the bottom now because Im in a point where I dont have anymore money and no more food and I tried everything(got a panic attack this morning seeing all thst I have left is 0.20 eurocents).Covid ruined me and I used all my saving to survive until now, the only thing I didnt sell that I need is my phone.I got a job a week ago but I cant get a cash advance and I cant get a loan from the bank because I need papers from my first salary which I will get on the 10th of May.\nI live in a small city and we dont have food charities here or food banks and Im very anxious about the future or what to do.I go to sleep hungry now and wake up hungry.\nI have nobody in my life to ask for help and im in physical pain.Im also in university so having exams and having to work through all of this is HELL and i dont know if its worth it.\nI dont know what to do or how im going to survive for 3 weeks ,I can barely sleep from the stress.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cheap and somewhat healthy depression meal ideas?",
    "post_text": "So I'm depressed, super broke, unemployed (actively trying to find a job tho), living on an island in the middle of the pacific where the cheapest t-bone costs 30$. This place is more commonly known as Iceland. All food is super pricey and beans & rice isn't an option bc I have IBS and it gives me cramps (I also hate it but that's not the main reason). Another reason is that I am moving out at the end of May so I don't wanna have to actively cook. \n\nThanks for the help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Cant get out of bed",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t have a diagnosis, but that\u2019s mostly because I can\u2019t bring myself to find a therapist yet, for several reasons, but I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019ve been depressed most of my life, or have something at least \n\nI haven\u2019t been able to get myself to shower for a few days, I was outside all day and I\u2019m all sweaty today and I feel like I have a layer of filth on me, I didn\u2019t brush my teeth either since yesterday morning and it\u2019s just really hard to get up right now... I can feel myself starting to show UTI symptoms again which is definitely because i can\u2019t get myself to take care of myself... my best friend is breaking up with her long term boyfriend today and is coming over for emotional support, and I don\u2019t want her to see me like this, but I can\u2019t get myself to get up and take care of myself, I\u2019m currently rolled up in my throwaway blanket on top of my bed so I don\u2019t make my regular blankets dirty and I just feel so heavy in my head",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate myself, i need an outside perspective.",
    "post_text": "I feel like a complete failure at everything i do. Everyone in my life says im \u201cso talented\u201d or that im \u201csmart\u201d or \u201chave potential\u201d but every time i hear someone say that it makes me want to shoot myself in the fucking face. Whenever i hear these things my ego just gets bigger and it gives me a reason to think \u201c Maby im not so bad\u201d which i then immediately disprove by doing some other stupid shit, i cant get get relationships right, im pretty sure my girlfriend is slowly loosing interest in me, and i don\u2019t blame her, i would too. Im not good at sex and fail to pleasure my partner, im terrible at work and am constantly overshadowed by new employees despite my seniority, im failing all my classes at school and i havnt spoken to my friends at all recently due to a lack of motivation. I feel like im looking in on the world from outside a glass door, and i hate it, i hate myself, i hate every decision that i make, will make, or have made, and i wish nothing but the worst upon myself. Im at a point where i do all of these things and feel no remorse, i feel no sadness, im just an empty sad excuse for a man looking for my next momentary shot of dopamine to keep me from loosing my mind and realizing what a piece of shit i am. \nThanks for your time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My adult daughter makes me depressed",
    "post_text": "We brought our adult 19yr old daughter up in a loving good home gave her everything.  Since been a teenager all her morals have changed she swears is disrespectful tells her friends lies that we are awful parents she scams family and friends for money so she doesnt have to get a job. She rarely calls only if she wants something. She never even contacts he brother or sister. She is addicted to her phone. When she lived at home if we took it off her at night she would be violent attack at us. She quit uni. She hangs out with negative people. She always plays the victim mentality.  She recently told me her friend is a prostitute but swear mum im not..i dont believe her she lies now.  I feel so sad. I never thought she would grow to be this personality. She was a beautiful child. It makes me so depressed.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have tried everything, what else I can try?",
    "post_text": "Hi All,\n\nI am chronically depressed, I feel that life is very hard, I feel suicidal and lonely. I have tried lots of antidepressants and many therapies (CBT, metacognitive, psychodynamic, you name it...) for many years. Over 26 years of attempts. I have tried also some alternative therapies too, like transcranial direct current stimulation, or some herbal medicines or supplements. Nothing worked. \n\nI think that I am left with few options like TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation, electroconvulsive therapies or psychedelic compounds, like psilocybin or LSD.\n\nI don't want to give up with life but I can't carry on like this.\n\nIf you have nay ideas please let me know.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just so tired of being depressed",
    "post_text": "Not really sure where to even start with this one...\n\nI just find that the only reason I'm alive is simply because of my biological programming.  I haven't found any purpose to want to live, but the fundamental instinct to live is what's keeping me going.\n\nI have isolated myself from pretty much everyone and I have no meaningful emotional connections with people.  I have never been emotionally or physically intimate with anyone and at this point I feel as though this is just the cards I've been dealt, that the idea of having a meaningful connection with another person is almost too unrealistic to expect.  I feel as though I've wasted my time on this planet spending it alone, but then I find myself equally unhappy when I am around people.  It seems like I'm incapable of enjoying my own company or the company of others.  I want to change this but whenever I open myself up to other people, it comes with emotional stress that I just don't know how to internalize.  I know that if I continue down this road I am almost certainly committing myself to a life of isolating misery or suicide.  I just don't know how to live any differently.\n\nAnd because this has been a theme for me so long, its become a part of my identity in a way to be depressed like this.  It feels as though any attempt to change this underlying cause would be a betrayal to my true self or something.\n\nI want to change things, I don't want to commit myself to a life of isolation and apathy.  I would like to have genuine and meaningful connections with people and feel like I have some sort of meaning in being alive..  But I just find that nothing makes me want to wake up the next morning.  There is no underlying passion for life, just the motions.  \n\nI have been to more therapists and psychiatrists than I can count on my hands, I just don't know what to do anymore.\n\nApologize for the rant, this all just hitting me hard as of late.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I study MS aborad and leave my parents?",
    "post_text": "I am shy introvert person. I have INFJ personality.l have social anxiety.I don't have any passion or goal in life.I want to earn money and leave stressful life. People call selfish those who leave their country but they are the ones who break relationships for money. The reality of life is really money ,many people will hate me for saying this but its true. Anyone can do sweet talking and say money isn't everything. It is hypocrisy. I want to leave India but there will be no one to take care of my parents. Both gone through clinical depression in their life.It happened before 10-15yrs.My father is 60yrs old and still using antidepressants and sleeping pills daily.Yeah time doesn't fix everyone.  I just want to leave this place and settle in foreign to start new life but I always gone through depression and loneliness ,so moving abroad will worsen everything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like the things that should make me happy won\u2019t.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve always liked video games, and always had the thought that not much in the real world really felt worth it or like it would do much for me, but a lot of the time even video games just feel like a distraction. Same with people. I can appreciate a lot of things, but don\u2019t really expect them to fill me with much of a sense of joy or something. \n\nThey say relationships are the biggest predictors of happiness, and even though I love my family I almost don\u2019t know if I feel it. I just feel the pain at the thought of losing them or if they lost me.\n\nIt\u2019s like I am only driven by moving away from pain and pleasure is fleeting if at all possible. Until recently I thought I was completely emotionally numb from medication but I\u2019m trying to entertain the idea it\u2019s OCD and depression that makes me like this, because that\u2019s more fixable.\n\nI feel like when thinking of hobbies, or jobs, or things to devote my life too I just ask myself but why would I do this over anything else?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Almost 20 years of social anxiety, how do I go on?",
    "post_text": "So I'm trying to get over social anxiety for almost 20 years now, 18 of them spent running around from one therapist to another and nothing helped. I'm going to another psychiatrist in a few days, and while I was the one to set the appointment I still feel there's no point. I tried CBT, pills, and was once arrested and voluntarily hospitalized for making a dangerous post. Is there anything specific I should say to the therapist? At this point they just send me to a different psychologist every time but I somehow manage to be too hard for them to get through to. I.E. one psychologist, every meeting, asked \"what are you thinking about\" as I was staring at the carpet waiting for them to speak, my answer was always simply: \"nothing\", as it really was nothing, I just shut off thought if there's no conversation, and it went like this until I got hospitalized where the psychologists in the hospital told me to stop making appointments with her. At any rate, 18 years of therapy, my social anxiety can probably be compared to selective mutism with how severe it is, what do I do?\n\nOverall, I quit my job with no desire to find a new one, lost interest in most of my hobbies, lost interest in improving myself because it didn't make me feel better at the end (lost weight, listened to 40 books, tried out MMA, tried singing lessons, went to the gym, worked at a hotel to try and get my social anxiety solved, reconnected with old friends and then lost the connection with them after burning out.\n\nI know of 0 people that went to therapy and claimed it helped them. Every single one that I asked said it's just a scam and at this point I can only agree, the success rate is just too low to justify wasting time on it, especially since I already wasted 18 years.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am close to snapping and destroying myself and everything around me",
    "post_text": "I'm a patient person. I never lash out. I never once had a outburst of anger. I always directed that anger and shame into hating myself. I suspect that I might have quiet BPD , but I don't want to seem like an attention whore  trying to self-diagnose.\n\nWhere I live is hell. I do not feel understood by my therapist. I feel like all I do is fucking, WHINE, WHINE WHINE WHINE. \n\nI live with my grandparents. My grandpa has done some bad things to me. My grandmother is an cold abusive bitter shell of a women that points out EVERYTHING I do wrong. Nothing I do is good enough. ITs always the negatives. \n\nMy mother is well. I don't know how the fuck to describe her. I use to idolize her as a cihld and used to feel special for being so close to her. Now I see how its fucking impossible to share my feelings and point of view with her because she just thinks I'm blaming her. \n\nMy father left me with a child molester. And even laughed at me while I was crying, begging him to  care and give a shit. To at least PRETEND TO CARE. Nah he just laughed at me.\n\nI have severe anxiety. I cannot do anything by myself. I am very dependent. I feel helpless. I also really  , really fucking hate myself.\n\nPeople have told my parents how stubborn and rigid i was as a child and kept telling them how I was going to be a bad person as I got older and not support my parents. And everytime i'd do something wrong my parents would bring this up and it'd bring me so much anxiety its not even funny.\n\nI impuslivly bought a pack of blades. I tried talking to my therapist yesterday and it just didn't feel like she cared. She just wanted mee to do DBT SKILLS AND THATS ALL SHE FUCKING TALKED ABOUT. NO ONE LISTENES TO ME. NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT. \n\nTHE PEOPLE WHO USED TO CARE (LIKE MY MOM) ARE TIRED OF MY USELESS ASS.\n\nI already cut myself today. I am trying to calm down the urge to just drag the blade across my throat.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do I do for my partner experiencing an extended server depressive episode?",
    "post_text": "My partner (24M) and I have been together for over 6 years. We both finished classes last May. I graduated in August and we moved back to our home state. When the pandemic hit, he had to stay at home for months. He's dealt with depression to some extent his whole life and grad school had already been pretty tough on him. He hit a major depressive episode around last April that he's been in ever since. He hasn't been able to finish his thesis or find the motivation to get a job. He sees a counselor once a week, has been trying out different medications, and even went to an outpatient program for about a week. Nothing has helped him in any substantial way. He says he's doing a little better, which makes me happy, but he still passes most days on his computer. He can only rarely leave our apartment, no longer gets to do the thing he was studying, which he loved, and constantly feels tired. He's such a wonderful person who doesn't deserve to be in a place like this. I don't know what to do. Every day it gets harder to watch. We talked about getting a tutor to help him finish his thesis, but every call or email takes days. Progress is so slow and I don't know how much more I can take. Who can I call? What can I do? Help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hey please hear me out",
    "post_text": "So my mother and sister tested positive for covid just now. And I'm scared. Earlier I'd hear cases rising and people dying and it didn't really bother me much. I knew it's a serious problem. But that's all, I just \"knew\". I never realized the gravity of this pandemic till before it came to my doorsteps.\n\nI'm just an ordinary guy who cares for his family a lot. I don't show it to them or anyone but I'm in my room scared out of my mind. I can't concentrate on my studies and my college entrance exams are around the corner. \n\nSo basically I just NEED to know that they're gonna be fine. Any advice, consolation, help right now would be much appreciated by me\n\nThanks may you and your family be safe and live long happy lives.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how to explain my mental health situation to my professors",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve recently been going through a really tough window of depression. I can barely do any of my schoolwork no matter how hard I try. I am slipping off the ball.\n\nI\u2019ve forgotten several assignments and I\u2019m going to have to submit them late when I finish them. A few of my professors have even emailed me to ask where my work is (I go to a small university with small class sizes).\n\nI also feel awful because it isn\u2019t like I\u2019ve submitted everything on time before this. I\u2019ve submitted things late before, earlier on this semester. And at those times I always simply apologized for being late but I never offered any real explanations. I don\u2019t think I can do that anymore though, since I\u2019m now a repeat offender and my profs probably all think I\u2019m extremely lazy and disorganized (they wouldn\u2019t be entirely wrong).\n\nI feel like I owe them an explanation and I really want to be forgiven for this. But I don\u2019t know what I can say. The truth is that I know exactly how much work I have to do and I know that I should be doing it, but I just can\u2019t make myself to 95% of it. I just feel pathetic.\n\nWhat can I say to them to explain this? I don\u2019t know how to be vulnerable and risk getting no understanding by telling them the truth. I mean how unprofessional is it to say \u201cI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t submit the assignment. I spent the last week in bed trying not to die.\u201d\n\nBut I also don\u2019t want to make up some BS excuses either... \n\nAdvice please?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve been feeling down lately",
    "post_text": "Hello reddit. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m lazy or depressed, but over the past few weeks I\u2019ve been feeling empty. I feel so emotionally numb and I started to lose interest in things I used to enjoy, like playing video games. I\u2019m in high school, and I\u2019m so overwhelmed by homework because of the pressure that I have to do them perfectly. So much that I just don\u2019t want to do anything at all. My parents call me lazy, but I really don\u2019t know if that\u2019s true.\n\nSo I looked up what depression was, and I was like \u201cyep, I probably have this\u201d, but my mind is going back forth from thinking I\u2019m depressed or faking it. It\u2019s confusing because I\u2019m still able to carry out tasks like chores, but at the same time I feel like I only do it because I have to. \n\nI also easily get upset over little things, like when my parents try to lecture me. It reminds me that I\u2019m a failure. A bad child. And I\u2019ll never be enough for anyone. Then I start beating myself up because of it, because that was my only coping mechanism. I would just punch my own arm or hand to release that energy. It hurts, but I don\u2019t care.\n\nI can still enjoy some things, like painting. But eventually that enjoyment goes away, and I go back to that feeling. I ruminate over past social interactions, and I just sit down and do nothing. I\u2019ve always been tired and lacked energy, but I think it\u2019s because I don\u2019t get much sleep. But another thing is, I get hyper around my friends, which is why I have these conflicting thoughts about depression. Sometimes, I would unexpectedly start to fidget and do everything quickly, but that energy goes away when I\u2019m alone. My mood goes up a but all those thoughts and feelings come back eventually.\n\nI cannot afford therapy, nor want my parents to be involved. I\u2019m not an adult yet either, but I feel like I need help. Does this sound like depression? If not, then what is it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feel empty, everything seems gray, just done seems like no emotions just want to shut down.",
    "post_text": "Yeah lately for the pass couple months I'm just done with life just want to end it but it's weird there's no emotions behind. I've tried suicide 3 times but do to events and depression and feeling worthless and stop being a burden on everyone and everyone can have better lives. But this time around I just done like it's no big deal its end of the movie roll credits. Like I'm done man time to move on. I have depression had it sense I was 8yr first time I tried suicide and I've been dealing with it ever since I am 29m now. I feel lost I dont know what to do has anyone been in my state if you have anything to help me I'm willing to try.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I pathetic if I pay for a one time house cleaning because I feel so overwhelmed that I can't get it done?",
    "post_text": "I'm so depressed and i have other issues too, i won't get into it.\n\n\nBut im really having trouble cleaning.. i thought if maybe i got a fresh start by having it cleaned completely at first i might be able to keep up with it after that? I feel awful. My house is a mess and I'm supposed to clean more than i am because I stay at home but i am struggling SO hard. It feels impossible with all this stuff already here. Like maybe with a daily routine it could be maintained with an initial clean slate?\n\n\nI want to cry. I hate myself, I've been trying to get this house clean for months and it's like i can't do it for some reason. It's so overwhelming. I really feel like a disappointment considering all this. I should be able to do something as simple as this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "He said he has suicidal thoughts",
    "post_text": "My boyfriend of 7 years and I recently broke up. He had been acting distant and cold for almost a year now. At first I thought he may be cheating or he simply just doesnt love me anymore. We started couples counseling together and he began opening up more and more. Things were great for about 6 months. Suddenly he just shut down again. But this time he was mean to me. He would say and do hurtful things. I didnt understand what was happening. \nHe finally said he wasnt feeling himself. That he was a disappointment to everyone.   He admitted he would purposely say or do hurtful things to me. And that he didnt know why or how to stop. \nSo he broke up w me and moved out. He said he loves me but that I dont deserve this. I now now he is struggling w depression. I believe it started about a year ago. But I didnt realize till a few months ago. I tried to help but he just keeps pushing me away. \nHe finished moving his stuff out yesterday. I send him a text telling him how much I love him, what a great guy he is, that I forgive him. Most importantly explaining to him that all the hurtful things he said and did where not his fault. That's the thing about depression. It makes you act outside your character. I really wanted him to understand that his not a bad person. \n\nAnyway, he wrote back saying his just not ok. That he has even been having suicidal thoughts. It hurt so much to know he was feeling this bad. He promised he was going to seek professional help. Which is great. I hope he really does. But idk what to do with this information? He is a quite person. And it scares me that his thinking this way. Is there anything I can do? Is there anything I should do? Maybe let one of his family members know? I'm really worried and scared for him. Any advice is appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friend just told me she wants to kill herself",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone. \n\nMy friend just told me she's been suicidal since last November. She has had fights with some friends and has distanced herself from the group. She then changed schools. She changed like a month ago. She says she made some friends.\n\nBut today she wrote a message and told me she's shaking because she was crying. I asked her why and she made me prommise not to tell my friends. And she told me that she's been wanting to kill herself. I never dealed with this so I dont know what to do. I wont tell anyone about it. I adviced her to tell a professional. I would always be by her side and do my bestto help her, but I cant replace proffesionals in any ways. she told me she's going to a psychologist. \n\nI told her that I loved her she's really special to me and told her the reasons why. She says that she knows and Im one of the reasons she's not commiting suicide. She also doesnt want her friends and family to be sad after she kills herself, and her granpa.\n\nI dont know what to do. She cant kill herself. She's got a life to live. We're only 14 I dont know what to do she's too young to die she cantbdie she's my friend please help me I dont know ehat to say to her I dont know what to do if she actually one dau decides to kill herself anf I could have stopped it by saying the right thing and I didnt I dont know how to do this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Even at the worst moments of my depression, I could still see a bright future ahead. Now I have nothing to look forward to, and I\u2019m seriously considering suicide.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 16. I\u2019ve been bullied my whole life and been depressed since I was around 14. I\u2019ve always had this idea that things will get better in the future, \u201cIt will be better next year\u201d, \u201cIt will be better when I\u2019m 20, 25, 30...\u201d I just realized that it won\u2019t. I, like everyone else, am bound to work \u2018til the day I die, but on the top of that, I have to deal with mental illness. Is this a life worth living? I have zero friends, I have no supportive family. Most days I just stand there, staring at the walls, doing nothing. I\u2019m completely uninteresting as a person. Given my high school history, I will certainly not get into a good college. I\u2019m objectively ugly, as I have a very unsymmetrical face. I can\u2019t remember the last time I felt happy; I have nobody left in my life. What\u2019s out there for me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I keep checking in on a guy I dated for 4 months who disclosed he is depressed?",
    "post_text": "I (F28) have been single for 5 years and I know what assholes guys can be. But this boy was something else. Intiative, social, funny but deep down sweet and sensitive. He told me that winter gets to him and after a month he was starting to show signs of not sleeping and e.g. told that he didn't leave the house during the week but to go to supermarket. I started to get worried when he suddenly cancelled our weekend plans, and I said that it would be nice to know if he didn't want to see me anymore. He replied immediately that it wasn't about that and I told him to concact me again when he's feeling better. After a week he contacted me and I decided to give him another change.\n\nThen after a month he started to be again disconnected and finally I told him to come meet me and asked what's going on. He said that he has been feeling depressed for few years, but has now seeked for help. He hasn't told anyone else. I needed answers whether we had future together, which was maybe bad, since he had just come out of the depression closet for the first time ever... We decided that we wouldn't continue the dating. We both cried but I was pissed off due to the distant behavior that had been going on without excuses.\n\nI have now been texting him once a week. I started to get worried when he was saying that he hasn't really seen friends or doing anything. He still doesn't want to see me, even tho he said that some day he will when he's feeling better. His replies started to get more short and take more time. Now he's not answering every time. I asked if I was bothering him and that I could stop, but he sid that it wasn't about that. I asked if I could send him a text once a week that he would just open. He didn't reply.\n\nI have my own anxiety specially since we were dating and don't know whether I should keep texting him or not. There is mixed advice everywhere whether to not give up on a depressed or to give the person space. Sigh.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i don\u2019t think i even get as unmotivated as i do being just tired",
    "post_text": "i work for like less than an hour and i\u2019m going back to bed and laying there for so long. i cant focus because i\u2019m so tired. i try and eat high protein, whole grains, i hydrate, i take short walks, i let sunlight in, i sleep 8-10 hours. but i get so tired. i just plain don\u2019t want to do anything. what do i do?\n\ni hate sitting all day at my computer working because i spread out my work so far. it\u2019s so bad and i\u2019m gaining a pound every week despite eating below or at maintenance most days. i feel my muscles getting weaker and weaker and getting fatter and fatter but i can\u2019t sit up and focus long enough simply because working exhausts me so much. i cant make time for exercise because an hour task for me is three hours. and i could focus if i weren\u2019t just plain exhausted all the time. nothing helps not even making a schedule. how do i get my energy back?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hi i'm new and I feel \"weird\" sometimes",
    "post_text": "Hi, for a few weeks I've been dealing with this \"weird\" feeling, some days I'm quite normal, happy, serious, but I feel that I'm using well my energy, and there are some other times (like right now) that I'm just sitting trying to focus in something but there also more thoughts in mind that can't give a chance to focus, I don't feel the energy for do something, I feel with tears but there's none and neither a clear reason for do it, may be this is part for been one year unemployed but if there's someone here that have been through this or something similar, could be useful to read it. Thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am suffering",
    "post_text": "Wanna start by saying its okay im okay one time the police showed up when i posted in a suicide forum. I AM FINE My life is leading a very interesting and difficult path I doubt I will ever get married or meet anyone I miss my old life and freshmen college days of having friends and being a pretty girl. I dont understand my exisistence I thought I was trans for a time and went on testosterone and it deepened my voice and I am not the pretty bubbly, bouncy girl that was once popular and well liked. Men don't like me I have an entirely diffferent group of friends and sometimes yearn for the old one and my thoughts run away with me at night. I never had dysphoria I just hated my period and thats why I went on hormones. I am on birth control now to keep it stopped but I just struggle with life, humans, and wondering why I exist. Idk what to do after college I am petrified of life and I will most likely never be loved I just struggle with being 21 and progressing high school sucked I was in a homeschool/private school Duggar type of environment and every day was torture. But it was easier. I had not been on hormones yet. I was innocent. I was a pretty girl. I was well liked. Boys liked me. Its gone now. All gone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everyone around me has become so political and I feel suffocated by it.",
    "post_text": "Hi. I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and maybe reach out to some people for advice on how to handle this issue.\n\nI feel like everything I see or is recommended to me across all media is something depressing and political and it\u2019s like a hammer beating me over the head constantly. I honestly can\u2019t take it anymore. Whether it\u2019s watching tv, browsing Reddit, at work, even hanging out with friends playing tabletop I feel trapped and that I can\u2019t escape.\nI just don\u2019t care and I never have nor will. I\u2019m already an easily annoyed person.\n\nIt\u2019s gotten to the point where I\u2019d rather sit in my room drawing by myself or writing than interact with anyone because inevitably something politically charged will come up and more than likely make the situation awkward at best and outright hostile at worse. Even telling someone I don\u2019t care about their politics is taken as a personal attack and I get blasted for being ignorant. It\u2019s definitely hampering my willingness to interact with the world and my mental health.\n\nTl;dr how do I avoid being constantly exposed to depressing negative politics and people who are so consumed by it that they throw away any sort of human dignity? I need help.\n\nP.S I imagine I\u2019ll get some advice like limit my social media usage but, to be honest, I\u2019m rarely on Twitter, I hardly ever use Reddit anymore because it always makes me sad, and I\u2019ve never had a Facebook account.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "First-time depression",
    "post_text": "Hi guys, it's my first time on reddit. I'm getting kinda depressed right now, mostly because of my disappointments. I put all my hopes and efforts into a competition and now that I failed my expectation (was expecting a second prize but got a consolation one). More ironically, my boyfriend got a first prize (which was kinda unbelievable and unprecedented in my school for the past 10 years). To make matters worse, he is entering university next year. Helping him with his academic profiles and scholarship applications made me really proud of him but concurrently self-pitiful. I feel a little inferior to him and constantly downplay myself without knowing how to stop. Both events struck me profoundly and I'm confused as to what to do. I think recently I'm suffering from depression since I have been haunted by self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I have yet to try committing suicide but actually harmed myself with a knife. What can I do to become positive? Thanks a lot",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nobody reads anyway.",
    "post_text": "Well. It's a night again. I'm at the same point. I believe many people are suffering from mental illnesses. I'm not better. I've told everyone I could reach that I'm suffering from pain. I was begging for help, but I guess I don't have money to pay them to save me. Okay then. But I don't understand what's happening. I can't say If it's my thoughts or somebody else is speaking. They are so loud and clear. Am I dying or something? I've been crying for about 4 hours. The time went so fast. I am not sure if I'm alive or not. Nobody hears anyway. Maybe I'm a ghost or something. Maybe that's the reason why nobody is answering. I guess I wrote many letters and called many people. Why don't they answer? Am I ugly or something? Maybe I'm invisible. Then why she screams at me. She probably should know that she screams at emptiness. Maybe I'm so shy so people can't notice me. That's possible. Maybe I don't exist. Hmm. No, I've seen my name on documents. Well, okay. Maybe I'm half dead. Do I need to make myself completely dead? Huh. Is somebody reading this? In case If somebody is reading. English is my third language, so I believe there are thousands of mistakes. I wrote this because I wanted to speak with somebody without feeling guilty. So. I wrote this in English because there's a little hope in me. But I guess it's worthless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I may have been struggling with mild depression and anxiety on and off for many years",
    "post_text": "When I was a teenager from maybe 14/15 years old onwards I struggled with poor self-esteem, low mood, lack of motivation, procrastination, guilt, insomnia and anxiety (about school work, my health and social situations). Back then I did a lot of wallowing and was pretty \"woe is me\". I didn't really have many hobbies or friends and spent a lot of time on the internet.\n\nI'm 27 now and I've worked hard to get better at coping with things but I still find myself falling into the same patterns (though with a little less melodrama I like to think!).\n\nLast year I got CBT for health anxiety and I found that really helpful. This isn't the first time I'd spoken to a doctor about my mental health but it's the first time I'd gotten treatment. What kind of surprised me though was one of the questionnaires I completed indicated I might have mild depression. This wasn't something we discussed and I'm left wondering now does that mean it's no big deal? \n\nI find my job pretty difficult because I'm constantly battling feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anxiety, low motivation and procrastination. It feels like *I* must be the problem as I felt similarly about my previous jobs as well.\n\nSo I'm just hoping there might be something I can do to overcome this? Has anyone dealt with something similar? I know my problems aren't that acute or severe but they are persistent and have a cumulatively really detrimental effect on my life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can i get my life in order? I need help",
    "post_text": "Hi this is first time i m doing this. I just wanted to start somewhere but i m not sure where. I am 30 years old now and i have problems with my life for a long time. I havent graduated from university, i m a student for almost 11 years i just have 3 more classes to graduate but most of the times i cant find the energy to study due to long time depression. For a liltle background i can say that i have been bullied a lot in high school and it left emotional scars on me. Before my current problem with school i had no problem with classes and other studies, like i could easily understand the problem and start on solutions. But now i get scared even to open up my notes to study. I am constantly in fear that i wasted my life and i will never be successful in life. I have no work talent especially in my work field, even though i did some job now and then. I have no idea if i can recover from my mistakes. If i can graduate i ll become electronics engineer but i have no idea what field i can work nor where to start. I learned a bit russian out of curiosity but it was so long ago. I dont know what else to write. U can ask anything i ll try to answer. Thanks for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My ex girlfriend makes me want to kms",
    "post_text": "I still love her. I\u2019ve tried multiple times to separate myself from her but it never works. I always end up going back to her because I lover her so much and was the only person to ever make me feel legitimately loved.\n\nRecently, she told me she wasn\u2019t going to be answering me much on Snapchat because she has final exams. Which is fair. Yet, I see her on her snap map she\u2019s active fairly often whilst also posting on her story. I\u2019ll be on delivered for hours on end; and this isn\u2019t the first time this has happened.\n\nHowever, when we do talk, she tells me she loves me and how I was the only person she\u2019s ever truly loved. She\u2019ll call me \u201cdaddy\u201d and fantasize about us having the cutest sleepovers.\n\nWorst yet, she told me awhile ago she still loves one of her other ex\u2019s. The dude doesn\u2019t even care about her depression and just uses her for sex. She doesn\u2019t see that though. \n\nI can\u2019t do this anymore. She\u2019s tearing me apart. I just want to kill myself to make this half-decade nightmare come to an end.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been lying about having hope",
    "post_text": "I just need advice. \n\n   I've been helping my friends through their mental issues with positive affirmations and hope for the future. But its a lie, I dont believe anyone has a future, life sucks then we die. Sometimes I feel bad for trying to keep them from killing themselves, as I believe they will be happier that way.  I don't want to think this but I've never seen anyone live a happy life. \nI need support , sadly from redditors, because  I dont think my friends can handle anything negative rn.\n  \n\n\nRant\n\n  I probably think this way because as a child I watched my family overwork themselves, working multiple jobs to support me and my siblings, just to go home and be miserable. Mental illness kept them from being happy as a child, they never had the time to be happy as an adult, and being elderly is driving them to madness. My family has high expectations for me but I dont see the point. Its not like having a good job or money will make me happy. Mental illness has stolen my youth, ill overwork myself as an adult to eventually retire to a life of feeling that I wasted away.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What to do when you notice yourself slipping back into depression?",
    "post_text": "I've had depression from 2015-2017 but never went to therapy. It got better because of a good network of friends and living with someone who motivated and helped me get through it. Now I feel like I'm slipping back into old habits.\n\nFor context: I had covid last Christmas. Since then I struggle with fatigue, tiredness, lung problems and my thyroid. I haven't found a doctor that was able to help me yet. Everybody dismisses me because there is no cure for long covid symptoms. I got an asthma spray and thyroid medication but it doesnt help. It scares me so much. I tried to get back into fitness and train my lungs. Yesterday I couldn't even finish jogging for 1,5km. I'm 24, F, normal weight. \n\nI feel like a failure. Because I can't even run for such a short distance. Also I've been quarantining for the last two weeks and ate way too much. My medication also made me gain weight. I feel horrible in my body. And I feel weak because i can't fight it. My boyfriend always tells me I'm strong because I gave it a try but I can't accept that I'm chronically ill and suffer every day and there is nothing I can do about it.\n\nIt got so bad during the quarantine that I couldn't let him kiss me because I didn't feel like I deserved him. At the same time I want to hide how I feel because I'm scared he will get fed up if I'm depressed all the time. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. \n\nI just want to lay in bed all day, I am scared to go back to work, I think about eating all the time and there isn't much I'm excited for because of covid.\nDoes anyone have advice how to get out of this lump and motivate myself? I want to fight it but the only thing that comes to mind is sports and I can't really do that physically.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Ex broke up with me because he was depressed and said he still has feelings for me",
    "post_text": "He and i were together for 1.5 years. He had depression since the beginning because of his psycho parents. His dad said he hates him and told him to die because of high medical expenses.\n\nHe said that he cannot be in a relationship because of his depression and said he probably will never fix himself because he is depressed to the point that he will never be fixed.\n\nSince the beginning of our relationship he said he was dealing with depression.\n\nHe also said he will leave his parents house after the summer for college which made him upset. He wanted to leave as fast as possible.\n\nHe told me that his dad abused him in front of his extended family and nobody saved him. This made him extremely depressed.\n\nHe said rn is not the right time to be in a relationship and I completely understand why he is doing that.\n\nHe said that he still has feelings for me and that he will never be happy with me if he doesn\u2019t love himself. I completely understand his stance and I gave him space.\n\n1. Do you think he will come back? \n2. Do you think his life will get better when he leaves his abusive family?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trouble with persistent fatigue- not medical",
    "post_text": "Hey all, I am a 24F who has dealt with depression for about 9 years with varying severity. I am currently on Effexor after trying a bunch of meds and stable enough that I've held down a FT job for 3.5 years and now have a live-in partner. \n\nThe details of my days, however, aren't great. I don't have energy or desire for hobbies beyond cooking dinner sometimes and watching an evening TV show with my boyfriend. I often find myself mentally exhausted and ready to shut down either at 5pm after work or later on around 8.30/9pm. It gets worse on days when I've struggled with negative thoughts. \n\nMy partner doesn't really like how I go to bed early a lot, and is hurt that I dont want to stay up and spend time with him. I want to not always be so tired. After getting bloodwork done last week I know this is 100% psychological- my Dr. knew about my fatigue but said my results were great. I'd like to be the kind of person who goes to the gym or for a walk after work but I always feel too heavy and sad. \n\nI often don't want to be awake if I could just be asleep and escape feeling sad/ negative/ tired. What can I do to fix this? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anhedonia causing a self-defeating loop",
    "post_text": "I have had anhedonia for quite a while, to the point that I don't really remember what the feeling of happiness is like.  The issue is that I find myself unmotivated to do much of anything and when I do engage in activities I don't really find much value in participating in them because I don'tenjoy them.  Because of this, it causes a self-fulfilling prophecy as I don't make the effort to do things because I find nothing enjoyable.  And I find myself depressed because I don't do anything and isolate myself.  I have been taking antidepressants since the beginning of the year, but I have found the anhedonia to persist.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I help my depressed sister?",
    "post_text": "My sister comes to me almost every night talking about how she is depressed because she has 0 friends and she can't make any friends no matter how hard she tries. Her other problems consist of being 18 and not even close to having a boyfriend (she has never had a boyfriend), being sick of school and wanting to skip getting her associates and getting straight to work, and she's also pretty self conscious of her body and her socially awkwardness in front of others. I am 16 and I truly cannot understand her issues. She talks to me for hours about her problems and when I try to give her advice she gets frustrated. I don't have any friends either, I am also socially awkward, and I also am very self conscious. We share all the same problems the only difference is that she cares way too much and I don't care at all. The advice I try to give her is to show her how and why she shouldn't care. I don't understand how she can care so much about these issues. I understand sometimes but it's not a constant battle for me, I eventually continue not caring about my issues and am happy again. I'm worried about her because she talks about wanting to kill herself and I'm the only person in our family she can talk to because she is afraid of making my parents more depressed than they are. \n\nMy questions are: How do I go about caring for her? Should I just listen to her problems or should I advise her to care less? Perhaps neither of those things?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "So, I decided to go to psychiatrist, but now I feel like Im not that bad? How bad is really bad? Maybe I just act dramatic",
    "post_text": "I cry a lot without any specific reason, I want to kill myself quite often, but... I dont know if I really need therapy? Maybe its just who I am, just a lazy whiner?\nAnd when I will come to therapist I dont know what to say, what if that day I will feel fine and they will not believe me? I dont look like I struggle all the time, people around me dont even know that I have problems, Ive always been a comedian in a company. \nIm just a little bit afraid. I dont know if i really need therapy, and if I dont, so what do I need to feel normal?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression/loneliness",
    "post_text": "I am a 26y/o M, I crave to feel wanted and loved by a significant other, I haven\u2019t been in a relationship in five years, I have herpes so I hopelessly feel like there is no point in even trying, met a girl last October that I absolutely fell in love with. her and I talked for five months all day every day through text I saw her probably 2 times a week and it got to the point I intruduced her to my child, with no closure what so ever she randomly decided to block my number and all social media accounts, leaving me feeling like I just lost the one thing I thought I needed to feel complete that I had been waiting years for, I thought she would for sure come back but it\u2019s now been three months and now I feel hopelessly lonely, close to suicidal, and that I need to just accept that I\u2019m going to die alone and miserable if I don\u2019t kill myself first",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just feel nothing, despite a loving family and a girlfriend who wants a future with me",
    "post_text": "Posting on a throwaway for a lot of reasons. I\u2019m numb to the pain, I wake up late because I\u2019m basically a bum who doesn\u2019t work and goes to online school. I bought a gym membership but get super unmotivated to go. It all started last year when I got laid off from my job at Disney due to covid, and the transition to online school. Ever since March of last year I\u2019ve been in my room all alone, my family worries and it\u2019s so rare I leave my room sometimes they think I went out to eat. The only friends I got are my girlfriend and a friend from high school who I keep tabs with, he\u2019s the last person I wanna talk to about this shit. My parents don\u2019t exactly hate me, my dad is always supportive of me but sometimes my mom sees me as this bum who\u2019s just in his room all day, but deep down I\u2019m itching to just go out and be a productive member to Society again, I\u2019m just waiting for the day I\u2019m able to get back to normal. It just sucks being in my room all the time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm struggling",
    "post_text": "I've always struggled with depression. It went away when I met my partner. I thought I had everything figured out. Then he told me he might want an open relationship one day and now, my trust, my faith, my sense of self and who i am and what I want out of life is broken, it's gone. I can't trust anyone anymore. I'm just an empty body, waiting to die at this point. I feel like everyone is the world is like him. I feel alone in my wanting to have 1 partner for the rest of my life. I feel alone in the dedication and commitment I have to wanting to make a relationship work. I sabotage all my female friends because I have developed an aversion to women because in my brain I am convinced they will all try to have sex with my boyfriend. I will find something, anything, to validate my beliefs and it spirals out of control, I can't figure out what's real and what's not. I can't figure out when my brain has made something up; it never feels made up! It always feels real.\n\nI feel, like what's the point of a relationship if it might just end one day. I can't imagine being alone. I don't want to be alone. I know it's unhealthy. I understand this. I understand that I have a problem. But, it's not going to just simply go away. \n\nIt's not that I am not capable of making it go away. I'm sure I could try. It's that I do not want to let go of my dreams. I don't want to live another way, but I feel alone. \n\nIt doesn't help that I am an atheist and it feels like my values are not common amongst atheists. Life sucks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wanted to say goodbye",
    "post_text": "I know, there are people who love me and need me. But it\u2019d be easier for them if they didn\u2019t, if i wasn\u2019t around. My father, i\u2019m basically draining his bank account with all the help i need. My mother, our relationship does not exist. Birth parent didn\u2019t want me so i grew up in the orphanage. My friends have all moved on with their lives, we barely talk anymore. My girlfriend, all my needs and wants make her insecure.. she been my main reason for holding on. But now it\u2019s not enough. I hate my body, and how hard it is to put on weight. I hate battling my demons. I\u2019m starting to hate God as well. I\u2019m a lost cause. I know it sounds stupid but i want to look good when i die. So i\u2019m going to workout and become the most attractive and appealing version of myself, making amends with everyone i\u2019ve hurt or disappointed, write my will, and then i\u2019ll take one last stop to a church for the first time in 12 years, then i\u2019m calling it quits. I love all of you, a lot of you kept me alive. I\u2019m sorry.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you get over this...unique issue",
    "post_text": "How you cope with loving a baby for 7 months and then have him ripped from you because your not the biological father? The biological father wasn't there entire pregnancy and didn't come back into his mother(biological fathers mother)forced him to...what makes it worst the women I was with for 12yrs(it's complicated story just know she didn't cheat) kicked me out of her life and out of babys life for him...we had apartment together but sense it's in her name I had to move out and back to my parents house..the bio dad living there now..she won't let me see him no pics or vids because the bio dad doesn't want me in babys life...its hard I cry all the time...I really love this baby...I named him he has my father middle name...I was there sense day 1...why is this fair? I'm on birth certificate but because I'm not biological I have no power...all I do is cry and sleep it's so hard getting out of bed I call.out of work all time to the point I might get fired from company I been with for 8 yrs...I hate this..how could mother be so heartless to man who she use to always say how I'm great father and baby loves me etc etc...why does blood matter shouldn't love be the only thing that matters..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My parents think I am the issue",
    "post_text": "Hello,\nI am 30y woman and i am struggling with depression. Yesterday while i was helping my father he yelled at me in the most agreesive type, and got me informed that i need to be obedient, because i am not a 50 y like him. While i was driving, and he was constantly telling me i am a loser. And he always tells me that because i have no job, cause the pandemic, i have to do whatever they want because i cannot afford to pay. He told me that this is how he loves me (while being aggressive). I was so terrified and scared because we could cause an accident. While he does not have a driving license, he sais driving is simple and is for stupid ppl. And he treats me like i am a cab driver, telling me where to go... I asked him while driving and trying to focus on the road, why does he treat me like this. Always when i ask questions, no one answers. He constantly commands and yells at everyone in the house, and he always tries to proof that he knows shit.... I was terrified because he could smack me while i was driving. I went in a shock, while i was home, i cried so much, my self esteem is down. And something in me died yesterday. I am a good person and stayed out of trouble, worked. But even when i paid things in the house, or if i helped them constanlty, didn't matter je would treat me the same. Nothing satisfies him. All my life yelled and threatened me in various scenarios like school things, even if he didn't stayed with me and never involving in my after school homework, to pressuring me about exams and threaten me of i dont pass, i will end up being garbage man. He is so mediocre, no involvement but he is the bigger stupid mouth, no communication, no empathy. I am a small meaninglessness human being in his eyes.\nWhy is he fucking mean. I feel pain. I cry, i seek help. My mom does another shit thing. If i report to her what i did she victimises herself despite the fact she wasn't there, and what i say is simply my fault, because i need to shut up and execute.\nPretty much my entire life they did this. I feel scared, i have anxiety towards them, if i wont do something they will share with me their mean thoughts about me. \nI cannot live like this.... I am in pain.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Overcoming depression",
    "post_text": "Can you ever recover from depression? \n\nI would so appreciate if anyone who has \u201crecovered\u201d from depression could please tell us their story as a way of providing a bit of hope and strength for us seemingly eternal sufferers out here.\n\nIt would be helpful to know briefly how you got help, what worked vs what didn\u2019t and perhaps why you think it worked. \n\nClearly doctors don\u2019t seem to know anything so maybe we can help each other!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "She Said I Can't Have What I Want",
    "post_text": "I've been suffering from depression for a very quite a while, but it has gotten worse during this pandemic.  I've spent so much time alone, and my LTR ended as well.  I started with a new therapist about a month ago, because the one I had, though I liked her, kept rescheduling on me with very little notice.  I felt like she didn't find our sessions as much of a priority as other clients, because she told me that the person before me ran over time and there was no time for me.  Anyway, my therapist met with me today, and I have had a hard time connecting with her.  First, she did not believe that I was raised by narcissistic parents.  She felt it was my behaviors that were causing them to behave towards me the way they did and still do.  I've found I can't bring up family issues with her.  Today, I was feeling extremely depressed because I've been so danged lonely.  I can go days without saying a single, solitary word to a human being.  I crave human contact.  I told her I was feeling worthless, useless, and unloved.  I told her I was questioning why I was even here on this Earth since it didn't seem to matter one way or another.  She asked me what I wanted in this life.  I said I wanted to be loved and accepted by others (at least one special someone).  She told me that was the wrong thing to ask for.  I was being childish.  She said people are unreliable and will let you down.  I can't make them love me or accept me.  So I needed to think of something else.  This just increased my depression further.  I can't expect to be loved?  I shouldn't want to be accepted by others?  Can anyone explain this to me?  From all that I have learned, Love is a basic human need.  Love is essential to life.  Please help me...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "After medication, what\u2019s next?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve had biological depression since I was fifteen and lately there\u2019s very little I can do to keep myself motivated and avoid negative thoughts (the REALLY negative kind). \n\nI\u2019m on the highest dosage of Wellbutrin and it\u2019s just not doing enough for me. I can\u2019t get out of bed easily, I\u2019m not eating enough, and I get anxious typing an email. \n\nI need something to change and I have no idea what I need to do. Any advice appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m fucking tired",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m really so fucking tired and I don\u2019t even know why I\u2019m feeling so bad. I hate my family life, it\u2019s full of abuse every single day and it stays on my shoulders no matter what. If I were to open up about it I\u2019d need to do it every day and I would become the same thing I hate so much. I\u2019m at my limit. I\u2019ve been wanting to cry and vent to someone all day but it\u2019s not coming out.. it\u2019s not coming out, talking about my problems wouldn\u2019t make them go away. I don\u2019t know how to fight this emotion. I mean, I have for years; I\u2019ve always win against it. But I\u2019m starting to.. give up, really, I want to give up. I don\u2019t see what\u2019s worth fighting for anymore. Everything everyone says about it sounds so.. empty and hollow and repetitive. I just want to rest. But instead, I\u2019m aggressive towards the ones who did nothing to me. I lay around like a sloth and I don\u2019t do what I\u2019m supposed to do, I end up useless and obnoxious. It\u2019s a vicious cycle, I\u2019m stuck in it. It\u2019s endless. I\u2019m scared I\u2019ll feel this way, scared, my entire life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm really depressed and I want to get help but I don't know what to do",
    "post_text": "I have always known I was a little depressed, but once the pandemic hit all of the things I did to keep myself \u201cnormal\u201d disappeared and I spiraled out of control. I got dismissed from my school a few months ago because I failed all of my classes for both 2020 semesters and most days don\u2019t get out of bed. I have done absolutely nothing productive since getting dismissed because every time I try I get really emotional about the dismissal. I am really scared to go to the dentist because I know I haven\u2019t been taking care of my teeth. It is a minor miracle if I shower more than once a week. I feel like life is just passing me by, every day I wake up and then blink and I\u2019ve spent the past 12 hours in bed and I didn\u2019t accomplish anything.   \n\n\nAll of my friends are extremely accomplished people with jobs or internships lined up and I have literally nothing because I can\u2019t get myself to DO anything. I\u2019m too ashamed to reach out to them about it, I also just feel like they wouldn\u2019t understand or have any helpful advice. I know comparison is the thief of joy but I cannot help it. I don\u2019t want to get into the details but I am also trying to process some traumatic things that happened to me in the past few years and some days I have are just dark. I am not suicidal but I do have some intrusive thoughts about suicide occasionally which are starting to become more frequent.\n\n  \nI am turning 25 soon and I want to get help before I get kicked off of my parent\u2019s insurance. But I don\u2019t know anything about what to do. Do I get a therapist? Psychiatrist? Or something else? How do I find one and how do I pick the right one? I had a bad experience with a therapist when I was younger which has put me off of this until now :/ Are there other steps I should be taking? I don\u2019t even know what to do, I just know I can\u2019t live like this anymore. Asking my parents for help directly about this is also not an option for me, at least not yet, which is also why I'm posting here. Thanks for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i\u2019m so sick of this shit (rant)",
    "post_text": "34yo female here. i\u2019ve had major clinical depression for most of my life. i\u2019m medicated. i do everything i can to keep on top of it. but it just comes back whenever it wants without any warning and knocks me out. i\u2019m not suicidal BUT sometimes it\u2019s so overwhelming to know that this is going to happen at random times for the rest of my life. it\u2019s so exhausting. it makes me realize how tough people with depression are for fighting this off ALWAYS. but i\u2019m struggling. i live alone. i have my animals (thank god) but i have no choice but to work. i can\u2019t take time off because i need to pay my mortgage. my friends are understanding but don\u2019t really get it. one friend just suggested i \u201cplan a fun birthday party\u201d to take my mind off of it and it honestly made me more depressed. then i felt selfish. i don\u2019t want to randomly text my friends who are busy with their kids, jobs, etc just to say \u201ci need help\u201d because it feels like a burden. no matter how many times they say it\u2019s not. i just feel like they say that and then roll their eyes to themselves like \u201coh here she goes again.\u201d i have no *reason* to be depressed: i have a great job, home, family, friends, etc but my mind just goes insane and i suddenly can\u2019t do anything. i can\u2019t shower, barely feed myself, and just do the minimum amount of work to get by. i don\u2019t even know what i\u2019m looking for. i guess just people who also feel like this. like - numb. you\u2019re not crying or angry. you\u2019re just sitting there waiting for the day to end. i\u2019ve been dealing with this for 25 years and i\u2019m OVER IT. i just wish i at least had a warning when it was coming back. i\u2019ll be on top of the world for weeks or months and then all of a sudden, the grounds knocked out from under me and i have no control over it whatsoever. then the guilt sets in \u201ci should be cleaning my house.\u201d \u201ci should shower\u201d \u201ci should be working\u201d etc. idk i\u2019m just so fed up. not suicidal. just so fucking angry and exhausted.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I fucking hate bipolar",
    "post_text": "In mania got violent with a parent. was taken to juvy. Was released because the petition wasn't filed. In my state they can't hold you for 24 hours with no petition. Was released still riding the high wave of high energy excited to go home. Was taken to my empty grandparents house. Then to my uncles. Met with a new therapist, very emotional getting out of mania finally and spiralling down into depression. I feel like don't have a future with my family, I'm better off dead so don't cause anymore legal trouble. I don't deserve to be alive. My public defender said I can't say anything about the event, I can't apologize to said parent. My parents think l'm a danger to them, when know just want to sulk in my own sorrow in a safe space.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am looking for advice to get over being so depressed all the time",
    "post_text": "I use to be very depressed for a few years and I got better for a long time but I am falling back into old habits and feeling more depressed. I wanted to ask how people Normally try to overcome it without getting therapy or counseling? My family is very toxic and me being in either would make them make fun of it even more. I make jokes about it with friends to dismiss it but I seriously do want to get better again",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Sadness, more Sadness.",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone, I hope you are well. At the age of twenty-two, my life has no meaning. I pray to die literally every day. I got sick with Covid but I survived. The girl I loved turned me down. This last year I feel like I sank as deep as I could. I can not find a little light to remind myself that life is good and worth living every day of it. I do not know what to do. Every day I think about how I will hang myself on a rope. My life has no point. How my spark for life died.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Coping with online shopping",
    "post_text": "I have struggled with depression over many years and a way I've found to cope with it is to online shop, I'll buy the most pointless stuff for no reason.\n\nNow my house is full of crap I'm incredibly in debt from income being affected by covid and me and my partner are moving back in with his parents so even if I had the money to I couldn't buy anything. \n\nMy partner is on a night shift tonight and when I'm alone all I struggle most and all I want to do is online shop. What else could I do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "First time in forever.",
    "post_text": "Hi. Hope everyone is well. Recently I\u2019ve been diagnosed with manic depression disorder and anxiety disorder at the age of 18. I think I\u2019ve always known I\u2019d be struggling ever since I was about 15. Just a little context, 2020 was a weird year. I started off having the worst manic episode ever to a point where I lost 4 stones, considering i was already skinny. Then i got back on my feet, I was eating healthy and working out and even enjoying the air. Some things happened during that summer that traumatised my brain. It put me in a bad place as I went to college and was not enjoying it at all. I\u2019m already seeing a therapist and it\u2019s helped but it never feels like it majorly helped, it just feels like someone there to talk to. Now i\u2019m here, with failed relationships in my family, no friends, horrible sleep pattern and constant pain. for the first time I feel hopeless. How do you recommend I get out of this lump and state (that I cant even get up to go get my prescription)? For the first time in forever I genuinely believe I cant help myself and i feel stuck. What do i do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm freaking out over the fact I'll never find someone and its making my depression worse",
    "post_text": "​\n\n​\n\nI've had depression since I was a kid and now I'm 26,   \n\n\nSo about me I'm 26, I'm back in college after being too depressed to function and failing a bunch of classes (failed one this semester as well) I'm a sober and recovering alcoholic (haven't had a drink since the last day of November) and I had ASD, ADHD for which I'm on medication, and I have depression. At this point the latter of which is pretty much killing me by inches and honestly I think its going to kill me before I'm 30, I've attempted suicide twice in the past but I failed and then two other times i was stopped in the planning stages.\n\nBut I'm really really really trying to be better, I'm back in college with a changed major to Compsci and biotech dual major and plan on trying to be a computer programmer, I'm learning to drive and getting my license, I'm looking for a new therapist, I'm over 4 months sober, I'm eating better and exercising,  I've signed up to volunteer at a food pantry, i ever gave blood and plan to again to help others and to help me get over a fear of needle. I'm really trying to be and get better, but its not working, I'm still depressed, Its still killing me slowly, hell the only reason I'm alive rn is I don't want to hurt my sister,\n\nAnd now I'm freaking out that I know I'll never find love,  I'm 26, Bisexual, A virgin and my only real relationship ended on my 21st birthday when she broke up with me at a party and I was born on Valentine's day, I'm a recovering alcoholic, I live with my mom and brother, and I just feel like I'm too screwed up for anyone to ever love me, part of me literally is telling me that if I'm still alone and or a virign at 28 then its a sign that  I should just kill myself, same if I still live with my mom at that age.\n\nI don't want to go through life alone, I want to fall in love and get married, I just honestly believe it will never happen. I don't blame other people, I don't blame women, I'm happy for people who are in a happy healthy relationships, I just don't want to be alone my whole life and I'm scared and depressed and I just don't know anymore.\n\nSorry if this was too much info or the wrong place but I'm spiralling right now and I don't know  where else to post this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When I encounter problems, even not so big, my mind automatically goes to \u201cI just want to die. Would all the pain and stress go away if i just die?\u201d",
    "post_text": "\nHas anyone else felt like this? \nEven little things seems to trigger my desire to just die. The stress of buying a home is triggering these thoughts. \nI feel stupid for wanting to die every time bad things or inconveniences happen to me. What\u2019s wrong with me? \nIf i just shoot myself w a gun or die of a horrible car accident, all my problem and stress would just go away. I wouldn\u2019t have to worry about being all these problems in my life.\n\nThe only thing stopping me are my kids and husband. Who\u2019s gunna take care of them? My kids cant grow up without a mom. \nBut idk how much longer I can continue. Ive tried getting professional help...it doesnt work. \nNothing will make these thoughts go away. Ive been depressed my whole life. \nI just want to give up already. im tired.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how do i deal with no appetite?",
    "post_text": "i never have any appetite for the past few years and yet i gained so much weight. i hate all the food we have even though i used to love it. i\u2019m just laying here with a migraine now bc i didn\u2019t have enough food and yet everything is so unappetizing to me. i know this is going to lead to too much hunger and binging later. how do i help my appetite? and please, serious answers only. this is a real problem for me, dont tell me to do drugs.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm so tired",
    "post_text": "This year's been shit, I just can't deal with it anymore. I've tried so hard to be strong and do everything i could to feel better but it's just gotten too much. \n\nLast year during summer I felt awful, no other way to describe it. Originally I thought it was from the quarantining, not seeing my friends, having to see the really state of the world (that time was a very cold realization to a lot of problems in my country that just left me confused, sad and annoyed), but the more I looked for answers the more confusing it got. I just wouldn't feel better, I'd sleep all day, not have the motivation to do anything I used to like, it was awful. Seeing friends and being around them apparently covered up a lot of what I've been feeling. I spoke to a therapist towards the end of summer and it was pretty obvious I had an actual form of depression. \n\nIn retrospect it's probably been there for a while. A few years ago I remember random bouts of feeling miserable despite everything in my life seemingly going well, along with it hitting like a truck when things went poorly. Last year I remember not really doing anything I enjoyed, even basic things like turning on a game felt monumental, let along sitting down and drawing something, so for months on end I just didn't. Talking to a friend also made me realize just how far back it went, I don't really remember it at all but he told me about a time in seventh grade where I told him I was depressed. So here I am almost a year after it's been diagnosed, a complete mess. \n\nBack to the end of summer, throughout the entire thing i fought with my family a lot, they didn't exactly care for the whole deadly virus thing and kept taking us out to see people. It was really confusing for me, it seemed so simple just wear a mask and stay home for a while to keep other people safe, but here I was arguing with my parents about how we shouldn't be going out. That's when the topic of school opening came up, there was a virtual and hybrid option, I wanted to stay home and they were dead set on getting me back in. That led to a lot of usually hour long arguments with my mom where we went in complete circles, I was just scared and worried for my family's health, but eventually I was sent in to school. \n\nAround this time my Grandma passed away, it came out of nowhere and added to the confusion of it all. I've always been accepting of death and everything, but it still hurt a lot to go through. I missed her, and I just had no idea what was going on anymore. \n\nI also struggled with intrusive thoughts a lot, something that continues even now. They went from anything as random as questioning my gender to recurring thoughts of suicide, I had absolutely no control of them but them just being there constantly drained a lot out of me. \n\nSchool was rough, none of my friends were in person, meeting new people was really hard with no after school stuff, and teachers clearly weren't having an easy time adjusting to teaching this way. Motivation was hard again, I tried drawing and going outside as much as possible just so I could do something at least, but I didn't feel better. Being at school was just a constant reminder of what position we were all in, I just missed having a normal uneventful year of school at this point. Eventually cases started rising again and I wanted to switch to virtual school again, so yet again I fought with my parents about it every other day. School was miserable, no one was there anymore, no one I knew and none of the familiar faces I didn't, I just wanted to be with my friends at home at least then I could talk to them in class. \n\nMy memories are fuzzy here but I remember a really bad spiral. I ran out of therapy appointments, it didn't really help anyways and my therapist never really gave me any methods to feel better instead of just trying to do things more. I got swarmed with homework again, having to finish two full art projects and some other things I forgot, but my family was going on a trip over the weekend (at this point I stopped fighting over quarantining it was clear they didn't listen to my concerns) so I wouldn't be able to work on it much. Everything just built up to this point where something as relatively small as having to finish a project just made me snap. The night before the trip I just freaked out, I was a mess of tears and slamming stuff around my room while packing. I remember cutting my finger, I don't know why it's just what I went too, I felt awful after it, it hurt a lot and while it calmed me down I just felt so embarassed and ashamed that I did it. That weekend everytime my finger brushed against something even slightly I just got reminded of what I did to myself, it was horrible. \n\nSometime after or before, I have no idea really, something similar happened. I didn't do a couple of random spanish assignments in school and those appearently counted as quizes without us being told, causing my grade to drop to a solid 30 or 40. Again this was a pretty small problem that was cleared up shortly after but things built up so much that something like this was a breaking point. The night before a big spanish test that would either save or ruin my grade, I was completely overwhelmed again and just broke down, my mom was annoyed I was making noise that late and she kind of just aggressively told me to calm down a bunch but it only got worse. It just all felt so hopeless, but it was the first time in a while that I felt grounded in a way, that I ws actually there presently instead of just going through the motions, but the whole situation hurt. \n\nThese downward spirals never really got better. Those were the worst examples but the time in between those was filled with me feeling a crushing sense of hopelessness and exhaustion constantly. I was tired of it all, I was overwhelmed to the point where small mishaps with homework could break me. This continued for months, I just felt awful constantly it felt like there was always something small that would show up and throw me off again. I remember another break down about two months ago when I was out seeing colleges, I just stayed up awake for hours one night crying to myself and venting to some friends. Something about how I tried to hard to have things be better, I spent so long trying to draw, and write and do everything that I enjoy while balancing school but it just wouldn't work, it kept getting worse instead of better. I was just tired, I just wanted it to stop, I just wanted to be happy but it only got worse. It felt like there was no reason for any of this, I was just here feeling like shit for no reason, I wanted it to end so badly. \n\nAround this time the school announced their full time in person plan, leaving my parents and me too fight about whether or not I should go back in to school. The same arguments happened and eventually I was sent in again. The first day back was some of the most intense anxiety I've ever felt, just pure feer and overwhelmingness about the very uncomfortable situation I was in. \n\nThat leads me to now, the most recent random period of stress that makes me finally say I can't do this anymore. Three weeks ago review for the AP Lit exam started (a standardized test final for a literature class, known for being very poorly designed) and I realized our teacher taught my class next to nothing about literature the whole year and I was on my own to prepare. The whole overwhelming thing happened again, it just felt like my whole life would revolve around this pointless exam for about an entire month, leaving me with no time to do the few things that actually make me happy anymore. That night I went in the kitchen and just held a knife, I just sat on the floor crying for a while, I know I wouldn't do anything but the thought of it alone terrified me. I wanted it to stop, I just wanted this awful string of events to end already, yet whenever I got scared or overwhelmed all I was told was to get through it to summer, but I couldn't. I didn't think I could do it, at this point I was being told it would get better soon for months on end but everything got worse. They said that's just life, there's always something to get in your way but you have to do it regardless, but I couldn't cope with that anymore, I couldn't cope with that awful reality. I just didn't enjoy living anymore, and if it's this bad now as only a highschooler I couldn't imagine myself being older, in an actual work environment where the same problems persisted. I wanted it to end so badly, nothing was improving and the foreseeable future looked awful and stressful. I promised myself that if it got this bad again I'd ask to see a therapist again, it took a couple weeks. \n\nSometime towards the end of next week I learned that I was also taking the SAT (another standardized test infamous for not working in the southeast) in about ten days, leaving me with not nearly as much time to prepare as I thought. I broke down completely, preparing for the AP exam took enough out of me alone, but two of them back to back was a death sentence for me. I kept crying over the idea that it got worse again, that whenever I thought I was at rock bottom it just kept going downhill, no mtter what I did I would continue to feel awful about living itself. I laid out a ten day study plan to go through, saying that in ten days it would be over and the better times everyone talked about would finally be here, it hurts to say but I don't think that's happening. I remember the next day where during all of class I lied in bed, not saying a word to the friends I usually talk to all day, it just all felt so hopeless. That night I remember asking my mom to look into therapy again then went upstairs and lied on the floor of my room for a half hour crying and trying to vent out what I was feeling, but everytime I talked about it I was too scared to fully explain to my friends, leaving it coming off as a student wanting to be lazy rather than sheer hopelessness and a severe lack of any will to keep living they it really was. I took the AP exam yesterday on my birthday, it was fine enough but left me wondering why I even did that, why did I go through all that stress and mental fatigue to look kind of good for colleges? I was tired, tired and done with dealing with this. \n\nSo here I am a year later, lying in bed with no will or motivation to do anything else. Behind on my school work, and vastly unprepared for an SAT coming up in a few days, just wondering when will it be better. I don't want any of this anymore, I just want to sleep, I'm so tired of everything, I've been burnt out for months with no end in sight, why won't I feel better? I have a test for my driver's license coming up next week too, which cause me to again spiral and type all this, when does it end? Will I ever be just content with life? I'm tired of it all, why won't it get better? When will it end? Is there even a way to cope anymore?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trying to encourage a friend to seek help and need advice.",
    "post_text": "So my friend has depression, we're in our 30's, and I do not know how to get him help. He's afraid of doctors, medication, alcohol. He has very bad social anxiety. He doesn't have strong from his family who are all pretty dismissive about this. He basically only has me and I'm not a professional by any means. \n\nWhen he gets depressed he starts shutting people out, I try not to push him to hard because I'm afraid he could possibly spiral. \n\nHe's having a particularly bad few weeks recently and the last time things got really bad he shut everyone out for two years. He's put his life on hold for years because he's afraid and sad all the time. \n\nHe needs help, I know he'll never seek it on his own, and I know it's very difficult for someone over the age of 18 to actually seek help but I need a place to start and I don't know where.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A cry for help",
    "post_text": "I live with abusive parents. I'm 18,  but unable to move out because the Covid situation is really bad in my country. Honestly all my hopes of staying alive were latched on to the fact that I'd be able to move out by the end of 2020. But things have been so bad, quarantine has given my parents the right to basically keep me under lock and key under the farce of 'protecting me'. They've broken the locks to the door of my room,  and often my father is physically abusive. Both my parents are emotionally abusive. Every time my father is done beating me up, for months  nobody in my family talks to me. I've suffered from a complete mental breakdown,  for a period of time I believed I was dead. I called a child helpline but I chickened out when they said they'd come over to my house to help me out. I talked to my school counsellor and she made me apologise to my parents for 'disrespecting' them enough to call a helpline against them. I genuinely cannot do this anymore. I haven't slept at night for weeks on end. Every time I try to sleep, I wake up suddenly and am unable to sleep again. I wrote down a suicide note yesterday. I made a reddit account today because I've the tiniest bit of hope left. I've studied so hard all my life just so I'd take a Student Loan and move out for a good college, but all of that has fallen through. All my life, one hope sustained me, but now that's gone, I'm basically living as a prisoner. I wish even a single person would believe me. It might save my life. Please. I'm posting this in as many  depression Help subs I can find",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When to walk away..",
    "post_text": "Hi, I (29F) have been seeing someone (29M) who suffers from depression and anxiety. Right now it seems like his depression has gotten worse where he has a low sex drive, sleeps all day, is gaining weight and has started smoking again. \n\nHe's told me he wants to stop seeing me but when I ask him how come he just says he doesn't know or is overwhelmed/confused. And that he thinks he doesn't like me the way he thought he did when we first met. I've kind of tried to get him to elaborate but he said there's no point in evaluating it.\n\nI was hurt but in the back of my head I can't help but think is he self sabotaging? Is this his depression that's overwhelming him and clouding his judgment?\n\nI asked him if he was pushing me away because he didn't like me anymore or if he was too overwhelmed. He said he wasnt trying to push me away but that he's not well atm. I told him I cared about him and that I'll respect his boundaries and give him space for now. \n \nBut after reading posts on this sub I'm even more confused, should I give him the space he says he wants or should I continue to try and be there for him physically and emotionally? Am I being naive? \n\nI suffer from depression and anxiety as well so I sympathize with him and from my own experience Im known to self sabotage. I'd want someone to fight for me and that's what I'm doing for him but idk how to tell if he truly wants me to fight for him or not.\n\nThanks for taking the time to read this long post, I'd appreciate any advice you have.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to tell my friends that I\u2019ve been having suicidal thoughts?",
    "post_text": "Trigger warning: suicide\n\n(19F) This has been one of the lowest points of my life. I won\u2019t go into details as to what is making me so depressed, but I realize that I really should talk about this with someone. For a while (about a week), I was actually set on committing suicide. I started planning it out in my head, was even planning out letters to write to everyone, but a part of me knew that this was the wrong decision. Even now, I\u2019m about 50/50 on it. At this current moment my mind is more clear, so I just know that I should really tell my friends and get help before it gets to a point where I actually go through on it and start overthinking it again. \n\nI have 4 very close friends. We\u2019ve been through a lot together and mental health is something we all take very seriously. While I am planning on seeing a counsellor, I just really need someone close to me to know what I\u2019ve been going through. I\u2019m not able to tell them in person due to covid restrictions, so it has to be either on call or through text. I just really need suggestions on to how to go about this without freaking them out and how to even initiate this conversation.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can someone please help?",
    "post_text": "I always feel like I have no reason to be alive, no goals, no friends and I often think about killing myself. I tried jumping off a bridge but some people stopped me and whenever I go back there people always watching and I cant do it becaose of that. I didnt tell my parents because I know them. They would say ,,Just because you are sad or had a bad day your not depressed\" and thats true you know but Ive been feeling this way for a long time like 1,5-2 years now. I dont know what to do.\n\nThan you for your help!\n\n(and sorry for bad english)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Stuck in endless loop",
    "post_text": "I'm a guy in my late 20s (27) and I feel I've got to a point in my life where I'm just stuck in a perpetual loop my life has ups but then I come back around to a deep low stuck in a loop of feeling isolated and alone trying to find work applying for jobs (I left my job nearly two years ago due to depression) but never getting anywhere with job interviews and no follow ups. Its getting harder to carry on when I feel like I know what's going to happen I always end up back in the same place but with added baggage and stress feeling more alone and with less hope of any real change. I have tried to make changes in my life tried hobbies or clubs but I just still feel empty and they never really go anywhere I just go back to where I started with less want to keep trying, I don't really have any friends and nobody close to me I've always felt like a after thought I'm a back ground character to everyone else's story. Guess I'm just putting it out there how I feel because I'm struggling lately and honestly don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do at home if I'm trying to cut back on phone/internet usage? [Serious]",
    "post_text": "I am a single mom to an 11 year old boy with severe ADHD and Dyregulatory Mood Disruptive Disorder. We've lived alone for a year after living with my sister and brother-in-law since my kid was 1. I've gone from awesome to great to tired to bad to worse. My house is a disaster, my son walks all over me and is disrespectful, but he has a point: I either sit at my desk or lay in bed. In fact, I've gained a shit ton of weight this past year bc of the stress and depression. Physical activity is difficult, not to mention the lack of motivation.\n\nOn to the question: I've recently gone back on my antidepressants with the determination to stick through the side effects that only last a couple weeks (stomach pain, cramps, etc.), and I've come to realize that if I'm not staring at my computer for work, I'm staring at my phone. Don't get me wrong, my kid comes home and wants to play, I play... As long as I don't have to move too much. But, if I'm off work at 1 and he's not home til 3:30, what do I do? If he's out playing and I'm inside and it's 5pm (hours away from an acceptable bed time), what do I do? I feel like lately there are so many hours in the day and I just want them to pass.\n\nSo what do I do??",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is this sexual assault?",
    "post_text": "So when I was five, a group of guys who were inside my school (they all looked around 17 to me) circled me and one guy asked if my name was Thomas, he said his name was also Thomas (there was no way that they could have known my name, I had no friends and had never seen these guys before, and they honestly looked to old to go to my school) well they then asked \u201chave you every touched yourself?\u201d I said no and then one of the guys shoved his hands down his pants and started to jack off, they told me to try it to and I did. The same guy who knew my name asked if he wanted him to do it for me. I said no. My memory gets a little blurry but I remember the guys moving a bit closer to me there. I don\u2019t know what happened next because my memory is completely gone. But I do remember that I told my parents small details of it and the next day at school about five or so adults came with me (I can\u2019t remember if any of them were police) and they got some students out of class and asked if any of them did it. ( they were all in the last year of that school, and none of them looked even half the age of the guys who did it) so the people who did it were never caught.\n\nShortly after this incident, I suffered from extreme suicidal ideation, and a many times I even told my parents I was going to kill myself. I have also suffered from separation anxiety all my life since.\n\nI am 16M now and only remembered this about a year ago. I am wondering if this is sexual assault. Or is it more, or less?\n\nSorry for the poor English, I just got a new phone and am not used to typing on it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you pull yourself together when you're not motivated?",
    "post_text": "Hello. I (23F) have tried to make a post to explain what's going on with me, but I just end up crying, and everything I write is incoherent, so. Sorry if there's not enough context?\n\nI'm having a really difficult time right now. I can't really focus on work, and I don't get in as many hours as I should. I feel like I am letting people down. \n\nExisting is exhausting, and all I can do is waste time on my phone, because if I'm on my phone I don't have to think and time passes more quickly. \nI'm tired of spending hours on my phone instead of doing functional-people things, I'm just putting everything off and setting myself up for failure. But doing anything productive feels too daunting, and I don't know how to start? \n\nI want to develop healthy habits - spend less time on my phone, maybe go outside more often, go on walks, stick to my work schedule, find hobbies. Simple things that I know would improve my mental health.\nBut even though I want those things, I feel like I'm not motivated enough to make a change. It's always easier to stay in my comfort zone, to distract myself. My brain says I need to change, but I feel like I don't want it bad enough to actually try. \n\nI can't keep living like this, though. \n\nI've tried looking for advice online, but everything I see involves:\n- Therapy, which I don't have money for. \n- Reaching out, but I have very few people I'm close with, and I don't feel comfortable talking about my mental health to any of them. \n- Self-help books and stuff, which just...does not work on me.\n- Hobbies, but I don't really have any of those anymore? I've been depressed for so long, I've lost interest in the ones I used to have as a kid, and never developed new ones. \n\nSo I guess I'm wondering/hoping you all might have some advice on how to get a bit better, something that doesn't involve the things I just mentioned ? \n\nI don't know. I wish wanting to get better was enough to spur me into action. Sorry if what I'm asking for doesn't exist, or if I wasn't very clear.\nThanks for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed boyfriend left",
    "post_text": "Last week my depressed boyfriend left me.  Even at the end he was telling me how much he loved me. And he was anguished with how much he felt made me suffer and how he thought I would be better off with someone who could give to me .  This is so hard for me to understand. I would\u2019ve helped him in anyway possible and loved and supported him until the end of my days. Even if he couldn\u2019t give back to me. \n\nHe said I made him feel safe and loved and happier than anyone else. How can I make sense of this? I ask that you help me understand the perspective of a depressed person on this. It\u2019s hard for me to understand why he would give up a source of comfort and love.\n\nI love him so much and hate to think of him alone and in misery. And then I start to hate myself because I wonder if I was a better girlfriend  that I could have helped him and he would not leave me. The logical part of me says that I did everything I could but my heart doesn\u2019t feel that way.  At the same time I loved him so much and he knew it. Any insight would be appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Not sure what to do",
    "post_text": "I'm so depressed. I have nothing to live for anymore. All my 'friends' hate me, they constally argue with me. I don't feel like I can even talk to anyone in my family. My life is the same everyday, I hate it. I have no hobbies anymore because nothing is fun. I can't handle life anymore. Being trans ftm really isnt helping since I constantly get misgendered even when I tell people about it. I'm so selfish and have no empathy for others. I hate myself and others. I'd be better off gone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need encouragement",
    "post_text": "My ex boyfriend raped me for 8 years,  gave me a fake marriage proposal then  broke up with me, marrying someone else shortly thereafter. \n\nHis family and friends went along with it but none of them is willing to apologize or acknowledge any wrongdoing. \n\nHis mother told me, \"Being nice is overrated. \"\n\n\n\nI am so sad I don't want to live anymore.  I don't know how to cope with the suffering I experience on a daily basis. I'll appreciate any advice you have for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Whats going on",
    "post_text": " having difficulity in both verbal and written in both first and 2nd  language, no motivation in doing things, no pleasure after doing,  excessive masturbation to the point of hurting, seeing scary random  black spots in my vision, anxiety attacks getting random than ever,  unable to do work, constant worry about future, constant worry about  present, always having pain especially muscles like neck, not even want  to get out of this, fantasizing about death on occasion, hateful, even  hateful about support i would get, self hate, self cringe on every  action, constant mood swings at least 2 different moods in a day,  feeling always lonely, hate people in a way",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a brain dead zombie",
    "post_text": "I feel lethargic and unmotivated even when I start getting antsy and I want to do stuff it\u2019s like my body is paralyzed and I can\u2019t get up to do anything. I know what I want to do and what I need to do. I even made a list which usually helps and here I am on the couch. Tv isn\u2019t even on but I just don\u2019t have it in me to get up. I just recently had a bought of depression mine comes and goes and it\u2019s here right now. I hate myself for feeling lazy but I feel like the only way out of this is medication and I\u2019ve always been strictly against medication. I need help I don\u2019t know what to do and I just lost my insurance due to my bf getting another job and they wouldn\u2019t let me get on it. I have the link to try to get insurance through the state but I just sit here. Depression hasn\u2019t hit me this hard in a long time. I need major help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At 43 (M), depression is new to me and I don't know how to handle it.",
    "post_text": "I'm a married man, to a wonderful woman.  We love each other tons and consider each other our best friend.  We recently made a huge move across the country and for the first couple of years, my wife was so unhappy.  Despite having a couple of college friends in the area, as well as some of her family, she missed her parents, her job sucked, she just was miserable.  And this made me miserable, because the move was mostly my idea as jobs for me are more plentiful where we are.  But we've always had evenings and weekends and love our time together.  We go on day trips, check out restaurants, everything together.  \n\nThen we both got new jobs and the world changed.  Suddenly, I was working from home and have been since early March, 2020, while she continues to go into work in healthcare.  Her new job is mentally stressful, but really great for her.  She's making friends with the women she works with, which would make me SO HAPPY... except now I'm the odd man out.  My day is:  make us breakfast, make her lunch, take her to work, come home and work from home, go pick her up from work, make dinner, do the dishes, etc.  Of COURSE she helps around the house.  Laundry, cat boxes, taking out trash, etc.  I'm not mentioning my chores to show an imbalance, just a monotony.  \n\nA few weeks ago her work friends planned a get-together after work.  She mentioned that I should come by when they were almost done with dinner so I could grab a few drinks with everyone.  I parked the car and texted her that I was nearby.  She said, \"uh oh.  I don't think they wanted husbands/boyfriends here.\"  So I drove all the way back home and realized something.  \n\nI'm lonely and depressed.  \n\nI knew I was down about working from home.  I'm a very outgoing person and need human interaction and it's been soul-crushing.  But once my wife had something with friends that didn't involve me, I realized that I have nothing but her.  I have no friends here, and haven't seen my co-workers face-to-face since early 2020.  I've met my wife's co-workers and have even been to a lunch with one or two of them and really enjoyed it.  But for some reason, they've lately wanted to do the \"girls dinner\" thing.  \n\nMy wife knows I'm down a bit.  She doesn't really know the extent.  I'm not suicidal, but I wouldn't mind not waking up one morning.  I can't tell her that because a) I don't want her to feel like it's her fault and b) she's very prone to depression herself, and the last thing I want is to spur her into a bout of it.  Having said that, I keep playing one thing in my mind and I'm worried it's going to make me resentful:  If the roles were reversed... say in 2019 when she was really depressed about our new situation, and some co-workers wanted to meet up for dinner with me, I wouldn't even THINK about doing it without her.  \"Hey honey!  I know you're crying because you hate your job and are questioning life, but I'm gonna go eat with the boys.\"  Like... I can't even IMAGINE that thought process.  \n\nEither way, I'm constantly on the verge of either sleeping or crying and I tried reaching out to a therapist in my network that I've spoken to before when this working from home stuff started bothering me and no one even has video appts. available until July.  Then again, I don't even know that therapy works for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can i help my girlfriend with her depression?",
    "post_text": "I hope i am right in this sub. My Girlfriend has a form of depression and also goes to a therapist regularly. At the beginning she tried not to talk about this topic which i totally can understand sincs im not ger boyfriend for a very long time and she is a bit ashamed about it. But with the time we had conversations about it and i think it helped her to talk with somebody about and who isn't her therapist. But  in Situations like a mental breakdown or really depressed phases i just don't know how to react. I want to understand and help her but i also don't want to make it worse with conversations which only seem good to me. So can you give me any advise on how to support her without making it worse?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Supporting my partner with depression.",
    "post_text": "Hi...just needing some advice on how to support my partner. He says he is currently going through a depressive state and I don't know how to be there for him. He's questioning what the point of life is, can't go back to a normal routine and also called in sick for work. We're currently on lockdown so being physically there is close to impossible. He says  to just be there and make things light...but I don't know how to do that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "what would you guys do?",
    "post_text": "27M from S\u00e3o Paulo, Brazil. I live with my mom, 53, and dad 88. Since 2012 he\u2019s diagnosed with Parkinson\u2019s and dementia. I struggle with depression since I was 15. mentally, I\u2019m always judging and blaming me for not having a job, not have become a doctor, rich, so I could pay caregivers for him, and hire someone for helping my mom at home.\nI\u2019ve graduated in History. But where I live in currently there\u2019s no job for teachers not to mention historian. I could tell all my story, but I\u2019m not looking for apologies. I\u2019m just desperate\u2026 I don\u2019t want, I\u2019m not mentally able to take care of him. I\u2019m furious, frustrated and really angry to confront him sick. I fear to do him some harm if I get completely tired of things he is not blamed for (not being able to eat, go to bathroom and walk for himself).\nI\u2019m seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. But the meds are doing no good yet.\nWhat would you guys do? If you really feel unable to get out of bed. If all you wanted was to sleep and don\u2019t wake up ever again. To put some noise cancelling headphones in order not to even listen to his voice shouting all the time for help or moaning due to his illness?\nPlease\u2026 could someone help me? Send some piece of advice?\nThank you if you have read all of this\u2026",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a depressed mother.",
    "post_text": "I have two kids. (3yo with autism and a 1yo lockdown baby) my eldest is a handful at times and has behaviour issues. My youngest just clings to me and is a very whiny child (she hasn't socialised much because of the pandemic). \n\nI am finding the pandemic hard to deal with. I'm alone. I have no friends to rely on. I don't leave the house. I have health issues, mental illness and I'm exhausted. I also have anxiety with going outside now which wasn't as bad before. \n\nMy mum tries to help out, but she's also a full time carer for my stepdad with cancer. My other family are far away. To add, because I see my mum during the week, I don't like going out places incase I catch anything and pass it onto my stepdad because of his immune system being low. I don't want to take the risk. \n\nMy husband tries his best but seeing me upset like this is hurting him. He can't (and I don't expect him to) keep up with a full time job, all the household tasks, as well as helping with the children just because I can't manage.\n\nI feel like I'm struggling and there's nothing to help. I have done countless rounds of therapy, and all sorts of medication to no avail (only one was vaguely helpful and it just made me feel nothing rather than feeling sad). I'm still breastfeeding so not going back on meds just yet, I'm waiting til I've stopped feeding first. \n\nI just feel shit. I feel useless and a failure because I can't even manage to keep the house clean or wash the dishes up. It's so difficult at the moment.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont have any reason to be sad",
    "post_text": "I told my friends that I was feeling too sad to go out with them and they told me that I dont have any reason to be sad. That I dont have any problems or responsibilites. And I was kinda shocked, because... they just forgot about everything I told them? Long story short: im broke, my relationship with my family destroyed, i literally dont speak to any of my family members anymore, my studies are killing me, I need to find job and im not even a citizen of a country I live in, I dont have permission to work. This week i fainted on street. And I told them that. I just... i dont get it. I feel so bad and they dont even notice? Like, for everyone everything is fine? I cant fall asleep without crying, im just dying, and.. nobody gives a fuck. Cuz i dont have anything to be sad about",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dealing with an intrusive family member",
    "post_text": " I will try to be brief   \n\n\n My older brother does not stop wanting to educate me in his own way and criticize my personality and my lifestyle  I have reached the point of not knowing what to do in my house for fear that he will get angry for something that he does not think of me  \n\nHe has called me mediocre, blackmailer, he accused me of brainwashing my mother to turn her against him , he also has said to me I don't have real depression \n\nWe live in the same house and with the pandemic my mental health has been greatly affected by his attitude, he is 10 years older than me I'm 20\n\nHow can I deal with this efficiently without affecting my mother?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looking for advice to get through severe episode while waiting on meds trial to kick in",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m currently waiting for my latest meds to (hopefully) kick in, but am suffering a lot in the meantime. I\u2019d love any suggestions for getting through the days. I have tried exercising, hobbies (quilting, knitting, gardening), TV, getting out of the house, reading, pot, booze, etc.  Nothing seems to help to rein in the increasingly-aggressive negative thoughts. Sometimes I just cry or stare out the window. Even petting or playing with my cats feels like stress. I try to nap it away, but I can\u2019t fall asleep during the day. Not currently actively suicidal, but lots of passive ideation that seems to be getting worse. I am a little desperate and welcome any ideas. \n\n(Some background:  I am considered treatment resistant, have tried 20-30 meds plus TMS, ketamine, mushrooms, and plenty of various therapy modalities. Nothing seems to \u201cstick\u201d for any period of time. Current med is Emsam 9 mg, an MAOI.  Trying to give MAOIs a good chance before trying ECT.)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Divorce and depression",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nPlease forgive any misspellings or run-ons.   Focus isnt one of my strong suits at the moment. \n\nThis is my first post here so I appreciate any advice.   So I am at the beginning stages of divorce,  which is definitely making my depression worst.  I am sure I am about to name off items that people deal with daily or have gone through so please forgive me for redundancy.  We have a 3 year old daughter and we've been together for 7 to 8 years 9 (married 5 years).  Ive never in my life felt anything as soul crushing as this.  I can't sleep and even if I do I cant escape through my dreams because its all I dream about.   Im 35 years old and I have gone through heartbreaks throughout my years but nothing like this.   I don't know what to do...I dont want to hit the bottles cause I know that isnt healthy.  The thought of even dating down the road (when im ready) makes me sick.   I honestly want to die but dont have the balls to off myself.   Work is a struggle,  eating is a struggle, working out is a struggle...this might sound odd but right now I would love to trade places with a tree or just an object that has no feelings.... I dont really have friends,  me and family dont communicate,  I dont really have anyone thus why I am on here making a post.   I though I knew pain but I didnt.   Im really struggling,  this is the hardest thing in my life at the moment and i feel like my world has come crashing down.  Hell I probably cry 3-6 times a day, short spurts to long cries.   I feel really down in the dumps and I just dont know how I am going to prevail.    Thank you everyone who reads this and providing input, and thank you to whoever reads this just to read it.   I feel like im in a nightmare,",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone have advice on getting themselves out of a depression",
    "post_text": "My depression has got to the point where I have to convince myself to do basic things like going to the toilet, even when I\u2019m in pain from not doing the basics I still manage to sink lower\nI can\u2019t manage to get up and brush my teeth or shower, I\u2019ve been slowly declining over the last month since I moved in with my partner, however he hasn\u2019t worsened or caused my depression, he\u2019s trying his best to take care of me but I\u2019m just getting worse\nI got kicked out of home due to my mental health, my Nan couldn\u2019t handle it anymore. I lived with her for three years after I was removed from my mothers care because she tried to kill me through strangulation. \nI live with my boyfriend and I\u2019m so happy about it and I love him very much, we don\u2019t have a toxic relationship but somehow it\u2019s not enough to get me out of the rut.\nDoes anyone have any advice on how I can start getting myself better, I genuinely need some advice",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Living in Israel, as of today.",
    "post_text": "Hi all, I\u2019m David, 30, born and raised in Israel. In the central region.\nThis is the first time I write about my inner feelings, especially at these times outer war with Hamas in Gaza, and inner war with far-right Israeli-Arabs and Far-right Jews. \n\nI\u2019m a happy person. Got a good job, great and supportive partner. I love living, curious on everything life has to offer. from baking, coffee, to movies and games, to travel and cultures around the world. I\u2019m keeping myself healthy with vitamins and doing Tim Ferriss\u2019 4 Hour Body diet and exercises. Not watching too much public television and getting some news once-twice a day. Every day I\u2019m working from 9 to 6, ending with some different relaxation daily.\n\nFor the last week, everything around me is changing.\nIt has started with the famous issues in Jerusalem, and later started to go south.\n\nSirens went off every evening, and woke us up every night between 1am and 3am, and also 7pm and 9pm. With every siren, we have 1:30min to get to a safe area. In that safe area, I\u2019m meeting every neighbor that lives around me, some elderly, some couples, and young families, which the mothers are crying out loud from the pressure. Once 1:30min have passed, we wait for the missiles to get hit by our iron-dome, or unfortunately fall. \nYesterday- one missile hit 5 kilometers from me.\n\nWhile this missiles and hits in Gaza is going on - inside the country, in cities where Arabs and Jews living together - there\u2019s literally an anarchy. If you look like a jew, orthodox mostly - you\u2019ll get hit, kicked, and now will be shot. If you look like an arab, you\u2019ll get hit, kicked, and probably be shot. There was not enough police to keep the area cool. Small groups (in their hundreds), are traveling to these cities to protect their people. Jews, Arabs, it doesn\u2019t matter. synagogues burnt down, people being pull over and being hit by rocks. You need to identify in front of gangs if you are an arab or a jew. Either - you\u2019ll be in grave danger. It needs ti be called a civil war non the less.\n\nBack to me..\nI\u2019ve stopped relaxing, and listening to the news 24/7. \nWe have an app for sirens so you won\u2019t miss it. While the news are broadcasting 24/7 - we have alerts on screen for every city, and you wait to see if neighboring cities appear and you\u2019ll be next.\nI\u2019m no longer using noise cancellation in my AirPods Pro so i won\u2019t miss the sirens while i work. Keeping the windows open while we sleep.\n\nAnd then I start to understand what PTSD is.\nA car starts its engine, an ambulance, a police car, firefighters, a child starts to cry, a motorcycle drive through my streets, everything to me is starting to sound like a siren, and I\u2019m always ready to run for safety.\nMy parents, my partner, my friends - all have that. Sometimes there are recorded sirens in the news and we mute it for a second to hear if it\u2019s in our city or not.\n\nNow for the depression. \nI fear to travel outside my city. From both people and missiles. I fear for the future of the people in my country.\nI\u2019ve canceled lots of plans. Today was the first day I moved the live news broadcasting to my iPad, and powered up my xbox to clear my mind. It lasted one hour..\n\nI don\u2019t know what to do while everything is going on other than listening to the news, stay safe, and buy foods for weeks so i won\u2019t get out of my house.\n\nIf you have any idea, commentary, even support- i would love reading everything you write.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Those who were depressed throughout highschool and college, where are you now?",
    "post_text": "Hi, I\u2019m currently in the middle of my college career. I\u2019m depressed and lonely. I\u2019ve been depressed since I was in highschool. Slowly lost all friendships and meaning in life. I need to hear from someone who has been depressed throughout highschool and college and got through it and came out successfully after college. I need to know there is hope, I need to know that I won\u2019t feel this way forever. I\u2019m scared that I\u2019ll feel this way forever. I\u2019m scared I\u2019ll be very lonely throughout my 20\u2019s and beyond.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trouble sleeping",
    "post_text": "I've been going through a really bad depression and I've had alot of trouble sleeping because of it or I at least think that's the reason I honestly have no idea at this point. I've had alot of stress lately family drama, money problems and more you know normal stuff. I also have alot of trauma from the past that I need to eventually get off my chest but that's for another night. I do plan on seeing a doctor and getting help when I can afford it but right now I need help sleeping. I'm exhausted but have so much trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I'm so desperate for a good night of sleep. Does anyone have any tips?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to forget (everything)",
    "post_text": "I want to forget my past, my family, my friends, my crush, my trauma, my thoughts, my desires, my hobbies, my preferences, my identity, even my name. I want to forget everything because I\u2019m tired of being something or trying to be something. In that case I\u2019ve spent all my life trying to become a somebody yet all of my friends are somebodies and I am a nobody. They have recognition and a reputation for the work they do yet I have nothing. So nothing is what I wish to become, because then I won\u2019t have to feel anything or do anything and be at peace.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to tell my parents I think I\u2019m depressed?",
    "post_text": "So, I\u2019m a 15 year old boy, and I truly believe I am depressed. I have looked at symptoms online and have thought about them and I do have some of them (at least I think so),and I at least want to get help and find out if I\u2019ve just been sad or truly depressed. However, I don\u2019t know how to tell my parents that I think I might be depressed.\n\nSo, a little backstory. My grades have been slipping this year, and I\u2019m working hard to get them back up, but I\u2019m worried that if I say something about my feelings now, my mom will think it\u2019s an excuse for my bad grades (which it isn\u2019t, i should have been able to keep up with my classes). I also don\u2019t think she will believe me. I don\u2019t think I can actually convince her to let me get a diagnosis. If any of you guys have ideas on how to tell my parents, I\u2019d love to hear.\n\nHere\u2019s what I\u2019ve been thinking of doing: sitting them down, telling them I\u2019m not joking with what I\u2019m about to say, and tell them how I\u2019m feeling. But again, I don\u2019t think my mom will believe no matter how hard I insist that I want help. So to reiterate, any ideas you guys may have on this are appreciated, and I want to hear your ideas.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help",
    "post_text": "I wanna leave. Run away. Escape reality. I need a lot of emotional healing. I need to learn self love. I self sabotage my life, and every good thing going for me. If I go to urgent care or the doctor on a whim and tell them I\u2019m scared of hurting myself and I need help, would they send me away? Get me help? That\u2019s all i want and need. I need to get away for a month. I need therapy. Help me. Please reply. I\u2019m alone. I will never get help if I don\u2019t now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is this depression or something else?",
    "post_text": "I noticed my bf had been acting off (kind of aloof and withdrawn) lately but every time I asked he said he was ok and just tired. Last night I asked again and he said he's ok but when he got home he told me that he doesn't feel right mentally like if something is off. He just wants to lock himself in his room all the time and he said it's been a few months like this but that he is just now noticing it. He said he has low sexual attraction and Isn't in the mood much and is disgusted with the thought of sex but still loves me but it's just more pure? \n\nNow he's had little bouts like this before and so I asked if it's like the other times and he said no that he feels just blank. It sounds a lot like depression but I am not sure. I've told him that he should go to the doctor/physiologist to get this checked in the past (I almost got him to go in the past but the office in his network in my town did not have any appointments until several months down the road which is crazy IMO) but he can be very stubborn on this. He usually gets out of them eventually but I get really worried and concerned for him and I don't want him to suffer with this. I wish I could just make it go away. \n\nI'm here because I need help in determining if this is depression or something else and asking for your advice on things we can do to get him help ( I'm going to try again for the doctor / phycologist but I know it's going to be difficult to get him to do this) practically and things he can start doing that can help him get out of this. \n\nToday I'm planning to get him out of the house and walk a nature trail (we like photography and stuff) and take photos and get him kinda grounded in a way. Idk if this will help but I'm willing to do anything.\n\nPlease I'd really love some insight and help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with my wife's depression. Nothing is working.",
    "post_text": "We are seeing a counselor and everything I know how to do to help her.\n\nToday my wife spent 22+ hours asleep or just in bed. This is a new record. \n\nHer speech has slowed noticeably. \n\nI ask her what she's thinking and she responds, \"nothing.\" or \"I don't know.\" This in particular is frightening to me. I try to clarify. \"Is it hard to put into words? Do you not feel comfortable or safe telling me for some reason?\" She says that's not it. She just doesn't have any thoughts. This seems totally impossible to me. But I'm trusting that she's being honest. Is, for lack of a better word, literal \"thoughtlessness\" a symptom of depression that is documented somewhere I have yet to find?\n\nJust looking to cast a wide net for experience here. Trying everything I can.\n\nLeaving her alone doesn't work. Helping doesn't work. I feel like I'm married to a husk of a person and the woman I met years ago is held hostage somewhere deep inside that husk.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Managing depression forever",
    "post_text": "How do you cope with knowing that depression is a mental illness/state that never really gets \u201ccured\u201d or goes away? How do you cope with knowing that you\u2019ll never be at peace or happy? I\u2019m struggling a lot with this. I\u2019m trying to work on it in therapy, but it feels very much like the dark cloud will never recede and I\u2019ll always be going through life with a sense of dread covering everything I do. How can I ever be satisfied with simply managing or coping instead of really progressing and finding a good stable place to be? I\u2019m constantly dreading what\u2019s coming or feeling guilty at the things I\u2019ve failed to do in the past and it feels never ending and hopeless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What helped you see some hope for your future, and how can I help my friend see even just a glimmer of hope?",
    "post_text": "A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with dysthymia and I\u2019ve been doing my best to support and talk when he wants to. \n\nOne of the biggest things right now is that he sees no hope for life to be normal again, and no hope for being able to get a normal job after he graduates because of Covid requirements at jobs. How can I encourage him?\n\n(Please don\u2019t suggest anything about talking about \u201ca new normal\u201d because we\u2019ve been down that road a few times and it never ends well. He is very hesitant about change.)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Boyfriend has depression and I don't know how to help him.",
    "post_text": "My(21f) partner(23m) has been depressed for a few years now but we got together only about 6 months ago. We've known each other for 12 years and now we're both in the same university. He has panic attacks and a very unbalanced cycle. I'm spending most of my time with him, cooking for him, holding him through his attacks and trying to take care of him in general. \n\nProblem is that I'm struggling with my emotions. I have a lot more work on my plate than he does which irks him as he's been the academic topper all these years. So he doesn't want me to stay in his room while I send emails or do any work in general. So I push the work for later and stay with him but now all the deadlines are on me and I'm stressed. I don't want to get to the point where I get resentful of him. He got annoyed at me today for leaving early in the morning because I had a deadline in a couple of hours. \n\nI love him and he loves me. But my inability to empathize with him and be there for him is straining our relationship. How can I help him more than I am without it affecting our relationship? Please help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My partner suffers from depression and has suicidal thoughts",
    "post_text": "My partner has opened up to me about having depression and having suicidal thoughts. There were some moments when oir arguments got big that she said she feels like killing herself. She does not want to talk about it or try for counselling. I admit I do not understand the feeling someone gets when they are a their lowest point to the point of contemplating suicide. Please advice how do I provide support to her when I find it hard to understand why she would want to  commit suicide.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Morning depression and how to handle it.",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone. This is my first post in this sub. \ud83d\ude01\nI was wondering, does anyone have any methods or anything to make morning depression go away? I sleep and wake up at the same time every day so I don't think that there's any problem in that regard. I also do exercise and eat well but the symptoms don't let up.\nI've seen that these can be symptoms of major depression but I don't know how could that be, since I feel pretty good the rest of the day. Maybe some days are worse than others but idk.\n\nIt hurts a lot. Every morning I'm scared of waking up since I know that anything will make me feel depressed. Oh you have online classes? How about thinking that you should drop out because you have zero motivation to do any schoolwork? \nYou're watching a reality show? How about thinking that you are worthless and that you will never find a girlfriend since you're stuck in your house all day?\n\nIt's tiring to be feeling this way every morning, and what my therapist asks me is just at what time of the day do I get depressed so that he can find the cause. But the thing is, that cause can be literally anything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need someone in my life",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s been months since my ex left me and even though I\u2019ve been surmounting a better life for myself I still feel like I don\u2019t want to live. I\u2019ve struggled with depression my entire life for as long as I can remember. This is my fourth post in this group and I\u2019m desperately asking for help, more so some one to talk to. I\u2019ve been reaching out to local therapists each of which tell me there\u2019s a 1-4 month waiting list. I need someone in my life please. Everyday is the same and doesn\u2019t feel like real life anymore. Get up, go to work, go home, sleep. I don\u2019t have family, and the few friends I have are all busy with their own lives. I have tried to commit suicide in the past and been in the hospital a few times. I need someone please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Debate on suicide",
    "post_text": "Here are my arguments against all the arguments to not commit suicide. I\u2019d love some intellectual debate on this to help me reframe and try to stop feeling suicidal.\n\n1. \u201cCommitting suicide hurts the people you leave behind\u201d to that I say frankly, I\u2019m in so much mental anguish, that I don\u2019t care about that. When I\u2019m dead I won\u2019t be feeling any guilt, right? \n\n2. \u201cYou\u2019ll feel better soon\u201d ok but it\u2019s been seven years of this emotional distress and it\u2019s not getting better? \n\nCould someone please help me debate myself on my thoughts? \n\nThanks!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I always fuck it up",
    "post_text": "Hi, I recently met a guy on discord and I felt like there was this connection so he was as he said but seems he is also live with depression. \n\nJust so wrong timing I\u2019m on my very low mood days and rapid cycle of cyclothemia days these days. I hate this when I find the person I\u2019m comfortable with, I become real and it makes me to show how fucked up I am but this scares people as well. \n\nHe just said \u201cI don\u2019t need drama\u201d so ofc I respected that. A lot of guys out there, I know but do we have start looking for potential partners only when we can afford to keep things on our own when we are having melt downs? I can but sometimes I just can\u2019t when it\u2019s too much and I can do that on my own if I don\u2019t have someone but I can\u2019t when I have one. If I have to wait for perfect recovery- I don\u2019t even know if that will ever happen. One way or another, I will still have those ugly days. And being exmuslim who wants to find someone like me so my family won\u2019t disown me, the chance to find the right one seems so less.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need Help",
    "post_text": "I have this stupid habit to seek validation of my actions even though it has nothing to do with people. The choices I make I always try to seek validation of it. Just, for instance, I need to take an exam which is difficult and expensive and for like six months I am just asking around from family to friends whether I should take it or not. I think I just don't want to take responsibility for my actions that's why I don't have confidence in myself. I wish I could make my decisions with confidence and not seek validation from any family and friend.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to get myself moving again",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been suffering from severe depression for the last 18 months. Culminated in a suicide attempt back in December. After that I managed to get myself back on my feet after a while, started therapy and was working on a course I cared about.\n\nJust under a month ago, I visited where I used to live to catch up with some friends etc. I felt ready for it. It was a mistake though and it threw me back into a severe depression. Actually my therapist believes I am suffering from PTSD and going back seems to being back a lot of negativity.\n\nAfter 3 weeks of suicidal thoughts, sleeping 18 hours a day and just feeling awful... I\u2019m feeling slightly better again, but still not back in a positive place. I\u2019d like to get started again on my course and to begin to build back healthy habits. But I sit in front of my laptop and I\u2019m really struggling to get myself to do anything at all. Are there any techniques I can use to begin to build up some motion? I know once things begin to move I\u2019ll start to feel better again, and long term hopefully therapy and medication can fix this bind I\u2019m in... but short term I\u2019m struggling to take that first step. In every direction I look, things seem very difficult.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m 23, highly anxious, depressed, raised by a narcissist/alcoholic, and need a job. I have no clue what to do with myself.",
    "post_text": "\n\n\nUntil Covid I worked in retail/restaurants my whole life as I am extremely personable, albeit an introvert. Now with covid, I very much so do not trust Americans wholeheartedly, I\u2019m getting the vaccine but everything is opening up at 100% no restrictions near me, which just makes no sense to me. Poor behavior amongst people these days, retail workers are the frontline of managing Covid and policies these days, for little pay. Now I don\u2019t even want these jobs as I\u2019ve not been social for over a year now. \n\nI did not go to college as I have learning disabilities. I also have awful fine motor skills, likely due to growing up anxious a lot due to alcohol in the house. Father has NEVER been abusive physically or frankly intentionally abusive, they\u2019ve never processed any emotions so they\u2019re a mess. Still live with them and constantly triggered by it. \n\nI also am sorta addicted to weed, as I believe I have PTSD at this point so I truly feel it\u2019s a need not a want at this point which is frustrating. \n\nI could go on and on lol, so, help? I\u2019m truly getting to the point it feels things just ain\u2019t gonna work out for me, whole life has been out of my control. I was adopted, controlled by helicopter and anxious parents, now my anxiety runs my life, nothing is in my control or works out for me it seems. \n\n\nAnyways, thanks in advance for your responses, have a good day all!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to open up.",
    "post_text": "I need to open up about this to someone, something, I dont give a fuck if its just a reddit page.\n\nIm depressed. Im seeing some therapist, which I dont find very good. I cant trust her. She tries to put me on medication, I dont want that and ive made it clear. I dont wanna kill my brain cells. (thats what I feel antidepressants do, I tried some a few years back and it made me a zombie.) Ive had some other therapy in the past, some of which were good and some were completely shit. \n\nI drink to numb emotions. I dont even like to drink with other people, I enjoy drinking alone till I pass out. I dont drunk text, drunk call or usually do anything stupid while drunk. I do it 3-4 times a week. Its the only thing that helps me numb this constant pain and regret of being alive. Its been going on for +2 years. I cant give up that habit.\n\nThe constant \"theme\" in my life is that I cant run away from my emotions. Ive tried living in different countries, fitting in with different kind of people, anything that would like... get me settled down. I dont feel like I fit in anywhere. I dont think I need to feel like Ive made to someone or that like theres someone that would make me feel special. I think I just wanna fit in, somewhere, anywhere, howevere. To find - not really my people - but my place. Anywhere Ive gone, I get this feeling of new start, burying these old feelings of shame and not fitting in. And they just come back to me after a while. I dont know what to do with this. This constant loneliness and shame follows me. I dont know why, I dont know how to get rid of it. It is killing me. \n\nI enjoy being alone. I enjoy loneliness. I actually enjoy in some sick way to get let down by other people. Something I cant quite explain, but i think its cause ive been - well, used to it - also victimising myself and making myself feel like oh the poor little thing.  Then I get to wallow in selfpity and feel bad about myself. \n\nHow do I get rid of this cycle?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what is happening",
    "post_text": "First of all, hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read this.\n\nI\u2019ve been dealing with a lot of stuff recently and I think I\u2019ve done pretty good in regards how to deal with it but I still need some additional inspiration and/or advice or you know, just someone who will listen because my friends have been listening to this a lot and I don\u2019t want to burden them with this any further.\n\nI was dating a guy from January until pretty recently and we were always on the brink of getting serious when he decided to distance himself from me because I think he was scared or something (I don\u2019t blame him) then in may I found out that I was pregnant 4w + 3 d when I found out and I told him.\nHe got extremely angry when I told him and that resulted in us having this really bad argument over if I should keep the baby or not and I was not budging because I thought it was in my best interest to keep the baby but then one thing led to another and I had a miscarriage the same day as I told him about the pregnancy and he seemed relieved that I had the miscarriage.\nBut then yesterday I told him that I had to stop seeing him because I met a guy who treats me better and what not (I hadn\u2019t talked to the guy I had been seeing for a few weeks so I assumed that it was over) and he decides to tell me that he loves me (he worded it like this \u201ceven though it\u2019s not in that way I love you and really care about you) and I told him that I love him as a friend and that I really care about him too, later on he proceeded to tell me that he regrets how he acted towards me when I was pregnant and he now sees that we could have co-parented well and that he wishes things wouldn\u2019t have happened like they did.\n\nI don\u2019t know how to feel about this because when he brought up the miscarriage I started to feel like I did when it happened because I still want that baby even though it\u2019s gone and I know I can never get it back.\n\nIs it weird that I still want to be pregnant and is it weird that this chat of ours brought back the feelings that I had previously suppressed towards him? \nI can fully say that I love him in a romantic way but I still don\u2019t want to be a waiting for someone that had to take this long and treat me like trash until he realised my worth.\n\nThank you so much for reading this, it does really mean a lot.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Did you or anyone you know, get out of depression?",
    "post_text": "I am having suicidal thoughts, and I try all sorts of things to make those thoughts go away. I haven't had professional help yet (not much money in my pocket right now). This led me to wonder whether depression is curable (in plain words: does it really end?).\n\nDo the sad thoughts just go away? \n- If not then, how do you deal with it differently (now)? \n- If yes, then what steps did you take to reach this point?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know how to get a job that suits me",
    "post_text": "I have a degree from a long time ago and I'd like to use it.  But every job description is fucking intimidating.  It lists all these requirements and job descriptions and I don't know if I can do all that.  I understand that the job would train you a bit and not just leave you out to dry.  But when I read the job description the image in my head is of a hard diligent worker that shows up at 7am sharp and works through the entire day until 3pm with not a second wasted.  Laser focused for the entire day.  Or that I just wouldn't be able to pick up the job and perform well enough.  \n\nI'm scared as fuck.  I got a phone call from a staffing agency which is probably going to be a dead end and I'm terrified to call them back.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Work is...... weird",
    "post_text": "Been at my job for about 2 years, have had a good handle on depression and suicidal ideation the entire time, however it has been an extremely difficult month for me. HR pulled me in today and asked what changed my attitude from being generally upbeat to \"wearing a figurative Fuck Off Leave Me Alone sign on my forehead\" this month. I told them I was struggling with some home issues and now they seem overly concerned that I'm not a good fit with the company. I don't think I'll lose my job but they seem to be harping on it alot. Do I just tell them straight up that I've been close to killing myself every night for the past month? Or do I lie and say it's something else?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "About to end my life, reddit keeps deleting. someone help please....",
    "post_text": " That's where i'm at. I know at the current state of my life, i won't be    lasting much longer. I've been literally begging for some/any help   since  the covid lockdown began. I lost my job. No government assistance   has  been approved b/c im a single white male. I have no family, no   friends. I  have no one i can turn to. I hade a Gofundme 11 months ago,   not a single person has contributed to it. I am about to be homeless. I    cant afford my utilities. I dont have money for food. I'm starving,   and  about to lose the little bit i've worked my whole life for. I'm so    tired of asking for heal. I'm about to just give up and move to the   next  phase. ending my life. People claim my life matters and that they   care,  yet no one even bothers to lift a finger to help me. I've tried   asking  celebrities, common folk, politicians.... no one wants to help   me. I'm  tired, im hungry, i dont have energy. I'm ready to give up,   this is the  last time i try asking for help. if this fails, then   goodbye world....  Sincerely, someone who's life matters to no one...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "zero motivation.",
    "post_text": "I can't do anything no matter what i try. Literally, can't motivate myself to work, can't play video games, barely even have the energy to make this post and it's only bc i know some other people care about me. But life isn't fun. It hasn't been fun for a very long time. I don't know what the purpose of trying is because it never leads anywhere. people keep asking me how i \"know\" things won't be good but if i don't have a reason to do something in the first place why do i do it?\n\nDoing things i don't want to do requires so much energy, never feels rewarding, and is just so painful. Sometimes it helps other people and that makes me happy. But I'm trying to live for myself and i literally can't because I guess every other human can just robotically perform physical actions without motivation. Small goals don't feel rewarding and holding myself accountable never helps because I don't know why i should care what even i think. I know that's silly but that's literally how empty i am. I can't speak or type or even stand up. I spend hours every day like this.  There's literally no reason to do anything. Antidepressants don't help.\n\nWould like some ideas",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to get over not dating?",
    "post_text": "I was diagnosed with  mental illness bipolar, anxiety and something causing halucinations. It does not affect my intelligence but does keep me from working and on disability. due to these and medication I'm taking for them im most likely going to be stuck in this situation for life. I know this is no situation to be dating in but it's hard to get over the loneliness. I tried just ignoring it and that didn't work. How do I get over it? Or is it just more I'm gonna have to pile on?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I convince my parents to let me see a therapist?",
    "post_text": "Basically, they are the religious/skeptical type, so they think God can cure my depression (if you believe in that all the power to you but didnt work for me and now I'm basically atheist, not trying to disrespect anybody though). And yeah, so they refuse to get me an actual therapist (for around 5 years now Ive had depression and they knew the whole time), I've self harmed, came close to committing suicide, starved myself a bit, and skipped tons of school over those 5 years. Still no help, even after I got school counselors involved in middle school, they barely did anything. \n\nBut to give them credit, they somewhat tried to get help after I involved counselors from school, only since it was basically required. Except this person they chose to be my \"therapist\" was the pastor of a church I go to, and he invalided everything I felt, and even worse last summer he practically made fun of teens with depression and said it was just mood swings and it was fake. Dumb stuff like that. \n\nI don't want to make this post any longer then it needs to be, but thats a tiny bit of background. I just want a bit of advice on convincing them, because I seriously need help. Any tips on how you (the reader) convinced your parents, or tips on making them believe therapy works would be helpful. Thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I was too close to hurt myself",
    "post_text": "In the past few days I've been hit hard with my depression. For me sadly it doesnt have to be triggered and it just happens. Yesterday morning I thought I was getting better but as the day passed it just got worst. After not eating for the entire day I went and got some food. I was such a mess and I just stared at the knives and picked one up and pressed it against my arm. I repeated it a few times and I got too tempted but managed to put it back. Afterwoards I broke down crying cause its a thought I hadnt had for years and I didnt selfharm for years and now out of nowhere I was so close to doing it out of nowhere. Im glad I didnt do anything but at the same time I feel so sad I almost did.\n\nI hope you have a good day today thank you for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling very depresses and anxious ab this(pls read)",
    "post_text": "I thought i would write here maybe someone would relate and would say sth helpful, i\u2019ve had depression for a very long time now, waking up everyday and wondering what the hell im doing here, but lately as im getting older(18), im starting to feel like its putting more weight on me and my mental health, i\u2019ve never been that guy who has so many friends around him and always with someone and never feels loneliness, i\u2019ve always felt loneliness in my life and recently i broke up with a girl who was my first gf and i really liked her but now that im back to my first step i\u2019m feeling very alone again and as i always do im overthinking that im gonna be alone for my whole life and i get anxiety about it and it makes me very stressed and makes me think ab how bad im living my life and my depression gets worse and worse with every thought...\n\nCan anyone relate or depression is just making me think this way? If u do pls comment and say what u think and how u were able to get out of that place",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed person trying to support a depressed person",
    "post_text": "I thought it would be easier to think of ways to help someone I know who is showing signs of depression because I too am depressed, but it\u2019s actually so hard. I know \u2018just being there\u2019 is such a big part but I\u2019m NOT \u201cthere\u201d and can\u2019t be, we live across the country from each other. \nHow do I let someone know I\u2019d be happy to talk to them as long as physically possible if they wanted to without it coming across as babying or OTT, because I truly would stay up for days talking to this person if they wanted, or even if they didn\u2019t, I love them so much, I love talking to them and I think they\u2019re such a cool person, and want to convey that without it coming across as mollycoddling.\nThey called me last night in the middle of the night whilst drunk, which they never do, and when I got in touch this morning they text saying they pressed the wrong button (not possible unless they\u2019ve made no calls in the last two weeks, they would have had to search for my number and call me) and joked about being at a friend\u2019s student halls this week and feeling so alienated, I\u2019m worried about them. I told them to give me a call when they\u2019re back home to tell me all about it but now I\u2019m worried they\u2019ll take that as me not wanting to talk now, which they might want to. \nAhhhhh it\u2019s difficult, trying to strike the balance between showing you care and not treating someone like a child is like, impossible. \nAny tips, or advice on what you would like to hear from someone if you were in this situation? Or maybe I\u2019m overthinking it all too much? Haha, this is so hard!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dating someone with depression - help",
    "post_text": "Hi,\nThis is a throwaway account.\nI need some help and/or advice.\n\nAbout a half a year ago I (32F) started dating someone (M42) absolutely amazing. \nWe share interest, same humor, honesty have been there since the beginning, we can talk about anything, even shared deeply vulnerable stories and the sex is amazing as well. We seem to be able to connect in a way I've never tried before and create this space where it is just us. Green flags all the way. \nI quickly fell madly in love with him ofcourse. I shared my feelings for him about 4 months into it, told him no pressure at all since I wasnt ready for a full blown serious relationship and he didnt either. I have no doubt that he has feelings for me. Non. \n\nAbout 2 months ago he fell deep down into depression. He told me. I told him if there was anything I could do to help? He said maybe. I told him I was there if he needed to talk. He said thank you. \nAsked him if he wanted to meet up again soon? He said he was feeling so bad and was overwhelmed at work (he works a lot). I said no problem, you just write me when the time is better, no pressure and I'm not mad. Take your time. He said he would. \n\nIts been a month since that last text, and I haven't heard anything. My guts tell me to just wait, but I am worried and a little unsure of how to handle this situation.. Should I keep on waiting (I am not in a hurry and if I'm not going to continue my relationship with him I dont feel like dating at all right now) or should I reach out? (afraid of preassuring). \n\nAbandoning him is not an option. \n\nPlease give me some advice or share if you have a similare story. I would love to hear from someone who has depression and who is dating someone who hasnt.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help finding coping mechanisms",
    "post_text": "TW- suicide\n\nFor most of my life, i'd always been extremely suicidal. I won't go into detail about my life but it sucks and heavily contributed to me having depression and being suicidal since before I even became a teenager. A couple years ago, I had a failed suicide attempt and thanks to the help of some people I managed to actually develop a will to live and I finally got rid of the suicidal part, but I'm still struggling with the depression part.\n\nWhen I was suicidal, it was really easy for me to handle mental breakdowns by just telling myself \"It's fine. I'll just kill myself, I don't have to worry about the future that much. If things get as bad as I'm fearing they're about to, I have an easy way out.\" \n\nNow, whenever I have mental breakdowns I default to saying the same thing but then I start thinking \"Fuck. I don't want to die, I can't just kill myself. There's no way out of this.\" and my mental breakdown continues and gets worse.\n\nI'm really struggling with handling mental breakdowns. Even when I try to distract myself, either I fail to be distracted and keep overthinking, or it just pushes the breakdown further down the line and the moment I stop being distracted I fall back into the breakdown. I'm trying to stay away from substance abuse. It works, but I want to stay healthy and I have personal experience with the dangers of substance abuse. I've tried depression medication before but none of them really helped me much. I'm considering therapy, but I'm too anxious that revealing I used to be suicidal might make them worry I'm currently suicidal and result in a psych ward situation. I don't know what to do anymore to cope, google doesn't really help, it's hard.\n\nA clarification just in case, I'm seriously not suicidal. I will not be killing myself. I don't need people spamming the comments telling me why I should stay alive, I just need help finding coping mechanisms please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to come back?",
    "post_text": "Around the middle of 2020, I had a huge mental breakdown like I never had in my life, isolated myself, move out of the city (for emotional and financial reasons), and shut down communication with my friends. Won\u2019t tell the whole story here, as I already posted it, but after treatment and just passing time I\u2019m now ready to go back to the city, but the idea of confronting my friends and their questions spikes my anxiety. It is obvious they\u2019re going to ask WTF happened to me, why did I disappear, what have I been doing\u2026 and honestly I don\u2019t know what the fuck am I going to do. Some of my closest friends were trying to reach me out while I was in the middle of my breakdown last year, and when I finally spoke to them and told them what happened they were understanding, but THEY ARE my closest friends. I feel like I can share ugly, intimate details with them. I don\u2019t know if I can do that with other people. I can\u2019t imagine myself being at a party or something and telling everyone I had a chill gap year (I wish). I can\u2019t lie. And yet I want to not give a fuck about what other people think, I don\u2019t want their opinions and their fake sympathy cause they never called, and will never call after this. I sometimes wish I was more of an asshole and straight tell them it\u2019s none of their business and I don\u2019t feel like talking about it with them, but that\u2019s not me, although being honest the breakdown and the pandemic made more cold and bitter so I don\u2019t know\u2026\nOn the other hand, I wonder if some of them are mad because I gave zero explanations for my disappearance? Would you take it personally? Is that fair?\n\nDo you have some words for me? I\u2019d really appreciate it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is there a point?",
    "post_text": "I'm 19, super bad social anxiety to the point where I can't even go down to the corner store anymore. I'm constantly in fear of being judged due to my gynamastia or whatever tf it's called. I had a couple friends in highschool but when I dropped out I started getting more depressed to the point where I didn't want anyone around me in fear of me making them sad. I can't talk to people, I just shut down when someone says anything to me and people now think I'm a weirdo who doesn't talk. So even if I wanted to open up they'd just think I'm more weird right? I just want a friend... Or to not have to kill myself cause at this point it seems the only plausible option.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I really depressed or just sad?",
    "post_text": "- I lost appetite. (But I\u2019m on diet and that may be the effect of trying to lose weight.)\n\n- I feel lost and can\u2019t concentrate on things I\u2019m doing.\n\n- I\u2019m not happy. I mean I\u2019m fine and happy sometimes. But for most of the time, I feel sad.\n\n- I\u2019m feeling like I\u2019m not mine. \n\n- I don\u2019t like my life. I don\u2019t love myself.\n\n- I want to sleep all the time.\n\n- Even simple and easy tasks make me tired. \n\n- Sometimes, I wanna let everything go and want to disappear. (But I never thought about suicide. I just want to run away.)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Last final in 13days. Wasting time depressed and suicidal",
    "post_text": "Help I need to do this one final to wrap up my degree but I\u2019m depressed all the time. I\u2019ve been crying everyday for months. I\u2019ve been depressed since I was a child. I\u2019m 29 now. I\u2019ve been in meds. Seen drs and therapists. Done it all. I\u2019m so tired. I get angry with being human. I even started taking my religion seriously for peace and I still want to die. I\u2019m fed up . And I need to pass my stupid final cuz I know it will make me happy. Why don\u2019t I stick to my routines. Why don\u2019t I do need too. I\u2019m fking up my life!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am falling off track of everything",
    "post_text": "I am 28 , graduated 5 months back and haven\u2019t found a job yet . I have been rejected after multiple final rounds . Now it\u2019s come to the point where I don\u2019t believe things will work out . Not comparing but can\u2019t stop thoughts of being scared for myself , when I hear everyone in my batch has a job . I used to be a person who would wake up before sunrise , eat healthy , read books and learn new things . I was someone who would never skip a workout , eat only clean foods , meditate every day and take care of my skin. Now, I don\u2019t get out of my bed and don\u2019t even look forward to the next day , cos it\u2019s the same thing on loop , pushing myself to apply for jobs with no belief in whatever I am doing . I miss my workouts and feel lazy to cook for myself , I will order food from a restaurant often which does not feel good after eating at all . I can not do anything other that eating and sleeping . I miss the old me , I used to be a very strong woman . People used to compliment me for my mental strength. I have been through a lot in the past and have overcome it but this time I am unable to get myself back . I don\u2019t know this me . Above all this , I live with a roommate who for some reason enjoys when I get rejected from an interview. I have seen that on his face . Even when he knows that I didn\u2019t get the job he would on purpose ask me again how did my interview go . Other than that he cares about nothing , and has a very weird vibe . He talks about me to his friends, I don\u2019t even know these people and when they come home , they literally know each and everything about me . And to add to this, I feel the need for someone to tell me that I am good enough but I don\u2019t get it . I seek that from my father but he is just worried that if I will find a job or not . He doesn\u2019t say that out loud but I can read that from our conversations , so I don\u2019t feel like speaking at home . I don\u2019t know what\u2019s so wrong with me that I can just lose myself like this . I want me back . I am lost .",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't have the energy to know new people",
    "post_text": "I don't know what to say or where to begin, I'm not good at expressing my feelings.\nIt's been 2 years since my gf broke up with me, I haven't been well since then, I tried to know new people and I met this girl who became very close to me and I started to forget about my ex, then she disappeared too.\n\nWe we very close and we shared everything about us, but now she doesn't even reply back.\n\nNow, I don't have the energy to know new people, even when I'm trying to overcome this and message other people.. you probably guessed it right. They don't reply back.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Scared to take medication",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m (31M) scared to take medication because of possible side-effects. I know it might affect me sexually, and with a gf, I\u2019m scared that failing in bed will just make me feel even worse. I know therapy is an alternative, but it costs too much. I\u2019ll be able to afford it in September when I start working full-time, but it\u2019s a long way away. I\u2019ve tried everything and I\u2019m close to losing it. If I never had a mother, I\u2019d consider ending it all, so I want to get help now, which is why I\u2019m considering meds. I have been diagnosed with depression a while back so I know it\u2019s not just a phase that has lasted for over 10 years, but I\u2019m also considering getting my test levels checked as well as I\u2019m getting older.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "All the careers I want are way too hard to get into",
    "post_text": "I(26m) have been struggling with depression since I started university. I got my MA in poli sci in 2019 and my mental health took a downward turn for the worse since. I\u2019ve just been unemployed and struggling with suicidal thoughts since then.\n\nI feel like this in large part because all the careers I truly want to get into are basically too competitive for me to get into. I would specially like to be a high school teacher, physician, police officer or work in the civil service but I live in Ontario and all those jobs are way too competitive to get into.\n\nI haven\u2019t really tried because I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll even get an interview. It sucks because I need to get a decent job to move forward in life but I don\u2019t want to keep living if I\u2019ll never get a career I actually want.\n\nI\u2019m changing anti-depressants and seeing a really good therapist but I don\u2019t think I can change anymore.\n\nI suffered so much in and after university just to be little further ahead. \n\nWhat should I do? I feel like I\u2019ll never be able to get over this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What to do in the mornings?",
    "post_text": "I am renovating part of my house but it's soul sucking work for me with no real deadline.  \n\nAfter I get the house finished I won't have anything to do.  \nI feel lost and alone with painful memories as I do this depressing work.  \n\nIf I could stop remembering the pain from the past then I could probably function much better.  I just keep finding myself dwelling on negativity.  How can I stop?  \nThanks for reading this.  I wish all the best for everyone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else want to stop existing after lunch?",
    "post_text": "Hi there, I'm a 28 year old woman. High functioning, good job, husband, adorable cat and family that loves me. My mother has metastatic breast cancer (will die from it in the next yearish) and my family has been going through this since I was 19. I take escitalopram for my anxiety and depression but ive had a rough time maintaining a \"normal\" energy level recently. I can get through the morning fine, but after lunch, most days I just want to go to bed and not exist anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't look after myself or my belongings",
    "post_text": "I seem to have no self control.\n\nI rarely can get myself to do important things like proper hygiene, going out of the house                      ( backyard included ) , cleaning anything in my room .. everything's covered in dust & grime.\n\nI do have small spurts of self improvement, exercising mainly. Though it doesn't last long - month max.\n\nOn a somewhat unrelated note, when there's something productive ( academia/learning\\*) I want to do, where some people would argue is a chore, ( I don't see it that way.. )  I occasionally find myself having a physical impulse like feeling when I'm trying to get myself to do something \\*, the best way I can think of to describe it is anticipation during a reaction time test except with added sudden fatigue/tiredness. If I fight that intial feeling, I am abnormally tired throughout it.. it goes away when I stop..   Usually only productivity, though it does sometimes happen if things aren't going my way in a game, which often ends in quitting the game. ( I have arguably above avg control of my anger ) \n\nSome info about me : \n\n18 male\n\nDepression, anxiety & eczema \n\nHighschool dropout \n\nMinimal job experience and huge lack of life experience\n\nOn going sleep schedule problems for the past 3+ years, basically done it all ( 24+hr days, waking up at 10pm etc ). I typically can sleep fine although from minimal experience ( due to inconsistenticy ) when I've had a normal sleep cycle, I have found myself unable to stop thinking - not always negative thoughts.\n\nI'm often sitting at my computer 10hrs a day, which has caused bad blood flow & weak muscles.. (nothing exercise cant help within a month ) Guessing here : I probably do 800< steps a day .\n\nFOMO :(\n\n**Any advice welcome**",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I could use some help ;D",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s not what you know. But who you know.\n\nBeen ghosted after my 3rd interview. What makes it worse, is knowing who was hired (the industry is very connected online). Said other person had less experience and a worse degree than I. \n\nI must really suck at interviews or lack enthusiasm. All feedback I get is, \u201cyou were great, but we went with someone else\u201d or \u201cyou lacked enthusiasm\u201d when I smiled and did my best to be interested during the entire interview. \n\nThe gaming industry is very altrustic. I\u2019ve been stuck as a permatemp for a 1 year 7 months. I have a first degree and a lot of experience. Employers still don\u2019t see my value and I don\u2019t know what else to do. \n\nI\u2019ve turned to alchohol to numb the pain, and its gotten to the point I don\u2019t care if i\u2019m fired and lose my job. I\u2019m greatful for the opportunity, but i\u2019m stuck, not learning anything new and I have been rejected from multiple opportunities at the company i\u2019m currently at. I constantly aim yo better myself by asking for more experience, but i\u2019m ignored. Then why am I kept and renewed contracts? Make it make sense. \n\nAt this point, from my already non-existent self-esteem, i\u2019ve concluded i\u2019m unlikable, too honest and it\u2019s not what I know, but who I don\u2019t know. Alchohol is literally my best friend. \n\nI such at networking and hate the idea of sucking up to potentialy get somewhere or nowhere. I hate the gaming industry, and I hate what its done to me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know anymore",
    "post_text": "22 F\nI\u2019ve been really bad depressed for a really long time. Anxious, suicidal. A lot of abuse and mental illness here.\n\nI had a lot of shit happen a month ago and I\u2019m struggling to deal with it now. I went numb until recently because it was just too much. I almost killed myself on a Monday. Wednesday I found out my friend did kill himself. Sunday was the funeral. Monday I was raped by someone I thought was my friend. Tuesday my boyfriend kept making suicide jokes. Wednesday I broke up with him.\n\nI cried over my friend\u2019s passing. It hurts, I still get sad sometimes, but it\u2019s out of my system for the most part. What isn\u2019t out of my system is the rape. I didn\u2019t realize it had happened until about a week ago. Like I knew factually we had sex and I felt like I cheated but I couldn\u2019t really remember it. Then a week ago I told a friend what happened and he\u2019s actually the one that pointed out uhhh that\u2019s rape. And I was like oh...yeah.... I guess so.\n\nAnyways I went numb after that but tonight that\u2019s broken. I\u2019ve cried so much for so long but I still just keep starting back up. I need to sleep because I have work tomorrow but I\u2019m struggling with sleeping alone. The tv isn\u2019t helping. I\u2019m always exhausted after crying but I just can\u2019t sleep. S",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am having newfound thoughts of suicide",
    "post_text": "My feelings have been getting progressively worse. I have had a complete personality change. I was seeing a therapist but don't feel she is a good fit and i couldn't work with their psychiatrist' strict appt schedule. Tomorrow I see a free counselor through my work. \n\nLet's talk about today.\n\nI made a big mistake opening the wrong patients chart and I said some of that patients allergies. This is a HIPPA violation. Now I'm being flagged and face being fired over my mistake. I did verify patient info etc but thats not relevant.\n\nIf I get fired I'm fucking done. I find myself imagining slamming my car into a pole or a tree. I'm wondering what I will write to my kids in my suicide note. I just feel like dying. These feelings started recently, usually at night when I'm in bed alone. Now I'm in a busy doctors office, holed away in an empty exam room and trying to to burst in to tears. I fucking hate everything about my life. Nothing ever gets better. I've turned into a completely different person. Hyper sexual, I made a separate reddit account to post naked selfies and I've met up with strange men for unprotected sex. I'm do filled with rage. I used to think I was spiraling a drain, but that's not true anymore. \n\nThis isn't all over this one mistake. It seems like everything in my life is one mistake after another.\n\nI'm in that fucking drain. I'm in that drain, and there's no way out but down. I can't pull myself up. Everything else is pushing, pushing, pushing me down and I'm drowning.\n\nI don't know what to do anymore. I desperately want to end this post by saying \"I don't want to die!\" But right now... I don't want to live.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My friends left me, whats wrong with me and how do I fix it?",
    "post_text": "So Im a teenager right now about to start my junior year of high school. I just want some help honestly, because no matter what I do, no one likes me. Im not sure why. I like to think that Im kind and nice or something, but it seems that a lot of people dont think that, or they'll say it and then take it back later somehow. I've been told I'm funny, and then later that I should stop making jokes because its not my thing. Its like Im interesting at first, Im funny, Im nice, Im as what my ex best friend described me as \"The best friend I always wished for.\" But then a few months later she said that I was toxic and that I was lucky she was going to give me another chance because I could be a good friend when I wanted to be. Then a month after that, she apparently had to delete her discord, but from mutual friends I heard that she was still on there daily. Just recently she's messaged me asking to make contact again. I pretended to not see it, because honestly I really thought she was my best friend. I made animatic type videos of us together, so I basically drew us together hundreds of times. We did everything together as well. But I just cant understand what happend, why she just had the sudden change of mind that I wasn't a good friend anymore. Its not like we were in a fight or anything, it was just that I started talking too her less than we usually did {Our normal was like 3 hours a day because of covid, and then during this time it was more like 1 hour} I kept up my same upbeat and funny persona that I try to play, but she just... she left me. My other friend was a guy who hung out with us. After about a month of covid, he ghosted us and would only ever make contact by texting and/or commenting on things we made saying \"cringe\" or \"oh god...\" and then not responding after that. After about 6 months I got fed up with this so I wrote him a essay on how ghosting and making only rude comments isn't nice and that I was sort of hurt that he was doing this. He then responded, \"Oi calm down.\" Too where I got more mad calling him out for the crap he's been doing, only to get the response, \"Cringe.\" We eventually got into a call around the same time, too where he said that he didnt care about me and he ghosted me because he felt like it. A few months later, some of my friends wanted to inv him to a discord server, I was a little not that into it, but I felt that maybe he would be more mature and would be my friend again or smth dumb like that. After my friends had messaged him, he messaged me, \"Cringe.\" I asked him, \"Dude what the hell.\" Too where he said, \"Yknw its been a few months, I used too think that you were just a joke or a little game, but now your weird and kinda cringe.\" Then blocking me. This all happend in about the same time in august 2020. I mean I dont know if Im being silly but it really really hurt me, and I dont wanna be on some kid on r/ Im14andthisisdeep. But no one wants to be my friend, after about a few months, its like our friendships have a expiration date. Its like from my perspective, I think their in the wrong. But what if Im wrong? What if Im just being ridiculous and Im really that bad like she said? I know this is really long and all but I've just been looking for some help I guess. Of course I've made other friends after this or tried to make contact with other kids that I've known previously, but Im always like the one person who you want to stop messaging you. Im the one that makes the paragraph, while getting a one word response. My mom's told me that I have a obnoxious personality, she doesn't know how she raised me to come out the way I did and that there's no wonder all my friends left me, and that when I go back to school I'm not ever going to have any friends. So the basic question Im wondering is just... whats wrong with me? I can never stay happy for more then a few days before I fall into this loop of self-pity remembering all of the memories that we had. I just want to know what to do. I mean obviously I cant get attached to people the way I have been until they prove themselves by actions, but in order to get people to stay, they have to want to stay. So how do I become better? Thanks for reading this whole life-story but yeah. Thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Meds not working for 10 years now!",
    "post_text": "Hi, 38M here. I have been diagnosed with recurrent depression disorder. I have had a severe last decade - thrown out of jobs, out of relationships, had embarrassing public incidents and what not. Tried starting my own business just prior to the first COVID wave - had to wind down after an year. \n\nAll this took a toll and I became even more depressed. Suicidal thoughts came along and my doc had to change meds thrice. I enrolled in a data science course ( somehow squeezed from my savings), and it kept me occupied for 3-4 months. However for the last two months I simply cannot concentrate on the lectures. As they get piled up, I get more and more tensed.\n\nI am 95kgs, 5'8\". Had to move in with my parents after closing the business. Currently on Lithium 800, Desvenlafaxine 150 and Lamotrigine 100.\n\nWhat should I do? Any advice is appreciated!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a failure",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone, I'm soon to be 19 years old \nMy whole life I have not accomplished anything and have failed at everything\n\nI have failed my final exam for elementary and had to stay for another year\n\nNow I have just finish my highschool final exam and 100% I'm going to fail\n\nIn my country my final exam called SPM, u need to atleast get a C for Malay language and Sejarah ( history )\n\nI'm bad at languages I have failed The Malay language in my entire life, and also in elementary I took Chinese lesson I also failed all of the exam that's in Chinese and Malay\n\nI took extra class, study, speak that language and learn technique but no matter how hard I try I failed. Any languages I try to learn it doesn't go into my head \n\nWhen I was young, around 7-10ish in elementary school i stole a Lego robotic set. I was caught and got scolded badly by my father first time in my life\nIt was one of the worst memory that still stick with me throughout my life and always appear when I'm depressed\n\nin my highschool years I cheated in my exam over and over because I have been trying for 9 years yet my Malay languages isn't improving so I started cheating in my exam in my final two years in highschool. I was caught and got embarrassed and got scolded by my teachers\n\nI know what I did is totally wrong, then why did I do it? Truth is I don't know why I did it. Worst of all I already knew this would happen and I also know that cheating won't benefit me in any way. Also I tend to lie alot in my life, it has di e down alot but once in awhile I still do.\n\nNow that highschool is finish and now waiting for the result of the final exam, I have been depressed for 4 years snd is building up and the space of hope is getting narrower. When the government announce the date of the final exam result I will drink two bottle of cough syrup . I have already attempt suicide 5 times, the worst one was an overdose of paracetamol, painkiller and random medicine 20-30+ in 20min. I felt Ill and nauseous for 2 weeks,I was hoping to passed away in my sleep but I only felt tired and no appetite. Second worst one is either drinking 6 litre of water in an hour or drinking a quarter of hair tonic bottle, I could go on because I vommited and it burned my throat. So on so forth\n\nI have no interest in studying anymore, I'm not good at that. Everyone been pressuring me to get an A even though I can't get a C. My family doesn't have much money and is very strict, my father doesn't allow me to work, study first. I know that I will work a minimum wage job and I know he cares about me\n\nThe only upside about me is that I like to try things and get the experience, I tried many things from coding, stock, drop shipping, making my own face cream, cooking, farming, exercise etc. I'm more interested in those type of things than studying but I know none of those things matter if I don't have any capital so to get capital I need a job or win lottery somehow. Also I like writing suicide notes :(\n\nI'm an idiot I know that, guy that can't even passed my highschool exam. Guy that doesn't learn from previous mistake. \n\nI've been suicidal this year because everything is going downhill. I have just started stock trading recently with 800 dollar and I have lost 500 dollar already. Last month I was able to make atleast 20dollar perday for 2week for  now I have been losing 20 dollar a day around that amount. My family having less money, my sister have college dept, I know that I won't passed my highschool now I'm just waiting for the announcement of the result.\n\nI have never been this depressed before In my life, everything anything I do it doesn't seem to have any result anymore, dropship can't make a single money,, I don't have any motivation to code forgetting every thing about it, trading now left with 280 dollar. \n\nKnowing that I can't do anything and I have been a disappointment in my life, I think is better if I'm not here I won't be able to accomplish anything\n\nI stopped exercise because Everytime I do, all the bad memories keep appearing out in my head. Making me less motivated to exercise\n\nI lost so much money in stock now I'm even more scared to put any amount in it\n\nI can't work right now because my father don't allow and is covid . I don't even know if I can get a job at all.\n\nI have been a failure in my life \nI tried changing but I didn't get any result\nI don't know if I have any mental illness like dyslexia so that's why I can't seem to learn any languages but it doesn't matter anymore\n\nI can't seem to be able to do anything\nI've been so depressed I just want to sleep all day. \nMy dreams have become more lucid I feel nice in my dream.\n\nI want to call suicidal hotline but I'm worried that the police will be involved \n\nI'm a failure in everything whatever I do or touch it break apart\n\nI been crying everyday, I tried improving myself\nI'm not stable I been in my room lying down looking at stock all day but whenever I see a 1 percent loss I get even more scared\nI don't want to do anything anymore I'm too afraid\nI'm very close too suicide\n\n\nPlease help I really don't know what to do with my life anymore\nI can't do this\nI'm just holding onto a small thin string the moment they announce when final exam result will bethe string will snap\nI don't want to see my result and I don't want to go through failing and disappointment look from my family\nBefore the exam my family told me you better passed, now that I know I won't I really don't want to see that day coming\nDo I still want to live 98% no\nI'm not as strong as last year I can still handle few losses and failure \nBut now everything just collapse Im in gear of losing I'm in fear of embarrassment im in fear of failure and not being able to accomplish anything\n\nBefore my depression was this strong I always told myself to be successful is not a straight road there will be up and down and you may fail many time before u succeed. \n\nI stick by it until I finish my final exam \nNow My past bad memories has been appearing in my Head every second I can't stop thinking about it knowing how much of an idiot and failure I am\nI have not finished anything I have not gained a single thing.\n\nI can't do it anymore :(\nNothing is being done I'm not learning anything now\nI'm learning useless thing now like saying ABCD in opposite way ZYX\n\nI used to be someone who likes learning new things everyday but now it just stopped because I know that my suicide date is nearing everything seems useless and I couldn't get anything accomplish",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Don't understand my depression",
    "post_text": "28 year old male here.\n\nI'm having a bit of trouble expressing what my depression really is. To my therapist, my psychiatrist, my long-term boyfriend, hell even to myself.\n\nI don't want to kill myself, I don't want to die, I just want to not be... me.\u00a0\n\nMy self-esteem and confidence is zero, but I put on a happy face. Unfortunately I'm funny, so when I finally express how I'm really feeling it always comes at a shock.\n\nI can't take pictures of myself, I can barely look in the mirror, because I hate what I see. I was required to submit a picture of myself for university and literally had a panic attack.\n\nI always give seemingly-accurate reasons about not posting anything on social media, and I finally came clean to my boyfriend that every reason I don't is because I can't stand myself, and to be honest, I don't think he understood. He's always been supportive of me and helping me get the help I need, but I don't think he is able to empathize rather than sympathize.\n\nI have this self-disgust and self-hatred. I don't want to see myself in pain or hurt myself, I just don't want to see myself.\u00a0\n\nI'm conflicted because one side of my brain I am able to logic my way out of some spiraling thoughts...  (thanks CBT therapy) but the other is just so dark and unforgiving and unrelenting.\u00a0\n\nI thought my meds were working, and I think they are. I think they finally allowed me to see this a bit clearer, but I've really struggling since.\n\nThe thing is - **I want to get better**. I want to be okay, and I just don't know how.\n\nAnyone have any direction or thinks to think about?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Fell back into binge eating, not taking care of myself, oversleeping.. Spiraling.",
    "post_text": "Hi guys,\n\nLike the title states.. I fell back into my depression spiral 2 weeks ago after getting fired at work. It started with just the binge eating part, but then i started neglecting my hygiene again, not showering, not leaving my house, ignoring everyone.. Started oversleeping and eating like crap/not exercising made me feel awful physically and very worn out. \n\nI gained 5 or so pounds, i skipped working out for 2 weeks and my sleep schedule is messed up (either sleeping 2 hrs or up to 14, no inbetween). My anxiety due to low confidence is back full force. \n\nI know i shouldn\u2019t be hard on myself, but i feel awful. \n\nAny tips on how to get back on track?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "there's no point in life if i can't sustain attention to enjoy it",
    "post_text": "thought it was depression. idk, maybe it is. but if it's adhd, then i don't want to live anymore. i've had enough of life. life has given me countless traumas from the day i was born. an abusive father who did things ranging from yelling at me for crying as a baby (my earliest memory) to almost terminating my life a few times to asking me for money after all that. i'm poor and had such an unfulfilled childhood bc it was wasted away in front of the tv bc my mom could not afford anything for me. high school was wasted away in front of textbooks. almost all of grade school was a dessert of social interaction\u2013\u2013\u00a0almost nobody could be friends with me. \n\nbut now, i might have a permanent condition that will never, ever go away? that will stick with me my entire life?\n\nthis is kind of the last straw for me...? what's the point if i can't fix any of my own flaws? what's the point of life if i can't sustain the attention to enjoy anything? i won't be able to sustain any hobbies, pay attention through movies, keep any lasting friendships bc i can't understand social interaction, or show my family that i care about them bc i'll always forget their birthdays. i'll never succeed, i'll never be good at life. i'll always be bored. nothing will ever be enough for me. i'll always be thought of as a weirdo, bc it turned out i was a weirdo the whole time. this was it. this is what turned others off from me the whole time. i thought it was the stuff like flinching from being hit. now this is just another added layer. i'll never be able to keep up in conversations, to 'look like' i'm paying attention, i'll never know humor or jokes bc i'm too late to them. all the joys in life, everything that i thought was worth living to see in life, is now gone, because my brain is abnormal and incapable.\n\ni feel disgusting. i feel inadequate. i feel like a total idiot, not knowing i was really just born with a faulty brain the whole time. i feel so incapable and trapped. i'll never, ever be happy, because this is not fixable. there is truly no point anymore, because i cannot find a reason for living beyond joy? why live if your brain is going to force you to be bored your whole life, bc it thinks nothing is interesting? i hate this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No appetite, suggestions?",
    "post_text": "Hiii and thanks in advance for any advice here. I struggle even wanting to talk about it because my family members are all I have, and they all 3 have binge eating habits. I feel guilty about it so please be gentle with me. \nAbout 4 or 5 years ago when my mental health started taking a nose dive I noticed I started losing my appetite. I started to fluctuate around 20-30 lbs throughout these years. I have no trouble continuing to drink. I\u2019ve mentioned it to my doctors but they have never elaborated on it with me, and I have had blood drawn a few times, making it seem like it\u2019s not as much of a problem. But it\u2019s getting worse, no matter what food I prepare or go pick up I can only eat a few bites before I can\u2019t even chew it anymore and have to put it away. And I only do that 1-2 times a day. It\u2019s really starting to get to me. \nDoes anyone here also go through this? I\u2019ve thought about some kind of protein drink for when I\u2019m on the brink of passing out. But have never looked into that stuff and I feel so overwhelmed with this right now. I don\u2019t have a job at the moment and can\u2019t afford to try a bunch of high priced options. \n\nJust hoping one of you have been in my shoes I guess.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I (m17) don\u2019t feel like i have close connections to people; i\u2019m semi-involved in multiple friend groups but i don\u2019t feel like i can truly relate to any of them. am i just taking them for granted? i feel awful about it.",
    "post_text": "\nstarting around age 12 (or maybe before but that\u2019s the age i can remember thinking ab this stuff) i\u2019ve been a very quiet and reserved person, never really tried to make new friends. i\u2019ve always been liked by people though for whatever reason, so i\u2019ve been friends with plenty of different people and different types of people. \n\nbut i don\u2019t have a group of people who i feel like i can connect to. i feel like most of my friendships are relatively surface-level, especially when i see others around me who are all really close. now i know it\u2019s not good to compare myself to other people, but i can\u2019t help doing it, it\u2019s something my mind just does on its own. i am a naturally jealous person :( \n\none of the few people who i would consider closer than the rest of the people i talk to invited me to a discord server with a few people he knows (irl) and they all just seem to get along so well and have a real connection, but i basically never speak there. i feel so distanced. this same friend also keeps telling me about a girl who is a very close friend of his, and the stuff he tells me about just makes it seem like they really care about eachother. it\u2019s obviously not intentional and i\u2019m not mad about it, but it feels like a slap in the face because i have such a hard time forming relationships with people. \n\ni always feel bad when i feel this way too. like, i 100% recognize how lucky i am that so many people have taken a liking to me, when so many others like me didn\u2019t get that privilege. but i feel like it\u2019s never enough for me. i feel so selfish. \n\ni don\u2019t even know why i\u2019m writing this. i guess it\u2019s some kind of cry for help? but whenever i write something like this i always look back and feel like i\u2019ve done nothing but whine like a little bitch, and that if i actually tried to talk to anyone instead of crying on reddit i  may actually be able to make good friends. i don\u2019t know. i really wish i did. any comments are appreciated. thank you for reading \u2764\ufe0f",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do you do when you're so depressed that you can't even help yourself?",
    "post_text": "I know what I need to do to at least have slightly better days. Get up earlier, exercise, respond to friends, take small steps to do things I enjoy or get important tasks done each day. I always say, \"Tomorrow will be a better day.\" \n\nBut when I wake up in the morning I feel nothing and I just don't even care to help myself. But I know that if I do nothing I will never get better. And the cycle repeats.\n\nAny advice to snap out of feeling like I can't even move due to depression, if even for a few hours?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "32F - the loneliness is gripping",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m trying really hard to keep the depression from taking me down today but it feels like trying to put a bottle cap on a fucking geyser. I really don\u2019t want to have all of these thoughts in my head, it\u2019s the usual; you\u2019re worthless, you\u2019re nothing, you have nothing, you will always be nothing, you\u2019re a loser, no partner, still live with your mum, no job, life will always be shit for you. That kind of thing. It\u2019s the crushing feeling in my chest that gets me more. I just want to sleep.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone struggle with figuring out whether you're depressed or just struggling?? And pulling yourself out of a deep depression? TW!",
    "post_text": "Life's not going good for me and I'm realizing now that I may have been in a deep depression and not even realized it. I've been depressed before and realized it but this seems different. I've had good days and bad days but everyday it seems like I always drop to a deep low everyday. Idk if I'm depressed or just over thinking it.\n\nI can't get myself to be happy. I'll find little moments of joy and some days I'm in a really good mood but then always seem to drop down. Like I'll be having a good day and then it feels like the floor crumbled under me and now I'm so low that I can't see light. I just don't feel good.\n\n I've put up these many walls to keep emotions and feelings away because of my new job, home responsibilities and marriage responsibilities. I've pent up so much that I can't even seem to cry. I've tried but after like  minute it just shuts off. Like I can't get myself to cry.\n\nI'm at a lose and don't know what to do. I keep telling myself things will turn out OK but I just want to stop existing.  Like I don't necessarily want to die but I also don't want to live. And this has been a consistent for months. I feel like I've been in a deep depression and I can't seem to pull myself out. But again idk.\n\nHow do I tell when I am and how do I pull myself out?\n\nCan anyone please help?...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dating a person with major depressive disorder",
    "post_text": "I have already posted this on the depression subreddit but I'm afraid that nobody make comments. \n\nHi, so I started dating this boy that since the begining told me he has major depressive disorder, I don't know a lot about that but now I'm making reasearch. Yesterday he told me that he is going to hospitalize himself and that he does this frequently to keep the disorder controled. I really like him, he is a great person and I want to be with him so I want to ask for advice, experiences or tips to make this work and to understand him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to get brave enough to kill yourself",
    "post_text": "PLEASE NOTE I am not in any danger to myself at this time so no need for urgency. (TLDR; self hate, worthlessness, getting over fear of death.)  \n\n\n  \n\nI\u2019m just so tired of living. \n\nI\u2019ve always hated myself and people since a very early age and I cannot trust anyone. I feel absolutely wrong in this world. Everything I do or say or think is wrong. Since day one I was wrong. I can\u2019t do anything right (like honestly not trying to exaggerate here) and can\u2019t make any connections with anyone. I\u2019m actually unable to feel love or compassion or any sort of human connection. (Don\u2019t even get me started on sex) I\u2019m sick of watching everyone else get what I can\u2019t have. I don\u2019t deserve love or kindness and I\u2019m honestly sick of being the brunt of a very boring joke. I feel like the universe is constantly telling me I don\u2019t belong here; I also feel like I\u2019m not THAT important to have the universe specifically pick on me. My role in this world is to be unremarkable and useless. I only see evil in the world, I can see no kindness. As long as there is man (\\*men), there can be on peace. Since the dawn of time we\u2019ve chosen violence, death and hate. Even in the 21st century we still are starting wars, having genocides and famine and humans are becoming less and less human\u2026 (or more human??) I can\u2019t hold onto friendships or make any solid connections. I can only make friend with people who need someone\u2019s shoulder to cry on and once they\u2019re done with me, they\u2019re gone. I also cling onto anyone that stays remotely too long and then feel utterly betrayed by the smallest problem they face me with. I freak out at the smallest things like dropping a spoon or having a giant mess. I used to be able to pretend to be happy and healthy and human but, as usual, I can\u2019t do that right so I\u2019m slipping. \n\nI can\u2019t stay at a job for longer than a year without freaking out. I work at a job I\u2019ve wanted for so long but see how little work or care is actually put in by my fellow coworkers and its maddening. They say we\u2019re a team and all here for each other, but threaten my job when I have a bad mental health day and couldn\u2019t care less (or only pretend to care so they get goss) I have the most amazing best friend but I do not deserve to be friends with them. They\u2019re the only person to make me feel almost heard and accepted, sticking through all the real bad times, but I know they\u2019re too good for me and its only a matter of time before I push them away with my bullshit. I\u2019m constantly talking about killing myself but I\u2019m too much of a fucking pussy to do it. I only have myself in this world and that absolutely the worst possible thing I can have. For as much hate as I have for other people, I have just a tiny bit more for myself. The only person to ever love me is dead, and even then I wasn\u2019t enough for them. (Can argue their lives would\u2019ve been well worth more without my birth) I\u2019m just constantly fighting with myself and the demons in my head and I\u2019m just s sick of feeling like this. I have no family, no kids, no property and barely enough money to keep me afloat. I\u2019m usually an organized person but my place has hit a new level of depression and I\u2019m sick of looking at it all but too lazy to clean up. I\u2019m anxious 24/7. I\u2019m so sick of being ungrateful and a fucking spoiled 1st world valley girl who\u2019s never had hardships. I have no hope that I\u2019ll ever get better. I feel like I want to be miserable. I have so much passion and it goes unheard or unwanted and I\u2019m watching the world literally falling apart and no one gives a flying fuck. The planet is dying and people only care about going to parties and being stupid cunts who then mindlessly breed and treat their kids as toys. Everyone is just getting more narcissistic and its honestly terrifying. Especially seeing how the world responded to Covid (Mostly the US) and watching everyone bitch and moan how they can\u2019t go out or get haircuts while THOUSDANDS of people are dying is just so fucking disgusting. Humans have outstayed their welcome & I honestly cant wait for the end of the human race. \n\nI have no interest in anything anymore and even if I did, like drawing, I immediately remind myself how pointless it is. I\u2019ve been drawing for a good chunk of my life and seeing children so far ahead of me in development and skill just makes me realize how I\u2019ve wasted my time on something so trivial. I have no messages or any grand ideas to out into the world. No one wants to see shit from a dumb ass white girl from LA. (Well, a dumb ass ugly white girl) I love animals but can\u2019t take care of them for shit & I feel like I\u2019m always failing them. Humans do nothing but slay and enslave animals and we don\u2019t care how many have to go extinct as long as we get fancy things. I\u2019m taking up way too much space and resources. I could be happy and free by now; sell all my shit and travel the world before kicking the bucket but instead I choose to run the rat race, get that tiny slice of bread and do what every other human does. I\u2019m too scared to do it (but getting closer I think!!) so this is what I deserve. I have shit planned like trusts/wills and how I\u2019d do it but I don\u2019t deserve peace. I can\u2019t even say really why I\u2019m coming to the internet for advice when I know exactly how it\u2019ll turn out. (Get maybe a few replies, mostly being trolls and the rest being a generic \u2018it\u2019ll get better!\u2019 crap) I feel just wrong in this person suit that was not tailor made for me and there\u2019s no way of getting out except death. So I guess just any advice on how to better deal with being a worthless loser, how to hold up that smile so you don\u2019t make anyone else uncomfortable (Or just changing yourself completely) and how to ultimately gain confidence to fucking do what I\u2019ve wanted since middle school.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Never posted on Reddit but have some questions",
    "post_text": "So for years now I\u2019ve noticed that I never smile anymore like I used to, won\u2019t ever find a picture of me smiling, even when I\u2019m with friends i could be having the best time of my life and it\u2019s like I get a smile for 2 secs and I go back to straight face, it\u2019s like somethings not wanting me to enjoy things. And I\u2019m in a happy relationship so idk why there\u2019s no reason to not smile, and let\u2019s not forget I can\u2019t fuckin stop overthinking over past things that I really shouldn\u2019t over think about but it gets to the point where it\u2019s exhausting. \nSo ya that\u2019s all I just needed to kinda spill, so if anyone knows what I can do to help PLEASE I BEG!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel hopelessly inferior to everyone around me",
    "post_text": "It's like there is the level of common understanding or thought that everyone else has but me. It's really hard to put into words because its just a feeling i get when i am outside, or seeing videos on the internet. It's like other people know what to say or how to act in situations i'm utterly lost in. \n\nAnd I also feel inferior because everyone else has so much experience and i havent had any. I feel like a sheltered baby compared to just my peers. They hook up, they smoke/take drugs, go to bars and parties. I dont do any of that, still a fucking virgin. And when conversations inevitably get around to those topics, i feel terrible. I feel inferior, ashamed of myself, and lots guilt and self loathing. I think part of the guilt and self loathing comes from one of my initial reactions being hatred. I dont want to hate them, that doesnt make any sense because i want to be like them and theyre just living their best lives. But i do feel hatred because they not only get to casually do what i have cried myself to sleep wishing i could do. And then i turn that on myself. \"I shouldnt hate them, im a terrible person for thinking that. Thinking that makes you an incel/neckbeard/creep\". \n\nIts so grating to my ears to hear my neighbor having friends over or parties, or to hear people walking by outside on their way to a party or even just get some food. And i makes me want to slam my head.\n\nI know i can never get better if i think like this. But i'll probably just never get better, period. Because i suck at socializing. I dont get invited to things. I dont have anyone to invite to get something going myself. I suck. Worthless, sack of shit. Better off dead",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to get over feeling like a disappointment and failure?",
    "post_text": "I graduated from university about a month ago with a degree in acting and creative writing. Always was told to pursue my passions, so I did, and I was extremely pleased with my college career. I performed every single semester I was in school and wrote so. Much. Stuff I am so proud of. \n\nBut now that I'm out of school I feel like a disappointment. My family is supportive of my choice in study but it feels like they're scared I'm not going to have a career or get a job with my degree, that I'll always be in financial trouble and live the life of the starving artist. My brother got extremely lucky with opportunities coming out of college studying business and he's pretty much set now for life, and I can't help but feel like I've let my family down. Never has my brother been pervaded with the number of, 'what if...', 'what will you do....', 'backup plans...' \n\nJust can't help but feel like going for what little I actually enjoy doing only allowed me to set myself up as a failure. I wish being in the arts in America was a respected career choice instead of being seen as majoring in unemployment (Yes someone has told me this) A career in the arts is very difficult but not impossible, and it takes a lot of time to get anywhere in such fields, but my family doesn't see that and I'm treated like a kicked puppy.\n\nI don't even know what I'm asking for here but I know this place is supportive and gives meaningful advice, so I'm just casting this into the wind.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't feel like my medication works. What does healthy feel like?",
    "post_text": "I'm on, what I understand is mild, 15 mg of escitalopram. I usually acknowledge the need for medication after a particularly hard low point. I take them everyday until I feel like I'm in a good place. I even start wondering if it even does anything and if I even need it. So I stop.\n\nA considerable amount of time later, I start circling the drain, going from lethargic to suicidal. \n\nHonestly, sometimes I even start wondering if I'm depressed or just sad. It does hit hard, but it doesn't stay as long as majorly depressed. Two weeks is long for me. I think that's why I keep telling myself I can handle it without the meds. \n\nPart of it is the disdain I feel for people who say they're depressed so easily just because something marginally upsetting happened to them. I start thinking 'Do I really have it that bad? Does this even qualify as depression or am I just being a baby?\"",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is there anything that could help with the numbness part of depression ?",
    "post_text": "Depression manifests as a variety of symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, loss of energy, anxiety ,negative thinking, emotional numbness, loss of motivation...etc\n\nSo far I found many ways to manage the symptoms of depression but I didn't find anything that helped with the numbness part where you just don't feel anything or care about anything at all nothing makes you happy, sad, cry, your mood is just flat all the time\n\nI wasn't always like this I was a normal person with hobbies, ambitions and goals but I developed this condition this year and it stripped me of everything. I lost all feelings for my gf I lost all drive for my dreams, they mattered nothing. I had a blank mind I couldn't socialize I kinda stopped contacts with family and friends basically I lost everything that made meaning in my life. It's impossible/meaningless to live in this condition.\n\nThe numbness part is so common with clinical depression ( not depression feeling because of a bad day ) and I saw many posts on reddit that I could relate with so I know that I'm not alone suffering from this condition so anyone has this symptom found anything that could help with it ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I deal with Bipolar people?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m kind of sick of walking on eggshells around my dad...\nHe\u2019s sick and needs to be under watch, and my mom doesn\u2019t have that time while I do, so I chose to stay with him and help around. But its incredibly hard to deal with his mercurial temper - it can change at the drop of a hat! Sometimes all it takes to trigger his rage is a little comment.\n\nI\u2019m tired, my heart is tired. I can\u2019t give up on him because I know its a disease and not really his fault, but I\u2019m made of flesh and blood too!\n\nDoes anyone has a way to deal with these kind of situation? Just sitting and enduring verbal abuse is so, so draining... my usual coping method is to wait until his temper cools down and for him to apologize - but everytime this happens I break a little. \n\nAdvice please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone to talk to",
    "post_text": "My life's going downhill rn and I do not have a single person to talk to, I can't cry or anything, pretty numb all of it. I just feel like I could burst any moment, I know it's my fault that I don't have anyone to talk to but it hurts a lot knowing that I'm pretty much alone at this point, I might not even make it. Only thing keeping me alive was a quick extreme manic episode where i was going insane. Now I just feel empty inside, my brain thinks it's good this way and justifies all the things that are happening. Constant intrusive thoughts in my head and I feel like Im on a bad drug trip. This isn't really important, I just feel like venting a little bit. I might just force myself back into an extremely overly happy mindset and just distract myself as much as possible. Basically what I'm trying to ask how does one cope with being alone? How do you deal with feelings when you can't talk about any of it? I've thought about taking some pills to help me calm down because it's getting annoying.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "31M I'm really depressed and feel like life isn't worth it anymore.",
    "post_text": "31M I'm really depressed and feel like life isn't worth it anymore. \nMy family say I don't deserve to die. It's infuriating, I DO deserve it. I deserve to not suffer anymore. \n\nI just feel so fearful all the time. \nMy marriage is rocky and we have a 3 y/o daughter. Ive gained weight, have a beer belly. I feel so repulsive. \n\nMy career sucks and I don't seem to be going anywhere in life. \n\nWhy not just end my life entirely? I could do it quietly and without issue. I don't see the point of suffering for a couple more decades when it could be over in an afternoon. I'm tired of living for duty alone. \n\nWhat's the point of living this way?\nWhats the point of screaming this complaint into the void?\nI've tried with life, but I haven't succeeded. \n\nI'm glad other people enjoy being alive, they can keep what I'd like to throw away.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel so lifeless, dead and weak",
    "post_text": "I'm just so tired. Moving my arms and legs and literally just clicking is a chore. I'm stretching my body constantly. I'm just sitting here lifelessly scrolling through reddit doing nothing productive whatsoever. I even went for a very long walk today, I drank something, I ate something but no difference. This is so sad it's making me laugh. You got some advice? I know I should do sports or something but it's just impossible.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have absolutely no motivation and no will to live.....",
    "post_text": "I\u2018m 20, recently I\u2018ve noticed that I want to do nothing, except, maybe, die... the thing is, I have also dermatillomatia since I was 14, I tried taking some antidepressants, which my psychiatrist has prescribed me, but, unfortunately, they didn\u2019t suit me. So, my life is getting more shitty each day. Yesterday I turned 20. I was with my parents, because I have only one friend, who is my roommate (and now I have no will to expand the circle of friends)...I was crying all the time and my parents were crying too...such a horrible birthday...I didn\u2019t mean to hurt my parents. So, now my mom is planing to be by my side (I\u2018ve moved to another city, which is 1500km away from my hometown, to start university) till I pass my exams, and then I\u2019ll be examined to find out which pills for sure will help me. \n\nBut, still, I need any tips from you guys which maybe would help me to survive this months......",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I hang out with friends while struggling with major depression?",
    "post_text": "An old friend of mine has invited me to go bowling tomorrow evening with him and some other of his friends. I feel a bit reluctant coz well, being I've been battling major depression ( I don't get much enjoyment out of a lot as it is but half of the time I can at least tolerate my mental state) everyday I'm afraid I won't get much out of it, but being that I haven't seen that friend in a number of years and he's going to be in town (he lives all the way on the other side of the country) a part of me is thinking I should take the opportunity to go. It is however a 3 hour drive...but he did offer me a place to stay over night. In general, how do you guys view hanging out with friends while battling depression?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dirty room help",
    "post_text": "I literally physically can not clean my room anymore. Its disgusting. Please what can I do to help this. I\u2019m not a lazy person I don\u2019t think. While I lay on my bed with no bed sheets or blankets, I look at pictures of clean bedrooms on Pinterest wishing it could be me. But the clean sheets and pillows and blankets are right next to me just waiting to be put on. But I never do. It\u2019s probably been 3 weeks that they\u2019ve been sitting there. Obviously I\u2019d be more comfortable with sheets and blankets, but I can\u2019t seem to get myself to put them on. I constantly get kicked for having a dirty room. I don\u2019t want it like this. I want my room to be clean. I want people in. Please what can I do to break this cycle. I\u2019m not sure if this is depression, or whatever it could be, but I am willing to change it. I\u2019ll do anything. I also can\u2019t seem to cry anymore. Even though I feel the urge, the tears never come out. My heart always has this heavy and hurting feeling to it. I don\u2019t want to be like this. I want to enjoy my youth. I\u2019m not suicidal at all I promise. So please do not worry about that. I would never have such selfish actions towards the people I love. I\u2019m just ready to enjoy life again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tired of Choosing between Bills and Food",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone, I posted this in r/financialhelp As well but this is also really taking a hit to my sanity.. I\u2019m really having a difficult time getting my finances in order. Back in January my fianc\u00e9e (21F) and I (21M) moved into our first apartment. Ever since then we have been struggling to get money to save and even pay our bills. We both work full time and both make over minimum wage where we live. Honestly I don\u2019t really know how else to say this so I\u2019m just going to say it how it is. She comes from a wealthier family and sometimes has trouble with spending habits. This is something that we have both discussed and it\u2019s something that she agrees is an issue. Right now we are both in debt (she used my credit card without my knowledge for a while and also promised she would pay me back whenever she did ask me to use it, which didn\u2019t happen, and now I feel really cornered with my finances. I\u2019ve been trying to pay the debt off for months but we struggle to even get enough for our monthly bills. Aside from that we don\u2019t even have much food either and I don\u2019t eat much as a result. I\u2019m just really struggling with this right now because I want us to be able to start saving money and be able to afford things and starts saving and investing but with the debt and the money issues we are facing it just feels kind of impossible right now. Any advice is welcome.\n\nIMPORTANT NOTE:\nThe apartment we live in is well within our budget, we didn\u2019t choose to live somewhere really fancy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dae have a therapist that does this?",
    "post_text": "She's registered and a doctor so I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt, but honestly she's not been helpful at all. I want an outside perspective so that I can know if its on me or her.\n\nShe talks just like a distracted friend instead of a therapist. 1-3 word responses. For example, I told her I was frustrated and felt lost about something, and she just said 'understand'. Her 'solutions' are things I could come up with on my own and basically boil down to her just saying no every time I bring up a harmful coping mechanism. I already know what's wrong with me and my life but not how to fix it! And she believes that I should talk the most in therapy but I don't feel heard when all she does is....listen? If that makes sense? I dunno....\n\nI've just been spiralling into a worse and worse place mentally and depending on her and getting *this* seems to be hurting more than helping. But then I have no idea what therapy is supposed to be like. Is it supposed to be really hard before it gets any better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i just want to be important to somebody",
    "post_text": "im just a background character in everyones life. nobody cares about me. never had a shot at shit. relationships, important endeavors, nothing. at this point i just want it to end ad for me to die. im just a helpless disgusting creature. what do i even say or do? all i hear is the same bullshit of \"youre loved the world has a place for you :)))))))\". maybe if i believed that i would want to fucking wither away and die. fuck everything",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why am I selfish?",
    "post_text": "I have MDD, panic and anxiety disorder  and am always trying to not actively involve people in my problems and everything but I always end up making people worried or upset about me and what I\u2019m going through. I am just confused and depressed about how I am and why I am the way I am, I know healing is a journey and it takes little steps everyday but I\u2019m not in a good place and I\u2019m getting professional help but feeling like I\u2019m dragging people under the bus when people have their own problems really hurts me because I\u2019d like to get through my problems so I can help myself and get to a point where I can help others. But I just feel like a vaccume of sadness and I don\u2019t like the way I am or how I make people feel right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "On June 7 I will suicide",
    "post_text": "I'm a 19 year old failure\nMy final highschool result will be announced on June 10 \nI know that I will fail \nIn my country malaysia, to be qualified to go to college you need to have atleast a C grade on Bahasa Melayu and Sejarah exam . Both of this exam is in Malay language.\nI have problem learning languages,I don't know whether I have any mental disability like dyslexia because I have been practicing and studying and speaking the language but it just doesn't go into my head, will forget everything the next day.\nI have been depressed for 6 years I have already attempt suicide multiple time but all failed.\nWorst one was abusing on paracetamol and painkiller, I felt Ill and nauseous for 2-3 week. After that not much has changed except that I can't seem to remember thing as good as previously before I overdosed on the medicine. I didn't checkup with doctor, 4months has already passed since my last suicide attempt but now the government has just announced that the Final exam result will be on June 10. I don't want to see my result. I Have failed once in elementary schools it was a horrible experience, everyone look down on me. I tried my hardest to learn the language but I can't. Now my final highschool exam result will be here soon I don't want to go through that again. The people around me is putting too much pressure on me I got a feeling this might be it for me. I have two bottle of cough syrup I'm planning to drink it all. I don't have any problem on English language exam like science in English etc, Is just that because I know that I'm already going to fail I didn't put much effort into studying anymore because if I fail in any one of the two subject Bahasa Melayu or Sejarah the other subject doesn't even matter anymore. \n\nI don't think I'm going to survive this, but I'm planning to delete this post on June 7 just before I attempt it\n\nI'm not good with school academic but I'm good with day trading, I can have 30-50% gain on my account everyday but because of this depression I have stop, I keep making bad decision and revenge trading and lost 500$\n\nMy parents want me to go college but I don't want to. Knowing that I will failed,everyone around me telling me that if I fail my final exam I'm going to fail in life. I don't know whether that's true or not. I'm still young and have not experience the world yet but I don't think I can go through failing in school another time. \n\nSo please anyone, do you have any advice before I make up my mind.\nI don't want to die but I don't have the strength to go on \nEveryone around me is making me feel more of an idiot than I already am\n\nI can't work because my father is strict and want me to go college not only that but right now is covid. He doesn't have much money left. If he sees that I failed another time he is going to scold me and I don't know what will happen next, maybe he will kick me.\nI really don't know what to do with my life anymore.\nI'm someone who likes learning new stuff everyday\nI come across day trading and it open my eyes I just need more time to be good and consistent at it but i didn't think that the result will be announced so soon.\n\nSorry if I just keep repeating the same thing Im just writing whatever that's in my head right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help saving a friend",
    "post_text": "So yesterday, my best friend told me straight up that she plans on taking her life some time in the future, and obviously I tried to do everything in my power to convince her not to, but its not working. She says that she doesn't want to be alive anymore and that she doesn't want to know what her future holds, and she's tired of it all. Basically she doesn't have the will to live anymore because she doesn't feel like anything in her life is paying off or is worth living for anymore. And to give a quick backstory, we had a friend that took his life two years, and she was heavily affected by it because he was her soulmate, and I feel completely powerless for not being able to do anything, its a terrible feeling. If anyone has ever been in this position, what do you do, or what do you say to help? I feel like I said everything there is to say and I can't convince her. Please I need advice on what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "On antidepressants for 3 years and after trying to withdraw I am feeling depressed again",
    "post_text": "I am on antidepressants for 3 over 3 years now and my psychiatrist has suggested that I am way better now and we can eventually discontinue my meds. He has been eventually decreasing my dose for around 8 months now and this might be my final month on pills. I was quite happy and relieved because I was finally recovering and can live normally without side effects of the pill. However since the new dose started I am feeling depressed and not going to deny even suicidal. I vent my anger on people I love which in turn makes me feel lonely. I don't want to live with my family as I will only hurt them. Can someone suggest me something ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What does it take to get better?",
    "post_text": "I guess this is just me bitching about life. I understand you have to put in the work for it to get better. But nobody says what that work entails. Sometimes I wish I had a step by step process of what to do to stop feeling this way. \u201cThis way\u201d feeling like I\u2019m not good enough. \n\nLogically I know I have a lot going for me and for the first time in my life I feel somewhat content and excited for the future. But my self worth still depends on LOVE. I hate that. \n\nI really want to feel happiness inside myself. And I do have things i love about myself. I\u2019m a good writer, ambitious, resourceful, conventionally attractive I guess but I enjoy my soul more than my looks. \n\nStill, I can\u2019t help but think I am worthless and pathetic and that if I don\u2019t marry before the age of 25 no man will want me. I also spent a lot of time in theredpill which maybe contributes to this way of thinking. I have traditional  values and hate that this generation is so into the hookup culture that perpetuates feeling used up as a way of empowerment. \n\nIf it makes you happy then more power to you I wish I could have meaningless sex and feel some form of enjoyment. But when all men have ever wanted me for is my body it makes me question if there\u2019s any good ones left. Logically i know there must be, by how do I stop attracting the bad ones and more importantly love myself instead?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Needing Time to Heal But BF doesn\u2019t get it....am I in the wrong?",
    "post_text": "I was involved with a really good, caring man pre-Covid, long distance. I love him and thought it was going to be permanent one day. \nWe had a good healthy relationship in the past despite being long distance. During Covid, I didn\u2019t see him for way over a year. We kept in close contact, daily calls and texts, but my depression took a turn. I started taking different meds and was struggling. I tried to tell him this many times via phone and by text and he would give me tough love type responses such as \u201cpeople have it worse than you\u201d or \u201cit could be worse\u201d or \u201cdon\u2019t worry so much\u201d, \u201clook how far you\u2019ve come\u201d or \u201cthings will improve soon with Covid.\u201d I felt like he didn\u2019t understand and I basically just stopped trying to explain after trying so often and receiving no sort of acknowledgement or empathy from him. I admit I got fed up trying. \nThen I saw him for the first time in March and it just felt off between us. I was very unwell mentally in my mind, felt like I had a lot going on mentally and I just felt disconnected from him. After the visit, he kept on saying I \u201cseemed different\u201d and he asked what \u201cwas going on\u201d with me. I ended up telling him (again) I was struggling with depression, opened up extensively about the details and explained how awful it\u2019s gotten. I also sent him literature on major depression to try and give him objective info I thought maybe he could learn from.\nHis response was to say I \u201cdidn\u2019t communicate\u201d it to him, and then to say he \u201cdidn\u2019t get it\u201d over and over. This was irritating but I patiently tried to be fair and hear him out. Then he continued to harp on how he \u201ccouldn\u2019t fix\u201d me and he felt bad that he \u201chad no way to fix\u201d me.  I told him I don\u2019t want/need him to fix me, that I have mental illness and he needed to just let me figure it out with my professional medical help, respect that and be patient. So after that, and our weird visit, it felt like he was just making me feel pressure and stress. I felt like I couldn\u2019t handle his needs, his constant need to tell me over and over how he didn\u2019t understand and how he felt bad for not fixing me.\nI then decided that I needed to take time apart from him to figure out how to get back on track for me, to try and get better and heal. I realized that trying to be \u201cin\u201d a relationship with him at the moment~ someone who just isn\u2019t in my everyday life to understand firsthand my situation and then doesn\u2019t hear/appreciate what I\u2019m saying, then freaks out that he \u201ccan\u2019t fix\u201d me, etc, just is not conducive to me getting better.\nI told him all of this, told him I love him but I need to focus my attention right now on me and my health, this is what I need to do to heal. I also told him I can\u2019t give our relationship the attention it needs right now. We took a few weeks not communicating as much. When Id check in and say hi, he didn\u2019t ask me how I was feeling/treatment/anything about my life at all. He literally responded to a simple \u201cHi, how\u2019s your day going\u201d by responding with a giant text about how he was \u201cnot managing it so well\u201d, how he \u201cwas struggling\u201d etc, etc.\nI ultimately now feel angry bc of his behavior. He then asked to have a phone call to discuss his feelings/how bad he feels without me in his life and I told him I can\u2019t do that bc there\u2019s nothing more I can do, he has to accept the facts as they are, there is no point to getting into another emotional discussion where all he says is how bad he feels.\nI don\u2019t think he\u2019s a jerk- I think he\u2019s just ignorant and literally lacks the ability to understand. But at this point I feel like this is a problem I cannot get past if I\u2019m to have any future with him. I\u2019ve become so angry too lately bc I feel like even though he\u2019s unable to deal with this, instead of trying to educate himself, learn more and understand, he\u2019s just being selfish. \nDoes anybody think I\u2019m being insensitive, or unfair? I want to make sure I\u2019m being fair.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend is depressed an I can't help her",
    "post_text": "I'm not sure if I should post here, maybe there is a subreddit for people like me... I can't find a way to help my girlfriend, she shows all the signs, self loathing above all. She sees me as perfect and capable of anything (obviously far from true) and she seems frustrated with the gap between my \"perfection\" and her perceived inability to live...\nIn these past months I'm trying to help her become more confident in driving, but as soon as we get in a busy road or in the downtown traffic she panics, I take the wheel and I know we will spend the evening with her telling me to find another girlfriend because she is useless... I don't care if she drives or not but I insist for her to try and push herself to get her a \"victory\" but so far it just caused panic and problems, should I stop pushing her? I want to give her a sense of progress but I really don't know how, she sees a psychologist but it doesn't seem to help... Worst of all I'm starting to resent her, I can't understand the struggle she is going through but hearing her self loathing every night is starting to make me angry and frustrated, I'm pushing away these feelings but I know they are consuming my love for her...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Death anxiety got me feeling like life is pointless and exhausting and it's all a nightmare.",
    "post_text": "Hello! So i'v been depressed and anxious for a long time i think but recently i started having thoughts about death every single day and it's like i opened pandoras box. \n\nDeath is so final, so scary. It makes life seem pointless, why build something up when it's just a matter of time before it all ends and how am i supposed to enjoy this experience with a metaphorical gun to my head that i don't know when it will go off? \n\nI tried looking at spirituality and stuff because nobody knows what happens when you die right? But it seems logical that we just die and the other stuff is wishful thinking... and even if there were an afterlife that would kinda subtract from the meaning of living this one. \n\nThis is one big bad boogieman that no adult can come and safe me from and it's horrible....\n\nSo today and yesterday i started having more thoughts about dying, yesterday i went snorkeling and had to quit because i kept thinking about drowning and how that would suck. Today i thought that i might as well die now since nothing matters and it's an inevitability and i'm tired of fighting. \n\nBut they are thoughts and i feel some distance between me and the action. I still rationally think that i might as well try everything, try to get better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result",
    "post_text": "Basically, I feel like I'm doing \"all the things\" that someone with depression is supposed to do. \n\nI exercise, eat relatively healthily, maintain several close relationships with friends and family, take medication and vitamins, go to therapy, try to keep busy but not burn out... \n\nAnd I'm still stuck. There's no situational issues or any residual trauma that makes me feel this way. I've just always been depressed, which runs in my family. \n\nIt makes me think of the quote, \"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.\" I feel like I'm just working WAY too hard to stay afloat, doing the same things every day and expecting that eventually I'll feel better. \n\nI don't want to give up. I'm NOT going to give up. I just feel crazy, I feel like all of my energy is going towards keeping myself alive, and I don't have any room to just BREATHE. \n\nI've had to leave work early or call in sick a few times in the last few weeks because I couldn't stop crying about nothing. I'm so stressed by just doing my basic daily routine that I have kind of a meltdown every night when I get home from work. My days off are equally difficult.\n\nI try to do the things that I know bring me joy, even when I don't feel it. I'm just starting to feel a little bit insane expecting things to get better without some sort of change, and I feel that I'm running out of options for things to change or improve.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to go swimming at the lake tonight.....",
    "post_text": "But it seems like I\u2019ve been crying out for help from every point I\u2019ve tried to make, and no one is interested in helping me the way I\u2019ve asked.  \n\n>>Forget veterans employment allocation program\n\n>>Forget education/employment pipelines\n\n>>Forget Criminalizing American Political Discrimination.  \n\n\n\nI just wanted to become a fucking professional opera singer, and I wanted help from others making that a reality, after 20 years of working towards it alone weren\u2019t doing anything to make it a reality.  And it seems like nobody cares if it kills me that no matter how hard I\u2019ve tried to achieve that goal, I\u2019ve always come up short on my own, while everybody else makes themselves a part of these segregating communities against me.\n\nSo tonight I\u2019m contemplating wether I ought to swim out into the middle of the lake and end it all.   Nobody wants to help me when I\u2019ve asked for help.  Nobody wants to implement alternative solutions when I\u2019ve tried to present them to people.  Nobody wants to even touch me, let alone care if I\u2019m on the cusp of deciding to end my life.   \n\nI don\u2019t want to go swimming at the lake tonight.  But it seems like nobody wants to stop me because they care.  They only want to stop me to save face, and I can\u2019t pull myself back when they want to stop me for reasons as selfish as why I want to end my life tonight.  So why should I stop for their benefit when they won\u2019t help me for mine?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember and it's only getting harder to reason against harming myself.",
    "post_text": "I never had a catalyst or anything for my depression or suicidal ideations. It's just been present for a very long time. I've gone through prescribed regimens of medication, seen counselors, stayed active and healthy, made friends very easily, and just overall tried to keep myself out there and try or experience new things to see if I could find that calling in life for myself over my life. Things have generally gone very well for me in life other than the numerous times I let my suicidal thoughts get the best of me and I either let shit fall apart or an attempt on my own life puts me down a notch. This has been something that's just always been present and feels very dominating as a part of who I am. It used to scare me and I used to want to feel better than this, but I just feel completely indifferent and empty to it and everything else in life now. I don't have the energy to pretend I'm a normal person or talk to people, I don't experience any emotions, all of my old hobbies and such feel like a chore, and I can't envision wanting anything in the future. This \"depersonalization\" side of my suicidal ideations has been going on for a couple years now and more than ever I just can't find any reason or desire to stay alive. I've been miserable for as long as I can remember and I know it's not right, but, at this point I don't know any other mindset other then feeling this way. I know how to be a decent human being, I do good at work and such, I've developed very close relationships in platonic and romantic senses before, but nothing makes it feel worth the effort at all. I'm at my wit's end and I got rope today and I'm so afraid of how much it'll hurt but I want this to be over with so bad and I just don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do you do when you've lost faith in humanity?",
    "post_text": "I feel like I have been cursed. Honestly.\n\nI feel very alone and misunderstood by the world, right now.\n\nAnyone have some nice words of support or advice to offer? I would really appreciate it because I am at the bottom of my barrel of tools to cope at the moment.\n\nAccept the things you cannot change.\nThat is a painful concept to put into practice. And when changing the things you can seems meaningless.... Well... Now you know why I feel so lost and stuck...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Realized today just how much my depression as fucked up my teeth. Anyone else feel like a piece of shit when stuff like this happens?",
    "post_text": "I've been trying to take better care of myself one step at a time. I used to go a couple days without brushing my teeth for a few months and haven't flossed in years because I was never really told why it is so important. I feel ashamed, embarrassed and like a complete idiot. I don't have anything like full on stage 4 periodontis, but I think I'm somewhere between gingivitis and early periodontis. I can't afford an extra dental bills and don't qualify for state or federal assistance...I guess what I'm looking for by posting this here is someone to tell me that I'm not alone and not a disgusting piece of trash for having this happen. \n\nFor context I'm 24 and smoke about 6 cigarettes a day, which is why I feel extra shitty because I feel like I've ruined my teeth forever.\n\nYes I know quitting smoking will help, but I'm trying to undo bad habits one at a time and start to take better care of myself, and quitting smoking and dealing with mental health problems is really fucking hard.\n\nTLDR:\n\nNeed someone out there to tell me I'm not alone and not a piece of shit for lacking perfect dental hygiene due to mental illness.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do people cope with life moving past them so quickly",
    "post_text": "I feel stuck in time. I feel like everyone around me if growing so much and I\u2019ve been stuck in the same place. My life has progressed, but I just feel the same. There\u2019s so many people who once were in my life who I don\u2019t see anymore, people I worked with, people I went to school with. It\u2019s so crazy that all these people who were once in my life and now are so far away. I feel so much guilt for not keeping in contact but I guess that\u2019s just getting older. I struggle the most with my ex, I just don\u2019t know how I\u2019m supposed to heal from losing someone you spent years of your life with. I\u2019m over him and have been with someone else for over a year now, I love him. But it all still hurts. I am so bored of my life here. I\u2019m bored of walking to work, making dinner, watching some tv and then going to bed. I wish my spirit could leave this flesh prison and just experience all the love and nature in the world.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling a bit, anyone have any tips? It's been bothering me more and more and it hurts.",
    "post_text": "So, I've been feeling bad about my weight recently. I want to lose weight but it's really hard for me to eat less because my dad never thinks I eat enough. I'm not in control of what I eat right now either since I live with my parents still. My weight didn't used to bother me so much but I've been having break downs because of it at times. The break downs haven't been to the point where I'm hurting myself again but I want to. I never will hurt myself again, I made a promise I wouldn't and I never break my promises. But sometimes I want to because I hate the way I look as it is and I've never felt pretty either. It didn't used to matter as much and I think if I lost the unnecessary weight I'd feel better about myself. Does anyone have any tips on how I can lose weight? I work a lot everyday at a barn but for some reason it hasn't been enough for me. I guess because I can't eat the amounts I should.  I'm not obese or anything but it's annoying and uncomfortable. So if anyone had any advice it'd be much appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The shit is back again",
    "post_text": "I'm on ssris for about 2 months now. It has helped me with living a normal life but now the shit feeling is back for some reason. I don't know if I took too much mentally lately or the meds need higher dose to work proparely. It's 1 AM here and I have school in couple of hours. the thought of it is terrifying. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to be forced to wake up. the only thing that is pleasent at the moment is laying in bed and drowning in my overwhelming thoughts but I'll fall asleep immediately if I'd do that. I should be studying for tomorrow's test but it feels so hard to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It's been 3 weeks of active depression",
    "post_text": "Idk how I should start off as but, I'm 17 and in yr 11 I only have this year and next year to fix my stuff up with my grades. Lately I've been feeling really depressed about my exams and my sacs (School Assessed Coursework). I ended up finding that these exams this year don't count to anything and I just wasted my time falling apart over it. And I'm feeling sad that I'm not doing well the way I want to. I tried reaching out to my friends, talking about how I feel, they even said whenever I'm depressed or feel like hurting myself(btw with hurting myself I only did it a few times and haven't done it in like a year) just to come to them for help, they said that they cared but they don't. I tried this morning to reach out.... I got blocked, I'm not really a person with much friends but I usually just talk to my irl friends on social media. It helps to have someone to talk to, but now I have no one. No one really cares about me or checks up on me, I'm mostly talking about my friends about this, my parents sometimes check up. But I need that attention for someone to give me, without it I just feel alone and scared. Now I just feel so alone in the wide open world, idk where I see myself going in life, idk what to do, I keep taking days off from school because I feel like im gonna have another meltdown there. I cried at school and felt so embarrassed and even more sadder when people noticed and stared at me. I just feel pathetic. This whole morning I've felt being sad and cried, now my pillow is wet with tears. I've tried watching YouTube videos to distract myself but nothing is helping, that's why I'm deciding right now to try seek help from here. Idk what to ask for but I just want some support.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anyone else get upset with the way people compare your problems with there's like it's just that easy to get over it?",
    "post_text": "Honestly one of the things I've never really known how to deal with is having my problems under minded. Either in a \"it wasn't like that\" way like I'm being over dramatic or \"in a so what we all go through shit type of way\". And I'm sure that sounds selfish to hear as we all go through stuff and don't get it twisted I'm not saying I've gone through more. It's just like I wish the people in my life would take action and show me that they care instead of bringing up there experiences. Because that doesn't work with me, I guess its kind of selfish but I just wish I could get a hug, or a damn bro or a hey lemme show you something type thing and go on a long walk or something yah know? This whole comparison thing to me just comes off in uncaring fashion. Like since you got over it I should to, it's just not that easy for me so don't make it out like it is you know?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Life on paper looks great... but it's really not.",
    "post_text": "My life on paper looks great.  \nToday is my 28th birthday.   \nI just received my masters in education on June 4th.  \nI'm happily a new-wed. I got married last semester and couldn't be happier with my wife.   \nI'm a teacher by profession. I teach high schoolers. I love my career.   \nMy wife and I make a combined total of over 150k a year. We are very comfortable.   \nI'm pretty healthy, I go to the gym 4 times a week.   \n\n\nBut... there's this lingering emptiness In my life.   \nThe pandemic made me distant with the few friends I have.   \nEveryday seems like the same thing.   \nLike I have 800 plus friends on Facebook and six people wished me Happy Birthday.   \nIdk how else to word it..   \nI just feel empty.   \nIs it a lack of meaningful relationships?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it possible to feel better",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what to do. I have no desire to live besides the fact I have my child I don\u2019t want to leave them behind. I just don\u2019t know how to overcome this heavy feeling of not wanting to be here. Therapy is supposed to be helping but isn\u2019t really making me feel any different than I do now. I feel consumed by a traumatic past and just want to start over with a new life and have no want to continue this shit one. If it wasn\u2019t the abuse and neglect of my parents, family, friends, strangers, people in general; it was my poor choices for being so naive with no guidance as a teenager to young adult. Now I am 29 and like know so much better, but I as a person feel so ruined and violated from past to present.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "r/depression is telling unwell people incredibly evil things.",
    "post_text": "I know this is not the same group, but I'm absolutely shocked at and have noone to talk about regarding this.\n\nThey tell a mentally unwell person with relationship problems that:\n\n(a) the solution is to perpetually hate, and\n\n(b) They should never have children as that will merely perpetuate their misery.\n\nThis is the sort of material an absolute psychopath would tell a mentally ill person, yet when I question it I get kicked.\n\n??",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mom is against pills...",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 20, and I\u2019ve been having a social anxiety for more than 2 years. Recently I\u2019ve had depressive episode, it was extremely tough. I think about ending my life a lot, but I know I\u2019ll never do it, bc my mom would be sad. So, I don\u2019t have many friends because of my anxiety (my roommate is my only friend, but I feel that I annoy her), and I don\u2019t have many people who would give me an advice... I\u2019ve taken Paxil for about two weeks, but then I had to stop, bc I was having daily headaches and my vision was blurred. My psychiatrist said that I should visit her again, but my mom says I can face my anxiety and endless bad mood by myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How not to think life is unfair to you?",
    "post_text": "I have depression for years and I am the \"highly functioning\" kind. I do a lot, I study, I work, I try to take courses who will make me better at my job and everything demands a crazy amount of effort from me because of... you guessed! Depression! Then I see people around me that do not do shit and things seem to fall on their lap. They get bonus at work, the shares they bought made a crazy amount of money, family comes visit with amazing gifts for them, they get promotions at work while telling me they are putting the minimum effort on what they do... life in general seems to be so easy for them. I know I shouldn't compare. I know I should focus on the percentage I am better today when compared to me yesterday. But it is freaking hard. I feel like a huge failure in everything I touch or try to do. From money, work, health, family and friends relationships, I do not succeed in any of these areas. How to stop with thinking it is unfair? How not to care about the others?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tomorrow is my son's first birthday party. All I want to do is hide.",
    "post_text": "He is our only child. Everyone keeps telling me to \"have fun\" and enjoy it. I will be expected to be there and be happy when the time comes. I am expected to take a lot of pictures because it is so cute and he only turns one once. Instead, I will be dying inside, waiting for the time when everyone leaves and I can go back to my safe place. Away from people so I don't bring them down.\n\nI've thought about doing suicide by cop a few times. But even then I think about how that would make them feel. I wouldn't want to do that to someone else. I wouldn't want to risk my actions causing someone else to possibly go down the road I am on now. So instead, I suffer.\n\nAlways someone around but always feeling alone. How do I make it all go away?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Almost 25 and I want to give up, what to do??",
    "post_text": "long story short, I feel like I wasn't raised with a chance to successful in life. I grew up being very neglected, experienced all forms of abuse, and ended up leaving home at 16.  I have struggled to finish school and have never managed to complete anything after highschool. I still struggle with PTSD and mental health issues. I've managed to get sober (almost 1 year and half sober) however lost almost all my friends cause I don't want to go out to bars or clubs anymore, so it kinda alienates me from my peers. I've been trying to make new friends but its kind of hard especially with covid.\n\nI'm a bit over halfway through a degree. I am uncertain if I even want to do it though..\n\nI want to give up. I feel jealous of a lot of people my age who are doing so much better than me in life (but I also notice a lot of these people have supportive family (emotionally and financially) so I think it is unreasonable I compare myself to people who have not faced the same challenges.\n\nI know I need to accept that this is where I am in life, but it so hard to stop hating myself so deeply. I feel so ashamed for achieving nothing in life and just being a broken mess at 25. I want to end it all but I know part of me also has some hope that it could be better. But I just can't handle the shame.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wellbutrin",
    "post_text": "The good, the bad and the ugly? \nI was on Zoloft for years. It worked really well for a long time but slowly stopped working and the side effects got worse and worse so I weaned off. I tried a couple other anti depressants after that with no luck. I\u2019ve been off for a couple years, and I feel myself struggling, but I can\u2019t deal with the side effects I was having like weight gain, feeling like a zombie, exhaustion., and others. If you have experience with Wellbutrin or any other I would be so grateful to hear about it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do my friends hate me because I have depression?",
    "post_text": "I have been dealing with depression for a while and I have a few close friends I talk to about it. The same friends have told me countless times they are here for me and love me. Yet I still feel like a burden to them. I struggled growing up making friends and now I have some very close friends. I constantly worry they are going to drop me\u2026. Even though they have told me they won\u2019t. How I drill this through my head?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling to cope in the day to day, having dark thoughts",
    "post_text": "TW: Mentions of Self-h*rm and thoughts of s*icide.\n\nHi guys, I really don't feel up to formatting or putting it neatly, but I've been struggling a lot. In my recent quest for a therapist (via insurance -- it's a hassle) more and more issues keep popping up that has worsened my mental and emotional health. I've been having darker thoughts, thoughts of hurting myself really badly, of c*tting and oftentimes when I'm riding my bike, how it'd feel to ride into traffic and get hit. S*icidal thoughts near-plague me weekly, and while I'm trying so desperately to be better, there's something around the corner that brings my decent to good mood down to sad or angry or confused, and it's all been so much.\n\nI've been crying more, all the thoughts in my head overwhelm me, I question myself in my relationship, I question my partner, I question the future of not only my partner and I, but our families, our friends, our pets and jobs. It's a scary time right now, I'm so burnt out from life and want to just take a nap for three years. These thoughts won't stop, no matter if I face them head on or distract myself; I just want a break.\n\nI try talking to my friends, communicating more, and it helps a little but I fear my issues may become burden for them, when they're struggling with their own things right now. I want to be there for them, too! But it's hard! I have no energy! Everything feels scary and tiresome and I feel so dreadfully lonely in my interpersonal relationships.\n\nContacting more therapists and hoping for the best, may consider asking for one that prescribes medication, but preferably not. I just want to be happy.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am depressed.. nofap 200+ day plus",
    "post_text": "Hello\n\nI have been on an incredible streak with nofap, which i thought would help with my depression. I lost my counter but it should be over 200 days now. I used to suffer everyday by watching porn and edging/climaxing with a pillow or hand in order to fall asleep. It was a huge struggle for many years, but now, I find it easy not to do both those things. Potentially having someone to sleep with has helped me not relapse, however, I have not felt any benefits of Nofap and it's frustrating.\n\nI was depressed before, I'm depressed now. I had no motivation before, I have none now. The only reason I keep going is because of my will power.. and I feel at my breaking point. I am educated, with a stable job now and a wonderful girlfriend and friends who all love me. I count those blessings daily, but its so difficult because I am very negative. No positive thoughts run through my mind, just negative ones and negative memories. My SO and I have sex almost daily, but it''s hard for me to get hard. She excites me greatly, but its difficult for me to have sensation there or to will myself to get hard because I have thoughts like I am too small or I remind myself she has had sex before me and I'm just so in my head, she wants me to be dominant but I really act submissive.\n\nI work out, I am extremely fit. I am very physically attractive according to many people, I have a lot of charm as people love to point out to me. Why don't i see any of it? why do i not like myself? i don't have a semblance of a identity and my brain is so foggy. I discussed with my therapist, and Meds are on the table but i don't think that will help me be more confident with myself... i cant meditate for long because my thoughts are just so painful. I am very introverted.any one can help me with any of this? or just to cheer me up? I am an introvert who wants to learn to be more social and just to relax and have control of my thoughts. I can give advice on Nofap and how to succeed on your goals, I can motivate other people easily enough its just my relationship with myself isn't the best.\n\nTLDR- sorry for my rambling, i don't feel the benefits of Nofap 200+ days... i am still depressed and awkward.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can\u2019t believe we\u2019re almost halfway through the month",
    "post_text": "\nStill done nothing, i haven\u2019t left my room since the start of the month. I have no friends And I\u2019m 17 it\u2019s going to be impossible soon. I thought since this was pride month things could\u2019ve been different but its not. I\u2019m planning on taking my life soon i\u2019m miserable every day and what happens when I\u2019m and adult and I have to get a minimum wage job, I barely even wanna wake up now when I do nothing all day and I don\u2019t know if my anxiety could let me have a job and if I don\u2019t then I don\u2019t wanna be a adult-child. Death just seems like a perfect out to all my (many) mental problems. Sure I\u2019ll never become a woman or find someone to love but I won\u2019t even know... because I\u2019ll be dead :/",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Making friends while having depression",
    "post_text": "I have no friends. Plain and simple I don\u2019t have any, I didn\u2019t really fit in high school and I\u2019ve always had difficulties making friends. I think on some level I don\u2019t really understand people or how I should act around people. I am extremely awkward and don\u2019t talk much because I\u2019m scared of putting my foot in my mouth (I\u2019ve done it a lot before), like I\u2019ve asked what I thought was a innocent question or remark before not realizing that it wasn\u2019t okay thing to say and not understanding why it\u2019s rude. I am extremely lonely and not having anyone makes it hard to want to live. How do I go about making friends when at almost 25 while semi in a pandemic?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do you feel the lack of executive function is a bigger/ more important symptom than your mood?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been thinking about this lately because I\u2019m trying to adjust my meds. I\u2019m looking at all the impacts and side effects of the medications I\u2019ve been prescribed before and the ones my doctor wants to now prescribe for me and I feel like they all try to fix the low mood problem you making everything worse. \n\nThe actual impact of this stuff working is inability to complete tasks, lack of motivation, lethargy etc. I want to try something that helps with executive function while staying on what helps with low mood. \n\nJust looking for some opinions about your own experience. Do you think treating executive function would help with the low mood?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Looking for advice",
    "post_text": "First of all, i am not diagnosed with any mental health issues. I also do not want to offend anyone who is. My current situation makes it hard for me to go to any health facility or psychiatrist for an appointment. I do not have my own money in my own hands and i do not want to alert family members and make what i'm feeling a big deal. I do not know if i can be clinically diagnosed with depression or if what i feel is just a combination of sadness, loneliness, anxiety or any other emotion. I do not know what to do. I have self harm and suicidal thoughts but i do not act upon them because I am too scared to carry it out. I binge shows or read anything i can to take my mind of things but ultimately i feel empty. I don't know if this is usual for people or if this is something i should be alarmed about. I mean doesn't everyone feel this way at some point? I do not know what to do and I can't seem to take a step in any direction regarding this matter.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Chronic Depression and Work Performance",
    "post_text": "Hello. \n\nI need someone's thoughts or advice. I have several diagnosed illnesses, persistent grieving disorder and pdd (with frequent mdes, so thanks brain for the double depression \ud83d\ude05). I am unmedicaded\n\nIn that past couple months after a huge mde I never quite made it completely out and have been progressively doing worse to a point where my work performance is suffering, I've received a couple of warnings to \"get my sh t together\" (not in those exact words but close). I've never been in such a position where my work ability has lacked because of this. Like I genuinely feel like I'm going to either get fired sooner or later or suddenly quit, because of my mental state. \n\nI am going to discuss with my psychiatrist medication. We had talked about it before but they basically said we could talk more in detail when I was ready. \n\nBut a part of me has been considering temporary disability to basically be able to figure myself out, figure out the right meds if necessary, right dosage, etc before putting myself out there to work. I feel so heavy everytime I get ready for the day like \"what am I going to mess up today\" and its making everything so much worse. My work frustration is literally dragging me down harder. I'm so frustrated with myself and I'm so tired of feeling like this all the time. \n\nWhat has everyone here done at work? Has anyone felt like they can't properly perform due to their illness? If so, what have you done about it? What has helped you work wise?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression or just \u201cmessed up\u201d",
    "post_text": "Hi, \n\nEver since I was 17 (15 years ago) my life has been crap. I had a long term boyfriend who treated me like crap for 12 years, lied to me, stole from me and was emotionally abusive to me. I had a child with him and finished with him 3 years ago. \n\nI then met someone, he was ok in the beginning but then he started purposely saying things to hurt me; like saying I\u2019d be the worst person in the world to have a kid with, how he\u2019d never marry me, and also call me a fat c**t (I\u2019m not actually fat) he apologised for all of that saying he only said it because he wanted to hurt me. but recently, he\u2019s started lying to me and then we\u2019d get in to a fight and he\u2019d say I\u2019m mentally sick and that I\u2019m really messed up and obviously have loads of insecurities. \n\nFor the past 7 years I\u2019ve felt SO low! My mood changes so quickly, i get moody quite often, I am constantly doubting myself and after the recent lies from my \u2018current\u2019 partner I\u2019ve come to realise I can\u2019t trust him or believe a word he says anymore. I\u2019ve also been having bad thoughts- not so much suicidal, more that I think it would be so much easier for people if I just died- In my head I\u2019ve put in place what would happen to my child if I did die. \n\nAm I depressed or just messed up from my past? \n\nI\u2019m so stubborn I don\u2019t want to talk to a doctor in fear they would laugh in my face and say I\u2019m just a waste of time. I don\u2019t want to speak to family in fear that they would pity me. I don\u2019t want to speak to friends because I\u2019d feel embarrassed. I can\u2019t talk to work because it\u2019s such a stressful job they\u2019d only worry that I may end up taking time off work!\n\nI don\u2019t know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything I used to enjoy feels like work now. What can I do?",
    "post_text": "I just feel so anxious and filled with existensial dread. I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy before like video games but literally anything that takes some kind of effort feels like a lot of work. So instead I just lay in bed on my phone and waste my life away I feel so horrible. Before I coud get into video games and enjoy the challenge but now I just feel extremely frustrated and just want to try to finish it as soon as possible which takes the fun away. All I can think about is how long its gonna take and how much time im gonna waste.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just don't care badly enough unless I'm in a crisis. Nothing is really interesting or exciting. How do I care enough ?",
    "post_text": "I can't get myself to work on my resume. I can't get myself to apply to jobs. I can't get myself to look for a new doctor. I can't get myself to read a book. I'm not even interested in planning a trip. It's all just whatever to me.\n\nI only do things if I HAVE to or if I'm inspired by a strong emotion. Like if I'm angry, I'll do something. But that won't last long. \n\nI used to be ambitious. I used to care a lot more. I used to have some sense of passion. Now - I see just how powerless I've always been and how overall meaningless it is to care so god damn much. \n\nI understand I need to be providing others with something of value to get value in return. I understand that the more value I can give, the more value I get. It's just that whatever value I can get in return just doesn't really appeal to me. None of it is incredibly interesting or exciting. And even what I would classify as the most exciting - it's not like I can accomplish it. I can't attract the type of life companion that I want because I wouldn't even date myself. I don't have the type of money as Bezos does to see Earth from space and it's extremely unlikely I ever will be able to attain it, let alone attaining it ethically without harming others and by paying my fair share of taxes. \n\nThe fuck do I do ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What happens when you get better?",
    "post_text": "This might sound like a ridiculous question, but I've started to think about what things would be like if I was better. I've started some new meds and have no idea if they will work but I don't remember what it was like to not be in dark place mentally. \n\nWhat if I don't know know who I am without depression? I haven't had an extended period of a good spell for 15 years, this started when I was about 12 so I just don't know what things would be like if the meds did actually help. Is this a silly thing to be anxious over? Anyone have any advice or been through this too?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Life's weird.",
    "post_text": "Life is a weird place. With all the bad stuff in it and with life making no sense. I'm depressed. I feel like a bag in the wind and that's pretty much the jist of it. It's hard to be happy when you don't see it making sense to be happy. People don't understand a lot of the time and tell me to just live your best life and be positive or whatever. I still feel this way, and it confuses me as much as everyone else. I'm not sure if I want to feel the way I do. It'd be nice if I completely forget and never see being depressed as a thing that exists. It's a thing though and I can't seem to shake off that this is how I feel. I'm not motivated to do much or if I do have the motivation I'm unsure of what to do. So the motivation lingers until it's finally gone from my thoughts. I'm not sure what I'll do with my life, I'm barely living it. I'm not a person that I would like to be and I'm not focused on life. I've been trying to make sense of how I feel. My friends don't speak to me, they straight out don't call or text and haven't for months. They've never really called or texted much, so I question myself and our friendship. I have bad self esteem which makes things wonky. My life has been moderately fine, the colors are just drained. I'm also failing and got no motivation for school as well! I know what I should be doing but I don't seem to care cause I'm depressed. Yeah, so I got no idea what to do with life. Any advice that'd help me out?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help me process my thoughts",
    "post_text": "Today, my mother said, if I really wanted to do it I\u2019d do it. So does that mean every time she asked and forbade me to do something I just gave up easy? So it\u2019s all my fault that I\u2019m like this. I\u2019m not trying to get better mentally hence I must not be wanting to. I stopped going to the therapist after my mother asked me to, because I didn\u2019t want to? I have thoughts of ending it all and be done with it every now and then, but I haven\u2019t done it, so I don\u2019t want to? I don\u2019t know, maybe I am just pretending. Maybe I\u2019m just weak and pretending to have mental health issues as an excuse? Can anyone help me figure it out? How do I stop pretending!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Trying to figure out \"why\"?",
    "post_text": "I'm 23, male, born and raised in a middle class family in a first world country. No serious traumas I'm aware of, only thing I can think of is not having an emotionally available father. That's about all I have to complain about.\n\nFamily history - both my parents and lots of cousins are on depression medication. I was on it for around a year until I tapered off. \n\nI grew up with no reason to be depressed but from around age 12-13 to now (10 years) I have been getting more depressed, anxiety and anhedonia.\n\nWhat went wrong in my brain during my developmental years? Is this purely hereditary? Was I destined to be depressed due to some predisposition from my parents genetics?\n\nIts so frustrating I want to give up. I've tried medication, therapy, meditation, excercise, CBT. \n\nI'm overwhelmed",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What helps you with your insomnia?",
    "post_text": "I remember how relaxing and fulfilling it was to sleep when I was a kid. I couldn\u2019t get enough of it! I slept with my blankie, I sucked my thumb, I snuggled, I was never cold when the window was open, and I hated having to wake up for school in the morning.\n\nAt 14 I first got depressed and started experiencing uncomfortability during sleep- I was always very cold. Then, at 18, I got into a depressive episode and with the pressure to study well at uni my social anxiety increased. I couldn\u2019t go out during the day because I felt like all the people around were judging me for not working hard enough, not looking well enough, and other things. So I started sleeping through the day and living at night. \n\nNow that I\u2019ve worked through social anxiety it is not quite so bad and I enjoy getting up early in the morning because it feels like the proper and healthy way to go about my day. \n\nHowever, no matter how much or how little I do during the day, I can\u2019t fall asleep at night. I\u2019m just not tired. It\u2019s kinda like leaving the car running- I\u2019m not doing anything, but the thoughts are racing inside my head. \n\nI\u2019ve tried the 4-7-8 breathing technique, progressive muscle relaxation, but nothing seems to work. I also try to eat early and let fresh air into the room. \n\nWhat helps you to calm down before going to sleep? \nThanks for the answers, I love everybody\ud83e\udd70",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "working with bpd & anxiety",
    "post_text": "hi all,\n\ni'm only 24 this year but i feel like i've hit rockbottom. i graduated 3 years ago with a degree, got a fulltime job soon after and worked for 2 years. i liked my job, but i hated my boss and left without securing a job back in february 2021. i decided to get help for my depression which i only got the courage to just a month ago, although i've been suffering for years. it was then that i got diagnosed with bpd. i just started a new job with a good pay, high stress level, however i feel like its making my depression worse. everyday i wake up with a heavy heart, breakdown and cry few times a day. i feel like i have no more will to live, but idk if its because of the job or its just me...i am torn between wanting to quit my job, or just continue living like this. i feel like if i quit this job, it would be hard to get an opportunity like this again, especially with a good pay. also, if i do quit and take a break, it would leave a big gap in my resume between february to now...which i dont think recruiters will think good of me :( i am not sure what i should do...my friends told me to stay in my job but they dont understand how i feel...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I get myself checked in to a psychiatric ward so they can force me to start my antidepressant?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m having a hard time. My anxiety skyrocketed. I\u2019m going through an IBS flare up. I haven\u2019t had a colonoscopy or gastroscopy yet, but I\u2019ve had blood tests, stool tests, ultrasonography and MRI done. All perfectly normal. So there is still a possibility that it\u2019s something else but it\u2019s not very likely.\n\nEvery time I have to poo I get an anxiety attack. I think it\u2019s a mild one because I don\u2019t lose control or pass out, but I get this surge of absolute despair, racing thoughts, I start the breathe shallowly, I start to shake, cold sweats, weird muscle spasms in my body etc. I mean it might be mild but it doesn\u2019t feel mild really.\n\nSince I poo everyday I get these attacks everyday, sometimes multiple times, sometimes not even triggered by having to poo. A slightly weird feeling in my stomach can cause me to spiral into an anxiety attack.\n\nI\u2019ve been prescribed Effexor along with Remeron, I\u2019ve already been on Remeron but as you can guess I don\u2019t think it has any effect on me anymore. It used to work though, it didn\u2019t help me too much but I was feeling better. This was a year ago of course. Since then it lost its effectiveness.\n\nMy psych warned me that I shouldn\u2019t look up Effexor online. Unfortunately she was too late; since I research antidepressants a lot I already knew its side effects, how does it feel while starting, how shitty the withdrawals are etc.\n\nI said ok, because I was desperate. But there is a problem. It\u2019s been a while, and I can\u2019t bring myself to take my medication. And I know that I have to take it, because there isn\u2019t much else left to try. This is not just my opinion, my psych said it herself.\n\nSo I have to get better. I have to take my medicine to get better, but I\u2019m scared of it. The more scared I get the worse my anxiety gets. The worse my anxiety gets the more I get scared, and it gets even harder to start my medicine. Lately I haven\u2019t been able to think about anything else other than my bowel issues, I can\u2019t even watch a youtube video.\n\nI\u2019m not suicidal; I have suicidal thoughts yes but I haven\u2019t made any plans, and I have things I want to do, you know? I dropped out of college, and I want to go back. I\u2019m not even exaggerating when I say this; I see myself going back to school literally every night in my dreams. I have gender dysphoria, and I want to at least know how it feels like to be comfortable in your own body. And these things keep me going.\n\nBut I also know that I have to take my medicine, and I just don\u2019t know how I can do that. I thought of a couple things that I can try.\n\n-First, I can get myself checked in to a psychiatric ward. Make them force me to take my medicine. There are several upsides and downsides with that. If I get an anxiety attack they can intervene. I will be forced to take the medicine, so it has a higher probability of success. But on the other hand, the psychiatric wards in my country have some problems. I\u2019ve read a lot about human rights violations, abuse, mistreatment, violence etc. And I\u2019m sure you can understand, I don\u2019t need this stuff on top of my problems. Also since I\u2019m not a danger to myself or to others they might not even accept me. Also my parents will probably be very angry with me, because I don\u2019t look very nervous or stressed from outside.\n\n-Second, find a way to start taking them on my own. I can ask to start from a lower dose. My psych wanted me to start at 150mg. Effexor XR is available with dosages as low as 37.5mg. I can ask for anti anxiety medication. I have anti nausea medication, and I can take that while starting. This option has upsides and downsides too. First of all if I ask them for anti anxiety medication I\u2019m guaranteed to be seen as a drug seeking patient. They did that before and I don\u2019t even have any drug abuse history. Even if I get them I might not have the willpower to start them. I might end up getting an anxiety attack even if I take anti anxiety medication.\n\nOkay here is the part where I\u2019m talking about stuff I don\u2019t really know much about.\n\nThe anti nausea medication I have is Zofran. From what I understand the reason antidepressants cause nausea is because they increase the levels of serotonin in the brain and the digestive system. As a result of that the increased levels of serotonin agonizes the 5HT3 receptors and this causes nausea/vomiting. With repeated use the 5HT3 receptors become down-regulated/desensitized and because of that nausea/vomiting stops.\n\nNow if I were to take Zofran it will prevent me from getting nauseous because it will prevent serotonin from agonizing the 5HT3 receptors, since it\u2019s a 5HT3 antagonist. But that means it will also prevent 5HT3 receptors from downregulated/desensitized, because they aren\u2019t being excessively agonized, and when I stop taking Zofran I will become nauseous or I will vomit, and that defeats the whole purpose of taking Zofran. I don\u2019t want to take Zofran continuously because it comes with its own side effects.\n\nEnd of the part where I\u2019m talking about stuff that I shouldn\u2019t be talking about.\n\nSo now the upsides of the second option.\nI won\u2019t have to deal with the psych ward. Considering the healthcare system in my country, I have good reasons to believe that the care they provide at the ward is not good enough. I won\u2019t have to do a lot of explaining to my parents. I won\u2019t have to risk abuse and stuff like that. The \u201crevolving door syndrome\u201d appears to be very prevalent with the mental health facilities in my country.\n\nSo what should I do? I know the answer is \u201cif you have a psych why not ask them?\u201d and I know that getting advice from a bunch of strangers on reddit is not a very wise decision, but I really need the opinions of some strangers on reddit on this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I tell any crisis hotline about my suicidal thoughts?",
    "post_text": "I have been having suicidal thoughts for months. I feel I do not want to talk to any of my friends or families anymore because I'm hurting them by being depressed. They are supportive but a lot of them cried and my parents get depressed too because I'm depressed. Therapy and medication has not been helpful. I might try intensive outpatient programs. I do not know what to do anymore. I text some crisis line sometimes but when they ask me about suicidal thoughts I always say no. Because I'm afraid that they will disclose this to my school and when my school knows about this it's very troublesome as I have experienced. Or they will call the police to come over.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think i should start seeking for help but i dont know where to start",
    "post_text": "Hi, i'm 21F and i study computer science in an univerisity in Italy (English isn't my first language, so sorry for eventually errors). I am shy and introverted by nature but since the start of the global pandemic things got worse. I don't know if it can help, but i have had a difficoult childood and i think i have some trauma left (i recently discovered the meaning of a \"people pleaser\" and how it perfectly describes me). I started isolating myself from all my friends, i quitted from all socials, i started losing interests in everything and  i dont even know what i'm doing with my life. I used to love a lot of things, now looking at a wall seems interesting as reading a good book, i loved having loong talks with my colleagues and my friends, now i feel like a burden for everybody so i prefer lonyless. I know the pandemic has it's share of fault, but i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper everyday, i'm afraid i won't be able to come back. I feel like i'm loosing everything.i keep failing exams, i can't concentrate on anything, i feel always tired but not physically. I ruined all my relationships with my friends and i don't know how to mend my errors. As far as i know it may be depression or something else,but i'm no expert in the matter (i don't even cope correctly with my emotions, i usually suppress them). I know i should probably seek help from a psychiatrist but neither me or my family could afford it, they already spend a lot on my university fees. I really don't know how to handle all this, and it scares the hell  out of me...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My depressed partner drains me",
    "post_text": "tl;dr: My partner has been depressed and not knowing what to do with his life for a long time. I am the only person he relys on for support and I can't bear it any longer. It starts to severely affect my own life quality and happiness.\n\nI (30/f) met my partner (32/m) at university eight years ago. He was a very fun, open and active guy with a huge social group. After two years of being friends we started dating. It was around that time that he was done with all his courses and papers and the only thing left for him to finish uni was to write his bachelor's thesis. That didn't happen for another four years.   \nWithin that time he basically didn't do anything. Didn't write his thesis, didn't get a job. He told me, that he had no clue, what he wants to do with his life and I tried to encourage him to just do some internships to figure that out, but he never did. He is fortunate enough that his parents pay for his expenses (always did and still do), so money wouldn't be the problem. He never did any internship. \n\nFast forward six years and the situation is still the same. He did eventually finish his bachelor's and started a master's degree but realized that studying just isn't for him. However he still isn't properly searching for jobs or internships or general input that would help him figure out, what he wants to do or be. The thing is, that his self esteem is lower than the mariana trench. He feels like he doens't know anything and is underqualified for basically every job. He's not. He's incredibly smart, attentive and detail orientated and has a great passion for social justice but he keeps telling himself that he isn't enough for any job and he doens't dare to apply. I don't know how to help him. All my affirmations seem to not penetrate his mindfog. However, the problem is that I'm the only one he's talking to. Because he realized that all his peers moved on he stopped having contact with them because he was embarassed. \n\nSo here is the thing. I know he's depressed and I know that he is busy with surviving day to day. But I'm pissed. I sometimes get so angry and frustrated with him. He doesn't go to therapy and I don't know, if he really tried to get a therapist but the waiting lists are too long or if he didn't try hard enough. He won't tell me. Same thing with his job situation. I don't know, if he is searching and for what. Everytime I ask him, what he wants to be or do he tells me, he doesn't know. And I started asking him really deconstructed questions like \"what kind of activities (writing texts/organizing events/making statistic sheets/etc) do you like?\" \"do you want to work alone or in a team?\" \"what goals (helping people and what kind of people/income/etc) do you want to be met?\" and so on. It's always \"I don't know.\"\n\nI am getting really impatient. It's been six years and he has so much potential that he doesn't see or use. Everytime I suggest something, he doesn't use that info, but feels stupid, becaus he didn't have the idea himself. Doesn't matter that I keep reassuring him that it is okay, to need help or not know everything on the spot. He feels stupid and blocks any further conversation and than i find myself trying to calm him down and in the end he promises me to change things, but never does. Probably because he really doesn't have the energy, I get that on an intellectual level. I understand it. I still feel extremely frustrated.\n\nThis whole situation keeps our life on hold. It didn't matter to me for a long time. I always told myself, that he will find his way and that he will figure everything out, but now we are in our thirties and I really want to start a family. I want to get married and have children and start the next chapter. I can't do that with a man who barely survives. And it starts to severely affect me. I get so impatient with him and sometimes I find myself blaming him and I know, that is a terrible thing to do to a depressed person and that i should be patient and understanding. But I'm carrying this alone, because he doesn't talk to anyone else about his struggles. \n\nThe worst part is, that he has been away for two weeks to look after his parents' house while they were on vacation and I have felt so good! So so good! So free. I started singing again while doing chores and had a dance party with myself and there were a lot of those little signs of being happy again. He's back home now and I feel like I'm suffocating. I didn't realize it at first, because we're always together. But I feel like I can't be happy, because he isn't. I feel like I can't rejoice over my little victories because he has none. I want to talk about my masters and my ideas for work and all the new input I'm getting (I am studying for a master's degree btw), but I feel guilty, because he isn't passionate about anything. I feel like i can't live my life because I know, that everything I do reminds him of all the things, he doesn't (earning money, socialize, building a future, personal growth).\n\nI really do love him and I don't want to break up or anything. But I also don't know, how I should move on and how we can survive as a couple any longer. I need to breathe but I can't.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I keep calling out of work",
    "post_text": "I have severe depression. Some days are good, but some days are just terrible. I will wake up in the morning and I can\u2019t get out of bed. The depression is crippling and hurts. I can\u2019t motivate myself to go to work some mornings because the depression just hits me like a ton of bricks. And so\u2026I call out of work. I make up some excuse that I\u2019m \u201csick\u201d but like with a stomach bug-not admitting that I\u2019ve lost all motivation. I need help. The depression takes such a strong hold on me some mornings. I need advice on how to push through the negativity and just go to work. It\u2019s so hard for me. I want to work. I want to pay my bills and live a \u201cnormal life\u201d. But those mornings when depression is taking over\u2026nothing is enough to motivate me. I called out again today. I was sobbing in my bed. I told my boss I was sick. She finally had enough and yelled at me. I don\u2019t blame her, really. But it just made me hate myself more. I hate that I\u2019m like this. I currently take depression meds which is why I have some good days. I just need advice on how to help my morning blues. Anyone? I\u2019m tired of feeling like a lazy, unreliable loser\u2026.\n\nHelp?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "\"I hate myself\" ... Change from CBT to psychoanalytic?",
    "post_text": "Hi, maybe someone got some insight into this.\n\nI have been in cognitive behavioral therapy for years. While it helped me coping with rumination and anxiety, I still don't like myself very much. I am often under the impression I should be someone else, someone better... be more manly, be more independent, be more active... well, it goes on for a while :/\n\nNow, recently a friend got me to think about my childhood, and one thing stood out. In 3rd or 4th grade I wrote the sentence \"I hate myself\" over and over again in some of my school notebooks. None of the teachers seemed to notice it - at least I don't remember ever being asked about it. Also I seem to have a lot less memories about my childhood than other people.\n\nMy mum told me three years ago, after I just came out of a two-month stationary therapy and  mentioned to her that I have some gaps in my memory, that I \"had a happy childhood\".\n\nI have no reason to doubt her honesty, but I know she is able to see things the way she wants them to.\n\nAlso, I want to cry all the time, but I can't. It often is on the edge, but mostly it stays there, or just a few seconds of real crying and then I get too self-conscious, I guess, and it stops. It's killing me... like something wanting to get out... I'm 31 and just want to cry a whole day like a baby, but I can't.\n\nIs it maybe time to go an \"old-school\" psychoanalytic approach? I just have vague notions of couches and old bearded men and hypnosis:) My therapist is great, but there is no real breakthrough. It always feels like there must be more. I even consider trying psychedelics now to help me get to the root.\n\nWell, that was a lot. Any help, insight, comment is appreciated. No native speaker, so please ask if anything is unclear.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know how to get out of this hole",
    "post_text": "Hey all... I'm sad.  Really really sad.  I am super depressed and anxious, old as fuck (46F) and in an abusive relationship.  I am taking steps to get out of the relationship, But I feel so low and trapped right now. I have a little boy and it sucks that his mom is this shell of a person.  I want to have fun with him and I want to be around people, but I have no friends. I mean, I know people, but like I said, I am in a really bad situation and have learned that I have zero support.  \n\nI don't know how to get better. I am waiting for meds to kick in. I am waiting for my marriage to be over.  But really, I'm super scared that things will never get better.  \n\nTW going to talk about suicide...\n\n​\n\nI am not going to hurt myself because I need to take care of my son, but I get it now.  It's not the despair that would get me, it is the sheer panic that there is no way out. I cannot live a life in which I feel like this forever.  I just can't.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need to vent and need advice",
    "post_text": "For the past couple of months I feel soooo drained. I have everything I could possibly want but I\u2019m just not happy. My brother passed away from covid last year and I never got that closure so I feel numb still.. there\u2019s a lot of things going on and it feels like so many things are going wrong at once. I want to give up and I don\u2019t mean to sound suicidal but I want a break from life and then jump back in when I\u2019m ready. Any tips for how to get of this mess? \ud83d\ude05",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Losing myself in tv and phone games",
    "post_text": "Logically I know I need to put my energy towards productive or positive things more and not wreck my brain with hours of passive tv and phone games. Because living here at my parents is dangerous for me. I've become too comfortable I guess because I don't want to feel anxiety again, and I stay in a really small box. I don't even smile much,make eye contact or spend time with family because my nervous system and brain can't handle the unpredictability of interactions with them, needing to be on the defense so they can't affirm my negative fears about myself and my future.\n\nI used to be outgoing and extremely energetic and passionate about life. Then trauma hit and I don't have the energy to afford to spend on things that don't earn me health or money. Not proud but it's true and if you can relate then you understand what I mean. If you're financially dependent on other people your very health and future hangs in the balance of other people's whims and no good things can be trusted until there is income, because every good interaction eventually has a circumstance where someone makes an offer and I can't say no because I'm under their thumb. \n\nI need a job that requires very little emotional energy/faking happiness, and requires more problem solving or physical labor. I never got proper schooling or job training, worked mostly on organic farms but now I want to pursue income that is compatible with my post trauma body and brain. \n\nI'm afraid that my world has become so small and limited compared to what it needed to be, and I need to expand it again. I practice yoga, meditate, cook, walk in nature a lot, dropped all unhealthy habits except the tv and phone. I'm still not happy and feel terrible to not know what direction I should be devoting all my energy to, to break me out of this sad sad hole asap.\n\nTL;DR\nwhat would you do in my limited position to save yourself from negative coping habits of zoning out with tv and phone games? I'm totally fine with moving by the way. I just can't afford it yet",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Question about psychiatrist experiences",
    "post_text": "So I have a phone call every couple of months with my psychiatrist. Today my psychiatrist was upset with me because I hadn\u2019t made doctor appointments even tho I told her it\u2019s been a hectic time for me. She told me that she would write a contract for me to make me more accountable and that if I don\u2019t follow through with it she would stop giving me medication. I was wondering if this is something that is commonly done? This whole situation made me feel uncomfortable but I wanted to know if I\u2019m just being to anxious or something.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My sister told me that she wants to admit herself. What can I do to help her?",
    "post_text": "My sister messaged me today sharing that she wants to admit herself. I am about four hours away from her at the moment. I shared suicide hotline numbers with her and told her to call the nurse hotline number on the back of her insurance card. I have never dealt with this process, but I want to make sure she doesn't face any barriers during this difficult time. Is there anything I can do to help her in this process? We are in California.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm begging someone for support rn. Anyone",
    "post_text": " I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point in my life rn. I'm a 26M, and I've crashed and burned everything, destroyed every relationship in my life, and live in complete isolation. I've had crippling depression and panic disorder ever since I was a child, and I've never been so alone in my life. A mixture of substance abuse, panic, and depression has made it difficult to continue. I honestly don't expect anyone to truly gaf, but even to just pretend would give me a sense that I'm not alone.\n\nI've lived in poverty my entire life, my family was dirty and parents addicted to drugs, I was continuously sexually abused, and it's created an endless amount of deep rooted issues in my mind. I also have severe bipolar disorder, and because of it I push everyone away with my craziness. My father left me when I was 4, my entire family (except for my mom) admitted they wanted me aborted. This includes my grandparents, aunts, etc. I was homeless with my mother, living in a car for the first 6 years of my life.\n\nI'd had it by the time I was 13. I was never home, would stay at friends houses for weeks at a time, wander the streets, because going home was torture. Constant violence, fighting, yelling and neglect, with police constantly showing up at the house. My family never fed me, and I basically had to beg friends for food. At 13, I started using drugs because I was finally accepted by my friend group. I was constantly high, and everyone in school warned people to stay away from me. I was in and out of juvy, and literally the cops arrested me in the middle of class when I was 17, and I was expelled. My family disowned me, and my aunt was kind enough to let me stay with her until I was 18. It was the greatest act of kindness I've ever known.\n\nAt age 16, my met my first gf, and I jumped headfirst. I was wholeheartedly convinced she was the woman I was going to marry. Eventually, after I had gone to jail, she decided to leave me and fucked 3 of my best friends... at the same time. It was complete betrayal, and that's when I realized I was truly alone. No friends, no family, it really fucked me up. That's when my anxiety started to peak. The last few years of high school, I was addicted to cough syrup and would go to school tripping every single day. It destroyed my social skills, and fucked up my mind permanently. Eventually, after turning 21, I turned to alcohol. For the last 4 years, I've drank basically everyday. I'm at the point where I just hole up in my room, drinking around 18 - 20 drinks continuously everyday. Nothing is more terrifying than alcohol withdrawal. I've gone to the hospital on numerous occasions for it, and every morning and night I'm absolutely convinced I'll die of a heart attack. My 2nd gf I met 4 years ago. Finally, she'd had it with my addiction and irrational behavior, and she left me. The thought of her being with another man crushes me, and I'm at my lowest point. I can't stop drinking, haven't showered in weeks. I have alcohol withdrawals constantly, and I can't even rid myself of the pain because when I start to drink again, it's constant vomiting. I have nobody, and she was the only one that I had. I'd call her at the end of everyday, and atleast I had someone to back me up. Ik it's so cliche, but really she was my only hope.\n\nI'm just really at the end, and just need someone to tell me it gets better. My life has been aweful since birth, and I just can't find hope. If you took the time to read this, I really appreciate it. I hope someone talks to me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Will it help or worsen my husband's depression if me and the kids left for three days?",
    "post_text": "Me and my husband have been together for 10 years and have two small children together. The past year has been intense and lately my husband is on the brink of a breakdown.\nIt's tough on me and the kids as well, I'm tired. I've thought about giving him space from me and parenting, but I'm not sure of it will help him or drive him even further because it might feel like a let down. .\nWhat do you think? I know it's complex, and a lot of details are missing, but if you tried to generalize the case?\n\nThanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I tell My Wife I had depression?",
    "post_text": "I feel like nothing matter anymore... there is nothing that make me feel alive. I feel useless everyday. I don't know what my wife want from me. she keep pushing me saying I don't treat her well, but I am already struggling to keep myself alive... I am always to blame for everything that is not right in this marriage. I know I am not useful in this marriage... I am not working due to this stupid illness... everyday feel like I wanting to just die... I feel sad, but can't cry... what is wrong with me... my emotion is like a pressurized balloon just waiting to burst... she did not know i had depression for almost a year already. telling her i had depression just make thing worst... she will blame all on me. maybe it is right to tell her that i am depressed so that she can feel good that all her problem is from me?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "TW; First Fatherless Father's Day",
    "post_text": "I(23m) lost my dad to covid-19 at the start of this year. I woke up and realized what day it is and just started sobbing. My partner(25f) lost her dad at a young age and has numbed herself to cope as his passing played a huge part in the path her life took, but this is still fresh for me. It's the first Father's Day without him. I asked for some support from her and her responses were very cold. \"You can't let today hurt you like this.\" \"I just ignore this day, you gotta just stay off your phone.\" \"You can't cry all day about this.\" \n\nI get that she's had time to cope with this trauma, and her responses are partly to protect herself from her feelings about her own dad she's been dealing with for years, but fuck. I needed support, just some time to let it out and confront my feelings, and after the way she responded I'm no longer sure how I feel about this woman. What would you do?\n\nI try really hard to be understanding of others feelings, and especially compassionate of my partners feelings. But I honestly don't know if I can be with someone who would invalidate my feelings like that, even with their own trauma. She came to apologize and acknowledge that she was being inconsiderate, but that hurt me so much I don't even want to look at her right now.\n\nI don't know. I love this woman, and I'm incredibly patient with partners. Her responses show a fundamental lack of compassion that I can't teach, but her apology shows an understanding of her fuck up and an attempt to right it, so I don't know what to do about it. Maybe after I take some time to cool off we can talk about it and gain better understanding.\n\nFor anyone else hurting today, I'm so sorry, just remember our fathers are out there somewhere, having a big cookout in the sky, fighting over Grill Master and looking down pridefully at the amazing children they made.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My biggest regret... my teeth",
    "post_text": "I am a 20-year-old woman and for years I have been neglecting my teeth, not brushing them for extensive periods of time, not flossing at all,... The problem is, I've had braces from when I was 12 up until 16. I have not been wearing my retainer consistently/at all and though I wanna fix them so badly, I am terrified of going to my dentist and orthodontist out of fear.\n\nI have been going to my dentist since I was a little girl, she knows my family very well and I am scared to go show her my absolutely horrible teeth (I just KNOW I have a lot of cavities right now because of my depression/neglect has never been as bad as during covid and I just feel the pain). \n\nMy retainers don't fit anymore and I'm terrified of my orthodontist's reaction, but mainly my parents. I feel like a terrible child because they have spent so much money on braces. \n\nPlease, does anyone have a way how to best handle this situation? (Mainly how to tell everyone mentioned in my post, I have an appointment with my dentist in a couple of weeks)\n\nI feel so terribly guilty and it just adds to the problem, but it's a vicious cycle at this point.\n\n(Feeling bad about teeth -> Terrified of letting it checked out -> neglect->...)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm tired of existing",
    "post_text": "What's the fucking point? I'm not suicidal, but my life feels like it's crashing down around me in the space of less than a day and I wish I could just blink out of existence. Erase me from fucking time so nobody has to mourn me, they'll just never know I fucking existed.\n\nI lost my job today. I really enjoyed it, but apparently I wasn't doing enough to pass probation (which still had 3 weeks to go). I'm nearly 30, and I started this job in January. It was the first time in my life where I felt like I had stable work, Monday to Friday 9-5 mundanity and I loved that. My partner and I had been going through a rocky patch, but with this stability came improvement. I have been in and out of work for the last 3 years, seemingly never truly on my own terms. She supported us throughout my instability even when things got hard. Now I'm afraid this is undoing all that and I'm scared she's gonna fucking leave, because I'm a valueless cunt.\n\nI would say I don't care any more but I do care, a lot. I would give anything not to feel this. I would give anything not to feel rn.\n\nThrowaway account because I don't want anyone being able to connect me and this self-pitying wank. I want to fucking cease to exist.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Things might be worse than I thought",
    "post_text": "My husband (just being his usual goofy self) jumped onto my side of the bed and jokingly said \"I'm going to be you for tonight! I love you *insert husbands name here*!\" \n\nOf course I kept telling him I loved him in return; how could I not, even after all these years he still makes my heart flutter.. but he kept pushing for me to call him by my own name, like he was doing to me... \n\nAnd I physically could not make myself say the sentence \"I love you *phantom*\"... I could not allow myself to even say I loved myself even though it was jokingly directed at my husband... \n\nI knew I hated myself but I didn't know I hated myself THAT much... any advice? Anything at all would be helpful at this point...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Severe treatment resistant depression Tried therapy meds lifestyle changes exercise basically everything what do I do ? am I doomed in this condition ? Will it ever ends ?",
    "post_text": "The title basically summed it up I've been dealing with depression for around a year till now and it just gets worse with time please don't suggest things like \"fight it\" \"don't give up\" there's nothing to fight or to give up on. Depression affects everyone differently and My depression **Isn't the type** where I have negative thinking or suicidal that I can get over with therapy my depression is basically **severe anhedonia and fatigue** Nothing absolutely nothing I can enjoy foods doesn't taste good girls don't make me feel horny orgasms are numb dog doesn't make me feel happy friendship and exercise doesn't help me a bit.   \n\n\nSo there's nothing to fight it's just that the reward centers in my brain for some reason decided to turn off and no matter what I do I can't get them to turn back on again. And please please don't suggest \"working on the root cause\" I'm not depressed because I dropped my ice cream or because the teacher yelled at me I'm depressed because I have fcked up genetics and I'm trying to cure it.  \n\n\nI fking tried everything I tried therapy I tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I tried every antidepressant SSRI SNRI Tricyclic Wellbutrin Mirtazapine Atypical antipsychotics they helped minor symptoms like concentration-fatigue-insomnia but did absolutely nothing for my anhedonia.\n\nAnhedonia destroyed my relationships costed my friends took my gf away obliterated my college marks and pretty much is fcking up my life\n\nSo what do I do ? Keep living in this condition and not giving up ? but for what if nothing I do I enjoy what's the point of living on ? if there's no chance that a brighter tomorrow will come what point is there in going on ? I'm just doing whatever I can and I only keep getting worse and losing more everyday I'm just living a pure torture.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Pretty sure I\u2019m the least favorite child",
    "post_text": "My mom (f, 45) treats me (FtM trans, 20) like shit, yet my younger brother (m, 4) is allowed to hit her, swear at her, scream his demands at her, etc without getting more than a quiet \u201cdon\u2019t do that.\u201d He\u2019s become the brattiest and most rude child I\u2019ve ever seen. He used to be a very nice and polite kid, but now he knows he can get away with being a total asshole, so he constantly acts like a total asshole. He says stuff like \u201cgive me the TV remote or I\u2019ll kill you and cut your eyes out\u201d, like horror movie scenarios. I get screamed at if I try to discipline him and tell him he doesn\u2019t need to be saying that sort of thing. \n\nIf I was to do the same thing, I would be screamed at, told to get a job (I\u2019m mentally and physically disabled, currently going through occupational therapy to help find me a suitable job, but this isn\u2019t enough to keep her happy), have things taken away, etc. \n\nAnother brother of mine (m, 14) completely agrees that my mom\u2019s parenting is ineffective. My mom is nicer to him than she is to me, but she\u2019s still unnecessarily rude to him as well. We\u2019ve both tried bringing it up to her, but she just gets defensive and resorts to personal attacks against us both. For example, for me she would say something like \u201cwell you don\u2019t work and you\u2019re taking all my money\u201d and for my brother she would say stuff like \u201cwell you\u2019re just on your computer all day.\u201d She also defends her crappy parenting by saying \u201cyou wouldn\u2019t understand, you\u2019re not a parent\u201d I may not be a parent and I don\u2019t plan on ever being one, but at least I know that no one, much less 4 year old children, shouldn\u2019t be punching people to get what they want and using threatening demands. \n\nI don\u2019t know how much longer I can keep taking all these attacks while my little brother is allowed to be a dick. It\u2019s taken a huge toll on me and I constantly feel like I\u2019m never doing good enough in life. I know I\u2019m the family disappointment by being trans, autistic, and fat, but god fucking dammit I\u2019m trying my best. But my best is never and has never been enough. I wish I could just move far away and start a new life, but idk if that can or will happen.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im lonely and don't know how to control my emotions.",
    "post_text": "I really suck at making friends and I'm currently really busy with everything, mostly college. I have a few friends but I'm not really social. I need to learn how to be more social and get more friends because right now I feel like I'm only just working. I'm holding all my emotions in because I don't know how to control them. I really like sport. When I'm sporting nothing really cares anymore and I'm just in the moment away from the shitty stuf. Does anyone have the same. Pls help me I'm so lonely",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I help my depressive best friend?",
    "post_text": "My (m27) best friend (f24) is a brilliant person with an impressive amount of potential to do anything, to create beauty, be it writing, painting or singing, but she is constantly unmotivated to do anything, she\u2019s failing at her job (a job I helped her get), she\u2019s always oversleeping and sleeping unreasonably late, when she tells me what she feels she says she feels useless, worthless, depressed and incapable to fit the potential I always tell her I see in her. \n\nShe\u2019s often wondering what\u2019s the point of even trying. I\u2019m usually texting her and she seems alright, but when i wish her good night and go to sleep she always remains awake for hours while I sleep, and thats when her panic, depression and anxiety invades her, when she\u2019s alone, but I can\u2019t stay awake with her because I have to work early in the morning.\n\nShe usually comes to me looking for supportive words and I know I make her feel better, but that effect wears off and I fear I can\u2019t be there for her 100% of the time. I want her to be happy even when I\u2019m not around, not because I don\u2019t want to help her, but because I won\u2019t be there forever, and her mental peace shouldn\u2019t depend on me.\n\nHow do I help my best friend? What can I do or say to make her realize how wonderful she is?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else have a problem with actually getting the help you need?",
    "post_text": "I want help, I need it. I know it would makes things so much better for me. I feel as if I'm at such a low point mentally I don't even know how to reach out for help anymore. I schedule appointments to get medication but never follow through I always back out and get so much anxiety... I'm crying myself to sleep every night thinking I've failed my kids myself everyone. I cry all the time. Sometimes I don't even know why... I feel so stuck! I want better than this I know I HAVE to do better but how ? Any advice would be great right now for anyone who knows what this is like...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "is self improvement possible for me?",
    "post_text": "(F19) I won't sugar coat it, I've been depressed and suicidal for years now and it just keeps getting worse. I so badly want to work on my health, mindfulness etc... to maybe bring myself out of this very bad episode I've been in for a while. I sit around all day thinking about either taking my life or finding some way to change myself, but I have nothing in me to actually do it. I walk my dog everyday but even when I'm out I am in a fog. I have insanely bad self esteem. I'm so self destructive, but inside I don't want to be. My family has gotten tired of me, so I don't even talk about it anymore. I've tried therapy and one kind of meds, neither helped very much. I feel really angry at myself. \n\nWhere do I start? I'm so lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel so dark",
    "post_text": "Years ago i've been over the depression so im not so sure if what im experiencing can be called depression or not but here we go.... Out of nothing I just started to feel SO BORED that I wanted to vomit and burst into tears. I felt so restless and empty, just craved for feeling happy OR JUST NORMAL. Want to cry for hours and vomit. Vomiting and crying might seem so irrelevant but in a way they feel so relevant to me. I really need some help but cant afford it. I'm stuck.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "9 days sober and losing my mind",
    "post_text": "I have given up all illicit substances, not for any inspirational reason, but because I am miserable at my job and any potential new job is going to have a drug test. I've interviewed at several places that say I would be a \"perfect fit\" but keep falling through (on their end).\n\nI have been extra low these past few days due to my own depression, miserable job, chemical swing from sobriety, and family stuff, all happening at the same time. I am trying so hard but every day I want to get high off my ass. My brain's rationale is that because I'm doing so poorly I \"deserve\" to get fucked up. I am trying to break down this idea bc it doesn't benefit me.\n\nI am doing my best but my best is just so so so shitty compared to any average person. I want to get better. Getting a new job will help a lot (but obviously not solve all of my problems). I just need a reason to keep going. And I can't think of one. I'm so sad and anxious and I just want to get high.\n\nAny support or suggestions welcome. I feel like I'm falling apart.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why am I so sensitive to everything??",
    "post_text": " Today my depression got worse and I cried twice today. Lately everything bothers me. If a negative comment is said about someone else, it triggers and gives me depression and anxiety. I have this fear that the negative comment said about someone else, somehow may apply to me now or in the future. Why am I so sensitive? Why am I taking on other people's burden?? It was so bad today. My mind was racing and I was having so many negative thoughts. I notice that my sensitivity is heightened when I increase my social media usage, all of the opinions and thoughts of other people (particularly negative ones) is too much for my brain to handle",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm so lonely",
    "post_text": "I won't give too much personal info away but I'm a 24-year old (f) who has recently moved with her girlfriend to the opposite end of the country. My girlfriend has got a fantastic, steady job and is always working long shifts nearly every day. I can't find a job anywhere and I've just finished my 3rd year of law at university, so I have so much time alone. I downloaded Bumble (the bff version) to make friends but they've slowly stopped talking when I don't message first (I had tried to organise a friend meetup but it never went anywhere). I sometimes don't see anyone but my gf for weeks and it's not for lack of trying. I do have friends but they all live in the city we moved from and have been really quiet. My supposed best friend has barely spoken to me in a few months. \n\nI just feel so lonely and desperate for friends. :( If I even had a job I could try making friends that way but it's so, so difficult to get one. There's no clubs or activities in this town other than the gym, and even then, with Covid, you have to (understandably and rightly) stay distant from everyone. I'm not even sure what I'm asking here other than just for one person to listen and care. My gf does but doesn't understand because she has a job.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a recovering alcoholic with Severe Depression",
    "post_text": "I started drinking about 8 years ago, and I've been sober for 2 years. Within those 6 years, I went from casually drinking, to drinking a fifth of Vodka a day. It got so bad that if I went without alcohol for a day I would start to have withdrawals. I pawned a lot of my stuff just for alcohol. I destroyed my relationship with my son and his mom. I did a lot of things in that time that I wouldn't ever do today. I look back on it and wonder why I even acted the way I did. I was a complete asshole. Fast forward to today, and I'm still dealing with a lot of issues. I can't function like a normal human being. I've withdrawn myself from almost everyone. I have no desire to go out and make friends or have fun. (Not that I care to have a social life I just figured I'd throw it in there for context). I can't forgive myself for a lot of the things I've done. I don't know how to. I've spent so long punishing myself I don't know how to forgive myself. I want to get better. I want to be happy and have a stable relationship with my son again. I just don't even know where to start. I've tried talking to a therapist before but I didn't really like talking to someone I don't know about my life. I don't like talking to anyone about my feelings. I don't know what else to say. Just started speaking from my mind for a minute. I don't do it often and what better place than here. P.S. I'm atheist so I don't think religion is going to help me with this. \n\nIf you made it to the end I appreciate your time. I hope you have a wonderful day/evening.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "If antidepressants work, how does that change the way i support my partner?",
    "post_text": "This girl i'm seeing is super sweet and i like her so much, but im still getting to know her.\n\nShe recently told me that she's diagnosed with depression and does take prescribed doses of abt 30mg of anitdepressants.\n\ni have never really dealt with depression or people with depression in my life but i really want to support her however long it takes.\n\nhowever, she said that antidepressants DO work for her and makes her happier and all that stuff. so i was wondering, if it does work, is it better if i stay out of it? or are there still ways i can support her? besides the basics like patience and listening. \n\nthank you!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling at the end of the line",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone, I posted my story in r/depression and a user was kind enough to point me here to get some help (thanks a lot friend), so this is my story.\n\nI (35 male) was raped as a child by an uncle 7 years my senior, I think I was 8 or 9, the trauma locked my memories from 2 to 3 years (between the incident and subsequent years). I didn't confront the issue till I was 24 and a girlfriend that I used to talk to and sort of wanted something more were talking about our feelings and I just plained told her what had happened to me and she told me that something similar happened to her at a similar age, we cried and talked about it and other things, strangely even as we felt closer after this we went our separate ways being just good friends to this day (she is married, lives in a different country and has a baby), after that I worked through my trauma alone with little success (side note, there is a history of violent tendencies in the men of my family, both from my mother's and father's side, and I'm basically the mixed result).\n\nA couple years later I met my first long relationship girlfriend and as you can imagine I fell hard for her and spoiled her like crazy, she helped my reconnect with my father and I told her about my trauma and to my surprise she also was a victim, we both tried to get professional help within our means but only I got serious about it and kept going to my sessions, she said she was fine on her own and knowing how hard this was I let her take her own choice and just tried to be supportive when needed, needless to say it ended bad, near the end when we were about to move in together I tried to start a conversation about how we began getting together and how special she was to me, apparently I was the only one that felt that way because she told me that the only reason she kissed me and begun hanging out with me was because she felt pity for me, we had other issues like a poor sexual life and not enough time on her part for us, so after she told me about how we really had begun our relationship I felt numbed and after a few days in emotional hell I broke up with her, I listed all that was wrong with the relationship and told her that something that begins with pity can't have a future, I wasn't able to tell her that that was what hurt me the must, she never apologized and we went our separate ways, her family loved me and knew I was the good guy and I was the best for her and tried to help but never went passed of a small conversation with me, they were harder on her but in the end they are her family, I found out she also cheated later on and it was what killed the last pieces of love I had for her, I didn't confront her about it and we never spoke ever again, the pity confession destroyed my self confidence (we were together for close to 4 years).\n\nSo after that and having gotten some more help with my trauma I went on the quest to become the best version of me and was doing ok, over a year later I meet my current wife, a person so beautiful that has made me feel what is real love and allowed me to love freely again, but another kind of problems fell onto us, financial problems. I am an engineer (developer), my family is middle class my father is a pediatrician and my mother is a fisiotherapyst, I also have a sister 4 years my junior and we live in a third world country (Bolivia) so we had enough but never had luxuries, my wife in the other hand had a worst time growing up, her father was a taxi driver and her mother is a school teacher assistant with two more brothers so they were basically poor with just enough to get by. \n\nWhen we got together we swore to work hard so we can give our selfs and our families a better life than the one we knew. As I mentioned I have anger issues and while I was working one day my boss called me to his office just to yell at me about a complain I presented to management about an issue with my laptop, I used to use my personal laptop to work in the office because they couldn't provide one for me and when it broke I asked them for a replacement, apparently this was out of line for them and he just begun insulting me with my colleagues hearing everything in the next room, I almost lost it but kept it together just enough to put myself face to face with him and asking him to repeat everything closing my fist ready to beat the shit out of him, he just stayed silent and I laughed at him and just turned away, a few weeks later I was fired (if you think I should have reported him and the company I did but keep in mind this is Bolivia, there is no justice for anyone who doesn't have money) so until today I haven't been able to get another stable job and we basically just live with the food our families give us and small jobs I got and everything goes to pay the bills, on top of this, about a year and a half into our relationship when we moved in together and a month before getting fired we got a loan from the bank to began a business together and when she was set to go and make a deposit to buy our merchandise her uncle got notice of this and robbed her like a common thief (yeah you read that right), so we went into debt with no job and no business, police and family where notified but the scumbag flew the country (to Peru as far a we know). \n\nMy wife knows about my rape and thanks to her I was able to talk to my sister about it too, needless to say I broke my sister's heart but also made us closer, she also was kind enough to pay for private professional help for me and her to deal with this, I also opened about this with an uncle (my mother's brother) who I thought was someone completely different to what he turned out to be, when I told him about the rape he broke hard and I took him to talk with the therapist I was seeing thanks to my sister, and what she told me before (the therapist) and told to him later changed everything, she said that I needed some sort of compensation for what had happened in order to move on, it wasn't possible to get legal justice due the time frame of the events and the lack of evidence beyond my word and she didn't suggest anything more beyond that we should try to figure it out, of course telling the whole family was my first thought and let the truth have its day, but my uncle (mother's brother) begged me not to tell anything because it would destroy the family, specially my mother who has a lot, and I mean a lot of love for the uncle who raped me, she (my mother) basically raised him the first 4 years of his life because his parents had a busy and privileged life and he (the rapist) is seen by the rest of the family as a great guy and an example, with this he (mother's brother) convinced me not to tell anything, I know I could have just said no and told everything to everyone but thinking what could I possibly put my mother through after seeing how his brother took the news made me feel trapped and basically I've been living feeling like a prisoner and the responsible for my entire family being together or not.\n\nMy dear wife, my love, only she keeps me sane holding me when I'm about to broke and unfortunately with all that I've mentioned before about not being able to get a job it has begun to be a frequent occurrence and I can see it is taking a toll on her, I've busted my eyes and my back studying and working hard on small jobs non related to my career just to keep us going and whenever seems to be an opportunity all I get are rejections or I get to watch people getting jobs because of political favors, and what has led me here is the thought that I am the common factor in all of this, and everyone specially my wife would be better off if I am no more, we would love to be able to begin a family but it would be so irresponsible to bring a child to this world under this circumstances, and this also makes my wife so sad, she cries in my shoulder but tells me that we will pass this and everything will be fine, but I've lost almost all hope, and given our age and financial situation it looks that if she keeps being by my side she will never have the family and the life she deserves.\n\nWhat I humbly ask from whoever is reading are some words of advice or encouragement or a slap in the face if it is what is needed (not that i haven't got lots of them as well) but I don't know, I'm lost, I'm at the edge.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Today I was one step away from killing myself.",
    "post_text": " Today I was one step away from killing myself.  \nLong story short - I had a girl-friend. We've been best friends for 7 years. The first 2 years I treated her only as a friend, but after 2 years I realized that I fell in love with her. Almost immediately I told her about it and was sent to the friend zone. But every year I fell in love with her more and more. I have never loved anyone so much, and I have never had such a friend. This year she found herself a new boyfriend. And in the end, she said that she no longer has time to communicate with me, and it would be better if we stop communicating.  \nShe threw me away like trash.  \nI was left without friends, in a deep depression, absolutely psychologically broken. Every night I fall asleep with the thought that I want to die in my sleep, and every morning I regret that I am still alive.  \nThe only thing that keeps me from killing myself is my family. I know that if I commit suicide, my parents will not survive it.  \nBut today she posted a photo on Instagram, where her boyfriend picks strawberries, with the caption \"Happiness is when your man collects strawberries for you while you chill on the bench.\"  \nAnd at that moment I was more than ever close to ending my life. For a minute, I stopped thinking about my parents, about anything else, and just wanted to go and cut my throat, or veins.  \nEvery day I want to live less and less, because I no longer have a future, there are no hopes and dreams, and I am drowning in darkness and depression.  \nI don't think I can endure this until the end of the year and not end up with my miserable aimless existence.   \nAnd so that everything is not so depressing - I am absolutely seriously going to get myself 2 tattoos this year: a small trash can somewhere on my leg, and the inscription \"Loser\" on my arm. Because if I have understood anything over the past 11 years, during which I have visited 8 friend zones, it is that I am a loser, but this year I realized that I am trash",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "\u201cI Don\u2019t Care What You Think\u2026 This Is Between Me And God Now.\u201d",
    "post_text": "I have always looked up to my older cousin, Jim. He was truly one of \u201cthe three men I admire most\u201d (credit Don McLean\u2019s \u2018\u201cAmerican Pie\u201d). \n\nAnd then, as if my current struggles with depression haven\u2019t been bad enough, this week he tore me apart over a situation that he was completely ignorant about. He took one person\u2019s totally distorted version of events (a diplomatic way of saying that he believed someone else\u2019s delusional lies) and wouldn\u2019t even consider my side of the story. \n\nI tried so hard to get him to understand what I was doing and why. But he just wouldn\u2019t listen and continued to so very unfairly condemn me. \n\nJim hurt me so badly. And he broke my heart. \n\nI was at a loss for what to do next. Then I thought about what my Dad would say in a similar situation. He wasn\u2019t a very big man physically, but he was one tough little SOB. And though he passed three years ago, I still find comfort and inspiration from his words of wisdom. \n\nSo I told Jim that I\u2019ve given this situation a great deal of thought and prayer. I\u2019m doing what I believe is right. And if he doesn\u2019t like it, with all due respect, I don\u2019t care. This is between me and God now. \n\nJim had no answer. And his abusive attacks stopped. \n\nThanks Dad. I love you, man. And I miss you\u2026",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hair loss",
    "post_text": "The past year of my life has been a rollercoaster of hell type emotions. I have went through a lot and my hair seems to be paying for it. About 5 months ago, my hair started shedding like crazy. It wasn\u2019t as bad as the previous month. Everytime I touch my hair I lose about 10-15 strands. \nI have never had hair loss as great as this and I suspect it has to do with my depression and anxiety. \nAre there any tips and tricks I can use to salvage my hair ?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I find a path that\u2019s right for me?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 35, and I work for my dad doing maintenance on low income (read falling apart-run down, bug infested pits for the most part) housing. I swore growing up working with my dad that I\u2019d never end up here. Somehow, some way I\u2019d find some way to make a living and support myself in some way that involved more mental work and air conditioning. I always thought I\u2019d be a writer, but since about 25 when I had a mental health crisis I\u2019ve had no inspiration (barely the aspiration to remain alive for a long time, I just existed; very depressed, in no small part because I was doing this same work).\nI have a college degree, but it\u2019s a bachelor\u2019s in \u201cCulinary Arts\u201d. Essentially it\u2019s useless as anything but wall art, but it was important to me to finish college regardless of how depressed I was. The program gave me an easy couple semesters when I couldn\u2019t stand being.\nI always thought some inspiration would hit, or some brick would fall onto my head and I\u2019d see clearly what I should do with my life.\nI remember tearful prayers at 14, asking God for some kind of guidance that never came. I didn\u2019t know then and I don\u2019t know now what I\u2019m going to do when I grow up (\u2026 35, in case you forgot).\nHow do you find a path forward? How does one acquire inspiration/passion? There will to live?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice, help, friends",
    "post_text": "So I'm 33 single. I'm sick and have low self-esteem. I've always been ok with the life that was dealt to me but lately i feel alone. Always been ok with needing a cane to walk with always been ok with being chubby always been ok with having to take a handful of pills 2 times a day just to not be in pain but last night it hit me I'm nobody. If i died would anyone care? Would anyone miss me? No friends they all slowly stopped talking to me. Idk what to do I'm tired of this life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel defeated today",
    "post_text": "Suffering with medical problems while trying to juggle a full time job that I\u2019m verbally abused at everyday, depression, anxiety, and grieving the loss of a 3 year relationship is really beating me down. Today I had to leave my job an hour early because I was feeling so sick. I never have energy. I\u2019m about to lose this job and have to go back to working fast food which gives me a panic attack just thinking about it. I literally don\u2019t have any other options because there is no other jobs in my area. I\u2019ll lose my insurance and be unable to go to the doctor. I feel so lost and broken down. I feel like such a failure at life right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't do anything",
    "post_text": "I planned last night to after I wake up will go to gym and start working on video editing in order to start a YouTube channel that I've been planning to do it 4 years ago... all that I've done all day is lying down holding the phone and watching netflix and YouTube, I forgot to eat...\nI've been like this always I never finished something I  started, I'm also broke and living alone... \nKeep thinking about my past experience where I was rapped, thinking about negative things, how my friends in my age successed, thinking about being gay and living in a homophobic country... \nI'm deeply depressed I don't know what to do, I have everything in my hand to make me feel glad...\nI don't work hard for my future I hate myself so much that I keep torturing myself...\nI stopped being social 4 years ago I'm completely alone\n\nI keep thinking about how I'm carrying this heavy stone on my shoulders, I can't tell my parents that I'm queer  I can't tell my family and friends, I can't tell them that I was rapped...\n\nI'm struggling with depression and anxiety disorder, and no-one cares even my parents they don't understand, I keep my suffering to myself... and I can't go to the therapist cause I'm broke, what I make is enough to just keep me alive\n\nPs, I'm sorry for telling you that, reddit is the only place where I can share my personal stuffs, sorry for my English is not perfect",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm living in a shitty family situation and I don't know what to do",
    "post_text": "Okay so I'm 19 years old, graduated high school and got a few undiagnosed mental health issues. I struggle to go to a therapist. My parents are practically forcing me to get a job or an internship or anything at all. I don't feel well enough to do any of that. I literally can't bring myself to get regular house chores done because I'm depressed as shit. I feel like running away from home but I don't think there is anywhere to go for me because I'm technically an adult and nobody cares. Besides it would put lots of extra pressure on me if I had to care for my own apartment and stuff like that. I feel like I'm at an all time low and suicide is also a thought I've been playing with for a while.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Staying POSITIVE is ALREADY hard and now I am the caregiver to a SUICIDAL FRIEND",
    "post_text": "Hi guys, I don't know if this is the right forum for my overall mixed content. I'm 23 \\[F\\]. And I need some advice on my situation. Appreciate it if y'all could share with me your thoughts. To start off, I have both anxiety and depression. I know that with those 2, it definitely would be a roller coaster ride with my emotions and I am familiar with this as it is like a cycle that I kept having to go through. I would say that my depression is not as severe as my anxiety though. So back to my main story.   \n\n\nRecently I have been busy trying to help a suicidal friend.  I have known her for 7 years plus and am aware that she was suffering from depression. I always thought that it was going to be okay as time goes by but then I realized it worsened. She was really going all out on ending her life that I had to call the police on her. Thing is, she has been planning out her will and settling whatever she considered as necessity for the preparation of her demise. Its like i am scared but I have no choice to take charge as she does not have a good r/s with her family.  \n\n\nI managed to persuade her to go and seek help from the professional. She was adamant but somehow agreed eventually. First medication didn't work so we changed to another type. End up, she decided to stop taking the medication all by herself. She went MIA for about a week or so. When she finally texted, it was bad news - she was prepping to end her life. I had to call the police on her. Apparently she lied to them that she was okay and would be attending her appointment, so they couldn't do anything (in my country the police can only intervene if you are caught in the act of committing suicide). However later on she berated me as she felt that I had betrayed her. She however continued to confide in me. I was pretty much unsure what to do so I wrote a letter to the family secretly (I know where she stays and i made sure to text her mum that I had put a letter outside their house gate). They eventually texted back to express their gratitude but I did not hear from them afterwards...   \n\n\nSo again, she had her bouts of episode and meltdowns and I had to calm her down every single time. it gets exhausting for me as well. And I always feel that I am trying to fight against absorbing and feeling down from all of these. Recently, she went for a staycay and her mum called me. She was begging me to ask my friend to cancel it to which i have no influence on at all since my friend was  really optimistic about this (she initially had plans to kill herself during this trip but after meeting another psychologist, she kind of is delayin it). When her mum called me a second time, i was with my friend and my friend was really on the edge. She tried taking my phone away from me to talk to her mother but I stopped her. Her mum SAID thru the phone \"since i didn't know she is with you and you are still going to allow her to go for the staycay, ALL is on you. YOU SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY IF SMTG HAPPENS TO HER. I DONT CARE but you make sure she is safe.\" I was quite upset by this but politely ended the call as my friend tried grabbing the phone away from me.  Ended up, she called her mum back only to shout and scream at her mum - berating the mum for calling me. Her mum was upset. The mum texted me and blamed me for my friend's action. I replied to her saying I was sorry that that happened and that I tried calming my friend but she went hysteria instead. The mum later replied telling me that since my friend does not listen to her as a mother, i should be the one doing the advice and guiding my friend to the so called 'right path'. She said that she leave me to take care of my friend for her.   \n\n\nIm speechless guys.. I am so exhausted already but yet this happened?? It felt like the mum is just giving up on her daughter?? I fr am so lost on what i should do. Becos tbh, Im also slowly going back into depression and some of my friends has been trying to contact me but I am trying to get away from everyone. I know im burntout but i really feel like shit. I am jobless and im trying to move on with my life but i have to be on my toes in case my friend kills herself. FYI i have since stopped seeing my therapist becos i wanted to focus fully on this friend. I also have called different hotlines available online but lets be real - they kept telling me to call the police when she is in danger. Like I want to know what else I can do y'know. Not like just sit there and wait for her to act on it. I rather understand how I can communicate and try to deflect negative feelings when I'm dealing with her. And yet her mum says this kind of things??? Was I at fault?? Was i wrong??? So im begging y'all, pls lmk what i can do. Thanks in advance!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I'm wasting my life",
    "post_text": "I started a new job after being looked over by other employers, I'm negative in my account and was barely able to pay my rent due to the incredible generosity of my uncle giving me a loan. I don't think I'm ever going to achieve my dreams, I don't need to be some big name like Elon or Gates. I just want to provide something to this Earth. I want to plant stuff to help nature heal, or provide for a community, f**k just have a place I can go help people so I feel like I have meaning. I know I have the potential for so much more than what I'm doing and where I'm at but I just can't seem to find a path, or the right path for me. I'm so overwhelmed with the weight of everything, feeling like a disappointment or like I'm failing as a man. I just want to help, put some good in the world to maybe cancel how shitty I can be to people I don't even know.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It's so painful",
    "post_text": "My best friend stopped talking to me 2 days back. It's been so lonely. I am having lucid dreams of him coming back. I am talking to an imaginary version of him in my head. Coz no one else understood me but him. Today my parents decided to stop talking or spending time with me.We have a duplex. I am supposed to stay in the upper flat. They do give me food water and everything. But it's so painful. I am dying inside. My whole body is aching and I am feeling sick. I can't sleep well. I wish everything would just stop.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Intense feelings of depression",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a 19 year old man who hasn\u2019t been able to keep a job ever in my lifetime, I feel like I\u2019m a shell of a man, I can\u2019t make money, I keep losing jobs, and I\u2019ve lost all motivation ti try and better myself (that including hobbies and pastimes). I can\u2019t go see a therapist due to me not having insurance. On a side note, I have a very caring girlfriend who would do anything to make me feel better, she recently got a job and is excelling in it and everyone in the workplace loves her and I\u2019m super proud of her but can\u2019t seem to shake the thought of me being a shell of a man, I feel worthless, like a failure as a man, and it crushes me every single day, any advice would be wonderful and greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm not sure how to tell my mother I'm depressed",
    "post_text": "Trigger warning (NSFW) : there will be mentions of self harm\n\nBefore anyone jumps to any conclusions please know I love my mother. She's has an interesting way of handling situations. She just wants best for me and everyone and doesn't know how to handle certain situations. \n\nI think the beginning was 7th grade. It's the age when I'm told kids around my age go through their adolescent stage. They become defiant of their parents and so forth. I'm not sure if this is applicable for everyone but I was one of the kids who defied their parents and acted like a brat. I'm certain from grade 7 it was just my teenage phase but now I'm not sure because at grade 8 and 9 these mood swings got progressively worse and I began to act more sad than just moody. \n\nIn grade 9 I ended up going to the office to have a talk with the counselor. Don't shame me for this but I had just began to use social media and my account was small so only my friends knew my account. Maybe it was for the better but I had posted on my story that I was going to c*t myself for everyone friend of mine. (During this time my family was in the rough. My parents were talking about divorce because they were living apart for too long and their gears just didn't click well together after being apart for too long and just recently getting to live with each other.) I don't know what had gotten to me (because I probably shouldn't have posted such a sensitive topic) but I posted it but didn't completely follow through with it. I did very minor scratches. Maybe I was seeking comfort and attention. Anyways, I had posted it, this concerned my friends and it went all the way to the schools counselor and I ended up having a talk. \n\nI just bawled during the counsel meeting and asked if this would get to my parents and the counselor said yes. I didn't want to let my parents know because it would simply add fuel into the fire with my parents constantly talking about divorce. Anyways long story short this got to my parents and things got just a bit messier. My parents fought and mentioned my \"problems\" and blamed one another and it was difficult. \n\n(For those curious my parents didn't divorce they apologized with each other and made up)\n\nAfter I had arrived home from the counsel meeting I had a talk with both my parents. It was funny because my dad asked me if he could see the c*ts and told me he used to have depression like me and told me he understood. My mom on the other hand was informed by the counselor I was recommended to see a therapist and my mom said, her words: \"teens hitting their puberty stage\". The counselor once again pushed the idea of meeting a counselor and had a small heated debate with my mom about it. My mom backed off and said she would meet one and left with me. We got in the car and the first thing my mom mentioned was that I wasn't going to see a therapist. She said a bunch of things about being upset she didn't know I was going through this and thought it was just me being pubescent but ultimately she was telling me she didn't believe in mental issues. \n\nShe told me I wasn't depressed and that I was just pubescent. Grade 9 and 10 ended relatively smoothly with no self harming just minor break downs and uncontrollable mood swings. Grade 11 came and my previously clean record had relapsed. To this day despite having recently graduated I still unfortunately self harm as a way to cope from unstable emotions. \n\nThe counselor told me I was depressed and have anxiety and others who listened to my rants and stories have told me similar to what the counselor said. \n\nI'm not sure what to do seeing I have doubts that I have depression because I'm comparing my issues to others and I currently don't understand myself with constant emotional numbness and random attacks of sadness. \n\nI wish to seek therapy but can't without my parents approval. My mother still doesn't believe in mental disorders and issues and I can't talk to her about these issues because she will take them as me talking back to her. \n\nI can't talk to my dad either because he will end up talking to my mom about it. \n\nShould I talk to my mother about my depression, self harm and seek therapy? If so how should I approach my mother without her telling me I'm just going through my pubescent stages (still) and making up a story. \n\nSorry if this story sounds dumb.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't want to do this anymore",
    "post_text": "Tw here, this post includes talk about suicide\n\n\nIm so exhausted. Life just doesn't seem liveable to me anymore. I feel as if I can't feel anything other than sadness and jealousy. I'm so jealous of other people's lives. I'm nothing I ever wanted to be. I wish I was a boy, I wish I was someone more attractive, I wish I had a better personality, I wish I wasnt so talentless and useless. Suicide feels like the only way out. I want to be happy but it seems near impossible Everyday is the exact same as the day before.There's no one here for me irl anymore. No one believes my feelings are real. I've been told that because I am 14, my emotions are all based on hormones and therefore aren't serious and shouldn't be taken seriously. I feel alone. And I feel like there's nothing for me here. I don't want to be here anymore. For as long as I can remember I've been dealing with mental health issues. I don't even remember what it was like before. I'm honestly desperately looking for a reason to stay because as if right now I see no reason. I want things to be better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "All I want - is my death",
    "post_text": "Good day, everyone. This is not my first post on reddit regarding my problem. Long story - short: I had a girl-friend. We have been friends for 7 years. She was my best friend. We supported each other in everything and always helped each other. But, as often happens, I fell in love with her. And I ended up in the friend zone, of course. For the last 5 years I have been with her in the friend zone. Although at one point it became clear that I could get out of her if I was more persistent - she herself told me about it. But things went downhill this year. She found a boyfriend and spent all her free time with him. I, in turn, turned into a bunch of depression and occasional jealousy. And in the end, a month ago, she said that we both understand that this cannot continue. That we need to end our communication, and I will only feel better if she disappears from my life.  \nToday I tried to write to her and make up, to offer her just friendship, communication on the network and nothing more, because I need her very much. But she refused me. And she did it with such contempt, with such hatred. She said that she did not need this communication, that over the past month she understood. that she hasn't needed it for a long time. So in the end, she doesn't even need me as a friend. I really thought that everything would work out, and we would be at least friends again. But I was wrong. She doesn't need me, in any form.  \nNow it is difficult for me to think and do anything at all. I practically cannot go outside, because almost immediately I feel anxiety and, often, I start having panic attacks even if I just go out into the garden next to my house. Because I immediately start thinking that she is out there somewhere, with her new boyfriend. I can\u2019t read, watch movies, I can\u2019t play games, because my thoughts are occupied with something completely different. I need to write my dissertation, and I cannot concentrate, because my thoughts are not at all about studying. Over the past six months, I started having mental problems, and I cannot find the strength in myself even to go to a psychiatrist. And on the one hand, I would very much like to forget her, because I know that we will never even communicate with her now. On the other hand, I am so afraid to forget her, because for me she was the center of my universe. Hell, really, if I really had the opportunity to kill myself, if I had a bad relationship with my family, if I didn't know that my family would not survive this, I would go and kill myself at that very moment, when she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore. What I really would like right now is some inoperable cancer just to slowly fall into the grave. I'm 26, and I have never been fully reciprocated by one girl. I visited 8 friend zones. But the most offensive is this one, the last one. Because I'm an idiot. I know that she could be mine if I was more persistent. Now, I look at myself 5 years ago and want to shout to myself \"Idiot! You ruin everything! Take a step!\", But I can't, because I'm not a magician. I don't think so, but I know that I will never be happy in my life. That I would work a job that I would hate until my parents were gone. And right after that, I'll just kill myself, because it won't make sense for me to stay alive anymore. My sisters by this time will already be married, and will be able to live without me. Over the past six months, my life has sunk to such a bottom, into such an abyss, where it has never been before. And in the last month my life has ended. Only existence remains. The man who hoped for the future, who had dreams and hopes, is dead. And I, an empty shell filled with regrets, pain and depression - for some reason still alive. All I want is to die. And I can never want anything else again. All that remains for me is to live my existence in darkness and depression until the moment when I can finally finish it all. My only regret is to meet my end as soon as possible.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Started antidepressant, feels weird",
    "post_text": "I started antidepressant for the first time two days ago. The first day I got a bit of euphoria. But by the second day I couldn't get out of bed, didn't shower or anything. Took my second does, started feeling weird like nausea, headache and altogether an unsettling feeling. Couldn't sleep at night but then I spent the whole day in bed. After my mom bugged me a lot I got up and brushed my teeth by late evening. I feel like crying, I haven't eaten anything. I don't want to shower, I just want to stay in bed.\n\nI thought antidepressants were supposed to make you feel good. I feel awful, completely awful. My antidepressant is a combination of clonazepam and escitalopram. What should I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Exercise and mental health",
    "post_text": "Hey all, I'm hoping for some insight about exercise and mental health. Every doctor and therapist I've talked too suggested exercise for my mental health. I know it should help but lately, it hasn't done anything for me. I walk and do yoga but nothing more strenuous. I'm wondering what suggestions y'all have for exercise that has worked for you in the past and any insight into why exercise works? What happens in the brain that makes exercise help your mental health? \n\nAnyway thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m really losing hope here",
    "post_text": "It doesn\u2019t seem like it will ever get better. Its just an endless cycle and I can\u2019t get out of it and everyone\u2019s so sick of it now and I can tell. I don\u2019t want to be here anymore at all. Everyone always says to reach out and ask for help but every time I have nothing changes and I feel even more alone. My doctor sticks me on just any medication at all, I can\u2019t have counselling, my mum doesn\u2019t even like me anymore, my only friends getting tired of me, my sister doesn\u2019t think any medication will help and I know she\u2019s got her best interest at heart but what else can I do. I don\u2019t feel real anymore I just want to be me again. I thought it was being unemployed that made it bad but I have a job now and I feel even worse. I\u2019ve called the suicide line a few times and the only time it\u2019s helped has been once and every other time I\u2019ve been mocked or talked down to. I sound like the most self centred asshole who\u2019s just spoilt and doesn\u2019t see what I have I know. I have that chance to get counselling and the chance to get medication at all and for free. It\u2019s just like nothing feels like it can ever help. I don\u2019t even know if any of these makes sense I\u2019m just really losing it right now I don\u2019t have much left in me and I can tell and it\u2019s so selfish but I just can\u2019t do it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm scared about my future",
    "post_text": "I feel like shit. I've studied for almost 3 years for it and I got rejected. It feels like all the hard work I've done was in vain. I can try again next year but I don't wanna be a burden for my family, now that I finished highschool I feel like I don't deserve to live with them since I don't contribute with anything in the house. I thought that I can finally change my life but I fail at everything I try. Sorry for this post, I don't have any friends to share this with. I feel scared about the future and alone. I've never felt so much despair.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling Lost",
    "post_text": "This is the first time I\u2019ve posted anything like this. I feel like even my private Twitter/Instagram has too many people. This year in general has been the best year for my mental health until recently. I\u2019m currently isolating because my housemate has covid and I think it\u2019s making my thoughts worse. I can\u2019t seem to get the energy to do minor tasks anymore when at the start of the year I was jogging/ working and smashing out my uni work. I just keep going back to bed and then if I get out of bed it\u2019s to have a cigarette. Feeling so lost and struggling to feel genuine in my emotions whether that\u2019s in my relationship or around friends. I just feel like I\u2019m watching the world go by when I used to have so much determination of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.   And I don\u2019t really love the person I am anymore or my body image. Any little advice on how to start getting motivation/self love back or words of encouragement would be really useful:) x",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want nothing more than to be skinny.",
    "post_text": "I feel like its the answer to everything. All my problems will suddenly become a lot easier once I finally start giving a shit about my weight and appearance. It's caused me grief my whole life and I tried to cope through it but it just made me breakdown. And now I'm at my lowest with not \u00e0 lot going for me. I don't even like going outside anymore I'm not confident, I feel worthless, I don't like showing the real me now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to die there\u2019s always blow after blow I can\u2019t deal with them anymore",
    "post_text": "This is too hard. I can come out of these deep depressive states but over the years the length of time I\u2019m out of them just continually get smaller and the length of time I\u2019m in them is longer and darker. This time I was out for 2 days. I\u2019ve just completely dived back in. I can\u2019t see any light when I\u2019m like this. I can\u2019t eat I can\u2019t sleep I can\u2019t get out of bed I only think about killing myself. I live alone and it\u2019s very common for me to not reply to my friends and family, I don\u2019t think people would notice for days. I tried anti depressants for the first time, which was a big step for me. SSRI. I became more suicidal but they also knocked me out for about a week. I came off them and felt great for two days bc I had energy. Then felt the dark cloud coming back and tried to work with my psych to help myself not get drenched again, maybe just a light shower and get back up. But now I\u2019ve suffered a big emotional blow in one of my relationships - and I\u2019m just not equipped to handle such a thing right now. I can only talk to my psych and my friend about it. My friend hasn\u2019t responded and I haven\u2019t got a psych appointment for 3 weeks. Usually knowing I\u2019ll see her weekly helps me get through the hard days",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Inability to care about anything",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know what it is or how to phrase it properly but I seem to completely unable to care about anything. I could lose my job tomorrow and no matter the consequences I won\u2019t care what happens. I could lose all my friends and my mindset will still just be \u201coh well shit happens\u201d. Does anyone else get this? I feel I go through the day not bothering or caring about anything at all. Even at my job everyone there knows I just couldn\u2019t care less about what happens but I get my job done so people don\u2019t seem to bother me about my attitude. \n\nI\u2019m on antidepressants which could be causing it but when I\u2019m off them I\u2019m in a constant state of existential dread. I think it might just be a realisation that nothing I do actually matters in the long run since I am eventually going to die and nothing will matter from then on. Does anyone else get like this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i had to say goodbye to my sweet boy today after finding out yesterday cancer is ravaging his body.",
    "post_text": "\nmaximus came home almost four years ago, after enduring years of abuse. he was a 90 pound hunk of love who thought he weighed about 5 pounds. most handsome boy youve ever seen, a pitbull with the biggest block head that i love more than anything. he always had to be by my side, and i always had to be by his. i would lay on the floor with him any chance i had, and he would always angle his head down and just collapse his body into my lap. my boy loved to get dressed up- a bandana around his neck always made him sit up a little taller, and walk a little prouder. \n\nhe got a rough start, having been used as a bait dog for the first half of his life. his body was permanently marked with scars from where evil scum had cut him repeatedly. when we found each other at the shelter, he had been there for 9 months and been adopted out and taken back quite a few times. ill never be able to wrap my mind around the fact no one else kept him, but im so thankful they didnt and that he waited for my family. he was missing almost all his teeth from chewing rocks, and was blind in his left eye. he has seen and experienced the worst humankind has to offer yet still had more love for us than you could ever imagine. he was my big, goofy, happy happy guy. the biggest regret i have is that i didnt get to him sooner than i did. \n\nMaximus didnt want to eat anything the past few days, and was more sluggish than usual. my mom took him to the vet yesterday just to make sure nothing was actually wrong, and they told us his red blood count was low and he needed a blood transfusion. it was serious but no reason he wont recover from it. we took him from there to emergency vet, where they ran tests and did scans. the vet said he has never seen anything like what was shown on those scans, that my sweet maximus was a very very sick little boy. the inside of his spleen was supposed to look like peanut butter, but instead it looked like chunky jelly with chunks and lumps he could not identify. his body had developed multiple tumors, which were cancerous. he had gone into \u201ctumor lysis crisis\u201d meaning that a large amount of the cancer cells that were comtained in these tumors died, and released their cancerous contents into his blood. they were killing his red blood cells and destroying the ability to regenerate any at all. his stomach had bloated 3x its normal size, even though it was just later in the day and yesterday morning it had looked fine. \n\nthe vet discouraged us from treatment because he didnt see any possible way maximus could recover- putting him on treatment would only prolong his suffering and ensure he passed painfully. which is cruelly ironic, as putting him on treatment would keep my suffering at bay. but i have to do right by my boy. he\u2019s been through too much and endured more than i can imagine, he was brought into this world in pain and i promised him when i brought him home he would leave it in love. i had to keep that promise. i love him more than it seems like my heart can handle, and making the right decision for him is the absolute utterly wrong decision for me. \n\nwe got the vet this morning and despite not moving except to lift his head the past few days, he trotted off away from the building. i believe in the deepest place of my heart he knew what we were there for, and he was scared. he wouldnt let me turn him around back toward it, and the most he would take was two steps toward the building and then sit back down. i sat down with him and just sobbed. the thought of not having that big brown baby rips my heart into shreds and pierces my soul. \n\nwe finally got him inside after i just sat with him and talked to him for about 15 minutes. ive never wanted to simply wait in a waiting room longer, but they called us right back. i prayed that the doctor was tied up and would take a while before she got back there, but no sooner did i finish thinking that she came in. i felt myself detach from my body at that point. i cant remember anything she said, but i know from the time she came in the room to the time she left the room was only about five minutes. \n\nmy babys body was so tired, it had been fighting so hard for so long. he was gone before the injection to stop his heart was even finished. \n\nmy world and heart suddenly felt so... empty. \ni was wailing in the vets office, the pain is so deep. the doctor told me our grief is only a reflection of our love, and i believe that 100%. i genuinely dont think i could love my boy even an OUNCE more because my little heart would give out. \n\nim back home now, my other dogs don\u2019t understand why their brother isnt here. i never ever expected my maximus to be the first to go. i have two other senior dogs, and maximus is the youngest. i felt so sure i had at least 3-4 more years with him, and i feel so robbed. i wasnt remotely prepared, i had zero clue this was coming. the one comfort i have is i dont feel remorse over the amount of time i spent with him. i dont feel like i wish i wouldve sat with him and pet him more because that dog was at my side constantly. any spare second i have im laying with him. anywhere i go, hes the one that gets up in the car and rides with me. he loves a car ride. i always surprise him with a mcdouble, and the excitement he shows never ever ever gets old. im not prepared for all of that to be a fond memory. im scared, because i know in time ill forget how it felt to pet that big block head and i dont ever want to. i tried to memorize everything i could about the way he feels, so i hope its a long time before that happens. but for right now all i can think about is how it felt holding him and petting him and how it felt. \n\nive been in a bad depressive state the past few weeks, and i dont know how im ever going to feel okay again. maximus is my comfort, i seek him out when im sad because of the comfort he brings, and now he\u2019s not here to comfort me when i need it the most. \n\nplease be kind to me, im not in a good place right now. \n\nThank you for listening \u2764\ufe0f -K",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I just someone to hold me. I don\u2019t know anymore.",
    "post_text": "\nIt\u2019s been a month since my partner of 10 years left me out of no where on my birthday. Just had their bags packed and said I\u2019m leaving. I have no closure and still don\u2019t even know what happened. She was physically and emotionally abusive to me but never told anyone about it on account of how emasculating it feels. I don\u2019t know how you tell people your female partner punches you at home during arguments. She begged me to go to therapy for years and started to with covid, I worked so hard to become a better person and mentally healthy and she hated that version of me. Now I\u2019m a waste of life in their 30\u2019s with no reason to live. She took all my friends with her and I just don\u2019t have anyone anymore. \n\nI drove cross country to be with family to try to sort myself out, but was quickly reminded why I don\u2019t spend much time with my family as it\u2019s only made my mental health worse. I was happier alone with my dog in my car with no where to go or anything. \n\nI\u2019ve stopped taking my medication and have been drinking heavily, which I hadn\u2019t done for a year really. I took my last Ativan today and it\u2019s been the only thing keeping me from going off the deep end. I doubt my psychiatrist will prescribe more so it just seems like the end to me. \n\nI think for some people suicide is their life\u2019s purpose and I feel like I am finally becoming content with that. But I can\u2019t even talk like this openly with my therapist or psychiatrist out of fear of just being committed. I know my self and know I will just lie to get out of there too and will only drive me further to killing myself. \n\nI just don\u2019t understand why people I thought loved me want to hurt me so badly.  I guess I just have bad karma and have done something to deserve this so I feel like nature is just telling me it\u2019s time to die. \n\nI don\u2019t expect any one to respond or even read this. I just have no one.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "any tips/tricks on how to deal with (this kind of) frustration?",
    "post_text": "i feel super frustrated because on a purely rational/logical level i know what i have to do to improve my mental health, like for example being more compassionate towards myself, seeking out help from therapists and doctors, opening up to people around me etc.\n\nbut even thinking about doing any of those things feels incredibly daunting and unattainable, like something i will never be able to do.\n\ni know that i probably have to divide any task into micro tasks, which then somehow become more manageable, but even that in it self seems so far out of my current capacity. (planning stuff etc.)\n\ndoes anyone feel the same? has anyone advice? or is the only way out of it to \"just do it\", in a brute force kinda way?\n\n​\n\nany input is highly apprechiated, and much love to y'all <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I just indulge?",
    "post_text": "I've been working really hard on my mental health for several months now, pushing myself through difficult times to keep taking care of myself.\n\nRecently I started a mood stabilizer that has increased my appetite. During my depression, my appetite would decrease so it has actually felt really nice to crave food again.\n\nI don't get pleasure in most of the things that I used to enjoy, yet I have been keeping up on my diet, exercise, sleep, and social life despite all this.\n\nAt this point I just of just want to indulge and take a break, but doing this doesn't really help in the long term. The only indulgence I can think of is pizza, and that is a very temporary one that will have a lasting impact on my physical energy for the rest of the day.\n\nShould I throw the thought of indulgence out of my mind? Should I just indulge a little? I have no idea at this point",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel ashamed and embarrassed",
    "post_text": "I feel so unsupported by my partner who\u2019s always busy providing for family and work. I tried to be understanding but some days I\u2019m stressed and just want to talk to him.\n\nYesterday was one of those days. I said I wanted to call him but he was busy and only replied 2 hours later. It fed into my already negative thoughts.... and I relapsed. Everything just spiralled down.\n\nI feel so ashamed I even showed him my depressed moment, telling him how negative I felt about myself and everything around me. So hopeless to the point I wanted to end the relationship and give up on everything.\n\nI feel so embarrassed. Do you feel this when you tell someone you\u2019re struggling with depressive thoughts?\n\nNB/ already going to therapy and never relapsed until recently",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "PLEASE HELP: My family member is extremely depressed and self-isolating, and will not respond to family texts or phone calls. What can I do to help him?",
    "post_text": "My adult family member is extremely depressed and self-isolating, and will not respond to family texts or phone calls. What can I do to help him?\n\nI think he is also ashamed of himself for his current life situation. \n\nHe also thinks that he is smarter than everyone and that counseling will not help. \nI'm at a loss as to how to get involved with him to help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need your support, hopefully its ok i ask.",
    "post_text": "Hey guys , i hope you are having a great day. \n\n\nI know its weird to ask , but if someone here knows science or has a background in science (particually biology and biochemistry) , and can help me understand something, that would be lovely and really help me(:\n\nI have depression, ocd and anxiety , and my anxiety can be triggered by science stuff .\n\nIm sorry , i know its weird to ask.  \n\nI also hope its ok to ask(:.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Every day is different",
    "post_text": "Some days, I feel like I'm getting better. Other days, I hope that I might disappear if I'm lucky. I love my life, but I think I hate myself. I feel like nothing I do is good enough or worth anything. I feel like my son doesn't love me. I feel like I'm not my own person, like my life doesn't matter. I'm just a support character for whoever I'm around. I don't have someone I can talk to. I don't know what else to say. How do pull yourself out of a hole like this? I'm so tired.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "35M in dire need of support/advice",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone. It is my last resort posting on here but I just don't know what else to do? I've been struggling to keep things together the last few days. Today I just broke down as I couldn't keep things together no more. First of all I'm a mature normal person other then my mental health problems. I am on meds and see my doctor regularly. Just today I had a breakdown. I'd rather not contact emergency or go to the hospital as I've been there before an they hold me from going outside. I have payments to make and cannot afford to be held in hospital as this will screw things up even more. \n\nI live in a small town out in the country. Tonight I decided to go out for a walk, I end up in the ditch just watching the stars is where I am now. I am feeling empty, I can't help it but fall into tears, I just don't know what to do. I'm also feeling alittls suicidal but not the biggest risk just yet. \n\nJust looking for advice or someone I could chat with? Feel free to pm me. Thanks.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Porn addiction due to depression",
    "post_text": "Im 21 got a porn addiction. Ruining my life and my mind, no freinds and im a short guy. Diagnosed mentally ill with psychotic depression and im unstable. I believe in genetic determinism and think if my life is rigged this way the why am i not allowed to kill myself. I wake up depressed everyday always thinking of pure crap. just want to end it all. I hate the asshole who gave me life. I see my life as being a personal hell. I hear vioces in my head and are usually active when at night alone. They are proper cunts i try to reason with them and they are not even empathetic. They say stuff like \u201cfaggot\u201d \u201ccunt\u201d proper stuff to make you wanna hit someone. constantly fucking my head in. I just wanna die so bad.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can't focus at all in med school",
    "post_text": "Hello guys, please advice. \n\nI'm 23 years old, 4th year medical student.\n I've been diagnosed with depression two months back, I'm current taking trintellix, it's been 20 days\n\nI cannot concentrate while studying/reading textbook or listening to lecture no matter how hard I try, or even video lectures on YouTube. This has been going on for 6-7 years. \n\nI feel like such a pathetic looser, I keep losing my scholarship every year, while my parents are working so hard to pay tuition for me.\n\nAny advise is appreciated on how to study while being such a mess, I'm struggling alot with even daily activities, I've this self harm urges, I've cut myself twice recently, doctor said I'm in a acute state, \nI don't know how to pick myself up again this time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I click yes to give the psychiatrist permission to share my information with one of my parents? What are they gonna share?",
    "post_text": "So I finally opened to my parents that I've been struggling with depression, but didn't tell them the exact main reason why because of how much embarrassment and shame I feel over it. They've been supportive and let me set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. There's a part that asks if they have permission to share my information with them. I really don't want them knowing about the real reason why I'm depressed. I feel like I'm obligated to click yes because I am on their insurance. What should I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m sick of everything, my life is just meant to be miserable.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s a long post, but I will appreciate any feedback from anyone who decides to read it!\n\nMy struggle with depression started around 2017/2018. I\u2019m currently 18yo. Sometimes I\u2019m more stable than the other day, there are the times that I\u2019m capable of controlling how I response to big waves of emotions. But it\u2019s never totally gone, it likes to come back and my behavior is often caused by some unhealed memories or habits from my lowest times. I get embarrassed when I get emotionally involved into a conversation, I hate the thought of making my mental health an excuse, but sometimes I just feel like I just ran a marathon, I lay down and I can\u2019t help but cry because of such a failure my life is and how weak I am.\nI have an abusive father, my family and I tried everything to solve problems and help him change but he won\u2019t listen to anyone. Our family is pretty much divided to responsible men (my oldest brother and my father) and women that should do everything around the house so everyone else, especially my father, can live comfortably. I have five siblings. Since I\u2019m the oldest girl I\u2019m expected to be the major housekeeper except my mom. I\u2019m also the one with the most sense of being fair and respectful towards what I have and what\u2019s given to me, that\u2019s why I rarely skip my responsibilities or deny any request or help. I feel overwhelmed about the amount of stuff I need to do, not to mention the way my parents treat me when something is not done perfectly.\nI graduated high school with average results, I\u2019m neither the smartest nor the dumbest person on earth. I don\u2019t have any specific abilities nor passions to pick a solid university major that would make me happy and open a career path that would let me sustain myself. Now that I can apply to college, my score is slightly beyond the minimum. I picked a major about Korea, the country and the language, it\u2019s something I got interested in, I am studying Korean for a while. But when I realized how much points you have to have to get accepted I lost any excitement that I had, I barely meet the requirements, most people have tens of points more. I don\u2019t stand out in any way.\nI was never liked at school. I felt like outsider wherever I went. Nobody was ever in love with me. I never had a friend, first people that I started to hangout with I met a year ago. For majority of my life I was overweight, at some point I was even obese. I lost over 50lbs (23kg) a year ago and I do everything to maintain my weight on a healthy level. I have to be focused on what I eat, I gain weight in the matter of days. Every cheat day feels like one step closer to my past self. My relationship with food is extremely bad and I don\u2019t know how to change it.\nI don\u2019t fit anywhere. I don\u2019t feel good in any place, I shout my mouth around people for them not to be forced to hear about my problems that sometimes spill out through my mouth unintentionally.\nWho would want to be around with such a loser for longer anyway?\nI met a boy online, after a couple of months we became really good friends. We always have something to talk about, we share so many experiences and he respects me and wants only good for me. I had a hard time with men because of my father, I never believed they would value me or they would use me quickly after getting along. But this guy showed me that there are good men out there, with a softer side and responsible mind. After talking and calling each other for a longer time I realized how safer and calmer I feel now that he\u2019s in my life. Even unconsciously I feel his gentle presence. Now I think that I realized what does love mean and that I have feelings for him. He\u2019s from a different country though. I was saving up for plane tickets and the trip there, I started planning everything in March and look, it\u2019s July and nothing happened. Even though I was researching all the legal information, translating documents, buying necessary things, keeping myself updated on flights, I\u2019m still here. And I have no idea if I will ever get there. There are too many obstacles.\nI can\u2019t tell anyone about it besides my friend himself, nobody thinks here that online relationship can be real, if it\u2019s either just friendship or a spark of love. It\u2019s too dangerous and too much risk involved. Can\u2019t disagree, but I don\u2019t think it\u2019s true in our case. Even though it\u2019s been a year, we\u2019re exchanging pictures and we made phone calls and the risk still exists, but it\u2019s limited, but they don\u2019t even want to think about it.\nAnd whoever had someone dear to their heart away for long know how much it hurts when you can\u2019t even see them smiling in real life or hug them when they need it.\nI\u2019m a failure. No job, no university perspectives, not a lot of money, best friend 1300 miles away.\nNobody takes my emotional exhaustion seriously, it\u2019s not even a valid argument anywhere. Usually even I don\u2019t believe it is.\nI have not the slightest idea what to do with my life. There\u2019s too much pressure on me and I can\u2019t take it anymore. I feel like completely giving up. I was meant to be lonely. My life is just meant to be miserable.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Quit my new job",
    "post_text": "Managed to find a job after awhile of searching. Ended up quitting my second day because everything just became too overwhelming. Every single thought about work I blew out of proportion, giving me panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I'm so ashamed, I've done this before, I just can't hold a job because I'm fucked up. The job itself wasn't really difficult, but thinking about it and dealing with my colleagues made me want to stop living. I'm trying to tell myself that maybe I need more time to work on my issues, maybe I'm still not ready. But who knows when I will be if ever. I don't know if I can ever cope with work and if I can't then what's the point?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I tell my parents I\u2019m depressed",
    "post_text": "For context, I\u2019m 19 years old and I\u2019m starting my second year at a community college in August. I want to take a semester off due to an all time low in motivation. I\u2019d rather not wasted my parents money and instead spend that time getting a job, seeing a therapist, working out, really just getting better. The problem with telling them I don\u2019t want to go this semester is I have to have a good reason and I\u2019d rather not lie to them. They know about my anxiety which is hard enough for me to deal with sometimes but them knowing I have depression is a whole other thing. And I know it\u2019s not as bad as my brain is telling me it is but I can\u2019t help it. I was hoping to get some advice on the matter because if I don\u2019t make up my mind soon I\u2019ll lose the opportunity to enroll in class if things don\u2019t go play out how I think they might.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling Stuck",
    "post_text": "My mental health has been declining lately. I feel as though i am doing nothing with my life. I have no money and no car so often i just sit at home and work out, watch tv or go on tik tok but i have little motivation for anything else. Even though i am working out and doing things to improve myself i still have very low self esteem because i can\u2019t help but overthink about what people think of me and what i\u2019ve done in the past. When i hang out with my friends we don\u2019t do much and it\u2019s always the same boring activities. I drink and i smoke so i can be happier and not think about life. I\u2019m not suicidal but i just feel like i am stuck in a rut and i hate being alone. what are things i can do in order to feel happier and more confident in myself, as well as things i can look forward to in life so i don\u2019t feel so stuck?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel alone and I feel like my future is pointless getting to",
    "post_text": "Recently my depression has gotten worse and yet I haven\u2019t been able to tell anyone except 2 friends. I just feel like nobody cares about me except my dad , it doesn\u2019t feel like my mom , brother or sister really cares about me and the same goes with my friends. I feel like every time I\u2019m with someone I feel like a ghost and they just care about what I can do and my feelings are just left there untouched and damaged. And another thing is I feel like I\u2019m just gonna have a shit life and what\u2019s the point of reaching the future. I just feel as if what\u2019s the point of living life to be alone , just by myself in a boring job just to make money to live a shit life. The worst part is I have anxiety and I\u2019m not sure if it relates but I could never bring myself to get help or tell my family as I\u2019m just too scared. I could never kill myself (at least at this point in my life) I just feel as if there\u2019s so much shit I can\u2019t be arsed to deal with I just wish that someone would just make me free and either dead or just not have do deal with anything. I just wanted to get this out since I don\u2019t have the courage to get help.also with my friends all they did was tell me to tell someone but they don\u2019t seem to understand that I just cant and I just wish I could get help without having to say anything to anyone. I feel as if I couldn\u2019t let my parents see me this way as it would be\u2026 I dont know how to describe it I just couldn\u2019t. At this point I just need some comfort so any would be appreciated a lot.\n\nI already posted this on r/depression but I\u2019d thought I\u2019d post it here for any other help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Failing",
    "post_text": "Growing up i heard that no one gets everything but I realized I didn\u2019t get anything\n\nI failed at school,failing at college rn\nI\u2019m soo disappointed with myself \nEverything i try just fails \nI\u2019m dealing with depression and anxiety and insecurities with my look for the past 3 years.\nI want to change my life but i cant \nMy way of living,mybody,etc..\nBut at the end i failed again.\n\nMy family doesn\u2019t know what i go through at all,when i talked to them about my depression they took it as a joke and told me as usual why would u have depression.They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me.\n\nI\u2019m nearly 20yold and I didn\u2019t achieve shit,unproductive,and afraid asf from my deadly future \nAm going through a bad financial situation i cant find a reliable job\nI cant hangout with my friends because of the huge gap between my lifestyle and their\u2019s. I\u2019m scared of having a gf because of how i\u2019m not gonna make her happy and get her everything she wants even though i\u2019m far from getting loved \nI truly want to change because I\u2019m sick of my life \nI need real help \nSorry for this long ass useless text",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can feel happy some days and other days I want to die.",
    "post_text": "Hello, I\u2019ve (22F) struggled with my mental health since I was young, I was bullied when I was a kid and developed social anxiety because of it. Then I became depressed in my teenage years, but got better when I was 20.\n\nI\u2019ve never been good at interacting with people, due to my anxiety I find it really hard to talk spontaneously to people, but at the same time I can get defensive over anything, like I feel people are attacking me or trying to make fun of me but in reality they\u2019re just joking around. A lot of people don\u2019t like me because of that, I seem really mean but I\u2019m not, I wish I could be friends with people like a normal person but I just can\u2019t. \n\nLately I\u2019ve been having good days and bad days, but exaggerated. When I\u2019m having a good day I feel amazing, I\u2019m productive and do a lot of things. But in my bad days I feel way too bad, I was clean (from self harm) for 4 years and I did it again like a week ago. When I feel bad I also can\u2019t stop thinking I want to die, I feel like no one will ever like me, I\u2019ll never get a job because I run away from good opportunities because of my anxiety. I just want to disappear but I don\u2019t want to kill myself because I don\u2019t want my family to suffer. \n\nTL;DR: I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m depressed or not, I have motivation a lot of days but some days I become suicidal and I think it\u2019s all because of my anxiety",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to find/keep a job when you\u2019re severely depressed/struggling.",
    "post_text": "How do people find/keep a job when they\u2019re depressed and/or struggling with debilitating mental illness? I apply to so many jobs & I have bills to pay. I\u2019m basically out of money this month after leaving my previous job. I even left that job due to feeling so inadequate, the inability to just get the fuck out of bed, among all of the other things/feelings that come with being so trapped in my own head it feels like. \n\nI feel like I need somebody to slap me into reality. I don\u2019t understand how people can continue to show up to these jobs that they hate every single day. I don\u2019t know how people bite back their fear of looking fucking dumb. I try so hard to be a functioning member of society but I\u2019m failing so hard. I don\u2019t know how to swallow that pill & I feel so underprepared for adulthood. I\u2019ve been depressed and struggling with this for so many years now. It really started in adolescence, around 13-14. I\u2019m 23 now and feel like such a damn failure knowing that I haven\u2019t changed much at all since then. \n\nIf anybody has any advice or comments that may help me would be really appreciated because I don\u2019t know what to do at this point. Thank you in advance.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i need help.. please- (TW :self harm and suicide)",
    "post_text": "Im 16- ive been trying to take my own life since i was 8 and ive been in the hospital over 17 times , ive been in multiple mental hospitals , none have helped. Im trying so hard to hang on but i cant , i just cant do it anymore. Im tired , i self-harm to feel something , i try to kill myself for closure , i take pills every night just hoping i someday wont wake up , I get drunk hoping ill do something stupid and hopefully that take's me , I get high knowing that it could kill me , but even with all of that im still here and im exhausted. I need more help then pills and being told \"things get better\" because they dont.. and im tired of hearing that. I just need someone , or something.. Im in pain and it wont stop. Ive been faking how i feel since i was so so young and now im scared to open up. so here i a- trying to reach out for help because i never have before. So please- just someone i dont care who u are.. just please- help me. Im pretty much on my knees begging for help , i dont wanna be here anymore but i still have a little bit of fight left in me..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help, my boyfriend is immensely suicidal, yet also a hard person to be around.",
    "post_text": "We\u2019ve been dating for a while, and he\u2019s been depressed for most of it, unfortunately it\u2019s become much worse recently and nothing seems to help. He\u2019s also become just the most inconsiderate person to be around (since the beginning of the relationship). He\u2019s in a state where anything I say determines what he\u2019ll do. If we were in a normal relationship we\u2019d just break up, no problem, but this has gotten so out of hand I don\u2019t know what to do. Help.\n\nI\u2019m bad at writing so apologies if this doesn\u2019t make sense, thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to stop feeling like I missed out? or something?",
    "post_text": "I feel stupid but I just got a wave of depression watching a try not to sing video from the try not to channel, and High School Musical came on.\nSome backstory, I grew up in a dysfunctional family [my brother was stillborn and my parents became so depressed.. we were loved but we never had routine or did any chores so our house was always VERY messy growing up, and gross] and in 2008 we u.s. housing crisis hit us hard. I grew up pretty poor, always housed but it was a messy house and we were not great in ways of food or new clothes or entertainment. That's where hhighschool musical comes in.\nI did not have cable TV or a DVD player, just a vhs and a couple tapes. Everything something like \"video gaming nights with the boys\" memes or this instance of people trying not to sing a song I don't know, I feel like I missed out on so much that everyone else got to experience because they had more money. Or, parents that were better at organizing their money. I don't know how to let go of these feelings for such fuckin mundane shit like not everyone had an Xbox growing up, MOST people didn't, but it feels like everyone around me did. I'm just sad idk. I don't want to be sad. The house is still messy and I still feel like I'm missing things and can't get them back.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness is exhausting",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone. I\u2019ve been dealing with depression for years now. My whole life I\u2019ve had a goofy personality, I feel as though it gravitated people towards me, but all for the wrong reasons. When life got real I felt like no one took me seriously. I\u2019ve been carrying trauma my whole life and it\u2019s been affecting me. I\u2019m at a point in my life now where my friends barely even talk to me anymore. I have to basically pull teeth just to get them to hang out\u2026I hate to be negative but I really feel like life sucks rn. I just want friends and family that support me and check up on me. I can deal with everything else on my own with my therapist. But no one seems to talk to me about anything unless I\u2019m doing something wrong. Everyone knows what I\u2019ve been going through, even the attempt I had before. But it just seems like life goes on, I feel invisible. Like I said I really just want friends that\u2019ll get me out the house to go fishing or go on a hike and make me feel like I actually mean something to someone\u2026I don\u2019t know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lost",
    "post_text": "I was diagnosed with cancer around June 2020 I finished treatment some months ago . During that time I realized my \u201cfriends\u201d were t my friends. Because of the treatment I\u2019ve become addicted to opiates. I lost the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  Everyday I wake up these things are on my mind with no way out no matter how high I get or what I try . Sometimes it just feels like suicide is the only way out but I know it would devastate my mother. I just would like to feel normal for a change have friends go out live a normal life",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you guys cope with wanting to just entirely give up cause things feel hopeless?",
    "post_text": "Yeahhh, the title, essentially. I\u2019m not suicidal, but I just don\u2019t care anymore. I don\u2019t even care enough to improve my life. I know what most of my problems are, I know how to fix them, I just don\u2019t care. \n\nIt\u2019s been so long since I\u2019ve been this apathetic. I don\u2019t really know where this feeling came from. Nothing seems worth it anymore, tho. I know it\u2019s not forever. I know it\u2019ll go away. But it\u2019s so strong right now. I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me I don\u2019t know what to do",
    "post_text": "So for the past month my boyfriend has gone from the happiest boy alive to completely silent, always down, constantly tired, never feeling social and just very sad- he\u2019s slipping into a depression- I know what that feels like and it\u2019s scary he is going through it\n\nAbout 2 weeks ago he started strictly shirts, no swimming, no showers, no changing, he stopped wanting to be intimate with me, never took his clothes off in front of me- until the other night he just completely broke down crying, saying sorry and that he just needed to cuddle- I just kept telling him I loved him- and eventually he finically started to get tired and we started mucking around\n\nI went to tickle him on the stomach and he got very aggressive and defensive- pushing me away saying no, don\u2019t put your hands there, please don\u2019t look- I know it was probably wrong but I kept pushing until he gave up and he just started tearing up again- there are cuts all over his abdomen and more on the sides of his legs\n\nI just hugged him and told him I loved him until we fell asleep\n\nBut I don\u2019t know what to do, I\u2019m so scared, I\u2019ve been where he is before- I have self harmed too- I\u2019m just so scared and I don\u2019t know what he is going to do- he has never had any sort of mental illness before and I think he\u2019s really struggling- I wanna help but I know how hard it is to stop and I just\u2026 I\u2019m scared he is going to kill himself if I don\u2019t do something",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Starting a new job with depression",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m seeking some advice. I recently started a new job. \n\nI\u2019m suffering severe depression at the moment which has worsened after a breakup (bit of background, I\u2019ve suffered from depression on and off for the last 10+ years). Unmediated right now - thinking of going back back but afraid of going back to my old cycles. I\u2019ve been in some very dark places recently and have regular ideation. I\u2019m okay right now - I\u2019m lucid and not distressed or apathetic to the point of wanting to end things.\n\nAs mentioned, I recently started a new job. A promotion in my current company. My HR team is aware of my history and medical record. But I\u2019m finding it hard at the moment to settle into my new role. I\u2019m swinging between showing enthusiasm and working to prove myself to complete apathy and disinterest in any kind of future it might bring me. It\u2019s making things really hard for me. It\u2019s like a part of me doesn\u2019t care at all, even though the doors are opening for me to do the things I\u2019ve wanted to do for such a long time. I can\u2019t seem to find any kind of joy. I feel grateful to my new boss for the opportunity and I know I\u2019m just onboarding so it\u2019s still early but there\u2019s a part of me that doesn\u2019t care if I crash and burn. It\u2019s like I\u2019m waiting for it. I want to keep fighting and find myself again but I don\u2019t know how.  \n\nHas anyone else dealt with this? Any help/advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I cure my depression as a teen?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m fourteen, family life isn\u2019t great at all (doesn\u2019t even talk to them. As i do not want to because they are negative people) hygiene...yeah let\u2019s not even talk about that- and all in all? life sucks. Miserable asf but i don\u2019t wanna be this way anymore. i wanna be happy. Wanna be successful. Wanna be the best i can be. \n\nBut it\u2019s hard when you\u2019ve been like this for so many years now. \n\n\n(Family is just.... no.)\n\nBUT. now that i\u2019m old enough to get a job, and actually wants to get better for the first time in my life- i wanna start. But I wanna know HOW?? How can I do that? I need some guidelines, some tips, rules- SOMETHING. to get be going. So dropping some down would be nice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "needing some hope/inspiration",
    "post_text": "\ni\u2019ve had depression and anxiety for over a decade but in the last 8 months, it\u2019s the worst it\u2019s ever been. i wake up in sheer terror every morning, cry all the time and can\u2019t find contentment in anything i do. i\u2019m on meds, seeing a therapist, reach out to friends and try and do the little things i\u2019ve found meaning in before, go on walks but it\u2019s not lifting and i\u2019m scared i\u2019ll be like this forever. can anyone tell me stories of how they were at their absolute worse, without hope and eventually got out of it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like the human embodiment of a silver medal",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m the backup plan in everything i do. Nobody has ever seen me as their first choice. I\u2019ve tried so hard over the years to better myself in countless ways, but the feeling never goes away. I wish I had a best friend, I wish I was in the first wave of invites for get togethers, I wish I could find a girlfriend who doesn\u2019t cheat on me when someone better is available, I wish my bosses wouldn\u2019t pass on giving me the promotion I\u2019ve worked so hard to earn. I wish I could prove to someone, anyone that I\u2019m worth it, but how can I when I don\u2019t even feel that way about myself?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "how to make him feel like he\u2019s not a burden",
    "post_text": "I have a loved one with depression. When he pushes me away, I say stubbornly that I\u2019ll stay. But he says that he\u2019s a burden. How do I assure him he\u2019s not?? Saying \u201cyou\u2019re not a burden\u201d is not very convincing.\n\nAlso I try to be positive and motivational and he tells me not to. what should I do then? I don\u2019t know what to say. He also feels guilty that I do so much for him and I\u2019ve complained before that my needs aren\u2019t met well (I feel guilty for this). How do I make him feel that what he does it enough and encourage him? How do I ask about needs without pressuring him? I\u2019ve pressured him about needs. He wants to break up because he says me pressuring him makes him feel like he\u2019s not enough. \n\nHe says his efforts for the relationship clearly don\u2019t make me happy so trying harder is worse for him and me moving forward. I\u2019ve messed up because I really did complain I was unhappy with his efforts. we are taking a break now and I\u2019ve asked for space. he really wants to push me away for good this time since I was hurting because he couldn\u2019t try hard enough for us. He says he has a dark side that will hurt me so he wants to protect me from that and he may not make me happy in the future. But he still loves me he says. \n\nwhat\u2019s some things I can say? Should I apologize? I feel really bad. How do I approach him since we are not speaking?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I haven't been able to sleep for the past three days, I feel so numb and like I'm going to cave in on myself",
    "post_text": "It's currently 4 am, I have work in 4 hours, and I don't know what to do, I am in so much pain but I can't cry or express myself and all I want to do is cut until I actually feel something. I've been trying to tell my family and friends I need help but it's falling on deaf ears and I can't fucking stop acting like I'm okay or 'just tired'. They all think I've gotten better but I'm not, I'm scared one day I'm going to just give in to my thoughts and am terrified I am going to lose my job If I don't go to work tomorrow or mess up if I do. I work in a medical environment and I don't think it's safe for anyone for me to be there in my mental state and lack of sleep.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I be drunk all the time?",
    "post_text": "When I'm sober I feel depressed, anxious, and sad at all times. Maybe sometimes I feel a little happiness or excitement on top of it all, but it last minutes, if not seconds.\n\nI'm currently intoxicated and remembered briefly what I normally feel, thus my question. \n\nWhen I'm drunk or especially drunk AND high (weed) I feel so much better. I'm happy in the moment because I simply can't remember what I'm not happy about. Are there any negatives to being drunk and/or high at all times, other than while I'm working? Any reason to be sober?\n\nI ask only because I can easily manage to be drunk and/or high on a very regular basis and I feel better than I have in months.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Are antidepressants the nuclear option?",
    "post_text": "Hi, I was in a serious car accident recently and walked away but I'm left with some long term health issues that will take months to resolve because of waiting lists (UK based). The health issues mean I can't take part in my main hobby as I've been told that partaking in that hobby will lead to a worsening of the medical issue and lead to permanent damage.\n\nOver the last few weeks, I've been struggling. I'm low and on the verge of tears all day every day. I can't concentrate, I have brain fog, I forget what I'm doing constantly, I have real trouble making any type of decision. I have a stressful job which requires me to be at my best, and I'm not managing it very well. I take no enjoyment in anything I do, I'm avoiding family and friends. The more time that passes, the worse I feel. I'm guilty that I don't feel relieved that the outcome wasn't worse, I'm angry that someone else's (other driver's) poor decision making has put me here. My friends and family (my partner in particular) are worried about me as I am not myself, I feel guilty about this too but can't bring myself to feel normal so I avoiding speaking to them.\n\nI'm on a waiting list for counselling, and I've been having regular catch ups with my doctor, but this week I spoke with someone new and within 5 minutes of speaking to me for the first time, she told me my symptoms suggested depression and prescribed antidepressants with a suggested minimum course of 1 year. I have a family history of depression, but this is the first time that I have been here, and medication feels like a huge step, especially seeing as she mentioned taking them for a year. I just want to get back to feeling like myself again, but what I have heard about antidepressants suggests that they won't be the magic fix. \n\nAm I right to be cautious of this new doctor's advice or should I respect their medical experience and just go with it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can i do to comfort my girlfriend",
    "post_text": "I am in a relationship with the love of my life. Shes amazing, loving and overall the best. She suffers from depression for a few years. I have no real experience with depression but i know i cant heal it for her and that she has no control over it. However i dont love her less for that. I just want to be there for her and comfort her the best i can. \n\nSadly therapy is not available for her at the moment.\n\nSo im trying to gather as much information as i can to be there for her. I know everyone has a different experience with depression and everyone needs different things when they are down. However i would like to ask you to share your experience what helps you and what you like other people or specifically your partner to do to be helpful.\n\nThanks a lot.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What's the point?",
    "post_text": "Everyday is a repeat of itself. Im going no where with my life. What's the point anymore? I have stupid habits I do, things I do or things I don't like such as having to lock the door 10 times, having the same routine everyday, not liking certain textures (like the feeling or sound of sand on my feet or silk) or blinking habits. I can't help it, and I don't know why I do it however my mum always says to me \"don't be like that, stop it, you don't wanna look weird\". But I can't fucking help it. I try to reach out for help but everything is so fucking tedious. No one fucking understands. I came out as trans ftm a few months ago and no matter how many times I say I feel uncomfortable with my mum saying things she won't listen. I fucking hate everything.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont know what to do please listen",
    "post_text": "Im 19 years ols living with my hs friend i have adhd and anxiety im a trans man in iran (you can transition but its very hard and expensive) me and my friend keep getting in fights alot of them were kinda her fault cause she was in a bad place and she was a bit toxic but shes been trying to get better she is trying to be healthier in general and i have rejection sensetive dysphoria we are three very good friends but i feel alone very easily everytime they get in a conversation and not talk to me for twenty minutes i feel like shit i feel extra i feel unwanted so i go somewhere and isolate myself my friends also have adhd so me and my roommates usually start conversation but becuz of adhd we interupt each other ALOT and it makes us angry so yesterday i got mad and i yelled at her to let me talk becuz she kept saying\"stop talking let me talk\" or something like that and we argued she apologised but my anxiety has been affecting me physically lately so i was short of breath i wanted to go home so i kept saying i wanna go home she said im sorry i said i forgive you i just wanna go home and she got sad and i apologised but she threw her bag and left our friend picked her bag up and went after her i didnt have the keys to home so i started sitting in an ally trying to reach a friend of mine which i have not seen for a long time i just missed him so much but he did not answer any platform i tried for an hour i felt like shit i was scared too becuz im young and r*pe and SA is a possible thing to happen where i live anyways i got home i apologogized and went to take a bath just to sit alone and i felt numb but i wanted to feel bad and sad becuz i should becuz i hurt my friends cuz i cant shut up cuz my mom never loved me she just abused me just body shamed me she just made me  afraid of coming out as trans and now i want that attention the validation from my friends i hate myself so much i wish i could shut up i wish i could remove myself from everyones life please help me idk what to do im tired and overwhelemed and idk a f*cking therapist to go to",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop being jealous?",
    "post_text": "Im in my late 20s. My partner and I are saving like crazy to be able to buy a house and we're so far from our goal. It feels never-ending.\n\nWe have two single friends who were able to get homeloans and buy a place. These two friends have a fair but of support from their parents.\n\nI just can't help feeling so damn jealous. We have been saving and saving. We dont have kids. We both do shift work and always do opposite shifts so we don't see each other a lot and its hard.\n\nI just get so mad. Like why is it so easy for others but so hard for us?\n\nI'm happy for our friends, but at the same time, so mad and so jealous. How do I stop this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "feeling lost and lonely",
    "post_text": "I  have zero friends and its been that way since grade 10 so give or take 4  or 5 years. I had a friend group in my freshman year but I found myself  less happy around them and when i went to a new high school i distanced  myself from everyone and this is where it all started. Found myself  insecure around others and got really uncomfortable out of nowhere. im  now 20, never been to a party and have zero friends and when someone  tries to be friends with me i think its weird. Ive only had toxic  relationships my whole life. Between friendships and a couple  relationships.\n\nI'm a talented,  funny, really likeable girl but i don't think i can relax around people  and enjoy it at all. tbh i hate it. i don't wanna be like this forever  im extremely lonely but this has been a ongoing problem for years and i  feel like im experiencing a much deeper mental disorder than i let on. i  just dont know what it is. Im EXTREMELY insecure also.\n\nBecause  im alone 24/7 and never chat with anyone and have no family, my  thoughts drive me insane and there SO loud. I have fun by getting drunk  alone in my room. My depression has turned physical and ive been  experiencing intense chest tightening to the point where it feels like  im struggling to breathe and ive been trying to distress and balance it  out a bit. I spend hours a day in my room daydreaming and talking to  myself. Its what i enjoy now and the most fun i have. I feel  disconnected from my surroundings and reality.\n\nI just dont know what to do i fear im stuck here forever. Can anyone atleast somewhat relate? What can i do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to reconnect and understand feelings after years and years of being closing off and not allowing myself to feel.",
    "post_text": "I grew up in a household where we never communicated about emotions or feelings. They were not to be discussed in public. They were a private matter. Sadly. I never felt I had anyone to talk too. I have finally accepted I have suffered depression most of my life. I am seeing a therapist who is helping me unpackaged my childhood reasons for shutting down. Now my partner of 21 years wants me to open up and really communicate how I am feeling and what I want.  I was wondering what advise anyone has to reconnect with my emotions. Understand what I am feeling? I haven't really known anything but sadness and shame.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need a reason to live.",
    "post_text": "Its been a long time that I've been living this empty life without any goal, reason and happiness. Idk i dont want to die but i also have no reason to live. Neither do i have any good memories. I've wasted my life and i know it has been my fault the whole time. I started seeing happiness in other's life a long time ago. It's been a long time since something good happened. Nowadays all i think is for whom i should live or for what? I'm trying to find some reason to live but i can't.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What is the point?",
    "post_text": "I have been suffering from depression i suppose all my life. However, acknowledgment of it only came 3-4 years ago. Since acknowledging i have depression, each passing year since I get worst and worst. These last two years have been my lowest with contemplation of harm getting harder to ignore. \n\nMy 30th birthday was earlier this year and 4 days leading to it the idea of not seeing that birthday was painfully strong. I have no social life. the one friend that i confided in, that relationship has drastically changed. I have no romantic life, and havnt dated in 6 years. and i have no career, recently quitting my job as my mental health plumited, however now i dont think i am good enough for any job so the motivation to look just brings about anxiety and self hate. \n\nNote that i have been on lexapro for the last 5 months with my dossage being raised last week, and although it helps regulate my moods a littler better, I am still incredibly sad and hate the pathetic state of my life. I also started therapy the same time i got the perscription and see them one a week. However, although talking out my feelings gives me temporary relief i still dont know the tools needed to be better. \n\nI am incredible lonely and don\u2019t want to feel this heaviness and self hatred anymore.\n\nI guess the reason for my post is to find out if anyone has genuinely overcome their depression to the point that they can say they are truly happy. Or is this something I will have to fight with for the rest of my life, because if it is then what is the point?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I feel like a loser",
    "post_text": "Basically the title. I\u2019m 21F, and going to post my life story I guess. Thank you for any advice, or just being honest. I feel like a failure.\n\nI\u2019ve never had a job. Even in high school I just wanted to focus on doing good in school, not splitting my time for some minimum wage fast food job, but I guess everyone else in the world already had a job in high school. I still don\u2019t have a job, have never tried to apply/get an interview, and now I feel like I don\u2019t even have time for one. I\u2019m going to be in college full time again next month, I don\u2019t drive anymore, I just don\u2019t see the point. Should I be even more miserable and have less time for school just so I can finally \u201ccheck the box\u201d of having a job?\n\nI don\u2019t drive anymore. I did it everyday for 2 years with no real problems but then the stress wasn\u2019t worth it anymore. I hate the gravel roads/potholes of this town, hate driving on ice for 10 months of the year, I just don\u2019t ever want to deal with the stress again. I\u2019ve lived with my parents ever since the pandemic, and of course not being able to drive makes me feel like I don\u2019t have any agency or independence. Can\u2019t go to school or a job because I feel like a huge burden and failure whenever I ask them to take me anywhere.\n\nI don\u2019t have any friends and don\u2019t really feel worthy enough to have any, but I\u2019ve accepted that for a while. I feel so ugly and worthless and I think any reasonable person would probably agree. I have nothing to offer.\n\nI guess I\u2019m going to email a therapist again soon, even though I have no health insurance and certainly don\u2019t have the money to just spend. I was trying to save my student loan money but I don\u2019t even know what the point is anymore.\n\nThanks for reading. Just really not enjoying anything lately, and I can\u2019t really get \u201cout into the world\u201d at all because there\u2019s no in-person classes, nothing to do, and I feel like a burden every time I ask for something from my parents when they\u2019re working.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need to hear that everything is fine, please ?",
    "post_text": "I'm in a good path, i see a therapist, take meds, try my best all the time, try to provide support here when i can, but damn, it is so fragile. My emotionnal state is so fragile. I have some big project, i try to handle everything my best, but when a little thing does not work, i feel like falling underwater, cannot breathe, immediate tears, and feel like a failure. \n\nI try so hard, soooo hard to hold everything, and the slightest disappointement breaks me up. Every time. Again and again. I know everything is fine, and will be fine, i have a good situation, i've overcome many things but still...\n\nMade a mistake yesterday, borrowed my mom's car, filled it with the wrong type of gas, had to call the insurance and everything, it is in repair, and i feel like a huge pile of shit. I told my mom and i could feel the disappointement. She always act like a spoiled brat when it comes to lend something and i messed up one of her cars. Tomorrow is my birthday and i have nothing. Not a family gathering, nothing. I feel left behind. \n\nI... just want some support, just someone who tell me it's okay, please",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Stuck in room and need help getting out",
    "post_text": "Lately it's been a bit rough. I sleep a good 16 hours a day and eat just one meal a day. I just feel like a log, but unfortunately I have very sweet housemates and I worry I've disappointed them beyond repair. I try to avoid interactions with them and it feels horrible.\n\nI want to get up, clean my room, contribute to the home by cooking meals and all that. \n\nUnfortunately we've been in and out of lockdown so I haven't had much work for the last 2 months and needless to say, the bank account isn't happy. I kind of want to pack up and live out of my van just to avoid disappointing people and not worry about rent anymore.\n\nCan I please just have some advice to get out of this loop? Thanks kindly.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you heal from the trauma of being unloved and emotionally neglected by your parents?",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone, so I've been depressed and lonely for a more or less long time. I fought a lot with loneliness especially, because it's an issue I keep coming back to, even if I manage to tend to my various other issues well enough. It's the loneliness that dwells on me the most.\n\nI attempted to deal with my loneliness by trying to make friends and specifically by trying to find a romantic partner. I know what self-love is about and I know the premise behind it, which is to be able to be okay with not having anyone, because you're supposed to fill your life with your own love. \n\nBut here is where I keep running into an issue: No matter how much effort I'd put into this, it would never be enough. There is no such thing as a \"void in my heart\" which everyone seems to talk about. I would say my heart feels pretty intact, actually. I'm pretty fine with who I am. And I'm told this is enough, because you can't possibly achieve a state where you genuinely *love* yourself, unless you're narcissistic. You can like yourself and enjoy your company, yes. And I do believe this is where I'm at right now.\n\nAnd yet, I'm still looking for someone else. An intimate companionship. A certain sense of belonging. And this is when it suddenly dawned on me: Those are the things my parents could never give me.\n\nWhat do I do about this? How can one heal from this trauma?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no purpose, nothing.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s been like a month and a half of this horrible feeling. This summer has crushed me. It used to be up and down but I think I hit the lowest point. I don\u2019t talk to anyone besides my brother. I don\u2019t really have any real friends. Everything I used to love doing doesn\u2019t seem worth it anymore. Nothing feels worth it. I feel empty. I leave for my first year of college in a month. A place where I\u2019ve already got friends. And it\u2019s something I\u2019m looking forward to. It\u2019s really all I\u2019ve got left. But as the days go on it gets harder and harder to carry on and make it to college.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I quit my job?",
    "post_text": "Everyday i ask myself this as soon as I wake up to get ready to clock In. \n\nA bit of background I was unemployed for a few months last year and this January finally got full time work again. \n\nMy job is for a contact center and I work from home which was great at first but after 6+ months on the job I feel like absolute trash. \n\nIm am being paid a decent wage but I\u2019m starting to wonder if it\u2019s worth it. Every day I wake up dreading the following 8 hours and on my days off I feel like I can never truly rest. It doesn\u2019t help that our \u201cmetrics\u201d are scrutinized daily and we\u2019re written up when goals aren\u2019t met. So every other week I\u2019m met with the threat of being terminated. \n\nIve gotten to the point that I\u2019m using sick time/ time off just to not have to deal with it.\n\nI need to work but the job I have depletes my literal will to live. I\u2019ve usually been good being able to cope but this one has been the most difficult yet. I\u2019m not sure how much more I can make it or what else I can do that lol not require me to speak of the phone to so many people for so many hours. \n\nAny suggestions welcome as I am running out of options to cope and fear having to quit a full time job once again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How depressed do you need to get before you decide you should be off work sick?",
    "post_text": "I'm very depressed and it's mostly due to my job, which is immensely complicated and the depression means I can't focus on the main work I'm doing. I can still otherwise do simple tasks, but the core piece of work I'm supposed to be doing, which is huge, urgent and stressing me out beyond belief is something I just cannot focus on and the more I try the more I become depressed. I'm trying to figure out if I should be off work sick. The more I fail to get this huge, urgent bit of work done, the more stressed and depressed I'll get, but how long should I continue down this route?\n\nI have told my manager and colleagues that I am suffering from depression and that it stops me being able to focus on large, complex work, but the task still needs to be done. They remind me that I can ask for help, but I just can't understand anything, even when explained to me and the task is incredibly urgent.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Overbearing Parents",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been raised as the only child in my family. My mother always constantly barges into my room (somehow forcefully making her way through the lock) to check up on me - I am 18- at random parts of the night. Additionally, she always harasses me saying that I am basically a failure and should just attend community college. Then, she consistently tries to wear my makeup, perfume, and steals my hair products everyday claiming she bought it with \u201cher money\u201d. I have my father who\u2019s always a supporter of my mother and says that \u201cI\u2019m a human being with no emotion\u201d. I just feel so trapped. Some days I just sit by myself in the dark and just cry. They\u2019re a constant burden on my back and  im not able to hang around people unless they\u2019re literally given a background check and the \u201cparents meeting\u201d. I have no freedom. Im 18 and they still treat me like a kid. Whenever I bring it up, they\u2019ll say \u201coh you\u2019ll always be my daughter even when you\u2019re 40\u201d - it\u2019s pointless. Idk what to do but all I know is that if I have to spend one more minute of quarantine with them im going to cry. I love them but this isn\u2019t it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Got rejected from my desired program",
    "post_text": "Hi, I was bullied and betrayed by probably all the people I thought I loved and was also living with my abusive dad when I was attending my last year of high school. This caused me to be severely depressed and suicidal during that year, but miraculously I still managed to get in to my dream school which happened to be UBC (Canadian school).\n\nAnyways I was accepted into the Sauder School of Business in UBC and went there right after high school. However, that was the WORST decision of my life because I was still severely depressed and suicidal by the time university came around and scored the lowest marks of my life. I'm talking about me being a 95% GPA student in high school going straight to a 55% GPA student in university, and also failed a science course (my favorite subject btw). This happened because the whole first term, I stayed in bed so much (resulting in missing class), barely showered, ate irregularly, and refused to hand in assignments just because I (subconsciously) wanted to self-sabotage myself or something. \n\nThis really screwed my grades up, but thankfully I started seeing a psychologist and also got antidepressants and they helped me function normally after my first term in my first year. Ever since then, I've tried my best to correct my mistakes and raise my GPA, been scoring mostly A's and B's (I managed to get my GPA up to 75%) but that first term just... drags me down still. \n\nI recently applied to change programs to science because I realized business is just NOT for me, and I want to do science... but I got rejected due to my failed course and my past 55% GPA for the first 5 courses I ever took in university.\n\nI'm already one year behind because of my decision to change programs but now I'll be 2 years behind because of this rejection ( I have to reapply for the next year ). I'm broke and poor and have to pay more debt the longer I stay in school :/ I don't even know if I'll be accepted next year when I reapply...\n\nAnyone have any advice for me? I'm so lost... I feel like even when I function normally, depressed me from the past will always drag me down and bring me back to that state...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help communicating with my depressed wife.",
    "post_text": "I love my wife. I really do. It breaks my heart that our ability to communicate has broken down entirely. Everything I say runs through a negativity filter and gets interpreted as personal attack. Seriously.\n\nI've been told I'm too logical. (Which might have some situtational truth to it.) Not all conversations call for logic, and I probably do apply these processes to more wishy-washy, emotional conversations than I should. But I'm working on not always trying to be Mr. Fixit.\n\nThat I overthink and analyze things that don't need to be analyzed. (Which I think I know what she's getting at, but I'm unaware of any problem that was solved by not analyzing possible solutions.) I know not every complaint is a request for a fix. But when it's a constant refrain of complaint for weeks or months, maybe it's time I tried to help alleviate?\n\nAnd that I talk too much and don't listen. So I make active efforts to listen and say nothing. Even when painful and untrue accusations are flung at me. Like supposed infidelity or that I don't love her anymore because her depression has caused her to gain a few pounds by over indulging on icecream. Even when I feel like I should tell her those ideas and accusations are not only unhelpful, but deeply untrue, and hurtful to me, I just take them on the chin, because when I have attempted to reassure her of their falseness, in the past, that I still love her, that's taken as needless contradiction and proof that I dont listen.\n\nIn response to these accusations, I'll respond something like, \"Okay, I'll just listen then. How does that make you feel?\" \n\nAnd I get the angry response of, \"See!? Just like that! You've always got an answer for everything!\"\n\nI have to be missing some piece. How can I promise to only listen, and ask a question, and by the time it gets to her ears, it has mutated into an antagonistic criticism or correction. I feel like I'm totally locked into a Twilight Zone episode.\n\nHow do I communicate with someone that will reject the behavior they just asked for? Who will not engage in the kind of conversation they stated that they needed.\n\nSorry for the wall of text. But it's not a straightforward problem.\n\nHelp. Please. I'm totally lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else totally disassociate when they're drunk?",
    "post_text": "Okay, so I know that alcohol is a depressant and that it usually doesn't mix well when you're already depressed, but I wouldn't think a response to it would ever be consistently this bad. \n\nLong story short, went out for a few drinks with some work friends to celebrate my last day and the new job that I got. It was fun, these are people I like, and things were starting to get a bit better for me. Took 173 applications but I finally got a salaried gig, finally established a group of friends for myself after moving to a new city in a pandemic, found an advisor for my master's thesis. But at a certain point, maybe one or two beers past where I should have stopped, I just wasn't there. I left, didn't say goodbye to anyone, attempted to bike home, and cried on the side of the road after falling off my bike.   \n\n\nI'm usually a little bit of an emotional drunk, but I mostly just get affectionate and want to make sure my friends know that I love them. It's never been this, I've never felt this outside of my own experience. Thoughts?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Living with my parents is sucking the life out of me.",
    "post_text": "Hi. F21 here. I've been suffering from depression for god knows how long. I live in a 3rd world country, so therapy here ain't an option if you're not insanely rich, which I'm not. My parents split up in very bad terms, but still live together since none of them have any other place to go than this, so you can imagine how it is.\n\nBoth of them bitch about each other secretly behind each other's back a.k.a. with me. Since my older brother leaves for work early and comes home late, my parents have literally no one else to talk to but me. I understand that totally and try to listen to them as best as I can. But they bitch about how the other one suck, what they do bad, how inconsiderate and ridiculous they are, etc. My dad does this more often. \n\nAlso, I feel like my dad has become incredibly lazy. He's 60, retired but is in perfect physical shape, in general. I know there are things that he shouldn't do anymore, but he literally won't eat anything during the day if no one else is there to cook. ANYTHING. He won't tidy up, he won't even move from his char if he doesn't have to. \n\nI'm a college student. I got a ton of papers and things to study lately, since it's my second year and I don't always have the time to do things. My mom works until noon and comes back to continue to work. She's a teacher. It's so hard to literally baby sit my dad when I know he's capable of doing simple things like fucking make lunch.I feel super guilty when my mom comes home and there's no lunch, because I was on zoom all morning and my dad didn't do a thing. \n\nThe negativity, the complaints, the bad mood every day for almost two years are sucking the life out of me. I Hut the lowest of depression a couple of months ago when I wasn't even able to move from my bed for weeks. I called sick to school, I barely ate anything. This makes me feels terrible, because before all this, I had the feeling I had finally found control over myself. I worked out, I was in good shape for the first time in my life and I had friends... Now I'm alone in what feels like a labyrinth with no way out. Please, help me. I've cried way more than ever lately. I feel that I have no future, I feel guilty and have thought about suicide so much... I need help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My medications are messing with me",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m on Lexapro for my depression because I don\u2019t get enough serotonin in my body causing me to get depressed\n\nBut I\u2019m also on Concerta to help with my ADHD which also has serotonin in them\n\nI\u2019ve been taking his medication for so long that they have started to work against themselves causing me to hallucinate and even possible causing me to have Tourette\u2019s Symptoms and causing me to have seizures\n\nWe found out I\u2019m not epileptic the only other thing I can be is medication interaction but I can\u2019t stop taking these types of medications I have to take antidepressants and ADHD medications to actually be able to live a somewhat normal lifestyle\n\nI\u2019m really frustrated at the moment but I\u2019m going to talk to my doctor soon and get my medications changed and washed because it\u2019s making me really sick at the moment and messing up my life\n\nAnd if I don\u2019t have an anti-depressant in my medication Regine I become very suicidal Extremely fast\n\nAnd on the other end if I don\u2019t have any ADHD medications that is a simulator then I become extremely nasty and can\u2019t control my emotions and I turn into a sheDemon (no exaggeration)\n\nMy question is what combinations would work the best I\u2019m willing to try any sort of medication I\u2019m already doing CBT and counselling to deal with everything else but medication is a major part of my proper treatment to keep me alive without them I wouldn\u2019t be here",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can't move on. I think it's the end for md",
    "post_text": "Hello Reddit. I've come here today to say what I feel in my core, and if I can't take anymore, then may this be my suicide note and my farewell to humankind.\nI'm 24 years old, male, Brazilian, and I can't take anymore. \nI think about the only thing I was able to accomplish in my life, failures.\nAs a middle class person on a average poor country, I always had everything handed. Was handsomely educated thanks to my family's money. Always were quick to learn stuff and was English fluent at 15. However I never managed to be able to study, to take time away from what I felt like doing, which is play video games or playing bass/guitar, and this caused me to have low grades on school, and bring trouble to my relationship with my parents. \nAfter school I went to college but dropped out because \"it was not what I wanted to work with\". Then I got into another college and dropped out again. I always liked listening and playing instruments, and I've been playing bass since my 16. Decided, then, to become a musician. Turns out I can't study music, just like I couldn't study anything when I was a teenager. \nI work at a shit job that pays me a laughable salary, I don't have any skills that could help me get another job and I am unable to learn any skills from scratch. Everytime I try to learn something, for example, music, I fail.\nNowadays, when I'm not working at my shit job, I am drinking, playing video games or doing any other thing that would make me forget who I am and push the hurtful feeling and thought away.\nI can't take this anymore.\nI don't know if I'll be alive tomorrow, but I thank every and each one of you who reads this, I have no one else to say what I feel of think.\nGoodbye.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "should i seek help?",
    "post_text": "\n\nive been struggling with symptoms for depression for over a year. i feel completely invalidated by my own feelings. even though i think im depressed i tell myself i have no reason to be. i have a good family and we\u2019re well off. i have a lot of friends but all of this and i still struggle. im surrounded by suicide and have been for awhile now. i feel trapped. it\u2019s not that my parents don\u2019t care but when they walk into my room and im clearly upset and they ask what\u2019s wrong i tell them i don\u2019t know. because i don\u2019t know why im crying or even why im sad. they don\u2019t believe me, so i always have to make up an excuse. recently my mom asked me if i was depressed and i feel like that was my time to ask for help but i don\u2019t want to admit that im actually struggling with it. i told her i was just lazy. i dont have anything to tell a therapist as to why im sad but do you think i should seek help anyway?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m so depressed and anxious all the time, what do I do?",
    "post_text": "\nSo I know no one on this sub can help my mental health and that\u2019s ok! But I just have no idea what to do with these feelings or thoughts and quite frankly I don\u2019t want to be alive all that much. I\u2019m young, 17 and my life so far hasn\u2019t been as hard as some people\u2019s but it\u2019s not been the best and this last 2 years especially have been shit. Constant battle with what I\u2019m thinking could be adhd, ocd, anxiety and depression (although I\u2019m not diagnosed so im taking most of these titles with a grain of salt until I do) It makes me wonder if all of my adult hood is going to be shit too, I can\u2019t quite imagine myself as the happy version of me I used to be, especially going forward. I see nothing beginning to help me. I\u2019ve tried substances and techniques and they don\u2019t help. Other than weekly therapy and being doped up on some meds I don\u2019t see any other options. \nHas anyone else felt lost, empty, and frustrated in this way and gotten better? Any success stories about conquering mental health? \nThanks y\u2019all",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I tell my strict parents I self-harm?",
    "post_text": "I'm currently 17 and still living with my parents and I don't know if it's the smartest move to tell my parents about my self-harm. It's currently summer and extremely hot in the UK so as a consequence my mother insists I wear short sleeve shirts or dresses she's bought me. I may be overthinking everything but I want to tell them about it and be able to have my arms out freely in a sense but they're quite conservative in their views about mental health. What I'm basically asking is should I just go and take the risk or just hide it for another year?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to take out my negative feelings on my bf",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been struggling with depression, PTSD, anxiety, and anger issues for a while now, and I keep feeling down and I don\u2019t know how to not take out my anger at my bf by getting snappy with him or saying something kind of mean. He knows all about it and he\u2019s been super patient with me, but I know it\u2019s not something that should continue, regardless of him being alright with it at the time. So I\u2019m not sure what to do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "A bit of a strange case: Exercise has DESTROYED my mental health. Thoughts? Advice?",
    "post_text": "\n\n\n\n\n\nFirst, some basic health data about myself\n\nAge:16\n\nSex:Male\n\nHeight: 5'10\n\nWeight:Around 142-145 pounds\n\nEver since the summer of 2019, exercise has been a huge part of my life. My main fitness goal was gaining muscle, so I was doing strength training with weights around three to four times a week. But I also wanted to be able to eat a lot of food and generally have a relaxed diet at the same time. A big reason for that was because my sister had recently recovered from severe anorexia, so my father thought that it would be wise for me to not trigger her and potentially provoke a relapse by following a restrictive diet(by restrictive I mean eliminating junk food, soft drinks, etc.) Because of this, I started doing a lot of cardio, and I really mean a lot. I started out with around 30 minutes of running every other day, but I gradually added more cardio over time. My peak was during the summer of 2020, when I was doing around 2 and a half hours of cardio every other day, in addition to 10 minutes of HIIT on my strength training days. When school started, I cut the duration down to the following routine: alternating between 1 hour of strength training plus 35 minutes of cardio and 95 minutes of cardio every other day. Then, in January 2021, I got a severe knee injury from doing calf raises. Little did I know the day that I injured myself that, from that point on I would descend into the darkest, most hellish part of my 16 years on this Earth. You have to understand that I'd made exercise an essential part of my life. If I didn't complete my exercise, I would fall into a pretty bad mood, sometimes for the rest of the day. So when I injured my knee, I was extremely disappointed. Every form of cardio which I'd been doing and enjoyed(biking and running) was off the table. Judging from prior experience, swimming was also not an option, because I found it(and still do) super boring and torturous. My last cardio option was the rowing machine. I replaced my biking/running with rowing. The problem was that I HATED rowing, even. more than I hated swimming. Every second of my 95 minute sessions felt like torture. The intensity didn't matter, as even super low-intensity sessions made me doubt my sanity.  But, because I'd been so used to doing a huge amount of cardio every day, I literally made myself go to the gym to row.  This sent me into a deep depression. I dreaded waking up every day, as I knew that I would have to go do a torturous rowing session at some point during the day. After watching a video on existentialism and Nietzsche, I decided to completely change my life and viewpoint. I realized that what I'd been doing for the past year and a half or so was INSANE. What was the point of doing so much cardio? I was already fairly skinny, and I had no plans of becoming an athlete. I realized that I needed to live life to the fullest and actually enjoy myself, rather than wake up every day to torture myself. So I completely stopped doing rowing, and reoriented my fitness focus to strength training, the activity which I had enjoyed for so long. But unfortunately, this didn't work out. The toxic attitude I had regarding rowing poisoned my once beloved activity-strength training/lifting. I hyper-focused on the negative aspects of lifting: the pain, the struggle, the discomfort. I no longer enjoyed lifting, instead, I dreaded/hated it. It felt like torture as well. This only worsened my depression, as I realized that NO form of exercise would help, or even just have a neutral effect on my mental health. I took a two-week break from all exercise a couple of weeks ago, and yes, I managed to distract myself with other activities, but when I returned to lifting, my depression returned. Imagine knowing that, for four out of seven days a week, you will be stabbed, shocked, beaten, and tortured. That is how I feel and how I have felt for what seems like so long. I feel like I'm a prisoner in Guantanamo Bay, and frankly, I'm surprised that more people haven't killed themselves in that god-forsaken place. I know, it sounds insane, but this is how I feel. It's gotten to the point where recently, I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. I don't want to live like this, I can't live like this. How come there are so many people who do intense workouts and don't experience these afflictions? Exercise is supposed to improve one's life, and indeed, that's exactly why I started exercising, but it's having the OPPOSITE effect on me right now. I know that you guys will tell me to see a therapist or specialist of some sort, and trust me, I will be meeting with one soon, but in the short-term, any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, and I hope that you are all having a good day and enjoying your life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "If you want to talk just text me",
    "post_text": "I am so lonely I will probably kill myself as soon as life gives me another reason to. If you want to have a meaningful conversation just text me I don\u2019t have anything to do anyway. Even if you just want to vent your anger or your despair I will listen to you. This is the closest I can get to talk to someone as the real me. Please just don\u2019t ask me \u201chow are you?\u201d to then abandon me because it hurts so much I can\u2019t take it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I commit myself to a mental hospital?",
    "post_text": "TW mention of self-harm/ suicide\n\nMy depression has gotten really bad the past few weeks. Suicidal and self-harm thoughts are happening more often, and in general I just feel very gloomy and hopeless and anxious and awful. I\u2019m going through some pretty huge life changes right now as well, so I am really overwhelmed. I can feel myself slipping into a depressive episode, which hasn\u2019t happened in over a year. I am really scared of myself and scared of what might happen if I do not get help soon. I don\u2019t think I will act on my thoughts but still, I thought the same thing a year ago and I was wrong. Not asking for pity I just don\u2019t trust myself to keep me safe, yk?\n\nA month ago I scheduled an appointment with my therapist, but her next available appointment is in another month, and I honesty don\u2019t know what will happen if I wait that long to get professional help. I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m going to kms but I\u2019m just scared for my well-being.\n\nI think staying at a mental hospital would really help me because I just want a break from all of the stressors in my life and I don\u2019t want to lay in my bed all day, which is unavoidable at this point. I just want a break from my life and the ability to get out of this mindset or at least prevent it from getting worse. At a hospital, there would be people to help me get better and keep me busy, so I think a mental hospital is the best option. I don\u2019t know what else to do, but I really feel like I\u2019m a bomb waiting to blow up. What do you think I should do? I\u2019m just indecisive and bad at trusting my own judgement. Thanks",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can feel it coming",
    "post_text": "Good evening y'all.\n\nI struggled with depression throughout college. For about a year after college, i struggled with suicidal thoughts.  I discussed this with a therapist and she seemed to indicate it was situational (i was coming out of college into the great unknown of adulthood and was completing a year internship on $500 a month). \n\nI became an official adult with a night job. The night job did not help the depression. I had insurance now;  told my primary care doctor that i was depressed; she recommended yoga.\n\n I lost 2 dear people to suicide within 4 mouths of each other. The grief was intense - it's been 10 years. After perhaps 3 years, i started feeling better. Honestly, i felt ok for the past 7 years. \n\nCovid hit and that was a struggle. I'm located in one of the first hot spots of covid and it was stressful, but I'm ok, my family is ok. \n\nI've been struggling the past few months. I can feel the depression sending it's roots in. I don't enjoy things. I can't remember shit. I can't determine if my relationship is shit or if it's me. I don't want to be miserable like i was in college. I'm scared and worried.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Girlfriend self harmed HELP!!",
    "post_text": "Me and my girlfriend before we started dating, talked for a little over a month. After that period I went MIA because I wasn\u2019t in the best mental state to be talking to people and didn\u2019t want to hurt us. I was MIA for a month and I returned and I apologized for not taking for so long and it ending making things worse. That night my girlfriend and I started a FaceTime. And she was in a bathroom. She said chase look \u201c very gleeful\u201d and had blood coming down her wrist. I was in shock. I talked about later with her and she said she did self harming because I was gone for so long that when she saw me she had the urge to cut herself. Her cutting herself has been a thing for a little bit now but I\u2019ve been recently depressed because I made her do that. I just want to puke thinking of what me being gone did to her. I worry that if I ever left, she\u2019d cut and maybe kill herself. I worry that I might need to take a week break from reality And I\u2019m stressing about it somewhat becoming into a depressed state 24/7. What do I even do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Was it just a phase or is it depression?",
    "post_text": "I have depression and schizophrenia\nI also have dreams of being a successful music artist.\nI\u2019d like to be a singer-songwriter, musician, and producer.\nI\u2019d like to play multiple instruments such as guitar, piano and bass.\nBut I don\u2019t know how to achieve this goal.\nBeing depressed I don\u2019t feel like doing anything\nAnd making music is no longer pleasurable to me. I read somewhere you must practice 1.5 to 2 hours a day on one instrument to see results.\n\nI can\u2019t do that...I can barely play guitar or piano for 15 mins. I also gave up on the bass guitar.\nBefore I\u2019d just play for hours and write songs\nNo matter if it was utter shit. I was dedicated.\n\nMy goal seems impossible but then I look at multi-talented artists such as Prince, FKJ, Mac Demarco, or Kevin Parker. So it lets me know it\u2019s possible just very hard for me to accomplish.\n(Maybe I should stop trying to be like them and be who I am meant to be...but damnit...I bought all these instruments)\n\nI started making music when I was 13. I\u2019m 27 now. I spent many years believing I would have a career in music and never had a breakthrough. Now, since I have depression and all my musical instruments and gear appear to be useless junk, I wish I had fell in love, gotten married and had children. Even learn to drive and get a well paying job. I had bad anxiety growing up so it prevented me from certain aspects of life. Music gave me strength and purpose. Now I\u2019m just lost in life and not sure if things will get better.\n\nI\u2019m currently on disability for my schizophrenia (I was diagnosed around 23) and am currently looking for a part time job. I\u2019m a late bloomer in life. I even still live with my mother. She\u2019s been my caretaker.\n\nSo now I\u2019m learning to live without music. It\u2019s very hard. I don\u2019t know who I am anymore. \n\nI just sit in my room and see all my instruments and studio gear gathering dust and it makes me feel even worse.\n\nAll I want to do I sleep. I sleep a lot. I have a tv and video games even but I don\u2019t feel like doing those things to distract myself. I\u2019m gaining weight and I feel awful. Life sucks right now.\nIt seems I can only do the bare minimum.\nI can\u2019t set any big goals because I can\u2019t seem to stick to it.\n\nAny advice to get out this slump?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I give up. Nothing makes me happy.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m so tired. So so tired. The more I think about things, the more I\u2019m convinced that the only way to be happy right now is to pump myself up on drugs. \n\nI\u2019m a 20 year old mechanical engineering student starting his second year soon. I tried to kill myself twice over seeing my friends in better positions than me, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll be able to secure a job that gives me enough money to try all the things I want. I\u2019m not graduating from an Ivy League, I\u2019m not a doctor either, so I won\u2019t make enough to travel the world and do the stuff that Instagram and Reddit always puts on my feed. \n\nEven if I manage to win the lottery or something, I know nothing compares to the ideals that I make up in my head. Nothing on this earth looks fun or interesting anymore. I just wish I can jump into games or books and live my life there where anything is possible, but here, you don\u2019t expect aliens to take you to worlds beyond your imaginations, superpowers, or to save the world. The way I see it, I\u2019ll just be working my ass off with the occasional vacation until the day I decide to kill myself. \n\nBecause of that, I\u2019m not motivated to try hard enough because I know everything is second best to my expectations. What\u2019s the point of trying if you can\u2019t get what you truly want in the end, just a consolation prize? It\u2019s a vicious cycle, and I feel like a car running on an empty tank when I\u2019m not working for myself, but just for external reasons like not wanting to fucking starve when I graduate. \n\nI\u2019m ready to leave this fucking earth if I know nothing makes me happy anymore. I\u2019ve learned from my past two attempts, and I think the next one will finally work.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I dumb ?",
    "post_text": "Hi there. It feels weird to talk about it. \n\nIt\u2019s not very original but I hate myself. Not like a teenager phase anymore because I\u2019m already 25 and I feel like I\u2019ve never accomplished anything. I\u2019m not very pretty and I\u2019m kinda fat (not like those pretty girls who are fishing for compliments, I truly am fat).\n\nEverybody tells me to move my butt, eat less, take care of myself but all I want to do is sleep, or die. I feel like I have nothing for myself. All my friends are drifting away from me because of their couple life and I still don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll ever meet someone I\u2019m important for. I live with my mom and my sister. My mom is sick and my sister is a manipulative piece of crap who gets what the fuck she wants and I can\u2019t help but feel jealous because I never get what I want and no one notices me. Guess it\u2019s a vicious circle because it makes me more bitter everyday and more hating towards people in general because I fear their judgment or being seen as dumb AND unattractive. \n\nI feel so empty and alone\u2026and then guilty for beating myself for this while people are truly suffering. Wtf is wrong with me ? \n\nNever been diagnosed depressive so sorry if I\u2019m not and you feel like I\u2019m making depression look unimportant or some stuff. Damn maybe I just needed to let it all out somewhere\u2026? Thanks for the time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like killing myself would be the best option for most people in my life",
    "post_text": "Dead end job, schooling that almost only stresses me out, relationships falling apart, and near-constant suicidal thoughts have been making me feel like most people would be better off without me. All I am is a waste of space, time, resources, and thought and although things may be temporarily shitty for some people if I were to kill myself, I think it'd be overall worth it and beneficial for others in the end. Every day feels boring, yet I constantly feel like I do it to myself. I lost enjoyment in most things months or years ago and am just exhausted of forcing myself to be positive to others and trying to not let my misery show. Right now, there are only three things are really keeping me from doing it; I don't want others to feel like they could have done something (which is an almost inevitable outcome), I don't want my younger siblings to not have an older brother to look up to, and I have an ever decreasing hope of things getting better. I guess I just don't see the point in keeping myself around, everyday is dreadful and more often than not, miserable. I don't have anything to look forward to, and the monotony and boringness of life is getting to me. I guess I'm asking for some advice or help but I don't even know",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My reward system is fked",
    "post_text": "I really want to start living. I can't focus, concentrate or work on anything. I eat shit, sleep like shit and indulge in all horrible things. I want to start working on myself and finding that magic in life cause its gone and it has been for the past 19 years. How do I work towards enjoying things like exercise, working, learning and focusing? I have no control over my life and I did enjoy these things at one point. Its causing me so much pain and sadness.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m sad all the time",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m sad every single time I\u2019m alone. Nothing helps. Not my cats. Not tv. not music. When I\u2019m around people I feel normal enough. But I have no friends. I go to work and fake happiness then I come home and cry at my loneliness. I don\u2019t have my parents in my life, and I have no substitute parents. Most men I meet literally treat me like I\u2019m only worth sex. I\u2019m not suicidal but I\u2019m sad all of the time. I don\u2019t know what to do, or how to help it or how to stop crying every single day.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Alone",
    "post_text": "I really need some help, I can\u2019t sleep anymore, I feel like I want to die but I don\u2019t have enough motivation, I\u2019m slowly losing all of my interests and everything hurts, my body is in constant physical and mental pain, I never feel any positive emotions anymore, if I feel it for even a second a day it\u2019s an honest achievement but I have nowhere to go for this, I don\u2019t want to dump this on the people I care about, because it would be awful to do considering people are dealing with their own problems, but I just need someone to talk to, especially knowing I\u2019m not the only one out there that feels like this is a slight relief knowing that I\u2019m not completely alone in this world, and if you\u2019ve read all the way through to here thank you, and I hope you are doing well, and if you need someone to talk to, I\u2019ll listen to me if you\u2019ll listen to me . Thank you for reading",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need advice on how to get my mom to see a therapist",
    "post_text": "\nwe're a brown family. needless to say, my mom denies mental health is even a thing. i've been to therapy in the past and taking medications right now. she knows that i do. whenever the topic of my medications comes up, she goes \"idek why you're going to therapy/taking meds, what don't you have that you need all this treatment?\" \nevery time i try to explain and send resources, she changes the topic or shows zero interest\nmy grandfather (mom's dad) was obviously depressed. He made several attempts of suicide. 7 years ago he died of heart attack. my mom hasnt been the same since. she is her funny, joyous self but ever so often she gets extremely emotional-either sad or angry. \nshe's a homemaker, lost interest in her hobbies, my dad is so not supportive (in fact is verbally abusive), doesn't have solid friends (not her fault, its hard making friends when you're not well), and my sister isn't the best to her. I havent been home for a LONG time. I only recently came back home. I knew she was slightly depressed but now, observing the way she talks, behaves, her extreme bouts of anger or sorrow makes me think she's depressed or even has a borderline personality disorder. Tbh, she's been this way before her father's death. But now its gotten way worse. Covid isn't helping either. I just need her to be open to the idea of going to a therapist. Even one session would help. Just wondering if anyone has any advice",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Don't know how to live",
    "post_text": "I'm only alive against my will. I'm not a medical professional so I'm not qualified to end my own life. My country and all other have banned my basic human right to die. Due to my rights being stripped i really dislike most people. As most people have contributed to the anti depressed moral grandstanding laws banning the basic human right to die. I have developedental health issues so i will never be able to support myself financially. I can't do the tings i used to due to physical limitations. I have no hope of any decent future. I have family and friends around me. Mom didn't abort me so she missed her opportunity to actually help. No way i could justify starting a relationship in my position. How do I exists in a life i don't want with nothing left to live for?\n\n\nIf your just gonna give some bullshit answer on how life is worth living or how i should continue my suffering to keep my family happy Please don't bother. It's not wanted and It's definitely not about helping.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I see a doctor?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m showing some symptoms of depression like loss of appetite, insomnia, lack of motivation, etc. however I don\u2019t actually feel sad or suicidal in anyway. I feel like most of the symptoms are physical and not emotionally.\n\nIs this serious enough to consider going to a doctor? I\u2019m not even sure why I\u2019m getting these symptoms and idk if it\u2019s even depression or not but my family is kinda concerned\n\nSorry if I broke any subreddit rules, I just discovered this sub a few minutes ago\n\nI would appreciate any insight/advice",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need motivation to continue what I love",
    "post_text": "Hey all, I\u2019ve been so stressed out ever since I stopped drawing a year ago. It makes me feel horrible when I see my favorite artists post, almost jealous because I\u2019m not as good as them. My mental health has ruined how I perceive my drawings and I can never finish a sketch without feeling depressed. Today I want to start over and get back into things. I don\u2019t really have anyone to support me, so I hope it doesn\u2019t sound pathetic when I ask for it here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "feeling kind of depressed (cycle) for a while",
    "post_text": "18 year old here.\n\nOne day I kind of \u2018realized\u2019 there was an ugly aspect of my face (deep set eyes with some hyperpigmentation). I learnt that\u2019s a thing seen mostly in people of color & has to do with facial structure or something like that. I think I had a panic attack because I was crying about it for a while and then became \u2018normal\u2019 again. But the next day around the same time the same thing happened..then I was happy again\n\nI\u2018m of course one of many people who don\u2019t really call themselves \u2018pretty\u2019 and never really considered it. But right now I\u2019m thinking maybe if I get therapy and stay there for as long as possible, I\u2019ll feel somewhat better or calm. I won\u2019t fall back into the cycle of feeling depressed about it, it was kind of traumatic. Don\u2019t really think it\u2018s Body dysmorphia, or could it be? I don\u2019t really care about looks too much. But I hate seeing my face most of the time. I\u2019ve even been listening to/using affirmations & frequencies on YouTube recently to change that ugly aspect so I can just look pretty ok.\n\nIn other words it just sucks. I guess for some people (many people obviously) genes didn\u2019t work out so well. Wish I looked better. Then I would be carefree and not worry about this. Don\u2019t even know what I really am actually. Should people like me just give up..maybe not because I do have other interests which at least are entertaining. I like drawing, making edits & watching videos, etc.\n\nI think I\u2019m falling into that depressive cycle again and I just want it to end. But I don\u2019t know how.\n\nIs there anyone else with a similar situation? Or just someone here with a solution or anything at all. Or just talk about life",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is there anything you can do when you're depressed and can't afford medication/therapy?",
    "post_text": "It honestly feels like there's nothing you can do. I've pushed all my friends away and I no longer enjoy anything I used to. I don't tell my family anything that's going on because they don't understand or care about my mental health. I just feel extremely lost and powerless. I don't have a lot of money so I can't afford medication or therapy, even though I believe therapy won't help me anyway due to past experiences. Is there anything I can do? Or do I just have to rot away until the loneliness kills me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice on how to deal/make progress",
    "post_text": "So, I'm currently in a hole with my depression, and I could use some advice on what to do and ideas on how to approach things, as I've done a lot already. It's a bit of a story, but I will keep it as brief as possible. If you're reading this and want to help, thanks in advance!\n\nSo depression has been a thing all my life, but I only got a diagnosis around 10 years ago (I'm 33). I am also disabled, having a diagnosis of autism and suffering from chronic fatigue. I got therapy, and eventually, medication. The therapy (CBT-like) didn't really help, but at least talking to someone was nice at times I had a good therapist. The medication did help. I was put on 50mg sertraline. \n\nFast forward a few years, and I start to do worse. I get sick with bowel pain that appears to be persistent. A few other difficult things in my life happen, and my depression starts coming back. The pain eventually becomes so hindering I have to stop work entirely. I get a pretty intense comprehensive therapy program for dealing with unexplained symptoms, and it is overwhelming. I lapse back into deep depression. The decision is made to up my dose to 100mg sertraline, and I climb out of it. The lessons I learn from therapy eventually help, and helps me control the pain and lessen it somewhat, although the fatigue actually intensifies.\n\nFast forward to around now, covid times. Turns out, telling someone with a tendency for severe depression \"stay inside and have as little contact as possible\" is a recipe for bad times. I live in a place where I don't have a social network, a result of them moving away and me trying but so far being unable to because disability and dependency on social housing, which is a mess. So events were very important to me, and they've all been canceled now for about a year and a half. I honestly do pretty well for around 10 months (longer than I expected), before things get bad and I seek out my psych again. The decision is made to up my sertraline dose to 150mg, although I note I am seeing a pattern of it stopping working every \\~3 years. They don't recommend therapy, as they're not sure what to give me that I haven't had already.\n\nThe experiment with the 150mg doesn't go well, the side-effects become really apparent and awful at this dose. We decide to discontinue and try something else. The psych recommends bupropion, but I have another idea in the mean time since I've been reading the promising research on psilocybin (which happens to be legal here). I try that once I am weaned off the sertraline and it works really well... for about 3 months. Then I'm back to slipping into deep depression because it's insufficient. I try the bupropion, but it doesn't agree with me. On day 4 I get a headache and malaise severe enough to knock me out completely for the day, and it feels like the skin on my head is on fire? That last one is extra worrying for me since I really don't want the alopecia that it can cause. I decide since it's actually stopping me from doing social things I have left, I should discontinue.\n\nThat's where I am now. The situation is currently pretty bad, I'm struggling to keep the suicidal ideation at bay. I'm not actively under treatment of a psychiatrist at the moment, I would have to look for another referral. Obviously moving to a place where I actually have friends nearby would help, but even if I did find a house somehow, I am in no state to organise and execute a move. I honestly feel pretty bitter about society treats the less fortunate, I've mostly just been left to deal with the consequences of austerity since the financial crash, the failing social housing policy, and the corona policies on top of that.\n\nSince I'm not exactly clearheaded at the moment, I'd like to know what you'd do in my situation. I think I need another medication to try, or stick with bupropion for longer. But all of them are a mixed bag, with risks sexual dysfunction, or weight gain, or liver toxicity. Also, I think I need therapy again, even if just in a \"can't hurt\" fashion. I don't know, what would you do? Any advice is helpful.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "stuck between shitty mother, father, and stepdad, i\u2019m only 14, i feel trapped, i can\u2019t stand my life",
    "post_text": "my dad and mom always physically fought, throwing shit, punching, knocking over shit, they divorced, and we separated from our dad, we preferred our mom way more, our dad is shitty in the fact that he constantly gaslights, tries to guilt us, and won\u2019t let us any privacy, well when we were just with our mom, life was good, until our dad told the court he wanted time with us, and now i\u2019m having to do 50/50 custody, recently my mom has gotten a boyfriend and they have had twins, it started off good atfirst in 2018, however the stepfather always leaves the house for days on end without saying shit leaving our mom in a bad mood, in any case she says she\u2019s done trying with him and that she jusr wants to focus on us, yet she goes out and stays up till five am with him drinking when he comes back, every morning when she\u2019s sober she says it won\u2019t happen again, and yet it\u2019s been happening for 2 years straight, in between my mom who is starting to get as bad as our dad having financial problems, my mom always having court calls during the day and our shitty dad who i can\u2019t list all the things he does as it would go on forever, i feel trapped, these are the people responsible for my life for the next four years? i can\u2019t beat it, as well as i hate my general appearance and that i don\u2019t have much friends and the ones i do have i feel are fake as they never talk to me or invite me to anything outside of school, and my online friends are always dicks to me if i don\u2019t agree with everything they say, overall my life is shit, and with school about to start up i have to take a 2 week trip across the us with my father to meet his side of the family, i can\u2019t take it, i don\u2019t know where to go, i feel miserable, i can\u2019t handle this life for the next 4 years, i need help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Did I destroy my brain and chances to be happy?",
    "post_text": "I was on strong antidepressants since I was 15.\nI often abused drugs and alcohol.\nBack then I remember reading about how dangerous the combination of seratonin boosting stuff like ecstasy and antidepressants can be, but didn't care.\nI continued this risky game for about 3 years, when I was 18 and decided on my own I wouldn't need antidepressants anymore and immediately stopped taking them.\nI had horrible withdrawal symptoms - irregular heartbeat, almost passing out several times a day, cold sweat, dizziness, I felt like dying... so after a few days I took my meds again because I couldn't take it anymore... I lowered my dose each day until I felt like I could take the withdrawal symptoms.\n\nNow the thing is: I am 21, have a girlfriend, have a fulltime job, but absolutely no joy in life whatsoever. I do absolutely nothing.\nI can't even bring myself to do the bare minimum. All I end up doing is swiping through social media and that's it. Every day off.\nMy girlfriend likes to go out for dinner, the cinema, shopping, or even just go for a walk and so on. \nShe's basically dragging me along, I experience no happiness or joy, no matter what she suggests or what we end up doing. There's just... nothing.\n\nWe've been together for 1\u00bd years and I can tell she's getting exhausted. I am so sorry for her. She's a wonderful person, I really love her, but she was so unlucky to fall in love with a person who's basically a wall....\n\nIs there any chance I can fix what I fucked up in my youth?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My bf will commit a suicide",
    "post_text": "My bf is struggling with depression. His abusive parents made him get a 60.000$ credit to buy a house. He works too much and can't handle it. He said he wants to break up with me, so I won't keep him alive and he can end his life. I am afraid his parents will accuse him if I try to reach them. And he was alone for all of his life. His parents left him with grandma and he was alone for years. He won't call hotline bc he is exhausted and doesn't see a point of living. I am trying to make him leave everything and come here,so I can take care of him. How can I stop my bf to commit suicide?? He doesn't have money to get therapy. Please help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "am i falling out of love or into a weird depression episode ?",
    "post_text": "he annoys me more and more. i start to notice little details about him that i hate. i often can\u2019t answer his i-love-u-s because i feel like my answer wouldn\u2019t be i love u too. but last time i felt like this about a person it was just the beginning of an episode where i first hated everything around me and then myself. but right now i just can\u2019t stand that he\u2019s next to me in the bed. i can\u2019t stand the way he breathes and the way he twitches in his sleep. i\u2019m thinking about breaking up. not sure though if it\u2019s me or my reflexes that tell me to isolate myself. I think i mainly hate that he\u2019s a man and i have severe trauma flashbacks that always involve men. i can\u2019t stand men rn. \n\nwhat am i supposed to do ??",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Losing sense of care for self",
    "post_text": "TW: self harm.\n\nHi all, I\u2019m struggling today with a really dark depression that began yesterday evening. I feel like it\u2019s so hard to want to care for myself. As the TW suggests sometimes lately I have been so distressed and yet apathetic for myself that I\u2019ve scratched myself pretty badly. It\u2019s like I just think I might as well destroy myself, because I simply can. I know it\u2019s bad to hurt me and if people see scars I\u2019ll be in even more trouble. So why don\u2019t I care? Do I think I deserve this? How do I care? I\u2019m never going to get better if I do bad stuff like this when I\u2019m feeling low.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Friend committed suicide during quarantine and I feel myself backsliding",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t really have a whole lot to say.  I\u2019ve struggled with depression most of my life.  I was actually starting to really deal with a lot of my problems and was sort of discovering my will to live and fight for myself. I think it\u2019s still there, but it feels like a plane who\u2019s propellers are more often off than on.\n\nIn any case, a friend of mine who was living in my old room committed suicide and I\u2019ve been struggling ever since. I don\u2019t feel like I can reach out to my friends because I already exploded on one of them and I think they are wary of me. I can just tell they\u2019re all walking on eggshells and I hate feeling this fragile and out of control. I\u2019ve isolated myself to keep it from happening again.\n\nThe thing I didn\u2019t expect is how angry I am. I have been having like violent visions and that\u2019s not really something that\u2019s ever happened to me before. That\u2019s the part that I don\u2019t feel like I can share with anyone. When I look at my anger from a more logical perspective, I know it\u2019s not justified, and yet that\u2019s often not enough to make it go away.\n\nI feel like I\u2019m fighting for my life because of this.  And to be honest one of the things that has kept me from doing anything is knowing how much I\u2019ve been traumatized by this and the fact that I really wouldn\u2019t wish this on anyone else.\n\nI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m looking for, but if there is someone out there who\u2019s dealt with this and can offer me some advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It's not getting better..",
    "post_text": " Please listen and don't downvote me. I've been facing severe depression and anxiety for about 8 years now. Needless to say, it's been dreadful. I finally sought professional help in the form of psychiatrist. Turns out his meds made things worse. Then after some years, I thankfully found a good psych who did make a difference. The difference is this: I became more 'functioning'. That's it. The inner turmoil is still very much there. I've been to multiple therapists (Mind you, we're talking about the most well renowned and expensive therapists in my region) but it just made no positive change at all. We went at lengths to discuss and dissect me and my life and my behaviors and my emotions. All this 'analysis' increased my overthinking to the point that now my mind constantly thinks and is aware of each and everything. Like 'hey you did this because of xyz feeling'. Its painfully exhausting. It's like a constant 24/7 commentary in my mind, which was fueled by the therapy. After each therapy session, I felt ashamed, guilty, and worthless. So much negativity about me. Reinforcing the idea that there is something gravely 'wrong' with me. Never did I feel validated at therapy. Never was I told what I can do to feel better. It was like talking to a mirror. Just reflecting back what I said. Which quite frankly, I dont need to hear as my mind has been chattering all those things for years now.\n\nI am very lost, confused, hurt and hopeless now. I cannot find any solution. What can I do..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My family don\u2019t believe in depression",
    "post_text": "My family are those kinds of people who yell and scream no matter what, the constant name calling ect. I\u2019m the eldest of three and always seem to be the main target, my father always seems to bully me, I have olive coloured skin and that is always the topic of bullying (racist remarks), my brother is constantly screaming at me calling me a fat (c u n t) and so on and so forth, my youngest sister now tells me to die and to kill myself, I\u2019ve developed thick skin yet these comments hurt more and more. How do I explain to them that I am depressed, I have anxiety I don\u2019t communicate well with people because of the environment I was brought up in, my doctors have put me on medication for this they just don\u2019t believe me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling alone",
    "post_text": "I have reached a point where I need a lot of support but I feel like such a burden. I work remotely and independently. My school program is online. Despite living with family, I spend most of the time home alone because of different schedules and conflict between people. I try to reach out to friends, but they\u2019re all busy living their life. I don\u2019t really have anyone I feel that I can call when things get really bad. Even when I do talk,my friends say that everyone gets lonely and that I\u2019ll be okay but I feel like I\u2019m going crazy. And lately I\u2019m just tired. I think about ending things everyday. I\u2019m tired",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "not sure what to do anymore",
    "post_text": "for a while now i've just been tired and stressed with everything, i'm lonely, and thinking about going to alcohol or pills or something again just to distract me. i had to recover from addiction all on my own because my family didn't care, we recently moved to a whole fucking new country and it's stressing me out i feel so out of place. whenever i talk to them they ignore it and then school starts soon and i hate it it's all just downhill, sorry for english hopefully it makes sense.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "strength",
    "post_text": "i\u2019ve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. my whole life has been in search of remedies and anything to relieve the constant pain and struggles. i found happiness, my partner. yet i can only seem to be happy with him. now i\u2019m pregnant and sad again and all these death anniversaries are coming up. i feel like my world is crumbling. no one knows and i don\u2019t have friends. like at all. i\u2019m completely alone. my partner works all the time and is stressed from doing so. i feel like a burden in all areas. i dont know what to do anymore. i am genuinely tired",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a pussy",
    "post_text": "I dont want to fix my life. I don't want to do it. A part of me does and I know I have so much potential if I just worked hard and focused but I am such a loser I can't. It doesn't feel right to be happy with myself or be hard working. I gave up a long time ago and I'll never change at this rate. My world is crashing down, I am broke, ugly, fat, stupid, a procrastinator, food and porn addict, basically a waste of space and life. I've achieved nothing with my life. Since a kid this is how I've been. I just don't know how to reinvent myself and become the real me all along. I've left all my old employers without any reason of leaving, I ghost their calls and say I'm busy. I just want to lie in bed forever and ever and never go outside again. I don't see any point in living and I just don't see a reason why I should even exist. This is a real cry for help, anyone please just to talk to and get some help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to force myself to do things?",
    "post_text": "So I've been pretty much just sitting home and doing absolutely nothing other than browsing the internet and wasting time on video games after graduating high school. My parents are pressuring me into getting a job, but I don't want to. In fact, I don't want to do anything at all. And that's kind of a problem. I figured the best thing I'd need to do is getting therapy but I simply can't bring myself to at least make a short call or something to make an appointment. I would prefer describing my situation a bit more in this post, but frankly it took me enough energy to come up with this little bit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know how to help my depressed friend.",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone, I\u2019ve come here for help or advice on what to do for one of my good friends. This might be long because there\u2019s a lot to unpack here.\n\nShe(19) has dealt with depression ever since middle school. I didn\u2019t know her at that time, only the past couple years and this year has she started opening up to me. She comes from a family that is overly strictly Christian. Both of her parents don\u2019t really believe in mental illness/mental help and her mother constantly gaslights her saying her depression isn\u2019t real and gets told to just \u2018suck it up\u2019 or that she doesn\u2019t have anything to be depressed over.\n\nShe tells me all the time about how she\u2019s tired, feeling sick constantly, body aches, has zero energy all of the time. It doesn\u2019t help that she works 40h/week. I\u2019ve been pushing seeing a psychiatrist or counselor/therapist, and she wants too, but she also suffers from severe anxiety and absolutely despises the thought of hiding something like that from her parents because even just thinking about it sends her into a anxiety attack of sorts.\n\nRecently though, I feel like it\u2019s gotten worse. What\u2019s even worse is that I\u2019m the only person she talks to about this sort of thing, or I guess the only person she really talks too often in general, but recently she\u2019s started to push me away/distance herself. I don\u2019t know if she means too, or if she\u2019s doing it purposely, but I don\u2019t know what to do. This scares me. I\u2019m trying to be there as much as I can but it\u2019s starting to become difficult. This breaks my heart and I don\u2019t know what to do.\n\nThanks for taking the time to read this. I\u2019ll answer any questions best I can.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tips for supporting bf",
    "post_text": "I really need tips for helping support my bf when he has his bad days. His days come in waves of really highs until one day everything comes crashing down and gets really bad for a few days before turning around and slowly getting better until the cycle repeats. I know he\u2019s falling into depression and I\u2019ve mentioned therapy but he claims \u201ctherapy doesn\u2019t help for this.\u201d I know he\u2019s very lonely and feels as though he has nothing to do besides eat, work, and sleep because he\u2019s new to the area he lives in. He says everything bad happens to him and he just feels empty and useless. How do I help show him how special he is and support him without constantly nagging him to seek therapy? How would you want your gf to help you when you don\u2019t live in the same city?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Suicidal Thoughts",
    "post_text": "I think about killing myself every week. Every time I do, I feel like I\u2019m inching more and more toward the day I\u2019d actually do it, like I\u2019m on a train speeding toward a cliff and there\u2019s nothing I can do to stop it. I compose the letters I\u2019d leave behind bit by bit in my head.\n\n\u2018 \u2026 Brother, you\u2019re the first-born son our parents should\u2019ve had, and you\u2019ll do a much better job at it than I have. I love you and I\u2019m truly sorry for everything. \u2026 Sister, I love you too and I\u2019m sorry for everything. \u2026 Dad, I know you only wanted to do good. I know you wanted the best for us. I know you tried. I\u2019m sorry I couldn\u2019t be the son you wanted to have. And I\u2019m sorry for destroying your marriage. Pray for me. \u2026 \u2018\n\nAs to my mother, I couldn\u2019t even begin to think of the words I\u2019d leave behind for her. She deserves more. She deserves more than she ever had.\n\nI know I shouldn\u2019t be feeling this way and thinking like this but I\u2019m a burden, a bug in the matrix and they will all be better off without me. I came to a happy family and I ruined everything.\n\nI feel irrevocably, irreconcilably lost. I don\u2019t fit anywhere, I don\u2019t belong with anyone and wherever I take refuge I\u2019m eventually discovered to be the anomaly I am.\n\nMy brain bullies me, my dad lost hope on me and I feel like an injured kid that has fallen into a well and is crying for help.\n\nI\u2019m aware I\u2019m looking for sympathy here and that makes my squirm into myself and want to disappear. Any torch of hope is much appreciated.\n\nThank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why do I feel so shitty",
    "post_text": "Yeah I post here like everyday, I can\u2019t get myself to do any of the things I say I\u2019ll do. :/ I feel like I\u2019ve done everything I could do at this point, so why do I feel so shitty? I feel so tired and \u201cemptyheaded\u201d even though I really need to start on a paper for school. I just can\u2019t make myself get up to do it, I feel like I can\u2019t even start bc I am so weighed down by my own thoughts. I feel ugly, useless and I wish I could just get over that, learn to accept it in the back of my mind as something I can\u2019t change so I could actually do shit. \n\nI don\u2019t know what else I can do. Going to try to email my dr tomorrow, but I guess I won\u2019t if I don\u2019t get a good start on this paper bc I\u2019m spending so much money on college, literally can\u2019t afford to not do my best or get a shitty grade. I eat healthy everyday, try to lose weight (but of course it\u2019s very slow), but I just feel like I just sit around and rot and I don\u2019t know how to get out of that. \n\nThank you for reading or any advice, I really will try to take it but again I just feel like it\u2019s impossible to get myself to do things that aren\u2019t immediately easy. I really do try not to be lazy and useless,  I don\u2019t know why its not working out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't have any friends",
    "post_text": "I feel so unwanted and worthless. \n\nI'm 19 years old and I am extremely isolated. I live in a depressing, toxic enviroment that I cannot seem to escape from. I think I have learned helplessness. i don't have a job or go to school because my ADHD is literally ruining my fucking life.\n\nMy real life friend left me on read. A friend I made from reddit, i ghosted him to see if he'd give a shit about me and i just do maniplative fucked up shit like that and test people to see if they really care about me. Now he doesn't really want to talk to me, i feel it in the texts. \n\nEveryone around me treats me like i'm trash and an annoyance and i don't blame them. I don't like myself at all. I just feel so worthless because the person i was talking to seemed to be the only one that understood and listened to me and now i don't feel like i'd ever get that support again and i JUST FEEL SO FUCKING ALONE AND HELPLESS. Its like i have to beg and beg for someone to care about me more than i care about myself. My mother cares but she does do some fucked up abusive things at times and make me even more depressed and i'm just lost.\n\nI live with the person who SA me as a child and i have to see his face everyday. My beloved grandmother died before my pedophile of a grandfather last month and i'm just so fucking angry. \n\nI'm angry that no one cares. Most people won't read this as manpilative as I sound. I'm just so fucking tired. I just want to be loved and cared for in the way i want.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Meds helped for a short period of time, but now I have no energy again, and can't do things. Any advice?",
    "post_text": "Long story short- I was diagnosed a few months ago, but was in denial because I wasn't actually sad about life, suicidal, etc. I started taking SSRI's (Lexapro/Escitalopram) and got a taste of what things could be like. For once, I had all the energy I needed. I didn't spend forever in bed or on the couch deliberating when I wanted to do something, took five minutes to just pull myself up. I no longer felt like I was fighting the weight of my entire body to do simple tasks.\n\nAfter 2 weeks I decided to drink, and that's when it went downhill. For 9 days, I was without energy, spent hours on the couch watching TV each day, not getting up to do much besides work. I doubled my dose, then for a few days it got better. Energy was back, I was doing things, etc. But then it went back to normal.\n\nTo be clear, I'm still not depressed in the classical sense of having negativity about life. I have hope for the future, overall I'm pretty happy with where I am. However, I miss having the energy I had. I miss being able to actually work towards my goals and not feel exhausted by basic chores. My mind would go on autopilot, and I didn't have to constantly make decisions to preserve energy.\n\nAny suggestions on what I should do next? I've been on Lexapro for ~4 weeks, with a small gap last week where I didn't take it for 2 days straight. I'm not sure whether I should seek other meds, keep on my current ones, or even look for other factors when it comes to regaining my energy. I'm goign to book a doctor's appointment and discuss options, but I wanted to know if anyone else had similar issues, and what they've done.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a fat piece of shit, but I'm underweight.",
    "post_text": "I'm 5 foot and 11 inches and I weigh 110-115 pounds. I'm 16 years old, and I hate my body. I feel like a fat piece of shit, and no one will ever find me attractive because of it. I've been wanting to starve myself for a while now, but I know it's extremely dangerous. I feel like my weight could keep me from finding a girlfriend, and I'm unsure what to do about it. I feel like the skinnier I get, the more attractive I become. I just want some advise or support on the situation.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help.. please",
    "post_text": "I am thinking of hurting myself just to get a reaction out of him.. I cry.. I haven\u2019t cried so much.. I feel tired but I know I can\u2019t give up coz he isn\u2019t even trying..  with every passing day he is reminding me of my ex. He is making me feel exactly like my ex did.. unwanted.. unloved.. ignored.. we haven\u2019t had a conversation in two weeks.. I\u2019m so tired.. I want to go but I know he won\u2019t even stop me.. I\u2019m so tired.. whenever I am alone I break down and cry.. every time.. my day is spent with a slight headache.. what should I do? What does he want? We have had issues and have been riding a rough patch since October last year..",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate everything I'm fat and useless",
    "post_text": "about the onlything I'm good for is being a beached wail in bed. I'd sleep. but I can't even do that. my eurotrash care provider just likes to dump. \n\nI just want to discopear. I can't wake right. I can't eat right. I can't get a job right. I fucking despise the state of the country. I only know how to enjoy the nice summer heat. Its not enough though. \n\njust let me leave or something.\n\nmy flabby fat gross body makes me e want to barf when I see it in a mirror. Only thing I enjoy is Kava nd getting fucked up beer.\n\nfuck me my life sucks and fuck you.\n\nno one in this country\\[us\\] wants to d a fucking thing to get the god damn fucking turds out. you're all just into be beligerent fucking cunts having a god damn motherfucking tantrum about a fucking vaxxine. fuck yo u die you self centered cunt.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont think that therapy is doing anything",
    "post_text": "So, Im feeling really bad, but every time I talk to therapist I cant explain whats going on. I just start to cry and only thing that I can answer is \"I dont know\". When she asks me about what I feel and how I feel, why I feel so or why do I think one way or another I cant explain. I just fell worthless, helpless, dumb, ugly, all the worst things, but I cant explain why. I feel like my life is pointless and I dont know what could give me a point. Now I start to think that Im just losing my money on therapy, because all I do is crying infront of woman that asks me questions I cant answer. Should I keep going? What should I do? And when I find answer why I feel so, I dont think it will help. How understanding what I feel, will help me with feeling?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Been feeling extra lost lately.",
    "post_text": "I wonder if it\u2019s just the negative vibes in the air surrounding all this Covid business and other negative news like people\u2019s mental health declining, more suicides or destruction due to climate change. \n\nI\u2019m starting to feel that my whole life\u2019s been dictated for me from the beginning. I never had much control. Now that I\u2019m a certain age, i\u2019m expected to function \u2018normally\u2019 but somehow I can\u2019t find anything to motivate me. I can\u2019t find anything that interests me and drives me to do better. \n\nThe feeling sucks. It\u2019s almost like this is how older people driven to suicide must feel. A burden on people they know, aimless. Nothing left to live for.\n\nFeels like no one will notice if I\u2019m gone. I\u2019ve never done anything worthwhile or contributed to anything anyway.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want the comfort of depression",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been on the edge of a depression episode for a while. I find myself tearing up, coming home exhausted, lacking motivation, faking a smile... but I\u2019m doing everything possible to not slip into the episode. I\u2019m going out with friends, cooking dinner, DISTRACT DISTRACT DISTRACT... I\u2019m basically mastering the \u201cfake it till you make it\u201d but honestly, I\u2019m tired of doing that. \n\nDepression has taken my to my lowest points in life... but it\u2019s so damn comforting. Staying in bed under my weighted blanket, crying, not having to respond to the outside world... that sounds so nice. And it\u2019s like a drug trying to entice me to come back to it. And I know in my brain that I need to not listen to these intrusive thoughts. I know I need to keep fighting it off and faking it and distracting myself until this edge is gone... but I\u2019m too close to letting go. I almost WANT to let go. \n\nI\u2019m just looking for someone to relate. All my support groups have already told me to think of my progress and my daughter and my students (I\u2019m a teacher) but I\u2019m tired of always doing things for everyone but myself. Idk. Anyone?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Living a fulfilling live with depression?",
    "post_text": "I'm 18 years old, in nurse school and I have a diagnosed depressive dissorder at an intermidiate stage and I ain't gonna lie, life's been pretty tough lately. \nThere were so many things I enjoyed especially sport, politics and music. And I've been trying to get into these things again but it just never seems to work. I just don't have the disciplin i used to have.\n\nTbh, i feel horrible, my alcohol consume is rising and I also didn't took my meds for the past couple weeks.\n\nAt other depression related subs no one could help me yet, but maybe does some of y'all have any experiences with it and could maybe even managed to heal it. (i don't have hope that that's possible tbh)\n\nWhat did u do to he happy again?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m terrified of thinking I\u2019m giving up, but also I feel like I\u2019m done.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m turning 30 next year and I\u2019m the biggest fuck up I know. I\u2019ve been all my life thinking I had a great future ahead as I was a better-than-average student, my parents let me choose the career I wanted (even if it was an economic risk/I\u2019m majoring in arts), went through college very competently, got good grades but I also was inadvertently sabotaging myself. I\u2019ve been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, my parents were told I might have a mental disorder such as an anxiety disorder or BPD. I went to a psychiatrist for a whole year but dropped out since I wasn\u2019t feeling any different and decided to instead focus on school. But being honest I never truly made an effort in school. Many professors told me I was talented but I was always so afraid to prove them wrong so I did no major projects. I kept avoiding major job opportunities since I thought those weren\u2019t for me and I wasn\u2019t the right guy for them. My \u201cprofessional\u201d life had a shine of light at the beginning of 2020 as one of my projects was being financed, then the pandemic hit putting everything on hiatus, got no job of course, and had to go back to my parents. One year later: everything\u2019s worse. Still jobless, still with my parents, procrastinating, hitting bottom every couple months, with 3 suicide attempts already, and just shitty thoughts every passing hour. My parents are sick of me even if they don\u2019t say it out loud. I\u2019m sick of myself. I\u2019m a fucking parasite too scared to do anything to change that. To move back to my apartment and find a job. To see how accomplished my friends are and seeing what they\u2019ve done in the past year and me thinking \u201cgood for you mate, I just tried killing myself more than once haha\u201d. I\u2019m too ashamed. \nI\u2019m too old now. I see people being successful at 24 and I\u2019m 29 now and it\u2019s too fucking late, still living off my parents is so humiliating. I can\u2019t shake away that feeling and I\u2019m so afraid one of these days that feeling turns unbearable and just end me without thinking it twice. I\u2019m done.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Let's be realistic",
    "post_text": "I stand at the gateway between being stuck in my head and living in reality. You could imagine it like an arched doorway, about 12 feet tall. The door itself is made of rocks, placed almost like bars. The support frame is metal, cold, blue. On the inside, behind the door, it's cold, it's empty, it's black. Filled with images if the past, things that I regret, pain, scars. There are two chains on the floor, not far from where I stand. Those chains were what I used to rattle to summon or conjure back the moments I feel I missed. Like opportunities that had passed me by, like love lost by the way side, like all the memories I just can't seem to let go, like all the people I've lost along this road. \n\nBut on the other side there is a light that's beaming bright. I can feel the warmth of the air brush my sides and I feel the urge to come running. Like it's calling out my name, like I no longer need to be ashamed of who I am today, like everything I've ever known has a chance to change.\n\nBut my biggest struggle is in letting go. My biggest fear of losing control, yet I just need to find my way home, I don't want to be trapped here forever, inside the cold, growing abyss. Reminiscing all the opportunities I missed. I don't want to die here alone, yet I'm so afraid to move forward, as I navigate this dark night of the soul.\n\nSometimes it's hard enough just to breathe, as I feel the light taking over me. All the damage hidden underneath brought to life, im forced to see and the well behind my eyes, it opens up, it opens wide. I can feel the tears stuck behind of all the pain I've forced myself to hide.\n\nSo I speak to you in riddles, could it be I'm just a boy inside? I know I'm stuck here in the middle, too afraid to step into the light.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "People who have been deeply depressed before, does it ever truly get better?",
    "post_text": "I haven\u2019t felt like myself in the longest time. When I think of my future I can\u2019t even see past the next year, it seems like there\u2019s no hope for me at all. I feel like my friends hate me, my family doesn\u2019t care about me, that no one would actually care if I was gone. I know that may not be completely true, but I can\u2019t help myself from feeling that way. It\u2019s a lonely feeling, and I can\u2019t seem to shake myself from it no matter how I try. I feel like I\u2019m merely existing rather than living, and I have no idea how to change it or what fo do to make it better. The only thing that keeps me from ending it is my parents. I could never put them through that.\n\nAnyone ever pulled themselves from the trenches of depression and made it out successfully? I could use some positivity right about now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Eating. (Tw)",
    "post_text": "I can barely eat 2 meals a day anymore. Today I had nothing for breakfast, a cookie for lunch and a few slices of pizza and a few chips for dinner. My family keep putting food infront of me but I always say I'm not hungry. I cant tell I'm loosing weight but apparently my family can. I can't help it. I exercise for hours a day and eat little food. I feel like fainting alot of the time. But I don't want people to find out I haven't been eating so I eat tiny amounts, and then continue on. I drink tea to get me through the day. I'm constantly tired, cold and angry all the time. I don't know what's happening to me. A few months ago I would look at people who said they mentally couldn't eat and say they were stupid, but now I'm the person I called stupid.\n\nI guess it started when I found out I was transgender. I started working out because I hated my body. As time went on, I started to work out more. And as more time went on I started to eat less and less.\n\nHelp me. I can't stand it. But I can't stop. No matter how much I want to eat and be healthy. I can't. My mind won't let me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm unsure whether I sexually harassed somebody or not, and as a result, I'm extremely depressed.",
    "post_text": "Hi, guys.\n\nI'm a 23 year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome, and one of the two themes of my pure-'O' OCD over the last two years has been a fear of\u00a0doing something sexist - this is a manifestation of the moral scrupulosity element of OCD.\n\nFor the first time ever last summer, I sent a flirty/provocative text to a woman via the 'Ask' feature on Tumblr, while non-anonymous. The message was an abbreviation followed by a question mark.\n\nI remember the post I found her through specifically saying that she was open to receiving these types of messages, yet my brain is trying to convince me that this is false, and obviously because it's been so long now, I can't remember what her blog is called and have felt a compulsive need to find her, but can't.\n\nI want to die, because I don't want to live with the shame and guilt associated with having potentially sexually harassed somebody, but I'm so very certain that she was soliciting these messages, as well as answering similar messages from men on her blog and being receptive to them. This is what my recollection was last September when I first reflected on it.\n\nI wasn't trying to be strange at all, I was trying to be more confident than I had usually been in this circumstance.\n\nPlease, help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel depressed",
    "post_text": "I have felt depressed for a while, I have done a lot of things to try and help myself through therapy, sports, working out, videogames, talking to wife, friends and family, church, learning a language, working full time, staying busy, going to university. all I have found is that each time I completely any of these things that I still feel like I am empty.  when I do not do those things for more than 10 mins by myself that my thoughts just get dark and I be little everything I have ever done. I think about all the things that I have done in the past, I have talked to many people about them but the pain is just as deep as before. I have decided to stop talking about the stuff cause I can tell that everyone around me is getting bogged down by it and people are more happy when I pretend to be.\n\n I am going on trip to the place where all my pain started to hopefully overcome it all and to turn my life around from the pain. I don't know if it will work or not. any tips on what else I can try?\n\nAlso I get depressed because I have dreams where I'm constantly bombarded by women who are not my wife who want to have relationships with me and it's a nightly battle to not give in to it when I'm dreaming. I know it sounds silly but I fear that if I give into the dreams that I might do it in real life. I don't want to tell my wife because she doesn't understand other weird dreams that I have had in the past.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have to be at work in 5hs",
    "post_text": "I just want to fucking die instead though. Ive been off for 1 week to get dental surgery and im so upset that I woke up from it. I have to go back tomorrow and I am just fucking panicking. Its going to be awful catch up. For about a year Ive been telling myself to jump infront the bus instead of getting on it. But it would be cruel to involve an innocent person in my suicide. \nI cant fall asleep. Which is making me panick more. I feel like some sad idiot 12 year old girl again. Im almost 30 and still cant fucking handle life. \nDo I just quit and check myself into a hospital? Jump under the bus? Suck up one more day?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I\u2019m retarded and that makes me depressed",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve always been slow. I misinterpret what people say a lot, i suck at reading people, i have difficulties reading text and understanding it\n\ni feel like everything i was thought when i was in school i forgot. my poor memory ruins everything cuz i easily forgot important things\n\ni hate being slow and indecisive. i cant even make choices without screwing my life or making it worse. i have the wrong perspective of everything. im impulsive and always anxious. antisocial. socially awkward. just because i say and do foolish things thats why i dont want to hang out with people\n\ni know little about my culture cuz i isolate myself from everyone. im always inside never going so all the info i have are those from school and not the streets\n\ni struggle mentally but none of this makes sense cuz i have had success in other areas of life. like my financial. my finances is good at this point. that\u2019s because i thought if i had money i wouldnt mind being slow and all that so i worked hard to get it but i still feel empty like im missing something. i feel like the money wasnt what i wanted\n\ni just want peace and I\u2019ll do anything to get it. i want to improve but i dont even know where to start cuz i suck at planning and seeing the big picture \n\ni hate being depressed honestly but i just read an article and it said that mental illness cant be cured. thats very sad\n\nand i cant see a therapist. i dont want to",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being alone makes me depressed",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m 24 and failing in college which makes me depressed since I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll keep being a loser, I have small amount of friends and we rarely talk or hangout, I\u2019m single and that also makes me sad and my family rarely talk to me. People always make fun of me by calling me stupid, ugly and virgin, at first I didn\u2019t care about it, but since the pandemic I almost never meet anyone, rarely chat or talk to anyone too and it makes me really lonely. Seeing my big brother friends, coworkers and gf come to our house having a good time makes me envious of him, I\u2019m already depressed and seeing him having things I don\u2019t make me even more depressed and feel like a complete loser, he sometimes jokingly make fun of me for not having a gf and said I will stay a virgin my entire life. I know he was joking and I ruminate what he said and cry. I started not giving a shit about college and left all the classes and exams for 2 semesters, being suicidal and tried several method and failed. Now I feel a bit better after going to therapist and try to fix my college life so I can be something, but every time I remember what he said for being a virgin etc still get in my nerves and makes me slightly depressed, and seeing couples in the street, or seeing my big brother and her gf being romantic makes me really depressed, listening to love music makes me want to cut my ears and shoves tnt on my eardrum. I want to focus on my college but every time I get reminded that I\u2019m still single makes me lose motivation on doing anything except hanging myself (but I failed before so maybe another method). I bought a gun 2 days ago and thinking of shooting myself on the head but when I tried to point the gun to myself I feel terrified. I don\u2019t know what to do and I also hate my self for leaving college for 2 semesters (I could have passed this year if I didn\u2019t do this stupid shit)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Prescribed lamictal for depression?",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone. Apologies for how long this may be. Has anyone been prescribed lamictal for depression WITHOUT having bipolar disorder, along with suffering from low testosterone? A bit of b/s - my SO was prescribed lamictal to combat his depression (which is also very likely triggered by low T, which we are in the process of trying to treat), and tapered up from 25 mg to 100 mg within a month beginning in June. Prior to starting it, his previous most recent depressive episode was back in December. After he tapered up to 100, within a week, he immediately had a major severe depressive episode and never came out of it. Rather than his normal highs, high level mediums, and mid levels, he bordered on depression the entire time. He began to withdraw completely throughout the entire month of July, and then hit a second major depressive episode that lasted about 2 weeks. Throughout this entire time, he began saying he no longer wanted to be here, doesn\u2019t have feelings for me anymore, etc. I urged him to stop taking the lamictal, and although he has reached out to his psych multiple times over the past few weeks, he has yet to hear back so he decided to stop on his own. Since stopping the meds a week ago, I\u2019ve seen flashes of the man he used to be coming back - but unfortunately, the medication numbed him to the point where he simply just doesn\u2019t want to be here anymore.  We\u2019re not exactly sure what to expect from this point on - he keeps hoping that the longer hes off, that he\u2019ll come back to what he was feeling emotionally but at this point we just don\u2019t know. We\u2019re still awaiting the results from other testing, but for now, we\u2019re just circling the drain and it\u2019s legitimately killing me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Done w life",
    "post_text": "I think I'm gonna commit suicide soon.\nIve started questioning my gender yet again, and i came out to my parents 2 days ago and its the worst decision ive ever made. They were \"supportive\" but really they think its my other mental illnesses that make me believe i may be trans. \nMy life feels so so so horrible right now. I honestly barely believe im even living. \nSchool is starting in 2 days. \nMy birthday in 1 day.\nI cant take another year of school anymore.\nI can't take another year anymore.\n\nWhat do I do? \nEverything feels like a burden,\nAnd most of all,\nI feel absolutely disgusted by myself.\nI don't know what i did\nI just know that whatever i look like,\nIts not me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loving one is Depressed :/",
    "post_text": " \n\nHey guys,\n\nso i was \"daiting\" with a girl and after trying and trying she couldnt get any feelings for me.\n\nWe got into a big conversation about it after 2 months. She never told anybody and never ever talked about it with somebody. She told me that she is Depressed. I asked for some reasons and when it started. She told me that it started in high school because her parents have really high hopes in her and pressuring her pretty much. She is 19 now. I feel like (she told me as well) the reason why she can't love me is because of her depression. I told her that im ready to help her anytime and all. But she doesnt want help and really doesnt like it when others help her. She doesnt cry infront of anyone because thats a symbole of weakness she tells me. I really care about her. It even feels like it hurts me more then her to a point. I dont know what to do. And i feel like if i will be there for her that one day she might feel how it is to love somebody. Since she told me that she never loved someone really. So if anyone could give me a tip on how to handle the situation that would be the greatest thing ever.\n\nI also asked her this question on a scale to 0-10 if 0 is: that she loves her life and most things are going well and 10 is: i want to kill myself as soon as possible. She answered 8. I'm really concerned. And getting a therapist isn't an option as well for her. She would never take any pills either or so. She isnt Religious, she feels the \"best\" if she is just alone and if she has her quietness. She feels pressured if she is outside with her friends etc.. She also doesn't find relationships appealing. Maybe because she never had a good/real one with feelings but that is just an assumption. She has guilty feelings because she started daiting me and wishes me to find a better one. She doesnt really like herself etc etc. Dont understand me wrong. Outside she is a extrovert, like nobody would know that she is actually depressed im sure. She acts like a woman that is really happy with most things. But some sings i could read told me how she things about certain themes..\n\nPlease i beg you guys please help me to find a way to help her. Thats the only thing that would make me happy. I would give everything for her to slowly feel \"normal\" again. I want to be her saviour/hero :(..\n\nsorry for my bad english ):",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a fat useless slob and not god damn thing fucking works.",
    "post_text": "Long time  friend  from college is manic, unstable, and abrasive.  Trying to address issues from a long time ago when my father was an emotionally abusive duchebag, mother was sheltered and never worked or had to do a god damn thing herself till her 50's. My brother was physically abusive cunt.\n\nBoth Bro and Father were almost always drunk, or high as fuck on pot. In my youth We had I think it was 3 TVs. 2 for the family, 1 bro got from somehow probably dumpster diving.  My father would use all 3 for his precous fucking sports shit. He'd have a completetantrum if he missed a play or some \"super important\" second of a fucking god damn play. Mother and him would have fights. SHe'd always leave notes threating to leave. I think I tried to uncously devise ways to not be home much because of that shit.   \n\nGrandpa was just an asshole. I loved him, don't me wrong, but the motherfucker was a distant asshole. His wife spent most of her time shitfaced. I don't know how we managed to keep it together for enjoyable dinners that were legit great. \n\nBro would come home drunk and start beating or kicking me \"to get the fag out of you and make you a man\". HIs fucked up girfriends got off on that.\n\nI tried to stay in my room because my parents were to fucking pussy to say anything to him . THey called it  \"No Karate in the kitchen\" looking back that's not cute.\n\nI was bullied to tears, had my fucking shit stolen on the regular from jealous cunts from a ghetto. I hated everything  about jr high....wait loved the nice girls i met.\n\nBrought home one of my girlfriends. A super soft, gentle, kind nice,, just mmmmm yummy girl I met in some class IIRC. Think name was jen. We came over to my house to study. since I wasn't getting help at home for shit on math. She somehow got me through a class inn Jr. High was about to flunk. Had tutors, dreaded going that meant a car ride with one of my family aholes.\n\nSufficed to say Jen introduced her self to grandma. who pretended to be polite. I over heard her a little latter asking mom \"why he \\[ie \\] me with some kinda' nig\\*\\*\\*\\* \" . :( that so hurt. I loved jen for being friendly cute, and we had things in common, she was cute AF, and we played video games (when my dad wasn't having a meltdown) \n\nThese days now I'm just good for being fat, broke, broken and useless.  ICAN'T EVEN FIX MY MY OWN FUCKING COMPUTER!!\n\nI hate how my buddy from college calls up at 8 or 9 in the evening \"you old man shit why you in bed\". Or has hissyfit about a Bluetooth head set sound like talking though a can. but the the bitch calls while she's  \"multitasking\" and has 99zillion fucking zoomb calls going!\n\nI fucking hate how a SSD drive on my god damn computer died then when I need just  few bucks to help  cover the cost of a regular ol hard drive I'm read the riot act.\n\nand I'm tired of the entire shit show of the world right now, my fucking life is a useless shit show. and I . I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK ELSE AM I FUCKING SUPPOSED TO DO!!\n\n i didn't ask to get born into a world raped of it natural resources an entire generation self centered cunts making  it hard as  fuck to do  a god damn thing OR EVERYTHING BE DELLAYED BY YOU FUCKING ANTIXVAXER PUSSY FUCKS.\n\nI JUST WANT TO DISCO FUCKING PEEER!!!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm nervous, starting a new job after 1 year of being unemployed",
    "post_text": "Next week I'll finally start a new job after being unemployed for a year. I'm excited but I can't deny I'm also super nervous and have a lot of social anxiety, partially cause in my last job the working environment was extremely toxic and that worsened my already present depression. \nI'm worried about interacting with my new colleagues and not making a good first impression (which is usually the one that sticks forever lol), as well as not performing well, and being taken advantage of. \n\nIf you've been through something similar or if you have any advice to get through all this, please let me know.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I\u2019m a waste of a life.",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t want to die I just don\u2019t want to be here anymore. I\u2019m not sure if that makes sense. I  haven\u2019t had a good life, from birth till now has just been a big miserable struggle. I work in a Job I hate with people I hate, my degree is as uselful as a paper candle. I\u2019ve lost most of my friends and I\u2019m over dependant one the ones I have left. I think I could of been more than what I am and I\u2019m trying to get to where I want to be in life but it\u2019s just hurdle after hurdle. Every attempt I\u2019ve tried fails, people have walked over me and used me so bad that I never regained the confidence to make something of myself. One minute I feel empty, the next I feel like I\u2019m drowning. I can\u2019t live like this anymore, I feel like my existence is painful. I have no redeemable qualities as a person.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Not best this morning",
    "post_text": "Not best this morning\n\n​\n\n**Warnings & Disclaimers**\n\n​\n\nTrigger warning.  This is one of my rare serious non-fiction person pieces.\n\n​\n\nNo pixels were harmed in the creation of this piece.\n\n​\n\nNone of the characters are at risk of suicide or self harm.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n**Situation Report or some other random sub heading or another.**\n\n​\n\nAs some of your know, every single morning, 7 days a week / 365 days a year, my first thought upon awakening is that I wish I was dead.\n\n​\n\nAnd yes that is an exaggeration. There have been four days in the past two years that weren't like that. Perhaps tomorrow will be another one, but probably not.\n\n​\n\nToday (Tuesday) is especially hard.\n\n​\n\nLast week, I was told to that today I might get a particular piece of good news.\n\n​\n\nThe barrier of these tidings is putting it at 50:50.\n\n​\n\nHe is known to be overly optimistic.\n\n​\n\nI am putting it at 90:10 against and the odds are really probably much worse.\n\n​\n\nBut the magnitude of the news would be life changing.\n\n​\n\nIn a few hours I will probably feel let down. Despondent. Angry.\n\n​\n\nFor a week I have been avoiding unpleasant tasks that, if the goods turns out to be real, I won't have to deal with.\n\n​\n\nSo in a few hours they will be back on my list.\n\n​\n\nNot fun.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice/Help",
    "post_text": "Hi there!\n\nSo I decided to create a new Reddit account to write this.\n\nI'm not sure if this is the right subreddit - but thought I'd want to just talk about things.\n\nI have been dealing with anxiety for around 3 years now, and have been experiencing depressive symptoms for around a month. \n\nI don't want it to sound like I'm complaining - but I just feel exhausted. I'm tired of always trying to be better, to improve and hoping that things will change. I had seen different psychologists over those 3 years, and although one had worked really well for me - the rest felt like I was just talking about my problems without actually coming up with a solution.\n\nHonestly, it feels a little bit surreal for me to even be writing a post - because I've tended to lurk reddit for so long and just read things.\n\nI know people say that things will get better, and yes - there is COVID/lockdown. I just become so angry with myself that I'm not improving at the rate that I really want to be. And I honestly don't even know where to start to initiate that improvement.\n\nI guess I just really want help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Tired",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m tired of having no one. Im tired of feeling like no one cares even though they say they do or \u201cunderstand.\u201d I have literally like no one it sucks. Like you\u2019d think I\u2019d be able to find a good friend or anything near that. I have no family basically. At this point I\u2019m way beyond lost hope. Tired of the way things work to as soon as something good comes along it ends fast. Nothing even helps me tried doing everything in the book. I\u2019ve got treatment resistant depression so literally if a med helps which they usually don\u2019t they help for a month and then stop working. My doctor won\u2019t even reply, listen, or even send a text back for a refill on anything. The world is just pathetic. Like it\u2019s so hard to find anyone that\u2019s really genuine. I\u2019ve always disappointed my parents with almost everything. My older brothers the golden child, and I get treated so different. I just wanna feel normal for a day without meds.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "on weed again after 6years clean read",
    "post_text": "well i will start by saying being clean for a long time was ok for me i have no prob being sober ,been sober for nice clean 6y nu ,but my depression is taking over my life the life inside of me no joy no fun i am on meds on antidepressant been on them for 6months got my last sub of pills this week ,but why i am smoking weed again i dont know really i dont know ,it makes me feel again and i enjoy being high and sober like i won't mind being any of the two, but weed helps me think clearly about how i feel and i am at peace with myself if i die i die no prob i tell myself wee all are going to die anyway might as well have fun and don't care about small things that doesn't matter really ,before i stopped i had really a bad case of panic attacks and wount even be able to sleep before i was always afraid inside but now  i am at peace with whatever happens really my depression made me stronger in a sense looking for meaning in life and how i would live my life \nbut i am looking for advice from people smoking alot of weed with depression does it help i am only smoking for a couple of weeks after work only after work just at home i wouldn't show up at work  high  if i am gonne smoke weed i want to be very clean about it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why can\u2019t I quit MY job because of health problems?",
    "post_text": "I love my spouse. Truly, 100%. She\u2019s the only thing that keeps me going most of the time.\n\nBut I\u2019m still stuck at my shitty job, and it\u2019s negatively affecting my mental and physical health. Back in February, she quit her job because her anxiety and agoraphobia got so bad that she couldn\u2019t go in to work. She just stopped going and told her boss that it was health related. She was unemployed for a few months while she searched for something else and I was the only wage-earner during that period. My car broke down, we lost our storage unit, I struggled to make rent, etc. She\u2019s working again and making more money doing something that\u2019s better for her health and I\u2019m so happy for her.\n\nBut I\u2019m losing it. I\u2019m slipping. I\u2019m angry all of the time. Physically, I\u2019m in a lot of pain. My wrist hurts every time I move it. My back aches. My knee which I injured last year has never had a chance to heal properly because I\u2019m always working. Mentally, I\u2019m struggling. I can\u2019t keep going on like this. I need to quit my job.\n\nBut when I say that, my spouse just says, \u201cI\u2019ll help you apply for jobs. I\u2019ll help you write a cover letter.\u201d My mother says I shouldn\u2019t quit without a job lined up. But my spouse quit her job without having something lined up. Why am *I* not allowed to quit? And if I mention maybe going back to work with kids again, my spouse freaks out because she doesn\u2019t want me working with kids because of the pandemic. I just want out of this job! Why can\u2019t I just LEAVE?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "House mess, help..",
    "post_text": "I have being depressed for over a decade now but on the last 2 years im living by myself, and i havent cleaned my apartment in over a year, im extremally embarrassed of this and its over wehlming and i recently discovered i have a mold mite infestation, i have cats and i want to give em a better life than what doing i just feel like a complet failure, i literally have a room with the floor covered in shit, but everytime i start cleaning i just feel like i am going to have a panic attack and i dont have anyone in this town to ask for help, and i am not sure i would in such embarrassing issue. I need help tips on how to start advices on how to overcome my anxiety and panic, please.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m scared he\u2019ll leave if he finds out the truth about me",
    "post_text": "Long story short but I\u2019m talking to this guy I met on Tinder and we talk a lot. I met him once and we got along great. We went out for dinner and we talked for a long time about music which we\u2019re both really passionate about.\n\nHe lives a long way from me so we haven\u2019t met up since, but we talk on Snapchat and IG all the time and we\u2019ve talked about him coming to visit in my new apartment, and I wanna come visit him where he lives.\n\nTW: Talk about SH\n\nHowever, I\u2019ve been self harming since I was in middle school, and I have a lot of scars on my upper arms and my hips. A lot of them are still pink, and some still have scabs on them. We haven\u2019t really talked about deep personal stuff yet, and I\u2019m scared he\u2019ll stop talking to me if he finds out. \n\nI\u2019ve also been terrified of people finding out for the past 10 years, and for that reason I\u2019ve never been intimate with anyone. \n\nIf he does come visit, which I really want him to don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m worried things will go farther and that he\u2019ll find out not only that I\u2019m still a virgin, but also that I have all these scars on my body. \n\nI don\u2019t wanna be too forward about it, and none of my friends or family knows about my SH so it\u2019s not something I\u2019m comfortable talking about. \n\nI wanted to talk to my psych about it but she\u2019s sick so she cancelled my appointment today and I don\u2019t know when I\u2019ll get a new one. \n\nDoes anyone have any advice as to how I can deal with the situation? I want him to be prepared so he can choose for himself whether or not he\u2019s comfortable with taking things further with me, but I\u2019m also scared I\u2019ll scare him off and I have no idea what I should even say to bring it up. I don\u2019t even know if he wants anything more than a friendship although I suspect it, so I don\u2019t wanna assume things that haven\u2019t even crossed his mind.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What else can I do?",
    "post_text": "I just turned 36 and feel like my life has passed me by. Relationships are non-existent in my life, life in general has just gotten progressively worse. \n\nI don't know what else to do at this point. This has been a 16 year journey to find freedom from depression with no distinguishable positive results, unfortunately - not even a little bit. I've followed through to completion with ketamine infusions, 10+ different medications for depression/anxiety/adhd, neurofeedback (biofeedback) treatments, I've seen 8 different therapists, a handful of psychiatrists, life coaches, psychoanalysts. I've taken psychedelics. Occasionally with a new drug or treatment, I break free momentarily - I feel infinitely less burdened - I feel hope - this usually only lasts a day or at the very, very most a few days... I always, always fall back to where I was again. \n\nI force myself out of sheer will to exercise and eat healthy every day, that definitely helps - without that, I would be so much more miserable. But the fog is still there. the self-defeating thoughts still there - nothing is ever good enough. I still feel so stuck, unmotivated, and deprived of life. \n\nI heard of TMS Therapy - I spent the last of my savings on the ketamine infusions so I can't afford them right now, even with insurance. I'm terrified it will only work for a bit of time, then I'll have thrown away thousands of more dollars in the process.\n\nI am not a quitter.. I have no desire to end my life. I just don't know what is left to do to feel joy in my life, to break free from this once and for all. Is there hope here? I don't know what to do next... Does anybody have suggestions",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression and anxiety making it difficult to do work",
    "post_text": "I'm depressed and anxious a lot, especially because I need to write a report for work. It's the end of my work term (it's a summer research job) and my results aren't great. It's been an awful summer and I can't face this report. I feel physically unable to work on it, and I can't eat or sleep. I haven't eaten a full meal in several days. I need to work on this report, but I just feel terrible and like I can't. How can I force myself to do it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to be Selfish........",
    "post_text": "I am just wondering if there is anyone out there that is cheerful and happy on the outside but deep down you are just very sad and lonely yet .... you are not really lonely you have friends family a job you play sports your active and always busy. Even when people aren't very dependable or maybe mean to you .... you always just want to help you want to make people happy and really its because deep down you are not happy. Just for a moment sometimes you really want someone to notice but they don't cause you are putting them first and making them happy but no matter how hard you and try and not matter how much you know you should put yourself first you don't...... I often feel there is no end in sight that this is who I am.....",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "I'm going to open up and be honest just because I'm at a breaking point. This is a breakup story that has been like non before. \n\nI (M27) was dating a beautiful girl (F24) on and off for three years. We met in college where we dated for a year before we separated the first time. In that first year she had to have surgery to remove a bone spur on her foot and put on some weight. Personally that doesn't bother me. I've never cared for my ladies weight, I'm more into the personality, but it mattered to her as I saw her put herself in a bout of depression, harsh judgements to herself, and ultimately was just very unhappy all the time. I did all I could, telling her not to worry about it, cooking healthier meals, telling her she's just not as active. And eventually after 6 months of recovery we started to go back to the gym but she was never the same so. And after having to remind her everyday, every conversation that everything would be ok to no aval, I broke up with her. (I regret this decision). I made this decision because I too, to some degree am self conscious and at the time I took it as a response to me. I thought she was unhappy with me.\n\nWe ended up trying again a short 4 months later but it too was short lived. Same result, every conversation we'd have, she'd talk about her weight, and I could see in her face how unhappy she was. This was also a bad time in her family as her mother just got breast cancer. So she went back home. On the way home (AL -> KY) her car broke down and without hesitation I drove the 4 hours to meet up with her to fix her car and drove back because I still loved her. During this time covid began and any shot of seeing her was gone. I just started a 6 month coding boot camp where my days we're pretty much planned from 8am-8pm Monday - Saturday. We had talked about how I could be a developer, working from anywhere and I could be with her and she was a marine biologist, so her work was dependant on location so I was okay with going wherever she needed to be. (While in the bootcamp, we rarely talked, living our separate lives).\n\nAfter I graduated bootcamp I moved to Washington State, to gain some world experience and she did the same thing, but interning in the Caribbean as a marine biology instructor. I started at this time having extremely unhealthy night terrors. I was still madly in love with her, I had a ring in mind from our first relationship and one night was exceedingly bad. The next morning I told myself that I would reach out to her, tell her the truth of what I was feeling. So I did. I told her about how much I missed her, my night terrors, why we separated and my insecurities about how she was feeling at the time. And I told her that I still loved her and either needed her in my life or I had to completely cut her out because my mental health was really bad. These night terrors are demons like no other. I hop no one has to be afraid to sleep because they may experience watching and hearing their ex get railed by guy after guy. It truly is a haunting experience.\n\nAfter I reached out she told me she had missed me, and felt the same. We talked about what thing's would be different and how we would be able to go on from there. She had 2 months left in her internship before she came back to the states. During this time we talked about the future, where she wanted to work, when we could see each other again, things we could do etc etc... The reason it was difficult is because I landed a job as a software developer in idaho that only pays 52/yr. So plane tickets from Kentucky aren't the cheapest. I also got us a hotel room and tickets to see one of our favorite bands tame impala. Well. When the day finally came where she returned to the states something happened. She did a complete 180 and told me she no longer wanted a relationship and wanted to be independent to travel the world and teach Marine biology. I was always supportive of this idea but the way she described it to me seemed that instead of a partner, I was more of an obstacle. And she eventually ended the relationship.\n\nI was hurt, really really bad. I was sad, and angry, I felt like I was used and treated like what we had was nothing. And everything we talked about leading up to her return was all a joke. But now I'm left with nothing but night terrors. Every night I go to sleep, after drinking and smoking a large amount to try and numb my senses before I doze off. And last night was the first night the night terrors returned. I could hear vividly my ex getting railed by some imaginary ghost figure of my dreams. My heart bleeds and I'm at a point mentally where I can feel myself slowly changing as a result of seeing these terrors over and over again. \n\nI don't know what to do. I can't make it stop. I have 1 friend that I've told and I can't tell my family. I wish all of this came out differently. I wish I was a stronger man and was able to stick it out with her during that time. I wish I could've married this girl of my dreams and built a life together. But now I'm left with the fact that she is going to be seeing someone else and I'm here in idaho, having night terrors, about the one that got away.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a failure in life",
    "post_text": "I'm 19 years old. I don't go to college nor do i have a job. I am socially inept, extremely depressed and I live in an incredbily abusive household. My mother will go from loving me to telling me to kill myself and that I ruined her life. Just the other day she said she is gonna kill herself if i don't stop talking back. I live with my molester grandfather.\n\nMy dad left me with said molester and told me to just get over the sexual abuse and move on with life. I started talking with some guy online and being intimate but he hasn't been talking to me all day. \n\nJust yesterday my mother was complaing about how I'm gonna start college late and how fucking embarassing it will be. She basically instilled more anxiety telling me how I'm gonna envy everyone my age because while they're gonna get their associates, i'm gonna be a loser several years behind, struggling. I told her I wasn't even thinking that negative until she brought it up. Then she threw a fucking bitch fit and started saying \"Oh I get it. I'm the main problem in your life. Maybe I should just go and die. God damn I can never say anything to you without you getting upset and hurt!\"\n\nThe my molester grandfather came inside my room to 'clean my floors' and i told him to leave me alone but he wouldn't becuase my floors were 'too dirty' and that i don't do anything all day.\n\nGive me one fucking reason why i shouldnt just slit my own fucking throat.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I haven\u2019t been happy in so long",
    "post_text": "I look up how to get out of bed all the time. I see \u201csit up\u201d as the first step but when I wake up in the mornings I dont want to feel better. I just want to go back to sleep. I sleep all day. I don\u2019t have a job and I know my boyfriend is being affected. I feel like a parasite on everyone\u2019s life. No one benefits from being my friend or being with me. I\u2019m literally just a burden. Some of my best friends have even blocked me on social media and honestly I\u2019m not even mad. I understand. I take my anti depressants, I\u2019ve been to inpatient hospitals. I literally have no motivation to keep going. I don\u2019t want to die but I don\u2019t want to wake up anymore. I just want to lay in bed. I have a son. Even though I have no job, he goes to a babysitter. I only watch him twice a week. I love him and I miss him when he\u2019s gone but I can barely even take care of him when he\u2019s home. I know he\u2019s going to grow up to resent me. I wish I was the same person that gave birth to him but I am completely different. He\u2019s such a good kid. He\u2019s so happy I wish I could be a good mom for him. I wish I could be who my family needs me to be. I hate myself. I am terrible for my family. Most of the time I think that staying around is going to be worse for my family than if I just left. I don\u2019t know what to do. I want to be happy but I\u2019ve tried so many times to heal and the attempts have never gained any happiness.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I haven't eaten in 4 days",
    "post_text": "I don\u2019t know why but I haven\u2019t eaten in 4 days, I\u2019m not hungry, and my stomach hurts every once and a while. I can\u2019t even think about eating food it is so gross. I can\u2019t bring myself to eat a single bite of pizza or a single slice of bread. I don\u2019t know if I should force myself to eat or if I should try to only eat a little at a time. I have (diagnosed) PDD (persistent depressive disorder) anxiety, and ADHD, and was thinking one of those may also be a reason. I have no idea what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Chores",
    "post_text": "hello\ni am asking for advices about how can i explain to mom and make her understand that sometimes it is hard to do chores.\nShe gets very often angry about, passive aggressive and do me the silence treatment. \nBut then sometimes she says that she understands me and idk, her actions don't reflect what she says sometimes.\nit is very tiring and draining, and i often find myself blaming myself for not being a fully functioning person, when the rest of the house can follow their tasks.\ni even feel super bad after she asks me to do this or if i can do it, and i say no.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "She keeps rejecting my help.",
    "post_text": "So I (18)am in couple with my girlfriend (17) since few month. And she has a depression so I try to help her and when we are together she seems happy, so I try to always do things with her. But every times that we are not together she text me that she is sad and feel very depressed. And this time she went on vacation with her family in an other country. And it's been a week that she feels that way the problem is that when she is like this she does literally nothing else except staying in her bed. So she always text me and I call her but when I try to tell her to do stuff or motiv her she keeps getting angry and tells me that I can't understand, so she hang up and ghost me for many hours. Idk what to do cuz I really want to help her and I can't stay and do nothing when I know that my girlfriend is like that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I get myself out of a rut/slump? How do I stop self-punishing myself?",
    "post_text": "It seems I have been in a rut/slump for five years and I don't know how to get myself out of it.  I seem to be subconciously self-punishing myself for everything that I view as a flaw.  I don't know what hobbies I could do,  It really frustrates me that I don't know what makes me happy anymore. \n\nI feel that my sister doesn't truly support me in my  gender transistioning even though she keeps saying she does.  It seems like her and I just have different love languages (Hers is gift giving and mines is words of affirmation) , and so it makes me feel like her vibe is inconsistent and that frustrates me even more. \n\nI have been constantly feeling terrible about myself and others, but I primarily take it out on myself because I don't want to hurt other people with my emotions.   \n\nI am very tired of feeling like I don't like myself and I want to care about myself...but I don't really know how.  \n\nMy parents basically told me that I evolved backwords, I was a very happy kid that could do quite a lot when I was a child,  but now as an adult I hesitate,  I close down,  I feel like  a shell of my former self.  \n\nI don't know what caused me to change to a completely different person, and I'd like to at least be a little more confident in my abilities.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression killing right now. I could use somebody to talk to.",
    "post_text": "Hi, I'm Mark, I'm 22 and I live near Berlin, Germany. (I'm from Hungary / Romania, so I can speak many languages :D. )\n\nI didn't expect 800k people to be in this reddit... damn.\n\nI joined because I can't find anyone to talk to. I'll try it here.\n\nI was \"diagnosed\" with severe depression since 2019, it's getting worse and worse.\n\nI'm very dead inside, since the last days. I'm at my lowest point. I'm thinking about ending it soon.\n\nIf you are willing to talk or just help me get rid of some thoughts...\n\nHit me up on discord if you want to: SubieSTi#0871 , or snapchat: longdisaster\n\nI like cars, pc, hookah, gaming, I'm that type of guy who u can talk to about anything and listen to any music and I'm that \"clown\" who makes everyone happy and laugh but no one cares about my wellbeing.\n\nI wish y'all a beautiful evening or day. <3",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I give up on relationships for good?",
    "post_text": "My story is long but I will shorten it. I am 17 and have been through 7 relationships. No matter what I do I am always cheated on or am left because someone better was found. I am starting to spiral down into a deep depression because I am slowly accepting the fact that I will never truly find someone who loves me for me. Today especially has had me down because I have been talking to this girl who is very moral and sweet. She sent me a screenshot of her bsf list and there was a default purple bitmoji named with a suggestive emoji. I am a solid 7/10. I workout and have a nice face and act flirty. I seem to look good and act good so why am I always having this happen to me. I have always wanted a family and to see my kids grow up but the fact that it wont happen is making me suicidal. I do not understand what women want anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What do I do if I've attempted suicide, but years have passed since and I haven't really talked to a doctor about it?",
    "post_text": "Do I just waltz in to my next doctors appointment and mention that I've attempted, and that I'm concerned about the effects it's had on my health? \n\nLast time I tried to talk about my mental health with a doctor, they panicked and tried to get me involuntarily committed, despite no longer being an active risk to myself. \n\nI'm afraid of doctors and my physical health has worsened as a direct result, but I really don't want to continue avoiding my issues like this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Should I kill myself? I am the most uninteresting person and I feel like I am the only one who puts effort into any of my relationships.",
    "post_text": "I guess I'll tell you a bit about myself, since this really is a chance for me to rant.  I know the question sounds edgy, or attention seeking but I just can't get this thought out of my head.\n\n\nOkay so I had a shitty childhood as lots of people had, mother was Schizophrenic, father was controlling and abusive.  It created a lot of stress for me as, I never got a chance to build friendships as a child.  I was too scared to bring people home and have them see what my family was like.  Also I was usually way poorer than the others in my area, so I would constantly be judged for what I had or how I'd dress.  Though thats not what's causing me stress now, I've somewhat moved past that phase.\n\nMy family became somewhat middle class, I live with my stepmom and dad in a new city when I was 13.  He isnt as bad anymore, but I hate living in this city.  As soon as I came here, I got bullied and pushed around.  Had to deal with being jumped and just insecurity.  Shortly before moving I started to find my group, and I had friends that I had a lot of fun with, even though most of the time was spent at their place, but after moving I couldn't find anyone I vibed with.  No one I can connect, everyone thought I was weird and out of place.  So I just focused on myself - I want to be a computer scientist someday do just focus on that.  Though there was always this sense of loneliness.  I am socially anxious, awkward, and have trouble meeting new people, but honestly on the inside, I am an extrovert.  I constantly crave social interaction, I want go spend most of my time with other people, like the only time I need alone time is to practice piano.  But even then its more fun with others around.\n\nThis loneliness just slowly made me sadder and sadder.  I slowly got more and more awkward and struggled more and more to reach out.  Once highschool started, I did make a small group, but it was honestly super toxic so I had to break free.  I couldnt deal with the constant threats and judgement.  I left hating myself though and feeling out of place and like a loser.  This went on for a while where I had one friend.  Untill the end of grade 11, I got to this point where I thought maybe I should just end it, and that was just what I thought every moment.  I was so close to doing it but these couple girls in my class started reaching out to me and pulling me along.  I didn't tell them anything of course but they would just joke around with me and one of them was super flirty though I didn't read it at the time.  I started to get to this happy high in my life, then I met a girl on a bus who sorta signaled for me to talk to her.\n\nWe ended up dating for almost 2 years.\n\nNow one of the girls I met in class, I'll call her Angela, is a friend to this day.  Throughout grade 12 we spent everyday together, we would always be togrther at lunch, or between classes.  I met a lot of friends through her though, some of them I didnt vibe the best with.  A lot of them were suspicious that we were dating, and her guy friends got jealous of me.  So they started telling her I wasn't trustable and its sort of weird that we are so close even though I have girlfriend.  But, I just vibed better with girls I found.  She would rant to me, I would joke around with her, it was a fun friendship.  We didn't text at all though so once we weren't able to spend so much time together it got complicated.  I'll get back to Angela later.\n\nMy ex, the girl I dated from april grade 11, to december 2019, the end of my first semester of university.  I'll call her Kayla.  I have actually blocked of so much of my memory of her, like I remember maybe 3 or 4 moments over a year and 8 months or so of dating.  We started of pretty good, but I believe we were both immature and didn't know how to set boundaries or handle a relationship.  Which is what led to a lot of fighting.  I do remember we fought a bit around a year into the relationship because she kept cancelling plans with me to go out and play games.  Like I never tried to get in the way of her friendships, but she cancelled our anniversary date, and just a few other dates we set up literally the evening before or the morning of to hang out with friends.  I told her that I wanted her to hang out with friends but the constant cancelling plans with me and not trying to reschedule was hurtful.  Ahh, a lot of it is coming back now.  I would honestly say we were a bit codependent, she relied on me for emotional support as her mother was extremely controlling, I relied on her for my social needs.  Not a healthy relationship.  We ended up breaking up after growing a bit distant, and at the end she played a bunch of games with me.  Her mother didn't want me dating her which was the main reason we broke up.  So she told me if I can convince her mom, shed let me get back with her.  I didnt do this of course but I was distraught.  I felt like I had nothing.\n\nI started playing piano in grade 11 but quit while we dated because of the effort it took.  Most of my time went towards school and her.  I ignored a lot of my friendships more than I should have during the relationship so I was in a terrible spot.  It made me realize how unhealthy a person I was.  I had struggles reaching out to the 3 friends or so I had because I always questioned whether they liked me.  But when we broke up, they were there for me.  Though I hated myself for opening up to them, showing the weak side of myself, showing my insecurity, and once again depending on others for emotional stability is so unhealthy and unattractive.  \n\nI cried infront of them, I told them about how I suffered with suicidal thoughts, I told them about my past and what I went through and they listened to me.  I am grateful for that but I never should of told them a thing.  2020 happened and I began isolating myself, I attempted suicide once at the start.  I tried reaching out to Angela, I didn't want to tell any of them about my issues any more but I wanted to distract myself and have someone to chat to.  No response, the lack of effort I put in my friends finally came to haunt me.  Once I got over my ex in march 2020, no one wanted to talk to me anymore.  We weren't able to see eachother at school and I didn't build that relationship where we can just text.  We weren't able to hangout so the friendships sort of rotted.  I thought I was hopeless, friendless, and losing more prospects for the future.  I dont have connections to be successful.  I have nothing.  So I though why not end it.\n\n\nI took a bunch of pills but I just ended up blacking out and puking a bunch.  I remember the feeling of blacking out but I could still hear the voice of people freaking out as I was fading.  I lost vision and feeling but I could still hear.  I thought I was dead.  But no I wasn't, I started therapy regularly.  I was so hopeless and didnt know how to make friends but I kept pushing through.  I tried reaching out a few times and sometimes they said hi back.  I ended up hanging out with Angela once restrictions lifted a bit in the summer.  But after that we struggled to talk again.  My other 2 friends ended up dating and stopped talking to most people becsuse of that.  \n\nAt the start of 2020 after the breakup, I started getting into philosophy actually and began focusing on including stoicism and other ways of being into my life.  Just accepting that things go wrong but thats okay.  Its very hard and I obviously have yet to achieve it but I wanted to learn to be happy even if I didn't have everything I want.  I began journaling what I did and didnt like about myself and tried to become a better person.\n\nThis awkard phase went on for a while, I would talk to my cousin for comfort.  We would call and game, though honestly, I lost interests in games.  I started craving to play the piano again and by 2021 I decided to get back into it.  I practice a lot and can play a couple chopin pieces, but I still am not very good so its not something I can like show off to people.  Also I became incredibly more awkward, in trying to better myself, I became super apologetic and passive.  I struggle to joke around because I don't want to offend, or I just feel awkward.  I never know what to say, and I am always trying to think like is this what a good person does.  \n\nWhich inches closer to today.  I struggle so hard with making friends, I don't have much interesting skills.  I don't have much hobbies besides piano, business, and like history.  I am not super funny.  I am awkwrd and uncomfortable with new people.  I am needy.  I am dependent on social interaction yet I get none.  I am not as good looking as I once was.  I feel so unattractive.  Like why would anyone want to be friends with me, and no matter how hard I try to get out there or be interesting, it seems I am always the one putting all of the effort to relationships.  I am the one chasing, and no one is giving me any thought.\n\nI actually am in a relationship though, we started dating in april.  Its a ldr though, and her timezone is 14 hours ahead.  It was pure infatuation at the start, we both felt so confident about the relationship.  She had plans to move to the same city as me, we had so much in common.  We were both sort of shy and laid back.  Though as I got more comfortable my extroverted side came out.  I think I smoothered her too much though, I always complimented her and tried to tell her it'll be okay and I am eilling to wait for borders to lift to meet her.  She liked it so I kept doing it, but I think the repetitiveness, lack of physical touch, and my neediness eventually became unattractive.  It became the norm. I was always there for her when she needed to talk, and we kept talking about how we are going to meet as soon as borders go up.  It was hard to keep interesting and we didnt know what else to do.  Then in the last month, things started getting hard for me at work and in my family, I opened up about insecurities about my mom health as she was diagnosed with cancer, and how I feel I have to work on my confidence.  I think this must have really been a turn off.  She has become more and more distant this past month.  She still says shes into me but she doesn't talk about the future as much and is not nearly as affectionate as before.  She has said she doesn't know how much longer she can do ldr, but shes willing to keep trying a little longer for me.  But it feels like she isn't putting any effort and idk, the relationship doesnt feel secure and loving anymore.  I talked to her about it and she said she really likes me, but she feels so distant.  Idk what I can do to help this or if theres anything.  I really like her, like we never fought, and we really matched.  I loved gsming with her, or playing piano for her.  Not feeling uptight in this relationship like the last.  But yet it still feels like its coming to an end soon and I can't believe this is happening again.  I really want it to work but idk what to do.  I tried reaching out to friends more and making new friends but its more of me putting sll the effort.  No one is responsive.  Like I don't need to talk about my girlfriend or the relationship, I just want to distract myself and have people there so I feel cared for.  I am stuck in this spot I was in, in 2020 again.  I am about to be alone again.\n\nI of course have not told my girlfriend about these thoughts, not her problem.  But like I feel like my life is going to be this cycle of me craving attention and chasing others away.  I cant live in this constant cycle.  Love isn't worth it, if it always ends in a break up.  I have no close friends so I am going to be alone.  Like am I just bound to suffer.  I don't even think I enjoy cs anymore, but it feels too late to go into music or business.  Plus I don't have the contacts for business.  My career feels hopeless, my relationships feel hopeless, and being more confident one day feels like a longshot.\n\nSo here I am thinking to myself, do I end it? \n\nIs it worth the continual suffering?\n\nIs this relationship hopeless?\n\nWill I find friends that I can connect with?\n\nWill I become a better person?\n\nWill I succeed?\n\nI don't know, and at this point, it feels like I should give up.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What actions do you take to feel better?",
    "post_text": " \n\nHey there. I'm putting together things to try to make it easier to take positive actions to deal with depression and anxiety.\n\nI've dealt with anxiety for most of my life and I'm 8 years sober from drugs and alcohol. But I'd love to get others\u2019 perspectives on the actions they take to when they are feeling, well, down. Clearly I don\u2019t have all the answers.\n\nI'm new here but there are some really thoughtful posts on here so I want to ask:  What are some actions you take when you are feeling depressed?  How do you get yourself to take actions even when you'd rather procrastinate or lie in bed?\n\nThanks!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "An I a horrible person for groping two people when I was 12? I\u2019m now 15",
    "post_text": "The guilt and self hatred has been a burden since I came to the realisation of my toxicity when I was around late thirteen years old. I can\u2019t forgive myself, and although I\u2019m not afraid of people finding out, I hate myself so much and find it hard to live with myself. Though I definitely do not want to kill myself, I\u2019ve been having suicidal thoughts recently because I\u2019m such a toxic horrible person. I admit to myself that my actions were horrible but I still feel like my life has been completely ruined because of those actions. Am I a sex offender? I can\u2019t live with myself, I don\u2019t know what to do. I want to talk to someone like a professional but I don\u2019t know how I can. I live a complete facade; all my friends think I\u2019m an awesome person but obviously they don\u2019t know that I am a vile and selfish possible sex offender. If people found out I\u2019m sure they\u2019d hate me. I just don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m sorry for rambling on.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everything is a Blur",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, i've been suffering a lot recently regarding depression and anxiety to be honest. I just wake up feeling awful, and my days are a blur, hell i can't remember what i was doing like 5 minutes ago.It genuinely feels like i've got alzheimer's at times. I just feel like all the joy has been sucked out of everything as usual.\n\nEverything blends together, my depression and anxiety are collaborating each other on their next big project: Make me feel as miserable as possible! (shitty idea for a youtube series/album, right?).\n\nIt's either, feeling utterly miserable, useless and guilty with low energy and nothing to even look forward to during the day even though i should. Plus, i feel like i've lived a thousand years already and i'm just beginning to hate the world if i'm honest with how people are. \n\nOr it's my health anxiety + Regular 'ol plain anxiety, with panic attacks, thinking i'm dying constantly even when i'm not having a panic attack. Whether or not it's one of the two is all up to the wheel of misfortune that i spin most days, sometimes to keep things fresh and exciting it can be both at the same time!\n\n​\n\nAnyway, i'm looking for some support or some advice on what to do. I'm currently on a waiting list for therapy, and i'm just looking for something to help in the meantime! So gimme all the advice ya got!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do I need to tell my boyfriend about my past mental issues?",
    "post_text": "Me and my boyfriend are 20, both graduated from HS. He does know that I had depression and anxiety in the past but I\u2019ve never told him any details or how I feel now. I do feel much better than before but have been struggling a bit recently. Back in HS right before I met him I tried to overdose, I also used to starve myself. I don\u2019t starve myself anymore and feel more confident with my body, and I would never try to overdose or anything like that again. I did used to self harm but he already knows that. Do I need to tell him about me starving myself and trying to end things when those things are no longer an issue? (We\u2019ve been together 2 years already). It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t trust him, because I do, I just don\u2019t want to worry him for no reason and it\u2019s just hard to talk about.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm a miserable person",
    "post_text": "this is also a rant but I genuinely want help.\n\nI'm going to therapy. I'm on medication. but nothing makes it easier.\n I'm such a miserable person and I feel like a burden on everyone around me.\nI dont have any friends beyond my boyfriend. and I dont mean that in a \" I dont have friends comment if you a real one\" type of not having friends, I seriously have no one. \nIf you tell me I'm not a burden or I'm not annoying etc, I wont fight you on it, but I genuinely dont believe you.\nI'm so depressed. my esteem is so low and I cant do anything about it. Im in such a bad place right now.\n\n I dont know what to do from here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Loneliness, sinking down, and...",
    "post_text": "I am extremely depressed now. This depression sinks me to the bottom today. I am so desperate.   \nIf someone in the DFW area reads my post, please DM me.   \nWhile I was scrolling down my contacts, I found that no one I can contact and ask to meet with me tonight. Those who I have trusted and befriended... I could not call them. I thought that they would laugh or scoff at me.   \nWhen I was a teenager, I had the protection, so-called parents. However, I feel that I am alone in this world.   \nOne night, I called one of my sisters and poured out my emotion. Since I trusted her so much, I told her everything. However, she ignored me and said, \"Hey, bro, I am so busy with my life. And do not complain about your life. Also, my life is so tough! So could you not throw away your emotion to me? I am not your trash bin!\"   \nOften, I relied on the counseling service. But, I found that Counseling does not help but exacerbate my depression. The problem of professional counseling is... the counselors have their own frame. And also, at this point, I do not have enough money to receive more counseling services. So, I don't ask for any money but emotional support at this point. \n\nI feel that my emotion is collapsing and sinking to the bottom of the abyss.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please Don't ignore. Need help. Urgent",
    "post_text": "(I'm 21M) I am really depressed right now and right now i am in the middle of the situation. My mother is ill. She is covid positive. My father is not at home and my sister is also ill.. So there is only one man at home and that's me.. My friends was calling me for a meetup for so many days but i refused to meet them.. Now my friend is going to another city and i don't know we will meet again or not.. He is calling me for a meet and i said i can't come because my mom is ill and sister but he didn't understand.. He said this is the last time we can meet each other.. And it will just take 1 or 2 hrs.. Please advice me should I go in this situation? I have been in depression for a more then a year so i used to talk with them very less and they always complain me about it.. Please suggest me what should i do now? Please reply quickly.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Taking antidepressants or not?",
    "post_text": "I'm told i have social anxiety and depression. I talked to my doctor and he says i could start taking antidepressants, like prozac etc. I used to be neutral towards medication, but now i just want to function like a normal human being and still I'm not sure if it'll work or it'll be worth it. \n\nI did a bit research how prozac affects people, negative/positive. And now I just feel so confused. is it worth the risk, some people say 'wish i never took it' and some are just grateful. My family is already against those kind of medications but i turned 18 lately so it'll be my decision.\n\nI will have to study for university exam this year and i can't even imagine myself studying. i just don't feel like doing anything. i feel like i don't even care anything enough. and doctor says it'd help with all this exam stress too, that i could study better etc. says it has so little side effect and it's not addictive. says I'd have to use them nearly 1/2 or 1 year to it affect me positively. \n\ni just don't know what to do right now and feel confused",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Please help me.",
    "post_text": "I just recently started taking abilify two weeks ago. My life is horrible. I dropped out of college, my social skills are terrible as a result of me being invisible most of my school years. I can barely function and have even basic conversations with my grandma with whom I live with. I basically live in my room...I isolate and idk why, was verbally and physically abused growing up, I\u2019m very timid, not confident. I just wanna be free to be who I want. I want to be attractive, I want friends and I want money to buy all the things I want :( idk what\u2019s wrong with me...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Was/Does this technically classify as traumatic?",
    "post_text": "So I'm not suicidal (thank god) and I know I've posted many times here I just need advice (duh \ud83e\udd2a). So in short I went through Priapism pretty badly last year and I was wondering if you could call the surgery to fix it (I had it looked at twice) would be classified as trauma. I have dreams about being in the 2 ERs and the ambulance ride. I think about what I have lost and the surgery all the damn time. I feel like it was and still is. Idk I just want to know if I'm wrong or not. Thanks in advance!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "is it time to see a therapist?",
    "post_text": "for years friends and family have told me to see a therapist and get an explanation for my behavior. i grew up in an abusive household where me and my siblings had to repress our emotions to keep the peace and avoid being gaslighted. now years later these emotions are coming out. i find myself having depressive episodes from late november to early march. this has been going on for 5 years now and they get worse. during that time i deal with mood swings, awful anxiety, memories of sexual abuse, and leaden paralysis. as well as paranoia. in the most recent episode i started seeing my face drop and my hands melt with the room going sideways. to be honest i am afraid to go to a therapist because i am afraid to face the truth of what\u2019s going on. is it really necessary?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I get over someone who doesn't want to speak to you anymore?",
    "post_text": "I miss my best friend, he was my anchor most of the time and I could share everything with him. We're not on speaking terms anymore and damn I tried, I swear I tried to fix things, I was the kindest I could be, I was comprehensive, I gave him the space he needs, but he just doesn't want to be my friend anymore and it hurts so damn much. How can I get over the only best friend I've ever had? we were supposed to be friends above everything else. \n\nI was never this dependent on anyone before him and now I feel lost, I feel rejected and abandoned. I've been going through the worst depressive episode I've had in years and he doesn't even care.\n\nI'm dealing with so many stuff right now and I'm sure I can manage all of that, but the only thing I haven't been able to figure out is how to stop missing him and how to stop hurting this much. Please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like my efforts are pointless",
    "post_text": "I started going on daily walks like about a month ago because everyone kept telling me how it's some kind of magic solution to my depression. I tried being consistent with going outside a lot of times before but I always found myself stopping after maybe 3 or 4 days. But this time I managed to keep it up for a month and I definitely like it's an accomplishment, at least. At first it was hard to get used to but after a week I felt somewhat \"okay\" with it and no longer felt like I was forcing myself to do it.\n\nBut now I just can't help but wonder why I'm doing any of it. It doesn't really make me feel any better. I'm still the depressed old me. And it's not like I lost some weight either. Maybe I'm expecting too much within a short time but honestly I still doubt it will do much even in the long run.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "advice for lack of energy?",
    "post_text": "hey guys. for a start I'd thank you for reading this post, very much appreciated. I've been diagnosed with depression, but not where I feel like unaliving myself but where I have no energy, no motivation, no appetite, ect. does anyone here have any ideas to help me get some of these things back so I can get my life back up and running? I've had advice from 2 therapists but it hasn't really clicked for me (or at least if hasn't yet). I don't really have anyone in my life who would be able to help with practical suggestions and figured I might get some suggestions here x",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No one to vent to",
    "post_text": "Is it normal to feel like you have no one to vent to? I don't have friends but I vent to one of my parents occasionally or occasionally a sibling. But sometimes I just feel worse afterwards like they don't really understand or they make the conversation about them and what they would do. I guess I could try therapy again but my past therapists would try to \"lighten the mood.\" And I felt like I was going to therapy just because I feel lonely but it seems like therapists need you to have goals and I don't know my goals. I feel like my emotions are too much for people. Even the occasional time I share my upset I feel guilty for getting upset at the person and like I should be less sensitive.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help. My relationship recently exploded in the worst way. I posted about it and I\u2019ll link it in post. I desperately need someone to talk to.",
    "post_text": "Post about it here : https://reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/pcx4c9/my_relationship_just_exploded_and_im_devastated/\n\nI feel unbelievably lost and broken right now. I\u2019ve never felt suicidal but I\u2019m in a VERY bad place right now. \n\nI have no support network or friends... I\u2019m not a very social person and the thought of going out and trying to make friends at an event or random public place sounds impossible. \n\nI really need someone to talk to...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no idea how to improve my life",
    "post_text": "Hi, so I'm very embarassed to be writing this and fair warning: this might get long, but here it goes: I'm a woman in my late twenties and I basically feel like I've wasted my life. I used to have many ailments growing up, which has led to me being coddled and protected by my mom. I feel like I got stuck somewhere in my development and it really hurts to see people mych younger being much more mature and successful than me.\n\nI've tried studying different things, but I feel like none of them were ever really my thing. I'd like to be an artist, but my shitty self-esteem is really preventing me from sharing anything with the world.\n\n I want to find love(which is actually my most important goal at the moment), but I have no clue how to find someone, especially with my depression and anxiety. I feel unloveable. Tinder seems like it's just designed to make you doubt yourself(I'm not a looker).\n\nSo yeah, I just don't know. The worst part is: I know it's my fault, but I feel like I'm helpless and have zero control over anything. I don't feel like my therapist understands my needs either. I need serious help, because I feel very hopeless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know what to do",
    "post_text": "I (19) have been severely depressed for about 6 years (undiagnosed). At around the same time my depression started, I was pulled out of public school by my mom so she could \u201chomeschool\u201d me. Her idea of homeschooling is to not teach me and instead expects me to be motivated enough to work completely on my own with no deadlines. I don\u2019t have any motivation to live, let alone finish my schooling. I am almost 20 and have not graduated high school. I only need to CLEP out of three more classes to graduate but the task feels so overwhelmingly impossible and I know I\u2019m running out of time. I feel like I have already ruined my life so why finish? Depression has fucked up my brain so bad I fear it is damaged beyond repair. I\u2019m not living anymore. The only thing I do now is scroll through social media all day and think about possibly doing my schoolwork. And to think I was once the \u201csmart kid\u201d. The one advantage I have is that I started taking college classes when I was 14 and have nearly enough credits for an associates degree. I might be able to transfer to a 4-year school but I don\u2019t know who will be willing to accept me since i never took the ACT or SAT. Even if I did get in to a good university, what the hell would I major in? I had a few interests in mind but depression has taken them away and subjects that I once found intriguing no longer bring me joy. I have no idea where to start. I just really, really need advice and a reason to keep going. Thanks for listening.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with Husband's Depression",
    "post_text": "My husband and I dearly love each other and he's going through a rough time right now. He's really depressed and I feel like there isn't much more I can do to help him. He seems fine at work (we work at the same place) but as soon as I ask for help around the house, his entire demeanor shifts. He used to always be so willing to help me and going out of his way to do so. Now he won't even sort his own clothes. It's been really hard for us. I'm working almost two full time jobs and then I come home to do all of the cooking and the cleaning. When my husband comes home, he goes straight to videogames and will play them for hours.\n\nMy husband won't seek out therapy and I've convinced him to go to the doctor to have his meds looked at.  I've tried talking with him many times to see what's wrong and he just says \"I don't know.\" \n\nWhat can I do to help him?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to shut off that negative inner voice?",
    "post_text": "I have a voice that has been getting louder recently and even more reactive. I think it was always there but after being more self aware during my abusive relationship I\u2019ve been able to hear it better. It goes\n\n\u201cI\u2019m so ugly\u201d\n\u201cI suck\u201d\n\u201cI\u2019m so lazy\u201d\n\u201cI\u2019m going to get fired\u201d\n\u201cNo one likes me\u201d\n\u201cI\u2019m a loser\u201d\n\u201cI\u2019m broken\u201d\n\u201cThere\u2019s something wrong with me\u201d \n\nAnd it\u2019s automatic. All the fucking time and it will literally say this as a reaction to 110 things. Yes I think I have some self esteem issues, I had some control issues (bulimia and orthorexia), high anxiety, codependency and some problems choosing healthy relationships for myself. \n\nSomeone please tell me how to do better!!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "24yo disabled female wants to reset my life",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve recently come to the conclusion that no matter what I do with my life; it doesn\u2019t improve or move anywhere.\n\nI\u2019m 24yo, confined to an electric wheelchair from a condition that no one can tell me if I will degenerate from or not, I\u2019ve never been in a serious relationship and every dating experience I\u2019ve had has ended in disaster and heartbreak that\u2019s taken me months to get over. \n\nI\u2019m a writer, but never seem to be able to get a job in it, no matter how much I apply for. My recent job in a TV company has ended, so I have nothing to do with my time anymore.\n\nI only have two friends who I don\u2019t feel close to anymore. They both live busy, fulfilling lives with their significant others and don\u2019t remember have time to hang out anymore.\n\nMy mom is quite controlling and still treats me like a child, so I\u2019ve been unable to get my own Carer to have some independence.\n\nMy sisters are both in relationships and make me feel depressed with their fulfilling lives, yet my mom doesn\u2019t believe me when I say I need therapy and will only pay for my sister to see a therapist.\n\nI feel like my life is going nowhere as it\u2019s got progressively worse over the past five years, and due to my disability I\u2019m unable to easily self harm in a way which would get me help.\n\nPlease; can someone help me find something to live for, as I really can\u2019t find it anymore",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Antidepressants",
    "post_text": "Antidepressants\n\nHi!\n\nI\u2019ve been thinking to take antidepressants for a while now. I have sudden outbursts (or breakdown episodes (?)) wherein I just cry and cry. I can feel the physical pain in my chest, or heart, specifically. It\u2019s so heavy. I\u2019ve been seeing a psychotherapist for a few months already, but it doesn\u2019t seem to help. It started because of work which I already resigned from 2 months ago. And then this pandora\u2019s box (collection of traumatic events in my subconscious) seem to have been opened so I\u2019ve been still experiencing the breakdowns despite seeing a psychologist.\n\nFor people who took antidepressants: Was it worth it? How was your experience with it? Did it help? \n\nIm sorry I just needed answers. I have no friends who took antidepressants before. Im also shy to reach to them, especially now that I need them the most. \n\nThank you, strangers.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": " I am in high school and I have clinical depression. I have decided to seek help on this subreddit. The cause of my depression is not something a psychiatrist or a psychologist can fix.\n\nThere is something I want in life and without it, I can not live. Without it, I feel like I have no purpose. It is not an object nor a person. It is something that would allow me to change this world and I mean in a **huge, impactful** way. I can not get it however because it is not decreed for me. I do not want to do something else as this is what I want to work for in my life. Anything less is not worth the struggle to fight for. Without it, I am just another regular person who walks the Earth and doesn't do anything for impact. Please understand it is not something I can simply be told to leave behind, otherwise, I wouldn't be seeking help. I do not want to kill myself. Life is too precious and I know if I can see things differently, maybe things can change.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I get the most depressed around my birth month",
    "post_text": "I was born in September and not until a couple years ago I started feeling really depressed and sad during this time. As Soon as we hit the end of august a wave of depression comes over me and I just hate being here. I hate myself, the way I look, how I feel. Just over all disgusted with myself. And the voice in the back of my head just makes it worse Always saying things like oh another year and you\u2019re still nothing. Living at home no boyfriend, 2 jobs still no money, youre lazy and you gained weight over quarantine you\u2019re just pathetic and stupid\u201d and I see other people how pretty they are and how good their life is and it gets to me. I got frustrated yesterday and almost cried because I kept getting problems wrong on my math homework (I\u2019m in college btw). Every year now this time I just feel so worthless and it literally makes me want to end it all. I\u2019m so over it. Does anyone know why this happens!?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Lately I have been feeling really depressed and cant control my emotions. Please read below and tell me what could be wrong?",
    "post_text": "I generally feel like no one cares for me or even wants to genuinely listen. I have been getting really depressed  and then the next minute, I feel ok. Its like a rollercoaster. To a point where I have been overdosing on pills and even cutting myself and when I cut myself, I smile cause I think I deserve it. I feel embarrassed to even feel any emotions, cause I feel like Im nothing at all. I really want to kill myself, but whats stopping me is that what if I survive again. I tried to take my life by taking pills, but I survived. And no one even noticed or knew. No one stays in my life and even if they do, they find me weird or they just want to use me. I hate, I genuinely hate myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any hard won good mood disappears at the minorest inconvenience",
    "post_text": "I have moderate to severe depression. Sometimes I'm able to get excited about things though and that's great. But even when I'm in a good mood, every time something mildly inconvenient happens I get really upset and have a hard time pulling myself out of it.\n\nLike I went to the zoo (one of my favorite places) today and found out there's a small surcharge to reprint my lost membership card and it just crushed me and now I'm not excited to be here any more. Or a few weeks ago I went to a store and they didn't have one thing I wanted because of supply chain issues and I was grumpy for like an hour.  \n\nIt sounds stupid and immature but I don't know how to stop it. It's seriously impacting my quality of life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need help",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m a 32 year old female who recently lost my daughter. Shortly before that both my parents were diagnosed with stage 4 and 5 cancer (lung and colorectal) and are on their death beds - I have had to quit my job to care for them full time. I can\u2019t get out of bed and haven\u2019t for weeks - I can\u2019t eat and am down to 37kgs. I\u2019ve been in hospital with a feeding tube but took it out and discharged because I genuinely don\u2019t want to live any more. I have no one to talk to and I don\u2019t see any other option. I\u2019ve tried to be positive for so long but I feel like I have no energy left to try anymore. I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m posting this I just hope maybe if someone has been in a similar position they can tell me about their experience I guess. This is my first and final cry for help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Suicide bereavement making existing depression intolerable",
    "post_text": "Obvious TW for suicide\n\nMy depression is worse than ever since my little sister died by suicide last year. Like beyond normal grief, it worried my suicide bereavement counselor type stuff.\n\nI can't post on the suicide bereavement sub because my grief makes me suicidal and I don't want to trigger anyone over there. When I posted on suicidewatch everyone ignored me and I got embarrassed and took the post down after like 6 hours.\n\nI just feel so depressed and don't want to be here right now. I'm doing my best to stick around for my family but it's hard. \n\nI'm not excited about my career, my relationship, my prospects for ever living a good life. I just want to sleep until my next therapy appointment on Monday  and then sleep until the one after that and soforth. \n\nI don't believe my life is ever going to get better and I'm just so done. Last time I tried the hotline I couldn't get through to anyone and I wasn't an active threat so I'd probably get triaged out anyways. What do I do? \n\nI'm supposed to be petsitting starting today but I'm having a hard time leaving my bed to go be in someone else's house. I'm scared that without all my comfort stuff I'll be even worse off\n\nPlease help me figure out how to get through to Monday?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Why can't i ask for help?",
    "post_text": "Hi. I'm a twenty year old man currently failing university. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm failing. I've given late hand-ins for a lot of my projects, not done other projects properly, and not handed in some other projects all together.  Whenever I get stressed I don't do anything and I still haven't made any friends at uni. To be fair, I do have high school friends, but none of them are interested in the field I want to go into. I feel so alone a lot of the times, I feel useless and I feel dumb. I did go for therapy in the past, it was just for a couple of months after I told my mom I was cutting myself.  That ended when my therapist said I didn't need any help.\n\nI'm sorry, I'm babbling. The point of why I'm writing this is because I can't seem to ask the people in my life for help. Hell, right now I'm swinging back and forth between asking a bunch of internet strangers. But I feel like I'm going crazy. Every time I make up my mind to go tell my mom or my sister or my brother about these things, I convince myself out of it. i tell myself that these problems aren't that big of a deal, that I'd only be disturbing them (my sister recently had a baby, so she's spending a lot of her time taking care of him) that these problems aren't problems and that I just need to get off my stupid lazy ass and do my work. And then i don't ask for help.  \n\nAnd now I'm starting to think that this post is a dumb idea. This won't actually achieve anything. I'm complaining to strangers about problems that aren't problems. I'm just being stupid. I'm sorry.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice coming off meds",
    "post_text": "Hi, just wanting some advice. Over the past year I developed pretty significant anxiety and depression, and after a while, my friends at uni noticed and advised that I seek professional help. I was then prescribed antidepressants (sertraline), which I've been taking for the past few months.\n\nThings overall improved over the summer, but about a week ago I decided to stop taking them, as I don't feel very comfortable being reliant on medication, and I feel like my life is at a significantly better point now.\n\nI recognise that this was probably the wrong call, and if things get worse again I will get back on them.\n\nHowever, since coming off them, I've been experiencing almost constant headaches and dizziness, to the point where I am sometimes unable to walk, meaning it's difficult leaving the house, or meeting up with anybody, as I feel like I can't maintain the required amount of energy. This means my lifestyle has reverted to what it was like at the worst points of the last year, being unable to go outside, and feeling unable to talk to anybody on any medium.\n\nDoes anybody know how long these effects last or if they're normal?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I get my life together?",
    "post_text": "Hi, woman in my late twenties here, feel like I shot myself in the foot at every opportunity. I never had romance and can't find a worthy purpose. I've studied tons of things, trying to find something that was for me, but I never got there, so I gave up. I still live at home.\n\nI want to try and lead a meaningful life, but I have no idea where to begin. It feels like there's too much to do, so I don't even start to try. Every day I am more filled with anxiety and dread and I feel like everything is too late. I know I need to do something, but I have no idea what. I crave love, but no one wants to date a loser, right?\n\n I can't see my therapist right now, because she's ill and I'm just going crazy from the inside. Just a week ago I was still active, just doing the things that make me happy, but now I'm consumed by my anxious and suicidal thoughts. I feel like I'm too old for every single opportunity, it's just pathetic. I rarely leave the house, cause I just can't deal with people.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need tips on productivity.",
    "post_text": "Hi, so I'm currently really going through it and am struggling to even eat and sleep, due to depression and anxiety plaguing me. At the beginning of the day, I have these big projects I want to undertake, but they feel too big, so I just end up procrastinating, doing only the bare minimum on all of them at the end of the day and thus getting pissed at myself, cause everything could have been finished already.\n\n Then I tell myself: oh tomorrow, you'll do better: you'll study twenty pages, you'll write a chapter of your novel, you'll make a proper meal. Yet I never do that, it's just the same cycle. I think my brain is hacked in a way, cause I always sabotage myself. When I start to improve, I make sure I'll get worse again.\n\nI'm just looking for productivity tips, cause this feels like hell.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I want to go home",
    "post_text": "So I'm fresh out of highschool, and I've just started studying in the Netherlands - am doing my bachelors. \nI was diagnosed with clinical depression and autism 4 years ago, and was on some medication, but stopped my visits with my doc and stopped taking my meds because I couldn't accept it back then. \nSo here I am now - at uni, and I'm miserable. I want to go home. The separation anxiety along with the constant feeling that I'm not meant to be here is killing me. I'm constantly crying, I've had way too many thoughts about taking one too many pills (which I haven't thought about in a really long time), and I miss my dad (he passed away). I really love what I'm studying, but I can't stay here\nI don't even know what the problem is, I'm not able to concentrate, I don't feel like doing anything or staying here. My mum has made it clear that I can come back if I want, and that she will support me in getting an education closer to home. \nMy father always wanted me to get a good education, and wanted me to have a good life, but I don't know how to. I don't even know what the problem is, which is why I can't fix it and I really just can't take it anymore. I want to go home, and I want all of these bad feelings to stop. I want someone to help me but I'm scared of the comments my external family will make if I go back\nI'm scared I'll let a good opportunity go\nPlease tell me what to do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What HAS been working?",
    "post_text": "What are your favorite tips and tricks for making depression a little easier to deal with? I realize no one thing is going to fix everything, and if it did you probably wouldn't be on this sub anymore.\n\nAm engaged in an all out war against depression, suicidal thoughts, and grief. Please don't report my post, I'm staying safe and already have the hotline numbers preprogrammed into my office.\n\nSome of the things I'm already doing: therapy, grief group, medication, art, talking to a friend, trying to be regular about exercise, regular sleep, eating decently.\n\nThings I'm not willing to do: drugs. I also can't really afford to go back to intensive outpatient/partial hospitalization.\n\nThings I've failed to use successfully in the past and would need additional support to figure out how to integrate in my life: any kind of mindfulness practice or yoga type shit. Religion/spirituality also hasn't really worked for me historically.\n\nThank you for any thoughts.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help",
    "post_text": "I've hit fucking rock bottom. I'm rn a college student pursuing CS which I took because I'm fucking dumb and thought it would pay well. It probably does but I'm miserable rn.I have no interest in doing it anymore. (Not in america,europe so cant change majors easily) This mixed with the fact that I'm horribly depressive in a country where even the already shit treatment for mental health is even worse. I was on SSRI's but went off of them myself cos my doctor would just not listen to my complanits about its side effects. \nI'm only posting this cos I feel heavily (you know the word). Feel like I'm really close to the point of no return \nSo any words to the contrary would be helpful",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t understand the point in living",
    "post_text": "I thought I had it figured out with religion. But religion ended up being just another idol that failed me. Now I feel even more lost than before.\n\nI can\u2019t seem to wrap my mind around suffering. I can\u2019t understand why we seem to be in this universe just to suffer and die. Maybe others find enjoyment in life, but I can\u2019t seem to get any. If we\u2019re just supposed to toil and work to nourish ourselves only to continue to toil and work until we die, why delay our inevitable death? Why not just commit suicide? I know this is dark, but this feels like the most rational conclusion. I need help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Found out my ex moved and is dating again",
    "post_text": "It's been a whole year since we had last talked and I didn't even mean to find out. I was talking to a mutual friend of ours and I asked how she was doing without thinking.\n\nThe news hit me like a truck, it felt like all the work I put in to slowly stitch my heart back together was for nothing. A week ago I was going about my life, happier than I had been in a long time. Now I can't even concentrate without thinking about her, about what her life has become without me. \n\nI know I should keep moving on, she didn't even have the decency to breakup with me in person after 4 years together, but it feels impossible with all the feelings that have come back. \n\nWhat should I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does this qualify as depression?",
    "post_text": "Recently a pattern in my behavior has become very clear to me. Whenever I don't have a structure in my schedule to keep me busy, out of the house, and socializing, I begin to fall apart.\n\nMy hygiene suffers, I sometimes go a week without showering or brushing my teeth. The amount of dry shampoo I use is scary. \n\nI always end up binging, with food and television. I was doing great all summer with a healthy diet, exercising, losing weight. Then my summer job ended. Now I spend the majority of my time watching show after show and mindlessly eating while I do it.\n\nWhenever im alone in the house and not distracting myself with food, tv, or porn I just end up pacing around, staring out the window melancholically like a antidepressant tv ad.\n\nI've had a therapy consultation at my college where we primarily discussed my potentially having ADHD and my struggles with feeling guilty about my academic underperformance. I might've gotten to talking about whether I'm depressed, but I never actually had a session, they were booked until the end of the year.\n\nI'm just looking for some answers, thinking about trying to find a therapist, but the only local source has had many questionable testimonials.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Every night just before drifting off to sleep, I'm overwhelmed with feelings of self hate and guilt.",
    "post_text": "I'm a seasoned pro in dealing with depression but this is getting out of hand. It used to happen every once in a while, but now it's consistent every night. \n\nAs I lay here with my eyes closed and I begin to dream, suddenly I realize I'm a horrible employee and I'm on the verge of losing my job. Or I'm a horrible father and my son deserves better. Or I'm a horrible husband who should have let someone better marry my wife and make her happy. Or I suddenly realize my finances are messed up for someone my age. Or I feel like I'm the worst kind of friend. The tremendous feeling of guilt is absolutely overwhelming and I wake up and have to often times sit up, my heart pounding like crazy. The house is a mess, I've been working on the same task too long at work and they're going to find out I'm a fraud, I have a ton of yard work I need to do and the neighbors think I'm a total slob, my son doesn't feel loved and needs better things in life. The list expands exponentially if I let it, even as I type it out it's flowing in like a river of crippling worry, my face is completely bloodshot like I'm  embarrassed, and I can't catch my breath. \n\nAll I want to do is go on facebook and tell everyone how sorry I am for being so embarrassing. Or go sit at my desk and work more so I have more to report on in the standup. Or go lay with my 4 year old son and tell him how proud of him I am and how great his Lego creation tonight was. Or clean and organize the whole house so my wife wakes up and feels good about being married to me. I get this frantic feeling like it all needs to happen, but its too late, the day is over, and I messed up again. \n\nI did not feel this way an hour ago when I laid down in my bed. It spikes in me just before drifting off to sleep, like I was watching my life in a movie but then I suddenly realize it's real and I am overcome with fear, dread, embarrassment, and guilt, like I'm driving a train off a bridge or something. Could it be a brain tumor pressing against some part that controls these negative \"flight\" reactions? Why am I feeling these things flood into my brain right before drifting to sleep?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Sometimes the worst part isn't what happened to us but being alone with the pain from what happened to us",
    "post_text": "I've had a crisis today from a breakdown/tantrum in front of my parents and it's late into the night that my friends who would've normally supported me are asleep and also all crisis phone or text lines are especially understaffed around this time.\n\nI don't use suicide hotlines or access & crisis phone lines or text lines anymore all those things that my former therapists recommend because of how many times I've felt worse afterwards or been hung up on dealing with someone who's already numbed and burned out themselves. I get it, the mental healthcare system is understaffed and underfunded and the therapists I've had, it's just been so disappointing and regressive to my health. \n\nIt's just like the classic conditioning example: if you shock a mouse enough times everytime it tries to eat food, it'll be too afraid to eat even when the threat is long gone.\n\nRarely are people seeking for advice and answers, most times people just want to be seen and heard and feel supported. \n\nI got angry at my mom for sharing some news with my brother on the phone, which was something she was talking highly of me for but nonetheless I felt very angry because I despise my brothers for how much they've ruined my life and I had a tantrum in front of my parents because I was reminded of the last time my brother rubbed it in my face of my depression and financial situation when we fought and despite my mom giving him good news of mine he'll probably use that to mock me with when I'm back to a poorer financial situation again.\n\nI'm hurt and angry and also guilty that I got angry at my mom who was just trying to talk highly of me but I very much want nothing to do with my brothers. I've had a terrible relationship with my negligent parents all my life and I'm fortunate that they actually feel guilty and sorry about all that and have been genuinely trying to help me now. I spent some money on something helpful for my mom that she very much uses and loves because I'm grateful for her help which was what she was talking about and after getting angry at her but expressing it in an unhealthy way I feel like shit.\n\nIt doesn't feel the same trying to vent online, because I want my female friends that I know and care about and feel a genuine connection with to make me feel heard and listened to, and always starting from zero talking to strangers and trying to provide context about who I am and the dexterity of my mental illness is exhausting. I'm a very supportive and helpful person to my said friends when it comes to mental health problems, and having to be on the receiving end and in need of help at inconvenient times just sucks.\n\nIn the past I've posted to reddit and people will look at my post history saying \"you are a very mentally ill person and should get help.\" And I wish I could just say that \"most of us mentally ill people don't have to luxury to afford anything that actually can help.\" And we'll have to take what little opportunities we can get even if it's not ideal or in the least helpful. Lonely people don't have the luxury to choose who can comfort them.\n\nI still feel the lump in my throat and ache in my chest from a crisis and breakdown but at least I've expressed myself",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "the wait feels too long sometimes",
    "post_text": "i cant tell my parents because they wont understand but im just so sad all the time and it hurts so much and i keep getting dark thoughts.\n\ni tried telling my dad i was sad all ll the time everyday but he just told me i was making a big deal of nothing and walked away, and now i cant trust anyone to reach out to.\n\ni promised myself that in two years when im 18 ill take myself to a therapist but sometimes the pain seems to last forever and i dont know if i can last that long sometimes.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Anyone else feel bad for finding your friends attractive?",
    "post_text": "College student, ever since I got on campus I started being attracted to people a lot more sexually. A few are new friends and I\u2019m worried me being interested in them could hinder us growing a proper friendship. Part of me feels like I\u2019m objectifying them, another thinks I\u2019m overvaluing their opinion of me, yet another sees it as me wanting a relationship I know I\u2019m not ready for. Is it bad to feel this way?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At rock bottom",
    "post_text": "I wrote my suicide note tonight but I haven\u2019t gone through with it because I\u2019m scared. But every passing moment is agony.\n\nNobody loves me or cares for me anymore, I was thrown out of my home by my mother who is fed up of me, my boyfriend who I love dumped me out of the blue, nobody seems to care that I have been feeling so awful for the past month. I feel like I can\u2019t talk to anyone. Things keep happening which is crushing any relief I have, I\u2019ve been humiliated by people this last week and want to be alone but at the same time I don\u2019t seem to be able to cope with being by myself.\n\nI\u2019m having an awful awful time. I don\u2019t know what to do with myself. Life is bleak and there is no point to me going on but I can\u2019t bring myself to end it.\n\nHas anyone felt like this? What can I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any other depressed mental health professionals out there?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m wondering if there\u2019s anyone here who can relate... I am on my doctoral internship which, is my last step towards getting my doctorate in clinical psychology.  I had to move 1000 miles to start my internship which is obviously stressful because I\u2019m away from everything familiar and my support system. And it\u2019s stressful because I\u2019m stepping into new role working 40  hours a week as a professional, rather than being a student and working part time.\n\n And my anxiety has affected my work. And the more my supervisors have provided what was intended to be constructive criticism the more I have felt like a worthless piece of s. And the more I\u2019ve messed up, the worse their criticism has gotten. And now my supervisors want to meet with me next week. Pretty sure I\u2019m going to be put into some kind of remediation. Or fired. And I feel like such a worthless failure I don\u2019t think I can make it through this year. And I can\u2019t help but think that my life is over, and I should just be done with this.  \n\nMy 8+ years of education in psychology and hundreds of hours of therapy have not helped me get away from the feeling that I am worthless as a human being. I know where it comes from, but that doesn\u2019t solve things. I can\u2019t use cognitive restructuring to think myself out of how I am feeling. I have tried and I\u2019ve tried and I don\u2019t know if I can do it anymore. Sometimes I think I\u2019m going to be OK, I think I can pull myself out of this. But wondering if there\u2019s anyone out there who can also understand what it\u2019s like to understand themselves on an intellectual level but still feel completely unable to fix their self-destructive behavior? Any therapists who can pay attention to their patients\u2019 needs and then be unable to meet their own, or who wonder how they can help clients when their clients are more healthy than they are?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hatred",
    "post_text": "I'm new to this so ya also I'm not very good with writing so bare with me. \n\nI have been dealing with this problem of me hating people badly I will be hanging out with my own friends but when I'm sitting with them I have this voice in my head repeating hate 24/7 I hate it so much Im mentally exhausted I can't deal with it anymore I just hate hate hate people badly I don't know why but this hate can't go away they did nothing wrong that would make me hate them, it's a constant thing I have been going through, I have done some thing to calm my self down like taking deep breaths and listing to music I have also tried mediating. But my mind just keeps saying \"I hate them so much\" I wake up sometimes with hatred about them it makes me pissed off that I don't want to talk to them anymore, makes me want to punch them. \n\nI am also suffering from other major stuff but that would be for later",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m young and just don\u2019t feel like doing anything. I don\u2019t want to go out, eat, and it seems like no one is interested into talking to me. I listen to music all day and lay in bed. I don\u2019t feel like going to school any more and ask my parents if I can stay home and do it online. I recently moved schools and left all my old friends and now I literally have no one to talk to. I tried talking to my dad today but he was just shaking his head and agreeing with me no matter what I said. My step mom is acting like I\u2019m not even alive. My bio mom won\u2019t let me see my siblings, I try to and she says maybe next weekend (she has said this since the beginning of this summer) I Honestly don\u2019t know what to do at this point.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Haven't been working for 2 months, I've been bed bound--stsrting my first shift now",
    "post_text": "Hi all, I've recently started working again after being out of it for 2 months. I was mainly bed bound, sleeping most of the day away, spent most of my time smoking. I wasn't (still kinda not?) eating properly, barely doing dishes, laundry, and it was such an effort to shower and brush my teeth. I have to be able to pay bills though :/\n\nSo I ask now, how to I push through and maintain this job? I already have extreme anxiety about starting a new job, it makes me feel physically sick and I start to uncontrollably bite my fingernails. Whats left of them anyway. \n\nAny support, kind words of encouragement, or advice starting a job when you're transitioning from bed bound depression.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My twin brother (turning 19 soon) is depressed and won't get help. What do I do?",
    "post_text": "Title kind of spells it out but here's more details: My brother was diagnosed with depression in junior year of high school. It seemrd like he'd been suffering with it since middle school, though my family and him didn't recognize the signs then. Since then he's gotten better and it feels like I actually have a brother again, but it's not easy. Lately he got his medication raised, but has been sleeping more, feeling no motivation, looking sad, having a hard time focusing. \n\nI'm currently out of state for college (we are freshmen) and he's staying home with our parents. His GF contacted me recently and said she's worried that his depression is getting worse. He doesn't tend to talk to me about it so I believe her.\n\nThing is he has access to a psychiatrist but he says \"they can't help because I don't tell them anything\" and doesn't really answer why he doesn't actually talk to them. (We suspect he has anxiety too but that hadnt come to anything yet) His school offers free therapy (which I've taken advantage of at my own school) but he doesn't take it, nor thinks he needs it.\n\nI'm extremely afraid im going to lose him and his gf and I don't know what to do. We've talked about getting him committed but we aren't sure how or if that would actually help since he's already isolated (he hasn't made friend at his new school yet) \n\nDoes anyone have advice??? Please help, I don't know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help, TW Su\u00e7I\u2202e",
    "post_text": "Well Hello to all the people reading this.\n\nso I'm going to have to be careful with the information I disclose, as my situation is precarious to say the least.\n\nSo I've made some mistakes, I hurt some people in ways that aren't bad but I had to make it clear that I am not an angel, nor am I the devil. When I hurt those people, a lot of people, people who really don't like me but have nothing to do with this started finding ways to ruin my life. I was accused of leaking a 14 year olds nudes, raping someone, lying about my age, and sending my nudes to people who didn't want it (the reality they asked). Some guy accused me on his story publicly and since he has a ton of followers and people on his side so people immediately took his side of the story, without ever taking a deeper look.\n\nI've gotten my own nudes leaked to almost everyone in this city, outside the country, friends relatives family. The pics and vids were sent to my parents as evidence and then my cousins and extended family. A tiktok was posted with my nudes in it and in like 3 hours it had more than 80K views, and by the time it had got taken down it had reached 380K views, and was then shared privately between the hundreds of thousands of people who saved it. Everywhere. In addition, I've gotten death threats, people trying to find where I live and where I go to school. I've lost every single one of my friends, not one has remained. I feel so lost and confused. Some part of me feels like I'm the bad guy and this is \"the consequence of my own actions\", I mean I wasn't always 100% clear with my intentions. But then on the other hand there's people who are playing this just like a game. All they want to do is ruin me and since they have no direct evidence for their claims so instead they ruin my life. \n\nI can't feel safe anywhere, and hearing and reading what people are saying about me, about my nudes, about my private conversations with people just makes me hate life even more. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed, not of my actions as much as the fact that the whole word had to find out about it. \n\nI know you're thinking, this kid is in school, still a teenager and probably just overthinking it, but I literally can't go to the city center without fearing for my own life. I live in one of the biggest cities in the world, I've lived here since forever and  I know how big it is. I didn't think it would get this far, but it has. There is not one person I know that doesn't know about this. I can't have any friends here because everyone judges me and no one can ever see me for who I am, they even found ways to get to my friends abroad. I have no-where to go, and no method of escaping the thoughts I get. \n\nI get mad at the world and I want to take revenge for all the people that hurt me but then I realize I could never possibly do that so then I feel powerless, just like how I felt all those other times when IT happened to me. So then I get mad at myself, and I make myself believe it was all my fault, and this leads to a cycle of self harm which very quickly develops into a fine line between life and death. \n\nThank You for reading.\n\nAny replies will be very much appreciated. \n\nbest regards",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feels like I\u2019m brain dead",
    "post_text": "\nHey,\n\nI was a rather intelligent individual due to the fact that I was able to achieve an IQ of 140 on the Mensa test. From the grades I got in high school I also got admitted to Cs and engineering at a good university and that\u2019s what I\u2019ve been studying now for about 3 weeks.\n\nBut for months, I\u2019ve been feeling that my brain function and my mental reasoning ability has decreased drastically. I am now struggling with math problems that I used to ace in high school, and I have a hard time learning and especially remembering things even though I study a lot. This is taking a toll on me! My memory has worsen significantly to the point that I need to write things down in order to remember it. I even need to search up simple words because I have either forgotten what the word actually was, how to spell it or the meaning of the word. And this happens every single day. \n\nMy depression comes in waves and when it was really fucking bad (couple months ago) I was going insane. It has now calmed down a bit and I have absolutely no clue if my symptoms are caused by my depression or if there is a hidden underlying condition that I don\u2019t know about.\n\n\nHas anyone experienced this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm lost in life",
    "post_text": "Hey Reddit, so I'm looking for some kind of advice here. I'm 18 y.o right now, and I don't know what to do in my life. Right now I'm studying in university for some kind of IT and security and I absolutly hate it. For the 5 days I haven't understood a single world. So yeah, I'm stupid(not judging just by the university, I've always been like this, just sitting and don't understanding shit), also I got almost no social skills, I don't really like people(just kinda avoid them), I'm not talented at anything, I'm not skilled at anything and I don't like anything. Everything I do I hate, really hate. So yeah, right now I'm in some kind of situation, where I don't really know what to do next. University is too hard for me, and I think I will drop out aftwr first exams because I'm too stupid too understand this and hate this too much to force myself to study. I asked my friend about all this things and he told me some stuff like: \"yo go find yrself\", or \"yo, just do things\". But it sounds stupid for me. I'm so f@cking tired of trying something, and then after investing time finding out that you suck at it, and also you suck at many many other thing aswell. I realise all those thing like that I need to try, because else I will never know, I need to talk to people e.t.c but I can't force myself to do it. Also I never had a girlfriend, and I don't think I ever will have one, because I'm too uninteresting and unattractive to date me or even talk to me. I don't really look after myself  because at this point I don't really care. And probably if I fail my exams at my university I'll just commit suicide, because I don't see a point in living anymore, I just need some kind of trigger to help me make that decision. If you give me some advice it will be very good for me right now. Sorry for that amount of text.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression that's caused/exacerbated by my job?",
    "post_text": "Does anyone have any advice for dealing with/managing depression that's either caused by or exacerbated by their job?   \n\n\nMy job closed back at the start of the pandemic. I was off work for almost a year and a half. Things were actually starting to look up the last few weeks/months. I was slowly becoming productive again. Getting closer ot feeling normal. I was actually making progress on my portfolio and studying, to get a job that I don't hate.\n\nBut my job opened up again last week. It's been 3 days. And already, it feels as though I've spiralled all the way back down to exactly where I was before. It feels as though this horrible dark cloud is hanging over me again.\n\nI feel permantently exhausted. Too tired and on edge to get on with anything. Everything just feels like this big, anxious bad dream, slowly counting down to when I'm next working. I just feel a constant dread, waiting for the next shift.\n\nI hate my job. I hate the people I work with. I hate my customers.\n\nI don't know how to stop feeling like this. But I *need* to if I ever want to get out of this job. I need to be focused. I need to be able to focus on getting this portfolio done. I need to focus on picking up these qualifications that I need. I need to be able to focus on studying. I'd almost got it down during the pandemic. Now I'm back to exactly where I started.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Dating someone with depression",
    "post_text": "I am dating someone that is diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It can be a challenge for me at times as I have to do a lot of things alone (they don\u2019t want to go out in public) or mostly just sleep for 12 hours on their days off. We don\u2019t get to do the usual couple stuff too often because they don\u2019t like to be in public or around people when they aren\u2019t at work. \n\nI love and accept this person as is. \n\nThere is a lot of other struggles that comes with this so I\u2019d like to know\u2014what are some things I can or should do to for my partner with depression? \n\nSorry if my question doesn\u2019t make sense but I don\u2019t know how else to ask this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you push yourself to do things you don\u2019t want to do/feel like you can\u2019t do?",
    "post_text": "I have a lot of issues with doing things that need done, not always because I don\u2019t want to do them, but because I just feel like I don\u2019t have the energy to. My parents just say to \u201cpick up your feet and do it\u201d but I just can\u2019t get that drive to. I\u2019ve never been able to. It\u2019s even worse when a task gets built up in my mind as something bigger than it actually is. Makes simple chores just so hard to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like I have to kill myself, it's inevitable",
    "post_text": "I think that there isn't any other option, and that in the end it will always come to this anyways. Like no matter what I do, I need to die. I've always felt like dying is my only option whether I like it or not, and there's really no reason for me to be here anyways. \n\n I've been in therapy and different treatments for so long, and it just always comes back to me wanting to stop existing. There have been days where I think it could get better, but that stops pretty quickly.  Ever since middle school I've been thinking about ending it. It's only until recently that I've made a true plan and stuff. I feel like a complete asshole because I have a \"great life,\" my parents love me, yada yada, and yet I still feel this way. I'm still so tired and lonely and I feel like a complete fuck-up. \n\nHonestly, it's not even that I want to commit suicide, I just don't want to exist anymore. It's just that suicide seems like the only way of accomplishing that? I don't know if this even makes any sense.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I absolutely reek when i get depressed",
    "post_text": "I know for a fact I'm not the only depressed person who neglects hygiene when they're in an episode. What small things can I do to not have people move away from me when I walk in the room when I just don't have the spoons to do anything real about it? \n\nI feel awful and I know that I need to bathe, and i do, but its about 4 times a week or less. I have no clue what i can do to not destroy my friendships with this bullcrap aside from actually bathing regularly, and I try my hardest, but I just can't some days.\n\nPlease help me. I'm on the verge of just giving up again.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help to cope with panic attacks and suicidal thoughts without doctors prescription",
    "post_text": "Hi guys. Im in the middle of my college year and I find it extremely difficult to concentrate and cope without suicidal thoughts every day for the past 7 months . On that note, no one is really taking my symptoms seriously and believe that antidepressants is too extreme of a need for me and I'm fed up because they said this months ago and now the symptoms are so bad that the suicidal thoughts and me not being able to concentrate on school is an hourly thing\n\n\nSo. I would like to know if there are any off the counter drugs that help with concentration and anxiety at least so I can deal with it on my own. I'm sick of having to wait for 37 years before I attempt suicide and my problems get noticed",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help Changing for the Better",
    "post_text": "I've suffered silently with depression and anxiety for most of my life, usually covering it up with relationships or alcohol. Long story short, my depression and anxiety stems largely from childhood and teenage bullying and growing up in a home with very unhappy parents who weren't meant to be parents. It wasn't until recently, on the verge of divorce, that I've moved past the stigma of depression and admitted that I suffer from it. I've been taking high doses of CBD and l-theanine daily (I've seen the unintended, scary side effects of prescribed antidepressents too often in former friends), in addition to daily meditation, getting outdoors daily for at least 30 mins, daily exercise and changing to a healthier, mediterranean diet. All of this had helped tremendously, but I still have occasional bad days like today where it's a struggle to start my day.\n\nDue to my ongoing depression and anxiety, I haven't used my brain the way it is supposed to be used, and as a result, I am very slow at thinking and making decisions in the heat of the moment. This has caused nothing but pain for me in romantic relationships and with roommates. I feel so incredibly stupid. I desperately need to change, and I have been trying, but it hasn't been easy. Every time I say this week is going to be different, it isn't. I get into constant arguments with my roommate because of my slow thinking and ingrained selfishness. \n\nI am reaching out for advice from anyone who has been where I've been and made it through. How did you finally change for the better? I'm at my wit's end. I really want to change, I really do. My roommate says I can't because I just don't care enough. But I do care. I just can't figure out for once and for all how to improve myself 10x more (e.g., my memory, my intelligence, my selfishness, being more aware of my surroundings, and most importantly, truly living life). Thank you very much for any advice anyone can give.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone know of a non-lethal poison that causes vomit and/or diarrhea and can be mixed with water?",
    "post_text": "Instead of/besides hurting myself, I could do some justice in the world. Since good things don't happen to good people, I think I can make bad things happen to bad people. Not intending to cause any permanent injuries, just a little of karma. Might change my mind later, but I want to consider some options. A little of mud butt won't kill anyone, right?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just at a point where I\u2019m tired of feeling like this.",
    "post_text": "Without pulling on heartstrings. I\u2019m (33F) on my own. Depressed and on Prozac. Had CBT for 3 months and I\u2019ve worked so so hard on trying to focus on me. New job. A great job. Dream job. And it\u2019s the perfect distraction. And then I finish and go home and just cry. \nCry for the stuff I have experienced. And I grieve for the loss of personality and character from myself. Grieve for the fact I don\u2019t ever think I will fix myself or be able to have a life with someone and stuff. All because of mistreatment and bad situations leading up to this point in life. \nMy heart hurts all the time. You know like the sinking gut heartache feeling when you receive bad news. I get that every minute I\u2019m awake. And I just can\u2019t fix it. I\u2019ve tried and tried. \nI\u2019m so lonely and so withdrawn. I just want it all gone. I have made 3 Suicide attempts since October 2020 and I keep telling myself that it\u2019s \u201cnot that bad\u201d \nI\u2019m 33. I\u2019m alone with everything. I can\u2019t even validate myself anymore. I try. I have an amazing job. A roof over my head. A good salary. But there\u2019s something missing and I just cannot shake it. I purchased some nice underwear at the weekend just to feel good about myself. I wore them and then cried because what\u2019s the point. I can\u2019t understand why or what I do moving forward other than ending it. I\u2019m just so lost",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Wanting help, and cannot afford therapy currently",
    "post_text": "Hello, I have been depressed and quite anxious for a while, and recently started stress eating after work and just need some help, I've been told to 'man up' or be normal but its hard. Does anyone got tips on getting better? i hate stress eating but only thing that makes me feel okay and wish i wasn't worried so often\n\nplease let me know, i want to be better but just so lost don't know where to start :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop myself from relapsing?",
    "post_text": "**I'm posting this here because I asked this same thing in the** r/mentalhealth **subreddit and no one answered so maybe you guys can help:**\n\nI've been struggling with depression and anxiety for almost all my life, but these past few months had been especially hard. When I go through these depressive episodes I tend to procrastinate a lot, I don't have the energy to clean my house or do my work. And this is obviously making me have consequences at my job, I'm scared I'm gonna get fired, all of this is just making me feel worse. So I started seeing a therapist who has been helping a lot, but she told me it was normal to relapse and that recovery is not linear, I started working better and I cleaned everything. My routine went back to normal for a couple of weeks, but  since two days ago I'm going through another depressive episode, and  again, I don't have the energy to do **anything**, I haven't been able to work at all.\n\nWhat can I do about this? Do you have any advice for me?\n\nI  don't mind mentally relapsing and feeling sad, I can deal with that,  but I need to keep my life going and keep my routines intact or at least functional.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is it possible to date when you're depressed?",
    "post_text": "It feels really impossible to even attempt to find a partner when you're depressed. Dating apps are a pain and most of my matches I get either unmatch instantly, are scammers trying to get my money, or girls trying to get subscribers to their onlyfans (which I'm not against OF I just don't think a dating app is the best place to look for subs). Which makes me feel extremely ugly and only worth anything when I can give money to people. With dating you kinda have to sell yourself, but I can't. I hate myself and I don't see myself as attractive at all. And I don't blame people for not wanting to date losers like me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My room mate hasn't been eating and has been sleeping all the time. It's been about a month. How do i get her to eat.",
    "post_text": "Shes been eating probably 500 to 750 calories a day because ive been leaving meal replacement bars for her. Im really worried shes going to die she has not been eating or drinking and shes always so shakey. She has no family its just me.\n\n\n\n\nIve ordered her food from several of her fav restaurants and bought her fav snacks and left other gifts for her. She wont talk to me but i bought her a nintendo switch and some games and heard her playing it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I know this is disgusting but, I need advice on keeping up with basic hygiene and cleanliness",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m sorry, I know this is gross but, my room is disgusting, clothes and trash all over the floor, overflowing trash, cups everywhere. I\u2019m a filthy person. I just throw my stuff around without even thinking it and by the time i notice it I feel too overwhelmed to clean. \n\nAnother thing I struggle with is my dental hygiene. I keep forgetting to brush my teeth, and when I do remember I dread it and try to avoid it. I know it\u2019s kinda childish but I hate the taste of toothpaste and struggle with focusing on it, even though it only takes two minutes. \n\nIf anyone can give any advice on how to get these habits under control I\u2019d greatly appreciate it. I\u2019ve been struggling with both of these for all of my life. But I want to be able to have a clean room and good hygiene, and I just somehow can\u2019t will myself to do it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Need a good book for my depressed teen and I to work through together",
    "post_text": "My 13 year old has been sad/depressed/overly stressed for a long time now. Recently he has shared that he has started to have moments of invasive suicidal feelings. We developed a code word for him to let me know when he feels that way and he likes me to sit with him at those times but I know we need more help. He doesn't want to go back to counseling even with a different counselor and we have talked to his Dr who wants him to try using some strategies/coping/life changes. \nHe is kinda willing to go through a book with me and asks why he should go to a counselor because he can talk to me, doesn't know a counselor well enough to trust them, his past counselor didn't help, and in general dismisses all my answers that include they are professionals, counseling has helped me, counselors can be trusted, we can interview a couple different therapists, science backs counseling etc. \nHelp me find a not cheesey workbook, toolkit book, etc for us to go through. Ideally one that would be good for a teen. He's not super on board with improving sleep, etc so if a book gives good logic he'd be more open to it than me or his Dr suggesting it. \nWe are liberal science embracing Christians so open to books with or without a Christian perspective but science based is must. \n\nThanks,\nA worried mom",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It takes me several hours to even get out of bed",
    "post_text": "When I wake up, I feel absolutely exhausted and I usually have a headache and feel very dehydrated in the mornings as well. If I wake up at 11am for example, I will often fall back asleep and not even be able to get out of bed until at least 2pm. Today was even worse, I only got out of bed at 3:30pm, which means half of my day is already wasted when I get up out of bed. I don't know whether it's the depression making me do this or what but it's the one of the worst things I have to go through on a daily basis and one of my biggest obstacles. Anyone else like this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I experiencing bad anxiety?",
    "post_text": "So I (26F) have suffered with depression since I was about 14. I had a bit of anxiety maybe when I was around 16 but I never remember it feeling like this.\nI work 12hr night shifts and I know that probably doesn\u2019t help with my low mood but just lately I have been really struggling. I\u2019ll lay down to try and rest and my heart will race, so I have to sit up and breathe a few times, my chest gets tight with it sometimes too. I keep thinking horrible thoughts and don\u2019t want to leave the house for my shift at night, feeling scared that I won\u2019t come back home for some reason. \nObviously this is affecting my work, I\u2019m meant to be in tonight but I suddenly started panicking for no reason and felt almost homesick and couldn\u2019t stand the thought of leaving the house. I\u2019m not agoraphobic, I\u2019m fine going places but sometimes I just get incredibly scared. \n\nI know I need to see a doctor but when I\u2019m feeling like this it\u2019s almost impossible, I just want to stay in my bed where I\u2019m safe and warm. \nAny advice on getting past this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Fighting to live without depression and addictions",
    "post_text": "Hi there! I am new here!\n\nSo, how you can see my name I am happy externally but internally is like a black hole. Everything started a little before all the pandemic shit happen. I stopped working out and dating and talking to girls. In my mind I did that to be more present in other aspects of my life but actually just made me more lonely, not working out and start again my masturbation addiction.  It has being a long time that I do that and that makes my relationships of the past gonne fast like a hurricane. I need to change my life for the better but I don't see any solution. Please, I really need help...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My heart literally aches with loneliness",
    "post_text": "Whenever I\u2019m sad and alone and I just feel at my absolute worst my heart pounds and aches and it feels super heavy. Is this a normal thing. I feel so lonely rn I feel like no one cares and sometimes I want to endit.  I just want to be held by someone and told it okay. I just want to be loved and I feel like I\u2019m not good enough. All I want to do is cry and lay in bed. But I can\u2019t shake this feeling my heart is literally throbbing as if I feels how sad I am. My own mother doesn\u2019t even like hugging me. She gets annoyed every time I ask for hugs and hug her. She always says \u201cyou know I love you I just don\u2019t like being touched\u201d that\u2019s genuinely hurts me. Because I love her and she says she loves me but it makes me feel like she doesn\u2019t. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation and I get neither of those. So my heart aches and is deprived of what I think is real love. Is anyone else like this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Time for meds?",
    "post_text": "Hi. Question if anyone could help me. I\u2019m considering finding a dr and asking for this drug. BUT. I always thought that anti-depressants or for people that were depressed for no real reason. It was simply a chemical in balance and no matter what was going on in their life good or bad they were depressed. That\u2019s not me. But in the last 18 months, my mom has been diagnosed with dementia and majorly spiraled and there\u2019s a lot of insane sadness and anger and abuse that comes with that, my stepmom was diagnosed with colon cancer has had two major surgeries and is on her second round of chemo, my dad is of course a nervous wreck and he\u2019s already a hypochondriac overweight. The pandemic closed down my entire industry and career and I had to move cities back home to help my sick family so I have no friends here and no employment in the career that I\u2019ve been extremely successful in for the last 30 years. I finally found a boyfriend that I really loved and thought everything was going well, but we had two miscarriages and it went downhill really fast and we wound up breaking up a few days ago. My 16 year old furbaby is dying and the boyfriend took \u201cour\u201d dog. I also lost a couple of jobs that I really wanted and I really could go on and on about the nonstop bad things that of happened. I am able to get up in the morning and function and go to my few little jobs and hang out with my family and take care of them. But I am extraordinarily sad I cry multiple times a day. I had my 40th birthday this year and I\u2019m terrified I\u2019ll be alone and childless forever. I had a prescription for Valium and I have some left so I have been taking one of those in the morning and it may be helps a tiny bit. Anyway I guess I\u2019m wondering if I take an SSRI if it will make any difference if I don\u2019t really have a chemical in balance I\u2019m just currently having a really shitty life and none of those things are gonna change anytime soon. I did start talking to a therapist on an app but I\u2019m not sure I like it and may have to find one in person soon. Anyway. Should I take an SSRI? I\u2019m scared of side effects. I\u2019m scared of fertility issues. I\u2019m scared of weight gain. I\u2019m scared it won\u2019t work since I have REASONS to be depressed. Any advice would be so appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wanna talk but im done living",
    "post_text": "The idea of being lonely kill me and i honestly with all that i go throught aside wanna end it. But i want to reach out yet it always fail no answer nothing but empty words and no person that would give a crap the moment i decide myself to go out and throw myself off the bridge i have been throught hell i am going throught hell i will go throught hell and i will end up in hell how life like that is worth it i dont know i just need help i guess but i know no one will come like all the time i tried to reach out for help but never got any.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm feeling awful, I don't know what posting here would do, but I suppose I just don't want to be alone.",
    "post_text": "Everything seems to be going wrong and I'm so miserable. \n\nMy family wants to give my cat away because they think he's contributing to making my brother sick. I can't deal with losing my cat, he's so important to me. Along with my brother being sick, I can't leave my house in case I catch covid and give it to him, he'll die. And I can't move anywhere else\n\nI've basically lost my dream career. I wanted to be a pilot, but that didn't materialise, so I'm going to university to study something I don't care for, and that feels like the rest of my life is going to be miserable because I'll do a job I hate until retirement. \n\nI very apprehensively got into a relationship with a friend of mine, but since then, he's stopped being fun and nice to me. He keeps on running away and coming back, and being cold to me, and it all hurts, but I'm too weak to leave because losing a friend entirely hurts more. I wish I'd never gotten into this.\n\nI just want to sleep all the time. Everytime I wake up, I try to go back to sleep immediately because the misery immediately hits me.\n\nTherapy and journaling feels like a chore now, for the first time since I started it over a year ago (therapy).\n\nI want this to stop",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "15 years on Antidepressants and thinking about Transcranial magnetic stimulation. Has anyone tried and has it worked?",
    "post_text": "\nI have been on antidepressants for 15 years and through so many psychiatrists and therapists but very little has changed. I don't know what to do anymore all I think about is killing myself, but my mother already lost a child in a car accident and I can't do that to her she is such wonderful woman and the only thing keeping me here on earth. While she's still alive I continue seeking new ways to help my depression but I am running out of options. So I have been looking into Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS).  \n\n\"Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a noninvasive procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of depression.\"\n\nHas anyone tried this and I know that it's not permanent but I am willing to try.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve never felt so alone. Empty.",
    "post_text": "Things escalated from the last post i made asking for help. Thanks, mike, for responding to it. Before giving an update i will give you some context. I\u2019m turning 14 in 5 days, i moved countries 5 times over my life time, at the age of 7 i left from italy to france, 9 to ny, back to france at 10 and then canada, montreal. I dont know how to approach people. I see all my old classmates on social media having their best lives, they have supporting friends, i have none of that. I have no one. I fucking hate my mother and my father that are making me choose who to stay with. \nNow for the update, i realized i have nothing to do in this world. Court isnt even stressing me anymore, i lost all my emotions. I just want to die, its not worth the effort to keep on living. Im too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself though. I just dont feel loved, im alone all fucking day after school. I have litterally no interests. My dad always critiques me and my mother isnt fucking okay either. I just want help, i dont think i can keep going like this. Read my last post for more context, i was rushing this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "anti depressants?",
    "post_text": "my old therapist told me to prescribe some anti depressants for 4-6 months but i\u2019ve always been against it. my depression is really bad and idk how to continue my daily routine i dont have any supportive friends or family. i also cut out all my online friends bc i got depressed. so now i\u2019m alone for good. university iss open but its only introduction week and i really just have no hope with finding friends in my class bc i find them boring but i am going to try join some clubs but i feel like i will give up because i\u2019m going through a bad depression phase. usually my anxiety is bad too when i\u2019m tryna socialise during my depression phase bc i\u2019m faking it too much being happy also it\u2019s been so long since i\u2019ve socialised with real people because of lockdown\n\ni just dont know how to help myself get out of this phase bc i need to manage it otherwise im not going to be able to make meaningful friendships bc I feel like I will have a lot of mood swings and emotional outbursts where i will just want to isolate myself",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What to say to someone who talks about killing themselves and having depression?",
    "post_text": "TW: mentioned suicide wish.   \nSo I am not friends with this person, but I have followed them on social media for a very long time (4 years) and have met them one time in person, when we were close in vicinity (they live in a different country). We also wrote sometimes via dms about this and that.   \nAbout 20h ago they posted a checklist for signs to look out for, if you suspect someone is going to take their life and they made a check behind nearly all of them. In the caption they talked how they want to die, how they feel like a failure and absolutely worthless with what they archieved (or not archieved) in life so far. The only thing holding them back from killing themselves is their fear of pain. They say nothing that we could comment would make her feel better.   \nIs there something I can say, should I send them a help hotline? (They said they already called a hotline but hung up after a short moment in waiting line.) Is there something impactful, that I can say to prevent them from killing themselves?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wanna make a change",
    "post_text": "I'm an 18 soon to be 19 in December. I dropped out of school in my second year of 6th form because of depression and I've been stuck in a job I hate since. But I  could tolerate it I thought I could turn it around. But now with all my few friends off to uni I've been feeling exceedingly low the last few months. Like I'm stuck doing something I hate with all my friends going away and no way to make new ones. I'll be honest I really don't know what to do I feel like I've got no way out I don't really have any hobbies I just used to play video games with mates but like I said they're all going away. Either way I hate this and want to change and try and turn my life around but I'm really lost. I feel like I'm out of time and options like I don't think I can go back to school and turn it around from there but I really don't know. Any advice would be appreciated I'm just sick of this.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to live anymore",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve never felt so alone and I\u2019m ashamed to have close to no social life. My friends removed me from the group because my social anxiety became a burden and my family has their own social life. I\u2019m a burden to everyone around me and I\u2019m a pathetic loser who has nothing to do and I\u2019m just done. I\u2019m so tired of feeling this way and hating myself. I\u2019m finally at the point where I don\u2019t think I\u2019d hurt anyone if I left. I guess I\u2019m just posting this for closure, but if anyone could provide a reason to stay I\u2019m open to listening. I\u2019m a piece of shit human clearly so it might be a waste of breath",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "\"Paying for happiness\" - anyone else?",
    "post_text": "Some quick background: I have struggled with anxiety and depression for much of my adult life (I am 43). For many years it was low-level and manageable, with occasional flare-ups, but an extremely traumatic event three years ago triggered a period of major depression in my life that I am still dealing with. I am very high-functioning - most of the people in my life probably wouldn't even know of my struggles if I wasn't very candid about them - but it can get really, really bad sometimes. \n\nI have gone to therapy for over 15 years now and for the past few years have regularly seen multiple therapists. I was on various SSRIs/SNRIs over the years but they never did much of anything for me and I have been off all meds for about 14 months now. I did GeneSight pharmacogenomic testing recently and it turns out that I have significantly reduced folic acid conversion (which is apparently a common characteristic of people with major depression) and so I started taking folinic acid supplements a little over a month ago to try to help with this. No noticeable improvement yet.\n\nI have also been doing psychedelic-assisted therapy for about a year now, which includes weekly talk therapy with a strong focus on processing childhood traumas, reintegration, IFS (internal family structures) therapy, and the like. As part of this therapy, I have done 5 \"journeys\" so far. This has been the therapeutic regimen that I have felt the most growth and progress from, but I am still plagued with lots of issues. \n\nI really feel like I'm throwing everything but the kitchen sink at my depression (plus stuff like meditation, exercise, sometimes yoga, etc. etc.) but nothing every really \"takes.\"\n\nI have noticed a pattern recently where when I am able to experience true happiness (which is fairly uncommon for me - not just feeling pretty okay but genuinely feeling joy, having actual fun, etc.), I will inevitably experience a comedown within 1-3 days. And the better I feel, the harder the comedown is. It is like getting high on a euphoria-producing drug and then having the inevitable crash. It is as if my body and mind HAVE to revert back to a depressive norm, like a rubber band snapping back; the higher I stray from it, the more intense the snapback. This is devastating, even as I have recognized the pattern and come to expect it. It literally feels like I am punished by my own body/mind for daring to experience happiness or joy. It feels like a cruel trick by the Universe every time, or like I have to pay the piper for not feeling depressed for one damn day.\n\nI have considered the possibility of bipolar disorder, but I really don't think that's it. Certainly yo-yoing between joy and depression has that weird polarity, but the happiness is always caused by externals - a trip somewhere, quality time with friends, a great experience, etc. It doesn't just come out of nowhere. I really have to find and create the happiness. It is the \"punishment\" that has no rhyme or reason aside from following the pattern. It is inevitable even if nothing bad happens to bring me down - it's just a crash, like a plane running out of fuel and dropping out of the sky. And while the happiness can feel euphoric sometimes, it doesn't feel like any kind of manic episode I've heard or read about. It is more just the joy of feeling some goddamn unvarnished happiness for a little while. \n\nDoes anyone else experience this? Any suggestions?!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Sertraline",
    "post_text": "Just want to know im not crazy, i would definitely call myself a hypochondriac in the sense that when i feel a little ill/off i think about it so much i feel like its affecting me worse than it really is.\n\n About an hour ago i took my first dose of sertraline and i feel like my heads already swimming and im feeling so tired. I highly doubt its because of the sertraline as i know they can take weeks to effect you, i just need someone to tell me this is all in my head, or that this really can happen. I just need some sanity",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm getting back to that place",
    "post_text": "These days suck, I can't even get out for food today. I wanted to try cycling just to get out of the house but turns out that will have to wait until the bike is fixed. And yea i could try running to but i don't have running clothes and shoes. Im just really depressed lately and being stuck at home isn't helping I'm feel like I'm losing hope that things will get better, because even if I did try I feel like things will get boring eventually.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is 31 yo too late to treat more than a decade of depression, find friends, and fall in love?",
    "post_text": "\nI'm your middle aged loser stereotype:\n\n* 31 years old\n* unemployed and living at home\n* personality & interests gone from a life of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder\n\nBasically, I\u2019m just existing from day to day. \n\nTrying and failing again and again has left me incredibly exhausted, and I'm just beginning to find the hope again. I'm currently working up the courage to look for a job and start living my life.\n\nBut I have this horrible, haunting fear that being in my 30s makes it too late to make any meaningful connections with anybody anymore.\n\nI have zero interests, zero hobbies, and no personality. 31 yo seems too late to start building those things and connect with anybody. I hear even normal, level headed people struggle to make new friends and date in their 30s.\n\nThe internet seems full of people who are rich with interests, hobbies, and personality... I feel so behind and undeveloped. Whatever personality I used to have is gone, and I just feel empty. \n\nIs it too late?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Taking drugs to feel less conscious",
    "post_text": "I could really use some support rn. I feel broken. I don\u2019t feel like I can do anything. I hate my job and trying to get myself to work. I have lived in a new apartment for 2 weeks now and have not cooked a single thing nor put away most of my stuff. I tried reaching out to my friends to do things, but it never ends up working out. I don\u2019t want to die, but I do not want to experience life. I just want to take enough drugs to feel out of my body. my ex confiscated my opioids last week, leaving me with only weed and Xanax and random prescriptions that I could try to take a lot of. I don\u2019t even know if I have the energy to do anything for myself, but what might help me feel better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to stop that ache/heavy feeling in your chest...",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone. I'm in one of my heavier episodes and I've got that awful ache/heavy feeling in my chest and honestly I can ignore the spiraling thoughts and everything enough to get by, but I can't stop that feeling, and I'm just trying to get some work done because the fact that I haven't gotten any work done for four days isn't helping but I can't *do* my work because that sensation is so damn distracting. Any advice is appreciated. I'm already on a waitlist for therapy covered by my insurance, I've eaten enough today, I've had water, I've done some walking around, I've taken all the fuckin' steps and I'm trying but I can't focus because my chest hurts and it keeps pulling my head away from a working mindset to \"I'm so miserable\".",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Starting the fight",
    "post_text": "I have been deep in depression and anxiety for a year or so. I am sick of it. I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist for Monday morning. I'm ready to fight. \n\nHere's the big challenge: I feel like I am stuck in mental and emotional quicksand. I feel so much resistance to everything and my brain is super foggy. I also lack motivation. Those who have experienced it know what I'm talking about and understand the challenges associated with this. \n\nSo, who can offer advice on how to battle this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m lost, stuck and desperate",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m at a point in my life where I am extremely depressed and have strongly considered suicide. I always feel weak and tired, with no motivation or willpower to do the simplest of tasks. I feel like any motivation I have to better myself is weaker than my will to end my life.\n\nI live in a moderately poor house (we have the money to put food on the table and pay bills, but the slightest slip and we\u2019re homeless), I\u2019m 20 and dependent on my parents, my dad who is also depressed and unhappy with his job, my mom is chronically ill and bedridden for the most part. I love my parents to death, but I could never let myself ask them for help, I\u2019m already a burden enough as it is, and I couldn\u2019t live with myself if they felt any guilt for the way I feel and not being able to afford help for me. I tried to have a simple retail job that I thought I could handle so I\u2019d be able to support myself, but I had to quit on my first full day because I was too weak to physically stand the whole work day, and couldn\u2019t be of much use. It was the most embarrassing and shameful day in my life and that incident sent me even further into depression.\n\nThe only reasons I haven\u2019t killed myself yet is because I love my mom, and because I still have hope that someone out there will someday choose to love me, and the prospect of raising a family with that woman is the only hope I haven\u2019t lost. But the more and more time progresses, even that hope is starting to dwindle. I feel like my cowardice is what\u2019s really getting in the way of my killing myself, but I don\u2019t know how long it will keep me back. What can I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Heavy Shame From Drunken Past",
    "post_text": "Starting around 2015, I tried to fix my depression with alcohol. Stupid, I know. I'm sober and I think quite a lovely person now, but I can't stop remembering back then, and feeling this all consuming shame that makes me want to die. \n\nFirst instance, I was nervous about/at a social gathering. I drank too much and don't remember everything, but I think I spoke to a poor, nice guy about Shakespeare and my dream of being a writer and god knows what for ages, and then I was just obnoxious. Not my shy self anymore. Talked loud. Tried to high five somebody who left me hanging because, well, you couldn't blame them. Just awful cringy. I did a semi burp, I think, which alerted my friends, who got me into the bathroom, and then I remember being half asleep in a chair, with that lovely guy trying to reassure me that I would be getting home soon. My mum eventually came and got me. I threw up in a bin outside, and was spouting Yeats poetry whilst stumbling with my mum and my friend holding me up. I can't stop remembering, and feeling this suicidal, heavy shame. \n\nThen, 2017, I met my boyfriend. Gorgeous human being. For maybe three out of the four years we've been together, I've been a sporadic drunk. Drinking at home. Getting drunk. Crying my eyes out. Or angrily breaking up with him, self-sabotaging. He's had to take the locks off all the doors so I don't do something stupid and he can't get in. One night, I even blanked out. I don't drink like that anymore, but I cannot stop thinking about how horrible it would've all been for him. I was so needy, horrible, greedy, drunk, and delusional. \n\nAnd no matter how much I apologise and try to make up for it, I still feel rotten. He keeps telling me to forget about it, not linger in that place, and that he's forgiven me, but how can he? He's been this amazing guy, and I was unemployed for about two years there, along with the drunk crap, and broke up with him and then felt shame and apologised in the morning way, way too many times over. \n\nI'm aware that I'm just living far too much in the past, but I can't get over this shame. I need help. I guess I just want to know if anybody else has ever felt similarly, and maybe, what helped them?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "judging depression",
    "post_text": "last night I seen this video of a girl saying \u201cthe girl who\u2019s crying in the bathroom could also be the girl who hasn\u2019t changed her underwear in 4 days, all depression doesn\u2019t look the same.\u201d I quickly scrunched my nose and thought how \u201chow gross\u201d and didn\u2019t think about it again until later last night. I walked to the bathroom passed the mirror and realized I have been wearing the same t shirt and shorts for the last 6 days. I hate myself for being depressed and not being able to get of this. I hate myself because I can\u2019t even see the same person that I judged is me just judging myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm drowning",
    "post_text": "I feel like Im drowning. The past couple days I finally felt better... last night it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cant stop crying. It took all the energy I had to go to get coffee and lunch today... even that i took a couple bites and put leftovers up. I just want to crawl in a hole. I'm so fucking alone. I can't be open to anyone when my depression gets bad because my whole life if it was bad my family thought I was just wanting attention. I feel like a burden and a waste of space.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Excessive drinking, help please",
    "post_text": "Hello guys.\n\nA friend of mine has always been quite introvert. Preferably staying at home to read a book. He hated alcohol, partying and smoking. And he used to be very socially awkward.\n\nSince he became depressed, he started drinking and partying a lot. He also gets drunk quite often, sometimes this will make him scared and I would have to go get him. This isn\u2019t the person he used to be. And I know alcohol is bad for his Multiple Sclerosis and Depression. (He is using antidepressants). But he doesn\u2019t seem to care. I don\u2019t recognize him when he behaves like that..\n\nAll the while he keeps ignoring people\u2019s texts because he doesn\u2019t have the energy to respond. But apperently he does have te energy to party? Which is something i do not understand.\n\nI will have a talk with him tomorrow. \n\nWhat can I do or say to support him? How do I make him realize that his behavior is selfdestructive without making things worse?\n\nWhat could be his reason to drink so much alcohol? I really want to understand this huge change in personality, but I keep thinking that depression isn\u2019t an excuse for it. Please give me some insight.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Is my \"popular\" intensive trauma program abusive/unfit/re-traumatizing for me?",
    "post_text": "I feel like my intensive trauma program is deeply harming me. I wanna talk about it with people outside my treatment team. So, I've outlined my history and concerns as concisely and as comprehensively I could.. any input is appreciated <3 You can skip sections if you like.\n\n​\n\n*Background \u2014*\n\nI\u2019m a young adult female. I\u2019ve struggled with CPTSD for many years now as a result of childhood trauma and adult experiences of abuse+violence. I slipped into a severe depressive episode this year after a sexual assault. I have a caring primary care doctor and a psychiatrist \u2014 they want to help me manage the intense levels of panic and depression I\u2019ve recently experienced while using minimal medication. I\u2019ve been on mirtazipine (an antidepressant) for 4 weeks and I\u2019m able to function more (reduced depression but ongoing anxiety). I am also trying to eat more and gain weight as I am underweight.\n\n*\u201cIssues\u201d\u2014*\n\nNightmares (resulting insomnia), panic attacks that last 2-6 hours, flashbacks, hyper vigilance, dissociation, physical pain, anxiety, depression. I also experience a lot of self doubt and self blame. No history of hallucinations, drug misuse, or violence towards others.\n\nAll of the above have improved significantly while being on mirtazipine. I am now able to sleep regularly and eat well when before I was neither able to sleep nor eat due to the level of panic symptoms I was experiencing. Mere improvements in sleep have allowed me to better manage anxiety and panic when they do happen.\n\n*My goals \u2014*\n\nI want help with regulating sleep, food, and mood so I am more equipped to manage triggers and painful memories, while also creating a future worth moving towards. My body\u2019s responses are natural responses to an unnatural situation of abuse. I want to be able to listen to my body and give myself what I need, which is tenderness, kindness, and respect. I expect respect and gentleness from people I interact with as well - it is essential for my healing. I\u2019m not interested in picking apart my trauma or suppressing what is showing up - I want to be able to meet my needs fully.\n\n*Things I\u2019ve tried \u2014*\n\nMedication, therapy, meditation, healthy food, exercise, self care, and trauma informed movement. I\u2019ve found that mind body integration through somatic work + low dose medication is an amazing combo. Talk therapy has felt highly distressing lately (maybe because my providers are not actually trauma informed) even though I\u2019ve been engaged with different types of talk therapy for the last 8 years and had success.\n\n**I feel hurt by my intensive program \u2014**\n\nI started an outpatient intensive partial program (in addition to monthly check ins with my pcp + psychiatrist) and I think it\u2019s doing more harm than good. *This is where I need your thoughts.*\n\n1- The intake staff raised their voice at me but I hoped it\u2019s just the cruel gatekeepers and that the actual staff will be kind because it\u2019s supposed to be trauma informed.\n\n2- I got thrown into a 6 hour day when they told me it will only be a quick 20 minute intake. It instead turned into 6 hours of invasive questioning, classes, and therapy - during which I was required to be present and not eat.\n\n2.1- There was no personal check in or regard for the fact that I was highly disregulated because I wasn\u2019t allowed to move or eat when hungry. This resulted in a 5 hour panic attack after the day ended, nightmares, and inability to sleep. I struggled with severe body aches for 2 days after because of how distressed I was.\n\n3- Part of the program day was meeting with a psychiatrist that immediately fixated on racially targeted questions - \u201cwhere are you actually from\u201d \u201cwhy are you here\u201d \u201cwhat\u2019s your visa status\u201d even though I never brought that up and she assumed I\u2019m foreign because I\u2019m not white. This meeting lasted 13 minutes after which she told me my current medication is incorrect and I need to be on antipsychotics (?) without ever asking me what I need. She interrupted me every time I tried to express what is currently going on. She barely looked at me and spent the whole time eating and looking at the computer. This was the ONLY personalized meeting I have had in this program - everything else was groups or front desk people doing questionnaires.\n\n4- I have had no meeting with anyone during or before the program regarding what I need or how this program is customized to me.\n\n5- almost every individual in the program is on medication and there seems to be general push towards strong sedating medication. Most members could not even sit up during groups due to the level of sedation.\n\n6- I have corrected the clinicians and staff over 4 times in a single day with the name they use for me and they continue to use incorrect names for me. I don\u2019t feel respected.\n\n7- The staff seems to treat every action of every client as a sickness. For example, a woman felt emotional anger when someone was rude towards her in public \u2014 the staff fixated on the validity or invalidity of that anger instead of the safety needs in that situation.\n\n8- The staff and the program itself feels very paternalizing. Example \u2014 a clinician did an activity asking everyone to name \u201cvacation spots\u201d that start with F before jumping into talking about emotional dysregulation and severe distress. The clinician (an intern in training) had a color wheel with activities at the level of a 4th grader for an adult group.\n\n9- The program is apparently owned by a for-profit company and has dangerously negative reviews on google by clients and on LinkedIn+Glassdoor by staff.\n\n​\n\nHow do I navigate my care when I'm feeling unsupported by the current \"treatment\"?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Everyone ghosting after some time",
    "post_text": "Hey, eh, life is shit. Whenever it goes good, in next few days sth shit happens.\nNow I dont want to even have good moments, because after them there are 2x more worse.\nLast few months I lost my job, ended weirdest relationship ever which I still miss, suspicion of stomach cancer. Everything at 21y old. Besides that my parents literally hate me and only few friends stayed with me, rest faded out because I wasnt going to drink vodka/alcohol almost everyday.\nAnd the worst part of last months/years are new peoole who I meet.\nMost of them were really cool, always said they will never ghost but after some time they were doing same shit, which fucking hurts when you get to know someone close.\nNow I feel like fucking shit, being on knees in front of toilet, vomiting blood, not having energy to go out, when few months ago I wanted to start marathon.\nOnly positive side of last months is reducing amount of drugs( throwing cigs, max few beers per month etc). And also withdrawing from being addicted to halcion. Now I'm also really scared about university, because there wont be online lessons, but normal.\nAnd in current state its hard to go up from bed, not talking about living as normal student.\nNothing on Earth basically makes me happy now, Im just living because Im too scared to end this? So I just let the life pass. But I will probably not live much longer naturally so.\nEven my psychologist postponed my visit over 2 weeks in currently worst part of my life.\nAnd my \"real friends\" are banter type so I cant talk with them about these topics(yes i tried ended bad)\nI just want soneone to idk ask me whats up in my life, talk with me and say everything will be ok.\nBut it happens only in 2 situations:someone need money or is sexually attracted shortterm.\nSry for long post, but its like 1/100 of my current thoughts still.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Scared to call crisis services",
    "post_text": "I'm in the USA. I have no insurance and effectively no money (like, none; I have some family, but asking them is out of the question). I'm pretty sure something's pretty wrong, considering I've been crying and panicking and bludgeoning myself and thinking about suicide for years now, but I don't have any resources to go to an actual doctor.\n\nEarlier tonight when I was more worked up I called the US national suicide prevention hotline. The guy I talked to gave me the number for mobile crisis services in my (rural) county. I explained my financial/insurance situation to him and he assured me that if I call them, a doctor with this service will come to my location and it's free, no charge\u2026\n\n\u2026but even if it's true, what then?\n\nI can't imagine they're going to actually do anything except take me to a hospital, stick me there for a few days, maybe they give me some medication\u2026 and then they release me and tell me to make a follow up appointment with a doctor somewhere I can't pay and probably can't physically get to (no car, rural area), and I get a bill for the hospital stay. Which I categorically will not be able to pay. If that's what would happen, I truly am better off dead.\n\nTL;DR I want help but I strongly suspect that if I ask for any, I'm only going to get the opposite. Am I crazy or am I right?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Mental health issues",
    "post_text": "Okay so I'm a 17 yr old girl on her menstrual cycle and prescribed 20ml of an antidepressant/antianxiety medication called fluoxitine and I have questions for people who are in a similar situation. Is it normal to feel so depressed and irritable, so much so that I can't even be around people without being afraid I'd say/do something not in line with my regular personality and while constantly experiencing mood swings and almost intrusive-like suicidal thoughts (without the urge to go through with it, kind of just like \"oh I should just die then\" in response to a negative thought) I feel like I'm going crazy, would the medicine normally prevent stuff like this? I can't tell if this is genuinely a problem or if it's a combination of maybe teenage hormones/menstrual hormones. I don't go back to see my therapist for another two weeks I'm just so out of ideas on what is wrong with me or what I should to stop feeling like this. It's been like this for two days straight",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I could really do with some kind words.",
    "post_text": "So I just got off the phone with my GP. She's prescribing me Prozac. I've never been on psych meds before.\n\nI'm 17 and have struggled with increasingly worse severe depression since I was 11. I'm undiagnosed as of now because I'm only this last 2 months seeking help for the first time (kind of a do-or-die situation.)\n\nI'm from the UK and NHS mental health services are dire. My GP essentially told me that due to being 17 and a half years old, I'm too young for adult mental health services and too old to be referred to the adolescent services. She listened to me talk and on the spot said that I sound like I have PTSD (I honestly feel like I do as well, but  I'm not prepared to say I have it w/o formal diagnosis) which I feel was way too quickly to say something like that.\n\nBasically the next half year i'll be monitored to make sure the Prozac doesn't finish me off, because in people of my age it can make suicidal feelings get worse.\n\nI feel so lost. She said I can't see a psychiatrist or a clinic or anything until I'm 18, which is 7 months away, so I'm just put on meds and stuck waiting.\n\nI feel such lack of support or urgency... I literally want to die and they're just like \"here's some pills, come back when you're 18.\"\n\nI don't know, maybe I'm complaining too much. I just felt like they were worryingly quick to give me meds and tick me off the list. I'm super overwhelmed right now, there wasn't even any talk of side affects or really what to expect, apart from \"by the way, these pills make you even more suicidal sometimes.\"",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no one else to talk to",
    "post_text": "Well, here goes...\n\nI'm 30 years old and work as a systems administrator for a tech company. I work long hours-- 10-13 a day, specifically, and I don't have much to show for it. \n\nNot without showing appreciation for what I have; I can pay my rent for the tiny, but cozy apartment we live in, the lights are on and there's food on the table, but it's so, so very hard to maintain that. I'm not complaining or blaming anyone, but I'm the only person in my house that has the ability to work. But after the last couple years, even I'm starting to struggle. \n\nI have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder with psychosomatic symptoms. I willingly starve myself when I feel fat and ugly. I'm on five different types of medication, all of which cost nearly $100 for me to get. My partner is also dependent on medication. We're both ill, but their situation is a bit tougher than my own. We can't afford to see the doctor often, no matter how hard i work. I make decent pay, but because of our crippling debt and the growing housing crisis, I have to work 50-60hrs a week just do we have enough money left to get groceries. \n\nI feel like a failure. I come from a wealthy family that has all but abandoned me. I have my mother still, who is as supportive as she can be, but even she struggles to help me when I'm at my worst. \n\nUp until recently, I used to allow myself to succumb to my feelings and share them often. But all that did was cause those I spoke to to worry about me. They're understandably frustrated because simply talking doesn't always help me. There's so much stress and anxiety in my mind that I'm constantly in pain and telling my loved ones that either scares them or leaves them speechless. \n\nMy partner told me they feel helpless when they see me this way, cried while saying that too. My mom told me the same. So... I decided to wear a false smile and tell them I'm okay so I don't make them feel that way anymore. Its not fair to spread my pain to others. Their problems are so much bigger than mine. I usually snag the bathroom for extended periods of time because its the only place I can cry in private. So... I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.\n\n\nI feel like a failure all the time. I couldn't give my partner a house or a honeymoon. I can't afford to get her the treatment she needs and I certainly don't consider getting any for myself because I feel like I can still function on the bare minimum. I can't work two jobs like I used to because my physical health has started taking a nosedive. \n\nI know that things could be so much worse for us. Its not like I'm ungrateful but I just feel so bad all the time. I'm constantly feeling like everyone hates me and sees me as a burden. I feel like I have nothing to show for all the work I do and I can't stop working because we can't afford it. I'm lucky to be working from home for now but we return to the office soon. Now being around people in a small room terrifies me because of covid. If I get sick, everything will fall apart for my family. \n\nI'm so, so very tired. And in mental agony. All the fucking time. I can't afford therapy, i don't even know where to start in finding outside support. Not even sure why I'm posting here... I just needed someone to know this. Its not like I want to kill myself or anything, I have too many people depending on me, but sometimes I wish I could go to bed and just not wake up. \n\nEverything hurts. All the time. And I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place or if this is an eyesore on this subreddit. But if you made it this far down, thank you so much for your time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can quitting smoking weed help with depression ??",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been smoking heavily since I was 16-17 daily with only a month a half break due to drug test I I had to pass , ( I\u2019m 24 now) but lately I\u2019ve been noticing that when I go for about 2 days with out it , I start getting really bad thoughts about about my self and feeling like I\u2019m bout to start slipping back into depression and that is the last thing I want.  I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s the weed in particular or if my body and mind is just so use to smoking that I can\u2019t deal with stress not high . \nI just wanna be \u201cokay\u201d whatever that means.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know if I'm depressed, or just exhausted.",
    "post_text": "I'm only 12, but I already have certain suicidal thoughts, I know that I won't do it, but it crosses my mind. Ever since I did badly on a math quiz my grade started dropping lower and lower, not to mention the teacher hates me. Unfortunately, I am in a high school level course, and cannot simply ask my teacher to explain. I wake up wanting to just be finished, and fall asleep the same way. I can't even imagine telling this to my parents, or them even beginning to believe me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Needing encouragement/advice",
    "post_text": "I have been battling depression for months now. I\u2019m on meds, and going to therapy, and not smoking pot, and nothing appears to be working. I still wake up and wish I was asleep. I have no goals, no aspirations, no pleasure. No hobbies, lack of friends, lack of connection. My girlfriend is the only thing I have and she\u2019s getting tired of my negative vibes. It\u2019s exhausting. I\u2019m 27 and work at Walmart and feel like utter garbage. What is the point of living if I get zero pleasure? I\u2019ve been working out and meditating but it seems like nothing is changing. My depression is just crushing. Looking at jobs and feeling like I can\u2019t do anything at all. I need something to change. I need a lift. I\u2019m so hard on myself. I just want to sleep all day and wallow around. I don\u2019t know what to do with myself. I\u2019m just going through the motions and it\u2019s suffocating. I\u2019m so lost I just want to scream. Will this ever go away? It feels like I will always be this way.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can't find a therapist I can afford",
    "post_text": "I feel like a therapist will really help. I have Beacon insurance and I'm realizing, after contacting over 20 therapists, that they don't want to take my insurance because it pays so little. The cheapest therapists are around $60/session out of pocket and I can't afford that weekly. I was thinking about seeing if I could get by on one session a month, but would that really help or will I just be losing precious rent and food money? I'm distressed about all this...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Therapy- is it actually worth it?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve never had much luck with therapy in the past- although I\u2019ve only had 2 different people. I have this idea that they can\u2019t tell me anything I don\u2019t already know so why waste the money? \n\nBut people in my life recommend therapy. I don\u2019t know what to do. I want to be better as soon as possible. \nFor instance, I\u2019m kind of stubborn. If I don\u2019t want to improve my life right now, a therapist can\u2019t make me. Right? What does a therapist or counselor have to offer? \n\nCan someone give me a reason why therapy is helpful? Necessary? I don\u2019t see it right now tbh.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do you love yourself when you don't see any value there?",
    "post_text": "Hey all. I\u2019m turning to you because... I\u2019m not sure where else to go.\n\nI\u2019m living in Melbourne, Australia at the moment. Getting help is tougher than I ever imagined. Mental health organisations are overworked and understaffed. Therapy sessions are far from affordable. And I am holding on to my last string. To be honest, I have been for some time.\n\nMy whole life, I\u2019ve felt undesirable and worthless. I don\u2019t see much value in myself or what I do, and I never have. I constantly feel like a waste of space. It has me thinking: is life really worth living this way?\n\nI met someone who made me feel otherwise... at least for a while. But the honeymoon phase is long over and as he retreats back into his shell of commitment-less comfort, I melt into a puddle of misery.\n\nPerhaps it\u2019s because I know the one thing I\u2019m unequivocally good at is **loving someone else**.\n\nSo maybe I should learn to love **myself**\u00a0instead. But how do I do that when I can\u2019t see any value in myself?\n\nIt\u2019s an impossible task.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Struggling this morning big time",
    "post_text": "I came home from vacation yesterday (which wasn\u2019t that great anyway) and I woke up crying my eyes out. I feel so sad and empty. I know I\u2019m just overwhelmed by the trip back and unpacking and everything but I need some support if anyone can offer. My aunt also told me that her kidney function is low in her remaining kidney (she had the other removed because of cancer) and thats not great news. \n\nI am tapering off Lexapro after 7 years on it and I\u2019m expecting that most of this is due to that, but its hard to convince myself in the moment.  I really need a hug but I cant go to my aunt\u2014she\u2019s struggling enough. I feel so alone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mental health is getting really bad guys",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve lost count how many times I\u2019ve posted this. My mental health is crippling me. I can\u2019t get over the fact I\u2019m a 22 year old virgin and no girls remotely enjoy me or my company. My depression and anxiety has reached such a point that I don\u2019t even wanna hang out with my friends because their success with women just makes me feel so bad about myself. Recently, this girl who I was gonna ask out just subtly told me she wasn\u2019t interested. I\u2019m so jealous and envious of my friends with women. I just need advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "3rd failed relationship in a short while. I'm giving up ever finding love.",
    "post_text": "The current dating scene is so shallow, and no one takes time to get to knowing each other properly - or everyone is just rebounding x infinite.  \nI'm sick of being alone, and sick of getting dumped within the first 3 months.   \nThis time i will **not** resort to drinking, but i feel **hollow and alone right now.**  \n\n\nI'm a (in their words) good looking guy - with lots of humor, easy going, and great in bed.   \nAnd even that is not enough.  \nI'm **done** with dating. it's one big disappointment. I'm just a fucktoy.\ud83d\ude12",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can someone help me?",
    "post_text": "I am a 13 depressed and suicidal kid. I have been like this since the age of 11.i have no enjoyment for life whatsoever. My parents are strict so they want me to be at the top of my class. But since I've fallen in this state, my grades have started to slip. My parents got really mad at me and made me work even harder. But it's hard. I have zero motivation. I have failed. As a child, as a friend, as a student, as a person. I am too scared to tell my mom. I told my dad. He seemed to care for a week. Then he shomed no empathy. Back to a strict parent. My mom says depression isn't real. I haven't told her. I just heard her while she was talking to her friend. They expect me to study 14 hrs a day and only play for 2 hrs on Sundays. I am hopeless. I am deciding if I should end it all or not",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I jumped in front of a car",
    "post_text": "Things just got too overwhelming I didn\u2019t know what I was doing, I just threw myself into the road, car hit me then I went unconscious. Woke up hours later in the resus bay. Witnesses told police and paramedics I jumped but I denied it because I was afraid to see the psych team. \n\nI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m even doing anymore. I feel so ashamed and selfish for doing that to the driver. It seems like everything builds up for months then I go and do something stupid like this. \n\nI\u2019m home but in so much pain and have a head injury and fractured leg. I\u2019m stupid. \n\nAlready on a therapy waiting list and on meds so I don\u2019t know what to do now. I don\u2019t know how to cope I keep crying and panicking when I think about the car. I\u2019m so lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My journaling turned into a suicide letter",
    "post_text": "I have been trying to journal and I realized that my journal entry is more like a suicide letter. And I feel at peace with that idea. I have sunk so far into a hole - that I feel this is the way out. Im so stuck in my own head, that I need relief. I think my friends rather see me dead than dealing with me and my family has new grandkids to distract with.\n\nWhile wrong this - I have felt at peace. Truly believe this is the way to go and the way out. While I know friends will feel bad for a short time. I believe my closer friends will be secretly happy. \n\nHere\u2019s to my family, and every single one of you that made me life bearable until couldn\u2019t take it anymore. \n\nI won\u2019t give names here but you know who you are that my lide brighter while you were here. Now you can be freer without me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help",
    "post_text": "Hey, I need help currently I\u2019ve been witnessing some fucked up shit! I lost my Girlfriend of Two and a half years, I\u2019ve been fighting with my Family Constantly and had to listen to stuff like \u201eYou know what we should\u2019ve smacked you to death as a kid that would of made things easier for us!\u201c or \u201eGo and never come back you are not worth our time\u201c from my own mother. I know I know it sounds hard but to be honest I am getting used to it, I mean hey I am 19 years old now and I am a men now! But deep inside I\u2019ve never been happy, I\u2019ve constantly thought about doing stupid stuff to myself, and how much of a weight I am for others in my family. Well and now the men that raised me and loved me like no one ever did is getting dementia\u2026my grandpa my role model my hero my life saver. I\u2019ve never had a Dad my mom and him divorced years ago, so I had to grow up with her (it wasn\u2019t the easiest time). Well haha now I am falling in this deep deep hole again that my grandpa managed to get me out of. And I don\u2019t know what to do because I have nobody. And since my post are always getting deleted it and never seen I still wish you the best of luck in life to who ever sees it. See you on the other side! \n\n-Harry",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just confused",
    "post_text": "\nOne of my closest friends recently sat me down to commit to improving my depression, which I get. Things were okay. 4 days later he told me we talk too much, but everything is okay. When I asked why the sudden shift in communication. Often my friend would be the one to initiate the conversation, call me first or text me first. It was mutual. We both texted random crap throughout the day. \n\nAs I don\u2019t believe I lost a friend, how do I proceed? Do I give space for a few days and see how things play out? Do I say sorry? It\u2019s bugging me of how to fix things.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help\u2026.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m really struggling today.    My normal coping techniques (getting outside, watching a favorite show, etc) aren\u2019t working.    \n\nWeekends are always tough for me.   But it\u2019s now October and my late Mom\u2019s birthday is in two weeks.   I was her caregiver.   She would\u2019ve been 65.  Qualifying for Medicare and we could\u2019ve gotten so much more help for her paraplegia.    And since she was a teacher (i.e. state worker) she didn\u2019t qualify for disability or other help.  \n\nThanks for nothing for her 25 years of service huh?    Regardless, it\u2019s bothering me more as this is the year her life would\u2019ve gotten easier (and mine) and she\u2019s not here to enjoy that.  I would\u2019ve been helping her with her new paperwork, enjoying the research, etc.  \n\nAdd on to that, I took a new job in April, and while good, it\u2019s a big change. I then lost my dog (which was Mom\u2019s as well) in June so I\u2019m now alone.  I\u2019m single as my caregiving responsibilities didn\u2019t give me a lot of dating time or opportunity.  \n\nNothing much excites me anymore.   My music has fallen to the wayside.   I can\u2019t enjoy playing a video game.   \n\nAnd trying to lose weight (for health) during all this is just added stress.  \n\nIve never been a quitter, pretty ambitious guy.   Not anymore.  It took a year to get past my Moms death.   But now losing our dog is like losing her all over again.   Add in pandemic stress on that and there you have it.  \n\nI\u2019ve had some really dark times here as of late.  \n\n\nJust need to talk and some nonjudgmental help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feels like I have to get high just to feel anything anymore.",
    "post_text": "I feel so lost and alone. I got broke up with by someone I love so so deeply and felt so happy and safe with and ever since then I've just descended into a deep depression and I don't know what to do. I'm stuck at home, mostly in my bed cause I got injured. I can't feel happy anymore it seems. My antidepressants stopped doing anything and it's just crippling sadness and pain and I've started contemplating suicide and self harming again. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I started smoking and it helped some, but not as much as I need it to. I've tried so much and it just doesn't help. I just don't know what to do anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "This is too long and no one likes reading long shit but I just can\u2019t take it anymore idk what to do",
    "post_text": "Today I woke up to the sound of my neighbours bellow me screaming, arguing and slamming shit. It\u2019s been happening more often lately, especially on the weekends. I have ptsd, bpd, & severe GAD & depression. I moved out of my parents 4 years ago to escape a toxic home. I was raised in a family who always screams at each other, constant bickering, slamming shit and breaking furniture. I have grown severe mental issues because of my childhood and flinch easily at loud noises. \n\nI live in a very old apartment building in a rough part of town because it\u2019s all I can afford. Covid robbed me of my dream job & all friendships, so I have been a loser sitting at home playing video games all day to escape reality while living off EI. I\u2019m pretty sure my benefits just ended today, idk, I\u2019ve been too scared to look. I\u2019ve saved up 3 months worth of rent and I\u2019m too scared to spend any money because I don\u2019t want to get a job because I\u2019m too adhd for university and couldn\u2019t pick a career for the life of me. Now I\u2019m a jobless loser with 0 ambition to be a wage slave.\n\nI am stuck living in this apartment that *used* to be the nicer part of the shit area. Well thanks to covid, my rental management accepts anyone & everyone to keep rooms filled so now there\u2019s lots of crackheads and sketchy people who live here. The lobby is always filled with garbage now, homeless peoples bikes and garbage bags parked INSIDE the lobby while they buy crack from suite 18 bc they marked in the elevator. Oh there\u2019s now crackheads spraying grafiti on the inside of the elevator door too. I am living in a shithole, but this is what I get for being a useless loser living in poverty.\n\nThe walls and floors are paper thin so I awoke to the couple beneath me screaming and slamming. I left the apartment at 10 am to escape the incoming panic attack I would have if I listened to it any longer. I come back at 2pm praying they would be done, but nope. Still screaming at each other. I am broke and cannot afford a lot of furniture so I hear EVERYTHING. They always slam shit so hard it shakes my floors and triggers my ptsd very badly, I think the person is getting abused downstairs so I had enough and finally called the police on them to file a domestic abuses complaint. I packed up my ps4 and let the cops in as I made my way out.\n\nI\u2019ve resorted to going to my parents on the weekends to avoid their slamming and fighting. I\u2019m so sick of living in a shithole and being forced to stay away from home every fucking weekend. I miss my poor cat who is my lifeline, I don\u2019t like having to leave her alone. But if I stay it triggers my manic depressive BPD and I\u2019ll just lay in silence fixating on the thumping and arguing while I contemplate suicide bc I hate my fucking situation. \n\nNo one will probably read this because it\u2019s so long, but I\u2019m tired of being poor. I\u2019m tired of having noisy abuso e neighbours triggering my BPD by slamming shit shaking my floors every fucking day. I\u2019m scared of going back to my apartment tomorrow because even though the cops came, nothing will change. I still live in a shithole and a never ending nightmare of being woke up to slamming. I\u2019m tired of careless people. A couple weeks ago they triggered a BPD episode to the point where I punched a hole in the wall. They love to blast music and movies with their big ass bass that shakes my floors. I wrote a letter to them begging them to stop. Nothing changed. The rental company will do nothing as always. Or they\u2019ll kick them out so crackheads will move in.\n\nNo where feels safe anymore. I miss my poor baby cat who is alone at home now. Im scared to go back to my apartment tomorrow because they\u2019ll probably just keep slamming shit. I CSNT afford to move to a new place. I can\u2019t find a job.\n\nI am currently on risperidone (antipsychotic) at night time so I\u2019m calm now, but during the day my mind is hell. My antidepressants don\u2019t work and my doctors refuse to switch my to different ones. CBT works for a day or 2, but I\u2019m back to a negative mindset when I have to deal with this shit at home 24/7.\n\nIf someone manages to read this all and can give advice \u2026 thank you. But I truly see suicide as the only way out of this shit life. Im tired of suffering bc other ppl are careless. Im terrified to go home tomorrow and be back to being alone with my horrible thoughts as my floors shake bc my neighbours will probably be fighting AGAIN.\n\nI just want it to be over. I wish I could just get it over with and kill myself. Im all alone, suffering always.\n\nTo the 0 ppl who read this novel, thanks. Maybe it will be the last I ever post, I just want to die. I don\u2019t think I\u2019m ever escaping this hell.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I suffer from persistent depression and my GF wants to leave me.",
    "post_text": "I \\[39M\\] suffer from persistent depression. Even as a kid I've been depressed, bullied and have felt unloved and flawed due to a difficult upbringing and undiagnosed ADHD. I suffered from this well into my adulthood. Feeling broken and flawed. About three years ago I got diagnosed with ADHD and being in a bad situation with work and a bad breakup after a very long relationship led to depression diagnosis. I got CBT and was put on ADHD meds that helped out a bunch with my ADHD.  \n\n\nNow on to my current situation and my reason for this post:  \nAbout 2,5 years ago I met this great girl and we hit it of in a long distance relationship.   \nShe's loving, positive and very helpful. She can be short tempered though and has some insecurities.  \n\n\nUnfortunately my work situation went from bad to worse and I just couldnt do it anymore. I got help and this led to some more help from a shrink but I was put on hold for almost two years now and I never felt so lonely, sad and depressed. Also the Covid19 pandemic did not help things either. Right now I am seeing another shrink and a psychiatrist that is helping me out with my ADHD meds.   \n\n\nAt this moment I am so tired and feel like I can not enjoy things anymore. I feel resentful and frustrated. Obviously I am in a bad place and this unfortunately damaged my relationship and my sweet girlfriend.   \n\n\nI noticed her pulling away from me, getting frustrated with me and or irritated. At times I've gotten the silent treatment. Sometimes I acted out in a way that hurt her in stressful situations or moments where I felt like I've failled.  Like forgetting important things, not doing something or being late (again and again).   \nShe got mad or gave me the silent treatment. My anxiety got the better of me.  \nOffcourse we talked, and that was difficult at times. I felt sad, misunderstood and she made it clear that she felt talking about it was a bad thing.   \n\n\nLast night she told me she did not see a future for us in that way. My sombreness, some of my anxiety fueled behaviour and display of a victim mentality hurt her and have crossed certain boundaries.  \n   \nShe meant to tell me this before, even left some breadcrumbs via text. I only noticed her pulling away, losing interest or giving me the silent treatment. I could have guessed this was on her mind but maybe I was to scared to have a talk. I feel sad that she has been dealing with this for a while and how difficult that must have been. She told me that she'd given me the benefit of the doubt a couple of weeks ago but never mentioned this to me like so. I do feel her way of going about this, her communication could have been better. But then again this must have been difficult and she told me that it felt like abandoning me.  \n\n\nI am so caught up in my current mental state that I have trouble going about things. Like litterarly doing anything some days or going somewhere (on time) is hard, and I hate that!  \nDealing with my thoughts, anxiety and all that other crap made lose myself my self worth and the man I wanted to be. But i've crossed her boundaries and I completely understand why she did not want this situation anymore. She told me she still loves me and does not want to give up on me. She recognises this is my situation and that I am not the guy she fell in love with right now. She needs some time to find herself and I need to get a grip on my situation..  \n\n\nI want to improve my communication and our communication.  \nI want to manage my outbursts better.  \nI want to manage my anxiety better.  \nI want to regain my self confidence and self worth.  \nI want to stop this victim mentality, I hate it!  \nI want to regain trust and to reconnect.  \n\n\nI could really use some advice and would love to have your input or experiences.  \n\n\nTL:DR  \nDealing with a bad depression episode that changed us and my relationship.   \nShe can not take things anymore and wants out, how can I improve things?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm not even studying. I'm so tired and miserable all the time",
    "post_text": "I haven't been studying for a few weeks and I have a Mathematical Physics tomorrow and Quantum Mechanics on Tuesday.\n\nI keep procrastinating all the time. I just watch pointless stuff on YouTube and browse memes on Reddit all day. I have terrible sleep hygiene and can't get out of bed by 10 AM.\n\nI feel lethargic and miserable all the time. I'm on medication for anxiety and depression. Somehow just can't settle down at my desk to study.\n\n​\n\nSomeone please say something. Help me. Do any little thing you can",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "(TW: Suicide) I can\u2019t stop thinking about my suicide attempt",
    "post_text": "I attempted suicide earlier this year, and I can\u2019t stop thinking about it even though it was a while ago. I overdosed the day before my dads birthday (I wasn\u2019t thinking about the fact that his birthday was tomorrow) and was sent to the hospital at about 1am on his birthday (my friend forced me to tell my dad what I did when I tried to vent to her about how much pain I was in otherwise she\u2019d call 911. I\u2019m glad she did). On the way to the hospital, my dad yelled at me for ruining his birthday and told me I\u2019m selfish and stuff for attempting suicide. He told me later that he did that because he was scared and didn\u2019t know how to react, but I still feel awful for ruining his birthday. He spent his birthday in a hospital with me. I can\u2018t stop thinking about being in the hospital and the mental hospital. It was horrible. Memories keep coming back to me and it makes it hard to sleep or focus. What should I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't want to talk to new people, and it's ruining my life.",
    "post_text": "A few months ago, I tried to talk to new people at my school. Every time I did, however, I felt drained and unsatisfied with the conversation. This later progressed into actively avoiding social situations with people I didn't know. I don't have many friends in the first place and I have hopes of finding a romantic relationship with a girl, but now I absolutely hate talking to people I don't know. Maybe I didn't talk to the right people, but I feel like it's something more. I don't get very anxious in social situations, so I don't think it could be social anxiety. I would like some tips on how to socialize with new people, or maybe a reason why I desperately don't want to talk to unknown people.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Running out of options",
    "post_text": "At 30 ywars old, I've been on a total of 8 anti-depressants and anxiety meds since I was 14. A lot of things work for a while and then just...don't anymore. \n\nI've been telling my psychiatrist that my current meds work fine, because the last thing I tried had horrible side effects and I didn't want to go through more of that again. In truth, I'm not doing well. \n\nMy depression is very much chemical and not situational. I feel like crying all the time for straight up no reason. I feel like...how much more can I try? Is the rest of my life going to be just a cycle of medications until there's nothing left?\n\nDoes anyone else feel this? Have you found other things to try?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Any advice on working full time with depression?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve had a job pretty consistently since I was 15, I\u2019m now 27. I\u2019ve always worked part time because it made it easier to manage my mental health. I\u2019m now in pretty desperate need of a good job and I\u2019m willing to do full time, I\u2019m just very nervous about getting burnt out fast with the typical 40 hour work week. I know so many people with mental health problems manage to do it, and I would love some advice.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help",
    "post_text": "Everything\u2019s been piling up, it\u2019s just one bad news after another. I\u2019m trying my best to fight and hold on, but I can\u2019t anymore, I\u2019m tired of everyday being a literal fight for my life\u2026 I\u2019m so tired, I want to keep going but I just can\u2019t emotionally, mentally, physically\u2026 I\u2019ve done everything I can to help myself from therapy to taking meds but I\u2019m still like this constantly trying to force myself to keep staying alive, I\u2019m so tired. Everything\u2019s been going downhill no matter how hard I try to fix my life to make myself better but I just feel like am being shoved down the pavement every time I try to get up\u2026 please help me, I\u2019m so tired.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am feeling hopeless",
    "post_text": "So,it all started last day after i actually felt depressed and hopeless for the 1st time cuz i haven't felt \"hopelessness\" Along with depression at the same moment, I made a post regarding it on r/depression but the community itself seemed dead. No response on that... Fortunately for an hour becuz of my mum ,I felt good cuz she brought ice cream which made that hr of my day better. \n\nBut it doesn't lasted long after i went to bed while i was searching for some content from which I'll get inspiration/tips to get outta my low feeling... I literally BURSTED INTO TEARS which hasn't happened before. I didn't saw that I'm being depressed from past a month i was trying hard to keep myself engaged in activities but IG it all was accumulating and now it's overflowing by breaking walls of the dam which was holding it!\n\nIt may hamper my mind! Idk how to stop it from interference it into my studies, health and my parents too cuz they'll be much more tensed after knowing this. If you really have something which you can do for me then thank you, i mean thank you 'A LOT'.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I Disabled Enough?",
    "post_text": "So it sounds like a joke but this is a true anxiety.  \nMy story without getting into it because its not the point just so you understand where I'm from. \n\nWarning for all kinds of trauma.\n\n  \nI live in Australia and I grew up in an abusive house. Mum would verbally attack my dad and the kids, he'd get drunk and beat her in front of us and around and around we go. Mum finally left him for good when I was 8 because my eldest sister turned fourteen and declared she wasn't going back and would keep me and my other sister with her at the halfway house.\n\nSo mum got a government funded house and took off in search of a good time and a new husband leaving my two older sisters to raise me. they were 14 and 12 to my 8 at the time. Left alone days at a time, my sisters pulled cash in hand work to feed us. My dad got visiting rights so when we went over there we were fed and clothed and he spoilt us rotten especially me but in unhealthy amounts. eventually my sisters stopped going but I loved it because there I could stay up as late as I want never bathe eat myself sick on junk and watch whatever adult tv I wanted. All I had to do was agree mum was a B\\*tch and leave dad alone to do whatever he wanted.\n\nmeanwhile at mums place she found a miner to latch too with three kids of his own. so now we were six kids between 14-3 being left alone days at a time and sharing one room. \n\n  \ntwo years later my elder sisters ran away, my father cut contact as it was too much to deal with my mother trying to see me (which i learnt to forgive him as an adult but as a kid it hurt) and we were in a slightly bigger house. it was me and my step sister in one room, my two step brothers in another and my parents in the last. again, my mother was not present, either sleeping, or out socialising or gambling or in the shed smoking. my dad either worked or joined her. Now I was the caretaker.  \n\n\nNeedless to say various abuse emotional verbal occasionally physical and by my teens I'm pretty messed up. I latch onto my own escape in the form of my high school boyfriend.  I'm eighteen, 140 kilos and move out of the room I share with my sister into a unit with my boyfriend who, you probably guessed it, was abusive. over time he conditioned me to stay away from technology but the tv and Xbox, cut what few friends I had out, only family I could really see without some sort of manipulative guilt trip was my mother because she'd drive me straight into his arms. He had control of everything, finances, time, everything.\n\nso now I'm twenty three, married and pregnant with my first child. completely isolated and dependant. Police come a-knocking when I'm two months from birth and low and behold turns out my guy isn't a great fella. He had child exploitation on his Pc and planned to harm my daughter once she was born, sending photos and ultrasounds to prove intent. Oh but don't worry cause mummy was there to pick me up.\n\nI escape her when I'm 24 and bubs nine months old for my own house but i don't fully shake her free until two years after that. Obviously as from all the above, I am not a mentally stable person. For my daughter I start to try and sort myself out. \n\nuntil my daughter is five, I took those years to do some inward looking and healing. I go to therapy, I find a antidepressant that works, I clip out the bad and keep only those positive influences.\n\nI have Depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have a medical diagnosis of only the Depression so far but the others are being worked on in therapy. When my kid is five i start dating and just before she's six I meet a wonderful guy who really IS wonderful! (I made my therapist check. He is very understanding of my trust issues and agreed to sit with me on sessions)\n\nNow to the disabled part. currently, I am 30 with a seven year old girl and a eight month old girl. I'm in a stable relationship with a solid partner. Due to Covid and rising Rents, we were forced to move in with his parents and His sister who live with his grandparents. So yeah four generations, nine people. one house. We live in a room with my two daughters. Due to Covid and being a lifeguard during this time, my partner lost his job at the pool. So there is no employment.\n\nBoth of us have been job seeking, him about a year and me since bub was weaned. We've also been rental searching but there's just nothing in our price range and those that ARE don't want an unemployed family.\n\nI have nightmares, PTSD flashes (for me that's flashes of rage that make me barely restrain the urge to hurt myself or very occasionally other people. Or flashes of devastation that take me out by causing hysterical sobbing and emotional pain) Panic attacks and depressive numbness that could last for days where I struggle to care about anything at all even my beautiful kids. \n\nI'm try, he's trying and we are drowning while my depression uses the situation to become even worse. So finally I've decided enough is enough. I'm going to the doctor to talk about options for disability and what services can help. \n\nso finally we come to the point of this post. Am I disabled? because as silly as it sounds reading this as if it were someone else I'd think 'yes of course' but because its ME my brain keeps saying that I'm being a fool. Ill be cast out of the doctors office and banned from Centrelink and lose everything if I try. I feel greedy and stupid and mean and lazy even thinking about applying. \n\nAnyone got a similar story or any idea if I'm even eligible? I swear I don't want to sit on benefits and drain resources, I just want some help getting a job that won't put me in a hospital or the ground due to my condition and maybe some help getting a place so I'm not boxed in. I feel like I'm going mad beating myself to death against the bars of a cage.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do i regain any Hope for a better future?",
    "post_text": "Hello there! Ive had severe depression and suicidal thoughts for 6 years now and until recently still had some Hope. For context my mother severely neglected me, emotionally and phisicaly still abuses me. (Im small 16f)\nI feel so bad and powerless. Although im not diagnosed every mental health prof ive talked to sat i show symptoms od ptsd. \nI feel like a ragdoll, powerless and at everyones and thins mercy. I cant move out because od my financial situation. I almost commit suicide yesterday but the bridge i wanted to well use to gain acceleration was closed for maintnance and i chose to just go home and sleep. I just dont think there is any other way out od this",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help. Depressed husband. How to best support and love?",
    "post_text": "Hi!  I believe my husband is depressed but not completely admitting to it yet.  We have been together 14 years and have children together.  I love him dearly.  His depression has manifested itself in pushing me away, anger and hostility towards me, I believe as a defense from trauma in his childhood that has been re-triggered in the past few years.  I am basically his scapegoat for everything wrong in his life.  He also is distant, wont talk, and uses TV and books as an escape (which are at thankfully healthy) but spends considerable time in them. I would love ANY solid advice on how to navigate this.  How can I best love him through this?  Especially if his instinct right now is to push me away.  Any \u201cdo\u2019s or don\u2019ts?\u201d  Can I leave affirmations / encouragement for him in the form of notes?  This is killing me slowly inside.  I miss my friend.  He is such a fantastic guy and I feel as if he has been swallowed by a dark cloud.  Also to note we are in the beginnings of couples counseling.  Thanks again for advice.  Especially if you have been that husband and come out healed on the other side.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Nothing feels good",
    "post_text": "22M\u2026. Literally nothing feels good. \n\nI spend my day solving tediously difficult problems with little resources and poor instructions. Hours of frustration. \n\nEating is just another chore that doesn\u2019t bring any joy, unless I eat bullshitjj foods in which case again it will make me feel even worse than the little pleasure it brought me. \n\nMasturbating is basically a desperation attempt for something to feel good but honestly its just lack luster, there is no real desire. And if I watch porn it will feel good, but I don\u2019t because porn will make me feel even worse after. \n\nThere is no emotional support from anyone, no one cares about a young mans feelings. \n\nFinishing at the gym makes me feel a little good, but its fucking exhausting and the energy and effort I put into it feels as shitty if not more so than the little dopamine I get after. \n\nI think this is where my problems with women come in. I want them badly, because sex with women feels awesome. Having a woman around is validating and feels awesome. Cuddling feels awesome. It feels like a woman is the only thing that can bring good feeling into my life without having an immediate and often worse downside. And I know this is problematic thinking. \n\nEverything just feels shit. And everything that feels good will make you pay.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm about to cry",
    "post_text": "Hi im writing this from my art school's bathroom (sorry for bad english).\n\nI always struggle with low self esteem, i was bullied at school, made fun because of my appearance,etc.  I feel like i'm a shitty artist when i see my classmate's work or i feel like i am not smart or feel like people think i'm dumb. I've been having gender dysphoria this past few years and i don't know what  i want; i never liked being so masculine, i hate my body hair. I always dreamed to be more affeminate and androgynous, but i don't know if i really want to be a full woman. I never had a girlfriend (which is one the reasons why usually y feel like i'm ugly),i want to have one cause i feel lonely sometimes. I procastinate a lot and i feel anxious when thinking about my future (i have OCD and Tourette) cause i think i'm not going to succeed. \n\n  So basically i am super insecure, i don't have much self esteem, i feel like i don't have any talent, no chance in getting a partner; feel like i'm ugly, and failure and i can't stop worrying about what others think or about irritating others or being shitty with them. Please i apologise for any grammatical error, i have to go back to class.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "my son is making me depressed",
    "post_text": "Over the last couple months I've been catching him staring at my chest or peeking in on me while I'm getting dressed. It's been happening for about 2 months now. He doesn't have a father because he unfortunately passed away a long time ago and I've been the only one raising him. Recently hes been putting his hands on my breasts during the day. And I've recently put a camera in my room and found out that he makes out with me in my sleep and rolls me ontop of him to touch me. I want it to stop but I'm not sure how to confront him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "vent/someone to talk to",
    "post_text": "I am so alone. Every waking moment I wonder why I even keep going. I feel like I\u2019ve exhausted all my friends which are all long distance now my boyfriend doesn\u2019t even care anymore. I know I\u2019m not easy to deal with and I wish I was. But I was there for everyone when they needed me. Through the mental abuse, through the ghosting phases, through the only calling me if they need me phases. I feel so alone. I don\u2019t have a purpose. I\u2019m unemployed and useless I contribute nothing. I can\u2019t get a job I can\u2019t find a purpose. Nobody even feels bad when they hurt me. I genuinely feel as though I am just waiting for it all to end. I don\u2019t want to hurt myself but sometimes I think about it. I just need someone to tell me it will be okay. Please tell me it gets better. I\u2019m so tired of feeling like a useless sack of shit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Im so confused on what to do.",
    "post_text": "I cant let myself be depressed because it will make my gf more depressed. Ik everyone says make sure to take care of yourself but I honestly dont care about taking care of me, at least not while she is going through it as bad as she is now, but at the same time my efforts are wasted. Things aren\u2019t getting better only worse. She was ranting the other day and I actually did stop and tell her I couldn\u2019t mentally handle it and it upset her and i feel like i cant fix myself yet because im trying to help her but its not helping her so its just a big ol depression loop. I want to take time for me but cant because i want to take care of her more. I hate that i want to help so bad.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "An entire bottle of Clonazolam",
    "post_text": "I took it last night. On purpose. Because I can't take anymore. All it did was make me tired. I was slapping myself in the face this morning yelling \"get up you dumb bitch!\"\nMy family isn't here for me. I've been through hell throughout my whole life, especially this past year has been horrific. I don't know how much more I can keep forcing myself to act normal. I can't even take my sick days at work because they were all used up when I was in the hospital this year and almost died. I am at my wits end.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Rant I guess",
    "post_text": "25M bartender with coworkers telling me constantly that I'm the backbone of the personality at my restaurant... my guests tell me I have a fantastic personality, and the reason they come in... yet, I'm sitting in my bed on my day off taking shots with a gun next to me wanting to end it all... no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to make my life better I end up here every time since middle school... Why? I'm so tired... like am I missing something in life?! Why am I even here?!?! I haven't even looked myself in the mirror for days. I HATE myself... my dad is a fucking therapist. I know the basic shit of self care, yet, I'm here. Fucking hell... idk where to go or what to do. I want to get better. I don't want to end my life because of my family and friends, I don't want to hurt them by offing myself but I'm so fucking done... but at the same time, no matter how hard I try I end up here every time... why live life like this? If fucking hurts more than it's pleasurable.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Medication mood drops",
    "post_text": "Hi, I've been on two medications for a short time. Clomipramine for my depression and Methylphenidate (commonly known as ritalin) for ADHD. While I have noticed and upturn in my general mood, it seems to drop throughout the day at regular times. Before 10am, I'm actually quite good and productive. By 11, I can feel a real drop in my mood. By 1pm I'm completely gone and miserable for the rest of the day.\n\nBasically I'm just wondering if others have experienced this kind of mood drop when put on meds. I feel it must be a positive in the sense that I have a decent mood in the morning but I hate how quick it drops off. Any tips? I've told my doctor and I'm not after real medical advice. Just asking if anyone else has experienced this and whether it got better.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "does anyone else only have bad days?",
    "post_text": "most depressed people have ups and downs, good days and bad days. I only have downs and bad days. I haven\u2019t experienced any periods where I felt \u2018normal\u2019 or \u2018okay\u2019 in at least 2 years. before that I was severely depressed too but I\u2019d still have some good days every now and then. but now I\u2019m never at peace, I never enjoy anything, I never feel well. is anyone else unlucky enough to feel suicidal all day every day or am I just not meant for this world anymore?? maybe it really is my time to go",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My bf have suicidal thoughs recently",
    "post_text": "Frankly I don't know what to do.\n\nToday after a pretty regular day he just started to message me telling me that's he's mood was down.\n\nThen he told me he has been planning on taking his life. I try to tell him a lot of people love him, he has a lot of things to do (24yo) and everything can be fixed.\n\nHe keeps telling me that no one can help him or that it can't be fixed.\n\nHe just told me he don't want me to suffer.\n\nI told him that I love him and this is not the way to fix it, I will talk to him tomorrow in person.\n\nAll of this happened before I leave home and went to my house.\n\nI wish this is just a depressed moment. I will stay with him and try to change his mind.\n\nI'm so anxious rn\n\n How I can help this amazing man who doesn't want help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Do people actually care?",
    "post_text": "Sorry for the title, but it really is the best way to put it. Everyone says they care about me, want me to live, to message them if I ever feel like doing it. But I've noticed a pattern, those same people talk about me behind my back, those same people often want me alive, but not necessarily around. \n\nMy question is this, am I right to think that people as a whole are a lot more fake and cold than they're willing to admit? Because I see a lot of words being said but I've yet to meet someone who I actually believe cares.\n\nThis post may seem self centered but I ask it out of frustration, I try my best to fight through it, for others. To be there for others. To care for others. Yet I struggle to find evidence of reciprocation besides empty words.\n\nThe only reason I'm alive today is because I promised I wouldn't hurt those around me by doing it, but I'm feeling like they wouldn't actually care? And I'd appreciate honest answers because I don't want to be alive for people who don't care anyways.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My problems",
    "post_text": "So my hate is even getting worse to be honest I just hate my friends and everyone. I regret ever meet them to be honest even tho I don't want to think like this. They did nothing wrong I just have deep hate and it's annoying it repeats in my head and I want to punch something really bad but I hold it back. \n\nMan I am just completely sad like I really am sad man I don't do shit I like anymore I want to find something to numb the pain and I want to hurt my self with something man just don't know what tho.\n\n\nAll this verbal abuse shit that I still goes on in my life made me think about love completely different then anyone to be honest I will probably not even ask anyone out to be honest just might not even going to try.\n\nAnyone that trys to be nice to me I tend to say thank you but in reality I doubt myself I don't think anyone likes me even my own parents I just don't trust much feelings anymore just does not even matter to me I see it as a joke to be honest.\n\nI am probably going back to my really bad phase of depression I think happen in 9th grade even thought of killing myself even if I go back to that phase I won't kill myself \n\nOnly two of my friends knows this will probably tell them about this shit sooner or later idk",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm done,",
    "post_text": "Oi, im Ron a 17 year living in brazil attending the 2\u00b0 grade in high school and I've reached a point in my life where I want to give up everything. \nImma introvert teen with no friends, broke, weird and useless \nSo i will try to explain exactly my situation \nEveryday i go to school and i see the girl i like with someone better than me i wonder wtf its wrong with me and why i can't have any type of relationship, i spent 3 months talking to this girl until she tell me she only see me as a friend. And that's not the first time \nIn my life I've been close with 3 girls which I've really come close to relating to have something \nAnd they always tell me dat... \nEven though they say they want to be my friends they actually become people i used to know \nAnd when the thing is having friendships thats just something I don't have I see everybody having a group of friends hanging out having fun while all i have is nothing\nAbout my family and financial situation is even worst \nI've been 3 weeks out the school working illegally 8 hours before i get fired (probably i got scammed and at this point i dont have nothing else to do) at some day i look myself at mirror and start wondering why i was live in such a situation it ain't right for a teen be living like that i was dreaming with school dreaming with study and when classes are over I go out with friends to eat something smoke cigrettes talk about life, dreaming with a date and stuff. \nBut now im back to school and i feel like a zombie there\nIn this week im moving to a smaller house cuz my mom can't afford the place i am rn and all this stuff make me hate my country, and yeah the thing i most hate in this life it's this country i could be having a better life in anyplace and maybe its not worth immigrate somewhere by my shit nationality \nAnd about my physical situation i can say im handsome even though being very skinny and hating my body, all i wish was eating 5 times per day for gain weight and i can even start in gym cuz i can't pay for that \nSo basically all This shit made me lose the will to live. Every day i think about killing myself. All i want its a real reason to live and to be happy\nAll i want it's live and not survive",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Step son quit working & refuses help",
    "post_text": "My stepson has some undiagnosed mental issues along with anxiety and depression. A couple months ago he lost his job because he wasn't showing up to work.\n\nI know he makes a few dollars here and there but I'm not sure how. He never leaves his house and he refuses any help man's mother offer him unless my wife just offers to give him cash. We have learned that he has been doing some sort of drugs off and on for several years.\n\nAbout a year and a half ago we had to spend a lot of money to get his house out of foreclosure because he hadn't been paying the bills. I know he isn't paid his mortgage and several months now so at some point they're going to foreclose on him and kick him out.\n\nI'm just not sure what to do. When he stays with us he argues with his mom Non-Stop if she even asks him to take a shower. He doesn't clean up after himself and when you goes to the bathroom he makes a huge mess. It's hard for me to even think about living with that.\n\nBut if I tell her he can't stay here if he's not working or showering or cleaning up after himself, she just says that she's afraid he'll be homeless or kill himself. Any advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Unable to think clearly",
    "post_text": "Like the title says, I'm unable to think clearly. It's like the gears in my brain is covered with gunk and is just not moving smoothly. I've been getting decent sleep, but I'm tired regardless of how much sleep I get. Food is not an issue afaik. No alcohol in quite a while and I've reduced how much caffeinated soda or any soda I drink because I was addicted to it. I'm getting decent exercise too. \n\nBut I just can't think well. Or concentrate for that matter. That's the one thing I've got, you know? My brain. Doing innovative things at work is one of the only things I'm proud of and that's letting me down. And I'm fucking nervous all the time. It's like there's something clutching me in my chest 24/7. \n\nI started therapy earlier this week. I'll express this in my next session, but if any of you have any suggestions, I'm open to it. \n\nThanks, everyone. \n\nHave a great day",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "College student wondering if checking myself in to a hospital would be the best option\u2014 any advice? What was it like/how much did it cost financially?",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone, hoping I can get some advice on what to do in the next couple days.\n\nI\u2019ve been seriously thinking of killing myself for about four/five months (definitely had suicidal thoughts before that for many many years, but I didn\u2019t start thinking it though or planning anything out until now). I\u2019m starting to finally feel like I\u2019m reaching the end, lol. \n\nI genuinely believe that I do not have the capacity to harm myself in any way, significantly or even slightly. So I kind of feel like I\u2019d be lying when I tell them I have \u201cintent\u201d that\u2019s more than just thoughts, although I do have many plans I\u2019m hoping I can go through with when I\u2019ve finally reached my limit (so I\u2019m afraid they won\u2019t admit me anyways). I\u2019m trying to weigh the pros/cons of trying to get myself admitted and so far I\u2019ve only been able to come up with cons:\n\nMy worries/concerns:\n\n* I have no idea how much a stay or checking myself in would cost. I believe that this worrying would leave me off a lot worse than I am now.\n\n* I\u2019d also be worrying about what my friends/family are thinking while I\u2019m gone and how I'm just causing them unnecessary stress (it'd be a shock for them as they don't know any of this)\n\n* I\u2019d also be worrying about missing my classes/assignments/a midterm and how I would catch up afterward\n\n* I feel like I\u2019d be generally miserable for however long I\u2019m there\n\n* I think it might make me miserable enough to actually commit suicide after I leave, although \n\nI feel like I wouldn\u2019t be able to effectively kill myself and then would have to go through the whole process of hospitalization over again.\nI just don\u2019t see that many pro\u2019s in checking myself in, but I don\u2019t really know what else to do. Could anyone who\u2019s gone through the process give some guidance?\n\nThank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How can I force myself to do important things when I\u2019m feeling like shit?",
    "post_text": "I (f,23) was extremely depressed for a very long time. I took meds, worked on myself, got better, but now I\u2019m going downhill again. It fucking sucks because i have a lot of opportunities in front of me and I\u2019m not working on anything because I\u2019m simply feeling like shit. and idk how i can force myself to do those things even though ik that if i don\u2019t do them ill be ruining my future. \nI just need some tips or anything that u thought helped u get shit done in hopes that it will get me to do the things that i have to do. \nThank you and apologies for the language I\u2019m just extremely frustrated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "don't want to feel like this anymore",
    "post_text": "I'm so tired of living through constant mental health issues! Everyone keeps saying it will get better and perhaps it does for a while, and then it gets worse all over again. I feel so trapped while everyone else is living their life to the fullest - moving out, travelling, having friends, just being happy - and I've had to drop out of university because I can't cope with my mental illnesses, and I haven't had an actual friend in quite some time. I have the best family, though they don't really understand mental illness, and they are all that holds me together and keeps me from giving up. But I still feel so alone, so isolated, so deeply unhappy with life. I want to believe that it will get better, but I am suffering so so much... any support much appreciated, I just want to feel that someone cares at all...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone else feel like the world is incredibly dark?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve never been treated nicely by anyone. Even the kids that are more rejected by other kids are mean to me. I\u2019ve never been mean to a single person in my life but i get treated like shit constantly. I don\u2019t know why but when I was a kid I imagined the world was a place full of empathy but literally every single person I\u2019ve met has been an unempathetic piece of shit. \n\nI\u2019m in a friend group that\u2019s so toxic it led one of the kids in our friend group to a suicide attempt with a gun but it ended up missing his brain (I imagine he got scaredd and moved it at the last second). And even AFTER he attempted and was in the hospital they continued to treat him like shit and told him he should\u2019ve just gone through with it. Don\u2019t worry, they also treat me like shit, I\u2019m in a similar position to him and I can\u2019t leave because I have no other friends. Not only that, but I treat the guy that attempted suicide with absolute kindness, I\u2019ve never been mean to him which you\u2019d expect him to be thankful for right? Nope, he actually treats me like shit more than the other kids and he even fought me a month ago simply because he hates me that much.\n\nAnd it\u2019s not like I have a bad personality, I\u2019m extremely funny in groups of people, like it\u2019s not uncommon for me to have people tearing up cause they laugh so much, but everyone still hates me and treats me like dirt. \n\nI\u2019m not exaggerating here, but when I imagine the world outside my bedroom I genuinely imagine darkness and madness everywhere. Imagine nightmare on elm street dreams where every house is empty or whatever and it\u2019s always night outside and there\u2019s just a feeling of terror. Also every person I talk to feels fake, conversation is impossible. I genuinely feel like I\u2019m living in a make believe world at this point I\u2019m scared as shit.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "i think i have depression but i can\u2019t seek medical help \u2014 need guidance",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m not clinically diagnosed, and can\u2019t get a proper diagnosis or medication. I\u2019m under my parents insurance plan and there is a stigma within my family and culture about mental health. I struggle with body image issues that got a lot worst since the pandemic. I can\u2019t ever focus with my school work any more. I have no motivation to do any of my work (but I still do it), it\u2019s hard waking up. I\u2019m constantly in bed when I should be working out or doing my school work. I feel numb pretty much everyday. I don\u2019t have suicidal thoughts but I just don\u2019t have the \u201cmotivation to live\u201d or to do anything that would help my life. What can I do? I can\u2019t constantly feel like this, and I can\u2019t get behind in school, I need advice/help.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve been defeated by everything",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m treated like shit by the \u201cfriends\u201d I have, literally people I don\u2019t even know will treat me like shit and give me a \u201cyou\u2019re not good looking enough or cool to be talking to me\u201d attitude if I try to interact with anybody, and I\u2019m the most socially awkward person I or any other person I know has ever seen. I have no one to help me either because my parents get mad at me for showing and signs of distress. My dad does will ignore me and give me the silent treatment and give me angry eyes if I ever tell my parents I\u2019m depressed. My mom will start screaming at me about how me being depressed makes her stressed out and how I don\u2019t even try to make friends but I do. She\u2019ll give me suggestions on how to make friends but I\u2019ve tried literally every single one she\u2019s given me, and when I tell her that I\u2019m simply suffering from a lack of social skills she\u2019ll scream about how it\u2019s actually that I look like a \u201cfreak\u201d and a \u201cweirdo\u201d and that no one would ever want to approach me anyway. And it\u2019s not like I\u2019m a bad son, I\u2019m actually better than most teenagers because I have straight A\u2019s and because I have no supportive friend group that would invite me to things I don\u2019t drink or do drugs or have sex. I genuinely feel like the society around me has gone insane (at least the place I live has). \n\nI don\u2019t \u201cthink\u201d I\u2019ve given up I have given up, like I\u2019m going to kill myself either tonight or tomorrow. I\u2019ve started self harming again and my I already know how to get my dad\u2019s gun to get it over with.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "please help.",
    "post_text": "i am a 15 year old male at 5\u20195 and weighing at around 90lbs. idk if i have an eating disorder or depression, but i always starve myself for days when im feeling really down. i have my moments where i want to change my life for the better, which is usually after these moments of starvation end, but ive never been consistent due to the fact that i end up starving myself over and over again. i realized i do this because i want to die. i starve myself until i cant take it anymore and im forced to eat by a friend or parent. im not sure what to do. this endless cycle of sadness feels so tiring i want to just end everything. my self esteem is so low and i have nothing to look forward to. i ask for some advice to make at least something easier. thank you.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I feel human again?",
    "post_text": "For the longest time I have had the issue of feeling like a subhuman or a tool meant to have specific purposes, I have been struggling for the longest time with trying to accept I'm a person too and deserve to be treated as such, that I'm deserving of love, or to stop putting the needs of others before mine.\n\nI won't go into details about what originated this, because frankly no one wants to read Infinite Jest lengths of backstory, but I'd like, if anyone can relate, to get some tips on how to \"ground\" myself again because I'm feeling really, really disconnected from myself lately, even more so than usual, and it's very hard to just go thru the motions to maintain the illusion of just being a normal, functional person (which I do more for the sake of others than mine tbh). \n\nI fear that I'll be exposed as a subhuman and be further alienated from others if I can't keep up the fa\u00e7ade and I don't have the time or energy to move elsewhere again to start anew for the nth time.\n\nBtw I don't think that tips suggesting hanging with friends or family will work since I'm essentially an immigrant all alone in a country other than for his bf, so I don't really have a \"safety net\" in a traditional sense (and don't want to burden my partner further). I just need a healthier way to cope than drinking it overworking before I break.\n\nPlease, help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "my \u201cceleb obsession \u201c has triggered my depression& I know it\u2019s pathetic but I need some support.",
    "post_text": "I feel like a loser writing this but I need help. I am 28 F which makes it more embarrassing. I\u2019ve never had celebrity crushes until I was first diagnosed with clinical depression and I went into a rabbit hole. I\u2019ve always had this old soul thing, where I\u2019ve always had nostalgia for past decades, not only the aesthetic but thinking my life would be better in a different decade ( especially seeing the world with Covid )\n\nI also deleted my social media 1 year ago Bc how bad it affect my mental state and only came on Reddit to get support. \n\nI got out of it, but a little background is I am a survivor of (childhood& adult sexual abuse) & never had a real relationship due to it. I was doing well mentally until I had to see my abuser (which is one of my family members) \nby accident by walking into a family event and not knowing they would be there. \n\nFast forward to now I am 28F. I went to a concert. It was a 80s rock band. Being a rock and roll super fan I love as excited to see this band. They were amazing live & I\u2019ve always had a crush on the young version of the guitarist. \nI\u2019ve read his books and watched his interviews in the past. \n\nafter the concert I found a way to stalk his Instagram & watch all his old interviews & old performances. Triggering my obsession. \n\nI\u2019ve spent days watching it but realized it\u2019s ruining me and the young version of him doesn\u2019t even exist. He\u2019s old and ugly now.\n\nI just became obsessed with the thought that if I was alive in the 80s I could of dated Him and be apart of the exciting life of rock n roll. \n\nI realized I\u2019m just seeking excitement and validation and nostalgia. I also feel I will never be in a relationship due to my past abuse. \n\n\n Knows this sounds pathetic but I\u2019m here seeking support",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop being victimized?",
    "post_text": "(sorry for my English, not English speaker)\n\nA friend asked me to send him a bike by a postal service. I was already with a lot of things in my head, i knew I had to wrap the bike, but couldnt find much cardboard.\n\nWhen I got to the place there was this dude that attended the postal service that i know from the start that just wanted to take advantage of me as people of low life/class usually do around here.\n\nI already was at a defensive state, and then he invented some extra fee for wrapping the bike. I knew what was going on. I played the fool and as i was too tired to get more cardboard, or wrap it, or have any trouble, i paid that illegal extra fee.\n\nBut i felt really taken advantage of, and this guy also waved a knife around, so i would get intimidated. I was already intimidated just by being next to this low class douche that could get around with any shit he pulls, and i knew that for him i was just the next victim.\n\n(funny thing is that i try to not react bad to low class people, so they don't ger offended, but now I'm thinking this interaction was already spoiled by this low life thug, as the bad vibe i fell was all his act to take advantage of me).\n\nBut i think that given all the options (I knew everything that was going on), i handled him the fee and this extra fee... But of course now I feel really bad, i hate imagining this dude celebrating that he scammed another dude with this shit.\n\nI was afraid that if i did otherwise this low class people would damage the bike or something like that... And the sad thing is that they may do that either way. But at the moment i was also afraid of the bike safety.\n\nI felt it was a burden to react and just complain, but now i felt this blame, i felt like a coward that succumb to this low class guy intimidation, and this guy taken advantage of me.\n\nWhen something like this happen i always say next time i don't even care if everything goes to hell. But then this happens i take this \"solutions\" but the regretted as i feel as a coward or a fool.\n\nIt would ease my mind if I could find other cases or how to deal with this kind of situation where you feel helpless.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "activities to feel something\u2026?",
    "post_text": "i haven\u2019t been able to walk since february, i have no job or friends. i so have hobbies, too many actually, because i end up getting burnt out on them really easily. it\u2019s my favorite time of year and i keep feeling worse every single day. i can do basic hygiene and thats about it for my day\u2026 everyday. i just want to feel good from doing something, but my mind keeps blanking. what are your favorite things to do to feel good ( specially when it\u2019s fall )? sorry if i posted this in the wrong place im new :(",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm sick and I need help",
    "post_text": "I don't know who or what to say this too, but I'm terribly sick. I'm completely and utterly sad in every moment I'm not distracted. I have officially no motivation to succeed anymore. My mood swings are wild. I'll go from sorta sad or maybe content all the way down to deep grief of the life I'm watching go by.   \n\n\nI need someone to talk to, professionally. I cannot afford a therapist. I'm 28 years old, single for ten years, no achievements. I'm languishing and I'm afraid of myself. What can I do to get help?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Physical pain when I am coding",
    "post_text": "Need help very much. \n\nI am an engineering graduate student and I have half a year to finish my thesis. I need coding. But unfortunately, I have been depressed? Or have psychological problems for several months. \n\nThe problem is that when I am coding, I can feel hard to breathe. Sometimes when I face bugs in program I even have stomachaches or heartaches. \n\nI couldn\u2019t focus on my thesis and it makes me slow in progress so I got warning on academics that I could probably be quitter from degree. \n\nDue to personal reasons and financial problems I can\u2019t go to hospital or therapist. So I am wondering if there could be any self help advice.\n\nThank you for reading.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m so scared I\u2019m going to lose my job.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve missed 2 days of work last week and I haven\u2019t been in this week due to my anxiety and depression. Like I just am too tired and I have a wave of dread that hits me when I think about work. I have had 2 major panic attacks at work,  & have been so scared of it happening again, that I\u2019ve just slipped into a bad depressive episode. I\u2019ve tried every morning to get up and go to work. My supervisors are aware of the situation but I\u2019m still scared I\u2019m going to lose my job",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "feeling burnt out lonely and ugly",
    "post_text": "I've been feeling extremely burnt out ugly and lonely recently I'm no stranger to feeling this but now I'm overwhelmed with feeling ugly and alone most of my friends have moved so I'm alone regularly the emptiness of loneliness in my life has become increasingly apparent seeing friends and others enjoying life and being alone in my room has been psychologically damaging to me I can't help but feel that I'm missing out I've been feeling pessimistic a lot my thoughts let me know that I'm not good enough for a relationship or friends daily it's difficult to not let my insecurities get to me my family are unreasonable and not supportive my anxiety has been affecting my social and work life I'm self conscious of my nose and how others perceive me so I keep to myself and I don't have close friends anymore so I typically enjoy my hobbies outdoors surrounded by scenery and natural sounds where I won't feel insecurities or inadequacies I know animals won't ridicule me I'm naturally an introvert but I sometimes wish I had a normal social life and could feel attractive.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Helping a friend with depression",
    "post_text": "Heyy there!\nI just found out that a very good online friend of mine suffers from depression and feeling down.\n\nInitally she just asked for advice regarding a crush of hers who already is in a relationship. When talking to her about it tho, she told me a few things that really got me worried.\nOn the one hand, she feels understood by him. She feels like herself around him and like she doesn't have to fake her happiness.\nOn the other hand, she admitted to sending him nudes, as he told her I'd be okay to send some from time to time and it could even be there 'hot little secret'\n\nNeedless to say, I'm really worried now. I gave her the advice to stay away from him/stop contact with him and also came to an agreement, that her and I would look for a psychologist at the same time (so niether of us feels like a crazy person needing psychiatric help lol)\n\nStill, I'll continue to try and help her. I already thought about asking her how she feels (although it is incredibly hard for her to open up about her feelings), but also motivating her to go out or try something new or something.\n\nJust fyi: I never met her personally, she lives about two hours away. We do talk (jokingly) about meeting up some time soon tho, so maybe I'll see her soon.\n\nDo you have some more advice on how I could help her? Even if its just a small thing, any help is greatly appreciated!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Going from deep depression from sudden energy??",
    "post_text": "Hi everyone,\n\nPlease tell me if anyone has had experience with this?\n\nSo I have not been to work since last Tuesday. I have been a in a severe state of depression for days and days now. I've literally just stayed in bed and taken the kids to school (late ugh). I hadn't done really anything else. I've barely been sleeping.. like an hour here and a couple hours there. So that's means it's been about 7 full days. It was almost at the point where I was thinking about checking myself in somewhere to get help. \n\nBut I woke up today .. and I just... cleaned... and cleaned.. and cleaned.. like the entire house. I just kept going like I had an I infinite amount of energy. Dishes, laundry, mop, swept, vacuumed, ect. I just kept going and going and going all day long. Like wtf is wrong me?! I'm so confused!!!\n\nI feel like I should be glad I'm up and about but instead I'm just sitting here  like what the fuck is wrong with me??? Who goes from being severely depressed to getting up and cleaning the entire house?!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Going to come out and say I have depression",
    "post_text": "Hello people, I need help. Im going to admit more like confront my parents that I have been suffering from depression for 8/9 years now. The confrontation part because they played a huge part in it. I have thought it through seeing it from their perspective and have come to the right conclusion that they share a huge role in it. It is going to get ugly. The thing is if I dont say and make them realise how toxic they have been I will lose the chance to save myself, I get this only chance. \n\nAny advice on how to proceed.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice when dating someone with depression?",
    "post_text": "Hello everyone! I\u2019m here to just ask some questions on what did some of y\u2019all do to help your partners that suffer severe depression and anxiety. \n\nI\u2019ve currently been talking to this person and we both hit it off right from the bat. I\u2019m talking scarily accurate stuff that we have in common. This person then told me \u201csince we are talking more frequently, I figured I\u2019d let you know I suffer severe depression and anxiety. So it\u2019s hard to keep in touch with people who have it and I understand if you don\u2019t wanna be around.\u201d(clearly warning me that our convos won\u2019t be like this) Of course my answer was \u201cI totally understand! Just know I\u2019m always around if you wanna ear to listen to :)\u201d \n\nSo it\u2019s been two months now and I know some of y\u2019all would think \u201cwhy are you so invested, go live your life\u201d which I have been doing. But if it does work out and we do date for real. What advice can I do for me when im in this? This is just so im aware. \n\nIn my eyes it\u2019s clear we like each other, despite it only online. I\u2019ve tried to see if I could do what my friends told me and it\u2019s to try and meet other people. But none of them clicked like how it clicked with the person I\u2019m talking to. They tell me she probably leading you on and I would simply say, \u201c well why would they send 8 min audios about what we\u2019re talking about? Or literally offer to watch one of my fav Anime in theaters the next month? It\u2019s her depression bro.\u201d \n\nOverall I understand her position and I\u2019m still living my life conquering my goals. But still in the back of my mind, if we do end up maybe being a thing. What would I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Today would\u2019ve been Mom\u2019s 65th birthday",
    "post_text": "After a couple of weeks of slightly improving mood and feeling, today has me right back where I started.  Mom would\u2019ve been 65 today.   She and I were both looking forward to this because she would\u2019ve qualified for Medicare today.   And we could\u2019ve finally gotten some help for some of her issues and some caregiving relief for me.  \n\nMom passed two years ago and I\u2019ve never been quite ok since.   It\u2019s funny how stuff such as transferring her from her bed to her chair, bandaging wounds, and even cleaning up accidents is stuff you\u2019d end up missing after they are gone.  Just to have them back.  \n\nAll this is added to Mom and I\u2019s dog, Harper, had to be put down in June for kidney failure.  My last family.  \n\nSo, now it\u2019s just me.   The sole survivor of being a family caregiver for 13 years, to sift through memories upon memories by myself.  And the weight of today is just a lot.    \nAnd it\u2019s really taxing my anxiety and just putting me back in grief and darkness.   \n\nThey should both still be here.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I really THAT bad?",
    "post_text": "- San Francisco Merola\n- Houston Grand opera\n- Chautauqua Opera\n- pensacola opera\n- Pittsburgh opera\n- Washington National\n- Wolf Trap\n- Palm Beach\n- Florida Grand Opera\n\n\n#\u2026[ALL of them **REJECTED** me!](https://imgur.com/gallery/3M3xXRI)\n\n\nWas I really that bad?  After 20 years of singing and study, was I really so bad that each and everyone of these companies decided to reject me? [No more empty compliments, was I honestly that bad of a singer that every company I applied for had to reject me?](https://youtu.be/HjnDEBoHPUA)\n\nOpera is the only thing in this miserable world that gives me any meaning to my life.  I don\u2019t want people to say life is supposed to be meaningless, I don\u2019t want people to say that there will be a next time, And I don\u2019t want people to reassure me of anything anymore.  Rejecting me from each of these companies was somebody\u2019s decision, and I want to know exactly why they made it against me!  \n\nWas because they are doing diversity hiring and couldn\u2019t fit a white person into their principal lineup?  Was it because I\u2019m a military veteran, and someone looked me up to make a stink about it?  Was it because I have trouble getting social media followers?  Was it because I\u2019m autistic? **ANSWER ME GOD DAMNIT**! This isn\u2019t about how I feel, this is about what these people are doing to me, and I want to know why they are doing it to me after I have earned my place!\n\nI have been living with depression, anxiety and tendencies for the last 15 years, trying to rebuild my life. People always say bull crap like don\u2019t give up.  Well I\u2019ve brought back the latest result of not giving up! And I\u2019m putting them out there so that the assholes who make those kind of lies can fix this!  I\u2019ve posted my audition results from every company to whom I\u2019ve submitted this audition season, to show you that telling me not to give up isn\u2019t changing their decision to reject me!   \n\nI want a change in this!  I want these companies to relay to me exactly why they rejected me so that I can improve, Or else I want them to change their decisions, So that \u201cnot giving up\u201d becomes a reality for me as much as it does for anybody else you tell it to!!!  Do you want my life to not be worthless? Do you want me to keep on going? Fix this for me!  Somebody fix this!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Making the same mistake years later.",
    "post_text": "Hello, sorry for a long post. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Thank you for whoever reads this.\n\nI'll start with events 4 years ago when it all started.  I am 22 year old male. I used to work in a bar where I met a girl I instantly fell in love with . We got to know each other well, went on dates etc. She was everything I ever wished for.\n\nI'm from a small village and I have some good friends here. We  were always considered to be the  \"bad guys\" because we partied a lot etc. I never done drugs thought.\n\nShe always assumed I do drugs and one day I decided to take some to impress her ( stupid I know) I guess to keep up with the bad guy reputation. Problem is, I fell in love with cocaine.\n\nAnd that's when my life went into a downwards spiral. I started taking cocaine for breakfast everyday. I turned it an angry mess, our relationship slowly got ruined. I was angry at her one day and tried sleeping with her best friend. I was nothing but a scumbag. I was a cheating,  lying scumbag. I didn't see that at the time but now it's very clear for me to see. She deserved better than me\n\nAfter overdosing once, We broke up and she moved away. I decided I had enough and went sober.  I went through some very rough time then. I was very deeply hurt and depressed. Day by day it got better. \n\n4 years have passed and I still never fully got over her even when I was with other girls but I was living more or less fine. I don't really like this town but I have some great friends and reasonably good new job.\n\nAnyway, after all these years, last weekend I was out drinking with friends and I met an old friend who offered me a bag of cocaine for some reason i  snapped back to my old habits and bought a bag.\n\nI knew she was back in town, later on I ended up at a house party where I got in to a very bad state with drugs and alcohol. And out of all the placed I could of met her again she walked in to the kitchen where I was dashing out lines of cocaine in a state where I could barely stand or speak. I tried telling her I wasn't the man I was when we first met,  but of course she didn't believe it, why would she ?  Somehow I managed to achieve some sort of success with her. We danced and kissed etc. But she's probably just lonely since coming back to town since most of her friends are gone away. We never had sex that night but I couldn't have sex even if I wanted to due to state I was in.\n\nI woke up next morning and all my feeling for her came back, all the love it took me years to forget, but I knew that it was over, it was just a one night thing. It crushed me. All these years breaking away from my habits wasted when it came down to a person it mattered. I was still the same lying drug addict in her eyes as I was 4 years ago.\n\nIt's been a week and I feel empty, only emotion I have is constant hint of anger and sadness in me. I stopped eating or doing anything except working , I work 9-5 and then I go to my garage where I work on projects and drink alcohol until am I able to sleep. Maybe I am still the same scumbag I was 4 years ago. Iv been having suicidal thoughts but I know I can't do that since I need to look after my family. I would rather suffer myself then let my family suffer. \n\nAt first I thought it was just a comedown from drugs since I haven't touched them in so long. But I still miss her more and more everyday. I have dreams about her at night where we are happy together. I messaged her a few times but she's always busy and takes a long time to reply.\n\nI'm just so lost, all these years to recover just to slip back into my old days when it mattered the most. She gave me an opportunity to fix what I once broke but instead I proceeded to ruin it further. \n\nThank you to whoever reads this. I just wanted to get this of my chest or speak to someone anonymously.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Question about other conditions causing depression?",
    "post_text": "Hello! \n\nI'm new, so I hope this is ok to post.\n\nI've been dealing with depression for many years, but feel like I only was able to put a name to and call it that for the past 5 years. \n\nI feel like my depression makes me struggle with motivation and avoidant about certain things I have to do for work. Recently though I have been struggling to determine if my inability to do focused work is due to my depression or if I have underlying attention issues.\n\nDoes anyone have advice or experience with this? Can't having attention issues (like ADHD) make you frustrated and as a result depressed if untreated? How can you tell them apart? I have also have a similar question about undiagnosed autism and social isolation. How can you tell them apart?\n\nThank you for any insights!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depressed International Student; need help",
    "post_text": "Hi,\n\nI'll try to explain my situation as best as I can and I will highly appreciate if you can read it completely. In any case, I'll try to summarize everything in a TLDR at the bottom. Thanks for your time.\n\n​\n\nI am an international student who is stuck overseas in my home country (India) due to COVID from the last one and half year. I am studying in a good university on a student loan which is huge. I come from a lower-middle class family and my parents can't even speak English. My parents have very conservative Indian mentality and it is impossible for them to understand my situation.\n\nJust after my high school, I was selected into very prestigious engineering colleges in India called IIT. I studied there for an year and got super depressed as I came to understand how the real life is. I decided to take a transfer to a very good university in Australia. I thought it would make me feel better but it did come with a hefty student loan. I was a kid I guess, I don't think there is anything that can make me feel better.\n\nI am currently in my last year and working towards writing my honours thesis. I have been pretty stressed about general life and how exactly I will repay my loan and live a normal life. I have tried applying to a lot of internships but I got more than 50 rejections already and I have no more motivation to apply anywhere now. I don't feel anything at all. The only reason why I study or do any work is to get high marks. That's it. Very recently (last month or two), I have been even slacking off in the study part. I have also started smoking cigarettes and doing marijuana edibles every other day.\n\nEvery day, I wake up at 10 already tired and swearing about everything (in my mind, I live at my parent's home rn). I attend a few zoom group project meetings, staying silent mostly and trying to look like I did the minimal amount of work to not get thrown out of the group. Then I try to feel better, make a huge list of assignments coming up and write down how much is each of them worth. I start working on something and feel it is totally pointless. I start watching youtube or the office to feel a bit better and suddenly it is 6 pm. I think that it's already evening, maybe I should go out, get some fresh air. I go out, pickup a friend and smoke a cigarette or two (my friend doesn't smoke). While coming back, I feel the day is almost over and I am basically useless, nothing will change if I get high. I go and buy some marijuana edible (legal), eat it and go back home. I act like I am working while staying high, so my parents won't know. Many times, I just lie that I have a meeting and shut off my door, lie down and masturbate like twice or thrice in a day. As I get high, I also overeat and buy a lot of junk food and chocolates. Then, I spent the rest of the night till 2-3 am doing all this and watching office or Youtube. I feel totally exhausted and go to sleep. Then, I wake up next day exhausted at 10 and the cycle goes on.\n\nI also feel pretty dumb as I have almost no progress on my thesis. My professor thinks that I am smart but I am not. I just slack and slack and come up with some excuse for not doing the work. I just make some dumb and vague presentations an hour before the meeting. From last two weeks, I haven't even done that. I just make some excuse and try to portray myself as the victim. I have one more semester left for my thesis and I think I should just quit. But I can't because then how will I pay for my loan. I am also not getting any internships, how the fuck am I supposed to get a job. I thought maybe I'll start a PhD degree as I am not really getting anything else and I'll at least get some stipend regularly if I get the scholarship. My chances of getting the scholarship are highly dependent on my honours thesis and I seem to be doing a very bad job till now. I have to submit a draft of a literature review on Monday (rn it's Saturday night) which will be of around 15 pages and I haven't even started yet. I don't think I can do it and I don't think I deserve all this.\n\nOh also, if you haven't guessed it yet, no I have no friends. The friend I go out every evening is a very old friend who is probably the only person I talk to. He is a good person, I have tried telling him my situation but I don't think he understands it and I don't blame him. He has a completely different life and we are two different people.\n\nI also have suicidal thoughts but the only reason I avoid thinking about it in detail is that if I die, my student loan will fall on my parents and that is just awful of me to that to them. I feel my existence is totally useless and I will bring nothing but misery to this universe. I don't think there is any point in living. I won't even get a job overseas. I will probably just get a mediocre job in India which will pay me average salary through which I will never be able to pay my loan. Probably will die with a debt on my head.\n\nOld classmates from the college I left (IIT) have amazing jobs and I see most of them travelling and enjoying their life in beaches and clubs and whatnot. I know I shouldn't compare but in reality, I do. I just feel that I was that dumb guy who left such a college to get into this huge pile of shit. I wasn't happy there but am I happy now? Life is just a grind and the sooner I understand it, the better it will be for me. I don't have any hobbies except watching Youtube and masturbating and doing drugs.\n\nAnything I can do? Is it possible for me to get out of the hole I dug myself for? Is there any hope for me? Is there anyone who can relate to my situation because I don't know anybody who can?\n\n​\n\nTLDR: An international student in an Australian uni studying online from my home country (India) from last one and half years. Living with my parents, smoking and doing marijuana edibles (legal) regularly. In my last year doing bachelor's honours thesis and continuously slacking in everything. No success in internship/job applications and feeling extremely stressed about repaying the loan (to the point of suicide). No social life and my family is too conservative to understand a single line of this post. Looking for some direction, someone who can relate to anything in this post or just in general help.\n\n​\n\nObviously a throwaway account, I doubt that anyone can identify me but if you do pls don't text me about it, it's just gonna make me feel worse. Also, I forgot to mention, Coming from a conservative lower-middle class family in India, I can't afford actual therapy plus considering my conservative environment, I can't really talk about this with anyone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am lost after pretending to be badass for 2 years",
    "post_text": "Hello, I am college student and my life isnt best if I can say that, I was bullied at elementary school, my parents was alcoholics, from my 13 years I have a problem with drugs and alcohol, at year 2018 I had a pretty good relationship but I was pretty melancholic and she left me, so I had half year depression full of crying, wanting to kill myself and drinking booze and eating pills, after that one day I was magically blessed or so and I don't had depression anymore, I was new me, but as I am older I realise I was just hiding my emotions and now it just spiked to the point I am literally lost, I don't have much friends I am crying I don't have a energy for my school tasks, I am working at Mcdonald which is hard and I don't have time for nothing, I think I am ugly, my teeth are broken and I am at a point I don't know if I can help myself, everything I want is someone to talk to and hug when I am broken so I can fix myself, but I struggle with making new friends because everyone thinks I am junkie badass without emotions, I don't really know why I am posting this here, maybe I am hoping for a miracle? I don't know, but if you have some opinion or something I would like to hear that. Sorry for my English and if you are struggling, know that you are not alone, hope everyone gets better, love u all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The more I live the more I realise how much I don't fit in",
    "post_text": "And I never will. I feel like a constant burden to be around. I feel like people are sick of me and don't take me seriously. I'm a loser. I like loser things. My passions are film, art and cooking. All loser passions. I just feel like finally giving up. My friend ditched me since getting a girlfriend and here I am alone. People just think I'm a weirdo and now I believe it. I just don't know which way to turn. It's always been like this and I don't even know anymore. Should I disappear or should I work through it. I'm awkward to my boss and I don't think I'll get a promotion. No one wants to help me with my film ideas. I don't know anymore. I'm going to sleep it off and wake up tomorrow. I feel confusion from every part of my brain",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m probably going to do it tonight",
    "post_text": "As I work in IT I rarely give absolutes. Because I\u2019m a worthless piece of shit. I wish I didn\u2019t meet wanting to try.\n\nI\u2019m drunk enough now I could probably kms. I\u2019m crying and I just destroyed a person who was attempting to help.\n\nI made assumptions I shouldn\u2019t have. I never met any offense to anyone.\n\nSo I really have nothing left in my life. And I am the reason for the problems.\n\nNobody will ever understand. I\u2019m so sorry everyone. I\u2019m so so very sorry for even continuing to try.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "SSRIs",
    "post_text": "Rant/seeking advice\n\nI've been diagnosed with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder for 6 going on 7 years. Currently I'm on 60mg nuzak to treat my depression. I've been feeling like it doesn't work anymore. I've said this to my psychiatrist, and ive tried to make appointments time and time again. She just doesn't get back to me. When I do have an appointment she's about 30 minutes late for a 30 minute appointment. I'm just feeling incredibly frustrated with this. I get that she's busy and that life happens but its impossible to reach her. \n\nIm going to a new psychiatrist at the end of the month. Should I share these experiences? Should I share that I think my dosage is a bit high for not working well? I'm nervous about this. I just don't want to feel dismissed again. \n\nI feel a little defeated. Like I do a lot to manage my mental well-being but its like the therapies and meds just never help. I don't know how many more times I need to tell someone I'm sad in a therapy session. \n\nPlease be gentle. I needed to just air these feelings out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel so empty",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s been nearly four months since my dog passed.   And I\u2019ve had maybe a handful of good days.   \n\nI can\u2019t even make a ham sandwich without getting upset sometimes.  I\u2019ve been up since midnight and I can\u2019t get back to sleep. \n\nMy sleep patterns are all over the place.   Setting a set time for sleep just adds to my stress.  And the. My anxiety goes all haywire.   \n\nI did start one of my hobbies back up, but I noticed I can easily get lost in it and blow time I need to do chores or run errands.  And while it\u2019s good distraction , it hasn\u2019t gotten its joy back yet.  \n\nJust finding a new routine without my caregiving duties, and especially without my/my Mom\u2019s dog has just been hell.  \n\nNothing feels as good; and any step I take is without them.   I literally got a slight raise at work, and the first person I wanted to tell, I couldn\u2019t because she\u2019s gone.   It\u2019s like I can\u2019t even be happy with anything because I don\u2019t have anyone to share it with who cares.   Even when my dog was here, I still felt pride that I was doing good for her and making her life a little better.  \n\nI don\u2019t know.   Life just isn\u2019t as fun without them.    And while I don\u2019t feel suicidal, every thing just feels like motions and so dull.  \n\nSorry to post yet again, the sad anxiety just really gets to me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I might have depression...",
    "post_text": "How do I go about getting help? My parents are very old school, they don't believe in mental health at all and if I go to a psychologist I'll have to go in secret. I'm not even sure if our insurance covers mental health visits. If it doesn't I can't afford it, I have no money of my own.\n\nAccording to my parents this sadness is \"punishment\" for my past sins, if I didn't do so many bad things I wouldn't be feeling this way now.\n\n3 years ago I begged my parents to take me to a psychologist and my parents were shocked and said \"our daughter is not crazy\" and shut down the topic as quickly as they could. Like end of discussion. \n\nThis lead to my attempted suicide and even that they covered up, said to the emergency doctors that what happened just happened by \"accident\". And that was that",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice?",
    "post_text": "Hi, \n\nIn advance! I\u2019m not the best out there on explaining my feelings since that\u2019s very far away from my culture, but I\u2019ll try because I don\u2019t know what else to do. \n\nI\u2019m 26 and not too long ago I changed my career path to something which I\u2019ve always wanted to do. Prior to this, which was about a year and a half ago I felt as though I\u2019ve been in an emotional hole I couldn\u2019t get out of. My new job distracted me for a long while, I was even being complimented on how I suddenly seemed like \u201cmyself\u201d again up until about 6 months ago, when I just fell back in to my own bullshit of complete and utter numbness.\n\nThe issue is, that normally lasts a few weeks for me but it\u2019s been 6 months (or longer) now and I can\u2019t seem to shake it. I don\u2019t want to speak to anybody, I love my family and friends but I can\u2019t seem to\u2026make the effort I guess? This resulted in me losing important connections and even severing them because I can\u2019t for the life of me understand what the point of them is when I can\u2019t be a good person to them. Then I have the audacity to feel loneliness and feel even more sorry for myself \ud83d\ude02 When I do talk to the people I have left I can\u2019t focus on the conversation and I just drift off in to absolutely nothing, so it never lasts long. \n\nMy question is to those who have managed to get through this without medication (I can\u2019t have medication due to the nature of my job) How did you manage to do it? Am I missing something? I will do everything I possibly can to help myself but I\u2019ve tried so much. I got back in the gym, I\u2019m eating well, I\u2019ve meditated, I\u2019ve gone for walks, I\u2019ve listened to music to self medicate, I\u2019ve slept decent amounts. I can\u2019t seem to enjoy doing anything anymore and my passion for life has been put out like someone suddenly pissed on a bonfire. I feel like I get closer and closer to giving up everyday and I\u2019m just too close to it this time to the point I\u2019m starting to scare myself every now and again with the thoughts that come in to my mind. \n\nAny suggestions would help so much.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "medical mystery causing me depression",
    "post_text": " \n\nusually antipsychotics/with SSRI help me a lot but its just been fucked lately, i've had one of my worst relapses ever for the past 11 days\n\nI just feel like i'm stuck in some alternate world of dissociation, i usually get a warning before this happens - an intrusive sensation comes on, and i focus on the feeling and suck it in, i than immediately surrender to this feeling and say ''yup It's happening again'' or if i try to fight away the sinking feeling, it gets deeper the discomfort and the dissociation goes into my head, than i get a weird feeling in my body, i don't know if it is in my arms or my neck muscles, but it sucks.\n\nIt's highly distressing.\n\nI have diagnosed OCD.\n\nAm i going crazy? part of me just wants to take the recommended dosage for schizophrenia to make sure i am not actually schizophrenic.\n\nFor 2 years my life was perfect, now it's in crisis again, My damn GP said it will take too long to see a psychiatrist or get to see one, and he wants me to wait to see if the extremely small upping of my antipsychotic dose will help, which clearly it has not, it has been 9 days and i have still had an episode every freaking night, it all dates back to that one traumatic event i had in 2016, i wish that night never happened and i would forever be a normal happy person, instead i am now a fucked up crazy person.\n\nApart of me wishes i had a bullet to just take the pain away of this sensation, it feels like i am talking to a bunch of ghosts on reddit when i ask this, people don't get this feeling follows me around, it is a part of me, a part of my brain that is actively seeking to hurt me and only the meds can block it",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm in a bad place right now.",
    "post_text": " I am so far behind on bills I don't know if I will get caught up. if I don't I could loose my house. I was off work because of an injury for over two months, and with covid I just can't get out of the hole. I just want to curl I to a ball and cry and never come back out. I just lay awake at night thinking it would be easier if I just didn't wake up because I would have to deal with this stress and life any more. I don't know what to do this back hole keeps getting bigger and I can't stop it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Could a vitamin D deficiency be causing depression entirely?",
    "post_text": "I've been severely depressed and suicidal for well over a year at this point, but I've noticed that it started easing a bit around March/April (the start of winter in my country) and then worsening again in August/September (the start of summer), while I was actually happy in June and July, and any moments of suicidal ideation were anxiety driven, not depression. \n\n\nIn winter, because it's cold, I spend most of the day lazing in the sun (yes, I know skin cancer, but I don't care), so about 4-5 hours of consistent sunlight at least. In summer, I stay out of the sun entirely because it's too hot and I absolutely hate the heat.\n\nSo this makes me think that something is particularly bad in summer to make me significantly more depressed than winter. Perhaps that's a vitamin D deficiency.\n\nHas that been the case for anyone else?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My ex husband dead because of me and I hate living",
    "post_text": "I married my ex husband when I was 18. We had 2 kids together.  I already had 2. There was ups and downs. Good times and bad ones but something that stayed constant was he wouldn't work. I went to nursing school with the promise he would take care of the home. This didn't happen.  After 7 years of this and also quite a bit of mental abuse I divorced him. The kids started getting into trouble and were so upset.  Plus to be honest I missed him. I went back. I did this for 8 more years. Meanwhile he had developed quite the tab habit. And me overdrawn everyday day trying to feed habits and kids. I didn't leave again til it got so bad he was needing stronger and stronger things and me and the 2 girls left at home had no running water or lights. It was hard without family.  He begged and begged me to come back. Just like last time. He also played bad guy and even tried to get me fired. He died less then a year after we left. He was in a crack house. High on heroin and fentanol. His kids devastated.  So now here am i.. with all the things ppl know I went through.  And I have to be strong for the kids. But there was some good times too. Some only him and I shared. He understood me like no one else. He wasn't always a drug addict.Maybe I actually hoped subconsciously that he would get better and we could try again. After all I had never cared about anyone like I do him. All I know is I miss him so fucking much! I cry every day.  I dont wanna live without him. Everything and I mean everything makes me think of him.. and I'm so lost. I cant believe he left me. He left me here without him and it hurts so damn bad and I dont know how to make it stop. I just want him.... and all this im feeling roaring in me like a fire. I cant say a word.. to no one. No one understands because what I went through.  And I cant tell my kids. I have to be strong for them. They hurt too. So this is how I am truly silently feeling everyday.  My world is crushed, I feel like I cant breath, cant think, much  less want to. I know my kids still need me so I will stay but I really just don't wanna be here anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Slipping back into a depressive episode, but this time the stress in not very manageable",
    "post_text": "Basically, to sum it up:\n\n>moved from overseas back to the states. Month or so later move to CA with family member, because they said I could have a really good opportunity. Their job fell through, we move back to home state. Ended up moving Moved to a new place with a family member in a different city months later. Covid starts. No job. Family member says I have a few years with them and it\u2019s okay. Fast forward to this year - they get into a relationship and now want to move in with them / kick me out. \n\nI have no car because their extra car went to my other family member (who already had two cars) for I don\u2019t know why. They told me I could share their car it\u2019s no problem, assuming in a year or so I\u2019d be good enough to move out. \n\nBut now I have 6 months, little work, no car, and I have to be ready to go somewhere. I\u2019ve done about 20 or 25 applications and only three got back to me saying no. I feel like the whole reason I was able to stay with my family member was out of obligation and they were lonely. Now since they aren\u2019t lonely, it\u2019s now my fault for not working during Covid and being \u201cambition-less\u201d - despite pouring time into now what\u2019s a contracted job of audio engineering (audio is my passion). \n\nSo now I have less than a year and at the moment months before I\u2019m homeless. I\u2019m not on my meds anymore, I was on viibryd for a while. Now I\u2019m starting to feel like there is an easy way out of this.  I feel like my situation isn\u2019t my fault, but to my family member they think I deserve this. \n\nOne thing that annoys me is that we would make a deal in which I can do x and y for my family member and I would get paid weekly for it during Covid . But that always ended up falling through because they quit.  Also the fact that the premise of their thoughts was that they are lonely , won\u2019t find anyone, so no rush. But now they found someone to settle with, and suddenly im put into this situation. \n\nThere is a lot more, but it\u2019s risky to say because of my family members social status.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Never married, never been kissed and now have a cat collection.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m single and live at home with my elderly father. For the longest time I was a one cat kinda gal but now I have nine. I love them, but really shouldn\u2019t keep all of them. Thinking about giving one away causes stress. Puts a big hole in my wallet though to keep them. \nDad doesn\u2019t/can\u2019t help around the house. He\u2019s living off of social security. I\u2019m practically the maid and I don\u2019t do a very good job of it because of depression. (makes me feel like I\u2019m a bad daughter) My mother passed away from cancer a few years ago. Never thought I\u2019d be/feel so lonely. My siblings that I was closest to moved out of state. So I feel very stuck taking care of a house and my father who is slowly losing his memory. I love my father, but when do I get to have my own life? So scared I will turn into an old maid that has 20 cats for company. All is not lost. I have support from family members when I\u2019m brave enough to ask for it. Depression sucks. Can anyone relate? It would be nice to not feel so alone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s depression, I just see no point in living.",
    "post_text": "This is my first post on Reddit and I\u2019m not really sure where else I can talk to. For the last 2 years or so I\u2019ve lived every day bored, and I mean bored as in bored of having no friends or people to talk to, bored of constantly feeling like shit and knowing I\u2019m causing the ones closest to me pain, bored of spending 40 minutes scared to leave the house because of how bad I look. I\u2019ve not seen a point in living for a long time now and people around me ask why I\u2019m so down or why I don\u2019t talk much and I just see no point, I know none of them care about me or care about the answer so what\u2019s the point in replying. Every night I go to bed I literally pray to god, even though I don\u2019t believe in him, that I die in my sleep as I\u2019m too scared to actually kill myself. I get so easily pissed off and pissed off at the fact I feel like this, I have so much more than most people and what most people could ask for and I just still feel like a constant shit bag always letting down others and as everyone around me says oh you have so much to do etc and you\u2019re only 17 none of it matters. I just hate every day as it goes on and they\u2019re just all merging into one big day. I don\u2019t remember the last time I was genuinely excited about something or happy for something that I wasn\u2019t forcing myself to feel. I just want to be happy, it\u2019s all I want. What can I do when there seems to be nothing that can make me happier.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t want to die but I feel like it\u2019s the only way",
    "post_text": "My girlfriend of 5 years dumped me yesterday. She was sick and tired of me not committing and her not seeing me. She wanted to move in together but I can\u2019t.\n\nShe was the only reason I didn\u2019t kill myself in the summer because I feel trapped at home and can\u2019t commit to anyone because I have a mother and sister to support financially. \n\nI don\u2019t want to die. I used to quite like myself but I know that I won\u2019t ever be happy because I\u2019m forever trapped in this situation and death seems like the only way out. I don\u2019t really know what advice I\u2019m looking for. I just needed to put what\u2019s going on in my head into words. I\u2019m 25.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My mom said I'm faking depression",
    "post_text": "Hey everyone, I've never posted here but I hope you're all well. I really need some advice if you have any. \n\nI go to one of the top universities in North America and am currently in my 5th year. These past 2 years have had me feeling really low and I've been thinking about seeing a therapist because I may have depression. I feel very demotivated and tired even though my work load is insane and I can't afford to slack. Often times I feel very worthless, a burden, and a waste of space. I also binge eat which makes those feelings worse. The eating has gotten a LOT better but it still had its moments.\n\nAnyway, I've been wanting to sew a therapist but I need insurance which had been kind of holding me back. My dad's insurance covers the whole family (I live at home, for cultural reasons) but he and my mom would be able to see who uses it. After a year, the feelings got worse and I made the decision, after much deliberation, to tell my mom that I would like to see a therapist and that I would like to use the insurance. She said okay and j started looking but most were fully booked or not taking new patients. \n\nToday, we were discussing my sister's divorce. Her ex had depression and was one of the reasons they got a divorce. My mom says that anyone who has depression shouldn't get married, and that it applies to me. She said that she thinks I'm faking it for attention because it's not visible to her. She said if I do think I have it, I should forget about finding love or getting married. I interpreted her words to mean that people it depression are unworthy of love and that I would ruin someone's life like my sister's ex ruined hers. \n\nI don't know, the feelings are kind of intense right now and I don't want to cry but there's a lump in my throat and I just want to sleep but I have a huge midterm tomorrow and I have to see her later and my sister is of no help\n\nSorry for the rant",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like a waste and I don't know what to do.",
    "post_text": "Where do I begin? \n\nI guess to start, I recently got engaged to the love of my life back in June (you'll see why this is important in a second). I am also in a very demanding work industry, in education. Special Education to be more specific. I love working with kids and it can be very rewarding, however, it's the most taxing job. \n\nMy fianc\u00e9 is a very supportive person while also keeping me realistic. My dream is to stream and I used to and it was fairly successful, to my surprise, when I started. I gained a lot of followers, viewers, and even a few donations (even though that's not why I started to do it). My stream was focused on just having fun doing hobby and trying to shine light on mental health. My #1 passion in life is to help others. And I have tried to find careers that revolve around that, but to much dismay. So my stream was to offer advice when asked, listen, and just talk. Talking helps. Even talking about random things. Anyways, she supported me while I did this during the summer. I knew it bugged her that she had to go to work every day and I got to stay home and fulfill a passion of mine.  \n\nI am drowning at work and it has completely taken over my life. I find no joy in my old hobbies. Watching sports, playing video games, hanging with friends, etc. This past week my fianc\u00e9 told me that I remind her of a hermit. I hate going out, hanging with friends, all that. I hate having fun is what she told me. Frankly, I realized this before she had told me. \n\nFurthermore, I am faced with the decision of resigning from my job and chasing my dream. The repercussions of this is that there won't be stable income coming from me, my fianc\u00e9 doesn't make enough right now to support us both and we talked about it. We were looking to buy a house in the next year, as well. \n\nI feel like I'm a waste though. Do I just \"nut up\" and suffer just to achieve the goal of getting a house? And even if I do that, how do I know that I will even make it to see that day given I suffer day in and day out? Or chase my dream and lose that goal of getting a house, putting financial strain on my relationship and run the risk of not getting married to the one?\n\nI was always told to chase my dreams and stop at nothing until I am there and here I am faced with the decision and I'm ready to jump but at what cost?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Which antidepressant worked for you?",
    "post_text": "Hi all,\nI've been actively fighting my depression for years, since I realize it was there. I've been taking Lexapro for a couple years now. Seems to take the edge off the worst of it but like today I woke up really depressed, ie: don't want to live anymore, life feels meaningless and just endless pain and disappointment, I feel like I serve everyone around me and no one really cares about me.\n\nI'm not suicidal...well let's be real, I am because of the depression but I've decided not to remove myself from life... That'll happen whether I like it or not and it'll always be an option but since it's so permanent I'd prefer to see if I can fix my brain and be delusionaly happy like normal people.\n\nSo what worked for people? Appreciate it before I try the permanent option.\n\nThanks all!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Family dog of 7 years died today, Feeling suicidal and want to jump,Advice or Help please!",
    "post_text": "Today my family\u2019s dog died of kidney Stones and i can\u2019t help but feel empty inside that it should have been me instead of her since she didn\u2019t deserv to die, She had done nothing wrong at all, What am i supposed to do?, I feel like i should just End it all so that she doesn\u2019t need to be alone with my family\u2019s other various pets, I seriously feel like the only thing i can do id to jump out one of my Windows to join her and my family\u2019s previous pets but i know i should\u2019t, So please help or advice me so that i can try to not jump since the pain is just too much to bare as i keep seeing her in my mind what ever i do since it feels like i didn\u2019t get the chance to say good Bye enough, I feel horrible and really want to jump, Please help!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Deep depression and struggling marriage",
    "post_text": "Hope this is withing the guidelines and acceptable:)\n\nIs there anyone going through something similar or can relate? I'm in a marriage that I have been struggling for years and things just aren't getting better. I am 30plus with 2 children under 6 yrs old and been married/together 10ish years. If I get too emotional, I just get left alone till I calm down. Hasn't ever looked into how to help. I am not and never have been suicidal or wasn't to hurt myself or anyone. However, my depression can consume me sometimes and I have a day where I barely move, hah. I never let the kids see me like that, but it gets exhausting. I react \"emotionally\" and basically get ignored. If we fight or my spouse is mad at me and I cry, I get ignore. My spouse cries? Especially if it's cuz I'm mad, I feel like complete crap and try to fix it all day. \n\nI also have issues being honest with what I don't like. Like if something passed my internal boundaries, if I think saying something will upset someone I care about, I don't say anything. \nThere's a lot of other stuff going on as well but these.are not mentioned.\n\nSo, is there anyone going through anything similar or can relate? Any thoughts, advise? (Not sure how to end it)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Little advice regarding my medication",
    "post_text": "hi i need a little help regarding my medication.I want to know if anyone else has the same effects because I live in a country where they don't understand depression much.I have switched a few doctors but its still not helping me.Please help I have ADD,PTSD and anxiety disorder and I don't know what else.\n\nI am on **20mg of** **methylphenidate**\n\n**.5mg of etizolam twice a day**\n\nand 100mcg clonidine\n\nnow my doctor has added **fluoxetine 20mg once a day**\n\nmy major complain is that i feel physically very tired, although my work doesn't require any physical labour.I sleep for 8-9 hours and still feel like [that.My](https://that.my/) doctor tells me I am gonna feel better but its like I am stuck in a loop, because of this I don't wanna talk to anyone, work or do anything that requires any sought of interaction.\n\n**I know this is not a place for seeking any medical advise I just want to know someones personal opinion.I am sick of changing doctors and getting nowhere after taking treatment for years.**\n\nFeel emotionless.....no happiness, no sadness, no laughter just a plateau of all my emotions.Just want to feel something sometimes.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Can someone remind me why life is worth it?",
    "post_text": "This is a genuine question. I know it is, and I know things will get better, but I feel like after what I\u2019ve lost I\u2019m not going to find anything that will ever make me happy. Everything just feels mundane and joyless and like nothing matters. Clich\u00e9 things like \u201cit will be better over time\u201d and \u201cyou just have to learn to enjoy the small things\u201d just aren\u2019t working. I really want to just feel again. \n\n(By the way, don\u2019t worry about my safety. I never actually want to end my own life. I know things get better.)",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help",
    "post_text": "Hey guys, so this may seem like a weird thing to need help with but I\u2019m just trying to figure out if I\u2019m actually depressed or if I\u2019m going through something else.I\u2019m nineteen and recently I just moved to another state for school and lately I haven\u2019t been attending most of my classes and my grades are extremely bad right now. I just can\u2019t seem to get myself to go. I\u2019m just surprised because I have never done this before, it\u2019s not like me to skip classes. Most mornings I just lay in bed until noon. I don\u2019t know if this is extreme laziness or something else. I\u2019m constantly in my head and I\u2019m extremely worried about my grades but am I really that worried if I keep skipping class? I also feel like I have a lot of anxiety when I have to be around a lot of people, especially ones I don\u2019t know. I know I\u2019m an introverted person but being an introvert doesn\u2019t mean that I have anxiety around a lot of people, I just prefer to be in a small group or by myself most of the time. I even get anxious when I\u2019m just walking to class or going to the grocery store my myself. I don\u2019t really feel happy most of the time, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve felt happy for a while. I can get temporary happiness by watching something funny or by reading a book since that\u2019s my favorite thing to do, but right after I\u2019m done I\u2019m right back to where I was. I don\u2019t understand what it is, I have loving parents and they have given me all I could hope for (they are helping me financially by helping pay for my rent and by paying for the classes I am taking right now) and yet I don\u2019t have the decency to even repay that by going to class. I\u2019m just not sure what\u2019s going on with me and if I\u2019m just being extremely lazy or if I am depressed.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I might have depression, but I\u2019m scared to approach my parents about it. What should I do?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been struggling with this for a couple of months now, and I don\u2019t know what to do about it. I know it\u2019s important to reach out and talk about your mental health, but it makes me nervous to even think about doing that. Additionally, I have autism and have been diagnosed with anxiety, which I am currently taking medication for but something still doesn\u2019t feel right.\n\nAm I being unreasonable with this? I know I need help, but I don\u2019t know what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I need help with hygiene",
    "post_text": "This is probably the most embarrassing post I\u2019ve ever made, but I need help. I\u2019ve been working my way through a depressive episode for the past couple months, and I thought I was doing fairly good with it, since I\u2019ve been showering fairly often (at least every other day) and eating at least once a day, but recently one of my friends messaged me privately to ask if I was okay, because the last few times he saw me, he said he smelled a \u201cstrong body odor\u201d and it was making him not want to be around me. I immediately went and bought some men\u2019s deodorant since it tends to be stronger, but I was hoping someone might have a better way for me to combat this. Honestly I\u2019m just upset that I let it get bad enough for people to notice, and I keep wondering how many people have been choosing to just say nothing and deal with it. Any help that y\u2019all can give me would be great; thank you so much for your time!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What if my depression isn\u2019t lying to me?",
    "post_text": "They say depression lies. That I\u2019m not a terrible person or worthless or ugly or stupid. That the world is too screwed up to save. But what if depression is the only one telling the truth?\nI don\u2019t want it to be true. But I\u2019ve had so many disappointments, so many failures. And the world is so terrible. People are terrible and selfish. How do we know that depression ISN\u2019T lying, about me and the world? I feel so insignificant and meaningless and I don\u2019t really think anyone would really miss me. I\u2019m not going to hurt myself because I can\u2019t do that to my kids. But they deserve so much better than me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Questions about taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, about 72 hours before I start",
    "post_text": "In 48 to 72 hours, I will begin taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day, which will be my first time taking a pharmaceutical medicine for anxiety and depression, after my twelve-step program sponsor encouraged me to do so, and after my mother -- a psychiatric nurse encouraged me to do so.  \n\n\nI have a robust support system, and for over seven years, I have regularly engaged in a myriad of modalities to address anxiety, depression, and hopelessness, and a pattern of burnout, including but not limited to cognitive behavioral therapy, two twelve-step programs, different forms of meditation, various mindfulness practices, hatha yoga, bhakti yoga, weightlifting, high-intensity interval training, long-distance running, reading books on personal development and introspection, different forms of journaling, a myriad of support groups, numerous supplements, psychedelics, etc. As one of my hatha yoga instructors has stated, I \"do all the things.\"   \n\n\nI have chosen to take Wellbutrin XL 150 mg for many reasons.  \n\n\nIt seems to have minimal side effects in most people; based on my research and conversations with my psychiatrist and other doctors, it does not lead to some of the side effects that I am most concerned about, like weight gain, and it seems to be a manageable introduction to psychiatric medicine.   \n\n\nMoreover, all of the previously-mentioned modalities have changed my life for the better since 2014. Still, a destructive and potentially life-threatening pattern comes up in my life, time and time again, and my psychiatrist, my mother, and others believe that Wellbutrin XL 150 mg may help.  \n\n\nThe pattern is as follows: I feel resentful about people that have intentionally or unintentionally harmed me in the past, I feel anxiety and shame about my finances, inconsistent income (that pays well when I do get paid) and the cost of living in downtown Toronto, I feel anxiety, guilt, and shame about my partial dependency on my parents and a myriad of other things, I feel anxiety concerning many nuances of operating two businesses while starting a third, I feel anxiety, shame, and guilt concerning my lack of a dating life (and sexual anorexia/the unconscious avoidance of dating), so I double-down on activities related to my businesses, I double-down on the seemingly beneficial and health activities that I previously mentioned, I work incredibly hard, going past my physical and psychological limits, I soothe myself by doing high-volumes of seemingly good things, I burnout, and then I become depressed, I experience suicidal ideation, and then I engage in self-soothing by raging, ruminating about my resentments, having sex with so-called \"high end\" escorts aka prostitutes, and binge eating processed food. \n\nThis pattern happens about once or twice per month; it takes at least a couple of days to recover from, it is pretty destructive, and nothing that I have done since 2014 has put a permanent stop to it. I meditate every day, and I engage in the activities mentioned above every day, yet I often find myself in the same place.   \n\n\nWith that said, I have a few specific questions about taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, and I am hopeful that someone through Reddit will answer them for me, as the pharmacist that dispensed the Wellbutrin XL 150 mg could not answer some of my questions.  \n\n\n1. Meditating in sensory deprivation chambers/float chambers for an hour or longer, after taking 0.4 g to 1.2 g of psilocybin (psychedelic mushrooms), has been hugely beneficial to me for seven years, sometimes doing so is the only thing that gets me out of burnout. Still, there is little to no research on how psilocybin interacts with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, so what are some of the potential risks of taking psilocybin within the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day and after the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day?  \n\n\n2. I am a daily cannabis user, usually vaporizing high CBD cannabis through a Pax 3 vaporizer. I have no problem stopping my cannabis use while I experiment with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg. Still, there is little to no research on how cannabis interacts with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, so what are some of the potential risks of taking cannabis within the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day and after the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day?  \n\n\n3. I learned that some people could experience mania or suicidal ideation while taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg. In some cases, the individual experiences mania or suicidal ideation may not determine that they are in danger, so how can I tell if I begin experiencing such side-effects and what can I do to keep myself safe if I start experiencing such side-effects?  \n\n4. I was hired for a professional speaking engagement that is taking place in mid-November -- slightly less than a month from now, so should I be worried about taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg leading up to it?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hi everyone. First post here.",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve been hesitant to post honestly. I see how many people have it so much worse than me. But I feel like I\u2019ve hit a new low lately. I\u2019ve lost my job, my fianc\u00e9 left me, I\u2019m unable to work because of health issues (why I lost my job) and my \u201cfriends\u201d only want me around when they need mechanic work done (I\u2019ve been a mechanic since 18, I\u2019m now 24) I\u2019ve done everything I can to stay positive. But every time I turn around, something I enjoy and love is being taken out of my hands and I feel like there\u2019s nothing I can do about it. I\u2019m sorry if like, these problems seem minuscule compared to others. I just, really have no where else to go. And I\u2019m honestly scared. I have bad dreams every night and they keep me awake. I just, don\u2019t know what to do anymore",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I'm inching closer towards being suicidal",
    "post_text": "I'm at my significant other's place but that does not mean much. We called an Uber from a rave here and I vomited on my way here. My so could only take three people including themselves home so initially I wasn't meant to come because my so gave priority to my other drunk friends. You'd think they'd try to prioritize me by asking my friends if they could by any chance go home safely, but no I had to. Now I was left on the couch so I can't even sleep next to someone anyways. They're so fucking cold sometimes, I don't think they love me. It's 5am and I have cuts on my arm I impulsively made, I feel like death",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "The Effects of Depression on a Relationship [ADVICE]",
    "post_text": "I am in relationship with someone who has major depression. When it gets really bad for him, it gets bad for us. He can be a little mean, irritable. These times feel the loneliest for me. I can't help but feel sad as a consequence at times. I understand that in these moments he isn't himself nonetheless it still hurts. I am generally busy and there is distance between us. I feel guilty at times I can't do more and feel like I am being pulled everywhere in my life in general. I feel numb and sadness which I try like hell to ignore in myself to preclude any ideas of seeing a break-up as a resolution to how I am feeling. I do love him, his pain is my pain. There is a certain emotional fortification developed when you are in these types of relationships  perhaps that is why I feel like I am not allowed to crumble, need or want especially when it gets really bad.\n\nIs there any better way to deal with this? with us? my loneliness?\n\nHow can you be happy in life when your partner isn't? How do you share a life when your partner doesn't have the energy at times to pick the phone or talk to you?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "\"You could be focusing your attention on something great happening in your life right now, but instead you\u2019re directing your attention to every bad aspect of your day\"",
    "post_text": "There's nothing good going on in my life. The past few days have been awful for me. I didn't cry, but I was on the verge of doing it nearly all the time. I can't direct my thoughts anywhere else and stop focusing on the bad. I don't know what to do to stop feeling sad all the god damn time.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "No one respects me or believes in me",
    "post_text": "I have this close female friend who I like but I know probably doesn\u2019t like me in a romantic way. I\u2019ve asked before, and she turned me down. But she\u2019s probably the person I\u2019m closest too and who I trust the most in the world. But I figure she doesn\u2019t see a future with me because I don\u2019t have a career or because I\u2019m still hung up on my ex. And I can\u2019t go to Facebook or Snapchat anymore because it either gets misunderstood and I get messaged with concern, or I get completely ignored and feel rejected from it. I don\u2019t know. It really does feel like as a guy I can only be loved and sought after if I give some or create something that gets people\u2019s attention. I\u2019m not loved or sought after for who I am. That\u2019s why I\u2019m alone right now in my life, why I seem to be unsuccessful at dating or meeting people. It sucks because that feels like the way for me to get out of this funk (that and seeking God). I just don\u2019t want another person to tell me to be happy alone, or to tell me to let go. The thing I\u2019ve wanted was for someone unprompted to tell me that I mattered to them, that I make their life better by being me. I\u2019ve told myself those things, but it fades away when I have less to show for a life I don\u2019t want to be living, because I can\u2019t right now make things come true or be the only one believing I have a future that seems impossible.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "ECT treatment",
    "post_text": "So I'm 19 and I was just diagnosed with treatment resistant depression... My doctor recommended I consider ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). It sound suuper scary and I read about som pretty shitty side effects like memory loss short-term and sometimes long-term, apathy, difficulty concentrating and difficulty learning new information...\n\nDoes anyone have experience with this or know anything about this treatment? Should I even consider it?\n\nPlease help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am finally able to admit I have depression.",
    "post_text": "I am not sure where to start here. I think i have been depressed for a long long time but I have always felt embarrassed to speak about it I have never mentioned it to friends family or my boyfriend but today I finally realised this feeling has not gone away for what feels like years. I was beginning to think this was just my personality now but I know deep down I wasn't always this way I was happy before but I don't really know what went wrong. I just really need to speak to someone who understands but I feel as though if I ever mention it out loud then people will just think I'm looking for attention or that I am over reacting. Even if I wanted to tell anyone the words just won't come out. I really need to fix this but I have no idea how. I can't keep going like this. I don't want to die but I don't want to be here either... I know there are people out there who are so much worse with depression than I but I can't handle this anymore I just want to be happy again. Everyday I get angry with people who don't deserve it and I don't even know what ever made me angry. I push people away who just wanted to be my friend. I always have a problem with everything and I am sick of it. Its not fair on others around me to have to walk on eggshells around me. I need to get a grip and fix this and stop being selfish because I am too embarrassed to admit that my mental health has been getting worse over the last few years.. I have spent the last few days researching and doing online tests and I think its time to admit it. Sorry for this long post I just needed it off my chest but like I said I am too much of a coward to speak out loud. Is there anyone who has got over depression? I understand we are all different but just looking for some advice before its too late.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don\u2019t know how to deal with this.",
    "post_text": "My husband who I just married in February wants to call it quits, I gave this man 7yrs of my life, 7yrs of being loyal, 7yrs of supporting this man, 7yrs of everything! And he\u2019s walking away because he\u2019s done he\u2019s just done. We just got married, our son just turned 1 in sept. He still pays the bills in the house because I was a stay at home mom! He now abandoned me with a house, a kid (he\u2019s a really good father) all this shit that was planned! I try to set ground rules but I turn out to be the bad guy according to his family. His family was my family for the past 7yrs now I have nothing. He said he cared in the beginning and now he doesn\u2019t care about what happens to me. He said he doesn\u2019t love me anymore, how can you fall out of love in a matter of months this is all bullshit! This is all a lot I lost my family , I lost my mother in may I just lost my grandfather Friday.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate myself so much, I don't deserve to live",
    "post_text": "I am probably the most disgusting person in the world, or at least I feel like that. I don't have many friends and that for a reason, I never grant people any success because I get jealous of it. I wish people unluck so that I can catch up with them, how pathetic. I think about people's flaws and start judging them based on that. I develop a unnecessary hate towards them, gossip behind backs and more. I also feel like I don't really have any unique characteristics /personality. Iam boring, I never have an own opinion, I just clinge to the opinions of those that I admire and plan on back stabbing them once im done with all the dick sucking. Iam just waste of flesh, i should have been aborted, and no iam not just in this *mood* at the moment, that's how I always feel, I realized it a long time ago but there is just not a cure for my *hate*  *jealousy* and whatever sin from the Bible I embody. If God exists and if he truly punishes those who deserve it, than why am I not already dead. Also why can't I change, why was I born this way, why was I bullied so hard in high school, why am I gay, why could I never experience love till now? Just end me so that no one has to deal with me anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help?",
    "post_text": "Im not sure how to start or talk about this i hate asking for help or putting my problems on others but im realizing i probably need to talk to someone. Ig ill just say im not sure what to do with myself. Ive repressed emotions my whole life to the point that up until last weekend i dont think id cried since i was a kid even going through relationships and losing people emotionally or physically just nothing. My mom has mental issues she never told me about until just recently when i tried talking to her about whats been going on with me as shes an incredibly private person but i had my first anxiety attack this past weekend and cried more than i can remember ever crying. Ive lost interest inthe hobbies that made me who i am. Ive slowly lost all my friends after getting out of highschool 2 years ago and i used to have a big group. But i have no one to talk to or be able to open up to now that im trying to. Most of them i fell away from slowly or had a falling out with but my best friend since 3rd grade killed his sister after having a psychosis episode he was my go to always there for me and i grew up alongside his sister tho whole time. I work with his dad and do talk to him about this stuff but theres only so much i can talk about with him as he lost both his son and daughter in the same night and doesnt know how to handle things himself. The other person i was incredibly close with completed our trio died of an overdose a few hours after id left his house. Ive never had a girlfriend who i really opened up to or caught feelings for but now that i did i just fucked things up by overthinking things and id never quite cared for a girl like i do her. Im so lost. Thanks for reading you beautiful people",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How to help boyfriend with depression who won\u2019t open up to me",
    "post_text": "My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We both have had our struggles with depression. Recently I see he has been feeling down once again. He doesn\u2019t want to go to a therapist because \u201c he knows what\u2019s wrong, he just doesn\u2019t have the motivation to do anything about it.\u201d in his exact words:\n\u201cI don\u2019t want to go to therapy because I see therapy as guidance method for improvement. I don\u2019t feel like I need guidance, my problem is one of will and circumstance, I don\u2019t doubt that I could benefit from it, but right now I see it as going out of my way to do something I don\u2019t prioritize\u201d \nEven though we\u2019ve been together a while, he still does not feel comfortable opening up to me about how he is feeling. I\u2019ve asked him ways that I can help him feel better, or support him and he says that talking about it won\u2019t make him feel better. Is there anything I can do to help him? I hate seeing him be down like this and be unable to help him. I\u2019ve also tried giving him space and left him alone for a bit. Am I being selfish for trying to help him? Are there other things I should try to help him feel better? Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "It is hard to remain positive and i don\u2019t know if this is depression",
    "post_text": "\n\n\nI don\u2019t know if it is depression yet but i always feel sad and cry myself to sleep. I just feel emotional and phase out all the time, i am trying to remain positive all day long but when i get home i just pass out crying on the kitchen floor every day and i don\u2019t even know why i just feel sad. I have lost all sexual interrest and i havent done anything relates to that because i just didn\u2019t feel like doing  it. I force myself to eat every single. Is this depression or something else i assume it is but even though if it isn\u2019t what can i do to feel better i am losing motivation and be sadder every day i dont want to pass out crying anymore i just feel like a piece of shit that cant accomplice anything",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm not doing too badly, I just want to hear some kind words",
    "post_text": "I feel lonely and melancholy. I know I should have gone for a swim today on my day off, but I didn't. I know I could've called one of my friends or family members, but I didn't. I know I could've done some batch cooking today, but I didn't. I know I could've read some novels  or practised my language skills today, but I didn't. I didn't even read any magazines. I couldn't be bothered to do anything.\n\nI have too many days like this. I've had too many of them over the course of nearly 4 decades (yes, I'm getting old). My life is being dawdled away.\n\nMost of the time, I can kick myself into doing what I need to do to keep a roof over my head, keep my few close relationships alive, honour what I feel are my duties, not fall apart entirely...but I feel like I'm going mouldy.\n\nI've kept my life simple and quiet. I've done little with it. I've messed up a bit. I've done some things adequately. I've given some people some moments of love and happiness.\n\nI feel lucky to be alive but frustrated at the same time. It's odd.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I thought I was going to be shot",
    "post_text": "I swear I thought someone was going to kill me with a handgun with 5 bullets in my chest while I was sleeping. I got really paranoid and closed my blinds and lay in bed with my phone ready to call the police. I don't use any drugs, I just drink caffiene. I swear I think i had a manic episode or something as I was almost certain I was going to die right there and then. I lay in bed and came back to life and realised that nothing happened. I felt awful and really low, I felt like everything was out of my control. I finally got up and forgot that I have work in like an hour. I'm trying to recover and feel sane again but I'm really starting to wear thin. I need some serious help to recover. I've had these experiences before. Ive heard voices or saw people standing with long black jackets standing in doorways.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do to help my family member",
    "post_text": "My brother needs help. I\u2019m not sure where to start. He has been drinking pretty heavily for years. Recently he did get help and was put on meds but when the prescription ran out he didn\u2019t get another for weeks, has new meds now but hates taking them due to being drowsy and finding hard to function at work. \n\nI\u2019ve recently moved in with him. I cook and clean for him, chat to him when he wants to chat. He says he doesn\u2019t need help or he can\u2019t be helped, that he\u2019s independent but does thank me any time I do stuff for him. I want to show him he\u2019s loved and tell him this. He thinks I\u2019m being emotional and not to worry about him.\n\nI\u2019ve suggested trying different meds, going with him to talk to someone, taking time off work to trial different meds, he agrees he needs time off though feels bad to his team at work & his boss. \n\nI guess I just need advice on what I can do to help and not be overbearing or annoying to him. He\u2019s gotten a lot worse these past few weeks and I can\u2019t help but think It\u2019s my fault or I\u2019m doing something wrong. I can\u2019t say I\u2019ve ever been in his position so I\u2019m at a loss on what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like i'm loosing my best friend and I don't know what to do",
    "post_text": "My friend has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. He changed how I view the world and idk what i'd do without him. I rely on him for helping me work through my anxieties, which often revolve around complex sociological and existential questions. Recently he started college, and he hasn't really seemed to have time for me. Questions and anxieties pile up in his pms and he only occasionally responds. I can't lose him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What happens when you get well? How often do you pop by the doc?",
    "post_text": "Hi guys,\n\nI first went to a psychiatrist last summer. I had been self-medicating \"something\" with tons of caffeine for years and wanted and needed to get to the bottom of why I needed large volumes of coffee in order to function (the tipping point was having gallbladder surgery and caffeine being less of an option). Without it, there was an underlying tiredness and pessimism that wasn't shifting by itself, despite my best efforts at self care and healthy living.\n\nThe past fourteen months has been the drug merry-go-round I'm guessing many here are familiar with. First tried every ADHD stimulant which all improved functionality (like caffeine!) but *all* (literally every single one) also made me more depressed. Then an SSRI which made me tired but more optimistic. Finally, we've moved onto Wellbutrin.\n\nI'm wont to say \"wow, I'm better!\" but I have a strong and positive feeling that *this* is going to be the chemical that shifts my dysthymia. Perhaps it will fizzle out. Perhaps I'll need something else. But .. after four weeks I'm feeling optimistic and well in a way that I haven't on anything I've tried so far (ie, I'm more than just wired, I'm confident and hopeful).\n\nMy question now turns to: okay, so what's next? Assuming that this is the drug for me, how often do you typically go to your prescriber just to make sure that things are working out okay? Is there such a thing as a yearly mental health checkup to verify that you're staying on course?\n\nBasically, once you finally manage to shift depression or at least get it to a manageable point ... what does the \"maintenance\" process look like?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve hit rock bottom.",
    "post_text": "It\u2019s hard to stay awake. I just want to sleep all the time. I have lost everything and I don\u2019t know how to get back up again. I feel like I lost the war. \n\nI wake up, waste time, eat, waste time, sleep, and again. \n\nI\u2019m literally doing nothing. I can\u2019t handle the thought of doing anything.  \n\nI feel like I should just kill myself already bc I\u2019m a waste of a human, space, energy, money, and emotions. I feel like I\u2019m beyond help at this point. \n\nI\u2019m not going to act on my suicidal ideation. I tried it before and it got me only worse. I\u2019m just expressing what I\u2019m thinking. \n\nSomebody please help me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I can't do and I don't like anything",
    "post_text": "Hello guys, \n\nI'm dealing with a problem, maybe it's not a big one, but I want to confess it to someone. I started realizing that I'm not passionate about anything and I do the daily activities just like a \"to do list\", here including: watching series, looking at videos on Youtube. I do them and I don't feel anything : no surprise, no fascination, no hatred. My friends talk around me about their passions, their dreams and I feel I have no direction and also I feel everything is pointless. Even the field I study in College is not so fascinating or surprising, it's just decent and I can learn that quantify of information.\n\nI'm just lost in this whole target wind : passions, dreams, getting a gf, future plans (I don't have any and I don't feel I can make any) and I feel like an empty vase without feelings.\n\nAny suggestions for my problem?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Vent: It's hard watching all my friends get married, travel the world, and accomplish big things while my own life is going nowhere.",
    "post_text": " \n\nI just feel so damn lonely. I'm broke, depressed, and my life isn't going anywhere. Why is everything so hard?\n\nI'm trying to escape the rut I'm in but it's an uphill battle. It's hard   for me to hold down a consistent job, still be creative and productive, and not want to yeet myself every day. I just don't get it...maybe I  hit  the Unlucky Lottery?\n\nThere's a   part of me that just gets sadder when I see posts from my friends   showing off their engagement rings or the places they've traveled. I'm   not supposed to feel that way so I try to ignore it, but the emotion   becomes so overwhelming that I can no longer ignore it. I'm supposed to be happy for them. I should stop wallowing in pity. An unspoken pitfall of depression is that you can become quite self-absorbed.\n\nI'd love to be in a relationship, but not many people want to date the  mentally ill guy--which I guess is reasonable. Another shitty thing is  that my religion teaches you're not even allowed to *think* about sex before marriage, which makes my life so much harder now that I associate every urge I have with guilt.\n\nWhat am I to do? Just continue suffering without any hope of a better life? Why?\n\nFuck me, man.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I dont love/like my mother and idk if the relationship is worth salvaging.",
    "post_text": "Im (28m) shes (49f)There's a lot of backstory here so ill try to sum up some main points for context. My mother has substance abuse issues all through my life. It caused me to live with my grandparents multiple timea in my life from 3-6 then again from 11-16 til my grandmother died and i had nowhere else to go. I ended up living with her due to some medical issues for myself at the time i had to drop out of school.and get my GED and a job. She made me pay rent 250 a month full time 40 hours a week back then i was making roughly 280 dollars a week. Whatever pay rent no problem even though Id be more supportive of my kid going through a terrible time but whatever. I also had to pay for my own food and such.The problem was a lot. My room was storage for her and her boyfriend i literally had just a bed and the rest were boxes of junk the boyfriend who was a hoarder didnt want to throw out. On top of that he was a terrible person who would constantly bad mouth my mother, steal my weed and other things from my room(i actually caught him on camera and showed him and he still denied it to my face.) One day he did it in front of me and i beat the shit outta him and i ended up leaving and sleeping on friends couches etc. Now at the time I would've fucking killed for my mother. So her picking him over me kinda broke my heart back then but it is what it is. Fast forward a couple years(20) i ended up living back with her doing the same stuff but this time at least i had a room that didnt have junk in it. But the abusive boyfriend was still there and it was the same pay rent and.  all of my food. She starts letting her friends from the methadone clinic she goes too stay in the house...for FREE\ud83e\udd26\u200d\u2642\ufe0f. Another thing she been on methadone for like 13 years, that's not how methadone should work but fuck it im no doctor. 4 years later she makes a big deal about money and all this stuff and i go to find out that, first she never used my money to pay rent, it turned out from me talking to our landlord that she owed almost 6 months of backrent! I also found out that the boyfriend didn't contribute to any of the finances so at a young age she put her financial responsibility in my hands. We ended up getting evicted and I was pissed and didnt talk to her for 2 years then she got cancer. So i did what i felt was the right thing and was there for her regardless. She got better and now well this whole thing came from a argument the other day we had. I have major depression and i was trying to ask for help and she got mad at me cause i told her i can't talk to her about it. She asked why and i told her the truth that i dont wanna have a who had a sadder life competition. Because she has a habit of if i was to complain about my childhood instead of listening or sympathizing she would bring up things like oh i was molested my childhood wasn't that great. Yeah that's fucking terrible and all that but that doesn't excuse your decision for you children. You're supposed to work to make things better for them. Which is the only valuable life lesson she taught me, because she never did it. Now im in a ok place I'm in school full time work 2 jobs all so i can have a easier life, and she don't understand that I'm busy even though i told her this. Honestly she's the reason for a lot of my depression. it sucks having to coddle a parent, i have no guidance i feel lost half the time and she will never understand that.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm so close to giving up",
    "post_text": "I'm so close to giving up on everything. For the last two weeks my mind has been in shit because someone I cared about betrayed me. They did something which could ruin my life and has given me severe trust issues for the foreseeable future.\n\nBecause of this I've started losing interest in every I used to enjoy. I used to love going to training but I'm beginning to think what's the point. As well my mind is starting to become self destructive. So many times these last 2 weeks, I haven't been able to look at myself in a mirror without saying something I hate about myself. It's brought me so close to the edge of hurting myself and I'm beginning to lose it.\n\nI just want to have some I can trust and care about. But I'm getting so paranoid that everyone I like and know just hates me. It's gotten to the stage where im talking to people I like, and I'm over analyzing everything they say, thinking theyre just saying it out of pity for me. I just want someone, anyone to care about me. But I know no one ever will. I'm starting to think that there's no point in existing since no one would miss me if I'm gone. I feel I'm just annoying everyone I talk to and I'm just a burden on everyone.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm failing out of college and idk what to do",
    "post_text": "So I'm in my first semester of college, not a fancy one but one that I was kinda surprised to get into. I've had 3 cousins go thought the same college and graduate easy. I'm not good at studying and have gotten help but I dont think it's working. I'm always extremely depressed and can't find the energy study or go out with friends. None of my family knows except my mom and the only thing she's told me to do is to do better. I won't be able to go into next semesters classes without passing my current ones with a C or better. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do or how to even start. If I fail out of college there isn't anything for me to do besides fast food/customer service. Any advice on helping my depression so I have motivation to study or tips on studying would be greatly appreciated.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019ve had a rlly good last few days even today is fine so why do I feel so depressed?",
    "post_text": "Sure there are definitely some things I\u2019d change if I could. But I\u2019m pretty sure I can\u2019t sooo why let it brother me? I push myself through the days but I\u2019m just not happy. I\u2019m depressed and haven\u2019t felt this for awhile. I miss how I use to feel. I just let something get a hold of me and now its hard to shake it off. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s correlated with the pinching chest pain I\u2019ve been having as well. I see it\u2019s affecting a few of my highly valued relationship and my health. \n\nAnyone have any tried and true healthy tricks to distract themselves from this feeling? It\u2019s weird to want to start caring again and yet don\u2019t at the present time\u2026\n\nI just wish I could go to some island by myself with a few mojitos and a hammock.. just relax in the sun. Hear the ocean the breeze. And not give a damn about anything or anyone (except my dogs \u2764\ufe0f of course). Maybe that\u2019s what I need. Just sit alone no worries no expectations from anyone no confusion or stress about this or that. No work. Just healing. Just some me time. I need me again\u2026 I need some serious tlc that\u2019s what it is *sighs*",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling Super Stuck - Would Love Some Advice",
    "post_text": "Hey guys. I\u2019m posting this in the depression forum because I\u2019m hoping for some advice from people who know what it\u2019s like to live with depression. I'm stuck in a bad situation with no good options, and I think it would be difficult for anyone without including severe depression and anxiety, but I've got that too. Also, I just think I need some compassion and understanding right now, and so this feels like the right place to post this.\n\nTLDR: \n\nI\u2019m a Canadian living in Houston. My wife is finishing up her surgical fellowship, and because of Covid, getting my US work authorization is taking forever. The combination of unemployment and being in a toxic relationship has left me miserable and fighting with depression and anxiety. If we didn\u2019t have a two and half year old daughter I would have split with my wife a while ago. Without employment I can\u2019t afford to get my own place here, and staying in this relationship is killing my soul. I\u2019m feeling insanely stuck \u2013 any advice?\n\nLong version: \n\nI\u2019m living in Houston with my wife and two and half year-old daughter. My wife is a surgical fellow, and is currently deciding on which of the three job offers she has to become a full staff doctor in one of three US cities. I sold my business back in Canada earlier this year, and because of Covid (and probably the existing general slowness of the US government), getting my US work authorization is taking forever. I\u2019m likely going to have to wait another three or four months until I\u2019m able to work, and at that point I\u2019ll still have to find a job. Unfortunately, as soon as my wife\u2019s current job is over in June, I\u2019ll have to stop working immediately, and will have to reapply for US work authorization again when she gets her new visa issued. So optimistically I\u2019ll be able to work for four out of the next 12 months \u2026and while I\u2019m a highly qualified person, I may not be able to find a well-paying job right away. Working remotely for a Canadian company is possible, but those jobs pay poorly and they're surprisingly hard to come by. \n\nI grew up in an abusive home, and was abused basically daily from about the age of four until I left at 16. Turns out that the only other abusive relationship I\u2019ve ever been in is with the person I\u2019m currently married to. There was never physical abuse in my marriage, and my childhood trauma definitely factors in here. I could go on for pages describing the history and the current dynamics, but I\u2019ll keep to the point by saying that I\u2019ve made huge strides in understanding my mental health, that I know myself quite well, and that the chances of me being happy and fulfilled in the marriage are zero. There\u2019s been a mountain of therapy, tonnes of conversations, over several years. I\u2019ve been the \u201cthis is fine\u201d meme for about four years now and I just can\u2019t do it any more.  \n\nIf it wasn\u2019t for our daughter, I would have broken up long ago. I\u2019ve stayed because of her, and I\u2019ve done my best to make the relationship work. It\u2019s clearly not working though, and I\u2019m feeling painfully stuck and I\u2019m miserable. I have every reason in the universe to leave except for one reason, and she\u2019s an amazing little human that I can\u2019t imagine abandoning. \n\nSo yeah, I have no frigging idea what to do. Staying in this relationship is a terrible option. I can\u2019t afford to live in Houston without a job. Working remotely for a company in Canada is an option, but most pay terribly and I haven't had any luck landing one yet. Homelessness is technically an option, but not really. I could go back to my old job in Canada any time, but that\u2019s a 23 hour drive away not counting traffic and bathroom breaks. \n\nI don\u2019t have anyone in my life I can talk to about this, so I\u2019m hoping for a little bit of emotional support here. \ud83d\ude0a This situation has me feeling unresolvable stuck, and for the first time in my life at times I\u2019m feeling desperate and miserable. I know the right thing is to find a way through it with my wife for the sake of my daughter, but honestly I don\u2019t think my soul can take it. Any suggestions?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "So\u2026 is this it? For like ever?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve had depression on and off for about 10 years now, and I just finally moved out on my own, got a job I\u2019m good at (but is not what I ever studied or dreamed of doing), and I just feel\u2026 empty. Like I\u2019d rather be laying in bed today than be at work. So\u2026 is this gonna be the rest of my life? I\u2019m on antidepressants but I dunno. Just doesn\u2019t seem like things matter. I don\u2019t really wanna be in a 9-5 from January to December for the rest of forever. And I mean\u2026 I enjoy video games and movies still but it\u2019s just killing time I feel like. Is there anything I can do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel like shit after I stopped taking pills",
    "post_text": "I love in abusive family and I'm traumatized because of it. I can't focus in school, can't ready, every contact with humans makes me anxious and drains me out of energy despite that I used to be social butterfly when younger. \n\nI was on Zoloft for 6 months and it didn't really help me until I started taking 75mg doses. Then I stopped taking it because of my parents' pressure. Taking meds for mental problems isn't \"normal\" form them. Eventually I had enough of their trash talk and gave it up. I regret it\n\nsince then my symptoms are getting worse and worse. I got more suicidal, my emotions are vague and I feel exhausted all the time. It drives me crazy. \n\nI think my mother canceled meeting with psychiatrist and I don't want to dose meds by myself. I did one stupid thing and that's enough. What do I do, what should I tell them?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Meds?",
    "post_text": "To keep it short my mental has steadily been deteriorating. I finally decided to seek help and start seeing a therapist. I didn\u2019t know what to expect or how anyone could\u2019ve helped me. Three sessions in and I don\u2019t see a point of therapy? He keeps asking me the same thing and suggests I get on anti depressants. I\u2019m not against giving it a shot but I\u2019m just disappointed at how therapy went. \nCan anyone here tell me their experience with anti depressants?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "People say I'm a hateful person, how do I get rid of that characteristic?",
    "post_text": "Especially family members. And I agree. I can talk for hours about people or things that I can't stand. The worst part about being like that, is that it's devouring you from the inside. The hate gets real!! I start to think positively about people now, I tell myself how well they are doing and that they deserve it, instead of being jealous and hateful. I hope this works, and I've been doing this for months now, sadly I relapsed because I was talking with someone who kind of has the same problems as I do, but instead of keeping our hateful conversation for himself, he snitched on me by telling my sibling *your brother is such a good friend, we understand each other so well simply by how similar we talk crap about other people*. I got got confronted for that and to be honest? I think it's good that this person snitched on me, because I clearly deserve some ass whoopin. So..... I'm at the bottom again, my whole process was for nothing... I think I have to accept that this is a part of me, being a disgusting hateful piece of shit that's talking crap behind peoples backs, being jealous because I can't get up on myself and rely on the help of others. Shame.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Someone gave me this \"advice\"?",
    "post_text": "Basically I just wanted to ask if this was reasonable advice. This person knows I'm extremely suicidal and depressed and have a bunch of mental problems. They also know that I've been the only one to advocate for myself for years for treatment. I am receiving treatment, and my therapist even says I've been trying very hard.\n\nThis person's advice to me was just, \"Just try harder. You can always try harder.\" And they refused to understand that sometimes you just can't try any harder, you reach your limit, or even that you might need the help of someone else to help get you through. They said that needing anyone else's help is toxic and unhealthy and that's using someone as crutch, you will never get better, etc. Just completely disregarding everything I am feeling and going through. \n\nAm I wrong to feel upset by this? I feel like it's a bs answer to shrug off any responsibility as an important person in my life.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Supporting my girlfriend",
    "post_text": "Hello all! Please remove this is this isn\u2019t the right place. I\u2019ve been close with this girl for months now and we\u2019ve recently started dating. She\u2019s opened up about being on antidepressants, very briefly, but I\u2019m glad she feels comfortable at least bringing it up. I told her how I feel, which is that she can talk to me any time, she wouldn\u2019t be annoying me, I want to help her feel good, things like that. I don\u2019t want to be overbearing but I do want to support her. Most importantly I don\u2019t want her to feel alone. I am fully aware and ready to help her with this. Some words of advice on how to be there for her would be greatly appreciated!",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Random questions",
    "post_text": "I want to start by saying some of these questions might be dumb but I'm American and poor. So I've avoid healthcare like the plague because it can ruin your life just the same. \n\nWho do I see to get on depression meds. I need to see a general doctor for something not depression related. Can they also prescribe depression meds? Do I need to see a psychiatrist? \n\nDo doctors normal prescribe meds on first visits or do they want you to try anything else first?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "We were engaged. He left me for a 19 year old he has been talking to online for the past 3 months",
    "post_text": "This will be quite a long story, and I also apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, I\u2019m Brazilian and English is not my first language.\n\nIn 2017 (I was 18) I met an American through an app called Yellow (it doesn\u2019t exist anymore). He was 20. We talked for over two years before we got to meet in person. Our love grew and even though we didn\u2019t consider ourselves a couple (because it would be crazy to start a relationship with someone that lives almost 10 thousand kilometers from you that you\u2019ve never even met in person), we didn\u2019t have anything with anyone else in the meantime. To be honest though, he wanted us to assume ourselves as a couple back then, but I refused. We were always messaging, video calling and sending each other cards for special dates, so we could have something palpable. \n\nIn 2019 I got my very first job (was an internship actually), I didn\u2019t make much, but I saved all the money to buy a plane ticket to go there and see him. Important to mention that his parents didn\u2019t trust me enough to let him come here first, because there\u2019s this stereotype of people from \u201cthird world countries\u201d wanting to marry people from rich countries just to get citizenship, so in order to prove I wasn\u2019t that type of person I had to go there first. I spent a long time trying to convince my parents to do so and also raising money for the ticket. Our mothers actually started messaging each other throughout the process, and that helped build some trust. Finally the day came, I got enough money for the ticket and bought it. That was one of the happiest days of my life. That was June 2019. We met on January 2020. The rest of 2019 I was just dreaming about the special day and I was so motivated I got the best grades ever at university. My life was perfect, I had nothing to complain about. \n\nSo the day came. After almost 24 hours of flying and airport layovers, I was there. It was a feeling I\u2019ll never forget: a mix of the good type of anxiety and victory for finally being able to meet the guy I loved. I stayed there with him from January to March 2020. He was extremely nice and romantic, I never felt so happy, he really was my soulmate. He was also a very emotional guy, wasn\u2019t ashamed of crying and showing his emotions towards me. He asked me to be his girlfriend the day after I got there and he cried when I said yes. I never expected what I\u2019ll tell next to happen though. On my last day there, his parents drove with us to drop me off at the airport, and he cried the whole way there. We spent some time by ourselves at the airport, and when the time came for me to go through security to go to the gates, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I never expected that and I was just filled with happiness. Then I said yes but had to walk away, so yeah, even though it was a beautiful moment it was also very sad. \n\nI came back to Brazil and we just went back to our online relationship. He eventually came here on December 2020 and stayed until February 2021. We had an awesome time here, I took him to the beach, it was his first time seeing the ocean. I\u2019ll never forget his smile when we went in the water. So towards the end of his stay we sat down with my family and told them our plans. His parents would give us, as their wedding gift, one of the best immigration lawyers in the United States, so I could get a K1 Visa and get married there. We started the process, sent them a bunch of documents and were just waiting on the government to give us a feedback. This process is a bit slow now because of the pandemic, so we spent this whole year waiting.\n\nNow there comes the bad part of the story, that I never thought would happen. October 2021, the worst month of my life.\nActually, I need to go back a little bit, to August 2021. There was this Brazilian girl that did a high school exchange at his city a few years back, 2017/2018. They only saw each other in person once at the time, had each other added on Snapchat ever since, but never talked. When the Tokyo Olympics finally started, she posted a story on Snapchat about Brazil losing in a game of volleyball or something, that\u2019s what he told me at least. Since him and I always watched the games together when we could, he knew about it and replied to her story making a joke. They\u2019ve been talking ever since. He told her about me and our story, that we were engaged, etc, and she thought it was awesome and asked to follow me on Instagram. I accepted it. She was extremely nice to me in the beginning and also replied extremely fast. After a few days talking on there she asked me for my WhatsApp number. I\u2019ll confess that I didn\u2019t really want to give her because I barely knew her and I don\u2019t like giving my number to random people. But I didn\u2019t want to be rude so I ended up giving her my number and we started talking there. After just a little while talking on WhatsApp, she asked me if we wanted to do a video call with her (us 3). I thought she was moving way too fast with intimacy with us, but I asked my fianc\u00e9 if he wanted to and he said it was up to me. I ended up accepting it. It was actually nice and we called once or twice more. Well, so this situation of her being friends with us lasted for about a month, but around the beginning of October I started being suspicious about some things with the two. We used to call every night before I slept (I\u2019m at GMT-3 and he\u2019s at GMT-5), and he started giving excuses to go to sleep earlier because he was feeling sick, tired, etc, and I believed him. Well, all those times he was ending our call earlier to call her for 3 hours straight. They also called at other times during the day that I never knew about. He also put ghost mode on on Snapchat so I couldn\u2019t see when he was there talking to her, and he was always saying it was a glitch (I only believed that because Snapchat really is a very glitchy app, but none of the times I asked it was an actual glitch). He admitted everything after. They were flirting, sexting and everything and at the time it was just two months after they started talking.\n\nI only found out because a few days after I started getting suspicious, I messaged him asking if she had ever flirted with him. He said yes, and I freaked out. I also found out later on that the moment I sent him that message they were on a call, and he told her so she was pressuring him to tell me the truth. That\u2019s the only reason why he said yes. Then as I saw he wasn\u2019t replying to my messages, I called him and obviously interrupted their call. He answered. This was a long call, I told him everything I had been suspicious about and he confirmed every single thing. Then, at night, we called again. Our longest video call ever. 9 hours and 37 minutes straight. I\u2019ve been so bad lately that I can\u2019t remember everything, but how it went was basically me telling him all my feelings, how I would do everything over and over again to have the same love and happiness feeling as I did when I went there, how I would sacrifice everything how many times I would need to, just to feel that way again. Then also about our dreams of having a family and everything, how he destroyed everything within a few days. I\u2019ve seen him cry lots in the past, but nothing like this night. He was bawling his eyes out. The call lasted all night. It ended at around 7:30am and I slept until 8:30am.  He slept longer than I did. When he woke up, he sent me a long message apologizing, saying how bad he felt and begged for my forgiveness. Yes I know, I\u2019m stupid, but I was going to forgive him. He was telling me that anything I wanted him to do to gain my trust back, to let him know. I told him to block her in all social medias. He did. He sent me screenshots of everything. \n\nThe long call happened from a Friday night through a Saturday morning. His regret and attempt to try gaining my trust back only lasted until Sunday. These two days he spent apologizing and telling me how he wanted to grow old with me, that kind of stuff. Well, like all this didn\u2019t seem bad enough, the worst part of the story comes now. On Monday morning, I was at the gym, and I got a message from him. The way he wrote seemed odd, so I asked if something was wrong and he said he didn\u2019t feel good. I immediately left the gym and told him to give me a few minutes, that I would get home and we could call. As soon as I got home, I didn\u2019t even shower or anything, I just went to my room and called him. Then he just finished shattering my heart. He said he needed to be honest with me. He said that from the very first time we met in person, when I went there, he felt something wasn\u2019t right between us. That he didn\u2019t feel a connection. He said kissing and other intimate moments felt weird. He said he only proceeded with everything, asked me to marry him, started my Visa process and everything because he was scared of being alone. Since he never had another relationship before and I was the first one that ever got interested in him, he felt like he had to do everything he could to keep me in his life, so he wouldn\u2019t end up alone. Now that he had found this other girl, he felt he really connected with someone. I was stabbed in the back multiple times by the person that always said that I was his soulmate and by a girl that came into my life pretending to be my friend, and I actually believed that. This same day he unblocked her in all social medias and changed his profile picture everywhere (it was a picture of us).\n\nSo yeah, my world just fell apart in a matter of days. He became what he criticized the most and I became what I feared the most. I\u2019m already a skinny person and I lost around 4kg in a week. I never had trouble sleeping, now I simply can\u2019t have at least a decent night of sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night many  times with my heart racing, I have multiple nightmares about the situation. I even had a few panic attacks. I don\u2019t have energy to do anything. I\u2019m on my last semester of college and I can\u2019t do anything. I can\u2019t eat, I\u2019ve thrown up multiple times and just seeing food makes me nauseous. I honestly rather be dead than have all these feelings. Less than a month ago I was the happiest person ever, I had something to look forward to, I had someone in my life that I thought that loved me. Turned out it was just a huge lie. \n\nNo matter how much I write about this, how much detail I put into everything, I won\u2019t be able to describe my sadness and emptiness. I would wish no one this feeling, not even them.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Just a dumb person who doesn't have anyone",
    "post_text": "A few weeks back I found a little break for a few weeks. Thought it would make me feel a little better but it didn't turn out that way ig. I have time off but no one wants to hang out or spend time with me. I just sit in my room lying and bad memories keep running on and on. I can hardly breathe many times. Just lay there paralyzed no idea what's happening in my head or surroundings.\nMany things working against me lately in life but there's no one to just help me with those. I don't know how or what to do. I just wanna die for once.\nI have seen so many rejections now need someone to accept coz it's taking a toll on me. I can't sleep even tho I am so tired. The only thing that goes on in my mind mostly is how badly I wanna die. Just everything I thought about how I'd like my life to be has completely fallen apart and there is no hope to fix anything. \nEverytime someone asks how am I doing the only words that come out r I am fine even tho I know I am dying inside. So lost. Just so lost.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Low functioning depression",
    "post_text": "Hi reddit.\n\nThe title of this post is quite ironical as I've spent the last 10 minutes making a new account just so I could post this 'anonymously', have had to get out of bed for it and have finally dedicated myself to doing at least *something* today. Nonetheless, I see this situation as a minor bright spot in my current life and desperately need advice regardless.\n\nI am a senior high-schooler from a low-income family in Europe. Ever since I was 13 or 14 years old I've been struggling with some kind of self-diagnosed (I never went to therapy for many reasons) depression and/or anxiety. The causes of such problems have changed throughout the years, but they were mostly linked with social anxiety, unhealthy amount of self-imposed academic stress and god knows what else. My first two years of high school were marked by drenching amounts of anxiety regarding new acquaintances, extremely low self esteem, low functioning due to stress and frequent suicidal thoughts and wishes. Over time, my social anxiety went away, with it most of my problems, and for the last year I haven't felt as close as bad as I did before. I thought my depression finally disappeared, and that I've changed as a person. Now, I know I was wrong.\n\nAt the moment I am experiencing a great deal of stress caused by university planning. Like previously mentioned, I live in a low-developed European country in a low-middle class family. My biggest chance to do something with my life is to go to university abroad, as universities in my country are pretty much shit. I've dedicated all of my elementary and high school education to university planning, constantly striving for good grades, many extracurriculars and additional tests. And now, when the time has finally come to apply for universities and write my damn personal essays and send them, I blocked. I cannot make myself to sit and write the essays, as I am a huge perfectionist and am (probably) scared to start writing as I fear they won't end up good. The more time passes, the more stressed I am, the harder it is to focus, and it all ends up being a great, vicious circle. It is the beginning of November, I need to send the university apps as soon as possible, and what am I doing? After spending my whole day laying in bed, sleeping and crying, I am writing on reddit for help as I am on a verge of a mental breakdown, once again, for two months and counting.\n\nAnd yes, I am aware there are worse problems one can encounter in life. And yes, I am very much aware that issues like these can be easily solved by investing a bit of willpower, but I do not have any more strength to do so. I need advice. Any advice. A change of perspective. Anything. Please, anything. I do not have much time, I am feeling worse as seconds pass, my anxiety has spread out on many different aspects of my life. Consequently I don't do anything, I don't sleep well, I don't exercise, I don't eat well. I've become a nihilistic, lazy person who is anxious about almost everything. Again. Every part of my body hurts every day, as this is how I usually react to procrastination and low productivity.\n\nI know I need just the smallest amount of strength to begin my work and stop all this, but I cannot find it on my own. Please help me, because I know if I mess this up I will never fully recover. I am so stressed and so scared. Please give me any advice you have, anything that you think may help. Some plan, something new, anything. Please. I cannot do this anymore and I cannot live like this anymore.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think I'm depressed because I can't find a girlfriend.",
    "post_text": "I'm 21. Most people say that I'm good looking, I'm kinda muscular, I play basketball, I'm a university student and I really love reading about history, science and politics. I have many friends I have fun with them, but I miss so much having someone that I can sleep with, make love to, cuddle etc. The thing is that I can actually flirt and I can talk easily no matter with anyone no matter what. What is wrong with me tho? Why no one likes me? I'd love if someone would help me with this. And I'd prefer a girl's opinion, but of course I'd appreciate a guy's opinion too.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Shadow.",
    "post_text": "I've suffered from depression & anxiety all my life, in spells. It's always there but I can usually manage it.\n\nThis last few weeks has been rough, I'll spare the detail as there's some personal stuff.\n\nMy concern is that wherever I go, I feel like there's this shadow following me.\n\nLike, 6'7\" black shadow in my peripheral vision, always there. Whether I'm in bed, the kitchen, the car, or out for a walk, just feel this presence behind me, an inch away from my back just towering over me.\n\nAlways just out of sight, but I know it's there.\n\nAt what point do I worry about this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I have no Idea what to do with myself",
    "post_text": "It seems like I can't do the work for my therapy. I droped out of colege, I have no friends, I feel so lost and hopeless... I Just want to sleep and not make dessitions. I know I have to get up and do stuff, commit to get better, but I don't see the point. I can shower, make my bed and eat well for a couple of days but then I just don't. I spend my days waseting my time. I've tried looking for somethig to learn, or somethig to do, but at this point I'm so sick of everyone looking at me expecting me to do somethig. I just can't see myself in the future, I'm just so tired... I don't want to life like this, but I can't imagine life being any better and I just son't see the point anymore. I honestly have no faith in therapy. \n\nWhat can I do? I'm getting scared of my mind and the thoughts in it.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Unable to self introspect",
    "post_text": "I\u2019ve (21F) always been self aware of my emotions and feelings. Always was in touch with it through journaling, painting or art. \n\nIt\u2019s been more than a year, I haven\u2019t been able to do any of it.. haven\u2019t been able to journal like the way I used to.. and I feel like I\u2019ve lost my touch to self introspection. \n\nI\u2019ve been feel lost, unsure of what I really feel like anymore.. don\u2019t feel anything too deeply very easily anymore and find it hard to stay motivated.\n\nAny suggestions on how I can go about this? Or if anyone has been through something similar?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I stop overeating?",
    "post_text": "I feel like eating is the only thing I derive any pleasure from anymore, I've been trying to lose a little weight recently but I feel tempted to snack just to feel good and not necessarily because I'm hungry. I don't feel any interest or reward from anything else - Gaming isn't fun anymore, neither is reading or watching movies or anything like that. How do I reduce the urge to eat for pleasure and replace it with something more healthy?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At what point does one call 911 to take away suicidal partner",
    "post_text": "Boyfriend (40m) has always struggled with bouts of depression but as of late become more suicidal than ever before. He is always talking about wanting to die and not staying around much longer. He is surprised he is still living bc it was his plan to die. I love him unconditionally and I\u2019m at a loss because I do believe him and I\u2019m worried on a daily basis if he will go through with it. But at the same time I can\u2019t imagine him getting taken away or what that would do to him. And I certainly can\u2019t imagine having the strength to make that call.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being a teenager sucks",
    "post_text": "Hi,\nTo preface this I'm going to sum up myself. I'm a lonely geek teenager that's an only child with no pets, like stereotype computer geek. \nI just got back into physical classes again after 2 years doing online ones which I preferred I just moved and am having a tough time making friends and a tough time with my parents We're in a small apartment while ours gets renovated so I'm sleeping on the couch and then going to school with no privacy really. My parents always try to turn the tables on me and then make things my fault or make me do things then insult me for things I'm forced to do. I got some clothes a while ago I said I didn't like and I said I didn't like the fit , so I didn't wear them, now its my fault that I \"asked for them\" (or other times they just say that I have to wear stuff because they say so). It feels like every night there's a screaming match between me and my dad or my parents , my mother is always seemingly depressed or has an attitude , I don't have friends and don't know how to make any. I just really don't know what to do. Teenagers nowadays don't care about Linux or old music , all they wanna listen to is shitty rap and use fucking tiktok. \nWhen we went to my doctor I had to take an exam where I have \"high signs of depression\" and my parents were told I should see a psychologist , that never happened of course They have alcohol with breakfast, lunch, and dinner which doesn't help either and it always feels like the standards are against me and that everything I do gets judged. They treat me like they own me and like I can't speak. Because no matter what I think my mom is always more important (all she does it cook and smash I swear to god) I really don't know what to do.  I've tried offing myself in the past and my mom laughed at me and screamed \"don't be ridiculous\". I tried to come out as LGBT+ to them and was made fun of and still am and I have to lie that I'm not. It makes me so angry seeing other people in classes and knowing they have pets and siblings and loving parents , and I don't. \n\"We just want the best for you\"\nTelling me to off myself and that everything I do isn't goof enough doesn't fucking solve that. \n\nAs I said , idk what to do",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "accountability buddies",
    "post_text": "i need an accountability buddy on discord. \ni have been depressed fr as long as i can remember but later i cant do anything, i had periods like this in the past but now i am starting to get used to it and i hate it. \n\nwe can make a server on discord, just for us two, a vent channel so we can dumb our thoughts somewhere, a to do list for each day, and encourage each other. I'm sorry i am not sure how this works exactly but if you have any other suggestions you can add them.\n\ni would need someone extremely open minded though because i have been through a lot of unexpected stuff. \nof course i will try to help too.\n\nplease reach out if you are interested in us helping each other. just keep in mind that i am looking for a friend not a partner so your sexuality should not matter (thought i know straight men or lesbians feel more comfortable talking to girls in general and that is okay).\n\ni don't care about your race or gender or anything but i am kind of beat down of talking to so many strangers on reddit without actually building a meaningful connection with anyone so please leave sort of intro in the comments.\n\nthank you for taking the time to read this, even though i might be a bit awkward.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know why I became like this",
    "post_text": "Before me\n He was the smartest of all\n I was doing well in school\n It was good times\n Now i'm weak\n I'm kid\n I'm 16\n Now I can't wash dishes (they make me do what to do)\n I can't do anything for my school\n Even worse, people have high expectations of me\n And i get it\n But when it's disappointment\n Everyone will get mad, and with good reason\n What do I do?\nIf for some reason this subreddit is not correct, recommend where to ask for help\nI do not know where, I do not know and I hope not to offend, I do not know if I made God angry, or because I'm not that good, I need someone to talk to Every day living is hard for me, sometimes my family is very hard, I am afraid",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "If going through a depressive episode, should I first focus on making myself happy?",
    "post_text": "Last couple of days I\u2019ve been seriously stressed, have felt overwhelmed, insecure, had some very out of character suicidal thoughts and have just been generally on the verge of tears.   **What\u2019s the best course of action when in crisis?**  Am I suppose to make my self feel better and avoid such horrible sad thoughts and **then** tackle my problems? Is temporary avoidance bad?  **What makes me happy:** Funny Reddit communities, flirting with my girlfriend, comedy shows, talking to new people and being nice to everyone",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do I fight again numbness and guilt?",
    "post_text": "I'm 21f and I have had a terrible year so far, in which my depression has reached levels I've never imagined. \n\nI have had this feeling for a few weeks now. I wake up every day knowing it will be the same. I feel like a bag of meat, just hovering around the house doing things on autopilot. I don't eat much, cause my family is going through a very though situation so there's not much to eat. \n\nI'm in college and I get stuff to do all the time. I've been a very good student so far, but lately, I've barely had the energy to check on my assignments... I feel terrible for not putting much effort anymore, because this might be probably the only way I can help my family in the future. I can't sit on my desk and get things done bc my arms feel heavy and my head empty.\n\nI thought that maybe getting a new job would help me getting my life together and distract me from everything that happens at home, so I applied for part time tele marketing jobs, but don't receive any call backs. My teaching job is very unstable so I decided to step back because it was taking more than it was giving me... \n\n I feel the constant need to cry and just curl up in my chair and stay there forever. I hate feeling this empty and lonely... How can I get out of this downward spiral? \n\nI'm really really sorry if this sounds like I'm just venting. I usually don't talk with others about my feelings because I feel I only drag them down.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Achievements mean nothing",
    "post_text": "So, I just finished my thesis presentation, which I was netvous about (not fully done but one of the last stops before full on submission). I got praised by both the professors there who told me my thery was unique and interesting for my field. They said that it looks like it's already around passing level and I can take the extra month to make it even stronger. I was happy enough to hit the gym and do a full workout routine.\nThen I came home and it's like all that just went away. I got the thoughts back in my head that my research field is useless, I'll never have a good job when I'm done, I'm just mediocre, I screwed up my life, I missed so many opportunities... Nothing brings me peace of mind at all.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I Need Help",
    "post_text": "( sorry for my bad English ) \nThis year my life turned upside down when my parents broke up. In my family everyone dislikes me without telling me . I am like their own personal helper. Also everyone in the house is against me , for example when me and my brother fight everyone will help my brother , when i and my mom fight everyone supports my mom because she is always superior from me and the best thing is that sometimes when my older brother fights with my mom they bring me into the topic and start saying things like \" he always studies and he will never achieve his dreams \" or something like that. And the best part is that i cannot get help , i don't want to speak to my mother and solve the problem , i keep everything inside me. One time i was brought to a hospital to speak to a psychiatrist ( the guy that helps you when you have a phonological problem ) and i started crying because i learned that when thing get tough start crying.\n\nI don't know what to do and i am so shy and antisocial that i cannot even ask a teacher for help. Reddit you are my only hope.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wasn't diagnosed with depression",
    "post_text": "So I spoke to a psychiatrist today. I've been suspecting that I'm depressed for years now. I have a hard time with really basic tasks/personal hygiene. I have no energy. I have really demeaning thoughts about myself, and my self esteem is extremely low. I think about dying pretty much all the time, and my suicidal ideation has greatly increased recently. I have no motivation and I can't see any kind of future for myself, let alone a happy one. Just generally, I'm not happy at all. \n\nNow, the psychiatrist told me I have generalized anxiety disorder, and I was diagnosed with anxiety years ago, so that makes sense to me. But when I told him everything that I mentioned above and then some, he told me that these symptoms were not the primary focus, and that treating anxiety should make them go away.\n\nHe never explicitly said that I have depression, which is throwing me off. Obviously I'm not a professional, but the way he didn't actually name the reason for my symptoms is making me feel like such an idiot. I feel like all this time, I've been making it up; that I'm not actually depressed and all my symptoms are just in my head. I just don't know what to do. I feel horrible about myself.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I wrote my letters",
    "post_text": "To start it am safe, I am not planning on ending my life for now. \n\nI wrote my letters today. I wanted to see what I would say to my loved ones. They were surprisingly easy to write. 5 total. My ex-wife, 2 friends and my parents. The ones to my parents were the hardest. I know they are what had kept me alive as long as I have been. I don't want them to have to bury me. That is not a burden I want them to have. But having these letters written does give me some relief in knowing that if I can't hold back the pain anymore that they will know that I did my best and that they were wonderful parents. And that it was not because of them I am gone. That it was because of them I lived as long as I did. That my pain became too much but not because if them. It was my internal demons. So they will know that I held out as long as I could. \n\nso I have to keep going for now. So they will never see that letter. But knowing it is there if I can't keep it away in the future is a relief.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm scared...",
    "post_text": "I have been depressed for the past half-year and it's only getting worse. I managed to tell my Mom I want to talk to a doctor about it. However, I don't think she realizes how bad it is. I don't think I realized until now how bad it is. I'm scared that when I tell my doctor, that I'm going to get hospitalized (I don't feel safe around myself. When I mess up I want to hurt myself, and have.). I don't mind it, except I feel like I'm lying to her by not telling her how bad I feel. If I end up getting hospitalized I won't hear the end of it from the rest of my family (traditional catholic grandparents). They don't understand that mental health can effect anyone, and they would just make fun of me... I just need some guidance as if I should hide how bad it is to avoid getting hospitalized, or should I be completely truthful to my doctor. I love my mom (she raised me on her own for years) but I feel like I would be betraying her if I end up hospitalized.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "People who don't have school/work: what do you do?",
    "post_text": "For the people out there who aren't in school and don't work, what do you do with your time? And I know it sounds like I'm being rude, but I really want to know. \n\nLong story short, I've been in college for a few years with worsening depression. It's likely that I'm going to take a leave of absence because it's become painfully clear to me that I can't handle school. I don't want to leave school, but I made exactly zero progress towards my degree this semester and it's a massive waste of money to stay in school at my current mental state. I'm in the middle of trying a new antidepressant (my sixth in about three years) and my current plan is to move home for the upcoming semester so that I have time to figure out treatment (because trying a new antidepressant takes like three months and if this medication isn't the one, then that's another quarter of the year down the drain). \n\nBut I've been trying to figure out what I'll do with all my time and...I find myself drawing a blank. Sure, I'll be trying medications and going to therapy, but that'll take a couple hours per week at the absolute maximum. I can try to exercise, but again, that's maybe an hour out of my day if I can find the energy to do it. The rest of the time, I have absolutely no idea what to do other than watch Netflix and YouTube and go on Reddit, all things which I *know* are bad for my mental health and make me feel even more like I have no sense of purpose. I don't think I can handle getting a job (maybe on a part-time basis, but I'm not sure if I can deal with even that). My family has dogs, so I'll take care of them, but still, I anticipate having hours and hours of time in which I have to entertain myself alone. \n\ntl;dr I'm going to leave school temporarily, but I don't know what I'll do with all my time other than mindlessly browse the Internet. For those of you who don't go to school or work, what do you do with your day? What gives you a sense of structure and purpose?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm losing hope",
    "post_text": "Hello.\n\n        Idk if anyone is even going to read this. But it's my last resort....an...idk what else to do after this...so...here goes nothing.\n\nI'm 18. All my life I've been alone. I've been bullied, beaten, mocked, and hated. I'm tired of living everyday and knowing I'm going to feel worse than yesterday. Everyday is just more pain. Idek what to write because theres so much to say. I'm alone...and depressed. I probably sound like everyone else...but at this point I'm desperate. Making friends is hard...\nI'm sorry...all my thoughts are racing so it's hard to know what to write. Everyone is finding love...and here I am...alone...and depressed. My friends always say \"looks dont matter\" YES THEY DO!!!\n\n....they do...\n\n\nI'm alone...\n\n\nIm not just depressed because of that...I am nothing. Nothing I do matters...I am nothing...I'm a nobody. I've attempted suicide 2 times and failed. An you know who cared? Fucking nobody......\n\n....nobody...\n\nPlease someone hear me....I'm at the end of my rope...I'm tired...im wasting away slowly...losing hope...losing friends....and I'm done with that...please.....if you see someone who is alone...talk to them..help them...because I know how it feels to be...abandoned...\nI want to spread awareness about depression...but I know...death is nearing for me.....and I cant talk to anyone...because when I do....they always say I can vent to them but they just end up annoyed with me and leaving me...everyone leaves me!! Everyone!! I just....I just need help...I'm losing grip on my life...\nIf anyone even reads this...I want you to take one thing away from my pain...Be kind to everyone...please..you don't know what some people have been though.....I will attempt suicide again...maybe today...idk...\nPlease dont let your life get to this point....\n\nIf this is goodbye....thank you",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Could anyone here help me with writing an email?",
    "post_text": "I have been putting off my thesis for months after I told my promotor I have depression in March. I promised her to get back at it in September but I couldn\u2019t bring myself to work on it until today. I should\u2019ve sent her emails explaining my situation but I keep delaying because everything related to my thesis triggers anxiety and turmoil inside me. Yesterday my promotor sent me an email which I dread to open. It took me a mountainous amount of energy, some tears, and screams to open it, and I found out that she was asking how I am doing and reminded me that my thesis is a part of a bigger project and that basically, I need to start working on it and update her. I feel guilty to the bones now.\n\nI know, this probably sounds very childish and desperate but could anyone here help me draft my email? I have the draft already but I don't know if the content is appropriate enough. My mind is so stupid right now that I don't know how to write professionally and how much I should share. If I can, I just wanna let her know that I'm so anxious about working on this thesis.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help with ex girlfriend (trying to stay friends) (M29) (F28)",
    "post_text": "So my ex girlfriend was going through a rough time with her depression and ended the relationship to say that it wasn't fair on me and that she needed to focus on herself. She still wanted to be friends and we've chatted off and on for a few weeks but recently she's gone radio silent, leaving my messages unread. Even after we broke up it had been a back and forth between who started conversations.\n\nI don't know if this is her way of letting things fizzle out entirely or if this is her depression taking a turn for the worst. I can see that she's been online (thanks invasive apps tracking login/active times) so at least I know she's still alive but I'm worried about her.\n\nDeep down I still love her and I care about her as a friend but I'm a little lost on what to do. I want to give her space but I suppose I also want a definitive answer as to whether things are over in terms of friendship and I feel guilty and selfish.\n\nI don't want to smother her or take too much of a step back but my experience of depression is non-existent. I don't know if this is normal behaviour for a depressive state or if anybody has some tips for approaching something like this or general tips for being a good friend for someone with depression but I'd appreciate any pointers.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Help me help him",
    "post_text": "My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. He moved from a fairly metropolitan area to my very rural small town. This transitions been tough for him and he\u2019s slipped into what I\u2019d call a depressive state. He\u2019s typically a very social and active person but more recently he\u2019s become a hermit. I struggle to even get him off of the couch. I encourage him often to get up and do things with me but it isn\u2019t usually received well. He wants to get up but he just doesn\u2019t know how to get himself going. How can I be helpful to him without parenting him?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I think it's time for me",
    "post_text": "I have really lost it. The way I act and my brain works it is completely gone wrong. I can't fix it or control my actions. I can not help it. I just want to be normal. Boring. Nothing. Just work and die. I'm sick of the way I act and what I say or do. It seriously makes me sad I am this way. I think i am giving up and sooner than later I think i might just end it. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I have completely lost it and just feel pathetic with what I am. I don't think whatever I do to improve my appearance or career will ever help my mental. I am fundamentally broken,i was hit on the head as a child, not even a day old with a football. It is lucky I am even alive but I just feel like there is nothing in my skull it is completely empty. I don't ever want to see anyone or anything again. I just want darkness. Emptiness. Something that switches off my brain and I am in the empty void.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At a Loss",
    "post_text": "I have been struggling trying to cope with a constant pitting feeling in my stomach. My husband has put me through hell with leaving constantly, infidelity, and being emotionally unavailable. The more he pulls away the more I throw myself into a deeper feeling of helplessness and cry out for help. I have always been quick to move on or to cope but I'm starting to lose all motivation and hope. I don't think I'm capable of wanting to move on but how can I remain in a relationship where he is only supportive 25% of the time. I need validation that I am going to be okay in the long run.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I\u2019m legally required to give my son to his negligent abuser. His life is threatened.",
    "post_text": "I can\u2019t think straight. He had to go to the ER on Friday night. he lost 4.5 pounds in 5 days. In 5 days out of the 7 days she had custody of him. I had kept him for 3 weeks because I was out of the job. We go visit one weekend and he gets sick, he gets better but then she comes to get him, my 3 weeks are up. 5 days later we are in the ER. My guess is she just neglected him while he was sick. This has been on going. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I sabotaged my relationship with my sister and hate myself so much for it",
    "post_text": "I don't know what to do anymore. I skip almost every family event on purpose. I haven't gone to see them for a very very long time, I don't know since when. Yesterday my sister was having a baby shower and I told everyone I'd be there, but I fell into a depressive hole this weekend and even though I put shoes on and grabbed keys and a bag, I still did not go. Idk why. I didn't know anyone else that was going to be there and that made me just freeze and not go. \n\nNow my sister hates me I'm sure. She posted on her story a picture that said \"being constantly let down by the one person you looked up to all your life is really exhausting.\" Which hurt, but it's absolutely true. It hurts because I fucking make these choices and I hate them. I have the time. I have the ability. I just choose to fucking stay home instead and I HATE myself. She will probably never talk to me again. Idk what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Things just keep getting worse",
    "post_text": "Sorry this is so long. One thing after another just keeps happening to me..\n\nThings have been really bad for several years. I lost a really great job and I haven't been able to find another. Everyone says I'm over qualified and won't stick around, or that I'm great but they went with another candidate. I'm facing eviction for the 3rd time in 3 years. I've applied for aid with my county and state, but even though I started in May I haven't gotten any help.\n\nI've somehow managed to keep the electricity on until now. I previously owed the power company money and they spread the debt out over months. But this month I couldn't make my payment, so the payment arrangement was canceled and they said my electricity would be disconnected. I don't live in a state where they won't cut off your electricity in the winter, and there is no way I can come up with almost $800. I expect them to disconnect my service Monday morning. I'm freaking out and can't sleep because I'm afraid when I wake up the power will be off.\n\nI interviewed twice for an absolutely amazing job, and about 2 1/2 weeks ago they offered me they job. I got so excited because I thought things would finally start getting better. They said the offer was dependent upon passing a background check. Originally I was supposed to start Nov. 8. Background check took almost 2 weeks, then they said it was done and were talking about shipping me a laptop (job is remote for out of state company). Then Friday they told me the background check had brought up some things that required additional information from me. \n\nI got a copy of the report and it shows 2 misdemeanor charges from 2019. I was pulled over and ticketed for not having insurance or current car tags (cause I didn't have $ for either). And I bounced a check that I wasn't able to cover. I was fined for both,  but I haven't had the money to make any payments on either. I was hoping this great job would let me take care of those. \n\nOn the background check it says I was sentenced to jail - I wasn't, but might even been for failure to pay the fines. There may be warrants out for my arrest for failure to pay the fines, I don't know.\n\nThey still haven't told me what additional information they need, but I don't really think it could be anything but that. I feel like my mistakes and being poor the past few years are going to prevent me from ever getting a job and making things better. I've made mistakes, I've paid for them, I've learned from them. But I just haven't been able to pay the fines.\n\nEven if they decide to give me the job, I have doubts they'll have me start next Monday since people will be off for Thanksgiving. So I wouldn't even start working til Dec. and wouldn't get a paycheck until Dec. 15.\n\nAnd this job is remote and I can't work from home once the power is cut off. I don't have anybody I can ask for any type of help. And I'm really feeling pretty hopeless right now. It's literally taken me years to get this 1 job offer and it's looking like it isn't going to happen. I just don't see how things can get better when it looks like things are definitely going to get worse.\n\nI could use the public WiFi somewhere like the library, but I don't know how I could do that while being on Zoom calls for most of the day. Even with a headset I'd still be bothering others when I'm talking. If you've got a better idea of what I could do for a few weeks, please let me know.\n\nI would LOVE to have a good job, get caught up on rent and utility bills, pay my fines and get on with having a life. I'm just so frustrated and discouraged and depressed right now.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do\u2026",
    "post_text": "My (21F) bf (20M) is going through severe depression, and I don\u2019t know how much more I can help. Him being in a low place drains me a lot, but I\u2019m constantly scared of him doing something to harm himself. In these past few days he has constantly been expressing how tired he is of living, how he doesn\u2019t think he can do it (live) anymore, and how he wish he was never born. I can feel that he\u2019s always trying to push me away so that he won\u2019t hurt me anymore, but then he says that I\u2019m the only person and thing that he cares about. \nWe\u2019re gonna seek professional help asap, but both me and him are scared that he won\u2019t be able to tough it until then. \nSeeing him like this crushes me and makes me sad, and I want to help him.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Depression is Ruining my Relationships",
    "post_text": "I have been feeling depressed for a while now and it\u2019s only getting worse every day. I can\u2019t get out of bed, do any of my uni work or even clean the house and look after myself. I could deal with this but recently I\u2019ve been pushing people out of my life (mainly my partner because I live with him) and I don\u2019t know what to do. I have panic attacks when I think about losing him, but because I\u2019m so depressed I\u2019ve convinced myself it would be the best think for both of us. But when I think logically I know I would heavily regret doing that because when I think of my future and things like that he is in it, and I want him to be in it. I just feel so irritated by everything and I just want to sleep all the time. What do I do?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I feel lonely even though there's no need to",
    "post_text": "So I (25m) gotta say that mostly my life is great - I have a lot of friends (online & offline) and a lot of people like me for who I am which is very important for me.   \nHowever - I have always been someone who was very lacking female contact. My whole life whenever I had female friends it was something very special to me and mostly those friendships were more important to me than to them. Always wanted to have a \"best female friend\" but after years where this wish never came true I gave up on it. \n\n  \nAt the moment I mainly have contact to two of my female friends. One is my ex girlfriend and we message each other occasionally. I know that she's very busy so naturally it's rare for her to message me. But when we chat then it's always very fun for both of us and we have a great time. And then nothing for like 1 or 2 months. I sometimes tell her how I'm very happy when she messages me and stuff and then she always insists that it's so rare because she has no time. So I can kinda cope with it.   \nThen there's another (online) friend who I have known for roughly two and a half years now. We once were really close and even planned to meet up once but then quarantine hit and then the plan kinda fell into the water. Somehow the contact got less and less until it started again about a year ago. Mainly when it's her or my birthday we keep saying how we should get into a voice call again and play some games like we used to. But then again when I ask her later she either says \"yeah we should do that soon\" or when she says \"I guess it could work out tonight\" she does not cancel it but at the same time I cannot reach her and the next day she says stuff like \"Sorry didn't work out\". I'm a very understanding person so I can easily accept that. However when you have planned something I think it should be your duty, if you post pone it, to message that person again and make a new plan. That doesn't happen. Last time she cancelled the plan nearly two weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since. \n\nI have social anxiety and even though that got a lot better during the last years it can still be an awful big challenge for me to message someone on my own (especially if I really care about that person). In these cases I can overcome myself after some time but it seems to be me doing the work way too often. Something you got to know is that I'm someone who likes to live for the good of others. I love to do stuff for my friends and make them happy. When my friends are happy, so am I. But obviously in a friendship there's always two parts.  \nAll I would want is an occasionally message from these people who are so important to me. Just a simple thing that makes me realize that at least in that very moment I was in their thoughts. Show me that you thought of me and I'm the happiest person. But leave me in the dark for weeks and I fall into  a big hole. \n\nWorst thing is that there are so many people who talk to me daily and who show that they care about me daily. And even though I'm surrounded by so many people close to me I still feel lonely simply because the desire in my heart for these other friends have a whole different weight. I feel bad to feel lonely because I have no need to. Because I know that there are many people who would love to have what I do. I'm a very emotional person and I can hardly cope with pain like this. Sometimes I ask them why we don't message each other more often. And days after that we do, but then it stops again. Then it feels like they only did it because I asked them to. So I practically did the work again and it thus it makes me feel worse than before. \n\nObviously I know that we aren't as close as we once were. I know that they are probably busy with life (I'm unemployed so I'm trapped with my thoughts very often) and that they have other people closer to them who they (probably) rather spend time with. But I don't see how it is hard work to think about my friends at least once in some weeks. Maybe stuff like that is way more important to me than to others. I know that I love myself and who I am and that's why it's even harder for me to understand this. Am I doing something wrong? Are my expectations too high even though, in my opinion, they're pretty much as low as they could possibly get? Am I just knowing the wrong people?    \nThis is not something that gets me down on a regular base. It's more like a phase that lasts for a couple of hours and then I'm fine again. But lately this has occured more often and for longer periods of time. And obviously this affects my daily life as well because once I'm depressed I mostly just sit there and don't know what to do with my time. Everything suddenly seems boring. Even though one simple message (for example, it's not like this is the only thing that causes me to get depressed) would potentially fix it. \n\nSorry for this essay. I'm not a native speaker so there could be some mistakes. But I do hope that at least someone takes the time to read through it and give me an honest opinion what I should do. How do you think I can convice them to think about me more often? It honestly seems like begging to me and I would rather avoid that. I just want the heartache to stop...",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How am I supposed to improve my life when I constantly want to die",
    "post_text": "\nEven during my depression I\u2019ll get these small mini bursts of optimism and motivation thinking, \u201cmaybe I can make it?! Maybe I can improve my life and be happy!\u201d And I\u2019ll go to the gym for one day, or run, or try to learn something new, but that\u2019s short lasted. The second I complete the task all I can think is. \u201cWhat\u2019s the point? I\u2019m probably going to die anyway, so why spend time improving myself?\u201d \n\nI honestly have no will to even live life, all my energy is spent just existing by distracting myself and spending money on stupid shit just to forget about life.\n\nI feel stuck in purgatory. Not courageous enough to kill myself, not motivated enough to make myself happy. I\u2019m stuck. Existing.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I don't know what to do anymore (RANT) - Advice Please!",
    "post_text": "As the title states, I don't know what to do anymore. My depression is bad, my anxiety is going crazy, basically, my \"fight or flight\" mode is going awol. I will be fine in my room watching YouTube or reading my book and I'll have this hot, panicking feeling in my stomach and it's always in the evening. Not to brag, I also can't sleep anymore because of that feeling.\n\nI push my friends away. I deleted Facebook and Snapchat so they couldn't contact me, I didn't go to my graduation and I know when I talk about this stuff to my friends I know I'm pissing them off when I keep telling them the same things I'm going through and that every few weeks I tell them to forget me. They say it's fine and they care but I can tell that they find it uncomfortable.\n\nI saw them for some graduation drinks after they convinced me to meet them. I really tried to be okay, telling myself it will all be fine, but it wasn't. I got there and when I saw them I felt angry, jealous, bitter and out of place; they were discussing their new jobs, girlfriends, graduation, they were happy and I was sat there just drinking and was furious that they were happy and okay and I'm sad and alone (what sort of person does that). It's a weird complex where I love them and want to see them but when I do I'm really sad and want to be alone forever and when I'm alone I want to see them, and the cycle continues. \n\nThat's my rant over, I'm just wondering if anyone has some advice for me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I am 25 yo and can't remember a time where I wasn't depressed. I don't wanna live like this anymore",
    "post_text": "It feels like I'm always starting to try, but it never really goes anywhere. I'm always starting the treatment, I start the meds and stuff and feel a tiny bit better, but then when it's time to schedule the next doctor appointment I fail and there I am back to square one. Don't know what to do, but I don't wanna live like this anymore. I had to come back to my parents house, I'm almost flunking out of college and it feels like everything is falling apart. How can I leave this terrible place?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When I'm depressed I have nothing to say.",
    "post_text": "When I'm not depressed it is easier to socialize, but when I'm depressed I literally have nothing to say. It doesn't sound like much to someone who takes this skill for granted but when I'm depressed it's a killer. They say don't isolate when you're depressed but being around people makes me feel worse. I just can't get around this cause literally the need to socialize is pervasive. Is there any way around this?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What the point when your financially unstable?",
    "post_text": "I\u2019m currently 22, and life has just been miserable. I can\u2019t see a reason to go on :/ I am currently trying to get free psycho therapy but if I can\u2019t get that I genuinely can\u2019t see a point. My parents are god awful. And I can\u2019t afford to get the help I need. What\u2019s some reasons to live that arnt just \u201c it gets better\u201d \n\u201cThis is passing\u201d or \u201cyou will get better\u201d because this is how I have get my entire life. Maybe I\u2019m just trying to get a extra day writing this. Idk at this point. Sorry if I have opened up to much I won\u2019t kill myself don\u2019t worry. It I can\u2019t see any reason to keep pushing through life when it\u2019s just been sadness anxiety and depression at every corner",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How did you explain to a medical professional you need more than therapy?",
    "post_text": "I know there is no comparison and each suffering is unique to their own person, but how did you explain in a way you got medical help beyond therapy? \n\nI always feel like (maybe I don\u2019t look at the right places) that my depression isn\u2019t as serious as it seems in medical advices available and my healthcare have only been asking for me to do therapy when I have had months to years of lethargy (stuck in bed)/ passing out due to anxiety/ memory blanks/ little motivation/ little self care from the normal/ brief thoughts of self harm. Most recently I have been barfing once a week\u2026 I just want some new type help",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "At what point is someone ill enough to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital?",
    "post_text": "Early this year, I tried to kill myself, and I asked my psychologist if I could be admitted to the government psychiatric hospital (can't afford private) so she she some research into it and they said that I'm not ill enough.\n\n\nThis time, I have a detailed plan with a guaranteed method of killing myself, there's no way it could fail, and a set date. But I want to go to the World Cup in Qatar next year. The thing is, as much as I want to go for that, the life that I face in the wait until then us quite horrific. I'm going to be forced to go to university and I refuse to do that, but I know it's going to result in massive fights with my family where I'll be cornered and ridiculed as a failure, and I won't have support support friends either because they agree that university is best for me.\n\n\nSo I'm wondering if I could perhaps find a way into the psychiatric hospital until it's time to go to the World Cup so that I can avoid my awful life on the outside, or I'll be forced to kill myself and miss out on the World Cup.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I'm starting medication tomorrow",
    "post_text": "I'm starting medication tomorrow. I'm scared. I've felt like this for as long as I can remember, I'm 21, and had a shit time at school starting at 13, threw myself into studies to cope, got into a good uni, but it's always been to distract myself not because I like it, and the work's gotten harder and I have nothing outside of it (except very supportive bf who is the main reason I'm still here). Trying not to self harm or worse, and today I realized that whatever medication does to me, I'll be alive to deal with it, and that might not be the case if I don't start taking it. Spoke to GP, and I can pick it up tomorrow. I'm so scared it'll make things worse, but I can't cope with how I am now. Still have the stupid feeling that I'm not depressed enough to deserve meds, but that particular little internal voice can suck it. Any tips?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Hi everyone. I\u2019ve come back for some help.",
    "post_text": "I posted once before because I was in a very bad place and I was scared. Thankfully, nice folks here helped me see a window in that dark room. I\u2019m back again because I\u2019m falling back into that place again. I started going for walks in the afternoon, breaking away from social media, and an hour of reading/no phones or computers. But I\u2019m still having nightmares every night that wake me up. I wake up screaming and out of breath, having cold sweats. Is there any possible way to stop them? I\u2019ve tried asmr (which I\u2019ve watched for years) I\u2019ve tried falling asleep to tv shows, no tv, complete darkness, to having the light on. Only to no prevail. Any help is appreciated. Thanks everyone",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "what should I do to abused girl now?",
    "post_text": "I just feel worthless for can't help an abused girl. I was having a chat with her and I can't be patience. I'm so angry, her life is totally shit and I want to help her and make every person that abuse her go to hell. \n\n\nI'm so stupid, I can't get her location, can't get any help from report her situation to every organization. That's all the thing I can do... God, even save her hand is too hard for me then what should I do now?\n\nI need you. Please, she is the only person that I really care, I want her to be happy, I want her abuser got arrested. \n\nI trusted you, you're my last hope. Give me an answer to help a girl like her",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Advice on How to Escape Living Situation",
    "post_text": "I know this is a long shot, but thought it wouldn't hurt to put this out there and maybe get some helpful advice.\n\nAt the beginning of this year I was working hard to set myself up to be independent to escape living with my family. Living with my family messes with my mental to the point I can't function properly day-to-day. I really need to be on my own.\n\nThings were getting better, but my life basically turned upside down. To sum it up I've been dealing with health issues the last year that have made it to where I'm in bed most of the day, and worse of all at home with my family more than ever.\n\nI've been working with doctors to help find a solution to my health issues, but tests have been unhelpful, and my next appointment to see a specialist isn't until January 2022.\n\nI can't begin to explain how close I am to ending it. I hope I can find some helpful advice, but there is literally no resource in the world where I can get the medical/mental help I need. I have no friends/family to go to, and there isn't much more I can take of this.\n\nI literally physically can't do anything to escape this other than suicide. All advice so far is to hold on and let my mental get worse and worse, while my physical health doesn't get any better. \n\nPlease someone say something different that will actually help. Give me a way out.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What's so wrong with me that no one stays?",
    "post_text": "Like, okay, I get it partly because I wouldn't want to be friends with me either probably? But also, I just want to know what I am doing wrong? I can be talking to people and have a great friendship with them and then they just totally... Disappear? Whenever I've reached out, we might have a very distant conversation and then that conversation stops and we just don't talk again for ages unless I contact them. And even then, it's just the same thing? So eventually I stop reaching out and they never send me anything. And this has happened multiple times with people I was very close with. \n\nWhat the fuck is so wrong with me that no one wants to stay? I want people to be close with or at least talk to but everytime I just end up getting hurt. Everything hurts tonight",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Does anyone have any advice for someone living a very unfulfilling life at 26yo?",
    "post_text": "I'm 26yo. I've wasted a lot of my life, idc that's in the past, I'm looking to move forward and I want to start living a fulfilled life. I'd say I'm overall very unmotivated but when I'm having a good time with people and find likeminded people who I can build connections with, I feel good and that's something that motivates me. However I get easily hurt by people and everybody I meet seems to hurt me. I feel like I should be motivated by career success but I don't care. I just don't see how it matters if I grind hard & succeed financially to live a comfortable life vs just get by on the bare minimum with little effort. I'm not sure what to do. What should my goals be. I'd say naturally I want to find someone/people to love but I always get hurt and the illusion of love shatters. I'd like to have some people to spend time around but putting myself out there makes me feel like I'm some unwanted human being. I feel like I should want to create this life where I'm working towards a happy career & finding and discovering hobbies but I just don't see the point. Idk if it's depression, my mindset, fear, ect... The only thing I know is that I'd like to make small changes to find fulfillment and contentment in my life so that I can move on with this chapter of my life. Anyone have advice?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Am I depressed? *trigger warning*",
    "post_text": "I, 23 (Male) have been feeling weird FOR YEARS. I don't really know if I'm depressed or not because I have never been to therapy and probably never will because It's hella expensive from where I'm from.\n\nI don't want to self-diagnose my 'depression' because I just find that weird and wrong. \n\nI was 12 when I first harmed myself, I don't think I did it a lot but back then, I just thought I was just influenced with the whole 'emo' phase a lot of people my age then was so into. I had a few attempts growing up, and that's when I started thinking maybe I really am depressed, because even If i didn't do 'it' constantly throughout the years since I first did it, there would be days where I thought dying would just be the best option because I felt so shitty all the time.\n\nI googled the symptoms of depression as I grew older and would relate to most of it, BUT i still could not find myself to think that I am depressed since I have not even checked in with a professional.\n\nToday, I have been feeling so bad about everything, I could explain In details about my life but It won't be necessary for this post. Some days there's a reason for me to be sad, and some days I just don't know what's the root of my sadness. I would just feel like shit even though I had a great day, and I could never really point out WHY i'm sad and it frustrates me until I cry and just try to exhaust myself and sleep and hope that I feel better when I wake up.\n\nSomeone, please help, I really don't know what I could do anymore. I'm losing my mind and I just want to figure out what's going on with me and I don't think I could keep playing this guessing game with myself for the rest of my life. It makes me feel so miserable. I just want to be aware of what the hell is happening with me.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "What can I do when the only solution in my mind is to kill myself?",
    "post_text": "Sometimes, usually after a fight with my mom (who has mental health struggles too like bipolar)when the situation is so unfair to me (because of her mental health, she has trouble to see the \u00ab\u00a0real\u00a0\u00bb situation), I just when to end my life. I lived in that situation since so many years and as is it the mother, she\u2019s right and not me. My dad can\u2019t say anything because she will fight with him after for hours and my brother just be \u00ab\u00a0the good boy\u00a0\u00bb and has not problem. \nAnyway, I just don\u2019t know how to avoid to just think of how to end me or just try to do it. \nThank you for reading me",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Having panic attacks, crying daily and having anxiety because I can\u2019t breathe",
    "post_text": "Can\u2019t breathe from one side of my nose 90% of the time - all day every day. Happened gradually over the years due to nose aging and shifting after a rhinoplasty when I was a lot younger. Feeling very alone and scared. Terrified of surgery and what could go wrong. And picking the right surgeon. But also can\u2019t breathe which has declined the quality of my life. Feel stuck in catch 22 hell. Revision surgery again is worst nightmare for HSP, highly anxious, depression-prone, people-pleaser and control-freak type of person. Almost did it twice but got really bad vibes from interaction with a surgeon right before surgery so backed out. Shaken up from that negative experience. Grateful for any support, advice and stories on anyone that found the courage to do a complex and scary surgery all on their own.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Being productive while having depression",
    "post_text": "I was diagnosed earlier this year with depression due to alot of stuff. Im also in uni and it\u2019s frustrating, ive been convincing myself to \u201catleast pass\u201d the courses im taking and thats it and i let that took a toll on me.\nI feel so lazy, unmotivated, i sleep alot, always on my phone and only do my assignments last minute despite how hard i try to plan it beforehand. I feel pathetic and i want to change, i keep growing older and waste the whole year without actually getting anything done and help my family in any way.  \nI want to but its so hard. Please help me out. TIA\ud83e\udd1e",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "yes"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I haven\u2019t been myself since 2020. Will I ever go back to normal or should I just give up on life?",
    "post_text": "\nI was a straight A college student and part time EMT. Now I\u2019m an unemployed college dropout living at my parents\u2019 house. I gained 40 pounds and stopped enjoying my usual activities. \n\nI feel like I go from doctor to doctor and none of them give a shit about any of this. The depression started very suddenly in January of 2021 and it\u2019s gotten progressively worse ever since then. Things completely spiraled out of control in October because that\u2019s when I distanced myself from all of my friends. \n\nI\u2019ve been on 20mg lexapro for several years and I just switched to trintellix a month ago. But\u2026 Trintellix makes me feel awful. If anything, I\u2019m worse off than I was before. I have slight brain fog constantly. I have emotions again, which is good, but they\u2019re all negative. I\u2019m just sad and angry 24/7. \n\nI went to the doctor again today because they said I had \u201cminor hypothyroidism\u201d the last few times I got blood work done. Hopefully I\u2019ll get medicated for that. I just feel powerless. \n\nI\u2019m like a victim of my own mind. Before this very sudden bout of depression, I was so happy and excited about life. Now it\u2019s as if I have no future because I can\u2019t control my depression and no one is helping me to do so. \n\nI haven\u2019t been myself since 2020. I don\u2019t know what to do. \n\nSide note:\nI started taking adderall in January and that\u2019s when I started getting depressed. Any correlation?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "Feeling frustrated/numb for no good reason?",
    "post_text": "A week ago I had an argument with someone close and it kind of escalated. We worked things out and everything is fine. The problem is that I\u2019ve been feeling frustrated and numb ever since. I have barely any energy and am just \u201cproud\u201d that I get out of bed in the morning. Whenever I genuinely feel something it is a mix of anger against myself and frustration. What would you do to overcome this?\n\nAt the moment I am not interested in a therapist. Not too long ago, I had bad experiences with a psychologist that caused major trust issues. Before I seek professional help, I will have to come to terms with this.\n\nAny suggestions on how to get better?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I hate myself. I\u2019m so sad. \ud83d\ude14",
    "post_text": "I have been addicted, ashamed, miserable, and deeply sad for most of my life. I\u2019m 20. \n\nIf it wasn\u2019t for addiction and self-sabotage I would be so happy. I know this because last winter I was clean for 3 months. I finally felt self love. I finally felt happy. I finally could smile. \n\nBut then\u2026 I self-sabatoged..\n\nEver since I\u2019ve felt horribly insecure and shameful 24/7. \nI constantly deny myself everything that brings me joy. I hide from the world. And I hide from my friends and family. \n\nI hate myself. And just wish I had a supportive community of people who could ACTUALLY relate to me. \nI\u2019ve never met A SINGLE PERSON that can relate to me \ud83d\ude14",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "How do i force myself to go to the gym when i don't have motivation/friends to go with?",
    "post_text": "I'm always told exercise is good for people struggling with depression. but i can never bring myself to go to a gym despite owning a membership to one through my family. but i hate the idea of going to a gym alone even if i know people will generally not bother me. i also have no friends that live in the same area that i do so i couldn't go with them. is there anything i can do or do i just have to eventually force myself to go alone and have no plan on what to do.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "I've always been depressed but somethings different.",
    "post_text": "Lately I've been having extreme difficulty leaving my room. Everytime I'm around anyone my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm having a panic attack. I also keep hearing people Whispering to me but I can't tell what they say and sometimes they manifest as full on people that I can see and carry on conversations with. Also I've been noticing that everything has a dark and sinister undertone. I hear people's conversations and things on TV and I can't help but think they relate to me and my living situation in a dark and sinister way somehow. And I've completely given up trying to talk to anyone about anything because no one can understand me. They say I talk too fast or say things that \"don't make sense\" or that they find \"incoherent\" and Lately i feel my life is just dragging on and on. Idk it just feels like I've become a ghost of myself and I'm being driven by something else. Like some baleful evil shadow from beyond time and space has grabbed onto my soul and slipped itself into my television consciousness and is now possessing me. Please help? Is it normal to feel this way?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "My girlfriend wants to commit s, I don't know what to do. Help",
    "post_text": " Idk what to do. My girlfriend has been adamant lately that whe will commit suicide by the end of January. She has major chronic depression and on hee meds, but her parents were never supportive and doesn't believe in mental health, nor her conditions in general. Believing that she's just wasting her life. Her father wants to kick him out of house asap bec she came out as trans mtf, and couldn't really accept her sexuality, plus she dropped out school, and quit work this sem because everything was heavy for her and she doesn't have any energy to do something, even small things.\n  \nI'm just so scared that she's going to really do it. Idk what to do, I really want to tell this to her parents. But she told me don't ever tell them. And I'm so scared, idk what to do. I want to write a letter to her parents and tell them this important situation atleast, would that be possible?",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  },
  {
    "post_title": "When you're the rock but have no one to lean on.",
    "post_text": "It's Thanksgiving and I spent the day with my mom taking our beloved doggo to the vets because she was sick. She's okay now but my mom was crying and I held myself together and was there for her. \n\nShe thanked me for being there to help her remain calm and I am happy to be there for her. But inside the whole time I was freaking out and scared for the dog. \n\nI realized I don't have anyone to lean on. I have two guy friends but we have that whole \"don't talk about your emotions\" thing going on because we're not good at discussing feelings. \n\nI see my therapist but she isn't always around and sometimes I just want to be held and be allowed to cry. It's hard always having to be strong when I'm carrying the weight of depression with me everywhere I go.",
    "annotations": [
      [
        "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
        "yes"
      ],
      [
        "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
        "no"
      ],
      [
        "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
        "no"
      ]
    ]
  }
]